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fictionalmenmakemecry · 2 years

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Being All Alone

Written Upon Request!

Click here for request

Characters: Lily-Rose Depp, Johnny Depp x Reader

Summary: Meeting up with Lily-Rose, gives you an insight on how her dad is currently doing in this dark part of his life. With some convincing on her end, you check up on him to make sure he's doing okay.

Warnings: Cursing, Trial talk

I woke up to the sound of my alarm. I aimlessly tried to find my ringing phone not wanting it to be morning yet. Finally landing my hand on it, I tapped the screen carelessly to try and shut it up.

I dragged myself out of bed and made my way to the kitchen. I instantly started making coffee not even thinking about it as it has become muscle memory at this point. With my eyes still half closed I got my favourite coffee mug and poured it to the brim. The smell of fresh coffee hitting my nostrils instantly perked my mood.

I wander over to the living room and turned on the TV to see what was happening in the world. My eyes landed on a familiar face and I could feel my heart sink a little. I read the news headlines to see one of my oldest friends start a very public trial with his ex-wife.

After not talking to him for over 6 months, I immediately felt a ping of guilt in my stomach for not being there for him. I picked up my phone to see when was the last time I had even talk to Lily and notice it was about 3 month ago. It was just a quick check up on how she was doing.

Without evening giving it a second thought, I texted her asking if she would be free to meet for a catch up. In minutes, my phone chimed.

Lily: YES

Being friends with Johnny over the years made me close with his family. But after Johnny and Vanessa divorce, I came extra close to his children. I would invite Lily and Jack over to my place and we would hang out. They would sleep over time to time to get away from the spot light. When Johnny met Amber, Lily took it hard and clashed with Amber. Arguments turned nasty to the point where Lily could never be around her dad when Amber's presence was around. With that, Lily lived with me whenever she had to be in the US. We grew close and I sympathized with her knowing how she felt as I went through the same situation at her age.

Johnny always appreciated me doing that and would treat me to dinners and gifts to show how thankful he was. I just wanted to help and be there for her. Because no one was there for me.

Since then, I've always made it a point to try and stay in contact with them even as we had our own lives to live.

After running some errands, I parked my car and walked to the cafe we decided to meet.

I opened the door to the busy place and looked around to see her playing on her phone stirring her coffee in the corner. A smile came upon my face making me realise how much I missed her. I went up to the counter got myself a coffee and made my way to her table.

She looked up instantly as I put down my cup and I was greeted with a huge grin.

"Y/n! You have no idea how happy I am to see you " Lily smiled cheerfully leaning over giving me a tight squeeze.

"Me too Lily. I thought you might have been in France" I sat myself down talking a sip of my hot coffee.

"Well, with everything going on with Dad right now. I thought it be better off if I stay here just in case" She explained hooking her hair behind her hair.

"How is he getting on?" I winced.

Her smiled dropped from her face and she looked down at her cup for a moment. It made me realised how much this trial was affecting her.

"Things are tense right now" She stated playing with the empty sugar packet.

"He doesn't have many people around to support him... like emotionally." She explained glancing up at me.

"What you mean?" I asked confused

Johnny always had his family and friends close to him. To hear Lily say that he didn't have anyone near him in this particular time seemed unusual.

"Dad is pulling away from any family support right now and all his friends.. well.. I don't think they want to be associated with the trial just in case it turns out bad" Lily bit her lip in worry.

"Oh, I wish I knew this sooner" I hummed

"I thought he would have been too busy and too many people around him that he wouldn't want another face to look at" I continued feeling sadden to the thought of Johnny not having anyone by his side,

"I told him to reach out to you multiple times but he said he didn't want to pull you into his mess" Lily sighed.

I watched her as she tapped her finger anxiously on the coffee table. I scanned her face and notice subtle circles under her eyes. This wasn't the usual Lily I knew.

"You're really worried, aren't you?" I asked concernedly

I took her hand up in mine and gave it a reassuring squeeze. It broke my heart to see her like this. I could see tears whelm up in her eyes before she flickered them down and wiped her finger to get rid of tears before they fell.

"I don't know what that.... " She hesitated

"bitch is capable of doing" She continued lowering voice.

"I know, I know" I muttered pressing my lips together.

I met Amber once or twice very briefly. She seemed cold towards me. Saying that, maybe I was imagining it after everything Lily told me about her. I tried to have an open mind. But after hearing all the allegations between her and Johnny, I knew Lily's perception of her was right.

"Can you please reach out to dad?" I snapped out of my daze and looked to Lily to see her looking into my eyes, pleading.

