#and the last one i got recently so i dont rly know yet!

[technicolorxsn]

current collection

#in chronological order from left to right btw #first one was a gift from my ex and the first knife ive ever had #i might just be harsh on it bc it was from her but it does not stay sharp at all it is always dull no matter how much u sharpen it #but its fast and easy to use #the second was a gift from my dad that he got from work #very sharp but very slow #its nice though #and the last one i got recently so i dont rly know yet! #its a little slower than the first and instead of having any lock mechanism it just kinda resists hard when the blade is right by the sheath #which is kinda annoying but whatever #the section outside the sheath is also a lot smaller so its hard to use one handed #esp since its a hole instead of uh #cant remember the word #post? idk #i rly like it though #its sleek and functional and not too flashy #i dont rly like overly flashy knives personally #i like sleek and simple designs with knives #i remember at some point my ex offered to buy me a knife from the ninja store at the mall and i couldnt choose bc all of them were so #gaudy and impractical lmao #which like if thats ur thing #its just very much not mine lol

[kravisaweeb]

okay ive just been thinking about bkdk wayy too much recently (when am i not, though, honestly?) and i just Have to dump my thoughts somewhere. these are my own personal opinions and if you don't agree 100% (or at all) that's perfectly fine!

it's kinda Long and Rambly so beware lmao

so ive been reading more bkdk meta (of course) and like, i have so many conflicting feelings cause. y'all, no amount of evidence and logic and reasoning and thematic and narrative parallels and development and arc conclusions and build-up and Everything will make a weekly shonen jump main title gay. that's My opinion as a terribly bitter cynic, and it is in no way meant to rain on other people's parades (if you think they will be canon, you are more optimistic than i and are making the world a sweeter place). I've just been burnt too many times, i don't really expect anything from mainstream media At All—only indie content gets my unfiltered hype and hopes—and whenever things do shake up differently from what i thought, it's a nice surprise! cause the alternative is, This Mountain of Evidence and Development... and then oops get hit with the straightification beam on the last second.

"but it would be so unsatisfying! and completely out of nowhere! and just plain out of character! and ignore so much development! and it wouldn't make any sense at all with what has been established in the story!" Yeah. i know! im as angry and annoyed and disappointed about it as anyone. and yet, so many fucking times, that's how it goes. it would be terrible, and weird, and completely against everything that's been set up, and yet it would happen anyway. this is true even for things that are not shipping-related—ask game of thrones how it ended. cause executives are Executives everywhere, including the "west", which is """"supposedly"""" more liberal (lol, lmao). people with money that make all the decisions force creatives to comply, or fight with tooth and nail and blood and sweat and tears into allowing them to make the story they DO want to make. so it's really hard for me to see it in any other light, when i have seen it happen so many times before.

and yet.

And Yet. i cant help but think, but wonder—what is it all for then, anyway??

i can honestly say, taking off my shipping goggles for a moment, bkdks platonic relationship has ended. it really ended two years ago, culminating when bkg took a bullet for him, and then was cemented when he apologised, you know, to trample down any doubts. there we go, narrative concluded! from rival to best friend. all loose threads tied in terms of their relationship. if that's how it had ended, how it had stagnated, remained in stasis, with this New Dynamic the new canon going into the final battle then show over. yeah. typical shonen bestie stuff. it would have ended and i would have gone "oh they were in LOVE fr" forever, but knowing that people who were like "this is what besties are like! this is what siblings are like!" also had as much of a claim to their interpretation as mine (even if i didn't personally agree w it lmao)

BUT IT DIDN'T STOP THERE and i have to ask why???? WHY is it more central i Don't Get It. i dont understand? i really dont get it cause.... why? bkg is important to deku, yes. other people are also important to deku (all might, his mom, his other friends, civilians, any lost pet he has to kill himself over cause he is a Good Caring Shonen Protag). that has been established for forever. so i don't rly understand the necessity to further highlight that One part of his personality (caring about kacchan) to motivate him into fighting the Big Bad Villain, when 1. he would've fought the villain anyway cause that's what heroes do, and 2. it could have been a generic "you hurt my friends!!" and like lump in more people there, like in the first war arc where several people got hurt (aizawa, gran torino, etc).

but No! you hurt that guy. that guy, that while he was dying, the villain, textually, explicitly says, "i am hurting you because it will make deku angry and sad, since you are his most important person" (that's almost a fucking quote im basically QUOTING here). and it's like, what? lmao wait. what?? why???

what is it building up towards?? i dont get it. it's not going to build up to the apology/their relationship being mended (what we thought would be the climax of the whole thing), cause that already happened. there's no "oh my god if kacchan dies he'll never get to say sorry!" stakes, or "oh my god if deku fails he'll never be able to be friends with kacchan again!" stakes, cause like, that already did happen though. i mean i know obviously in real life, you do things for people just for their sake, not because of what it will mean for your narrative arc. but this is a made up story and thus needs storytelling reasons for shit to happen. so what is the reason for deku needing to be pushed, needing to be backed into a corner, over kacchan dying? why did bakugo have to die (had to get FRIDGED, it's a trope and everything), if not so that his death would fuel dekus rage (which we were told explicitly was the reason why)? why, out of everyone on the battlefield, out of everyone in the CAST, did it have to be bakugo, the one to make deku Lose It?

i mean we know why, but still. what? is it really, textually, canonically That?

i just don't get it. and secretly, deep deep inside, i really hope we get to find out soon

#bkdk #dkbk #bkdk meta #idk how to tag this lol #it's just me rambling!! cause i have so many FEELINGS

[breathplayed]

17, 29, 48, & 55 😁🫖

oh u GOT me got me lets go

(17) what is your favorite line you’ve ever written? babe plz this one is too hard..... there's too many...... I HAVE 920K WORDS ON AO3 AND ~50K INCOMING I DONT EVEN REMEMBER THEM ALL......... uuhhhhhhhh ok ok ill try to narrow a few down. it's all gonna be recent tho bc that's what i remember most + i have rly been indulging myself stylistically as of late lmao

for just ~pretty language~ my favorites rn are

"Jimin is almost too pretty to mar with mortal hands, but Jungkook finds desecration is half the fun when his hands slip lower" (folie à trois)

"Some floodgate inside him has broken, the last bastion of resistance crumbled, and now he’s a drowning man in the dead waters" (folie à trois)

“I love you,” he whimpers into Taehyung’s kiss like a prayer. Too devout; Taehyung’s hands and lips pause. Jimin’s own lip is already trembling, caught, so he lets the confessional spill like it’s the last Sunday he’ll ever see." (the losing game ch17)

"[Taehyung] used to dream, sometimes, after Jimin was gone, that he was holding him again, that he could crack open Jimin's ribcage and crawl inside to make a home beside his heart before they burned together." (the losing game ch5)

"Sometimes—in his darkest moments, on his worst nights—Jimin dreams about Taehyung carving over each and every one of his scars. Creating clean new edges to each of them, prying fingers in the wound to be as close as possible, rewriting their memories and meanings with a jagged, almost unbearable intimacy." (the losing game ch17)

"The graves we dig ourselves are often the deepest." (the graves we dig..... now thats a real throwback huh)

there's too much i could say for dialogue but.... i'm super fond of the hurtful conversations present!vmin have in tlg (especially ch14, i reread that a lot), ignite the stars ch5 (also reread that a lot), and also i love pretty much everything that comes out of taehyung's mouth in folie à trois lol

(29) give us a spoiler for one of your stories. answered here, but since this one could be answered multiple times i'll bite......... my queue tag ("i'm glad it was queue") is a play on one of my favorite lines in all of tlg that i have been excited about getting to for yeaaaarrrssss. no one but me knows the line yet (or how hurtful its context is) bc it's in one of the final chapters hehehe but it's "i'm glad it was you" ..... :')

(48) do you reread your own stories? the answer to this used to be a strong NO!!!! but that has actually changed in the last two years! i don't rly reread anything older (my writing style has changed so much + there's things i'd change about older fics esp <2020 so it's not an enjoyable experience to me, i'd just fret over editing it) but there's some newer fics i reread bc they are So written to my own taste. i think i really improved a lot getting to write a bunch in lockdown lol + started caring less about whether ppl liked the fic and just wrote for ✨Me✨ so several of those recent fics i'm happy with and do reread sometimes like a stupid idiot narcissus

The ones i've reread the most are "sit, stay" + "sea legs" + favorite parts of "ignite the stars" and my favorite parts of "the losing game". the other scattered pwp's since 2020 have gotten reread about twice each. and i recently reread WBIO for the first time since writing it in early 2020!!! mixed feelings on that one bc i felt like i would change some parts of it if i wrote it today but that's a sign ur growing and improving i suppose

