#but I also wanted to check in since it’s been a few months since my last fic update

[leveloneandup]

(Photo: Katelyn Mulcahy/Getty Images for Angel City FC)

Christen Press set to return to Angel City training

Christen Press is returning to Angel City FC training this week, the team announced on Monday. Press, who tore her ACL in June 2022, has had a lengthy rehabilitation process that included four surgeries. While she has been training individually for the past few months, her full return to the team’s training environment is set for Tuesday.

“My first day, I’ll do the warm up and the passing pattern with the team, but it will still be the first time I’ve done a legitimate passing pattern with a bunch of bodies on the field and checking angles, because it’s just been one-on-one training for two years,” Press told The Athletic on Monday. “We really are looking at — I got my first ACL surgery June 22 (2022), a week before that I tore my ACL — so really coming up on a two-year mark since the last time I played soccer, the last time I’ve been in team training. When I first told Angel City (about my return), I was thinking, let’s just keep it closed, let me come in on a day when no one’s going to be there and let’s just see how it is. Then I reversed, I changed my mind, because I was like, ‘Shoot, who knows how many milestones I have left to celebrate? Who knows what’s going to happen after this first team training?’ So if this is something we can all celebrate, let’s just go for it, because this journey has been really, really long.”

In January, Press spoke to The Athletic while still officially designated as having a season-ending injury. At that point, she did not have a firm timeline for her return, though she expected it to be at some point during the 2024 season.

“The first thing I need to do is get into training, but then I can get into games, then I can score goals, then I can have an outstanding season, then I can play on the national team again,” Press said. “I don’t have anything ruled out. But the most important thing for me right now is just the first step: getting back into training.”

With that first step now imminent, Angel City has not yet given an estimated return for Press in a NWSL match. The team is currently in 12th place in the standings through 11 matches played.

The timing also should prove a tough turn for Press to get herself into Olympics contention with the USWNT. New USWNT head coach Emma Hayes is expected to name the 18-player roster by the end of the month ahead of the final two send-off matches in July, but considering the depth of the forward pool and Press’ absence for two years, a return to the USWNT is far more likely to be a long-term goal.

“If you’re looking from a nine month perspective, I’m already past that right,” Press added on Monday. “A 9-12 month ACL perspective is not too far off, if we just look at my last surgery. But for whatever reason, I never really looked at the Olympics. With all the trauma of missing the World Cup, then watching the World Cup, then doing the show for the World Cup, I was like, I can’t do this again with the Olympics, because no matter how chill or zen I seem when I talk about it, there’s no way your mind can’t start doing the math, right? There’s no way. I’m like, ‘Oh, I’m not like every other athlete, I can handle this.’ Then I’ll catch myself in the middle of the night counting how many weeks I have left. You can’t stop that. You can’t stop the dreaming, and you want that. That’s part of it, but it’s also the torturous part of it, and the balance of trying to believe you can do something incredible hard and the balance of not getting too excited.”

#christen press #angel city fc #cp recovery #article

[yumeka-sxf]

I would have included this scan with my recent miscellaneous collab scans post, but I decided it deserves its own post, not just because it's one of the loveliest official Twiyor illustrations I've seen, but also because the story of how I got it is...interesting 😅

This image is from the chara fine graph (which is basically a framed picture) that was included as a preorder bonus for buying the complete season 2 blu-ray set from a shop called Rakuten Books (together with badge pins of the same designs). I briefly mentioned it back in October of last year when season 2 was airing, along with preoder bonuses from other shops like Animate and Amazon. I only wanted to get this one though, so as per my usual process of trying to secure rare SxF goods, I made a note to myself to keep an eye out for when it released. Rakuten, which I believe is the main company for Rakuten Books, has their own proxy buying service, and as the season 2 blu-rays were released, I saw them appearing there. But as noted on their main site, the condition for them to send you the chara fine graph is that you must preorder all of the three season 2 blu-ray discs from them. Once you buy the third one, if they know that you've already bought the others, then they'll send you the preorder bonuses along with it.

I was concerned that if I bought the discs via proxy, they wouldn't know that I bought all three and would cancel my order at the end! I would be devastated if that happened after waiting months and spending all that money on the complete set. I knew people would sell the chara fine graph second-hand as soon as it released, so I decided to wait until then and try to find it on Mercari.

So the months went by and eventually I found out that the final blu-ray volume of season 2 would release on April 17th, 2024. I made a mental note to check Mercari for it then, but unfortunately something else released around that same time...CODE: White in the US, which had its first screening on April 18th. Admittingly, I got distracted by the CODE: White release and had seen it twice by the following weekend. I did do some preliminary searching for the chara fine graph, but not with my usual refined search terms. It wasn't until the 21st that I finally sat down and really started searching for it. And while I did find a few listings, they had already been sold.

I was hopeful that more people would sell it, since it had only been less than a week since release. But I guess I underestimated how popular this chara fine graph was because, after the initial five listings I saw that were sold within the span of a few days, none appeared after. I had, like, ten Mercari tabs open on my browser with different search terms that I refreshed many times a day, but nothing was showing up. I would groan whenever I'd see the preorder bonuses for the other shops like Animate and Amazon pop up, but not Rakuten Books. I did finally see one new listing of someone selling just the badge pins, but that was sold within a few minutes, which made me even more nervous. I would also be nervous getting up in the morning since I didn't want to see that a new listing was posted and sold while I was sleeping! Thankfully I work from home so it wasn't too much of an inconvenience for me to refresh the Mercari tabs on my personal computer whenever I had a minute. But as the days went by and I didn't see any new listings, I started getting mad at myself that if I had only started seriously searching for it right on release day, I would have had at least five chances to get it and could have saved myself this hassle. I even sent a message to Rakuten Books via their online form, asking (in Japanese) if they could somehow sell it to me and ship internationally, etc. But their response was pretty much what I expected...a polite "no."

