#anyway I have to sleep or else my Home ec will scream at me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

soysaucevictim · 3 years

Text

Week 2 & the 2020 DARETREE Event is done and dusted...

Dec. 5

I woke up after 1PM.

After some chatting and doing some dishes, I did my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 20 pike push-ups with EC. Tough and a bit sloppy, but good enough for me.

Second, Day 5 of the ‘20ACC. 3x5 tricep extensions, one super-set. Definitely tougher to manage after those push-ups.

Third, Day 7 of the FhP. Level 3, 1′ rest. Lotsa kicking. Aerobic and worked up quite a sweat! I enjoyed myself and mixed up letting foot drop and doing balanced variations there of. Lunge+crosses weren’t quite as fun - because lunges. But overall, good experience!

Last, Day 5 of the FCP. Core Control Day. Level 3, no rest. Pretty breezy work, all told.

After updating my fit log and doing some browsing, I made today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Corn & poblano chowder.It was pretty tasty - I mostly like the bulk and thick consistency to it. That part was comforting to eat. Don’t know how I feel about Old Bay seasoning blend, but there’s bits I appreciate from it (might be just the fact I’m not a huge fan of celery, especially if it’s too intense a note in a dish.)

Did some dishes and chatted a bit before writing up a timeline for the iZ!AU.

I went to bed a bit earlier than yesterday.

Dec. 6

I woke up before 11AM.

Spent time chatting and sharing a timeline of iZ!AU with friend.

Got my exercise squared away early too.

First, today’s DD. 50 shoulder taps with EC. Doable.

Second, Day 6 of the ‘20ACC. 3x6 jumping lunges, one super-set. Again, debated on breaking it up, but chose not to. Pretty aerobic and high impact. But I dod my best to be mindful of how I was executing it.

Third, Day 8 of the FhP. Level 3, 1′ rest. For exercise transitions - I did plank walk-out/ins instead of jumps. Did maintain the plank for the shoulder taps > push-ups > raised leg push-ups. Push-ups were a bit sloppy and I did feel a bit of built up fatigue, but I’m happy it was just 5 sets of that.

Last, Day 6 of the FCP. 50 squats, done in one go. Pretty manageable work, definitely well within my condition.

Spent some time chatting and watching the third Back Too The Future movie . Then spent rest of night on the usual fair.

I went to bed a bit earlier than yesterday.

Dec. 7

I woke up after noon.

Spent a bit of time writing an e-mail about my jury summons and then browsing a bit before today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 2′ tricep dip hold with EC. Watching DWIT was helpful. Did note back pressing against chair increasingly after the first minute. But I did my best to keep the position for the full duration. Intense exercise.

Second, Day 7 of the ‘20ACC. 3x7 push-ups, one super-set. I thought about breaking it up as directed, more just to put more emphasis on my form. But then I just wanted to get it done fairly quickly & knew I could knock out 21 in one pop pretty easily (if somewhat sloppy, but what else is new).

Third, Day 9 of the FhP. Ab Day. Level 3, 1‘ rest. I feel like I could’ve shortened the rest periods a bit more than that - but ah well. It was overall very manageable and fun. I do so love sit-up punches! =w=

Fourth, Day 7 of the FCP. Endurance Day. Managed Level 3 by the skin of my teeth. Had some doubts I could go for whole 12 minutes keeping the arms up and moving. They did droop from fatigue and my pace had to slow to be able to sustain things. Watching DWIT/SaSi is always a great distraction for brutal endurance work. My arms = dead. :,D

Last, I started getting in reps for my ornament on the DARETREE, this year. After some debate, I chose to work toward an emerald one. That involved 1k jumping jacks. In less than an hour, I did half of it in 5 sets of 100. Was pretty blissed afterwards - despite my calves complaining a bit about the load.

Made dinner and spent rest of night on the usual.

I went to bed obscenely late, Didn’t anticipate a mistake I made would mean i was not going to have much sleep to work with tomorrow.

Dec. 8

I woke up a bit after 11AM, to the sound of a car honking outside.

I quickly realized I miss-scheduled a trip reservation this week - it was supposed to be for Wednesday (though I would have to cancel that because I had a jury summons on my lap.) Anyways - decided to just go with the driver’s intended route. Spent some time to go grab some convenience store snacks and waited to get returned home.

Pretty much once I got back home, I did my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 2′ raised leg hold with EC (supine). Deep breathing was helpful. But neck strain happened predictably enough - not so fun.

Second, Day 8 of the ‘20ACC. 3x8 lunges, one super-set. Manageable.

Third, Day 10 of the FhP. Level 3, 1′ rest. It was pretty funny rewatching FWSA as background noise - chuckled a bit while I was doing my punches/kicks/strikes. Definitely made that much more fun (and combat work is already fun.)

Fourth, Day 8 of the FCP. Cardio Day. Level 3, no rest. Nice low impact work. Energy levels were also happy with the relative chillness of this workout.

Last, I finished getting in reps for my ornament on the DARETREE, this year. I wound up approaching it the same way/pace as yesterday. Definitely a lot harder, given how exhausted I was getting. (I was watching POF again during this part of things.)

Chatted a bit before doing some dishes, taking a shower, and organizing stuff (bills/etc..I basically had to drag myself to get through all that - I was so exhausted. (Learning that my brother had a person in his circle test positive for COVID was also peachy. Brother scheduled for a test for himself later this week.)

I managed to get to bed in the green zone, tonight. I just hit my wall at that point.

Dec. 9

I woke up after 9AM.

I was pretty agitated on Twitter and in my chatting this morning over the Jury summons. Once at the courthouse though, I learned that I was no longer needed to be present. That was a relief.

First, today’s DD. 40 bridge taps with EC. This was pretty manageable, just happy the jury summons issue appears to be resolved. Mostly.

Second, Day 9 of the ‘20ACC. 3x9 calf raises, one super-set. Fairly breezy work. Calves were pretty okay after all those jumping jacks. Achilles and knee needed a bit of TLC, but doable.

Third, Day 11 of the FhP. Level 3, 1′ rest. No plank jump-ins/outs. My sore delts made things a bit more challenging to get through. Still doable, might’ve gotten away with shortening the rest periods a bit more, but I just decided to commit to that.

Last, Day 9 of the FCP. 3′ wall-sit, managed it in one go. I decided to rewatch Embarrassing Phases to distract myself from my thighs screaming at me.

After chatting and whatnot, I made today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Tex-Mex beef & poblano enchiladas. I thought it was just okay. Lack of saucy consistency/binding in the filling gave things a dryness (especially on reheat in the cases of dad and brother’s portions - they ate later than me.)

After some more of the usual - I felt inspired again to get more writing done (iZ!Prinxiety stuff, friggin’ dorks.)

Back to getting to bed in the red zone...

Dec. 10

I woke up after 10AM.

After a bit of the usual, did today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 40 lunge step-ups with EC (20/20). Manageable work.

Second, Day 10 of the ‘20ACC. 3x10 wide legged squats, one super-set. Did contemplate on breaking it up, but eh, this was very

Third, Day 12 of the FhP. Level 3, 1′ rest. Back and core work - bridges were more fun than the planks, but doable. Did think i could’ve extended my counts a bit more. But nevertheless, reasonably challenging!

Last, Day 10 of the FCP. Agility Day. Level 3, no rest. I do so enjoy bouncing/hopping stuff and it was fun shifting into each exercise with continued momentum. I only stopped in between sets long enough to markdown completed sets.

Spent rest of night chatting, browsing, and making soup for dinner. I did also get some writing done too.

I got to bed around the same time as yesterday.

Dec. 11

I woke up after 11AM.

After a bit of browsing, listening to music, dog grooming, and getting dishes taken care of - I did today’‘s exercises.

First, today’s DD. 1′ chest squeeze with EC. Arms definitely got to trembling throughout this hold. Did try to mind how much recruitment was happening so I wouldn’t pull something. Mission successful.

Second, Day 11 of the ‘20ACC. 3x11 up/down dogs, 30″ rest. Finally met a day of this challenge that I couldn’t get through in one superset - this pacing//load was tough enough as it is. Got pretty bushed.

