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floralkittygambler · 3 years

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Reposting for reasons

Response to Honest’s post here: Doing this to spread this awareness more as I know theres a bit of a rift in the critical community - plus I really fucking go on. Im PISSED and I do apologise however it NEEDS urgent addressing. I know people will hate me for it but Im used to hate and honestly? Hating rather than helping to solve the issue only furthers my fucking point here. So yeah this is so more people are aware (no offense to any of those involved in said rift either, but this is an important message. Thank you for understanding and if I can do anything to make all sides comfortable, then please message me and I’ll do my upmost.) “ More awareness of this is needed. Even if it’s your favourite, you can’t justify their shit but rally against another’s shit. Have people tell you you’re experiences arent real or invalid because, like Husk, people have - in real life - shipped you with someone you are far from comfortable with but you still treat them like a person. Because you have basic respect. And people force you to accept harassment, touching, stalking, advances for THEIR satisfaction. People use you for their fantasies. But you’re just a ‘tsundere’ for it. Or you have addiction issues but people think being with another addict will ‘save’ you because you’re apparently too incompetent to save yourself. Love isnt some magic fuckin cure so stop romanticising it as a fuckin saviour. It’s gross and fuckin creepy. Get stalked and have someone NEVER accept your no just because you show youre still decent enough to not treat them shitty or any different from anyone else. Try having someone way older or way younger (both in morally fucked up ways) advance on you and people encourage that. People you’re supposed to feel safe around.

