#but anyways i am here for the nice big stills

[exdeputysonso]

CINÉ REVUE No 7 1985

#brad dourif #magazine scans #my scans #istanbul #istanbul 1985 #i ran this through google translate on my phone and it's really just a movie summary #nothing exciting #but anyways i am here for the nice big stills

[jarrows]

recently i reread a bunch of my favorite sherlock holmes stories (norw my beloved) and felt compelled to create my own diagram for 221B

#sherlock holmes #there are so many great blueprints and maps out there and i thought it would be fun to toss my own hat into the ring #trying to be accurate to what is mentioned in the books #while still allowing for some fun artistic embellishments #was a nice challenge! #i ended up doing lestrades office too but of course you never do see that in canon so it was much more vibes~ based #i am going to color this and spruce it up some but we needed break here before diving back in #since i think the timelapse of this drawing is longer than some feature films 💀💀💀 #anyway definitely open these images in a new tab and zoom in if you can bc these are really big

[cerise-on-top]

Eating Jausn with König

A Brettljausn is just about the best thing out there. I wrote this back in November when my classmates decided to talk about Easter and Osterjausn, so the formatting is different. However, I thought it would work well with the Easter post, so I decided to post it now.

“Honey, what is that?” You looked at the wrinkly, dark colored thing in front of you. It might have been a sausage, on closer inspection. The plate was well filled with all kinds of meat and cheese. On the side were horseradish, eggs and pepper of all colors. On a small plate in front of you were small, sliced cherry tomatoes, the basket next to it held bread.

“It’s a Brettljause, it’s what we eat on special occasions, such as easter. But you don’t always need one to eat it. Just enjoy the meat, dear. It’s all from regional farmers as well.” König seemed rather content while looking at the food. You knew that Austrians loved their meats and sausages, he had told you about that before and you made fun of him for it, but you didn’t think he’d take it upon himself to prepare something like that. It seemed like that must have taken a lot of work. Must have been fairly costly as well. There was bacon there, it looked fairly good.

You took a piece of bread and picked up some meat with a fork. “And what’s this?”

“That’s Geselchtes. I call it Gsöchts, though. It’s meat that you put in salt water before smoking for a few hours. Before eating, you normally cook it. Don’t worry, this one doesn’t have too much fat on it, you can just cut those pieces off.” He put some gray-ish meat on a slice of bread, adding some egg slices and topping it off with some of the grated horseradish. Its scent wafted through the air, stinging your nose a bit. You watch him take a bite out of the bread, he locks his eyes with yours once he notices. “Is something the matter?”

“No, no, everything’s alright.” You looked at the pink meat on your fork, a bit hesitant to give it a try. König seemed to like this sort of food, he likely wouldn’t have prepared it otherwise. Besides, it was classic Austrian cuisine, apparently, it was only polite of you to try it, at the very least. Taking a bite out of the meat, you ran your tongue across it to give it a taste. You could definitely taste the salt, but it wasn’t too bad. It simply added to the flavor. The meat wasn’t very chewy, but you wouldn’t exactly call it the most tender meat either. It was actually surprisingly good. Instead of putting it on your bread, you simply ate the piece whole before picking up the same thing König had. “And what’s this?”

“Schweinsbratn.” He didn’t even hesitate to gobble up his bread, already on his second one. This time he put some bacon on it with cheese. Eggs and horseradish weren’t missing this time either. One of the tomato slices was lifted off the plate and put on his instead.

You followed his example and put two slices of the meat on your bread, topping it off the same way as him. That meat wasn’t too bad actually either, it was obvious that it was made of pork. With the horseradish being very fresh it was only natural for it to be spicy still. It didn’t disappoint, the taste somewhat reminding you of wasabi, even if your eyes started watering a bit. Your bread was gone soon enough and you opted for another one. There was no telling if König’s next one was his third or fourth one already.

“So, Schatzi.” He prepared another one. “Is it good? Do you like it?”

“Oh, it actually is. It’s pretty good.” Taking some of the red pepper, you put it on your bread with Geselchtem, gulping down a few of the tomatoes. You were sort of surprised this stuff didn’t come with a salad as well.

