#anyways if anyone has anymore questions i'd be happy to answer them ^-^

[shaxxuality]

this ghost ask list provided a rly good opportunity to talk abt cola since i dont think ive ever made an actual post for them or talk abt them much in general!!

the gifs above are their three most notable ghost shells, and the scenes they're gif'd from are even canonically compliant with their timeline. 😌

questions and answers are under the cut :} and it's LENGTHY just as a warning lmfao

legendary shards. What is your Ghost like? What character traits do they have? Cola has a bit of a strong personality, as in "if I don't wanna do it, then I won't" which has simultaneously always existed in and trickled down into Calamity. Not that there's never been a time when they've had to essentially suck it up and do it anyway, considering what their guardian career entails with Calamity, after all. They will speak up to voice their say on a matter when it's necessary or affects them. I will say I do think they were a bit too dependent on locating Calamity and subsequently kicking off their joint guardian career early on, because they really wanted to find their guardian like everyone else around them was and also were eager to prove themselves (as guardian and ghost) like they had been imagining for a long time. Another trait they share with Calamity is they can be a bit arrogant, especially when Calamity ends up involved in some of the canon "Young Wolf role" instances. This also includes a "nah that won't happen to me/us" attitude from time to time, even if on a deeper level they're definitely more concerned than they let on. A prominent example of this is while the pair work with the Spider, hypothetically a fellow ghost or anyone else could question about Cola's comfort around the dead ghost shells that their "boss" keeps, and Cola will simply (figuratively) shrug and reply that they're dead and don't need them anymore, or alternatively: "better them than me". However, it's also worth noting that Cola never physically manifests in the Spider's presence for a long time, showcasing how they try to keep up an appearance and not seem as concerned as they may actually be. Overall, Cola sounds like a mini-Calamity as far as general overall personality goes, though they definitely do have their own differences naturally. However, Calamity doesn't do anything that Cola isn't at least partially on board with either for the most part. Cola is also very proud of their guardian's accomplishments, which in turn makes them their own accomplishments as well since Calamity's very survival depends on Cola, and the ghost knows it. The long-lasting working relationship with the Spider was/is a bit more muddled, and quite frankly the pair's involvement with Spider is a separate MASSIVE can of worms I won't delve into here obviously, but it's also worth noting that Cola is every bit of willing to continue said working relationship as Calamity is regardless of any fleeting wariness.

glimmer. Is your Ghost a loner or has a friend group? Do they hang out with other Ghosts or Guardians? Before finding Calamity, Cola had a small circle of acquaintances - mostly fellow ghosts also searching for their guardians. They would keep in contact, catch up at the Tower if any or all of them happened to be around in between their searches, and I'd say there's a good chance Cola has met at least one of the more prominent guardians at the Tower (Vanguard, the in-game vendors, etc.) even if it was just a group setting. However, Cola typically focused on their search. Even moreso as one by one, more of their acquainted ghosts returned with a guardian of their own. Cola was always genuinely happy for them of course, but would still experience a small pang of envy and unknowingly resort to isolating from them for a bit as they would turn their attention to searching to try and push that envy/feeling of being left behind away. Their envy would often leave them in that mindset of "I think I deserved to find mine before them and it's unfair" though it's not a thought they'd ever voice out loud, even if in their most frustrated and dejected moments, they really wanted to. Currently, Cola has adjusted better once they found Calamity. A few of the same ghosts from before still keep in contact with them, with one of them coincidentally being the ghost of my warlock oc. :] Cola has also warmed up to becoming acquainted with the guardians of their ghost friends/acquaintances, in contrast to how they were before when they'd avoid contact because of how jealous they felt. :[ OH, adding this last minute, but so far I'm feeling out a possible friendship they develop with Fynch too. :> Unfortunately it's probably technically AU territory, since I don't think they're canonically involved with the Witch Queen campaign, but also everyone knows that will not stop me from indulging in things off to the side. Cola will naturally be a bit prickly around Fynch at first, understandably so. BUT, I do think an eventual genuine friendship blooming from that as they continue to work together would be so nice for the two of them... :'] As for Cola and Calamity's relationship, they are close! They definitely butt heads from time to time, but overall the two are essentially on the same page for most things.

ascendant shards. How did the Ghost find your Guardian? How long did it take them? Cola rez'd Calamity on Venus! The former managed to convince a duo of guardians to take them along to the planet, and separated from them once they arrived. After searching for a prolonged amount of time, Cola finally stumbled upon their future guardian's corpse within a smaller security outpost. The pair unfortunately had to spend at least a few days navigating away from Eliksni and Vex until they could find a way off-planet. That opportunity presented itself at last when they ran into a different guardian who helped secure them transportation that could get them back to Earth. Cola had been searching for quite awhile, though I'm not sure if that was their first trip to Venus or not. The exact timeline of Cola's search is pretty vague for me at the moment too, but it felt like an eternity for the ghost regardless. Searching Venus was lengthy too, again it naturally feels really long when you're trying so hard to locate a particular corpse and avoid drawing attention from the Eliksni/Vex no matter how long it actually took.

enhancement core. How does the Ghost behave in combat? Do they help the Guardian in any way? This is a good question because I've frankly never thought about it. I'd say Cola typically stays quiet in the heat of combat so Calamity can focus. If the latter is on his own, Cola may call out anything necessary or discuss their plan while in the field. They're not really a "commentary for the sake of commentary" type of ghost. I'll also say that Cola would definitely wield their own little gun and jump right into combat alongside their guardian if they could or if it wasn't extremely imperative they don't get themselves destroyed. Cola'd easily be part of the "#give Ghost a gun" crowd. So you can imagine how elated Cola is when they have the chance to operate weaponry, such as manning the turret in the Machinist mission in Forsaken lmao.

bright dust. Is your Ghost stylish? Do they like different shells or do they stick to one? Do they have a unique or recognizable feature? Cola isn't one to frequently change shells. They're very content sticking with one for a long while. And naturally, they like having a matching color scheme with Calamity's armor. :] Their most noteworthy shells used are in the gifs above: The default white one they practically began life in, The Freyja shell after finding Calamity and they purchase it (which is also a nice little nod to their search's success on Venus because of its description: "For Ghosts who have climbed the Freyja Montes of Venus."), Followed by the servitor shell that is more or less their "work uniform" when essentially running errands for Spider. I still haven't decided if their previous Freyja shell was (voluntarily) traded to Spider or not when they received the servitor one or if they opted to save it, because they'd probably be fine sticking to the latter all the time. It's definitely way less obvious of a "walking Spider goon here" sign than Calamity's tangled web mark which frankly he most likely wouldn't be wearing nearly as frequently as it's seen in my gifs and screencaps of him lmao. Depends, I guess.

silver. Does the Ghost have their own space wherever the Guardian lives? What does it look like? I like to think that Cola does! I'm honestly still unsure of exactly where Calamity hangs around as a personal "home residence". Despite that, I can see Cola having a small nook of their own in the same space that Calamity sleeps/hangs around in. I do also like the idea of Cola still having their original white shell in said space for sentimentality. They'd also prefer to hang around in their space while Calamity rests or is busy. Cola naturally likes Calamity and will hover around them and maybe perch on/near them for awhile, but when it comes to times such as Calamity sleeping, Cola prefers their own space instead of cuddling up with him or something like that. Cola would keep their space simple. Maybe a cloth or small cushion for them to rest on, their first ghost shell as mentioned above, and perhaps a souvenir or two from either their excursions or something they bought around the Tower, etc. HOWEVER, I do think there are particular times when Cola does wanna be closer to Calamity in a setting like that, and will nestle on or around him. It's just not as often as one would generally expect from a close ghost and guardian. This is a bit of an ironic development, considering I've touched on how Cola's search and early days with Calamity had them glued alittle too closely to their guardian in a sense.

exotic cipher. How does the Ghost feel about the Crucible and Gambit? Cola likes it! They'll watch broadcasted matches in their downtime, and Cola wishes Calamity enjoyed it more and wasn't so put off by it because he's a bit of a sore loser lmao, but in the end, it's not that big of a deal that they don't participate as often as Cola wants to. [Cola voice] "We've got more important things to handle anyway because we're important and all. :]"

spoils of conquest. What is the Ghost’s attitude towards the Darkness powers? And the Guardian if they are using it? Cola was a bit more on the fence about it as Calamity was. While Cola is rational and will recognize the advantages of something like that, I think what made them feel more unsure about it was that it was obviously not what is familiar to them - the Light. Canon Ghost's dialogue in Beyond Light voicing his concern on whether he'd even be able to heal/resurrect the Guardian is a main concern of Cola's as well and comes from a practical sense naturally. I would say that the Witness/Darkness speaking to/through them previously has also left Cola a bit shaken at this point and hammers that apprehension in deeper too. However, Cola has faith in Calamity's capability to wield it and thus grows more comfortable with the idea and handling it in action. I'll be honest that Calamity's exact level of involvement in canon Beyond Light events and how much he actually utilizes Stasis (if even at all) is still up in the air for me for the most part, so it's pretty wishy-washy but this is just a general idea of it for now.

enhancement prism. What was the Ghost’s life before finding their Guardian? Oof, I kind of already answered this under "glimmer", at least for Cola's social life. I can see Cola maybe having supplied some miniscule intel to the ghost network as they traveled and happened to observe/discover something useful. I will say though that Cola definitely felt really lonely, despite technically having others around them to talk to if they needed. Self-isolating, in a way. "Seeing guardian/ghost pairs unfortunately ignites that loneliness/envy within me so I try to avoid what is causing me emotional pain/discomfort." :[ But also as I typed that, I wouldn't put it past Cola to cope with that by trying to launch themselves into these risky intel/scouting operations for the network. However, I don't think that'll be the case because it mirrors Calamity alittle too closely. Even if Cola doesn't jump eye-first into perilous situations like that, something more low risk that I can see them volunteering for more often (in the occasional downtime between searches they'd have) would possibly be routine deliveries/etc. around the Tower and Last City? Something to that effect.

upgrade module. What does the Ghost like to do in free time? Do they have hobbies? While Calamity isn't much for baking during the Dawning, Cola actually likes it alot! And Calamity will do it for Cola's sake considering the latter can't exactly do it on their own, but the Dawning in particular became so much more enjoyable for Cola after they found Calamity. Again, even though Cola had support and friends and people to talk to as they searched for their guardian, they really did unknowingly self-isolate alot so celebrations like the Dawning - while still enjoyable and something Cola participated in - would also leave them feeling lonelier than usual. And so far I'm liking the idea of Cola taking an interest in astronomy/space exploration, whereas Calamity is more of a planetary (specifically fauna/biology/etc.) kind of guy. In a way they're like a "deep space" and "deep ocean" type of pair lmao. Cola does enjoy Calamity sharing their enjoyment of music/dance with them too. :]

#calamity12 tag #gif #destiny 2 #destiny

[rollercoasterwords]

Hi! I found your blog through the female rage substack article that you posted and I’m curious about a couple things (so I hope the tone of this ask will read as genuine/non-confrontational etc).

