#but if i want tianshan to make out i might be waiting for a while

[goliig68]

19 days fic rec pt.2

Making pt.2 cuz I couldn't add all of my favourite fics here( again, with no particular order )

Mark My Love by ria_green

( E | 12,525 | 9/? )

He Tian gently holds Mo Guanshan by the neck, thumb pressing into where a bond bite might one day appear.

Shivering, Mo Guanshan shoves him away. "Go do that with an omega, idiot."

Note: a funny omegaverse story. Don't let the omegaverse title put you off it's seriously very funny and cute. I love the interactions between guan shan and jian yi😂 he tian and zhen xi too! I swear they all have weirdest dynamics!

*

It will come back by mgsdays (regencyaus)

( E | 44,417 | 12/12 )

He Tian leaving on self-protection, after Jian Yi's disappearance, makes Mo scared enough to make a move. They stumble into something together just as He Tian leaves the country, and they have to figure things out long-distance while waiting for He Tian to come back.

--

Mo's known the gist of it since the dawn of his puberty. Water's wet, sky is blue, Mo's sexual desires are intertwined with his complicated feelings for He Tian. Big deal.

But the reality of it is- something else. This is something else entirely.

Did you miss me? – H

Barely noticed. - MGS

...did you? - MGS

Every minute of every day. - H

How the fuck does He Tian just say those things? Doesn't he feel embarrassed? Mo thinks he's feeling embarrassed for him, and he didn't even write it. He stares at the words until his phone light goes out, and then he turns it on again and stares some more.

Note: an amazing reunion au. I think author did a great job at handling tianshan's long-distance relationship and all of that mafia stuff. I think this fic has to be In everyone's "to read" list👌

*

nothing fucks with my baby by figglypudding

( E | 23,897 | 3/3 )

unexpectedly, and in the most unlikely of places, mo stumbles upon a reunion he'd long given up on.

but how can he heal when he's only just begun to acknowledge the hurt?

Note: another reunion au. But angstier and so much sadder😭 but it's happy ending, so all of that sadness was worth going through.

*

swimming in the blood by powerandpathos

( M | 29,455 | 1/1 )

Guan Shan’s nose wrinkles. ‘I sing like I mean it. I don’t sing it ‘cause I want everyone else to hear. That’s Jian Yi’s thing.’

’And what’s your thing?’

He Tian holds his gaze. Street lamps and car headlights are mirrored in the amber surface of Guan Shan’s eyes, and He Tian can see his own shadowed silhouette in his irises, a blocky shape of darkness with no detail. For some reason, that bothers him.

‘Still figurin’ that out,’ Guan Shan says.

Note: rock band au. Sex, drama and rock 'n roll. No drugs lol. This fic in in my top 10 favourite 19 days fics, And it is so underrated!! Go read it, it's truly wonderful!

*

nail House by powerandpathos

( M | 13,309 | 1/1 )

‘God,’ Guan Shan mutters. He pushes himself up onto his elbows. His thighs are still trembling, and he rolls his ankles. ‘You fuckin’ love control, don’t you?’

He Tian sits back on his haunches. ‘Have you seen my family?’

‘I don’t wanna talk about your family right now.’ Guan Shan huffs. ‘Bet you can’t fuckin’ stand that I have to drive you about, right?’

‘I got used to it. It’s a shame the car isn’t a manual. I’ve enjoyed seeing your hand around the gear stick.’

Note: Triad au/driver!Guan shan. One of my favourite aus! I really enjoyed reading it, so I read it 3 more time.

*

hook, line, and sinker by fayre

( Gen | 3,673 | 1/1 )

“So everything that happened,” Guan Shan says, trying and failing to keep a steady tone, “The shopping, the barbeque — everything was just because you didn’t want to go home alone? That's pretty damn convoluted if you ask me.”

He Tian huffs, amused. “Not exactly. I had nothing planned; no expectations. I just wanted to be with you.”

a post-chapter 292 drabble (the day after the BBQ/sleepover at the He family estate.)

Note: i loved all of the calm feelings I got from this fic. The descriptions of atmosphere and everything around them was so detailed that I literally could feel them too. It was very gentle and pure you know?

*

allergy season by fayre

( T | 6,506 | 1/1 )

“You know, they say that sneezing a lot means you’re on someone’s mind.”

“Yeah?” Guan Shan says a bit drily, sniffing hard. “Then what a fuckin’ shame.”

He Tian watches him. “For you?”

“For the bastard unfortunate enough to have gotten me on their mind,” Guan Shan answers, walking again. He hates how nasally and gross his voice sounds, and the back of his throat feels sore. “If someone’s thinkin’ of me this fuckin’ much, it can’t be good news for either of us. Trust me.”

“Ah,” He Tian says, and then nothing more.

a post-chapter 348 oneshot (the He Tian & dog chapter).

Note: man...i remember reading this fic hoping that one day, we get a love confession and kiss scene between he tian and guan shan (and now we fucking have it)

*

Knee high, stage fright (even if you're alright) by fayre

( Gen | 5,383 | 1/1 )

It’s no longer about what He Tian thinks; it’s about what he knows. And he knows Guan Shan — at least on a foundational level — and he knows how Guan Shan doesn’t just ask when he needs. He knows how Guan Shan doesn’t talk but doesn’t listen, either. He knows that Guan Shan doesn’t always think rationally but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t think, and he knows how his body goes on autopilot before his thoughts cause him to malfunction and crash and burn.

He knows.

After all, it's the little things that add up. He Tian can only pray that they won't come crashing back down.

(or: no matter how hard he may try, guan shan can't hide all his problems. fluff ensues.)

Note: a soft and cute tianshan oneshot, with a little bit of angst but it's mostly fluff. I loved the ending, it melted my heart and brought smile to my lips🫠❤

*

singing in red by starlightstarshine

( T | 27,204 | 6/6 )

In which He Tian is the bassist for the most popular band in the world and Guan Shan is only doing modelling so that he could get enough money to pay for his next meal (based on that art by Old Xian).

Note: I love the fics where guan is head over heels for He tian haha😆

*

Tell Me On A Sunday by Llybian

( T | 1,501 | 1/1 )

He’d begun, with great difficulty, to accept all of this in his heart. But he still could do nothing. What was he supposed to do? Confess his feelings like a pathetic little schoolgirl? Not a chance.

But then again, what did he really suppose would happen if he told He Tian he “liked” him? Well, the world would end, for one. That was just a given. But beyond that, they’d probably just make out. There was really no chance of He Tian shooting him down or saying this was all just some long con.

Despite that. He just couldn’t.

Note: I think by summary everyone can get a brief foresight that what this fic is about. In my opinion, this fic is very real and in character.

*

Bites by Asfodel

( M | 24,263 | 7/? )

Turning to look at the black sky, he let his mind wander to a place he tried not to visit too often. To the last words Guan Shan heard He Tian say in that dim corridor.

« I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I love you, I’ll fix it, I’m sorry. »

Like a mantra.

or a rewrite of their reunion a few years after high school, basically disregarding the Christmas chapters. Side of ZhengYi, angsty but with a healthy dose of fluff, tags will be updated as the story goes.

Note: reunion au. It's such a beautiful but heartbreaking story. I love author's writing style, it captures feelings perfectly👌

*

A dog by Alien_Kitsune

( E | 50,000 | 10/10 )

Mo Guanshan and He Tian didn't meet in the school and each went his own way. Several years passed and Mo became a criminal. But on the verge of death destiny surprises him.

Two broken men who are still trying to find themselves in this world were always fated to find each other.

Note: mafia au. Thanks to @maruuzen for recommending me this fic!❤ I really loved the process of tianshan's relationship development. I'm sure that's how their relationship would go if they didn't meet at middle school, and/or he tian joined his family business, just like how it's stated in fic, fate brought them together. also it's angsty (of course) so be warned.

*

Dawn Rising by powerandpathos

( E | 78,968 | 13/? )

An Historical Fantasy AU—A poisoning; a death; a thief. A prince struggling to be a prince. A guard trying to stop one from getting killed. And everyone else on the sidelines. It has never been so hard to navigate the court of an empire when not everyone can survive.

Note: my favourite historical fantasy au, the plot, the drama, the characters it's just_ugh👌💞 unfortunately, this fic is probably abandoned, but don't let that stop you from reading it, even though it's unfinished, I think this fic is still amazing.

*

Cold On The Inside by incorrect19days

( E | 4,879 | 6/6 )

‘Look at me.’

He Tian instructed softly.

He took a deep shuddering breath and opened his eyes.

Note: a short and oh-so-beautiful story. It's a little bit sad but it's happy end, or hopeful ending better to say.

#19 days #fanfic #19 days fanfic #tianshan #zhanyi #thinking about all the amazing fics and authors In 19 days fandom #that I haven't discovered yet #Damn like... #Fic authors are like a blessing to every fandom #will i live long enough to see the ending of my favourite fics #the endings that may never come but im desperately waiting #yeah...I'm talking about dawn rising...

[mgsdays]

Hey darling! Don't worry, I like talking about this haha

I've written about why it's different in the girls manga here. Short answer is misogyny. Homophobia in most places in the world is phallocentric (so focused on dick). Gay (cis) women aren’t seen as a threat because what we do isn’t taken seriously. Conservatives don’t think wlw can actually please each other and, if we can, it doesn’t really count. Not really, you know? A woman who maintains sexual relationships with another woman is still seen as a virgin. For them, everything two women do is innocent, bathed in this puritan light.

So technically what Tan Jiu is writing is also illegal, but censorship-wise, mlm stories have it worst. And censorship is a big deal. Yeah, the manhawua is leading to a romance, but we can't undermine the impact censorship has on Old Xian.

To set the scene:

Here’s a news story from Nov. 2020 about Mo Xiang Tong Xiu, author of the novel for The Untamed, being sentenced to 3 years of jail time (the details of the case were not disclosed and we don’t know if they were found guilty or not).

Earlier in 2021 China decided to pull The Untamed from streaming services and to halt production of shows that were being made based on BL books (Nothing even happens on those shows. The stories were already platonic because of heavy censorship and they were still pulled on a whim.)

Or, worse of all,

Chinese writer sentenced to a decade in prison for gay erotic novel (The Guardian, 2018)

In all fairness, the BL author sentenced to a decade caused a huge uproar. Most authors don't suffer the same fate - sometimes they'll have social media profiles taken down, for example. But for Old Xian their art is their livelihood. They make 19 days for the exposure and then use their official platforms to post ads that they draw through Mosspaca Advertising Company. I don't know how much of that they're willing to jeopardize that for the boys. The story is already going further than I ever expected it to.

So.

How can it not happen at all? The way it's already not happening 😅 We've been reading a beautiful love story for five years now with lots of scenes that sort of... fade to black. I think sometimes we're just left to fill in the blanks.

The trick to loving 19 days is managing your expectations. If you know what you're setting yourself up for, you'll enjoy the ride. Who knows, maybe you'll see a kiss on a cheek and find yourself going feral, (pleasantly) surprised 😉

#ask box #anonymous #hope this answers it anon! sorry for the long answer #i genuinely think managing expectations is a great advice for 19 days #this story has kept me company for years i love it SO much #but if i want tianshan to make out i might be waiting for a while #long answer

[zhanyes]

The Louvre

https://open.spotify.com/track/5q4BpnMrYEFzLO0dYODj6J?si=2b748fedb75c4a05

To @myscprin​ who asked #64 for Tianshan !!

. . .

A rush at the beginning I get caught up, just for a minute But lover, you're the one to blame All that you're doing Can you hear the violence? Megaphone to my chest Broadcast the boom, boom, boom, boom And make 'em all dance to it

. . .

Mo Guanshan groaned for the nth time as he checked the time on his phone again. 2:50 pm. Was it too late to bail now?

Somehow, really he can’t even remember what they were talking about (or why he was even talking to that bastard in the first place), but somehow it slipped out from his cursed mouth that he’s never been to an art museum. And because He tian, being the leech that he is, latched on to that thought and pestered him until he agreed to go with him to this art museum that recently opened this coming weekend.

He even cleared out his part-time work for the day with a copious amount of bribe to the manager. Bastard.

So here he was now suspiciously early at the front of the museum waiting, really it’s just because He tian won’t stop whining in his ear if he didn’t agree. It has nothing to do with the ravenette insisting it’s a date, it is not. Case in point, he DOESN’T want to be here, really really.

“Fucking chicken dick, being late. What the hell is taking him so long?” Mo Guanshan grumbled once he saw the clock hit 3 pm.

“Or maybe you’re just early. Are you that excited to go on a date with me?” He tian whispers in his ear from behind causing him to tense up at the sudden intrusion in his personal space.

“FUCK! WHO’S EXCITED?! YOU’RE EXCITED!” Mo screamed, whipping around and throwing a punch at the smug bastard who easily caught it in his own hand, smoothly entwining their hands together. Mo Guanshan sputtered at the shameless gesture, trying in vain to grab his hand back. “Trying” being the key word.

He tian simply ignores his protests and drags him along to the entrance. Knowing that it’s a loss cause to keep cursing out the smug bastard, Mo reduced his protests to grumbles, but not before squeezing He tian’s hand in a crushing grip, satisfied at the look of discomfort he received. 

He tian pays for their tickets and they head inside, Mo looks around curiously, there were paintings in every wall of the room, and he moved closer to look at one of them, He tian being surprisingly docile and following him quietly.

The painting turns out to be an abstract art, showcasing a messy mix of shades of yellow seemingly not forming an image. He tilted his way this way and that, trying to see what it’s about but coming up empty so he huffed, frustrated. 

“It kind of reminds me of Jian yi, noh?” He tian suddenly speaks up, taking a picture of the painting and sending it to said blonde.

“What?”

“See? It’s messy and too bright. It’s even in yellow.” 

Mo Guanshan snickers at that, looking back at the painting and finally seeing the resemblance.

“You think we’ll see Zhengxi here too?”

“Probably, the universe might collapse if they’re not together, even as paintings.”

Mo Guanshan allows himself to share a short laugh with He tian before he schooled his features to his usual ‘bitchface’. He tian drags him off to the other paintings on the wall, sharing a few words about the pieces and mostly shit-talking each other.

“This reminds me of you.”

“The fuck am I looking at? It’s literally a drawing of a dumb-looking fish.”

“Exactly.”

‘Wha- YOU FUCKER WHO ARE YOU CALLING A DUMB FISH?!”

They spend a few more minutes in the room, and getting disapproving glances they completely ignore from the other patrons because of their antics, before moving to another part of the exhibit.

They spend hours taking pictures as Mo reluctantly agrees to ONE picture with He tian, on his phone of course so he can delete it right after (He won’t, he just doesn’t want to ask He tian to send the photo to him if they used the other’s phone) and debating about which artwork reminds them of which.

One of the highlights of the trip was when He tian found out that there were beds scattered around a portion of the exhibit, free to sit and lay on by visitors. He drags Mo to the beds, the redhead digging his feet on the ground trying desperately to avoid getting them both banned for public indecency. Once again, “trying” being the keyword.

After a warning from one of the guards, they simply laid side by side on the bed, uncharacteristically quiet as they watched the clouds pass by and the sun slowly go down the horizon.

“I’ve never actually been to an art museum before.” He tian says quietly, resolutely keeping his gaze on the skies even as Mo guanshan turns to look at him in surprise. For all the times the ravenette had pestered and straight-up invaded Mo guanshan’s  life, He tian almost never shares anything about himself. 

“I always wanted to go to one, I remember I used to keep bugging my mom and my brother about it, but no one would take me so I kinda just forgot about it.” The way He tian says it was full of longing, like he was remembering something from a long time ago. 

Mo guanshan gets the sudden urge to make that longing disappear, to keep it away from the other where it wouldn’t burden him anymore. He mentally shook his head to dislodge the thought. Just as he was about to tell the other that they should get off the bed already and maybe find something to eat, his breath caught on his throat at the new sight.

Boom, boom, boom

He can feel his heart thudding in his chest as He tian turned his head to look at him, eyes devoid of anything but fondness and a smile so soft it felt illegal to look at it. He looks relaxed, content, and in love. 

“But I’m glad that I got to experience it with you instead.” He tian says softly, his skin glowing a vibrant orange from the last bits of sunlight clinging to him like a fire that Mo guanshan wants to reach out to, to put out if only to fully see his face untainted.

Boom, boom, boom

He doesn’t even realize he’s doing it until his hand touches a warm cheek, cradling it softly. He tian looks surprised at the gesture, but makes no move to get away or to get closer. Wasn’t it He tian before who said it? That sometimes the distance between two people makes you desire to close it, to come closer…

Boom, boom, boom

And closer…

Boom, boom, boom

Just a little closer…

“I’m going to have to ask you to leave, gentlemen.” The same guard from earlier says, as he crosses his arms impatiently. Realizing what he’s about to do, in public no less, Mo guanshan jumps up the bed and starts speedwalking to another portion of the exhibit. He tian simply sighs and stands as well to follow his redhead, but not before giving a scathing glare at the guard who interrupted them only to receive a glare right back. Rude.

He catches up to Mo and slings an arm around his shoulder. He was going to ask about what happened earlier and if they could continue where they left off, but he notices the way the other’s cheeks and ears are flamed red and resolutely trying to avoid his eyes so he takes pity and chooses to let it go for now.

They find a small fancy cafe inside the museum and decide to get dinner there, where Mo guanshan buys a shocked He tian a mango shake, saying it’s only a little payback for everything the other teen had to pay for today. He tian bribes the manager to let him keep the cup as a souvenir. By the time they finished they were both tuckered out from all the walking and sightseeing.

“I had fun today, Mo~” He tian sing-songs as he walks Mo guanshan to his door, having insisted to drive the other home (“Where did you even get a car? You’re literally underaged.”).

“Tch. Whatever. Stop bothering me already.” Mo guanshan grumbles, before muttering under his breath, “Just get home safely, idiot.”

He tian grins as he hears the other’s sweet (?) reminder, he thinks about it for a moment before shrugging and moving swiftly to plant a kiss on the other’s cheek, near the side of his mouth but not quite. Before Mo guanshan can muster up a response from his sputtering, he jumped away and swiftly walked backwards to his car with a, “Will do, boss Mo! Bye-bye~”

“Yo- YOU! COME BACK HERE!”

He tian laughs as he gets inside his car and drives away with a final flying kiss out the window to the redhead. Once he’s parked in his spot in the mansion, he checks his phone and grins at the messages he received from his redhead.

Don’t close mountain:

YOU FUCKING DICKHEAD !!!!!

OI WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!!!

You better not check your phone while driving or I’m going to skin you alive.

Tch. Asshole.

Don’t close mountain sent a photo. 

(Photo: The two of them taking a selfie in front of a sculpture of two people made of metal wires intertwined on a swing set)

Because I know you’ll be an asshole if I don’t send it

This is your fault so take responsibility, chicken dick

I’m free next Sunday

Oh he can’t wait to brag about this to Jian yi, He tian grins as he giddily walks into the mansion in search of the blonde.

#19 days #old xian #he tian #mo guan shan #tianshan #19 days fanfiction #fluffy #very fluffy #Words: 1647

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

Hi. How are you? Hope you're doing well.

Nowadays, MGS is seen to be more willing in receiving HT's affection/attention. And being more considerate of HT.

What's your opinion on this?

P. S: thanks in advance

Hello, dear anon!

Considering all the things going on in our world right now, I’m doing pretty good, thank you! I hope you’re well and keeping safe, too. I’m sorry to have kept your ask waiting. Every time I tried to get to this, something else came up. It’s been quite hectic in both 19 Days and Given fandom lately. Thank you for your patience!

