#been workshopping this for some time

[justastrugglinghotchocolate]

Ya’ll I used to jokingly consider this, but nah, there is enough evidence in the book to suggest:

Henry ruins Dorian out of spite and jealousy towards Basil for moving on from him.

Let’s get right into this. 

I went back into the book because I wanted to review the post I made about Henry and misogyny earlier. Besides the usual annoyance at Henry’s dumb stupid rant, I noticed this line:

“I had buried my romance in a bed of asphodel.”

And then it hit me that Henry’s worst rants about women only come after the topic of marriage, but more specifically, commitment. Which then led to an even more interesting idea: I’m pretty sure Henry mostly uses ‘women’ as cover to complain about Basil and Basil’s ‘lack of commitment to him.’

I want to note that there’s a lot of interesting things in regards to Henry and his relationship with women that I’d love to go into, but this will focus solely on him and Basil.

Here’s what Henry says in his misogynistic ass rant after Sibyl dies. (This is from the 1891 ver):

“But [Sibyl] would have soon found out that you were absolutely indifferent to her. And when a woman finds that out about her husband, she either becomes dreadfully  dowdy, or wears very smart bonnets that some other woman’s husband has to pay for.”

Basil is often considered ‘unfashionable’/‘dowdy’ by Henry’s standards. This is only further proven in what he says about Basil’s disappearance:

“Why should he have been murdered? He was not clever enough to have enemies. Of course, he had a wonderful genius for painting. But a man can paint like Velasquez and yet be as dull as possible. Basil was really rather dull. He only interested me once, and that was when he told me, years ago, that he had a wild adoration for you and that you were the dominant motive of his art.”

But that isn’t all. The last part of that quote matches one to one to Henry’s claim about women (or Sibyl, specifically). Basil was not only ‘dull’, but his only ‘fashionable’ attribute, his art, grew ‘dowdy’ once he discovered Dorian’s indifference to him.

Henry also says this about women:

“Good resolutions are useless attempts to interfere with scientific laws. Their origin is pure vanity. Their result is absolutely nil.”

And later:

“But women never know when the curtain has fallen. They always want a sixth act, and as soon as the interest of the play is entirely over, they propose to continue it. If they were allowed their own way, every comedy would have a tragic ending, and every tragedy would culminate in a farce. They are charmingly artificial, but they have no sense of art.”

Guess who makes resolutions regarding goodness? Basil, who refuses to believe that Dorian is nothing but a good, pure man. 

“[Basil] could not bear the idea of reproaching [Dorian] any more. After all, his indifference was probably merely a mood that would pass away. There was so much in him that was good, so much in him that was noble.”

Basil’s arc traditionally should have ended once Dorian rejects him. Between that chapter and the chapter where Basil dies, there is no mention of Basil in any form. By all means, Basil’s role in the story is over—and then he demands the ‘sixth act’ to confront Dorian.

And finally:

“Besides, nothing makes one so vain as being told that one is a sinner. Conscience makes egotists of us all. Yes; there is really no end to the consolations that women find in modern life. Indeed, I have not mentioned the most important one.”

“What is that, Harry?” said the lad listlessly.

“Oh, the obvious consolation. Taking some one else’s admirer when one loses one’s own.”

Now before I point out the obvious irony of Henry literally 'taking someone else's admirer' (henry actually has a lot in common with his 'criticisms' of women), I want to bring your attention to a key part we don’t discuss enough about in the book.

““Life has always poppies in her hands. Of course, now and then things linger. I once wore nothing but violets all through one season, as a form of artistic mourning for a romance that would not die. Ultimately, however, it did die. I forget what killed it. I think it was her proposing to sacrifice the whole world for me. That is always a dreadful moment. It fills one with the terror of eternity. Well—would you believe it?—a week ago, at Lady Hampshire’s, I found myself seated at dinner next the lady in question, and she insisted on going over the whole thing again, and digging up the past, and raking up the future. I had buried my romance in a bed of asphodel.”

