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pricetagofficial · 3 years

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State Fair -CK

Warnings: Language, fluff, Clark is a dork, Bruce is a good brother

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Word Count: 3.2K

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A/N: Just like Sweet Tarts, whether Reader is adopted or biological is up for interpretation seeing as I never specified. Also, big thanks to Fish and Elle for reading this and helping me out!

“This has to be your worst idea yet.”

“I agree because you are clearly going to back out.”

“I will not!”

“Sure, Clark.”

With a huff, Clark crossed his arms. “You’re insufferable.”

Bruce chuckled and waved his friend off. “Just go sit down, this will work I swear.”

Clark gave Bruce a look before taking his paddle and sat in his chair. This really was a stupid idea, what would happen when it didn’t work? He hated the idea of paying for a date, letting alone having Bruce pay for it so he could ensure he got one. But all the funds went to various charities, so that was a plus.

You peeked out of the curtain, and saw the crowd gathering in the auction room. Bruce had set up an auction where various socialites would be auctioned off for a single date to the highest bidder. Being a Wayne, let alone Bruce’s sister, you were a shoo-in for some really high bids.

Each person represented various charities, and you were assigned to various orphanages across Gotham. You thought it would be good to support other kids who were victims of losing their parents considering you lost yours along with Bruce that night.

Taking another peek into the crowd, you saw Alfred sitting there with Dick, who looked too excited for a thirteen-year-old kid to be at an auction. Dick caught your eye and waved happily at you, his eyes sparkling with amusement. You waved your fingers at him, earning a smile from Alfred who totally caught you peeking.

Next to Alfred was Clark, Bruce’s best friend, and fellow Justice League member. Feeling the heat rise in your cheeks, you quickly hid behind the curtain and closed your eyes. What the hell was Clark doing here?

“Y/N, you doing alright?”

Turning to look behind you, you saw Bruce standing there with his signature charismatic smile. He was being auctioned off for a date a well tonight,

“Why didn’t you tell me Clark was here?” you hissed.

“I didn’t know he was coming,” he shrugged. “Dick was excited to see him.”

“That’s because the kid looks up to him, figuratively and literally,” you argued.

Bruce watched you with a sly smile. “Besides, why is it such a big deal that Clark is here or not?”

“I-- oooh,” you growled. “You know exactly why, asshole.”

Letting out a chuckle, Bruce patted your shoulder. “Go get ready, we’re about to start.”

Giving him a glare, you went and found your seat and crossed your arms. Stupid Bruce and his stupid plans. You weren’t sure what he was hiding up his sleeve, but when you’re older brother was The Batman you learned to watch out for the tiny giveaways.

Bruce was planning something, and you were going to figure out what it was.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to our annual Charity Auction! This year we are auctioning off a single date with some of Gotham’s most notable residents! The funds for this year will go to several charities predetermined by our wonderful participants! Now without further ado, let’s get on with the show!”

The announcer walked to the podium as the curtain rose to reveal a grand stage and all the participants off to the side hidden out of sight. Across the stage sat Bruce, leaning back in his seat as he talked with several friends of his.

“So, what did Bruce do to convince you to join this year?”

Looking to your right, you saw Kate was hovering over your shoulder.

“Last year, Dick was sick and Alfred was called away for a family matter.” You explained, Kate should remember why you weren’t at the auction last year. She helped come up with the cover story.

Batman and Robin had a rough time that night on patrol, thanks in no part to Scarecrow. Dick had gotten a large dose of his fear toxin, and Bruce was too injured to console him. Alfred had to make sure Bruce was alright before the next day, and left you with a hysterical Dick until the antidote kicked in.

You had decided to stay that night because Dick was plastered to your side, and Bruce understood completely. Surprisingly enough, during the auction, Clark had shown up and helped you take care of the little boy wonder, even going as far as falling asleep with Dick curled into his side.

Thinking back on the memory, you couldn’t help but smile. That was one of the first times you and Clark had any time alone together.

“And now for bachelorette number three, Y/N Wayne.”

Jerking your head up, you smiled and rose to your feet, and walked onto the stage. You must have spaced out the first two people during your trip down memory lane. Waving politely, you caught the eye of Clark who only smiled brightly at you.

Seeing his smile made you feel lighter than air.

“Miss Wayne represents the orphanage charities all across Gotham, hoping to restore the buildings and ensure a bright future for the children.”

Looking at the auctioneer, you gave him an impressed look. He was playing it up really well, not like he needed it to. You were a Wayne, and was guaranteed to rake in some serious money. You just hoped it would be enough.

“We’ll start the bidding at $500,000. Do I see $500,000?”

All at once, several paddles went up, including Clark’s. You couldn’t fight the confused look on your face, what the hell was he doing? That had to be almost five times the amount he made in a year working for the Daily Planet! So what the hell was he doing spending it all on a date with you?

You stood on the stage as the prices ranked higher and higher, Clark’s paddle not once lowering. The price was almost $2,000,000 and Clark was fighting off with another guy, all for a date with you. You would be feeling proud if you weren’t so concerned for Clark’s livelihood.

“$2.5 million? Do I see $2.5 million?”

Watching the crowd, you watched as the second guy gleaned at Clark and loosened his tie almost as if he was afraid of what would happen to him if he kept trying to outbid him. He lowered his paddle, and Clark just beamed.

“Sold for $2.5 million!”

Clark let out a sigh of relief, Dick looking at him with astonishment. “How’d you get all that money?”

Shrugging, he sent Dick a smile. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

Maybe, this wasn’t such a bad plan after all.

It took a few hours, but eventually, the auction ended and Clark was escorted out of the room with Alfred and Dick beside him.

“You know, this could be a dream come true for you.” Dick grinned. “How long did you have to bully B into giving you the money?”

Looking down at the kid, Clark chuckled. Of course Dick figured it out, he was living with Batman after all. “Not long, he wanted to make sure his sister didn’t end up with some creep.”

Dick chuckled, adjusting his jacket. “Yeah, that sounds like him.”

The three of them waited for you and Bruce to show, ready to take you home for a well-deserved rest. The auction went off without a hitch, and it was all thanks to Bruce and the effort he put in.

Turning the corner, you and Bruce smiled seeing them. Nudging his shoulder, you looked up at him. “Are you going to tell me how Clark got $2.5 million?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Crossing your arms, you gave Bruce an unimpressed look. “Sure, but why do I feel like it has something to do with you?”

“You think everything has to do with me.”

“Do I need to bring up your nightly activities?”

Bruce didn’t get another word out before Dick came running up to you with his arms wide, diving in for a hug.

“Y/N! You did great up there! Sure beats last year right?” he chuckled.

Smiling at him, you ruffled his hair. “I don’t know kiddo, I actually enjoyed my time with you.”

“I agree, it was nice to relax for a night.”

Looking up, you saw Clark smiling down at you with his signature boy scout smile. You always loved the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, and the little scrunch of his nose.

“You want to talk about relaxing? Where the hell did you get $2.5 mil?”

“Yeah, you were practically shooting lasers, Clark.” Dick chimed in.

Looking between you and Dick, Clark shrugged with a smile. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

***

You stood in the Batcave, by the zeta transport waiting quietly for Clark to show and pick you up. Bruce and Dick stood by your side to keep you company while you waited. Bruce was half-dressed in his Batman suit while Dick was nursing a cup of Earl Grey tea.

“What time did he say he would be here?” you asked, checking your watch again.

“Relax, Y/N.” Dick chuckled, “You know, if I didn’t know any better I would think that you have a thing for Superman.”

