#and yes yes i like being trans i like looking trans but i dont like my safety being compromised

[misspickman]

very compelled by elsters gender both in a transmasc and transfem way bc well elster transmasc lesbian? beautiful wonderful 10/10. she is a robot whose body was made to fit the standards of what people consider a woman to look like, as is the case with most other replikas, so once she starts being treated more like a person of her own instead of just a worker robot, its fun to think of her chafing against it. on the other hand theres elster who was made to look like a woman/her neural pattern is copied from a woman, but is still treated like an object thats only there to do the job. shes referred to by others as 'it' in a dehumanizing way altho not purposely degrading bc they dont consider her a person enough to see this as cruel to her in any way. and slowly she ends up regaining her personhood and a concept of gender that feels right, as much as it can, considering the circumstances

#its complicated right. bc i dont think replikas would consider this much but also idk they are conditioned not to #elster being with ariane who disobeys the rules of what youre Not supposed to do with an elster replika clearly ends with her regaining mor #of a personal identity and willingness to like. make her own choices that arent orders #dont tell me about how this game is not about gender i know. its impossible for me to see a robot character and Not think about gender #especially in this case where theyre so clearly gendered #but still they are almost exclusively referred to as units and replikas and model names #i think falke is the one who actually gets she pronouns in reports? and most of it is by adler who is also a replika #anyway i think its very fun how all these robots are so clearly gendered but also not at the same time #which to me makes the concept of elster choosing to think of herself as a woman also very trans #she is made to look like one she is not meant to Be one #and its hard to say she would think of this bc we rarely get elster think of herself at all #theres two instances i can think of where she refers to herself #txt #signalis #yes u can use it pronouns in a normal not derogatory way but u know thats what was intended in the game

[jorvikzelda]

today i had this Vivid memory flash through my mind of kissing my ex boyfriend (this was like 2018) and i felt so viscerally fucking revolted and I gotta say. it is truly impressive that I didn’t realise I’m a lesbian sooner than fucking half a year ago

#z talks #like the misidentifying as ace was Inevitable i think. that was due to repression that realising i didnt like men would not have fixed #(context: id’d as bi ace like. i wanna say 2016/17-2021/22 sometime and then went into ace and Questioning) #remember the time i really solidly settled on being aro because ‘romance has never not felt like a chore and putting on a facade’ #babe no thats because your most recent and also singular long term relationship was with a Man #and thats the only one youre looking back on #its so funny how i dated a guy and it was so thoroughly Meh that i just didnt feel like pursuing anything romantic for a very long time #(A REACTION I HAD NOT HAD AFTER MY PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS WITH GIRLS) #And DIDN’T somehow consider that maybe I just Didn’t Like Guys #its nothing i grieve or feel sad about dw its honestly mostly funny to look back on #no wrongs were committed and i dont hold a grudge against the guy it was just me being confused and compheted #(…which is also a weird word to apply because at the time i identified and was out to my friends as a trans guy Binary. #This Was Also Wrong.) #was a weird time man. a truly weird time #anyway. all is well i have now been on 2 dates with a really cute girl and she gave me tulips <3 #as part of a Care Delivery bc i had a Migraine and No Painkillers Or Snacks #get well flowers <333333 #and now i dream of kissing her under the moonlight #With the uh. Hornetposting lately it May seem unlikely but yes I DO interact with real women! Romantically! #They coexist Wonderfully <3 #Anyway. I’m gonna go to bed #Realising that im a lesbian solved all my identity problems including my fucking gender which is just fantastic #I am very happy and whenever I think of being a lesbian it grounds me to reality a little bit stronger and i go yeah. Yeah.

[blushft]

just looked in a mirror. why did no one tell me how fucking HOT i am???!?!?!?!