Last, Day 11 of the FCP. Tendon Strengthening Day. No sets. Just about manageable, took a bit of digging though.

I spent rest of night updating my logs, chatting, configuring computer stuff, browsing stuff.... and binge-watching Season 2 of The Umbrella Academy. (I enjoyed it!)

Went to bed obscenely late because of that.

#adventures with fitness #adventures with hello fresh #covid mention/#(so far my immediate circle/family are ok - just we had a potential means of exposure to investigate/mind)#(was too overtired yesterday to post ithis update then

1 note · View note

mirthless-misanthrope · 5 years

Text

Safety (Jotaro Kujo Imagine)

A/N: wow look! i wrote a sad :( but there’s some fluff at the end! so that’s cool

Trigger Warnings: child neglect, family issues, physical abuse (from parents), a whole lotta fear

enjoy!

Being the neighbor of the Kujo family is odd, but more pleasant than one might expect. Holly is a lovely person to live by! She always checks in on us in our house, making sure we’re getting used to the neighborhood and everything, and she sometimes brings her son, Jotaro over as well. I never leave my room when they come over, but I can see them from my window… I want to say hello to them each time they come over. The issue? Well… to put it lightly, my family.

Family is supposed to be important and supportive. It’s quite a shame that mine isn’t either of those things when it comes to me. My older siblings get all the attention and praise, but me? No, I get to be the butt of every joke, the failure child, the mentally unstable mess… And all because I’m different from everyone in the family. My passions are more with the arts than with science or home ec, and my family hates me for it. They want me to go off and get a job making a lot of money, just like they say to my siblings, but they drill the point into my head so much that it’s a nuisance more than anything. So I stay in my room all the time in an effort to stay away from their prying eyes and minds.

I’m Jotaro’s age, my siblings being older than him, and yet I’ve never spoken to him before. He seems intimidating. And considering my timid self, I don’t think he would talk to me even if I left my room and greeted him. His eyes would likely just pierce into my very soul and glare at me… and then he would scoff and dismiss me, just like my father does each time I try to show him something I make. Just that in itself is enough of a reason to never speak to him.

And so I don’t.

I don’t talk to him for an entire year.

But it turns out, Fate wants to bring us together eventually.

It’s my second year of high school now. I should be happy, but… my family has been having issues. Like, serious issues. Mom and Dad keep fighting, their screams so piercing that I’m shocked nobody’s called the police on them yet, and they even bring my siblings and I into the fights. They get completely drunk and lose all sense of morality as they beat on us (and each other). It’s the worst environment to be living in, so my siblings both move out as soon as they can…

Which leaves me there, trapped with the two monsters that are my parents until I finish high school.

Yeah, it’s kind of the worst time. I hide in my room still, but they get so wasted that they shatter my privacy and barge in whenever they want, fists and belts poised to attack me. I put up with it… What else am I supposed to do? I can’t tell anybody since my parents would likely kill me, I can’t call the police since, well, my dad is a police officer, I can’t run since they would find me anyway (again, my dad is a police officer and would send out a search party as soon as he noticed I was missing)... Nobody prepared me for a situation like this.

...

Saturday nights are always the worst, but this one in particular is the worst one of all. They’re usually good about staying away from my face... so the harsh smack I get across my cheek startles me into tears. That’s not the only injury they give me, but it’s the one that’s out of the ordinary, and it’s the one that leads me outside in the icy air.

I’m not running away. My feet just carry me around without a destination in mind. I walk past the Kujo household and stop in my tracks when I see Holly outside, humming to herself until she notices my presence and gasps. “Oh my god,” she rushes up to me, “are you okay? Here, come inside, you’re hurt, I’ll help you.” The feeling of her hand on my wrist makes me flinch but I know she won’t harm me… so I follow her into the Kujo household, eyes wandering around until I notice Jotaro reading a book on their sofa. Marine biology…? Interesting, I think to myself as I look at the book he’s reading.

“Here, put this on your cheek,” Holly hands me an ice pack, making me snap my gaze to her and nod as I take the ice pack and hold it against my cheek. “What’s your name, dear?” Her voice coaxes me into speaking. I tell her my full name and she gasps, seeming surprised. “Wait, you live right next door, don’t you? I know your parents and your siblings… They never mentioned you.” She frowns. “We’ve gone over there plenty of times, so it’s strange that I haven’t heard them say anything. But, who did this to you? Are there… any other injuries you have? We have a lot of ice packs, so I can go get more if you-”

“Yare yare, shut up. You’re overwhelming her.” Jotaro’s harsh voice cuts in before Holly can continue and he stands from the couch, setting his book aside for now. His eyes pierce me just like I always thought they would. “It was her dad,” he mutters after a bit. “I hear the yelling from my room every night.” Tears welling up in my eyes, I look up at the delinquent, giving Holly a reason to believe him.

The arms that wrap around me make me wince, but I don’t say a word as Holly gives me more affection than either of my parents ever gave me. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know… I’m not letting you go back there.” She leaves no room for objection, shushing me when I try to speak. “No, you’re staying here until further notice. I’m not letting you go back to there if they hurt you like this.” Her eyes are soft when she looks at me, but they sharpen into a glare as soon as she looks out the window towards my house. “Jotaro, go get the spare room set up for her.”

I’m surprised when he leaves to set up the room. He doesn’t seem like one to follow orders like that, and he didn’t show respect to his mother earlier, and yet… I can hear the shuffling in the other room as he sets everything up for me. How bizarre… “Are you… sure you want me to stay here? I mean, my dad, he… he’s a police officer, and he’ll send a search party after me until he gets me back home,” I murmur to Holly, and she just shakes her head.

“Listen here, honey, I promise you’ll never have to go back to that house again.”

That’s the end of my questioning since Jotaro walks back in, raising an eyebrow at his mother though he doesn’t say a word. My eyes dart up to him, wondering why he’s being so docile, though I know I’ll never get an answer. “I… Thank you, Mrs. Kujo,” I whisper to her before wandering to the room I’ll be staying in, Jotaro stepping aside to let me in. It’s late, and I’m exhausted, so I plop down on the bed and pass out.

...

It has to be around 3 in the morning when I wake up from a nightmare. The shadows in the room warp into hands that reach towards me, and I whimper, tears starting to drip down my face. My father’s angry voice echoes in my mind thanks to the nightmare, so I cry even more, clutching the blanket around me as a shield (though it doesn’t do much). Hiccups and sniffles are the only sounds that fill the room as I cry to myself, curling into a ball and weeping to myself…

That is, until the door to my room opens and a sleepy Jotaro turns on a lamp. “Yare yare daze, do you know what time it is? Why the hell’re you crying, you’re safe here, y’know.” He walks over and sits next to me on the bed, though his eyes look everywhere except at me. “What a pain… Oi, c’mere, I can’t sleep if you’re crying like that.” As I peek out from my blanket, he sighs, shaking his head. “I won’t hurt you. If anything, I’ll protect you from… whatever the hell you’re so afraid of right now.” That’s the only thing I need to hear before I throw myself at him, hiding my face in the crook of his neck as I grab onto his shirt. “Jesus, you’re really scared, huh? Whatever… Just get some sleep.”

And with the feeling of Jotaro’s arms wrapping around me, I know that he’s there with me, and he’ll protect me from whatever comes during the night, so I drift off into sleep… completely missing the soft smile he gives me as he kisses the top of my head and lays down with me.

“Yare yare… I don’t know why you’re the only girl I feel anything towards, but you’re safe with me.”

#Jojo no Kimyou na Bouken #JoJo no Kimyō na Bōken #jjba #jjba fanfic #jjba imagine #jotaro kujo #jotaro kujo x reader #jotaro kujo imagine #kujo jotaro #kujo jotaro x reader #kujo jotaro imagine #holly kujo #tw: abuse #tw: neglect #tw: physical abuse #protective boy jotaro #okay yeah this one doesn't make much sense

109 notes · View notes

tammythompson-singslikea-muppet · 5 years

Text

Falling for the enemy (Mike Wheeler Soulmate au)

Sorry it took so long it was hard for me to find a place I could take my laptop that has wifi cuz I currently don’t have any internet at my house (thank god for unlimited data imma right?) anyway......

