#because they dont care about us being socially acceptable aspecs they care about us not being aspec period

[redysetdare]

I'm an "AroAce Stereotype" I'm Romance averse/Repulsed> I'm Sex repulsed I'm non-partnering I hate the idea of marriage in all forms I don't want a QPR at all I'm loveless I'm someone who gets uncomfortable at sexual talk and sex jokes I'm someone who often has innuendos or sexual concept fly over my head. I'm someone who can't tell when someone is flirting with me I'm someone who can't pick up on romantic or sexual tension I'm someone who finds "shipping" to be annoying I'm someone who says "They just seem like friends to me" I'm someone who believed that attraction could be turned on or off I'm someone who can't make sense of romance at all and cant figure out what makes it different from every other relationship. I'm someone who thinks romance is stupid and sex is gross and I don't understand the big deal everyone makes about it I'm someone who never was upset to find out I was AroAce but rather relieved as I have a genuine fear of being stuck in a romantic relationship that i do not want. In all cases I am not an AroAce who can be considered "normal" by the standards of allo society.

I'm not just a stereotype for you to shit on. I'm not the reason aphobes are aphobic I'm not a problem that you need to erase and refute to be accepted by allos. I'm not an experience that you and ignore as "not really how aspec people are" just because You are not part of it. Stop leaving us behind. Stop throwing us under the bus. We deserve support too. We deserve to not be demonized and shunned because we're an "stereotype". We are not the problem. We are not a problem to be fixed. start fighting aphobes on their logic instead of trying to make up for our existence.

#text #ace #aro #asexual #aromantic #aroace #arospec #acespec #aspec #mostly talking abt aroace experience because thats me #but this can go for other aspec identities too #aphobia #im just tired of other aspec people agreeing with the oppressors that certain experiences are wrong #and promising that THEY aren't like that THEY are normal and shouldn't be ridiculed #but never do anything to protect the rest of us from ridicule #because really they just want to protect their experience they dont care about the wider community #and it's frustrating #because we should all be supporting each other because thats how things get better #if we tell aphobes there are exceptions then suddenly all aspec people can become an exception #because they dont care about us being socially acceptable aspecs they care about us not being aspec period #they dont want us to exist because then they have to question their world view and that dont like doing that #so they'll play nice with the ones they can pretend are normal before they decide that you're not good enough either

[rainbowdoom32]

So I'm going to start identifying myself as aspec. Previously I identified as a bisexual aromantic but upon furthur consideration I might be asexual.

I'm posting about this b/c 1) it puts it out there and makes the lable feel more real and tangible

2) I know some of y'all IRL or on a personal enough basis that I feel you should know

3) A queers need more visibilty in gen

4) cause I want to talk abouy it

So Idk how to do a read more and am on mobile so if you dont want to hear about what being aspec means to me start scrolling now

So. In the aspec community (do we have a better word?) theres an overwhelming discourse about sexual and romantic repulsion. For those of you who dont know thats when the idea of sex , sexual content, sex itself, the idea of romance, romantic gestures, and/or romantic content acts as a squick for you it creates some spectrum of a revulsion in you to be confronted with one or more of these things. Its an overwhelming discourse for many reasons but the one I want to talk about is that it makes it obvious that your ace or aro if your repulsed by sex or romance. The process for discovering your aspec identity is easier in a way, specifically in a way it isnt for me.

See I dont experience sexual or romantic repulsion. I like romance stories and porn. I actively seek these things out. I'm not put off by discussions of others romantic or sexual lives (specific aspects may repulse me but in general I'm interested in these especially when coming from people I care about). So naturally as a teenager I never considered myself as aspec. i considered myself bisexual almost immediatly (there was a thing where I thought I was tricking myself into thinking I liked women to be included in the queer community. More on that later) it took two very short very middle school esque (one took place my sophmore year) relationships and an accidental internet encounter with the concept of aromantisim for me to realise that the reason this wasnt working for me was because I didnt really want it.