"Of course" I reassured her

I took a sip of out my coffee and moved on with catching up with each other. We sat there for a few hours before Lily had plans to meet up with someone else. We gave each other a quick hug outside the coffee shop before going our separate ways.

For the rest of the day, my thoughts never left what Lily said to me. The worry in her voice stuck with me and whenever I thought about Johnny, I could feel my anxiety peak.

For the rest of the evening, I made dinner and decide to relax for the rest of the night with a movie. I turned on Netflix to see one of the movies being recommended to me was "Edward Scissorhands".

"Fine fine! I get the message. I'll ring him" I exclaimed to myself putting down my glass of white wine and reaching for my phone on the coffee table.

I got Johnny up on the phone and rang him. I glanced up at the clock while bringing the phone up to my ear, hoping I wasn't disturbing him. The phone rang once before it was picked up and a familiar voice was on the other end.

"Y/n!" Johnny voice came through the other end, friendly as always.

"Johnny, hey!" I felt a smile come upon my face instantly.

"Long time no talk" He chuckled through the phone.

I got up from the couch uneasily and started slowly pacing my living room.

"I know, too long. I was wondering if you would want to catch up? I know you have a lot going on right now but if you're busy don't worry about it" I heard myself start to babble.

"No no, that would be great. I was actually going to reach out but you bet me to it"

Was he though?

"Would you be able to come over tonight?" Johnny asked

I raised my eyebrows being caught off guard on how soon he wanted to see me.

"Uh.. Sure. Let me get situated and I'll be there in 30" I said looking down at my pajama set up.

"Sounds good, see you then" Johnny hung up.

I brought the glass of wine up to my mouth and chugged the remainders. I throw on something quick and tied my hair up out of my face not wanting to deal with it. I switched off the lights and grabbed my keys heading out the door.

I hung out with Johnny thousands of times over the years and we both gone through up and downs. But hearing his voice over the phone I knew there was something off about him. Maybe it was stress? Or just exhausted.

I turned into the opening electric gate and drove slowly up the drive way. I put the car into park and brought my bag and a bottle of wine. As I made my way up the front door. I heard shuffling and loud music behind the door. Everything seemed pretty normal so far. Johnny always had his place blasting with music.

"Hello?" I yelled in while opening the door knowing he wouldn't hear me if I knocked on the door.

I saw Johnny's head peek around the corner and grin appearing on his face.

I closed the door behind me and walked towards Johnny's open arms. We hugged for a moment and I pulled away.

"I feel like you need more of this lately" I chuckled handing him a bottle of wine.

"Awh thank you" He muttered looking down at the bottle.

I followed him into the kitchen and heard the music getting louder. I walked in to see the counter covered in files and papers. Not one surface was uncovered in this room.

"Sorry for the mess" Johnny mumbled stacking papers on top on each other and moving them all to one table, leaving the kitchen countertop free. He went over the speaker blearing music and switched it off instantly bringing the room to silence.

"Coffee?" He offered looking over.

"Stronger" I stated smirking.

He raised his eyebrows giving me a cheeky grin before reach for the bottom cabinets to pull out a bottle of whiskey and two glasses.

He came around the counter and sat on the stool next to me. He poured generous potions into each glass before sliding one over to me. Before I had even brought the glass to my mouth, Johnny swallowed the contents in his in one. I took a sip and felt the burning liquid run down my throat.

"So I'm guessing you're not doing too good" I coughed recovering from the hard liquor.

Johnny chuckled while pouring himself another hefty glass.

He glanced over at me before taking down another glass without even a wince.

"I don't even know anymore y/n" He pressed his lips together looking down at the glass.

I reached over to the bottle and unscrewed the cap, leaning over pouring him a smaller potion than before.

"Thanks" He said giving me a small smile.

I looked over to the table full of files and saw some law books that I wouldn't have a chance of understanding.

"The bitch is changing her whole story. She can barely keep track of the lies she's making up" Johnny uttered

He brought his hand up to his hair and pushed it back. He face was exhausted. The bags under his eyes made him look 10 times older than he was. This ordeal was taking a lot out of him.

"Why didn't you reach out?" I whispered.

Johnny looked into my eyes for the first time and all I could see was sadness. He looked away and sat back on the stool, looking at his rings on his tattooed covered hands.

"I assumed you wouldn't want to associated with me" He sighed.

"You know what will never be the case" I felt my stomach drop with melancholiness by the thought of it.

"A lot of people... How do I say this" He started.

