#but if you aren't in the headspace for it then it absolutely isn't your responsibility

[caffeine-clouds]

What Your Favourite Sonic Ship Says About you! (Part 2)

(Sonuckles, Sonaze, Sonilver) (Part 1 is here - yes, this is the one with Sonadow) FULL DISCLAIMER: Shipping is a hot topic of debate, but this post is lighthearted fun! I'm a multi-shipper, I love most of these ships - and I can see why some people like the dynamics that I might not. This is not a bashing post, this is fun time. So, without further ado-

Sonuckles

So you took Knuxouge off of the shelf, took it to the counter - and you said: "Hey, can I get this kind of dynamic but reduce the amount of fighting and sexual tension a bit to instead replace it with a more friendly rivalry... also make it gay and uhhhh... can you also throw in just a fuckton of bromance? Your entire stock of it?" The result was thusly - Sonuckles. The rivalry dynamic of Sonadow is also appealing to you, but you just prefer dynamics on the healthier side. But does that mean you don't like angst? Fuck no, you love angst. In fact, you won't shut up about how Knuckles is one of the most tragic characters in the series to literally anyone who will listen. You just want good things for the red boy, and that means giving him a boyfriend - and that's so valid. And it makes perfect sense to you, right? Opposites attract - Sonic the freedom-loving hero who's always running free, and Knuckles - the sturdy rock, chained to his island. They're good for each other, aren't they? Sonic encourages Knuckles to get out there and live, while Knuckles teaches Sonic to slow down sometimes and take more responsibility. They improve each other, just like any good ship does. As far as Ao3 goes... you're a hurt/comfort person, right? And honestly, angst and fluff - you can take both on. You're either new to this ship, or you've been here a while and you're just so fucking stunned at the amount of fuel 2022 ended up giving you, but you are so happy either way. For you, there's no greater time to be a Sonic fan.... Anyway, sun and moon symbolism - am I right? Sonaze

Honestly? I think you're fucking based. The more I look at this one, the more it just makes sense. I see you, I absolutely see where your headspace is at. You are a person with taste and class, okay? Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. This ship is like - the pistachio ice cream of Sonic ships. To an outsider - it might seem strange, but as they grow older and wiser - they'll have an appreciation for it. Again - Sonic, free as the wind - cocky and chaotic, paired with the more rigid and formal Blaze? Again, it's the similar appeal of opposites attract - and you prefer a ship where they don't beat each other up as a ritual. And just like Sonuckles - they bring out the best in each other, and encourage each other to try different lifestyles and values. A pair of mutual respect, both can kick ass - and that Blaze/Percival blush in Black Knight? That is all the source of your joy. You still aren't over the Rush series, and you keep returning to see the end of the first Rush game. I looked on Ao3 for tagged Sonaze fics for the sake of this post and you only have 77? Absolutely criminal, I say. You poor shippers are starved, especially with the lack of Blaze content you're getting in canon. You poor things. Let's hope things get better. But let's think about your favourite tropes for a second... destined/star-crossed lovers, is it? Forbidden romance too? You are a fluff enjoyer but you'll occassionally dabble in some bittersweet endings. Seriously, I'm not exactly a strong shipper of this one - but the fic potential this ship has that isn't acted upon baffles me. Like - Sonic and Blaze struggling to navigate a love across entire dimensions? Blaze being a princess, and despite loving her - Sonic wants nothing to do with the royal life? UGH! I came up with that in a literal minute, so the lack of fan content you have? Abysmal. We need to do better. Sonilver

I... apologise in advance because this one I'm not quite so familiar with. Like, I knew this ship existed but I wasn't so aware of it's popularity. Like, there are more Sonilver fics on Ao3 than there are Sonaze - that fascinates me. Although I do have to wonder how many of those are Sonic, Shadow, and Silver poly fics... I'm trying to figure out the appeal and my best guess is that rivalries are nice and all but just not your personal cup of tea - your cup of tea, when it comes to gay hedgehogs ships - is wholesome - and you need a lot of it. What's better than one dork? Two dorks - and that's what this ship gives you. It has everything you need to be happy - and I understand. I get you. But honestly, it's so hard to deduce what your Ao3 preferences are - I do feel as though you are a bit of a wild card. However I do feel as though you're a fluff, hurt/comfort kind of person - for the most part. Either way, you're probably a cool person irl. This ship has flew straight past my radar which means you probably aren't vocal in shipping debates - which means you're not obnoxious. So congratulations on being cool, and so dang self-assured in your preferences. As with Sonaze shippers, I would like to sincerely apologise - because you are also snubbed in the content department.