I really liked the article and the anti-gender essentialist content, so I looked through the others and eventually found your jegulus article (which I read and also liked) but I was sort of surprised to see that you are a part of the hp/marauders fandom. For me personally, everything related to that franchise has just been tainted since the whole jkr terf debacle really took off. I was big on hp when I was younger and wolfstar is a ship/dynamic that I enjoyed back then, so I’d probably like your stuff if I were to read it. But I decided some time ago to give any and all hp content the chop, because to me it didn’t feel right to engage with it anymore. So I was just wondering how you feel in that regard, if you don’t mind sharing. I don’t have anyone in my internet content circle that still actively posts about hp and if irl friends still enjoy it then it’s not something we talk about, so I’d just like to know how you juggle the ‘two sides’ in that sense of your trans-positive/anti-essentialist beliefs and fandom content that’s still so intrinsically connected to jkr and her politics. (Also, sorry if you’ve answered a question like this before. I scrolled through your blog a bit, but if yes then not far enough.)

Anyway, hope you’re well and I’ll probably keep an eye out for any future essays on your substack even if I don’t follow you on here. cheers! (and thanks for the “playing the whore” book rec, I’ll be looking into that. a rec from my end would be paul b. preciado's "can the monster speak". it's the written version of a speech he tried to give at a Freudian psychoanalysis conference about the position trans people occupy in psychoanalysis before being booed off stage. it was short and pretty intriguing, in case you're interested/haven't heard of it yet.)

hi! happy 2 hear u enjoyed the female rage essay--i wasn't expecting it to spread as much as it did + had to turn off reblogs for my own peace of mind 2 keep terfs away from my blog, but it's nice to know there are still people getting something out of it. also appreciate the book rec--that definitely sounds up my alley + i'm excited to check it out!

and i'll do my best to answer your question about hp, but i'm gonna put it under a cut because i know this is a contentious topic + i have a feeling my answer's gonna get long--so if anyone doesn't want 2 read abt my conflicting hp-fandom thoughts, just scroll away please xx

so, quite honestly, i'm in agreement with you that the entire franchise is tainted by jkr. the truth is that it was never really my intention to join the fandom--i read a single fic because it went viral on tiktok, then decided to rewrite the fic from another character's pov just for fun. at that point, i hadn't read any other hp fic and had never been involved in any kind of online fandom space, and although i'd read the hp books + watched the movies growing up i hadn't touched them in years + was so far removed from the franchise that i vaguely remembered hearing jkr had said some terfy stuff, but wasn't aware of the extent to which her politics were like. actively and significantly causing real-life harm.

anyway, i'd done a rewrite for fun of another story i liked and had posted it on ao3, and that had received a handful of people commenting + talking about the story with me as i wrote but had remained pretty self-contained + small. i was expecting the same sort of thing with the hp fic i rewrote, but instead someone posted about it on tiktok and it went viral, and then suddenly there were thousands of people reading every ch update and hundreds of comments. like i said, i had never been involved in an online fandom space before, so i sort of awkwardly stumbled into it and tried to figure out what i was doing as i finished up writing the fic. this was at a point in my life where i'd recently moved to a different country and had to go back in the closet after being publicly out for years, and this online fandom space became my only queer community and a bit of a lifeline in that way. i started making actual friends and talking to people + getting more deeply involved in the community aspect of things.

at the same time, i started actually educating myself on jkr + her politics + her impact, and the more i learned the more uncomfortable i became with being part of anything hp-related. now, i've been writing hp fic for almost two years and 'active' in the fandom for ~one and a half, and despite being grateful for the friends i've made and treasuring the space i've been able to cultivate, i've become increasingly disenchanted with 'the fandom' as a whole and have increasingly found it to be a hostile space, so i've sort of taken a step back from broader engagement and more + more have limited my interaction to just my mutuals here on tumblr. unfortunately, i think many of the 'bad parts' of this fandom are somewhat built-in because of the source material; there are a lot of people who agree with jkr's politics to varying extents and that can make it kind of a miserable place to be sometimes. i know many people insist that hp can be completely removed from jkr, but i don't think that's the case, and i've talked on my blog before about the fact that her politics are built into the very foundations of the text, so i think it's necessary to acknowledge her influence if we want to actually engage with hp at all in a way that isn't just perpetuating her politics.

all that being said, the point i'm at currently is that i'm not really sure that this fandom is a space i want to be a part of forever. again--i understand how it can be lifeline for some people and a queer community they might not have elsewhere, because that's been the case for me. but for me personally, as much as i value my own carved-out space, it doesn't completely outweigh the negatives that i have found myself coming into contact with more and more in this fandom. writing hp fic is also something that i keep strictly separate from 'real life,' contained solely in this online space, because i know that any engagement with hp is a red flag for many, many trans people and i don't want to bring it outside of this space. within this online space, i don't keep it a secret that i write hp fic; it's right at the top of my blog so that anyone who wants to can easily block and unfollow me. i only post my fics on ao3, where they are clearly tagged as harry potter fanfiction, and i only post about hp fic + fandom stuff on this blog, which was specifically created for that purpose. i've requested that people no longer post about my hp fics on platforms like tiktok where the algorithm could send it out onto anyone's fyp, and that request is also in my pinned faq. keeping my hp fic as contained as possible to only people who are already engaging with hp fic is one way that i try to mitigate any harm that might be caused by my fics contributing to hp's ongoing popularity.

the other ways i try to mitigate potential harm are by actively discouraging people from giving any financial support to hp + jkr and by being very vocal about my politics on this page, so that anyone who is following me will be getting pro-trans and anti-gender essentialism politics along with any hp engagement. i also don't engage with hp uncritically; i am specifically critical of the shitty politics in the books both in my posts on this blog and my fics themselves. i don't make it a secret that i think the books are politically rotten all the way down through to the foundations.

none of this is to say that there's, like...a Right Way to engage with this content or a set of rules that, if followed, Absolve All Shittiness. this is just an explanation of the personal evaluations i've had to weigh when it comes to deciding how i'm going to interact with content that is fundamentally opposed to my own politics. and again, i don't blame people who think that any amount of engagement is morally untenable and completely block it out. this is a growing source of cognitive dissonance in my own life, and i'm increasingly considering whether/for how much longer i want to continue to write fic + be involved in hp fandom. but for the time being, i'm still here + still writing fic, and i guess my feeling is that any harm that fic causes is a drop in the bucket, and even if i were to stop writing it wouldn't necessarily have a huge impact either way. i'm just some random guy online like everyone else; even though i talk about politics, that doesn't mean that i'm asking to be held up as some sort of moral standard, nor do i think anyone should be expected to be 100% politically perfect in every action they take--like, for me, writing hp fic kind of falls into the same category as like...eating mcdonalds even though i think factory farming is fucked, or buying + wearing makeup sometimes even though i think the beauty industry is fundamentally corrupt, or paying to see the new guardians of the galaxy movie in theaters even though i think marvel movies are us military propaganda. i don't think "no ethical consumption under capitalism" is an excuse to completely abandon any attempt to mitigate the harm our actions might cause, but it does matter to me the way in which someone is engaging with a fundamentally broken/corrupt piece of media beyond simply whether or not they're engaging at all. at the end of the day, it's up to everyone on their own to evaluate where they draw the line on hp, and i am not looking to make that judgment for anybody else considering that my own thoughts + feeling about it are still changing.

#ask

[latibvles]

Hiya friend, a big happy fic birthday to you and thank you for this lovely ask meme! For the One Year Inbox Game, I'd love to introduce Jo Brandt. A keen observer with a sharp and thoughtful voice, she heads overseas to cover the war in Europe as a correspondent for a Philadelphia newspaper. Her preference for blending in and letting her subjects lead the story tends to blur into her personal life, at least when we meet her. She grew up with very little, as did her friends, is deeply caring, a terrible liar, and hasn't gotten a good night's sleep since 1937. Her story is in progress, but snippets can be found on @shoshiwrites.

For those of you unaware, I opened up this inbox game in September to celebrate one year of writing my longfic. While I am not taking anymore submissions, one of the submissions in my inbox will be posted every week at 12pm EST! I hope you enjoy reading about all these lovely characters I'm being allowed to play with.

JO!!! JO!!!!! I have a big fat girl crush on her guys, just so we're all clear. Anyways, you can check out more of her here as mentioned by shoshi herself. Now, let me be selfish here for a little while and toss her in the ring with Miss Daisy herself. Because there's something really important about Daisy, who thinks she went by unnoticed, and Jo, with an eye for things. Have some postwar sweetness with the girls, with Daisy quickly learning she's not the only one who remembers:

—

There’s no reason for her to be nervous. Seriously, there’s absolutely no reason. In fact, Ron teased her days prior about it because it was so incredulous. But here she was, nervous, sitting in a coffee shop and warming her hands and staring out the window.

Get a grip, is her sentence of choice when scolding herself internally, it’s Jo, for Christ’s sake.

Okay, so maybe it’s not about the Jo of it but rather the fact that this could go one of two ways — the reopening of old stitches or a trip down memory lane. And either one kind of terrified her, even if it was for a good cause. She’d felt elated on the phone, talking to her, and now that was wearing off and the weight of what she’s doing is settling on her shoulders again.

But someone has to remember everything and she doesn’t mind being that person. She doesn’t mind answering the questions, or trying to write it down so all those women don’t just fall to the wayside. And she knew that Jo had a good pair of eyes. A great pair, even — seeing things that no one else manages to catch and well, hadn’t that been the whole of Daisy’s war? The unseen part, the bloody bandages changed out of frame. Sure, some of them were pretty enough for magazine covers, but it wasn’t like any of them really wanted to talk about what happened after the shot anymore.

They could be forgotten, and there’s a part of Daisy that just can’t let that happen. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right and if the war left her with anyone, at least it imbued her with a sense of urgency at times like this.

Speaking of eyes, her own snap up to meet familiar warm brown irises when the little bell rings and the woman herself walks through the door in a brown houndstooth coat and a folder tucked under one arm like precious cargo. The nerves that were certain to swallow her whole are almost soothed by the fact that it’s Jo, and Jo knows why it matters, and they’re going to bump shoulders the whole trip down memory lane.

It could be terrifying, but it doesn’t have to be.