Warnings: none? ??mentions of a bra?? (oooh so scary)

aged up 17

You and Mike Wheeler have always been ones to bud heads. No one really knew why, but something about one another just set the other off. Sharing mutual friends, the two of you tried to avoid each other as much as possible. Mostly because it wasn't fair to your friends when the two of you would just be bickering the whole time, but also because you couldn't stand each other. 2 months ago on the day of your 17th birthday you searched your body for the name of your soulmate. After a short search you found something that displeased you so much you nearly jumped out the window of the second story bathroom. On the back of your right shoulder read the name Michael Wheeler. You nearly screamed.

"Why the fuck is this my life. Why do things like this always happen to me! I mean come on, what did I do to deserve this!!" You shouted, ranting to your sister.

"Maybe its punishment for disturbing your sister's sleep all the time." Your sister rolled over shoving her head into her pillow.

For a person who likes to wear clothing that reveals your shoulders, you were cursing yourself for being born in July. Short sleeves for the rest of the summer it is. Thankfully you weren't a huge a fan of swimming, and if you really wanted to you could do so with just your sister since your grandmother has a pool. It was now September and you have successfully kept your secret for 2 months. The main reason you didn't tell any of your friends was because all of your friends knew Mike, so basically the less people know the less of a chance someone accidently tells him. Also because if they knew they would most likely taunt you about it due to you and Mikes animosity towards each other. Over the past months you have been less harsh and sarcastic to Mike. As a result he ,surprisingly, has been too. But unfortunately that has caused Max, El, and the boys to invite the both of you to hang around each other more. And as a result to that, one of the things that you had feared most this whole time has finally come to pass. You were starting to develop feelings for Mike Wheeler. You knew it was inevitable, but you still wanted to hurl yourself off a cliff the day you looked over at Mike from across the room while he was laughing and smiling, and thought to yourself Damn he's freaking adorable."

It had been about a week since that happened and today you found yourself in a bit of a sticky situation, literally. How literal you ask, well you were at the Wheeler's helping Dustin with his Home ec. project so I'll just let you think about that for a moment. Him and the boys were having a sleep over at Mike's over the weekend, but cookies were due on Monday and it was Sunday night so Mrs. Wheeler was nice enough to let Dustin use the kitchen. Will had brought a cool new movie for everybody to watch and since you were there while they were making the plans he invited you to come watch too; posing the perfect time for Dustin to suggest you helping him with his cookies cuz he's not doing great in that class.

"That's what you get for choosing a class solely based on how many cute girls you think are gonna be in it."

"Wait, that means you're gonna help me, right!?! (Y\N)?!!" Dustin yelled to you as you walked down the hall. When you got the cookie's out of the oven and onto the cooling rack, Dustin was looking for something to help put a little pizzazz, as he would say, on the cookies. That's when he would come across caramel, and it all went down hill from there. You and Dustin stood there laughing as you were almost all covered in caramel.

"Anybody have a shirt I can borrow?" You yelled towards the living room. Soon Lucas, Will, and Mike came into the kitchen to see your mess

. "Cookie's are done" Dustin smiled. "You guys better clean all of this up or Mike's mom is gonna kill you." Will laughed. You looked around at all the dirty dished and cringed. "Damn I wish I had a camera so I could show Max this" Lucas added. "Follow me I'm sure we have something old of Nancy's in her room" Mike headed up the stares and you quickly followed.

"No offense, but Nancy's clothes are totally not my style" You quipped.

"Oh, so what you wanna borrow one of mine." Slight sarcasm laced the teenage boys voice.

"Well I'm not just gonna walk around topless." Mike shook his head concealing a laugh.

"The bathroom is right over there, I'll knock when I have something." You walked over to the bathroom and tried to rinse the caramel out of your hair, and took off your shirt so you could put it in the laundry. Thankfully you hardly got anything on your jeans. Mike knocked on the door and you quickly opened it.

"Just put it on the counter." You told him as you turned around picking up your dirty shirt from the floor.

"Woah" Mike was caught off guard when he noticed the writing on your shoulder.

"Dude its just a bra." You turned back and holding out the shirt out for him. You noticed his face was pale.

"What?" You were confused as to why he was acting like this, completely forgetting the fact that his name was permanently placed on your shoulder. "My name is on your shoulder." Your jaw dropped as you remembered.

"Shit." you sighed.

"I'm your soulmate" He said in disbelief.

"Uh yeah" You quickly put on Mike's shirt and nervously brushed passed him and ran down stairs. When you got down stairs you rolled up your sleeves and helped Dustin with the dishes. Soon afterwards Mike came down stairs and excused Dustin from the kitchen.

"So..." Mike awkwardly let out as he grabbed a sponge and the measuring cups "I guess that's the reason you have been nicer to me lately." You internally groaned, not wanting to have this conversation.

"Uh yeah I guess so." You kept your focus on what you were doing in front of you, but you could feel Mike staring.

"Does anybody else know?" the boy questioned.

"Just my sister." You rinsed out the bowl then handed it to Mike, "Here dry that. I didn't tell anybody else cuz I didn't want it coming back to you."

Mike nodded his head in understanding. "Well I mean I was gonna find out eventually."

"Yeah, I just thought it would be easier if you found out on your own." Mike decided to cut the tension,"Well, You look nice in that shirt."

You looked down and laughed. "Its surprisingly comfy. Your mom has good taste." you teased.

"I pick out my own clothes" He rolled his eyes and defended himself.

"Wow, really I'm surprised." And for once instead of the usual huffing and puffing dick measuring contest , the both of you just laughed and finished the dishes.

*from the living room*

"What the heck is that all about?" Lucas pointed out to the boys. Now all of there heads were turned from the TV to kitchen as they watched their friends actually get along for once.

"Alternate universe. Gotta be" Dustin stated.

"What do you think happened up there?" Will and the rest of the boys were left puzzled till Mike's birthday when they finally found out. To say the very least they were shocked.

taglist: @campcampie

#mike wheeler #stranger things #mike wheeler imagine #mike wheeler x reader #finn wolfhard #finn wolfhard imagine #mike wheeler soulmate au

243 notes · View notes

cannibalcaterpillar · 6 years

Text

First time sleep paralysis; TRIGGER WARNING~

I don’t know how to do these. Uh..animal abuse/death? ~

So this morning (LITTLE AFTER 3AM GO FIGURE) I began my first horrifying adventure into sleep paralysis. This is something I’ve heard stories of and read about but never even came close to myself, tho I do I have night terrors often, they are VERY different.

Unlike most of what I read there was no demon that crawled from the darkness of the room to fuck me. No, I think maybe I was the demon. And I’m still shaking and terrified this was a vision and not just a nightmare as it took place at least a year from now because it centers around me mudering Cujo, and he was a fully grown monster hunter.

It’s interesting because I thought this was JUST a demon raping you thing, and this was nothing like that but I could still see myself asleep and the dim light from my salt lamp (that shouldn’t have been left on so it kept my attention) in the corner of my eye. I could see my breathing and I could feel that I wasn’t able to move. Spooky.

As a mentally ill gal on the psychosis spectrum who is unable to be medicated (that’s another story) honestly one of my biggest fears is myself. My symptoms as I age. In this particular horror story it started simple. Just a whisper. Oh you know the ones, the sneakiest whispers that aren’t noticed for their volume, but for the optimism and comfort with which they can inflect that it’s perfectly fine to murder. The ones that make you consider if it’s really that easy and fun.

Dream caterpillar was weak and almost instantly ready to accept these things as fact and within no time at all she was convinced that beheading Cujo was not only necessary but would free up some of the evil he’s been holding onto. The delusion, was that he would live through it all totally fine so long as I put his head back.

This is incredibly hard to write about as it just happened and I’m still shaking. It was actually the worst sleep incident I’ve ever had. (And I’m a CSA survivor!) anyways this was like an unedited video without time jumps or even time seeming to pass. It was all spent in a bathroom I’ve never seen that had no windows. And without breaks or even glancing away I watched myself saw off his fucking head. I WILL NOT go into detail. Once was enough.