"Certain old friends of mine have strongly shared their thoughts and have not talked to me since" He took another sip of his drink.

"They side with her?" I spluttered in disbelief.

Johnny shrugged and got up from the stool walking around the island and making his way to the kitchen.

"How you feeling hunger wise?" He asked searched the shelves of his fridge.

"I could snack" I commented looking down at the amber liquor in my glass.

He opened the door of the freezer not being satisfied with what was in the fridge. Pulling out a frozen pizza box and looked over gesturing at it.

I nodded taking another swig of my drink watching him rip open the box carelessly. He got a oven tray and tossed it in the oven before fiddling with the knobs on the oven.

I watched him as he came back around reaching over to a box and taking out cigarette before looking over at me.

"Is it okay?" He flickered his eyes to the cigarette, holding the lighter in the other hand.

"Yeah, of course. It's your house" I assured him surprised that he would even ask.

"Just making sure. The whore I donated my jizz to for awhile had a massive problem with it" Johnny grinned.

I broke into a laugh forgetting that he had a talent when it came to words. I looked over to see him laughing lightly while he exhaled some of the smoke through his nose.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere" I commented referring to the early conversation.

"I know" He flickered his eyes to me taking another puff of his cigarette.

"I guess.... Apart of me was afraid of reaching out because I didn't want to find out if you didn't want to be... Associated with me" Johnny hesitantly said.

I frowned to the thought of completely pulling away from him and telling him to pretty much fuck off. To have your closest friends want nothing to do with you when you need them most, made my chest ache.

We sat there for awhile just enjoying each other's company hearing the oven fans work in the background.

"If you ever need me for anything. I'm always here. I always have been" I reassured him.

A small smile appeared on his face as another cloud of smoke bellowed from his nose.

"I know. Over the years, you always were so good to the kids. Especially Lily-Rose." Johnny glanced over.

"Well, I'm glad I was there for her"

He brought his hand up and scratch his forehead before taking one last inhale of the cigarette and stomping it out on the ashtray close to us.

"She had a really rough time with Amber. Looking back on it now, I should have done more"

I looked down understanding that he was in a hard place when it came to the people who were close in his life. I had no place to comment on what he should have done.

"Lily and I used to be close. I love Jack but he was closer to his mother over the years. Lily and I, we- we had a bond I always wanted with my kids. I sometimes think that Amber has done too much damage and we'll never get that back. She's all grown up anyway" Johnny expressed bleakly.

"Johnny, she's always going to be your Lily. She'll always need her dad" I said softly watching him pull himself off of the stool and making his way over to the oven.

He opened the door to check to see the status of the pizza which seemed to need a few more minutes. He turned around and leaned on the over door, placing his hands on the handle of the door at either side of him.

"Yeah, maybe. I don't know" He mumbled quietly looking at the ground.

As the night went on, we tucked into the pizza and had some beers. Johnny asked how were things on my end and nothing was too exciting going on in my life.

I felt his mood lift as the night went on, trying to stay clear from anymore trial talk. He was still the same ol' Johnny behind all the stress. The same quirky humor peeking through every now and again.

Before I knew it, I looked down at my watch it see it turn 2:13am and didn't even realise time went by.

"Shit" I looked at my watch surprised.

"I didn't even notice" Johnny remarked looking down at his phone.

I picked up my nearly empty bottle of beer and drank the rest in one swallow.

"I better get going" I commented as I glued myself from the stool I've been sitting on for way too long.

"Whoa. I don't think you should drive home in your state" Johnny gestured at the empty glasses and beer bottles on the counter.

My feet touched the ground and I suddenly felt more buzzed than when sitting down. I felt my balance sway a little and noticed Johnny hand grasping my arm trying to keep more from tripping.

I looked up at him and started laughing. The nostalgia in the moment I felt was strong from all the nights we were hammered and trying to keep ourselves from falling over.

"Come on, let me help you to the guest room" Johnny chuckled

"I forgot you have no ankles when you get any way drunk" He continued bringing my arm around his shoulders resting most of my weight on him.

"D-don't tell me you don't miss this though?" I hiccupped.

He walked me out of the kitchen and up the stairs bringing me to the guest room that I've stayed only a couple of times. But still it was familiar.

He sat me on the bed talking a few steps back to check if I was sober enough to get ready for bed.

"You good?" He asked with a grin on his face.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, don't worry" I brushed him off.

I kicked off my shoes and crawled over to the top of the bed wiggling myself under the sheets. I closed my eyes feeling the cold pillow cool my warm face.