People touch you when you pull away or show discomfort. Follow you home. Have pictures of you and wont accept you dont like them like that and it’s not ‘playing hard to get’ or ‘the thrill of the chase’. Fuck. OFF. In fact, Im not only disappointed in the fandom. Im disappointed in the entire team who some should know better from their OWN personal experiences - or at least the bare minimal of being a fucking adult. Im disappointed in especially females (sorry idk whether girl or woman is more appropriate here-) who statistically are more likely to have experienced something similar at some point in their lives think this is a cute gay moment. No. Angel is made out as a fucking predator - Im not saying he is, Im saying that his persistence is very fucking unwelcome like one. People like Husk dont need that fucking invasiveness. They/We need patience and someone on our level. Angel’s I know are the fuckin polar opposite - and some of them I know are very sexually harassing, including unwanted touching. It’s a shitty way to present gay people. Gays are fuckin people. Some are cunts and some arent. It’s a HUMAN thing. But considering the shit theyve been subjected to, presenting a gay as a victim only to also show them as a perpetrator is insulting! And for those Ive seen argue this about how people like AD wouldnt know how to express their love normally and whatnot? His pig. His best friend. He’s in his fucking 30s. There are literal real life criminals who get molested as kids and then go on to molest kids. Not all who grow up like that turn into nonces. Stop just fucking STOP justifying and romanticising this bullshit! I used to see the good in AD but now he makes me fucking sick. Especially with my verrrrrry fucking real traumas and connections. But fuck me, eh? Because this fictional guy matters so much more. Fuck real victims. And whilst we’re at it, fuck AD too when it suits your fetishes! Sarcasm aside, the fans and the team need to straighten up their abhorrent behaviour. Stolas. Fucking clearly having an affair, knowingly fucking up his daughter’s mental health and bribing a guy into sex who only wants the book and nothing more. He even has a fucking warning button over Stolas- Guys, how do you think any of this is cute? Even the team gross me out- I genuinely see potential and talent and it’s all gone to shit to satisfy horny teens, horny adults, and literally everyone who doesnt for the life of them understand being an adult is more than sex, drugs, violence and swears! I REALLY want to keep enjoying HB/HH but it’s getting harder and harder with such ignorant and bordering lazy creators (note: lazy as in wont do the fucking research or actually listen to real criticism and victims), such despicable fans (yeah, some HDers fuckin mocked that they triggered my ED, yet they had the fucking NERVE to support Angel’s potential ED AND laugh and blame me for me getting treated so badly for actually having the balls to call Angel and the teams hypocrisy. I got told to kill myself, that my problems arent real - oh but Angels apparently is! Which... They *are* but AD isnt real so technically only onlookers will suffer and not a drawing - and they just excused their toxic behaviours. These people are like “aww poor angie babey!” yet fuckin INSULT sex workers. All this red in Hazbin yet it feels everyone and they mama colour blind. The issues are getting worse and fans are outright becoming EVIL, VILE, Vindictive little bullies - from kids to adults. You SHOULD be ashamed of yourself if you conduct yourself in such a manner. And you need to readjust your attitudes and behaviours because the only fuckers getting hurt are actual fucking victims. Ever been violated and been gaslit so much you STILL fucking question it’s reality? So you drown that shit out yet somehow it’s effects still hit you? Fetishise it. Make it your uwu gae couple goals, you’re no better than people believing Harley and the Joker werent toxic af. If this shit happened to you, most of you would actually SEE where we’re all coming from. Also, stop making gay a fetish - you’re like those creepy old men in the alley heckling lesbians to make out so they can wank off. Gays, no ALL the LGBT+ are fucking people too. So dont give me that bullshit then start turning everything just gay or just straight to mentally wank off to. It’s degrading and dehumanising. And yes, fiction does effect reality. You crush on a fictional character? Mourn one? Support one? Hell, fuckin jerk off to one - that’s affecting reality. Remember how in fiction all blacks were treated as villians? Look how theyre treated IRL. JAWS, great classic unfortunately their was a spike in shark killings over a fucking movie - the shark in the movie wasnt even real for the most part because they dont behave like that! (Also the animatronic was so shit they genuinely had so many issues - I think they even took to naming each one! Some fun trivia there!). Tiger sharks are more nasty than great whites as tiger sharks will hunt and eat a human. Great whites prefer seals and dislike human flesh, they just mistake us for seals. Hell, theres the toothless basking shark - theyre often SWAM WITH by divers for being so friendly. Yet Jaws made people think all sharks are bloodlusting over humans. Slenderman was created for a fucking contest and that influenced a stabbing (NOT Victor’s fault). Watch a horror movie that isnt based on a real life event and tell me that at least ONE has left you peaking over your shoulder. Stella may be a bitch - we dont know for certain - but try getting cheated on. Y’know what? Try growing up in such a broken home like Octavia. Yeah reaaaaaal fucking cute now, huh? Funny how as well y’all petition for male victims to be taken seriously then laugh when fictional males experience this abuse, further adding to stigma. You can be hit on by the hottest mf on the planet but if you arent interested, that should be respected! Also we’ve all been inspired by at least one fictional character so yeah. Yknow, since I was little Ive been fighting for sex worker and homeless rights. But HH/HB treatment of both leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ll still fully support sex workers and the homeless, but that’s the fucking effect this show is having. Bearing in mind I wont ever share everything Ive been through - and I shouldnt fucking have to in order to be believed and validated (obvs proof is required in a legal case but that’s a whole other topic). Why should I share MY fucking pain especially when you fuckers have belittled and triggered it more so? We have our rights to our secrets but fuck ME you lot NEED to start acting appropriately and like decent fucking humans. ‘iTs HeLl’ yeah and welcome to Earth- the team and yourselves live HERE. You obide by THESE rules. And as someone with beliefs (and a LOT of ancient fucking texts and studies on this shit) their Hell isnt even a proper Hell! It’s closer to purgatory and even then it’s not. Regardless, it’s a poorly built world with the lore consistently changing per episode and tweet, with many plot holes, and is apparently easy to get into - even via accidentally watching porn according to a stream. If youre gonna parade youre a fucking expert and research into demonology and use real believed figures, at least get THAT right. In fact, Lucifer and Lilith (and Stolas tbf) are ESPECIALLY risky as theyre a lot more complex than most easy access texts will tell you. Likewise, Stolas’s first introduction and main focus is sex. He’s one of the FEW Goetia demons that dont have some involvement in relationship issues at ALL. He’s known for astrology, crystals and herbs but hes also known to aid MONEY troubles (it’s lesser known but it’s true! HB Stolas is an insult to the Prince). Turning Vodou into something evil is vile considering it’s powerful and liberated slaves. Pentagrams are nothing to do with Satan, they’re magic based sigils. Upside down cross is the symbol of a SAINT. It’s just some edgy attempt to trick people into believing they know more than they do. Also you should NEVER dabble and doodle sigils without knowing the meanings or respecting what they behold. Vox and Val, real fuckin cute way to make them look like a stupid fucking highschool drama instead of a fucking SEX TRAFFICKER (note: real pimps often target YOUNG folks too - aka minors - and groom them into sex work. Theres different types of pimp. Viv has shown barely any understanding of ‘the game’ and its a fucking insult to injury. Yes we KNOW what a fucking pimp and prozzie are! We dont need to see it. We need REAL AWARENESS.) and a fucking scheming bastard of a CEO salesman botman. And yet even THEN lets go a step further and make some yandere wuv on boyfweind aboose! Fuck off- Now I love a good anime but these tropes are getting fucking dangerous now. And unrealistic to real love and relationships. Kids nowadays know fuck all on a healthy relationship (neither did the fuckin 50s tbf) and Im seeing more romaticism and glorifying abusive situations. Like the show ‘You’. Ok, there’s a fuckin bloke online who slaughtered innocents and kidnapped yet people commented how cute he is on his IG and that they want to be kidnapped or killed by him next. Dont believe me? Look up Peter Manfredonia Connecticut and the comments people left him and then tell me why shit like whats being presented in HH/HB ISNT fucking concerning - because it is. For a series about redemption, it’s brilliant at the opposite (Quote from the creator herself, Viv has posted that it’s influencing her bad choices. Even as a joke, proof’s in the pudding). And the overall focus on sex in the way Viv does is so immature and really creepy, and this is from an ADULTS perspective. From one adult to another, Im concerned as to why any of them think this is a normal fixation. Then again they’ve hired quite a large amount of dodgy folks and even a child. Most of this shit gets avoided with a basic background check like most companies run. I DO like Hazbin. Or the premise. I love some of the cast and spite the others. In Helluva, I just like a tiny portion of the cast. And I critique it so harshly because Viv DOES need a wakeup slap, grounding to reality, people who arent going to big her up or kiss her arse for once and shape her up to be the best she can be. The actually reach and even surpass her potential. And to reach where you need to be, there’s a lot of harsh lessons youll face. That’s life. Shes chosen one of the most HEARTLESS industries and if she blocks out critique as ‘hate’ then she’s not strong enough and wont last. It’s just another unprepped YanDev again (except I dont believe Viv to be a nonce. Even with her dodgy past and dodgy present, I think her perspective on sex and relationship with sexuality is FAR from healthy BUT I dont believe she’s a pedophile. Ive bled my fair share and so far, I just think her sex perspective isnt healthy or mature for her age. But there’s little to nothing to suggest actual noncery - dont worry about accusations there. But YanDev is totally a dirty predator. Just clearing that up). Viv NEEDS some harshness and stability if she wants to do things right. And it’ll make her fucking cry but if she loves these projects as much as she claims to, then you’ll sacrifice blood, sweat and tears for that shit. Even the strongest points are mediocre at best when properly observed. She CAN do more, but she’ll have to face the harsh music. Viv wont see this, but if she does, I dont care if it upsets her. Why? Because this is that much of an issue - something she’s cultivated - that she needs to take action and not ignore it or be secretive about it. She needs to grow up and get tougher skin. Im not saying this to cause her pain. In fact, I wouldnt waste my fucking limited time if I DIDNT care. Trust me, I have duties to be met at a certain quota every single day. I say this shit only because I give a shit and care. If we met, she’d fucking hate me. But people like me are good for shaping people up to their potential. And we arent always this ‘tough love’ either. But when someone needs that level of harshness to help themselves, we’re not afraid to lose people or cause upset if the results end up being the best for them. If she ever saw this, she needs to re fucking evaluate her message, her story, and those she’s choosing to welcome into her circle. And all Im seeing is one rookie mistake after the other. Her paid patreon discord. Just like the messages Honest has posted on her side of being harassed (not in Vivs fyi), Ive experienced shit and bullying and even stay silent on their for being attacked for a group I fuckin paid to be in and yet I feel isolated. It’s all arsekissing and ‘thank you viv’ (thats an actual channel-) and it feels like a place of borderline worship and people trying to appease her 24/7 whilst kicking others with different opinions down. There’s so many I love but I aint kissin yer fuckin arse. Ask the closest friend I have - we’re fucking raw and wont just side with each other just because. We’ll call each other out if we think they’ve fucked up and then help each other build themselves up better. Because real fuckin people who actually care wont just want to be adored by you. They’ll care enough to point out your bullshit and help you, even if they upset you at the time. They’re real and upfront with you. People like us arent always the easiest to be close to either because we arent afraid of upsetting someone if it’s in their best interest and to help them. Likewise, we dont go out looking for fights either. Most times, we’re fuckin soft bastards- All this shit listed is the fuckin surface level of the real life hell of this fandom. And unsurprisingly, those who experience little to no toxicity have always been higher on that popularity ‘food chain’ - enough admirers and shared opinions that people wanna arse kiss regardless of their OWN feelings as well as neutral perspectives. I’d say you’re the lucky fans, but you’re not. You’re sheltered, and that isnt always the best way to be sadly. As for the fans. If Ive upset you. Well... I dont care. Because many of you have actively sought me out and weaponised my traumas against me. You never cared about my feelings then. Why should I care about yours? Im not doing this out of malice. Im fed up of humans behaving so pathetically yet claiming to be high and mighty. Most of you have been arseholes to those in and out of the community. The victims and non-victims alike. Hardly any of you considered once my real suffering. You put a drawing over a life. Many lives. You had the audacity to tell me Im full of shit. Some even using my real traumas to make a mockery of me and those Im around with a very similar history. Some with traumatic histories that differ from my own. You hardly ever considered the real lives of those effected. So no, Im not sorry for having the fucking balls to this day to still stand up for our rights and give us a voice that’s long been stolen. Im not sorry for being a fucking victim. Im not sorry for saying what desperately NEEDS voicing. And Im not sorry for not conforming to you or any fandom just to belong. We deserve better than to constantly be your fuckin arse monkeys (well... the trope is butt monkey but yknow-) and to be mistreated, misrepresented and harmed by you. You’re no different to the school bullies who give speeches on anti-bullying day. And I hope every single one of you starts looking into yourselves and improving. PS: Depending on the texts you read, Lucifer is said to have been redeemed or to be redeemed. Fun fact to haunt yalls with~ “

#warning long #long post #hazbin critical #very long rant #important #hear victims voices #just sick of how awful people can treat one another and believe this is acceptable #everyone is accountable #toxic fanbase #Toxic shippers #toxic ships #im literally too fucking old for this #forgive the anger but after years and years it gets so cumbersome and tiring #im happy to be the pariah if it means victims actually get heard and helped

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incorrect-hs-quotes · 5 years

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oohohoho you just opened the deepest can of worms on the planet