Impulsively, and maybe just slightly imbued by the sight of her, Daisy straightens up with a smile.

“That’s the jacket!” serves as her hello, and Jo returns the smile.

“You remember that?” she asks, almost rhetorically. There was a story there, about a houndstooth jacket, and about Jo’s skill with a needle — because sometimes normalcy came in the form of talking about the mismatched buttons and stray threads of patches on a uniform coat. 

“Of course I do,” The reply comes out just as easily as her first statement as Jo takes the seat across from her, file placed between them like a spirit board at a children’s slumber party. “Thanks for this, by the way.” Jo gives her a knowing look, a smile that edges on a tease with how it tugs at her lips.

“Third time you’ve thanked me, Clarke.”

“And there’ll be a fourth time too, knowing me,” She doesn’t protest, but she does go to open up the folder, pulling out pictures and spreading them out between them. Daisy can feel a sharp tug at her chest at the sight. She recognizes the faces spread out before her — Ginny sandwiched between two familiar officers, looking every bit like Madame President, even on the side of that beaten dirt path in the Netherlands. Another of Patty with a bright grin, her hand merely a suggestive blur as a result of her reflexive wave. There’s Rita who’s face is contorted in what has to be a scold for the man in front of her.

There’s one of Joe and Daisy herself, where she’s in the midst of messing with his bandages. The fact that they’re pulling the same grumpy face, no doubt sick of the former getting pelted by anything and everything, makes her laugh a little as she points to it, and Jo laughs too.

And then there’s one, so familiar it’s like she’s there. Spina, Roe, herself, and Laura all sat in a circle in Mourmelon, cards between them, cigarette hanging from Eugene’s lips and furling up and into the air. She can still imagine the bite of November cold, and the way Laura’s eyes lit up when she won twice in a row. A lump forms in her throat that she has to swallow.

“Didn’t think anyone noticed all this,” Daisy breathes out, feeling honest and raw but not terrified of the fact. Jo gives her one of those quiet, meaningful looks of hers.

“I did.”

#. sbt’s one year #. daisy clarke #poet’s notepad #a bit shorter but I like them #they’re sweet #and uh . reading about all the nurses who didn’t talk about Their War made me think heavily about this

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I am extremely sad and missing all the boys, but I have to say, for the first time in a while, the fandom these past couple days has been very enjoyable to be in, and has provided me the most comfort through my sadness. I love the energy that is happening around OT7 content.

Enjoying being an Army and an OT7 right now, when just a couple months ago I was seriously contemplating if I could call myself that anymore is an interesting feeling. I love all 7 so much, but even still, I was very much sucked in by solo rhetoric for a bit. I have a bad habit of 'wanting to see all sides' of things, and wanting to see what everyone is saying so I can create a less naive, more informed opinion about something, but at some point while doing that I started getting sucked in. I didn't want it to, I'd step away for a day when I'd notice myself getting angry or some of it sort of got shaken loose when they'd hate on another member, but only temporarily, and then I'd find myself back at it looking at solo content again, so instead I just felt kind of guilty occasionally reading somewhat snarky remarks made about people I felt so much affection for (I never was able to deal with the genuinely hateful ones, just the ones that made snide comments now and again).

The thing that finally snapped me out of it was reading a different member's solos claims. They sounded absolutely ridiculous, and were almost verbatim what the solos I'd been reading think pieces from for the last three months were saying. Being able to stand on the outside of those claims, knowing they're nonsense, forced me to acknowledge the similarities and the hooks in my brain finally came loose.

I was never posting negative thoughts, or #ARMYDONTRESPECTX #HYBERESPECTX, and I definitely wasn't joining in on any of the hate toward any of the members (I own and stream every member's solo albums, solos could never make me hate them, it was always way more about how I felt about ARMY's feelings/treatment of the members).

I know that you think people who fall for solo rhetoric are unintelligent, and would have ended up like that anyway. But, as someone who was actually very distressed knowing I was headed down that path but was also unable to pull myself out of that place for a while, I went to blogs like yours and other similar ones hoping to find thoughts that could help me break the bitterness but even if I understood and even agreed with a lot of things you or others said. it never provided me with the answers I'd hoped for. It was only until I was able to hold a mirror up to myself that so many of my questions went away. I understand why ARMY have no desire to give an ounce of space to most solos, and I don't think that's an incorrect thing to do. But I do think that, more than people being stupid and predisposed for hatred/solo stanning, a lot of people have questions or concerns, and unfortunately, find answers in the worst spaces in the fandom.

I don't have a solution to keep this from happening, only that maybe if you post this maybe someone who is also struggling with those feelings might see this and relate and maybe can start work on realizing that ARMY may not have the answers to your questions, but neither do solos. You're not going to find anything illuminating, because nobody is actually saying anything new or unique, it's literally all the same angry claims of mistreatment and sabotage.

Anyway, stream No More Dream and Attack on Bangtan, and Standing Next to You and Like Crazy, and Slow Dancing, and Hageum, and The Astronaut and Wildflower, and Arson, or whatever songs are your favorite, go listen and be happy, BTS is great and getting to be a fan of all of them, collectively and separately, is great, listening to their discography or watching original content is probably the best answer to most questions anyone may have.

***

“You're not going to find anything illuminating, because nobody is actually saying anything new or unique, it's literally all the same angry claims of mistreatment and sabotage.”

This is what I thought I’d been communicating for the last year, but I suppose it’s one thing to read someone else write it, and another thing to experience for yourself.

I think BTS is the most (and best) documented Korean artist in recent times, whether filmed footage or written interviews, there’s no other k-pop group or idol that’s been as filmed or interviewed as BTS, and they are actually fairly consistent in their views about the group and about themselves. Everything required to understand the kind of group BTS is, is right there. And so when I see people struggle, I just take it as an indication of the limits on their capacity to get it. Some reasons for those limits might be due to language and prior experiences, things that aren’t their fault exactly, but it is what it is.

It’s encouraging to read you were able to pull yourself out of that mind muck. Like some other Anon said, it’s far easier to go from ARMY to solo than the other way around, so I don’t take it for granted that you’ve found your way back. At least for now lol.

Thanks for the write-in. Here’s to hoping more people find their way out.

Enjoy the calm the fandom is experiencing right now. We both know it’s temporary lol (until we get the next major release and then the madness starts all over again). I wish both you and me luck navigating the madness the second go around.

#I miss the boys too #Sigh at least there’s a silver lining in the fandom calming down somewhat #bts #bts chapter 2 #bts solo careers #bts solo stans #bts fandom #bts army #fandom behaviour

[cee-grice]

15 OC Questions Tag

got tagged by @writerfae, @rachaellawrites and @eccaiia, so I'm gonna do this for both leads instead of doing separate posts :v thanks for the tag!!

this is also just gonna be me answering the questions rather than doing it interview-style 'cause I absolutely cannot do that...

soft tagging @sam-glade, @tate-lin, @scribe-of-stories, @ethaeriea, @thesorcerersapprentice, @poetinprose, @jasmineinthenight and leaving it as an open tag!

Are you named after anyone?

Quil — Initially he was, yes, but when he picked his own name, Quilin, he took it from a proverb in the old version of his language. Not many know this, though, because he now thinks it's too dramatic and prefers to just be called Quil by those close to him lol

Endra — No, although a fun note about his name: it's such an old one that it's barely in use anymore and has historically been typically given to girls, so how his mother picked it is a bit of a mystery...

2. When was the last time you cried?

Quil — Uh. Uh. I think. Literally five minutes ago? He cries very rarely but he's going through something right now, so

Endra — Despite him being the one prone to crying, it's been a while... I don't know, two years maybe?? (that's gonna change soon though dw)

3. Do you have kids?

Neither do!

4. Do you use sarcasm?

Quil — Yes definitely, although only when he's around people he's comfortable with. Otherwise, he's very polite and nice :)

Endra — Also yes, but in a very playful manner :) Although it can still be taken negatively :( No one gets him

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Quil — Signs of their social status and/or culture, so clothing styles, how they hold themselves, their speaking mannerisms, etc. Just anything that gives away where they're from and what their standing in society is. He's never impolite, but he does adjust his behavior a bit accordingly

Endra — their emotionality? Like, what mood they seem to be in. Do they seem happy or upset or tired, helps him figure out how to best approach them (depending on what his end goals are...)

6. What's your eye colour?

Quil's is dark mint, and Endra's a very dark brown where you can barely tell where the pupil ends

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Quil — hm considering his favorite fiction genre is fairytales that often go in fucked ways... I'd say scary movies yeah, he'd be fascinated by them (if they existed lol)

Endra — also scary movies but in a different way! He just. enjoys being scared. it's a thing don't think too much about it

8. Any special talents?

Quil — ahm he's got an affinity for languages, if that counts? There are 8 major languages in the continent, some with many dialects, some having old versions, too, and there's only 1 he's not able to speak yet due to there literally being. extremely little resources on it. It's a very remote country and not much literature leaves it x)

Endra — he can climb trees very well. In general he's pretty agile and flexible. anyways

9. Where were you born?

Quil was born in Ethelen, Merridie, and Endra in some obscure village in Edkava. This tells you practically nothing but there you go

10. What are your hobbies?

Quil — Reading with a capital R. that's what he does the majority of his time lmao nerd. he prefers nonfiction but he won't say no to an interesting fiction novel, either. he also enjoys a bit of foraging and gardening :) as well as engaging in life-threatening medical practices :) anyways

Endra — he likes to play the piano! and draw! and he's recently got an interest in cooking! in general he's a pretty artistic guy :)

11. Have you any pets?

Quil — No :( He doesn't like animals that much :((

Endra — Yes :) a kitty named Zucchini :))

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

Quil — if we're talking about his early years... does sleeping around count as sport

Endra — eh not really? Besides some outdoor games that count be counted as sport, at least. He's pretty impartial to sports tbh

13. How tall are you?

Quil is 169 cm (5'6 ft?? I think?), and Endra 180 cm (5'11 ft)

14. Favourite subject in school?

Quil — well, obviously he was most drawn to all subjects related to magic, but his favorite would probably be The Fundamentals of Magia, which delved more into the physicality of the element. Besides magic stuff, he also really liked Language and Literature :)

Endra — oh he hated school with a passion lol. He chronically engaged in truancy and held no love for anything that had to do with school. but if he had to choose what he tolerated the most... it'd probably be Music as it was what could actually understand? so yeah he might have kinda liked that one a little bit

15. Dream job?

Quil — a teacher :)) guy loves teaching with a passion. it's been his dream for a long while but y'know how life can go...