"Night" I heard Johnny whispered before making his way out of the room, switching off the lights and closing the door behind him softly.

Before I knew it, I was unconscious and drooling.

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#johnny x reader #fanfic #fluff #smut #johnnydepp #depp #fanfiction #imagines #johnny depp court case #johnny depp

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satonthelotuspier · 4 years

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I'm seeing prompts on your site and does that mean you are accepting them right now? I've never requested a prompt before and I don't know what to do? But if I'm doing it right I'd really like to see 13 for XueXiao from the bodyguard au prompt list? Fluffy or angsty, as you please. Am I doing this right?

OK so Im being obvious, but this contains XueXiao.

Modern Bodyguard AU so none of the complications of canon apply.

Now the disclaimers are out of the way, I have to apologise to the very patient @amaskinamirror bc this took so much longer to write than I expected. The reason being most of my prompt fics end up around the 1k-1.4k word mark and this kept going and kept going because there was a story there. It came in around the 4.5k work mark. Think of it as added value, unless you hate it in which case it’s not ;)

Pompts from this post here

Part 2 now available here

Xue Yang is the enfant terrible of the music world and his manager has pretty much had enough of his shitty behaviour. Features a thorny Xue Yang shaped by the worlds opinions of him, and a hardass yet caring Xiao Xingchen who maybe might just start to see beyond the lies.

Possible triggers/warnings: Also features swearing, man-handling, use of a date rape drug, minor injury and blood. Luckily XXC is there to save the day in all situations.

Xue Yang was woken up from a deep, no doubt alcohol-induced, sleep to the feeling of cold water being splashed in his face.

He shot upright coughing and spluttering and wiping water out of his eyes, trying to process what the hell had happened. The unconscious bodies around him all started to stir and groan back to lucidity.

Xue Yang followed the long line of the leg in front of him up to eventually meet a pair of dark eyes staring down at him without expression.

“What the fuck?” he demanded and tried to get up but someone he didn’t even remember the name of was laid across his legs.

It had been another party. One where they’d drunk hard and passed out before dawn some time; he didn’t know half the people here. That had never stopped him. Being the enfant terrible of the music industry took both time, effort and commitment.

The tall man bent down to extricate him, then yanked him to his feet.

“You have rehearsals in ninety minutes. Get showered, you smell like a brewery” a garment bag was pushed into his hands then he was waved in the direction of the hotel suite’s bathroom.

“Excuse me, but just who the fuck are you?” honestly his head felt a little woolly still from the after-effect of the alcohol he’d been drinking, but he was sure he didn’t know who this man was or what he was doing in his hotel suite.

“Your Fairy Godmother, Cinderella, now go get a shower, you’re wasting time”

Xue Yang grabbed hold of the collar of his jacket, “Don’t bullshit me”

The hand that clamped around his wrist was steel-like, “Your new security. Your manager sends his regards. I won’t tell you to go and shower again”

“Firstly, if you are security you are not my boss, so you can stop with the ordering me around like I’m your little bitch, secondly, you are my security? I’m sure if a duckling gets too close you’ll do a great job, otherwise…” he was going to push the other away, sure because of his willowy frame it would be easy. Quite how he ended up in an armlock and being dragged to the bathroom he didn’t know. He bit his tongue to stifle the cry of pain; no way would he utter the noise aloud. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” he snarled as the other kept going into the bathroom.

“I’ve already explained. I’m not going to repeat myself” the man opened the shower door, pushed Xue Yang into the cubicle and pushed the on button.

Of course Xue Yang never learned his lesson; he launched himself at the other only to bounce off the cubicle door as the other shut it behind him, holding it closed.

“New world order, xiao-Xue, get used to being my little bitch” the other grinned as Xue Yang punched the glass then yelled at the pain in his hand, “Clean up, I don’t want to be forced to come in there and clean you up myself”

***

Xue Yang curled himself up as small as possible on the back seat of the car; he was in high sulk. After calling his manager to demand an explanation of what was going on Jin Guangyao had told him in no uncertain terms he’d better get used to the idea of Xiao Xingchen being around. His new security was not only there to provide for his personal safety after a spate of disturbing mail (more disturbing than the usual run of the mill threats at least), but to whip him into some kind of shape as Jin Guangyao was convinced his terrible behaviour, bad reputation and general personality was about to lose them some very large contracts.

Everyone loved a bad boy in theory, but when it began to affect his ability to make his management company money then they were definitely going to act to protect their asset.

And that had come in the form of Xiao Xingchen, who looked as gentle and fragile as an orchid but who had already handed Xue Yang his ass once today already.