-mod dave, who wrote a fucking ten mile essay

first off, addressing the second anon, no theyre all humans. h., half humans at least. cause yall know me i fucking love my humanstuck aus off my ASS

(that would be funny as hell though. a troll from space walking into a camp on earth going “I AM THE SON OF ONE OF YOUR EARTH GODS. BITCH” like... holy shit)

so first things first their parents. im gonna lay this out, the beta kids and trolls are all greek (EXCEPT sollux hes roman cause his parent has no greek equivalent), and all the alpha kids and trolls are those gods roman equivalents (,,EXCEPT dirk cause he kinda balances sollux being roman out). i havent figured out how thatd happen like 16+ times yet cause in the percy jackson books theres only ever been one instance of two siblings of the same godly descent being greek and roman respectively in HISTORY so like.. i guess th. i guess thats just not a problem in this au

anyway this gets really long so im gonna talk about the beta kids and trolls cause i havent elaborated on the alphas at all ((peep the tags if you wanna see their parents though))

johns the son of zeus, rose is the daughter of athena, dave is the son of apollo, and jade is the daughter of demeter. they were all raised in their respective states, all had to come to new york for various reasons. jades been there the longest, shes been there 9 years and shes been on a couple quests. her biggest accomplishment so far is how she protected the camp from this big vicious angry hellhound that got past the barrier. naturally the girls fluent in Dog Training, so she steps up and instead of trying to kill this thing, she reaches out and tames it as fast as she can. it ends up actually working, and ever since that day she, her cabin, and the camp have a whole bodyguard sleeping right outside the demeter cabin! hes her steed in battle and hes a Very Good Boy. and his name is becquerel

johns the newest kid at camp, he has no idea who he is or why the fuck his school got attacked or why in the hell those anemoi thuellai were so fixated on him or HOW in the hell he absorbed the lightning one threw at him and ended up fine,,, hes just a big mess right now. a big enough mess that when he got claimed by literally zeus, no one else was around, he shrugged it off as some basic magical happening, and he stayed in the hermes cabin far longer than he should have cause no one! fucking knew he got claimed! by zeus of all people! dumbass. he ends up figuring it out though. like an off-hand mention about how this “weird lightning thing appeared above my head a couple weeks ago, haha weird right?” once he figures it out he realizes “hey i might be able to fly” so he sneaks off into the woods to try it. he succeeds fairly quickly but god almighty everyones face the one day the dude just yote himself off a small cliff without warning,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

dave and rose are really tight, theyve been there roughly the same time length, and since their cabins are across from each other they just bother each other all the time. daves the resident Doctor even though he really doesnt look it cause hes got the apollo powers. apollo is the medicine god. so if you wound your stupid ass in battle daves in the ER room patching you up with his glowy hands. rose on the other hand is a very good strategist. shes one of the only athena kids ever recorded to actually have a power - telekinesis. she has no idea how she developed it, she thinks its from birth, but it freaks her out. shes training it though.

so the beta trolls, are also all human(ish). aradias hades kid. but i pulled a pjo trope on her based on one of my favorite characters (im not saying for spoilers, but if you recognize the situation, You Probably Know Who Its Based Off) and aradia died. her mom, the handmaid, had been pulling some Shady Ass Shit and ended up getting herself killed, but aradia tried saving her and ended up going down with her.

so handmaid gets sentenced to the fields of punishment in the underworld, and aradia gets sentenced to elysium, heroes paradise. shes like “no i want my mom to be okay” so they take that away from aradia and they put them both in the fields of asphodel, the neverending grey space for Not So Good But Not So Bad people. her mom becomes a shade (shadow spirit, no human resemblance), as all people do, but aradia. doesnt? and she gets dunked in the fucking river lethe and if you dont know what that does it erases your memory. so she just. comes out of the river like “hello? wgat tae fukc goin on??” but she still remembers one thing. there was an “a” in her name.

tavros is the son of hermes, hes just kinda taken on the role of backup counselor for when the actual cabin counselor is out. hes in a wheelchair, but he also has prosthetic legs for when he needs to actually stand up and fight. hes really good at it too. also catch him in winged converse cause he Owns Those and Uses Them To His Advantage. hes trying his best to keep focused on the camp, cause aradia was his childhood friend, he misses her a whole lot, she never got to camp in the first place. and to his knowledge, shes still dead.

sollux is a janus kid. thats a problem cause janus is roman, and this is a greek camp. he grew up with dave, he showed up with dave, hes been at camp as long as dave. but hes been unclaimed since he showed up so he thinks hes unwanted by whatever parent he has. he knows hes a demigod, he got through the camp barriers, so what the fuck is wrong with him? he also feels shitty cause hes shit at the greek lessons, he cant read a lick of it which literally every demigod without exception should be able to do, he cant name any gods- well, he can, but.. he gets their names mixed up. why does he keep calling poseidon “neptune”? and he has a much, much different way of natural fighting than other kids. they slice, he jabs. he wasnt taught to jab.

karkat is an aphrodite kid with vitiligo, and to make matters worse, hes ace and on the aro spectrum. to make matters WORSE, the aphrodite kids are kinda notorious for being really shallow, really materialistic, and really mean. karkats been dubbed the “runt” of the cabin, he gets made fun of for his spots to the point where he uses make up and magic to conceal them. worst of all? hes the kid of the goddess of love, for fucks sake. being reminded that “loveless people shouldnt be able to stay in this cabin, mom must have made a mistake claiming you” is kind of.. a blow to the self esteem. long story short he hates aphrodite for claiming him, and would have rather stayed in the hermes cabin. but he eventually goes on this big quest thats vague as fuck right now but Its The Main Plot, he ends up proving to himself that hes worth something and that his siblings are wrong, and my FAVORITE LINE IN THE WHOLE THING i came up with is HIS when he deals a final blow to some big monster: “REMEMBER MY FACE THE NEXT TIME YOU REINCARNATE. MY NAME IS KARKAT VANTAS, I’M THE SON OF APHRODITE, AND LOOKS CAN KILL.”

nepeta isnt anywhere near developed as others are unfortunately, shes a daughter of ares and shes really really good at hand to hand combat. shes small but she leads groups of people in things ranging from camp volleyball games to actual literal wars. shes a tough little shit

kanaya isnt really developed either, i have yet to figure out most of her powers too actually, shes a daughter of iris, the rainbow goddess though. (blatant reference to both kanayas vampirism and. h. her. sh. es ga. gay) ONE THING SHE CAN DO THOUGH is iris message at will without water or drachmas so really shes just everyones go to cell phone and its fucking hilarious cause people just come into the cabin like “KANAYA I NEED TO TALK TO [X]” and shes like “You Better Fucking Pay Me I Am Not Your Personal Cell Phone”

terezi is the daughter of nemesis and she has this really peculiar power she hasnt really gotten the hang of yet. she has synesthesia, so while she cant see she can smell and taste the colors of her surroundings and its really helpful. sometimes though she gets messages from her mom. they dont even come as dreams half the time, they come as almost a different plane altogether. tez has the power to literally tip the scales, pretty much. and when she gets like that, she can see. shes not on earth though, shit on earth stops when shes like that. shes just kinda In Her Own Head, i guess? and in her head she holds the two scales in her hands. she is the arms of the scale. and depending on which one she lifts up, she can literally alter the fate of the battle or happening thats going on By Herself. once she chooses she just whooshes back to real life though and nothing has changed. the only downside? it takes a LOT of energy and cant be exploited for little things. her one thing on her bucket list is to tap into said powers while getting something from a vending machine so like three things will fall out but it hasnt happened yet and shes upset

vriskas a daughter of tyche, the luck goddess, come the fuck on you knew i was gonna, i havent really elaborated on her either and im upset about that. but hey now you get a break from all those fucking paragraphs

equius is a hephaestus kid, and he kinda stays in the background. hes a range fighter, he spends a lot of time in the forge, and even though its been a project looooong since forgotten, hes been excavating the tunnels under cabin nine for years. by himself. he has no idea where they lead, but dammit hes gonna find out where. he has no idea about a certain bunker in the woods though...

