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zemossunshine · 2 years

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Sunshine Chapter 23

Pairings: Zemo x You Bucky x You

Summary: Falling in love with a villain. This will start sweet and then go very dark.

Tags: Explicit. Mature. Not for minors. Dark. Angst. Knife play. Depression. Suicidal thoughts. Self Harm . Vomiting. Nightmares. Sleepwalking. Torture. Smut. Broken Bones. Blood. Injury. Violence. Rough Sex. Rape. Kidnapping. Spanking. Unhealthy Relationships. Mental Health Issues. Anal Sex. Orgasm Delay. Fear. Blow Jobs. Sexual Violence. Suicide Attempt. Reference To Domestic Violence. Sleepwalking. Memory Loss. Gen Violence. Threats. Manipulation. Manipulative Relationship. Murder. Death. Loss Of Parents. Implied Alcohol Abuse. Threats Of Rape. Non Consensual Drug Use. Emotional Manipulation. Gaslighting.

Warnings for this chapter: Murder, Smutish, Injury, Dissassoation.

The problem is there is a difference. You're a criminal and I am innocent. You're beautiful but the truth is ugly. I have never had your bad intentions. Lyrics owned by Olivia O'Brien.

You were awoken in a car by Zemo shaking you. The sun was up, you checked the time, you only had a couple of hours sleep. You groaned and slid out of the car, seemingly been placed in the back to sleep. You were met with the sight of Maria standing at the foot of Zemo’s plane.

“You ready for this?” She picked up a small cabin case and walked on. Were you ready? You were hardly prepared the last time. But you had committed to calls like this, you always wanted to help and this was another chance to prove yourself. Ready as I’ll ever be. Bucky told you about Madripoor so you knew some of what to expect. You walked on behind her and she settled in a chair. Zemo served himself a whiskey, he poured you one, you handed it to Bucky, it was far too early for that. He offered Maria a beer, she looked pleasantly surprised that Zemo knew her drink. He knew everything, you thought she would know that. He sat down next to you and you both looked at Bucky expectantly.

It was Maria who spoke. “No-one knows you in Madripoor. You aren’t recognisable or intimidating, you do not survey a place like an agent, spy or Avenger would. You won’t rouse any suspicion. You will stick out to Mr Smith, who is your target. The target has intercepted an email that we can’t get hold of. It’s very low risk, you don’t need to worry, you will have your bodyguard with you.”

You turned to smile at Zemo, but he was staring at Maria, you followed his line of sight. Maria was looking at Bucky, her lips were in a tight line. You were going in with Bucky. So, you knew everything would be fine.

“People like you and I mean everyone. It’s why we picked you. That and you are-“Maria was interrupted.

“Trusting, too trusting.” Bucky said. He warned you about that before. Still, you warmed at the confirmation that everyone liked you.

“What about Selby? And where is Sam?” You were happy to go into Madripoor, but you knew the last mission here didn’t exactly end well.

“Selby is long forgotten. Sam said he had enough of Madripoor to last a life time.” Bucky chuckled.

“I’m not very good at lying. What am I supposed to do? Hack his computer? I don’t know how to do any of this. You have a better chance going in.”

“The target doesn’t know you, bend the truth, you won’t need to lie per say. Everyone at this place will be high. Mr Smith will like you, I just want you to ask.” Maria handed you a tablet with his picture on, swiping through you could see his first name, but according to this he gave whatever name he wanted, but kept to Mr Smith. Just ask? It can’t be that simple. You could see how many attempts they made to hack his phone, to no avail. Someone had to physically see it. You could try, you handed the tablet back and nodded.

“It’s a drug and sex club.” Maria settled back into her chair.

Zemo stood up. “I’m not entirely comfortable with this arrangement. My pardon is for my cooperation, not Sunshine’s.” Zemo was giving you a look that was telling you he was turning the plane around right now. So Zemo’s pardon has been sorted. Maria ignored him completely.

“Just flirt with him, the same way you do that with Zemo.” Maria gestured between you. You blushed, your flirting involved taking off your clothes. Not exactly the best thing to suggest when you are heading into a sex club.

“Absolutely not.” Zemo’s tone was playful but you knew he meant it. He sat back down and put his hand on your knee.

“You have no obligation to do this.” It almost sounded like Zemo was begging you not to. You had your powers, if something went wrong. It was an email, it wasn’t like it was the infinity stones. You knew you could say no. Zemo said you could be an Avenger, you weren’t sure you wanted that, but you did want to help. It wasn’t even a fight. Maria didn’t say it was imperative to get this email. If Mr Smith refused then, that wasn’t on you. You didn’t see any reason to say no, you wanted to do it or at least try.

“Zemo, she will have the Winter Soldier with her.” Maria huffed out. No I won’t. As far as you were concerned he was gone. Could Bucky even do that anymore? He did mention something about husband and wife on the phone. You supposed it made sense, the last time Bucky was here, he was playing the role of the Winter Soldier.

“So, we are married for this?” You smiled at Bucky.

“Nope.” He flashed you his charming smile. You looked back to Maria and she was glowering at Zemo.