The more I thought of myself as aro the more things made sense. At the slumber parties as a kid I never had a crush to confess. Those two failed relationshios? Guy friends I'd gotten real close to and thought my new stronger friendship feelings must be what romantic attraction feels like. Also the real sticker, I dont get jealousy in romance at all. Like that one goes over my head. I dont understand why cheating is the worst thing someone can do in a relationship to the point that people who've been sucked into a cycle of abuse and have become convinced everything is their fault will snap when they discover they were cheated on. That is absolutly mind boggling for me.

The point of that is I never got that ew ick romance feeling. As a reult the road to discovering I was aromantic was long and and full of doubt. Doubt that went along the lines of "Maybe I just havent found the right person". Which also happens to be the exact thing my mum says to me everytime I try to explain that Im aromantic to her. Bisexuality she understands and accepts. This she doesnt. So even though I know intellectually theres no right person for me that niggling doubt remains andit haunts me.

Now im going to devolve a bit here and I know what this sounds like but im seriously not trying to be offensive just explain something

See I read a fanfic recently. I dont remeber how I found it but it was a Stony fic and the story and the set up were very romantic cliche. Basically Steve was Tony's booty call it evolves to friends with benefits Steve falls in love. Textbook stuff. But see theres a wrench because the author identifies as aromantic is with the definition we have aromantic. They write their identity onto Tony. Thats something we do in fanfic and in writing. But the problem I ran into is this: the author identifies as aromantic because they experience romantic repulsion(yes they told me this) so in the fic Tony is in love with Steve but experiences romantic repulsion. The idea of romance of romantic commitment makes him anxious and sick. This is how the author feels FWB allows them to experience intimacy without triggering their repulsion. Identifying as atomantic makes them feel not broken. This so good right? This is why we have labels

Except. When I read this part of the story it hurt me. Directly. See Tong Stark has Daddy Issues. Ehen the author wrote about Tony's romantic repulsion narritevly they tied it into Tony's not nice childhood. I dont know specifically why it wasnt part of thwir explanation when I told them their story hurt me. I didnt ask. But this narritive decision made what was essentially was an author expressing their experience as an aromantic in a story feel like a personal attack against my aromantic identity.

See when I read that what I read was "Tony Stark cant commit to an actual relationship with Steve Rogers because Howard Starks Grade A parenting fucked up his ability to recieve expressions of love and his ability to commit. Tony Stark is in romantic love with Steve Rogers but his childhood trauma prevents him from expresing it in the traditional manner this is what being aromantic is"

That hurt. Because it hit that little doubt in my head about not having met the "right person" and mixed it up with some childhood trauma made you a broken person. It also hit me while I felt safe. Romance stories are my escapism. Their like an extra element of fantasy in a story for me. I specifically seek out romantic stories as a comforting mechanism. Fanfics in particular because of their inclusivity. I was in my safe space, and I was whammed in a sore spot.

The problem is though the author has a right to that story and that label and to express themselves. We usually draw the line at self expression where it hurts other people but thats not what happened here. What happened here was definitial confusion. The author and I were using "aromantic" to describe two different but similar romantic orientations. In doing so we hurt each other ironically in the same way. We both said to each other "Your identity is wrong and toxic you hurt people and yourself by expressing it the way you do". (I left a comment saying how her story affected me)

When I say I'm aromantic I mean I experience no romantic feelings. None nada zilch. The idea that I might one day experience a type of romantic feeling is an aggression against me. The same way the idea that gay people can choose to be straight is an aggression against being gay.

But I can't invalidate someone else to protect myself. What do I do? I dont want to hurt myself and I dont want to hurt other people? Idk

And now to why I no longer identify as bisexual.

I'm a virgin. Because most peoples first time is with someone their in a romantic relationship with. And we'll I dont do that. Im also a socially anxious person. I have no idea how to instogate a sexual encounter and honeslty I wouldnt feel comftorable dping it with someone I couldnt trust or alternatively someone I'm friends with and would have to continue being juat friends with in post we had sex awkwardness. So ive never had an opportunity to have sex.