gamzees just there for a fucking laugh tbh hes a son of dionysus and i love that cause hes the god of wine and parties and insanity. usually gamzees just zoning out somewhere hes Not supposed to be, and hes not affected by the maenads FUCKED UP BULLSHIT that goes down the forest sometimes. also hes so fucking scared of tavroses wing shoes he tried them on once while he was high and JESUS CHRIST

eridan is the son of kymopoleia, a SUPER obscure goddess. lets just say dont fuck with eridan cause his mom is the goddess of violent sea storms,

and naturally, feferi is the daughter of poseidon. cause who the FUCK else would she be the daughter of. WHO. NAME ONE GOD

OH AND JUST CAUSE I FORGOT CALLIE AND CALIBORN ARE SATYRS IN THIS AU. CALLIE HAS PAN PIPES. and caliborn still has a gun

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fanficaficionado · 3 years

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okay, i know i said i would be starting with things i knew and loved. hell, i even had a fic from the fandom im currently ass-deep in all lined up!! but then i procrastinated, and i lost motivation, got distracted by my scheduled post-holiday shutdown, and something else finally kicked my ass into gear. so this blog's first true introduction to the world will not, in fact, be a post where i worship the very ground my favorite fic writers walk upon.

no, today we are talking about Ascent into Madness by cesium_sheep

((spoilers, obviously))

Now im going to preface this by saying that this criticism is subjective and based in my opinion. I did genuinely enjoy this story, and i did not at any point feel the urge to launch myself into the sun with nothing but the pure force of my rage, causing the sun to explode and consume planet earth in a scorching hell-blast and decimating all life on our tiny little space rock, which even some of my favorites are guilty of because in some stories characters just love to waffle about ((especially in my preferred reading material which puts romance at a very significant focus)). This story just isn't for me.

I'm going to explain why, and believe me when i say i am being as gentle as i physically can with this story because it is not objectively offensive to my very being, It's a good read and setting aside the problems i have with it i enjoyed it.

I keep repeating that i don't hate this story because i do not want to be accused of baseless hate, not because of reputation or anything but because being accused of something i know i didn't do sets off the same sensation that i get from rubbing my fingernails on egg cartons, the one of the back of my brain being assaulted by the mayonnaise-coated fingers of satan himself. Damn i should really get to the criticism before this just becomes an in depth description of my very soul's adverse reaction to the cream in queen anne chocolate cherries.

anyways.

The thing about this story is that, to me, it feels.. unfinished. Or at the very least like it wandered off its intended course. It leaves me with a feeling of mild dissatisfaction and the taste of confusion in my mouth. I think this problem is best summarized by the fact that, in the first chapter, it is set up that rose is in some sort of hospital, and that dave thinks she is in the grasp of some delusion, and the second chapter sets up the retroactive explanation for how it got to this point. See, what i expected was to be caught up to that point in the story, reach that point in time again, and then progress from there.

But that first chapter?? With the hospital, the delusions, the brick through the window with the radio attached?? Never brought up again, not even once. It is completely discarded and never even thought about. The story even stops trying to set up that scene after a certain point.

To put it in homestuck terms, because i'm a loser, a time player, and come on we're talking about a homestuck fic here you know i have to do this, it feels like we started a loop and then branched off the alpha timeline so completely we aren't even a part of the metaphorical timeline-tree anymore. It nags at my brain man, it's one of the main things that fuelled my motivation in writing this. It feels lost and wandering and it confuses me in a bone deep sorta way.

The second thing that gets to me is the complete lack of information presented about what, exactly, the fuck is going on. I have no idea how we got from point A to point B, not just because it completely disconnects from point A not even halfway through, but also because there's a lot of plot threads thrown in haphazardly and then never extended upon. There's a mention of jake and john's respective guardians knowing something about the story's big bad and all the mystical bullshit that follows along behind him, but that is never followed up on even a little. No one questions why they know, despite this information being so rare that literally only two families and a single group of aliens seem to have access to it. It just is a thing and then whoops, hand musta slipped because that bad boy is out the window and is facing the combined nonexistent mercy of gravity and this ten story drop.

The main plot has this same problem, in feeling like you get just enough info to keep it going forward. There's a sword in rose's umbrella basket or whatever the hell it's called, and it's implied a future dave put it there for his past self, but do we get confirmation that it was him?? Do we see that loop completed?? No, it is just used as a driving force for rose to try and push the fact that dave's got Timey powers. It feels like i'm being pulled by the hand through this story because it only gives just barely enough information to keep this crazy train rolling and then goes so far as to leave fucking time loops hanging there incomplete which okay i might be getting a little peeved about that but can you blame me?? Can you really blame me at all??

Maybe i am judging the plot too harshly, after all i was forewarned not to read for the plot in the summary because it's pretty slow and wandering. So let's get into something else then, yes?? Let's hop to the relationships.

The relationships, too, fall prey to this complete lack of any meaningful focus on any piece of information ever. I'd swear the writer was allergic if that didn't seem too harsh a description. It's a whole lot of telling without any showing, a cardinal sin in writing. We get a conversation with kanaya that doesn't suffer the disconnect from all things that the rest of the story seems haunted by. It's actually really a neat little conversation and i find it kind of wholesome how kanaya talks about rose and i personally think this interaction to be entirely too short. Then kanaya mentions karkat and apparently there's some of davekat's standard romantic tension happening off-screen because dave starts to get flustered and ponders what that means. And once again a plot thread is thrown to the winds because we never get another whiff of it.

Actually on the topic of davekat, dave just naturally gravitates to karkat and then they're stuck together like glue, so stuck in fact that dave dies for karkat because dave apparently forgets the golden rule of "If you have time to jump in front of someone then you have time to push them out of the way" and then ignores the added bit i spitefully wrote on the ancient stone tablet of Things That Make Sense in neon orange sharpie that says "Especially if you have time to have a discussion about your choices with an ambiguously-dead girl. Pull your thumb out of your ass, dave, nobody has to die here, magic option number three was not the one you picked."

Of course, this is a fanfiction, these are characters i already know. I know how these characters would interact, i know how their relationship develops in-canon and i know that given the chance these fuckers become goddamn inseparable. But that doesn't excuse the fact that it is all tell and no show, we dont see how it gets from "You're one of the only familiar faces in a group of strangers and i am not about to start interacting with new people unless i have to" to "Here let me die heroically for you and then be revived for no explainable reason besides Because The Wizard Of God Says So." I have no reason to be invested in this or even give a half-ounce shit despite it literally becoming something that the climax hinges on. And then rose and kanaya are just inexplicably,, together?? Right at the end?? And while i am happy that the lesbians get to be in love everything is off screen and nothing is ever explained, not even like one time, and god it's just so confusing. I am so confused.

But again, maybe i'm being unfair, once again the very tags of this fic are telling me that the relationships are not the focus and only really tagged so people can filter it out. I suppose i should judge the characters, then.

