#anyway i totally get feeling weirded out abt it but to me its sorta like. yeah i guess bacon is definitely a component of that creature | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

temeraire · 2 years

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vaguely in the vein of that pet post you reblogged; like i totally get if someone is afraid of spiders/snakes/horses/rats/ect, why do you have to be actively hostile to even a picture of them online. wack. anyways am i the only person who finds it weird when someone has a pet pig and they name it some shit like "bacon". like to my knowledge pigs have the largest overlap of 'livestock' and 'pet' and even as someone who does eat meat i find it so weird that people with a pet pig would wanna name it after a foodstuff directly made from it. like yeah whatever 'ironic name' or something but whenever i hear about someone with a pet pig named 'sausage' or some stupid thing like that all i can think is "they barely have a distinction between pet and livestock". doing the same thing with pretty much any other pet would get you villified, although a lot of common (north american) pets are foodstuffs in other countries.

people who act like that are completely out of line like you can for sure be afraid but you dont have to make someone else feel like shit or threaten Living Beings They Love And Care For even as a joke

i will be honest, while i think calling a pig bacon or sausage is a bit cliche/a bit of an overdone name (like, really? you couldnt come up with anything more imaginative?) i dont see anything INHERENTLY wrong with it. i'll jokingly threaten to eat my birds and tell them that the only reason theyre safe is because they're too small to be worth cooking. but like. theyre my pets and im the one who cares for them and looks after them yknow? same as if someone was to call their pet chicken "nugget". i dont think id let anyone else make those jokes. i certainly didnt put up with it when i had rats and people wld try to crack jokes about feeding them to snakes or whatever

i also dont really make such a separation between pet and livestock? or at least i dont see how it matters in this situation. like obviously livestock/producing animals tend to be treated more distantly, and pets tend to be more personally loved, but even people with pet herps or inverts or even big aquariums (which are obviously not livestock) arent always super emotionally attached to their pets. its a sliding scale yknow? and theres plenty of people who keep animals as livestock but still cherish them just as much as people do their pets. either way i doubt the animal with a funny name knows or cares

#animal death ment //#just to be safe #anonymous #anyway i totally get feeling weirded out abt it but to me its sorta like. yeah i guess bacon is definitely a component of that creature #youre not wrong there! theres bacon inside him #regardless of if its kept as a pet or as livestock i think it should be treated w respect and care #im super tired after uni this morning sorry if this makes no sense

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ihatebnha · 3 years

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Ok just read your himbo Shinsou and I love it!!!!!!!!! And it honestly feels pretty in character (imo, bare in mind haven't watched past S2 but have read A LOT of Shinsou fic). It makes sense he'd spend his highschool years so focused on becoming a hero to prove he isn't a villain that dating just kinda fell by the wayside! And in turn he has just become oblivious to how to handle romantic attention or what to do with his own romantic feelings.

Like I can just see his internal thought process as he watches you walking with your group of friends 'she cool. And I wanna hang out with her. But how do? Oh! That guy mentioned protein powder?!?!? I do use that, I guess that'll work.' walks up to guy and begins convo 'wow......this dude is way too into protein powder. Like unhealthy obsession. The things we do for people we lov- NO! Not love! Cause that'd be weird. I just think she's cool. And fun. And like the most perfect person ever..........fuck............I should probably say something about protein powder again before he thinks I'm stupid..........' he's not loving having to talk to gym bro all the time but like you said, it just gets him into your group enough to hang out with you sometimes so it'll work.

And it'd be funny if when he asked you out you were just like, i kinda thought we were dating anyway......ya know buying my drinks, giving me your jacket, making me walk on the opposite side of the sidewalk away from the road etc.

He'll just be like.....oh yea. That was 100% intentional. Not me not knowing how to articulate my feelings and so just doing everything but telling you how I feel! Not at all!

Also, it'd be hilarious if gym bro's girlfriend totally saw how Shinsou felt about you and would purposefully set up things and then say her and her boyfriend had to leave so you and Shinsou could hang out.

Hope you don't mind me rambling. I just really liked your writing!!!!!!!!!

(himbo!shinso piece here!) (@velvetyfleur asked to be credited for the idea of himbo shinso)

Awww, hehe, thank you so much!!! I don’t mind your rambling at all, and in fact it makes me really happy and appreciative since i was actually afraid of it being a little... ooc.

Shinso is so smart and suave, so i feel like himbo-ness is the sorta... the complimentary (?) opposite of that, if you know what I mean (where it’s a good au but not unseeable)... as just like you say, it makes sense for him to be the type to not really pay attention to anything except his goals...

BUT YES about his internal thought process leading up to it... it’s funny bc i definitely imagine that at first, all he cares about is you, so he’d definitely willing to do silly stuff to become your friend, even if that means talking about dumb things to boys he doesnt know. it’s like a lightbulb goes off in his head when he realizes... i use protein powder... they like protein powder... they’re friends with y/n.... Inch Resting.

IT’S ALSO so sweet to me that you bring up the gym bro gf setting you and him up, bc i def feel like the girls would all know about your crush on him, too... like, after he joins the group, when its game night and the boys are all in the one room and the girls in the next, everyone’s talking abt him trying to fluster and tease you to admit that you like him, too. plus he’s so hot they like admiring him too LOOOL...

(shinso over in the guys room like: i wonder if y/n is having fun rn...)(and yea he creams them all at mario cart)

but EHNIWHEY,,, thank you SO MUCH again, legend!! it means a lot to me that you like my writing😢

(you should def catch up with mha tho so you can see shinso is season 5!!! you can do a little craft while watching or something, but i promise it’s worth it🥰🥰)

#anon ur so cute and sweet🥺#shinso #ask #anon #caitie chats #anon thoughts #Anonymous #🦊

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vaugarde · 4 years

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Knuckle Joe's Father?

whoops sat on this for a whole day... sorry

How I feel about this character:

how does he manage to be more interesting than meta knight despite having 3 episodes and maybe less than 5 minutes of total screentime. anyways i love him i always get sucked into fan interpretations of him whenever i get into a kirby fix

All the people I ship romantically with this character

uhhh idk if i ship it per say but there was certainly Something between him and meta knight i believe. otherwise idk maybe like ocs

My non-romantic OTP for this character

oh him and garlude for sure. when i was a kid tho i was weird and shipped them purely so i couldnt ship sirica x knuckle joe and lately ive been considering like. never making them involved that way in my headcanons but like theyre so close that when one of them was like “aw i want a baby” the other was like “i gotchu”. not sure i havent really been thinking abt it and idek whos who in that situation yet but like thats how close i think they are i think they are very good pals they are ride or die

My unpopular opinion about this character

kiiinda wish he wasnt characterized as really dumb in fanon often? it sorta rubs me the wrong way when we’ve seen no indication that he is (then again we havent seen much like at all but yknow). i love it when hes interpreted as silly for sure bc thats fun but making him dumb so that garlude and meta knight can one up him or roll their eyes at him is just weird oh my god typing that out made me realize it its bc they want him to be the metagarlude third wheel fuck this

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

i mean hes dead idk ig him living?? id love for him to have screentime. and also a canon name like garlude lollll and some flashback scene of him and baby joe...