For this answer, I’m not going to link my previous posts because I will probably touch upon a lot of different Tianshan topics. But feel free to browse my Answered Asks Masterpost for relevant posts.

“Nowadays, MGS is seen to be more willing in receiving HT's affection/attention. And being more considerate of HT.”

I’m glad you were pondering this because I have actually been meaning to talk about something that I think is related to this. A year ago (to the day!), I wrote my take on the Tianshan timeline. According to my interpretation, I divided the journey of MGS and HT’s relationship into three “segments” that went about something like this:

“You’ll answer to me from now on”

HT and MGS started out as MGS almost being HT’s “underling”. MGS was very weary and distrustful of HT. HT used physical violence and threats to submit MGS. HT was very much taking control, and MGS was hostile but also scared of HT’s kind of people.

“Don’t try to shoulder everything by yourself”

HT keeps “honing down” MGS’s personality and trying to make him “an outstanding person” by giving him small tasks and chores. But the tone is different; HT becomes more playful and teasing instead of threatening and intimidating.

First hints of HT gaining romantic feelings for MGS?

MGS gets mixed up in SL’s offer to get expelled and ends up being falsely accused of assaulting a girl. HT and the gang save him, and MGS begins to realize there are people willing to fight for him. He doesn't have to shoulder things on his own. 

The infamous first Tianshan kiss.

“I’m so bothered by you…“

HT’s feelings for MGS deepen and gain more layers. HT reveals more of his possessive, clingy, and needy side with those feelings.

A big increase in physical contact in Tianshan interactions. Mainly HT casually clinging to MGS or being touchy-feely otherwise. Touching and interactions gain a more suggestive tone.

In return, MGS becomes more conscious of HT. HT still makes him nervous but in a different way than in the beginning. MGS gets flustered, blushes, and overcompensates like a tsundere.

MGS starts showing more concern towards HT. He gets worried about him and even comforts HT a couple of times.

My timeline left off approximately when HT gave MGS the earrings (ch. 305) and MGS left him the sandwich at school (ch. 309). I didn't really touch the timeline until MGS told HT about how he and SL had met. Despite trying, I couldn't find the post anymore, but I think I reblogged one of my posts about that moment and said that this could mark the fourth “phase” of Tianshan. Either way, I think that was the kind of development in their relationship that I think would be a natural continuum of my “timeline”.

Which brings me to your question, dear anon. I don’t know how far back your “nowadays” reaches or what moments exactly you mean by MGS being more willing to accept HT’s affection, but I do think there has been a shift in their relationship ever since the “SL & MGS backstory”. So, I’m going to treat this as the next “segment” in my Tianshan timeline.

What I want to stress when I’m talking about these things is that it’s all very much relative and vague. It’s difficult to pinpoint where one trait in their relationship begins or ends. In the same way, many of the things I see as a part of this phase might have already been present in the previous ones. It’s just that that trait seems more essential and emphasized now.

“I thought you were dead...”

This phase, the way I see it, is about the increasing trust in Tianshan. Not only did MGS open up about his most painful memory to HT, but HT is also becoming more direct and honest about his vulnerability. His words aren’t veiled by teasing and double-meanings anymore, but he is more “raw” about it.

Another common demeanor to me in this phase is MGS giving into his feelings regarding HT more. He’s been concerned about HT before, but now he’s panicking and even attentive. He allows himself to listen to what HT has to say and rely on the support HT wants to offer. Don’t get me wrong, MGS is still very much of a tsundere. He still curses at HT and pushes his advances away, but as I’ve said before, I think that will always be a part of their dynamics. I doubt that side in MGS is ever going anywhere, but it’s also been balanced more by him being more open to HT.

The development of the increasing trust that was HT learning about MGS’s history with SL had its initial push in how SL approached MGS at the train station (ch. 317):

This incident had two big things. First of all, SL is getting bolder. He’s always been unpredictable but for the most part, he’s remained in the shadows despite the trouble he’s caused. He hasn’t been very keen on direct confrontation. MGS had been under his hold without SL needing to get defensive against anyone trying to take away his “property”.

However, HT has not only been pulling MGS further and further away from SL but he’s also been posing a serious opposition to SL. SL can no longer take advantage of MGS being an outcast and not having someone as strong as HT on his side. I think all that has been increasingly irritating SL. He’s getting frustrated which makes him dangerous. He seemed to be barely holding his cool at the train station confrontation and then ended up chasing MGS through the crowd.

Overall, it was a very stressful situation for MGS, and the first person he literally thought to run to was HT. I don’t want to make it sound too dramatic because I think anyone would have run to their friends in that situation. But still, MGS relied on HT in his panic and distress. He knew he would be safe with HT if he just reached him. He very much trusted HT in that situation, not to mention out of his own volition instead of trying to handle it by himself and refusing anyone’s help.

I think being cornered by SL like that shook MGS as well, and it didn’t take that much nudging by HT to make him talk about his past with SL (ch. 318):

I like how HT was gentle about this but didn't let MGS evade and refuse to talk about it all. If HT was going to protect him, he needed to know what was going on. In addition to that, HT wants MGS to rely on him by sharing the burden with him. “Don’t try to shoulder it by yourself” is repeated again, but this time they are actually facing each other (both physically and mentally). MGS physically slumps and for the first time, he lets all the guilt, anxiety, and self-blame seep through for someone to see. He shares his deepest and darkest secret for which he has been beating himself up for years. 

And this massive leap of trust from MGS’s part was met with what I think he was both desperate for but also scared of hearing (ch. 319):

HT saying “it wasn’t your fault” was such a seemingly obvious thing for us but a huge relief for MGS. In these situations, people are often desperate for a “second opinion” but also nervous about it because what if they find us “guilty”, too. Nevertheless, we look for that absolution in other people because it helps us ease our own guilty conscience. Living with guilt is probably one of the heaviest burdens to carry in life.

MGS telling HT the story of him and SL and being relieved by HT’s words and comfort was a huge step of trust in their development. Especially for MGS. I think the relationship deepened for him at that moment. It was something he had never revealed to anyone, and that tied him to HT in ways that he wasn't really tied to anyone else. (Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say he was tied to SL in a similar but opposite way which is interesting.)

Reaching for trust has also worked in the other direction in this phase. In addition to MGS trusting HT with his most painful secrets, HT on the other hand has been initiating that he trusts MGS with his vulnerable side too (ch. 323, 343):

HT has shown his vulnerable side before a few times, but he’s been more guarded about it. Instead of directly opening up like this, he somewhat always masked those feelings. I would say HT still very much likes to control those situations when he’s vulnerable by offering to talk about them, but he doesn’t get defensive about MGS knowing about his past or feel threaten by MGS knowing about his weaknesses and painful things.

I do think HT has trusted MGS as someone around whom it’s safe to show his vulnerable moments. But these days, it’s as if HT has decided to talk about his past and fears. It even looks like he wants to talk about them to someone. And instead of asking “don’t abandon me” like he’s ashamed of asking that from MGS, he is now more confident about not wanting to be alone. (This development is probably at least partially connected to the possibility that HT has known their time is limited for a while now.)

For now, MGS seems to be somewhat putting up with this side of HT. Unless it’s something that would require MGS to react and act somehow (for example, HT getting hurt), MGS seems to be more passive. We haven’t really seen him show much interest in HT’s past/vulnerable confessions or pass comments on them. I’m interested in seeing if he will gain a more active role in this regard.

Besides the increasing trust between MGS and HT, another thing I have noticed in this phase is that MGS has more “inner push” to care about HT and believe him. I find it a bit difficult to explain what I mean by that exactly, but I hope I manage to make some sense of this.

As I said earlier, I think the leap of trust regarding the SL backstory was at least partially induced by the pressure and shock of SL attacking MGS. In a similar way, I think MGS thinking HT had died cause him perhaps be more honest to himself regarding HT (ch. 329):

Nothing quite puts things in perspective as swiftly and violently as a death scare. When facing something as final as dying (either dying yourself or losing someone in your life), it clears up our priorities and makes us realize what matters to us.

As far as MGS is concerned, HT hadn’t been in this kind of sudden and unexpected danger like getting crushed by the landslide. They were all - MGS included - virtually powerless against such force of nature. All they could do was dig with their bare hands and hope it wasn’t as bad as it looked. I’m sure having HT behind his back one moment and not the next shook MGS deeply and made him realize what it would be like to lose HT.

I would like to think that that scare made MGS think about what HT meant to him, and that ultimately “coaxed” MGS to give HT more of a chance (ch. 340, 344, 346):

I’m trying to choose my words with care because I don’t want to make it sound like MGS’s resistance and reluctance when it comes to HT has melted away. I don’t think it has and I don’t think it ever will be gone completely. As I said, I think he will always have his tsundere nature that says “no” to everything almost automatically before he even considers it through properly.

What I’m trying to say instead is that MGS seems to consider HT’s feelings more and also be more open to believing in what HT is trying to tell him because having HT in his life shouldn’t be taken for granted. Maybe MGS thought that he could be more fair towards HT and not be so quick to reject everything. Also, maybe he could lower his guard and try to internalize what HT is so persistently trying to tell him. I do think MGS trusts HT to help him if he’s in trouble, but trusting HT to support his dreams is another thing. That is not an issue of just trust anymore, but it’s also about MGS having the courage to go for what he wants.

This hesitance and self-evaluation of sorts in MGS is also paired up with HT playing the kicked puppy card more shamelessly. It seems HT has discovered what tone to take if MGS rejects him. Is milking his injuries playing a bit dirty? Eh, I guess, but I don’t honestly see much harm in that. It’s cute. What comes to acting hurt if MGS refuses to listen to him, I think it would be a nice change if HT lets his hurt show. As much as I love MGS, I think it’s good that he also has those moments when he feels like he said something hurtful.

In my previous “timeline” post, I wondered if HT’s romantic feelings towards MGS started shaping somewhere around the second “ Don’t try to shoulder everything by yourself“ phase. Now, I’m wondering if the future developments of this current phase will lead to MGS discover those same romantic feelings. Especially if HT is leaving which would make MGS think about what HT means to him even more.

That’s pretty much what I have gathered in this “phase” so far. If we get back to your original question of why it seems MGS is more willing in receiving HT's affection/attention and being more considerate of HT, I think the answer lies in the deepening trust (both ways) and MGS realizing and allowing himself to recognize that HT does actually mean quite a lot to him. Through the moments I talked about, their relationship has deepened in new ways and they’re both trying to be more open about themselves and to each other. Of course, this is only a handful of chapters and the moments I mentioned are also accompanied by a lot of the “usual” Tianshan dynamics. So, I would say that this is the “early stages” of their new phase even though the development turns have been quite big.

Thank you for your question and your patience, dear anon!

#19 days #tianshan #he tian #mo guan shan #answered ask

[nightfayre]

a donation drabble request for the ever kind and supportive Ayobami @tps31! thank you SO MUCH for your donation and support!! you’ll never know how much it means to me <3

prompt: tianshan quarantine fluff, aka “why the hell am I stuck in a house with you all day every day?”

(a/n: this is just a random thought but I honestly don’t think I’ve written a fic about the boys still in middle school like, ever, so thank you so much for this prompt! it was so refreshing to write them as the flustered, airheaded, and teasing boys they are!) <3

tianshan, 3600 words, rated T

*   *   *

Guan Shan hates this. 

The laundry basket next to his. The pair of shoes at the front door. The extra toothbrush in his bathroom, and the second phone charger plugged in next to his bed. There’s a gray duffel bag taking up the corner of his bedroom and a black jacket draped over the back of his desk chair. None of it takes up too much space, carefully put into their respective places and never crossing the boundary, but—

Guan Shan hates it.

And, what’s worse: he never asked for this. He was stupid enough to mention He Tian’s name at the dinner table one night; a passing comment he hadn’t really thought about. But then his mother had paused with a spoonful of miso soup at her lips, pensive.

“He Tian,” she’d echoed, as if the name felt foreign but sweet on her tongue. “Isn’t that the one who lives near the center of the city? The one who lives alone? The tall and polite and handsome one of your friends?”

“Uh,” Guan Shan had said, smirking with distaste. “Yeah. Sure. That one.”

“Poor thing. Alone throughout all of this mess.” She sighed. “Why does he not live with his family?”

And Guan Shan had thought about it for a moment, sifting through his mind like pressing rewind on a VHS. “I don’t know,” he’d admitted, reaching for the soy sauce. “Never asked.”

She nodded, thinking. “Well, you should invite him over, then.”

Guan Shan choked. 

Oblivious, his mother had continued: “Have him stay a few nights. No one should be left alone throughout this entire period. Who knows how long this will last, what with how many cases that have been reported. He’ll go stir crazy by himself, poor soul.”

“He’s already stir crazy,” Guan Shan said, eyes watering from a dislodged grain of rice. “I don’t want him here, ma. I’ll literally do anythin’ else. Seriously.”

She’d given him a disappointed look. “Ah-Shan, I thought I raised you to have a little more compassion than that.”

“Trust me, a person like him doesn’t need compassion.”

“Now, you don’t know that,” she reprimanded. She tapped her chopsticks against her bowl, succinct. “After we finish dinner, you should reach out to him and invite him to spend the week with us.”

“A week?”

“Well, now that school is postponed and I’m working from home, wouldn’t it be nice to have company for a bit?”

“Ma, please—“

“You will text him, Ah-Shan. No excuses. The world needs kindness right now, and we will do whatever we can to contribute to it.”

And that, unfortunately, was that. 

That night, Guan Shan deleted the message immediately after he sent it, as if that would erase it out of his memory, too. But it was hard to forget the string of skeptical yet blaringly enthusiastic string of response texts that followed the invite, and even harder to forget the sight of He Tian at their front door half an hour later, duffel bag slung over his shoulder and smile bright as he greeted Guan Shan’s mother with practiced sweetness and feigned gratitude. 

Guan Shan hated it. 

But as his mother shot him a warning look, Guan Shan couldn’t do anything about it. Couldn’t just ignore him like he did, sometimes, at school.

And now, five days in, there’s a knock at the bathroom door. 

“Little Mo, are you naked?”

Running a towel over his hair, Guan Shan scowls at his reflection in the mirror, still foggy from the steam. “Fuck off, chickenshit.”

“I’m kidding.” He can hear the smile in He Tian’s voice. “I just need to brush my teeth.”

“Then you can wait.”

“It’s been twenty minutes, sweetheart. Are your showers usually this long?”

“That’s an average fuckin’ time for showers!”

A hum, muffled by the closed door. “Really? Mine only take ten, and that’s generous considering the precious amount of time I spend washing my—”

The thunk of the lotion bottle against the door rattles its hinges. “Fuck off!” 

He waits until he hears He Tian’s footsteps recede. Guan Shan hates that he knows He Tian is walking away with that smug-as-all-hell smile, satisfied. 

He dresses quickly after that, doing his best to ignore the citrus-scented face wash by the faucet and the contact lens case by the hand soap. The first time he’d seen all of He Tian’s things laid out like this on his bathroom counter was something like a revelation. It was like some things clicked into place, unbidden. Now it makes sense why Guan Shan sometimes thinks he catches a whiff of lemonade every time He Tian gets too close, and why He Tian looks like he’s scowling whenever he reads but, really, it’s just because he’s blind as a fucking bat and has to squint to see fine print. 

If nothing else, Guan Shan suspects at least something valuable might come out of all this time he’s forced to spend together with He Tian — (read: blackmail) — but then again, He Tian hasn’t commented on the old, stained state of Guan Shan’s pillow like Guan Shan thought he would because he’s used it since he was four and can’t really sleep well if he’s not using that specific pillow. And he also hasn’t said anything about the way Guan Shan jumps, sometimes, when the toaster springs up his toast in the mornings because he never fucking sees it coming and it — sometimes — causes him to drop his jam knife.

A stalemate, Guan Shan supposes as he pulls his shirt over his head. Except, deep down, he knows that He Tian probably isn’t even aware that such a concept exists. After all, what would He Tian be if not someone to fight ‘til a broken victor is left standing? 

By the time Guan Shan walks out into the living room, it’s ten o’clock. His mother, having finished washing the dishes because Guan Shan made dinner, is nowhere in sight, likely huddled up in her bedroom with a book like she always does before bed. That leaves He Tian alone on the couch, casually flipping through TV stations in a t-shirt and sweats, and he doesn’t see Guan Shan at first when the latter turns the corner. 

“Bathroom’s open, dipshit,” Guan Shan mutters. He Tian looks up as Guan Shan approaches, settling on the opposite end of the couch.

“About time.” He Tian tosses Guan Shan the remote, and he barely catches it before it smacks against his chest. Standing, He Tian smiles and says, “Find something good to watch by the time I get back, okay?”

“I don’t work at your beck and call,” Guan Shan seethes. But despite his retorts, his fingers find the remote buttons as He Tian saunters back to the bathroom, hands in pockets and steps quiet against the creaky floors. 

For a while, there really is nothing interesting on any of the channels. Guan Shan flies past a romcom, an old horror film, a few cartoons, the dreaded news. Nothing catches his attention — and he feels exhaustion coming on quick. He thinks, maybe, of just going to bed. But behind the apartment’s thin walls, he can hear the water running from the faucet. Despite himself, he frowns. 

It’s odd, really. He never thought he could get used to the image of He Tian’s broad frame hunched over his sink in the mornings, or the way He Tian can reach the bowls at the top of the cupboards without going on his toes, or the sight of He Tian’s nape pressed against the twin-sized air mattress on the floor of Guan Shan’s bedroom. He never thought anyone could make his mother laugh as much as he can, or finish puzzles as fast as he can, and he certainly never thought that his mother would spill Guan Shan’s childhood stories to someone she’d only met... once? Twice? He doesn’t keep track. He never had to before. 

Nevertheless, it’s not nearly enough time to warrant such trust. Such comfort. 

Guan Shan hates it. 

But in the midst of his lamenting, the faucet shuts off. A few moments later He Tian returns. And when he plops back onto the couch — too close — he smells of mint and vanilla-scented chapstick. 

Too aware of his presence and the way his knee almost touches Guan Shan’s, Guan Shan takes a long second to snap back to reality when He Tian asks, “What’s this?”

Guan Shan blinks. On the TV, there’s some kind of documentary playing. A narrator drones over the images of a complex space aircraft, and the camera pans out to show footage of the stars it swims in. As the screen switches to an interview of someone very important-looking in a suit, Guan Shan scowls.

“I don’t know. Nothin’s on.”

He Tian stretches his arms above his head, long and lithe. “Well,” he says, drawn with a sigh, “if you’re trying to put me to sleep, it might actually work.”

“Fuck off, I don’t control the damn stations,” Guan Shan bites. “And you shouldn’t be tired to begin with. You did jack shit today, just like every other day.”

He Tian looks at him, the corners of his eyes softened with drowsiness in a way that Guan Shan has become used to seeing. 

“That’s not true,” He Tian says. “I went with you to pick up supplies so your mom can sew masks. And we went to get the mail downstairs. And I helped you go grocery shopping—“

“You fuckin’ stood there with the cart and didn’t help at all—“

“—and I chopped the onions and peppers for dinner. That’s a lot. I’m exhausted.”

“That’s a normal person’s life,” Guan Shan says, exasperated. “Honestly, what the hell did you do all your life until quarantine?”

He Tian seems to take a moment to genuinely think about his answer. “Homework,” he offers, brows a bit pulled. “Basketball. School, obviously. I usually go to the convenience store for dinner, but sometimes I’ll get takeout. And I don’t get mail, but my groceries get delivered to me, so.”

And then he looks at Guan Shan, almost as if expecting some kind of praising reaction — but Guan Shan can only stare. 