It didn’t stop there tho. That was just one part of his purification. So as if this is the most normal thing on the planet (I was fully deluded now) I got den and told him to help me sew the head back on. He of course reacted as any a sane person who loved Cujo with all of his heart would.

As if a switched flipped in me I immediately hit him in the face and became something else. I was much more aggressive and scary, and I basically hit/bullied him into sitting on the floor shaking with this fucked up home ec project in his lap. Again. No breaks, no looking away, no blinks. I watched him in real time be traumatized by me. It was fucking hard. And every time I tried to move or wake up, the unmoving salt lamp made me more sure I couldn’t escape this trap.

As you may have guessed, he didn’t come back once his head was back on. And that broke my delusion and brought me flaming, crashing into the reality of the situation. Cujo, my heart. My soul. My service dog and best boy, gone by my own crazy fucking hands for no reason.

Immediately I blame den and start screaming and foaming at the mouth he needs to fix it. Just get a new puppy and we’ll call it Cujo he’ll be reincarnated and he’ll be just like he always was. WE CAN FIX IT WE CAN TAKE IT BACK HES OK. Just constantly screaming that over and over as Den went catatonic holding the corpse, and I started ripping out fistfuls of hair from my head.

And then Den woke me up to say goodbye before he left for work. I don’t know how long it took for me to calm down and come out of that but the suns up now so it wasn’t fast. I’m really sad he had to leave. I don’t know how the fuck I’m gonna shake this one off. I’ve never experienced something this intense in my sleep. It just HANGS there and I’m still even now convinced that was real and this is the dream.

I’m sure this had something to do with the original Cujo having rabies and being tested, but there was no mention of that being the evil he was hanging on to. I dunno. But baby’s got his shots so hopefully this shit stops.

TL;DR I had a bad dream I killed my dog and now I’m sad.

#sleep paralysis #paranoid delusions #actually schizophrenic #animal abuse #decapitation #mutilation

3 notes · View notes

missmeikakuna · 4 years

Text

(GL/Yuri) Shoujo Heroine... and Friends Chapter 14

Kunie struggles with newfound feelings. Please comment your thoughts and like this chapter if you, well, like it.

Rated: T

Fandom: Original story

Relationship type: F/F with some F/M

Description:

Sahana is friendly, innocent and optimistic, making her the perfect shoujo anime heroine… except she’s not the main character of this story.

When school prince Toyomi asks her out, she starts hanging out with him and leaves her friends behind. Prim and proper Masami and tomboyish slob Kunie don’t seem to have much in common outside of their friendship with Sahana, but they try to make the best out of a lonely situation. So why is the god of love and marriage watching them, red string of fate at the ready? CONTENT WARNING: Some homophobic language and bullying.

Chapter 14: I’m not worth your kindness

Bored as all hell, Kunie took out her phone and went onto the school’s Friendful group. She was lying on her bed and scrolling through the page when she came across Atsuji’s stories.

She found herself laughing at the witty narration but it was the serious moments that stood out to her.

He shouldn’t have felt good. How could we, when his heart was twisting until he almost couldn’t breathe? How could he possibly enjoy the feeling of walking in glass skin, ready to shatter at any hint of rejection? Yet, he continued walking, in hopes that he could get just a little bit closer to her.

She needed no protection, yet he felt a desire deep in the pit of his gut to protect her anyway. Or maybe he was confusing that with the desire to hold her close and brush her soft hair behind her ear.

Kunie remembered Masami’s habit of tucking her hair behind her ear. She pictured herself pushing her hair back, leaning in until she was ever so close to her lips.

Realisation crashed into her, breaking the glass in her face. Tears seeped out of the cracks. In her mind, the beautiful Takarazuka actor bowed to Masami and stepped back until she was among the other cast members and Masami was right at the front of the stage. Masami’s skin glowed under the spotlight. Why did it have to glow so much?

Kunie wiped her eyes but the tears kept coming. The lovely image of Masami on stage was quickly replaced with Dooru’s smug face.

After turning off her phone, Kunie took to staring at the ceiling until the ceiling appeared to be mocking her with memories of Masami. When that happened, she closed her eyes and screamed into her pillow.

Meanwhile, I tied Masami’s red string around Kunie’s pinky. As soon as I did this, I noticed how thin and frail the string was. That tempted me to enter the human world and scream into a pillow as well, but alas I had to keep at least a little distance. Destiny was in the hands of these two girls.

Apparently there’s a hangover for excessive crying, or at least Kunie felt something similar to that the next morning. The lack of sleep certainly didn’t help.

She could barely muster a hello to her classmates. To wake herself up she bought a dozen or so food items from the vending machine and ate as quickly as possible, creating a pile of rubbish all over her desk.

As soon as Masami saw the mess, she opened her mouth to complain, but then she saw the bags under Kunie’s eyes and bit back her words. Sahana asked her if something was wrong and Kunie didn’t respond for a while.

‘Nothing,’ Kunie eventually murmured, looking into her eyes and feeling every part of her body tense up. Sahana, who was walking back to Toyomi’s desk, was the girl who had defended her honour. Her honour as a perfectly straight girl who was definitely not crushing on their mutual friend.

‘Just because she has short hair doesn't make her a lesbian. Kunie is a wonderful person and I don't think she deserves you being so mean to her!’

That line repeated in her head, getting more distorted as time went on. Each time, the sound of Sahana’s laughter got louder and louder.

‘... doesn’t make her a lesbian. Kunie is a wonderful person.’

‘Kunie is a wonderful person. She’s not a lesbian.’

‘She couldn’t be a lesbian. She’s a wonderful person.’

Kunie choked on the piece of melon bread in her mouth. She spit it out and, as she returned to reality, she discovered that the laughter came from Sahana as she chatted with Toyomi at his desk near the front. Like she always did.

There was only a few tables’ worth of distance between Kunie and Sahana, yet it felt like they were in completely different schools. Kunie gritted her teeth and looked away, tearing another bite out of her melon bread. She left the choke-causing piece on the table.

Seeing that let Masami know that enough was enough. ‘Something’s clearly annoying you,’ she said, crossing her arms. ‘What is it?’ Kunie frowned. ‘Why can’t you tell us?’

Dooru sniggered. ‘Maybe she got dumped by a girl.’

‘Fuck off, Dooru,’ Kunie said.

‘If you hate me so much, call me by my surname and see how Ukiwa reacts.’

‘Like I give a fuck.’

‘Seriously, what’s going on?’ Masami asked. ‘Dooru’s not helping, but you know Sahana and I are usually nice to you. Did we do something to make you-’

‘I’m not worth your kindness.’

The lack of confidence startled Masami. ‘Why not?’

Kunie shoved the rest of the melon bread in her mouth and curled her hands into fists. ‘You wouldn’t get it.’

‘Try me. We get each other more than anyone else I know.’

Finally, Kunie looked up at Masami. She couldn’t help but smile, even if the burning in her cheeks soon got annoying. The morning sunlight from the window illuminated Masami’s face until she looked like the glowing Masami from her daydream.

‘You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll be fine in a bit. I just didn’t get much sleep last night.’

Masami’s giggle tickled Kunie’s ears. ‘That’s it? I think most people get what it feels like to have trouble sleeping. What kept you up last night?’

‘Uh, homework, yeah. But don’t worry too much. I’m doing pretty well in class. I just didn’t plan my studying schedule very well, haha.’

‘Fair enough. Ukiwa’s still late, so you can take a nap now if you want.’

Kunie held up some empty packets from the various sugary snacks she ate. ‘I should be fine for now.’

The two chatted for a good half hour, Ukiwa running later than ever for the weekly hour-long homeroom. Kunie was mostly paying attention to the glowing girl in front of her, but occasionally she would sneak a glance at the happy couple that was Toyomi and Sahana. They seemed to pay no attention to her and existed in their own little world. Their own little perfect world where they could love each other and not get crap for it. A world where they could, if they wanted to, judge Kunie’s feelings without Kunie even hearing them.