#so detached from my own body that i become attracted to myself #i dont see it as me - i see it as that hot guy who exists in my camera app and in most bathrooms #cws?? #derealization #depersonalization #if this needs any more lmk #this is a normal trans experience yes?? #not seeing me as me but thinking my reflection is hot?? #because i see it as some weird boygirl in the mirror but thats not what i am... #I ALSO... god ok i look at my stereotypically “masculine” friends and.. i feel dysphoria from it?? #like theyre so tall and big and deep voiced and shit and i either feel like a TWINK or a chick #idk which is worse #SLASH JOKING no offense to twinks or women.... #also if ur still reading these tags and ur trans pls help. #is this normal or am i being a bit of a freak. #ianriley

[snekdood]

ive been disillusioned with a lot of the left for a while, it's nice to at least see that other ppl see it now, though the reason why kinda fucking sucks.

#i used to think i could trust ppl bc of pride flags in their profile or them being trans or whatever #and then i put allll of my trust in that community not realizing theres a Multitudes of types of ppl in it #aside from even the fact some trans ppl can be nazis- some trans people- as much as it might make us look bad to admit- #are also predators and abusers and want to lie to you and use you for money and sexually abuse you and dump you like trash #and then accuse you of doing everything they did @u@;; ask me how i know! #so on the one hand im happy ppl see it now- it's not that leftists or queer ppl or feminists are better ppl- ppl more worthy to trust- #they're just as diverse and as good and as shitty as any other demographic of people. #you're gonna find shitty people everywhere. obviously you're more likely to find predators on the right but that doesnt mean theres not #plenty on the left too. #at a certain point calling yourself 'on the left' doesnt mean much aside from idk. thinking ppl need basic human rights? #and even then its apparent that some leftists dont think that. so who can say. maybe you wont misgender me? but nah- you will #if i disagree w you or if we get in a fight- i've seen plenty of leftists do this. #i just think the term is useless now. #i think the left is about to fracture into different groups at this point #anyways be weary traveler of ever putting all of ye trust into any group of people. #its possible to like ppl and enjoy being around them and still not fully trust them. and if something tells you to gtfo? you should #also putting all your trust in a group of ppl is a one way ticket into possibly joining a cult on accident #or at the very least a culty friendgroup

[istherewifiinhell]

I am... ALL the way here for Leo's short little dark turn. HELLO?

[All of 2012 Leo in his "foot clan" outfit. A black eye mask with scrap wear armour pieces on his limbs, extra straps, fish net like gloves and sleeves, black shoulder/knee pads and foot wraps]

[IDs from alt: 1. No visible irises, sword in both hands, ready to fight. Brothers behind him. 2. Action shot, striking a Footbot with his fist. 3. Sitting with his head in his hand, looking troubled. April standing behind him. 4. Crouched on his knees, looking furious, enemies behind him.

END ID]

LIKE HE JOINED A GOTH GIRL GANG??

[Features Karai, an armour wearing teen with red eye and lip makeup and short black hair with a bleached uncut. And Shinigami, Shini for short, a teen with a witchy hat and black corset and cape outfit. Long black hair with a widows peak, and bold purple make up]

[IDs from alt: 1. In a room with money and fine art. Leo and Karai stand to either side, Shini kneels and celebrates the riches. 2. Shini sits in foreground, chin in her hands, smiling. Karai in background, legs crossed on a throne. 3. Shini, hat on, holding up a large, handle-less crescent blade, hair over one eye. Red clad ninja on either side of her. 4. Karai standing, wearing her metal half mask. Shini crouched, brim of her hat covers her eyes. Battle ready and surrounded by their ninja mercenaries.

END ID]

less aesthetic but for the full picture sake

[IDs from alt: Full body Leo standing from the front, you can see more of the outfit at once. He's got one spikey pauldron, and one with bolts. Shin guards, one clearly from a can, other darker and less distinct. A seat belt acting as a shoulder strap. Plates of metal at his hips, and wraps and chains on the upper thighs. 2. Leo sitting from the back, he has is swords hanging from the hip, and his black mask tails reach down to his belt, worn and blue at the ends.