But then, on the evening of May 4th, I found a new listing and immediately bought it! What should have been a red flag though is that the person was selling it for $30 (with the badge pins included), while everyone else had been selling it from around $80-$100. The title they gave to the item was weird too; they simply called it "Spy Family" instead of "Spy Family Chara Fine Graph" or "Spy Family Rakuten Books Bonus" or something descriptive like that. But the seller had a decent rating so I didn't think there was a problem. After I got the email from Buyee (my proxy service) that they successfully bought the item, I thought I was all set. I closed out all my search tabs and went to bed feeling satisfied.

However, when I got up the next morning, my heart sank when I saw that about an hour after I had gone to bed, Buyee sent me another email saying that they refunded and cancelled my order! The reason they gave was "due to the convenience of the seller" 😫

But what was most frustrating about this is that, when I checked the searches again, I saw that the same seller had relisted the item, with a higher price and more descriptive title, and it had been sold already. What probably happened is that the seller realized they made a mistake with the title and price of the listing and wanted to change it, which Mercari apparently allows them to do even after it had already been sold and paid for!

I was furious with Mercari for allowing this. The least they could do in a situation like this is give the original buyer, like, one day to buy the item again with the increased price before the seller is allowed to relist it again. I wanted to write to the seller and/or Mercari, but I wasn't able to make a Mercari account since it's restricted to Japan. I was also internally yelling at myself that if I had just started searching for it within a day or two of release instead of procrastinating, I could have avoided all this. So it was back to square one, but I wasn't going to give up! I opened up more search tabs with even more refined search terms. I also expanded to other proxy-supported shops like Surugaya and Yahoo Japan Auction. I even got my mom to help me, since she's often up in the middle of the night and can check in case anything is listed during that time while I'm asleep. I downloaded the Buyee app too so I could check listings even if I was away from my computer. With all this, I was hopeful I'd be able to buy it again, though it was more of a question of "when" than "if." With second-hand collectibles, you never know when they could pop up...I could find a new listing the next day, or not for a year or two. But I just kept up the searching, and finally, after another month went by, on June 3rd (June 4th in Japan, so technically Twiyor day 😁) I finally found it again...on Yahoo Japan Auction of all places!

I had never bought via auction before so I was a bit nervous I'd get outbid or something. But I immediately clicked the "pay buyout price option" (which was only a few dollars more than the original price) and, thankfully, a short while later Buyee informed me that I successfully won the auction! But after what happened before, I was still paranoid that it could get canceled for whatever reason. But that didn't happen, and after waiting for shipping, it finally came~

I always like to add a "lessons learned" in these situations, so I'd say the lesson here is don't be blasé or procrastinate when it comes to something you really want. And of course, being persistent pays off more than not!

#spy x family #sxf #spy family #spyxfamily #twiyor #loid forger #yor forger #sxf merch

[sturnioloisland]

Happier | M.S.

Hello everyone :) this is very much my first time posting on tumblr, and I quite literally have no clue what I am doing.

I’m also making this post from my phone, so if it’s messed up just ignore it. Let me know if y’all like this or hate it. Either one is fine.

Pairing: Matt x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None

A/N: I posted something similar to this on ao3 many a years ago when I was part of a different fandom.

Matt walked down the sidewalk heading towards his favorite coffee shop he used to frequently visit. Within the last month, he seemed to be living in a constant nightmare. He’d wake up everyday alone without her body next to him. He no longer got to see that warm and beautiful smile first thing when he woke up.

Every night was a battle to fall asleep and every morning was a struggle to get out of bed. He regretted his decision, and if he could take back everything he said, he would in a heartbeat. It was just a stupid fight because of his own insecurities. 

Matt remembers the look on her face after he spewed those hateful words. He remembers the tears in her eyes when he said he didn’t love her anymore. He didn’t mean to say it, but he did, and he struggles living with the consequences of his words.

The cold wind nipped at his nose as he approached the coffee shop. It had been a while since Matt had been there. This was the place where they had their first few dates. Melancholy was set deep in his heart, and he couldn’t shake that feeling away. What he would do to go back in time and change the happenings of that night.

He finally reached the shop and quickly entered, the warmth inside immediately thawing his shivering limbs. Matt was always cold, but the girl he once loved - still loved - was always warm, and Matt used to always melt into her embrace.

The line was rather short with only a few people in front of him. Matt already had his order in mind. It was the same thing he got every time. Soon enough he reached the register, immediately recognizing the barista as someone who used to work all the time when he came in with her.

“Hey,” He said with a warm smile, “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you in here. You used to come in all the time.”

Matt smiled timidly and gazed down at his feet. “Yeah, yeah it has been a while, but I plan on coming back more. I sure do miss the muffins you guys sell here.” 

The barista chuckled, “So I take it that you’ll be having your usual order then?”

Matt nodded.

“Okay, I’ll get right to it. It was good to see you again. You disappeared for a few months, so I hope you’re doing well.”

Matt once again flashed him a fake smile, “It was good to see you too.” He finished paying for his order and stepped to the side - secretly grateful he wasn’t asked about why he was there without her.

He messed around on his phone looking through messages from friends who were still checking up on him. He felt guilty for never responding to them, but he didn’t know how. All of them asked how he was or if he was okay or even if he needed anything from them. The one thing he wanted was something that they couldn’t give him.