“Yes, I’ll do it.” You jumped up and giggled. You would do whatever Maria wanted if you got to watch that. Now you knew this was going to help people and be fun. Zemo retrieved something from a concealed compartment under his chair. He handed Maria a small velvet box. The rock on the ring was huge. Ridiculously so. She slipped it on and gave Zemo a curt nod. He wasn’t finished, he pulled out several jewellery boxes for her to choose from.

“How much of this shit do you have lying around?” You asked in shock.

Zemo was rifling through overhead compartments, pulling out dress bags. “You must always be prepared Sunshine. That ring is worth millions. It is not as you so eloquently put it-”Zemo didn’t finish, he sat down next to you and started quizzing Maria on the parameters of the mission. Boring. You were already told what you had to do and relived you weren’t carrying millions on your person. You moved over to Bucky and begged him to tell you about Sarah. First he had to shake Sam, which was apparently a lot more difficult than Bucky anticipated. He told you how he arrived on her doorstep flowers in hand. They talked all night about the Winter Soldier, something you noted he had never quite managed with you, you got bits here and there. He told her that she didn’t need to worry anymore, he was free to love her without consequence now. He didn’t feel that nagging telling him he didn’t deserve anyone. That he didn’t pursue her before because she was Sam’s sister and he didn’t trust himself fully around her children. That he could be happy without looking through the eyes of an assassin. You sat and listened and you could see the utter joy on his face. Your heart ached for him, that he was so haunted by his past but lifted when you could see how happy he was. He then started to assure you that you did mean something to him. You stopped him, you knew that. But you recognised now it wasn’t the same, they way he felt about Sarah was more somehow, probably in the same way you felt about Zemo. Bucky then recounted that he had to jump out of Sarah’s window to hide from Sam only for AJ and Cass to give him up before he took a single step. You roared with laughter.

“We blamed you, so block Sam’s number. He’s still pissed at you.”

Bucky then told you about the boat and now he was around more, he decided it needed more work. You were sure it didn’t, Sarah knew her stuff. He spent all of his free time there. He had found his place in the world. He asked you about the things you do with Zemo, you told him about your days and learning to cook, which he laughed at, because you both knew you were hopeless. You both didn’t notice Maria and Zemo stopped talking and were watching you both, amused expressions on their faces. Zemo refreshed Bucky’s drink and offered you a coffee. Maria stopped you and suggested everyone got some sleep before arriving. You knew Bucky barely slept so you kept talking with him until eventually you slumped in your chair.

Zemo woke you up with a fresh coffee and a gentle kiss. He still looked worried. Bucky protected him last time they were here, so you didn’t understand his concern. Bucky is a super soldier, I’ll be fine. You kissed him back to reassure him and then Maria insisted you both got ready. You both huddled in the tiny bathroom. As she was placing various items on the tiny counter the door opened.

“You two worried you aren’t pretty enough?” She slammed the door closed before you could see who it was. You snickered. She started to apply what you thought was concealer she handed you some that matched your skin and indicated for you to copy her. She carried on with foundation and several other items you couldn’t name, but you mimicked her.

“You will have to teach me this one day.” You smiled. “If you ever have the time.” You knew Maria was busy, you wondered if this was the most down time she had.

“You have all the time in the world now.” She picked up a black pencil and started to write on the mirror.

Do not use your powers!

You frowned at her. She circled not then underlined it. If she was writing on the mirror then she obviously didn’t want anyone else to know. But you wanted to know why. You held your phone out to her for her to put her number in, so she knew she was getting grilled later, she filled it in and nodded. She would answer your questions just not right now. Why did she want you here, was it really that Mr Smith would hand over this email because people liked you? Something was off.

“Are you nervous?” She checked. I am now. She wrote on the mirror again.

Barnes will protect you. You trust him. Don’t you?

You did, but there was something going on here. Were you being lied to? Was the email not the mission? Were you walking into something? You couldn’t risk putting yourself out there if it was more than what you were being told.

“Just the email, right?” You asked nervously.

“Yes.” She wiped the mirror off and handed you a lipstick.

You were all waiting on the bridge for an escort into low town. Bucky was wearing a burgundy leather red jacket with one arm missing and a harness. Maria was wearing a simple elegant black dress with a large diamond necklace, bracelet and that ridiculous ring, you knew she had a gun strapped somewhere. Zemo was in his usual purple get up, sword concealed and you were wearing a short backless lace dress with long sleeves. Zemo walked with you away from Maria and Bucky, which you were told not to do and to stay in character. You knew he was worried. Before he could even start his lecture, you reassured him.

“I know. I know. I will not put myself in danger.” You remembered Oeznik’s look as you left. “Although we do need to talk about what you consider to be danger.” Zemo swung his head in the direction of low town and turned back to you narrowing his eyes. He chewed the inside of his lip. This counts?

“No, fuck no. We are going home right now.” No way were you dealing with Zemo upset again.

“Sunshine, It would not be fair for me to stop you. If we were to quantify what I consider dangerous to you, then we would be here all night. I trust James implicitly. You will be returned to me without a scratch. I’m certain of it.” Somehow it sounded like an indirect threat, or was he trying to convince himself? Zemo kissed your hand, not wanting to ruin your make up. He walked over to Maria placing his hand at her waist, she didn’t flinch away and instead leant into him. Two cars arrived flanked by motorbikes.