“A-Qing, I need breakfast” Xue Yang whined at his assistant as his stomach rumbled for the fourth time.

“You shouldn’t have upset the new bodyguard then” she mocked him quietly, and he retreated even more, pulling the hood of his jacket up and wrapping his arms around his knees as A-Qing took pity on him and leaned forward to ask the driver to stop at a nearby coffee shop.

They did, and A-Qing and the driver returned with coffees for all and a bag full of muffins.

Lao-Xia, the driver, and A-Qing had been with Xue Yang long enough to not meet his gaze as they started on their own food; Xiao Xingchen had no such warning; he was too busy goggling at Xue Yang who had made his own muffin disappear like a magician with a rabbit.

“Are you going to eat that?” Xue Yang asked, pointing at the baked bun in Xiao Xingchen’s hand.

He simply offered it over; perhaps surprised at the demonstration of the speed at which a muffin could be demolished without trace.

The second one followed the first in quick order and Xue Yang froze as the other reached over to brush the crumbs that had stuck to the corner of his mouth away with a thumb.

“You don’t want the Paparazzi to catch that” he said simply before turning in his seat to look out of the windscreen and sip at his coffee.

Xue Yang curled back in on himself and held his ridiculously sweet iced coffee to his chest.

“You eat too much sugar” Xiao Xingchen told him as Lao-Xia started the car and set off driving to the studio, “You need something to give you energy for the first meal of the day”

“Good luck with that, he functions on pure sugar and supplements” A-Qing mocked and Xue Yang shot her an annoyed look.

***

Xue Yang didn’t know why he was surprised the next morning when he was awoken by a solid shake to the shoulder.

He hadn’t been able to avoid the other to sneak off to party last night so he wasn’t hung over but that didn’t mean he was any more amenable to the idea of waking up.

“Come on Sleeping Beauty, you have to be at your first interview in an hour”

Interviews. His mortal enemy. The thing he hated most in the world. And he was still no better at dealing with them than he had been as a fresh face on the music scene, where the press had crucified him, thrown every painful fact of his past in his face and then painted him as a troubled bad boy with a temper; a role he’d eventually just given up fighting against and embraced.

He threw the blankets over his head; maybe if he just went back to sleep the interview would disappear.

The blankets were thrown back.

“Dude, what the fuck?” he demanded, was he allowed no privacy at all anymore?

“Get up” Xiao Xingchen jerked his head towards the bathroom.

“Fuck off. I’m not going” he reached out to push the other away.

It went about as well as yesterday had for him; he ended up face down on the bed with his arm locked up between his shoulder blades.

“Are you going to learn any time soon? I mean, kudos for persistence but lose points for stupidity. Now, last chance to get up on your own, otherwise I’ll throw you over my shoulder and you can go dressed like that”

Xue Yang wasn’t sure he believed the other was strong enough to actually carry him out of the hotel room, but he daren’t take the chance he might be dragged out kicking and screaming and dressed in his ratty old t-shirt and shorts.

“Fine, yes, I’m getting up. Let me go, please” as a street child he’d learned to beg prettily and it wasn’t a skill he was averse to using if he needed to, to survive. It didn’t need to be sincere, it just needed to sound it, to be calculated to pull on the other’s heart strings.

It didn’t seem to affect Xiao Xingchen, but he was released nonetheless.

***

Xue Yang of course arrived on time for his first interview, (there were three in total scheduled for today), as far as they went it wasn’t particularly gruelling for him, but he was fully aware he was a mess by the end of it; he’d probably come across like he was on drugs, but it wasn’t like that would be the first, second or third time the rumour would circulate in relation to him.

He knew Xiao Xingchen eyed him in consideration, but he ignored it; he didn’t have the presence of mind to survive the next two interviews and worry about what his new security agent was judging him for today.

He was much worse by the end of the second; he had been left alone a sitting room of the hotel the interview’s had been arranged at and he lowered his head into his hands, trying to even out his breathing and calm himself. His professionalism would be questioned even further if he failed to complete the last interview, or screwed up during it.

He felt the couch dip next to him, “Here” he looked up, poison on his tongue ready to be spit at Xiao Xingchen when he realised the other held out one of those large chocolate chip cookies in a napkin. There was also iced coffee sat on the table in front of him.

“Just relax, empty your head, and focus on the cookie” Xiao Xingchen informed him; raising an eyebrow as Xue Yang didn’t immediately accept the confectionery from him.

