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random thought but do any of the JKSF lads™ have any fears (understandable, questionable, any at all I'm just suddenly Cruoius™)

Oh Boi. So Many Fears

TW: so I was going to do trigger warnings before realizing that this kinda of is just a list of trigger warnings. To be more clear- it would be redundant to post warnings bc I list them in the ask w/o going in depth. Please read with caution.

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Falling backwards
What  comes after
The  words you said that knocked us from our high
I always thought we’d have another life
Dancing alone
Left  in shadows
I  paint you in the corner of my mind
Forming colors from the rays of light


Close my eyes, I can’t erase you
(Erase you, erase you)
We’re not close, but I still taste you
(Still taste you, still taste you)

Hallucinations, you occupy
My imagination’s running wild
New sensations, sweet temptations
I can’t tell what’s real and what’s

Hallucinations, they satisfy
Our imagination’s running wild
New sensations, sweet temptations
I can’t tell what’s real and what’s

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Sleep- a little story of the terrifying nap I had today (pictures)


I don’t know what this is? I know there are hallucinations you can get when going to sleep and waking up and I’ve had those before but this is like a weird in and out so idk. It’s like I can really feel shit in my dreams and carry those feeling and sounds and everything when I wake up but I’m not in paralysis cause I can move once I know I’m awake. Anyway I’m scared of sleeping but I also still spend majority of my time doing it.

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Ampersands and old walls;

Black villas,

Black villas, and eyes

Weight tectonics

Training higher than ease

Give us the farmer’s bread

Oh that wasn’t your place, was it?

The lunatic asylum

Horrifying highway reveal

A scenic carcass;

Eggs and thread

Milk and bread

Mill wheel water

Sorrow’s not dead on that one

Code exquisite!

Orange flashes of fireside light

It waits for you

The voice from inside your head

It’s coming for you

It waits for you

Certain orders

Certain orders of things

Fictitious, fictitious, fictitious

Do we disturb you

Do we disturb you

This is recorded for you now

(For you now)

(For you now)

(For you now)


Transcription of auditory hallucinations over about 5 minutes. Interspersed with music and sounds not recorded. Line breaks indicate pauses

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The room is quiet. Pastel yellow curtains whisper in the breeze from the open window, and sunlight warms the floor but doesn’t invade the bed. The closet, slightly ajar, offers a glimpse of a row of the lightweight sweaters Fern prefers, loose and long-sleeved in shades of mint and sunshine and morning sky.

Ezra is a hard-edged, dark shadow in the corner. Leather and silver studs armor him, and heavy boots ground the nervous energy racing through his legs. His hair is still uniform black stubble, too short to trim into the stripe that he used to lovingly shape each morning. His jewelry is back, re-pierced where necessary. He probes his lip ring absently with his tongue as one hand clacks a ring softly against the arm of the chair he’s slumped in.

Fern hasn’t woken up yet. They got back to the house last night. Ezra tucked them in and dragged their saucer chair back against one wall, and he hasn’t left since. Axel and Dominic have each offered to relieve him, but he can’t stand the thought that Fern might wake up if he goes to sleep in his own bed. He can nap here just fine, anyway, though sleep carries its own trials. While they were searching for Fern, chasing the fucker who took them, it was easy to push for looking longer, sleeping less, consuming too much caffeine and ignoring the call of closing his eyes and letting darkness in. Now they’re home, they’re safe again, but Ezra still can’t sleep. He tried, he did. In the small, dark hours between the end of the night and the beginning of morning, his head tipped back against the wall, his eyes slipped closed, and the nightmares came. Darkness smothered him, reached down his throat and coiled in his lungs, twisted around his hands and arms, pinning them to his sides, bound his legs together in thick, unyielding folds, and Ezra woke to the thud of his body falling to the floor and the choking clamp of his throat that stilled his shout before it broke the silence.

It’s evening again, almost twenty-four hours since they got home, and Fern is still unconscious, or asleep, or something. Ezra chews on the side of his nail, blinking against the grainy stiffness in his eyes. They’ve gotta wake up sometime. They have to.

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So its been nearly a month in hospital. Im on the olanzapine depot injection and I had my first session of ECT on Friday. Am supposed to have my second session of ECT tomorrow but looks like that’s not happening now. I’ve been unwell physically and had a fever and a sore throat and the nurses and doctors got worried so I got swabbed for corona virus. They’ve evacuated a whole ward and put me in it by myself, so the whole ward that’s supposed to hold 6 patients is just me. I have to wear a mask and the nurses are dressed in protective gear. Its pretty full on. I wish the results came back today, I dont believe I have corona virus, but good to check. Im so bored with a ward to myself stuck in one room just watching TV by myself. Its all pretty hectic.