#sonic #sonic the hedgehog #sth #sonic discussion #sonic ships #sonuckles #soknux #sonaze #sonilver

[sharkneto]

🍰🧠😐 for the Fanfic Ask Game please :>

🍰 Name one of your fave comfort fics (doesn’t have to be your all time fave).

Have a couple- TUA fic not my own... man hard to choose. Obviously Shifting Mirrors is up there. Along the Corridor and Up the Stairs by @ancientstone is a classic one, too. TUA fic of my own is absolutely A Rusty Cog. I miss writing that fic, not because I really have more to write of it but I miss being in the headspace thinking about it. A great outlet for a melancholic mood. Still one of my favorite things I've written.

Non TUA Fic, forever and always Walking With a Ghost/Running With a Ghost (Being Human UK fics), and unpretty's Sorrowverse DC fics, specifically Christmas in Kansas and Third Wheel

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

I've got so many half-baked things sitting in my WIP folder. It's getting a little ridiculous (I just checked and there's 37 WIP files in there what the fuck). A lot of them probably aren't going to ever really go anywhere, but they're in that folder with the little snippet I've written. A lot of them spawn from playing around with ideas with @non-plutonian-druid. Highlights... There's the Centaur AU (Pluto's art all with that found HERE) where the Umbrellas run into centaur!Delores. There's the Number finds out about/meets mannequin Delores. There's the Amanda meets Old Five while he's out on a job in the 70s because Number fucked up some time travel. One that I've never even written is this whole plot where Amanda gets kidnapped with Five as collateral, Five gets drugged so he's loopy and useless, but Luther, Diego, and Klaus come to rescue them. Amanda meeting our Five with Number is in the same Nothing Written boat. Got too many WIPs and ideas and so little writing happening.

😐 What embarrasses you most about your own writing?

Man, I think the same stuff that embarrasses most writers. If I get too aware of what I'm doing, how often I use certain phrases or words, I overthink and get self-conscious and embarrassed about it.

There's also the funk of just being embarrassed about people irl finding out I write fic, even though there isn't anything to be embarrassed about - I've written a fucking novel! Two novels! How many people can say they've done that? But I think I've still got that Was In Fandom In The Late Aughts baggage when fanfic was more taboo and cringy in mainstream instead of the normal thing I guess it is now. It's a thing I'm working on.

response to this fanfic ask game

#thank you for asking! #ask game response

[clonerightsagenda]

everythingitcouldbe THE TAGS???? HELLO???

re: this post's tags, a 2 year old extremely silly conversation from discord making a lot of references to the Lambert Week video series

Kat thinking about the timeline of Lovelace's appearance again… Eiffel at some point after staring into space for several minutes: Captain I think you exist because the commander was having a breakdown Minkowski: has her fucking meltdown Eiffel: is consequently off the comms for a few weeks the aliens: print off a spycam to see what the fuck is going on Lovelace: enters this world with severe anxiety who says having a mental break and hunting a plant for 2 weeks isn't productive

Kate Summon a Captain and a friend

Kat my stream of consciousness from this point 'why did they think Lovelace was the best responsible adult to send' 'well they were trying to be Sneaky and she was the only one who had a craft they could copy and not be super obvious' 'what if at some point in s2 Lovelace is Not being a responsible adult and Eiffel is unable to broadcast for whatever reason and so the Listeners decide they will send in a responsible adult and just fuckin. teleport a Lambert on death's door in' Lambert, in the process of hacking up a lung, glowing blue: Why Aren't You Talking To Us Eiffel: So. Uh. Captain? Commander? Sorry to bother you but this nerd guy just appeared in Hilbert's lab and I think he's speaking in tongues? Also he might be dying. Anyway I'm still strapped to the table due to Lungs Exploded, please advise.

Gill the ghost of Hilbert's past sins

Kat Hilbert, walking in and assessing the situation: motherfucker

Kate Pffff

Kat Eiffel: Should I make room on the table??

