#and i dont think any of those perspectives are wrong

[drdemonprince]

Any chance you'd expand on the hank hill trans guy post? (Sorry, best indicator I could come up with.) The concept interests me as I decidedly know my maleness, yet don't feel impeded by for the most part, any male gendered norms/boxes. I am fairly masculine, though I rarely use those kinds terms to describe myself. I have found I often do stray outside of what society pushed for me when I transitioned, yet I again do not feel it has taken from my right to maleness whatsoever. I am just me, who happens to be male. I have had friends try and suggest I am NB adjacent but I do not feel this way whatsoever. I feel more people are outliers to gender expectation than we care to admit and it's disappointing the way cis-people deny that. Hope this wasn't too long winded, I value your writing and perspective, and wanted to hear more of your thoughts on this.

Yeah, well so many things all get conflated by gender labels, and it's all so personal, you know? Masculinity does not have to mean maleness, and a person's gender identity might be a reflection of some innate quality they experience themselves as having, or a general summary of their tendencies, or their desired presentation, or their sense of affinity with other people, or an interpersonal tool, or something they just go along with because it was given to them by society, or any other number of things.

I think my recent substack piece on detransition goes into this pretty well, and I have an upcoming piece of what @pastimperfection calls "bilateral dysphoria" that comes out next week that delves into it too.

I think I mostly saw taking on a male identity as a means to an end more than any kind of innate reflection of who I was, though I did feel an affinity with effeminate men for a lot of reasons. I think I also discounted how much I have in common with my fellow nonbinary people of all stripes, because that identity became so strongly associated with being an annoying type of queer person that everybody else just wrote off as ultimately being their assigned gender at birth anyway no matter how much they protested. it doesn't help that 'nonbinary' is a catchall term for literally thousands if not millions of very distinct experiences and desires.

transitioning gave me control over how i was perceived, finally, but hormones are a throttle that only go in one very specific direction, and you don't really have all that much control over which changes kick in at which times and what people will make of you once you do start registering to them as some identity other than what you were first saddled with. it's an incredible gift to be able to toggle that throttle. but it's limited, not because medical transition isn't incredible and needed for so many, but because there is no escaping the goddamned binary cissexist logic that influences everything about how people treat you, how you navigate institutions, who finds you desirable and what they want out of you, and so much else.

if you're able to cast a lot of the external societal bullshit aside and feel strong in your maleness, maybe you're stronger than me or maybe our orientation to these things is just different, i don't know. i was never all that sensitive to feedback that i was doing the whole being-a-woman-thing all that wrong. i reveled in violating those rules to an extent. succeeding at being a woman despite my best attempts was what felt super dysphoric. and now i guess im succeeding at being a man, insofar as im always read as one, and it feels just as uncomfortable and objectifying and false. i thought that with manhood i could probably just grit my teeth and deal with it, but i'm finding that i can't.

ive always been very open that for me, gender is a thing I Do, and i guess to those who know me well it wouldnt be surprising to hear that i have gotten tired of Doing Being a Man and dont feel like playing that particular gendered game anymore. I tend to get bored of things! and find the flaws in things. and find my comfort in being fault-finding and contrarian and not being a joiner. and thats okay. i learned a lot along the way. not having to try any more is a huge relief. i can just do whatever. and know actively that people will more often than not be wrong in what they make of me.

maybe it was natural feeling for you to decidely 'know' your maleness without a care for masculine standards because that is the right identity for you! and maybe i only feel secure in the "not knowing" realm and in letting go of what people think of me or finding any kind of tidy categorization for it because that's the right spot for me. for now. until i find a new interesting way to be unhappy and striving for more and different again. :) that's just part of being alive, for me.

[butchladymaria]

I agree with your list ! People being asshole about lesbian & other headcanons gtfo! That list could work for many other things too.

But to be sure everyone don’t mix thing up i just want to point out that not liking/ not being fan of an headcanon don’t equal  being an ass about it. It’s the mean actions or words afterwards that are bad. 

hey! i’m glad you found it generalizable. there’s a lot of things on there that get used against pretty much any “diverse” perspectives both inside and out of fan spaces. as for your second point, i don’t disagree with you. there are some queer headcanons that i don’t personally hold, but i’m going to be cheering them on rather than contributing to the negativity we face on a regular basis. you can personally hold a different headcanon without being a jerk.

this is not @ you anon, but there are a lot of people who believe that underrepresented groups seeing themselves in characters — whether through the lens of race, gender, sexuality, disability, etc — is “politicizing” fandom and ruining it somehow, as though a white/cishet/male/abled perspective is the default in art and anything else is “tainting” the “pure” fanspace. some of them might believe those voices can exist — so long as they keep their heads down and don’t take up too much space. the fact of the matter is that’s a bigoted thing to believe. our existence has been politicized against our will. for the marginalized, fan spaces are just another front we have to push to participate in. if someone finds themself constantly disliking one specific type of queer/nonwhite/disabled/etc. headcanon and feels the need to say over and over how much they don’t like it, they ought to seriously interrogate why that is.

#anon #ask #discussion of of bigotry cw #it kinda touches on most of them bc i feel the framework im talking about here is broad enough to apply generally #idk i dont think this is what anon meant? #but like. i feel there is a difference between having a different pov and actively openly disliking smth #i actually find utena tenjou to be a good example of this #utena is very ambiguous in both gender & sexuality as a character #ive seen all varieties of headcanons for her and all sorts of people relating to her #from trans men to nb people to butch cis women. lesbians bi folks pan folks ace folks etc #and i dont think any of those perspectives are wrong #i think shes a transmasc lesbian because i’m a transmasc lesbian and the show cracked my egg lol #but i dont think that means that like. transfem ppl are Wrong to relate to her. i don’t think it means bi ppl are wrong to relate to her. #i dont think hcing her as those things are wrong either #but if someone comes out and says people are wrong and bad and annoying for existing with those povs?? shut up #and when those ppl crop up they are usually trying to argue a character is more Normative #ex: gender conforming. straight. cis. white. etc. #so yes dont be an asshole over headcanons but being an asshole to queer hcs almost always looks very different #bc its usually built on bigoted foundations

[faultsofyouth]

It's fucked up that the sober population straight up ignores how a huge portion of addicts have chronic illnesses

#was thinking about my stepdad and his plethora of health issues and how they shape his life #and then i thought about sewercentipede and Then i thought about the huge population of bipolar people who are alcoholics #and then after all that i thought about a convo i had with a straight edge friend who was like 'using illegal drugs Should result in jail #time because they could just Not do those drugs. they do it just for fun' #like i understand where he is coming from but i literally think he is wrong af. #i think the people who do drugs (esp hard drugs) recreationally are outnumbered 2 to 1 by people who #are self medicating with illegal drugs. i think most people totally ignore how chronic illnesses #and severe mental illnesses can hurt you on a profound level and because they dont know about that suffering #they do not understand the urge to numb that pain. and people have no sympathy for what they dont understand #lately im so bothered by people who share their opinions with me about complicated issues but clearly havent ever done any research on them #everyone thinks their opinion is so smart and special and no one is studying #especially not studying human behavior. most people think that socialization and political topics are a fucking joke #with 0 relevance to their personal lives. like no one is ever going to be truly informed about All the things #and i know i certainly am not but it is so annoying to speak with people who make no effort at all to learn about a subject #before they try and tell people the business about it. like that guy. his only understanding of drug use #comes from his own relationship to alcohol. but he was not an alcoholic he was just a perv who decided to go christian #like its so egotistical to assume that your experience and emotions can apply to everyone and yet he is not the only guy i know #who has no interest in any perspective other than his own but thinks his perspective is well informed #im sure women piss me off with this behavior too its just that atm i can only think of examples of men acting like this

[newspecies]

hi. im normal about books. now everyone go read Lone Women by Victor LaValle

#rot.txt #personally i dont think it works super well as HORROR (despite being labeled as such on libby) but god its good. #okay spoilers now. the reeds being so performative makes me crazy #jerrine talks of women dressing as men to join a war but the moment she meets a “girl” dressed as a boy living as a boy she loses her mind #also from a writing perspective i liked how even after sam is outed the narrative still doesnt misgender him #hes still a boy. jerrine thinks hes a girl and put him in a dress but hes still a boy #the reeds being all “this town is a family!” but are so willing to slaughter all the people they dont want there at the drop of a hat #jack calling fiona a SLUR and barely realizing that its wrong. he only backs down because he knows fiona and bertie could beat him up #and like. him not stopping joab from killing delmus. the stranglers. they killed those wolfers without any proof of their crime #both of them put on this face of being perfect and kind but the moment theyre faced with something a little different they have to kill it #literally. #i was going to end it there but chapter 61 is making me abnormal. joab being faced with sam knowing this nine year olds mother #is being hanged in the building next door. so soon after strangling his brother and seeing his own mother die at the claws of a demon #and knowing his other brothers were picked off by the same demon. ough. and dont even get me started on elizabeth #im not done yet so i dont know but i was thinking elizabeth is a metaphor for disability being “shameful” to the family #and how family members face difficulty taking care of a disabled loved one and are blinded to said loved ones own struggles #adelaide does basically say this ^ to elizabeth. she was so caught up being angry about the isolation #that she didnt think about how elizabeth felt about the same thing but WORSE. at least adelaide had parents #elizabeth just had jailers #and yes elizabeth has killed and eaten several people (and horses) but what else can she do? what else has she been offered? #god. between the time i started this and now i finished the book LKDSJFDS #anyway its about adults failing children and the marginalized standing together and believing each other #the end was great. i loved how the Lone Women werent really alone at the end. they found a place to be happy and safe #as much as i like miserable endings this one was sweet. i liked it #i have more to say but these tags are long enough

