#but it was never gnna be a physical relationship | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tojikai · 2 years

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Omg PM IV!!!!! Thank you for the tag! Amazing as usual! It's very hot here in the UK, so I was literally laying in my bed crying due to the heat. Me toes and tits sweating off and I see my tagged notification and got up so quick!

Little TW for anyone who might read this. I do mention a little bit about self h*rm in my second paragraph about Rie. Just wanted to let you guys know in case x

Right, so... Satoru is really still convincing himself that Rie is perfect. He was catching all the things she was saying and in disbelief, but still internally convincing himself she's lovely and can't be horrible, bad etc. I feel like a part of him is still convincing himself of this to justify that Rie is the right girl for him and what he did was fine. And I think that he would have tried to keep up with this easier if YN never found out about the kiss. Because all this time, YN never knew but it seemed as tho she was ok with all of this to their friends. Now the facade is up. Gojo looks like an even bigger prick. He's trying to have the best of both worlds. Which is unfair on both the girls. He's kinda giving both false hopes. Kissing YNs hand (and yeh i know it could have just been a tender moment, but still very intimate) and she thought he was coming back to her. And Rie is like yeh but you love me and you're dating ME. Kinda reminds me of chapter 1, and please correct me if I'm misquoting your work, when YN says you don't love me anymore and he says something like no it's not like that. It's like that again but the other way round. I've tried being civil this time, but flippin heck, this arse just wants his dick wet but doesn't know by who! Ugh! PM GOJO YOU BRING OUT THE WORST IN ME! Wish version Jack Frost looking ass bitch! (I actually love non PM Gojo, im sry bbz ily)😅😂

Now Rie, I feel bad because, yes in that situation she probably can't help but think shit I'm going to lose him. And the questions going through her mind when she saw Gojo holding YNs hand... because once a cheater always a cheater. They both were part of this cheating, so it's only natural for her to think he's done it once, he can do it again. And she's already not a fan favourite. She really pissed me off when she said YN was self h*rming for attention... (some of my old 'friends' who were very close to me had said this to me and it hurts more than the physical pain :/). She's getting very insecure and acting irrationally and saying things out of desperation. I feel like this weird subtle chasing dynamic is either gnna mirror the relationship Toji had with his new gf in his series, because she had him without having him. Orrrr it will drive him away and they both lose on what they wanted.

Loved that scene at the end with YN and Suguru. It was so sweet. I hope she gets a tattoo that represents her strength and is part of her healing so she can get up and do some boss girl shit. And I hope that Shoko and Suguru become her chosen family/people (whether YN ends up with one of them or not (still kinda hoping for YNxSuguru lol)), because her shitty parents and Gojo failed her miserably. Gojo watching that scene made it so much better. I hope he gets that he can't be part of her healing, because it will be like rubbing salt on the wounds. Personally, as much as I love that person, I could never trust them again. I'd live like a walking corpse if I chose to be with them again constantly thinking about that betrayal. Gotta put me first! (I keep thinking of the Cookie Empire gif and I dont know how to add images in this on my phone because I'm shite at this lol). He lost something amazing, 5 whole years, over 5 minutes of infatuation. But I guess it showed that YN wasn't his, rather than Gojo not being YNs, if that makes sense. Because really and truly she didn't lose, which I hope she sees later on, but he did.

Omg, also that mini flashback of how the 3 of them met. I wonder if Suguru saw and liked her first, stepping back for Gojo and now is his time to shine... 👀👀👀

Sorry that's my rambling done. Thank you as always! I always eagerly wait for the next chapter. Gnna go reread this chapter in case I missed any details! Please make sure to take care of yourself!

