#bc again like. kinda yeah. also no. but mostly yeah

[thedreadvampy]

I'm like. 99.5% ok about the breakup but boy that 0.5% sneaks up on ya

#red said #i just. i want to Tell Everyone for some reason. like that will help somehow. #there isn't anything to tell except 'we broke up' and i am not enjoying followup questions like 'are you ok' #bc again like. kinda yeah. also no. but mostly yeah #had a nice time with my friend Monday night cause they skated over the 'are you ok' fairly fast and we were able to Actually Talk About It #but like. there isn't. a good story. i don't know what to do with this feeling. #i don't want a shoulder to cry on cause I'm not that kind of sad #i don't want to be like I WANT THEM BACK cause i recognise that this was the right decision #I'm not. angry at them. and i don't particularly want to be. and that's tricky #cause this is the first time I've broken up with someone I've not felt a particular need to be angry at #i still like them i still want to be friends i think they fucked up in some places but i also don't think it was them being shitty #and we've closed it out we've done what needed done so it doesn't need dissecting angrily #but like if i don't want sympathy and i don't want anger i don't know what i DO want? #other than. i want to talk to them. i want to fastforward to the point where we can be friends #and that's not a want that can or should be met just now #so. ????????????.

[b4kuch1n]

polymer broadcast signal hijack

#pikmin #captain olimar #ft. louie captain shepherd and collin #as well as #moss (pikmin) #watched a stream series of pikmin 4 (its frankenbugs' series) thats what this is about really #but mostly. I just love olimar. I just really enjoy that man #also this really got me flexing those bande dessinée muscles from back thens lol #Ive missed drawin with this kinda proportions... I should do it more #Im gonna draw an olimar to put in my wallet. I need to make my life harder to explain to strangers #I also wanna. add more details to his space suit. make it look more like real life space suit for fun & entertainment #man I enjoy the animals in pikmin so much. they really are just like. animals. theyre animals #its great I love how genuinely bug-lookin the bugs are even with the stylization. pikmin and pokemon are really good at that #would like to learn how to do that... sometimes in the future #oh yeah fun fact. my effort at cleaning up my undercut a few days ago went badly. right before I went to a family reunion thing for 2 days #so I was goin out of my mind at that event postin abt olimar bc I love him #and then. when I got home. I decided to shave my head instead of trying to fix the haircut again #and so the sequence of events becomes I post about olimar -> I enter my bald arc #I am okay with this. have a good night lads. binding books is actually really fun u should try it

[skitskatdacat63]

"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily."

+ process(tw blood)

Also, look at him, bloody little guy 🥹

This drawing was inspired by several matador pics :D here and here:

^ I don't think I'll ever live up to the second one ah. There's several pics of that specific guy just soaked with blood, and I'm uh a bit obsessed with then ITS FUCKED UP I KNOW OKAY! But I've not drawn blood in a while so it was a bit difficult so I added less than I would want to I guess. Also I'm obsessed with how often they kneel in bullfighting?? Like okay who are you arching your back and spreading your legs for-

#ah not 100% sure abt this one but i think i still like it!!! #i was practicing matador poses during the wknd and im like yeah should prob paint one #and then it felt like all the energy left my body djfkkglg i was like ugh how do i paint again????? #mostly: just really wanted to draw him bloody #i love how every time i draw him in ferrari colors its just the most eye bleeding thing ever #my eyes get too used to it on my ipad's display and im like aw this isnt red enough :( #and then i transfer it to my phone and it feels like the red suddenly is hurting my eyes even worse djfkkglg #im glad the blood turned out well. i honestly think it was probably easier bcs the clothes are red already #but yes yes suffering ferrari nando. hes my comfort character atp 😭😭 #perfect catie drawing: depressed ferrari fernando. blood. napoleon quote #anyways yeah lmk! i think it looks okay?? idk i think i just love the first 2 matador drawings i ever did #and its very hard to live up to them. but whatever. we move on #im glad i did a more complicated pose at least ????? #also god i was somewhat annoyed w his face and then i redrew his eye and it was like OH OKAY suddenly good okay #tw blood #<- i would put this drawing under the cut but like. my blog i do what i want and i want to draw blood #i used to draw bloody stuff a lot more but ah idk less opportunities now sjfkkglg so it was kinda nice #catie.art. #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #matador au