“That doesn’t bother you.” Bucky jerked his head over to Maria and Zemo.

“No. The only thing Zemo is getting is a punch in the face.” You giggled. Zemo opened the door and held his hand out for Maria to climb in, ever the gentleman.

“Affirmative.” Maria gave her brightest smile to Zemo, he chuckled and closed her door walking to the other side. You went to take Bucky’s hand. He flinched away. You didn’t think he wouldn’t want to hold your hand, maybe he and Sarah decided it wasn’t ok to have physical contact with you. You went to apologise.

“The Winter Soldier doesn’t do that.” Bucky smirked. Shit, of course.

“Are you ok pretending to be him?” You didn’t want to say that you were meant to be controlling him, because you had no intention of doing that anyway. Mission or not, you would never do it.

“It’s you. So yeah.” Bucky was confirming what you were thinking. You both got into the second car.

The acidic smell was a lot stronger as you exited the car. You scrunched your nose and headed for the club. Neon lights were everywhere, people lined the streets with machine guns. You expected to see that, but you couldn’t hide your shock. You risked a glance back at Bucky If looks could kill. You weren’t sure you would approach him with the look he had, anyone else would be stupid to. You headed into the club with ease. Maria was right. The people in here were swaying to music that did not match the music you could hear, pupils dilated all in their own little worlds. The club smelt like sweat and sex, but more notably there didn’t appear to be any weapons here. You relaxed at that.

People were being led off to private rooms, several people were topless. You blushed. A man was snorting something off the bar. It became clear you could order whatever you wanted here. You held you head high and ordered a whiskey. No one said you couldn’t drink, you need to calm your nerves and hopefully add in some liquid courage. Maria told you to flirt with Mr Smith and you still had no idea how to do that.

You knew Bucky would have watched your drink being poured so you didn’t hesitate to take a big swig. You spotted Zemo in what you assumed was a VIP lounge. Maria was in his lap, he was running his hand up her thigh and whispering in her ear. She had her head inclined to him and a hand on his shoulder. You knew Maria didn’t feel the same things as you when you were in his lap, it made you smile, you couldn’t explain why. When Zemo caught your eye you raised a glass to him, which he returned. Maria said that if you did that anyone important would know that you control the Winter Soldier now. You watched as he smiled against Maria’s neck. You had to pull yourself away, staring at Zemo would rouse suspicion. Before you could Bucky’s hand slammed on the bar, you jumped and a few people turned in your direction. A man had approached you and was now opening and closing his mouth. Bucky growled and he retreated. You smiled gently at the bar tender who seemed tense. You took another look around. The security staff had weapons, but other wise it looked as if people were just here to have a good time. You felt a tickle on your hand. You looked and a man’s hand with a signet ring was gently caressing your hand with his fingers. If Bucky allowed someone to get this close to you, that can only mean Mr Smith.

“Come with me.” He offered out his hand, you gave him a friendly smile and took it. You felt your nerves on edge, you grabbed your whiskey and gulped the rest down. Mr Smith assured you he had more where that came from and led you away.

He led you into an office which you were thankful for. You could only imagine what the private rooms here held. He sat on the chair and put his feet up on the corner of the desk. He isn’t scared of Bucky? No guards came in with you either. There were no flashing lights in here. Just the soft glow of a lamp. He wore a white tailored suit with matching loafers. He reached down and pulled two martini glasses from a drawer along with a cocktail shaker.

“My name is Jason. You don’t look like you visit places like this often.” He poured a bright blue liquid into the glasses and slid one over to you. You took the glass, Bucky leant down and sniffed the drink. He moved back without saying a word. Fuck that’s strong.

“I don’t. I was hoping I could see an email you have?” Might as well ask straight off the bat. Jason sat up and nodded to your glass Is he trying to get me drunk? Not that it mattered. Bucky could get you out of here with his arms tied behind his back. You took another mouthful while Jason asked about the email. You held your hand up and a phone was in your palm before you could ask Bucky, you passed it to Jason. You watched as he scanned the information.

“Are you going to order the soldier to kill me if I give you this?” He gave Bucky a cold smile.

“I would never order him to kill anyone. I don’t believe anyone should be controlled. He does as he pleases.” You knew you said too much, the alcohol loosening your tongue. You practically said Bucky wasn’t the Winter Soldier. You crossed your legs to stop yourself scratching at your palm.

“Then you aren’t making the best use of him.” Jason tapped his finger on your glass, you took a tiny sip and shrugged. You didn’t know how to answer him. You had fucked this up. You felt a cold creep up your neck, no that was Bucky’s hand. He wrapped his fingers around your throat, taking a cue from Bucky you rose out of the chair. He pulled the sleeves of your dress up and ran his thumbs over the scars from the cable ties. He was suggesting that he caused them, you kept your breathing steady and melted back into him. He ran his nose up the curve of your neck. He moved his other hand up your thigh, slowly but surely with the intention of putting his hands between your legs. You kept yourself calm as he continued upward. This is part of the act. Bucky’s hand was getting too close.

“Stop.”