P.S. I've just shared this chapter with my non tumblr friends and waiting for their discussion! 😄🙌🏾

Hiiiii omg woww, i so love this !! i like how you tried to dig deeper into their thoughts and their feelings and how you kept it all realistic and rational, like u made points for what possible reasons made this character do this and that !!! about that part that u shared, that u've been told what rie said abt yn, bb im sorry u had to go through that. those people are not your people. i hope u feel better now🥺♥️

anyways, thank you so muchhh for reading and for sharing omg, that makes me really happy !! please do take care of yourself too, and i hope you're doing great ~<33

#🍭—kaitalks #f: permanent mark #tw.self harm

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galaxygrv · 4 months

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ahh hollow being close to front and influencing my (spyte) own emotions towards things is certainly,, Something. its not like its out of the ordinary for us to bleed over neutral or positive opinions + emotions + etc. but like.. this is more negative stuff (which is a little more uncommon, but not rare). its mainly bcuz they dont like any ship content between them and their sourcemates. this is not good bcuz a good 50% of the fan content we see is ships w either quirrel or grimm (and another 50% of those ships arent fucking tagged w the ship names so theyre almost unavoidable). they Do Not like either of them for almost the same reason. theyre repulsed by most people (irl + in source) and they esp dont like romance. quirrel is okay as a person (boring + annoying but not the worst to sit in silence around), and they just dont feel anything towards him and they feel disgusted when they see the fan content. feelings r the same w grimm, they dont like him (boring + annoying again !!! how wonderful) and think hes off putting in the worst way possible.

anyways im neutral towards the ships on a day theyre not bleeding over to me but the days they are,,, wow. okay. hatred and disgust vibes x500

(this is not to say the ships themselves r gross, its perfectly fine to ship them lol. these r just our hollows feelings abt it)

below the read more is in depth stuff abt their dislike of a lot of people cuz they want to talk abt it but its gnna make the post too long lol. also ⚠️ cw for calling people/relationships unreal in a serious way? idk what to call that so its not tagged but heres the warning ⚠️

our mom is okay in their opinion, shes interesting to them and likes us and doesnt get mad at us that often and almost never argues w us. our father though.. he argues with them all the time. anytime he speaks theres always a problem and hollow does Not have a filter so they end up getting pissed and arguing and then its a whole Thing for a few hours and our dad just starts screaming at a point etc. etc. they also generally dont think hes interesting and theres nothing to benefit from interaction w him. sooo 0/10 for dad, 7.5/10 for mom bcuz she does get after us for our arfid and thats beyond annoying.

also, our friends piss them off regularly. they often feel like snapping at them and getting mad but hold back most of the time cuz they know i would cry my eyes out if we even had a minor disagreement. the only times they dont stay quiet abt it is when i agree w them (typically out of confusion on my part).

they also seem to b the main source of our whole "we are the only real people. everyone else doesnt actually exist. no one has real emotions or lives, we're the only ones who actually exist." thing. so thats a bit telling of one reason why they dont like many people. this happens especially with our brother and most people we see once and never again. they also feel this when they see others in sexual, romantic/romance adjacent, or generally affectionate (?) relationships.

its.. very strange to see others be in love and then only have the thoughts and vibes of "thats not right! why are they doing that? thats disgusting, i cant believe thats something they would do in front of us! what the fuck! that looks/is so unnatural!" etc. etc. its like.. x20 strength when we witness someone we're close to doing it. we've been in relationships before, and the feeling only gets worse as time goes on while we were in the relationship.

it also happens to ANY physical touch. handshakes, fist bumps, hugs, kisses (platonic or not), hair touching, cuddling etc. is all disgusting to them (and whoever is close enough to feel it too)

its. also very difficult to get their approval. i think i understand what "they dont like many people, so dont be surprised if they dont like you" means now. they even have neutral feelings towards the other members of the system, and they only like me moderately enough to talk to me.

so uh. i think its safe to say hollow is our main holder/source of repulsion towards people and any sort of relationships. i was wondering where the feelings would come from because they seemed to come and go at random, but i think i got it now :P

#🌀#🐾#our posts #cw vent #vent cw

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iwa1zumis · 3 years

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“i love you and i like you”: passion and burnout in Haikyuu!!

tw: discussions of self harm, anxiety, burnout and breakdowns.

spoilers for the whole manga!!

okay this is probably gnna be jflkafjdklfj all over the place, but i’ve been thinking a lot lately about the difference between loving and liking something, and how haikyuu emphasises the importance of both those feelings being present when pursuing a passion.