But I also havent sought them out. And I dont feel particularly driven to. These are reasons to think your asexual but I'm sure it's also the experience of many introverted and secually awkawrd people. And it's not like I couldnt have sex at some future point. Even now if an opportunity arose I might say yes, of only to confirm my asexuality.

The thing that has made me actually consider if I'm ace tho is a weird quirk of mine. I cant get off to prom videos. I use lit erotica. Why? Cause the idea that those are real live people puts me off. Porn stars and amateur porn makers know people get off watching their videos. Theyre okay with that. But I'm not. At all. Thats a big ol nope for me.

See I'm a ciswoman. Which means I have a clitoris. An organ whose only purpose is to provide pleasure. As everyone knows reciving pleasure via the clit requires no participation by a second person. The fact that my clitiros functions as intended and that I use it isnt sexual attraction.

Thats a new idea for me. But it's true isnt it? Sexual attraction is about other people. And sure I can appreciate other people's hotness. But just because I think a horse is pretty doesnt mean I want to fuck it. Remeber that thing about thinking I was faking bisexuality?? I was right. I wasnt sexually attracted to women. But what I hadnt bothered to consider because of heteronormativity was that I wasnt sexually attracted to men either.

Other fun fact in case you might be an ace person who's read this far (why? Also hi Katie and possibly Sadie but definelty Nishat. No im not implying any of you are ace) I dont have sex dreams. But I do have dreams in which I masturbate. So stick that jn your pipe and smoke it.

Anyways these are all experinces that I have that I feel neccessry to share to make it so the repulsion story isnt the only one out there. And also to start a discourse about how experiencing and not experiencing repulsion affect aspec experience. Thanks for reading!

#aro #ace #aromantic #aromantism #asexuality #aspec #lgbt #lgbtqa

[filmnoirsbian]

Hey sorry if this seems dumb but could you maybe explain your tags on that last ace post? I guess I'm just confused by the whole scene

My tags: #ppl on this site rly are out for blood when it comes to teenagers who arent doing anything to anyone #like i identified as ace before i realized i was a lesbian and i was still living in a rly unhealthy conservative environment #and online was the only queer space i could turn to for support or information #and the amount of unnecessary vitriol i found that was truly over Nothing was soooo disheartening and distancing from the community #and its just like. fine. if someone says or does smth homophobic obviously correct them or whatever but #the amount that a lot of ppl went out of their way to just harrass aspecs who were for the most part questioning teenagers causing no harm #between like 2014 and 2017 #was absurd! #moving out and finding physical queer spaces and surrounding myself with queer people ended up chilling me out and grounding me in a way #online spaces never could #which leads me to believe a lot of the ppl aggressively partaking in this discourse get their queer presence primarily from online #which tbh is kinda dangerous bc it can disconnect u from the reality of what the lgbta community stands for and is like #like if all ur examples of queer spaces are anonymous or simulations then that doesnt rly give u a solid view #anyways! im not involving myself in this conversation anymore bc im 100% comfortable in my identity and place in the community now #which is smth i think the majority of these discoursers lack #but i still have some general thots on the why and how of the argumentBasically after witnessing the rise of this discourse and subsequent semi dissolving of it (its still like, around, but nowhere near as prevalent as it was 2 or 3 years ago), ive come to the conclusion that most of the diehard debaters involved dont have much of a physical, offline queer environment. While i love a lot of things about the lgbta communitys online presence, online queer spaces can be wildly different from physical queer spaces, particularly when it comes to things like infighting. Anything based on an anonymous platform will never give you the open faced support and guidance that actual people you can interact with face to face will. This pervasive idea of seeking validation from some strangers on the internet seems innocuous and well meaning but can be unhealthy and reckless. People shouldn't be losing their minds over a post of random pokemon doodles, just because their specific pride flag isn't there. Or because a flag that they think shouldn't be included, is. I recognize that sometimes due to extenuating circumstances, some people can only be out and open on social media. Ive been there. But rather than basing all of your queer theory and ideas and views about the lgbta community on fickle online interactions, you should keep striving to first and foremost find acceptance and validation within yourselves, and then from the peers and loved ones around you. Faceless people on the internet, as much as we can enjoy interacting with them, do not substitute as a real support system. This is not to say that friendships and relationships started online aren't just as real or important as ones started face to face, but ONLY depending on internet peers can be extremely isolating. Also, online queer spaces require a completely different type of socialization than physical ones, particularly on social media sites like tumblr. People here are more pointlessly aggressive about nonissues than i have ever seen in a gay club, or pride parade, or gsa meeting. Only being exposed to that kind of vitriolic bubble also isn't good. All of these elements combined is what leads us to things like the ace discourse, wherein for years many of the more popular lgbta bloggers on this site cared more about mocking and harrassing young straight aces, than supporting young lgbt aces who were feeling ostracized by our own community in the midst of all of it. And i cannot believe that those people would have let themselves become so consumed with anger towards this random group of (mostly) young, questioning teenagers looking for support, if they had felt fully comfortable and supported in their own identities and place in the community at large. The community does not have a limited number of seats. You don't have to fight for your place here. It's ok to feel unsure of yourself, but remember that others are feeling that too. We all have. None of this is meant to erase the ace bloggers who have said dumb or offensive things. By all means, correct them, and if they refuse to apologize and show growth, divorce them. Like we divorce racist gays, transphobic gays, etc. There is always room for education and betterment. Hope this sums it all up understandably!