Bucky moved his hand sideways and gave your thigh a very sharp pinch instead. You gave Jason a bright smile.

“I was enjoying that. Fun parties around here, you know. I could get you two loosen up.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “You can see the email.” He pulled his phone out and slid it over. It was titled V, the text was made up of symbols letters and numbers. You asked if you could take pictures and he nodded. You felt buzzed. You told yourself it wasn’t the alcohol. Jason insisted you finished your drink, you did. It didn’t really matter how drunk you got now.

“You two could make a lot of money here putting on a show, especially if you are leaving scars.” He said alluringly. You thanked him and moved to the door, you had opened it crack when Jason spoke again.

“You don’t remember me, do you?” He put his feet back onto the corner of the desk. Shit, did he know Bucky? Did he know this was all a lie?Bucky reached up from behind you and softly closed the door. Fuck. You looked back at Bucky, he was staring straight ahead and his breathing was deliberate.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think he does.” You reached for the handle and Bucky stopped you. Bucky hadn’t spoken since you were on the bridge, all part of his character. And he still wasn’t, but he wasn’t letting either of you leave. You laughed nervously and reached again. Bucky tsks behind you. Words Bucky, fucking words.Bucky pulled you back into him and turned you to face Jason. He wrapped both of his arms around you, holding your arms down.

“How do you know her?” Bucky’s voice sounded like gravel. Me? He doesn’t know me!

“I know those aren’t her only scars.”

You both took in a sharp breath. Jason could have worked for Fury, that could be how he knew, but the way his eyes roved your body. You could tell he didn’t. Was Jason Hydra? Maria wouldn’t send you and Bucky to Hydra. There was no way. All feelings of being tipsy were gone. You were sober, stone cold sober.

“I want to leave, now.” You stopped yourself from shouting it. Bucky pushed you both forward, you pushed back, it was no use, but you did not want to be closer to this man. Jason swung his legs down from the desk, he seemed to think Bucky as about to offer you up to him, that could be the only reason for the smile on his face. You shook your head.

“For what it’s worth I didn’t cause any of them.”

Bucky stepped you closer again, it was taking effort not to shout now. You squirmed against him, tried to turn. Bucky wasn’t having any of it. Your blood ran cold, Bucky moved one of his arms from you, before Jason could say anything else Bucky had pushed a knife into the hollow of his throat. Your eyes slammed shut. The air rushed in for you to scream. Bucky clapped a hand over your mouth.

“It’s ok. You’re ok.” Bucky cooed. Your heart was hammering. You were trembling against him. Bucky slowly removed his hand from your mouth.

“You don’t kill people anymore.” You quivered.

“I killed people in the war. Hydra dies. All of them.” Bucky leant forward and you pressed harder back, you wanted to argue that Jason wasn’t Hydra, he didn’t confirm that. You heard a squelching noise as Bucky removed the knife. You tried to push the sound out of your mind.

“We should get out of here.” You tried to move again. Bucky started walking you both behind the desk where Jason’s dead body was. You tried to plea with him. He stopped and turned you both and you knew you were directly behind Jason.

“Take a look.” Bucky nudged you so you were leaning over Jason. You shook your head violently. You desperately wanted to cover your nose to stop the copper smell invading your senses. Bucky took your hands. You opened your mouth to scream again and he stopped you with his hand. He gripped both of your wrists in his other hand and slowly lowered them down. You started shouting into his hand begging him to stop. When your hands connected with something warm and wet you retched into Bucky’s hand.

“That is the blood of Hydra. Feel it, you deserve to.”

You took in a shuddering breath. The door to the office opened but you couldn’t bare to look. You didn’t care if it were the police taking you in for murder, you didn’t want to be in this room anymore.

“Where is Hill?” Bucky put one of his hands around your waist Zemo? You lifted your hands, they were shaking violently. You felt the blood drip from your fingertips, you tried to run to Zemo but you felt Bucky’s stubble scratch your cheek and his grip tighten. No?

“Someone saw fit to put their hands on her. I defended her honour of course. Maria insisted she could handle that matter herself. What appears to be the problem James?” Zemo sounded so casual, as if he had not just walked into this scene. And why the fuck was he talking about Maria? Help me. Bucky started talking in Russian. Great, just fucking perfect. Bucky’s hand was still clamped over your mouth so you couldn’t speak. You tried to hold your hands away from yourself, so the blood wouldn’t drip anywhere else. Zemo was responding and Bucky’s hold was weakening, you could just step away.

“Don’t. please don’t.” Bucky sounded scared. What the fuck is going on? The longer you were in this room, the higher the chance Fury was going to need to pull strings and get you all out of here. Zemo had just been pardoned, he cannot be found in this room at all. The Russian started again, so you made every effort to stay still.

“We can be beaten. She can’t.” Bucky breathed down your neck and all your hairs stood on end. “I need you to be stronger. You, fuck. You have to be stronger.”

The door opened again. You couldn’t take this anymore the only reason you hadn’t fallen down was because Bucky was holding you up.

“Barnes.” Maria did not sound happy. You heard her walk towards you and she started pouring a liquid over your hands, she washed the blood away with a cloth of some kind, then she wiped your face. You didn’t even feel it on your face. You swallowed thickly. She pulled on Bucky’s fingers and he finally let you go. Zemo pulled you into him and stroked your hair.