By the time you were on your third bread, the plate was already pretty empty, with König having eaten quite a lot. He’s always had a rather big appetite, and for that you were grateful, there was no way you could have eaten all of that on your own. You hadn’t tried the dark, cut up sausage yet. Of course, you had no idea what that was either. “What’s this? Sausage?”

König quickly chewed the food in his mouth before swallowing it down. “Yes, that’s Hoatwiastl. Hartwürstel, I suppose. As the name suggests, it’s a hard sausage. It’s very good, though, you have to try it.”

It was rather hard indeed, you were glad it was cut up into smaller slices. Biting into it whole would be another other ordeal. It was too small to put on bread, so you ate it along with it. Once done, you were completely full, incapable of eating another bite. There were still pieces of meat and cheese left on the plate, it was unbelievable. König didn’t seem affected at all, he simply got up and started putting everything away before returning with a bottle. If you had to take an educated guess then there’s a chance “Wein” might have been the German word for “wine”. “Would you like a  Spritzer? It’s essentially wine mixed with soda.”

“Is that really necessary? Do we really need to drink too?”

He chuckled a bit. “It’s a big part of our culture. Alternatively, I can offer you some Gösser or Puntigamer.” With an amused expression, he watched you weigh your options. You didn’t know what either of those things were, probably some sort of beer, thus making you better off with the wine, probably. König even got the two of you some wine glasses. They were fancy looking, but you weren’t sure if you could actually take a sip of that.

He really just put mineral water into some wine, drinking it slowly. With a watchful eye, he almost expected you to take after him, which you did eventually. It tasted exactly the way you’d imagine, sparkly wine with a bit less flavor. Not the worst you’ve ever had. The things you did to make your man happy.

You continued to eat for another few minutes, this time in silence, for the most part. The plate was certainly full at the beginning, you couldn’t believe your eyes when most of it was gone. Still, despite the culture being rather meat heavy, you had to admit, it was pretty good. However, it was very filling. You couldn’t eat another slice of bread, opting for the meat and sausage instead, eating some slices of cheese along with them. Maybe some mayonnaise would have been good with it as well, but you didn’t want to make the suggestion in case König didn’t like it.

After wiping his mouth with a paper towel, he sat back, letting out a content sigh while holding his tummy. Even he seemed to be rather full after the copious amounts of meat he had eaten. Not like you weren’t, however. He took another sip of his Spritzer before putting the plates away, with you helping him out a bit, naturally.

“Thank you for trying some of my food, I do appreciate it. Did you like it?” Cleaning the plates with a sponge, his focus was on getting the last few crumbs off it so he could put it in the dishwasher. You popped one last cherry tomato in your mouth before handing him another plate, giving him a hum of approval.

“Yeah, it was pretty good, but could we maybe eat something less meaty next time? This was quite a lot.”

“Don’t worry, Schatzi, next time we can eat Kasnudeln. They’re also very delicious!”

#cod #cod x reader #konig #könig #konig x reader #könig x reader #I am so hyped for that Osterjause you guys have no idea #there's nothing better than horseradish with some meat #I am drooling just thinking about it #this has been queued so by the time this is being posted I've likely already eaten a delicious Osterjause #I had a Jause back in January I think but that wasn't enough. I need something like this every month or else I will combust #anyway! Happy Easter everyone! #I know it likely isn't Easter yet for a lot of you but it's Easter here at the time this is being posted! #I love writing for König when the stars align. I love putting him in nice situations like this #that's not a lie but I also just love sharing my culture online so naturally I had to write about a good old Jause #I don't even know what the next big holiday is in all honesty? #Maifeiertag? but we don't really “celebrate” that #Staatsfeiertag maybe? but only with a few beers and Spritzer #I think the next big thing would be Christmas? #well if I'm still into CoD by then I'll write something for it #might as well mess around and write something birthday related though #but that can wait until it's my birthday

[sysig]