“Well, you do know better.” you huffed. It wasn’t the standing that bothered you, in all honestly it was the wait. What if Clark decided to cancel on you? Yeah, he already paid over $2 million for it but that didn’t mean he had to show up.

You shook the thoughts out of your head. Clark wasn’t that kind of guy, you knew he wasn’t. Clark Kent was one of the sweetest guys in the universe, there was no one else you would rather spend your night with than him.

Which brought up other thoughts. Bruce was instructed to not let you dress fancy at all, leaning you closer to casual jeans and a shirt as your attire. Whatever Clark was planning, you weren’t going to find out until he told you.

There was a bright flash and Clark stepped out of the zeta tube, wearing his normal apparel with his glasses propped up on his nose.

“Hey, you ready to go?”

You gave him a nod, grabbing your purse. “Born ready.”

Clark smiled and looked at you. He thought you looked perfect tonight and hoped you would enjoy the date he was taking you on.

“Be sure to have her home on time,” Dick scolded, grinning into his cup of tea. “And no funny business.”

Bruce looked down at him and nudged his shoulder ruffling his hair. “Isn’t that my job, chum?”

“Let’s be real here B, no one takes Batman seriously without Robin there to kick their face in.”

You couldn’t fight the giggles, covering your mouth to muffle them. Walking over, you squished Dick’s face and kissed his forehead. “Make sure you listen to Bruce and Alfred okay?”

Dick gave you a nod, hugging you tightly. “Have fun.”

Running your fingers through his hair, you kissed the top of his head before letting him go. Turning to Bruce, he pulled you tightly into a hug and kissed your cheek. “Be careful, we’re just one call away if you need us.”

“Bruce, I’m with Superman. I’ll be okay.”

Looking at Alfred you pointed at the two boys next to you. “Give me a call if none of them are listening, okay?”

Alfred smiled, “Of course Miss Y/N, now go have fun.”

Turning back to Clark, he offered you his arm before leading you back towards the zeta tube. “Don’t worry, she’ll be safe with me, and we’ll be back before midnight.”

Bruce nodded, waving you two goodbye as you disappeared into the blinding light. Coming out on the other side, you were greeted with the fresh air one wouldn’t normally get in Gotham. The scent of fresh crops, dirt, and manure filled the air as you opened your eyes to the setting sun of the Kansas skyline. It was a beautiful shade of orange with pinks and blues dusted across the sky, you never got sunsets like this back home either.

“Clark, it’s beautiful out here.” you smiled.

He watched you fondly, his eyes not leaving you for a second. “It really is.”

Turning to look at him, you felt the heat rise in your cheeks. Keeping a hold of your arm, Clark led you down the streets of Smallville towards a truck that was parked against the curb. Opening the door, Clark reached in and pulled out two plaid shirts, and handed one of them to you.

“Clark, what are we doing?” you laughed, sliding your arms into the flannel sleeves as he pulled on his own.

“You’ll have to wait and see,” he grinned. “Hop in.”

Giving Clark a look, you walked to the passenger seat and climbed into the truck. Starting it up, the air was filled with an old Randy Travis song effectively setting the mood for the drive. Leaning back in the seat, you looked out the window as Clark drove off, heading out of town limits.

With the window open, you felt the wind blow in your face and embraced the fresh air. Cornfields flew by as Clark drove down the highway, towards a large empty field. Off in the distance, you could see tall structures you made out to be a ferris wheel and various tents.

Keeping your concerns to yourself, you watched as he turned into the field and parked the truck. Turning it off, Clark quickly hopped out of it before you could even open the door. Walking around to your side, Clark quickly opened your door and held his hand out to you.

With a smile, you took it as he helped you out of the truck. “Shall we?”

“A state fair?” You laughed, hopping out of the vehicle.

Once on the ground, you noticed you were practically pressed against Clark’s chest and were forced to look up at him. You were so close, you could smell his body wash and felt his breath fan over your face.

Clark smiled down at you, holding your hand tightly in his. Brushing his thumb over the back of your hand, he pulled it up and pressed a soft kiss to it. “I thought this would be a great place to take a city girl such as yourself.”

Trying to hide your embarrassment, you pushed the bridge of his glasses up too high and huffed. “Stop doing that,” you muttered and walked towards the entrance to the fair. Clark’s laughter could be heard from behind you as he jogged to catch up with your fast pace. Slipping his hand back into yours, he paid for tickets and led you into the fairgrounds.

Walking around, you couldn’t help but admire the things around you. Banners were hung everywhere, with signs pointing to all the attractions. There were rides, games, and food stands all over the place.

Gripping his hand, you pointed at a booth selling cotton candy and grinned excitedly. “Come on Clark!” You laughed and pulled him towards the stand and watched him order a large cotton candy for you to share.

Finding a spot on a nearby bench, you sat and pulled off pieces and stuck them into your mouth humming happily as they dissolved. You couldn’t remember the last time you went to a fair like this, and the feeling excited you.

Clark watched as you ate the sugary snack, his blue eyes shining in adoration. He loved the way your eyes lit up with every bite and the cute little hum you made when you tasted it.

“Now are you going to tell me where you got the money to buy our little date?”

“You’ll just make fun of me,”

“I make fun of you anyway,” you giggled.

Clark gave you a look before taking the piece of cotton candy out of your hand and ate it with a grin. “Now you’re just being mean,”

Nudging his shoulder, you looked up at him. “Did you forget who I have for an older brother?”

Stifling a laugh, Clark nodded and leaned closer smoothly wrapping his arm around your shoulder. “You’re right, being mean is a Wanye trait. I’d hate to see how mean an offspring of Bruce could be.”

Laughing along with him, you couldn’t help but agree. A biological offspring of Bruce would be a nightmare, you only hoped that the kid’s mother would be a calm and relaxed person.

“If you don’t tell me, I’ll just assume you got the money from Lex.”

Clark gave you an unimpressed look, “Now that’s not funny.”

“I find that I am quite funny,” you grinned.

Dropping his head in defeat, Clark huffed. “Bruce gave me the money,” he admitted. “He wanted to make sure his sister didn’t end up on a date with a creep.”

Taking another bite, you looked at him. “I’m going to assume there is more to this, you don’t go on a lot of dates Clark.”

If you had a dime for every time you saw Superman blush, you would only have five cents which isn’t a lot but it was worth it to see the man of steel blush.

“Clark?”

Turning away, Clark bit his lip. How was he supposed to tell you he set this up with Bruce, so he could get a date with you? But he didn’t need to say anything, you watched his expression and the sudden uptick in his nervousness. You grew up with the world’s greatest detective, of course, you would notice when he was crushing hard on his best friend’s sister.

“You and Bruce set this up, didn’t you?” you asked.

Clark’s silence only confirmed it.

“Clark, you know all you had to do was ask,” you smiled, putting a hand on his shoulder. Clark turned to look at you. “I would have said yes.”

Adjusting his body, Clark turned to face you fully. Cupping your face in his hands, Clark pressed his lips to yours in a soft kiss.

Letting out a gasp, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer. After a few moments, Clark pulled away and rubbed his nose against yours with a smile. “Maybe next time, I’ll just start with that.”

“Maybe you should, watch Bruce have an aneurysm.” you giggled.

Pecking your lips once more, Clark looked around and saw it was getting dark. “Come on, I have a special place to watch the fireworks.”

Rising from your bench, Clark threw your empty cotton candy stick in the trash and pulled you down the path towards a secluded area. “Hang on tight,” he grinned.

“Hang on to wha-- ah!”