“Go ahead, we will be out in a second” Maria encouraged. Zemo rushed you out of the door.

“YOU-“Zemo slammed his hands over your ears before you could hear what Maria was shouting about. He pushed you back into the main room of the club where the music, pounded your ears, you were too disorientated to do anything but by guided by him. You were out of the door before you could think. You took in a big breath of fresh, well as fresh as it could be. You finally opened your eyes. What the fuck just happened? You were still waiting for your heart to stop pumping erratically.

“James was just trying to protect you, Sunshine. He believes you need to be stronger moving forward.” Zemo spoke so softly, he was making a real effort to calm you down. That was not what it felt like at all. How is cold blooded murder making you stronger? You wanted to leave Madripoor immediately. Maria and Bucky exited. Maria took Zemo’s hand and walked towards the cars. She said she just had to stop at a safe house to update Fury and upload the email on a secure network.

As soon as you crossed the threshold, Bucky took your hand. “I’m sorry. I just-” Bucky looked down trodden. And your heart did break for him. Hydra did awful things to him, you saw them. Jason seemed to know you, somehow. You would have just told Maria and she could deal with it. You, Bucky and Zemo found small kitchenette. It had a breakfast bar and small fridge and tiny oven. Bucky apologised again.

“I’ll be back in minute.” Bucky winked at Zemo. Weird? Before you could ask what that was all about, you were being lifted onto the breakfast bar and Zemo’s belt was being wrapped around your neck. You could see that Zemo’s eyes were burning for you.

“James knows he interrupted us. You could use the distraction.” Zemo removed the underwear from under your dress in record time. He pushed you back, unearthed his sword from the hidden depths of his coat and pushed it through the end of the belt holding it to the breakfast bar. Zemo was hungry for you, you could tell by his movements. He had also lost his mind if he thought he could do this in under a minute. You still felt jittery after tonight’s events, there was just no way. Zemo wasted no time putting his mouth on you. You gasped as he licked the first stripe up you. He smirked and knelt on the floor. He pulled you down the breakfast bar and was back on you like a man starved, you shouldn’t have teased him. He moved his hands to wrap around your shins and pulled you further down. The belt pulled taught stifling all your moans. The breakfast bar bit into your lower back. Zemo increased his efforts in his determination to complete what looked like his own personal mission. The white in your stomach started to fade. No. You had felt the black before when you had sex with Zemo. Pleasure and pain, but you just couldn’t concentrate. You were still on edge. You banged your hands on the breakfast bar. Zemo didn’t stop. You tried to reach his head, but with the angle, all you could do was tap him. You clutched onto his hair and pulled. Zemo didn’t stop, he was taking your actions as encouragement. You tried to pull yourself up, Zemo yanked you back into place. LOOK UP. GET UP. You tried to wriggle away, but Zemo held you firm. Black. No. Fuck. Zemo. Please.

You clawed at the belt, tearing your nails through your skin. You reached back and tried to push the sword away. ZEMO PLEASE! There was no pleasure in this, it just felt intrusive. You put one hand around the blade of the sword. Just wait. You tried to tell yourself that Bucky would walk in. Just wait. That Zemo would look up. Just wait. That even if he didn’t you would just be unconscious for a few seconds. Just wait. You couldn’t, you just couldn’t. You tried to rip the belt away from your neck with one hand and pull the sword up with the other. Your toes curled as it sliced through your hand. You had to stop moving you could feel yourself doing more damage to your neck. You swapped hands, using your now stronger hand to pull at the sword. Zemo still hadn’t stopped. You tried to pull his hair again leaving bloody hand prints on your thighs. Your hands didn’t appear to be gripping anymore. Black spots appeared in your vision. You reached both hands up, your hands slipped through your blood as you pulled again. Zemo snapped your legs closed and the door opened. You rolled off the side of the breakfast bar. You got one breath of air, before it was cruelly snatched away again when you landed on your knees. You mindlessly reached up to the sword.

Zemo ripped your hands away. Bucky vaulted over the breakfast bar tearing the belt from the sword. Your chest was heaving you didn’t know if it was your heart pounding or your lungs drawing air back in. Bucky slowly removed the belt from your neck and took your hands from Zemo, he visibly swallowed. He wrapped the belt around your wrists and pulled them away from your eyes, not that it mattered, you couldn’t see through the tears streaming down your face.

“Sunshine, please forgive me.”

Bucky started to inspect your neck with his metal hand. “This is bad, it’s really bad.”

“Sunshine, you need to speak to us.”

You wanted to say you just needed a minute to calm down, but the squeak of the door closing caught your attention. Panic reared it’s ugly head in your mind. You didn’t know if it was the very specific way they were touching you. Zemo pressed behind you with his hands wrapped around your waist. Your wrists pulled away from you and bound. Bucky in front of you with his hands on your throat. The fact they were covered in blood. Your blood. The closing door was dragging your consciousness out. Everything that told you, you were safe, was disappearing out of that door. You don’t know if it was because Bucky killed someone in front of you. Because you met someone from your past or just simply because Zemo didn’t look up. But your world was closing in, trapping you in a room with the two men who occupied your nightmares.