[afearing]

since apparently theres no consequences for delivering unto this website extremely long and good takes i will present to you my hot take on the ace d'escourse, with no sources because I Dont Feel Like It. its more words than is reasonable bc i have been stewing in this for like 4 years and if i dont type it out at some point im going to fucking lose it. no, literally, it’s 3 pages long in word about shit no one cares about anymore. please remember to like and subscribe.

some background on me, i id’d as ace for something like 8 years, from the first time i read the wikipedia page on it back in maybe 2009 or thereabouts. i also id’d as aro for about a year in 2016. that is to say, i have a lot of compassion and understanding for asexual individuals and feel i understand the inclusionist side of the argument pretty well, as i never questioned inclusionism until maybe 2014 or so, when the discourse blew up. i took some time off tumblr because i was so fucking distraught to think that, as i id’d as aroace at the time, that i had to come to terms with not being lgbt. lol i was a little too attached to being ‘gay’ because... fun fact, past dumbass self... you are gay. anyway, i really dont want anyone to feel that i hate them, but after i cooled off a little bit i realized that the exclusionist take on asexuality just makes more sense. hopefully i can explain why clearly enough.

i really believe that what is understood as aphobia is 100% of the time simply a manifestation of our culture’s expectations surrounding sexuality. while “expectations surrounding sexuality” as a very broad topic does indeed cover both the lgbt community and people on the ace spectrum, facing these issues does NOT make a person lgbt. i subscribe to the idea that lgbt is for people targeted directly by homophobia and transphobia. ace issues ARE super important to talk about and the whole inclus/exclus nonsense is entirely because this discourse has been put under the wrong category. im aware that probably most people will not care that much about my opinion on the correct framing of asexual activism as i no longer id as ace but i think this is important for everyone. sexual expectations also weigh on straight individuals, especially women, and i’m going to describe a few examples to try to demonstrate why i believe both that it doesn’t make sense to consider asexuality lgbt as well as why it does make sense to frame it as an issue based mainly in misogyny.

call out post for myself, i use reddit, and i think the r/childfree community is a good example of what i think the framing should be like. although it’s acknowledged that not wanting children has larger social consequences for women, both men and women talk about their issues in the forum, including horrific accounts of reproductive coercion and rape, the intersections with race/being lgbt/ageism (although they could do a LOT better with intersectionality, many posters do touch upon it), profoundly cruel comments made by those who have/want children, difficulty finding an understanding relationship partner, discrimination at work, misunderstandings and even hatred from family and acquaintances, discrimination in healthcare, etc.