[rorschachisgay]

i wish there was some nuance between "everyone has to love the word queer" and "if you don't like it you are a terf automatically". because the reality is i don't identify with the word queer and i never have. as a kid i was aware of it as a slur and as a teenager i started to understand it in an academic concept first (as in Queer Theory) but i didn't identify with it because in my mind it was like, a clinical, academic word. and then later as i got older it became an increasingly prevalent point of conflict around me.

im not arguing that terfs dont dislike queer as a group term, though speaking from a british perspective the majority of them here are very focused on removing the T from LGBT over arguing about queer as a term at all, so it doesnt really feel like a particularly important form of conflict over what is a very targeted erasure of trans identity Specifically.

and thats kind of partially why i struggle to identify with the term Queer. it is not specific. it does not describe or capture my identity. lately i have found much more identity in words like fag, faggot, transexual, which do relate directly to my specific identities and have a very long history in the community. and additionally, won't get fuckin sold back to me by coke.

like that's really all Queer feels like to me now, something that has now been packaged up as an easily marketable buzzword to be printed on t-shirts at Primark or used meaninglessly by Disney to pretend they care. it does not refer to the aspects of my identity that matter to me, it's not something that i ever claimed for myself, and now i am continually getting told that if i don't identify with it im bigoted against myself and my siblings.

"queer was reclaimed by everyone, it was reclaimed in the 80s". i actually don't feel like someone else gets to decide this for me? im not going to lie and pretend it was never used as part of the campaign for equality for decades and decades, it obviously has a crucial place in history, but now in popular culture it has become like. ubiquitous.

like ive said before i think words like fag and dyke can be used in a way that reflects our communal family and is a sign of camaraderie and that's also true of queer, but with those words it's extremely understandable when someone isn't comfortable with them and when someone doesn't want to identify with queer it's treated as a sign they're in the wrong.

idk this is so far from being a crucial issue it's barely worth talking about but i just really struggle with being told that i am in the wrong because i have my own complicated feelings about a word with a complicated history. in the grand scheme of things it's NOT that important but it does grate on my nerves to be told that theres zero room for any kind of debate or alternate opinion in this. like i just wish we didn't have to be so black and white as if the issue has no grey area or room for personal expression at all.

[libraford]

with the disagreement you've been recently been posting about about those kids making insults and sexually harassing you do you not think you could both be right? Like to me this doesn't sound much like a argument just different perspectives and values.

The woman from Facebook was right in that you probably could have taken time to talk to those kids just to say something like hey thats not nice and shut them down. Most kids stop when confronted with an adult especially in a school setting as they see you as an authority figure and dont want to get in trouble. In all likelihood that conversation would have taken around 5 - 15 minutes at most and probably wouldn't have really hurted your workflow.

Your right in saying that you technically didn't have to do any of that and your responsibility ended at reporting their behaviour and hoping that the principal will act accordingly. To me it seems like neither of you are wrong your just coming at this from 2 different angles.

I am not an authority figure. I am a dude with a camera.

I did confront them. They doubled down and escalated.

The protocols of my job for harassment from any students or faculty are to not engage, walk away, report it to the authority.

The two different angles we're coming from here are that I'm not an employee of the school, the school is my client and my role with the kids is mostly as a passive observer. When something goes wrong, its my duty to report it and not engage any further.

And she is a building sub, who takes an active role the students' day to day. When something goes wrong, she is allowed to engage but she also has a mandated duty to report it.

At many points in the conversation, I pointed out that we had different roles and why a one-on-one (or actually in this case one-on-four) talk would not have been an appropriate or welcome response in my context.

"What I said was the difference in the impact it would make had you done something else (with one-on-one talk implied) and the likelihood that the principal wouldn't done anything at all."

See, that sentence right there- is very guilt-trippy. She's telling me that I should have done more. The very long paragraphs are implying that I should be thinking about the situation from their perspective because if they're acting out its because something is wrong at home. This was an analysis of the situation that I didn't need or ask for because its not my job to consider the home life of students.

"Pretty much every interaction affects our kids."

This is putting the onus of their mental health on me and that's kind of a weird thing to ask of a stranger and the subject of harassment.

I'm not trained in de-escalation. So I don't de-escalate.

[nonbinarylesbianherb]

just a rant about Jinx from arcane—

The way people separate jinx compared to her younger self powder is something i never fully understood or agreed with myself. Whilst her pre and her after trauma are very different characters, to me they are still synonymous. I’m sure jinx thinking back on her childhood probably feels so far away to who she is now, but she is still deep down powder.

In the same way powder is deep down jinx.

Jinx existed before episode 3.

I agree when people say they see elements of powder in jinx, but something I also see are elements of jinx in powder.

When I say elements of Jinx in powder, I imagine giving a name to the already existing insecurities Powder had.

Powder felt she was falling behind, her friends would say she was a setback to them, a jinx, bad-luck. Her creations never worked, always managed to mess up, she never felt fully capable.

Her insecurities of not feeling good enough, that she was setup for failure, even if she tried so hard to succeed, that was the start of Jinx.

Something my therapist recommended I do is to name the part of me that has all these negative thoughts and ideas. Name it something other than my own name to separate it from myself. So that when I notice these things I can say that’s not me, I won’t listen to you, we’re not the same, you don’t control me.

But it is me, it is. And I know that. (side note- there’s nothing wrong with that. You make up yourself, and so do your own insecurities, whilst they are bad, they are still you. This strategy works for some people, to seperate, but from my own perspective for myself, I cannot separate it fully, because to me that is still me, and I recognise that.)

In the same way Powder is jinx, and jinx is powder. They are the same, whilst they may walk different paths, they are always connected.

Jinx is powders insecurities, doubts, sadness, grief, etc.

Jinx has always been there.

The thing is, Vi was also always there too. To counter those thoughts and ideas, to stand up for powder if she did not stand up for herself.

So for the very person that was stopping you from falling too far into yourself, to blame you and call you everything you’ve ever feared of being. Of course it’s a breaking point.

And I think Vi leaving her, and her only having Silco now made it worse. She fully embraced herself, and whilst it’s good that silco embraced jinx and loved her as she was, he also enabled her.

People say the last episode is when Powder is truly “gone” and all that’s left is Jinx, but I don’t see it that way.

Vi is looking for powder, trying to get to powder, but she doesn’t realise that they aren’t individual anymore, its all the same person.

I think Jinx sees Vi trying to do this and feels hurt, because to her Vi doesnt want her, she wants powder, just powder, even though theres never been a just powder. And by now, Jinx has grown and changed, whilst she is still powder, she cannot take away her trauma. That is something that will always live with her, Jinx is something that will always be there.

I do believe Vi can love Jinx, can recognise jinx as powder and powder as jinx, but Vi will not enable Jinx like Silco had, and to Jinx, that feels like rejection.

Anyway I dont know if any of this even makes sense this is my 2am rambles. This is my personal opinion and how I view it, not everyone thinks the same as this and thats fine

gonna give her lots lots lots of hugs because god knows what s2 has prepared for her

#arcane jinx #jinx arcane #jinx #powder arcane #arcane #arcane show #vi and powder #vi and jinx #just like me fr #jinx i will love you forever

[its-the-sa]

Different anon. God just boiling down the slugcats to 'animals' angers me in a way I didn't think I could be angry. Yes, they are animals, but by all means they are cognitive and understand complex emotions, communicate with a supposedly complex language, are able to be taught to do things. Why else would the iterators use them as messengers constantly? It's not like they're messenger pigeons where it's just going from point A to point B, they understand exact instructions. If this was just some random animal, making groans and grunts, they wouldn't be able to understand what Five Pebbles even meant when he was explaining how to ascend. Even with the mark, could you imagine if he told a lizard this? Artificer, arguably, is a prime example of this. Just an animal would get over their fallen children, sure they'd grieve but in the end they'd just make more. Arti not only is so enraged by their death, that she is physically incapable of ascension, but also swears vengeance upon a whole other species. This isn't just some animal who lost her children, this is a mother who is enraged at her children's murder. Sure, they aren't on the same level as humans are. Like obviously. But I'd argue it makes sense that a scavenger and a slugcat could fall down the path of enemies to lovers. Especially when you consider the fact that death isn't permanent in Rain World's universe. That would definitely change one's perspective on it. I dunno if I make sense, I'm juggling like three things at once, but I had to say what I needed to say. Wording bad, slugcat smort.

tbh it took me a minute to figure out what this was even referring to, because honestly I don't think that anon meant to use the word 'animal' to dehumanize arti in the first place. it sounded to me like they were just using it as a non-human equivalent for 'person', like "why would anyone fall for a person who committed hate crimes against them?" which is a valid question. it never even occurred to me that they could have meant it in the sense of calling her an inferior creature.

that said... you ARE 100% right and you should say it, lmao.