So I’m gonna make an educated guess and say Henry is lying his ass off here. He did not have a ‘romance’ with a woman. He certainly did not get an emotional, romantic attachment with a ‘woman’. I feel comfortable saying this because 1) his general distaste for women literally points to this being bullshit and 2) a significant change that was made from the 1890 version of the book to the 1891 version.

This is the quote in 1890:

“I once wore nothing but violets all through one season, as mourning for a romance that would not die.”

This is 1891:

“I once wore nothing but violets all through one season, as a form of artistic mourning for a romance that would not die.”

Well, well, well, who is the arti—It’s Basil. He’s literally talking about Basil here. AND GUESS WHAT VIOLETS MEAN IN VICTORIAN FLOWER LANGUAGE?

A couple of things actually, but the top three are:

‘Faithfulness, Modesty, and Love.’

Henry emotionally had been faithful to Basil. While I doubt he was monogamous in anyway, Basil held a special place that no else would ever have. Not even Dorian.

And this brings me back to the quote that originally sent me down this rabbit hole:

“I had buried my romance in a bed of asphodel.”

In the 1890 version, it says:

“I had buried my romance in a bed of poppies.”

Poppies are known to mean death and would have fit perfectly if Henry was saying he felt nothing for the relationship, but what does asphodel mean?

‘Love Beyond The Grave’, ‘Remembered Beyond The Tomb’ and sometimes, ‘My regrets follow you to the grave’. 

(NOTE: please keep in mind floriography could mean certain things based on the color and the type of flowers. That being said, considering Wilde described the shit out of every setting he wrote, the lack of detail about the flowers suggest the most broad meaning is meant to be taken.)

Henry isn't over Basil. He couldn't kill the love, so he buried it and took Dorian as a consolation and revenge. He will never be able to get over Basil until Basil or himself dies.

BOY DO I HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR HENRY/s

#long post #this is an opinion and a theory. #the picture of dorian gray #basil hallward #dorian gray #henry wotton #book theory #been workshopping this for some time #this post is very long and i didn't even get to go into my favorite example ;-; #anyways shout out to TheMissingMask on Ao3 for writing the fanfic that first got me into this theory. Their fanfic Eros is really good!! #You should read it #honestly read all their tpodg fics #does this make me an english major? uh oh #if someone else has made this kind of post already my bad lol #use this as supplemental or even confirmation #i will be back with the more headcanon-y part that relates to the first chapter alone. but for now i've got a chapter to finish ;)

[julykings]

summer’s end

#had a really nice weekend to round it out u kno #saw Sarah on Friday for pasta and watching reality tv #picked wildflowers on Saturday and went to the dog park and some yard sales with my sister and we had such a good time we’ve been kind of #distant lately so that was really great. and time and my bf went to a mug decorating workshop and then tried a new restaraynt and got giant #margaritas . and watched survivor #Sunday gym kicked ass + moved furniture around and helped my bf paint his bedroom #today went to work first thing then to the lake for swimming and napping in the sun then more work and more gym which also kicked ass #then groceries and making out with my bf now home laundry etc getting ready to go to bed so I can wake up early and take Winston to do some #thing before work and my first classssssss yayyyy #can u tell im tired I made so many typos and fully just used the wrong words… we painted his bathroom . #personal

[kagooleo]

doodlin some joh’s

#kagoodles #trainer kris #trainer ethan #trainer lyra #rival silver #green background bc I’m a spinach head lately. and a mustard green enjoyer bc i had some good potstickers that had it in the filling #kris to me should be a little cartoonishly malleable. a smiling smirker. like >:] #i also think ethan has a little unevolved natu on his team. purely for the “you can evolve when you feel like it buddy” vibe #been considering what to make team wise for the joh's but a fun idea i've got brewing is that lyra and silver Both have chikoritas #i know he canonically has a totodile but i have a fun workaround for the future that i'm workshopping a lil #when getting starters silver thought he stole the only chikorita in the lab. then when lyra comes in elm gives her a Shiny chikorita #12 year old absolutely devastated hammering fist on the floor mad but he gets over it (but maybe still a Little salty) #learns to mellow out a bit with his potato dino over time and the evolutions for both of their meganiums have different flowers/colors/type #i know i've been out the whole month i've been unfortunately stuck in the post midpoint of the sem where the workload is Crazy #been prepping works for an art show at my college And getting projects done for deadlines and it is. a Toll #but I will get One illustration done. i've been planning out lyra's dress for a piece and the second to last pic is the test for it

[tleeaves]

The art is lovely and now I'm gonna ramble because that's what I do when I care about something.