Before you knew it, Clark had his arms wrapped around you before he flew into the air. Gripping onto him for dear life, you buried your face in his shirt afraid to look at the things around you.

“Y/N, open your eyes.” he chuckled.

Carefully peeking an eye open, you saw that both of you were hovering a good height above the ground and watched as the fireworks exploded in the distance with loud pops. Once you got comfortable, you leaned your head against his chest and held on tightly watching the fireworks timing them to the beat of his heart.

“It’s beautiful up here, Clark.” you smiled.

“Not as beautiful as you,”

Leaning up, you pressed your lips to his with the fireworks going off behind you.

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#Costly Affairs #Clark Kent #Clark Kent x reader #clark kent x reader insert #clark kent imagine #clark kent x you #clark kent x y/n #clark kent fanfiction #clark kent fic #clark kent fanfic #superman #superman x reader #superman x reader inset #superman x you #superman x y/n #superman fic #superman fanfiction #superman fanfic #DC comics

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thecanadianowl · 3 years

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Justice league Snydercut review

Wow talk about a long movie. Remember Mass Effect's 3 shit endings that were later improved (sorta) with DLCs. Well that is kinda how this movie is.

Before we start this, I just wanna say that I was very impartial throughout the whole snydercut movement. I wasn't part of it but I do see the good that they did in regards to some of their charities and with how the fandom itself has been painted in a negative light. So its good that they got what they have been demanding for quite some time. Snyder as director for me, I really am not the biggest fan of. His movies have some great cinematic moments that look amazing but the context around it is what muddles it for me.

Is it better than Whedon's JL? YES. To start I'll look at some of the things that I do like.

I do like how it was split into parts. Gives it that miniseries/Comic book feel

Thank god they removed that stupid cringy flash landing on top of Diana's chest scene.

Darkseid looks good. I know some people have issues with it but I liked it. I mean looking at it first glance has me convinced its Darkseid. His voice isn't too bad either. Reminds me a bit of Injustice 2.

As much as I have issues with Darkseid being introduced so early I do like that he had a brief confrontation/glaredown with the League, foreshadowing a possible in person encounter and that the League needs to expand if they are going to fight against Darkseid.

Steppenwolf's design has greatly improved and looks better than before.

Loved the scenes between Alfred and Diana. Wish there was more of that.

I loved how the movie added Cyborg, Aquaman and Flash attempting to stop Superman from getting to Batman. I also liked how in this version, Batman pleading to Clark's humanity telling him that world needs him and he needs to snap out of it. Also bonus for taking out that scene of Batman on the ground groaning about how old he is getting.

Okay seeing Clark get the black suit and having the voiceovers of both his father's merge together works in terms of Clark's arc into becoming the person he was meant to be. Also like the use of Zimmerman's Ideal of Hope score wished they let it play out a little longer. Probably my favourite moment in the film is where Superman just takes Steppenwolf's Axe like its nothing and freezes it.

Now to go into some of the more critical stuff that bugged me when watching.

For a movie that is 4 hours long, pacing issues were bound to happen. I think the first example of this can be found in the opening with the Superman scream wave (which started to get a bit hilarious when his screams could be heard every now and then) hitting all three mother boxes. they are shown individually reacting to it and it takes time, where it could have just showed them together or an compilation of each of the motherboxes waking up. I know it Snyder's thing but tone down on the slow mo. Like some instances its fine (like with bullet time or Flash's scenes) but other instances I'm just like alright I get it.

The scene involving Cyborg transferring money into that single mother's bank account. Is he gonna do this for all the people suffering just like her? or just for that one person? I mean if you can hack into the world monetary system, you can solve a lot of financial issues affecting the majoirty and not just one person. Did I miss the scene but why did Cyborg go from helping one poor person, suggesting the potential good he can do to change the world for the better to "Fuck the world". Seems a bit inconsistent in character. Especially since he knows who Diana is (from what he says) and that Parademons are after the motherbox. Maybe her offering help, you should take it? idk Vic. Also the whole Auto defense system malfunction, would it not be better if this was established beforehand where we see Vic struggling to maintain his body's autonomy leading up to the Superman confrontation? Prior to that it seemed he had it under control and his biggest conflict throughout the movie seemed more to be with him coming to terms with his new body. With that being said, Cyborg's character here is much more interesting and better than it was originally. I can see why Ray Fisher is so pissed (well that and the abuse he faced). I am glad this was improved and gave the character a lot more to do.

The movie still has the same issue as before in regards to the whole motherbox plot and how convenient it was that all three are located on earth. You would think that with the involvement of Darkseid/Steppenwolf that separating them to distinct locations across space would make it more difficult to collect them. I mean we know that the Green Lanterns exist (we saw one get chomped), you'd think that they or the guardians would take one and secure it on Oa. The pushback to this would be "well there was only one green lantern and he died, so how could they retrieve the box?" which begs my question, why send only one? I mean it has been established that Darkseid is a known conqueror of worlds, you'd think the Guardians would be smart enough to send more than one Lantern to aid Earth in their fight. Did they not think it would be a good idea to have the corps be more involved/keep an eye on earth since it is the only planet that was able to repel Darkseid's forces?

Why is it that the best idea of security when it comes to humans is to bury it? Would it not be better in optics to look over it and know its location instead of dropping it somewhere on the off chance that someone might find it due to being curious or the land changing/altering making the box more easy to attain? A situation as dire/serious as this, you would think that the Amazons/Atlanteans would have been better prepped with armor/weapons for such an event. I mean you have the arrow of Artemis that shoots quite a distance to give Diana a message but not some kind of weapon that hurts/cripples Steppenwolf? Or better yet, how about the moment that the boxes started acting up after Superman's death, that Atlantis/Themiscarya would put aside any differences they had with one another and to the outside world to come together to secure the boxes? How could Darkseid forget the name of the only planet that was able to force him to retreat? nor does he know that it harbors the anti life?

Did this movie break Aquaman's continuity? because from the dialogue between Mera and Arthur, its implied that Atlanna abandoned/left Arthur at Tom's doorsteps whereas in the movie, we see Atlanna spend a couple of years with Tom and raising baby Arthur before she was forced to come back. You'd think Zack being a producer for the Aquaman movie would have edited that line or made it more clear. Well that or James Wan F'ed up when making the movie.

"I've never seen a being as strong as Steppenwolf" Did Diana just forget Ares aka the god of war who killed the Greek Pantheon/Old gods and orchestrated the first World War? Hell from the looks of the flashback it seemed Ares (I'm assuming its Ares, if its Hades, my bad) was getting some good hits in on Darkseid, who is superior to Steppenwolf. While we are on the topic of Diana, it's a bit odd that Snyder who was a producer on WW84 where one of the biggest focuses on the movie that Patty Jenkins talked about was how Diana doesn't solve her problems with violence (even though her primary weapons in this movie are a sword and shield but okay. Then again New 52 hasn't done a good job in disproving that), yet in this movie we see her using her gauntlet smash to fucking kill the one remaining terorrist. Like sure you can argue that they were terrorists and deserve to die, but given how easy and quick it was for her to take out the previous guys, why do something that runs the risks of destroying the very building that you are in (with hostages). I mean from the look of the blast and how much debris fell from the building outside, and it was a miracle no one (but the terrorist) got hurt/killed.

Why did Steppenwolf kidnap them in the first place? Just use that mind extracting device you used on the Atlantean soldier to see if they know. Seems like a waste of time to collect them in one location only to interrogate them later.