It started with a whisper ♥ (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #Crackship #Xigbar #Of all the crackships that I didn't expect I probably wouldn't have expected these two the most lol #I super wasn't expecting to feel So strongly about them this is like multi-tier Big Feelings in varying directions #One - ZEX - obvious (lol) | Two - Xigbar (hehe II hehehe) - I think I mentioned it like maaaybe once over here but I was Huge into KH #Specifically Org XIII specifically-specifically 358/2 it is the only game in the Kingdom Hearts line that I've beaten and probably ever will #Oh no wait that's not true I did play through all of the DS release of Re:Coded but like......does that count lol I think no #I played the intro of Kingdom Hearts II and shut it off after the bit with Roxas and Sora like - the egg scene how do I non-spoilers this #I own it and I will never beat it I am too sad I want only my Nobodies lol <3 #Kingdom Hearts had a big influence on me - that and Magic Knight Rayearth are a big explanation as to Why I'm Like This lol #Cough cough casting away the dark parts of your heart only for it to come back and bite you later and also The Gay™ lol #But AnyWay lol - Xigbar! #He wasn't my favourite-favourite - aside from Main Characters that'd probably go to Marluxia - but I still hold him very fondly!! #Definitely doodled him a good bit he's very handsome ♪ #And just - ah ♥ An old fave and a new(er) fave interacting and making each other happy and feel nice and play well I just fsalkfdf #As well as that being Max's body! There's something heightening about all these different aspects that was just overwhelming to me haha <3 #If it's not already obvious - yes this was the happy cries lol this is the only explanation I have haha #I feel very strongly about Them and Interactions and Feeling Nice and fjdslafsdf #Anyway! This isn't Just them! Just a lot haha ♪ #I have started a playlist lol - so far it's just this song - Everybody Talks - but some of the others from SCII playlist fit well too :) #The rest is just ZEX being cute hehe <3 ZEX not understanding what crying is is very interesting to me :3c No VUX equivalent? #Seems like they don't have the same kinds of chemicals like adrenaline et al so I guess a flushing system isn't as necessary! Interesting :D #ZEX fumbliness leading to him being a bit on the back foot is so cute hehe <3 He wants so loudly and openly but actually accomplishing it- #I also really like how he holds himself - all the tension through him to fight against new muscles and bone everything too alien! #I imagine his hands as being very rigid and all the fingers pulled together straight but that could just be how he describes bones hehe #Alien in there <3 Plenty to read into :3c

[floral-hex]

woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.

#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void #shits rough dawg #I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts #haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier #it’s cold #saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early. #and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed. #went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours #guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left #even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are #I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh #my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week #maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done. #I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting #woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside #hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning #can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding) #actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so… #I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience #anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments #I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired. #I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die. #is this relatable? #just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda. #gonna look at pictures of butts now #ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever #you can ignore this #text

[todayisafridaynight]

@ father time can we run it back to june so i can make a joke really quick

#snap chats #sorry I Only Legally Go Here but still i have to make a pride joke. i blame vegeta. dont know how i just will #spoilers. for smile. i fucking guess #ANYWAY am i surprised that my theory was right No it was p obvious but still i liked how we got to the conclusion. anyways. #i was just fence sitting on smile the other day LMAO naw i liked this scene i really did #i feel like i have to make the strongest disclaimer ever as if anyone actually thinks this is about queerness and say the context is-- #tf it called when your parents have diff ethnicities ANYWAYS THAT. ITS ABOUT THAT. #but yeah no it can be about That too. i guess. if we want. lol #the show doesnt really focus on vito being filipino/japanese all too much. which is surprising to say and a lil disappointing #like its relevant but not overly so which. dont know how i feel about it yet like ig i get it ??? idk ill have to review later #but anyhow its why i like this scene i finally got to have my He's Just Like Me Fr moment </3 #unfortunately nakai's character isn't also filipino/japanese. no pinoy represent 2x. he's korean/japanese WAH SPOILERS #but still a lot of what was said in this scene resonated really personally with me #i wont get too sappy and sentimental about it i just appreciate. being validated in some way idk #its not a fair comparison probably but still its nice sort of seeing a character that has similar issues and thoughts to me #and i guess that can apply to both. instances. if we catch my cold LMAO dont make me say it #ok bye uhhhh i should probably watch the next episode #big trial episode..... then i just have two more eps... then garden of wind time...