“Please-“ The door closed. Stop. A fog settled over your mind. Your heart and breathing regulated immediately. Your tears stopped. You stared blankly ahead. They both moved away.

“Holy shit.”

“Indeed.”

“What do we do?”

“I don’t believe there is anything we can do James. We are the main characters of her nightmares. We cannot comfort her right now.”

You sat and waited for Zemo and Bucky to make your nightmares a reality. It sounded like they were planning. They weren’t touching you.

Not yet

“She can hold her breath for longer than that, I remember.” Bucky dropped his voice “I think you reminded her of me.”

Bucky is going to strangle me

“Don’t blame yourself James. This is my doing.”

They both are

“We need to do something, her heart is slowing down.” Bucky slowly reached his hands out but Zemo wasted no time. The door opened.

“Zemo can you take a look at-“ You turned your head to Maria. Her phone fell from her hand.

Maria, you shouldn’t be here

You watched her eyes dart from your hands, to your thighs, to your neck, to Bucky to Zemo and then finally to your underwear on the floor.

You really shouldn’t be here

“Maria?” You croaked out. Maria dropped to her knees in front of you. She cupped your face so she was the only thing you could see. “Who did this?” She mouthed silently.

“I did. I panicked. I-“You looked at your hands, you could see your muscles and was that your bones? Your head spun.

“Maria, I am responsible.” Zemo assured.

“No.” She shook her head, Zemo tried to speak again. “No.” Maria gritted out. She tucked a hair behind your ear. You had never seen her be so affectionate. “The regeneration machine can fix your hands.” It can? She rushed you outside into one of the waiting cars. She sat up front behind the partition where you couldn’t see her. Zemo stroked your back, you hid your face in his shoulder. You felt embarrassed, you had no reason to panic. Your struggle only made everything worse. You should have waited. Zemo knew when to stop. You just felt so dejected. You closed your eyes until you got back to the plane.

Zemo pulled you into the bathroom and put your leggings back on, you just felt shame, you couldn’t even dress yourself. Bucky was waiting in a chair with a medical kit. Maria jabbed a needle into your arm, you flexed your fingers and hissed.

“That’s the highest dose. You can still feel that?” Maria asked. You nodded. They all shared a look. Does it not work anymore? Bucky began wrapping your hands with speed. You lifted your chin.

“How bad is it?” You knew it wouldn’t look good, not that you would have to hide it. Bucky didn’t answer. Zemo looked haunted. Maria looked furious.

“Maria, it was an accident. You said you can fix this.”

“Another accident with these two.” She hissed. That wasn’t fair, it was just a mistake and one you had made.

“Sunshine you could have stopped me.” He put his hand on your lower stomach. Shit. You could have.

“I didn’t think of that.” You didn’t, it would have been so easy. You could have avoided all of this. You had been so stupid not to think of that.

“It wasn’t because someone told you not to, was it?” Maria swung her arms nervously. You stood up. Don’t talk. He will blame you.

“No.” You answered quickly. You covered Maria as you both walked the thankfully few steps towards the door.

“Who would make a suggestion so careless?” Zemo asked with a calm tone, you knew that tone. There was no sense of calm left in Zemo. He knew exactly who said it. You needed to get Maria away from him right now. You raced down the stairs with her, Bucky had already shut the door behind you. A quinjet was now in the airfield. No one else was onboard. Remote tech? She sat in the pilots seat and began putting in coordinates. You saw Zemo and Bucky approach. You started screaming at her to shut the door, to take off but she didn’t. You threw yourself over her.

“Don’t! Plea-“

“Maria for your sake I hope you have an outstanding explanation for your actions. I suspect you do.”

“I’ll bring her home Zemo. Let me fix her hands first.”

“If you think for one moment you are entering our home, then I should inform you, the only way that will happen, would be in a body bag.”

“I’m coming.” Maria got out her chair, after pushing you away. “I tried to find your house, believe me I tried.” Maria was rubbing her temples. “Mr Smith knew you.” Maria looked up as if to the sky and then back at you. “I need to see your home. I need to know its safe, please.” You had no idea what the fuck what going on. Even Zemo seemed interested in Maria’s actions.

“I am safe there.” You wanted to reassure her and you wanted to get her as far from Zemo as you possibly could.

“Barnes got in, didn’t he?” Maria buckled up and sat back in her chair. “I’m coming to your house. Or you’re not going back at all.” What? The quinjet lifted into the air. Zemo didn’t answer her, which was odd. She just said she would take you away. He shifted you to sit on his lap and held you close to him. Bucky started to rewrap your hands. You knew something was off.

I should have just said no.

Next Part: https://www.tumblr.com/zemossunshine/676169728238272512/sunshine-chapter-24?source=share

#zemo #zemo x reader #zemo x you #dark zemo #dark #bucky #bucky x reader #bucky x you

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poweredbycoffeeandwine · 6 years

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If you have any spots left, I'd love love love to see Tavrien and Kaidan and the secret Santa prompt. :)

Here is the aforementioned angst @lechatrouge673! This one is for you, love! Hope you enjoy it. Sorry it got away from me.