For the love of women, please PLEASE can fan artists remember to add muscle to their Shadowhunter ladies? I'll commend Bowater for cleverly giving James that sculpted and lean look without making him a beefcake (nothing against beefcakes, I'd love to hug them), but Cordelia is once again suffering from Arms And Shoulders Too Slender It's Hard To Even Imagine Her Picking Up A Sword. There is some there, yes, but artists shouldn't be afraid of giving particularly Female Main Characters weight and toned muscle. Cordelia is supposed to be nearly the same height as James as far as I can remember, and she's curvy, and full, and she wields a sword like it's second nature to her. Please explain why she looks so tiny in James' lap.

Also I'm pretty sure marriage runes are supposed to go over the heart whenever possible (thinking about Will's parabatai rune being over his heart instead -- he didn't get Tessa to draw over the scar, did he??) and... either I'm looking at the picture wrong or James' rune is not over where his heart should be.

For the matter, where are their other runes and scars?? James' Voyance rune isn't even on his hand. And I'm pretty sure he's right handed. I could have that wrong though.

Another thing: no one can ever decide what Cordelia's hair looks like and it's the funniest thing to me. This is what happens when all you do is vaguely say the colour is like fire but also like rose petals but also a flowing river of those things but also is Red (probably for redhead, but then from there I never understand where the rose petal analogy comes from considering the typical rose is a deep bloody colour -- I do acknowledge the existence of those light orange varieties though which might more closely resemble red hair). In the end, I'm glad readers can infer what they want and imagine the characters how they like.

Anyone else think James looks like he's built like a tennis player? Oddly specific, maybe, but it was a thought I had. Mostly the arms and somewhat narrow body.

James' hair is nice, his eyes are an interesting take on gold in the shadows. Bowater managed to also make him look closely related to his father, so bravo for that.

In the end, the focus is obviously on the marriage runes and not other physical aspects outside of it being clear that this is James and Cordelia. Bowater's style is very beautiful and elegant. Love the way fabric and lighting is done too. I'll add also that it is possible to be a smaller person who is slender but still strong so I mean Cordelia's not necessarily done wrong, I just interpret her appearance differently. Obviously, they're both hot and they're both attractive and I have my qualms with the series, chronicles, and author -- the fandom I am so-so on, though I'm still here, aren't I? And I'm taking the time to ramble about my thoughts on a piece of fanart -- but this is good. Gorgeous, even. Both James and Cordelia are beautiful.

#side note: am I the only one who thought cc made a mistake trying to describe james as handsome in cordelia's eyes #as opposed to matthew being the beautiful one #when there has always been a deep and aching strange beauty to james?? #james herondale #cordelia carstairs #vaguely crediting charlie bowater though it isn't like you can't find a dozen more copies of this with the credit #also yes I mercilessly picked this apart because I am still trying to find avenues to express my dissatisfaction with tlh #I search for flaws what else can I say #I am aware of it but it's hard to turn those thoughts processes off #maybe I'll write a post at some point all about the authors I once Loved that I am now deeply critical of #a lot of people would hate me for it but eh #also we all know about the marvelisation of cinema #but is it time to talk about the marvelisation of book series/worlds? #or perhaps it has a better and more book-focused name? the jkr approach? rick riordan's marvel-esque flaw? the sjm plague? the clare affair? #we'll workshop it #maybe it's the curse of middleschool-YA series and the issue of aginh readers in fandoms #and I don't mean this as discriminatory against anyone older in fandom because there is not really a limit nor should there be #for most media #but the issue of when the readers grow up amd authors try to accomodate for that -- not necessarily by making their work more adult -- #but by making MORE because there is also an influx of new fans and they want to stay relevant while retaining the old #it's a whole thing though I'd need to sit down to properly organise my thoughts to talk about it

[skrunksthatwunk]

why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.