END ID]

^last bits like thematic huh... like the blue isnt all gone but was just kinda hidden from view. also he dip dyed his hair : }

#some shit #turbles... #SORRY FOR WHAT IM ABOUT TO SAY ITS NONSENSE FOR MYSELF #[on one knee holding up a crown] leo can i offer u this. our highest honour. trans fem turtle #itsssss not myyy fault hes. DOING HOT GIRL SHIT. WITH COOL GOTH GIRLS #and YES theres still the weird romance vague underpining with karai whose kinda his sister. WHATEVER. IGNORING IT. #its like... leo what are u hiding from ur family...... its the gender babes......... #sorry sorry for any time i think the turtles are extra cool looking call that pretty girl moments.... #is goth inhernetly gnc? is being gnc inhernetly trans? what does it even mean for a mutant turtle living in the sewer to BE gnc??? #i will not be answering any of that their doing HOT GIRL SHIT #part of whats happening i think is it just reminds me of jennys metal band look from. whichever comic that was. #also this outfit is based on comics when leo goes. evil brainwashed dark side but LITERALLY. #in this ep he just feels like he should be helping/keeping an eye on karai. cause hes worried/feels responsible/looks for control #SO ITS COMPLETELY. VOLUNARLY GOTH GRUNGE. JUST FOR FUN. SHITS AND GIGGLES. Mutants dont got hot topics its ALLLL diy babey. #let it be noted the ep after this is a raph bug phobia one and he also looked real pretty in that. theyre upping their lighting game..... #OKAY BYE. SLEEP. #turtle fashion digest #<- so excited to have more of this (and rememeber my tag correctly on the first try yup definitely)

[apple-os]

ppl who like making friends solely with one-note cardboard boxes who will hang out with them when it's convenient and never open up about who they are as people and what their lives are like dni

#the salt just caught up with me and now im pissed #hi welcome to what i like to call a friendly reminder that hanging out with someone just because its convenient is kind of shitty #and a less friendly reminder that talking about yourself to connect with people is an autistic trait #and an even less friendly reminder that not telling someone if theyve done you wrong and then proceeding to blow up on them is ALSO SHITTY #ESPECIALLY. WHEN. THEY THINK. YOU'RE ON GOOD TERMS. BECAUSE YOU ACTED LIKE IT AND THEY CAN'T READ YOU. #IM REALLY FUCKING MAD #I THINK I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE. #the people who actually somewhat knew me and hung out with me and were on good terms with me think the same #so like BLEH MYEH :PPPPPPPPP #like okay youre entitled to your opinions but sometimes you need to keep those to yourself #did u see me insulting u to ur face #nope i have not done even once #and thats on getting better communication skills instead of lashing out at someone for trying to fit in with your own vibes #like yeah oversharing is my deal. anybody who sees me here knows that #i bond by being open with people about who i am and what i like in the hopes that theyll do the same #if u think im just around for gaming and making silly jokes u would be wrong. #but of course nobody told me people weren't there to bond like that which in my opinion shouldnt be on me #and once again i am outcasted over something honestly kind of fucking stupid #some of the jokes i made were stupid yes but thats solely because i severely misjudged the vibes #and checks notes oh yeah nobody pulled me up for it even once. #okay so let me get this straight you barely know me and have been making assumptions about me since day one #pretty much let me believe you liked me for two whole weeks instead of asking me about things or cutting me off #and im the one who gets treated like im in the wrong? okay #this miscommunication was not my fault in the slightest and i KNOW that #if you hadve just talked to me things would be fine but theyre NOT. #if you hadve just looked at my gosh darn profile and seen im the queerest fucker around making gay and homophobic type jokes maybe you woul #have had half the mind to ask me if i could stop making those jokes!!!!!!!!! #i am not transphobic!!!!!!! I AM TRANS!! I WAS MAKING A MOCKERY OF SOME TRANSPHOBIC CULTURE I HATE!!!! #i mightve vented on main ONE TIME under the guise of a silly joke but oh my god guess what?? that was an attempt to see if anybody related. #you never liked me in the first place dont lie to yourself

[trans-estinien]

i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.