[thebirdandhersong]

Have been flip-flopping between full-out sudden and heart-wrenching sadness (the Sadie Sink sobbing her heart out in All Too Well kind of sad. Alas) and general cloudy sadness hovering at the back of my mind (I feel rather like my own personal Groke in those moments) these past few weeks and today had many moments of light in it. Lots of sunshine, tea, reading with Muffin (we're reading 1 Psalm a night together and praying together before bed--it is the Best), listening to music that isn't sad/grumpy (Jess Ray, Arcadian Wild, Paul Zach, Sara Groves), laughing with Froglet... it was easier to see the light and receive it. Things are looking up :)

#SORRY THERE ARE SO MANY LONG TAG RANTS THESE DAYS ABOUT SADNESS there is just a big presence of sad in my head and heart at present #i am fighting Hard against it! i am going to get better! i am not going to dwell in it forever! #my goodness i didn't know any sort of heartbreak could be this dramatic but there are definitely things that need processing/ #talking over when one finds oneself sobbing at church halfway through the service while everyone is singing Abide With Me #the takeaway here for me at least is that i keep holding onto this very tightly #and often forget that well i can and should let go of it and give it to God instead #WHY are the lessons that i learn lessons that i keep having to learn!! man!! one would THINK that after everything i'd know by now #that Sufferin on one's lonesome is unhelpful and damaging and also affects one's physical health #and that really i shouldn't be trying to hold it together myself. anyway i was and still am vastly comforted by the words in that hymn #and by the assurance that He walks through valleys with me as well as hills and nice sunny meadows #i hope that i come out of this a) not resenting mr knight the way i've been sorely tempted to (and have in some moments) #b) not Hopeless and Hard at Heart #c) understanding God and His character better having learned how to come close to Him in times of trouble #in any case. i am rambling again. BEDTIME :D #slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in year 21 #thinking of julian of norwich again and reminding myself Constantly that the all-shall-be-wellness of it all is not insignificant

[indigodawns]

.

#whew you know when you've been Going for a while and then you get a break and you're still tired but you're also so so jittery #S WHERE IM AT OHHH MY GOD #luxury problem and it's totally fine but i am crawling up the walls my friends #also update time ig!! took my family to the autism group meeting thing on tuesday bc it was a meeting esp for that #and they kept throwing me glances throughout the info part like lol it's you JDFHJDFH it was v interesting #bc throughout it all it's like... here i have info about autism and here i have my 25 years lived experience without thinking i had autism #and since i wasn't diagnosed as a kid i wasn't as ~obvious about it and i find it hard to reconcile examples with myself if they #don't fit 100% (it's . the autism) so anyways it was v helpful!!! #and my mum was like ah yeah i always had moments where i thought so?? but then it didn't fit the cold white boy stereotype bc i #am empathetic and i have humour etc so she never mentioned it to me bc it's a big thing etc and tbf i wasn't ~ready pre-this year #but now it's like... ah yes i was always upset on holidays and they never got why (the change in Everything)... i was picky with food #and with new shoes and i HATED shopping and it overwhelmed me so much (still does) #i would ask my mum what tf i was feeling and why i was crying and i would analyse social interactions #and i'd have obsessions with media and horses etc. was big know-it-all. was so slow with some subjects at school #like yknow when you had to copy letters 80 times? that'd take me ages and i'd get a fail bc i was being so precise #anyways. enough signs methinks dfjhdjh so now im just trying to see where stimming & eyecontact come in? #i never noticed a problem with eyecontact but im trying to let myself not do it and it's kinda nice?? but idk #and stimming idk i used to suck my thumb for a long time but?? i wanna try things but whew internalised ableism etc #so see then im like so ARE YOU ACTUALLY-- but anyways it seems i am #and my mum made me realise that'd. explain why i suddenly developed depression around age 11 and never got out of it again #so lots of Thinking!!! and wanting to shelve things like ok great figured it out NOW WHAT but noooo #also stupid to do this on tumblr and not rly talk about it with irl friends but what do you say like #hello im autistic? yeah it surprised me too. no i can't really explain how it works for me. no that's not how the spectrum works #so here we are yes #<3