He scrolled through his camera roll looking at old pictures, the guilt slowly creeping back into him as he looked at the old photos he never bothered to delete. Matt felt that familiar burning sensation behind his eyes and quickly closed the camera roll on his phone. He wouldn’t cry in public. No, he wouldn’t cry at all. He’s done too much of that.

“Matt?” A barista called out as his order was finished. He walked to the counter, grabbed his coffee and warm muffin and thanked the barista before turning to head out, pausing only to grab a few napkins.

On the way out, he saw a familiar head of hair that was styled in a way that he remembered seeing it. He stopped dead in his tracks as he came to realize who it was. The girl whose heart he shattered into a million pieces was standing in line just about four feet away from him. 

She looked as beautiful as San remembered her being. Her beautiful eyes, the small mole under them, her hair, and most importantly her smile. She was smiling brightly, and Matt felt the glass around his heart shatter because she wasn’t alone. No, she was holding hands with another man. A man that wasn’t him.

Matt was staring and he was sure the girl felt his eyes burning into her, for when the latter turned her head to face Matt, that enchanting smile faltered. They both stared at each other, both in disbelief of seeing the other. It was she who broke the silence between them.

“Hi Matt.” Her tone was bitter, and Matt didn’t blame her at all. He broke her heart into a million pieces and left verbal wounds that he knew he could never take back no matter how much he wanted to. He broke the girl’s heart, and Matt was in disbelief that she even acknowledged him.

He hesitated. He hadn’t said her name in so long, and he was trying not to choke on his words. It was a name he used to say full of love and passion. A name that was now just reduced to a memory of something good he once had, something good that he ruined. “Hi y/n.”

A/n again: sorry if this sucks. It was quite literally the one and only thing I have ever written.

#matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo imagine #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo blurb #matt sturniolo angst #nick sturniolo #matt sturniolo drabble

[spidergirl-fibula]

listening to any music lately?

Trans women yelling at me, mainly

#actual answer Femtanyl has been on loop since like august #a lot of Changeline & Issabrokie & Machine Girl too since their stuff is pretty easy to listen to casually and they have. so much. #ive been listening to some of the stuff i see recommended here which has creates a nice variety #i saved some in a playlist including Zand; lustsickpuppy; Goblin Daycare; My Dead Girlfriend; TWINK OBLITERATOR; and Ada Rook #but generally i default to hip-hop or anything loud or both #i finally started listening to MF Doom recently #and ill listen to anything on youtube recommended that looks interesting (usually that means uhh conventionally bad or ugly if ur boring) #oh shit and most recently ive been listening to dungeon synth cause i started a Rune game and wanted music that wasnt just dark souls #i think Poppet was one i found on a rec post here #oh and i recently decided to check the wayback machine for Isserley because i found her music in october and then she mustve wiped out all #of her social media presence in the next few months so anyway im glad i found that again #oh and also Youth The Rich and also Food House and also Newgrounds Death Rugby and also Yameii Online and als #why did i say all that. sorry. uhh yeah i dont really listen to much music #music

[steviescrystals]

SO fucking sick of my nose piercing being infected for no reason literally what am i doing wrong!!!

#first of all it’s not a new piercing i’ve had it since 2021 #and it healed PERFECTLY like zero swelling zero blood nothing besides the tiniest bit of redness for like 2 days #so i had a stud in for 2 years with absolutely no issues and then like 6 months ago i switched it out for a ring #didn’t have any issues with that either for the first couple months then i got lazy with cleaning it and it got lowkey swollen and gross #so i went to my piercer for a check in and he said it was totally fine i just needed to be better about cleaning it regularly #and he was right it was back to normal within a few days so i’ve kept up with the cleaning ever since #(and i know cleaning it TOO much can also cause problems but i don’t think i am i’m just following his instructions) #anyway it randomly got way more swollen and disgusting like 2 weeks ago out of nowhere #tmi but it started leaking pus 🤢 so i was like okay this shits infected #but my piercing place is like 30 minutes away and i didn’t want to drive all the way there over potentially nothing like last time #so i’ve been putting neosporin on it a couple times a day which helped a ton for the first few days #and now it’s suddenly just all over the place like one day it’ll almost look back to normal and the next it’s swelled way up again #ALSO i got the other side of my nose pierced the same day i got the ring and i have a stud on that side and it’s been completely fine #just like this one was when i had a stud in it so it’s literally the ring but WHY #i bought both studs and the ring at my piercing place and they’re all the same kind of metal #i can’t remember if it’s steel or titanium but it’s surgical grade aka the same kind as when you get a screw in your leg for example #so it’s high quality and it’s designed to be in the body so it’s less likely to get rejected #SO WHAT IS THE PROBLEM SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME #lj.txt

[darlingpoppet]

Writing Updates!!

For anyone who doesn’t follow me on Twitter (or if my posts haven’t been showing up on your tl recently lol) here’s some updates on what I’ve been up to for the past month or so!

First off, I participated in NaNoWriMo again this year and I won with 50,345 words!

About 14k went to a new pza oneshot WIP that can best be described as a modern AU mashup of the Iliad & the film The Dreamers and whose draft is about one-third of the way through now.

The other 36k went to the Where The Dead Forget manuscript, mostly drafting chapters 6, 7, 8, & 9 (chapter 7 ended up getting split into 7 and 8 in the process so now the whole thing is 22 chapters).

In my notes for chapter 5 on AO3, I said I would be publishing chapter 6 before November and then having chapter 7 done before the end of the year but I ended up letting myself take a break from writing in October so I could do reading & outlining while refilling my creative cups and I think that ended up being the correct choice!