#THERES SO MANY WEIRD RULES #LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SOMEONE WALKS LIKE HUH????? WHY???????????? #can someone fucking explain the dude head nod thing to me why do we do that. whats that about. ive never seen anyone do that irl before #is that an american thing or do i just hang around too many afab people #i am learning the intricacies of cis people gender rules and i am. what fucking planet have i been on the last 17 years like what is this #was there some like. rulebook they handed out at somepoint they forgot to give to me or something #“best way to learn is to observe the men around you” OBSERVE WHAT. YOU PEOPLE PAY THAT MUCH ATTENTION TO EVERY LITTLE MOVEMENT???? #bruh i can barely make eye contact w people... #my ass has never intentionally copied someones mannerisms ever. #i do it subconsciously. but doing it actively feels weird and wrong and like im breaking someones boundaries #“men dont smile at people.” well they should. #ive decided cishet men are the most boring people on the planet #“dont move with your hands” YOURE BREAKING MY POOR THEATER KID HEART #i need to meet more gay men irl to absorb the vibe of cause i only know like two. not counting myself #i want people to look at me and go. ah yes. fruit. #at this point im just going to accept being misgendered for the rest of eternity. id rather die than be boring in the way cishet men are #my flavor of being trans is so influenced by my autism cause my perception of genders is completely off from what everyone else is doing #im like. yeah i want to be a man. and then i look at what the majority of men are actually like and its like. wait no. not like that #shoutout to flamboyant gay men where would i be without them #i think the thing that bothers me the most is that like #in my mind peoples genders are just. the way they express themselves. #its not like. this super big complex deal like how everyone else treats it. if that makes sense? like. #regular people have so many rules for what counts as a man or what counts as a woman or what counts as neither and its like??? #you can do what you want???? why do we care???? #and ive been doing this since i was little. on account of the autism #i just. dont get why its such a big deal to people. #i cant wrap my head around it at all #not nonbinary not a girl not aegender not a man but a secret fourth thing #(man but i do it my way instead of everyone elses way) #unfortunately doing it my way just. leads to the misgendering dimension. for some reason

[butchladymaria]

I agree with your list ! People being asshole about lesbian & other headcanons gtfo! That list could work for many other things too.

But to be sure everyone don’t mix thing up i just want to point out that not liking/ not being fan of an headcanon don’t equal  being an ass about it. It’s the mean actions or words afterwards that are bad. 

hey! i’m glad you found it generalizable. there’s a lot of things on there that get used against pretty much any “diverse” perspectives both inside and out of fan spaces. as for your second point, i don’t disagree with you. there are some queer headcanons that i don’t personally hold, but i’m going to be cheering them on rather than contributing to the negativity we face on a regular basis. you can personally hold a different headcanon without being a jerk.

this is not @ you anon, but there are a lot of people who believe that underrepresented groups seeing themselves in characters — whether through the lens of race, gender, sexuality, disability, etc — is “politicizing” fandom and ruining it somehow, as though a white/cishet/male/abled perspective is the default in art and anything else is “tainting” the “pure” fanspace. some of them might believe those voices can exist — so long as they keep their heads down and don’t take up too much space. the fact of the matter is that’s a bigoted thing to believe. our existence has been politicized against our will. for the marginalized, fan spaces are just another front we have to push to participate in. if someone finds themself constantly disliking one specific type of queer/nonwhite/disabled/etc. headcanon and feels the need to say over and over how much they don’t like it, they ought to seriously interrogate why that is.