Kate Eiffel is yelling because a guy just teleported into the lab. Minkowski is yelling because Will People Stop Randomly Appearing On Her Station. Lovelace is yelling because what is Lambert doing here, aren’t you dead, I had FINALLY managed to Cope and move on, what the fuck. Lambert is trying to yell but can’t because critical lung collapse Hilbert turns around and leaves

Gill Hera: Yup, same shit, different day.

Kat also bold of Lovelace to claim she has managed to Cope and move in while in season 2 Murder Mode

Kate She thinks she’s handling it very well and normally

Gill Lovelace: Some people?? Give a dude two liters of their blood? To cope???

Kat The aliens just want to know why their favorite podcast is on hiatus!! Their spycam was doing shuttle repairs and not watching their Boy, they needed to know what was Up

Gill so do you think they figure out how to keep their new spycam stable before he dies a second time and they have to reboot him

Kat probably not frankly it's not great for anyone involved

Kate I am a huge fan of Lambert dying and rebooting several times in a row before they figure out a stable configuration

Gill also, Lovelace, having progressed past terrified anger into giggling hysterically: I was right!! This is hell!! This is my own personal hell and I am stuck here forever!!!

Kat Lovelace just like D : Eiffel, still strapped to the table: cool cool this is cool

Kate It is deeply traumatic for everyone involved, except for Hera, who thinks it’s fascinating in a gross way, and Hilbert, who tbh also thinks it’s fascinating in a gross way

Kat someone please get Lovelace's heart rate trigger off

Gill Minkowski, approaching Lovelace: Captain….. I think we're in a very stressful situation…… and we should probably take the bomb trigger off your wrist until things calm down Lovelace: /is not in a headspace to receive this information

Kate Lambert keeps it together just long enough to say “the what” before dying for the third time in the past ten minutes Eiffel: oh yeah it’s this whole—aaaaand he’s gone again

Kat Hera: Is this how it normally works

Kate Eiffel: Hey doc is this what Decima does

Kat Hilbert: …. maybe?? Is unprecedented medical phenomenon. Might as well take credit.

Gill also i am absolutely picturing him at least once collapsing into Lovelace's arms and going "Captain, I think something's still really wrong with me /hurk /dies again" Lovelace: D'8

Kat He died not knowing Selberg was making them sick on purpose. I wonder if Hilbert would feel at all bad if one of his victims popped up still dying and asked for his help, because he's his doctor Probably not Lambert: Doctor, I - keels over Hilbert: Eh. Better luck next time

Gill Hilbert: Perhaps I can- Lovelace: NO!! Hell no you're why he's like this in the first place this is YOUR fault and you don't get to touch him

Kate This is the closest Decima has ever come to working Hilbert wants to Study

Gill alien blood vs Decima round 2: Oklahoman Cage Match

Kat Hilbert like well, I don't know that Decima can't make people manifest out of nowhere and revive repeatedly. His blinders are on really well Eiffel: is this my future. Am I going to get stuck in a respawn cycle Hera: I find it morbidly interesting when someone else's communication officer is spitting blood. I draw the line at my communication officer spitting blood

Gill honestly the level of Freak Out just makes it funnier if/when the Dear Listeners do figure out a stable configuration and Lambert has one last blood-hacking-up coughing fit before going "actually I feel much better now" (Lovelace refuses to put him down anyway)

Kat how much of that did you process Sam

Gill he heard shouting and then Captain Lovelace was squeezing him really hard

Kat Lambert: I guess I blacked out a few times - Hera: His vitals stopped a lot

Kate And then he glowed blue It was a little noticeable

Gill Eiffel: Also he asked when the broadcasts would resume in this weird echo-ey god voice.

Kate Minkowski: Okay. Okay. We are going to calm down and figure this out, calmly, together. Minkowski, glaring at each of them in turn: Minkowski: Hilbert, explain.