He took it with tentative thanks; and it vanished almost immediately once he’d decided to accept the gesture. Once he’d gotten the sugary coffee inside him too he felt much better.

***

Despite his trash reputation he wasn’t late for a single appointment over the next weeks; Jin Guangyao assured him it was perfectly alright to project the rebel for the masses but when you played the brat with the people in the business you’d soon be blacklisted; a risk he wasn’t willing to take with Xue Yang.

Xue Yang hadn’t managed to get near alcohol or a party in that time due to Xiao Xingchen’s hawk eyes and iron control.

Since the second morning though instead of being woken up with a bucket of water to the face or bickering the other had started showing up with a sweet pastry and a staggeringly sugary iced coffee which he traded off for Xue Yang eating better at other mealtimes.

Overall it didn’t seem Xue Yang had a moment of time where the other wasn’t somewhere close, controlling everything, keeping a watchful eye out.

And it bothered Xue Yang; he didn’t get used to the feeling of Xiao Xingchen being there like he’d been assured he would. He was still hyper aware of him, and he didn’t necessarily think it was because he was intimidated, despite the fact they’d had a few more altercations, none of which ended well for Xue Yang.

***

He tried to ditch his new security for his monthly visit to the orphanage his charity had built and ran; the less people who knew about it the better. Of course he couldn’t shake the other off so he had to attend followed by Xiao Xingchen, and explain to the children who the tall ge was. He was a great hit with them, and although Xue Yang pretended to be annoyed at Xiao Xingchen getting all the attention that the youngsters usually showered on him secretly he was entertained as he watched the other romp with the rough kids, or play softly with the quieter ones.

“This is the first time you’ve brought a bodyguard” he turned slightly at the sound of Tian Ying, the matron of the orphanage and the woman who’d helped bring him up in a similar institution when he had been a boy had come up beside him. “Are you in danger, xiao-Xue?”

“Of course not” he didn’t consider the crazy mail Jin Guangyao was filtering from him any more of a threat than any of the other mail he’d received in the last few years, and he definitely didn’t want her to worry about him, “They just decided I needed someone to carry my bags for me”

He didn’t have time to say much more as he was dragged into an impromptu game of football in the yard, where he and Xiao Xingchen were on opposite teams.

They played around half-heartedly until a Xiao Xingchen who was grace incarnate except apparently on a football pitch, stuck his foot out and took Xue Yang’s feet from under him and he tumbled. The fall itself wasn’t bad but he was a little grazed as they played on the yard and not grass.

Xiao Xingchen was unusually all apologies and personally saw to tending the grazes Xue Yang’s tumble had caused, despite his assurances he was absolutely fine. The touch of the other still made his pulse flutter in some odd emotion and the way Xiao Xingchen kept glancing up at him, like he’d discovered a rare and new species, was disconcerting. And pissed him off, because he could guess what it was about.

“Just don’t” he said through his teeth so no one around them could hear.

“Don’t what? Congratulate you on what you’ve built here? On what you’re doing for these kids?”

“Yes, don’t. I don’t want to hear it” he sucked a breath in at the sting of the antiseptic where Xiao Xingchen applied it to his grazes.

“Alright, whatever you want” Xiao Xingchen let it drop but he still looked at Xue Yang with something approaching admiration in his eyes.

And it was addictive, to have someone look at him like that, and not like he was trash. But then it had never bothered him before. Was it purely because it was Xiao Xingchen and he wanted to be more than trash in that man’s eyes?

“I guess you read too many gossip rags” Xue Yang sniped, “I’m not on drugs, in any weird cults, or a complete slut either”

Instead of bullshitting him and denying he’d thought anything of the kind Xiao Xingchen agreed instead, “I’m beginning to see that. Of course that doesn’t mean you don’t have a vile temper, that you don’t ever learn your lessons, or that you don’t sulk like a baby when I tell you no”

He was about to make one of his usual responses when the game of football moved closer and he clamped his lips closed on the curse.

There was a knowing, teasing look in the other’s eyes and as Xue Yang looked down into that finely-boned face he realised why the other’s good opinion had meant so much to him; why he was on tenterhooks whenever Xiao Xingchen was near, which was all the time at the moment, and why his pulse fluttered like his veins were full of butterflies whenever the other touched him. He was in love with Xiao Xingchen.

Well fuck.

***

Xue Yang paced around his hotel bedroom, feeling like a caged tiger. He wanted to destroy something. No, he really wanted a stiff drink.

Was he a masochist? What had made him fall in love with a man who knocked him around for fun? No of course that was unfair, Xiao Xingchen only ever restrained him and only when Xue Yang attacked first. Still, it must definitely be masochism.