[okitanoniisan]

new rgg fans will never know what they missed back in ye olden days of the fandom (like, 2019), doubly so now that scott strichart's deleted his twitter and jon riesenbach's privated. twitter was so fucking fun and then whatever-the-hell at sega of america happened and caused a fucking snowball effect and now we have shitass localization and resulting discourse that makes every release nigh unbearable, misinformation, confusion, people complaining about "bad writing/mischaracterization" not realizing it's because of the shitass english loc, i'm sitting here like jesus christ these loc bitches massacred saejima's character voice, people will never see him as he was intended, as original yakuza 5 localization Correctly painted him, and now they're coming for kiryu. god help us. we used to be a proper fandom. before everyone was subjected to the remastered localizations and shaky eng characterization. no one had even played yakuza 3-5, people still called morning glory "sunshine" orphanage, kiryu was our only protagonist and people still called him "boring", it was beautiful...

anyway gaiden uses affective instead of effective because the current localization team is full of careless dumbasses who don't give a fuck about ensuring they're using correct english grammar and this is not an isolated incident

#ada speaks #ive been playing through the series again from 0-5 and. yeesh #it goes from LIFE IS GOOD. LOC IS GOOD. to. oh. #yakuza 5's original localization is near perfect and they couldve made it better but instead #they opted for the cost cutting approach and decided NOT to retranslate and instead #just fucking. re-localized the localization and SO much is wrong. so much. #im playing simultaneously with a friend (myself on ps3 them on pc) and seeing the differences #and it happens in y3r and y4r too where #the original line is localized > the remastered line takes it and runs with it bc they have no original translation context #ie. in 3 rikiya says he likes 'wild' dancers. (re: strip club) it gets localized to be him liking 'aggressive' dancers. #in 3 remastered he says he likes AGGRESSIVE DOMINEERING WOMEN and that gets his Gears Turning #or. in 5 shinada says that uno is 'a little sad up top' re: his hair. and 5 remastered he says 'kinda mopey' #because they misunderstood the original english loc and so. completely fucked up the line to mean something else entirely #its like broken telephone #the same is SOMEHOW also happening in 8... i dont know HOW but somehow it fucking is #meanwhile im revisiting zero and going OH YEAH GOOD CHOICE. THAT MAKES SENSE. GREAT WRITING. WOW THAT'S AN A+ INTERPRETATION OF THAT LINE. #i miss the old loc team so bad. bring me back. #its mostly frustrating because i can see the shitass eng writing and still enjoy the game beneath it (unless it's not voiced.) but #i feel so bad for everyone flying blind and forced to take the loc at face value #its been like this since lost judgment but the main story was Fine (if a bit rushed) because. scott was still doing his thing #the substories in lost judgment also felt like they were of the same calibre (shit.) as remastered and. idk. #it seems like its been a shitshow at SoA behind the scenes for Years #and it shows.

[elegyofthemoon]

some work stuff thats been on loop in my head all week

so i think most of this week minus today, i've sorta accepted that i'm just riding a dying dream. that's mostly why everything feels very unreal these days just bc i wanted to distance myself from it i think. that at the end of this, i'll just fail again and then i'll fail out and that'll be it for me and i'll somehow magically pick up the pieces and sort my life out in some different way with the numerous backup plans i have saved for myself

but i'm still on top of stuff. i'm doing what i'm supposed to, even if it's kinda painful to do thinking that all this effort will amount to nothing in the end.

i get asked to review a new patient who came in the night prior to present to the other doctors, and i go and do that. i get to know the patient and try to figure out whats going on. i go and do my physical exam and all that, and at the end, when im trying to wrap things up, she stops me just to say "you're such a sweet and kind doctor. the other ones are so abrupt and dont listen to me"

i had to just kinda smile bittersweetly at that bc thats really all i want to be. i just want to take care of my patients and make sure they get the best help they can. i want to, but im no good medical student.

i thanked her again and left to go present the patient accordingly. the whole moment still sits with me a lot though and i just sorta play it on loop.

by character, i'm very much a caretaker. i love taking care of people and its always at the risk of overdoing myself - something i'm working on. if i could i'd do anything to keep up with this dream so that i can better help everyone. but i still find myself at a loss. i'm by no means smart. i just want to help however way i can, and if that means being in this position to do so, then i'm happy for it.

it just makes me sad because i'll meet the worst medical students - my peers - and i question and wonder and worry about the people who would fall into their care. i'm not saying i deserve their position. i understand i'm not smart enough to be where i am. heck, im even surprised i even got where i am tbh albeit i am also failing severely now lmao but it's just... it makes me sad that the smart people i meet are always so awful

at the very least, that moment with the patient was nice even if its bittersweet. it at least means that i was already where i kinda wanted to be as a person. i want to be there. and i want to take care of others because i care.