Have some Tavrien x Kaidan feels, set in my “I Don’t Mean To” verse. This takes place during the events of ME2 after Horizon. Is spoilery if you haven’t played The Shadow Broker DLC.

Shepard’s Not-So Secret Santa

Everything was different, but should have been the same. It didn’t matter how evidence pointed to the contrary. Two years. She had lost two years…and yet, Tavrien Shepard felt as though no time had passed at all. Despite the obvious missing scars, and advanced cybernetics infused throughout her body, she felt the same. She might be faster and stronger, but she was confused as hell. Her battle prowess, experience and uncanny ability to strategize in any given situation hadn’t failed her; causing those around her to believe that she was the same old Commander Shepard, maybe a medical miracle, but the same nonetheless.

The conversations that swirled around her indicated just how much she had missed, and she fought to remain impassive as her insides screamed at having no idea what was being alluded to. When Cerberus first revived her, she spent most of the night cycle researching important details in a gap the past held. Alternatively, she attempted to hack her way past EDI’s firewall to contact anyone off ship, Anderson, Hackett, but most of all Kaidan. All to no avail. Then she was sent to Horizon and what hopes she held for normalcy crumbled to dust in her outstretched hands.

The man she trusted, the one person who promised her the world, looked at her with such scorn and contempt. Alenko had actually accused her of betraying the Alliance. Him! As if she would ever have faked her own death to join an organization hell-bent only on advancement of themselves. Not the human race, as they claimed, but the sole person in charge of their disturbed cells. Sick and twisted experiments scattered across the galaxy. The universe had an odd sense of humor. She was brought back from the dead to work with the rabid dogs she had sworn to put down.

She was frazzled, utterly exhausted, and a touch paranoid; she had very few friends to confide in. True friends. Not these Cerberus loyalists attempting to gain her confidence. More of The Illusive Man’s lackeys. Tali remained standoffish, unable to reconcile her friend with the person she saw before her. She was starting to come around, but Shepard didn’t know if it would be the same as it was before. Joker still flew the ship, and she knew where his loyalties lay, but he never left his chair, not trusting the AI so integral to the Normandy SR-2. She felt defeated knowing that all their conversations were likely recorded, and played back for The Illusive Tit.

“Shepard,” EDI’s smooth robotic voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Yes, EDI, what is it?”

“I have an important message from Liara T’Soni.”

“And?” she barked at the AI. She was still angry at her once friend. After discovering what part the new Shadow Broker played in Cerberus acquiring her remains, she was finding it hard to trust her. Everything really was different.

“She requests your presence on her base.”

“Tell Joker to set a course for Hagalaz. Inform me when we are close.”

“Commander Shepard, I feel I should remind you, The Illusive Man is expecting you to collect the Reaper IFF. We are, in fact, closer to our initial destination that Hagalaz.”

“EDI, I honestly don’t care. Set a new course.”

“I hear you loud and clear, Commander,” Joker replied, hanging up the line, but not before she heard the continued argument between her pilot and the machine he despised so much.

Tavrien made her way to the desk to check her email. Hoping against hope that Kaidan had contacted her. She had answered his email. The one she left in her inbox and read so often she knew it by heart. It didn’t stop her from feeling foolish when she remembered everything she said and did on Horizon. The way she flung herself into his arms, as if he could set to rights all the wrongs that had happened with one hug. Like he could make all that she had gone through a bad dream. She finally realized she would never wake from this nightmare. At least she found herself outnumbered and about to embark on a suicide mission. Maybe this time it would take.

She stared at his photograph. She didn’t know the person responsible for it being in her personal quarters, and she would likely never thank them, but it was a comfort in times like these. She had believed in karma, once. Had thought that if she lived life respectfully, treaded carefully, treated others with tact, she would have a relatively gratifying life. Instead she was the butt of every cosmic joke. She barely lived through the attack on Elysium, she survived the Battle of the Citadel, but hearing that Kaidan had moved on killed her. Sure she was walking, talking, breathing, fighting the good fight, but she was still a husk.

She sighed, rubbing circles into her temples, and glanced at her console. She really should attempt to rest before she heard Liara’s news. No doubt it would be a difficult meeting, no matter the reason for the request to see her, it was the first since she helped her gain the title of Shadow Broker. She moved to lay on her bed, not bothering with much beside pulling a sheet over her body, praying to any diety listening to grant her one night of dreamless sleep.

Tavrien stood at the airlock, mentally preparing to meet Liara. She hadn’t seen the need to gear up, or bring anyone along. The base would be safe enough or the Asari would have informed her otherwise. Walking the hallways, it was obvious Feron and Liara had been clearing rubble from their fight through the ship. She was obviously taking to her new role well.

“Shepard, I’m glad you came. I was not sure you would come back, even if I asked nicely.” Liara’s gentle voice washed over her. She had been waiting for her to come over the threshold, and Taviren had to admit it was nice that she she found time to meet her at the door. She had been expecting Feron.

“I have discovered that being KIA for two years, and coming back looking younger than ever, is rather unsettling for most old friends.” She smirked, a hint of bitterness seeping through in her tone. “It makes keeping those that will still associate with me a necessity.”