#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance #i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines #and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone' #gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK #i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it #in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day #and it's still not done. GUHH #I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE. #MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING #THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head #going to work on it some more. fuckk #the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal #themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it #sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time. #i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l #go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow #so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff #i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum) #eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit) #i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh #why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)

[crehador]

i don't know if i think it's really funny or kind of a shame that many people are going to know tadaima okaeri solely as "the omegaverse bl" when it's actually such a sweet slice-of-life about community, family, the struggles of the older generation to understand the younger and vice versa, recovering from social isolation and how recursive that recovery can be, forging lasting friendships as adults, and so on. it's so wholesome and drama-free that it barely has any plot to speak of, but what it lacks in plot it makes up for in themes and man. what beautiful themes

#since my recent reread i've been giving more thought to why i like it SO much #because on the surface it really is just fluff #and i love fluff! but usually require some substance to be completely invested in something #and hoooooo boy am i invested #and i think yeah it's the themes. the friendships the community the intergenerational family tensions that are resolved #in such a satisfying way to me #but yeah of course it is also the omegaverse bl lol #iirc my first read years back of only the first volume left me like ''awh that was super cute'' but it was not memorable #and that makes sense bc it's the community that takes shape in later volumes as the rest of the cast enter their lives #that really appeals to me #anyway! random thinky thoughts before bed #i'm already seeing some comments along the lines of ''this is so cute but why did it have to be omegaverse that's so weird and gross'' #''it could have just been normal'' #it's omegaverse because that's the story the author wanted to tell. you fools. you absolute buffoons #flashbacks to all the writing workshop critiques i've received that went something like #''this is really good but do they have to be gay. there's no reason they can't just be normal'' ah fun times :) <- sarcastic guy #goodniiight dashboard if you are for some reason still reading these tags here's a little surprise: #SUPER BOOP!!!!!!

[joyridingmp3]

me rn ^_^

#i came home with the intention of getting astronomically high on some random pills #but i had this sudden burst of inspiration and was in a really good mood #so i was like eh fuck it maybe I'll just work on my song #and omg???? i actually fucking managed to write something for the first time in WEEEEEEKS #and you know when you can like hear it in your head and then you finally manage to play it #and get it sounding exactly as you wanted???? #well yeah me rn #I'll be riding this high forever 8) #I'm sooo pleased #and now i get to workshop lyrics which is my favourite and the easiest part *rubs hands together* #i accidentally discovered a bunch of cool features on my keyboard piano and it's like #THIS is what I've been missing this whole time

[siena-sevenwits]

:-)

#I've spent the past week organizing in the play's wake - sorting and laundering huge numbers of costumes #some to return to those they belong to and some to come home to my costume storage room which had become chaotic over the last few #months #so a complete spring cleaning for the storage room became part of my task list too. Now the play's been over for a week #and the emails are starting to come in from admin about next year. As some of you know I did a lot of discernment this semester #about what next year should look like and I have decided a mix of continuity is best. I won't be working for my 'main' schoolboard anymore #but I will continue to teach and direct for the one program in the city (the one I did the play for) and possibly with a new home school #enrichment program that may go ahead this year if there are sufficient numbers. Otherwise I am going to spend a semester #tutoring and running workshops f I can get it off the ground. Then we'll see. #Anyway - admin wants me to get new syllabi in to them within a month's time so my thoughts are all in that direction! #I get to teach 19th/20th century Canadian history to the middle schoolers and Late Antique/Medieval Church History to the high schoolers! #Also direct another play and do a humanities course centred around an epic in the spring (the last couple of years we've done Iliad and #Odyssey - they want Aeneid this year but I am trying to talk them into another option. The Aeneid is valuable but I am not sure it's the #time or place with this group of students. The result of all this is that I am spending far too much time doing Internet research for ideas #and then taking breaks on tumblr - which isn't good for my eyes or mental health. What with the play and end of term #I fear I've been out of the reading habit. I'm still hyperfixating on the Book of Romans so there's that at least #but I lost the novel I was in the middle of and am not feeling so motivating with out books. It's a proper reading slump! I need a kickstar #of sorts. Feel free to yell at me that I should pick up a book!