[zemnarihah]

two most pathetic beasts on gods green earth

#that orange one is pete he lives at my parents house and he's a half outdoor cat AGAINST MY CONSTANT ADVISEMENT #but he keeps getting in fights and he always loses:( so he has this big gash on his ear rn we had to wash him and put some medicine on that #we had from the vet from LAST TIME THIS FUCKING HAPPENED #and he was mad and wanted to go right back outside. what is wrong with you. #and then poor buttercup:( she hates to be in the carrier and hates the car and hates new places. she's currently at my parents so she won't #get squished to death or run out the door while we're moving stuff. and she is so scarified and also mad at me for making her go in the #carrier #literally can't do anything right as a cat mother. like would you rather i fucking LEFT YOU THERE #anyway hi how's everyone doing i am still in the throes of moving day but we had to take a pit stop at my parents and my sister is coming to #meet us bc she is so nice and wants to help clean:) so we have to wait here i get a nice little break:) hi guys hiiiii

[onocleqs]

can't fucking believe vent is still down. where else am i gonna yell about being ill

#anyway it is Day Two and. i feel better in some ways but worse in others #had the worlds most disrupted night of sleep and now i'm coughing a lot more than yesterday and it sucks #but my throat feels less sore for sure. feels like my body is fighting this thing off super hard 💪💪💪💪 shame about the full body aching #and overall lack of energy. ooouugghhh and the lost voice of course. but this always fucking happens #i'm gonna have to pass on games night tonight if i'm still coughing a lot and/or still missing my voice #but aaaauugghhh the love of my friends will surely heal me like nothing else. unless they make me laugh and send me into a coughing fit #rambling #my god yeah thats one of the worst parts of being ill. cant watch anything that makes me laugh. im fucking dying of boredom here #sure there's other stuff to watch but no funnies and no video games when that's all i want rn. havent watched any more flapjack in DAYS #it's nowhere near as bad as covid so this is entirely unnecessary but i am once again getting thr urge to document my symptoms #with a god damn spreadsheet. but it's not as complex at all so eh. #i can't say too much about how much better i'm feeling just yet tbh bc i'm still back in bed hfkdhgkdh i can walk sure #but i need to go downstairs and make breakfast soon which is the REAL first hurdle #also the question of am i ready for toast again or do i need to stick to porridge just to be safe #not gonna lie. i didn't love the noodles i had yesterday so i'm wondering if i'll have the appetite for something else #i want a sandwich so fucking bad but i don't want to eat dry bread at the same time. aaauuggghhh #my sibling offered me a hot chocolate last night and i had to turn that down bc chocolate plus cold for me is a big no #but aaauugghhh a nice warm drink probably would’ve been rlly nice #i return once again to announce that got damn! i feel notivesbly better than i didn an hour ago and my voice is like 30% back! #which means that by tonight i might very well be at a functional enough level to hang out with friends after all #i can always dip if my energy levels tank again or whatever but like honestly hanging out with them is like. i need that #the last two days havent been great and i miss them and we have a lot to talk about so yeah i will do everything in my power #to be there tonight. but i will not force myself or push myself too far. bc i am the king of self care 💪💪💪 #god sorry back again but. it continues to fascinate me how any kind of illness affects me in the same ways consistently regardless of what #kind of illness it is??? right now i have whats mainly a cough which is honestly rare for me when i get ill #it's usually more in the nose department and sometimes the throat but rarely the chest #and yet 9 out of 10 times i lose my voice. i Always struggle with low energy (altho thats a problem outside of being ill too jfdjgdhfhd) #have a hard time falling or staying asleep and i get nauseous if i sleep laying down enough #but also i am the king of hard and fast aka i get like 24 terrible hours and then recovery is super quick. i'll be back to 100% health in #less than a week. my poor fucking step dad has been in stage one for a WEEK it's really awful. but i have the power of youth on my side 💪

[spacelesscowboy]

unpopular opinion but i don’t think todoroki should be apart of the big three. sorry.