Okay, I'm sorry but even in this cut I still don't like Miller's Barry Allen. He isn't as bad as he was in the theatrical cut but man does it stick out. When he is helping to escort the kidnapped civilians out, why doesn't he just grab them and transfer them to a safe distance? He even makes a comment about how slow they are going. Can I also just say how weird it is for Barry to take time saving Iris to caress her hair and look at her more creepily in slow mo? Like yeah its in slow mo but still I think your priority should be to get everyone to safety as quick as possible and check if anyone else could get hurt. I will admit that Barry's speech as he is running so fast to reverse time at the end was really good. Tho the more I think about all the slow mo Flash scenes are good.

They still kept the "Let's use the mother box to bring back Superman plot". Why? This is a piece of tech that you don't fully understand how it works and you are going on the whims of someone you just met. Especially if they come back as a different person/mindset all together. If Superman 's death was the reason that allowed for the Mother box to call to Steppenwolf/Darkseid, what the hell were they doing prior to Superman's arrival on earth? I mean we've seen how easy it was for Steppenwolf to attain the two boxes even if they were guarded, so why the wait ?. I get that Batman is going through an arc and trying to change from the person he was but how does go from "1% chance of absolute certainty" to "let's go on a whim and have faith" when it comes to resurrecting Superman?

Its gonna be awkward as to how Clark will explain his sudden return from the grave around the same time Superman came back.

I was wondering when the Knightmare scene will play out. Jared leto's Joker isn't over with me, it seems way too try-hard to be edgy. Other than that yeah, not much I can say about it. Tho do we seriously need another iteration where Superman (or someone with Superman like powers) is evil?

I also love how nonchalant Bruce is about J'onn appearing in front him. However the revelation that J'onn was that army general all the time breaks so much of continuity (and just why now did you decide to show up and help and not idk the time Zod invaded and nearly terraformed earth, HELL WHY TF DIDN'T SHOW UP TO HELP THE LEAGUE IF YOU KNEW ABOUT DARKSEID, I'M SORRY TO RAG ON BUT REALLY THIS CAMEO JUST OPENS UP SO MANY QUESTIONS, IT JUST SEEMS LIKE AN "PALPATINE WAS BEHIND THIS ALL ALONG" KIND OF THING ).

In terms of getting a sequel, I am not sure if WB is going to go through with it given that their current vision seems to be a different route than the one Snyder intended so who knows. Despite my criticisms I do believe this is Snyder's best DCEU film to date and probably one of his better films. You could tell that he put in a lot to make this. The movie itself does have issues mostly due to the plot surrounding the motherbox as well as pacing. I would say it's worth the watch at least once, though I think its best to watch it in doses rather than one sitting. Ultimately this is the version that we should have gotten and I can see why so many people who were supportive of Zack wanted or vouched for him to finish it. Regardless, I think the very least I am happy for Snyder. If you like Snyder's previous stuff, you will like this one, if you don't, your perception of the film won't change significantly other than some cool bits here and there.

#dceu #justice league #snydercut #snydercut spoilers #dc comics

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thetradeway · 3 years

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Session 42 22 May 2021: “He was pretty desiccated when I found him.“

I’m late! I still manage not to miss anything. Ed is away so Matthew takes Gideon for him.

In our downtime, Ahleqs has a massive migraine and when he recovers, he knows some different spells. (Duncan mis-read some of his sorcerer abilities, and swaps a few things around.) Gideon makes his excuses and disappears to the tower of the Order, he has some business to attend to. Kessler goes back to her lab for some tinkering. Not in her parents basement. They’re dead. (Batman meme, but I'm only allowed 10 images per post.)

Duncan: "Have you ever told any of us where you live?"

Mina: "Nope."

Brother Charity spends his time in the Dagger ‘doodling around’ in his room, ordering room service; Tarragon gets drunk with Renah.

Ahleqs rides around the city on his mouse cart: “Simon, let us take the air.” He buys some potions. He also wants to inquire about having things enchanted. Tarragon goes with him to get him a discount on potions from the shop where she works; she is very drunk and warns him to set aside some of his money for the cleaning bill on the mouse cart.

Did he have a particular enchantment in mind? Yes, he wants a large travelling chest enchanted so it can walk along behind him. The DM will get back to him on that. (Somewhere, Rincewind is delighted.)

While we’re all milling around, Gideon returns looking pleased with himself. In the morning Tarragon is not hung over, but she deserves to be. Melaina is the first one up. She is having breakfast in the taproom when she is approached by a scruffy urchin. Is she a friend of Gunna? (We all gasp, OOC.)

"Uh… Yeah."

Surge sent the urchin to get us, we are to go to the Docks ward. Something about a court...? (I think, I may have misheard that.)

Jirr calls the kid to the bar and gives him some bread; Melaina tosses him a gold coin. He looks like all his Christmases have come at once.

We meet up with Kessler and head down to the docks. Surge greets us, and leads us away from the normal areas of the Docks Ward to the wharf. It starts to rain; by the time we arrive on the wharf it’s pouring. Surge says he has got us passage on a ship.

Ahleqs, with a wistful sigh: "Remember when we had a boat?"

Charity, rolling his eyes: "This again."

Ahleqs, to Charity: "Have you got a boat?"

BC: "My father had a fleet of them."

Melaina: "Have you ever been keelhauled?"

Surge introduces us to Captain Beckett. He shakes our hands. He hears we’re looking for passage on a ship?

Yes, we want to go to Candlekeep. We’re looking for a book to help Tarragon’s sister maybe, as well as looking for information on the shadow weave - we’re meeting Mr. Pickles there.

It’ll be eight days, and Beckett can get us most of the way there. He can get us passage on a skiff or rake to take us the rest of the way. (Someone’s been researching nautical terms.) The rest of the journey will take about a day and a half. He hears we all have skills that could help? He looks at Charity first. He's a healer? The quartermaster on Beckett’s ship is acting as a medic, and would be glad to get back to his own duties.

Charity: "I dabble."

Beckett hands Ahleqs a scroll with the layout of the ship on it. The surgeon’s quarters are in the lower gun deck.

What can Ahleqs do? He casts British Gas Thumb. Beckett will put him with Sparks, the ship’s mage, in the forecastle.

The rest of us are in cabins. Nice!

Melaina has good eyes, and is OK with heights. She will report to Aegea, his second in command. He will put Tarragon with the healer as well and also in the kitchen, as she can cook. Is Popcorn tame?

Tarragon, looking extremely uncertain: "… Yeeeeees…?"

What are Kessler’s skills? We could use her as a weight when fishing for sharks. She can also punch the shark. She ignores us and tells Beckett she can repair broken things, or modify equipment? Sounds good. Beckett looks to Gideon. You’re a dwarf, you have some skills with smithing, if we put you with the artificer -

All of us, immediately: "NO!"

Beckett leads us on to the ship, the Fallen Star. It’s enormous, and beautiful.

Tarragon waves goodbye to Surge.

Melaina is introduces to First Mate Aegea.

Gideon and Kessler are introduced to the Bosun, Girton.

Gideon says something to him in dwarfish, both look at Kessler and chuckle. Ahleqs is introduced to the ship’s mage, a young girl named Sparks.

Ahleqs: "That’s a good owl. I have got a mouse though, so… "

He resolves to keep Simon in his pocket.

The quartermaster-slash-part-time-healer, Buckla, is drunk and very jovial. He claps Charity on the back and welcomes him aboard.

Charity, disdainfully: "Have you disinfected the surgery?"

Buckla: "Yeah yeah, whatever. Come and have a drink!"