(55) do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them? oh i have so fucking many 'WIPs' it's not even funny. there's probably like ~12 completely bullet point outlined medium length / longfics in my docs down to exact dialogue i'd write, and dozens more fic attempts that have a whole plot and ending. bc as soon as i come up with an idea i already immediately know how i want it to end. which gives me way too many Plot Bunnies that are viable to be turned into fics!!!!! two years ago i made a list of every idea i thought should at least see the light of day in threadfic form if not an actual fic and it came out to 30 fics lol (and that was cutting it down to the essentials)

the thing is, very few of my WIPs are ever 'abandoned' in my mind, it's more like... i put them in my mental freezer. on hold / on ice. and some of them are closer to the front and get taken out and rotated around and worked on more often, while others are shoved to the far back of the freezer as i say "i'll make that someday" and forget it exists til the next time im reminded of it. there's only a few that i'd actually toss in the trash (aka truly abandon and never work on again).

the ones that are definitely abandoned in that i know i dont Want to write them are all on the more domestic romcom side (think like 'meaner than mean' or 'i like us like this') i know people like those but they're the hardest thing for me to write, those were the most annoyed i've ever felt while writing, i would literally groan out loud working on them, i am rly only happy writing conflict/angst or pwp lol

tbh, if i were to be realistic with myself, i'd say most of these wip's are 'abandoned' in that i probably will never get around to finishing them. but i dont want to call them abandoned because i do like the plots, and think ppl would like them, and want to share them!!! i just think they would suck / not be fun to write. Maybe Someday i will do an archival effort and work on translating as many of them as i can into threadfic form so they see the light of day in some format and are no longer abandoned to rot in my docs... bc there's no way that most of them are ever going to be written the way i wish i could do them justice :') and then i can abandon them knowing that ppl at least got to read a vague outline of what could have been

fun fact: i opened the aforementioned list of all these ideas to count and on one of them, a fic i've been poking at since 2018, i have the note "finish this or die" next to it. guess i know which one i've picked atp 🪦

#ask game

[randombubblegum]

yeah @ last anon im 23 and went to a hardcore homophobic catholic high school and graduated 6 years ago and I recently moved back to my home city and sometimes I see kids walking around wearing my school’s uniform and they’re all like visibly queer and kinda alt (ykno like dyed hair, obvious queer fashion etc) which is great and im happy for them but it’s just so crazy to me how much changed in that period of time. when I went to high school there was ONE out kid and he got bullied so bad. im sure the school admin is still very homophobic but when I went there there was no community to rely on which it looks like there is now….I know that’s a lot of extrapolation from seeing some emo kids at the mall but you get it. don’t get me wrong im super happy they have that community but it’s crazy to me how much changed in a few short years

DUDE yeah exactly this. literally. like my little sister is 3 years younger than me and went to the same (small) school so i kind of had eyes into the change in real time but even now? like theres SO many out and visible queer kids and that just….. was not the case when i was in hs. ppl knew who was gay but it was a thing we whispered about amongst ourselves. there were a couple of out gay dudes and they were either treated like shit or safe as long as they were likable enough to play the gay best friend role. but if you were a gay girl you were basically shit out of luck lol. i still remember being a senior, not even fully grasping i was gay yet, fucking SEIZED with terror that someone would extrapolate from my quasi-out friends that i too was gay. im not that much older than the majority of ppl who follow me (or older at all? idk were all in our 20s right) but i dont think under-20s rly like…. grasp the primal terror and threat we felt only a couple years ago lol

#and again my scholl was pretty liberal lol #im out and loud now but seriously the wound of getting called a dyke with venom at 18 doesnt fade completely #mail time!

[dissociacrip]

So uh. How does one go about getting tested for Williams syndrome if they weren't tested for it as a baby because like...I have a lot of features (primarily neurological, intellectual, and behavioral, the rest of me aside from fat pockets in my spine and neck is fairly healthy aside from "obesity" but like...I'm fairly healthy) that are indicative of williams syndrome. I read about Williams syndrome in like 7th grade in a book about neurodevelopmental disabilities and music, and one of them was on Williams syndrome, and the way the author described the patients i fit every characteristic BUT the distinct facial features which kinda leads me to assume (medical special interest + slight hypochondriasis from it) that I have some sort of mosaic form of Williams, which isn't the first time I believed I had a disorder I feel like I need to test for but my mom would dismiss bc I'm being a hypochondriac (the other major one is nontypical congenital adrenal hypoplasia, which I have signs of to various degrees, such as obesity, early puberty, a rather blocky, apple shaped body type more typical of...not cis men but rather trans men on t and also a lot of trans women starting on estrogen, and I've had very little, thinning, often greasy hair since puberty, when before it was thick and wavy; think a kind of harry dubois kinda hairstyle with more hair on the scalp thankfully). Idk I just dont know if I should get tested for either two of these things (and I know if I do have ncah it would explain why my periods are so long, heavy, painful and disabling to the point I can't move and I have to take birth control) or if I should just let it go for now since I don't have any severe symptoms such as salt wasting (ncah) or heart disease (Williams syndrome) yet

there's no surefire way of getting dx'd with anything. my first pcp i got after leaving home acted like i was just drawing connections that weren't there when it came to my POTS and generalized joint hypermobility. i didn't rly continue my appointments with her after i was lucky enough that she referred me for a TTT after i sent her a highlighted list of my symptoms and asked for it directly.

i'm also someone who wonders abt smth like NCAH but i doubt i'd ever get evaluated for that and even then. something i said recently said a lot of people display little to no symptoms of it. i have relatively thick body hair, the vaguest hints of hirsutism, a voice that sounds almost pubescent (best i can describe it lol), and enough "masculine" features that people have gotten confused about my gender/called me a man/called me slurs over it on a routine basis since at least 3rd grade (and it had continued into college.) the last time my testosterone levels were measured they were within "normal" ranges for someone who was CAFAB though. that's not nearly as much reasoning as you might have but your best bet there is an endocrinologist. salt-wasting is a risk with CAH rather than NCAH because NCAH centers around reduced cortisol production and increased androgen production and doesn't impact aldosterone as much i think. treatment for NCAH usually centers around androgen levels and period regulation (as you said) in cases where people do have symptoms/need some kind of treatment. could bring up to your doc that you have concerns around hormones and ask for a referral to an endo or something but aside from that, 🤷🏻‍♀️

WS seems like something that usually wouldn't be missed in childhood so long as your mother's pregnancy and your growth and development were routinely (and responsibly) monitored by doctors (bc we know how doctors can be, and also parents). idk anything about WS though or any kind of genetic disorders like that. i would guess anything with a clear genetic marker like that is most accurately dx'd by a geneticist or through genetic testing, which is expensive/highly inaccessible, although apparently WS is usually identified at a young age through its cardiac symptoms. i'm def the wrong person to ask about that.

#asks #Anonymous

[campgender]

Not been online in a bit (I was the anon on ur disability blog who just got the big dx, Baby, if ur not comfy w/ ur blogs bein connected feel free 2 screenshot & black this part out) & ur recent stone post has me all teary. ;-; V much in the ‘Never seen outside of strawmen’ category, cuz Im like 99% in the ‘Dont want 2 b on the giving side of Any Sexual Touch’ boat (& frankly w/ trauma that last 1% is Complicated & Fragile & v ‘Am I just trying 2 make up 4 The Rest Of Me w/ what I can kinda 1of2

Tolerate), so like. ;-; This close 2 crying rn, but in a v ‘Ty ilysm I feel Seen & Heard’ kinda way. <3 Ur posts have been rly important 2 me wrt gender & queerness in general but esp stone stuff, I was already IDing w/ the term but I think this lil corner is still the only place Ive ever seen explicit positivity that says ‘Yes, boys & NBs (that were not treating like women life) included’ & that means So Much. Like I rly just cant ty enough 4 how big an impact uve had in my life 4 that. <3 2of2

omg this means everything to me thank you!!!!! while it’s of course open to interpretation & inclusive of anyone who relates, i definitely wrote that line for us, for the urge to throw my tablet across the room whenever someone’s like “well no one’s gonna not touch their partner at all” like fucking watch me. or don’t bc they don’t deserve it. but like i will touch somebody’s head, back, thighs & that’s basically it.

so yeah Stone Man Strawman solidarity all the way, we should get matching jackets

i am still very behind on my askbox on my disability blog so ik i haven’t responded to your asks about this yet but i want you to know how absolutely helpful, grounding, & comforting they’ve been for me, i didn’t know any other stone bottoms who weren’t women/wlw and haven’t yet found stuff explicitly inclusive of that outside of my own posts so just knowing somebody else is out there has been so so vital seriously like, i’ve struggled a lot with loneliness about this & i often end up rereading your asks

very much love to you, you’re absolutely welcome to dm me if you wanna talk about this stuff but no pressure & i appreciate your thoughts so much either way!! tysm again i so so appreciate this 💕💕💕

#asks #but what gets it for me is high femme #stained glass mirrors

[brattyandwhorrible]

Omg im so mf funny. So my gfs phone lit up last night when i was getting up to go potty after us just having like the best sex I've ever had and her already having passed out afterwards.. and this phone that lit up said.. "hey baby... blah blah blah"

So NATURALLY ima pick up the phone and see who is saying this right.. well when i picked the phone up the message saying this wasn't on the notifications anymore. 😐 so me starting to rly feel some type of way proceeds forward in the snoopy sesh thru baes phone tryna uncover this person 'hey baby'ing' my girl.