Or Stockholm Syndrome; he had been at the mercy of the other, a virtual prisoner, for weeks now.

“I need a drink” he exclaimed aloud; and so he formulated a plan.

He took a quick shower and changed into something black and sexy and flashy, then he he called reception and asked for a taxi cab, and that they ring up to let him know when it had arrived.

He waited by his bedroom door, peeping through the tiniest opening for the phone to ring back; and as Xiao Xingchen got up from the couch to answer it he dashed out and past as silently as possible to give himself as much of a head-start as he could manage.

The doors of the elevator were closing just as he saw Xiao Xingchen enter the hallway and yell at him in rage.

He was in the taxi and away; his freedom all the sweeter for being carefully wrought.

***

Xue Yang was beginning to feel pleasantly buzzed and he was chatting quite happily with the guy who stood next to him at the bar of the VIP lounge. He’d been greeted by the usual crowd who hadn’t seen him around for the weeks he’d been kept prisoner, (OK maybe that was a little dramatic), but he’d never seen this guy before and new people were interesting.

Although he was beginning to get uncomfortable at how the other stared at him intently after he’d finished his drink.

He excused himself to “visit the bathroom” when life finally caught up with him. Life of course being Xiao Xingchen.

He pushed Xue Yang up against the wall of the corridor to the bathrooms, which was surprisingly currently empty.

“Hey” Xue Yang protested, although with alcohol relaxing his muscles it hadn’t really hurt as he hadn’t tensed for impact. Actually being pinned against the wall by the man you’d fallen in love with was quite nice. He had zero experience, bar some awkward kisses with a girl who’d known as little as him when he was younger, but apparently being manhandled was beginning to be something he enjoyed. Maybe because it was Xiao Xingchen though.

“I’d advise you to keep really quiet, I’m this close to spanking the living hell out of you” and really he’d never seen Xiao Xingchen’s deceptively delicate face so twisted in anger.

But of course alcohol impaired one’s judgement; to dangerous levels sometimes.

“Is that what you like?” he asked.

“What?” Xiao Xingchen was confused, his hand tightened on Xue Yang’s collar as if he suspected the other was planning something.

“Spanking, do you get off on it?”

“You really have no fucking self-preservation instincts do you?” Xiao Xingchen demanded and if Xue Yang hadn’t been so muddled due to the reaction of his body to the other, and the alcohol humming through his bloodstream he might have realised how much trouble he was in; he had never heard the other curse before in all their weeks together.

Instead he gave in to the urge pounding at the base of his brain, unable to control it anymore. He threw his arms around Xiao Xingchen’s neck and kissed him.

Well, it was clumsy and unskilled, but it probably still counted as a kiss.

He was pushed back against the wall unceremoniously, “What do you think you’re doing? You are my client. You are drunk. You are so out of line right now”

Of course he hadn’t really expected a different response. He somehow managed to pull himself free and stumbled back out into the VIP lounge.

Actually he seemed to be more drunk than he’d realised. He was suddenly barely able to control his body and he felt like his head was full of cotton wool. A hand touched his back, “Oh, you look terrible. Do you need to lie down? Should we get you out of here?” he was vaguely aware the voice wasn’t Xiao Xingchen’s, it belonged to the guy he’d been talking to at the bar, as he was guided towards the door but he really did need to lie down right now. He was about to nod his agreement when the supporting hand was violently removed.

“What the fuck did you give him?” that was Xiao Xingchen, although he couldn’t work out what the question meant. He felt the iron-grip of his security’s hand and he was pulled close to the other; he recognised the familiar scent of his aftershave and it set his mind at rest.

***

It had been days since the nightclub incident; and he’d managed to act completely clueless about the entire evening. In honesty there were huge swathes of Xue Yang’s memory that were completely blank, but he was cursed with vague recollection of him kissing Xiao Xingchen.

He wanted to die from embarrassment. He wanted to mope around at the rejection. He had to pretend like he was completely clueless about everything that happened though and let the other just write it off as a side effect of the Flunitrazepam the random guy at the nightclub had put in his drink.

He had been in touch with Jin Guangyao and begged the other to find him new security. He couldn’t carry on being around Xiao Xingchen all the time, feeling like he did, and scared to death he’d do something stupid to reveal his feelings in a way that couldn’t be pretended away like that stupid kiss.

He had faithfully promised he’d keep up the good behaviour Xiao Xingchen had bullied into him so long as Jin Guangyao replaced him with someone who wouldn’t cause Xue Yang such pain to have close.