Endra — ahmmmm a housewife. honestly I don't think I'm kidding. god knows he could not be tied down to an Actual job, and he actually likes fussing around the house, cooking, cleaning, just making sure it's all homely and nice, and I think he would really like staying home to raise children, too. mayyyybe on the side he could do some freelance art or music stuff, but that's it lol

#writeblr #wwcc wip #c: quil #c: endra #tag games

[ryanthedemiboy]

20 Questions for fic writers

(I was tagged by @annachibi )

Note: i'm combining answers for all three of my pseuds/both accts

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 56 :)

Ana's response: "18, I'm not very prolific haha"

That's so much! iirc the average person has like 2 fics under 3k total!

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 231,440 :D

3. What fandoms do you write for? Right now it's Fullmetal Alchemist. I may or may not go back to Marvel at some point. And I may move on to another fandom at some point :)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Four of the five are from my Ed is Dying series c: #1, 6, 7, 3. The fifth is an HP fic I wrote in 2016.

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes! It's extremely rare that I don't; only if I have nothing to say.

Ana's answer: "Yes, just about every one! Sometimes I don't if it's been multiple years since I wrote the thing and I don't have much to say back, since I figure some people don't necessarily want the author to respond anyway."

I promise you, almost everyone wants the author to respond! And the ones who don't just aren't going to check them xD

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Oh this is an excellent question. I have to be careful here, because spoilers. The end of the first fic in my spn series ended in a suicide that was unclear that he survived (he did). And then I have the death fic for my Ed is Dying series written, that's angsty af. There's also a fic I wrote recently on my semi-secret AO3 acct that doesn't seem angsty but it really fucking is.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Uhhh... I need to go look.

I forget if Out of the Box (MCU non-sexual age regression) had a happy ending, but basically the whole fic was gentle happiness. Same with Cas and the Bee Bag (spn. This is 9 years old)

I do not appear to have any other fics that are happy. Interesting, neutral, enjoyable, positive, sure. Not happy 😂

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not thus far

9. Do you write smut? Sometimes

10. Do you write crossovers? Not usually. It's very rare that I will. The main one I can think of is unpublished, idk if I even have it tbh — I had to write a crossover fic with A Scarlet Letter for my English class in 11th grade. I chose Doctor Who xD I believe that remains the only fic i've written for doctor who.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that i'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes! It was a blast. I forget why, but I asked my friend not to list me as a co-author.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship? Riza/Al, I think.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? My spn series. I am so many levels of uninterested, and even if I did, i'd have to rewrite it from scratch bc it's not up to par, anymore, and is extremely insensitive in parts (in particular, I have Cas using bible pages as the rolling paper for his weed. He is not xian. That's just what I remember off-hand). All that said, i would love to finish it.

16. What are your writing strengths? Emotion. Hitting the reader where it hurts.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Anything with happiness 😂

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I have done it both ways. And both are kind of cringey for me, when i've written them in the past.

Generally, the best way is to use italics to signify another language, and specify that language, as long as the POV person understands it.

19. First fandom you wrote for? HP

20. Favorite fic you've written? Talk about a good question. Probably one of the kink fics i've written. I love how i've had the characters be with each other, and shown their love for each other. I also love some of the drabbles i've made — it's hard to get a fic to exactly a word count, and getting an entire fic in so few words is a massive challenge, and very rewarding.

I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you want to do this, go for it!

Blank questions to easily copy/paste (incl on the app) below.

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 2. What's your total AO3 word count? 3. What fandoms do you write for? 4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 5. Do you respond to comments? 6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 8. Do you get hate on fics? 9. Do you write smut? 10. Do you write crossovers? 11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 14. What's your all-time favorite ship? 15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? 16. What are your writing strengths? 17. What are your writing weaknesses? 18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 19. First fandom you wrote for? 20. Favorite fic you've written?

#long post

[murdockbuckley]

You reblogged me so here’s some random numbers (answer what you can because I don’t have time to stop and read them this second so I’m sorry!):

3, 18, 29, 36, 49, 60, 7

:)

3. do you share your fic ideas, or do you keep them to yourself?

generally i'd say i keep them to myself, mainly because i don't really have anyone to share them with. i absolutely post snippets and talk about them on here. but like in terms of actually sharing the plots/storyline for any of them i tend to keep to myself.

7. post a snippet of a wip. (i figured this was meant to be seventy-something but i wasn't sure)

Inserting his key and opening Bucks door Eddie stops Chris from entering, overhearing *Bucks daughter* ask Buck a question.  “Does mommy not love me anymore? Is that why I had to come and live with you?”  She's sitting on the couch, her fluffy blanket with kangaroos printed on it is wrapped around her so only her face is showing. Buck is kneeling infront of her, he would've looked less pained if someone stabbed him through the heart with a dagger. There's a children show Eddie vaguely recognises playing on the TV behind buck. “Oh no my little star.” Buck crouched to his daughter’s level as he choked back tears, heart aching over the fact his little girl feels even an ounce of the pain he grew up with. “Mommy loves you so much, she just got scared. Your Grandma was helping her so much and when she died Mommy felt like she was doing everything wrong. She’s just really sad so her brain is playing tricks on her, telling her she isn’t very good at being a parent. But she’s going to get help. And she loves you so much sweetpea.”  *his daughter* is looking at him with her mother’s big round eyes, and Buck knows that he would do anything to protect her, just like he would for Christopher.  He clears his throat to avoid his tears spilling over, “And when Mommy is better, she’ll be here straight away to see you again. I- If that’s what you would want.”  Without warning, or an answer, she slams straight into Buck. Her tiny arms wrapping around him as much as they can, squeezing impossibly tight for a six year-old. Buck just reposition's them to avoid falling as he holds her even tighter, the tears he tried so hard to keep at bay silently falling. Buck presses a gentle kiss to the top of *his daughter's* head as Eddie feels a tug on his hand. Chris looks up to Eddie in the doorway, a new understanding in his eyes. “Is that why you and Mom left at different times? Because you were both scared and sad at different times?”  Eddie doesn’t know what he did in his life to deserve a son like the one he was gifted with, “Yeah Superman, and I’m so sorry that we both left you. I know your Mom was so sorry and trying so hard to make it up to you before she died.”  Now it was Christopher’s turn to hug his Dad. “It’s okay. I forgave you both a long time ago. Just… Please don’t leave again? You or Buck, I’ll be really sad and plus we have Roo now too.”

18. do you enjoy research? which fic of yours required the most research?

i do!! i love doing research in general anyways so doing it for my fics just gives me a reason for it and stuff to actually look up rather than something random. i would probably say tainted thoughts has had the most research put into so far (this one is basically finished and will be published around valentines day!!) but i know the wip that i just wrote a quick outline for today will require a lot of research

29. what's something about your writing that you're proud of?

probably that i'm including my poetry in some of it?? i've had a lot of the poems written for ages but have been scared to share them with anyone, so actually putting them out for people to see is scary but i'm happy that i finally did it

36. what fic are you proudest of?

loneliness is the first one i've published so im really proud of that, it's almost like my baby and then i'm proud of my girldad!buck fic, it's the first multi-chapter fic i've written and the progress i'm making with it is really good

49. what fic of yours would you say is the best introduction to you as a writer?

i only have one published fic right now so i feel like i have to say loneliness

60. in letters to our soldier, what inspired the idea for the plot?

(had to pick my own one because i relaise i haven't shared the title to any of my wips)

i had read all of the teacher!buck/eddie fics i could find and then my tiktok kept showing me soldier talking about receiving letters from schools whilst they were deployed and how it made them feel. so my brain just went "wait! eddie was a soldier i bet he would have loved it if he got letter from random school kids... CHRIS IS a school child what if by some chance miracle it was chris' class that sent the letters." and because i'm incapable of writing a fic without buck i decided to add the extra drama and make buck chris' teacher.

fanfiction ask game

#lou🪼blog games #tizniz #ask game #fanfic

[berisims]

TAGGED: 15 QUESTIONS

Got tagged by @alpine-lapine and after running a poll on who I should make this about, it turns out ✨Morgyn✨ won with 50% of the votes. Not my OC, but people seem to like them, so I shall deliver!

Questions & answers under the cut:

Are you named after anyone?

No idea. My mother never bothered to tell me.

When was the last time you cried?

I'm not sure. I haven't shed a tear in a long while. Though if I had to guess, I'd say the time I was told about Tess' disappearence probably being tied to her potential death was the last time I truly cried.

Do you have kids?

Not at the moment. Though Minerva keeps telling me how she has visions of me holding two curly haired children who look suspiciously like me and...an acquaintance. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that.

Do you use sarcasm?

Oh I live for sarcasm. To be fair, I think it's a Sage thing. *Snicker* Yeah, I'd say it comes with the job.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their eyes. Not in the superficial "you've pretty eyes" manner, but in the "I now know your every secret" kinda way. You can learn so much about a person just by looking them in the eyes. You can find out if they're excited, scared, maybe intimidated by your presence. Some are subtle and others not so much. It's quite interesting, honestly. And telling of a person. Which is why I often use sunglasses when going out... Yes, even at nightime...I do the eye reading thing, not them.

What’s your eye colour?

Green, unfortunately. Most people think it's a lovely color, but to me it only serves as a reminder that I actually have a father who never bothered to make an appearance in my life. I'd much rather have my mother's brown even if our relationship is rocky.

Scary movies or happy endings?

I find happy endings to be cliché and far too boring these days. Bring in the horror. I'm all for it. I just won't guarantee it'll do a good job of scaring me.

Any special talents?

I can light things on fire and put them out with a simple flick of my wrist, but I suppose this so called "talent" is exclusive to spellcasters alone. If we're talking regular human talents then I'd probably say...acting. My fellow sages can attest to that.

Where were you born?

It's a blur, honestly. I know my mother was originally from Glimmerbrook and that I was raised in Windenburg up until I decided to run away at the age of 16, but I'm unsure if I was actually born there. I always had the idea that we simply moved shortly after my birth as a means to chase after my bastard father. But again, this is not something that I know for certain.

What are your hobbies?

There are a ton of things I enjoy doing, none of which I consider to be a hobby aside from reading, maybe. I don't have that much free time away from the Magic Realm, anyways. Simeon has been trying to get me into gardening though, but I don't think it's for me. After all, it's not like I can grow plants out of thin air like he can. He's the expert in Practical Magic, not me...and I wouldn't be caught dead digging through dirt and soil with my own bare hands.

Have you any pets?

I do. A 2 year old Dobermann. His name is Asmodeus. 

What sports do you play/ have played?

I'm honestly not that much of a sports person anymore, but I used to do gymnastics as a kid. And it's fortunate that I did, because all that trained flexibility still comes in handy sometimes. *L. Faba snorts in the distance* L. take your mind out of the gutter, that's not what I meant.