All out on camera and all. Plus i was still naked 😂💀 i did not gaf how crazy i looked.

Oh uh uh.

So during my little investigation adventures i realized that MY GIRLFRIEND IS NOT THE PERFECT LITTLE ANGEL I THOUGHT SHE WAS.

I just had this image of her in my head of being God-Like and blemish free. Especially when it comes to personal matters i guess. But what did i learn. NOBODY IS TRULY PERFECT AFTER ALL. Bc while shes here rn bothered by me telling her a lie #1 (me saying that i was in love with her b4 i actually was), by me telling other ppl the same lovey stuff i was telling her while i was locked up #2.... she also was being all extra friendly wit other ppl and in a whole 'relationship' or w/e wit someone else, telling grls she wanna see them and good morning texts and inviting them over to netflix and blah blah whatever.. WHILE I WAS IN FL WITH HER.

And ya wanna know what else ive realized?

I dont care that she's imperfect, i love her anyways and i just am going to trust that we not be like that to each other anymore. I'm not saying what she did is worse than what i did either.. just had to put that out there.

Anyways so now not only did she wake up without me, she came looking for her phone.

She's acting all weird and being distant and quiet.

I feel wrong 4 just tryna act like nothing happened and i didnt just do what i did and see what i seen.. lmao this is so typical. I couldn't even help it, my inner most crazy got the best of me when i seen that hey baby whatever it said. I had to know what the fuck. Im not even mad tho, not yet anyways... i mean ill be mad if she dont stop tryna act like she didnt do the same thing shes upset that i did.

Lol. But rly tho, its not cool but i mean its cool. I fucked up, she fucked up. I have genuine, real feelings for her unlike before.. and ive fallen in love with her, experiencing a type of love I've never felt before. I'm not trying to sabotage our bond we have together what so ever, over nothing. I feel like our feelings for each other are mutual so i can trust that the funny business wont be a thing from here on out. Leaving me not to worry but to be excited abt having her and the Universe working its magic like it did..

I'm not the same person i was 2 years ago by any means. Im like complete polar opposite of where i was then actually. And for the first time i actually WANT to have a future with another human being period.

I rly hope we can not lose all of our trust over the things we did before we rly had a chance at being together and fully experiencing one another. I also hope this isn't gonna be an on going issue or source of sorrow either.

Ugh.. ok im done 4 now...

GOOD JOB LIL BABY 4 SLIPPING AND RLY LETTING YOUR CRAZY SHOW.

0 to 100 real fucking quick. I do have to say im glad i got to the source of recent consistent concerns abt my actions during the time of these events taking place. Maybe now we can call it truce and grow into better ppl tog..

One last thing.. 2 my Lover Baby, pls know that i do apologize for invading your privacy even tho i know you was looking 4 love else in somebody else too. I'm rly not tripping tho. I don't feel any diff abt you at all.. im just lowkey gonna be hurt if the situation abt tonight happening is handled the wrong way.. like i don't just wanna pretend like nothing happened. I want to talk abt everything.. even if it hurts, i still feel like its better 2 talk abt it. Even if we dont have much to say on something. I love you tho baby, I'm not going anywhere and i still trust you.. im not even tripping like that. I know how im coming at you also so i KNOW we good. You'll see that too once you see that ima consistently act right as well. Your still my sweet baby pookie pie 😻😘😇 and we were still made exactly for each other bc flaws and all, i want every single part of you bby. Im sorry for doing too much and letting my crazy get the best of me 🙄💀🙈 not gonna lie I'm a lil embarrassed over it lol

#crazygirlfriendsbelike #owningmyshit #shestillperfecttho #plsdontbemadbby ❤❤❤❤❤❤ #girlblogging #journalingintocyberspace #babygirlbratlife

#nowlemmecrawlunderarockanddie 😫🥸

[bemefi]

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? No, that's my mum you weirdo

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Aye

3. Have you taken someones virginity? I have

4. Is trust a big issue for you? Maybe

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? I did

6. What are you excited for? Christmas

7. What happened tonight? I worked

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? Nah

9. Is confidence cute? Confidence is sexy

10. What is the last beverage you had? Apple juice

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? Not many

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Aye

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Probably get high and relax

14. What are you going to spend money on next? My lunch, maybe?

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? I am!

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Yeah probably

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? My bestie, Jess

18. The last time you felt broken? Gee whiz, couple months ago?

19. Have you had sex today? Yes, I get fucked by life on the daily

20. Are you starting to realize anything? A few things

21. Are you in a good mood? Top of the world, never been better!

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? Nah

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? They are

24. What do you want right this second? Coffee

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? Um wtf

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Ney

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Also ney

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? Smth my boss said

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Ya

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Ya

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? Nah

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Yaa i should hope so

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? Nuh uh

34. Listening to? Ben Howard on the juke box at work

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Nah

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? At home!

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? Not rly

38. Who did you last call? I rang my ex to get me more discounted shelves from his place of work

39. Who was the last person you danced with? A customer at work

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because i was leaving the house

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? I dont remember

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? Not yet but probably will later!

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? All day every day

44. Do you tan in the nude? I dont tan

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? Nope

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? He talked to me till he fell asleep hahaha

47. Who was the last person to call you? A colleague!

48. Do you sing in the shower? Always

49. Do you dance in the car? Also always

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? Once

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Couple years ago

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Sometimes

53. Is Christmas stressful? Yes

54. Ever eat a pierogi? A what

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? None

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? A solicitor

57. Do you believe in ghosts? Somewhat

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yup

59. Take a vitamin daily? Nup

60. Wear slippers? Yup

61. Wear a bath robe? A dressing gown?

62. What do you wear to bed? Varies on the weather

63. First concert? Panic at the Disco

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? None, I'm UK

65. Nike or Adidas? Nike

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos?

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Sunflower seeds

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? None

69. Ever take dance lessons? Morris dancing when i was teeny

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Nothing in particular? Probably hospitality industry tho

71. Can you curl your tongue? I think?

72. Ever won a spelling bee? No

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yeah

74. What is your favorite book? Oo tough one, i have a few favs

75. Do you study better with or without music? With

76. Regularly burn incense? Yah

77. Ever been in love? Yup

78. Who would you like to see in concert? Arctic Monkeys

79. What was the last concert you saw? Red Hot Chilli Peppers

80. Hot tea or cold tea? Neither really

81. Tea or coffee? Coffee

82. Favorite type of cookie? White choc chip

83. Can you swim well? Nope

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yep

85. Are you patient? Can be

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? Hmm, both?

87. Ever won a contest? Yah

88. Ever have plastic surgery? Nope

89. Which are better black or green olives? None

90. Opinions on sex before marriage? Nothing wrong with it

91. Best room for a fireplace? Living room! Or bedroom!

92. Do you want to get married? Nuh uh

[vakta]

a little update about what/how i am doing lately . . . .

to put it short: my therapist and my parents dont let me go to school or stay in my dorm so im staying at home for a few weeks (at least); should be recovering, but i dont rly have the motivation to do so, and my digestive issues make it even more difficult

to not put it short:

so im not allowed to go to school bc i badly relapsed. its not a recent thing, ive been slowly loosing weight since october, when after an actually really seriously-taken but still failed recovery attempt i kind of lost my hopes for full recovery. (i can still imagine it in the distant future tho... but to actually start doing it now.... ehh..)

one of the reasons bc of which i have failed is the pain which comes after eating a decent amount of food, a bigger meal, or even smaller amounts of foods that i avoided for a long time. i got fed up (lol) with this, and decided that i would pay attention to eat less to avoid being in pain afterwards.

not a great idea, my friends, not a great idea.

it works in the short term, but it only makes your stomach even more sensitive, and shortly you can barely eat without pain, your damn safe foods start becoming scary, and you just spiral spiral spiral deeper and deeper and deeper into this.