“That’s ridiculous,” Guan Shan says after a long moment. “That’s ridiculous and fuckin’ miserable. You live like a robot, and a broken one at that.”

Silence. Then He Tian sits up a little straighter, as if a puppetmaster had pulled on his strings.

“I mean, I used to take piano lessons,” he says, frowning as he rubs at his neck. “And Cheng took me to shooting ranges. And…” A pause. “Camping. Yeah, we went camping some weekends. Went to rivers and fished together all day. I caught a few sometimes.”

Guan Shan blinks. “What, are you tryin’ to prove somethin’ to me right now?”

And He Tian shrugs. “Maybe.”

The answer takes Guan Shan by surprise. But He Tian’s face is neutral — expression always so put together — and Guan Shan wonders if maybe He Tian is lying to him. Building up some kind of persona again just to tear it down later. Because, surely, with that much fucking money and privilege, the guy doesn’t just sit there in that empty apartment all day and twiddle his thumbs. Surely, with his reputation, he has a regular posse of socialites always seeking him out and inviting him to some kind of get-together or event. Surely, considering all that he is, He Tian doesn’t waste his time looking for, or teasing, or protecting, or calling up—

“Guan Shan?” He Tian says, mouth a little twisted. “You still awake?”

The low rambling of the space documentary suddenly seems louder. Guan Shan swallows, once, then forces himself to look away. 

“You make no fuckin’ sense to me,” Guan Shan mutters. Then: “When are you leavin’?”

“Ouch,” He Tian remarks in an empty but unsurprised tone, shifting back on the couch. After a moment, he shrugs and responds, “Depends. Your text said a week but your mom says forever.”

A scowl. “She didn’t fuckin’ say that.”

He Tian smiles. “No, she didn’t. But she did say as long as I wanted — which, really, isn’t that much different from forever.”

Guan Shan swallows; feels inexplicable heat crawl up his neck like a spider, and he clenches his jaw against it. 

“You should go live with your own family,” he says, staring ahead. “I’m sure they’ve got all the time in the world to shower you with attention.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees He Tian smirk. 

“If I didn’t want to live with them at the best of times, what makes you think I would want to live with them at the worst of times?”

Guan Shan considers that. “This… isn’t the worst of times.”

“There’s a pandemic with no cure killing hundreds of people every day,” He Tian says, bland. “School is practically cancelled. People aren’t going to work. You invited me over to your home, unprompted. Even I know, with all things considered, that these are pretty bad times.”

Guan Shan can’t argue that. Instead he stares at the television, watching an astronomer point out weird symbols on some kind of map. It takes a lot of concentration to focus on nothing. After all, if he shifts his gaze any more to the right, he’ll see He Tian. If he lets his eyes slide down any further, he’ll see the way He Tian’s knee is still too close to his own. Both are dangerous territories for dangerous thoughts, and he doesn’t want anything to do with either. 

After a moment of silence, Guan Shan says, “You know, you should get friends. Real friends, and not your fuckin’ fangirl group.”

He Tian raises a brow. “I have you and Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi.”

“That’s not—” And then Guan Shan stops, frowning, because he’s not actually sure what their ragtag mess of a group isn’t. Instead, he swallows and pathetically hides behind: “I’m not your fuckin’ friend.”

It’s the wrong thing to say. Or, maybe, it’s exactly what He Tian thought what he’d say. Guan Shan isn’t sure; he’s never fuckin’ sure when it comes to him. But it doesn’t stop him from tensing up when He Tian turns to face him, fully. Wholly. It leaves no escape, and Guan Shan realizes with a sour kind of reluctance that he has no choice but to look back.

“No?” He Tian asks, meeting his gaze. “Then, what are you to me?”

The way the television’s screen lights up He Tian’s face — it’s like looking at a painting, alone in the museum, at the dusk of day. Blue hues shine through his hair, dim, and his eyes are only bright enough to reflect the silhouette of Guan Shan sitting in front of him. It’s eerie, how the both of them are so undefined in this moment. Maybe, in a way, that’s easier. 

Guan Shan’s voice feels thick when he says, “I’m not answerin’ that.”

“Why?”

“I don’t— need to.”

“Why?” And then: “Overthinking it?”

Guan Shan flares. “What? What the fuck does that— No, I just— I don’t need to answer fuckin’ anything, asshole. I… I owe you jack shit.”

Silence responds to him. He Tian watches him; studies him. Guan Shan feels like a specimen under his gaze, split apart layer by layer under the microscope. He feels like, somewhere, something in him is splintering. And He Tian is watching it happen. 

“I don’t have a fuckin’ answer,” Guan Shan admits, sudden, like a sinner in a confession booth, heavy and quiet and raspy. “Okay? I told you, you don’t make any goddamn sense to me. You wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for my ma.”

He Tian soaks that in, almost as thoroughly as he takes in the sight of Guan Shan’s flushed scowl. 

“You didn’t want me here?” he says, teasing.

“No, dipshit. Every time you’ve been here hasn’t been because I asked you to be.”

He Tian smirks. “Ouch,” he says again, except this time it’s said in a way that pricks Guan Shan like a rose thorn.

Guan Shan pushes down the heavy feeling in his throat. “I don’t know what you were expectin’,” he says, truthfully. 

And then He Tian looks away, rolling his head. There’s a kind of empty look in his eyes that Guan Shan thinks he recognizes, and after a moment he realizes it’s the same look he’s seen in He Cheng’s eyes in the few rare times they’d crossed paths.

“I wasn’t expecting a pandemic,” He Tian says. His voice sounds loud in the small room. “I wasn’t expecting school break to get extended. I wasn’t expecting all the restaurants to close, and for all the store’s shelves to be wiped clean.” He runs his tongue along his teeth. “But I guess, for some reason, I was expecting a text from you after weeks of nothing.”

It hits Guan Shan, hard and heavy, like a ring-laden fist against his cheek. The last time he’d seen He Tian before all of this mess was a month ago — more — and at the time, none of them had known that this is how it would turn out. How could they? It’d only taken a week for things to turn south, and Guan Shan was too busy worrying of how he and his mom were going to file for unemployment to think of the way his phone had been silent for longer than he’s been used to. 

He wants to pull it out right now; check his recent messages. It would be with a sort of disbelief when he would find the timestamp on He Tian’s contact, he already knows. But the shock wouldn’t come from his own lack of outreach. No, his perplexity would stem from He Tian, the same person who couldn’t go a single weekend without a conversation about nothing over Facetime back when things were normal. The same person who, apparently, hadn’t messaged him once until Guan Shan texted him that dreadful night five days ago. 

Had he been— testing Guan Shan?

“I didn’t reach out to anybody else,” Guan Shan hears himself saying. The words taste bitter as they leave his mouth. What is he doing? What does he have to justify? “I... It was weird, those first few days of the lockdown order, and my ma and I— we had a lot goin’ on. It wasn’t— I mean, I haven’t talked to Zheng Xi or Jian Yi this whole time either. I just... don’t have time. Or, I did, but it wasn’t urgent. I— yeah, I barely use my phone anymore, anyway. I’m always at home now so I just... don’t need it.”

He stops, his tongue feeling thick. He Tian isn’t looking at him, but he knows he’s listening. Somehow, the thought makes it even worse. 

“What,” He Tian suddenly says, and there’s a curl to his mouth that he can’t seem to help, “are you trying to prove something to me right now?”

“I—“ Guan Shan flares, teeth clenched and ears hot. “Fuck you. No, I’m not, asshole. I’m actually rescuin’ your damn pride, but apparently you’ve got too fuckin’ much.”

“Hey, hey,” He Tian says, wrapping his fingers around Guan Shan’s wrist when he makes to get up. “Come on. Don’t make me finish this documentary by myself.”

Guan Shan scowls. “I’m tired. Let go.”

“Then we can sleep on the couch,” He Tian replies — and then almost as if it were an afterthought: “again.”

Guan Shan warms at the implication of it. “Why the fuck would I do that when my room is around the corner?” he hisses. 

He Tian tugs his arm. “Because I’ll follow you anyway since I’ve only got two days left with you and I’m not letting today end like this.” He smiles. “We’re not sleeping yet. I’m selfish.”

“I could’ve fuckin’ told you that,” Guan Shan mutters, dry. But he relaxes, settling back on the couch, and eventually He Tian lets him go. The skin he had touched feels electric in his absence.

“Let’s make popcorn and ride this out,” He Tian says, settling against a throw pillow. His eyes, no longer empty, are content as they drift back to the screen.

Hand in chin, Guan Shan smirks. “We both brushed our teeth already. I’m not doin’ it again.”

“Tomorrow, then.” He Tian gestures to the TV. “Popcorn and something more interesting than this.”

“If you think this is so damn boring, then why are you still here?”

“When else will I find an opportunity to spend time with you like this after I leave?”

Guan Shan doesn’t respond. After a moment, He Tian huffs. 

“That’s when you’re supposed to invite me back over in the future, little Mo,” he says, amused. Guan Shan shoots him a warning look as the documentary goes to a commercial break. 

“Don’t push your luck,” he snaps. “And don’t try to convince my ma, either.”

He Tian hums, shifting, and Guan Shan suppresses a flinch when his knee presses up against his. Warm. “I hadn’t even thought about that. That might be the agenda for tomorrow, now.”

“I’m sick of you,” Guan Shan growls. And He Tian laughs, like it’s the funniest thing ever, how easily he can get under Guan Shan’s skin and force him to worry about nothing and get him to stay with him to watch shitty television all within the span of twenty minutes. How Guan Shan has managed to survive more than three days is an incredible feat. How he’s unable to chase away the thought of inviting He Tian over for dinner after he leaves, sometimes, is an inexplicable one. 

And when the documentary comes back on with a cheap intro jingle and the streaming quality of a disposable camera, Guan Shan feels He Tian’s foot hook against his and tries to convince himself, over and over:

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

*  *  *

thank you for reading! likes/reblogs would be greatly appreciated, as this fic is dedicated to the Black Lives Matter movement. if you would like a fic/drabble written for you (and you want to support the BLM cause!), please see this post!

have an incredible week! <3

#19 days #tianshan #:))) #please reblog! it would mean the world!

[agapaic]

tianshan drabble. 💞 on behalf of an anonymous donation to the BLMUK organisation, this was created (with permission) for Eylül @eed752. if you would like to donate to an organisation supporting black lives in return for a drabble, please see here for more information. 🌸

tags: chef!guan shan, media exec! he tian, reality TV. tw: non-consensual kissing

///

‘I don’t need your fuckin’ help,’ Guan Shan says, teeth gritted. ‘I didn’t ask for it.’

On the other side of the resaurant’s foyer, Zhengxi lowers the camera. He’s familiar with Guan Shan’s belligerence, and he knows when to stop rolling without waiting for anyone’s call. He turns to He Tian, who’s already making his way over to Guan Shan while he rolls up the cuffs on his shirt sleeves. His smile is tight.

‘Do you want to say that off camera, hm?’ he says quietly, when he’s only a few feet away. There’s something sharp beneath his words that makes Guan Shan’s spine straighten. ‘Stop being a prima donna because you don’t want to follow my suggestions. You and I both know you couldn’t do this without the show.’

Guan Shan looks away. This. His father’s old restaurant had been an empty husk until he bought it, the inside like walking into a warzone. There was graffitti on the walls, smashed crockery covering the floor, burst pipes in the bathrooms and kitchen, some scene from an apocalypse movie. 

The PAP had done nothing with it since they seized the property fifteen years ago; when it came to auction, Guan Shan bought it without thinking, emptying the savings he’d been stockpiling from his job as a waiter. He’d planned to give half to his mom and pay off her mortgage.

He doesn’t have the money to rennovate now, or to repair. He barely has the strength not to revisit the memory of the raid each time he walks through the restaurant doors, bile burning his throat, nausea rolling through him as if he’s at sea. Sometimes, it feels like it, the earth unsteady beneath his feet, his surroundings beginning to spin, a high-pitched ringing starting to keen in his ears—

‘Hey,’ He Tian says, brows drawn in. ‘Hey, did you hear me?’

Guan Shan mumbles something, and his expression must throw He Tian enough because he calls out for a break in the shooting. The crew lower their cameras and mic booms—Take five! someone shouts—and a caterers rolls out a trolley with cans of soft drinks and snacks. 

Guan Shan doesn’t go to it; nor does he collapse into the fold-up chair that has his name printed across the back. Instead, He Tian grips him by the elbow and steers him, not ungently, out of the main restaurant and towards the kitchen.

It’s a building site still, most everything covered in sheets of plastic and a dusty layer of concrete residue. They’ll start filming this part of the show in a couple of weeks, and use a demo kitchen for now while they work on the recipes for the menu. It’s the nature of the show—Overhaul, it’s called, building someone’s business quite literally from the ground up. 

You couldn’t do this without the show, He Tian had said. He’s right. Guan Shan couldn’t have afforded anything on the scale that He Tian is giving him. That’s the whole point of this fucking venture. The furniture, the esteemed clientelle, a Shanghai-based HR agency to find the staff. Some chef from SHIC will help him with the menu, and his contract promises the review of a Black Pearl critic who will visit a year after opening. The restaurant will be a success, by default of He Tian’s purview. He’ll allow nothing else to damage his name.

When the kitchen doors swing to a close behind them, He Tian releases Guan Shan and leans against an old counter with his arms folded. He’s frowning. In here, with the dust and the absence of windows, Guan Shan finds it difficult to breathe. He rubs at his chest, easing a pressure that refuses to dissipate. He’s trying to imagine himself running this place one day, cooking in here, where his father used to—and he fails. 

‘You asked for my help,’ says He Tian, slowly. ‘You went to Jian Yi, who came to me. You signed the contract. You agreed to this.’

‘I know what I fuckin’ agreed to,’ Guan Shan mutters.

He Tian is unimpressed, and Guan Shan realises he hasn’t brought him away from the eyes of the crew because he pities him. He’s just making an attempt not to air any dirty laundry. He’s being professional. 

He says, ‘Then you can stop with the chip on your shoulder and stop being a bitch to the rest of the crew. They’re not your enemy. Neither am I.’

‘I’m not—’

‘If you want sympathy, then play it up. Start crying. I don’t give a damn—the audience will love it.’ He Tian stares at him flatly. ‘Maybe at the end we can have a father-son reunion—’

‘Don’t you fuckin’ dare,’ Guan Shan growls. The thought sickens him. Already, he knows that his father might see this in the papers, or have access to the show on the prison’s communal TV’s. Guan Shan hasn’t told him. He hasn’t visited in over a year. By the time the show airs, He Tian’s name will be emblazoned in lights; it wasn’t written in the contract, but the restaurant will become He Tian’s has much as it has ever belonged to the Mos. 

‘You’re in the entertainment business, Mo Guan Shan,’ He Tian reminds him coldly. ‘You should take what you can get and don’t stop.’

‘Is that what you’ve done?’ Guan Shan sneers.

‘Isn’t it obvious? Look at me.’

Guan Shan is looking. He’s spent two months looking, and he could spend even longer doing so, if only for the fact that he doesn’t want to. His preocuppation with the looks of a pretentious media executive worth millions is really fucking unfortunate. He hates himself for it. 

Granted, sometimes things are good. Sometimes they joke with each other and have moments off-camera that make Guan Shan’s spine tingle. Sometimes he thinks He Tian’s hand touches him when it shouldn’t, and sometimes Guan Shan’s eyes linger longer when they shouldn’t, too. There have been no sordid, insidious rumours staining He Tian’s name as with other media execs in the industry, but that means nothing. He Tian has the money and charm to keep it quiet. Probably, He Tian plays this game with all his entreupeneurs. Probably, Guan Shan is being fucking stupid. He hates himself for that, too.

‘I don’t wanna be like you,’ Guan Shan tells him eventually. ‘You look at people like they’re ratings.’

‘Spare me,’ He Tian remarks dryly. ‘If you had enough of a moral backbone you wouldn’t be using me at all for this. You would’ve worked and worked until you had what it took to make this place work.’ He smiles, almost tenderly. ‘And even then it wouldn’t be enough.’

‘Fuck you.’

‘No, fuck you, Mo Guan Shan. You’re going to be whatever the camera makes tries to make you.’

‘You mean what you make—’

‘Shut up. Do you want to be the arrogant, angry chef with an overruling passion for food? The kid from a broken home with too-high dreams of running a business? Is this all some grand venture to repair your paternal relationship? Or maybe something else entirely. You have the opportunity of a life time. If I were you, I’d think about taking it.’

Guan Shan opens his mouth to argue, and He Tian swears—in frustration, in anger, in bemused disbelief that Guan Shan still won’t back down from the fight when he knows he’s lost. The outcome was pre-determined, and Guan Shan’s still wincing at new bruises and spitting blood onto the tarpaulin of the derelict kitchen. 

He can only stare as He Tian marches forward, and he only thinks to take a step back when He Tian is a few feet from him— In front of him now—  Grabbing his shoulders with two hands—

He Tian’s kissing him. 

He Tian doesn’t wait for Guan Shan’s too-slow reaction. He takes what he wants, pillaging the intimacy, tongue forcing itself between Guan Shan’s lips—and lets him go. Immediately after, He Tian staggers back slightly, narrowly avoiding the fist that swings in his direction. 

Guan Shan heaves. He doesn’t have the energy to try a second time. ‘You—’

‘There,’ He Tian says thickly. ‘File for harrassment. Put my name down in the mud and rebuild yourself from the ashes.’

‘You fuckin’... You...’ Words fail him. His head is reeling.

He Tian lifts his hand as if to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand, but his fingertips linger on his lips. His face is slightly flushed. 

‘I’m giving you power over me.’ 

He says it like an apology.

‘I’d never win,’ Guan Shan chokes out. ‘Me against you in court? I’m nothin’.’

‘I’d agree with your story. If nothing else, I’ll pay out a settlement fee and you can do this whole thing yourself.’

Guan Shan shakes his head. His mouth feels bruised. The worst part is that he’d imagined this before. Different. Better. He’d wanted it. No, the worst part is that he wants it still.

‘Still dirty money,’ he whispers.

‘It doesn’t have to be,’ says He Tian. Guan Shan realises he sounds a little shocked—as if he hadn’t had control over his actions. As if he hadn’t expected its consequences. Guan Shan realises: He Tian hadn’t done this with the others. ‘Make your choice, Mo Guan Shan. You can quit, you can file a claim—or we can carry on and get this thing finished.’

‘Shit,’ Guan Shan breathes, dragging a shaking hand over his face. ‘How the fuck am I gonna just... carry on after you...’

He looks to He Tian, expecting some cool answer, something stemmed from exploitative experience, but He Tian only grimaces and says, ‘The same way I’ll have to.’

///

🌸 in the footsteps of @nightfayre’s wonderful initiative, i’m filling any drabble requests following a donation to causes in support of black lives. please read here if you would like more information! ✨

#tianshan #19 days #old xian #my fanfic #george floyd drabble

[handthigh]

Soooo I may or may not have gone crazy and gone stupid and wrote a whole ass one shot fanfic of Tianshan in the office AU

ETA: this is now also available at AO3! (ETA 2: This is now a multichapter fic!)

Big thanks to the people over at Tianshan discord for taking a read and giving me the feedback. The fic follows right after this paragraph, with notes at the end of the fic.

He Tian (Work):

Little Mo, pass me a stapler (6:35pm)

Frowning at the message notification, Mo Guan Shan wordlessly takes the stapler lying on his desk and wheels his chair out of his cubicle to pass to his next door neighbour who grins upon receiving the stationery from the redhead. The reciprocity is not returned however, as Guan Shan wheels back into his cubicle to complete a report the supervisor had dumped onto him 15 minutes before the time he ends work. It is already bad enough that he is working overtime on a Friday while being the only one stuck with He Tian, the last thing he needs is for the annoying colleague to interrupt his progress.