#i miss him #mail #sociallyunacceptableorb

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years

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let's see those Prime Numbers for the ask meme

2) favorite albums?

well i was Ready for kesha’s album Warrior to come out in iiii think it was the end of 2012 or early 2013?? i snuck out to that tour in dc that summer also. totally solid album and it was fun to have something so fun during a totally Not Fun period lol. i was also pretty into owl city at the exact same time lmao, that’s Blatantly for when you’re depressed lol...and i also eventually saw that guy on tour when a new album came out in 2015, and that was fun too, and was Enjoying Myself a factor in the tipping point of “ah jeez i gots 2 get outta here” that i had in the next month? maybe! and uhhh i listened a lot to the phoenix te amo album. that one wasnt tied to anything at all but i have heard it So much. super short and also rock solid and relistenable. and then here we are and the bmc obcr is a gift to the world b/c a) it exists and b) Cuz It All Slaps and c) it’s so fun to either sing or dance along, or cry along if it’s the agtikbi reprise and d) lgw... and e) all the eternal, well-mixed wroland vocals

3) favorite memes?

oh god lmao idk......real earlier 10s stuff was the I Say Hey he-man meme, and the “that really rustles my jimmies” meme which was real underrated......there’s been plenty of Memes where i’ve been like “this one is funny to me Every Time” but of course now looking back on it it’s like. what’s a meme??? Vine

(skipping 5 & 11 cuz that’s the Entirety of someone else’s ask and i don’t wanna just have to scrap theirs completely and i’ll get to it next!!)

11) favorite fanarts?

you know what, there’s continuously been a ton of amazing fanart where i’m like, i’m so glad i’m seeing this, & this is Artistic Fuel, and marge simpson anime has really been just this Standout Experience lmao like......idk for as Inspiring as it is, there’s only a couple things i’ve drawn that are Directly inspired, but i just flip for it all the time and like, it’s supremely expressive and like, comics that aren’t chronological but more like a Collage Of a Moment / Concept which i think is super cool and also i love when stuff reminds me that it doesn’t have to look ~super cleaned up~ to look great.

13) favorite people you know?

oh god this one really got out of control lol i started like, talking about everyone ever from this past decade. so for Convenience i’m interpreting this as “people *i* know, but they don’t know me” so that i can cheat and say will roland, voted person of the year 2019. by extension, essential supporting crew who helped us reach this point, like john simpkins or joe iconis. leave it at that!! it’s 5am and you know i’m not lying. who knew where going “wow, This guy” in late 2018 would have so much Value.

17) a fandom you wish more people were in/you had more people to talk to about?

oof hmm.......amnesia tdd didn’t really have a “fandom” even though it obviously got a lot of attention, it’dve been fun if it had though lol. it’s tricky to answer this one cuz i always prefer like, smaller fandoms and/or finding the Niche or some other way of just like, interacting with a small corner of things, so i’m never like wow god damn wish i’d been absolutely in the thick of it with this thing. i’ve been in Corners n Niches and it’s been fine by me, really

19) a fandom that you had the best time in?

HMM lol.........marble hornets sure was fun but like, a lot of that was just the content itself and not necessarily The Fan Experience, tho i sure got a lot out of it in a ton of ways. i mean tbh that’s true of each thing i’ve really Gotten Into majorly, i go hard af and then walk out the other side with these #connections or #experiences like whoa where’d these come from lol!! but really like, overall, i’m probably having the best time right now. the “fandom” is basically just our agenda lmao but like i said i’m always having the best time when it’s a pretty niche deal, And the sheer variety of Contents n Characters to draw from here is super nice, and the fact that it’s like, oh yeah and i’m finally recognizing this should’ve-been-obvious entire Passionne i’ve had since always, and that’s great too, and like, also just having the Variety Of Live / Current Unfoldings that go down.....like, everyone havin fun with the Joe Iconis Xmas Xtrav was entirely great. and just the Engagement level is basically the best, cuz like there’s the times where maybe i’ll get a zillion notes and that’s definitely fun in its own way but i always enjoy just the way smaller amount of ppl who are Particularly Enthusiastic, and like, there’s times where like, maybe i’m *technically* in this larger circle of ppl but like, totally more of like a Tangent or peripheral to that circle or whatever lol........this feels like a really solid balance of like, being sorta in this orbit of people in a chill way, but also definitely the direct interactions Existing, which is always important lol but hasn’t always been a constant throughout my Fandom Experiences at all

23) who were you at the beginning of this decade?

2009-2010 was a real distinct year lol i was in my second year of college in the middle of my teens, when i’d hardly really been getting to Explore My Interests Freely up to that point and still wasn’t, but all of a sudden it’s like goddamn i have to figure out my major???? and i’m like, obviously in the middle of only just now Really getting to figure out my identity in this deeper and more genuine way, thanks to being lucky enough to Live On Campus and be away from home like, 2/3 of the year, but i was just like, oh god i’m in Stress Hell now all the time cuz like. i’m trying to figure out my whole thing and what my ~Career~ should be and i just have no idea but am like, trying super hard all the time lol it was not successful and i was just really stressed about it all the time. i was def quieter back then.....pretty lonely at the time, i did not get into mh and gain the presence of any Online Friends until late 2010, and i hadn’t yet been sort of accepted by a small faction of theatre people via my roommate’s connections.....i wasn’t at all Out yet, and was def In Progress of figuring it all out.....i didn’t have nearly the Self-Esteem i have now lmao, it was Not a great time and in a lot of ways ‘09-’10 was the start of a downturn into Worse Than Usual Times, though in Other ways it was definitely an upturn lol like. the latter related to stuff that was important to me / who i am, the former tied to the situations i was in and the godawful morale that resulted

29) a time when the worst case scenario happened but you pulled through?

well by the end of 2012 i had my Wrath Parent deluxe mad at me big time, AND i was stuck at home all of thee time with that (not at all hours but. every day.) it was terrible!!! tf was going on in 2013, cuz that shit was definitely like, a gross blur of a lot of indistinct misery. and then, relatedly, when it was so shitty in 2015 that i was like fantastic, i am so officially sick of this i’m outta here. i revisited some Misery Posts from that period lately for someone stranger on twitter’s project or something, and boy i was having a bad time Summer Of ‘15 lol, things not getting better at home And a job that was so shitty that it was like..................bye. lol. and then i spent a year living out of a minivan. which was real lucky in ways b/c like. infinitely better than if i had not had that minivan. and when that broke down i was also then lucky enough to have this friend who was relatively nearby who’d also been willing to just like, set me up to Not have to ask the lgbt center where that trans-friendly forest zone a couple cities over was. nothing as dramatic as it could’ve been, fortunately