How tall are you?

Around 5'7.

Favourite subject in school?

My memories of school are brief and muddled, but I remember I used to love biology. And physics. The irony of it all baffles me to this day.

Dream job?

I've never given it much thought, especially after dropping out before I could even finish high school. Years later, the..."oportunity" to become a Sage made itself known and I took it. It wasn't like I had much of a choice in the matter, with me being the one apprentice Tess left before she went missing. I was obviously still in training when that happened, but the Realm desperately needed a new Sage of Untamed Magic and so I had to rise up to the occasion and take the position for myself. At first, I was resentful and felt that becoming a sage was the equivalent of becoming a prisoner of the Realm. But I soon realized this wasn't the case and eventually grew to love what I currently do. There is so much more to being a Sage than just holding the Magic Realm in place. Today I can confidently say that this is, in fact, my dream job.

---//---

None of you has to do this if you're not feeling up to it, but just in case you are, I'm tagging @starlightthing , @trappedwell , @samssims and @edyavtostopom . The original template is in english, but if any of you feels more comfortable doing this in a different language, then go for it! Your blog, your rules!

#the sims 4 #ts4 #realm of magic #morgyn ember #beri plays tag with words #the way I just pulled their dog out of my a- #I thought about giving them a cat first but I was like #no we're going down the canine route this time #and it's gotta match their personality to a certain degree #and so asmodeus was born #he's intimidating and elegant much like his owner #bork bork bjork

[hardcolorfest]

✨️ AM I PLURAL? ✨️

Please help me, I have gone back and forth on this for years, at least 10 years which is literally like a third of my life so far!

Please, I am desprate for ANY outside views and opinions, I feel like I need others to read my experience and help me understand why I keep on getting into this cycle of "this is plural/no actually its not."

EDIT: this is LONG and I ran out of energy near the end so the writing gets really sloppy so I added a timeline of events up top. I'm so sorry, this ended up turning into more of a vent towards the end, but if anyone wants to read my life story and give me... uhhh........ feedback? I'm sorry words hard now I'm so tired.

I'm getting tired of the doubting and accepting cycle, the "is this normal and I'm just attributing it to a plural thing" floating around in my head constantly. I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'll need to lay everything out so anyone can get a full picture of what I'm/We're working with.

First of all, sorry this is posted on a random empty blog with a title and description totally unrelated. I was going to use this blog for something else but the crisis in my/our identity keeps getting in the way of doing much of anything solid for the last like year now. That's how bad this has gotten now, I hardly feel like a real person anymore and I don't know what to do. Secondly I'm really sorry if there are typos or anything like that. Sometimes my phone autocorrects something and I won't notice that it's changed it to something really weird, like it sometimes switches "I" to "you" and so on for like literally no reason so idk.

Now on to the meat.

🌲

The timeline so far goes > 2012 discover systems > understand I'm not one even though I'd like to be > follow and watch systems online while reading any resource or information posts > learn about tulpas > "make" first tulpa > seemingly gains sentience and gets angry > leaves > 2016 reset > 2016 does not care about being a system > fuzzy memory bullshit here, none of it has to do with this posts topic > 2019 reset > mostly uninterested in being plural > in 2020, 2019 me decides to try make a tulpa again > goes surprisingly well, much faster than last time (which I barely remember at this time) > he eventually talks without my focused effort > I doubt his existence being real > he gets angry, we argue for weeks > eventually he disappears, vaguely sometimes feel like he's "checking in on me" > the 2021 fuckery (more trauma) > homeless and feeling alone > now have stable housing > vaguely refer to self as plural and make a pk and list out like 6 headmates including yourself as one and the past tulpas > goes well and smoothly for a while, everyone's pretty happy despite acknowledging past trauma and working on that together > 2023 reset happens > make new accounts again and feel upset about all these past events > is happy and having a lot of fun all year > occasionally still feels like the logged pk headmates are vaguely around but can't really talk to them much anymore > sometimes fully switches out anyway but not too long > remembers these resets happened before and makes posts to 2019's freinds > mixed reception and lots of questions, 2023 gets overwhelmed and never answers back > now I feel guilty

✨️ I will now explain in more detail.

So for the last 10 years, probably a little longer by like a year or two but I can't be precise, I've known about plurality, DID, tulpas and other concepts like this. I've also been aware of kins/therians/otherkin/fictionkin and so on and related concepts for much longer, 20 years or so, give or take a year or two again. I've never been very good at role-playing, and I struggled to "play" anyone but myself.

Since learning about systems, I took an interest in them. In the concept of being able to step back and let someone else take control. The idea was extremely appealing. I've been traumatized from a childhood of neglect and abuse, and life was starting to get to the point it was wearing me down to nothing. I wanted to take a break, to "die but not die" as I had put it back then. To "go away" with little financial consiquence and come back when I felt recharged. I wasn't really sure how I felt about sharing my life, but was willing to if it meant I could sometimes take a break. Gladly.

So I did a lot of research, quietly reading and observing people online. Maybe it was a little creepy, like watching a fandom from afar and learning what the show they liked was about secondhand through them. I think after I learned about how DID presents, I decided it wasn't really how I was at all and concluded for sure I was not and never could be a system since I did not talk to voices in my head, loose control of my body, nor have severe trauma (to me at the time, this is definitely not the case) and therefore I was not a system. I still watched from afar though.

I think I learned about tulpas around then. I knew I wasn't ever going to have DID due to my conclusions at the time, so I guess I could emulate a headmate until my brain thought it was real. And I still do think you can do this, don't get me wrong, I am fascinated by the human mind and how we process things and the nature of consciousness from a scientific level. I don't think its too far fetched for our brains to be able to do this, genuinely, even if I choose weird ways to describe it.

Anyway, I did try to make a tulpa a few times, maybe twice honestly, but each of them eventually got angry with me once they got to the point they could talk freely. The anger was about me doubting their existence after they were no longer being consciously forced and could do things without my input. Each time, after a little bit of arguing for weeks, they would disappear and I would be left feeling alone in scilence and upset at the fact that I ultimately caused them to leave me.

I have, in the past, "reset" myself somehow. I don't think I did it intentionally, I'm not even sure if there's a common trigger. It's happened a few times. It's happened in the past but I have no real memory of them except for vague feelings and fuzzy memories that feel like I'm seeing someone else's life. However I do remember more about the last two times than any other times.

The first of these was around 2016 I think, and that version of "me" now feels like a complete seprate being who has their own name, likes and dislikes, interests and hobbies, spiritual and political beliefs, and vision of themselves in terms of looks and self-concept. And then in 2019 that version of "me" got packed away into the back of my mind and suddenly I was someone else.

This 2019 "me" had some leftover interests, and of course had any knowledge nessicary to still life the continuous life that having a body and a presence requires, like knowledge of family and friends, jobs and schedules, and so on. It felt like taking over someone else's life, but none of their stuff is really yours. Their freinds suddenly feel like strangers, or at best acquaintances you could say "hello" to but really couldn't hold a conversation with anymore. Even interests and hobbies that carried over were either dampened feeling or the focus of that interest/hobby changed significantly enough that it wasn't really expressed in the same ways. 2019 "me" enjoyed art and drawing with a lot of the same enthusiasm that 2016 did, but with less of a focus on furry and more of a focus on anime, and in particular diving into the world of en ess eff double-yew, which 2016 was not interested in the least but 2019 was vigorously passionate about lol

The further back in versions of "me" we go, the fuzzier it gets. But the general feeling is the same. You wake up in a room with someone else's clothes, books, toys and collections and you have to fight yourself to not immediately throw them all out. You know that would just make them sad. And they do kind of pop back in, although usually only for a short time, a few hours to maybe a day or two, where you just suddenly feel like the past you is you again and everything from the name association, hobbies and beliefs come crashing back like a tidal wave, washing "current you" out of the picture for the time. And besides, they miss their friends. You think about their freinds from time to time, wanting to talk again, wanting to make the lingering sadness happy again...

Its happened again, 2023. I remember more clearly about 2019, since that was the "me" before me.

During 2019 me's "life" I went through another pretty traumatic event involving others who I trusted at the time, ended up homeless and really effed up. Obviously I made it out okay for the most part, I'm still alive and I'm here. I think 2019 me started dying around that time though.

And as it felt like 2019 me was dying, "others" started to feel like they were there. Past "me's" and the past tulpas and others as well who I never tried to intentionally create or who I remember as being a "reset." They would sometimes take over, like in that I would feel like I would suddenly be them and identified myself with their name, enjoyed their likes and hobbies, the dislikes, the views and opinions. And I wasn't actually "me" anymore, I was fully "them" in my opinion. Like a shape shifter who still feels themselves in the back of the current "you." Not really like a performance, like it was natural and correct.

At this point I want to notice we had stable housing and a stable job. Things were looking up around the time it felt like 2019 me was fading. While homeless "I" was the only one present, struggling to stay alive takes your full effort and attention and leaves very little room for thoughts pondering your potential identity. But after having a safe place to live is when we had that boom of sudden activity.

A lot of not much happens except daily life and occasional switches logged, happily accepting self as plural. Quietly too, I never ended up announcing it to anyone, and for most people we appeared as a single entity that just sometimes got into specific "moods." I was never actually interested in being loudly plural, even when I desired being plural from afar. Even back then I agreed (with myself lol) that if I ever found out I was plural we would keep it to ourselves and enjoy each other's company like an in-joke nobody else would ever be aware of but us.

But we did start to fade a bit, and after maybe just a month into 2023 everyone disappeared.

After the 2023 reset, I was left all alone, with all the knowledge of everything that happened. I felt again like a stranger in someone else's body, in their life. I knew inherently to keep up the charade and not tell anyone. I knew I couldn't just go up to 2019's friends and tell them "I'm sorry but you're a stranger to me now, like my sibling's friend's friends, and I'm really hurt by this because now i feel alone and empty." Nobody takes that the right way.

And I found a new fandom to be interested in so I could just pretend and "be someone else" and not have to address to 2019's friends why I suddenly stopped talking to them. New accounts, new personality. No name. Had several months of happy fun fandom time before the really bad feelings about abandoning my freinds and not explaining what happened at all to them started to set in.

Still, I was happy. I got to exist freely this time, maybe I could openly be plural online! But you know, the whole emptiness and they disappeared thing. It sucked, but I got little whispers here and there. Now that I think about it, I think they never really disappeared but just got super weak.

Whatever, the point here is I want them to come back but we keep having strained communication and difficulty with fuzziness any time any "non-me's" try to take over.

And I felt guilty.