and yes, you loose weight but at what cost?? (i think this applies to any ed that results in weight loss tbh) the weightloss was one of the reasons my parents noticed that something is wrong with me again (or still, rather)

the other reason was the stress. i had become so so stressed bc of this, and not only this, bc school, oh my beloved, just cant fucking chill. what makes it even worse is that there are only 1 and a half years until university and i seriously need to make decisions in relation to my future, but i never find the time for this with the every other thing that is going on at the same time (looking at my biology teacher.. but also no, he actually cares about me i think; im just a perfectionist who takes everything personally, even if it is directed on those of my classmates who dont study shit and dont even care, and not me who literally learns every damn letter for his tests) also i have an upcoming chemistry exam in spring which i also didnt have the time to really start preparing for.

the dorm was just the cherry on top, with all those skinny girls, and the ones who could never not mention their diet or weightloss or even just be quiet during the 'silentium' (the compulsory study time in the dorm). my roommates were always having fun, noisily, happily, while i was sitting at my desk, barely keeping myself together, so so angry and so so SO jealous of them who could enjoy their time. which i didnt have. unerstandable though, they are attending different, less strict schools and/or are 2 years younger.

so living in that dorm and going to school was draining my time and even more my energy, my mental space, my sanity even, and i was spiraling, like badly.

im honestly so grateful for my parents for not letting me stay in that hell for any longer. i have been at home since last friday, and i honestly enjoy it a lot. i have much more time now, i can sleep enough and study without rushing. it is nice, i could even try solving a few chemistry exam sheets from the previous years and it actually went well!! im really glad :D

though ed-wise im not doing so good. the digestive issues are the biggest problem rn. being in pain for hours after a meal just discourages me from eating tbh.

my parents made some rules: i mustnt do any exercise, only a little yoga (less than an hour daily, just twice a week allowed to be an hour long), and i mustnt walk for longer than 30 mins. i think it goes without saying that i can easily break the time-related ones, but at least while doing so i know im not supposed to do that, and i stopped exercising which is progress in itself (not huge but hey). there arent any eating related rules. yet. i say this bc my mom always checks my weight in the mornings when shes still at home when i wake up, and she tells my dad, who will soon get really angry if i dont gain any. he is already angry for my complains about my stomach pain, he says he is never not in some kind of pain (he is 50) so really i should just get used to it. but my mom told me he had told her he thought i should see a doctor with this, so actually he does care about me a lot, he just cant communicate it. me coming home was his idea too. he cant stand seeing me destroying myself and he only wants the best for me, i know that.

i can only stay at home for 4 weeks (with this one) otherwise i have to repeat this grade. or decide to be homeschooled from now on. this wont be an easy decision.

all in all, ive been trying not to worry much in the past few days but soon its time to think about what i plan to do in the future. and i should do something about my stomach too, it cant keep going like this. so, a lot of things to do, but at least im in a calm, supportive environment now (my mom is the one who is always there for me and im super super thankful for her). idk what will happen, i hope things fall into place.

i dont rly expect anyone to read all of this, it was just nice to type it out, but if you did then congratulations now you know my current struggles more than anyone irl!!!! (okay maybe except for my mom, but still)

#vakta long posts

[jayflrt]

ahhhh i think tumblr ate it but i was just saying how i noticed deceit was released and i'll use as motivation when i finish some big tests this week (i will literally start reading it the second i hand in my last test on friday)

and omg manifesting the digipacks for you !🕯

cb shows for me are usually either at like 4/5am (depending on daylight savings) or 8/9am which is when i need to be in school at so </3 there's enough clips going around for me to know the main parts tho so im not too worried abt missing them haha 😅 DURING THE SUMMER THO i make sure to watch it (since i only dont sleep at normal hours then anyways ahsjjf) i watched tbz's cb show for thrill ride and maverick ✨️ thought they were on naver live so the video was like vertical and i didnt like that 👎

well besides the tests i have this week im doing pretty well! i also recently joined my school's prom committee so we're planning for that and its very exciting since it'll be the first in person even we can host since the pandemic 😭! (i also need to find a prom dress and i dont want to break the bank yet in case there's a world tour or smth)

i also just saw the multiple cases of plagiarism and it genuinely upsets me so much how people cant respect other's intellectual property (it also freaking happens like every week in here or smth like what 😭😭) but that last one was rly fishy bc they found it so fast;;; it rly sometimes does feel like people just do it on purpose for fun with a new blog and make people feel like shit and just deactivate and thats so 👺👺 its just a low move like have people rly not. have anything better to do 😭

AND ITS MONDAY boooo (well tuesday since its past midnight for me) lets hope the rest of the week can go on peacefully 🤧 i hope everything else is well on your end too (besides the situation mentioned above)

- 🌻

I THINK IT DID EAT IT :((( because im seeing the wrong number in my ask box for the number of asks i can see in it,, like it won't show up even tho there's supposed to be more :(( AHH GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR TESTS THO 🤧 SCREW DECEIT IT CAN WAIT <333 so does that mean your exams are over tomorrow ?? :o 

im so nervous for the digipacks HAHAH like i dont mind any member i get BUT IM SO IMPATIENT I WANT IT NOW >:(( omg tbh i like watching comeback shows more than award shows so i like staying up to watch them 🥰 but it's not the end of the world if i miss it bc ppl record + upload clips HAHAH i even watched a whole treasure comeback show live with addy when i didnt even stan treasure 😭 HELP and for enha i remember she facetimed me so i could show her their live on my phone when i had no idea who they were 💀 

now i would definitely defend that deformed heart with my life 💀

tbh my non engene days were so funny i had no idea who those boys were LMFAO and i dont think ive watched a tbz comeback show actually omg,, maybe i will have to sacrifice some sleep for changmin and jacob <333 

ALSO HAVE FUN WITH PROM COMMITTEE !! that sounds so fun actually omg D; i hope it's a good experience for you !! 💗 omg prom dress shopping is so exciting :'') what color/style were you thinking of ?? my gown was pink i loved it so much 💖 

and right,,, these recent plagiarism cases have been making me rlly suspicious and kinda sick :// i seriously hope people grow up and realize that internet clout ultimately amounts to absolutely nothing. plagiarizing people's work..... how low are you going to stoop for a few notes 😞 also i was a little tipsy when i saw the ask that i got plagiarized LMFAO i was literally telling addy why couldnt they plagiarize me when i was sober 😭 but on a more serious note about that ask..... it was literally 10 min after the fic was posted and the account was new and not visible and the post didnt show in the tags so im VERY confused :/ 

but i hope the rest of your week is smooth sailing love !! and good luck on those exams again 🥰 thank you for such kind words HAHAH i think it'll be a good weekend !! just busy :'') hope you have a wonderful day/night <33 

#💌 : love notes #🌻 anon

[tsukiyamavalentine]

Hi.

Still alive.

Took an overdose but it didn’t work i just felt very sleepy and threw up but im fine now. I think i just got high which…is a very me way to fail an attempt like this.

Tried to cut my throat yesterday but that also failed. I literally can’t do anything right.

It feels like the Universe is testing me. Like this whole thing is just a big test, which is why I can’t just fucking die. I guess that means it’s not my time yet, but it doesn’t rly feel like that.

I don’t wanna talk abt it. My parents won’t let me go to in-patient and all the hotlines have 48 hour waiting lists and i couldn’t wait that long.

Sorry abt all this. Currently dealing with the fact that i am a cosmic loser and I am so fucking lonely I am almost inevitably going to get abused/groomed in the future.

Also dealing with the knowledge that I will probably end up addicted to drugs bc i am fucking depressed and i get addicted to everything. And that’s probably how I’ll die if I don’t end it myself.

This whole thing started like two weeks ago and I’ve just spiraled and spiraled. But something happened recently and it just broke me, I guess.

It’s not anyone’s fault; I fucked up my life long before I came on the internet. But my life has been so fucking painful, that I’m basically a skinless fucking creature that gets hurt by literally everything.

I’m rly fucking weak, you know? And I rly hurt someone. And I don’t understand how, but I did.

And all I’ve thought about is everyone else I’ve hurt, and it just made sense to end it. Bc if I dont know why im so hurtful, and I can’t stop it, and it’s all I seem to do, then what’s the point of me being here at all?

It’s not like I have anything to lose either. I don’t have any formal education. My parents are broke, so I’m just a burden. My family hates me. I left school at 13 bc of another od and I hadn’t spoken to another person since this year, so no friends. I barely get to go outside; my whole fucking life is a lockdown. It’s like being in a hamster cage.

So yeah. I just don’t have anything. So I write stupid stories about people who I desperately need in my life.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg but basically i am trying to deal with the fact that i am on borrowed time and will die in a few years if not now bc i am a fucking loser.

Anyway.

I wasn’t going to post again today, but I dont think I can just leave for a bit with that note as my last post.

I also wanna say thanks to the people who have reached out to me. Not just to those who reached out today, but who have reached out all week.

I’m sorry I haven’t replied, but I read them all and it really means so much to me. The last one I read, I just started crying, bc like…y’all are angels, you know that?