From what i remember there are sixteen characters, excluding ((who i believe to be, as it is once again not explained or explicitly stated to be)) caliborn at the end, with speaking roles. Five of those characters retain any narrative relevance for more than a nanosecond. A good chunk of the trolls arent even mentioned by name, with eridan and i think sollux being mentioned, and who i think to be sollux speaks when rose and dave are first brought to the trolls' apartment but again, the fog of uncertainty clouds all things and i don't have my handy dandy leafblower on me to airblast that shit out of my way. Of the five characters with any focus on them, two are relegated to the role of supporting character, with karkat joining that number more often than not. That leaves us with dave and rose, who are ultimately as a whole unaffected by their experiences. They do not learn anything, they do not grow or change. Sure rose freaks out about her perception of reality, but that falls flat because it's more tell and no show again. Dave freaks out, as he rightfully should in this situation, but there is no arc. There is no significant change in anything but moving toward the boss fight with the big baddie.

There aren't any particularly interesting interactions between these characters, either, i cannot recall one time in which i laughed, or felt much of anything really. They all fall into a state of Existing while also feeling like they aren't doing a whole lot. It's more noticeable in retrospect but these characters just Do Not feel alive, they seem incredibly flat at times and it's hard to notice while you're reading but looking back it stands out so painfully and it makes me very sad.

If i'm not supposed to read for the plot, and i'm not supposed to read for the relationships, and i can't read for the characters, then what is this story meant to be read for?? The only other thing i can think of is the mystery and sorry pal, but that's a plot, which we have already established doesn't really have a whole lot going for it because while your mystery sure is there it is currently stinking up that rug you shoved half the answers under because those mysteries aren't the ones you want to focus on.

Is it simply meant to pass the time?? Is there no deeper purpose besides keeping yourself entertained as the hours tick by?? Because if so, it at least accomplished that. Despite its faults, it kept my attention for the entire fifty one chapters, and it passed my time.

There are other nitpicks i have, but that's more based around the writing style on a more technical level. The chapters are too short for my personal taste, and there are far too many cliffhangers, these things i will not condemn as the writer gave a good reason for the latter and obviously no writer is obligated to churn out 2,500 words per chapter unless they damn well want to.

Ultimately, this story is neither good nor bad. It is straightforward in that it burns any other plot threads besides the main one on the sacrificial alter of The Writer Does What The Writer Wants, it's a bit too ambiguous and under-explained for my tastes, but there is nothing egregiously offensive in it. It is a story that exists. I wouldn't read it again, but i wouldn't not read it again, and i don't even come close to regretting the time i spent reading it ((outside of the fact that it is currently almost nine am and i haven't slept but that one is my own fault)).

I scrolled passed this story in its beginnings, assuming it would not be particularly mindblowing, and now that i've read it i know that i was entirely correct. Read it if you want, or don't, just don't go in expecting something life changing. I suggest picking out a spot on your schedule where you have nothing to do and will no doubt be bored out of your mind. I sincerely doubt you'll regret it.

#homestuck #homestuck fanfic #fanfiction #god what else do i even tag this as. fuckin..#fanfiction critique #????#i feel like a child #i am but a little boy lost in the deep dark woods and i have no idea where i am going #there is no map for this shit #also as i write this tag it is now 9:52 am #a whole hour after i finished writing this monstrosity #because editing this stuff to make it somewhat coherent is a task and a half #i ramble worse than any homestuck character and i have proof too. go ahead. challenge me. i dare you. i know im right #i don't know why or how i got to the bit about queen anne chocolate cherries but i think its funny so fuck it its staying in #again if the author of this fic somehow comes across this and doesn't want this shit on my blog or wants to be tagged like let me know plea #i am trying desperately to not step on any toes or hearts here but i was not Raised so if i fuck up please just tell me #i dont wanna be publicly hung via tumblr anon attacks and callout posts that are poorly made at best and wildly inaccurate at worst #anyways thanks for reading i guess i have no idea how to tie this shit off and it Shows lol #hope i did okay #fuck it im not rereading this anymore im sending it out into the world #off you go little timmy suck it up and face the judgement of strangers

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everyman0 · 5 years

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WALLS TO BREAK US

so i know i dropped all communication for the past several months...and evans fucking journal might have you believe i sat on my ass the entire time but that isnt the case. I didnt intend on sharing this information, frankly. but my time is running out now, evans already gone. this account of events will be all i have left.

i cant leave this place. i dont even know where the fuck i am supposed to be to begin with.

there is a house. a neighborhood. stores. a town. but nothing has a name.

there are people, but despite the gift of sight i was given, i see nothing of them. like empty thoughts given a shell to walk around in.

i thought at first, a couple months ago when i was first allowed to walk outside again, that they were real and that i was simply too overwhelmed with shock to really notice what was wrong here. but now i see it. i see it because there is nothing to see. these people aren't people at all, more like ghosts.

at least im not entirely alone. there's still the house and asterion.

ive walked to the store many times, even got assaulted in the parking lot. Was that guy a ghost too? I dont know. but i havent only gone to the store - ive walked around the entire town. know what i finally realized, several days after i had made that exploratory journey?

there are no cars here. none being sold, none being driven, absolutely fucking nothing. no bikes either. no skates, no skateboards, no heelies wheelies or fucking feelies. not a single mode of transportation of any kind.

theres a bus stop though! thank fuck for that! oh wait, it's fucking useless. i have not once seen a bus in this god forsaken place.

imagine the anguish i felt upon realizing that despite being able to steal groceries just fine, i cant even hope to steal a car to drive as far away as i can from this hellhole. but it doesnt stop there.

of course it doesnt.

so alright, no cars. but i still had my legs, right? (and still do, somehow.)

so i figured if i cant drive away, i could at least saunter the fuck out of this place and maybe determine some sense of location on planet fucking earth. i set out. i walked in one direction from the house to the town and onward. and onward. and onward. for five fucking hours.

i found nothing.

but it wasnt your average nothingness like that of a long rural road, as it had originally appeared to me. no...instead, i eventually encountered what i call the Edge. here, the road stutters into an impossible blackness. here, if you turn your head, you can see how the blackness runs parallel to the world around you, bordering everything for miles. real truman show type shit.

the real kicker is when i discovered that only i can see it.

like any good scientist, i did some experimenting. kicked some cans, threw some rocks, all hurtling in the direction of the black wall. to my surprise, the items phased through it. swallowed might be a better word. i couldnt see or hear if the objects landed on the other side, if there was even a side to land on beyond the boundaries of ink. so then i decided i needed an extra set of eyes, and brought evan along a few days later.

this is the first and last time i let him outside in my care, and for good reason.

we arrived at the Edge, and evan was immediately annoyed at me as i had stopped walking just a few feet before the black wall. i asked him to explain what the problem was. he was like, "dude, you told me there was some shit i had to see and we have been walking forever. where the fuck is it? is this it? because it looks like a whole lot of fucking nothing."

i then asked, "what does this nothing look like to you?"

evan was growing more confused and angry, but i didnt want him to know what i did until i knew what he did first. i didnt want to contaminate his perception by revealing my own. i needed to be thorough and absolutely sure of our experience.

he threw his arms in the air in frustration, "a road, vin. it looks like a road, the same fuckin' cracked asphalt we've been following for miles. forwards and backwards, road."

evan took a step forward, into the blackness. i saw the tip of his foot disappear, sliced by the unfathomable wall. evan didnt seem to notice anything different, standing there with his arms crossed. so then i knew at least one thing for certain: only i could see the wall.