So I messaged some of 2019's friends recently with mixed reception. Some of who just seemed like they were happy to hear anything at all after I disappeared completely for almost a whole year. Some who never really responded, Some of who I'm not even sure if they have seen it. Nobody really angry or anything. I didn't use any words like "plural" or "headmate" or anything. I explained it all as the past me being packed away completely, including the things they cared about, but still feeling that little sadness about it. Nobody brought up plurality either. I'm okay with that, I don't know if it's good to just suggest that out of nowhere to someone. But the lack of any question about that, especially from people who I know actually do know about systems, made me think really hard about if anything I expereinced here was even a plural thing or if it was just a mind trick I did because I was struggling with long lasting traumas. And I understand how ridiculous that sounds. I'm aware. I'm just trying to get it down in words that can be understood, it evokes that feeling of knowing you're right but fearing you're mistaken.

I'm so sorry I'm really tired and I didn't realize how long this post would take to type. I just got out of an exhausting shift at work and am so low on my battery words are starting to feel a bit strange for no reason.

So to cut the rest, the point in making this post is outside validation that I either AM or that I AM NOT making shit up because I wanted to be plural 10 years ago, or that I fucked up my brain by trying to make tulpas, or that I just discovered being a system through making tulpas I guess, or like what.

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY I am super upset and feel really bad and guilty and responsible for not being attached to anything from 2019's life, including their freinds and I have no idea why I have these "resets" and is that just a normal "living and growing as a person" thing or is that what splitting or whatever feels like or like... is that just me being an asshole?

Am I an asshole?

I feel so empty, no name, no freinds, no real personality except the emulation of an anime character... abandoned everyone I cared about for almost a whole year... its hard and requires a lot of effort to "be" the others, or even talk to them... I'm so tired.

#tulpamancy #pluralgang #plural system #endo #osdid #tulpa #the urge to tag syscourse just so it shows up to people who might be mean to me for using the word tulpa while asking for help would see #every opinion counts even opinions that tell me im fake fakey mcfakerson actually #whatever helps make the sadness and guilt go away honestly

[compassionatereminders]

Hi Kat!

I'm sorry for deviating from the usual flavour of content you post and asks you receive, but I trust you are no-nonsense enough to give me a truthful answer, yet compassionate enough to not barrel me with hate if you do happen to think my opinion on the situation to be wrong.

Cw for medical incompetence, hospitalisation

So recently I was needlessly hospitalised for five weeks- which was both senseless and useless, since the entire time I basically had to keep to my room or the activity room- which was mind-numbingly boring and a waste of time. I didn't see a doctor or have any conversation with a nurse. It was five weeks of essentially watching the minutes tick by on the clock, hoping I'd be released soon.

This context is important because when I finally managed to force their hand and let me go (and even then they wanted to keep me there longer), they forced me into this legal thing that forces me to get a certain type of therapy and if I don't go, it's considered grounds to take my freedom away again. It's a nasty situation.

Anyway, I personally don't want to go to therapy. It's costly in both time and money (both of which I do not have), and I don't see the merit in it. I've had a rough childhood, to put it mildly, and I while I did use to struggle with it a lot, I finally managed to give it a place and live my life. Is it the Most Ideal and Normal life? No. But I'm neurodivergent, so the chances of the Medical Professionals seeing my life as a functional one is next to zero during the best of times. And, I'm happy with how things are right now. I might not be normal, but I can live life and that is something that seemed impossible for over twenty years of my life. I'm honestly really glad I got to this place, and that's exactly why I don't want therapy. I've had over 30 mental health "professionals" and they only ever made things worse- in very tangible ways. So now I'm finally in a place where I do have the ability to feel something other than despair, I'm protective of it. They force me into therapy because they don't agree with a diagnosis I got last year on basis of a technicality, and that to them gives them the right to force me and destabilise my entire existence by making me bring up and relive my past. And I don't want that. Fuck, even talking about it with the team overseeing my return to Normal Life has absolutely wrecked my week emotionally. And I don't want that anymore. I want to look forward, not endlessly beat the dead horse that is my past "to make me healthier", because it won't. Therapists in my experience only dredge up shit they cannot deal with and once the 50 minutes are up it's my sole responsibility to deal with the fall-out of the bullshit they caused. The fact I just got out of a very traumatising hospital stay doesn't help my faith in therapists either.

So the question I want to ask is: is it okay not to want to become healthier? To be aware of the fact there is room for betterment, but to value one's stability more and focusing on other areas of growth? Or does that desire make me weak, somehow, sub-human? Do I owe it to anyone to go to therapy to "get better" and get destroyed in the process? Or do I get to be happy with what I have, knowing that five years ago it seemed to be utterly impossible to get to this point at all? What is your take on this? I'm in too deep and might not be seeing things clearly, which is why I ask.

Thanks in advance!

-scared of destabilisation

I don't think anyone who isn't actively a danger towards themselves or others should ever be forced into treatment they don't want. So I think you should be allowed to say no to this and I don't think it's bad or morally wrong of you to not want therapy

#chat with kat #forced hospitalization tw #hospitalization tw #psych ward tw #forced treatment tw #medical abuse tw

[willsimpforazula]

fight night part 1(?)

remember that wip of the steambabies being rebellious and shit...? well it seems that plot bunny just won't die even after dropping the tsar bomba on it so here it is....part 2(part 1.1? idk anymore time is a social construct) anyways.....

*someone pls halp glib title inspo many tanks

Locker room

Warehouse 8, West Port

Republic City

"I'm starting to think that you get a kick out of bossing me around." Miska sighed, as he bent the water back into the waterskin, glad to be done fixing up the myriad of cuts, scraps and sideburns that his sister picked up after a night of street bending tournaments. 

"Only took you twelve years."

"I swear by the spirits if half the boys knew what the real you looked like, they wouldn't be simping for you as hard as they are now."

"Don't forget who set you up with her. You owe me for that." 

"At least she doesn't volunteer you for underground bending cage matches."

"So boring." she tutted.

"I'd like to not spend the night in the police holding cell, thank you very much. Besides, even if the cops don't get us, dad would skin us alive, to say nothing of what mom would do." Miska countered, a shudder running down his spine as to the myriad possibilities that awaited them should they be caught.

"If they find out."

"You think they wouldn't know?"

"We'll be fine. Besides, I've got standards to maintain and you've got someone to support."

"You make it sound like she's like my wife or something."

"Wouldn't you want to put a ring on that finger?"

"Well….I mean, yes, but we're like sixteen so no?"

"But there's a plan right? Because if you don't and break her heart…."

"Umm yeah you're not breaking anything, not in the state you're in."

"I hate it when you're right." Risa mumbled, reluctantly conceding the small victory to her brother.

"Once again, the younger sibling provides a voice of reason and rationality as the Spirits intended." 

"Whatever makes you happy." 

"Was that metaphorical or an actual question? Because if it is, I'd be really happy if we got paid about right fucking now."

Before Risa could come up with an equally snarky retort, a knock on the door interrupted her thoughts and she immediately reached under the bleacher, where she stashed a throwing dart in case anyone wanted to even the score post match. 

"Who is it?"

"It's me, Su."

"Come in."

"You look way too tense for someone with a seven straight win streak. You should be proud of yourself." she commented, arms folded across her chest as she surveyed the scene, pleased with how the match results turned out.

"I don't like that tone of yours. Where's the cash?"

"About that….."

"Don't play fuck fuck games with me. I sure as hell ain't putting my neck on the line for seven nights for free. Do you or do you not have it?"

"Did your brother ever tell you you've got a hair-trigger temper?"

"I'll answer your questions as soon as we get paid and we're all out of this joint, I can't shake the feeling some sore loser is going to do something stupid."

Shaking her head, Suyin tossed a small bag of cash to them.

"It's all there, I swear on the badgermoles."

"Pretty sure I saw more cash exchanged hands than this." Miska snorted as he counted out the money.

"Well y'know, I had to pay off my debts and all that jazz as well. Plus, do y'know how much coin I had to front for each of your matches?"

"For a Beifong I thought you were supposed to be good with money." was Risa's reply.

"Ha ha very funny. I held up my end of the bargain, you did yours so I'd say we're done." With that, Suyin exited the room, to which they both breathed a sigh of relief.

"Could you stand up?"

"Please, I'm not that fragile." 

"Then don't come looking for me the next time you get into a scrap. Now let's go home and pray to the spirits mom or dad aren't still up."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Forty-five minutes later….

"No we're not taking the elevator."

"Why not?"

"You do realise the elevator goes directly to our front door right?"

"And?"

"What if mom or dad is awake?"

At this, Risa put on her kicked puppy face and pleaded "My legs hurt."

"Sucks to be you."

"Pweese?"

"Fine….we'll take it up to the second last floor. That's it."

"Are you-"

"Absolutely not."

"I'll pay you extra ten yuan."

"Thirty."

"Fifteen."

"Twenty-five, plus forty percent of my share up front."

"Such an extortionist." she grumbled, reluctantly pulling out her brother's cut. Guess that fancy dress will just have to wait, she sighed internally.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next morning,

Risa's door

Having mentally consoled herself in the shower by settling for a new set of earrings and a pair of heels instead of the outfit that she'd been eyeing for over a month, Risa flopped onto her bed and fell fast asleep, tiredness hitting her like a sledgehammer. Consequently, she didn't hear her alarm clock screeching at her in disapproval, nor the knocking on her door by Azula, who was rather concerned that her normally punctual kids were nowhere to be seen when it was time for them to catch the tram.

Whilst Miska was relatively easy to rouse from sleep, she knew that her daughter was in some respects, an equal to her own temper if her sleep was disturbed. Granted, she had mostly grew out of it but the scorch marks that Sokka somehow managed to disguise as part of the wall painting was a reminder that there was a fire-breathing dragon under her Water Tribe features.

Then again, it takes a dragon to tame a dragon.

"Risa, wake up or you're going to be late."

"Risa!"

"I'm coming in on three. One, two…"

Bursting into her daughter's room, she found a mass of blankets and pillows rising and falling steadily atop a large bed. Striding purposefully, she walked over to shake her awake when out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a large thick envelope sitting on her dressing table that looked suspiciously like money. Filling that away for later, she firmly grasped her daughter's shoulder and shook her, earning a groan and a clumsy attempt at swatting away the rude intrusion on her sleep.

After two minutes of constant nagging and shaking, Azula decided enough was enough and she ripped away the protective layer of blankets, exposing her to the nippy autumn air, which seemed to have done the trick. On the downside, Azula was definitely sure she and her daughter were going to have a long talk about the usage of certain words given her parents' status, namely chieftain and princess respectively in addition to being councillors of Republic City.