#i didnt know who to talk to #everyones offline which is fair bc its like near new years and all that so #here. #work logs #i promise after this though ill stop posting about all this nonsense #im just in a really weird state orz #i think after today though things will be happier #its mostly bc of my friend (i really have to thank both of them) #my friends are so nice and it was nice to just hang out again after so long theyre so cute when theyre being nice LMAO #both of them are very talkative which makes up for my Lack Of Talking #ill at least say this #i probably wouldnt be such an open person if it werent for the people i met at school #they say certain personalities gravitate to a certain profession and youre right! #i think all the people ive met their personalities kinda click w me and its honestly nice askdjafh #all my friends from school were the most supportive people ever and its like the first time ive actually stepped out of my little bubble #(i had some friends in undergrad but i spent majority of it alone tbh which also wasnt bad it just meant i worked on myself more) #but yeah #lets say this: even if everything just falls apart and we end everything with a bang #ill be happy with the journey anyways for the people i got to meet along the way #snow speaks

[sinking-into-mist]

Happy Halloween to everyone who celebrates! 🎃

And good luck with NaNoWriMo to everyone who's going to participate! 🖋

Anyone doing NaNo feel free to message me! I might need an emotional support group to get through November, because it hasn't even started yet and I already kinda want to quit 🙈😂

#yeah yeah i could just choose to not do nano this year #but i've done it for the past 14 years and i'm not going to break that winning streak now #i don't have a plot or inspiration but i sure do have stubbornness so here we go again i guess 😅 #(well i am pretty sure i'll mostly write bc fics like i've done in the past two years #i kinda want to try to see if i can put olliallu through enough different scenarios to get 50k words of that #but i'd probably get bored of writing so much of just one pairing #so maybe more realistically the goal could be like 25-30k of olliallu and then 20-25k of other pairings #asdfghjk that's so many words why am i putting myself through this year after year 🙈) #anyway nanowrimo is the most wonderful time of the year and you all should do it 👌😌😅 #oh also beware i'm probably going to reblog lots of writing prompts etc throughout next month because i'll need a bunch of those 😅

[echidnana]

takes photos autistically

#u cant tell from these bc we covered our face #but we have no clue what to do w it when taking pictures #anyways we were trying on our skirt to decide whether or not to buy a new one. #we have never worn this one out akdhjahdj #but its so tempting. #also once again realizing how our room looks to other people #erm. ignore the car on our closet door. #also legato picked the emoji 2 cover our face with . wolf boy #n e ways yeah 👍 #goooooood night #logan.txt #<- sort of. im pretending im not here but if legato made this post he would sound like a serial killer #(affectionate mostly) #legato.txt #<- since hes here #confluence posting #kinda?? #idk #no id

[manwithoutaspleen]

I’m sorry but some days you come home and you just have to smoke weed and play Skyrim.

#i had to close today :/ #closing is so much worse than opening #and my coworker talked about ai art for 20 mins :( I was mopping for my life :/ #and our manager was like you’re always so serious you’re so quiet #and I’m like ahhhhhhhh #i don’t want to be here and I’m shy!!!!! #and literally I feel like I am constantly fucking everything up i am so stressed out. at that place #and again I cannot stress this enough. im shy #ugh it just got too close to the whole you’re scary/intimidating thing that makes me so upset #bc it’s just so unfair it is like so clear I am not a scary person #like it’s absolutely some weird combination of neurodivergent + visibly queer that makes people nervous and then they project that onto me!! #but I don’t WANT to be scary that’s like one of the last things I want to be frankly #anyway I know this is mostly me like just being a little Triggered Accidentally but also. #god I wish I could socialize normally #anyway yeah today was a lot and like #I’m kinda proud that the day can be a lot but instead of having a meltdown I’m just like ok. weed ice cream and fight dragons #not like the most grown up coping mechanism but could be worse

[voidpunker]

got new oc ideas and hmm..... im wondering if i should even bother trying to make them fit in the fandom i originally made them for, or just have them be in their own universe

#like out of this group the only one whos epithet is really important to them is Willow #IVA it doesnt really matter. and for foxface and the new guy (and also kinda mayhem if im adding her too lol) #i feel like ive mostly been kinda trying to fight the lore to have them be legal? like idk #main reason i put them in ee is to roleplay/plot with friends but h #i kinda want to look for roleplay servers again but the idea i might run into bright in one stresses me out too much #i *am* in one ee server but it is very much dead :( #so mm yeah am thinking just have them be their own story? bc theyre humanoids i dont need to worldbuild a lot #so i could even use them for roleplaying w other ppl #just a gang of nonhumans vibing :) #(btw am specifically talking abt those few characters. im def keeping luci and lyra in ee just bc their epithet *is* a big part of them) #i think im leaving willow there too bc his epithet is more than him being a ghost #and hes inspired by a different character so id rather keep that as a fandom oc than fully original #oc rambles #also kinda #vent

[milfjinart]

did I tell y’all I went on a weeklong private river trip that launched on Halloween and I made an Ahsoka costume? because it rocked.