Kat Hilbert: No precedent for Decima virus producing bio-luminescence but I suppose - Eiffel: Listen I know my pop culture experience isn't respected here but that guy is 100% possessed Or a ghost? Can you be a possessed ghost? (Yes)

Gill Eiffel, putting a hand up: I'm not saying it was aliens, but…

Kat Eiffel: He manifested in here. This is a manifestation Minkowski: Eiffel you are on a lot of medication right now Hera: No that happened

Gill oh yeah I suppose if Lambert's been rebooted over and over again it's only when respiratory gets stable that he'd get to go through the Brain Reboot Thing so he's like half-conscious and clinging to Lovelace and mumbling something about being a goose

Kat Lambert, vaguely: I don't want to crunch the ice

Kate Lambert, half-conscious: you smell like musk. Lovelace: ….. thanks? Lambert: no. That’s bad

Kat Lambert, fuzzily glimpsing Eiffel: the future man…. he's bad at his job Eiffel: REALLY

Gill Hera: …how does he know about you? Lambert: Oh you're here too! Hello! You're a person!

Kate Hera: oh, he talks in a normal voice now? Lambert, pointing at the ceiling: you! I like you! You’re a person! Ha same braincell

Kat Lambert: Rheeeeeea. Heeeeera. That's a… that's an acronym. No that's not right… Minkowski, so lost: Anagram?

Gill Lambert: Is this… the future?? Lovelace, just completely beyond capacity at this point: Yes, Sam. Yes it is.

Kat Lovelace: Sam I think you need to rest and calm down, ok? Lambert: You were there too captain but you weren't…. yourself? Eiffel: : o Lovelace is also a possessed ghost?

Gill Minkowski: I think we all need to take a deep breath… and calm down. Lambert: /attempts to take a deep breath Lambert: /starts coughing again Lovelace: ( 8

Kat Eiffel also starts coughing so as to not be left out Minkowski gives Hilbert a death glare

Gill so is this before or after the events of the live show

Kat unclear but iirc Eiffel was not supposed to be out of bed in the liveshow and the dialog in Knock Knock would imply he got sent back to bedrest for a while Eiffel: Someone untie me I refuse to keep sleeping in here what if more ghosts manifest to yell at me. I think this lab is cursed

Kate Minkowski: Eiffel! You are not ready to leave bed rest! Do you want to end up like that? Eiffel: That wasn’t expressing a preference for non-ghosts to yell at me

Gill Lovelace: Ok but what if more of my dead friends do come back because they manifested to yell at you sounds like something worth testing

Kat Eiffel: Ok fine! Then Captain Lovelace has to stay here with me! Eiffel: Or a nightlight! I demand one of these things

Gill tbh if Lambert has to stay in the lab under observation I dont imagine Lovelace is leaving

Kat

Hera: Are you scared of the ghost? He doesn't seem that scary. mostly he's coughing up blood Eiffel: This is how zombie movies start Eiffel: if he bites me you have to vent me into space quick before I bite the commander Hera: Can I let you bite Hilbert first at least Eiffel: Yeah actually make sure I bite Hilbert

Kate Hera: he’s been mumbling about spreadsheets for twenty minutes. I don’t think he’d be interested in your brain. Hah

Gill Lambert talking in his sleep about scented candles Jumbling up his candle shopping adventure with random Pryce And Carter tips

Kate Lambert: nnnnnnnn… tip 24… sandalwood There is a wrong way to eat an oreo. It’s coziness points

Gill Lambert: Gay boy Lambert… is not proper emergency procedure…

Kate Lovelace, who is definitely not crying, shut up: Is he talking about Pryce and Carter’s in his sleep. I’m going to strangle him again.

Kat The aliens have still not gotten a new podcast episode. However they at least have eyes on their boy now and a slightly better understanding of the importance of lungs.

Gill Eiffel, on his next broadcast: she might kill me for saying this, but I swear to you, Dear Listeners, I heard the new guy say to Captain Lovelace something like “I think you have maximum smelly points Captain” and she started like, openly sobbing, and I don’t think it was because she was upset either

Kat "It's been a weird 24 hours!"