I very nearly got into this exact argument once, bc i saw some comments from a guy scoffing at the idea of arti showing mercy to baby scavs. because by his logic, 'she is just an animal, so she isn't bound by human morality. in the wild, animals kill any young that don't belong to them without hesitation'. and it just pissed me off so much, because not only was it such an edgy "mercy is for the WEAK!" alpha-male bullshit take, it was also just factually wrong. many animals can and do adopt the young of other animals, even other species, especially when they've just lost their own. and like you said, they can grieve, but then they move on. they keep surviving, and making more babies. they don't dwell on injustice, or let rage consume them to the point that it becomes a hindrance to their own survival. they don't go on single-minded revenge quests. they dont try to justify their own violence by demonizing entire species, and they dont end up plagued by guilt in their sleep. those are very, very human things.

and yeah, i see a lot of people theorize that it's the mark of communication that grants the slugcats higher intelligence, but I don't really buy that either. i think the mark just lets them understand the iterator's language. they must've already had the capacity to understand it, or else it wouldn't work at all. it'd be like trying to install windows on a calculator. also, even without the mark, slugcats are obviously shown to communicate with each other. they have their own culture, they tell stories and make art, and they're apparently able to understand karma and the nature of the cycle at least enough to be able to ascend. so like... any creature thats capable of spiritual enlightenment must at least be sapient, right??

it seems like in the absence of the ancients, both slugcats and scavs are beginning to move in to their niche in the ecosystem

#in other words #[holds up a slugcat] BEHOLD A MAN

[risquefanfics457]

Could you maybe do a stardust crusaders imagine but with a reader who starts having a sensory meltdown? i'm neurodivergent, and I sometimes get those overloads?

i put a link to what a sensory overload is. you dont have to answer, but i enjoy your wrting

https://www.health.qld.gov.au/newsroom/features/sensory-overload-is-real-and-can-affect-any-combination-of-the-bodys-five-senses-learn-ways-to-deal-with-it#:~:text=Sensory%20overload%20is%20when%20your,%2C%20flight%2C%20or%20freeze%20mode.

I hear you. Sensory overloads can be hell. Neurodiverents unite!

You didn't specify if it was romantic or platonic so I'm going to keep it platonic.

Anyway, ENJOY!

JOSEPH

Joseph has gotten used to handling situations that are overwhelming. He’s grown to be more quiet overtime, but let’s be honest here, it’s still Joseph. He’s going to worry. When you begin to look uncomfortable, he’s going to ask what’s up. Don’t lie to him, he can tell something is wrong, the man is a father, and he learned the tell tale signs of discomfort with his own little family. 

When he asks and you don’t respond immediately, he’s going to pause and pull you aside to make sure you heard him. 

“Y/N, are you alright?”

“…”

“Are you feeling unwell? Sick?”

You shrug

“Okay, let’s sit down.” He puts his hand on your arm and you flinch at the contact, which makes the overstimulation flare. When you yank your arm away from him, he’s going to be suspicious that maybe there’s a much bigger issue at play but he’s going to lead you away from the crowd and get you to sit.

“Can you tell me what’s the matter?”

A panic attack seizes in your throat and he can see it, “Can you talk to me?”

Your palms sweat and shake your head with shame.

“Okay, well, can you point to anything that you need?”

You shake your head again, closing your eyes, trying to avoid the harsh light.

“Okay…” Joseph tries to problem solve, “Can you point to what is bothering you?”

You manage to your ears

“Your ears hurt?”

You shake your head

“Is something in your ear?”

You shake your head again, this time covering your ears.

“It’s too loud.” He realizes. He thinks for a moment. “Hold on.”

You notice he pulls something from his pocket, earbuds. Connected to them is a Walkman, he unplugs them and holds the cord out to you, “you can put them in, it’s not much, but they’ll make it a bit quieter until I can find some earplugs.”

It’s a few minutes before Joseph comes back and puts a pair of earplugs beside you and a pair of headphones, “Use either. They’re the highest quality, so don’t worry.”

JOTARO

Jotaro can’t lose it. He’s got too much riding on him. If things go sideways, he would never forgive himself for the consequences, that is if he made it out alive. Because of this, Jotaro isn’t very in touch with his own emotions and prefers to keep them tamped down and if not in danger, he might actively ignore some signs of a sensory overload. He just doesn’t have the mental capacity to deal with it. Don’t mistake this for a lack of empathy or effort, he’s just way out of his depth here. That being said, if things really escalate, he might snap at you, thinking he can get you to act ‘reasonable’ if you take notice of how you’re feeling and pull yourself out of it on your own.

“Hey, quit muttering! It’s damn annoying.”

When you cover your ears and whimper, he feels something in his chest ache. 

He made it worse. He gets up from his hotel bed, huffs and goes to sit a bit closer to you but not too close, he gets wanting personal space, “I didn’t think you’d be that sensitive.” He pulls his hat over his eyes.

When things stay quiet, and he doesn’t really know what to say, he might ask you if you need anything. He’s frustrated. He gets when the world is just too full of pointless talking and noise, but watching you suffer, well, it was a new perspective. Jotaro wants to understand, but now he doesn’t know if it’s even his business. He’d leave you alone, but stand users lurk around every corner, and he’d be damned if he was leaving you alone in this state.

Fuck. What do you even do in this kind of situation. People don’t really cry or breakdown in front of him, not unless they were babies. You weren’t a baby. But that was the closest thing he had to what was going on. Babies get upset if they’re overwhelmed and need a nap…

Jotaro drapes the sheets of the hotel bed over you and closes the curtains, “I’ll be on the patio.” He grabs a book. He doesn’t expect an answer. If you need him, you know where he’ll be. 

POLNAREFF

Polnareff is pretty clueless. He means well, promise, He just hasn’t been a person people look up to for guidance and support for a while. Polnareff is a funny and flirty guy a lot of the time. He understands sorrow and grief, but he also knows when he should distance himself from things if they get in the way of the objective. Well, he’s better at it now. He’s been on a long journey of suffering to get closure because of his sister’s death. This all means he’s all too familiar with personal meltdowns, but not somebody else’s. Polnareff will first start picking up on your sensory overstimulation when you start to lag behind everybody else.

“Hey, Y/N, pick up the pace. You’re going to still be in Aswan by the time we’re in Cairo.”

You didn’t reply. He notices this and hangs back while the rest of the crusaders keep moving but will slow a bit so they don’t get out of eyesight. They tell Polnareff to be quick, because they need to keep moving. 

“You’re going a bit slow, mon ami.” He remarks

You hide your face.

“Oh? Too hot? I get it, I’ve been wearing this rag. I found it at a market. When we get to Luxor, maybe you should get one for yourself.” He points at the cooling towel on his head and shoulders. You don’t respond and just try to stay quiet and breathe.

“Man, you aren’t this quiet most of the time. I mean, you talk a fair amount, but you’re acting like a recluse.” He says without much understanding.

Your shoulders haunch with shame. He doesn’t get it.

“Maybe you’re hungry, or thirsty.” He guesses, “Mr. Joestar has a canteen, but you’ll have to pick up the pace to get it.”

Still, no sign you’d even heard him.

“Y/N, are you even listening to me?”

It was then he noticed you shaking, “Hey, Y/N, are you hurt?” When you don’t say anything, but shake your head, he yells out to the group, “Hold up! Y/N might be hurt!”

You bury your face in your hands, his yelling setting you off even more. This becomes a back and forth movement to counter the overstimulation. He notices the rocking and checks you for injuries, “Where is it? Who was it? Was this the work of an enemy stand?”

You shake your head vigorously. 

“What?” His concerned look mixes with confusion, “I don’t get it, what’s going on then?”

Your hands shake as you crouch down and try to hide. 

“Polnareff, what’s going on back there?” You can hear Joseph’s gruff voice.

Avdol ends up coming and looking you over, “Stress.” He says plainly, “Or something along those lines.”

“Stress? Stress can manifest like this?” Polnareff asks

Avdol nodded, “It can even overwhelm the senses.”

“Okay, which senses are bothering you?” The silver haired man asks.

You clench your eyes closed and point to them and your ears. “Sound and sight.” He says, “What about touch? 

Your answer is a hand moving side to side, ‘a bit’. 

“What if we stopped for an hour or so, just find a place that’s cool and quiet?” He asks.

You nodded. “Okay, can you stand?” He asks. You sign back ‘a bit’ again.

He nods, “Can I take your arm and lead you?” 

You nod.

“Alright, we’re going to take care of you, Y/N, don’t you worry.” He says gently.

AVDOL

Avdol picks up on this SO fast. This man is a reader, not just the book type, but he reads people as a living. He might even notice something is off before you do. Like the amount of people bustling about, the crowds and the people who accidentally bump into you. He’ll talk to Joseph and you and advise a quieter route. Unfortunately, this is the fastest way to get through. A detour would cost the group precious time. Avdol will instead hang at the back of the group with you and ask you what you need. Avdol is also much faster in places like markets because he’s grown up around them. In this case, if he’s sure you’ll be okay for a few minutes, he’ll haggle and find you something that might help.