I don’t deserve to be treated with kindness, but y’all do it anyway and I really am so grateful for all of you.

I will try and reply to them all eventually. Just when things get bad for me, the first thing I do is shut myself off. Most of the time I don’t even read any messages I get, I just sit and let myself get worse.

It’s like, I’m desperate for companionship, but whenever things get bad I just push it away.

And if I don’t push ppl away, I hurt them even more.

So yeah. That’s why I haven’t replied. But I will, eventually, even if it’s 3 fucking weeks from now, I will reply when I can.

Just, thanks. I do genuinely appreciate it. Even if I can’t show it, every message is worth millions to me.

I don’t know when things will get back to normal. Maybe tomorrow I’ll attempt again, I don’t know, but right now I just want to sleep and hope it will be a better day.

I might post passively, but I don’t want to go on another incoherent depressive episode online, so maybe it’s best to stay quiet for a bit.

I just wanna draw, write, do yoga and sit with my dog for a bit. Maybe I’ll share some of it, maybe I won’t. We’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

That’s it, I guess.

I really am sorry about everything. I know I’ve caused people a lot of stress and hurt, and I never ever wanted to do that. I just hope some of you can forgive me, even if I’m pretty irredeemable.

Yeah. I just. I didn’t want to leave that last post up without this one. I’ll delete that whole thing tomorrow, but rn I’m exhausted.

But I’m alive. Maybe not ok, but I’m alive. I survived today, and that’s more than I thought I’d do this morning so, I guess small steps.

Thank you, everyone, for your messages and kind words. I’m truly very sorry for how stressful things are with me at the moment.

Steph/Charlotte.

xxx

🌷🌷🌷

#tw suicide mention #tw overdose #tw self harm #tw

[sukisdeliveryservice]

OMGKSJDKDJ I MADE A MISTAKE IN THE PREVIOUS ASK IM SORRY ;-;

my favourite choreo is also fallin flower! i swear everything about that song is perfect. the melody, the mv, the choreo and the lyrics <3 svt rly knows what they're doing. i cant tell you how many times ive rewatched their tma performance. but i also love my my and beautiful's choreo! i honestly didn't know beautiful had a choreo until recently but its so cute T-T i love it sm

i dont have any money to spend so i only have like printed out polaroids rather than official photocards. i do have the nct lightstick but thats it skjdksjsj do you have anything? if you do and if you're comfortable would you mind showing it?

also, im gonna start binging your works 👀 but im scared if i interact you'll guess who i am and its a bit too early for that skjdjsjs i'll send my thoughts through here and i promise i'll rblg everything after though :D <3

i rly wanna send chan and soobin pics but i cant do that with anon on 😔

its currently like 1230 am and i cant rly think straight so some fun facts about you or anything else 🤲 um also, pretty random but favourite aesthetic and favourite cake?

- 💎

HMM YOU MADE A MISTAKE??? i didn't see a previous ask or were you talking about your other one? fallin flower is just gorgeous i agree with every word on that 🥺 WAH i also didn't know beautiful had choreo??? i need to watch that ASAP and omg i forgot to mention my my because the part where they're like imitating a boat? they're so talented for that aaa

printed out polaroids are so cute!!! when we're able to go off anon you gotta show me if you're okie with that 😊 and you have an nct lightstick!!! theirs is like bright green i believe? my friend and i were planning in splitting shipping for the carat bong sometime in august 😎 ill make a separate post after this to show you some recent svt loot hehe 😌

omg thank you!!! yeah maybe don't interact just yet just to be safe for now but i hope you enjoy 🥺 are you a writer by any chance?

hmm random facts! 😎 i got back into ff writing after being really hooked on haikyuu!! shows that i enjoy that are not kdramas and anime are how i met your mother and high school musical the musical the series!! big hero 6 is also my favourite movie in general :)

i like soft girl aesthetics!! if that's what you mean by aesthetics LOL chunky cardigans and printed fuzzy socks are my anthem. i'm not so much of a cake person to be honest D: did i talk about bingsu in my last answer? because i order that stuff for my birthday instead of actual cakes :O mango is DELICIOUS

since you cannot send pics yet, i will give you these (also bc i love them too) it will be 4 am by the time i post this reply :( sorry for the late answer anon!! i just prefer to answer longer asks on my computer that's why i was active on tumblr during the time i received your ask, i hope you sleep well!!

#💎 #love & letter 💌

[cattles-bians]

damie vibecca exes au pt 9

post directory

obsetress: ready ok ot4 hc incoming

em: ot4! ot4! ot4

obsetress: after dani breaks up with her viola cuts all her hair off n it's the first impulsive thing she's ever allowed herself to do in her whole life (which should also tell you exactly how fucked up she was by it) n so then we have

obsetress: short curly hair viola

em: what is wrong with you

em: oh i love a dramatic haircut as a motif

obsetress: by the time she and rebecca start hooking up it's grown into a long bob and she keeps that for a while tbh because like

obsetress: viola has impulses all the time but she either: suppresses them, or thinks about them and then does them to the point where they can no longer be considered impulsive

obsetress: vs um

obsetress: dani has impulses all the time and used to suppress them but then fully leaned into

obsetress: charging headfirst into whatever the fuck (vp speech ref sheds a tear)

em: OTP: dont you wanna go apeshitt

obsetress: and thinking about how people change u and rub off on u for the better even after they leave

obsetress: viola: wants to go apeshitt

obsetress: viola: thinks about going apeshitt, thinks about all the ways it would benefit her, thinks about how she would enjoy it even if it did not in any way benefit her

obsetress: viola: yes ok don't you wanna go apeshitt

em: no but i am i am thinking abt like. dani and viola as both sort of? dragged into being housewives and homemakers because Women n viola didn’t really have the power to change her situation (even if she got isabel out of it!) and dani actually managed to call it off

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: grits teeth

obsetress: once again crying over very intentional very deliberate danvi parallels that no one else wants to talk about and i think even in this au right

obsetress: viola is socialized in such a specific space that this can very much still be true

obsetress: and i think like part of what draws her to dani is exactly that––that dani had the freedom to do that much sooner––but also she resents dani for exactly that too

obsetress: even when they're together, and that's the possession piece too

obsetress: i think a part of her thinks if she can't do it for herself she can have it for herself and that's close enough

obsetress: like she v much covets dani

em: ah the unique way that lesbians fuck each other up bc of living in a homophobic and misogynistic society

em:i mean who doesn’t covet danis ass

obsetress: literally and metaphorically

obsetress: and part of dani definitely knows that but part of dani (at least until she doesn't) likes it

obsetress: (also this is kinda what i was getting at w my insane lil pwp alfjadslf but i think it tracks here too)

obsetress: because she's like "well this is what it's supposed to be but it didn't work with eddie because i don't like men but now i'm with a woman and this is how it's supposed to be"

obsetress: "and i like being wanted it's nice to be wanted by someone i want for once"

obsetress: but yeah thinking a lot about the danvi dynamic once again

obsetress: viola short curly hair to viola long bob

obsetress: YEAH I JSUT

obsetress: WENT TO HER INSTA TO FIND

obsetress: AND THEN GOT

obsetress: SO DISTRACTD

[em note: edited out a 30 minute tangent going through pictures from kates instagram]

obsetress: so anyway the whole point of this. long bob viola

obsetress: rebecca loves long bob viola she rly loves um. sitting on her lap and running her fingers back through her hair

obsetress: when she and dani see each other again for the first time dani's all "oh. you cut your... hair" and vi's like "i did" and dani's like "it, um. looks... it looks... good?"

em: i think it’s nice when viola does something for herself :)

obsetress: it's nice :)

obsetress: i'm happy for her :)

obsetress: wish she didn't have to look so much hotter though :)

obsetress: don't make that face, babe, it's fine :)

obsetress: you know i love you :)

em: WAIT

em: dani had a fucking moment. she’s like

obsetress: oh dani likes her girls w curly hair huh

em: counting on her fingers. how many ppl has she dated w

em: YEAH

obsetress: YEAHDLKFJSLDFDFJSLDFj

em: CURLY BROWN HAIR

obsetress: OH MGOD EDDIE TOO

obsetress: NOT JUST GIRLS

obsetress: aw baby has a type

em: so actually it is DANI who ends up w the strongest routine

em: just short bob hair viola sitting next to jamie and dani has a fuckjng. out of body experience. perceives herself a little too hard

obsetress: she's just. staring

obsetress: mouth def hanging open

obsetress: then someone's like "dani? dani?" and she's blinking like five times in a row and sitting up straight

obsetress: but she does def have that moment at brunch

em: jamie doesn’t twig it

em: violas like. violas got a keen eye for anyone ‘copying’ her style. raises one devastating eyebrow

obsetress: dani and vi devastating eyebrow partners n crime

obsetress: later that night, in bed: jamie?