Whenever she saw Kunie scowl at the couple, Masami felt her heart crack. Each time this happened, she put her hand on top of Kunie’s fist and changed the subject, praying that Kunie would return her attention to her and forget whatever was really troubling her. She would lean in closer to help her with this task. It worked every time.

By the end of the half-hour, Kunie and Masami were inches apart. The sliding of the classroom door and the click-clacking of high heels pushed them away. Their panicked faces almost made Dooru spit a rat king of remarks but Ukiwa’s voice robbed her of that chance.

Ukiwa called the roll as quickly as she could and then asked everyone how they were doing. The students groaned, except for Kunie, who was too busy glaring at Sahana sitting on Toyomi’s lap to notice anything her homeroom teacher said.

When lunch rolled around, Sahana stopped to chat with Kunie. ‘You feeling better now?’

Kunie nodded, forcing a smile. ‘Yeah, it’s all good. Now go have fun with your boyfriend.’ She thanked her ancestors that she managed to say that with a convincing amount of ‘sincerity’. Sahana nodded and took Toyomi’s hand, resting her head on his shoulder as the two strolled out of the classroom.

Kunie and Masami went on an expedition to whatever room they could find to eat their lunch in. On their journey, they ran into Atsuji. Kunie considered complimenting him on his excellent stories, but the painful emotions they had stirred in her that night put a cork in her vocal cords. She could only nod as she passed by him.

The pair of friends eventually gave up on finding a spot and went to their usual spot in the Home Ec room. Masami cooked up a quick dish of cereal ramen. Kunie laughed in between crunches as the mix polluted her taste buds.

‘You’ve outdone yourself in terribleness,’ she said. ‘Do I taste soy sauce on these flakes?’

Masami pouted. ‘I will make a weird dish that you end up enjoying.’

Kunie put her hand on Masami’s. ‘I’m sure you will.’

As soon as her hand registered the heat of Masami’s, she let go. Masami bit her lip and brushed her hair behind her ear. It took all of Kunie’s energy not to hug her right there.

I noticed the red string connecting the two girls growing a little bit thicker and sturdier.

#lesbian #yuri #anime #fiction #romance #writing #LGBT #lgbt romance #Breaking Stereotypes #original fiction #drama #comedy #parody #Shoujo Heroine... and Friends

0 notes

storiesnstormsinmyhead-blog · 6 years

Text

Stories we tell ourselves

Some of us are born with a natural sense of bravado and bravery. Confidence in their collect features. But many of us are not, to many, such was the case for Reynold Roy Richardson, the third son of Miguel Jonathon Richardson. Reynold Roy Richardson, Roy for short, was born with exceptionally low confidence in everything. He was averagely tall and averagely skinny and had average body type and average coloring. Just another shade of blue in the fifty eight crayon box. And although some days he wished to be something better, he had no real motives to get there and so settled with being happy with his droll, tired, average self. He could shoot a hoop from half court given enough tries, and while the guys at school thought that was pretty cool, so could everyone. However one day his life took an unexpected turn for the oddest. It started in home ec class, his usual partner who added too much salt to everything was gone for the day, so he was paired with Ruby haired Robin. Ruby haired Robin was a loner oddball who watched asian cartoons and drank real smoothies and had short red hair the stuck up at odd angles. Her doctor who sweater was too big for her and her boots too tall, her glasses seemed to eat half her face under their big frames. As she sat down he could almost feel her discontent and irritability at the long day. They made cupcakes, but instead of putting a perfect hat of frosting on them Robin dolloped a huge drippy mess of hers, they cleaned up and she stacked everything wrong and it fell down in a huge clatter. It soon became obvious to Roy that Robin was exceptionally perfect, at being completely imperfect. The next day she had a homemade beanie and they made banana bread. She tried to start conversion.

“Hey you, don’t you think miss Barreyman looks like she should be wearing a bowtie?” It was an odd question but did make sense if you saw miss Barreyman. Miss Barreyman wore power suits and high heels everyday and drank black coffee out of a gallon mug without smudging a bit of her bright red lipstick. She looked like she could have gotten away with murder in her youth, but now had tired eyes and drippy eyeliner and less perk and pep.

“Yeah sure”

“You don’t talk much, do you?” Ruby chirped, honestly would she just shut up? Why did she wanna talk to me anyways?

“No”

“Oh sorry.” lapse silence “Do you watch doctor who?”

“No, but my sister does” My freaky man obsessed sister, I borrowed her laptop once when I was ten and that's how I learned how men made love, well gay men, in her adolescent imagination.

“Oh thats cool, Supernatural?”

“What?”

“The show?”

“I don-” the bell rang, “I gotta go” finally, free from her weird conversation topics.

The next day Robin wasn’t there, salt boy was back. we made brownies, I turned my back for one second and when the brownies came out of the oven they shimmered with a fine layer of salt, he had mistaken the teaspoon for the tablespoon again. We had no conversation, but I kinda missed the weird break from normality that was Ruby haired Robin. She didn’t come back the next day, or the next day, or again. Later that week there was an article in the newspaper about a young teen girl commiting suicide. However I got a nagging sensation she was still around. Rationally she couldn’t be, but I swear I felt her irritation and discontent still, following me around. Then it happened, I was just chilling in my room gaming and eating BBQ Lays when I heard a sigh, I looked up and saw Robin, or rather a specter of her, sitting on the corner of my bed staring longingly at the bag of chips i was eating. Gone was the dark makeup and cakey foundation that looked hastily applied. In its place was a plain, but not unadorable face, slightly boyish with freckles and light lashes. hair was several shades lighter and curly in a baby pony tail, and she was wearing a huge pair of dragon pj pants and a tank top with a bow on the front. With a gasp Roy leaped from the spot on his bed and to the window and started fumbling for the latch, he had seen enough horror flicks to know what would happen next.

“Eeeek!” Robin saw his sudden scare and jumped off the bed and backed towards the door.

“Holy crap you’re dead!”

“Obviously! I’d actually be eating those chips if I could. I haven’t had anything to eat in like five days and I’m dying…” She stopped realizing the actuality of the pun “Again”

“But you’re dead, like dead!”

“Yes I am, it’s all the aliens fault.”

“Aliens?!?”

“Yes aliens!” She settled down on the bed again. “I don’t quite remember my death but I remember that there was a bright white light like a beam and I was lifted up and then it was really painful and I died, and since God doesn’t exist for me it must be aliens.”

“Okay…” This chick was clearly mad, looney, but since I was seeing ghosts didn't that make me looney as well? “So what would I do about that?”

“Well I don’t quite know why but as soon as came to you were standing right in front of me. It was at school in the home Ec lab. And since then I can't wander away from you. It’s like you’re my earthly tether?”

“Well then untether yourself! And leave me alone. I don't believe in ghosts.”

She seemed to shrink, ”I’m sorry but I don’t know how to do that!!!!!” I immediately felt both bad and embarrassed, I was yelling at a dead girl.

“No don’t be sorry, I’m sorry for yelling, but seriously, you could try to untether yourself…” Even that comment seemed stupid to me.

“Can you tell me how that game works?” She completely ignores it.

“Um sure.” I picked up my controller and proffers it to her small hands when I realize it will just fall through.

Our heroes spend the rest of the day with Roy eating chips and pointing out how different buttons work to a confused and hungry little ghost girl.

“And see, The boss has been defeated and now I just walk over using the joystick to walk and steer and can collect all my booty-” He stops when he hears a soft sighing whistle, draped across the shelf in the corner is a sleeping Robin, apparently ghosts sleep. Her face is turned away and her arms are crossed as they hang off the shelf.

“Royyyy! Dinner time!” His mother called him to the table.

“Coming!” As Roy shut the door to his small room he remembered, the dead don't need to breathe, so if Robin snored it was out of habit, a painful reminder of the times she had been full of life.

“Why do girls wear so much makeup?” Roy's questions all seemed to be common knowledge to me. I wonder why his brain hasn’t thought to comprehend these things yet, I will not say as much however because it would he horribly rude. Many things he thinks are common knowledge I have not even began to think through yet.