#anon #ask #discussion of of bigotry cw #it kinda touches on most of them bc i feel the framework im talking about here is broad enough to apply generally #idk i dont think this is what anon meant? #but like. i feel there is a difference between having a different pov and actively openly disliking smth #i actually find utena tenjou to be a good example of this #utena is very ambiguous in both gender & sexuality as a character #ive seen all varieties of headcanons for her and all sorts of people relating to her #from trans men to nb people to butch cis women. lesbians bi folks pan folks ace folks etc #and i dont think any of those perspectives are wrong #i think shes a transmasc lesbian because i’m a transmasc lesbian and the show cracked my egg lol #but i dont think that means that like. transfem ppl are Wrong to relate to her. i don’t think it means bi ppl are wrong to relate to her. #i dont think hcing her as those things are wrong either #but if someone comes out and says people are wrong and bad and annoying for existing with those povs?? shut up #and when those ppl crop up they are usually trying to argue a character is more Normative #ex: gender conforming. straight. cis. white. etc. #so yes dont be an asshole over headcanons but being an asshole to queer hcs almost always looks very different #bc its usually built on bigoted foundations

[snowyvoid]

every time a hlvrai character gets woobified and turned into something even vaguely human a angel dies

#no benry would NOT fucking turn human oh my god #and bubby designs have a very large lack of “yeah this guy was built in a tube meant to be the perfect human” #and. i cant say much about tommy. tommy designs are surprisingly good other than the fact that people make him look like a child. #that man is 37 #AND DARE I SAY. gordon designs are kinda fucking boring sometimes ok #like yes alright hes human but hear me out ok? hed be more fucked up gmod charactr looking than benry. have you seen what he looks like from #an outsider perspective. its so fucking funny but also gives me so many ideas for character desigbs #he is a vr headset and a set of controllers. tell me why i dont see more cool stuff with him #this is not at all dissing anyone specifically. i am just TIRED and having a moment because i looked at how awful my old hlvrai art was #if im being honest its dissing me more than anyone #sorry for being a hater on main. it will happen agaib #im so fucking tired of seeing trans [character] tags on fics and then seeing the most blatant transphobic woobification on earth. kills me #he would not fucking say that #these characters killed people ok. #not maintagging this

[the-heaminator]

.

#The hetalia to trans pipeline is getting a tad too fuckin real for comfort #It doesn't help that I talked with someone I know who recently came out as transfem. She explained her symptoms and feelings of dysphoria. #Which just so happened to align a tad too well with my repressed ass thoughts. If the other way round #She was saying that her voice was too deep and that she was very conscious of it that she kept trying to explain to her cis girlfriend that #She was one of them and yknow. I'm very conscious of my voice being too high that I look in the mirror and it feels wrong #my shoulders are too narrow everything feels wrong. 80 degrees to the left and the way she explained it really set light upon it and i-i #And lookie here heam has a packed by a south asian dad sized suitcase of things to unpack here and I dont wanna do this #This is scary. I want to curl up in a ball. I look at my reflection and get scared. This isnt me this is someone else. #Like yes I know I went from she her to she/they to they/them. But going to he/they or he/him eventually somewhat scares me #it feels right but wrong scary but comfortable just want a hug please for the love of gOD #The heam speaks #The heam yells into the abyss #I-if someone is open enough to help me with this that would be very vet gladly accepted I want to be held even by words rn

[softened-hearts]

seeing someon being like "woww we did it guys. binders at target. *sighs* i hate capitalism" is honestly frustrating considering how inaccessible safe binding is if you can't order stuff online or from explicitly trans websites. back when i was in high school, i knew multiple kids who would be THRILLED to have these compression tops! yes, they're not as sturdy as a full binder, but they're a good in-between, especially for teens who gotta stay closeted or with unsupportive families! seeing this important step in accessibility for our trans and gnc youth get treated as cringe because it's a big corporation is infuriating. THIS IS SOME TRANS PPLS ONLY HOPES FOR ACCESSING SAFE AND COMFORTABLE BINDING. Don't let your anticapitalist ideals come before that, you fucking walnuts. Getting safe binders/compression tops into large chains is part of the GOAL.