jamie: wot?

dani: do i have a type?

obsetress: jamie immediately wants to jump to no because how could she have anything in common w––

obsetress: oh. oh

em: jamie’s lil wispy premature greys set her apart

em: ‘jamie HATES it when she has things in common w viola’ is my favourite bit sjddkhd

obsetress: jamie "not sure how viola has no greys n she's how much older than me again" taylor

em: dani realises she actually has. no idea how old viola is

em: barely even knows a birthday

em: maybe viola even has like. a decoy birthday

em: queen of being mysterious for the drama of it all

obsetress: "she's just too stubborn to grey is all" "i'm stubborn!" "mm" "wossat supposed to mean" "you're..." "i'm what" "you like to... pretend? you're stubborn" "pretend i'm–– i am!" "jamie, i asked you to repark the car because i didn't want to get out of bed and it's street cleaning day and you immediately jumped up to do it even though you can barely parallel park"

em: WHIPPED

obsetress: jamie's quiet for a long time then, softly: "can parallel park just fine"

obsetress: "mm"

obsetress: whipped as hell

obsetress: this led me to everyone making dani or viola parallel park all the time when they go anywhere

obsetress: hc dani is a Very Good driver. idk why but it tickles me

em: i think um. dani is v independent and wants to be able to do things herself

em: and i think she probably got her license before eddie, but as soon as eddie got his....

obsetress: and dani's better than him n got a better score than him, and yet

em: and yet!

em: they swap out being deso driver if they’re gonna be drinking. or jsut call a taxi lmao

em: i’m so endeared by Extremely Good Driver Dani

em: dani does a reverse park without thinking

obsetress: viola loves her martinis n dani is drunk off of half a glass of sangria

obsetress: same!!!!!!!

obsetress: also just like. imagining

obsetress: dani checking all her mirrors

em: no

em: HANNAH

obsetress: and adjusting everything so fastidious

obsetress: OH GOD

obsetress: i didn't––

em: i jumped

em: phew it’s actually cute

obsetress: yeah! dw i'm not sick

em: well

obsetress: she just goes through her whole lil checklist and is so meticulous and precise

em: jamies like ‘we’re the same height’ and danis like ‘well.’

obsetress: oh god the four of them driving to the seaside for a vacation together (lots of content to mine here, will have to put a pin in most of it because i am getting sleepy) but they end up taking the truck much to vi’s chagrin just because it can hold the most

obsetress: (like viola doesn’t have a range rover but listen it needs to be dani n jamie’s car for this to work)

obsetress: and vi and rebecca are sitting in the back and then rebecca’s frowning and blinking and digging a headband out of the seat between them and viola immediately just. knows

obsetress: she’s like “dani?” “mm?” “you and jamie... have cleaned your car recently, right?” (jamie’s chiming in: “i’m right here, vi, you can address me too,” viola pointedly ignores her) “um... maybe a couple months ago? why?” “well,” and vi pokes her disdainfully with the headband, “can you at least tell me you’ve had it cleaned between whenever this got stuck between the seats and rebecca and me sitting here now?”

obsetress: dani just GRINS sheepishly

obsetress: “i could tell you that, but...” “but?” dani mumbles “it would be a lie”

obsetress: anyway dunno why vi’s that upset about having to sit in the backseat where dani n jamie hooked up, like, last week when it’s not like she and rebecca haven’t been inside the two of them respectively but it’s absolutely the kind of contrarian shit she’d choose to be pressed about and it makes me laugh so

#the dani jamie viola rebecca exes au #yeah

[softlyblues]

hi I read your answer about moist! I agree. :) I was wondering based on what you said if you ship vetvimes or not?

fhi, thanks very much! 

i think vetvimes have a rly interesting and nuanced dynamic. i’m all in for the memes, of course i am, but i don’t really ship it so much as i think vetinari/vimes/sybil have a rly interesting, basically canonical relationship, involving if not vimes w/ both of them, then all three of them with each other. i rly hope u dont mind bc im about to go off on one lmao. 

i recently reread guards guards and what got me (and i know from a doylist pov it’s because pterry hadnt finalised the universe yet) was the inequality in vetvimes dynamic. vetinari pities vimes and holds him at arms length, and vimes is a very stupid but very earnest drunkard. he’s a pitiable figure when he asks for a small raise and a dartboard, and vetinari doesn’t take him seriously. 

through men at arms/feet of clay/jingo we see the dynamic we know and love growing. it’s been a while since i’ve read them all, but im gonna get up some scenes that i think are super important to vet/vimes/sybil... and yes this includes the gonne scene. (:D)

so here is the scene right after vetinari is shot. here is really, imo, the first time vimes stops seeing vetinari as one of his Betters - vimes is in his element, calm even, and vetinari asks him what to do. vetinari speaks slowly, almost stuttering, and i read a lot of fear into that line “i appear... to be losing a lot of blood.”

and then vimes outright accuses vetinari of not doing the right thing. can you IMAGINE guards guards vimes doing something like that? vimes holds vetinari to account, and vetinari allows him. i also think it’s significant that this all happens at vimes & sybil’s wedding; we know sybil and vetinari are friends, old friends, and the wedding continues on despite the attack. vimes has time to save sybil AND vetinari, without sacrificing one for the other. that’s really the central point of men at arms: vimes doesn’t have to retire to have time for his wife and for the watch. he can multitask without losing either. 

feet of clay is another important leveler book for vetinari and vimes. for most of the book, vetinari is slowly dying, trusting basically nobody but drumknott and vimes to come into his room - he does know what’s going on, yes, but he trusts vimes to not need his help to work the thing out. vetinari does stay ahead, and he does have the advantage, but he doesn’t feel the need to help vimes; he respects him, and treats him as though he’s on the same level as him. this is really important for vimes’ perception of himself going from drunkard to someone who has people relying on him, and as someone who can be trusted. in order for vetinari and vimes to have any relationship, they need to not only be on a level, but they both need to know they are as well. i think vetinari has no problem knowing this, but sam is very unreliable when it comes to an account of his own intelligence, bravery, and merit. i mean. he remains, right up until the end of snuff, convinced that he is a Bad Person who has Snuck Into Someone Else’s Happy Life and is waiting for the other shoe, yknow, so men at arms/feet of clay are important books for hauling vimes up onto vetinari’s platform so they both know they’re equals. 

sybil is HUGELY important in this, and part of the reason i dislike traditional vetvimes is bc they just... idk, kill her off of make her horrible or just disregard her existence. sybil is the catalyst for literally all of sam’s development. without her he’s an alcoholic in the gutter. with her, he’s duke, commander, sir samuel, the man vetinari trusts the most. (dont disregard sybil, vetvimes ppl.)

in jingo, i think we start to see the vetvimessybil dynamic we’re more familiar with. vetinari trusts sam to play along with him, and he goes to klatch and does the whole sexy juggler thing and he allows sam to arrest two countries. he lets the lords of ankh-morpork raise armies, because he trusts sam. sybil trusts sam. vetinari trusts sam. vimes trusts both of them implicitly, even if he doesn’t think or say so. 

fifth elephant might seem not that important, but it’s really big to note that at the beginning, vetinari and sybil appear to be conspiring to give sam a holiday. also, sybil calls vetinari havelock, and the only other person i can remember who calls him that is lady margolotta, his ‘love interest’. vimes turns to sybil as his last chance against vetinari, only to find that they’ve been in cahoots because they’re both concerned about his health (and about sybil) and doesn’t that sound terribly domestic!

then we come to night watch, and i know it isn’t a new opinion, that this is one of the big pivotal books for he whole series, but more than that it’s pivotal for the balance between vetinari, vimes, and sybil. the cigar case is the only thing stopping sam from going off the deep end - with love from your sybil, just to press the point - and it all happens in between the birth of young sam. vimes is motivated by love for his city of course, but he has a family now, and he drinks Loving His Wife Juice through history. vimes has already been through his character development; night watch is vetinari’s turn.

finally vimes is the wiser, superior, older mentor figure to vetinari’s bullied, presumably 25-or-younger self. he is already mature, with a tendency towards the dramatic, but i think it’s not really a reach to say night watch was vetinari’s gay awakening. and OH MY GOD the ending scene beside keel’s grave is etched into my memory. i’ll attach it even though i’m sure we don’t need it:

like, woah. what a change in dynamic. now vetinari is bowing to the whims of a vimes he can’t predict, and now vimes is the one telling vetinari off. this is his area of expertise. “afterwards we could-” vetinari has become accustomed to a world where he and sam do things together; it would be fair to say (and supported by the young assassin at the start of this book) that vimes is now firmly integral to the cogs of ankh-morpork. vetinari not only relies on him, but trusts him to be at his side without having to ask. vetinari respects him at this time, in this place, because he has finally seen the lengths to which vimes will go to protect his city, a dedication to a-m that only vetinari has ever expressed. 