With having been so rudely (in Risa's opinion) awakened, her instinct was to hurl a fireball at the offending part while cursing their family lineage, she reluctantly sat up and blinked a few times before the images that her eyes were beaming back registered in her mind. It took a few seconds more to realise that her mother was in fact, not looking very pleased and a few more precious seconds to grasp that she had essentially cussed out her mother, who was currently rolling said fireball back and forth between her fingers like a coin.

"Oh shit." 

"Oh shit indeed, young lady. I ought to wash that mouth of yours with extra strength detergent."

Taking a gulp, Risa did not dare look her mother in the eye and mumbled an apology, half expecting her mother's palm to make contact with her cheek at any moment. Instead, she heard the sound of the door closing and her mother's footsteps heading in the direction of the dressing table.

"So…care to explain to me exactly what this might be?"

"That's….um…money?"

"Indeed, it is." Pulling out the wad, Azula briefly counted before placing it back on the dressing table. "Care to explain how exactly it is that a sixteen year old is suddenly in possession of what, nine thousand yuan if my count is correct?"

"I-well, there was-"

"Based on the eyebags around your eyes, the half healed bruises on your arms and legs and your overall state, I'd wager you were in an underground bending match last night? I can recognize your brother's healing work, so don't lie. Did you or did you not compete in such matches?"

"Y-y-yes mother."

"And what made you decide this was a good idea?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time." she replied, embarrassed by her own answer. 

"Come again?"

"I said it seemed like a good idea at the time." Risa repeated, her face in her hands, half expecting her mother to go ballistic from her answer.

"Tell me the truth, Risa. Who set you and your brother up? Look, I won't lie that I am very very disappointed with what you've done but I need to know to protect you from any potential blowback."

"Su-Suyin did. She needed my help with-with some money problems and-well, she promised me a cut."

"And it didn't cross your mind that maybe there was a catch or that you could be seriously hurt?"

"That-that's what Miska was for."

"So you thought far enough ahead to rope your brother in as a healer but not that you'd get seriously hurt or Agni forbid, killed in one of these matches?"

"I didn't think about it. I mean, you're like the world's best firebender, s-so so um…yeah I really, really, really screwed up didn't I?" Risa answered, face still hidden in her hands while internally cringing at the very words exiting her mouth. 

Taking a deep breath, Azula weighed her options. Either she could discipline her daughter and son the way she and Zuko were when they were kids or use a different means of getting the point across (the means of which was yet to be determined, but definitely Sokka was getting roped in; they were his kids as well after all). Mulling in silence, she contemplated the pros and cons of each decision, whilst Risa stewed in nervous silence. 

"Y-y-you're not going to disown us or kick us out of the house, are you?" her daughter asked timidly, unable to bear the silence any longer. Hearing her voice, she could almost picture the nervous quiver in her lip and tears that were held back but only just. At this, motherly instinct took over and she embraced her, patting her on her back while she sniffled and sobbed. 

"Not in a million years, your father and I will never do that."

"Really?" 

"Really. That being said, there still will be consequences. For starters, I am confiscating your prize money and donating it all to charity. No if ands or buts. Now go wash your face while I talk with your brother."

#kiddos done messed up #sokkla #steambabies #azula and sokka's kids #twins #risa and miska are my ocs

[lady-lunaaa]

Sometimes I hate my brain because it thinks too much. So I thought why not write it all out? In the hopes that once it's down on paper it won't haunt me anymore. So this is that, my thoughts on love, from me to paper to the voids of Tumblr.

Tw: angst, hopelessness

Also a psa: that I don't want a relationship, not any time in the near future anyway. I know I can be happy and fulfilled without romance because I have so many other wonderful and loving and fulfilling relationships in my life that aren't hinged on romantic or sexual intimacy. These are just obsessive thoughts that hit me sometimes in the middle of the night, like they always do, I'm sure we can all relate.

Thinking how it sucks that there are so many bad people out there.

Thinking that it sucks that one bad relationship can fuck you up for life.

Thinking that it doesn't even really have to be a bad person or a bad relationship.

Maybe you just realise they aren't who you thought they were, and vice versa, and it gets messy and toxic as you try to hold onto something you never really had.

☆

No one has to be the bad person, and the relationship isn't always bad, you both made it that way because you couldn't let go.

But then eventually you do. Let go, I mean. You break up.

But only once it's really twisted and dark and you physically can't hold on any longer.

And then what? You just don't believe in love anymore? Or trust? Both.

☆

Is that what love is? Is that dark and twisty thing what love is doomed to become? Or is there a different kind of love, the right kind of love, a love you just haven't discovered yet?

And even if you find it, how will you know? How will you give yourself to it completely when you know what happens when you do? Because you haven't known anything better to assure you otherwise.

☆

And so you sit there telling yourself you're okay with being alone. You're okay with never having someone as long as you are happy with yourself. And it works most of the time.

But it's during the other times, that it's hardest. When you're so lonely you struggle to breath.

And you think to yourself, Will I ever be ready for love again if it happens to find me?

☆

What if I'm too old and too broken when I meet the person I was supposed to be with and I have no time left with them, no good time?

What if all I think when I'm with them is, "I wish I'd met you sooner".

☆

Or worse, What if I never meet anyone at all?

What if I only let people back in to have that trust broken again and again?

What if I never open myself up to love, scared of giving myself to someone, in case they take another piece of myself that I can't get back?

☆

☆

What if life is simply the world taking and taking from us until there's nothing left?

☆

☆

☆

And the worst of all, What if I never find the answers to all these questions?

#so many questions pinging around inside our skulls #and yet no answers to be found #idk what this is #angst hours #poetry #my writing #whatever you wanna call it #im going to bed #🌜luna writes🌛

[toonformers]

Good morning afternoon and/or evening, everyone. I am putting up this...difficult announcement that may not necessarily shock people, but it's a very big deal to me.

In the near future, my roleplay blog @centinela-minor will no longer be used.

Now while this appears to be a very sudden decision, it has actually been something I've been thinking about doing for months, and after some reflection, I've decided that I will no longer be role-playing there. For those who haven't seen them, I've been writing one shots about Centinela's life. I decided once the final one is written, titled New Horizons, the blog will no longer be in use. When will that one be posted? I don't know. But likely soon.

Now here's a couple Q&As for anyone who follows this blog

Are you deleting the blog?

No. While I won't be using Centinela's blog, I treasure too many memories to delete it. It will be more of an archive ig.

If you treasure the memories, why are you gonna stop using it?

Bc I'm no longer happy with this blog. It only gives me sadness to use it, and whenever something I make makes me feel not good, I find it best just to close that chapter and start a new one. Maybe that's the coward's way out, but it works for me so.

Will you still do pm roleplay with Centinela?

Publicly, I've decided not to roleplay anymore. As for private roleplay, I'm sorta in an in between yes and no state. It's gonna be on hold for now, but I'll have a definitive answer within the coming days.

Can asks about Centinela still be sent to your main?

I'm all for it. I don't have any problem with Centinela related asks. In fact I'd be happy to recieve them.

Will your other rp blogs be shut down?

For now, no. My other rp blogs will still be open, so fire away with your starters and asks there.

Is there a chance Centinela's blog will return?

Too soon to say for sure, but hey life's full of possibilities.

Anyway that's all I have for the announcement. I know a lot of you probably don't care or maybe haven't even heard of the blog. But it meant a lot to me and I'm very sad to let it go. But I know this is for the best. In the long run...I will be happier. Thank you all who supported Centinela and roleplayed with her. A special thanks to @perytonpred for not only getting me into longer rp threads, but for being the one who got me to open up to roleplay again. Something I thought I would never do again... I'm very deeply sorry for any inconvenience bc of this, but for now my decision is final. If you guys have any questions about Centinela's blog or just wanna chat, my ask box and pms are always open. Stay safe everyone ❤️

#toon rambles

[veronicasanders]

"Suggest how you might resolve the staging difficulties inherent in a production of Ibsen’s Peer Gynt." if you get the reference I'd love you forever, but it's not the question for this week. Here it is: If you could change the way any movie/play/book was made, which one would you change? how?

Okay well I do not get this specific reference so I guess you can only love me for a finite period of time, but fuck do I love this question. 🥰🥰🥰 Alright…*gets out my 2,000 page binder and slaps it on the table*…here we go! 💖

No, in all seriousness, I do have like a thousand answers for this but I’ll try to think of some highlights that are potentially entertaining. 

I guess an obvious one is RENT? Because the movie adaptation was just so EGREGIOUSLY wrong? I mean starting with, choosing a director best known for Home Alone and other cheesy family shit. And then casting the OG Broadways actors, most of whom were bordering on too old to play those roles when they did them the first time around, because that’s just how Broadway works, and then the whole “color blind” phenomenon of the 90s which resulted in the bizarre situation where not only is the pretentious Ivy League snob a Black woman, which…like, okay, maybe you could have gotten away with, I guess, but also the oppressive rich douche landlord who’s fucking the teenage stripper? Why did anyone think it was progressive to give this role to a Black man? It wasn’t progressive in the 90s on Broadway and it certainly the FUCK wasn’t progressive when they made the movie in 2005 and you know what this question is supposed to be fun and I’m giving myself a migraine so I don’t want to talk about RENT anymore. 

Mommie Dearest - this is a perfect film and not a frame should be touched. Okay actually, I have a theory that like, 95% of what makes this movie so weird and campy is the pacing? Like, the fact that the shots are held for SO long after people finish talking? I wonder what it would be like if some editor took it and cut in a more normal way? I know the acting is still over the top and like, there’s no cutting around the terrible wigs on Old Christina (although…maybe with some good vfx…?). Anyway, a recut could be interesting experiment. I bet it would be like an hour and 15 minutes, tops.

Along those same lines….I really want a recut of Drag Race Season 7, where instead of focusing on petty drama that no one actually cared about, they instead give us the “everyone wants to fuck each other” cut we deserve. I mean the fact that the best scene we saw all season was a CUT SCENE (the one where Violet yells "SHOW US YOUR DICK!" to Trixie) really tells us everything we need to know. 

Okay this one is for Andy Cohen - I want have a section, maybe even a whole episode, of the Real Housewives Reunions, where an actual licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, who is familiar with the show, has seen ALL seasons and read all their blogs and tweets and shit, sits down and coaches them through the layers of miscommunication and ego bullshit so that the stupid nonsense can actually be resolved. Because as a viewer, it actually stresses me out when a simple miscommunication gets amplified and blown up and dragged out over 4 seasons just because people are fucking stupid. I’d rather see them all be drunk idiots having fun together. Yes, watching them fight is fun, but watching them have the SAME fight over and over makes me want to push them all into moving traffic. 