“Well… because they don’t believe they look good without it or desirable to the people they wish to attract. And it is a mask to hide behind so that they can face others of their species proudly without feeling inefficient. I wear- wore mine as a mask so that people would leave me alone and know I did not want to be apart of their games.”

“What games?”

“The contest between girls to be the best, like how some girls like to manipulate guys into liking them just to feel important and get all the attention because they base self worth on those things. I guess I understand how they need these things to feel alive, and I won’t oppose them unless they hurt someone I care about then I will destroy them. There are too many to oppose plus it doesn’t seem fair to deny them their existence.”

“Why do you think you’re any different?” The question is loaded and Roy knows it.

“I’m not, I just try harder not to be.” He snorts in surprise.

“Why just people who are important? What about yourself?” This seems genuine.

“I’m not very important to myself, I guess I wanted to live because anything else is scary and the effort, but I don’t see why I should be special because I don’t have any special talents and I don’t want to run around being just self important.”

“Isn’t that view a bit insulting to the people who care about you?”

“Yes, but what else do you expect me to do? Go to K-Mart and buy myself some self confidence? If I’m just a melodramatic teenager like normal this should go away soon and if I’m not I’ll just go buy something to fix it.” I can feel my translucent shoulders begin to tighten up and tears hot in my throat, I swallow them down before they spill out. Funny how even ghosts can cry, I wonder if ghost tears have magical potency? One spills and as I reach up to brush it off Roy dabs it with a sleeve.

“Hey sorry, you okay?”

“Yeah sorry I’m just overactive!”

“Come here?” He awkwardly offers me a hug, I don’t want to be rude and also, even dead girls need a hug sometimes.

She’s a fellow comrade in normalcy, and I feel sympathy, I also know how it feels to be frustrated by my lack of talent. As she accepts my hug I also feel envy, men aren’t suppose to cry.

Air rushes past us suddenly and we are flung into space violently buffeted by wind and something else like small rocks. Surprise makes me grip the only solid seeming thing around me, regardless of the weirdness of the solid. I can hear Robin screaming, or is that me? Then stillness, we are jerked into a still space and righted, well mostly…

Blinking tears out of my watering eyes I perceive colors and then images, it’s like we’re standing inside a painting, fractured images surround us in ever changing patterns and textures. Robin gives a little gasp and moves fluidly towards one. I follow not wanting to get lost inside this seeming endless maze of mirrors and illusions. I manage to grab her bare foot as she is sucked forward into the image.

Space, outer space, below the earth twinkles like a diamond covered in muddy water and around us are lights and nebulas of dust. It seems like it should be cold but I cannot feel anything, Robin gives a cry of excitement and spins in a circle laughing.

“It's just like a story I saw once!”

“Saw?” I grab at a rock floating next to me and do several slow spins in place.

“Yeah, I saw it in a dream!” She tries to right me and ends up floating the opposite direction, I grasp her wayward feet so that we are not separated. A roar buffets by us and a giant, gray, blinking mass careens past us like a torpedo. The alien saucer heads straight towards earth on a warpath. Robin gives a little yelp of fear and puts herself in front of me, like her slight body can hide me from the probing spacecraft. Fear is written on her face, and for the first time I think I may believe her a little bit about the alien story. Air rushes again and a pulling sensation drags us back, until my room swims into focus before my eyes. Robin sits against the other side of the room frozen in fear, no matter of potato chips or british shows lures her out of her spot lodged behind the door.

When she finally moves her heart is set on finding out what happened, she swears it’s somewhere, somewhere in her memory she blocked out.

I know now I have to know what happened, no matter how painful or violating the truth, a morbid part of me needs to know. If curiosity killed the cat than satisfaction brought her back. Me and Roy watch movies on aliens; independence day, alien, doctor who: the water of mars. Nothing sparks recognition. I look for scars on my body when Roy isn’t home but all I find are all my old self harm scars with my new cuts that now would never heal, just glow a subtle red against my skin. When I look at then my head hurts remembering the mood that made me do that, but it seems with my body I also shed a weight that the doctors called clinical depression, funny, it felt like a weight before, now it feels like the aliens stripped more from me than life, a part of my mind i missing. My fingers burn to hold a pencil, stupidly i try, the pencil moves an hair’s breath when I go through it. I have nothing else to do so I commit to picking up the pencil.

“Hey so you know Ruby Haired Robin?” I casually ask Bryan in the locker room.

“Yeah! That chick who liked Brian and always carried a sketchbook with her?” Bryan is a tall, athletically gifted guy with killer abs and a crisp cut look like a male model. He doesn’t have much in the way of brains but if you give him a piece of paper he can write a sonnet to make shakespeare cry.

“Yeah her! Wait she liked Dwain?” Hm interesting.

“Yeah. Why do you ask?”

“Well… do you know if they stated a cause of death?” He cringes a little.

“Morbid man, yeah it said she had been big on cutting, there were hundreds of wounds all over her body and she had bled to death from a few in her sleep.”

“Okay cool! Thanks man.”

When I got home I rushed to my room, the door flies open to reveal Robin sitting at my desk. A pencil is grasped in her hands and she is so focused on her work that she doesn’t even start when I walk in.

“You cut?”

“Yes.” Her focus is solely on the picture she is creating.

“That's what they said killed you.”

“I know”

“Why aliens then?”

She looks up finally, “Because I never cut deep enough to kill me.”

“Can I see?”

“Some of it sure.” Carefully she lifts her pants leg all the way up to show me the red angry lines marching haphazardly up her legs. “It’s not a big deal, it doesn’t even hurt anymore.”

“Okay.” It’s confusing but she doesn’t seem in pain so I let go. “You liked Dwain?”

“What is it, question the dead girl time?” She is blunt.

“Sorta… sorry I was just curious… It’s more a question about why and what a girl likes in a guy… I figured you would know!” She smiles.

“Totally! Well I like Dwain because he was nice to me and didn’t ostracize me because of my looks and attitude. It’s more a kindness crush, I like him because he was nice to me and that made me happy! Then his friends started teasing him and he left me be… no one wants to be liked by a loner if their popular like that. Why you wanna know what girls like?”

My cheeks heat up like volcanos, “Because I like someone…”

“Oooooooohhhhhhhhhh who do you liiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkkeeeee!” She drags it out like a kid would.

“Marina….” “Marina K?”

“Yeah…”

“She’s really pretty, just watch out she’s one of the get them to like you just because girls. Play hard to get.” Robin bounces up and down laughing, “ Roy and Marina sitting in a tree, K I S S I N G! First comes loooove then comes marriage! Then comes Roy with a baby carriage!” Robin pokes me in the side and giggles, “And we both know how you get babies since neither of us were absent from health class.”

“You remember who was in that class?” “Totally, most of the people were too embarrassed to look up, but I’ve been familiar with that stuff for a long time and it was fun watching them all blush and nervously giggle.” Thoughtfully she adds, “well knowing Marina you won't have to wait till marriage for babymaking… just babies.”

“Were your parents doctors of something?”

“Sorta, why?”

“Well you were previously associated with the process of babymaking…”

“My dad’s a gynecologist assistant and my mom is a midwife. They didn't think their daughter should be left in the dark about one of the oldest acts of mankind so they got me a few books.”

“Wow, your parents are crazy…” She shrugs her shoulders.

“Maybe to some people, but to me it’s just how I was raised and I wouldn’t ask for anything else!” A dark cloud seems to form in her visage, “I’m really gonna miss that… Damn! Why did I have to die!” Her shoulders start to shake. “It felt like a dream until now, a dream I could wake up from, but I really am dead… And being dead sucks.”

Damn it, my eyes are burning and my nose is tingling in it’s odd, sharp way. I miss my mom and dad so much, my misunderstood, passive father and my hypersensitive, overexpressing mother. Roy looks concerned but I don’t want to be helped, I want to not think or exist anymore. Roy gasps and runs forward but his hands pass through me and when I look down in morbid curiosity, I cannot see myself at all. Then the world goes black for me.