from there i think vetinari/vimes/sybil continue without much change. in thud, snuff, and raising steam they have settled into a comfortable give and take. i think that sybil ABSOLUTELY CANNOT be removed from the equation, because she cares for both vimes & vetinari - she is a formidable force when put into action (hello, army of letter-writers from snuff!) and we know she has the power to bully both men into taking care of themselves. imo she is the driving force behind any romantic action between any of the three of them, including herself & sam; remember how they got together in guards guards? she just sat him down with a cup of tea and talked and he realised that he’d somehow gathered a fiancee without realising it. sybil ramkin is DEFINITELY the unstoppable force to both mens’ immovable objects. 

i think it’s perfectly expressed in thud. vimes can both read a story to his son, be a good husband to his wife, be a good commander to his patrician, and be a good watchman to his city, without ever having to sacrifice anything - because of the machinations of his wife and his patrician. (and his city and his son. i mean, that scene with the traffic and the high-speed bedtime story chase says it all.) 

so those are my Many Many Thoughts about vetvimes, i hope that... wasnt too much over what you were asking me for lmao

#asks #vetvimes #havelock vetinari #sam vimes #discworld meta #discworld #lol im SORRY

[gokubrain]

Hi hi hi you said talk to you about dbz uhhhhhh I haven’t been like currently fixated on dbz but my mind does wonder every now and then to kakavege especially when I go on tumblr so hmmmmmm I don’t know if you have a post explaining headcanons for kakavege butttttttt I’d love to hear some!! Literally anything about them, their dynamic etc Im just curious :0

YEAH YEAH OKAY SO DMCMCN

i do have a few posts floating around with headcanons but i’ll make an updated list here!! if i repeat any that ive said on previous posts i apologize!! just gonna name off the ones ive think abt recently!!!!

my biggest headcanon that i dont talk abt a lot is that vegeta and goku both get divorced from their wives around the same time (within a span of a few years) and so sparring and training with each other to cope with these divorces is one way they started to bond more :,)

goku wakes up really early because he’s a farmer boy and vegeta tends to sleep in much later

trunks and goten both end up living with goku and vegeta for awhile as young adults and theyre like a big family 😭💖

goku and vegeta spend a loooot of time training but when goku is doing farm work vegeta’s probably playing video games LMAO

vegeta loves video games where u collect things and manage resources, his favorites are animal crossing and webkinz.

(last video game one i swear) goku makes money off of farming and vegeta uses that money to feed his webkinz addiction LOL, goku’s begrudgingly accepting of this

vegeta has frequent nightmares about his time spent in the freeza force, but waking up in goku’s arms makes it easier to deal with

one saiyan tradition is to pierce the cartilage of the ear after getting married. vegeta probably just pierces his own ear without explaining it to goku at first, because he knows goku probably wont go for getting it pierced considering his phobia lol. im sure at some point tho goku mentions it and vegeta explains it AND I BET IT MAKES GOKU RLY HAPPY LOL

vegeta is a very bad cook but goku’s not too bad, so he usually handles meals

this is another weird vegeta headcanon that i’m obsessed with—vegeta is rly into old 50s music and he listens to it a lot by himself lol

after they first start dating vegeta still resents goku for a lot of things and it causes a lot of one sided arguments from vegeta as he mishandles sorting out his feelings lol. luckily goku is really patient and understanding and gives vegeta any space he needs to sort it out. vegeta eventually apologizes anyway

whenever one of them gets injured particularly badly during spars, the other takes care of them until theyre better. this is probably a saiyan tradition too lol

vegeta gets jealous very, very, very easily

although there are many times where vegeta wouldn’t be caught dead touching goku, i feel like sometimes he does get publicly possessive and clings to goku lol

or just in general, touch is a rly tricky thing with vegeta. it kinda ties into the way they touch each other during battle versus the way they like. embrace each other?? how one is so violent and the other is so fragile and yet both produce the same feeling because fighting is synonymous with an act of love to them LMAO. additionally, vegeta feels conflicted about touching goku in an affectionate way at all because he has such a hard time with letting his guard down lol HES INSUFFERABLE !!

vegeta really loves coffee, goku’s not that into it but he doesnt mind bringing his grouchy, morning-hating partner a cup in bed

bulma and vegeta become close friends after they move on from the divorce. they spend a lot of time talking about goku lol

actually goku just brings vegeta to a lot of meetups with his friends, specifically at kame house, which i think is a little awkward at first but ultimately everyone loosens up and starts teasingly picking on vegeta and stuff lol

their wedding is small and not a lot of people are there but they preferred it that way; much to bulma’s distaste, who wanted to throw them an extravagant wedding sooo badly. her and vegeta got into a lot of dumb arguments about it

vegeta is basically trunks and goten’s best friend after they move in with him and goku, much to his annoyance. they bother vegeta all the time and make him get social medias and force him to follow trends with them (for example, when they both get into animal crossing, they buy vegeta a switch and make him play with them LMAO)

goku likes isolation sometimes considering his upbringing so i think sometimes he just kind of packs his things and heads out into the woods for a few days with very little warning. this is something chichi hated, but vegeta doesn’t mind at all. “you left?” he’ll say when goku comes back. “i didn’t even notice.” but this is a lie, he missed goku a lot lol

that’s all i have for now! hope you like em :)

#thank u for asking 😭 #kakavege #answered

[meltwonu]

grounded.

Pairing; Idol!Wonwoo x Non-Idol Reader

Genre; PWP...thas it rly. There’s mild plot but boy,,,, it rly be mild.

Word Count; 2257

Summary; Wonwoo can’t seem to focus lately while on tour and the members and staff seem to notice. Being forced to stay in their hotel room might seem to be an issue…fortunately it’s not.

Warnings; sub!wonwoo(o yeh bebby), spanking, reader is older than wonwoo(noona), riding, he mebbe ask u to spit in his mouth sorry, overstimulation babyyyy,  unprotected sex(dont be silly, cover yer willy), a lil soft aftercare,,,, god what have I done

Notes; again, completely unedited, it prolly sucks but y’kno. AHAAAA I rly love indulging in sub!svt as much as I love dom!svt, i just want a man to beg once in a while u kno????u feel me????and i wanna be taking care of a b!tch sometimes u kno????

The door slams behind him harder than he anticipates and he grimaces when he feels it reverberate behind his back.

“Wonwoo, is that you?”

A sigh escapes past his lips, he knows he’s in for an earful as he sets his bag down on the floor next to the door and quietly toes his shoes off. Shrugging off his tour jacket, he throws it over the sofa and makes his way towards the single bedroom.

“Noona, I’m back…”, he starts. You can hear the defeated tone in his voice as you emerge from the bathroom only wearing a bathrobe and lingerie, arms crossed over your chest as you watch him make his way to the bed to sit down. “What did the managers say, Wonwoo? How much trouble are you in?” you inquire. You weren’t there to witness what exactly had gone down backstage; only hearing from a few of the stylists that the members and managers had pulled Wonwoo aside to ask what was going on for him to be so unfocused lately and how he might’ve gotten a little heated when he raised his voice at them. All the traveling and late nights had finally broken him down a bit, making him extremely tired and maybe a little homesick.

“Manager-hyungs told me I’m ‘grounded’ and that I can’t leave the hotel room until we leave to go home to Korea… They said I need to get some rest and maybe recenter myself since we still have a few more weeks of touring...'' he sighs, fingers coming up to make air quotes around the word ‘grounded’ as a pout forms on his lips. A chuckle escapes you, the thought of a grown adult being grounded just a tiny bit funny. Wonwoo falls back onto the bed, eyes closing for a brief moment.

“Noona, you’re not going to punish me too, are you? I feel like I’m gonna be so bored trapped in here…” he asks quietly.

You chew on the inside of your cheek for a second before pushing off the bathroom’s door frame. You cross the space between the bathroom and the bed within 4 quick strides and sit beside his spread out frame on the bed. “Well… If I’m being honest, ‘woo, maybe it’s good that you get some rest, y’know? You’ve all been filming in between all the concert stops… you’re exhausted. I know you want to play tonight but we’ll do it a little differently tonight, ok?” Your fingers thread through his hair gently, caressing his scalp as he leans into your touch. He nods, cheeks flushing a pretty pink.

“Baby boy, remind me what your safe word is before we start?”

“Clementine, noona, it’s clementine.”