31) a time you were scared?

hmmm when leaving The Parents Home overnight, that was intimidating. bit of completely jumping into the unknown there, and also like, when you spend your lifetime assuming that Someone’s Arbitrary Wrath will be uponst you always, it’s hard to shake that sense of dread and doom, like ah jeez i am really potentially bringing hell on myself here........and like i mentioned with Start Of The Decade, there was just a ton of fear there all the time lol, trying to figure out virtually overnight The Whole Of Who I Am And What I Want when i’d only just even gotten to start......also i wanna say i maybe came out in 2011?? and i sort of also felt obligated to come out to my parents also (plus i think i was giving them like, one last chance to surprise me and be decent and kind of Grow Up themselves even tho i was the like, 16 y.o.) which yknow, kids you do not have to come out to anyone at all. someone was talking the other day abt how they didn’t think lgbtq “discourse” had evolved as much as you’d hope over the past decade, but idk about that, it's only a little bit of a wildly complex topic, and for starters Online Trans “Discourse” of a decade back was wayyyyyy in a vastly different place than it is now, leaps and strides really. so the way to ~really~ do it was presented kind of more rigidly i think. anyways i did it via email and was incredibly stressed to even open the reply a couple days later lol......which ended up being really weird and vague, and then there was a phone call where no one brought it up, and the only result was increased ire and resentment :( ........and then there was still like, cops encounters! near or not-as-bad-as-they-could’ve-been vehicular collisions! but tbh generally my reaction to the latter was underwhelming, except for one particular time when i was a passenger and also tense af for the rest of the ride. that’s it for Immediate fear really lol......oh wait one time i was at this decent sized Convention Panel Event and when i’m nervous i can Only talk more (it’s possible!!) and i snuck into line for the q&a and Right when i got to the mic (intimidating) they were like oop we’re low on time, lightning round!! :’] that was obviously more just a crapton of l’anxiete

37) a fashion that fell out of style that you wish would make a resurgence?

were Gladiator sandals this decade? the strappy deals that like, went up the ankles / calves? that was in fashion for a year or two and i’m into it. i like sandals and that kind of drama

41) something you learned a lot that not a lot of other people might know about?

i don’t know that i learned way a lot of anything that’s real in-depth knowledge and niche lore.........i have learned Nothing

43) an important relationship (of any kind) you had?

i had???? lmao well either way let’s say current relationships count and like, pretty much everyone in my Sphere i value a lot! i never like, have or have had a ~close~ ring of ppl around me lol like i thought it was lucky if i talked to someone Every Day (and not at all the Usual thing) and now it’s more likely that i talk to two people every day and maybe that sounds sarcastic but it’s not at all lol. i know my social stats aren’t impressive but i so appreciate what i get to enjoy and have. and other Connections might be way more like, we are friendly acquaintances, we talk on rare occasions, we haven’t talked at all in ages, we talk but only to trade cute pics of cats, Etc etc, but i seriously do appreciate all of everyone who’s cool who i get to interact with in any way and like, be in each other’s spheres and Not just like, absolutely on nobody’s radar. also obviously soph you are here in that list in case i wasn’t implying it good enough lol it is 5am and god knows deciphering what i say at any time can be its own challenge.....ur Epic Highs and Lows of bmc 3.0 is so good lmao

#hell yeah tysm now also i should go for Passing Outs #(where you pass out like knocking out)#thank you Three Other Asks i see and appreciate it as well #oh wait shit four!!!#lol #it's 5:20am bed time bitch all day hit the hay #i forget what i say here i've been on and off doing whatever for the past 5 hrs obviously lmao #nothingunrealistic1

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6ad6ro · 4 years

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okay so very few ppl on here will care abt this.

i like pro wrestling but rly only follow it from a "historical" point of view? like it's culture and horrors and evolution and all the lil details are fascinating. i still watch classic matches sometimes idk. but mostly interviews and clips n podcasts and yeah. tho i loved it as a kid durring monday night wars etc? it's weird its sorta repeating now tho. ANYWAYS...

so i love wrestling history. and i love wrestling announcers. interviewers. and managers. classic ones like gorilla monsoon, mean gene, jim ross, some talent/announcers like macho or jessie? but the heels (bad guys) were my fav. bobby the brain. sensational sherri. and the legendary jim cornette.

some ppl will know where this is going.

i love jim. jim... is an amazing heel. but in like classic wrestling? u also gotta know it's a business that thrives on trying to get it's fans emotionally invested. to make them care. how do u get ppl to sustain disbelief and want one person to beat up another? you make them angry.

you offend them. that's what you did. that's what you DID.

and jim loves classic wrestling so so much. and he hates that we all cant go back to when a lot of fans believed it was real. warts and all (to me it sounded horrifying but i guess it was exciting so).

but jim is very aware it prob cant go back. and he's old. he's trying to be retired in a way. but he still loves wrestling? so he does podcasting mostly now. and announcing. etc.

the thing is? like... it's very common in wrestling for the best talent to actually blur the lines between their character and their real personality. and jim is exactly that. jim "cuts heel promos" probably every day of his life. and even now on his podcast, he is a heel.

as someone who has watched most of the popular promotions, or at least was aware of them, from 1984-now? this is exactly a heel. jim is being jim.

but that... includes being very heel-ish about his ideas (that he def believes in tbh). and not apologizing. even when you should. like i can tell jim is less black and white with his feelings than he lets on? but for him, podcasting and interviews and social networks and ESPECIALLY announcing? is on the clock. he. is. a heel.

but that's why it sucks. because even when he says outrageous backwards stuff? even if i can be like "omg you stupid old man", i also know he's playing it up. and i get what he's trying to say?

but not this time.

i'm pissed. like idk. i guess it was gradual? i listen to his podcast constantly. its fun. he's angry. says many good things. a few awful. i say "you idiot". and then he and brian last talk about classic wrestling memories and it's AMAZING. i love it so much.

but idk like... idk. recently he made an old (a joke he's been telling since the 80s as a heel) racist joke like "this dude is so tough you could strap a bucket of fried chicken to him and have him bike through ethiopia". yeah. really obviously super racist. he got fired for it. because he told it on a wrestling show like NOW like in 2019. racism was sadly "acceptable" in the 80s. it was common even in the 2000s in wrestling?