Am I really dead this time? No… I’m just sleeping. No. Im awake, just everything but my mind has faded. I’m guessing I will die soon, again, but the only regret I have is not being able to tell my mother sorry for our fight and for dying, same to my dad. Damn this is stupid, why can’t it be anyone but me! I would happily go back to my disease ridden, messed up body to fix this. But I can’t, I really can’t, and I was stupid if I ever thought I could. After all this is all my fault.

She’s gone! She vanished, one moment so real, the next gone in a wink of the imagination. Snatched away like death took her again, mind, body, and soul. Like static. The air wavers for a second, then again, she flickers back into existence. I almost rush to hug her before I remember, then I pause. Her eyes look tired, like she left something behind when she reappeared.

The rest of the week pasts like a gray rainstorm, time drags on like a tired packhorse. Slowly and worn down until I felt like a walking corpse of a walking dreamer. The boring days of old seem rose tinged to me now compared to the ominous presence in my home. Robin had vanished again off and on when she felt like it and didn’t want to be seen crying ghostly tears. I looked at the drawing she had made to try to figure out what had happened, was it an omen… or was that just my desperate hopes?

In my dreams we frantically searched for her death among the fractile memories scattered in her mind. We searched massive desert plains with beautiful rose sponged skies on the verge of night as the sun tumbled down the throat of nighttime. We scoured the bottoms of ocean so deep that they crushed everything into itself and no light could reach into the murky waters, once you were immersed the only way you could go was down. But while I searched she stayed quiet, distracted. That is until the fourth tuesday in november.

“Roy!”

“Hgrm….”

“Roy!”

“Rrrrrrrr!”

“Roy RoyRoyRoyRoyRoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“What!!!!!!!!!” I sit upright and to my great horror Robin is chilling at my bedside shaking me awake.

“You sound like an angry twelve year old.”

“What do you want!!!!!!”

“I wanna have an adventure!”

“It’s too early for this…”

“It’s never too early for an adventure!” She chirps. God I want to strangle the dead girl.

“Yes it is!” I roll over and try to ignore her.

“Nope!” Her statement could have been followed by a cheery emojicon it sounded so ridiculous. To make matters worse as soon as my back was turned she put her icy hands through my back.

“S-Stop it!” She wiggles her fingers in front of my face, sometimes she is as solid as a wall other times as thin and vapor.

“I’m dead but I’m still here and I wanna enjoy everything I can!” She pouts then puffs hair off her forehead and to the side.

“Just ten more min.”

“Royyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.”

“Shhhhhh!”

“I will haunt you until the day you die.” Her threat rouses me from my slumber, no way in hell do I want her to witness my final moments or in fact the rest of my life.

“Fine, where do you wanna go?” I sigh and ruffle my hair.

“I want to go get closure so that I can move on into death.” This answer comes as a surprise!

“Why?”

“Because earth is hell and I want to go into nothing so I am no longer reminded of what I could have done or had. I don’t want to have to see my parent grieve or my existence slowly vanish until I become lost without worldly possessions and isolated until I become simply mad, I wish to go with peace.”

“Okay.” Though sad I thought it sounded completely reasonable. Being forgotten would be painful. “Where will we go?”

“I think I know, I remembered something when I vanished and I’ve been stuck here for a while, it's vague but I think if you help me we can figure out what happened!” She holds out her hands and I hesitantly grab them. A fuzzy warm vortex sucks us up in a silent vwoosh feeling.

Instead of the fearful nothingness that swallowed me up before I feel a warm calm, like acceptance. I had accepted the lonely knowledge that I had ceased to exist for my mother and father. When I had vanished I had gone to see them, I tried to talk to them but they just sat there at the table, my spot sat empty and a sullen silence engulfed the dinner. That had been the final straw, the piece that told me I was good and truly dead. My stuff had been moved and my clothes had been given to goodwill. Nothing remained of my stone collection, even my beautiful river rock paul was gone. There was no way for me to go back to my old life. No way to fix the problem. I was gone, I just hadn't let go. At first I had cried, I was unfair and horrible. I went back to Roy and sat beside him, he couldn’t see me. Life felt unbearable. Then I had appeared and saw his concern. I wanted to indulge in the feeling of being needed and cared about. But I knew I had to say goodbye to everything. It was painful. But I slowly grew accustomed to the feeling, when it became too much I went back to Roy. Now I just wanted to stop all together. I would like to say I am at peace, but to tell the truth, no, no peace for the walking dead.

So we flew forward propelled by that foggy recollection of a memory of mine. A memory I feel I must both dread and accept as a last piece of the puzzle of my death. I’m to scared to go at this alone so I took Roy with me because despite the extremely short and tumultuous times I have know him he has provided the most comfort to me of any person in my life. It’s not love or attraction of any sort, he has simply been kind and shown me support that I had not found anywhere else. In return I wished to give him closure in my demise so he was not left confused or guilty in any way.

I alight upon the asphalt of a sidewalk beneath a shiny street lamp. Dusk pulls over the hills in ribbons of smoky blue and clear soft purple and hazy clouds. Familiar lights glow from a familiar home. This isn’t the real thing but it feels so achingly like it my resolve almost wavers. Then I see a figure move.

Another Robin is inside that house, she’s in her room with a book clutched in her hands, it looks so small. She sniffs ungracefully and wipes the snot away from her nose, her eyes are red rimmed and her cheeks look raw and blotchy. She sets the book down and pulls the leg of her dragon pants all the way to her hip. Red lines across her hips ooze blood, she seems to inspect the wound before slowly letting the pants drop down. Next to me Robin stands stiffly, frozen as if in a trance. The image Robin seems to float to the bed and sit down. She snuggles down into the blankets, the scene looks peaceful even after the life fades from her skin, if you ignore the widening stain of red across her sheets. The Robin next to me is shaking and looks petrified. All of her natural seeming bravado is gone and all that left is a scared girl stripped of all her worldly possessions.

I have realised, that is not what happened exactly, it feels too neat, too fake. I wouldn’t have given up just like that. That’s not right.

At home again I sit tiredly spinning a basketball on my finger. Around and around it goes like the thoughts in my head. What was that light, why did Robin cut? Didn’t it hurt? Robin sits on my window sill and chews restlessly on her nails. Tiny, shimmery, crescent moon nail shards tumble from her fingers occasionally. Her cute features are twisted into a mask of concentration as she mulls over something. I can tell something didn’t sit right with her. “It was to perfect.”

“What?”

“My death.”

“How so?”

“I am a naturally imperfect person with many flaws and bad traits yet I died like a F***ing princess.” Sadly I think I agree, when I first met Robin I could feel her impatience and her imperfections radiating from her body, I cannot imagine someone with that much irritation could die without a complaint, hypnosis or not. “I may have seen my death but I don’t know what lead up to that. What made me want to lay down and give up?”

“What day was it?” Dread gnaws at my stomach.

“Tuesday… I think.” Oh god. “Yeah tuesday!” It had been the day we had talked.

“Do you remember anything?”

“No. Why?” We lapse into silence.

After a long pause, “Didn’t we talk that day? Barreyman and the bowtie?”

“Y-Yeah!”

“What did I seem like?”

I think back and remember her that day, “happy, chipper, and very very talkative!”

“Desperate”, she murmurs under her breath.

“Huh?”

“Nothing”, She turns away, but not before I catch a fleeting glimpse of her face, pinched with worry, her lower lip disappearing completely into her mouth.

“Cool cool.” I don’t know how to help her so I pick up my game boy and try to not think of her, she slowly vanishes, almost hesitantly.

Now I am back in ghost space, I know my presence near Roy was making him feel uncomfortable, after all it was me who died and invaded his personal space, I at least owed him the courtesy to have a mental breakdown outside of his presence. So I was desperate that day, then that begged the question what triggered this? It was obviously before Home Ec class or I would have been fine that day. What was so bad it had kept me down all day?

“Did you keep a diary?”

“Huh?”

“Did you, keep a, diary!”

“Sorta.” I slowly reappear into normal space. The only thing that can penetrate my ghost space is words I need to hear.

“Why don’t you go and look through it?”

“Well that might be difficult.”