“Where’s Avdol gone off to?” Polnareff asks Joseph

“He’s picking up a few necessities.” Joseph replies, he’ll meet back up with us in a few minutes, if he doesn’t we’ll assume he’s in danger and move quickly to a quieter location in case there’s a stand user in this crowd. I don’t want civilians involved in anything harmful.” He says gruffly

You walked behind Jotaro, his tall stature making people stare and move around him, maybe in respect or trepidation. You got bumped into less this way. “I’m back, Mr. Joestar.” Avdol seamlessly weaves his way back to the front of the group.

“Welcome back. Y/N is in the back behind Jotaro, maybe he’s good at blocking out the sun.” He grins playfully

Avdol nods in good humour and squeezes onto the back of the group. He walks beside you, giving you a foot of room on one side to ensure nobody brushes against you when you’re already overwhelmed. He holds out a small box, inside there are wax earplugs. And in one of his deep pockets he produces a beaded bracelet, “These are to cancel the noise, and if you need to keep your hands moving, you can rotate the beads in your hand.” You take the gift and look at him with surprise. “I don’t mind.” He says with a smile, “I can see that you’re struggling. We need to build each other up on this journey, so if there’s anything else you’re in need of, just communicate in anyway you find comfortable.” Your smile of gratitude is all he needs. He’ll hang back with you for as long as you need it. 

KAKYOIN

Does this guy get neurodivergence or what? Kakyoin spent a lot of time alone. He didn’t have a lot of friends growing up. He learned to communicate in lots of ways. Verbal wasn’t always his strong suit anyway. If there is anybody who understands isolating one’s self because you are different, it’s him. Jotaro isolates, not because he’s entirely socially awkward, it’s also because he just doesn’t want to. Kakyoin wants people to know who he is, more than that, he knows being a bit different comes with its own experiences and self-honed skills. He’s going to pick up on you retreating back into yourself in the beginning, not as fast as Avdol. He’s not a people reader after all, that being said, he is a people watcher. For years, Kakyoin watched people from afar, this helped him understand other people’s friendships and relationships. He’s also learned a lot. When you’re on your own, you don’t exactly get distracted by other people asking you to join them in things. So he’s read quite a bit, even on neurodivergence. He can spot the overload in a few minutes and get into action. He gets up from the seat on the train he’s in and sits next to you.

“Are you okay, Y/N?”

No answer. “Is it stress, or maybe are you just overwhelmed?”

You looked up at him, not expecting him to understand.

“Overwhelmed?”

You nod and stare at the ground.

“Is there anything I can do?” 

You have a moment to think, but you’ve gone nonverbal at this point, and realize you can’t really act out what you need because it’s a bit complex.

“Hmm…” Kakyoin thinks for a monent and then pulls out a notepad from his uniform

You look at him quizzically. 

“I’m a student, I always have this on me to take notes.”

You smile up at him.

“Here.” He hands it to you, along with a pen.

You jot some things down.

“Too bright, too many sounds, chairs bad texture.” 

“Yeah, I bet there’s years worth of dust in these.” He chuckles, “I have a scarf, maybe we can put that around your eyes? Or your ears like earmuffs?” 

You nod and jot something else down, “Is the scarf soft?”

“Yes, it is. My mom bought it for me when we travelled to Egypt the first time.” He smiles and goes to get the scarf. 

He comes back and sits next to you, “If you need anything else, write it down for me, and I’ll be happy to get it.” He relaxes in the seat next to you, “Promise.”

#jojo headcanons #jojo no kimyou na bouken #jojos bizarre adventure #jojo's bizarre adventure #joseph joestar x reader #jean pierre polnareff x reader #polnareff x reader #oldseph #oldseph x reader #jotaro x reader #kakyoin #avdol x reader #avdol headcanons #kakyoin x reader #neurodivergent reader #neurodivergent representation #platonic #headcanons

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Okay, second post, this ones mostly about Feyre because honestly, as of chapter 3 I havent really noticed Tamlin being out of character and from what Ive heard his character assassination was supposed to happen very quickly. Idk, right now he just seems like the same guy but traumatized although I'll fully admit that I didnt care that much for him outside of the Feylin romance (which was pretty sweet but too boring for me) so maybe I just didnt pay enough attention to him to fully grasp his character

Feyre is frustrating to me right now because I dont think shes out of character either, right now shes also just the same woman but traumatized, but like, I already know the extent to which her character will be bent for the sake of Rhysand. In these first three chapters she literally thinks something along the lines of "What's there for me to do but sit at home and spend Tamlin's money" Tell me, what does she end up doing in the night court huh????

Another thing thats frustrating is that Feyre clearly has issues communicating her feelings and wants, I know because I also had issues with that, and instead of learning that very valuable skill of telling others about your inner world and trying to work on her relationships (with both Tamlin and with her sisters), shes just gonna end up with a guy who can read her mind so theres no need for her to challenge herself and grow in any way. Yay. One thing especially stuck out to me in this regard was her attituide towards wearing dresses. Feyre does not like wearing dresses, its not like she never got to wear them back at home even though she wanted to, she just doesnt like wearing them in her day-to-day life, but she feels like she has to because she thinks its what Tamlin wants and because she thinks that if she wears pants its gonna somehow signal to the citizens of the spring court that something is incredibly wrong. But again, she doesnt tell anyone this, she doesnt ask Tamlin if he can just explain to everyone that everything is fine and that Feyre just has an unconventional way of dressing, which he would probably be fine with if its still the same guy from the first book. And it doesnt even seem like Tamlin directly made any kind of comment to her about the dresses she wears, she just saw that he was happy when he saw her wear them, which couldve well been him being happy to see her in general but she doesnt even consider that

Theres also the fact that its very unclear what she wants/what her problem is. Now, this actually isnt something that bothers me that much on its own, Feyre is traumatized and lost, obviously she doesnt know exactly what she wants at this point beyond "the situation Im in sucks and makes me feels bad, I want to get out", I think what bothers me is mostly the knowledge that Tamlin is gonna get blamed for a lot of this stuff when its really not his fault.

And I do want to make it clear that I dont think hes doing a great job handling this situation, I know a lot of people in the acotar critical sphere find his actions understandable and justifiable from his perspective and thats true, but hes still doing a bad job handling Feyre's emotional state. Like, one of your beloved's main issues is that she feels horrible because she feels trapped at home, for the love of god just let her go outside on her own. Maybe send her to village thats far inland or close to the border to the mortal realm, surely those monsters are not gonna manage to come that far if youre all going on patrols to kill them as soon as possible. And even if they do, the people of any village are gonna bend over backwards in order to protect their capital c Cursebreaker, shes gonna be fine

But, to get back to my original point, even if Tamlin was a daemati or whatever like Rhys and could read her mind the way she needs it to be read, he would still not be able to figure out what exactly Feyre needs right now because she doesnt know it herself! I literally read all of her thoughts and I dont know! Does she want to help others and be responsible for a whole bunch of people because its what shes always known to do? Does she want to avoid resonsibility for now because she wants to recover from her traumatic childhood of having the responsibility of keeping her family alive on top of all the new UTM-trauma? Its hard to say and that makes sense for Feyre at this point in her life, but she cant just blame people for not understanding her when she doesnt properly understand herself and refuses tl verbalize her feelings

Anyway, thats it for today, hope you enjoyed this

#anti acomaf #anti sjm #anti feysand #feyre critical #tamlin critical #flames and darkness liveblog

[headchamberlain]

The confession of Ivan Goncharov.

TW: TWISTED religious imagery, excusing abuse and even calling it a blessing, unhealthy obsession, overall disturbing things.

In this I'll be trying to flesh out Ivan's character, why he's the way he is and how the lobotomy affects him today. This is written from his perspective. Take the tags seriously, please.

...

"IT ALL STARTED SO LONG AGO. HOW LONG AGO? I CANT REMEMBER. I DONT NEED TO REMEMBER. ANYTHING BEFORE MEETING YOU IS INSIGNIFICANT. MY FAMILY... MY FRIENDS- IF I HAD ANY- THEYRE INSIGNIFICANT NOW. NOTHING BUT SOMETHING I AM SUPPOSED TO HAVE, SUPPOSED TO CARE FOR, BUT THEY DONT UNDERSTAND ME. THEY DONT UNDERSTAND ME LIKE YOU DO, MASTER.

I WAS STRUGGLING. I COULDNT CONTROL ANYTHING. NOT EVEN MY OWN LIFE. IT KEPT GOING DOWNHILL. I WAS HANGING ON- I HUNG ON BY A THREAD- BUT EVEN THEN I GAVE UP AND LET GO. I WAS SO LONELY. WHAT DID YOU SEE IN ME, MASTER? I WAS HOPELESS. I WAS WEAK. ID LOST MY FAITH; IN FACT I BELIEVED GOD HATED ME. I BELIEVED GOD JUST WANTED ME TO SUFFER FOR HIS ENTERTAINMENT. BUT THAT WAS UNTIL YOU CAME. YOU OFFERED ME A HAND. YOU SAID I HAD THE POTENTIAL TO BECOME MORE THAN WHAT I AM. I DIDNT BELIEVE YOU. YOU TOLD ME YOU HAD A WAY TO FIX ME- TO MAKE SURE I NEVER FELT THOSE HIDEOUS, HORRIBLE EMOTIONS AGAIN. I WAS INTERESTED. I TOOK YOUR HAND. YOUR HAND WAS SO COLD, MASTER... BUT IT WAS SO WARM. YOUR FINGERS WERE BONY AND THIN. YOU WERE SO PALE. YOU WERE SO TIRED. I COULD TELL YOU WERE WEAK, TOO. BUY YOU WERE FAR FROM THAT.