So that just means I’m now gonna be editing and publishing WTDF ch 6 in December, and since the rough drafts for the next three chapters after that are near completion, I’m hoping the time between updates will be shorter for the time being. It actually seems rather efficient for me to write 3-4 chapter chunks at once so if I’m able to also edit & publish several chapters at a faster clip this way I might cycle between “writing months” and “editing months”.

My unpublished manuscript docs are now at 72k and if we add that to the almost 51k of WTDF I’ve already published, that puts it at 122k… rough estimate it’s about 50% complete. Soooo yeah it’s another one of THOSE fics that completely took on a life of its own and became a monstrosity LMAO. Hope no one minds! uwu

I’ll do my best to publish as much as I can in 2024… hopefully it’ll only take me another year to at least finish all the drafting.

Also one more: I’m participating in a Hades fandom gift exchange this year so after WTDF Ch 6 goes up, I’ll be focusing on writing one more Hadesgame fic with a deadline of mid January. I can’t say anything else, such as what it’s about or even which character(s) and/or ship(s) are involved without possibly giving away the game but trust me I was really excited & honored to receive my giftee and I was immediately inspired (I wrote 1k already!) I hope they’ll like it ;3;

So TL;DR:

WTDF Ch 6 sometime in December (the title is Guilt btw)

Gift Exchange Hades fic in January

The Dreamers-inspired modern AU Iliad PZA fic… sometime. Spring might be nice, let’s shoot for spring (also btw the working title is Liminal Spaces)

WTDF chapters 7-9 as soon as they’re edited (working titles are currently Known, Glory, and Champion, although they still might change) TBD 2024!!

#emica chat #sorry if this post was boring I like to talk lol #but I also wanted to check in since it’s been a few months since my last fic update #hopefully after Ch 6 goes up I can also make some reading & writing year-end wrap-up posts #my fic #where the dead forget

[bunnyb34r]

I need to get another crab or two for Gurkle since it doesnt look like Scupa made it through his molt (it's been over a month... im scared to sift through the substrate for his remains/shell) but I dont wanna feed the crab trade and my adhd/depression are like no ❤️ and my anxiety is like GURKLE NEEDS FRIENDS

Even though he never really was a sociable crab like from the start sggdgdgd i mean he broke out of his tank twice the first week I had him and when he was in the tank with Scupa and Speedy he was like AHHHHHHHHHHHH DONT LOOK AT MEE! 😬

So idk man I can't get anyone new til I find scupa('s shell) bc if he is alive/his remains are down there I don't want the new ones eating him... and then I gotta add new substrate and augh it's just so much shit

#and i cant bring myself to check the tank no matter how hard i try im like fuck i dont wanna do this #i dont want to confirm it i dont want to see his remains if theyre there and if theyre not then Gurkle was The Killer #bc uh speedy was cannibalized 😬 bc i was afraid to look and thought he was taking a long molt... #im gonna miss him a lot he was my favorite 😭 when im sure sure he's gone im gonna make a post of my fav #pics of him bc i have a lot and i did that with the speedster when i was sure sure 😔 i dont wanna #im so tired of grieving man like that makes 10 loved ones gone in 4 years like fuck man #i know that seven is a great age for hermit crabs since most in captivity are in such shit conditions they #only live months and that this shows my love and care for them but i miss them so much i have dreams ab speedy a lot :'') #anyway Speedy was 6 when he passed and Scupa is/was 7 and 1/2 #i remember telling my dr ab how old they were a few months ago and she was like what the fuck?? #theyve been recorded to make it to 30 in captivity... i was hoping maybe the party boys could be some of em #marquilla #the party boys #i feel like so much anxiety that i need to get gurkle friends so he's not lonely but also anxiety ab buying crabs #bc theyre essentially stolen from beaches and thats fucked up but like do i let gurkle be solo?? do i give in? idk man #and we keep talking ab getting another kitty so ours isnt lonely since her sister passed a few months back but #every time we ask her she starts twitching sggdgdgdgd which she does when shes upset so we take that as a no #shes like no new kitty. only friend. #they werent close in the slightest wgdggdgdgd but still they spent the past 14 years together so thats hard

[carfuckerlynch]

.

#didn’t really clock how much my inability to allow myself to experience or express negative emotions is like. ruining my life. #i joke about it sometimes but it feels a little telling that except for the first few days after it happened i didn’t actually cry about #my boyfriend going radio silent for three weeks and then dumping me out of nowhere after saying that all of those things were things he #didn’t want. and then when we were talking it out after and i expressed that i was pretty blindsided by that. whole thing. and that it #sucked to not have any information for the last several weeks of our relationship. he just never responded. #<- other than the few days after the breakup i wasn’t able to cry about all that until. checks watch. saturday. like last saturday #almost three months later #and like. not allowing myself to exist in silence. i couldn’t listen to music for like a month after that. maybe more. i still kind of can’t #i mostly listen to podcasts and audiobooks or play youtube videos #my dreams haven’t been this bad since high school #odhran.txt #anyway. sorry about ^ all that. but also this is my house

[etherealperrie]

.