#ahsoka tano #ahsoka #yeah it’s kinda shoddy but also it’s made out of pantyhose and hot glue and acrylic paint and it was cheap and also looks cool so #and it was super last minute that I decided to make it lol so I’m happy with how it turned out! if I had more time it would’ve looked better #I modeled it on her look in #sw rebels #:) #personal #ok to reblog #kinda want to go as her again next year but spend more time making my costume and make her clothes too #as it was I only had a few hrs each night a couple days before we launched to make this #bc it was the last week of my guide season so I was still working full time lol 😖 #also I couldn’t find face paint fuckin anywhere in town #the only thing I found was ‘face paint pens’ and thee was no white just orange :/ #so it looked somewhat like I scribbled on my face with a crayola marker & it mostly came off w/ the sunscreen anyhow #but whatever I had fun hehe

[froqgy]

I really do get ppl who havent been drawing their whole life picking it up or even back uo again and being frustrated with it . when i look at my writing

#well its different bc writing and visual art (broad category but im mostly thinking abt . pencil to paper) #are different but also similar bc of. being new to this speicifc act of creating if that makes sense. #like looking at my writing is like oh yeah this is like. its making me cringe to read #i think this is my cue to start reading books again lol. #also stories.. how do u tell a good story😭 i know a lot of what makes a story good kinda just by being a fan of so many #but my god it seems so difficult bc i dont have much experience trying. #<- they need to brain storm dnd character #id usually put clarifications here when talking abt art and writing and etc and not being too hard on urself bc thags #important to me to say that. but its 1am so.

[munamania]

i literally never don’t overthink. that is a stupid sentence. so i’m thinking abt it too much but it pisses me off sooooo so much when my roommates do this shit and i know i’m a little too sensitive sometimes but like. ugh! read the room?? just occasionally do fucking anything around here??? like.

#like i know. i Know just because of. things about how i grew up and whatnot #and things never being done around the house and it always being a mess that i am reading them not doing stuff as really disrespectful when #they’re really just kinda slobs. u know. mostly the one. #and it’s like we talked about this stuff when we first moved in and maybe i need to just communicate again #but also why’s it always fall on me to be nice and communicate and then feel awkward after knowing i’m being a little uptight #like. just realize that i’m frustrated and do something about it??? i know these people don’t owe me anything except they do they owe me #being decent fucking roommates. u know. #i’m just. i’m only adding in that context because i know i’m Hypersensitive to it and it’s been making me extra neurotic lately #but also they’re just kind of being assholes. well once again mostly the one. they’re being an asshole. #it’s like. if i didn’t just go in there and clean the kitchen. yeah one of them might’ve emptied and loaded the dishwasher #but apparently no one else knows how to like wipe down a sink/stove/counter/etc. #ok. whatever. i’m just filled with so much rage in my little body sometimes when i go out there and it’s making me miserable so i’ll just #have to say something if it doesn’t change. but. yeah. #they went in their room bc i was cleaning <3 lol #abby talks

[eternallys]

.

#i spent the whole past hour or so drawing out myself a calender #so i can cross off every day i try to draw smth. or learn smth new about drawing #in the hopes that maybe i’ll stick to it often enough #its not a goal to draw everyday but more so when the end of the year comes i can look back and see how much i tried? #idk if that makes sense #but yeah #i never stick to stuff so i dont wanna set goals #last year tho. i made a like reading list where i listed everything i read for the year #and i actually stuck to it the whole year which im surprised #about. it was mostly manga series & only a couple of books #but i’m gonna try and do it again and hopefully there’ll be a few more books #idk theres no real point to what im doing but its fine to look back at and also useful to keep track of stuff ;-; #personal #i love doing silly lil things like that tbh #like i have a spreadsheet kinda thing for shows and stuff to. just to keep track but also bc i enjoy that kinda thing #is that weird? idk