The report turns out even more taxing than expected, further souring Guan Shan’s mood. He glanced at the time displayed on the laptop, “6:55pm”. Great, the report’s barely done and closing time sale at the nearby sandwich shop is already over. So much for a “quick task”, he scoffs bitterly at his supervisor’s words.

As if He Tian can read his mind, comes another text:

He Tian (Work):

Little Mo, are you cursing out the boss in your head again? (6:57pm)

Damn it, not another interruption. Glancing at the new message, Guan Shan cringes at the accuracy of the guess. Guilt quickly turns into irritation however, as he glares at the cubicle separating him and the culprit of these messages. This has been going on for about 3 months now, ever since he was assigned to be seated with He Tian at the corner of the office. The reason? The supervisor claims that only the short tempered Guan Shan is immune to the raven haired’s hunky looks while workers of all genders in their department are too busy admiring He Tian to work productively. Guan Shan tries to suppress his gag upon the memory.

First of all, Guan Shan does not appreciate being called short tempered. He just has little patience and a lot of irritation for mindless small talks and forced formalities, that’s all. Second of all, seriously? Of all words, hunky? While Guan Shan admits that He Tian is a looker because after all, he has eyes; but that is certainly an exaggeration. Sure, He Tian has the physique and face for the magazine covers, but he’s not that good looking. Especially not when he assigns Guan Shan that stupid nickname and constantly texts him for no justifiable reasons despite already repeating many times that he only wants to reserve the texting to a minimum and keep it strictly to work matters.

Wait, what the fuck? Why is he thinking about him again? Ugh, this is why he emphasises on keeping social interactions to a minimum! The report and the constant texting must have really gotten to him, because the next thing he knew, Guan Shan picks up his phone and types at his source of annoyance.

Me:

Yes, genius. Since you’re so smart and volunteered to OT with me, why don’t you make yourself useful and help me out with the report then you chicken dick! (7:05pm)

Normally Guan Shan tries to keep his temper in check, wanting to believe he is no longer the moody middle school boy that he was. Besides, this is the first job he managed to get right after graduating university 6 months ago, just in time before the recession. Thus, he is not trying to screw up an opportunity just because he got involved in some petty office drama. However, the combination of working overtime, growing hunger and unnecessary buzzing of his phone followed by He Tian’s unnecessary messages is making Guan Shan throw both caution and formalities out the window. 

He is not the only one surprised by his own outburst however, as He Tian guffaws and rolls his chair out of the cubicle to meet the redhead, currently glaring at him and asking what’s so funny.

“Chicken dick? What kind of insult is that? Also, I dunno, I just thought you’d never asked me for help.” He Tian replies with a shrug and his signature grin.

He Tian is not wrong - Guan Shan seldom asks for help, believing that it’s better to be self-sufficient than to rely on someone else. Furthermore, it allows him to avoid having to keep up with forced interactions with others. But it’s getting late and the report doesn’t seem to be finishing soon, and there is someone in the office right now, might as well right?

“So are you going to help me or not?”

“Sure, anything for you Little Mo~”

“Stop calling me that! Give me your email, I’ll share the document with you on the cloud.”

So, here they are at 7:30pm, working in a shared online document together - cubicle to cubicle. Guan Shan mainly typing out the content of the report while He Tian formats, elaborates and adds any figures and charts where appropriate; explaining his rationale to the other while he works.

As Guan Shan sees the report transform before his very own eyes, he is now confronted with the thought he’s been trying to will away for 3 days, ever since he overheard the company executives discuss whether to promote He Tian. 

As much as he hates admitting it, He Tian is talented and hardworking when situations call for it. Not only is he able to easily handle the tedious formatting that is typically required of such reports, he also goes the extra mile of further perfecting any tasks assigned to him. It also helps that he has great social networking skills to accompany his equally great looks, not only charming the other coworkers around them, but also clients and other company staff alike in network events. 

Attempting to ignore the ache of admiration growing in his chest, Guan Shan wonders why is someone as good as He Tian working at an entry level job like him in a medium sized company when the latter can easily negotiate for a much higher salary in a conglomerate. What he heard about his raven haired coworker isn’t helping much with his curiosity either.

While Guan Shan prefers minding his own business, he also doesn’t live under a rock. He has heard the rumours - that He Tian had interned for various big names while he attended an Ivy League business school and graduated a valedictorian. He was also rumoured to be taking over his family’s multinational company branch in China while his older brother gets based overseas to look over their international branches. Yet somehow, here he is, working overtime in a too small cubicle with an aloof coworker who has nothing to boast for. After all, Guan Shan’s resume mainly consists of mediocre grades in a local university that is far from being a C9 League, one proper internship experience and multiple part time odd jobs to help him pay his student loans. 

He Tian has everything going for him, and yet, why? Guan Shan is so lost in his own thoughts that he does not notice an arm reaching out to his laptop and folding it down, clasping his fingers that are resting motionlessly on the keyboard.

“Ouch! What the fuck?!” Guan Shan stands up and yelps in shock, spinning around to glare at the culprit. This proves to be a mistake as he realises he is face to face with He Tian, barely an inch away. 

Suddenly, the room feels hot and all Guan Shan can hear is his heart rapidly beating in his ears as he sees a totally different expression from the latter: lips twitching up, high cheekbones raised making them even more pronounced, coupled with a pair of grey eyes sparkling and curving in childish amusement. Even though he knows that He Tian is laughing at his expense, somehow, Guan Shan could not bring himself to break eye contact, wanting to look as long as possible until he commits He Tian’s genuine smile to memory.

“Earth to Little Mo, I said I was done with the report and had emailed our supervisor, and was thinking of treating you to a sandwich as a thanks for your effort.” He Tian replies, amusement laced in his voice as he breaks the silence.

“...How do you know I like…” Guan Shan dumbly replies, still feeling overwhelmed by the close contact to even retort He Tian as he feels his face getting even hotter.

Breaking eye contact, He Tian steps to the side and fishes out his car key, hooking the key ring to his finger. As much as he finds his flustered colleague both amusing and endearing, he makes sure to give Guan Shan some space in case the other gets too stunned and passes out. “Well, who else in this office eats those except for you? So what do you say, it'll be my treat and I can drive us there.” He Tian says as he leans back on the cubicle wall, spinning the car key around.

“.... Uh… mm” Guan Shan nodded, feeling too light headed to speak properly.

“Let’s go then.” He Tian steps out of the cubicle, making his way out as he turns off the office lights.

Guan Shan’s mind is reeling as he follows He Tian from behind. Why is he suddenly reacting like this? Why did he agree to have dinner with him? Most importantly, WHY IS HE SUDDENLY HAVING SUCH THOUGHTS OF THAT ANNOYING CHICKEN DICK?

God, he hates working overtime.

Notes:

If you made it here, thanks for reading! I’ve been wanting to write a fluffier, slice of life office romance with Tianshan for quite awhile now - an AU with no mafia drama, no She Li being a creep, just coworkers dicking around and relatively normal problems here and there. I only committed after getting reminded of this official Tianshan art by Old Xian on the discord. Aside from 19 days, I also draw inspiration from a webcomic called Senpai ga Uzai, Kouhai no Hanashi. I’m a huge sucker of slow burn fluffy Tianshan where Guan Shan is initially annoyed at He Tian and slowly and reluctantly falls for him. Hehehehehehehehe *continues to laugh in fujoshi*

Not going to lie, I do feel nervous posting it. However, after seeing many Tianshan fics (they are good! don’t get me wrong) that doesn’t have a workplace AU, I thought I’d manifest it onto the internet space! Do let me know what you think, as I am considering expanding this into a multi-fic once I stop being lazy. 

#19 days #he tian #mo guan shan #tianshan #fanfic #office au #oxian #old xian

[midotakaism]

I love ur hc! Can u do some on jealous he tian of people hitting on his mo? Either if it’s at his work or out in public at the store or something

im really glad you like my past headcanons, anon!! im always happy when someone enjoys them even if at this point they’re starting to get pretty old, so thank you!! ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡

i.. actually haven’t written any headcanon in more than two years by now, i’ve been keeping them in my mind for all this time and to tell you the truth i’ve started to feel a bit self conscious about them. back in the days i also ended up disappearing without fullfilling a lot of requests, which makes me feel pretty bad… that being said, though, i did have some time between yesterday and today and at this point you all know tianshan always makes me lose it, so i did try to write down something

im not sure if this is exactly what you wanted, or if this is how you pictured it go, but i hope you’re gonna enjoy it anyway!!

so the keyword here is CLINGY

when he tian gets jealous he also gets clingier than usual, if that’s even possible

it starts one day while he is waiting for guan shan to end his shift at the grocery store so they can walk home together

after that first time he tian helped him out, guan shan made it clear that he didn’t want he tian to disturb him while he was working anymore, so these days he tian just waits for him outside, or roams around the store checking out the pre-made meals as guan shan sends him warning looks and he tian smiles back at him like the picture of innocence

doesn’t matter where he is, though, girls from different schools always come flocking around him, some just staring and blushing and whispering to their friends, others - the bolder ones - even asking him for his name and number and if he is there alone

he tian smiles and answers them politely, but never particularly minds them, that is until one day he notices that the one some girls are whispering about and looking at is not him, but guan shan

at the moment, guan shan is lifting up a heavy case full of oranges, the color of them almost matching his hair, his white tanktop sticking to his chest for working up a sweat and the muscles in his arms bulging because of the effort, a serious look of concentration on his face

he tian almost forgets to excuse himself from all the adoring girls around him and before anyone can realize it he is already sliding an arm around guan shan’s shoulder and standing close to him with a ‘little mo, this case seems really heavy, let me help you with it’

guan shan of course tells him off and yells at him to take all his fan group away with him, and he tian quickly understands that guan shan is completely oblivious to the attention he is receiving

maybe because he had to grow used at people whispering behind his back since at a young age, what with all the situation with his dad, guan shan doesn’t seem to notice all the girls looking at him adoringly, and if he finds strange that suddenly so many girls are asking him to grab something from a top shelves for them, his shirt riding up to reveal a flash of his toned stomach, then he doesn’t really show it

he tian almost finds it amusing when he hears guan shan complaining about the amount of girls around the store making it hard for him to work, blaming he tian’s presence for it and not realizing at least half of them are there for guan shan himself, and sometimes he thinks about making guan shan aware of that even just to see his reaction, but thinking back on what he said about modeling, he tian is not sure guan shan would be comfortable with all the attention

he tian is also not particularly fond at how outright flirty some girls get when asking guan shan informations, twirling their hair around their finger and touching guan shan briefly on the arm to call for his attention or thank him, so he keeps the thing to himself, and when guan shan is done with his shift he tian makes sure to guide him outside with a hand resting on his lower back, leaning against him closer than necessary and talking directly into guan shan’s ear

then one day, at school, guan shan gets stopped in the school hallway by a girl from some class over stuttering a small ‘s-sorry’ at him

thinking that the girl is yet another one looking for he tian, guan shan tells her that he doesn’t know where he tian is, but the girl just pushes something at his chest before running away

guan shan realizes he now has a love letter in his hands, all cute and pink and with a small heart sticker closing it, and suddenly pissed off he marches to he tian and shoves the letter to his face, yelling at him to tell his girlfriends that he is not he tian’s personal mail man

he tian asks him if he is jealous and then adds that if guan shan really wants to get a love letter he tian can always write him one

guan shan flips him off, telling him to stop saying weird things before going back to his class, and he tian forgets about the letter until he gets home that evening

he tian is pretty used to receive this kind of letters, and he usually just skims over them quickly so he knows what to thank the girl for before rejecting her gently, but as soon as he reads the first line he tian realizes the letter is not for him, but for guan shan

so this is where maybe some people won’t agree with me, but in a case like this i actually do believe that in the end he tian would deliver the letter to guan shan, even if deep down he is afraid of what might happen, if only because he knows that even if he destroys the letter now, he can’t keep guan shan away from that girl forever, one day guan shan is gonna find out anyway

he tian stays up all night reading that letter over and over again, and at one point he even texts guan shan to wear the black studs he tian gave him the following day, but of course guan shan reply is ‘fuck off’

the next day at school, he tian’s eye bags are worse than usual when he goes to find guan shan during break and hands him the letter with a small ‘for you’

there’s a moment of silence, then guan shan blushes bright red and starts yelling and hitting he tian because he actually thought that he tian made good on what he said the previous day and actually wrote him a love letter

needless to say that’s the first thing to put a smile on he tian’s face in the entire day and he teases guan shan about it but sombers up quickly to tell him that the letter guan shan handed him over yesterday wasn’t for him

guan shan doesn’t really believe him at first, even after reading the letter himself he still looks doubtful, asking he tian if he put her up to it, but after a while he finally convinces himself that the letter is genuine and his cheeks get a rosy tint

he tian, because sometimes he goes as far as twisting the knife in his own wound, asks guan shan what he is gonna reply to her

‘how am i supposed to know, im not like you, this is the first time something like this happens to me, i don’t even know what she sees in me’ ‘you put yourself down too much, you’re a very handsome guy’ ‘it’s not like im gonna believe that just because you say it!’ ‘she seems to think so too. aren’t you gonna say yes to her?’ (please imagine he tian saying all this with his hair covering his eyes and the saddest smile on his face) ‘how should i put it… she is a very cute girl, and i think she is sincere, but these are all impressions she got of me. she doesn’t really know me.’ ‘so? that’s what dating is for, isn’t it? so that you can get to know each other. i think… if she’d get to see the real you, she’d just end up liking you more and more’ (shout out if you get the parallel)

guan shan yells at him once again to stop saying this kind of things, and then leaves saying he is gonna think about it

as you can imagine, he tian doesn’t have a good day: he spends the entire day silent and withdrawn, so much so that even the girls start to get worried about him, and once again he doesn’t sleep at all at night

the next day, while he is walking down the hallway towards the cafeteria with jian yi and zheng xi, he catches a glimpse of red out of the window and he freezes on the spot: guan shan is in the courtyard with a girl, both of them looking embarrassed and blushing slightly

jian yi and zheng xi notice that he tian stopped and follow his gaze to guan shan, and you can imagine jian yi’s reaction: he plasters himself against the window asking zheng xi if he is really seeing what he thinks he is seeing and then asking he tian if he knows who is the girl

he tian however doesn’t reply to him and after a moment he keeps walking without saying another word

later, jian yi and zheng xi catch guan shan alone, and jian yi asks him all the details since they saw him talking to a girl, to which guan shan blushes and tells him to mind his own business

‘he tian was with us’ zheng xi says to guan shan ‘he should be down to the basketball court’ ‘what should i care where he is…’ zheng xi smiles. ‘just saying’

despite what he said, guan shan does go look for he tian and sits down next to him on one of the banches

‘should i congratulate you?’ he tian asks after a while. ‘about what?’ ‘having a girlfriend. that’s a big achievement. don’t close mountain is all grown up now’ a beat, then ‘i turned her down’. he tian’s eyes go wide in surprise. ‘she is very pretty’ guan shan continues ‘but i don’t know if she’s exactly my type. plus, im working most of the time after school and in the weekends, i don’t really have the time to deal with a girlfriend now.’

he tian looks up at him for the first time and finally notices that guan shan is wearing the black studs he tian bought him

he tian smiles and leans on the side to rest his head on guan shan’s shoulders, to which guan shan asks him what the hell is he doing all of a sudden

‘little mo, let’s go somewhere together after school’ ‘why should i go with you, im busy with work anyway’ ‘then let’s have dinner together at my apartment after you’re done’ ‘don’t wanna’

even after getting together, i think this is how he tian will mostly show his jealousy to anyone hitting on guan shan: if he is there as well, he’ll mostly stick close to guan shan, putting an arm around his shoulders or his waist, smiling and answering politely at whoever guan shan is talking to but making perfectly clear using their body language that guan shan is very much already involved with someone

he trusts guan shan completely and would never limit him, even if sometimes he tian worries for guan shan’s safety since he still has a hard time realizing people are flirting with him

but most of the time he just turns this on his favor, using the excuse that someone was hitting on guan shan to hold his hand in public or ask him for a kiss when they get home because that really upsetted him

he tian also tends to be a biter in bed, so it’s not the first time he leaves evident bitemarks and hickeys on guan shan’s neck and shoulder and clavicles for everyone to see. guan shan is not too fond of it because he still doesn’t like the idea to be owned, but he tian is his just as much as he is he tian’s, so in the end, even if he still yells at he tian for leaving them, he doesn’t actually particularly mind them

#19 days #tianshan #he tian #mo guanshan #i did not reread this so forgive me for any blatant mistake #this sure was.. something #can't remember the last time i wrote so much #anyway im not sure if i like this or how it is but it was nice to trying get back to it #so thank you for your ask anon and thank you again for liking my headcanons!! #hope you're gonna have a wonderful day!! #ask #anon #tianshan headcanons

[casually-inlove]

No, anon-san, I don’t believe that. He Tian probably bought that earring because he thought it would look good on Mo and perhaps because he might have known the studio was looking for a model. Evidently, He Tian acted on a presumption that Momo had his ears pierced of his own choice.

I doubt that’s the case with She Li.

I think it’s clear to us readers that Mo Guan Shan cares very little about such superficial things as his appearance (or fashion, very much unlike He Tian it seems), so there’s no way he would have willingly agreed to modify his body for the sake of looks or for the sake of fashion trends. Just as it’s clear that She Li has some very twisted shit going on in that head of his – so I very much doubt he had any aesthetic intentions in mind.

No, it’s something different.

According to Momo, it happened two years ago, so he must have been around thirteen y.o. I’m pretty sure that at that age boys are beginning to worry about their masculinity. I think that perhaps “earrings” on boys at that age are seen as something effeminate? So perhaps it was She Li’s extremely twisted way of getting back at Momo for something, a blow not only to his pride but also adding a lasting stigma of being “effeminate” due to “girlie” ear piercings? Because Momo clearly had a tarnished reputation due to his father’s imprisonment, and She Li attempted to add insult to the injury. Like “hey not only that guy is dregs of society, he’s also a pansy, a weakling, etc”. That would explain Mo’s fixation on wanting to act “like a man”.

Of course, it’s all just guesswork, and until OX clears it up, all we can do is speculate.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Aloha!

I’m not sure why it seems weird to you. It’s his regular heavy expression when his mind is clouded by dark thoughts and seething anger. In fact, you see him glaring daggers at She Li and then asking Momo if it hurt him. I’m sure that many people have pointed that out, but Momo was elusive with his answer. His “it was two years ago” pretty much reads as “I don’t dwell on it and you [HT] shouldn’t dwell on it either”, i.e. Mo doesn’t wish to discuss it. This is the moment when He Tian explodes – because he caught on that Momo was hurt because somebody presumably maliciously inflicted pain on someone He Tian came to care about, because he wasn’t there when it happened to prevent it. Remember, HT has this unhealed trauma of not being able to protect the puppy, of not being there when He Cheng “buried” it.  Idk, if you look at his reaction to the coke can thing, compared to this, he was absolutely chill about the coke. But here it’s a spur of the moment kind of reaction and He Tian isn’t able to reign in his temper (his anger, his contempt, his pain, his desire to protect, and many-many other things), hence why his genuinely good intention (=to make She Li keep away from Mo) came out sounding harsh and demanding. I expect Momo won’t take it positively, and perhaps will rebuke He Tian rudely. It all boils down to He Tian’s inability to express his feelings in a proper way. And again, his outburst had NOTHING to do with jealousy or possessiveness. If anything, it was about wanting to keep Mo safe and wanting send She Li a clear message that he’s doomed to FAIL.