but this is 2019? and jim. being jim. is a heel. and DENYING it's racist. he's saying "it's a STARVATION joke!!!" bc he is a heel. bc he knows it's racist but he must heel. even on his podcast where he's "totally honest" etc. but god podcasts and radio shows are just as fake as wrestling? and jim is lying.

but unlike wrestling?? people BELIEVE jim. bc in some ways, it's hard for even ME to tell when he's lying or not. bc it WORKS. and that's the issue. jim is making all this money? bc he found a way to be a good heel in a format that still believes he's real. and YES he DOES act like that irl too? but jim capitalizes on that and plays it up.

and that's the issue. because naive people. hang on his every word. and you look in the comment section? and it's ALLLLLL just "lol sjws" and "i love starvin marvin south park" and "haha racism funny". these people are being turned more racist. because jim wants to make people angry. it's no different than like alex jones. it's funny for us out of context, fine? but it's actually creating hate-mongering.

i may not stop listening to jim, and i'll always consider him a legend. but oh geez? even as a heel podcaster (and i really hope he isn't stupid enough to think his argument is right)? jim is REALLY pissing off anyone with a brain. me included.

a few extra jokes isn't worth the cost of ACTUAL RACISM, dude. even for a legend.

#long #wrestling #sorry i still love him #but dont be prejudiced for real fuck off

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caroloftheshells · 4 years

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recent screen exploits (herein: parasite, good time, mr robot, twin peaks)

parasite: ik i sound like every person ever when i say this but man what an incredible movie. i’m so happy i got to see it in theaters on i think its last day of matinee-price screenings in my area. the pacing was great and so were the visuals/camerawork-- everything makes sense in hindsight and it’s one of those movies that has really stuck with me days after seeing it. starts out as kind of a dark dramedy / heist movie and then hangs a left into the thriller zone. the way bong joon-ho uses physical levels/space/enclosures as well as more subtle visual cues to emphasize the social/class horror elements is really neat and something that i guess this shares with snowpiercer (which i’m using as a ref because that’s the only other one of his movies i’ve seen) but i think this movie feels more nuanced & precise wrt that in part because all the characters across the board feel more real and lived-in. also this gets bonus points for being a movie with a food allergy subplot that isn’t totally ridiculous and actually contributes to the story rather than being a weird deus ex machina-- as previously stated everything makes sense in context and i think that’s cool. anyway tl;dr it’s really compelling & funny & disturbing; favorite movie i’ve watched this year by far (it’s only been 17 days lol but still).

good time: robert pattinson runs around exploiting various people / ruining various lives in pink & green lighting for an hour and a half. this is one of those can’t-look-away train wreck sorts of movies where everything just continually gets worse for our protagonist as various forces close in on him, but also the dude gets less and less likable as things progress. robpat’s acting is great and he fully embodies that increasing level of unhinged scumbag. the score is also really good and successfully anxiety-inducing imo. that said i feel like this is almost a good movie about privilege/racism/the criminal justice system but maybe the writers didn’t quite go there or commit in terms of the framing. like, i guess i’d say i feel similarly abt how this one treats racism as i feel about blade runner 2049 and misogyny(?). it’s definitely there and it’s soaked into the plot but the framing of it is not super precise i guess from my viewing bc we’re constantly stuck with the white guy protagonist. uhh other cw’s for csa / statutory sa involving a teenager; ableism; shaky cam; drug use

mr robot: finally caught up through season 3 on this; no spoilers allowed for s4 because i just figured out how to watch it and haven’t yet. anyway i went back to this show after uhh several years and despite It All because the number of disaster lgbt’s outranks pretty much every other genre show i know of currently airing, and i like rami malek, and also i heard there was a sad and screwy wlw ship that seemed very much up my alley. so lo. anyway i’m still struck by how much i care about all these characters whose fundamental surrounding plot/situation is kinda meh. sam esmail was really like “how bout a show about sad anticapitalists in their 20s, mostly bisexuals & lesbians, having wonky relationships and coming to terms with their trauma” and the result is i guess i’m having fun. i appreciate the commitment to Going There re the abundance & complexity of the aforementioned characters while also giving us a few token cishet white men who are either evil or die. i mean tbf everybody’s probably gonna die at this point but w/e

twin peaks: i’ve only watched the first episode but i am finally jumping on this train and it is enjoyable thus far. as i said earlier i appreciate the sorta record-obsessed ditz representation we seem to be getting with our fbi protagonist dude. i have managed to avoid a significant portion of the lore here despite having been a scifi/specfic nerd my whole life so it’ll be interesting to see how it holds up in 2020

#carol overreacts to movies #carol overreacts to tv #carol overreacts to life #very long post! also formatting is probably bad but w/e

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chiaki-c · 5 years

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Watched endgame lmao. warnings: salty

Generally speaking it felt much inferior to infinity war. I hadn't spoiled myself but like the time travel was p much what i was expecting i just didnt think it would be so drawn out?? Like it felt like those shenaningans basically took up the whole movie when i assumed it would be more of a means to an end thing? Idek.

I was hoping we'd get some loki by the end of it but :( it took me and my sister a while to realize oh wait he wasnt included in the people resurrected with the gauntlet right b u t he did escape in that other timeline so i guess pretty fucked up way to sorta concede that he is maybe probably alive but also kinda you know?? erase all of his character development post the first fucking avenger lmao this feels like doctor who bullshit all over again. I hate time travel.

I want to know why the russos hate thor so much. Like in infinity war they didnt retain any of his progress in ragnarok but at least it was pretty standard thor shenaningans but why was he selected to be comic relief this round. Like i thought bruce had gotten it bad in infinity war but god. The need to have him not only be pathetic for laughs but also heavily underline that it was his mental health declining making him act like that aND OPENLY MAKING FUN OF IT AND OF ITS MANIFESTATION. WOW?? I honestly can't begin to see how they could be so blatantly insensitive about it in such a big movie. And valkirye being like "and he drinks now :///" like HELLO?????? HELLLLLOOOOOO LMAO

More thor ranting. It was nice to see frigga but, again, her talk with thor really enforced the feel that ragnarok development never existed and also like. It was nice but. You know who else didn't get a single chance to say goodbye to frigga and never actually make peace with the passing of the only person who wholly accepted him?

He also didnt get an abundance of meaningful scenes really. So you know. Missed chance, maybe.

Anyway.

It was so dirty of them to kill nat. They didnt treat her right once, not a single time (winter soldier notwithstanding) so of course they had to end her arc the only possible way. by doing her dirty.