“About that,” Liara glanced at her nervously, ‘you must understand that I will stand by my decision. You were the only one who could save us from the Reaper threat. The universe would be lost without you.”

“Damn it, Liara,” Shepard shouted, rage unchecked, “don’t you hear how crazy that sounds! All the people in the entire galaxy, and nobody else can possibly do anything!”

“Shepard, I apologize. I did not bring you here to ease my conscience. I hope you know that.” Tavrien stood, silent, manicured brow arched, waiting. Realizing that Shepard had nothing to say she sighed and continued, “Kaidan contacted me. I heard about what happened on Horizon, and I’m sorry.”

“What did he want?” she asked impatiently.

“He asked to meet me on the Citadel. I still hold an office there. It helps as a front to go on as much as I ever did.”

“Did you?”

“Yes, I met the Lieutenant.”

“Staff Commander. He was promoted…while I was dead. Just another reminder.”

Liara tentatively reached out, squeezed her hand comfortingly before letting it drop. “Right, anyhow, I met Kaidan. He initially acted out, the way you did when I told him the truth. I told him everything, gave him files to look over. I owed him, and you, that much.”

Shepard looked out the window, stared out into the stars. He knew. He knew for a fact that she hadn’t been lying, and he hadn’t bothered to contact her. Instead of relief, she felt the weight settle more firmly on her shoulders.

“He asked me to deliver something. Well, several things. He asked me to tell you they were from your Secret Santa?” she sounded unsure, probably not aware of human holidays, but wasn’t going to question.

“Please, send them to the ship.” She turned to walk away, and thought better of it. “Liara?” her friend looked up, eyes vulnerable, “It’s good to see you. Once I’ve had more time we will talk, ok?”

“Anytime, Tavrien. You know where to find me.”

She nodded, and retreated back to the SR-2, anticipation and dread filling her stomach.

She found herself at her desk again. This time three carefully wrapped boxes sat in front of her. Two had been mistreated more than the other, but she could see Kaidan’s block print on each tag. Christmas. It had come and gone three times. Twice during her death, and once hardly a month past. He had remembered her for each one. She hugged a package to her chest and cried. She had no idea how much time had past, she was only grateful she had not been disturbed. After the tears dried up, all she felt was numb. The boxes showing just how much he had cared. The grief he had felt, all that he had gone through during the two years she had been dead to the world.

With shaking hands she reached for the most worn box. She unwrapped it delicately. Determined to save the ribbon and the cheerful paper it came in. He had chosen this paper for her, and she would keep it for whatever time she had left. The box held a single, old fashioned skeleton key, and a holograph. She knew the picture instantly, all the time they spent talking about the shore leave they would share in his cabin. They fantasized, they whispered secrets, hopes, dreams, and in the end, would never have the opportunity.

Determined to make it through, she grabbed the next box. It was smaller than the first, her heart pounding after removing the paper to discover a ring box. Fresh tears came unbidden to her eyes as she pried it open. Pillowed in the soft velvet was a solid gold band, but not just any band. Upon closer inspection she found the quote “Moonlight drowns out all but the brightest stars” engraved on the inside. He read the book. She had told him to find it, begged him to read it. She choked on her tears, sobs racking her body. The box was meant for two rings, the twin missing from it’s spot. She didn’t know what it meant, if he kept it or not, but she knew to her core, that he had meant to marry her before Alchera had claimed her. She removed her chain, and slid the ring to rest alongside her dog tags, and tucked them into her shirt near her heart.

The last box sat in front of her, but she set it aside. Choosing instead to open the envelope attached to it.

Tavrien,

I don’t know if you received my email as you haven’t replied. I also wouldn’t put it past Cerberus to keep you from seeing it. This is my best bet, and all I can hope is that Liara didn’t let you down as I did.

I said terrible things to you on Horizon, Shep, and I live with regret everyday. Still, I trust you know that I never could have joined you when you asked. I hate Cerberus with every fiber of my being, but I know that if you had any other options, you wouldn’t be with them now.

Things are desperate with the Alliance, nobody wants to remember the Reapers, and nobody is listening to me about the Collectors. I’m feeling more helpless than ever, and I just found out you are headed to the Omega-4 Relay. I held you in my arms again, changed tune… practically suggesting you might be a clone, then finally realized I should have believed you were real, only to discover you are running headlong into a mission you may not survive.

I am holding out hope for you. Hope that you might return, hope that you might give me a chance to rectify my mistakes, hope that you might still feel the same way I do about you.

Come back to me, Tavrien.

All my love, Kaidan.

Tavrien’s hand covered her mouth, reigning in mournful sounds threatening to tear from her chest. Now, more than ever before, she had to survive. She would survive. Kaidan still loved her. She glanced at the final box, and tucked it into her desk. She made a promise to open it when she defeated the Collectors. She would open it with Kaidan. She would open it, but not until she was back home, where she belonged.

#kaidan alenko #female shepard #mass effect #mass effect fic #shenko #fshenko #tavrien shepard #tavrien shepard x kaidan alenko #me: fic #tavrien x kaidan #i don't mean to oneshot #steph did a thing #steph does holiday prompts #my writing #lechatrouge673

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