A SURGERY, YOU SAID. A SURGERY THAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY AGAIN. FOREVER. I TOLD YOU THAT WAS INSANE; I TOLD YOU THAT WOULD BE HORRIBLE. BUT YOU TOLD ME TO THINK ABOUT IT. WOULD I GET THIS CHANCE AGAIN? WOULD MY LIFE EVER GET BETTER? YOU WERE A MESSENGER FROM GOD, I REALIZED. YOU HAD ANGELS AT YOUR HAND, WRAPPED AROUND YOUR FINGER. WHY ME, I ASKED. WHY AM I BEING CHOSEN TO BE BLESSED? WHY IS A PIECE OF FILTH LIKE ME CAPABLE OF HAVING THIS KINDNESS? BECAUSE, YOU TOLD ME, THAT YOU SPOKE WITH GOD. AND GOD SAID HE NEEDED ME TO LIVE.

YOU ARE A BLESSING, MASTER. YOU REALLY ARE. I COULD WORSHIP YOU. I COULD WORSHIP EVERYTHING YOU DO. IF I DIED I WOULD WANT TO DIE WORSHIPPING YOU. PEOPLE TOLD ME I WAS INSANE, THAT I WOULD GO TO HELL FOR WORSHIPPING YOU; BUT I KNOW THEY WERE WRONG. THEY HADN'T HAD A CHANCE TO MEET YOU. YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME. PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR ACTIONS LIKE I DO, MASTER. PEOPLE SAID WHAT YOU DID WAS EVIL; SUCH HENIOUS CRIMES, THEY WOULD SAY. BUT IS DESTRUCTION AND WAR REALLY A SIN? IS IT NOT CONSIDERED RIGHTEOUS? WHEN THE ANGELS CAME DOWN WITH TRUMPETS TO DESTROY THE EARTH, WAS IT NOT GOD'S WILL? WAS IT NOT HIS WILL TO TURN THE RIVERS AND LAKES TO BLOOD, TO UNLEASH DEMONS THAT SPOKE BLASPHEMOUS THINGS? YOU ARE RE-CONSTRUCTING THE EARTH. WHEN BUILDINGS FALL AND BURN, WHEN PEOPLE DIE, YOU ARE DOING IT TO FREE THE WORLD OF SIN. WHEN GOD FLOODED THE EARTH THAT IS WHAT HE DID. HE PROMISED HE WOULDN'T DO IT AGAIN. SO HE SENT YOU INSTEAD. EVEM GOD'S LOVE HAS LIMITS.

AFTER MY SURGERY, I WAS TERRIFIED, MASTER. I WAS TERRIFIED. I PICKED UP A PEN; BUT NOTHING CAME TO MIND. I COULDN'T WRITE. I COULDN'T READ. I SOBBED, MASTER, I SOBBED; BUT I SOBBED WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE. WASN'T MY VOICE SO BEAUTIFUL? WASN'T IT BEAUTIFUL THAT I CHOKED AND SOBBED IN THE PRESENCE OF THE LORD? WASN'T IT BEAUTIFUL HOW I COULDN'T GET A WORD OUT, HOW FAT TEARS ROLLED DOWN MY CHEEKS AND STAINED THE CARPET? YOU WEREN'T ANGRY AT ME. YOU BLESSED ME AGAIN, MASTER. YOU BLESSED ME WITH PURPOSE; I LEARNED EVERYTHING FOR YOU. I LEARNED HOW TO COOK, I LEARNED HOW TO CLEAN, I LEARNED YOUR TASTES. WHAT KIND OF TEA YOU LIKE, WHAT FABRICS YOU PREFER, HOW WARM YOU WANT YOUR BATH. I LEARNED EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND I MENORIZED IT. THAT IS MY ONLY PURPOSE, MASTER, TO SERVE YOU.

I WELCOMED EACH BLESSING YOU GAVE ME; I WELCOMED THE BRUISES YOU GAVE ME, I WELCOMED THEM ALL. I WANT YOU TO HIT ME ALL YOU WANT AND THEN KISS THE BRUISES AFTERWARDS. I WANT YOU TO TEAR ME APART AND SAY SORRY AFTERWARDS, EVEN IF I KNOW YOU DON'T MEAN IT, EVEN IF I KNOW YOU'LL DO IT AGAIN. OVER AND OVER.

IS IT SO WRONG FOR ME TO BE YOUR TOY? IS IT REALLY SO WRONG? IS IT SO WRONG FOR ME TO BE YOUR SOURCE OF ENTERTAINMENT? BEING GOD'S FAVOURITE COMES WITH RESPONSIBILITIES. GOD NEEDS SOMEONE TO HURT, SOMEONE TO TOY WITH, SOMEONE TO RUIN. THAT'S OKAY. I AM YOUR ANGEL. I AM YOUR ANGEL.

AREN'T I BEAUTIFUL, MASTER? PLEASE SAY I'M BEAUTIFUL. TELL ME YOU LOVE ME. TELL ME YOU LOVE ME AND ILL BE BEGGING FOR YOUR ATTENTION LIKE A DOG. IM A NERVOUS DOG. IM A BAD DOG. I WAIT BY THE DOOR EVEN IF I KNOW ILL STARVE BY IT. PLEASE LOOK AT ME MASTER. PLEASE LOVE ME. I LOVE YOU MASTER. PLEASE LOOK AT ME. PLEASE LOOK AT ME, I'M BEGGING YOU, MASTER, DONT STOP BEING MY SAVIOR. DON'T STOP BEING THE ONE PERSON I RELY ON. I CANT FUNCTION WITHOUT YOU. I KNOW YOU SO MUCH IVE FORGOTTEN EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF. I DONT HAVE MY OWN ROUTINE; MY LIFE REVOLVES AROUND YOU. I CANT LEAVE YOU EVEN IF I WAS GIVEN A CHANCE TO, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU MASTER

IM YOUR PERFECT SACRIFICAL LAMB. MY WOOL IS SO PURE AND WHITE AND FLUFFY AND SOFT. WHEN THEY LEAD ME TO YOU THEY DONT HAVE TO TIE ME DOWN- I HOLD PERFECTLY STILL WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE. AS THE KNIFE DIGS INTO ME MY INTESTINES SPILL OUT SO BEAUTIFULLY AND CLEANLY AND IT STAINS MY PRETTY WOOL RED. WHEN I DIE YOU REVIVE ME AGAIN AND YOU TELL ME IM YOUR FAVOURITE. YOU DONT REVIVE THE OTHER LAMBS BECAUSE IM YOUR FAVOURITE. I TROT ALONG SO HAPPILY BECAUSE IM YOUR FAVOURITE. IM SO PURE LIKE A PORCELAIN DOLL LIKE A FLOWER LIKE AN ANGEL THAT LOST ITS WINGS.

PLEASE LOOK AT ME MASTER.

PLEASE.

I SEE THEM. I SEE THEM EVERY DAY AND THEY KEEP TELLING ME YOU DONT LOVE ME. SOMETIMES I SEE IT IN THE CORNER OF MY EYE. SOMETIMES THEY WHISPER MY NAME EVER SO SOFTLY; THEY TELL ME YOU DONT LOVE ME. THATS NOT TRUE, MASTER. I LOVE YOU. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. SAY IT BACK. SAY IT BACK OR IM GONNA HAVE TO BEG YOU"

... -Written by Kiji.

If you've actually read all of this; I'm proud!

#ivan goncharov #psychoanalysis #psychology #religious trauma #religious themes #religious imagery #bungou stray dogs #dead dove: do not eat #bsd #bsd ivan #bsd ivan goncharov #hallucinations #lobotomy #feel free to ignore #this is the most disturbing thing ive written #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #this is not a ship #i dont support abuser x abused #im sorry for this #the confession of ivan goncharov

[dwter]

hey everyone, so ive had a lot of time at this point to ruminate and have had conversation after conversation about everything going on and i truly and genuinely mean this when i say i think so much of my thinking and immediate reactions were entirely based in fear, anxiety and grief that i didn't give myself the ability to view the situation as it is.

ill say from the beginning ive always chosen to view this in a worst case scenario perspective. not just for myself, but also i think dismissing the victim ESPECIALLY those using anything to dismiss her literally instantly is really icky and so ive always looked at this with the perspective of everything (more or less) being true. now with that in mind--i dont think this entire thing was nearly as black and white as i initially thought it was. im saying it straight to save everyone the time to try and figure out my perspective, but after talking with people and thinking about real life, how people irl would view this and DO view it and other instances of this exact scenario happening both online and in real life: this is truly just not the horrible morally bankrupt incident i thought it was.

i thought a lot about how i wanted to go about explaining my perspective or if i even wanted to bc i really didnt want this to he seen as "dream defense" or align myself with the people who have had that stance since the absolute beginning bc they are srsly insane, but this is more for myself and for anyone who felt like they didnt have a perspective they resonated with throughout all of this. this is one of the first instances where i felt a genuine dissonance between my thoughts and feelings and my friends in the community whose thoughts i have always always valued above anything else, often even my own, especially when i was struggling with feeling conflicted out of fear and grief. i always clung to the people whose opinions i trusted (and still do trust dont get me wrong) because it felt easier than having to sort my guilty and scared conscience into rationality that could possibly oppose the people ive always looked to for guidance in discourse. just that fear on being on the wrong side of history and such. but like i said, this long winded and horribly overserious essay is for me more than anyone else--if not for people who have struggled with the exact same shitty time.