[astrxealis]

i have a granblue fantasy sideblog (kinda inactive), a final fantasy xiv blog (still a wip) ... maybe i should make a milgram sideblog. and a drakenier sideblog

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #mostly milgram tbh! not really for drakenier (might change my mind when i finish the games) #tbh idk aaa. i like putting em ere so my mutuals and followers can also see my beloved blorbos but ??? #i like to keep things organized and i kinda really hate how messy my blog is... idk which posts i've reblogged already #and i want to make it organized T___T i have almost 5k posts i think. and i have 1k+ drafts and around a years worth in queue so #i'll fix my blog more soon! also hi good morning #i made this post and placed it in my drafts just a lil before sleeping so i don't forget :] #fun fact currently i am listening to milgram songs on repeat again (what a surprise! /s) #tbh i think it might be best to make a milgram sideblog bcs i have way too much stuff i want to reblog lmfao #+ some stuff are... yeah...... might be triggering so might be best to limit only to people who actually know milgram #tbh this is also so i can interact w communities more and uh. also make more of my own fandom-specific posts with spoilers #ffxiv is the only one that i'm making another whole blog (w a diff email) for bcs i am not revealing my age there for reasons

[bosspigeon]

so i havent done anything worthwhile creatively speaking (sorry) but i did make a sims sideblog so i could ramble about my not so berry challenge without being annoying here

#pidge speaks #ive been off work for a week while my bosses have been out of town and i just kinda #went into hermit crab mode #mostly bc im between paychecks and broke and also bc im kinda slowly coming out of survival mode? #i also had to skip my t for a week again and its ufcked up my hormones and hdjshkjs #cant wait for december when i go back to having 3 paychecks a month instead of 2 #im being stretched real thin #friend is helping me w T so i should be able to get my shit back on track before i go to the dr next week #hopefully #my friend has been doing a lot to keep me level #ive been guilty af for being Insane #and theyre like u need to acknowledge the fact that the past two years have been INSANE for you #bc yeah they really fucking have #got so fucking sick i was bedridden for three months and lost my job #was out of work for like???? 9 months??? #moved in with someone who turned out to be fucking insane and abusive #got assaulted and then kicked out of my home #then i got covid??? #yeah i should #should definitely be gentler with myself but also Shit Is Hard #but im slowly starting to like #feel less like im waiting for the next disaster #ive got a stable job #i enjoy my job too #my bosses are nice to me and care about me #things are looking up #now i just have to let myself relax #anyway there's my update #im still here and that's a victory in and of itself right?

[starsbugsbones]

[ * Hihi! I saw the tags from the post you reblogged from me, and I think I'd like to hear the rest of the 'Nonsense'™ ]

[ * if you post this and respond chances are I'm gonna continue this from my alterhuman blog, @purring-io ]

[ * also... I feel as if I know you, but it's just a hunch. A strong one ]

[ * and yknow probably a correct one ]

[ * So trying to remember what on Earth I had written out that got deleted yesterday— I think I’ll just segue into talking about also thinking I might be a skeleton monster…….. and why I’m hesitant to call myself either thing (dragon or skeleton) ]

[ * Tbh the skeleton one is a lot less evidence based to me, it more of a ‘seeing myself as it brings me unbridled joy’ ]

[ * And is also generally a comfort when I’m feeling general body dysphoria around gender (It kinda feels like I’m stuck in an ecto body all the time, the way I (and others?) view gender for the AU skeletons being very weird/not super important/it doesn’t matter really what bits they have they still stick with roughly the same perception) ]

[ * I worry about how fandom related it is though— like going to find out I was only thinking I was one because I’ve been into UTMV for a hot minute ]

[ * And in the same vein, how voluntary. Like yeah I keep coming back to thinking about it, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I am or that it’s something involuntary. Just that I keep thinking about it. ]

[ * Aaaaaand also about how tied into gender it is, and if I’m causing myself more trouble to realize myself as this when it’s something else going on ]

[ * ….it really doesn’t have to matter though I think? Maybe? Even if I’m wrong later, it doesn’t make it any more real or important now ]

#star screams into the void #(But the void screams back bc I’m answering an ask lol) #Yeah I just. Thinking of myself kinda as these things mostly fits. But I feel like I’m missing all the ‘instincts’ and stuff #nor do I really have a reason for thinking I’m like this #I don’t think it’s any sort of ‘past life’ business #But there’s also really nothing I can point to in my brain as the culprit #other than just general overthinking lmao #Anyhows I’m going to get back to working on Draconink again