#girlies someone talk me out of messaging my ex!!!! #he's messaging me but still like i wanna reply & engage in casual convo with him bc i wanna know what he's up to but also like... #i can't be casual with him & i just want him to step up and say if he wants to see me again #bc this like checking in every few months is not good lol #it would be easier if i was actually interested in someone else right now but i literally haven't been on a good date since him #shannon muses #ugh

[rubberbandballqueen]

on one hand, i know it's bc adhd --> manage finances/do bookkeeping like onc every 3-6 months that like half the time when i go to pay a chunk of change to charity, the bank flags it as suspicious activity and makes me confirm that yes i am trying to spend That Much Money all at once on donations, now let it go through.

on the other hand, like. this has been a pattern since i got a job in 2022. [redacted banking institution] you should know by now that this just happens and will likely Continue to happen for as long as i receive paychecks

#in other news. guess who finally did their proper bookkeeping for the first time since August. #like i tracked a few things here n there in the months since but i didn't maintain my Spreadsheet(tm) #mostly i did it just now bc my mom Reminded Me To lol. and also bc i saw these cute pins i wanted to buy #but these two tabs for buying esims in gaza have been staring at me for um. months! #n so i wanted to donate first so that i could check how much money i'll have left for my trip at the end of the month #the worm speaks #sometimes i think abt how much money 10% of one's income is to donate. like in THIS economy?? but also i'm used to it now #and i live w/my parents so it's Fiiiine i don't have many expenses

[daydreamycrustacean]

was feeling neutral abt the doctor who 60th anniversary specials but nvm not anymore bc wild blue yonder.....there are no words...

#i love doctor who!!! i love silly sci-fi that can also be scary and emotional!!! #seeing wilf made me tear up even though its been just a month and a few weeks since i first saw the end of time #argh also. This Is Gallifrey playing when the doctor is talking abt where the tardis might have gone...she is all he has... #girls when they hear and recognize a leimotif (me constantly with doctor who bc they do it a lot) #also update on where i am currently in doctor who: I started the capaldi era with my family. #my dad (who doesnt know anything abt doctor who) was like hey do you want to watch this #and i was like sure i really wanted to check out 12´s run (more than 11´s) only watched ep1 so I don't have an opinion yet

[musical-0wl]

/ (if you know me in person, read at your own risk)

#im just #oh so tired #over the past few years ive come more into myself #but as part of that. this house im living in is no longer mine #and now one of my most dysphoric activities is on display for the whole house #everytime i sleep at my most comfortable (naked) i am at risk of being exposed to my youngest sibling because my door will randomly get #opened to let the dog in #and im developing new dysphorias (yay) after the only informed consent GP has closed their books due to massive influx #and im still not sure if i want to look into that as an option but its struggljng to get out and i cant let it in this place that is notmine #i live in the room of someone who is not me #and part of that is i have not unpacked since moving house months ago #ready for the next one? im so tired of feeling temporary in peoples lives. and thats on me. but i feel if i just walk away and start again #one or two people might look for me. but also they might just assume i need space. ive had space. 18 years of it. #i sometimes feel like im just around to help others heal. im so lonely and isolated. #if i dont maintain the converstation 24/7 they will never message me first #if i take a break everyone will drift away. no one checks on me rabdomly. no one will show up at my door randomly. or invite me specifically #the last week ive been listening to self love off the spiderverse soundtrack on repeat. i feel like a drifter #a permanent hermit #(also with the transition stuff im caught in a bunch of unknowns. there are some things about my body i love. but more and more that keep #popping up that never were a problem before) #im just so #caught in the middle of everything #hiding parts of me away #i want to learn how to write music but now is never the right time in my life yknow?

[duuhrayliegh]

consequences

a/n: I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THIS CAME FROM BUT HERE YOU GO

also i'm more than happy to continue this if yall want more, just LET ME KNOW

other works

“You want to what?"

"To open our relationship."

You stare at him in disbelief, clutching the soft blanket in your hands. There's a sharp ringing sounding through your eardrums and everything around you slows. He keeps talking, his voice breaking through the barrier of fog that encompasses your senses.

"I want us to remain honest with each other, but this is the only way to keep our relationship healthy."

He steps away from the kitchen counter, wearing the sports jacket you bought him for your sister's wedding.

"I want the both of us to disclose when we start dating someone else. That's the main boundary, we can hammer out all the ground rules later. Right now, I'm going on a date, so uh," he pauses as he checks his reflection in the mirror beside the door one last time, "don't wait up."

You try to focus on his words, but no matter your efforts you weren't able to process anything. His keys jangle in his grip and you faintly recognize the sound of the door slamming closed and his footsteps echoing down the empty corridor of your apartment.

"I still can't believe he said that to you."

The singular ice ball hits against the sides of your glass with each tilt of your wrist. You take a long drag of the dark liquor before laughing sardonically.

"It's been six months of him parading his dates around." Another sip, your work skirt digs into your thighs painfully. You distract yourself by reaching for a peanut from the nearly empty bowl. "And what's worse is that he still expects me to be the doting wife that he comes home to every night!"

The bartender refills your glass while you sneak another peanut. You card your fingers through your hair as you continue to rant. A dull throb radiates in between your brows so your eyes slide closed as you take deep breaths.

"Well, I can't imagine you're doing so bad yourself."

You hum questioningly at the man, focusing your gaze on the dark-haired bartender, his stubble dusting his sharp jaw as the muscles work beneath the skin. His eyes haven't left you since you sat down in front of him.

"I see you in here." You begin to pick at the skin around your nails and he nudges a bowl of peanuts in your direction. "Men come up to you all the time. You've been on dates too, right?"

You reach for a peanut and crack open the grainy shell, biting the inside of your cheek. Your bartender laughs incredulously and then presses his hands into his side of the counter to lean over toward you. The cloth he tosses over his shoulder must be damp because the fabric of his white button-up is darkened there.

"Focus on me, Peanut."