I suspect it’s from the same anon, so I merged them 😂

Well, their relationship does have a layer of toxicity, which I believe, was done by OX on purpose. The end goal for Tianshan is to gradually do away with it and form a healthy bond, and luckily for us, we can see all the negative stuff gradually dwindle.

I think the fandom overreacted with whole “jealousy” thing in the latest chapter, however, I do want to point out that HT failed to keep his temper in check that moment. It’s pretty ironic since a moment ago he was chastising Momo about having a poor temper. He Tian’s words sounded harsh and demanding because he wasn’t able to control the wave of emotions and his anger towards She Li.

Now, this is a crucial point for TianShan. The expression He Tian wore was that of pain, so I’m beginning to think he’s piecing the puzzle now, cause like you said Mo has been used and abused nearly all his life and that hard shell of his was engendered by mistreatment. Momo’s trust issues are well-founded, just as his apparent loathing of physical touch or anyone invading his personal bubble. Maybe this is the moment when He Tian realizes that some of his teasings have been rather insensitive.

Somehow, I also have a feeling that Momo has never told anyone before. Not a soul knows the truth behind it. I think that part of him is ashamed of this scarring instance.

Regarding She Li. Personally, I expected She Li to reappear at some point. OX gave him a unique design, meaning he has yet to play a bigger role – just compare it to the generic designs of Mo’s henchmen, and you’ll see who’s the fodder here. Also, let’s not forget that for some bizarre reason She Li had been sniffing around Jian Yi and kinda targeting him as well. On a side note, a while ago, I made a post where I speculated, that once He Tian leaves abroad (he apparently does in future chapters), Mo will be left to deal with She Li on his own. So one way or another, the shit with She Li must reach some sort of resolution before HT leaves. I do expect we’ll see more of him in the future, perhaps also trying to fuck around with Jian Yi. Other than that, I’m quite frankly disgusted with what She Li had been doing. I doubt that their “relationship” with Mo had been anything other but power struggle and maybe blackmailing. Certainly, they were neither on friendly terms nor were they romantically involved.

I can’t say that I’m entirely on board with “piercing = punishment” theory, nor do I believe it was as simple as a lost fight. However, I don’t really have any plausible ideas either.

One thing for certain though, ear piercing seems to go waaay beyond of how one might get back for a fight. Fights between boys at that age are cruder, I think. It’s about broken teeth and fractured ribs or bloodied kneecaps. Going for ear piercing – a lasting thing – is something else entirely. It seems personal, very cruel, vindictive.

It could have been some form of humiliation because earrings might be seen as a girlie thing, and thus She Li would be branding MGS as pansy, effeminate, etc. Idk.

Or maybe it was a very clever set-up? Mo had a reputation of being a petty thief (children claimed he had stolen a pencil box). Perhaps She Li for some bizarre reason stole jewelry/earrings, and had Momo pierce his ears so that later he could conveniently pin the blame on him? Every other kid would think “stolen earrings? omg I just saw MGS with his ears pierced, it must have been him”?

We have to wait and see.

#19 days #tianshan #she li #mo guan shan #ask

[fleetofshippyships-archive]

Fanfic Author Meme

Tagged by @diligent-thunder and @rockmarina​ =)

Okay, so I’m me, and I talked way too much, so I’m putting this under a cut to save your dashes. You’re welcome 😘

Please do not reblog this post.

Author Name: 

Fleetofshippyships + Knowyourincantations + Legendaryroar

Fandoms You Write For: 

(in order of decreasing # of fics) Harry Potter, Voltron, Merlin, Yuri on Ice, Star Trek, Star Wars and then a few one-offs that aren’t really worth mentioning.

Where You Post: 

AO3 primarily, Tumblr, trying to post more on Pillowfort, I also post on a couple of sites for knowyourincantations

Most Popular One-Shot: 

Fleetofshippyships: Potter’s Insatiable Cock (Drarry, Explicit (duh XD), 20k (viewable only for logged-in AO3 users)).

Knowyourincantations: A Decent Start to Things (Pansmione, Teen, 7k)

Legendaryroar: Finding Time for Rest (Sheith (Voltron), Teen, 3k)

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: 

RestraintNone of my old multi-chapter fics are available to read at this time and I don’t really write multi-chapter fics anymore.

If oneshot/drabble collections or two-shots count, then:

Fleetofshippyships: Vanilla and Sweet Spices (Drarry, Explicit, 2 chapters, 20k)

and this really doesn’t count, but technically it has multiple ‘chapters’ soooooooooo

Legendaryroar: Kinktober 2018 (Multiple ships (Voltron), Explicit (duh), 31 ‘chapters’, 26k)

Favourite Story You Wrote: 

I don’t think I ever have a static favourite, I’ve just written too many things, I too quickly move on to the next (and frequently forget some of my own fics exist XD), but recently I re-read In Pursuit of Red Wine (Dreville, Teen, 29k) and really enjoyed that again, and I am really attached to it cos it was my first longish rarepair fic, kind of proving to myself that I can write longer rarepair stuff. 

I also recently re-read Unburdened (Merthur (BBC Merlin), Explicit, 2k) and really enjoyed that too, had a total disconnect from having written it since it’s been so long, so I was able to read it without self-judging, and oh boy that was nice. 

I’m also quite proud of Healing What’s Left (Parkgrass, Teen, 2k) for some reason, I dunno, maybe the dark political backdrop of the fic, or maybe just cos it’s the first time I’ve written Daphne as the main character and I’m happy with the result and now have some headcanons about her rather than her being an unknown blank character to me. 

I also binge read a lot of my Voltron stuff recently and had big feels over that so....I also specifically enjoyed re-reading The Perks of Skincare (Klance (Voltron), Explicit, 3k) again cos I dunno, I like how I wrote Lance XD and also the Sheith fic I linked earlier is a fav for sure. Shiro/Rest is the ultimate OTP.

It really depends how soon after I write something or when I go back to re-read it as to what my fav is at any given time (or people commenting on it and hyping me up for it again).

Story You Were Nervous to Post: 

Everything. But most recently I was terrified out of my mind before posting: 

Friday Night by the Fire (Harry/Neville, Teen, 583 words) because I have a lot of fears about screwing up trying to write ace characters and somehow not even making that a focal point of the drabble made it even more terrifying,  No More Waiting (TianShan (19 Days), Teen, 2k) because it was a new fandom to write in, Harry Potter and the Maudlin Merman series (Drarry, Teen+ Mature, 3k +6k) due to my feelings of inadequacy because it would be better as long fic but I struggle too much with writing these days to write long fics and can only manage short things. I’d rather write this as a long fic, but then I’d never finish it so connected oneshots are the best I can do right now, but I still feel it’s not good enough and have a meltdown whenever I post one. And speaking of which, I’ve been sitting on the next one for months and should probably just fucking post it already.

Actually, most recently: Minding One’s Limits (Cho/Ginny, G rated, 1.5k), because I gave Cho a disability modeled off my fibromyalgia and wrote a scenario similar to something I’d dealt with myself, it was incredibly uncomfortable to write in the first place, and then terrifying to post, even though it’s so short. But in the end I’m proud I finally wrote about it a bit? I dunno, might take me a while to work up the nerve again though XD (also was my first time writing that ship, so there was a lot of nervousness over that too)

Oh, and I was a super ball of anxiety posting  Kinktober 2018 (Multiple ships, Explicit, 31 ‘chapters’, 26k) because for almost all of those it was the first time I was writing those kinks (and some were kind of squicks for me but I wanted to see if I could write them anyway cos I’m dumb like that) and in a lot of cases those ships were completely new for me to write too, in addition to trying to write and post 1 a day, so...yeah. Also that was my first time writing tentacle and human/werewolf smut so...yeah. I was an absolute mess that month and not in a fun way. But I’m still really glad I did it, it was fun =D

In summary, I’m always an anxious mess posting anything, but most especially if it’s something I’ve not written before or is personal to me XD

How Do You Choose Your Titles: 

Most of the time I’m staring down the empty title field in AO3 cursing like a fucking sailor when I choose titles XD Sometimes it’s a line/theme/feeling from the fic. Sometimes it’s totally random and just comes to me. Sometimes I just grasp the first thing that I can no matter how stupid it sounds cos it’s been three days and I still don’t have a title and I’m over it and ready to post before I lose my nerve.

And tbh, it’s only getting harder to think of titles as my number of fics increases, and I’ve now started thinking of the perfect titles only to realise I already have a published fic by that title so....TITLES CAN DIE A FIERY DEATH

Sometimes, not so much anymore, it would turn out that I would give a wip doc a name just so I’d know what it was, sometimes as a joke with whoever was reading it and cheerleading while I wrote it, and then I would refer to it by that and think of it as that so much that when it came time to actually give the fic a title, it was too late and I could not think past that stupid file name, and that’s how Potter’s Insatiable Cock happened, and how I very nearly called a Merthur fic Arthur’s Wanking Tower (saved that one at the last moment thank god cos the tone of that fic is actually really serious and emotional and wtf was I even thinking with that file name and actually I linked to that fic above XD it ended up being called Unburdened). 

Potter’s Insatiable Cock slipped through cos it’s actually relevant to the fic content and I could live with it.

But needless to say, I don’t give my wip docs joke names anymore XD

Do You Outline: 

Only if I never want to actually write the idea...once I outline, it’s over. I can’t write to a detailed plan. It stifles me. I’ll always get stuck having to try and think ahead to the plan, and then I lose the flow and nothing works because I’m a pantser/intuitive/instinctive writer not a planner. Sometimes I jot down ideas but in like, the vaguest of ways, usually more focused on emotional development than actual scenes or events or anything because then I won’t be able to write it (and I rarely stick to those vague ideas anyway). 

I can really only write when I’m staring down a blank doc with no idea where it’s going and discover it as I go (which is why writing is so fun for me). I can only finish a fic if I don’t think too hard about what’s going to happen next and just let it happen as I write. 

This of course means that editing is a fucking bitch when I finish anything, beginnings often get totally re-written, but if I plan, it just doesn't happen at all, so I’ll take the extra editing if it means I manage to write something.

I do have a lot of detailed plotty fic idea outlines...and I mourn them cos I’m never going to write them now, but they’re so goooooooooood XD

Complete: 

Online (across all 3 accounts): 381 (incl. my hidden drarry fics as they are technically online just hidden, not incl. individual oneshots/drabbles in collection ‘fics’, of which there are ridiculously many). Offline: 20 (I have the worst habit of just sitting on completed fics and I really need to stop)

In-Progress: 

Too many to name, last time I counted it was ~60 but that wasn’t even including my vld wips so...I don’t actually know. I hoard wips and just switch up what I work on all the time depending on mood/interest levels/effort required. 

Current main focuses are a 50k+ plotty Drarry (*fingerscrossed* cos this is my first time seriously attempting something long (will probably reach 80k at least) in a very long time and I put it down for a few months and thought that was it but then I picked it up again recently, yay!), and re-writing some hidden fics I can’t put them back up in the quality they’re in, I just can’t guys, they’re awful.

I’ve been thinking a lot about working on the longish 8th year Pansmione fic I started for the wlw big bang before I had to pull out of cos stupid life stuff. I might pick that up again for a bit too, couldn’t be more different from the Drarry one so it’d make a nice focus break =)

Coming Soon/Not Yet Started: 

I don’t even plan fics I’m writing, I sure don’t plan ahead to stuff I haven’t even started XD The only think I can think of for this category would be me re-writing my hidden long Drarry fics.

Oh, and there will be a Merthur oneshot coming (hopefully) soon, because @april-thelightfury115​ won my custom fic giveaway with a merthur idea. Just waiting for my brain to cooperate so I can start that and not suck XD but I’m so fucking excited to write some Merthur again, you have no idea.

Oh, and lots more Sapphic September drabbles coming too, I’m way behind and only just posted day 11 cos this month is literal hell for me, but I am still planning on finishing the prompt list, no matter how long it takes, but no plan for those, not even which ships, I just sit down with the next prompt and a blank doc and see what happens.

Do You Accept Prompts: 

Yes, I love writing to prompts, I’m take them via google form here, but I’m in such a bad space with my health I’ve been really struggling with writing lately, managed to do a bit of editing (fuck knows how), but writing new stuff is so hard, so there’s a long wait while I wait for my fibro fog to ease off to the point I can write new stuff with more regularity (and less stupid errors I have to edit out later).

Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: 

Again, I so don’t plan. But I really want to be making more progress on the long plotty drarry wip I’m trying to write. I’m still not sure I’ll have the guts to post it even if I do finish it, given its subject matter (it would make a great careers or consent fest fic tbh), but damn I’m really excited by it. Not sure I can maintain it being plotty and not revert to focusing on the relationship (which is easier for me), but I can only try and see what happens. (trying to write a non-relationship plot without planning is a nightmare but I don’t have a choice if I want to write it at all XD)

I’m also now excited for my longish pansmione wip too actually, just because it’s already longer than my Dreville long-ish fic and it’s exciting and scary to do longer rarepair stuff. I’m way out of my comfort zone with the fic itself, but I dunno, I re-read some recently and fell in love with it all over again, like, flustered lesbian-awakening, disaster for Pansy (but sure she still hates her) Hermione? YES PLEASE! and also, I am guilty of not writing female characters as much as I should because, well, canonically, they don’t have much depth and I’m very meh about them, but in this there’s a huge focus on them because they’re all determined to band together for 8th year and Hermione is making friends with them (Parvati is like, dragging her along all the time XD) where she once dismissed them so it’s scary but exciting =D I’m getting more practice with all the sapphic I do over on knowyourincantations, so I feel more confident working on this wip now =D

I’m also kind of excited about re-writing my old long fics, because they’re all 3 years old now, and my writing tastes (and skill, yikes) have totally changed, so it’s like I’m writing the story again but how I would write it now while maintaining the overall same plot, so it’s really interesting, like discovering the story all over again. Like in one (Making Malfoy Blush) I’ve gone as far as introducing a new side character to replace another’s parts because I no longer feel those parts are in character for them. It’s super terrifying, but it’s fun at the same time =) it’ll take me forever to do these though, so I dunno about ‘upcoming’ really, I only chip away every now and then when I’m unable to write new stuff but am still coherent enough to do something.

Eh, it is what it is, I can’t write like I used to, hence me being inactive more than active these days, but I’m trying to work within my new limitations instead of getting frustrated with them and just giving up entirely =)

---

Now, who to tag....I think anyone I would tag has already done it, and if not..I blame the fog if I’m forgetting someone obvious, if you wanna do it just say I tagged you so I can be nosy and take a look =)

Again, please do not reblog this post

#* #tag meme #tag game #about me #hope i don't regret linking to my other ao3 accounts #but i'm at the point if I get more bullshit like before i'll just abandon fandom entirely rather than shift to one of my other accounts #they served that purpose well when I needed it but the reasons for having to do it are not a problem anymore #so i'm tentatively linking to them for anyone who wants to read my other works #and hoping no one is mean about it #and please don't reblog this post in case I have to delete it to cut the link

[lindoig1]

Urumqi by any other name.......  Day 9

We awoke after a somewhat better sleep to the towering Tianshan mountains a few kilometres away on both sides of the train, with some of the higher ones being snow-capped. By the time we arrived at Urumqi, there was quite a lot of snow on the tops of all the nearby mountains. Our guide, Jimmy, told us that it was very unseasonal snow that had just fallen 2 days ago – it is all around the area we are going tomorrow so we hope it is still there. I think it will be, because I am sure it fell just for our visit and there looks to be a lot there at present.

We passed through another huge wind-farm early this morning. I counted a hundred generators and then guessed at how many other hundred there might be and came up with a figure of more than 5000, only to find that we were looking north and found that there were probably as many to the south side of the train. 10000 generators? They sure don’t do things by halves here!

Our tour company in Melbourne told us that we would be arriving at 6:05am so we were packed and ready to go when we pulled into a station. I started off down the passage with our big bag only to be sent back by the carriage warden. She showed us a timetable and pointed to 7:35 and said that was when we had to get off. Sure enough, the train subsequently pulled into the station on time so off we set down the corridor to alight - only to be sent back by a different warden and told to sit on our bunks until the next station. At last we got off and walked the kilometre or so to the entrance - and were stopped for yet another ‘random check’ by the police SWAT team. Checked our passports again, scanned our luggage for the 999th time and we were finally out into fresh air.  No guide!!! A young policewoman saw our predicament and was a wonderful help. She rang the local tour company and was told that we should have got off at the previous station - the old South Urumqi station rather than the new Urumqi station. Yes they could collect us, but it will cost us an extra 100RMB. No quibbles, our tickets and tour instructions were correct, but all written in Chinese as was all the signage at all the stations. The train warden was the person at fault by not letting us get off when we wanted to so it cost us $A20 or so and an extra 45 minutes wait for our guide. The policewoman was great though. She was a slip of a girl, but shifted several of her beefy colleagues off some seats near the checkpoint so we could sit while we waited, then walked with us to the gate, even helping with Heather’s heavy bag, when the guide and driver eventually arrived. Another little hiccup, but again, we have survived.

Just to add to my quandary about the pronunciation of Urumqi, the signs at the station showed both Urumqi and Wulurumqi and on the side of the train it was Wulumixi with the x being more of a sh sound (I think). We asked the guide and he seemed to confuse it further saying that foreigners pronounce it Urumki or Urumshi but locals say Wulumshi or Wurumshi, maybe even Wurulumshi - I couldn’t even pick quite how he pronounced it. Now if we could Google it, Wikipedia or something might broaden the range of possibilities even further.

We got checked in at the hotel and were whisked off again to the local history museum. It was very interesting hearing all about the early history of China and seeing so many old artefacts. I have almost no knowledge of Eastern history - and still don’t - but it seems that ancient times were not so different from today. War after war, border squabbles, tribal enmity, victories and retribution, power plays, death and disease, etc., etc. I suspect that a smidgen or two of history may have been rewritten somewhere over the years to sanitise the facts to fit more easily into current political thought. One little quote amused me - referring to a war some 3000 years ago that bound people together into ‘our great motherland’. Maybe?

The museum also houses a wonderful display of mummified corpses. We recently saw a program on TV about them finding some burial sites to the north and the museum had about 10 of the human remains on display, some dating back 3800 years. We couldn’t understand much of the text, almost all of which was in Chinese, but it was a fascinating display and the TV program we saw helped us make a bit more sense of it.

We then went off to the Erdaoquiao Bazaar, a fascinating experience in two parts. First, we went to the old market, sheathed in scaffolding and shade-cloth because it is being restored/refurbished. It had dozens of stalls with jade and other semi-precious stone jewellery: literally millions of pieces of every conceivable shape and colour in hundreds of stalls. It also had lots of silk, metal and leather goods, an almost endless array of goods from enticing valuables to complete kitch, but often interesting for all that. There was another whole floor of the strangest eastern herbs and medicines, most of which were unidentifiable, and probably just as well. I recognised dried snakes, antelope legs, strange sea creatures, deer antlers to name a few, but there was an endless array of plant specimens too, flowers, pods, seeds, fruit, nuts, most of which were new to us and unrecognisable in their desiccated form.

There were a couple of carpet showrooms, but also quite a lot of unused stalls, perhaps due to the renovations.

Then we walked through the new bazaar on the way back to the car. They had somewhat similar offerings, but tended to be a bit swisher, but not very swish for all that. We wanted to buy some nibbles - a small selection of the many varieties of raisins on offer, but the place we went to wouldn’t sell less than a kilo and wouldn’t allow us to mix the varieties - so we went to his competitor across the lane and he complied. We have probably still ended up with more than we can eat, but que sera..... At least we didn’t have to buy a kilo of each variety.