Tarragon is introduced to Lorifi, or Lolo, the ship’s cook, an older gnome woman.

Tarragon wants to know where she got her meat cleaver. "Hello dearie, welcome aboard." They immediately set about the cooking sherry.

We set sail!

At night the crew set up on the deck under the stars; the skies are clear out here and very beautiful.

The Quartermaster and Aegea used to be in a travelling circus (I think?) and they do some entertaining of an evening.

First morning at sea goes mostly without incident. It’s a beautiful clear day - until we hear a noise. All except Charity, who is on one of the lower decks in the surgery. We hear haunting singing. (Uh oh.)

Ahleqs is with Sparks, who has been directing wind into the sails. She looks concerned at the singing. Melaina makes a Perception check - a 16. (Ahleqs has been asking Sparks if she sometimes accidentally sets her friends on fire too and if so, how she goes about apologising.)

Melaina sees what Joe has labelled “Mermaid??” (That’s no mermaid.) There are two over on a sandbar.

Those on deck make Charisma saving throws. Us below deck can hear the singing, but don’t have to make saves yet. Ahleqs and Sparks both save. Sparks screams for us all to get below decks. Some of the sailors walk to the edge and drop over the side of the ship. Ahleqs starts to head below deck, until he remembers that this is probably the sort of situation he’s being employed here to handle.

Ahleqs asks Sparks if this happens a lot; she looks at him with terror in her eyes. He goes first in the order; he goes to the edge of the ship where the sailors stepped off, and looks out to see if he can see what drew them. He casts Open Character Sheet. He sees the ‘mermaids’ and the sailors, splashing about in the water and trying to swim towards the sandbar. He casts Eldritch Blast on the ‘mermaids’. (Thanks to his migraine he can now double the effectiveness of a spell which gives him 240 feet on EB.) He does 23 damage and shouts, “Let that be a lesson to you!”

From below the water, the ‘mermaids’ sprout wings and take to the sky. (Harpies? Sirens? Can sirens fly? Do harpies have fish tails?)

Out of the sea behind Melaina bursts another creature, which flies toward her. Does 18 hit her? Melaina is AFK so Matthew checks - it does. She takes 11 bludgeoning and is Grappled when the creature’s tail wraps around her and lifts her into the air and out over the water.

(Matthew informs Sophie, who is just returning, what has happened. M, OOC: “Did you ask ‘why’? I think the simple answer is ‘Joe’.”)

Melaina makes her CHA save on her turn; she can now make an attempt to free herself, but if she succeeds she will fall into the ocean. She tries anyway, choosing DEX over STR as she’s 'better at wriggling than wrestling'. (There's a dirty joke at this point which I miss, though I suspect I would omit it here anyway.) A 16 frees her; she drops into the water but takes no damage from the fall. (Sophie, unsure what to do: “Mialee would know how to solve this.”) Is there anything at sea level she can grab onto?

If she goes around the side of the ship there are ropes she can climb. Can she try to hide from the creature? Put a jellyfish on her head or something? Yes, she can make a stealth check at disadvantage, and rolls two 27s, which is, according to the DM, ‘just as well’.

Does Charity know what’s going on? He’s below deck and has been reading Carl stories with his feet up and drinking a cup of nice hot coffee. (We all hear the thundering of feet as the sailors retreat below deck, so those of us already there know something is happening.)

Charity rolls his eyes and puts down his book. He goes to the door and shouts “What’s going on?” (Matthew is briefly unsure where the door is, and finds himself shouting into a wall.) “Carl, with me.” He leaves the surgery and makes his way up.

Kessler makes her way on deck as well. What can she see from the poop deck? (Matthew OOC: "Poop deck, hee hee hee!") (Well, someone had to.) Kessler can't see the one harassing Melaina, but she can see the one still on the sandbank. What’s the range on her crossbow? 120 feet, but she’s at disadvantage beyond 80. She holds an action.

Sparks jumps over the railing (Just off the poop deck, not into the sea!) and runs toward the front of the ship. Joe shows Melaina and Ahleqs something - Melaina saw it earlier and Ahleqs sees it now. (Ahleqs casts Mage Armour.) It’s a shark! (I am the only one excited by this.)

The water turns red and there is flailing and screaming around one of the sailors. Ahleqs starts screaming too. With a good Nature check, he knows that these sharks shouldn’t be so close to shore; they are usually found in much deeper water. Sparks sees what happened and screams as one of her crew mates is ripped apart by the shark, calls it eight kinds of bastard, and shoots at it with her shortbow.

Popcorn rushes up on deck and all he can see is the tail of the shark; assuming that it must be the main threat, he stands on his back legs and beats his chest with his paws, and tries to intimidate the shark into attacking him, completely unaware that this cannot possibly work. It’s the cutest thing anyone on the deck has ever seen.

Gideon tries to persuade the bosun to go on deck and help; it fails so he goes by himself. (But, not to be outdone by a fellow dwarf, Girton reluctantly follows anyway.) Gideon sees one of the flying creatures; “What is this vile harridan??” He has a good look at what’s going on, and casts Aganazzar’s Scorcher. One of the flying harridans makes a DEX save, and passes with ease. It takes half damage, which is 8, fire. It doesn’t seem to do as much as he had hoped. Shit! He’d been hoping it would poach it.

Another creature springs out of the water and flies at Kessler. She shoots at it with her held action, but misses thanks to its seashell bikini. It swoops toward her and does a multiattack - it misses with its claws and its tail.

Tarragon joins Popcorn on deck; if she can see what he's looking at, would the DM say that she has now seen a shark? Yes, but what's the max challenge rating beast I can become? (I look it up and will let him know.) (I can only be a beast of CR1 or below and this shark is CR2 so she can’t be one yet, but she has now seen one.)

Does 17 hit Gideon? It does, and the siren grapples and kisses him with its Draining Kiss attack. He rolls a nat 20 for his save, but his HP max is reduced by 5. Ahleqs can see him; he’s looking a bit green around the gills.

Another siren bursts out of the sea (Duncan OOC: "That’s too many! This is beyond a joke now!") and looks at Kessler and does a Charm attack on her. She fails and is smitten with the thing, believing it to be her one true love. (There’s a lot of that going around.) It beckons to her. Her armour is not is swimming mode, so she could be in trouble here. Is there a big button that controls the spring under her seat?

Brother Carl looks at Aardvack, waiting for instructions. He goes up the stairs; can he see anything? He has a cursory glance around. He can see one of the sirens if he looks under the sail. He holds an action, as he has no ranged weapons.

One of the sirens dashes and says to Aardvack telepathically, “You’re going to drown.”

Ahleqs spins around to find himself face to face with two sirens, one of which is dangling Gideon from its tail. He really, really wants to cast Mage Armour, but instead he bravely cowers and casts Shatter. It fails its save and takes 21 points of Thunder damage, to which it is not resistant. He uses his movement to get out of range of being immediately grabbed.

Another siren flies over Melaina’s head, but she is hidden. Another goes to Brother Charity and does its Charm attack; he makes an WIS save. “Come and swim with me.”

Melaina uses Cunning Action to Dash and get back on board; is there anything she can hide behind to shoot these bitches? She can duck into the shadow of the mast, but she’s used her bonus action to dash. She takes a shot at one of them anyway.

(Joe tells us that rogues can use their bonus action to give themselves advantage without hiding. Duncan, OOC: "Oh so rogues can do that, but can Ahleqs steer a spell around his friends? NooooOOOooooo…")

Melaina gets a natty 20. A hit? (DM: “I’d say.”) Pierced ear: Max damage, and roll the damage die again. There is some complicated maths and some squabbling, and it’s decided that she does 43 damage. The siren shimmers, and its form changes. Woah!