a quick look at google (and i KNOW my college professors are cringing away in horror victor frankenstein-style @ my use of google definitions but jflajfsdk bear with me!!) demonstrates how often the concepts of love and like are conflated, with love her being framed as a sort of deeper or more intense like: “to like or enjoy very much” to be specific. but personally i’ve always thought there’s something a bit misleading about that kind of definition, since its absolutely possible to love something or someone without necessarily liking them. to take a personal example: i love debate. i debated through middle and high school, made captain of the debate team, and was constantly travelling to and fro for different tournaments. even before i started to debate formally i’d jump at the chance to do mini-debates in class, argue with and rebut parents and friends over meals and causal conversation.... you get the idea. i loved debate, and still love it dearly, but i honestly don’t think i particularly liked it much. tournaments would always fill me with the most INSANE kind of stress, i’d barely eat or sleep in the days leading up to a meet, and i’ve had more muffled bathroom breakdowns in between rebuttals than i can count. after my final year of high school, i decided against joining the debate at university. i knew that if i were to retain ANY love for the activity going into the future, i had to force myself to take a break.

so what does this solipsistic tangent have to do with haikyuu, you ask? well i have no doubt that a vast majority of the players in the series love volleyball. they’re dedicated and passionate about it. they hunger for the chance to be put on the court. but do they like to play?

1. oikawa: “i forgot that volleyball can be fun”

ofc i wouldn’t be an oikawa stan worth my salt if i didn’t start this off with the (grand) king himself!! imo one of the reasons why oikawa is such a popular and well-loved character is his constant determination to keep moving forward and playing, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable opponents and adversities (”never forget my worthless pride”, anyone?). inevitably, all the hard work and practise he put into his craft has left him with a very carefully constructed, put together playstyle-- he’s the kind of player who knows how to bring the best out of each and every teammate on the court because of the amount of time he spends observing them and playing with them. it’s an outlook and playstyle best encapsulated in his now iconic line during the second karasuno v seijoh match:

“Talent is something you make bloom, instinct is something you polish!”

in my opinion the word “polish” it super significant here-- it explicitly singles out the years and years of hard work that set a foundation for his talent and instinct to shine.

but what happens when they don’t shine? there’s no denying that oikawa is an incredibly skilled and intuitive player (something that hinata’s acknowledgment of him as the “great king” to kageyama’s “king” immediately sets out) but oikawa himself is acutely aware of the fact that he can never quite measure up to his long-time rival ushijima or his immensely talented protege kageyama. oikawa’s self described strategy to deal with opponents is to:

“Hit it until it breaks”

but what happens when hitting something again and again with your carefully honed, “polished” skills yields no results? imo there’s a very clear binary mentality drawn here-- either you hit it and it breaks, asserting your superiority; or you hit it and it doesn’t break, enforcing your inferiority. with each perceived loss against ushijima and kageyama, oikawa’s internalized logic holds his own weakness up to his own face, shaking his faith in himself as a player. if you’ll pardon the on-the-nose-metaphor: the whole “hitting it till it breaks” strategy is a two-way street, and oikawa has been hitting himself, metaphorically speaking, for a very long time. i have no doubt that he loved volleyball, passionately, through middle and high school. but with his inferiority complex growing in the face of constantly refuted results, i think he slowly began to like it less and less.

so how does oikawa get his groove back? to answer that, we’ll have to turn to the post-timeskip chapters, particularly the two chapters that deal with oikawa and hinata’s unexpected meeting in Rio (372 and 373 for anyone curious!). while reminiscing with hinata over dinner, oikawa finally reveals the event that made him want to play volleyball (as a setter, to be exact)-- as a child, he watched veteran setter jose blanco step into a game and

“... inconspicuously help[ed] the ace get his bearings again... and then simply left the court.”

oikawa’s reaction to blanco’s playstyle might just be one of my favourite panels in the chapter for how it conveys so much with such little space:

the stammer of “i-i--”, which suggests a sense of resolve and determination forming in real time, finally coalesces into the determined declaration of “i wanna be a setter too!” what i took from this is that oikawa’s admiration for-- and liking of-- blanco expresses itself in the agency with which he makes his choice, in this case, actively deciding to be a setter so that he can support players on the court like blanco did. the liking that oikawa has here is therefore inherently linked to the agency and freedom he feels here-- freedom to choose his position, and how he wants his volleyball career to develop.

this recollection of his childhood memories, and the subsequent game of beach volleyball that oikawa and hinata play afterwards, essentially push oikawa back into the mental and physical space of a child or beginner, as the manga demonstrates with panels of oikawa being forced to ditch his usual carefully developed, polished playstyle to learn the ropes of beach volleyball:

ultimately concluding with the beautiful panel transition of oikawa, as a child AND adult, celebrating after a successful play:

“It reminds me that-- I forgot that-- volleyball is fun.”

in a different country, playing a familiar game by slightly different rules and led back into the mentality and freedom of a novice after years of careful development, oikawa rediscovers his liking for the game.