Like in a way?? I'm extremely emotional about clint and nat reunion + her literally giving her life in order for him to spend the rest of it with his family but i just phisically can't bring myself to ignore that they still preferred to kill a woman who, despite all the different flavours of questionable writing was at her core always!! a character whose heart was genuinely in a good place and who didn't get a single reward for her continuous efforts to make up for her past choices. nah she got to die so that Bad Man With Family could be happy. Like im not That mad but also like i can't not be yknow!! And still im so!! About the hand holding and forehead touching bc yes I AM GOING TO DIE MAD ABOUT THESE TWO AND WHAT IT COULD HAVE BEEN!!!!!!!!!!

Also Nebula. I was so excited the first half abt her bc it felt like she was getting to be part of the team but then THE MOVIE NEEDED HER TO BE FORGETTABLE ENOUGH TO THEM THAT THEY WOULD NOT NOTICE WEIRD BEHAVIOR + HER STAYING OUTSIDE?? WHILE THEY WERE USING THE GAUNTLET LIKE LMAO WHAT. And then bc they needed to wrap up no one got to say bye to gamora even tho she wasn't their version of her but still yknow with those people apparently being unable to be brought back you'd think it would warrant a lil emotional moment? Idek. The amount of this movie that was lost to silly gimmicks is more irritating the more i think abt it.

Lmao @ carol and okoye being in the promos for the woke points and then amounting to jack shit in the actual movie

They really did say fuck stevebucky rights uh. Idk what even to say about this just. Bucky never gets anything. Im wondering why only steve gets to have a chance at a normal life in his rightful time. Could it be bc maybe bucky didn't have anyone besides steve to go back to? /thinking emoji Too bad he wasn't as up high in steve's list of stuff then. I'm saltier abt this one than i originally realized :/

Ppl who are more eloquent than me can surely talk better about the time travel inconsistencies but yeah. A lot of it was glaringly wonky and up to wide range of interpretation which i guess is very convenient for them but to me ends up being kinda unsatisfying especially for like. The big final chapter.

and i gotta say i got really emotional when tony said i am iron man aaand through the whole death scene. I'm gonna blame my period for the tears but honestly?!?!?! I feel like the part of me who basically grew up with this franchise and put a lot of emotional investment in it just really went all out at seeing that. Like i was such a big iron man stan and even when that toned down a lot i always liked him till the end so!!! :'( but compared to natasha his death was a lot more fanservicy id say and like. Of course he'll get all the honors and stuff and it wasn't like totally unexpected or anything. I'm mad at myself for being emo about it but yeah couldnt help it anyway :(

but yeah im mostly meh about it unfortunately

#i already vague complained on twitter but i felt like articulating a bit too #endgame spoilers #useless posts

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thirdmagic · 6 years

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Mm, the more I read of F/go and the more I see/read of its depiction of David, the more I get hit hard with incredibly mixed feelings about his characterization. Not about him as a character, because he's David and I stubbornly love and adore him anyway for so many reasons, but more about the way he's written...?

Because I actually very strongly get the sense that he's been hit with the 'we have no idea whatsoever what to do with his characterization or with him in general, so let's shove in a bunch of gimmicks in him, make him a gag character, and call it a day' stick, which would be one thing except the results are.... really not that... funny?

I mean gag characters are all good and well but what they're trying to do with David in that respect kind of... falls flat, and the results are sorta inconsistent, dry, and feel sorta forced. Some of it I enjoy-- the moment he started hitting on Atlanta in Okeanos I was super endeared, and there was a lot that I really enjoyed in his appearance during the Christmas event-- plus the fact of him going 'lol what the fuck is Christmas' which made me feel pleased and mildly vindicated-- but that's more of a matter of personal taste of anything, and some of the gag elements and gimmicks of characterization can be harmless while some are just a little insulting.

(Like, if this were a Western/American series I'd be seriously side-eyeing the fuck out of making him obsessed with money-- I wouldn't be accusing the writers of antisemitism or anything but I sure as hell would be side-eyeing it.)

And the thing is that not all of these gags are completely out of nowhere, because the David of the Torah was very much a man with a weakness for women and material/physical things, but that in itself is not a bad thing because Judaism never ever once treats a love for the physical as a vice or a sin in itself (abstinence and chastity as a virtue is a 100% Christian idea, for the record, just want to throw that out there) and overall the writing still portrays him as a flawed but good man who within the Torah's own text and depiction is depicted as a very admirable and positive but nuanced and multifaceted figure.

His obsession with efficiency and streamlining probably stems from his nature as a pragmatic, practical war general, except this also means having to acknowledge that in the Torah he is emphasized, several times, as being a man of war-- it's a huge and integral element to his character in the Torah, and begins with his very appearance down to the reason he wasn't allowed to build the Temple-- and this element of his characterization is also removed... which makes sense on one hand since this is clearly Young Innocent Shepherd Boy Who Doesn't Like Battle David, but the fact is that the absence of it still clashes majorly with many elements of his characterization and writing.

And I mean, it's not the inaccuracies that bug me. Complaining about inaccuracies in Fate is pointless because this is a waifu game in a franchise where King Arthur is a teen girl with a big titty AU version, half the female cast are girl versions of originally male historical figures, some of which are serious, serious stretches since they don't even look vaguely like they could pass for male and no reasons are provided for why history recorded them that way, and honestly, that is the least of Fate's inaccuracies and artistic liberties/muckups. No, if it were just that, it’d be all well and good and I’d have a laugh abt it and call it a day. What bothers me is not that, but that David's character writing is just ... lazy.... It's the fact that there's so much about his writing and the gags/gimmicks that's actually true to the text in ways that I actually find surprising, even if he was clearly 100% written as a Christian figure and not a Jewish one-- but there's also so much more to him than that?

He was a lady-lover with a fondness for physical and earthly pleasures and very efficiency-minded, yes, but he was also a deeply complicated man with a strong sense of moral integrity and justice, well aware of his own mistakes and when he was blinded by them and struggling with his own sins; he was, I repeat, very much a man of war, who had blood on his hands more than just Uriah's but because his kingship and reign were very military-oriented and the prosperity he brought about came about that way. He was, among all those things, incredibly humble, modest, and truly went out of his way to attribute all his victories and successes to God and went out of his way to dedicate and devote his life to serving him.

This is a guy who spent his youth as a tiny shepherd boy who his own father barely remembered when introducing his sons because he was busy tending to sheep somewhere in the backyard and got anointed as king as a little kid on a rooftop in a desperate time because Shaul completely dropped the ball on literally everything, and became king out of manipulation not because he was a schemer but because he was guided towards that sort of coup de tat in a time when it was necessary. And I know Fate and its writers are absolutely capable, and have in in them to write a character who has those same depths, because come on. This if Fate. There's so much about the original material that they could do with that would be right up Fate's alley and would play so well into the themes Fate, and Nasu, love to explore about heroism, modesty, kingship-- and I really get the sense that they were just lazy to do any of that despite how you'd think a character who was the father of this game's major antagonist and key character would deserve that sort of thing.