The L Word - I would kill Tina in the pilot and then like…I dunno change a bunch of other stuff, especially the horrendous way they handle the Max plotline, but mostly kill Tina. Bette deserves better and so do we. 

Oh also, I'm happy that we made Dawn pansexual in the Baby-Sitter's Club series, but where's the Kristy lesbian icon plot line? It needs to happen. Also I want Alicia Silverstone to say "Clueless" more because that's only happened once and I found it deeply emotionally satisfying.

(I know you didn’t say TV but I’m garbage and TV is very important to me.)

I have a lot more, but I think that’s what fanfic is for, isn’t it? Like, what I’m doing queering up the Parent Trap and stuff like that? Anyway this answer has gone on too long so I’ll stop torturing you. 

#walking down the glittertrail #this was fun #I can do more

[lucidapricity]

Hi! Hope you're doing well and you're healthy! I have a few questions about your fic if u don't mind 🦚

1. What limit would y/n have to break in order for the angels mental state to switch from being infatuated with her to "she said/did this? she must die" like is there ANYTHING she could say or do that goes so FAR as to make them WILLINGLY kill her?

2. what if y/n found out about their identity earlier? Like she has this ability that just...heightens her perception and would let her know that the guys she hangs out with has an otherworldly presence?

3. I had saw ur drawing of jin and I was wondering instead of y/n being silent, what if she said "no I don't like those animals they disturb me for such and such reasons" would he still have transformed?

4. Let's say y/n was rich, how would the boys react if she told them "it was nice hanging out with y'all but I'm moving countries I'll miss you <3" and this is ofc before anything drastic happens. Would they give up their home to follow her in secrecy or perhaps...kidnap her?-

5. And this is a rather silly question but I can't stop picturing y/n asking jungkook or hobi if she can climb them. She's like "sometimes I can't tell if I'm standing near a person or near a giraffe but anyway, can you pick me up?"

hello dear anon! i will try to answer your questions to the best of my ability w/o spoiling WotN

it really does depend on which fallen you are referring to. some of them are nonchalant and do not care about the crude things the reader has to say about their personal lives, but there are others where they'll literally unalive reader w/o caring about what namjoon thinks. like, they love her so much but they're unstable beings with certain complexes. idk what she could possibly say to irk them to that point where they finally snap but anything is eventually possible.

if the reader found about them earlier, OH BOY WOULD SHE TRY TO AVOID THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. i had the reader's goals in mind to have a decent and some-what mundane life to comfortable live in so to have 7 random ass fallen angels try to keep her as a "pet", this fic would turn into something like a hunt, predator(s) vs prey yk. reader would try to find ways to eliminate the fallens in desperation to go back to normalcy and the fallens are finding ways to find their precious little mortal. this does sound like another good fic idea so like maybe i'd eventually make some kind of spinoff to WotN with this kind of route in mind.

yeah jin would've done it regardless, he's a show-off in WotN + he does not really care for her opinion. (if anyone is asking, this drawing doesn't exist anymore, i've deleted it awhile back while cleaning my account and won't be taking asks about it)

no amount of wealth or distance will prevent the fallens from having the reader. their home serves more of as a flight base (lol), if and when they're able to retrieve the reader once more, they'll take her back to her 'rightful' home. so yes, they would kidnap her but not leave their newly found home.

they would both gladly let her climb on top of them! they both have extremely big interests in reader (in two different ways) and are ecstatic to make her happy (depending on if this is kidnapped reader or reader with freedom still). even though they aren't the "tallest" out of all of the fallens, they'll still give her the height that she wants lol

#lucid-mind #yandere bts #old ask

[jinxedrose4ever]

Her Forever Grey Sky & The Deal

"Another pale morning," she said as she sat on her bed. The view of her window and grey sky was unobstructed. She sighs and covers her mouth as she coughs. She takes the covers off as she gets out of bed and almost collapses on the floor from light-headedness.

"Frick-," she sighs again. "Another moment I'm alive isn't really a day, its just repeated moments of dread and lonliness. But who cares? Only me since everyone else left..." It's been very hard on Sakura lately. All her friends are gone, her boyfriend tried but even he too was repelled by her. Anyone, she held feelings for vanished once again. She knew the pain was the only lasting thing she'd get from these relationships she put herself in. But she loved the high. She has her good moments when she's lost in a beautiful song but the moment isn't long enough. She closes her eyes and sinks into the melody, seeing her love there with her dancing to the beat. Or if it's a sad song, it only reminds her of him walking away.

She's been trying to move on for months. Lyrics pulling her like metal to a magnet. The melody and truth of the words she hears drown her. Self-harm doesn't even come into play since she had people destroy her so many times, hurting herself would mean nothing. Their words, their moments together, that alone could break her. She tries her best to smile, sometimes it's genuine. Other times she's just trying to not raise suspicion. 

No one cares.

She's tried so many times to find one person who truly cares but in the end, they're all the same. They make her feel like she's on the best high, then they leave. And they drop her to the floor for her to pick up the pieces alone. She can only smile sadly when thinking of her last beloved because she truly thought he was different. In a lot of ways he was. But he too gave up. She screams and cries out for him whenever she can't take it anymore. Hours upon hours of reminiscing and tears. She stands in the light of happiness only a few times when he's not on her mind, but the darkness always calls her back. 

She slowly walks over to her dresser and kneels before it. She opens the middle compartment and moves aside her clothes and finds her little book. From within her book, she takes out his pictures and sadly smiles again. his face forever in her mind.

"Why can't you just leave me alone? All I did was love you and you can't give me peace of mind? Is it because you know if you call my name I'll come running back? Is it because you know my heart aches for your touch? Or maybe because you just love torturing me? I have so many questions but you're here to answer any of them. The only time I ever see your face is on this piece of paper." She sighs and closes the middle compartment and takes their pictures back to her bed.

"Remember all the times we cuddled in my bed babe? And how you called me your honey pie? I loved when you called me your honey pie. No one else called me that and it felt so right. It wasn't some dirty nickname, it was filled with love every time you said it." She stops for a second to blink away the tear from leaving her eye.

"Remember how I'd lay on your chest and you'd rub my back because you knew I liked that? And I'd just lay there smiling letting you take care of me because I have never felt safer anywhere but in your arms. I know you are sick, but I didn't care. You told me you could die any second of any day and I choose to stay with you. You told me things that you said would make others run. But I stayed. You loved me, you took care of me, and you treated me like I was human and I loved you for that..." She looked down and frowned. She walked over to her window and leaned on it looking at the mundane sky.

"You were my sunshine no matter how sad you would get. But I guess keeping me was too much for you..." She tried keeping her composure but the tears fell anyway.

"Don't you love me anymore? The last thing that I wanna be is a waste of your time but I thought I was yours forever. You made me promise. I did. I knew we were made to be separated from each other but... the fact you don't wanna hold me anymore is what hurts the most. I know I'm the one who messed everything up but after I found a way for us to be together, you didnt-" She chokes back another sob. "You didn't wanna hold me. You didn't want to be in my arms. You couldn't even respond to me. I gave you everything I had to give and with just some words... I always portrayed I was tough, but with your words, I fell apart. You took the pieces of my heart that I gave you and dropped them on the floor." She punches the window and breaks it.

"What did I do to deserve this!? I loved you and you just threw me away like everyone else! You knew my heart was fragile from all the loss I've experienced and you still chose to let me go like that!" She slumped on the floor and covered her face while she sobbed. The walls were the only ones to hear.

"If I thought killing myself would help, I would. But I'll just be thrown into eternal torture which would be much worse than the affairs of the heart." She gets up and walks to her bathroom. Once there, she steps into the tub and lays there. Her tears ever flowing. Was there no one who would comfort her? She would assume not since the only thing touching her was the tub she was in. Then a thought finally clicked in her head.

"You were my sunshine but you're not here anymore..." She looked up at the small window in her bathroom and tears continued to flow.

"That's why there's always a grey sky in my life."

~

After months of healing, she was brand new again. No sorrow. No pain. No weight over her shoulder. But things only stay golden for so long. She met someone new. She wanted to impress this guy because she only thought highly of him. She started talking to him. Sooner rather than later, he started asking for things. Things he could get from anyone but asked her. He must've seen her as easy to ask. And she proved him right by doing whatever he wanted of her. He was so tempting she couldn't resist. 

He made a deal with her and he had no evil intentions himself, but she should see the devil in his eyes. Extending his hand he asks, "If you wish to do this, things can't go back to the way they were. No feelings are to be involved in this. Do we have a deal?". Slightly scared by stepping into this new territory, she shook his hand. She enjoyed what was next to come. But after a short while, she caught feelings for this man. It was nothing she couldn't handle. To her dismay, her feelings were brought to account and cut at the stem. She confessed everything. The man knew this would happen and had to decline her affection. The woman knew that would happen and even though a single tear did drop, she made sure not to let the man know.

The deal went on as agreed. The rejection only made her want to care for him more. And that she did. She admired so much of this man, she wasn't sure of her feelings but she knew he made her smile. He made her happy. Even if they can't be together, her heart knew that just being by his side was enough for her. Her motivation to become better was from viewing him. His confidence in himself and his work drove her to work harder. It was interesting to her because until this man came into her life, she had never been rejected. She hoped that sometime in the future his liking for her would change and her liking of him wouldn't. She was overall pleased with this man. 

After some time, the man decide to break the deal they had and she knew it was bound to happen. This hurt a bit more than her initial rejection due to the fact that not only was she not worthy of him, but even of the simple deal they made. It displaced her greatly but brought her to the realization that he may never want her. 'Am I that repulsive or unattractive that he wouldn't want me? He's told me repeatedly that I am beautiful. Was I just something for him to look at? He pushes me to be only a friend? If he didn't care for my feelings, would he even want to be my friend? His companionship gave me something to look forward to every day.'

Once again, she felt alone. Her brother was seldom around and he was her sole confidant. No friends to speak up. No embracing family. No one to turn to but him and even at that, she was unwanted. She now realized the world can be very cruel and to survive, she must live the rest of her life alone and unloved by all. No matter how they praised her. Looks are skin deep and even her skin had scars.

If you were to see her now, you would never tell something was bothering her. She looked so joyful and full of life. But that's something many people are great at. Hiding. Hiding how they feel inside. Without a caring hand, they would open up to no one. If you care for something, don't settle for a "Are you okay?". Work with that person. Show them in even small ways you care for them. So many people go uncared for and the stress of life becomes a burden and they remove it. They remove themselves from life. You may not know that person who OD-ed or threw themselves from a bridge, but if you have friends you care for, don't let that happen to them. All it takes is one moment and you may never see that person again. 

Enjoy the time you have.

Protect and love your friends.

You never know when they could leave and never come back.

~Fin~