His manager had promised to at least look into it.

Xue Yang didn’t realise he’d been wool-gathering in his head and managed to separate slightly from Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing until he saw a face in the crowd that made him uncomfortable.

He didn’t recognise the man but the fear that skittered down his spine was very real; he turned to try and get closer to Xiao Xingchen who called his name and dashed over; the flash he caught from the corner of his eye had him raising his arm in self-protection. He was dragged out of the way and thrown to the floor, catching nothing but a glancing blow as Xiao Xingchen took out the threat.

It was all very chaotic after that as the crowd helped keep the attacker captive until the police could arrive, and ambulance was also called as both he and Xiao Xingchen had taken knife wounds.

His was a cut to the arm that didn’t particularly bother him, it was the wound on Xiao Xingchen’s side that scared the life out of him. He used his folded jacket to keep pressure on the injury.

A-Qing fluttered around trying to get him to let someone else take over so they could do the same for his arm but he just waved her off; it was nothing.

“You really have no fucking self-preservation instincts” Xiao Xingchen told him in annoyance; luckily he seemed fully conscious at the moment.

“I know. I‘m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ll be better from now on” he felt close to tears but fought them back brutally.

Xiao Xingchen nodded at what he said and looked into his eyes, “At least you’ll get your new bodyguard now, silver linings right?” he reached out with his left hand to thumb away one of the tears that Xue Yang hadn’t realised had escaped.

Fucking Jin Guangyao and his stupid big mouth.

“It’s for the best, xiao-Xue, in light of everything”

Which meant Xiao Xingchen was aware of his feelings and agreed the best way to deal with it was to move on. Well there went his dignity.

“You’re too precious for this cruel world in the limelight, anyway” Xue Yang tried to mock, his voice a little strangled.

“Which of us do you mean?” Xiao Xingchen asked and it was both an arrow to his heart and salve to his ego to hear such an opinion from the other.

He was glad when the paramedics had arrived and he was shuffled away to have his own wound dealt with so he could save some face. If the paramedic thought the tears were a reaction to the pain or shock of being attacked then good.

They were taken to a nearby hospital to be treated. Xue Yang’s cut needed a few stitches so he was ready to be sent away reasonably quickly, but he stayed in the waiting room until A-Qing came back to report Xiao Xingchen was fine, he’d be kept in for a few days as his would was deeper and nastier but he was stable and in no danger.

“Aren’t you going to visit before we go?” she asked, but he shook his head. And honestly she was smart enough that she probably knew what was going on and why he didn’t want to impose on the other. “Alright, lets get you back to the hotel. I think Jin Guangyao will be waiting, unfortunately, I can’t do anything to put him off this time”

Xue Yang sighed and accepted his fate.

One Month Later

The stage lights faded for the last time and he was finally able to slip offstage. He was lathered with sweat and completely exhausted. Xue Yang’s knife wound hadn’t been particularly deep or damaging but it was surprising how much it had knocked him down. He still tired out so much more easily than he was used to, but he hadn’t wanted to put this concert off, preferring to get it out of the way so he could take a holiday for a couple of weeks and use it to think about the next steps in his career, and indeed life, with nothing hanging over his head.

The man who had attacked them had been the same who had drugged his drink in the nightclub, although due to the effects Xue Yang couldn’t identify him; it had been lucky his subconscious had reacted to the man though, or it could have been so much worse.

He accepted the towel A-Qing held out for him as he met his entourage in the back stage passages and dried off, pulling on the coat she had also brought him.

There was an oddly smug look on her face and he questioned her.

“Nothing, just something funny is all” she refused to be drawn on what caused her to smile so.

They made it back to the dressing rooms and he was bundled inside.

He wondered, uncharitably, if she was on drugs.

“No rush, your car won’t be here for quite some time yet” A-Qing told him as she shut the door behind him and he turned to find his street clothes. Except he wasn’t alone.

Oh.

Suddenly he daren’t move from the doorway, not sure whether to tear it open and flee or move into the room and act like he wasn’t bothered in the slightest.

In the end he compromised, did nothing and stayed exactly where he was.

“Why are you here?” he tried to keep his voice steady, and luckily it didn’t shake too much.

“Why do you think?” Xiao Xingchen asked him.

#mdzs #mdzs fanfic #mdzs fic #xuexiao #xue yang #xiao xingchen #Modern AU #Bodyguard AU #Blood cw #injury cw #date-rape-drug cw #pining #one-sided feelings?

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