Like, this is the sort of depiction I'd find downright insulting if it were written by anyone else (see: white American Christians), but I really get the sense that the reason it turned out that way is honest to god pure laziness and because nobody involved had any idea what to do with David or how to write him so they slapped a bunch of traits on him and called it a day. And this why I can honestly say that I'm Not Mad, Just Disappointed, because Fate is totally 100% capable of NOT doing that.

Anyway, point is, Nasu should have been the one writing him. Nasu would have been able to do it. He'd have taken a whole buncha artistic liberties for sure, and some of it would still be inconsistent, inaccurate or weird, but he'd still be as rich in characterization and rounded and alive as everyone Nasu writes, and his characterization sure as hell would have more meat and life to it than it does now.

(I still love him tho. Still love him and always will. I can't have an unbiased opinion on this topic because a) Jewish bias and b) I was obsessed and fascinated with him as a kid and he has a very special place in my heart still, and despite this rant I just wrote, I still love a lot about what we do have of him. Also, he's extremely cute, adorable, and smoochable, and I'm sorry, have you heard his voice, because it's the actual song of angels, and every single fucking voiced line of his in the game makes my heart flutter, and I'm shallow as fuck.)

And for the record: despite the way this reads or some of what I’ve written, I’m not writing this in the least from a religious perspective. I’m 100% as secular and atheistic/agnostic as they come, and I don’t see the Torah as something genuinely holy or a 100% accurate record of events that actually happened exactly as described, and my relationship with religious Judaism is... complicated, at best. I’m writing this from a Jewish cultural and ethnic/national perspective-- not a religious one. Because even for the most secular and atheistic of us, there’s still a major value to the Torah and every character and figure in it, culturally and historically, and that’s the perspective I’m looking upon his characterization from.

#fate grand order #the sword shall not swerve #words words words #i swear this isn't as salty as it looks #i'm more frustrated/disappointed and sad over wasted potential than anything else

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former-cannibal-3 · 7 years

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Tjis should be under a readmore...

U know i stumbled on some shit a min ago, i kmow i kno im supposed to be asleep but thats what happnes when u ha e no stable sleeping patterns, but anyway.

I stumbled on some shit a min ago abt self DXers n lsisk, i totally jumped the gunto what i thought i had was schizophrena bc of all the shit i was gocing through aroundthat time was so bad. I wasnt making it up to look cool or anytuing at least. I was having legit issues and it nearly killed me i stx.

But anywayy i never actual got diagnoses and ai have mo ed past that point of self dx, but i still have sympoms so i just refer to my probelmss by symptom instead of diagnoses names anywayyyyy

But like. Im so fucking glad things have sorta mellowed out. Shit never completely went away, stuiff still weird aand kinda scary a lot. I have a better grasp on it now ttoo. The worst part nowadays for me is that i can no longer see my boyfrineds grandma and not be so terrified that im nearly panicking so like that relationskip is tarnished, and also the other worst part is that because most of the actually friequent hallucinations i STILL get that actuall scare the shit out of e are stillfive nights at freddys and i hate that so much bc its like ooooh tjis scary game scared you wow its SUPPOSED TO DO THAT but also im sure its not supposed to give me vivid hallucinations going on what like three years now. :/

Anyway im just… doing better to manage any symptoms i have. Its the best i cn do right now.

Excuse my shitty typing im onmobile and lazy as shit n dont feel like correcting any of that lmaooo. N it would b cool if u like this if u read it but like, u dont have to im just slightly paranoid still. ;_;

Goodnight for the fifht time now, lets see if i actuallly sellep or not.

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cupidcomplex · 7 years

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Can u literally do all of the questions for the fallout thing im so interested

fjkfd omg YES… also i already did the last ten tho so I’m gonna do up to 42, also this is gonna be rlly long so its going under a read more .

ok HERE goes:

Which Fallout game are they from?

New Vegas since its the only game in the series I’ve played

Which faction(s) did they join and which did they destroy? Why?

SHE JOINED THE KINGS… also she doesnt hate the ncr that much. they’re a bunch of normies tho.. she hates the legion a lot n she like. killed all of them. at nelson.

What is their S.P.E.C.I.A.L.?

i cannot remember for the life of me.

Give us a summary of their backstory.

She was born in freeside, her parents were really just fireside bums n so she never really had a strong sense of family. She sorta roamed around freeside as a kid and tried her best to stay out of trouble.. she still found trouble tho , but luckily she sort of had the skill to weasel her way out of it. Eventually when she got to be a teenager her ability to get out of sticky situations sorta came in handy n she decided to become a courier! n then she got the platinum chip n benny came along u know the rest

What’s their full name and does it have a meaning? Do they have any nicknames and how did they get em?

Her name is just nikki n the meaning is that its close to my own real name.. they don’t really have any nicknames but its ok

What’s their sexual, romantic, and gender orientation? Do they feel comfortable telling other people?

she’s a lëśbïâñ n idk i don’t think she cares much abt her gender as a whole its a post apocalyptic desert she’s just up for whatever. No-one ever really asks abt it but she doesnt care telling em if they ask

Do they have any mental illnesses? How do they cope?

Yea, she’s got som trauma related issues (which comes mainly from when she stumbled into nipton/nelsen. seeing innocent people suffering so much n treated so cruelly kinda #fucked her up.. she knew they did bad things but not.. like that) also she has adhd n she gets distracted a lot n takes a bunch of silly things around with her but its cool, she copes a lot by internalizing things n it doesnt rlly end up too good but she lives

Do they have any medical conditions? Is medicine/ treatment available for them?

she’s fully mute! everything she says in signed n then she found a way 2 work with the followers so that ED-E can translate it for he

How much do they care about their outer appearance? What’s their “beauty routine”? How often do they shower/ bathe?

she’s more into the function of her clothes than the looks, but also she takes a bunch of pre-war clothing n sometimes when its quiet or safe she n veronica hav like a dress up party together n its cute

What do they fear the most?

the legion

They’re biggest flaw? Do they recognize it as a flaw?

SHES USELESS WHEN IT COMES TO CRAFTING STUFF.. she cant repair anything. and she is painfully aware of it but its more of just a funny thing.