Gill Lambert waking up the next morning and interrogating Eiffel about how he’s here and what’s going on and also, why are you so bad at your job?? Eiffel would leave but he’s strapped to a table to prevent that exact thing

Kate Eiffel: You’re the one who just teleported here and then died in all of our arms at various points! I think I should be asking the questions here

Gill Lovelace, half-awake in a chair between both of them: can all of you stop being so loud this early Lambert: Whatre you doing already up, Captain?? Lovelace: Bold of you to assume I ever went to sleep Lambert: Captain…

Kat Lovelace is also low on blood at the moment

Gill Everyone in this medical lab is not doing so hot at the moment and is in various modes of hilarious mess

Kat Minkowski showing up in the morning with cups of coffee and granola bars like…. hello?? Eiffel: Hera did anyone else teleport onto the station Hera, darkly: not yet

Kate Minkowski: are any of you okay at all? Simultaneously, Lovelace says “yes,” Eiffel says “no,” and Lambert makes a whiny gurgly cough noise Minkowski: … I’ll take that as three “no”s

#everythingitcouldbe #replies #tales from the group chat #wolf 359

[alternis-dim]

in light of this news, I do wanna say this for anyone who needs it: staying informed/in the loop and doomscrolling are two different things, and it's important for your mental health to know what that difference is for you.

it's essential now more than ever to make sure that we're in the loop with current events and politics. this post is absolutely not advocating for ignoring the news, especially considering factors such as privilege. if you're able to, please do try to stay informed. but there comes a point where information can become too much (particularly when you belong to a marginalized group), causing stress, anxiety, and burnout. being an informed citizen shouldn't come at the expense of your wellbeing.

right now, please ask yourself: am I checking the news to stay up to date, or am I checking it because I'm scared? am I following current events to enhance my understanding, or am I following it because I'm too anxious to tear away?

if you feel rising panic, dread, and anxiety that's spiraling, it's time to step back. being an informed citizen doesn't mean agonizing over things you can't control. when that happens, it's time to rein yourself back in.

consider this post a checkpoint, especially if you're an American, black/a person of color, a marginalized identity (be it religious, gender/sexuality, or disability), or any combination thereof. it's alright to step back and care for yourself.

allow yourself room to breathe. it'll be okay. you'll be able to step back in when you're ready.

#politics #washington dc #black lives matter #acab #I know that I don't make posts like this all that often but I couldn't get this off my mind #I myself am gonna be doing some reading and reblogging info/resources #but if you aren't in the headspace for it then it absolutely isn't your responsibility #especially if you belong to a group that experiences the worst ramifications #be kind to yourself #misc #shush #okay to reblog

[dissociated-disciple]

I feel the need to say this since DID is becoming pretty big on TikTok:

Dissociative identity disorder is not fun.

Sure, there can be funny moments like depicted in the videos. Sometimes an alter can say something funny in the headspace, or put something in a weird place that you find funny the next time you front. But for the most part? It's absolutely not fun.

There's a reason why it's called a disorder. I feel like it's been said a million times, but I'll say it a million more if I have to:

Dissociative identity disorder is a form of extreme PTSD. You need to go through an amount and intensity of trauma which your brain cannot begin to process to have this disorder.

I can't speak for everyone's experiences, but let me speak for my own while living with this disorder:

Alters aren't the primary symptom. It's mostly PTSD symptoms that affect our everyday lives. I will have flashbacks of things that I don't remember due to my DID, so I don't even know how to recover or help myself since I can't remember what happened. Imagine having a wound that hurts and bleeds uncontrollably, but you're unable to tell the doctor what it is or where it's located. That's what it feels like.

My amnesia isn't as bad as others who have this disorder, but that doesn't mean I still don't have it. Sometimes I'll switch and an alter will take medication without me remembering, or make appointments/dates that I can't keep because I don't remember. Also, amnesia isn't always both ways. While I may be able to remember things, my alters will sometimes switch out and not be able to recall a thing. This makes communication difficult since I find myself watching through a one-way mirror that my alters can't always cross. This can also go the other way around.

We have no control over who becomes an alter. Let me repeat this: we have no control over who becomes an alter. I have fictive alters that I did not choose. My brain chose them to protect me. Splitting into someone who does not understand or recognize the real world is terrifying.

Switching is uncomfortable, painful, and disorienting at best. The dissociation that follows can take me out of an exam and cost precious time that I need to get back into focus. One of my alter only switches late at night, which causes nausea, which triggers his emetophobia—he'll stay up for hours watching videos to calm himself down while we wake up in the morning being exhausted because of the lack of sleep. We have no control over when we switch, or even who we switch into. Sometime we'll have what I call "blank switches" where it feels like a switch but nothing happens. I'm still in the front but I'm dissociated as hell and unable to focus.