however, until seeing evan's foot just barely phasing through the wall, it hadnt occurred to me if i could pass through it too...or at least touch it. before, when i had been throwing cans and such, i didnt dare get too close to the black edge. i had no idea what would happen, and wasnt particularly interested in finding out at the time. all i could gather was that, just like the rest of the town and even the house herself, it was designed to keep things inside.

as it turns out, evan was not one of those things intended to stay. i stood there pondering silently, and watched as evan began an impatient pacing along the length of the wall. an imperfect, wobbly hobble across the street and back; i saw arms and legs flash in and out of the blackness as evan walked, still taking no notice. evan couldnt see the difference like i could, and he wasnt the prisoner these walls were meant to encase. so who was?

well obviously it's me. at least, i'm somehow a part of the equation i think. and then i figured now was no better a time as any for me to make my approach and reach out - touch the wall, see what happens, inwardly hope it just kills me on the spot, and so on.

but right as i had decided this, i hear evan angrily spitting an expletive and turn, marching off beyond the pitch black walls. guess he was tired of waiting on me, and you know ev - always runs in head first. i word this story now as if this is something i remember fondly about evan, but let me be clear: in that moment of time, standing in the middle of some fucking road behind a maliciously black prison wall, a wall of which evan was now beyond and impossible for me to see any longer? leaving me, alone?

i fucking hate how much of a hardheaded ass evan is sometimes.

i was so caught off guard by evan's sudden disappearance beyond the veil of the Edge that what that meant didn't register until several seconds later when i found myself clamoring towards the wall. i yelled for evan, then screamed for him. my hands meet the black surface with a loud plang as if the wall was made of glass, but the way the wall felt against my skin is indescribable. i wailed my fists against the presumed surface, the noise of the impacts reverberating loudly. this lasted a few minutes.

evan eventually came back...and he seemed just as he were before, except maybe even more annoyed as he began to once again pester me on why i was just standing there wasting time. he got his first round of bitching out before he noticed that i had tears running down my face, looking disheveled.

he changed his tune and asked me what was wrong, what the fuck happened. his confusion was telling - he hadnt heard me screaming for him to come back. i wiped my eyes, faked a chuckle, and told him it was nothing to worry about and that maybe it was best to go home for now and try some other time when im more 'in the present.'

i decided that i wasnt going to tell evan about the Edge, at least not right then. i needed time to gather myself back together, since the resulting panic attack had taken a lot out of me for one day. But even after i had taken that time...

i didnt want evan to know about the wall. fuck, i know its selfish, but i didnt want evan to know that he had the ability to leave this wretched fuckhole but i didnt, that i was trapped and he wasnt. its not because i wanted to spare evan the heartbreak of knowing his friend was doomed...but because i didnt want evan to get the idea that he could abandon me without consequence.

i didnt want evan to use this knowledge as an escape plan to get away from me.

not wanting evan to leave me wasnt the only reason i didnt tell him though. there was still so much i was uncertain about; hell, i still wasnt sure if just being outside the house put evan at risk. i took a chance in taking him to the wall and he lasted well enough during that time...but given what was discovered, even if evan could sit out on the lawn every day and not a thing touch him...the very existence of the wall was a dangerous game of chance.

this is why i did not want evan to go back outside again after this incident. i couldnt trust that he would truly be safe...and i couldnt trust that he wouldn't just run away on me. i completely fucked myself in both ways, though. he's out there getting hurt or dying or already dead because i pushed him far enough to truly fucking hate me.

even now, ive no idea what happened to evan after he ran out of the house. Maybe he never made it past the wall again.

maybe this post is the first time he’s hearing about it.*

*IT IS, YOU SMART BOY. I COULDN’T JUST KILL HIM BEFORE YOU EXPOSED YOURSELF AS A HIDEOUS EXCUSE OF A FRIEND. THE PAIN WILL ADD FLAVOR! MAYBE I’LL GIVE YOU A TASTE.

#evrymn0 #phase???

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thelifetimechannel · 6 years

Text

ARADIA: hi! ARADIA: i dont think weve spoken JAKE: Oh! Hi there. No i dont think we have. JAKE: Youre a troll arent you? ARADIA: yes well spotted :) ARADIA: our paths never crossed before earlier today but you have met many of my comrades JAKE: So are you friends with karkar and the one who kept sniffing me? JAKE: I dont think ive quite managed to catch everyones names yet. JAKE: I know its silly considering weve been around each other and fought together but you know how things get lost in the shuffle. ARADIA: i am indeed! ARADIA: i havent been the most diligent in maintaining our friendship lately but weve known each other for sweeps ARADIA: i managed to lose track of time for a while there myself ARADIA: so much to see so much to do ARADIA: paradox space is full of adventures waiting to happen JAKE: Oh lordy. Isnt THAT the truth. Places to be! Things to do! Reality destroying horrors to fight! JAKE: This may not be true of you but im more than ready for a siesta. ARADIA: i guess a short rest might be in order ARADIA: but after that im eager to explore our new universe! ARADIA: i have seen a lot so far but there is always more to discover JAKE: !! JAKE: Of course! JAKE: What do you think is on the other side then? Will we just get dumped out into the void? ARADIA: hmmm ARADIA: im not sure ARADIA: i have been many places but i have never been through a victory door ARADIA: not yet ARADIA: i would imagine we would be able to visit some of the worlds i saw on the lab readouts though ARADIA: including your former earth that has been placed there JAKE: Former earth? You mean like home? ARADIA: in a sense ARADIA: jade captured your earth far in its future and brought it back with her ARADIA: now it has been placed in the new universe you have created as a home for some of the carapaces who have shared your journey with you ARADIA: im sure theyll go about making it very homelike for their tastes ARADIA: i dont know if thats where youll want to settle down but it is far from the only planet out there JAKE: Oh. So its the earth thats wrecked and flooded and all that. ARADIA: i believe so ARADIA: your earth, but its future JAKE: Well nuts. JAKE: I know its silly to say so but for a moment i was almost thinking i could go back to my island. JAKE: I mean its not much. But if you dealt with the beasts it wouldnt be a bad vacation home. Im just not sure i have space for everyone! JAKE: At the very least i could gather up some of the things i left. ARADIA: hmm ARADIA: well considering it is only a matter of being there at the right time... ARADIA: i might be able to help with that JAKE: Really?? JAKE: Oh of course you could. I recognize that gear. JAKE: Speaking of which... do all trolls grow pretty fairy wings when they god tier? Ive seen them on the clown and now on roxys moms gal pal. ARADIA: we usually do! ARADIA: for some reason i havent seen any on karkat or his ancestor in the dream bubbles ARADIA: a few have even sprouted them without the aid of sgrub but that is rare ARADIA: why, are you jealous? ;) JAKE: Psssh. No. Theyre not really a match for my rugged aesthetic. JAKE: I mean i know it doesnt look rugged. Especially before i ditched the shorts. But sparkly butterfly wings on a guy is uh. Somewhat questionable in human culture? ARADIA: how strange ARADIA: youd think anyone would like a pair of these! but tastes are not disputable ARADIA: usually JAKE: Maybe if they were pointier or if my uh. JAKE: Ruggedness. JAKE: Hadnt already been called into question today. ARADIA: ruggedness is easily reestablished ARADIA: i often established mine by uncovering ancient mystical ruins or destroying things with my mind ARADIA: sometimes i got a little too carried away with that last one JAKE: I already blew up parts of two planets by accident but as long as the new universe has plenty of new tombs to plunder i guess thats a sound course of action. JAKE: Just save some for me! JAKE: Or hells bells take me with you! There can only be so many ancient mystical ruins in a fresh baked universe. ARADIA: sgrub did seed them throughout our world ARADIA: it stands to reason it might attempt to do so again ARADIA: such ruins would be in need of extra desecration JAKE: Would they also have transportalizers to prospit and derse? JAKE: ...like... new prospits and derses if im on the right gravy train? ARADIA: if a session of sgrub is slated to be played ARADIA: which i suppose it is since our adversary did so and or will do so ARADIA: he and who knows how many others ARADIA: though i believe rose is hoping to make that number a small one ARADIA: she might appreciate some ruin recon ;) JAKE: Oh! Gladly! JAKE: I grew up near one of those temples so i know you have to... carve your own souvenirs. So to speak. JAKE: Sadly skaia leaves precious little in the way of strange statuettes or precious trinkets. ARADIA: i will mark you down for hivehold item retrieval and ruin expeditions ARADIA: and if we desecrate a few instead of treating their contents with respect it will only be following in the footsteps of troll indiana jones all the better JAKE: !!! JAKE: You have an indiana jones?? ARADIA: of course ARADIA: what kind of civilization wouldnt have indiana jones JAKE: I mean OBVIOUSLY. JAKE: Indys one of my heroes! Along with lara croft of course. JAKE: I wanted to be just like them as a tyke. And i guess i kind of am? Except instead of putting precious treasures in a museum i exhumed a bunch of skeletons. ARADIA: that sounds exciting too! ARADIA: the crux of the adventure is the adventure itself not the loot you gain ARADIA: that is the team charge motto JAKE: I think i can get behind that. JAKE: Maybe the real adventure is the friends we make along the way? ARADIA: haha i hope so! ARADIA: and the lessons we learn but those are often painful ARADIA: then again sometimes our friends can be painful too at times ARADIA: but they are still worth it JAKE: Yeah. JAKE: Yeah they are!! JAKE: People are more... complicated than you might initially take them for. But i think youve got to try and understand them. JAKE: Friendship has to be a two-way street. And ive not always been the best at that but... consarnit i can try harder than i have been. JAKE: Sometimes people need that. ARADIA: if there is one thing i have learned through my time with the dreamers it is that people want to be understood ARADIA: sometimes they cant find peace until someone does JAKE: I guess i didnt realize how much things weighed on my friends until it... well... boiled over. ARADIA: haha ARADIA: i could tell you some stories about that ARADIA: but perhaps another time JAKE: Were all in sort of the same boat i guess. Hurting like the dickens on the inside. JAKE: At least were not alone then? ARADIA: yes! ARADIA: that is the most important thing to remember ARADIA: we are not alone JAKE: Not anymore!