i think you can tell where i’m going with this. even though being childfree cuts against the expectations for sexuality in most societies, even though it leads to unfair judgment from others, and even though they face discrimination on the basis of the way they express their sexuality, childfree people do NOT frame parenthood/childfreedom as an axis of oppression, nor do they claim that their lack of desire for children makes them lgbt. it’s not even a question if straight childfree people are straight, because duh? nor if the presence of lgbt childfree people makes the whole community fall under the lgbt umbrella, because it obviously doesn’t.

to drive the point home, the reason why this is NOT an axis of oppression is because parents face a ton of issues as well! they also face reproductive coercion as well as judgment over the number of kids they have, constant scrutiny and moralization over every aspect of their parenthood style, judgment based on parents’ age/wealth/sexuality/marital or dating status/race, housing and employment discrimination, especially for mothers, the government hating poor parents and cutting their benefits, and more i’m sure i’m not thinking of. again, this is due to societal expectations of sexuality. to complete the analogy, people who aren’t ace face their own set of challenges and discrimination. part of homophobia/biphobia is tinged with hatred of our sexual attraction; no one except for straight white men is allowed to really express their sexuality without backlash, and even then there is this shame leading to a lack of proper sex ed and horribly unhealthy understandings of sexual attraction in a large portion of the populace. so calling aphobia an axis of oppression is just not right. and in addition, the large proportion of lgbt aces doesn’t make asexuality lgbt, that’s not how groups work.

some more on what i mean by ‘expectations around sexuality’... in terms of my experience in the US, there is some blueprint in many people’s minds of what a person should be like in terms of sexuality, and that is something like “cishet, abled man, who is neither ace nor aro, who gets laid regularly (but not to excess) starting no later than 18 and ending no later than 28 when he settles down with one cishet abled wife, also neither ace nor aro, who has only had sex with up to three committed boyfriends, and they have precisely two children, approximately two years apart in age, whom the parents can financially and emotionally support to the utmost, because they are also moderately to very well off, and the parents work under traditional gender roles to raise their children as conventionally as possible.” and if you deviate from this script in ANY way that’s viewed with moral panic and scrutiny by someone. and the connection to misogyny is that women are seen as sort of the bastions of sexual morality. we are punished especially harshly for nonconformity.

if you’re poor you’re fucked because either you don’t have kids or you can’t send them off to private schools and feed them fancy organic shit. if you’re lgbt or polyamorous or aro or ace? fucked! if you dare to reproduce as a disabled person, and if your disability impacts your parenthood, especially for women, you’re practically crucified even in liberal circles. if you have too few kids or too many (don’t you know only kids turn out weird? / how can you possibly raise 5 children properly?), if you have too much sex or too little, if you split up the work in your relationship not along gender lines, if you do unconventional things in your parenthood, like accept your trans kids or move a lot or any number of other things, the social judgment rains down like the fires of fucking hell. meaning practically no one can escape it!! huge bonus to the screaming crowd with pitchforks if you’re a person of color or a woman, mega ultra bonus to women of color.

but does that make everyone i just talked about lgbt? no! although every single one of the groups i mentioned is tangentially related through this issue, even though all of them face a lot of horrible problems and discrimination, that does not make those issues inherently lgbt. again, they are tangentially related and i could see a good case for solidarity among many of the groups mentioned; all of them are fighting for greater acceptance of different kinds of relationships, greater acceptance of seeking happiness and being who you are rather than pressuring everyone to conform as much as possible to the LifeScript. but all of those groups are equally related to the lgbt community - that is, tangentially only. just as you can be childfree and straight, a stay-at-home dad and straight, a straight woman of color, so too can you be polyamorous and straight, ace and straight, or aro and straight.