ill say the absolute first thing: it was not grooming. i held this opinion literally the entire time and people calling it grooming are not only using the term wrong but genuinely causing harm to such a serious topic. we are talking about two adults in a relationship with an age difference of four years like holy shit. when the first girl dropped her story, almost everyone came to the conclusion that it just wasnt that serious because he thought she was 18. with the second girl, she was one month from 18 and the dms from before turning such were genuinely the driest conversations in the world that he never initiated or made any notion of pursuing. this isnt to say you cant be icked out--the point of me talking about this isnt to make you suddenly change your views on anything but to try and claim that it was grooming or a crime took place is just wrong and dishonest of everyone. this is such a large part of where my personal dissonance with everyone's takes came from bc the way people were trying to claim that liking an 18 year old as a 22 year old was something akin to literal pedophilia (<- bc people WERE genuinely saying this) made me feel confused but also deeply guilty because i really just did not understand. and now that im less miserable, i can recognize that that confusion wasnt just linked to parasocialism or whatever deep twisted thing i thought was in my soul, it was literally just not the big insane evil everyone made it out to be. again, this isnt to try and say you individually cant be like "i dont like this" or "this is icky to me" or "this was bad judgement on his part" (<- which is my personal view btw) but to pretend it is some strange insane act of an active predator genuinely boggles my mind. i dont want to chalk everything up to being covidbrained but i think its a huge part of where this dissonance to real life comes from because i really do think if most of you sit down with genuinely and utterly normal people, they will not give a fuck about this. ive SEEN people have conversations about this with noemal people irl and have them literally laugh in their face bc of how deeply unserious it is. and again, i want to reenforce that doesnt mean YOU dont have to care, but to act as if this isnt an objectively undeep incident between two people is odd, especially to the degree ive seen.

now i cant just say this and be done so lets talk about the next part that people had an issue with: fan and creator power dynamic. ill also say this very straight: when the stuff came out with both girls i had a much larger issue with the "age gaps" than i did this for so many reasons. ive always, even before all of this, had my own opinions and such about ccs and fans ever having relationships and it usually along the basis of "as long as there is consent and mutuality, i have no real issue." its not strange to me that people want to be with people they like and idealize and vice versa. to keep this as objective as i can with this perspective, i wont get into thoughts that for dream specifically it especially doesnt surprise me in the sense that his past relationship + facing vitriol from every corner of the internet but fans + overall paranoia could have absolutely reenforced the normalcy and reasoning in this judgement call but i digress. i mean just obvious examples of people wanting to get with celebrities, or groupies or even in platonic ways where fans become genuine and actual friends of creators--ccs having relationships with fans was never a big deal to me personally. and since its relevant to mention in this case, ESPECIALLY online ones. im not saying there cant be power imbalances among a fan and a cc/celebrity, but to get like theyre all inherently like that again just makes zero sense to me and never has even before dream. this applies especially online where power dynamics are significantly dampened from what they can be and just i mean logically, dream has been a full blown cc for like a little less than 3 years and only at this level for maybe 1 or 2 without experiencing it in real life too. the idea that he himself would not see an issue with this, especially because it was a mutual exchange of company, is so completely unsurprising. and at its core, there really is no real issue in it of itself. a bad judgement call from dream? yes and ill stand by that since he shouldve been better safe than sorry. morally bankrupt and manipulative? 😭 no, not after really assessing shit rationally. i also want to add that it was a mutual thing. i know people are really trying to tear everything amanda says apart (<- which is incredibly strange btw, especially if that was your instant reaction and you were doing it publicly too), but taking everything shes saying as true, we know that there was a MUTUAL exchange of things of a sexual nature and this wasnt some manipulative one-sided exchange where dream controlled everything and gave nothing in return. this isnt to say that amandas feelings are entirely invalid or anything along those lines, but those feelings stem from miscommunication and not morally bankrupt predatory behaviours. like seeing all of the info and looking at the situation as it is, its very clear dream saw and believed this to be a mutual relationship. i was so confused and scared and panicked seeing words like "groomer", "innocent", "guilty", "predator" and others being thrown around i didnt even want to try viewing it for myself. but now that i have and now that ive talked to others, this entire situation reads as a bad break up more than anything else, not a strange manipulative abuse of power where mutuality is nonexistent.

overall this entire situation was framed so horrifically and i was tearing myself apart so much about feeling confused, it genuinely did not hit me the extent of just how deeply unserious it was until a friend of mine told me how they went out with their normal, most unchronically online friend, told the situation in the most objective way possible, and they literally laughed in their fucking face 😭 i also started thinking about real life instances of this happening like if it was another cc, a random tiktoker, an actor and realizing i literally would not care--and significantly less people who are as up in arms as they are would care too. and that ignores the fact that it was ONLINE, compared to in-person where whatever power dynamic could exist would be amplified by a thousand.

this entire thing is just so entirely subjective and if your personal opinions and values find this all shitty, absolutely no one is going to try and say to feel otherwise, at least not me. but to completely ignore that its just that--personal--values and opinions that determine how you view this, and act as though it is objectively some morally bankrupt, impossible to understand, predatory situation just feels reactionary and disconnected from real life at best and just shitty and even virtue signalling at worst. and also dont get me started on what some of you twisted that charity event in technos memory into because fucking shame on you, but ill make a separate post on that later maybe.

this really isnt meant to be a form of "dream defense" because if i was taught anything this past week it was that the way i connected so much of my own conscience to my ability to defend dream and his pr was and is entirely unhealthy, and it was all a wake up call--just not towards dream. the level of miserable agony i experienced, not even mostly because of what dream did, but because i felt like i couldnt DEFEND it, was dangerously all consuming and i dont want that anymore. its just not a healthy way to engage with any media, the need to constantly justify it in every single instance, and especially not with a cc. i want to be able to just see drama and controversy ride out and not have it feel so utterly all consuming, even if i do choose to comment on it. im making this statement bc like i said, it really sucked to feel like there was no public voice i completely agreed with and i realized that i could do that role if i wanted. and honestly, its just been very cathartic for me to write all of this out after feeling like an echo chamber of other peoples thoughts and my own grief the last week.

this community disappointed me in many ways, both the freaks who jumped on any baseless thread disproving amandas claims, dissected her behaviour, was very strangely dream defensive and chose to do all that shit PUBLICLY too. but also the people who chose to use this as an opportunity to act in the most reactionary strange ways that felt so virtue signal-y it was nauseating. i know the people who held/hold the views i did also dealt with the guilt and fear i did too, and thus no one was willing to so deal with the mortifying ordeal of a) sorting through these thoughts and b) saying them in any kind of public space even with just close friends, but ESP on a public blog. i mean, that was literally me. but it really fucking sucked to have just these two extremely polarizing and extremely isolating opinions be the only available voices 😭 my thoughts are getting very rambley now and i apologize, but i hope my points are getting across.

this is already insanely long, but ill start wrapping up. if you disagree with me, obviously thats fine. like i said, this was never made with the objective to change peoples minds which arguably was what my usual dream discourse essays was meant for sometimes. this was made for me and for this specific perspective to have light for anyone who wants or needs it. all i hope is that if you do come out of this with anything, is some form of awareness. of either real life, your opinions or even just yourself i dont know.

i really did love my time on tumblr so so fucking much. and i loved the people here even more so. i think i owe it all to you guys and just my blog itself to say my thoughts on shit, no matter if any of you agree or not. plus i mean if this flops i surely never have to face the consequences if im leaving anyways so peepoClap. thank you all so much for everything, and if you made it this far, thank you so much for taking the time to read my bullshit. i dont know if after this ill still leave, but regardless, it feels wrong to not make some homage to such an impactful place in my life. impactful people too :)

thank u all for reading again, and good fucking night !

#this is maybe the longest tumblr post ive ever made but i think it needed to be #i bet lots of you are sick of reading about this too but this still felt important to post #i already said so much in the essay itself so i wont keep going in the tags too #just love u all very much. stay safe everyone ❤️ #hope this brings some perspective to anyone if they want it :) #dream situation #discourse

[safely-in-vhagars-belly]

Vhagar's diary (The Point of view of a dragon) ((Slight spoof)

This fanfic has been dedicated to my friends, who told me to start writing and to kinda dont give a f what people think about it, tbf people will always moan.

The majestic dragon Vhagar shares her story, in a exclusive interview/tell all biography. What does she remember and what can she tell us about the past? What do we know? Vhagar tells all is part of a mini series featuring three parts of Vhagars life leading up to house of the dragon, with her ...unique thoughts and perspective!

I have always been a simple, elegant and well-educated dragon. I was born at Dragon Stone, which would become the ancestral seat of the Targaryens. The Targaryen family has plagued me for as long as I’ve been alive. From the very moment I hatched, I was wary and paranoid of those white-haired people. It was very clear to me, as with any other sane soul, that there was something incredibly wrong with them. So, naturally: I felt right at home in their presence!