#yes i know there's mail programs for free binders but that does not fit the criteria for mail being unsafe #or anything overtly a binder not being safe #im just fucking bitter. ppl talking shit abt the binders without even fucking looking into them #muhh capitalism bad selling binders in chain stores bad and performative shut the fuck up #I DONT CARE IF ITS PERFORMATIVE. TRANS KIDS CAN SAFELY AND DISCREETLY BIND #if you care more about your ideals than that fuck you you privileged reactionary prick #do you understand how quickly many of the styles sold out? BECAUSE THEYRE A GODDAMN NECESSITY AVAILABLE ON A WIDE SCALE FOR THE FIRST TIME #i stg as far as rainbow capitalism goes target is one of the best ones and i swear the amount of critique/hate i see pointed at them #SPECIFICALLY #is suspicious as hell to me. #like for the heinous ones you get an infographic but target? everyone's gonna clown on bc its trendy and umm totally activism!! #when targets the only one making the effort to get shit relevant and helpful to us too and hiring queer artists and etc #sharing alternative artists you can support directly = good! art is more of a want and there's not really much in way of ramifications #''ick binders from target are cringe and must suck and be unsafe but i havent looked into it tho. capitalism sucks lol' = bad. #wtf is wrong with you

[faecaeli]

can not STAND the amount of radfem posts that have show up on my dash "based on my likes" because i've liked posts related to feminism. like what in the world. i should be able to like a quote from bell hooks or a post on reproductive rights and not have this wild and hateful terf shit pop up

#just had a post pop up where the OP was saying drag was similar to blackface #so now i have to deal with my anger about that for the rest of my life #all bc this platforms shit algorithm facilitates extremist thinking and radicalization #as if all women and transfolk arent struggling enough irl huh #fucking all these ppl need to go outside and see whats happening in the world to trans people like........ get off the internet and wake up #how do you look at the trans community and go oh yes! the reason for our oppression! #girl you are looking in completely the wrong direction #you have all the reason to be mad when it comes to the horrible endless misogyny in our world #but how is blaming this very small and widely unaccepted community going to help your cause #its the oldest trick in the fuckin book #u cant scapegoat the minority and make your problems go away #thats just a fast track to violence #like if yall are really interested in feminism why aren't you spending more time looking to men in power #vs people who are already struggling to be themselves in a way that DEFIES the gender norms that you claim to hate and rally against sfm?? #gnc people are not threatening your 'womanhood' u just gotta fucking chill #dont u want to build a future BASED on your sex being of less importance? isn't that the whole damn point? #that our differences are acknowledged and celebrated and accommodated #not used against us #like... c'mon #so full of shit #show me the real feminists on this site who actually care about women and building a better future for everyone #and wanna have real convos rooted in compassion for one another

[mx-yip-yip-hooary]

i am trapped in a eternal dilemma (i want to write a fic but also don't want to mess up the incredibly complex characterizations of the characters)

#yes this is about orv #i wanna write a trans fem dokja fic so bad. i have it outlined and everything. but look this guy has 80 different levels of characterizatio #i do not trust myself to do kdj justice #this is also about tmc #this close to writing a sarah heathcliff fic #i need NEED to talk about how her life is built in the crater of her brother's #but shes so . complex. insane. complicated. #shes pissed and tearing flesh out by the teeth #but shes also fiercely passionate #and she cares about her friends!!! like i know she was mean to adam but to be fair adam was kinda being a asshole (he was Going Through It) #shes so messed up and i dont wanna paint a image of her that is anything less #especially when shes mischaracterized so much by the fandom #its just. ough. i have ideas but also am trapped in the eternal damnation of characterization

[gibbearish]

I am an egg

What is the egg for

I mean I agree that on the spectrum of gender I am plausibly definitely an egg that just feels about right. I'm just there man. Sitting around until needed. In my zone, in my lane, just serving my purpose like an egg.