#tlcstuck #aradia megido #jake english #walkaround 4

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snowkatze · 6 years

Text

Normal Guys

This is for the Carry On Countdown 2017 (@carryon-countdown) Prompt: Social Media (Day 2) Genre: angst, fluff Word Count: 2118 Summary: Baz texts some guy on a dating app online and tries to forget about his love for Simon Snow.

Factually, they're just lines. A machine could be programmed to write lines like that; yes, he might not even be human. It might just be an illusion that has been granted to me. He might not be who he says he is, he might not be anybody at all. They might be lies, because lying is easy under the cloak of anonymity and online, where there's no eye contact, no mimics, no sounds to give you away. I know that it would be easy and that life might be cruel enough to fool me into believing someone would be able to love me. I know they're just lines. But despite all that, I can't help but look at these words and feel like they're not just lines, but hope.

And they make me think that even I could love again, someone who is not Simon Snow. For that, it is not important whether this is real at all, whether anyone could be capable to love me at all, because after all, I am nothing but lines, too.

Sconeslove2 02:12 am: lol r u a vampire or smth

NormalHuman 02:12 am: May I remind you that you texted me first? Sconeslove2 02:13 am: yeah but i'm disfunctional, what's your excuse?

Sconeslove2 02:13 am: btw ur so posh Sconeslove2 02:13 am: u talk like old people

Sconeslove2 02:13 am: cause ur an immortal vampire

NormalHuman 02:14 am: I am a normal human. It literally says so in my url. And of course, I lie, too.

Sconeslove2 02:14 am: which is suspicious in itself!!!! NormalHuman 02:14 am: What about your url? I can honestly not believe there is another imbecile on this earth who would call himself 'Sconeslove'. So why the 2? Sconeslove2 02:15 am: don't try to distract me!!! ur trying to seduce me aren't u NormalHuman 02:16 am: If I was a vampire, you would be the last person whose blood I'd drink. Sconeslove2 02:16 am: aaaaw because u love me so much? NormalHuman 02:17 am: because your blood would taste disgusting, idiot

Sconeslove2 02:18 am: how do u kno? can u smell it.. cause ur a vampire with super senses? NormalHuman 02:18 am: sure. i kno exactly which smell belongs to ur blood under all the 7 billion people whose blood i can smell at the exact same time

Smelling every person on earth, that would be hell. It's hard enough with the person sleeping across from me every night. Sconeslove2 02:18 am: ahjdaldakl u didn't use perfect grammar. r u tryin to get down with the kids to conceal ur vampire identity

NormalHuman 02:19 am: You simply don't deserve this eloquence. I don't respect you enough. Sconeslove2 02:19 am: it's just my bad influence, isn't it

Sconeslove2 02:20 am: I know you're not a vampire btw

Sconeslove2 02:20 am: My room mate is one and he's ToTalLy different from u

Sconeslove2 02:20 am: TOTally

Sconeslove2 02:21 am: He is the epitome of evil!!!

NormalHuman 02:21 am: And I'm just the nicest person on the planet, aren't I? Sconeslove2 02:21 am: well no but ur not planning my demise, r u? Sconeslove2 02:22 am: or the downfall of literal mankind?!?! NormalHuman 02:22 am: Once again, it is shown how little you know about me. As a matter of fact, both of these things are on top of my priorities.

Sconeslove2 02:23 am: u have a list, don't u

Sconeslove2 02:23 am: a priority list

Sconeslove2 02:23 am: u seem like a person who has lots if lists

NormalHuman 02:24 am: Stop double texting me. Sconeslove2 02:24 am: U FOOL

Sconeslove2 02:24 am: i dont just double text Sconeslove2 02:25 am: I tRIPle text

Sconeslove2 02:25 am: I QUAdriple txt

Sconeslove2 02:25 am: I Sixtriple text

Sconeslove2 02:26 am: Septribble NormalHuman 02:26 am: sTOP Sconeslove2 02:26 am: Octave

NormalHuman 02:27 am: Go to sleep

Sometimes it scares me how much he acts like Snow.

Sconeslove2 02:27 am: why? are u concerned for my wellbeing?

NormalHuman 02:27 am: no NormalHuman 02:27 am: It's just like you're sleep-drunk or something

Sconeslove2 02:28 am: hey

Sconeslove2 02:28 am: is there a reason you're still awake? NormalHuman 02:29 am: just couldn't sleep

Sconeslove2 02:29 am: did you have a nightmare?

And it's almost like somebody actually cares about me. Sconeslove2 02:29 am: again? NormalHuman 02:30 am: yes

Sconeslove2 02:30 am: Do you want to tell me about it? NormalHuman 02:30 am: i'm fine

Sconeslove2 02:31 am: Don't lie to me

Sconeslove2 02:32 am: it's okay, you don't have to tell me

Sconeslove2 02:32 am: I just wish you were alright

NormalHuman 02:32 am: me too

Sconeslove2 02:33 am: Just imagine I'm hugging you Sconeslove2 02:33 am: really hard

Sconeslove2 02:33 am: until you're not sure any more whether I'm trying to show you that I love you or trying to kill you

I can't remember the last time somebody hugged me like they meant it. Nobody ever touches me. Nobody dares to touch me.