Your eyes snap to his, unable to keep the overflow of expression from brimming beneath the surface. Your heart cracks further as he visibly softens, crumpling against the counter to cover your hand with his. A tense silence stretches between the two of you, charging the air with unwelcome emotions.

Your bartender’s spare hand cups your jaw and swipes away the glistening tears fleeing down your cheeks. Sniffling loudly while straightening in your seat, you pull away from his touch—effectively stopping yourself from melting into him.

You’ve worked so hard to make this shitty dive bar your safe place, you’ll be damned if you ruin it with a fling.

“I don’t even know why I’m wasting tears on this whole thing.” You take three deep breaths—whiskey and apples invade your senses. The man in front of you tilts his head to the side while drying a few crystal glasses.

“You’re avoiding my question, Peanut.” He turns briefly and you try to figure a way out as the cups clink softly. “You have been dating too, right?”

Your teeth trap your bottom lip, peeling off the thin layers of skin. You purposely avoid his eyes, doing less than nothing to hide your answer.

“Jesus, Peanut. What’s stopping you?”

You huff, focusing your attention on the patrons around you. There’s noticeably less than there were when you first arrived. The bar guests go about their business, underlying emotions kept close to their chest and out of sight to everyone else. You wish you could be that way, instead of sewing your heart to your sleeve for anyone to rip pieces from.

“I--" You hesitate, twirling your glass, watching as the ice fights to keep up with the sudden movements you force on its surroundings.

"Some small part of me still loves him. No matter how much he hurts me with this whole open relationship bullshit. I'm still thinking that one day he'll wake up and remember that I've been his loving wife and partner for the past six years. This can't be my new reality. It just can't. He's meant to be my partner for life, not my partner who has really good friends. Not my partner with a girlfriend or some fuck buddy across town."

This is the can of worms that you'd hoped to keep locked away from the Commando's dive bar. What you've held close to your chest every night you slink past the blonde bouncer, Steve. The information you never let slip to the six-foot-five bartender with the metal arm. And now, you can't seem to stop the words from leaving your mouth.

"He's supposed to be my husband. Why isn't he my husband? Is it me? He said that we would talk about what the reason was, but I can't get him to sit down with me. I can't even get him to reply to a text, much less answer questions about our relationship."

You spit the last word before downing the rest of your drink in one go. Bucky stands patiently as you let loose every emotion that you've bottled up for the past six years. Further in the bar, someone shouts for the last call.

"Why don't I date? Because I love him. Because outside of him, I don't know who I am. I don't date because I've been with the same man for almost a decade and I wouldn't even know where to begin. I can't see past where I'm at right now. There is no future for me outside of the hell that I find myself in now. I can't date because I want to be there for when my husband remembers that I exist. I want to be there for him like he wasn't for me because I know the novelty of his flings will wear off soon enough. And maybe that makes me worse than him, but I don't know if I have the energy to care anymore."

There's now a heavy silence covering you and your whole body slumps because of it. Despite feeling the biggest breath of relief of getting those emotions out in the open, you now have to deal with what they mean. You were always taught that saying your emotions out loud would only lead to more issues, but here you fucking are. Sometimes these things are unavoidable.

"I call bullshit."

Your jaw drops as your bartender rocks away from the counter. You flounder as he starts performing closing duties. You stare at Bucky's back, slightly distracted by the muscles working underneath the tight material.

"Did you just bullshit my feelings?"

Bucky turns halfway, eyebrows raised, "Yep."

Your bartender plucks the glass in front of you and drops it in the sink on his way to the cash register. If you were in a whole state, you'd smack back with a witty comment, but you're tired.

"You can't bullshit my feelings."

He holds a stack of twenties in one hand and he pins you with the same expression as before.

"Uh, yeah I can."

He continues to count the register and tosses a goodbye to the other bartender. A long lull stretches between you. Now it's just the two of you in the bar, and that must have been what he was waiting on because it's only now that he really talks.

"Peanut, how long have you been coming here?"

You furrow your brow at the question, not sure where he's taking his line of questioning.

"I don't know, four months?"

“Four months, twenty days."

Bucky's retort is quick and final. A fact. Something he's committed to memory. You're taken aback by the heavy tone he layers between the syllables.

"And for those four months and twenty days, I've stood behind this counter and watched you wallow. I've watched you turn down proposition after proposition. I've had Steve throw out dozens of men for how they speak about you. I've sat back and tried to be the listening ear that you need because you're clearly going through a really difficult time. I've never been in the position that you're in and I'm not going to pretend that I understand the half of it."

He slams the drawer closed and rounds the countertop. His boots thud against the floor violently, stopping beside the barstool next to you. Your bartender leans down and swings your stool to face his before taking a seat.

"I've stood behind that bar and was able to listen to quite a bit. But what I can't have is you thinking that you're the issue."

His hand slips into yours, his thumb tracing the knuckles of your fingers. Tears begin to brim at your waterline again, but you refuse to let them fall.

"Peanut, you're the most loyal person I've met in recent years. You love fiercely and you hurt even harder. Hell, you've been with this guy for almost ten years and he's been fucking you over for the past six months and you're sitting in this bar defending him to a relative stranger!"

"But he--"

"You're husband took the decision away from you and then framed it in a way that made you out to be the bad guy. He put you in a nearly impossible situation because he knew you were too loyal to him to do anything about it."

"He didn--"

"Yes, he did."

Having it laid out like that by the one person you wanted to be kept away from all of it was eye-opening. Your shoulders crumple and a new wave of tears threatens to escape.

"Now, this isn't the best time, but I feel like in a situation like yours there's never going to be a 'right' time."