What are they most insecure about?

her abilities when it comes to helping people.. she gets upset when she doesnt have the skills to help a certain person/group of people

What Wasteland threat do they fear the most? (ex. Deathclaws, super mutants, raiders)

DEATHCLAWS THOSE THINGS ARE THE W O R S T .. also centaurs are creepy as hell really any of those weird fleshy monsters

What’s their zodiac sign or which one do you think they relate to the most?

she’s an aquarius bc thats what i am lol

What are their placements (if you know them)? (ex. Aries sun, Taurus moon, Aquarius Venus)

i have no idea man

What’s their Myers–Briggs Type? (ex. ENTP, ISFJ)

hm. idk? she’s an extrovert tho she likes to communicate

What Harry Potter house would they be in? (ex. Gryffindor, Ravenclaw)

ravenclaw

Which Pokemon Go team would they choose? (ex. Instinct, Valor, Mystic)

MYSTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Out of the nine forms of intelligence (rhythmic, spatial, linguistic, mathematical, kinesthetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, naturalistic, andexistential) which one(s) are they really good at and which one(s) is(are) their weakest?

she’s good at linguistic and spacial stuff, not so good at mathematical

What natural alignment are they? (ex. Lawful Good, Chaotic Evil)

chaotic good

Do they have any hobbies? What are they?

She likes collecting things! especially NCR berets. she has like. a lot of em.. also she loves to go into places that have info on pre-war relics! ALSO SHE LOVES OUTER SPACE

Do they have a favorite holiday? How do they celebrate it?

she likes valentines day! she thinks its very cute n most often she spends the day just hanging in the desert n idk thinking abt love n also if she can find some she would kill a man for som chocolate

What’s their favorite season?

winter!

Do they have a temper or are they level headed?

very level headed, except for when it comes 2 the legion n then she just kinda goes ham

Do they express their emotions freely or hide their true feelings?

she’s good at hiding em .. but she doesnt love to

Are they a leader or a follower?

leader!

How do they come off to others? What first impression do they usually make?

her first impression is usually that she’s quiet and distant, but when people get to know her they really love her! she tries to be really helpful always!!!

Do they prefer to travel alone or with company? Who have they traveled with if any? Current companion if any?

COMPANY .. always.. she hates being alone. also she’s traveled w/ ED-E and veronica, also rex, and Arcade Gannon! she does wanna travel with every companion though!

Would you describe them as selfless or selfish? Does it depend on the situation?

its depends a lot on the situation! When it comes to pre war relics they are HERS but she does her best to try and share medical supplies etc.., for people in need

What do they find most attractive in others? Name at least one psychological and physical trait. (doesn’t have to be romantic attraction)

A good sense of humor! also, they have to be cute.. someone she can bond with over more than just being in love

Do they flirt often? How easily do they fall in love?

SHE FLIRTS AS MUCH AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE…… she’s a total romantic… its very cute.. also she falls in love like every other week its silly

What’s their love life like? Are they interested in anyone or in a relationship?

Its.. something all right fhjdsk… she flirts a lot (ESPECIALLY W/ VERONICA) but she would very much like to have an actual relationship at some point!!!!

Do they prefer to solve things diplomatically or using violence?

Diplomatically, if lives can be saved she will try her best to save them (also 100 speech babes)

What is their combat style? What range do they prefer? Do they sneak?

She kinda just goes in, no real style… i guess she does prefer ranged, though.. also she doesnt rlly sneak well unless she like. wants to

What weapon(s) do they always carry with them?

caravan shotgun, 10 mm submachine gun and UUUHH frag grenades and DYNAMITE…

Their most prized possession?

her NCR berets/ the tiny gifts that the kings give her in freeside!

Their thoughts on power armor?

she’s never tried it but it sure does look cool!

Favorite armor/ outfit?

THE KINGS OUTFIT.. ITS SO CUTE..

How’s their aim? Do their hands shake while pointing a gun?

she’s a good shot… she uses guns a lot but they r often too heavy for her lol

What are their thoughts on having to kill on a daily bases in order to survive?

she doesnt love it but she does view it as a necessary evil.. like she rlly hates killing the fiends n people who are naturally just living there but she doesnt mind killing the legionaries bc they suck ass

Does it take a toll on them? Or do they shake it off rather easily?

yea i say it does. especially in the NCR mission to go into the vault and choose whether to kill the trapped people or help the NCR.. she sometimes regrets her choices but she learns to move on

Thoughts on death if any? (ex. Fear it, accept it)

She finds death just to be a part of life.. its all a cycle and it just goes on.

Do they move around a lot or prefer to have a place to call home?

She moves around pretty regularly, however she still views freeside as her home!!! she has a permanent room at the atomic wrangler, too

ANYWAYS sorry this took so long!!!!!!!!! thank u for sending it to it was really really fun to answer!!!! :D

#egg answers #fallout #FHGDJSK THERES ALOT HERE U DONT HAV TO READ IT ALL IF U DONT WANT TO #rnangata

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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years

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3 am’s a crazy time for it but it occurs to me i may as well give a heads up that i am like, for real at the present assuming that i’m gonna like, sometime in the very near future here be going offline again, in that sort of my ~plan~ (my one-step plan) is seeing if i can get myself on a bus (hopefully) and see if that can get me to the west coast. and from there i’ll just be like, well here i am in a place i’ve never been before, being unhoused for the second time but this time not living in my car, which is a bit different than living right out in the open, which i’ve never done. this, for example, is why i was looking up how to do makeshift stp devices. way easier to be able to pee wherever you are than have to find a place you can drop your whole pants, or an actual bathroom. apparently cutting the end off one of those plastic liquid medicine measuring things with the sorta spoon at its mouth works. anyways

i suppose it hasn’t necessarily showed but for a few weeks now i’ve def been feeling The Impending Pressure and it was getting down to the wire there not knowing if the Last Day Online would spring itself on me suddenly. but i can at least say i think i’ll have a days warning now and be able to say something with at least a matter of hours forewarning and not like, a matter of minutes. its been sorta wild though like, sorta assuming its like a Two Days Remain situation and in the midst of the unpredictability of depression, trying to just enjoy things as they’re happening, the simple stuff like chatting with people and being able to put my bullshit thoughts online...cranking out a fic chapter because it’s at least a better place to leave it hanging than it wouldve been otherwise.....just consuming this content that’s enjoyable and chill af.......i tell ya what—both in terms of being Fun and Anxiety-Reducing and Good Distractions and also, a great opportunity just to be talking to people on the daily which has been and continues to be absolutely fantastic—having been On that deh/etc will roland train for the past couple months has been a total gift. it was some great luck stumbling into that, seriously