But I'm still curious about the egg title I've been bestowed

generally in trans circles an "egg" refers to a trans person who hasn't realized they're trans yet, so then realizing is "the egg cracking"

functionally in the quiz it's kind of a "your answers mostly pointed towards cisish but not always" / middle of the road placeholder. honestly the results part is kind of the main bit im not entirely happy with because i have no idea how to actually weight answers properly lol

#it's definitely not a perfect option but i couldnt think of another way to put it ksbfksnfks #im ok with it not being totally perfect though like. thats why i put a thing in there being like 'remember that wt the end of the #day an internet quiz cannot actually tell you the answer so focus on how these questions make you feel' #like no matter what these will always be questions and answers that /i/ wrote and i dont know the quiz takers at all so i wanted to avoid #giving like. hard yesses or nos #someone who gets egg zone might be an egg yes but they might also just be a cis person who has body image issues #for an unrelated reason or a trans person with low/no dysphoria (shoutout to my roommate) so its never gonna be perfect #anyways. this was a much longer ramble than i meant to go into KWBFOSBFKEBF hope i explained well #with that though if u were looking for further assistance figuring it out #taking an 'am i trans' quiz‚ getting 'possible egg'‚ and going 'ooo im an egg? gender is egg? not girl or boy just egg? cool' #to me does point at least a little to non-cisdom lol #but that again is just my perspective based on one thing and you will always know better than me so take that w a grain of salt LOL

[wiltking]

its incredible to me the lengths people will go to to misgender trans men, because these people will literally see a trans guy with facial hair, leg hair, male pattern baldness, an honest to god adams apple, a deep voice and STILL refer to him as a woman...... but cannot FATHOM the thought of using she/her for a trans woman who might have a few if not all of these features too. mind boggling

#still thinking about yesterday's experience seeing a bunch of family i havent seen in many years #like yes hi hello i have an adams apple and a voice that gets me sir'd over the phone 100% of the time #and youre still gonna she/her and deadname me without batting an eye #and like i get it. a lot of those people probably straight up dont know im trans #but. theres obviously something going on with me. and i have to wonder what was going thru their heads #and im more irritated by the family members who do know and have known for years and still misgender me <3 #its never about our features its never about seeing us as who we are in a genuine light #its only ever about a false ideal they project onto us and it makes me sick. to be looked at and talked to #and know i am not actually being seen or heard #thats the worst part of it. it goes beyond using the wrong word here and there. its a willful rejection of my base existence

[mechawolfie]

is there an alternative to dykefag/fagdyke for people who aren’t attracted to anyone really. like i just want the gender of it

#smudgy.txt #i hate gender its so confusing #yes i want to be seen as a man. im not one but i want to be seen as one #growing up i felt gender envy for girls that looked like boys AND boys that looked like girls. i wanted to be them so bad #nonbinary doesnt feel right man feels like too much woman feels like too little #girl was the white sheet with eyes cut out i wore my whole life & now im trying to remove the sheet but #going full on to Guy feels like im just putting on another damn sheet #nonbinary too #xenogender feels the best but i couldnt tell u what flavor #i feel. divine. like space. holy #i look at myself in the mirror & feel. lost? like im looking at something that shouldnt be there #when i see other black trans men who've been on T i want to cry bc the thought i could be like them feels like home #but right now i feel like a formless thing some creature that used to float in space before being #forcibly pulled down to earth by fate. or gravity #i feel like i should have claws and horns and sharp teeth and a tail #i also feel like ppl should default to calling me Sir #while deep down i smirk bc i know a secret they dont: underneath the skin is a nebula. a canyon. a coral reef. a forest fire. idfk #its late & im tired & i should be getting ready for bed but instead im letting my brain wander (bad idea!!!!!) #& dysphoria is making gender feelings consume me. pouts