Roy shifts to look at me over his shoulders, “Why?”

“The police confiscated it…”

“Oh okay.”

“Wanna help me get it?”

“Breaking and entering?! Are you kidding me!!! Try and stop me!” In movies the heroes always seemed to have to steal something and there was always a cool getaway scene with a cute chick and a car chase. It sounded like the perfect way to break the seal on my incredibly boring life, not that Robin hadn’t already done that, although her small a-gender cuteness took away from the mystery and just made her seem childish…

“Today? It’s in a back lab of evidence!” Robin looks nervous, I wonder what is up with her, maybe she doesn’t want me to see her diary.

“How should we get in?”

“Okay so-”

Her diary is small and compact and fits almost in my pocket, the little heart shaped lock is cheap and fragile and the keys jangle behind me as I sprint full force towards the parking lot. It took way too much effort to get in and fool the officers in the first place.

“Halt!!! Mr. John!!!!!” Two officers pound down the hall after me belts clanging. They aren’t quite willing to take out their guns yet because of who I said I was. After all they wouldn’t dare shoot Robin’s boyfriend, whom grief stricken stole her diary from the station to hear the last words of his dear departed love.

Dodging arounds a secretary desk out front I hurdle past the surprised desk attendant and out the swinging doors. Alarms blare, triggered most likely by the magnetic strip inside the diary hidden so that thieves would have trouble finding it. Next to me Robin shouts barely comprehensible, “Roy! Keys!” A wad of keys flies at me from the blur of color streaking by and I catch them. The first vehicle in the lot is a blue and white motorcycle. I grasp the handles and swing on starting the engine with the smallest key on the ring. It roars to life and ghostly hands clasp around my waist in a light embrace. I kick off and we are streaking across the road at seventy in no time. It feels like flying and I know that if we ever make it free of this mess I want a bike like this one. Adrenaline rushes like the blood in my ears muffling everything except my heart, my heart beat seems to be the beat of the world as I turn into the curves of the road. Police cars follow with blaring sirens and blinding lights. Robin squeezes my waist and suddenly we vanish from their view like an invisibility cloak was pulled over us. When I am sure we have lost them, confused and bewildered we drop the getaway vehicle at a streambed and trudge through the culvert upstream at least a mile before making our way to a local park. Exhausted I plop onto a swing back in the woods below a large old apple tree and take out the diary. Robin leans over my shoulder and we flip the the entries closer to the last one.

To Delinx Quarte

School still sucks, yeah I know I’ve said that to many times. I see no point to complete it if I feel like this no matter what I try to do with my life. My therapist tells me it's called clinical depression, I hope it goes away before I have to pay the bills. My energy is basically null and void. I guess at least you're there to listen to me.

To Delinx Quarte

Brian has shunned me for the eighth time this week, I guess I get it, I mean I’m the one who told Kristy I liked him and even if she said she wouldn’t tell, its high school. I guess I’m just stupid for thinking someone like him could talk to me after knowing such an ugly truth.

To Delinx Quarte

Roses are red

Violets blue

Im sad af

So F u to

To Delinx Quarte

Thank you for talking to me all the time.

“Talking to you all the time?” I look questioningly at Robin. To answer she picks up the book and shakes it. A small phone falls out, when I pick it up and flip it open it turns on with a whoosh noise. The screen clears and four new messages blink on the screen.

Robin I’m sorry for slashing, you shouldn’t have run, please come back I’ll bring you to a good doctor!

Robin?

Robin are you there?

Answer me goddamn it!!!!!!!!!!

As I flip through her phone the name Delinx Quarte makes sense, horrible sense. This Delinx claimed to be an alien, or he role played one. He told fantastical stories about beautiful worlds far away and amazing adventures, seriously he sounded like an author. One even make sickening sense as the space saucer heading for earth. He called Robin a petite princess and flattered her with praise for her ingenuity. He listened to her stories she told of cruel classmates and lulled her into false trust with pretty words. He even claimed to be a twenty year old lesbian. Robin told him about having no friends, and her lying confidents, and her crush who ignored her. She leaned on him and never questioned his motives besides being good and nice. Then he said he liked her. Told her what an intelligent girl she was, not like those other high school bimbos. He said they should meet and make cosplay for the next con, his place. The address sounded remote. Robin had her license and drove there herself.

Shakily Robin looks at me and in a small voice tells me what happened there, “I got there and it was ramshackled. She- sorry he didn’t wanna meet in the city because he said his anxiety would flare up.. I went to the door and he answered. I was surprised but he convinced me he meant no harm he just wanted me to be comfortable talking to me… Then we went inside, I was scared but I didn’t want to be rude… Then he starts talking all heavily. He’s an older man almost thirty and balding with grease stains on his saggy clothes and he had a ton of anime body pillows all over the place and his top pick in netflix wa my little pony! I didn’t wanna know what was in the corner… I asked him to not sit so close, even said I had a boyfriend now… But he knew too much and got mad at me for lying, he said I owed him for listening to my whining. I cried and he begged my forgiveness… I tried to run but he chased me, he had a knife and threatened me but I didn’t wanna get raped or killed so I ran, he slashed me on the thigh so deeply that my leg went numb in a few minutes. Then I got away and drove home. My parents weren’t home and I tried to dress the wound, my seats are black and I thought it was shallower. I realized it was to the bone and then I fainted from blood loss. I guess I bled to death… So I was killed by my friend who liked to pretend to be an alien and turned out to be a “Nice Guy”... Kinda pathetic.”

“Are you gonna let him get away with murder?”

“No…”

“Go get him girl!”

“What do I do?”

“Hide his porn stash, replace his anime pillows with guy anime pillows. Subscribe him to a yaoi(guy on guy) site where pre adolescent girls write fanfiction, put hot sauce in his lube… hide his wallet, and put password encoded age restrictions on his netflix so he has to watch g rated films forever. And then scrawl in ketchup on his mirror, I am always watching you. Then leave, and he’ll be paranoid forever.”

“You are truly satan Roy.” Robin smiles devilishly.

I never saw her again, she left and I was left to clean up my life. I faced community service for my crimes however the crime was solved with my help and when the police found the man he was sitting in the dark with a circle of salt surrounding him watching my little pony with horrible burns. He was arrested and sent to an asylum by his own convictions. I assume Robin went away peacefully after doing her part, maybe she stayed and saw his arrest however I believe she just left. I attended her funeral, her mother cried, her father left the room a lot. Brian was there, I could tell his consciousness was heavy with the idea he had contributed to someone's death or been able to prevent it but not done that, he was never the same. Her so called friends Kristy and Lillian were there, her therapist, and her extended family that could drive in from california to oregon. When I went up to view the casket I saw her cold face, beautifully made up in professional makeup, honestly it was weird, I missed the face only I knew, her real face and her faded hair all curly. Her cuts were hidden with a long dress and sleeves. After the funeral her mother approached me.

“Roy?”

“Yes..?”

“Okay, funny I’ve never met you, thank you for being such a good friend to my daughter! She left you something… I was almost like she knew she was going away…” Sadly she handed me an envelope with a hastily scrawled name on the front. Robin's mother was pale and mousy, her nervous eyes reminded me of a rabbits, hopping from place to place.

Dear Roy,

Thank you for being the truest friend I’ve ever had, you never lied to me and you helped me when I needed you most! You're my hero. Good luck with Marina, make her chase you… Sorry I can’t be your best man! Thank you! Enclosed is a remembrance gift!

Inside the package was a small drawing of a boy with a roguish expression on his face and a girl laughing openly riding on a motorbike that was blue and white. They seemed suspended in time carfree. I hung it on my wall, to this day I still muse over its detail and how the pencil has not faded yet.

Robin was the best and the worst thing to happen to me. I was labeled a criminal and a hero, I became not normal but am still unsure on how to become normal or not normal. It never worked out with Marina, she was to flakey and flirty. I married a beautiful, smart nerd at the age of thirty and started a family. Life runs smoothly and I wonder how Robin is doing, heaven? Rebirth? Whatever she is doing I hope she is happy as I am.

#shortstory ghost Art writing funtimes

0 notes