that’s it for my main point. ace and aro people? your lives are hard. i’m not going to downplay it in any way because i know there are a lot of people who actually hate your guts. fuck, i’ve seen people full-on shittalk asexuality, in the internet and real life, in the most blatant of ways, so it’s not just something you can necessarily escape by logging off. not as much so for aro people tbh but i predict as much once the Public gets more wind of your existence. i fully believe that you face a higher risk of sexual assault; discrimination in relationships, housing, and the workplace; horrible comments from everyone who thinks their shitty opinion on your sexuality and love life matters; and I believe you that that hurts and is terrible and that you deserve a place to discuss and provide support.

but. those issues are not exclusive to you. they’re not exclusive to lgbt people, or oppressed people, and so those issues don’t and cannot make you lgbt, nor do they make ace/aro vs. allo an axis of oppression. our communities intersect, yes, considerably, but you are not a subset of lgbt. perhaps our rhetoric can help you, but because straight ace and aro people exist you cannot and should not consider yourselves lgb+. i think you understand that the issues you face are a form of oppression, but they are the result of the toxic and misogynistic sex culture in this society, which, yes, targets lgbt people but also, practically everyone, including groups which are definitively absolutely not inherently lgbt, such as parents, gnc straight people, poc, disabled people, the list goes on.

to conclude, what really converted me to being an ace exclusionist was the example of a straight grey or demi ace. how could you possibly argue that someone who falls in love with the opposite gender only, but with more conditions or less frequently than someone not aspec, is lgb+, can call themselves queer, etc.? exactly what material reality does that person share with a gay or bi person? i think that their issues fall in line with aspec community issues but extremely clearly not at all with lgbt ones. 

the end but post script since i brought up orientation modifiers: perhaps it isn’t my place to say, but i don’t think that microlabels are very healthy and that it would make more sense for the ace community to work on expanding the idea of what sexuality is than to try to create a label to describe every single person’s experience of their sexuality. not that i think you should necessarily kick grey ace people out of the aspec community or that they’re not valid or whatever, but that perhaps it makes more sense to say that some people experience sexual attraction less frequently, and that’s alright. i don’t know.  i spent sophomore year of high school poring over those mogai blogs looking for some new orientation label that would make me go like, oh my god that’s me! and believing that if those labels helped people feel that way they weren’t doing any harm. but what actually finally made me feel like that was expanding my understanding of what attraction is and a better conception of lesbian issues and why i might feel so disconnected from my sexuality and why i might be obsessing over every interaction with a guy looking for signs i was attracted to him but feel super disgusted whenever they exhibited interest in me. i spent so long trying to go like maybe im cupioromantic lithsexual and feeling terrified that that i had such a weird and esoteric sexuality that no one could ever possibly understand enough to be in a relationship with me... like, ok dyke! i know a lot of people have had similar experiences and i don’t think i know a whole ton of people now in college who are still doing that, which makes me think those labels are more harmful than not. 

i guess that’s anecdotal but it’s easier for me to believe that a person could cling to those labels due to internalized homophobia than actually have a new form of sexuality heretofore undiscovered throughout all human history, but that’s just me. and so many of them just sound so unhealthy, like dreadsexual. i really wish people would work on expanding what not being asexual can mean and look like and i dont think there would be this drive to create these labels anymore. even demisexual which i think is probably the most mainstream conditional orientation, i think many people who have never heard of it and are perfectly content not to would describe the way they experience sexuality a similar way and just consider it normal. sexual attraction isn’t necessarily having your nethers set aflame upon first making eye contact with someone, it looks different for every person and it’s alright to just be how you are without making it part of your whole identity.

The End II. this is 2,200 words. if you read this far you’re a fucking mad l- *the academy cuts my mic line while looking directly at the camera like in the office*

#text post

[monsterqueers]

Reasons why I use queer exclusively now whenever I can as my orientation:

Spite

In order to be fully accurate id have to launch into a several full paragraphs long rant every single time of really tmi shit that is under the cut and thus not suitable for like 70% of the people who would be hearing it.