Charity is up. He feels like it would be a lovely thing to pop up over the side and go and have a swim with his one true love, but he holds up a finger: “Darling, one moment.” He turns to the one who told him he was going to drown and says “I’m not going to drown, do you have any idea who I am you hideous fishwife?” and Hexes her, then Eldritch Blasts the bitch with a dirty 20 and a nat 1. 15 damage though, not bad. The one he hits also shimmers and transforms. He makes his way to the highest point on the deck and prepares to jump into the sea. Does he have enough movement to get over the rail?

He bounds over, and makes a Concentration check for his Hex as he hits the water, which he passes. (He doesn’t know about the shark. Yet.)

Kessler makes an attack on one of them as she makes her way toward the railing as well. 21 hits and she does 11 piercing and pumps Fury of the Small into it as well for another 7 points. She takes another shot - a 15 hits, for 10 more damage. It shimmers and transforms. She hits the water and sinks like a stone.

Sparks saw her go overboard - she runs to the edge and casts Water Walk on her. She is willing, as not-sinking will allow her to see her one true love, still floating in the sky above. She bobs to the surface like a cork, and can now walk on the surface of the ocean. Sparks can get a few more people with her spell as well, so she does.

The shark attacks another sailor (who was on top of the water after Sparks’ spell) and munches him in half. The water goes red around it.

Aegea shoots something with her bow.

A siren swoops at Ahleqs and hits with a 22, grappling and dealing 15 bludgeoning damage. He makes a CON save when it does Draining Kiss on him - and fails. He uses Bend Luck, but a d4 isn’t going to help a 9. He takes it back, and loses 10 from his HP max.

Popcorn Dashes to go up to the main deck but can’t reach anything; he sees the siren Kissing Ahleqs, holds up two claws and points at his eyes, then at the siren, then back at his eyes. Next turn, bitch.

Girton throws two hand axes at one of the sirens - both hit. Gideon is up - he can make an attempt to break free if he wants. Instead, he casts Gideon’s Fucking Awesome Shocking Grasp. DM rules that he will hit no matter what he rolls, as missing would be impossible. He does 13 lightning damage, but it doesn’t seem to shock her as much as it should. It laughs.

A siren does a Tail Constrict attack against Sparks - it flies over the edge and drops her. She has Water Walk though, so she floats.

Tarragon can get herself, Brother Charity, Melaina and Carl with her Water Breathing spell, so she does, and then Healing Word for Melaina. (In the heat of the moment she forgets that Carl is dead and doesn’t breathe anything, so he won’t need it.)

Gideon resists the siren’s Draining Kiss, and makes a save against it, saying “I’m old enough to be your great great grandfather!” He takes 10 damage, and his max HP is reduced by 10. The siren drops him, but looks pissed off when he doesn’t sink - he has Water Walk cast on him.

Kessler’s one true love is pissed that she’s not drowning, and rakes at her face - if she takes the damage, she can make another save versus the charm. She debates using reaction-Shield - and decides to do it. The second attack is a nat 20 against her, grappling her.

Carl can’t jump 15 feet in the air, so he can’t reach the nearest siren. Could he run to the edge of the boat and leap at the one harassing Charity? He can make a DEX check, DC12, to try. He rolls a 2 (minus 1 mod) and falls in the water. The creature he was trying to hit flies down to the water, sniffs him and discovers it has no interest in him - so it attacks Charity instead. 16 hits him, for 9 slashing damage. It goes for a grapple, but he wriggles out.

Ahleqs is the least strong of anyone, so he could DEX out or he could Misty Step if he has it? He casts Shatter again; “That’s just how I do.” He wriggles around to face the siren. “Oooh, you look awful and I don’t like it!” Oh wait - this one’s still pretty, so he doesn’t mind as much. He casts it at 3rd level. It makes a DC14 CON save and fails - taking 27 Thunder damage. The beautiful face turns ‘all fishy and angry and gross’. Ahleqs scream goes up by two steps.

This thing Melaina shot on her last turn looks ropey as hell - it dives back below the waves. Charity’s one true love tries to canoodle with Tarragon and misses so claws at her face instead and hits for 9 damage.

Melaina can now shoot at it with advantage, as it’s within melee with Tarragon. 10 misses, however. “Bollocks.” She bonus-action-hides, but rolls a nat 1. For the first time ever she is not hidden - her arms and legs are hanging out the sides.

Charity chastises Carl for jumping in the water; “You can’t even swim properly!” He shouldn’t be in salt water for too long or he’ll desiccate. (“He was pretty desiccated when I found him.")

Charity Dimension Doors himself and Charity back on the deck of the ship. (That’s definitely not a Divine spell.) He is very cross to see his one true love canoodling with his previous one true love, we’re probably swapping stories, and he’s beginning to regret coming up from below deck.

Kessler can make an attempt to free herself if she wants…? She supposes she should. She makes a DEX check and succeeds. There is a large, hungry shark in her vicinity, but she’s on top of the water. That didn’t help that other sailor, though. She has her bonus action and her movement and has obeyed the siren’s orders by going over to it, so she can move freely until it gives another instruction or the Charm ends. She climbs back onto the boat.

Tarragon hears the door slam open and hears a familiar voice. "What the devil is going on here??" Lolo appears and takes a swipe with her soup ladle at one of the creatures; she misses, but it’s still badass.

The shark does Blood Frenzy, which doesn’t sound nice at all. Does 18 hit the Grease Wizard?

Duncan OOC: “He’s wearing a dress, of course it hits him.”

Gideon, indignant: “It’s an acolyte’s robe!”

The shark bites onto him and the water around him starts to turn red. He’s not in a good way.

Aegea shoots the shark again, and hits for 21 damage including 15 sneak attack. (Ooh, a rogue!) Gideon is now out of the shark’s mouth.

The siren grappling Ahleqs is very hurt; it drops him and plops back into the water. Ahleqs pukes as a free action.

Popcorn rushes forward and slashes with his claws at a siren - it hits, and he’s very pleased even though it doesn’t do as much damage as it should.

Girton hurls an axe at the shark and hits twice for 11 damage. The axes, having done their damage, disappear. Gideon watches this happen and makes a Perception check to see which of the remaining sirens is more injured. He’s found himself in a bit of a pickle. Is the shark technically a Large creature? Not Huge? Well, that clinches it. This might not work, but can the shark make a DEX save please, as Gideon casts Otiluke’s Resilient Sphere on it. It got a 20. “Son of a bitch.”

Matthew, OOC: “I can’t let Gideon die on my watch, take Charity instead!” Gideon climbs out of the water - DM rules that the shark doesn’t get an attack of opportunity, as it’s below the water and Gideon is above it.

The siren that Popcorn attacked decides to flee, letting out a shriek to the other creatures. Popcorn makes an attack of opportunity, but misses. (Me: “Aw, balls.”) The siren grapples him, doing 14 damage, and drops him in the sea with the shark. Everyone is rightly horrified. How dare!

(I guess we’re going to find out which would win in a fight between a shark and an owlbear. My money is on the shark.)

Carl wants to hit a siren. So he does, with a dirty 20. He does 9 damage, but it gets advantage on him on its next turn. The thing tries to grab Charity but misses, so it claws him and a 15 hits. He takes 10 slashing damage. (He maintains concentration on his Hex.)