#bnha #emyrs.txt #i LOVE him. do NOT get me wrong. #i love him SO MUCH. HOWEVER. #i think it would make much more sense if he became a hero that WASN'T in the spotlight. like. #maybe he started UA with the purpose of spiting his dad by not using his right side. #and after the sports festival arc where he realized that his quirk is his own etc etc he was just left w the question. #ok. why am i here. why do i want to be a hero. #and i think maybe he was like. i am going to be the best hero ever but it won't be bc of my dad. it'll be bc of my own merit. #and somewhere along the way he just keeps asking himself. what would a REAL hero do in this situation. and making choices based off of that #and before he knows it it's been 10 years and he's not on the hero charts at all and he is. happy. and fufilled. bc the actions he's taken #have been made out of a genuine want to Help. #ofc he's still reported on and he's still pretty popular #but it's not bc he has Really Cool Badass Fights--it's bc he's //genuine// #idk if this makes sense. #like. ik this will never happen and stuff etc etc #i just think that shouto taking THIS route instead of being part of the big three is more impactful??? idk #like. i don't think any of them are wrong for wanting to be in the spotlight. but i DO think that shouto choosing to step away from that #(mostly bc of spite at first. and then out of genuine desire to not want to be involved) #is a really nice choice. idk. SDJHFSDKJHF anyways. #this is all to say that TO ME. in the good secret bnha that only lives in my head. momo is apart of the big three along w bkdk bc i #physically cannot seperate them. sorry. KJSDHFJKSHDKF #creati dynamight and deku who all constantly compete for the number one hero title my beloved <3 SKJDFHKSJDHFKJ #i'm normal about bnha btw (lie) #also i need everyone to know that i've literally NEVER considered him apart of the big 3 in my head so whenever i see merch or ppl referring #to tbkdk as the 3 musketeers or the big 3 i always go. what are u TALKING about. and then go. OH right

[ech0light]

u ever look back on a situation you were in and think to yourself “Damn That Was Kinda Fucked Up Actually.”

#[tldr if im being noticeably anxious on discord its just The Horrors dw abt it] #not rly a vent but i kinda just wanna talk about this #(lying) #feel free to not read the tags lol #so like. last year i was friends with this person on discord right #she was about about a year older than me and lived in canada (<-- unessential info) #we met thru some discord server and started talking more. which was going fine #i helped her with some art project she was doing and it was nice to be able to talk to someone during lockdowns #but as we grew closer i sort of became her 24/7 emotional support??? i guess????? #thats what it felt like #so like she had a lot of shit goin on right. like her family was abusive; she was depressed; she wasnt able to keep friends; #like it was a whole thing #i dont wanna give too much detail cause its someone elses shit but u get the idea #anyway i ended up becoming one of her few friends that she could talk to regularly. it was alr for a bit but it just became draining #like she would SEMI REGULARLY just talk at me saying how depressed she was and how shed considered offing herself before #textbook traumadump style #of course that wasnt her fault i dont wanna make her look like the bad guy here but. still #worst part of it was that her anxiety would spike big time if the person she was messaging was online and didnt respond within 5-10 minutes #like 24/7 #which just made those moments way worse cause i am SHIT at offering comfort /especially/ at that age #so it just became this huge stressor for the both of us whenever she started something like that #for the last couple months before we cut it off id considered just telling her i didnt want to be friends anymore BUT #id seen in real time her other online friends cutting her off with their reasoning being she was too much to handle #and i didnt want to make her feel worse than she already felt. and i feel bad for saying this but she was genuinely too much to handle #thankfully she was the one who cut it off first (her reasoning she was jealous that i didnt have abusive parents and could keep friends) #literally the few days after we stopped talking i felt WAY less default stressed and i realised our friendship was taking a toll on us both #i still feel bad about this but she tried messaging me a few weeks later asking if we wanted to be friends again and i just. blocked her #i was in fuckin Survival Mode after realising how fucked up the situation was. 20/20 hindsight. and i just didnt want to go back #i shouldve actually talked to her and explained how i felt but. oh well i guess #but yeah we stopped talking a year ago and i think im still a bit fucked up from it lol

[quatregats]