I could hear the swords clash whenever Aegon, Visenya and Rhaenys were around. I could smell the sweet smell of blood whenever they were near and feel the fire burn in their veins, yes all that is true. But I must admit that I never felt more comfortable as I did at Dragonstone. It is perhaps a bit childish, but I hatched there. It shall always be my home.

What did I think of the three conquerors personally? Aegon smelled funny. He smelled like cattle and he had a big dragon called Balerion. Aegon was a true Targaryen in name, and birthright, and shared this wonderful bloodthirsty mind that befitted a Targaryen. He also gave me treats whenever Visenya would look away. Aegon married both Rhaenys and Visenya, for some reason I as a dragon quite don’t understand. But he preferred Rhaenys over Visenya, unfortunately. 

It was difficult for me when he died, I’ll admit it. I wish I had killed him for the pain he inflicted on Visenya. That will forever be my greatest regret, dear reader. I lit his funeral pyre, but I must admit it is no fun lighting a corpse that has been killed by a better, clever and stronger someone before you.

Rhaenys was a sweet boring woman and therefore never interested me, personally. But as Visenya’s first soldier, loyal servant and beloved pet I had to see and watch how Aegon treated Rhaenys and Visenya and let me tell you it was so difficult to not breathe fire at each of them whenever i saw them together.

Visenya. Visenya was the cleverest sweetest most generous and greatest woman that ever lived and shall ever live, mark my words and count my scales! From the moment we bonded, I knew, that woman was a special soul, like me. I could tell, because these are my words, so you have to either buy them, or leave it. 

I remember after she and I bonded; she did a victory ride, with me, soaring through the skies. I never had been bonded before, and no rider’s bond would be as strong as the one I shared with her. I always suspected that Visenya and I were part of the same soul, brought together by fate. We were meant to die together, too. 

Aegon, the pervert, was watching us, and now that she did have a dragon, he was interested in marrying his other sister as well. Visenya was happy. I think I know why. She was finally noticed. She was finally good enough.

From the moment I hatched, I always have been in Balerion’s shadow. Quite literally. Have you seen the size of that beast? But sadly, it is true, I swear on my beautiful horns. The Black dread, they called him. He inspired genuine fear, true terror in ways I could only dream of. You must know, that I was quite the pathetic baby lizard at that time, but I grew and I grew harder out of pure spite, jealousy, and determination. 

It was a sight to behold, the conquest. So many burning things, so many fleeing things! Visenya and I flew to Stokeworth. I never understood humans very well, but according to Visenya StokeWorth was not first in line when the gods handed out brains. They shot bolts at us until I turned the castle roofs to crisp and ash. 

At some point, they crowned Aegon too, I can’t recall when it happened, as I don’t really care about Aegon, much as you can probably tell.  I do recall Visenya feeding me a nice big cowhead as a thank you for my loyal servitude. I never had any friends, but she comes close to what I would consider a friend if you must know.

Castles fell at our feet, men begged us for mercy, they screamed prayers at their gods as I and the other dragons soared above the skies of Westeros, teaching it the meaning of ‘Fire and Blood’. It felt great to be a part of something bigger than me, something that I would know would last centuries. Something that I would know would last long after I had left behind this, earthy crispy shell of a ball.

It was great. But like all great things, this came too an end. 

The Dornish people killed Rhaenys and the dragon Meraxes in Dorne. Aegon never was the same after their deaths, neither was Visenya. There was this hole left in her soul that no dead body could fill. We went on a beautiful trip to Dorne, avenging the fallen Queen and her dragon. I did not care much for revenge; I was just happy to be invited and to taste Dornish. 

Aegon died in 37 AC, and I was invited to light his funeral pyre. I did so with great pride and effort, happy to see the flames lick away the remains of that man. Visenya had again lost something very dear to her, and she remained close to me. The eldest of the three, yet the last alive.

In 41 AC, I saw my birthplace again. Visenya had taken me back to Dragonstone, when Aenys, one of the sons Aegon had fathered, named another Aegon, the prince of Dragonstone, which made him the heir of the Targaryen kingdom we just conquered. I pray to their ‘gods’ whatever these might be, that this is the final man named Aegon in the Targaryen dynasty, as this dragon already finds this incredibly confusing.  I understand my lady was very upset. We passed the moon, and it turned red, according to witnesses. Well, those had a little bit too drink, I think. I did not see such a thing. 

It fell from the skies and shattered. I did see that. But what they claim? No that’s a lie, my apologies. 

The rest of the tale that follows is the tale of the maesters, of corrupt men writing on powerful women. I would not speak ill of the dead, though I do so with much pleasure, but my Visenya was no evil woman. She was gentle with me, she was good and kind. She had given dozens of reasons to burn her sister and brother alive, jealousy being the main one. I must admit, perhaps time erased all the horrible things Visenya did, and only made her sweet in my memory. I do not see Visenya as some beacon of goodness. I see her as any dragon should see their riders: Once upon a time, I was confronted by a girl who stared into my eyes, tears running down her face, begging for a chance to become a Queen. And I gave it to her.

As a dragon, it is hard for me to remember all this stuff. I did not become attached to much humans in my lifetime. Most I ate. But Visenya was unique for I felt we had a connection. A deep connection that threw us together and bound us. 

It was terrifying watching Visenya visit me, every time a little thinner, and a little thinner. I once shared my cow with her, but she did not like the meat, I think. Visenya was declared dead in the year 44 AC, but she died much earlier, I tell you. I watched her die, multiple times a day, multiple times a year, until I finally felt this, horrible emptiness. I wept and screamed, breathed fire until I had blackened the walls of dragonstone, but none of it mattered. I knew she was gone. Nothing could bring her back. I felt alone, truth be told.

At that moment, all I wanted was to join her. We should have died together, fighting as warriors. They call my lovely lady a Kinslayer, perhaps a Kingslayer and a murderer and an unfaithful witch. Well, let them, I say. My lady remains one of the most iconic queens of the Targaryen dynasty, and I shall forever be proud she was my first rider. 

She was amazing.

Not as amazing as me, but be honest: Who even can be?!

Vhagar's diary ends here. A part two might be in the works, I love vhagar very much and i like imagining her life but clearly she forgets/misremembers things and its so fun to write something else for a change.

#tags #hotd #hotd fanfiction #hotd fanfic #aemond targaryen #aemond #aemond one eye #hotd x reader #hotd x you #aemond x reader #aemond x you #aemond smut #aemond fic #aemond fanfiction #hotd x oc #aemond x oc #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x oc #Vhagar #vhagar fans #vhagar tells all #vhagar our lovely dragon

[actiwitch]

The Gods' myths sometimes include horrific or immoral aspects. That doesn't mean we should behave as if those myths dont exist!

(A Pagan perspective)

(tw: sa, misogyny)

When we are faced with myths that no longer fit in modern moral views (such as so much SA in Greek mythology alone there's a whole Wikipedia page on it) we should not shy away! Even if we don't like or approve of it, it's a part of the Gods' history and mythos.

All mythology is written by humans, and as such is unavoidably a product of its time. The way that anyone (including modern pagans) interprets the Gods as entities, or any interaction with them, is limited within our own culture, time period, and personal beliefs. By examining both the beliefs of the present and the past, we can decide for ourselves how we see the Gods while considering the context their myths were written in.

Even within one time period or similar group of people, such as modern pagans today, interpretations of the Gods can vary widely.

Zues is a cheating rapist. He is also a powerful god of the skies, lightning, and order.

Lucifer is literally the devil. An evil liar full of sins. And yet he is enlightening, independent, and honest.

Freyja is constantly associated (some say reduced) to sex. She uses her body for her gain, and is quite canonically called a slut. At the same time, she's the goddess of women! Of female power, both in mental skill and physical strength. She leads the Valkyries.

Loki is dark and deceptive, bringer of Ragnarok-- and he's a deity of change and freedom.

And neither is wrong. In mythology, both are true.

The Gods, all their aspects, and all the texts we have of them are complicated, complex, multifaceted, and interpretive- of course, there will be various understandings within pagan practices. No one view is superior to the other. Our understandings all exist on a scale, or rather some sort of mashup, of how important and what importance we attribute to various myths and aspects of deities.

When I worshipped Hera, I did so in two 'versions'. 1. Hera as resistance against men and abuse. I found solace and connection with her in powerful womanhood and female rage. I prayed to her before attending a pro-choice rally. And 2. Hera as a symbol of deep love, power, and marriage, and commitment. I lit her candle when my partner was over or when I needed a confidence boost.

These aspects never felt conflicting to me. Separate, maybe (I certainly wasn't thinking of any cheating or abuse in mythology as overlapping with the love and commitment)- but just part of one THING. Of Hera and everything surrounding her.

To many other deities of various 'immoral' aspects, these conflicting elements aren't just both present but often integral to their presence and worship.

Lucifer is often worshipped in rebellion. In healing from oppressive Christianity and finding light and understanding in that darkness.

Freyja is sexual! One of her many aspects. (which by the way, should not be seen as immoral. looking at yall, bs tumblr feminists) There is pleasure, joy, and power to be found in reclaiming that part of women we are told is shameful.