Sconeslove2 02:34 am: You know, I'm sort of really good at protecting people

Sconeslove2 02:34 am: I'm exceptionally good at slaying monsters Sconeslove2 02:34 am: And I'll slay your nightmares too

Sconeslove2 02:35 am: until you're happy again

Sconeslove2 02:35 am: I can be your knight in shining armour

NormalHuman 02:36 am: And I can be a normal guy

Sconeslove2 02:36 am: ha

Sconeslove2 02:36 am: I can't imagine anything nicer

Sconeslove2 02:37 am: don't worry

Sconeslove2 02:37 am: You and I, we can be normal guys

That would be nice, wouldn't it?

NormalHuman 02:38 am: Promise me we'll run away together Sconeslove2 02:38 am: of course

Sconeslove2 02:39 am: It'll be the cheesiest love story

NormalHuman 02:40 am: I don't know a lot of love stories

Sconeslove2 02:40 am: How about Romeo and Juliet

Sconeslove2 02:40 am: You know that one for sure

Romeo and Juliet? Been there, done that. But of course I can't tell him that.

NormalHuman 02:41 am: You know they die in the end, right? Sconeslove2 02:42 am: You're a vampire tho

Sconeslove2 02:42 am: You can't die

NormalHuman 02:42 am: Then I'll just lose you

Sconeslove2 02:42 am: Fine, then we'll be a different love story

Sconeslove2 02:43 am: Twilight?

NormalHuman 02:43 am: fuck off

Sconeslove2 02:44 am: You're smiling though, right?

I'm not smiling. I'm crying. Because this is just a dream that I'll never have. Because he doesn't know that my life is actually a pretty crappy novel, and I really do die at the end. Because he doesn't know that I'm the monster in someone else's love story. I don't reply to him for a long time. NormalHuman 02:58 am: yeah

NormalHuman 02:58 am: I'm smiling

He doesn't answer me after that.

I suppose I'll try to go back to sleep, too, then. Tomorrow I'll have to return to Watford, go back to face him. But maybe it's true that one day, I'll be rid of him. (Except maybe I'm only fooling myself; maybe, in reality, I'm pretending like I'm texting Snow, and not some stranger, and that means that, actually, I'm not making any progress at all.)

The problem is that it doesn't help at all. I like Sconeslove2 (Though, really, scones? It's almost too ironic). But I still love Simon Snow, no matter what I do.

In a very, very low moment, I created a dating profile and there he was. Sconeslove2, who seems to understand me better than anyone has before. Sometimes I think he's just as broken as I am, which should make me sad, but somehow only comforts me (Another indication of what a terrible human being I am. Or rather, vampire being.).

We've been talking for weeks now, yet I still don't know his name, and he doesn't know mine. I like it too much to give it up. For once, I can disguise myself as someone else.

When I arrive at Watford, I realize that I have a few new messages from Sconeslove2.

Sconeslove2 01:16 pm: hey

Sconeslove2 01:16 pm: I'm sorry. I lied to you. Sconeslove2 01:17 pm: I don't think we should keep texting.

I stare at the messages, trying to grasp their meaning. He lied to me. I knew it. I knew he couldn't be real; that no one could ever be serious about liking me. It seems like a physical impossibility of the universe. And even though I gathered that something sketchy was going on, I can't help but feel hurt, like I can't breathe any more.

It's okay. I was lying, too. I'm not a normal guy.

He never would've liked me if he had known who I was.

It's okay. NormalHuman 02:23 pm: ok Sconeslove2 02:24 pm: no I'll explain Sconeslove2 02:24 pm: I just don't want to lead you on, ok? NormalHuman 02:25 pm: No it's alright

Sconeslove2 02:26 pm: Remember when I told you you weren't like my room mate at all? Sconeslove2 02:26 pm: That's what I lied about. You and my room mate are actually really similar. NormalHuman 02:27 pm: … NormalHuman 02:27 pm: So you hate me?

Sconeslove2 02:28 pm: no

Sconeslove2 02:28 pm: that's just the thing

Sconeslove2 02:29 pm: I really really like you

NormalHuman 02:30 pm: Then what's the problem? Sconeslove2 02:32 pm: The problem is that you're really similar to my room mate

NormalHuman 02:34 pm: ? Sconeslove2 02:34 pm: that made me realize Sconeslove2 02:34 pm: I think I like him

Sconeslove2 02:34 pm: Romantically NormalHuman 02:35 pm: The epitome of evil? Sconeslove2 02:36 pm: unfortunately

Sconeslove2 02:36 pm: he'd kill me if he knew

Sconeslove2 02:37 pm: he'll kill me one day one way or another

NormalHuman 02:37 pm: Maybe you're wrong about that

Sconeslove2 02:37 pm: You aren't mad?

NormalHuman 02:38 pm: No

NormalHuman 02:38 pm: Actually, I'm in love with my room mate as well. NormalHuman 02:39 pm: And if your room mate is anything like me, he's really good at pretending. So your chances might be higher than you think.

Sconeslove2 02:40 pm: Wouldn't it be funny if we were actually room mates? NormalHuman 02:40 pm: That wouldn't be funny, that would be a fucking miracle.

I smile down at my phone. Maybe at least Sconeslove2 can be happy. He wouldn't have been happy with me anyway. Not once he'd met me in real life.

Sconeslove2 02:44 pm: I'm going to miss you.

NormalHuman 02:45 pm: Me too

Sconeslove2 02:46 pm: Goodbye then, vampire boy

Sconeslove2 02:46 pm: Thank you for helping me find myself

NormalHuman 02:47 pm: Just one question before you go

I can't help it.

NormalHuman 02:48 pm: Is your name Simon? Sconeslove2 02:49 pm: yes???? wtf

I drop the phone. I can hear the glass shattering, but I don't care. I start running. That's too many coincidences to ignore. I make my way up the steps and only stop shortly in front of our door. Then I take a breath and open the door, my heart fluttering nervously.

Simon is lying on the bed, his phone in hand. He doesn't even have the time to look up before I've snatched the phone out of his hand.

The chat is still open.

Sconeslove2 to NormalHuman.

I'm a fucking idiot.

“Hey, give that back!” Snow shouts, but I ignore him and scroll through the chat to convince myself it's still there. Snow stands up and tries to take the phone from me, but I push him away. “I like him,” I hiss. “Romantically. That's what you said.” Now he recoils and blushes. “I – I -” I won't listen to his stammering. I push him against the door with my arm and hold him there.

“Did you mean it?” He avoids my gaze. I press harder. This is important.

“Did you say it just to mess with me?” And he looks up. He looks scared, but I can't tell what of.

“No,” he whispers. I hold his gaze. He doesn't look away.

He's telling the truth. I can tell. It's a lot harder to lie in real life than online.

“You like me?” I ask stiffly.

“Yes,” he mutters and drops his gaze.

“So... You're NormalHuman?”

“Yeah.” “Weird that that's the name you would give yourself...” “What? Because I'm a vampire?” My gaze is dark, and he looks up at me again.

“No... Because you're the most extraordinary human I've ever met.”

“I didn't lie to you about my room mate.” He looks at me sheepishly and I see that he's trying to hide a smile.

“So we both like our room mates.” “A miracle...” “It is a bit funny though, isn't it?” I smile at him. “Yeah... It is.”

#carry on fanfiction #snowbaz fanfiction #carry on #snowbaz #carry on countdown #coc 2017

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