[perenlop]

thinking again about how all my heroes react to being pokemon...

nuri: hate, fear, wants to be human again, looks down on the other pokemon, more similar to gengar than she'd like to admit. had to grow to become a better person. honestly this is sort of like a brother bear situation where the transformation serves more as a "right your wrongs" thing

rin: sheer euphoria. was confused but adores her new form and doesnt miss her original body at all. loves to experiment with her fire. sunbathes a lot, seems very relaxed and at ease with herself, adjusted the fastest of the heroes. was probably into transhumanism to begin with honestly

eris: wasnt supposed to be a pikachu specifically so he took the longest to adjust and cope with his new form. felt very... conflicted. like nuri, he was afraid initially, his body felt wrong, but he doesnt miss his human form either... once emolga teaches him basic electric type techniques, he seems to get better with accepting his form.

aspen: is in a different boat from the others in that its a reincarnation case- its got the soul of a human and human traits, but it hatched from an egg and was raised alongside pokemon. its only when those human memories start to surface that things get confusing for it. but it doesnt mind being an oshawott at all because thats what it knows now... if anything, being a human is more confusing to it.

#i think aspen needs the most workshopping... once i get to psmd ill figure it out more #also been thinking about changing finns feelings so hes not too similar to nuri cause i realize their stories are quite similar #honestly im on and off with nuris story too... like i also wanted her to need to improve like gengar had to #but idk if i leaned too far into that. she DOES grow to respect pokemon more throughout her journey #and genuinely loves and cares for chip #also now that im on the hydreigon arc WOW time to get into eris's imposter syndrome!! #echoed voice #pmd posting #basically pmd1 and pmd3 take some time. pmd2 and psmd prefer their new forms from the start and love it

[psychedelic-ink]

I'm so conflicted because, on one hand, I want to see my therapist and just talk without having the feeling that I need to shut up and not talk about what I'm feeling

On the other hand, it's so expensive and I feel like seeing her isn't really helping me anymore

#tw mental health #sil bitches to the void #for the last sessions the biggest advice I got was : go and join some activities and workshops #which i cant because one its expensive #and two the core of my issues isn't that I'm not going out #i go out all the time #albeit its by myself but still its not like i locked myself in my room #i just feel like its something deeper and the fact that i talked about my small anxiety attack and she didn't really add anything to that #it just rubbed me the wrong way #but also ive been going to her for years and it did help #i dont understand why its not helping anymore

[yououghtaknow]

they weren’t lying, that going outside, talking to people, going on a walk to get a little drink from the gas station really helps your mental health

#went to the writing thing!!! got a GOOD amount of work done did a Quick Sweep of my second act to edit more in depth later #and talked to some cool people about art and gender and disability and politics and stuff!!!!!!! #it's Nice being around people who aren't My People because i feel like i'm allowed to have opinions #ANYWAYS my bpd has been spiking because of [redacted] doing [redacted] and [redacted] and [redacted] #BUT i have evening plans of watching adventuring party and planning out more Long Term work <3 #ALSO I BOUGHT MYSELF A NON-SAFE DRINK AND I LIKED IT #as in not one of my safe foods #i got a little strawberry yogurty drink thing and it was really nice!!!! AND it was only 90p!!!!! #and i walked home as the sun set and it was really nice even though i got lost because i was in a part of the city i'm not used to #BUT i managed to navigate all by myself (by following bus stops of the bus i got up to the place) #currently feeling very in my bejeweled era. feeling very i miss you but i miss sparkling!!!!!!! #i love discovering myself again after Trauma and Horrors. sadly this will probably all go away on saturday but we stay silly!!!1 #i just feel more like a Person when i'm on my own or with people i'm not close to #ALSO I BOUGHT A BOOK TODAY #it was one of my favourite poets and i got to talk about him with the bookstore owners and it was so nice to have people Understand #AND I TALKED ABOUT WRITING PLAYS WITH A GUY WHO WAS ALSO WORKING ON HIS PLAY #we talked about being actor-writers and Bridging The Gap of the two mediums #he also recommended me some workshops i was going to sign up for anyway but it was nice of him :) #i LOVE being in queer and neurodivergent spaces!!!!! #i was very shy and socially anxious but i was able to approach people and have conversations the whole time!!!! #i did sit on my own to do my work but i preferred it that way :) i also needed so much table space for all my pages #ANYWAYS. rambling over. had a nice evening. this is my little journal entry :)