Loki is so much at once. He is outcast and destructive, and within that he spurs necessary change and chaos. So many pagans look to her as a symbol of queerness in the broadest sense and in facing the necessary chaos of growth.

TLDR: Don't just ignore aspects of mythology that feel uncomfortable (obviously unless something like trauma is involved). There is a lot to learn both from understanding the time and context their myths were written in as well as self-reflection on how certain myths or aspects of deities fit (or don't fit) within your practice.

#pagan #deites #paganism #deities #deitywork #norse paganism #deity work #paganblr #polytheist #hellenic polytheism #heathenry #the old gods #pagan witch #mythology #witch

[imakemywings]

SO SO SORRY BEING NEGATIVE IN YOUR ASKbox but It's the fact that Elrond continued the tradition of honoring Thingol by naming his twin sons Elladan and Elrohir, as well as the canonical references of ways Elrond and Elros honored their parents (by wearing their colors, the symbols, and the names!), that makes me so so so salty about the way people never write Elrond being proud of his sindar lineage. It's always noldor this, feanorian star that, that has me reeling so much, its so popular that has me rolling my eyes and thats coming from a die-hard feanorian fan, like it gets exhausting when it keeps getting pushed that Elrond bashes his mom and dad and wears the symbol of his peoples murderers, as well as hate his moms lineage, like the book says he dont, what the hell?

gjkndsgkbjnb Anon you can only imagine the amount of salt I keep off this blog by being privately salty in DMs XD

But yeah I agree...at this point I'm veeeery hesitant to read any Elrond fic by Silm fans that hasn't been vetted and approved by someone I know because I'm so weary of coming across Feanorian Elrond and Elrond-who-literally-calls-Elwing-a-bitch and Elrond who gets angry with people who justifiably do not love the Feanorians, etc.

At the very least, these sorts of takes never seem to address the devastating cultural loss that Elrond and Elros experience. Even if we want to assume the best about Maglor's ability to raise them, he simply lacks the knowledge to make up for that. What does he know of Iathrim traditions? He never even saw Doriath, except when he showed up to kill everyone. What does he know of Edanic customs, or anything of mortal life? What does he know of Gondolin, where the distinction between Sindar and Noldor all but disappeared? Elrond and Elros are isolated from anyone who might be able to help them understand their parents' cultures and their own heritage (Gil-galad, Oropher, Cirdan, etc.) and so they grow up without that knowledge, and that's just always so sad to me. I'm sure it has an impact on Elrond's later interest in collecting knowledge.

All of this is compounded, of course, by the fact that Maglor and Maedhros are quite literally responsible for the virtual extinction of the Iathrim and the total destruction of the unique culture at the Havens of Sirion.

yadda yadda opinions under the cut

These takes also rarely reckon with how disturbing Feanorian Elrond is from an assimilation perspective. Here we have a couple of young children, from a culture whose people have already been attacked, slaughtered, and driven from their homelands by the Feanorians, who experience a second such attack from those same people, who lose their parents, who are taken from any other adult in their lives who might have nurtured them, by two people who know nothing about their culture(s)...and it's supposed to be cute, the idea that Elrond prefers to speak Quenya? It's supposed to show how he ~loved~ Maglor, that he was raised so alienated from his own cultures that he prefers that of his kidnappers, of his family and people's murderers (the very people who so alienated him)? It's actually really, really sad.

And obviously these takes rarely genuinely address the trauma that Maedhros and Maglor caused Elrond and Elros, or the ongoing trauma of being raised by the people with the blood of your mother and your neighbors and your friends all over their hands. Sure, I can buy Elrond pitying them and even forgiving them eventually--but Feanorian Elrond who thinks they did nothing wrong feels like a joke.

I think of course that a large part of this is just because fans love the Feanorians and the Noldor and many of them are not interested in the Sindar (and Thingol is deeply unpopular, primarily for not getting along with the Feanorians), so they are not interested in exploring Elrond's canonical attachment to his Sindar heritage and the line of Thingol. Which is too bad! I love the Sindar and I think it's great that Elrond's biggest attachment to his heritage is to the Umanyar part, not the Amanyar part, and Elros' to the mortal part, not the immortal part. They both chose what some might (wrongly) call the "lesser" part of their heritage, and I love them for that.

In many cases I think Elrond is used as a morality pet for Maedhros and Maglor, in that if Elrond, beloved the world around, adores and champions and defends the Feanorians, then no one can defensibly dislike them. Which circles back into something about discourse surrounding liking ~problematic~ characters...you CAN actually admit the Feanorians committed multiple mass slaughters and stole two children (and killed a minimum of two others) and still like them. I do.

But also, as someone else on tumblr more eloquently pointed out, even if Elrond did feel something like this...he's tactful enough to be aware how much pain and suffering the Feanorians caused the Elves of Middle-earth, and he would never shove the Feanorians in their faces or think it was funny to watch them flinch hearing a Feanorian accent (a h/c I've actually seen) (apart from the fact that I really doubt the Feanorians continued using the thorn past the first few decades in Middle-earth).

To me, Feanorian Elrond just comes across as a clumsy attempt to redeem Maglor and Maedhros and I'm not interested in that, at the end of the day. I'm far more interested in Elrond's complicated relationship with them and his willingness or desire to hold them to account for the reality of what they did to him and his family, while also reckoning with his childhood attachment to the only adults he was permitted to grow attached to.

#asks #anonymous #anon if you ever exhaust my ability to be salty I will be amazed #mine

[arttrampbelle]

Shang tsung isn't evil but a product of corruption and the environment that surrounds him. He's not evil in the sense of black n white thinking of morality. Especially from a western,psuedo Christian American perspective that so many people wanna shoehorn him into. (No shade here but im calling it like i see it nrs)

How is he evil when everyone in mortal kombat kills?

Also shao kahn quan chi and shinnok has arguably done worse

And even more so he's worked more with them,and under them(shao Kahn namely) and had no choice but to follow orders. Namely some things sure were aligned in benefit. But truly can you really argue that it was all his doing? No to say so is ignorant and undermining the other villains and antagonists of the series and their own contributions to the story narrative in opposition of protags and other characters.

The most evil is those who hide behind self righteousness and say they are for peace when they are being manipulated by promises of a better realm or timeline(cough fire god liu kang. COUGH)

Like nah guys mk12/mk1 don't make sense even for the narrative they are trying to pull. Shang is wonderful but yall missed the point even tho the storymode sucks and everything about it makes me nauseous, shang tsung shines thru because of what he represents. The story,It falls through the crack simply because of the fact

In mortal kombats chaotic and cruel world. You kill or be killed. You do what it takes to survive. Or be food for the gods. As you are nothing but entertainment for them.

Everyone kills in mortal kombat. So shang tsung killing means fucking nothing and is a moot point. He does it,everyone does it,how is he truly any different than anyone at that point. Thru mortal kombat,a supposedly Divine system,he's doing exactly what he's supposed to be doing. And what his character is designed to do. Period. So killing,moot point and argument.

Im not talking about. MK12/MK1 specifically. Tho that grinds my gears for many other reasons. Im talking shang tsung,overall as a whole as a character thru the 30+yrs the games and mk has been around. These are common arguments for that shang is "tHe EVil OnE" when there's no such thing in mks world. Truly. It's posturing and posing flowery words at that point. Period.

Stealing souls? He has to,to survive. He is cursed by the very gods and mentors that once swore to protect him. But did nothing.

Climbing for power? He does so because he wishes not to rule over. But so he doesn't have to worry about going to bed hungry,to suffer. He wants stability,comfort,and most of all security. A thing that long ago was robbed of him.

See you can't say shit about my man without having many reasons why he's not.

Could he be evil,nasty,and dowright fucking cruel? Oh you bet your ass he could. But does he enjoy it? Not really. He takes no pleasure unless it's out of necessity or you're considered an enemy.

He is no different than a hungry hunter. Trying to find his next meal or the next place of dwelling. Until he finds his true place of being and achieves a stable life.

Like ffs people it's right fucking there fine print and that still,STILL GOES OVER YOUR HEADS!

Like y'all who don't understand nuanced villains WANT him to be stereotypical,y'all want him to be easy to pinpoint. Because that means you dont get to critique your beloved "Heroic" characters. And use your brains,and critically think that maybe,just fucking maybe. Your nice dudes were wrong for once.

In mortal kombats world (if you can call it that because the world building sucks)

It's kill or be killed. Morality be damned. Shang tsung found that out long ago. Hiding behind morals in a world that could care less than about you. Gods that only see you as food,throw away entertainment,etc.

He may have respect for someone who despite all that crap,has some moral backbone. But isn't blind to the truth,it's survival. Dont be a pushover boot licking lapdog. As long as you don't hide behind your self righteousness and "goody goody" attitude. He'll respect that you have a noble heart. In fact,that may make him actually enjoy your company. But dont be a condescending jackass about your morals. And he'll be fine.

Shang tsung is just playing the game that the world is built upon. The rules,the gods,the empires,have made. And plays them well into his advantage.

And y'all pissed he plays it better than you. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

That my dears is a truly well done villain,antagonist,and just a beautifully complex character.

That's how you do or are supposed to do shang tsung. Period.

*slams hand down on table and leaves*

🔥💯🔥

#mortal kombat #shang tsung #mini vent #shang tsung mortal kombat #shang tsung mk11 #mk11 shang tsung