Right so first off I have auto distrust for humans due to trauma and in the event that sentient entities that are nonhuman(aliens and/or monsters) would be a viable relationship choice I care not for their anything other than that they are adults and capable of consent and also willing id go for it and be ok with romo and or sex and or whatever else 100%. Like teratophile would be the best choice for a orientation label but people dont accept that as a proper orientation label or just go ‘lol straightie’ despite the fact that I cant actually be straight due to my gender being as it is(Schrodinger’s clusterfuck) And people might get the wrong idea and think my love of and hcs about charas who happen to be nonhuman and under 18 are something sexual or romantic when they are Really Really Not because my fixation on the inhuman is not inherently(or even Maybe 60%) sexual At All and more a comfort/trauma thing. Thus this Whole Fuckin Zoo.

On the romo side(from now on assuming all partners are humans), while I get about 2 day max long maybe crushes(extremely attached and want to follow forever and nuzzle and take care of idk what romo looks or feels like but I dont think thats it?) on people of any and all genders ive just met or havent seen or talked to in a long long time, if they show any interest whatsover any attraction is immediately negatived and falls into the pits of hell forever partially for trauma reasons and after the 2-ish days it falls back into a slightly intense friendship feeling things. Romantic intent squicks me out when relating to me in any capacity and makes Any sexual attraction disappear as well. But romance when not relating to me at all? Fucking Love It. So over the years ive ID-ed as quiroromantic, wtfromantic, aromantic, and lithoromantic when trying to describe this in one word and because people want to know your ‘’’’real’’’ orientation because they are under the misconception that a-spec ids are modifiers then pan? omni? Also add in the fact that im never gonna try to date cis people Anymore Ever. 

Then we get into the fact that im polyamourous and in the hypothetical event I could drag myself through that clusterfuck and really date someone I absolutely cannot be in a monogamous relationship. It would be uncomfortable on many levels starting with the fact that id feel like im trapping someone in a relationship that they will never get the love they want out of it, then moving to the fact that I can and will continue to get the 2 day maybe-crushes on people and im polyam on the qpp level and will continue to find others sexually attractive and never be able to fuck the person im dating so I cannot promise monogamy in good conscience because even if I dont act on it it would be emotionally social contract violating. Also the sex side is also super polyam because being FWB and one night stands are pretty much a polyam thing.

Sexual attraction is almost 90% decided by me being a kinky jackass and -300% decided by gender. For trauma reasons Any and All interactions have to be as far removed from vanilla sex as possible if I can even maybe handle that(though most likely not bc when people irl find me attractive I tend to immediately no longer feel any attraction here too). But Im attracted to fictional charas all the fuckin time. Attraction is solely based on my list of fetishes lining up enough times on someone and Nothing Else. Like kink is 100% more important than the gender here and I am well aware that makes me a a non-respectable evil dirty queer person because I dont fit into the marketed for straights box with that and this I cant actually use that as my professed orientation. Ive IDed as lithosexual, auto/ageosexual, bisexual, pansexual, and omnisexual before and while ill still use bi or aspec when I have to choose a singular ‘non queer’ label depending on my current company but like, its not quite right.

And like saying even aromantic bisexual and polyamorous is still long as shit and requires a powerpoint and a 3 minute explanation to most people because they cant conceptualize that for some people romo and sex Do Not go hand in hand and also that people can be anything other than gay or straight on a monogamous relationship and Nothing Else.

So on top of this and that I barely(if at all) even hit the Respectable Gay criteria with bisexual only and the Straight folk are gonna be pissed off that im not conforming to the monogamous cis girl who is attracted exclusively to men and wants and does date and fuck One Man Only anyway, so I might as well just go the whole damn hog and grab that shiny label of queer that people love to spit because fuck that noise. Im not gonna be polite and im gonna choose the all option rude umbrella term thats only one syllable and needs little explanation.

#wayward rambling #rude #tmi #sex mention // #kink mention // #im a mess nothing new #ranty garbage #rebagle and u get blocked