We spent a couple of hours in our room recovering and reorganising ourselves a bit, then went out for a walk to where Jimmy said there were lots of restaurants where we could get our evening meal. He was wrong unless he expected us to stand at a counter and eat all sorts of gooey cakes. We eventually found a hole in the wall just near our hotel where two very friendly Uighur mammas served us a delicious spicy noodle dish and some tasty meat pastry pockets - yum! We actually don’t think much of Jimmy. He strikes us as a know-it-all, but makes a few things up when he doesn’t know at all. All very casual - gets out of the car and strolls away, expecting us to follow while we are still getting our gear together. He is not a good guide and we are taking notes to feed back to the company when we get home. All our drivers have been really excellent though!

One interesting feature of Urumqi is that it has VERY few bikes or motorbikes. There are squillions of cars straining frantically to get to wherever they want before the lights change, but we have seen perhaps a dozen delivery bikes and half as many mini motorbikes.

A quaint thing in our hotel is that there is no minibar, no tea or coffee, there are missing lights and neither the jug nor the hair-dryer work, the air purifier creaks and groans, but doesn’t turn on - but they have special biodegradable bath towels, a really great razor and shaving cream and a good selection of free condoms, presumably all instead of providing a sachet or two of instant coffee.

[youhavebeentraceyd]

Tianshan Week Day 5 - Office AU

read it on the AO3

Summary: so far my only contribution to tianshan week and im sorryyyy. but anyway, office au, smut. they do it at work, and that is all

Words: 5435

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: None

Fandom: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian

Relationships: He Tian/Mo Guan Shan

Characters: He Tian, Mo Guan Shan - Character

Additional Tags: AU Office AU Smut hell yeah i paused working on my other fic to write this so please love this

Guan Shan walks out of the finished company meeting very briskly, frustrated and with a half hard boner. All because of that shitty co-worker of his. No matter how much Guan Shan tries to block out He Tian from his sight and his mind, he always finds himself thinking about him and sneaking glances over at him whenever he can. His hair, his face, his voice, his fucking toned chest tightly fitted underneath the fabric of his work shirts...no, fuck. Stop. He can’t be thinking about him right now, with what’s happening down in his trousers.

The worst part about being so physically attracted to him, is that he actually hates He Tian. Back when Guan Shan had first seen him at the office, he was surrounded by female co-workers at the water coolers. When they had made eye contact, He Tian gave him a once-over look with a smile, liking what he saw, and sent him a wink - which was completely inappropriate in the workplace environment. Since that very first moment, He Tian has been nothing but a nuisance. The constant advances towards him does nothing but tease and aggravate him.  One time he came over to Guan Shan’s cubicle and spilled his plastic cup of water all over his lap. He grabbed some tissues and wiped down Guan Shan’s crotch area. He actually did that.

The lewd remarks, the sexual behaviour, his devilish smiles, he directs all of that towards Guan Shan, giving him all these signs that he wants him, but then doesn’t seal the deal. No asking out on dates, no offerings to take him home after the company mixers, nothing. Guan Shan is convinced that he’s only doing all of this to goad him, and he hates that. He hates He Tian. 

Honestly, Guan Shan should’ve filed a sexual harassment complaint by now. But he hasn’t. He won’t. 

Rather than go back to his cubicle like the rest of his co-workers, Guan Shan detours down the hall and to the right, where the copy and printer room is. He would've preferred the men’s bathroom but that was one floor down and he needed to cool his head (and dick) down immediately, so printer room it is. 

The printer room is well air-coned and it’s mainly only used on Fridays when hard copy reports are to be handed in, so he knows he’ll be alone in there. But on the off chance that someone does come in, he doesn’t want to look like he’s slacking off. So he grabs some loose printing paper that missed the rubbish bin and starts making copies of them with the scanner, putting the copying amount to 1000 - that will take a while. He takes in a deep breath in, and back out, this is good, he just needs ten minutes in here to calm down and then he’ll be able to return to work as a functioning member of this company, with no boner and zero thoughts of a certain co-worker fucking him on a desk...Maybe give him fifteen minutes. 

Suddenly he hears the door open, oh great. Sighing once again, he turns to look at his unwanted guest - fuck, no. Unwanted is the appropriate term. 

“Oh hey, Guan Shan. I didn’t know you were in here,” He Tian says fakely, with his fake smile and fake sincerity. Of course he knew Guan Shan was in here. The heat rises and grows exponentially all over Guan Shan as he watches He Tian close the door, now alone with the cause of all his troubles and frustrations. 

“What do you want?” Guan Shan asks harshly. If this was a non-professional environment, he absolutely would’ve said ‘what the fuck do you want?’ instead. To make it transparently clear that his intentions towards He Tian are hostile.

He Tian puts his hands up as a sign of peace, what bullshit, and continues to smile sweetly at him, “I’m just here to use the printer.” 

“Well this one’s taken,” Guan Shan gestures to the printer he’s using defensively. 

“Yeah, clearly,” He Tian retorts, looking like he wants to roll his eyes. Guan Shan’s face burns, He Tian always manages to make him feel like an idiot. He Tian walks over to the printer right next to Guan Shan’s and the sudden close proximity has Guan Shan instinctively stepping around his own to get further away, as if the printer could protect him. 

Of course He Tian notices with a smile but he doesn't say anything about it. Instead he gets to work on the printer, pressing some buttons here and there until it gets going. Then he bends down, flaunting his ass in Guan Shan’s direction to check the stock of paper in the printer. Shit, this is not good. Guan Shan had come in here to cool down but with He Tian in the room, doing what He Tian does, his erection is getting stiffer by the second. 

When He Tian gets up again he starts to loosen his tie a little and undo his top button. Guan Shan was in physical pain now. He Tian was too damn hot and he fucking knew it. He knew what he was doing to him and Guan Shan bets that he also knows that Guan Shan wants He Tian to push him against a wall and fuck him senseless, knows that Guan Shan wants He Tian to make him come so hard he screams. He wants He Tian so badly he doesn’t know how much more of this torture he can take. 

“So I was watching you during the meeting,” He Tian states nonchalantly, and Guan Shan can't help but think, no shit. 

“And you didn’t look too good, like you're burning up. I think you might have a fever.” 

Right, a fever, let's go with that. Red refrains from arguing against it. But then suddenly he stops listening to what he's saying to him, distracted by what he notices is happening to He Tian’s printer. 

It's printing out blank pieces of paper. And from the small screen on the printer it says ‘15/1000 copies to go’. He Tian is doing the exact same thing that Guan Shan did; giving the illusion of productivity while in reality they’re just stalling for time. Guan Shan’s mind races with the implications. That He Tian is not in this room for work related reasons, but because he wants to be in this room with him. It shouldn't surprise Guan Shan really, He Tian wants to mess with him all the time. But he can't help but let his heart beat faster at the thought of He Tian coming in here to talk to him alone. He also can't help noting that with two printers working away, the noise in here would make it impossible for anyone outside to hear them talk. 

With these thoughts filling his head, Guan Shan is slow to notice He Tian stepping around the printers to stand right next to him. The back of his hand lightly touches Guan Shan’s forehead, “Are you alright?” 

He Tian is right in front of him, so close. And that delicate touch is enough to send Guan Shan over the edge. 

"Fuck this," Guan Shan says, exasperated and absolutely done with all of this bullshit. He grabs He Tian by his tie and tugs him forward, kissing him roughly. He is done with talking, and done with all of their side-stepping around each other. 

He Tian is only given a second to breathe before Guan Shan has him tightly by the hair, kissing him again, rigorously biting and licking at his lips. He feels He Tian grab onto his waist and they step backwards until Guan Shan’s ass hits the edge of a desk. He Tian has a thigh between Guan Shan’s legs, no doubt feeling the stiffness of Guan Shan’s dick. He doesn’t really care what He Tian thinks of that, far too distracted by He Tian’s tongue pushing deep into his mouth, taking control of their situation. Guan Shan feels hot and bothered all over, quickly losing breath at the rush of He Tian’s lips, He Tian’s hands, He Tian’s tongue, He Tian’s everything.

When they finally separate for air, breathing heavily against each other, He Tian looks at Guan Shan. There’s nothing but lust in his eyes and Guan Shan feels the heat pool in his stomach. 

“Fucking finally,” He Tian whispers huskily.

What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Guan Shan isn’t given any time to ask when He Tian holds onto the nape of Guan Shan’s neck and pulls him in for a kiss. Their lips collide, desperate and full of want. Guan Shan moans into the kiss, his groin rutting against He Tian’s thigh. He’ll ask questions afterwards, but for now he needs more of this. He pushes He Tian away and flips them around; He Tian now leaning against the desk. Their kisses become sloppier, as Guan Shan gets distracted with unbuckling He Tian’s belt.

“I need you,” Guan Shan says between wet kisses, “To take off,” he makes quick work of He Tian’s tie after his belt, “Your fucking clothes.” 

He Tian obliges by letting go of Guan Shan and starts unbuttoning his own shirt. Guan Shan wanted to watch him take it off, to watch him reveal his no doubt exquisite chest, bit by bit, but He Tian went and distracted him with kisses. He then feels He Tian’s hands slip around his back, drawing him closer to his chest which sets Guan Shan on fucking fire. 

Feeling the heat surrounding him, Guan Shan wants to stay like this for hours, screw going back to work. With that single sudden thought, Guan Shan pulls back, “Ah fuck, wait, wait.” 

He Tian doesn’t let him go too far, keeping his hands around him, “What is it?”

Guan Shan looks over to the entrance that they both came through, any of their co-workers (or worse their boss) could have come in and caught them by now, “The door. We need to-” 

“-I already locked it.” 

“Wha-?”

“When I came in.”

He Tian had said it so dismissively, like this wasn’t a topic of interest to discuss and that he wanted to get back to the task at hand. And true, Guan Shan also wanted to get back to what they were doing, but he just had to ask, “You knew this would happen?” 

A smile grows on He Tian’s face, “No,” he shakes his head, “I just didn't want anyone to come in while we talked.” 

Good enough answer for Guan Shan. 

“Fuck talking,” he says before his lips are back on He Tian’s with bruising force, their tongues beckoning each other in so naturally. Guan Shan traces his fingers around the curves of He Tian’s rock-hard abs, finally able to touch them after the pure torture of watching He Tian bend and stretch in his tight shirts during all those meetings. He pulls his face away enough to look down at where his own hands are going. He slowly moves them down, until finally reaching He Tian’s crotch. He palms him through his pants, listening to He Tian’s heavy breathing, and feeling the size of him. He had suspected He Tian to be above average, but this...

“Guan Shan,” He Tian interrupts his thoughts. Guan Shan looks up to see a heavy-lidded He Tian, perfect red lips glistening, “Get on your knees.”

Fuck. Guan Shan was planning to anyway, but with that single order he drops to his knees without missing a beat. He catches the way He Tian’s eyes widen for a moment, startled by how eager he is, and Guan Shan smiles, feeling the thrill of surprising He Tian. He quickly get He Tian’s pants and underwear out of the way and takes him into his hand, mouth watering at the size of the throbbing cock and licks his lips. 

“Too big for you?” He Tian drawls with a smirk. 

Guan Shan only smiles back provocatively, “Not at all.” 

He doesn’t wait for He Tian to retort, before he has him in his mouth, while his hands go to grip onto He Tian’s bare thighs. Above him, He Tian keens. Guan Shan feels the shudder escape He Tian’s mouth, trying to keep his cool. He definitely wants to see He Tian lose control, thinking of it as revenge for all of He Tian’s shit that he's had to put up with. But also he just really wants to suck He Tian’s dick. 

He takes the head into his mouth, sucking hard, and then dragging his tongue over the slit, causing He Tian’s breath to hitch. Too easy. If Guan Shan’s mouth wasn’t full he’d be smiling. Slackening his jaw, he almost pushes He Tian’s entire length in his mouth with one quick motion, and he looks up to see He Tian cover his own mouth, his face scrunched up in pleasure. Good. Guan Shan can’t help but moan himself, choking on the fullness of He Tian’s pulsing cock. He starts bobbing forwards and back, trailing his tongue up in different directions, wanting to hear He Tian’s lose control. 

“Fucking hell, Guan Shan,” He Tian lets out with a shaky voice. His hands reach to the sides of Guan Shan’s head and hold him there. Guan Shan gets the message and opens his mouth further before He Tian thrusts into his throat, tears appearing in Guan Shan’s eyes. God, yes please. Guan Shan whimpers at the harshness of the thrusts, his nails digging into He Tian’s thighs. With every stroke, He Tian’s cock reaches the back of his throat and the pleasure is unbearable for both of them. His muffled whines and He Tian’s groans fill the room, as well as the sopping sound of his mouth taking in He Tian’s cock over and over and over again. If it wasn’t for the loud workings of the two printers still in use, they would have had no chance of hiding this from their co-workers. 

He Tian lets go of Guan Shan’s head suddenly, leaning back and placing his hands on the desk to stabilise himself. His breathing had become erratic, and Guan Shan knew that he was close to climaxing in Guan Shan’s mouth. With no hands holding him in place, Guan Shan finally pulls off of He Tian’s cock completely, lips plump and wet, face flushed and precum dribbling down his chin. From the way He Tian is looking at him, Guan Shan knows that he looks very fuckable. And god, is Guan Shan desperate to be fucked by him.

Steadying himself on his knees, Guan Shan’s hands let go of their tight grip on He Tian’s thighs and move to unbuckle his own pants. He lifts his waist up to pull his pants and underwear down, freeing his hard cock. Now one of his hands goes back to He Tian’s thigh, while the other hand’s fingers go into his mouth, making sure He Tian is watching as he laps his fingers up, coating them with saliva. He draws his soaking fingers out and moves them behind himself. The look in He Tian’s eyes is priceless when he sticks two fingers into his ass with a sultry gasp. 

Now fingering himself, Guan Shan attempts to take He Tian’s cock into his mouth again, but is stopped short by He Tian pushing him back. 

“Get up,” He Tian orders, placing his hands under Guan Shan’s armpits to help pull him up into a standing position quickly, “Bend over the desk.” 

Guan Shan feels his cock throb at the words, obediently pulling his fingers out and leaning down onto the desk with both elbows, cock hanging low between his legs. He Tian growls at the sight in front of him, before pulling Guan Shan’s pants and underwear down all the way to the floor. He stays down on his knees and runs his hands up from Guan Shan’s calves to his ass and grabs his cheeks firmly. Spreading Guan Shan apart with his thumbs, He Tian sighs, “You have a great ass.” 

“I do?” Guan Shan questions. 

But the very moment He Tian’s tongue starts stroking between his ass cheeks, lapping up his most sensitive area, Guan Shan is no longer capable of coherent thought. 

“Oh fuck,” Guan Shan moans, his whole body trembling at the tension building up inside of him as He Tian’s tongue goes wild down there. It looks like He Tians tongue isn't just talented at smooth talking business associates and clients. 

Guan Shan’s barely able to control his groans and whimpers when He Tian presses in deeper, his muscles clenching and loosening around his swirling tongue. He hears He Tian hum in satisfaction as he withdraws his mouth, leaving Guan Shan soaked and exposed. 

Suddenly He Tian pushes his thumb inside and Guan Shan groans, his eyes shutting tight with pleasure. He can't help the string of encouragements towards He Tian, murmuring under his breath nonsensical words that trip over one another. He Tian continues to moisten him up with his tongue, and he can feel his asshole opening up more with He Tian's thumb. It's soon replaced by He Tian’s index fingers, which slides in easier and deeper than his thumb could. 

“More...god, please more,” Guan Shan slurs, fingers scrambling on the desk for something to hold onto. He Tian adds his middle finger and Guan Shan whines at the stretch. With all his licking and scissoring and teasing, He Tian is making an absolute mess of Guan Shan and god, he is loving it.

“M-more,” Guan Shan pleads again. He just wants to be open enough for He Tian’s cock as soon as possible. 

He Tian finally adds his ring finger and now with three fingers inside him, Guan Shan’s gasps sharply at the rough stretch, but the pain quickly subsides when He Tian finds his prostate. At which point Guan Shan has to cover his mouth from outright screaming as he lurches on top of the desk, trying to grind back onto the long fingers. He Tian lets him take over for a moment, let's Guan Shan fuck himself on his fingers, filling the loud printing room with more obscene moans and slick skin than it did before. The waves of pleasure pulse through his body with every push against his prostate, it's quickly becoming unbearable, he needs the real thing inside him. Now. 

“Fuck me. I'm ready, just fucking- fuck me already,” Guan Shan begs, moaning impatiently, not caring that he sounds whiny, because he's been fantasizing and waiting for this for months, ever since he first saw He Tian at that water cooler. 

He Tian pulls his fingers out slowly, and leans over him to whisper, “Take off your shirt.” 

He pulls Guan Shan up and has him turn back around, facing him. With shaky fingers, Guan Shan unbuttons his work shirt. He watches He Tian crouch down again, tugging off Guan Shan's shoes, socks and pants one leg up at a time.

When he rises from the floor, He Tian claims Guan Shan’s lips in a kiss, it's urgent and rough and Guan Shan is overwhelmed once again by how much he wants He Tian. He pulls away to undo the last button on his own shirt and quickly slide it down his shoulders, but it gets stuck at his elbows where the sleeves are rolled up. A mischievous grin grows on He Tian's face and before Guan Shan can think, He Tian grabs the back of his shirt and twists it around his hand, locking Guan Shan’s arms behind his back. He takes Guan Shan’s cock with his free hand and starts stroking him. 

Guan Shan gasps and squirms on the edge of the desk, but he can't escape. He doesn't want to escape. He tries to stop himself from crying out words like yes and please and god don't stop. But he does anyway, murmuring them under his breath. He Tian groans and leans in closer, keeping his hand busy. He bends his head low and Guan Shan feels the drag of He Tian's tongue licking up his neck, and then he bites down. Guan Shan's whole body shudders at the sensation, feeling his quickened pulse against He Tian’s teeth and tongue. Guan Shan’s hips swirl and push up involuntarily, trying to fuck into He Tian’s hands. 

He's desperate. They both are. He Tian removes his hand from Guan Shan’s cock and lifts him up until he's sitting on the desk. He Tian steps away while Guan Shan finally pulls the rest of his shirt off. 

“I have a condom in my-” Guan Shan goes to offer, but stops short when he sees He Tian pull one out of his own pants pocket from the floor. Glad to know He Tian is just as prepared for impromptu fucking as Guan Shan is. 

After quickly putting the condom on and slicking himself up with spit, He Tian pushes Guan Shan down by the chest and spreads his legs up and apart. He positions himself at Guan Shan’s entrance, but then Guan Shan reaches out to stop him, “Wait, wait, wait.” 

He Tian practically growls, “You want to stop now?” 

“No, no, fuck no, I just,” Guan Shan huffs out of breath and a little incoherent, “...I want...against wall...I want you to fuck me...against the wall.” 

There’s a quiet pause as He Tian processes his request. It's not a simple task Guan Shan knows this, supporting someone’s weight for a long time requires strength and stamina. Suddenly He Tian grabs Guan Shan’s legs and wraps them around his waist, then goes to pull Guan Shan up by his back. Guan Shan moves along with him, wrapping his arms around He Tian’s neck, while he gets lifted up with ease. Guan Shan can’t help but smile, looking at He Tian’s unstrained face and relishing in He Tian’s strength, he’ll do just fine. 

He Tian walks them forward until Guan Shan feels the cold press of the nearest white wall and excitement builds in him once again, god, finally. Guan Shan helps to lift himself up enough to give He Tian the chance to position himself properly. When Guan Shan feels He Tian’s wet cock at his asshole he carefully sinks himself down. Finally. Slowly, he pushes He Tian’s cock in, inch by inch, gasping for breath as he descends and desperate to be filled. The tightness feels overwhelming and he forces himself to relax, hot breaths against He Tian’s neck. 