Bucky sits up straighter and sticks his metal hand out to you.

"Hi. I'm Bucky Barnes. I'm a retired Army Sergeant and I now work in the Howling Commandos bar. I've been your bartender for the past four months and twenty days. Over that time, I've grown to care for you, more than a bartender should. Because of that fact, I want to take you out on a date."

You suck in a breath sharply, immediately going to deny him, only for Bucky to cut you off.

"You don't have to give me an answer right now, Peanut. Just think about it and whenever you're ready, I hope I'm your first call."

You chew on the inside of your cheek, gnawing on the idea. You have grown fond of Bucky. He's become a sort of safety net for you these past few months. Going home has proven to be more and more of a chore so you spend hours on end in the Howling Commandos.

What if you and Bucky go on a date and you hate it? What if you date and you have a huge falling out? What if you--

"I can see the wheels turning, Peanut." He taps your temple with a cold metal finger. "What are you thinking?"

"What if we end up not working out?"

"What if we do?"

The question hangs. The implication is clear. You could spend hours going through the what-if scenarios, both positive and negative. You'll never truly know until you take a leap of faith.

"What would your boss think of you dating one of your new regulars though?"

You're grasping at straws, but you're really trying to convince yourself that taking that leap with Bucky would be the worst thing in the world.

"Peanut, I'll sell the damn bar before someone other than you tells me that I can't date you."

Your eyes meet his and all you can see is the adoration and sincerity in them. His thumb is still working over your knuckles, but it's also expanded to tracing aimless circles into the back of your hand. The cool metal is the only way you've grounded yourself to reality.

A slow smile spreads across your features, the first of its kind tonight and you both know what it means.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bartender!bucky #bartender!bucky x reader #bartender!bucky barnes x reader #seb stan #sebastian stan #sebastian stan character #seb stan character #seb stan x reader #sebastian stan x reader #bartender!bucky x you #bartender!bucky x peanut!reader

[art]

Creator Spotlight: @mimimar

Hi! I’m Michelle (Mimimar), an illustrator born and raised in Venezuela, currently based in Italy. I enjoy making colorful illustrations that reflect the things I love: fairy tales, fantasy, tenderness and queer (especially sapphic) stories. Occasionally, I also make paper dolls, comics and animatics. I have a lot of interest in book illustration and I’m currently developing my own stories that I hope to share as an author-illustrator someday!

Check out our interview with Michelle below!

Did you originally have a background in art? If not, how did you start?

I always enjoyed drawing when I was a kid, but it only became a hobby that I did almost every day when I was around 11. At first I only used traditional mediums, but I decided to make a serious effort to learn how to draw digitally when I was 15, and once I got the hang of it I never stopped!

I didn’t go to art school so all of my learning was done through studying the tutorials and resources that other artists generously share on the internet and lots of practice / trial and error.

How do you want to evolve as a creator?

I want to do many things but what I want to do the most right now is work on books! I want to make art for other authors’ stories and also my own stories as an author-illustrator. I want to grow as a storyteller and create art and stories that will really resonate with people emotionally. I’m always striving to improve my skills as well.

I also really love dolls, so working on doll box art or as a doll designer is something I would love to do someday. I actually have been designing paper dolls on my Patreon for the past few months, it’s been a fun project that is still ongoing right now!

What is one habit you find yourself doing a lot as an artist?

Probably using a lot of purple! It’s my favorite color so I find myself using it a lot. If I can find a way to sneak a little bit of purple into an illustration or a character design then I will.

Congratulations on finishing your Ivy Comic! Did the outcome turn out like how you expected or were there some unexpected bumps along the way?

Thank you! It’s a project that I worked on very slowly in between other art because I wanted to really take my time with every spread and make each of them a fully detailed illustration. I thumbnailed the full comic before starting but I kept changing the sketch for the final spread until the very end! Overall I’m really proud of the end result. I sprinkled a lot of hidden details in every page that I hope some of the readers will notice. For example: the meanings of the flowers in each page represent what the characters are feeling in that moment, and the colors of their wardrobe become gradually lighter as the story progresses to represent their emotions, as well as the changing of seasons.

We’ve noticed that you have created some amazing cover art for TGCF. Is there another series you would like to do something similar with? 

That was another passion project that took some time to complete. Initially, I didn’t intend for them to be specifically covers, it was just a series of illustrations based on the 5 books/main arcs of TGCF. But since they were well-received and I had people telling me they wish they could use them as covers for their books, I decided to rework them into dust jackets for the english translation of TGCF!

I haven’t thought of any other specific series but I love doing cover art so maybe I’ll do something similar again in the future!

What’s your favorite part of your style? Why?

I’ve heard from other people that there’s a delicate quality to my art, this is something that I like a lot! I like pretty things, fairytales and vibrant colors. I think all of these things probably reflect in the art I make as well.

If there is one thing you want your audience to remember about your work, what would it be?

I hope that they remember how it made them feel. Feelings and colors are the two things I give priority to in my work. Most of the time I like depicting tenderness, softness and emotional intimacy. If that could reach the viewer and stay with them it would make me very happy. 

I make a lot of art with queer (mainly sapphic) themes because they’re the kind of stories I personally like and want to see more of, so whenever people tell me that my art has helped them in their journey to discover and accept themselves, or that they see themselves and their partner in my art, it is always extremely meaningful to me. When art that I made to give myself comfort can provide comfort for others, no matter how small, it reminds me once again that despite any hardships art is genuinely worth pursuing.

Who on Tumblr inspires you and why?