[bumpscosity]

I think whats worse is i have 3 build a bears that need new birth certificates and theres no way I can just walts in there with all 3 of them at once meaning I have to take at least 2 trips to a place I rarely go thats an hour away

#sassy speaks #babw #its not the end of the world tbh 2 of them need other stuff done anyways #one of them has a broken voice box and the other ones very old and very well loved and could use a restuffing #its just annoying i wish i had a workshop closer to me #actually its a good thing I dont tbh id be going broke way faster #unrelated but itd be fun to have them all on a shelf with their certificates hanging behind them AUOGH #since I have 0 space on my bed to have all of them out at once #like I have 16 and that doesnt count babies/smallfrys/lils/any other name tiny build a bears have gone by #and I have WAY more non babw plush i wish I could keep them all out but i just have no space #im so glad I got most of my certificates when I go my bears tho I have ones with bearville stuff one them #i havent been to a physical workshop for a while do they still have that big touchscreen in the middle #where you give them personality traits and stuff #i miss the good ol days where they had those keyboard with the gel thing on top #and the wash station...... #if im remembering right the wash station last time i went was the aforementioned big touchscreen #i miss the one with the air blowing out of it..... #the bear I got last time i went into a workshop to get was stuffed SO stiff for some reason the stuffer was not messing around

[oceandiagonale]

I want to share so badly what Spare's team is but I don't know if you've had a chance to play S&V yet or if just listing her Pokemon would be a spoiler? I mean I have a couple non-Paldea pokemon I use regularly I could share if you don't want some non-trailer mon revealed. It's hard to tell what the limits really are since you said you planned to get the games last month.

yeah, I got Violet as a gift! 🥺

but I haven't had a chance to open it since I also started working 60 hours a week immediately after christmas 😭😭😭

Trailer pokemon and non-Paldea mons are fine though!! I've also seen like, the lechonk evo, a few of the dogs, and a couple birds through gaps in my spoiler defenses so they're okay too 😳

#oceandi answers #kriss-watches-stuff #others' ocs #hahh........ I work 8am to 5pm and then come home and work at least 3 more hours per day........ then I have workshops #and mandatory weekend events...... and night class on thursdays.......... 60 hours is a pretty generous underestimation............ 😭😭😭 #any free time I have has been devoted to recovering mentally or drawing or cooking or cleaning.......... #it's A Lot......... to not get paid for.......... #not even compensation for gas.......... or food....... I got some grants and student loans so I'll be okay but man...... #I know I keep harping on it sorry I just keep getting overwhelmed by stress about not being able to finish art or even play a game 😭😭😭 #I have taken up solitaire thanks to drawing ingo playing it once at least sgdjfhjsdh #tag rambling #go for it non-spoilerly though!!

[pepprs]

not to keep workposting but. every single day I come to work and i get rained on and i don’t have an umbrella. every single day i come to work and return home with arrows sticking out of me like in minecraft.

#if i see another human being in the next 8 minutes i will go fucking crazy. also why are there so many stressors all the time. i just want #to go home and play cookie run or wobbledogs. like i shouldn’t be like this bc i love my job. but i am so distressed and scared and #exhausted by the sheer volume of tasks and of laser beams that make a lattice that i have to tip toe through in order to get to the gem. #like it’s insane. and i do not want to facilitate this workshop. please please please no one show up. LOL #purrs #literally like no one shows up to this stuff either it’s just insane like we spend all this time preparing and then no one shows up #at some point i have to be honest and say this. i love my job in theory. right now i do not love it though. i might not even like it. i am #scared and miserable and stressed all the time. i just want us to have enough staff and i just want us to have a break #im fucking tired of going unrecognized im fucking tired of being made fun of and hushed about. like the rest of these people fucking suck #honestly and idc if im a bitch or a loose canon for saying that. we are working so ficking hard and we need the BASIC things that everyone #else seems to have and it doesn’t fucking seem to matter. i literaly haven’t even been able to finish my fucking onboarding yet because #ive had to take on the work of all the vacant positions and it doesn’t even seem tofucking matter outside of us like everyone just thinks im #a student and i even got sneered at easier today as a joke but it s like it’s not fucking funny i work here JUST LIKE YOU!!!!!! I WORK HERE #AND I FUCKING NEED HELP!!!!! SHUT UUUUUPPPPP!!!!!!!