It doesn’t take long for the pain to subside and Guan Shan gives an experimental roll of his hips. He lets out a whimper, tightening his grip around He Tian, his fingers probably leaving marks on He Tian’s back. He pulls away from He Tian’s neck to look at his face. He Tian is sweating but there’s no signs of exhaustion, in fact he looks energized, absolutely ready for Guan Shan to just say the word and he’ll start giving it to him at full force. It sends a shiver down Guan Shan’s spine. He lifts himself up and then grinds back down, panting into He Tian’s mouth. It gets easier with every slow roll of his hips on and off of He Tian’s cock. 

“Okay,” Guan Shan huffs out through his endless panting. And just like that, He Tian tightens his grip on Guan Shan’s ass and start pounding into him. He sets a harsh and fast pace right from the get-go and it’s becoming increasingly difficult to hold back the volume. Guan Shan cries out, embarrassingly loud, when He Tian unexpectedly strikes his prostate. He hopes the printers are covering up this noise. 

Guan Shan drags out a long ragged breath, trying to get control of himself, but then He Tian angles his hips in a way that has him hitting Guan Shan’s soft spot with every thrust. Guan Shan doesn’t stand a chance, if someone walks past the printing room, they’re doomed. 

With every thrust hitting his prostate, tears fall out of Guan Shan’s eyes, overwhelmed by the pleasure, feeling He Tian’s thick cock stretching and pushing and filling him up. He’s been fantasizing about this for so long, and now that it's happening, it’s better than what he imagined. He just can’t seem to hold back any of the unholy sounds coming out of his mouth. The long string of fuck fuck He Tian fuck yes fucks just roll so easily off his tongue, letting out moans and shaky breaths between them as He Tian’s thrusts continue deeper into him. 

Guan Shan risks removing one hand around He Tian’s neck and slips it around his own leaking, aching, cock and starts stroking himself in time with He Tian’s thrusts. The added sensation overwhelms Guan Shan, causing him to clench down hard onto He Tian’s cock. Which in turn, makes He Tian give out a loud moan. Guan Shan can feel the rush of his orgasm building, tilting his head until it scratches up and down the wall with every thrust. 

“He Tian, I’m...I’m going-” Guan Shan gasps out, out of breath. He’s so close, he knows that if he looks at He Tian, the sweating hot mess in front of him, he’ll come right then and there. But he does anyway, he looks right into He Tian’s eyes, pupils blown and hot, so fucking hot. Guan Shan’s breath hitches and lets out a shuddering groan as he comes over both of their stomachs in messy splatters. Pulses of electric shocks run through his body, clenching all of his muscles, and suddenly he feels weightless. He can’t feel his legs, miraculously still wrapped around He Tian, but he can barely think about that right now when all he has on his mind is how fucking amazing that was. 

Guan Shan sluggishly watches He Tian continue fucking him, his thrusts becoming erratic and short, grunting with every stroke. Guan Shan pulls He Tian’s face towards him and their lips collide with biting force, Guan Shan practically eating at He Tian’s tongue and bottom lip. It seems to do wonders for He Tian because he comes then with a low groan in his throat. He Tian keeps slowly thrusting through his orgasm, breathing heavily into his mouth, gripping so tightly to his ass that Guan Shan knows there will be marks on it for days. 

The room smells like sex, like sweat and most importantly, like He Tian. If he wasn’t starting to feel the cramps in his legs from this position, Guan Shan would want to stay like this, savouring it until the very last moment. But they're both exhausted, so He Tian lifts him up a bit to slowly pull out, and Guan Shan moans at the loss. As soon as Guan Shan unwraps himself from around He Tian, he sinks down to the floor, no strength in his legs left. He rests his head against the wall, trying to catch his breath.

Did all that really just happen?

In distress, Guan Shan thinks that this might just have been another one of his vivid fantasies and he’ll soon wake up in bed, alone, with a boner, and still very much frustrated. But no, as he watches He Tian pull off and tie up the condom, Guan Shan knows that this wasn’t a dream because his dreams never last this long past the fucking. 

He Tian manages to find a roll of paper towels from fuck-knows-where and passes it to Guan Shan to clean himself up. He takes it from him, neither of them making eye contact, and quietly wipes up the cum on his chest and throws it in the bin with all the scrap paper. Guan Shan’s legs feel like jelly, but he manages to stand up and head towards his crumbled up clothes. He finds that He Tian has already tucked himself back into his briefs and is fixing his messed up hair. 

They get changed in silence and if it wasn't for the printers still going, the silence would be deafening. Both of their work suits had gotten wrinkled but at least there’s no stains to worry about. As he finishes buttoning up his shirt, Guan Shan panics at what little time they have left to talk about happened before one of them decides to leave first. The time for no talking is gone and Guan Shan really needs to know what the fuck their situation is now. 

Then Guan Shan realises that once again, he’s waiting for He Tian to make the first move, and doing that in the past had gotten them nowhere. So he breaks the silence first, asking the biggest question on his mind, “What are we?” 

Guan Shan cringes internally, like what is he, a teenager again?

“Whatever you want us to be,” He Tian says non-committedly as he turns to turn off both printers. 

Red mulls over He Tian’s response, then shakes his head, “No, that's not going to cut it. I need to know what you want from me.” 

The printers turn off, and the room falls into complete silence. He Tian isn’t looking at him. Guan Shan thinks about the start: He Tian growling out fucking finally, and he realises he might already know what that He Tian meant; “Was this always just about sex? Was the reason why you never asked me out on a date was because you didn't want that? You wanted something like this to happen instead?” 

Guan Shan looks at the floor, fearing to hear the answer, that yeah, He Tian was only after his body. He Tian never asked for something more because he didn't want something more. 

“You wanted me to ask you out?” 

Guan Shan looks up at He Tian then because he may have sounded confused, but he didn't sound disgusted by his own question. 

“Well...Yeah,” Guan Shan answers like it was the most obvious conclusion to make. 

A broad smile grows on He Tian's face, “Do you want to come over to my place for dinner tonight?” 

Guan Shan steps back, “...Don't say that unless you mean it.” 

“No, I mean it,” He Tian steps closer, “I want to.” 

His smile never wavers and he seems to be finding their situation funny with that little chuckle of his, “To be honest, Guan Shan, I didn’t think you actually liked me.” 

“What?”

“I knew you were very attracted to me sure, but liked? You don't exactly make that clear.” 

Guan Shan takes a moment to think back on his own behaviour around He Tian in the past, becoming self-aware. All of his grumbles and eye rolls and fuck offs and whatevers. It does send quite a message, “Oh.” 

He Tian chuckles again before moving towards Guan Shan and casually slipping his arms around his waist. Standing at his full height, He Tian looks down at Guan Shan with...fondness, “You know, the only sign I got that I had any chance with you, was that you had never filed any harassment complaints against me.” 

“...That's dumb.”

It's all Guan Shan can say before He Tian is leaning down and kissing him. It's slow and gentle, the softest it's ever been since he started all of this an hour ago. Guan Shan lifts his arms up around his neck and deepens the kiss. It quickly heats them up, tongues pulling each other in, their breathing getting heavier. They both pull back, stopping themselves before things get carried away. 

“Right, cool,” He Tian breathes out, heading to the door. Guan Shan hears the unlock of the door and then sees He Tian turn to him, “Straight to my place after work?” 

Guan Shan tries fighting fights back a smile but fails, “Sure.” 

While the smile on He Tian’s face just continues to grow, “I think that's the first smile you've ever directed at me.” 

“Oh, shut up,” Guan Shan steps forward and pushes at He Tian’s arm, the only form of flirting he knows how. He Tian laughs at the effort and opens the door, to which they pause to find their co-worker, Jian Yi, leaning against the wall opposite the printing room. 

His arms are crossed and he initially looked pissed, but at the sight of He Tian and Guan Shan, together, shifting his eyes between the two, looking at their minor disheveledness- the biggest grin replaces his annoyance, “Well, fucking finally.”

thats it folks! im the slowest writer in the world, so im happy that i at least got one fic completed for tianshanweek :’)

#tianshan #tianshanweek #my post #my fic #19 days

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

hi! I really love this blog,and your opinion about HT losing Mo was amazing as always! and it made me want to know how it would be if it's other boys?like,Mo losing HT?Jian losing Zhan?

Hello, dear anon!

Before anything else, I’m sorry to have kept your ask waiting for so long. It seems I needed a specific mood to answer this question, and it took a while. Thank you for your patience!

Secondly, I’m happy you have enjoyed the content and my mullings. Thank you! It’s always nice to hear my scribblings have reached someone.

Writing that answer about HT losing MGS was fun but challenging, and it seems like this “follow-up” was no different. Here are some previous posts that I think are worth checking out regarding this topic:

What if HT lost MGS? (the ask you referred to)

Long-distance relationship - Zhanyi vs. Tianshan

What if HT disappeared for 3 years?

19 Days - what if, feat. Picrew (bonus fun! I hope...)

Just like with HT losing MGS, there are some variables that make these kinds fo scenarios a bit tricky. For this, I will stick to two main ones:

A lost B without knowing what happened to them

A lost B knowing that they’re gone for good (dead).

Probably needless to say but...angst warning. Let’s get started!

If MGS lost HT

I think this scenario is probably the “easiest” one to begin with. Not to make MGS sound heartless but if he lost HT, I think his life would continue pretty much the same. Regardless of whether it’s the first or second possibility. I think how MGS could react to HT being gone has already been shown both in the current timeline and in the Christmas specials that took place in the future. MGS kept moving (school, work, daily routines), and his life didn’t really come to a screeching halt.

However, all that being said, that’s just what’s on the surface. MGS’s life didn’t perhaps get off balance, but we know he was...if not worried, then at least curiously concerned about HT’s whereabouts. Especially when he disappeared after the fight and went to see his father. In the Christmas specials, MGS seemed surprised when HT suddenly showed but also - dare I say - a bit relieved? In the same way than when HT showed up at his place, practically sleeping on his feet. To me, MGS’s “you came back” is a sign of relief and that he was worried and concerned.

Those cases I think come close to how I see MGS would react if HT disappeared or if MGS knew he was gone for good. I think his life would move on, as cold as that might sound. He would keep working long hours, earn whatever money he can, and continue to make his way in the world. I doubt he would actively go looking for HT or that his life would get off its rails in a way that would leave him completely lost.

But that is not to say HT not being there anymore wouldn’t affect MGS. I think he would feel that quiet, under-the-surface kind of worry or grief (depending on the situation). If he didn’t hear from HT for a long time, MGS would be worried and anxious. Somewhere deep down, he would be waiting for him to show up or contact him. Maybe even believe that he’s such a troublesome guy, there’s no way he’s just going to leave MGS alone after all this time. Maybe there would be little gestures that give away his worry: checking his phone, keeping his routine regular, leaving a little light on for nights, waking up to sounds at night. Maybe he could ask if JY or ZZX have heard anything about him.

If MGS knew that HT was dead, I think his grief would be somewhat similar. He would get through the day and keep moving, but when he was alone, thoughts about HT could creep into his mind. Maybe when he’s taking a smoke break by himself, when he’s cooking dinner for himself, or when he’s lying in bed and waiting for sleep to come...maybe that’s when the memories come. He might insist on trying to bury HT out of his mind but can’t fight it anymore when he’s alone and it’s quiet. His grief would probably be mixed with anger a lot. He would be angry with HT for getting himself killed and leaving him alone. He had no right to do that after getting through MGS’s defenses and making him actually care about the bastard. But the anger would always fade away after a while, and only grieve that slumped his shoulders would remain.

Then get back to work, fall asleep and wake up the next morning. Rinse and repeat.

It would be interesting to wonder if MGS’s mother would pick up on anything. Could she worry about him? Could MGS tell her about HT and what he had meant to MGS?

In a way, I could also see MGS being grateful for HT and not want to mess up what he had helped MGS achieve. He had given MGS a chance in life and kept him away from making stupid choices. Maybe he wouldn’t be thankful in so many words but perhaps he would work hard as a thank you for HT and his memory.

If ZZX lost JY

To be honest, I’m less confident in my thoughts when it comes to Zhanyi. They don’t quite “talk” to me in the same way as Tianshan. Overall, I think Zhanyi is the “soulmate” type of relationship that goes very deep into their characters. It’s difficult to tell where they themselves end and their relationship with the other one starts. They’re their own characters but struggle to exists without the other one there in their life. Where MGS’s life would at least seemingly continue without HT, I think it would be quite different for Zhanyi.

Zhanyi has always been heavy on the rhetoric of “promises”, and one of those promises was ZZX’s urge to protect JY. Be it a bully at school or fully trained mafia bodyguard, ZZX would step between them and JY. He wants to become a grownup and stronger, so he can keep JY safe.

If JY disappeared, ZZX would no doubt be devastated and anxious. However, what he could do about things would depend on his age. If he’s still in high school, I don’t imagine there’s that much he can do. The most he probably can is to rely on people like HT for help and resources. Of course, that is not to say he wouldn’t do whatever he could to find JY. He wouldn’t stop trying until he had gotten to him, and his promise would be his driving force.

If ZZX was an adult, I think OX’s official illustration of him in a police officer’s uniform opens up interesting possibilities.

That line of work would fit him very well, and it would give him proper tools and resources to try and track down JY. I could also see that road taking a darker tone. ZZX could become obsessed with finding JY and somewhat isolate himself from others. He does his job well and is a reliable coworker but he’s not exactly a social butterfly. He could be conducting his own investigations outside of work. He could even chase down JY’s ghost for the rest of his life, and it would consume him.

If ZZX knew JY was dead...Hmm. I think we can all agree that ZZX is one of the mentally strongest characters in the comic, but if he lost JY for good like that, something in him might just break. Imagine losing someone who’s always been in your life and has become irreplaceable to you. Not only would he be crushed by grief but I bet guilt and regret would be eating him up as well. He had promised to protect JY and keep him safe but he hadn’t been strong enough.

In short, I think ZZX would be left with this gaping hole in his heart for the rest of his life. It would shrink with time but probably never fully close up.

Would he eventually move on with his life, though? Would he get married and have kids? I could see both scenarios happen. I could picture him having a family at some point, but perhaps there was always something in him that even his wife can’t quite reach. He would care for her, be a good husband and a father, but sometimes...he’s not quite there with them. Then again, I think it could also go the other way. ZZX also strikes me as someone who wouldn’t want to commit another person in a relationship with him if he can’t be fully theirs in his heart. It wouldn’t fair to the other person.

If JY lost ZZX

JY is probably the biggest mystery to me in this regard. He would most definitely be devastated just like ZZX but I’m quite not sure what direction his character would take from there.

If ZZX disappeared, I think there’s very little question about what JY would do. He would be the first one out the door with a barely thought-out plan. Someone would have to keep him from doing anything stupid and getting himself in trouble. Being held back would make JY anxious and restless, and he could try something reckless on his own. The longer it takes to find ZZX, the more desperate JY would become. But it would also be mixed with his sense of “I am too weak to do anything about this”. And that feeling would get stronger and stronger.

Would JY ever give up on finding ZZX? To be honest, I don’t know. On one hand, I want to say that he would never stop looking for him. But on the other hand, I can also picture the fight leaving him at some point and he submits to the cold, hard facts of reality. Probably forced by someone else. It would be heartbreaking to see him lose his usual positive momentum.

If JY knew ZZX had died, I’m honestly not sure where his character would go from there. It could be something similar to ZZX’s reaction; he would never be quite the same anymore. With JY, it could even go further perhaps. Maybe he could lose most of his cheerful, sunny disposition to the shadow of never being with ZZX ever again. As much as JY had always loved life, the world around him could lose its interest to him and he could turn more towards himself. Inwards, in a way. I’m really not sure but overall, I think moving on from losing ZZX would be harder for JY than the other way around.

There are a lot of ifs and maybes in there, and many things I didn’t even try to take into account (trauma, more specific circumstance, etc.). Interesting possibilities to keep building on this!

Thank you for your question, dear anon!

#19 days #tianshan #zhanyi #answered ask

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

I was re-reading the whole story and I've noticed a lot of moments where zhan punched or slapped jian and no one called him abusive but when he tian did it to mo in the past he always got hate. The thing I love the most about tianshan is that they're relationship is not the typical one and not "rainbows and sunshine" but I wouldn't call it abusive either. Where did this double standard come from?

Good evening, dear anon-san!

I have talked about physical violence, comedy, and toxicity a couple of times. Here are some asks that I think could be related to your topic:

HT as the discipliner?

ZZX and violence in the beginning

Is Tianshan (still) toxic?

Is Tianshan toxic, vol. 2?

I might repeat myself a little but I don’t think I have compared Zhanyi and Tianshan this way before. At least not in so many words. Also, for this ask, I’m going to call punches, kicks, and slaps just physical violence. But please don’t jump to any conclusions. In each case, I will be giving it context, so “physical violence” doesn’t equal “toxic abuse”. It’s just easier if I have some kind of quick way to refer to whenever the boys kick, slap, or punch each other.

“Where did this double standard come from?”

I wouldn’t call either Zhanyi or Tianshan abusive but I do think physical violence is different in nature when it comes to the respective relationships. So, I do see why people treat it differently when ZZX kicks JY from when HT kicks MGS. Because they are different, although they both serve their own purposes.

Context is the key here. I don’t think you should call anything abusive or toxic without a proper context which is exactly what makes all the difference here. This is also partly why I don’t think Tianshan is toxic or abusive. If you separate the physical violence of both Zhanyi and Tianshan from their contexts, they become seemingly similar. A punch is a punch.

Let’s take a look at Zhanyi at first. The comedy in 19 Days (especially in the beginning) is largely based on slapstick comedy. A form of humor that strongly exaggerates physical violence (either accidental or intended). Literally, when someone gets slapped, it makes us laugh. You can see this kind of comedy a lot in cartoons, comics, and anime. It’s not “real” violence; it’s merely a comedic moment that doesn’t have longlasting effects.

Doesn’t that sound pretty much like Zhanyi? Usually, this kind of comedic physical violence is built on JY’s crush on ZZX and him not always being able to hold back while ZZX is the one with stricter boundaries. JY, being the oblivious airhead in love that he is, often ends up getting uncomfortably close to ZZX or making some kind of pass at him or otherwise gets on ZZX’s nerves. ZZX gets embarrassed, bothered or annoyed, and all of us wait for him to explode in 3…2…1… (ch. 1, 4-5, 9-13, 23-24, 29, 30-31, 34, 62, 73, 86, 88, 92, 106, 121, 129, 137, 171, 206, 247, 253):

Even listed like that, ZZX’s physically violent behavior starts to look kind of bad. But if you remember to read them as a part of their context their meaning shifts quite significantly. Prior to those slaps, punches or kicks, JY had:

touched ZZX’s personal stuff without permission

suddenly kissed him on the lips

refused to get up

destroyed ZZX’s precious stuff by being careless

drooled on ZZX’s shirt

suddenly gotten in ZZX’s face and startled him

tried to hold ZZX’s hand while drunk

been pushy with physical affection

practically made love to ZZX’s blanket

been overall an idiot

suggested they took a bath together to save water

squeezed ZZX’s butt

nearly toppled ZZX over

wiped his snotty nose on ZZX’s shirt

jumped him

suddenly wrapped his legs around ZZX’s waist and locked him in an awkward position on top of JY

tricked ZZX with a lollipop he had already sucked on

suddenly flashed his dick when ZZX wanted to have a serious talk

told something embarrassing about ZZX to someone

and finally ripped his jeans while trying to feel ZZX up.