I will have child alters that will be triggered out by height differences. This makes my relationship with my current boyfriend, who is over a foot taller than me, incredibly difficult.

I want to reiterate that alters are not the main symptom of DID. There's a reason why people with DID get misdiagnosed with BPD or bipolar — they can feel incredibly similar, especially when you take into account how everyone deals with trauma differently. Someone might spend a lot after a PTSD-induced panic attack, others might lock themselves away in their room for days. Not one person's PTSD is the exactly the same because not one person's trauma is exactly the same. Trauma responses can also change in life. Two years ago, I showed similar symptoms to BPD. Now that I'm in a healthier mental state, my trauma responses are different. This is normal, and dare I say healthy.

Above all, whatever you are dealing with — be it DID, BPD, bipolar, CPTSD, PTSD, anything — you are loved. You are loved if your symptoms are textbook or completely unique. You are loved if you can live peacefully with your disorder or dread waking up every day. I can't say this enough — you are loved. And if you don't believe in a God who loves you, please believe this: I love you. You are all in my thoughts and prayers, and I don't want you to live a day where you think nobody wants you. You are loved.

#mental health #trauma recovery #dissociative identity disorder #lol this turned from a psa to a love letter

[ihatebnha]

Cowardly anon here, and you are right. It probably would be a great idea to start a writing blog and just get some of these ideas out on my own. I love the input I get from my fave writers, but I need to keep in mind that they’re busy. Or sometimes they’re just not in the right headspace to respond to stuff.

Like I said, I know all of this, that I shouldn’t take any of it personally…I really think my anxiety was just acting up again. 100% a me problem; I need to chill the hell out.

Just please do not feel guilty about anything I said, I really don’t want that. I really appreciate that you were willing to listen to me and give a thoughtful response, more than I could fully articulate to you. It means a lot.

I think you’re a wonderful human being; you’re always such a delight. I love following your blog. And I know how stressful it must be to want to respond to people and you can’t. I need to be more conscious of that.

We love and adore you regardless, you understand? If you ever worry you’re disappointing us, please don’t. You have lots of dorks out here on the interwebs who think you’re just the bee’s fuckin’ knees. We’re grateful for all of the interaction that we have with you.

sdjlkfaldsf I'm not sure what to say, you're so sweet!!! I absolutely promise that you don't need to comfort me because I want to be the one who comforts you... it's honestly so incredibly kind of you to take the time to say all those things when you're the one who's hurting🥺

If anything, I just want to remind you that I think it's incredibly fair of to be upset. Obviously, don't let your anxiety take over completely... but you shouldn't beat yourself up for feeling bad about these things. Even with the recognition that it's unreasonable to expect responses all the time... it's only natural that you want to express yourself, and no matter how much authors aren't required to respond to people... you're also allowed to be sad!!!

We could have a long conversation that I don't feel like starting right now about my thoughts on the obligations of those who run blogs LOL. It's partially why I'm so strict with myself and then get burnout...

BUT... regardless. All you should be focused on is taking care of yourself and thinking about making a space for your thoughts!

Besides (and only if it helps to convince you), your favorite authors will probably learn how to interact with you and give you input there, as well! Just because they don't get recognized through the ask system doesn't mean they don't have value. I know for certain that I'd be happy to follow you and give you a shout out, at least!!! <3333

And seriously though, just... thank you for the kind words. I appreciate it more than anything, and I really just hope you know how much I want to send that loving energy right back to you, too.

I realize this probably isn't the most helpful... but don't forget that even if it can't be found here... there is love and creativity in your heart that you deserve the credit for... and I really believe that you'll find ways to express that soon.