So many artists! To name a few:  I love @sakizo’s amazing eye for fashion and detail,  @paneeps’ gorgeous style and striking colors,  the sweetness of @bevsi’s art,  @vickisigh’s pretty colors and concepts,  @idledee’s warm and heartfelt art,  @littlestpersimmon’s dreamy wonderful art,  and @loish has been an inspiration for as long as I can remember.

Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing, Michelle! Be sure to check out their Tumblr blog over at @mimimar.

#creator spotlight #artists on tumblr #tgcf #ivy comic #mimimar

[were--ralph]

why exactly do you dislike generative art so much? i know its been misused by some folks, but like, why blame a tool because it gets used by shitty people? Why not just... blame the people who are shitty? I mean this in genuinely good faith, you seem like a pretty nice guy normally, but i guess it just makes me confused how... severe? your reactions are sometimes to it. There's a lot of nuance to conversation about it, and by folks a lot smarter than I (I suggest checking out the Are We Art Yet or "AWAY" group! They've got a lot on their page about the ethical use of Image generation software by individuals, and it really helped explain some things I was confused about). I know on my end, it made me think about why I personally was so reactive about Who was allowed to make art and How/Why. Again, all this in good faith, and I'm not asking you to like, Explain yourself or anything- If you just read this and decide to delete it instead of answering, all good! I just hope maybe you'll look into *why* some people advocate for generative software as strongly as they do, and listen to what they have to say about things -🦜

if Ai genuinely generated its own content I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it, however what Ai currently does is scrape other people's art, collect it, and then build something based off of others stolen works without crediting them. It's like. stealing other peoples art, mashing it together, then saying "this is mine i can not only profit of it but i can use it to cut costs in other industries.

this is more evident by people not "making" art but instead using prompts. Its like going to McDonalds and saying "Burger. Big, Juicy, etc, etc" then instead of a worker making the burger it uses an algorithm to build a burger based off of several restaurant's recepies.

example

the left is AI art, the right is one of the artists (Lindong) who it pulled the art style from. it's literally mass producing someone's artstyle by taking their art then using an algorithm to rebuild it in any context. this is even more apparent when you see ai art also tries to recreate artists watermarks and generally blends them together making it unintelligible.

Aside from that theres a lot of other ethical problems with it including generating pretty awful content, including but not limited to cp. It also uses a lot of processing power and apparently water? I haven't caught up on the newer developements i've been depressed about it tbh

Then aside from those, studios are leaning towards Ai generation to replace having to pay people. I've seen professional voice actors complain on twitter that they haven't gotten as much work since ai voice generation started, artists are being cut down and replaced by ai art then having the remaining artists fix any errors in the ai art.

Even beyond those things are the potential for misinformation. Here's an experiment: Which of these two are ai generated?

ready?

These two are both entirely ai generated. I have no idea if they're real people, but in a few months you could ai generate a Biden sex scandal, you could generate politics in whatever situation you want, you can generate popular streamers nude, whatever. and worse yet is ai generated video is already being developed and it doesn't look bad.

I posted on this already but as of right now it only needs one clear frame of a body and it can generate motion. yeah there are issues but it's been like two years since ai development started being taken seriously and we've gotten to this point already. within another two years it'll be close to perfected. There was even tests done with tiktokers and it works. it just fucking works.

There is genuinely not one upside to ai art. at all. it's theft, it's harming peoples lives, its harming the environment, its cutting jobs back and hurting the economy, it's invading peoples privacy, its making pedophilia accessible, and more. it's a plague and there's no vaccine for it. And all because people don't want to take a year to learn anatomy.

[14dayswithyou]

💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖

For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!

The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^

What's been added to the 3.5 version?

📺 Streamer Mode!

I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.

Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh

This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!

⚙️ Custom Pronouns!

It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;

Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!

💗 Choose how others perceive you!

You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.

For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!

📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!

You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3

Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!

I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;

I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao

📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!

You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!

Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!

I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;

It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)

🖤 Additional Scenes Update!

Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!

If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.

After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga

🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!

I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!

I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.

Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.

How to download and play the update?

(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!

Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)

Enjoy!!

#14 days with you #14dwy #💖 — 14 days with queue. #🖤 — updates. #🖤 — spoilers. #I'm not gonna say much about my current doxxing situation because I've got it under control now + it's being handled privately #Plus I don't wanna give it/the people involved any unnecessary attention. I just wanna announce the update and Get Back To It™️ #(''it'' bein the grind 💪 It never stops lmao /silly) #OG followers will also know that these topics aren't the vibe I normally have on this blog (or any of my accounts); so I don't think I'll— #—make ANOTHER public post about the situation and bring more attention to it (when I just want everything to be over and put to rest ^^;) #However I also don't want people to think that I'm... ignoring?? the situation entirely (because gettin doxxed is a very endangering thing) #So I DO want to quickly acknowledge it here and say that it's all currently handled + I'm safe and okay + this won't stop me from— #—continuing to work on 14DWY (and other future projects). I also don't want to give these awful people more power and incentive to continue #—this kind of pathetic behaviour; so the less attention and encouragement being shown will ultimately be better in the long run :3 #Aaaaaanways!! 😮‍💨 #My other accounts will be restored shortly and my askbox will be opened once I feel comfortable. I'll get around to following folks— #—again in my own time; so please don't feel offended if I unfollowed you during a moment of vulnerability and anxiety!! #This is all EXTREMELY overwhelming and scary for someone with SAD/AvPD; and I /gen can't handle seeing it all over my timeline ;v; #Sorry this got ranty and personal again hjdsgjsdh T_T I said I wouldn't say much; so I'll shut up now hehe #🖤 — shut up sai.