[candied-cae]

Hey y'all- lemme get a little honest about white privilege and ignorance for a second. We're talking about me in this case. Bc I wanna send a thank you to people I've seen on Twitter discussing the use of the 'nickname' Calico Jack uses for Edward in fanfics.

I've been working on a reunion fight between Stede and Ed for weeks now and in my first draft of it I wrote something like: "Ol' *Nickname*, really is an evil monster down to his evil heart, right?" being said by Ed to Stede.

The intention was to use this nickname as the painful characterization it was in the show as a point for Ed to push how he was feeling. That he felt like all the blame was being unfairly thrown his way, like Stede was looking him as nothing more than the monster everyone else has seen, like Stede was seeing the same racist caricature that so many have assumed was all there was to him.

I thought this reasoning to use to nickname as the slur it was, was enough to justify using it. But when I started seeing the discussion of it, I started to get worried. Most of the posts about the use of the name were to not include it as a nickname, as it isn't really one. To instead replace it with "Beardie" or other things in a context of friendliness. But I wasn't really using it that way, so I wasn't sure how the input applied to the scene I was writing... But I chose to err on the side of caution.

I've gone ahead and re-written the line as: "’The ol’ Demon really is rotten, all the way through his evil fucking bones right into his evil fucking heart’, right?" to just use a different nickname, though the passage loses as bit of the point I was going for...

But - as a white fic writer - my priority is not to be "making points" at the expense of my POC readers.

Just food for thought in case other fic writers run into this sort of question themselves. Lines can be rewritten, even if they don't work in the same way as you as originally wanted the dialogue to go. But POC people in fandom deal with enough racism as is, I do not want to pile onto it in making this space further unsafe for them to participate in.

Remember, education is a never ending endeavor. There are more than a few times when lack of education will fail you. Listen and adjust, it something we all need to keep working at because adding to the suffering of POC's for one's own self interest will never be the right way to go about things.

#Thanks for coming to my TedTalk- #Uh- yeah #Am currently working on said fic some more and as I workshop on edit the reunion fight I wanted to put together something about this #white people - we need to be more comfortable about admitting times where we've been confused and figured out what to do #It is not evil to run into a conflict and need to spend some time to understand how you should handle something #And I think a lot of white people who have the best intensions try to act like we never run into these moments #where we see discussion and don't want to clog it with our lack of understanding so we kind of wait for more interpretations #that's at least how it went for me in this case #as most of the discussions were surrounding leaving the slur out of friendly conversations in fic #but I was needing input on using it in a different context to acknowledge it was a bad name and have Ed acknowledge it too #But at the end of the day - as a white person - to use what IS in fact a slur just to fulfill my own ignorant first draft? #It is not worth it #Our Flag Means Death #Our Flag Means Death Spoilers #ofmd #Our Flag Means Death Fanfic #ofd fanfic #Stede Bonnet #Edward Teach #The Revenge #Gentleman Pirate #Blackbeard #blackbeard x stede #gentlebeard #blackbonnet #Stedward #stedebeard

[leaving-fragments]

#i still have some time but like the weather has been so weird lately idk how to plan 😭 #i still have like two hours til we meet for setting everything up but we've been planning this for like half a year now so uannghh #we have around 45 participants + like 15 ppl hosting workshops over the long weekend so it's like not a HUGE group but still pretty big #and the organisation team is ten ppl too so like we can't forget counting ourselves hfjfsjs #anyway i think it'll be rlly cool meeting other ppl interested in feminist geography 🥰 and having ppl so knowledgeable on the subject 🥰 #emma talks #important survey