#promise i absolutely dont hate u and just want to kiss u #as soon as summer is out im gonna be way for available for asks #but either way #ur so sweet #the sweet sweet sweetest #and never feel like ur not welcome here! #because you are. forever. and i appreciate everything #esp this ask #tho never give me a compliment ever again (/j) because i have been complimented on too many times #youve reached the maximum amount of times u can be nice to me #now u have to hit me with a stick #i really do hope this is reassuring tho #i have a sneaking suspicion of who u are and i swear its nothing personal #i will try to be better #but remember... i want to treat asks with care so #me responding more might mean less quality answers #idk #i alreayd feel like its slipped but #SBDFLKASDJ AHHHH ill just stop now but bye i love u i PROMISE #ask #anon #caitie chats #drama tw

[dread-and-despair-dyke]

Are you able to go for a walk? Preferably in a park or in nature? I know walking for 30 minutes to an hour while looking at nature or observing animals (or even just listening to music) tends to calm me down and put me in a slightly better mood when I'm in a bad headspace. Taking a bath, washing/doing my hair, using one of those face masks, etc. Anything where you're taking care of your body might help. And trying to be as present as you can and focusing on the sensation. I'm not the best at doing that but sometimes it helps when I get a little too stuck in my head.

I hope you feel better soon 💕

this is very sweet of u anon ily so much

it's like 11pm here rn, and i get anxious walking out in the dark so i cant do that rn unfortunately but i think ill try and go out tomorrow, it wld be good for me i think

as per recommendation of my therapist and other people here, I try to think abt mindfulness techniques and being present in the moment, but i think maybe i just need more practice on that kind of thing! since i can't currently get it to work lol ;w; i will try to get an early night maybe, and do some of these things tmrrw <3 <3 <3

going to ramble-vent aimlessly under the cut, nothing coherent

nobody needs to read this but its only in this post bc i thought abt it in relation to the things mentioned above

but i think somth i struggle with is having issues with depressive or anxious thoughts/emotions coming in if I'm not intensely preoccupied - e.g. if im showering or taking a bath (don't worry, i do these things anyway lol), taking a walk (dont do this one as often, whoops), other things where the activity doesn't require much 'thinking', I start to spiral into anxiety particularly in those moments where I don't have something to think about

And my levels of how preoccupied i have to be to avoid the anxious thoughts coming in have only gotten higher over time- now i can be trying to play a game or listen to music and bring myself back to focusing on it every 30 seconds or so, but I still manage to get anxious about whatever it is in my mind at that time. It is the same whether I am doing nothing, or am occupied with one thing, or occupied with three things; I can't let the thoughts pass through, they just stay in my brain stubbornly and don't leave until they've reached their conclusion half an hour later, at which point I am mentally exhausted from overthinking so rapidly for so long, emotionally exhausted from all the anxiety, and physically just kind of achy from standing up in a shower for half an hour. At which point, I get out and then lie in bed for the rest of the day because being alive feel so goddamn bad.

i think it's because, my mind not being preoccupied means I have to think about things in real life! ah, i get to think about such joyous things as: how absolutely incapable of feeling connection with others I am, how subsequently lonely i am, my actions and mistakes, the way that even my best efforts aren't enough for people, every hypothetical situation in which a problem might arise, how i should prepare for each of those hypothetical and unlikely problems, how i would fix any and every problem, how people perceive me, how i'm a burden to the people around me, the way that my best judgement will always still be 'bigoted' to somebody, my responsibilities that i have long abandoned, the people i used to know whose lives continue while i stay stagnant, the way that i can't keep putting off these issues forever, general existential dread...

...and other fun things to think about for half an hour while I stand in the shower forgetting that i was meant to be actually showering!

I have spoken with my therapist about these things before, I think. We talk through the logic of it, and of course there are always CBT sheets talking about how it isn't accurate to real life to think in such a way, and sometimes i agree. but even when I do agree, it doesn't stop the thoughts from happening. they happen whether i agree with the logic behind them or not, the logic is always biased in favour of assuming the worst outcome of everything, because that's just how I'm used to thinking. Because that's how life goes anyway, It's always bad, even if an outcome initially assumed to be 'good' happens, it turns out to be bad anyway, or at best it turns out to be just neutral.

There is no good, there is just hope sometimes, and love. But I don't have those things either! oh well. time to sleep.

#deepthoughtsTM #this one got uhh pretty fuckin long bois #haha what if i screencapped this and sent it to my therapist who i havent spoken to in months #im sure she would #uh #probably suggest i schedule another appointment with her #but i find talking so hard #i cant stay mentally present in the conversation bc im too busy worrying about how hard it is to stay mentally present in the conversation