When you put the physical violence in all of that context, it suddenly becomes something else than ZZX being abusive towards JY. Especially when you’re familiar with the characters, what kind of relationship they have, and 19 Days as a publication. So no, I wouldn’t call the physical violence in Zhanyi abusive or ZZX an abusive character. We realize the bruises, bumps and bloody noses are there for a laugh and they’re “healed” by the next panel.

Besides for the comic relief, ZZX also seems to get physical if JY had made him worry (ch. 179, 181, 198):

In a way, that fits Zhanyi as well. ZZX is the protector and JY the one who’s weaker and yet often careless and oblivious. Giving JY a hefty slap in the head is a way for ZZX to take his relief out on something. Could he do something else instead? Sure. But I don’t think that still makes him an abusive character. It’s just an exaggerated way to show how worried he is about JY.

As far as my interpretations go, there has been one occasion when the physical violence in Zhanyi got darker (ch. 141):

Usually, when JY makes a pass at ZZX, it’s lighthearted and comedic in nature. They could have been brushed off as jokes and JY just messing around. That kiss was different, though. In his panic-hazed bout of seizing the moment, JY did something he had wanted to do for years. It wasn’t a joke anymore, and his unrequited love was suddenly there for both of them to see. ZZX’s reaction was more than expected, but the violence was different in nature. He wasn’t comedically annoyed but shocked and upset. However, even this occasion doesn’t come across as “abusive” to me. Rather it was about something that had been simmering under the surface for a long time suddenly bursting out in the open, raw, vulnerable and potentially destructive. By ZZX seemingly reacting the same as always, it was cleverly demonstrated how it wasn’t the same at all.

Now, what about Tianshan? HT and Tianshan are often called abusive and toxic. Personally, I can see where people who think so are coming from even if I don’t interpret HT’s character and their relationship the same way. There is physical violence in Tianshan - there’s no denying that - but again, it’s the context that matters and gives it a purpose, so to speak.

Whereas physical violence in Zhanyi’s case was mainly about comic relief, in Tianshan’s case it’s often about two strong-willed personalities clashing (ch. 138, 160, 222):

Where ZZX slapping, punching or kicking JY is funny to us, HT’s character uses physical violence to overpower and dominate MGS. And it’s rather easy to call that kind of behavior abusive - but again, the nature of it shifts when put into its context.

HT had to use force to get through to MGS who was blinded by his suspicions and distrust due to bad past experiences. Neither of them was wrong and had reasons for acting the way they did. HT needed to assert control to turn MGS’s direction around and make him listen. MGS wasn’t going to yield to mere words, and while HT thought his stubbornness was good and showed he had principles, MGS was still not to ignore HT’s orders. HT took control by force, but I do think it was unavoidable and in a way helped to create a sense of security and trust. In some ways, HT acted like a parent and set strict boundaries for MGS. But again if you take all of that context away, HT’s behavior comes across quite darker and abusive.

Of course, it’s possible some people interpret the physical violence in Tianshan as abusive even in its context. And I can kind of see where those people are coming from even if I don’t personally read the story the same way. Even if in context, HT still clearly used physical force and didn’t give MGS an option. The thing is, though, I don’t really have a problem with HT behaving like he did. For the most part, I’m not bothered by HT being physically pushy or MGS more or less resisting him. It’s one of the things that appeals to me in Tianshan. And if their relationships became drastically different in that sense, I would find it quite out of character for them. However, that also means Tianshan is most probably always going to come across as abusive to some people.

To summarize, I don’t think either Zhanyi or Tianshan is abusive but the physical violence in them is different in nature. And that naturally results in people viewing the seemingly same acts differently. Some people don’t have a problem with physical violence when it comes to slapstick comedy (although, I have seen people calling ZZX abusive, too) but they do think HT’s kind of physical violence is different and actually abusive. Again, I don’t really agree about Tianshan but the “double standard” makes sense because they’re not the same.

In a way, “abusive” and “toxic” are in the eye of the beholder. And we all have different levels of tolerance for it before it starts to change our opinions about the fictional relationship. And I don’t have a problem with that - we all have our taste and what appeals to us personally. However, I’ve come to found out that when people are quick to cry “abusive” at every turn, the context is often forgotten or ignored altogether. The bigger picture. The question of “why is this happening this way?”. “Toxic” and “abusive” have become moral high horses of sorts to make people feel good about themselves and, if possible, to guilt-trip others in the process.

Thank you for your question, dear anon-san!

#19 days #tianshan #zhanyi #Zhan zheng xi #He Tian #answered ask

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

Hello, I have just read your very interesting posts about the tianshan relationship from HT's perspective. What are your thoughts on Mo's perspective on their future relationship?

Good evening, dear plumb19-san!

Before we get to your question, let me apologize for my late reply. Your ask has been on my mind this whole time, but I had to get a few things out of the way first so I don’t have to stress about them while writing this. Thank you for your patience!

I have talked about my visions for the future Tianshan a few times by now: X X X. The last one of them especially concentrated on their future and was from HT’s perspective.

“What are your thoughts on Mo's perspective on their future relationship?”

Before I get to that, allow me to paint a picture of what I think Mo Guan Shan’s future itself will be like. And what a better way to start than with what MGS himself has to say about the matter (ch. 305):

Very recently I answered another ask that touched upon MGS and his attitude towards school. I think ch. 305 explained why he doesn’t feel like there’s anything to be gained from trying to be a good student. His future won’t be secured by or based on getting good grades. The jobs he will work don’t require diplomas or degrees, only a will (or a need) to work hard. But it’s not like he doesn’t have dreams in life. They’re just on hold until he has what it takes to make them a reality. He wants a motorbike and more abstract things like financial independence but knows there’s a long way to go before he will achieve them. In the meantime, making enough money to stay alive is his priority.

Later in the Christmas special, we see where he ended up (ch. 224):

I imagine he works at some kind of restaurant, like a ramen shop or somewhere that serves cheap beer and the menu consists mostly of fried foods. He’s perhaps one of the cooks or the only cook of a small place. The pay isn’t bad, but the days are long and he often has to work on holidays as well because that’s when people like to go drinking and eat out. But that’s fine. He doesn’t really care as long as he gets paid.

I also imagine his feisty personality has calmed down a bit as he’s gotten older and more mature. The days of being a delinquent are behind him, and he doesn’t get in those kinds of troubles anymore. But he has picked up habits that harden him, like smoking, having more piercings, and wearing “aggressive” clothes. Also, the places he works at are the kinds that don’t mind his appearance. For the most part, he keeps his head down and concentrates on just earning as much money as possible.

He’s also achieved some of the things he’s always wanted. He has a scooter and steady work that give him a new kind of freedom and independence. They might not be much in other’s eyes, but he’s very proud of them. I imagine he lives by himself in a small but cheap apartment but not far from his mother. He often visits her and helps her with bills and such. She feeds him on Sundays and tells him not to overwork himself and that he should stop smoking.

Now, finally to your question about MGS’s point of view regarding his future relationship with He Tian. I think the first time we got to see what he thinks was in ch. 273:

It might not have been much but I think it was the first time MGS accepted (and trusted) that having HT around wasn’t just for the time being. Not only was HT on his side in life but he also seemed to be committed to MGS. HT’s presence both annoyed and bothered MGS on a daily basis but on some level he had also been afraid to count on him sticking around. In his experience, the world doesn’t work like that and you shouldn’t trust people, especially the ones who appear to do favors for you and ask for nothing in return. But HT had made it clear time and time again that he saw the good in MGS, respected his will to fight for himself but was still ready to stand up for him, so perhaps he could be trusted. Perhaps MGS might even be upset and worried if HT suddenly stopped sticking to his side.

And a mere handful of chapters later, we got perhaps the biggest development in their relationship, not to mention proposed by MGS himself (ch. 283):

I’ve talked about the importance of MGS asking for the studs before because, at the moment, it’s my most favorite Tianshan moment. He didn’t ask for them on a whim and they weren't’ a trivial thing for him. He willingly tied himself tighter to HT and given the history of how he had gotten his ears pierced it was also a sign of trust.

Not only were the studs a huge development leap, they are also perhaps the most obvious hint at how MGS feels about their relationship in the future. And a rather clever way at that; they tell us MGS’s feelings without him having to say (or admit) anything out loud. It’s been shown to us that HT isn’t a part of MGS’s everyday life as they’re older but as he predicted in the aquarium, he hasn’t forgotten HT. Dare I say, HT might even be in his thoughts when he’s taking those lonely cigarette breaks (ch. 224):

Another, albeit more subtle, thing I’ve picked up in the chapters showing their future is that MGS seems more comfortable with having HT around. He even went as far as inviting HT to stay in touch (ch. 271):

But of course, it was quickly followed by dismissing it. MGS doesn’t have time to lazy around with HT but you know...If HT wants to hang around and is presistent enough about it, he just might not be flatly refused. But no promises, of course.

That poorly hid invitation I see having to do with HT being away a lot. It’s unclear to us how rarely they see each other but there seems to be an element of uncertainty in their relationship. HT shows up out of the blue and probably disappears again without giving much of a notice. MGS isn’t exactly open about his softer side, but we know he’s surprisingly caring. I bet he often wonders how HT is doing when he doesn’t hear from him for a while. I suspect he doesn’t know what HT is up to in detail but knows enough to be even worried a bit. He probably gives a silent sigh of relief when HT suddenly is in front of him again.

In the future-related chapters, they also seem to be closer on a physical level (ch. 276 and 224/271):

Of course, MGS is still embarrassed, awkward, and every bit of a tsundere about it but his defense against HT putting the moves on him isn’t as impenetrable (pun half intended) as when they were in middle school. I would be very hesitant to say they’ve gone as far as having sex, but HT is clearly heading in a certain, more physical direction in their relationship and MGS doesn’t seem to have major problems with it. Otherwise, I see physical closeness increasing in their relationship as a result of HT craving for it whenever he comes to visit MGS. It’s not sexual but comforting and reassuring.

Besides the chapters, there have been two other pieces of art that hint their relationship will be more physical in the future - one of the extras in OX’s artbook and my favorite official illustration (rotated horizontally to save space):

That last picture especially makes my Tianshan heart swell and beat faster. Not only are they kissing but MGS seems to be fully on board, holding the back of HT’s head and all. Both releases also featured the black studs.

Based on all of that, I have a few future-Tianshan headcanons from MGS’s point of view:

Before going home he always smokes a cigarette in the same spot. But it’s just because he likes to relax for a bit before heading home. Not because he’s waiting in case HT shows up that night.

He bought an extra pillow and a blanket. But just in case his mother stays the night sometimes. And a good household needs to have something for the guests, shut up.

He also totally doesn’t keep a stock of a few extra cans of beer in his fridge.

He always leaves the dim light above the front door on for nights.

He has HT’s number saved as “HT bastard” in his phone. After each of HT’s visits, though, it’s been sneakily switched to something else. Usually, there’s also a heart emoji to go with it. MGS doesn’t always immediately change the name.

For every 10 messages from HT, he replies to maybe one or two of them. There’s always a “good morning, little Mo~” message when he wakes up and a “sleep well, little Mo~” when he goes to bed. One time he didn’t receive them for a couple of days, and MGS came the closest to calling HT than ever before.

He never accepts money from HT directly but lets him pay for food and drinks for the time he’s staying at MGS’s. It’s not like MGS runs a damn hotel.

However, HT always manages to leave a stack of money behind when he leaves. MGS has all of it stashed in a big envelope and hidden in the closet, not a single bill has been used.

Somehow HT always finds out about MGS’s day-offs and shows up to swoop him off to somewhere. On mother’s day, he always invites Mrs. Mo with them, too, and pampers her from head to toe.

As much as MGS doesn’t want to admit it, he worries. More than he ever thought he would.

He bought his first first-aid kit and makes sure to keep it stocked after one time HT showed up battered and bruised.

He smokes the same brand as HT.

One time he almost turned down a gig when they asked him to take off his piercings. Almost.

HT still has nightmares sometimes, and it still freaks MGS out.

MGS’s biggest secret is that he thinks HT looks good in a white shirt and black tie. And that he sometimes dreams of him in that outfit. Or HT using the tie for...other purposes. Shut up, he’s just a healthy guy.

Some weird part of him kind of likes it when HT pushes him down. Or when HT turns around in his sleep and squeezes MGS from behind.

He doesn’t always wash the sheets right away after HT leaves.

I think that should be all I have to say about MGS’s perspective. For some reason, his point of view was harder than HT’s. A lot of it has to do with HT being persistent and gaining MGS’s trust and MGS not being as defensive anymore. He has more feelings than he’s ready to admit even to himself.

I hope I still answered to your satisfaction! Thank you for your question, and again, sorry for not getting to it sooner.

#tianshan #mo guan shan #he tian #19 days #answered ask

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

We know that jian yi will disappear for a couple of years and zhan welcomes him back sort of. but let's say if he tian disappears for 3 years then comes back what would mo reaction be? 🤔

Good evening, anon-san!

You posed an interesting question that made my Tianshan heart leap in joy. My answer will take a quick look at the canon chapters but also have headcanon-ish content based on them. You might also want to take a peek at my earlier answer in which I touched upon what I think their relationship is like in the Christmas specials.

We have already seen MGS’s reaction to HT coming back to him twice in canon. The first time was when HT had gone to his father’s place for a couple of days and suddenly showed up at MGS’s place dead on his feet (ch. 254):

The second time was in the Christmas specials when they were older (ch. 224 and 271):

In the Christmas chapters it wasn’t specified for how long HT had been gone, but since he had been abroad I guess it’s safe to assume MGS hadn’t seen him for quite a while.

Both of those times share some similarities. MGS doesn’t know where HT has been apart from getting hints it’s somewhere abroad or otherwise far away. If HT had kept in touch with him via texting or calling, I doubt he’s been more specific about his whereabouts. But MGS knows the kind of world HT is a part of, so he can probably guess what he’s up to.

HT also seems to show up out of the blue in both cases. Being this vague and unexpected about his comings and goings creates an effective barrier between MGS and HT’s world. MGS must remain a secret from the shady world, and HT is the gatekeeper and protector of his little haven. The similarity I love the most about these two occasions, however, is MGS’s comments about HT coming back. He sounds both surprised and also...dare I say, relieved? Again, he doesn’t know any specifics but he knows enough. And it’s also interesting how HT doesn’t reply to the “you’re back” comments but he doesn’t seem to ignore them either. Does it make him happy that MGS is showing some level of interest/concern/relief in him showing up instead of pushing him away? Does it make him feel like MGS has been thinking about him?

“if he tian disappears for 3 years then comes back what would mo reaction be?”

You didn’t specify if HT disappears without keeping in touch, but something tells me that’s how you meant this. So, I will go with the scenario of HT disappearing for three years without MGS hearing so much as a peep from him.

In the earlier canon cases mentioned above, MGS seems to regain his usual grumpy attitude towards HT quite soon after his initial surprise. The Christmas special especially suggests he’s somewhat used to HT popping up when he’s least expecting to see his face. Overall, it doesn’t seem like MGS minds it that much.

If HT was gone for three years, though, without any communication, I think he would cross MGS’s mind more and more frequently as time passed. When he’s taking a smoke break or before falling asleep, maybe thoughts pop into his head. Where is he? What is he doing? Is he safe? Is he hurt? Or dead? Will MGS ever hear from him again? But also, the more he thinks about it the more he doesn’t want to think about it. He wouldn’t want to admit it but maybe he’s checking his phone more often. Maybe there’s a growing uneasiness in the pit of his stomach that he’s trying hard to ignore by telling himself it’s none of his business and it’s just better if HT has stopped bugging him already.

At some point, he might even think HT stopped caring about him and forgot about him. And for reasons he doesn’t quite understand, the thought makes him angry, hurt, and disappointed. At least the bastard could be a man and tell him straight up he won’t come to bug MGS anymore.

Then, one late and cold autumn night, he’s coming home from a grueling double shift, ready to fall face first in bed, and suddenly HT is there, leaning on the railing at the top of the stairs and smoking a cigarette. Their eyes meet when HT hears heavy steps, and the bastard blows out the cigarette smoke and smirks at him like they hadn’t seen each for three goddamn years and MGS’s stupid brain hadn’t been worrying about him.

Given MGS’s tsundere nature and the way he reacted to HT coming back in ch. 224, I’d say he’s trying to mask his relief and worry behind anger and being annoyed. Well, it’s also true that worry and relief often come out as anger when it all unwinds. And he would probably want HT to explain himself even though he’s also telling himself his not HT’s damn girlfriend.

Anyway, a lot of different and conflicting feelings that had been buried deep for a long time suddenly rush to surface all at once. And he wants to admit none of them to HT or much less to himself.

MGS would probably try to angrily brush HT off and act nonchalant. As in: “Oh, you’re still alive? I guess nothing can kill bastards like you. Now, scram, I’m tired.” But at the same time, he’s scanning HT over but not being able to do so as discreetly as he would like to. I would bet money, he’s gripping something hard to keep from reaching out to physically check HT or just feel him to make sure he’s not dreaming.

A lot of MGS’s reaction would have to do with the shape HT was in. If he was visibly hurt or barely standing on his feet as he was in ch. 224, he would be more concerned and less angry/annoyed. He would just silently let him in and make a bed for him, even if it had been three years, and save the rant for the next morning. Either way, he would be silently relieved and worried.

As forever-trash for the hurt/comfort trope, though, I want to build it up a little. I’d imagine HT visibly tired but without any major physical injuries. Mainly just mentally and physically worn-out and weary. Laying his eyes on MGS gives him a momentary energy spike, but it’s also as if his mind is finally allowing itself to crash. MGS is saying something to him in an angry but not-quite-angry voice, but he can’t really catch up to the words. Leaning heavily against the wall he ignores MGS’s ranting and just asks if he can stay the night, slurring his words a bit. And that seems to shut him up.

In the end, it’s HT who ends up slumping face-first in MGS’s bed. Muttering something about rude bastards dirtying his home MGS takes off HT’s shoes and tugs and twists the limp body until he’s undressed the jacket and pants. HT’s bare skin feels cold when his hands occasionally brush it even though he tries really hard not to, and MGS wonders for how long the idiot had been waiting for him in the cold night. MGS ends up crashing on the couch that night. 

The next morning, before MGS leaves for work, he leaves HT a note about eating the breakfast he prepared and getting the hell out. He’s half-expecting HT to be gone when he comes back home later that night, but the breakfast is untouched and HT is still sprawled in his bed. The first time he shows any signs of life is when MGS is reheating leftovers for dinner.

HT ends up staying for a few days, slowly charging his batteries and becoming increasingly annoying. MGS curses him for eating like a horse and takes full advantage of his thick wallet. This is the best he’s eaten for ages. Every night HT insists on sleeping in the same bed for warmth and each time MGS pushes him off him only to wake up a couple of hours later to HT’s arms wrapped around him. The whole time HT doesn’t leave the apartment nor does he speak a word about where’s been the past three years. And after a while, MGS stops asking about it.

One night HT is quieter than usual and doesn’t allow himself to be pushed away but stays glued to MGS the whole night. At some point, MGS falls asleep. The next morning HT is already up before MGS’s alarm goes off, and they have an unusually quiet and bicker-free breakfast together. Later that night when MGS comes back from work, the apartment is empty and there’s a stack of cash on the kitchen table. No note.

So, eh, yeah. That’s how I imagine MGS would react. Plus, half of a fic to go with it 😅

Thank you for your question, dear anon-san. I loved it!

#tianshan #19 days #he tian #mo guan shan #zhanyi #answered ask