“That’s my good baby boy. Now I want you to strip for me, and I want you ass up on the bed.” You tell him, kissing him on the lips for the first time that night. Confusion crossing his features before he slips off the bed to rid himself of his clothes. You pull off your bathrobe leaving yourself in your matching bra and panties as you watch Wonwoo strip, his toned and lean body making your mouth water. His half hard cock coming into view as he pulls down his jeans and underwear. “Oh? Is my baby boy already getting hard? Why is that, Wonwoo?” You tease, tongue coming out to lick your lips at the sight. “A-ah...I…,” he starts, adam’s apple bobbing as he gulps. He can’t finish his sentence, too excited about what’s to come. Wonwoo hesitates for a beat before he gets back on the bed, settling on his hands and knees as he stares hard into the bed sheets; his glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose. You’ve never asked him to be in this position before and he’s anxious of what will come but the thrill has his body going into overdrive, the dirty thoughts alone making his cock throb. His body jolts and the sudden touch of your hand on his ass, his breath stuttering.

“Now, baby boy, you’re going to count each spank I give you and if you behave, I’ll reward you. Am I clear? We’ll go up to 10,” You say, fingers massaging the skin as you wait for his response. He gulps again, “Y-yes, noona, I’ll b-be good…,” his fingers gripping the sheets a little harder. Your palm comes down on his ass, a sharp smack resonating in the quiet room as Wonwoo sucks in a breath.

“O-one, noona…,” Wonwoo starts.

You break into a smile as the skin on his ass starts to turn a bright cherry red. You continue to spank him, small moans and whimpers leaving his mouth as his cock becomes fully hard and drips pre-cum onto the bed sheets underneath him. His eyes blown wide, drool escaping past his lips as he gets lost in how good it feels. Slowly, he starts to sink into the bed, arms giving out as he leans his head onto the sheets. “Wonwoo, are you still with me? What number are we on, baby boy?” You still, hands massaging the skin noticing the way his frame is shaking slightly. “W-we’re...ah, on, s-seven… noon-ah...I-ngh…,” his mind is clouded, wanting nothing more than to just cum. Wonwoo’s body is sensitive, more than expected and especially after a long day of performing. He wants to rut against the bed, any sort of friction to give him the orgasm he was chasing. You almost feel bad for him, but he seems to enjoy the way your fingers massage the sensitive skin.

“Just a few more and then I’ll reward you, okay? You’re doing so well for me, baby.” You offer. He hums in acknowledgement as you bring your hand down for the last 3, Wonwoo’s back arching as he tries to hold off cumming untouched. He whimpers as you guide him onto his back, his ass sensitive from the spanking. “Noona, please, wanna c-cum…”, he whimpers out, fingers curling into the sheets underneath him. You chuckle, silently removing your bra and panties as you straddle his thighs. “Okay baby, I think you’ve been good and you’ve waited long enough, hmm??” He nods slowly, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose as he looks intently at you. “D-does noona want m-me to prep her?” This time you nod, guiding one of his hands to your core as a gasp leaves your lips at him touching you for the first time all night.

Wonwoo eases in a finger into you, noticing how wet you already are and smiles. “Oh? Noona is already this wet just from spanking me?” he chuckles. He pumps the digit, slowly adding another one as he preps you. “Bold of you to get cocky with me, ‘woo. Weren’t you the one just getting hard from getting spanked?” You retort, a slight pout forming on his lips. You’ve got him there, he thinks, thrusting his fingers a little harder as a reply.  Wonwoo makes a good sub on most days, although once in a while he likes to get a little bratty with you when he’s feeling playful...or really just wants you to be rougher with him, either way… you don’t mind.

You tug on his arm, his fingers slipping from inside of you as you position yourself over his cock, letting it slide through your folds as his fingers go to grip your hips. Wonwoo groans, hips bucking up into you, letting himself feel how wet and warm you were. You let this go on for a minute, admiring his already fucked out expression.

“Hmm… you’re so worked up, baby. Think you can last me fucking you?” You ask.

He stops his movements and looks up at you, biting his lip. “Noona...I-I really…really want y-you to ride me, p-please…please.” he begs. You lean down to kiss him on the lips, your fingers teasing his nipples as he groans. You use that moment to slide your tongue into his mouth, his eyes sliding shut at the sensation.

Once you pull back, you pull his glasses off as well, tossing them to the side as he tries to focus his eyes on you. “Noona, but I can’t--” “You don’t need to see me to feel me, baby.” You cut him off. She’s right, he thinks. You position his cock at your entrance and slowly lower yourself onto him, clenching around him immediately at how good he feels inside of you. Wonwoo is already at his limit, mentally willing himself to not cum after being inside of you for literally 5 seconds. But once he’s fully seated inside of you, he finds it hard to control himself. You were so warm and wet, and tight. Wonwoo’s fingers grip your hips a little tighter as he plants his feet straight onto the bed and begins thrusting up into you, making you bounce on his lap.

“Noona, I c-can’t… I don’t th-think I can hold o-on I’m, I ne--eed, I’m, I want to c-cum,” he cries. There’s tears welling up at the corner of his eyes already, his thrusts getting sloppy as he chases his high. You let him, he’s been good anyway and you love seeing Wonwoo so fucked out like this. Wonwoo is so pretty when he begs. He whimpers out your name, body tensing up as he cums inside of you. You clench around him, letting him ride out his orgasm before he slumps against the bed, his fingers losing the grip on your hips. He sighs contentedly, fingers wiping the tears out of his eyes.

“Is my baby boy satisfied?”

Wonwoo nods, making eye contact with you. “W-wait but noona didn’t cum yet…” he says softly. You grin, clenching around him again. He moans, a shiver running up his spine as you grind down onto his lap. “Ah, wait, noona, give me a second I don’t think I c-can--ahh,” he exclaims. You continue to grind down onto him, his fingers digging into your thighs this time as he fights through the pain of being overstimulated. There’s tears threatening to spill from his eyes as he finds himself trying to thrust up into you once again. “N-Noona, I’m so sen-s--sensitive, please, I, I,” Wonwoo whimpers. You slow down, leaning down to run your fingers through his hair.

“Do you want me to stop, baby? Do you remember your safe word, ‘woo?”

Wonwoo catches his breath for a second, his bleary eyes peeking up at you through his wet lashes. “I d-don’t want you to stop, n-noona. I wanna feel good again…” he whispers. You pick up the pace, hips swiveling atop his own, this time chasing your own high. Your fingers dip down, playing with your clit as you stare down at Wonwoo’s face. His eyes are on you, his mouth agape as he watches you ride him.

“Noona, do you t-think you can…,mm, ah, s-spit in my m-mouth, I wanna...wanna t-try it…” he asks.

Wonwoo is shy, a blush running down his body as he diverts his eyes from you. He’s never asked for something like that before, but he was curious and willing. You gush around him, fuck that’s so hot, you think. Nodding, you reply, “Open your mouth, baby.” He complies, shying opening his mouth as you lean over his face, letting your spit drop directly down into his awaiting mouth. Wonwoo closes his mouth, swallowing. “Th-thank you, noona.”

You want to scream, fuck he’s so cute, you mentally exclaim. You rub your clit faster, bouncing on Wonwoo’s cock quicker as you feel your orgasm coming. It’s nothing but moans and whimpers as Wonwoo also chases his second orgasm, a shiver running up his spine as he feels you cum on his cock. You whimper out his name like a mantra as you ride out your high, feeling Wonwoo cumming inside you again.

This time when Wonwoo loses his grip on you, he’s completely spent. He feels boneless against the sheets and feels lightheaded at everything he’s felt tonight, his arms falling back onto the sheets with a dull thud. You smile and kiss his forehead, getting up from his lap as you feel his cum sliding down your thighs. You praise him, telling how well he did and how he was so so so good for you. “Wonwoo, baby, you still with me?” There’s a fraction of movement of his head, barely acknowledging that you’re speaking to him. This time you play with his hair as he leans into your touch, his eyes drooping slightly from tiredness. “‘Woo, honey, talk to me okay? Can you tell me who’s the leader of Seventeen?” This time he huffs, chuckling, “You’re really gonna make me say Seungcheol-hyung’s name after you thoroughly fucked and overstimulated me?”

The two of you share a laugh as you get up from the bed, walking to the bathroom to get a warm towel and a glass of water on your way back to the bed. You get Wonwoo to drink the glass of water as you bring the towel down to wipe down his thighs, a choked noise coming from him as you pull your hand back. Wonwoo puts the, now, empty glass of water and finds his glasses that were haphazardly thrown onto the sheets and slides them onto his blushing face.

“A-actually, noona, do you think you can run me a bubble bath? Wanna soak in it with you...” Wonwoo asks quietly.

Fuck, he’s really REALLY cute, you think.

“Of course baby, did you want the pink bubble bath or the blue one?”

#wonwoo smut #seventeen smut #svt smut #jeon wonwoo #seventeen fic #jeon wonwoo smut #sub!svt #sub!seventeen #idr know what to tag this but we'll find out as we go #I have SINNED and it is DONE