Ahleqs’ stomach is empty, but there are still loads of the sirens about. The ones around him are still beautiful; he saw one of them drop Popcorn in the water. He casts Eldritch Blast on the one nearest Aegea using Tides of Chaos. 16 hits for 3 Force damage, 20 hits for another 3. He rolls on the Table of Joy to see what colour-slash-age he turns - he becomes Invisible for a minute unless he attacks or casts a spell. He also casts Fly on a random creature within 60 feet of himself which is basically everyone at the stern of the boat. (We all want it to be the shark.) Kessler can fly now. She’s actual Iron Man!

Tarragon sees Popcorn in the water and screeches, and casts Moonbeam on the shark. It makes the save but takes half damage - it’s looking ropey.

The siren near Tarragon tries to move and gets 3 attacks of opportunity from Tarragon, Lolo and Carl - only Carl misses. The siren flies up and repeats her song. Tarragon rolls a nat20 versus the Charm - with advantage, as she’s a gnome. Charity is Charmed, and Kessler makes her save so good it breaks her previous Charm effect. Gideon is having the worst ever day, and is Charmed. He must move toward the siren on his turn. He can walk on water, so he can beeline it. Yay!

Melaina shoots at the one clawing Charity with Sharpshooter but misses. Melaina, not sounding in the least bit sorry: “Sorry Charity, I must not have been paying attention.” She protects herself by hiding, nothing if not true to herself.

Charity must move toward the siren that Charmed him - he can bash the one near him as it’s in his way. He casts Shillblblglslgsglhjjljlhhh and deals a smorgasbord of damage. 8 fire/necrotic, and 12 bludgeoning. He pushes past it. “Do you not know who I am?” He leaps off the side of the ship to get to his third one true love. The one he attacked gets an attack of opportunity, doing 11 slashing damage to him as he goes by.

Kessler has two shots and unloads one into the siren that dropped Popcorn. 10 misses. She aims at the shark - 21 hits. Yay! 5 piercing. How de do dis, Yay!! As it rears up to bite Popcorn she shoots a bolt through its face.

(Charity is singing Under the Sea while all this is happening. “There’ll be no accusations, only crustaceans, under the seaaaaaa!”)

Lolo wallops another siren with her ladle - well she tries, but misses and is furious. “Filthy, disgusting - ”

Sparks flips frantically through her spells; they’re all for ship-sailing, really. She blows the siren that dropped Popcorn away from him and out to sea a little way.

Popcorn scrabbles out of the water. He’s wet and cross and doesn’t like anything today and someone took away the shark he was about to eat, so he bites the siren attacking Aegea for 5 damage halved. He’s somewhat mollified by this.

Girton throws his hand axes again, and another siren goes hag. Gideon’s name is called; silence, until Matthew remembers he’s running the Grease Wizard today. He climbs back on board the ship. Oh - wait, no, he’s still Charmed. He plops down onto the water and moves toward his beloved.

Tarragon runs up to flank the siren in melee with Lolo and wallops it at advantage for 3 whole damage, ooooooooo.

A siren flies up and attacks Sparks - but she’s still up, it’s okay, we are reassured. Then it makes a Tail Constrict attack and Sparks goes down. The siren drops her, and she crumples to the deck.

(Is Water Walking a concentration spell? No, it just lasts for an hour. Phew!)

It attempts to flee - Aegea and Popcorn get attacks of opportunity, Popcorn misses but Aegea gets a natty 20 and rolls max sneak damage as well. It’s dead-dead-dead! Carl is up!

Carl’s going to get in trouble for this. As he was scolded for jumping in the water, he throws the only thing available to him - his mace - at the siren in the water with Charity. Whether it hits or not, he won’t have a mace any more. Plus it’ll only do a D4 plus his STR if it does hit. Twelvesies? DM lets him make a standard attack. Fifteensies? That hits, so 1D4+2. Is his mace magic? “Not in the slightest.” He does roll max damage, but it gets halved. But! That’s enough to make it shimmer and transform into its ugly form. Carl flexes. DM says anyone Charmed by its beautiful form is no longer so.

Tarragon and Lolo get attacks of opportunity as the siren between them makes a break for it - Tarragon hits with a 17 for 9 damage but Lolo misses. The siren plunges back into the ocean and is gone.

Ahleqs is a bit cross. (as Kessler zooms through the air we hear AC/DC blasting from her armour.) He casts Shatter once again, at level 4 this time. He becomes visible again as he casts. The siren rolls a 2 for its CON save and takes 30something - how-de-do-dis!

Through his tears and snot he screams "GET AWAY FROM ME BITCH!"

She bursts with a sort of flat wet sound and showers everyone with viscera 'in the usual style'. One creature left. Ahleqs takes a potion as a bonus action. The last remaining siren is the one who squeezed the life out of Sparks.

How far can Melaina shoot with her longbow? Sophie is delighted to find out that not only does her longbow have a phenomenal range, but she is also elevated and has advantage. She makes an attack with Sharpshooter and hits with a 17 for 26 sneak and 12 piercing. How de do dis! It sort of slithers back into the sea, face planting the side of the boat on the way down.

Tarragon looks over the side and sees a load of reef sharks gathering around the dead shark’s body, so she can add 'reef shark' as well as 'hunter shark' to her beast shapes. She runs forward, ignoring Charity floundering in the water (he has Water Breathing so he won’t drown) and casts Cure Wounds on Sparks. Gideon climbs back onto the ship.

The dead sirens are oozing green blood; Kessler pushes them overboard.

Well done everybody, we killed all Joe’s sirens! Those who suffered the Draining Kiss attack will remain at lowered max HP until they take a long rest or someone casts Lesser Restoration on them. We didn’t kill Gideon either, success all around.

#thetradeway #campaign diary #dnd

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apsbicepstraining · 7 years

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7 Grounds That Feline Are Way Superior to Bird-dog

I dont believed to be any greater illustration of mankinds superiority at the top of the food chain than the facts of the case that we allow other swine into our dwellings for some mild presentation and intimacy. Sure, there are instances of cross-species relationships across the animal kingdom, but humans are the only species that are doing it exclusively for the recreation. Its various kinds of odd in a way.

When it comes to allowing animals to poop in our homes, “theres” two species that are more popular than any other: dogs and felines. Most beings prefer puppies, but most people also considered that the plural of Oreo is Oreos”. In both specimen, theyre wrong; the plural of Oreo is, in fact, “Oreo”, and felines are objectively better than dogs when it comes to being domesticated pets. Before you break down my entrance with lamps and pitchforks, Id invite you to hear me out.

1. Cat are altogether less labor

First things first: I will admit that the life of a bird-dog proprietor is full of awesome activities. You can take your furry friend out for feet, play retrieve on the beach, or school him nifty tricks. My cat, on the other mitt, liked to cry at my space at six in the morning until I fed her, at which point she would fall asleep and reject me for most of the working day. It can be a major bummer if you’re looking for a companion to do recreation trash with all the time, but as somebody with a more relaxed life, I’m reasonably happy to have an animal that will( chiefly) gives people cavity. I spend most of my weekends going out until the wee hours of the morning, and the last event I need in my life is to have to wake up early on a cold December morning with a hangover so I can pick up fresh, steaming poo, trying urgently not to upchuck. Cats aren’t going to bark frantically every time someone hoops my bell, they’re not going to eat my shoes or tear up my sofa, and if I tried to take my feline outside and stimulate her fetch a lodge for hours at a time, she’d look at me as if I was on dopes. She respects my time, and I respect hers. It’s a completely independent relationship.