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This morning when I was listening to my audiobook I had the most real hallucination. It was so much more than a dream. Maybe it was the writing style, or the women’s voice. I was half asleep on my bed lounging sideways in the sunlight with my eyes shut. He came and lay down next to me shirtless, on his stomach. So warm and gentle beside me, and just so natural it didn’t occur to me that he wasn’t here. I opened my eyes and I could see the muscles on his back, I could smell the shampoo or body wash he used in the shower, his hair was wet, his face was turned away from me. The sunlight through my window was bright and warm and I was so comfortable and sleepy I just draped my arm over him and closed my eyes. And then someone else was in my room, and instead of reading me the book she was talking about it instead?.. it wasn’t a narration anymore but a conversation and I answered something. It occurred to me that it was kind of odd that she was just standing in my doorway while he was dozing next to me, but at the same time it was the most normal thing in the world and I kept my eyes closed and listened to her voice. I don’t know how long we stayed like this or how much of the real story I missed before I woke up. I know it was a really fucked up and important part of the book where our protagonist had just discovered a box of newspaper clippings with the horrific and alleged crimes of his captor printed on them. I never rewound to relisten to it even though now that the book is finished I know it was a turning point in the story and a groundbreaking realization for our hero that set alot of the final events into motion. The way my mind interpreted it in its trance was surreal though and I didn’t want to lose the magic of the moment by rewinding 10, 20, 30 minutes. I don’t know how long I was out for. But to have him lying next to me was lovely and safe and even she was welcome, I would have welcomed her to sit on the bed with us and get comfortable instead of standing in the doorway, I would have been a better host if I had been more awake.

Eventually I came to and shook myself out of it and it was just me again and her voice coming through the speaker, reading the book again instead of talking about it.

All my senses had lied to me and it was honestly wonderful. I wasn’t disoriented when I woke up properly, just comfortable and in love with the sunlight.

I’ve had hallucinations before on drugs where the voices from the tv turn into people in my room, but this was so different. This was sober and pure and comfortable and it was more than auditory and it was more than visual, I could smell him and feel him and it was serene.

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“Day deceives, but at night no one is safe from hallucinations. The legends here are all of bloodfeuds and suicide, uncanny foresight and supernatural knowledge. Before the convict workers put in the road, loneliness drove women to jump into the sea. Tales were told of the convicts: how some went mad along the Coast, while others became hypnotized by it, and, when they were released, returned to marry local girls.

The long days seduce all thought away, and we lie like the lizards in the sun, postponing our lives indefinitely. But by the bathing pool, or on the sandhills of the beach, the Beginning lurks uncomfortably on the outskirts of the circle, like an unpopular person whom ignoring can keep away. The very silence, the very avoiding of any intimacy between us, when he, when he was only a word, was able to cause me sleepless nights and shivers of intimation, is the more dangerous.”

- Elizabeth Smart, By Grand Central Station I Sat Down And Wept.

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hi! i’m looking for a fic where d became so obsessed with h to the point that he starts to hallucinate that she’s in the manor with him. i believe it’s from one of the xmas fest


The Mistletoe Legacy by Elle Morgan-Black - M, WIP - A chance meeting under the mistletoe awakens a dark curse, as well as Draco Malfoy’s dormant obsession with Hermione Granger, but the Ministry’s golden girl is more likely to hex him than date him. As his obsession drives him to the brink of madness, Draco knows one thing to be true: he wants her, and he will do anything to have her.

- AgnMag

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something inside of me is trying to get out

I often feel the sensation of punching under my skin by little hands and sometimes i feel little tiny zaps almost as if it’s magic

i believed (and honestly still do) that there are pixies living inside of me but they want to break out

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I’m afraid my 14 year old sister might be experiencing Visual Hallucinations. She says it started last year when this man-like being started popping up whenever she was alone. It looked like a tall dark man with a grisly smile and a frightening stare that it would keep on her no matter what she was doing.

Last month she told me that she was less frightened now of it because she felt that it was just lonely, BUT as soon as that happened it disappeared and a new one popped up that to her exuded a more hostile feeling and has tried to ‘hurt’ her twice eg:-

1)It came to her with a knife and gave her cuts on her neck and wrists where she could feel and see the pain and blood but when it disappeared, so did the cuts

2)it would hover menacingly behind her or she’d feel/see it start running towards her and most recently she felt it lying beside her on her bed when she was trying to sleep.

I don’t know what to make of it. I try not to ‘indulge’ in the hallucinations, eg: I don’t try to give theories as to what it is, whether it’s real or not. I just tell her to write down what she sees and feel and the frequency of it. Or I’ll try to help her find a way to avoid it (like I’ll tell her to sleep with my other sister or tell her to sleep early so she’s rarely alone)

A part of me wants for it to just be her lying for attention (I wouldn’t be mad if it was. I get it) but it doesn’t feel like it is(maybe I’m just gullible. Dunno)

I don’t want to discount her completely and make her feel ridiculed/crazy/mistrustful until I know for sure what it is. I’m the only one she’s told but I study overseas and can’t help her from so far away and neither of us really trust our parents enough to take her seriously.

Family clinical history: I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 since last year, my other sister has PTSD(sexual trauma)and an eating disorder. I’m pretty sure my older brother has something but I could never get him to go to a psychiatrist

Someone tell me I’m just overreacting and it’s probably nothing

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