Hmmm I have been looking into the Boston & Maine Railroad for Reasons™ and reading about this is breaking my heart, like passenger rail service basically stopped being viable in the 1920s because of automobiles and most of the rail network is gone at this point, which makes me want to bite things, but also I’m looking at maps of what the lines used to be and yes I do get that this was the only form of transport but I would kill a man to get extensive rail service between Boston, Montreal, Halifax, and most of Vermont/New Hampshire/Western Mass the way that it was when these lines were in service. Like idk we talk a lot about how we want to make sure that rural areas are also served by public transit and that we want rail lines to more areas of the country and stuff and I’ve heard criticism about the disturbance/difficulty of creating those lines but the lines are literally there!!! There is infrastructure in place that you can build new lines over and it’ll serve the whole entire Northeast and it makes me so angry that we don’t get to have that because Cars™

#like yeah i do get that financial viability is a big issue and obv cars shouldn't disappear entirely but god. can you imagine #they had lines EVERYWHERE and now there's literally NOTHING that goes to those places #i hate this country so much i hate our dependence on driving like new england is small and not built for cars to the same degree #as other states but like it's still built for cars it's still not sustainable to run train services through here #i had only really read about british railroads up until now and those are much stronger and well-used #and hey look the modern day uk actually has trains connecting most places. who woulda thunk #anyways i thought maybe it would be nice and fun to learn about trains here because i love trains and i love boston #but lo and behold instead i am filled with a deep and insatiable rage #(also entirely side comment but god american locomotives are so much uglier than british ones???) #(maybe gwr has me brainwashed but i simply do not feel love and affection when i see an american loco) #well expect more b&m content at some point because i have in fact set out on a new Creative Endeavor involving it :'))) #perce rambles #fucking superb you funky little engine

[astrxealis]

god so a little story. one of my best friends uhh we chat in discord often! have our own lil bff server ^_^ and we have mudae bot LMFAO and ... okay as a little “friend bonding time” she looked up all those in my wishlist (also artemis’s!) and bhgadhjg i just. think it’s funny that out of all of them she finds grimnir and fandaniel pretty

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #HSGJDBJG FUNNYDANIEL IS ESP FUNNY TO ME ............... bcs it wasn't even. Yeah. it was yeah #her comments hhasgbjdhb vrtra with the winning smile pls i love my friends even if they are sometimes </3 but that is just how things are #i just found it really interesting bcs hmm they haven't been able to play xiv recently bcs Time but if one day they do get so far as to #meet daniel! :O considering she doesn't like akechi that much. i wonder hmmmmmm and w zenos tbh #i'm really curious abt how my friends will react to characters like that >_< esp the guy we got into xiv that takes a lot of notes on lore #apparently and on rare occasions we vc and stay up until 5 having shennanigans in xiv WHJABGHBJGH .... lvl 30+ cnj SOBS #anyways small thing bcs im getting into a thinking state again i think bcs of music. hmm. really glad i met that guy tbh #bcs wow it really makes it feel like i'm not alone. + other friends ofc esp online here!! like wow wgbahjdg but yea this guy with. #so much ... also ig it helps that in the first month of meeting we already laid out our philosophies and all WHEEZE HGBSDJBGJH #fe kh ff drak/enier . persona. guilty/gear . vtubers. MAN we r getting the guy more into ff but i thank him for getting us into vtubers #RAMBLING RAMVLING ........ goodbye but hi yeah Rambles galore #TBH I KIN GRIMNIR....... i just kin for fun and idk who is my biggest kin/s but grimnir is one up there. dghsbdhjbgsjh #and then alisaie is big up there bcs WHEEEZE OKAY ANOTHER FUN LITTLE STORY. my closest friend from xiv that i met thru xiv #SO HAPPENS TO ALSO HAVE A TWIN. AND IS THE YOUNGER ONE LIKE ME. AND REALLY LIKES ALISAIE AS WELL. the world is so small and also so big. WOW #still amazed at that tbh qwq and we have even shared our real names to one another! that is so nice. + they are an ally sobs thank god #i js think stuff like this is really interesting ... i have been thinking abt this all lately so woopie rambles to put down my thoughts!!! #yk i've realized it is really so important to have frinds like me :O aka in the stuff i love! it is a personal thing #bcs i am vv passionate and the stuff i love ties deeply to who i am ... its really nice bcs with each xiv friend it's like #hey! we may not be super close (yet!) or maybe we are! but there's that. connection of sorts. like yeah. we're not alone