anyways it’s weird! it’s weird thinking just like, i’ll suddenly do this thing and be on the other coast and just step out and be somewhere i don’t know and with no particular destination and maybe the lgbt center i looked up will at least tell me whats the best area to be in, sometimes they’re in the know abt that re: where’s a better spot to be homeless in than others. and from there, y’know, all i’ve been doing for years and all i can continue to do is absolutely wing it. and it’s funny that this all seems slightly less intimidating to me than it wouldve like, a year or two ago (even tho two yrs ago i was technically homeless lol but living in my car so like i said its different from living Right on the street) but honestly, obviously, it’s still very intimidating because how could it not be. i’m maybe not AS anxious but i’m still anxious and even though i know i could do it, i’d be stressed tf out and anxious as hell and shit while i was doing it. i mean, a crosscountry bus ride alone—i’ve never done that!! what if i mess up switching over to a different connecting ride between stations. bus and train bathrooms unnerve me, god forbid i have to get past someone to get to the aisle to GO to the bathroom. and, yknow, just a really long bus ride—how do you manage to sleep, how do i manage not to fall asleep at the wrong time cuz i doubt there’s an attendant telling you to get off at the right stop. though god knows it’s somewhat arbitrary where i’m deciding to go, i have no especial connection in one particular place over another, i think i have an uncle and cousin in CA but i don’t have the first idea where and i don’t know them at all

ugh. like there’s no actual way to feel good about it but if i’m gonna go somewhere it might as well be in a completely different place and i could try the west coast and i’m not one for making careful plans or thinking that making careful plans about your life works unless you’ve already got a lot of control about your situation, which i don’t. and it’s always been p inevitable that i wind up “properly” homeless, and it happens, and i don’t pretend it doesn’t scare me, but what are you gonna do? c’est ca que c’est / la vie. this way there’s a chance that A Big Change might lead the way for something better, and like hey if i die or some shit i die, which has always been a possibility anyways for the past like 6-7 years especially, what with how shitty i’ve felt lol. but i have no attachment where i’m at now and just. it’s hard to explain i guess if you’re not in the kind of place where i’m at but there’s not a lot of choices in the first place so, if i can choose the location, if it can be somewhere new where i MIGHT like to be for once, that’s better than not. and somehow so far i’ve managed to go with the flow surrounding big changes and sometimes wild situations, even if i’ve felt like crap and been super worried sometimes too. i don’t know for how many years now i’ve been Not assuming i’d be alive by the next year, but here i am having gotten this far, at least. it’s fairly impressive even if i don’t have any amazing achievements. believe it or not i’m pretty satisfied with my Achievements as just like, dumbass blog posts and fic/art and occasionally contributing something someone enjoys and getting to talk to people sometimes. it’s how i’ve been able to enjoy myself in the midst of some really awful times for the past like 6 yrs and i’ve appreciated it every day i’ve gotten to surf the net

like i guess it’s like haha, nerd, that half of what i’m worried about is being offline. but it’s a big deal being able to connect w the world beyond your immediate reach and distract yourself and say things and maybe even Enjoy yourself and also actually get to talk to people. but hey sometimes even people who live on the street manage to snag wifi connections somehow. i’d have to ask them how, lol. but, yknow, like i said, for a couple weeks especially it’s been like , Not Assuming I’ll NOT Lose Internet Connection and thus really trying to bear down on appreciating it. not like being offline for 5 months or so didn’t also make me appreciate it extra already. i was gonna say i survived it but i did get wildly depressed throughout like, august? september? probably both lol. anyways. what i’m trying to say i guess is that i’m not actually assuming i’ll be okay, but that only means so much because like, not to sound dramatic but i’ve pretty much never been okay on account of ive been just a half step away from living on the streets ever since leaving my parents house where i’d previously lived my whole life, which was an abusive situation. and also the depression and the years of really wanting to die which, at least 2018 didn’t have TOO much of that, in terms of feeling like it might be impending. now i can’t really be bothered, i’m just floating along and if i die i die, right. what i’m trying to say is, there’s not really any Good Proper option to choose where i’m definitely okay, so it’s basically about choosing between bad options, and with this choice i might at least like the location a little better, change of scenery, not as cold as here, i dunno. there’s not a way to just choose my way into being okay. it’s all a roll of the dice anyhow

also it’s weird but one thing about being on my own is it takes the pressure off me in certain ways and it’s a bit easier for me to Do things. if there’s anyone else to answer to in any way, i tend to just not ever decide anything and definitely don’t pursue anything. i’m one of those ppl who either has to live alone or with ppl they’re really really really comfortable with, and since i don’t have the latter around and nobody especially me can afford the former, it’s like, well, how is not everybody homeless anyway, right? and people do it. because yknow, you have to do it, it’s suddenly just your situation and somehow people get through every day. idk. learn as you go. what can ya do. it’s choosing between various bad options, i could also just wander into the mountains and die, but i’d rather not, and offing myself is Way a hassle, and also would be difficult, same as dying of exposure/dehydration in this middle of nowhere patch of mtns. i might as well try my luck at being in a place where you COULD maybe survive or something, and where i could at least feel like, if i do manage to have any good things happen, i would even possibly want to be in that area and be more comfortable living there. i have no roots anywhere and only have a No Zone (near my parents house) and so its sorta like, pick a random place to be!! lol. ahhhh

what can i say. it also sucks having to think “boy, in addition to not dying, hope i don’t get physically/sexually assaulted—also, how do people get water??” but......such is the way that it is. i don’t know. i don’t think anybody looks at impending homelessness and goes “i’m okay about this and not at all afraid.” and it’s strange to talk about how this is sort of ~by choice~ but it’s not exactly, in that i didn’t choose to only have abusive family and how even though i was working while living in my car it would never have been enough for rent probably even if i had someone to split it with and i also didn’t choose to not be rich in the first place and *the economy...... .png*

sigh. i dunno, it’s hard because i can’t talk about it a right way or long enough and get to a point i don’t feel intimidated or upset that once i Go Offline i’ll for real just be on my own unless and until i manage to get online for a moment again, in which case i’ll still be on my own, but i’ll feel a bit less alone, ha ha

anyways. speaking of trying to appreciate the simple pleasures of talking about whatever weird shit i wanna talk about and pushing myself to draw/write as it feels like it gets even more down to the wire—time to do that! 4 am and time to draw this weird meme & hopefully crank out the rest of this oneshot & maybe even draw again, and maybe again—it’s cool cuz i slept weird the other night and then got again weirdly tired in the afternoon and took a long depression nap w sorta fun, sorta bizarre dreams. augh. so at least i figure i’m just cruisin now, Not Sleeping-wise

i might have to ask a favor eventually in that there’s something really super simple i ought to look up, but i’d have a ton of trouble making myself do so because of anxiety, yknow how it is. but i’ll ask that if and when i ask it

#ugh.....#i feel like it was right before or after xmas when i watched that vid about Will R talking about his film role playing a homeless guy #and he got like seven words into it and like as soon as i processed it i burst into tears lol....RIP #it’s 4 am what’s upppp...more like WHO’S up

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