2. Dogs give their love unconditionally, a cat’s cherish is gave

If youre a hound proprietor, youll possibly has been extremely used to your canine acquaintance accosting you with hundreds of thousands of pokes and furiously wagging posterior, as if he wasnt aware youd ever return( perhaps because he wasnt ). One of the sticks dog owners will beat cat fans with is the notion that your cat doesnt love you, or attend if “youre living” or croak. That categorically isnt true; cats adoration their humen even more than they cherish nutrient, and if youve got a “cat-o-nine-tail”, youll know theyre just as fond as any dog in their own lane. I find that it takes time and try before your feline obliges the decision to love you, and until youve proven yourself worthy of that ardour, a cat will consider you with the lethargy and defiance such a stranger deserves. Dogs are manic pellets of desiring tendernes, but there’s no animal better than a “cat-o-nine-tail” at uttering the feeling “you aint s ***, motherf *** er” until you demonstrate yourself worthwhile. A pup may plow every stranger with a high level of interest or excite, but a cat will bide its age, watch and celebrate, before opening its mettle to a human. To me, a cat’s charity simply intends more.

3. Feline are actually useful around the house

As you may already know, the common hound tumbled from the noble wolf, domesticated and multiplied over thousands of years to craft the perfect house baby. Cats, on the other handwriting, various kinds of only proved up one day and started chilling in people’s dwellings. Ancient DNA evidences cats pretty much domesticated themselves, and that’s in part due to the fact that the relationship between the bag of cats and people is naturally more symbiotic than that between bird-dogs and people, where there’s a clear hierarchy of ruler and topic. If you’ve ever come home to find a bird or squirrel carcass on your doorstep, you know that cats are moderately efficient hunters, and if you have a pest problem, they’re really useful for catching mice. I’m not sure I’m any better for having watched my “cat-o-nine-tail” catch a large moth, toy with it as it furiously tried to escape particular extinction, and eat it before vomiting it back up again, but it’s exactly an example of the subtle scout labour a feline gets through in the home( in between its 14 hours of sleep a era ). Yeah, I know that some dogs were multiplied for specific tasks like herding or fox hunting, but when was the last time you owned that many sheep?

4. Cats are generally more enjoyable to be around

A common misconception with cats and dogs is the idea that puppies are stupid, over-exuberant animals, while felines are cold, calculating executioners who could destroy you at any second. In world, “cat-o-nine-tails” are just as, if not more stupid, than your median hound. Bird-dogs are like that guy you knew at school who had mediocre points and spend all his time at the gym, but now passes a successful bodybuilding business. Cats, on the other mitt, can be like that university flatmate you had that seemed really smart or musing and was doing a really complicated route, but managed to spate the laundry room by trying to soak a duvet( spoiler alerting: I was that flatmate ). A cat will try to jump-start between kitchen bars, spectacularly underestimate the distance, fall to the field with a accident, slam and bang, and still has the fearlessnes to give you a stare that mentions: “what the f *** are you looking at? ” Watching a cat around the dwelling as it gets confused by waterbeds, DVD players or even cucumbers is a great way to pass the time, and there’s a good reason that YouTube is utterly full to the edge of feline videos. Hounds are lovely and fond and cuddly, but they’re not specially good at retaining me entertained.

5. They’re better for the environment

I’m going to be straight with you: owning any sort of domestic domesticated, especially one that eats flesh, is not particularly great for those of us who don’t is argued that climate change isa deceive developed by the Chinese. A 2009 book published by Robert and Brenda Vale, entitled( a little controversially) Occasion to Ingest the Dog? The Real Guide to Sustainable Living, talks about the massive ecological footprint a domestic companion racks up, calibrating the environmental damage in a component announced “global hectares”. A medium-sizeddog has the footprint of around 0.84 hectares, far more than the carbon footprint of a Toyota Land Cruiser( or the commonwealth of Vietnam ), while a cat’s footprint is comparable to that of aVolkswagen Golf, possibly because they’re a lot smaller. I signify, it’s not as as good as leading wholly pet-less, but I’m sure Mother Nature will thank me for electing feline over canine. Eventually.

6. They’re cheaper, extremely

When you take home your “cat-o-nine-tail” for the first time, there are some things you’ll need to pick up before. You need to get a collar, offspring container, food … but that’s good-for-nothing in comparison to a dog. First off, because dogs have often been much greater, you’ll have to dish out a lot of currency per month on hound food, but even the dogs of comparable lengths ingest a lot more of your hard-earned currency( and if they get emphasized enough, literally your billfold as well ). Spending money on leashes, grooming discipline class or even ridiculously expensive munch toys are actually leave you broke at the end of the month, while your feline is entertained by a scratching post, a couple of plaything mouse and whatever random cardboard casket you have lying around the house. They pretty much bridegroom themselves, very. The ASPCA even backs me up on this one: a study found that felines are room cheaper than your median hound, to the sing of up to $800 a year.

7. Yes, felines are kind of yanks … but that’s why they’re awesome

I’ve written this side-by-side compared to a lot of enjoy , not to mention anecdotes, but I’ve got to level with you here: my feline is an a ** gap. When she’s not riling me on purpose, waking me up at pornographic hours or invariably trying to knock me off balance while I tie lightbulbs, she’s purporting scratchings at me and climbing up on my plateful as I try to eat something. Here’s the thing, though: I enjoy her. Don’t get me wrong; bird-dogs are great, but even with the monstrous ones, I seem as if they’re mostly innocuous, and the idea of manhandling me never spans their memories. With my “cat-o-nine-tail”, I have no doubt that she’d to continue efforts to sever my carotid vein if I so much as look back her funny, and that’s the same reasons she’s enormous. Even when she’s dragging a dead fowl into my front room or looking instantly at me as she use her litter casket, I know that she could destroy me if she so desired, and that builds it additional sweetened when she doesn’t. I don’t know about you, but I think that most movie rogues would be jug to hang out with than the heroes; who’d want to get a brew with Luke Skywalker or Batman when you are able to chill with Darth Vader or the Joker? Sure, they’d maybe try to kill you, but should you come out alive, you won’t be able to say you didn’t have fun.

Well, there you have it, “cat-o-nine-tail” suitors and hound suitors. Of trend, to each their own, and I don’t visualize I’ll have altered all of you to cat admirers. I do hope, nonetheless, that some of you preparing the decision to get a “cat-o-nine-tail” or a pup will look at the entertainment-based, financial and environmental perk, and acquire the best choice. You’d be barking mad not to.

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apsbicepstraining · 7 years

Text

7 Grounds That Feline Are Way Superior to Bird-dog

1. Cat are altogether less labor

2. Dogs give their love unconditionally, a cat’s cherish is gave

3. Feline are actually useful around the house

4. Cats are generally more enjoyable to be around

5. They’re better for the environment

6. They’re cheaper, extremely

7. Yes, felines are kind of yanks … but that’s why they’re awesome

The post 7 Grounds That Feline Are Way Superior to Bird-dog appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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0 notes

apsbicepstraining · 7 years

Text

7 Grounds That Feline Are Way Superior to Bird-dog

1. Cat are altogether less labor

2. Dogs give their love unconditionally, a cat’s cherish is gave

3. Feline are actually useful around the house

4. Cats are generally more enjoyable to be around

5. They’re better for the environment

6. They’re cheaper, extremely

7. Yes, felines are kind of yanks … but that’s why they’re awesome

The post 7 Grounds That Feline Are Way Superior to Bird-dog appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2vaSTMS via IFTTT

#IFTTT #WordPress

0 notes