[deityofhearts]

rn I’m getting through life by romanticizing the idea of me living in a bigger city (not like. new york sized but like just one of our bigger neighboring cities) and working as a librarian or library assistant there or something and having a quiet simply life and a regular routine that I go about

#deity dialogue #or like working at a book store #idk in my head it’s a simply cozy life it’s nothing big or special but it’s nice and comforting to me #I wear silly little outfits I go to nice shops in my spare time then I return home to sit in my room with fluffy and draw #that’s my dream #and I have enough money to live comfortably god #idk I fluctuate on things like #I do not wanna live where I live now like the white county I don’t wanna be here #but idk where else I’d go in the world like idk where to travel or where else to live #so I’d probably still be in the south and still close to where I live now but about an hour or so out of the way which isn’t too far #there’s more to do where I wanna live there’s more places to work more places to go for funsies more places to live etc #where I live at is just. I’m sorry it’s shit the whole area sucks as do the surrounding areas there’s nothinggggg #I don’t want to live here all my life I’m already miserable enough I don’t wanna be even more miserable by never leaving #and yeah the other place isn’t that far away but maybe I’d be happier there? in a place with more to do more people to meet etc etc #idk #I also am aware it would cost more but everything is already expensive may as well try somehow #if I can manage to save money and get a job in that city somehow then I could start saving more and then my roommates and I could move there #idk just agh. ideally I’d live somewhere even farther even more interesting and lively but again idk where I’d even go and I know my #roommates wouldn’t wanna go much farther than where we already have talked about for their own reasons #but I’m not someone who can live alone just too much fear and paranoia. my ideal living situation is to live with other people and we’re all #in equal standing and like have equal responsibilities and pay and manage everything equally which is what my roommates and I plan #those two would be able to live on their own fine and I envy that I’m just too anxious to be alone plus just. I can’t conceive being alone #I would be too lonely and depressed lmao I like having another persons presence ya know? #anyways idk why I’m talking so much in the tags but like I always do #I just want to live somewhere where I’ll be happy with people I like and working a job that doesn’t make me wanna kms and have enough money #to where I’m not constantly stressed about everything and can maybe even afford nice little things #it jsut feels like asking for any of that much less all of it is asking too much :( #I’m hashtag depressed about being alive

[discoreptile]

Shellycoat

#heyo again posting in the ol tags #At a moral quandary but I guess I'll update yous on my life while I think of a way to sound it out #I am currently single. This is a big deal for me because I am coming to terms with my status as a serial monogamist #I think my ex has been not single longer than I have so I'm not feeling guilty about it. Just feels weird being single is all. #I'm doing the whole dating thing again. Have been on 2. First one I stayed at her spare room and freaking cried. Haven't spoken to her sinc #Second one I stayed in her spare room and she stayed with her roommate. Both times I didn't want things to go physical. Both over now. #The second one I was more optimistic for tho.Prominent thing was that she wanted me to date her and others. So I'm not exclusive with anyon #And I still maintain that. Doesn't feel good bc when I go on a date with one it feels like I'm cheating on the others. #But i have such low confidence that I don't want to turn anyone down or keep anyone waiting for me to ask them out. So idk what I'm doing #anyway. moral quandary. I just realized I can't actually talk about it. But I have to choose advancing my own career at the cost of my sou #it would be really nice to get some big £$£$ but I'd have to sort of betray new boss a little. Who has already given me permission to do so #it doesn't feel right. Shellycoat here is from new project. Ugh I dunno. I think I'm going o have to sell out just a little. #Bein single again shows me how behind I am for my age. Still can't drive still living with my best pal. Probably goin bald soon #then again I've been saying that for years now. Maybe I have a few years left of it. But yeah. I don't earn very much rn. When I get those #questionaires I'm often in the lowest bracket so i'm like “I am among the poorest of ppl then??” One lady stopped talking to me when I #told her I rented a flat. Which implies a lot of men my age own property already. But did they get them with their morals intact or did the #have to do a bit of backstabbing on the way? Anyway. I guess I'm happy that I'm not just whining about my love life.Maybe being single is o #still wanting to get out there. Maybe I'll make another post about that or whenever I'm not single lol