2. kageyama: “when you get strong, someone stronger will rise to meet you”

moving on to the king of the court himself!! i’d argue that kageyama’s childhood memories and experiences of volleyball function almost oppositely to oikawa’s-- while oikawa has to re-access the sensation of being a beginner again to like the game along with loving it, kageyama’s process of coming to like and love volleyball come from moving away from his early experiences and into a new phase of playing-- specifically, his partnership with hinata.

one of kageyama’s defining features is his individualism-- he’s both skilled and solitary enough to prefer to, as he puts it, “play every single position on the court”. notably, he wants to become a setter because:

“[it’s] the one that touches the ball the most.”

in fact, i’d argue that kageyama’s “king of the court” attitude that he was known for in middle school is an extension of this individualistic mindset: he holds himself to extremely high standards, and expects his team-mates (as extensions of himself) to meet those very same standards. the similarities between his internal monologue and his commands to kindaichi in these two panels, for example, are strikingly, visibly similar:

there’s that near-identical intonation of “move faster, jump higher!” that implies that the way he treats his teammates is just an extension of how he treats himself-- a deeply self-critical, miserable way, as it turns out. it’s telling that for the first few chapters of a manga in which characters’ eyes literally light up when they’re happy, passionate or excited, kageyama’s eyes are drawn as pitch black, even while he’s playing.

imo the reason why hinata’s appearance, and their later partnership, is so significant for kageyama’s personal development is because he can’t treat hinata like an extension of himself. hinata challenges him and his preconcieved notions of the sport at every turn: first with his lightning-fast reflexes and raw intuition, and then with his determination to hit kageyama’s toss no matter what. in fact, the first time that kageyama’s eyes light up in the manga is, you guessed it, when he and hinata first pull off a successful “freak quick”:

during the post-timeskip chapters we’re introduced to kageyama’s backstory in much greater detail: the way in which his grandfather fostered his passion for volleyball and the timing with which his grandfather’s illness and later death left kageyama increasingly alienated, thus further enforcing his individualist mentality. but what the chapter also gave us was an explicit confirmation of a theme that had been built up from the very beginning of the story, when kageyama’s grandfather tells him:

“when you get really strong, i promise someone stronger will rise to meet you”

i’ve seen translations of the line that use both “meet” and “challenge”, and personally i’d have to say that i prefer “challenge” for what it implies-- even before hinata got strong enough to actually meet kageyama halfway he challenged him to move away from his pre-established mindset of doing everything himself, and into one where he actually comes to enjoy-- and like-- volleyball.

3. hirugami: “maybe you’ve just had your fill”

hirugami’s case is kind of a strange one-- unlike oikawa and kageyama he’s not a major character, and his relationship with volleyball only gets a single backstory chapter as opposed to a series-long arc. but i personally ADORE his mini-arc for the things it has to say about burnout, passion and moving on.

hirugami is introduced as the youngest member of a volleyball family-- his parents, older brother and older sister all play the sport. when explaining how he began to play himself, hirugami says:

“... naturally, i started to play too. because i was good at it, and it was fun.”

imo there are a lot of really interesting things to pick apart with this phrasing: the “naturally” implies a foregone conclusion but also a degree of passivity, like he himself recognises that he was swept up in his family’s influence. the “it was fun” coming AFTER “because i was good for it” also implies a degree of correlation, as though if he didn’t have the aptitude, he wouldn’t enjoy the game (a mindset markedly different to both oikawa and kageyama). as hirugami gets older, this correlation of being good ----> having fun ----> being able to play begins to reverse, and therefore manifest in increasingly self destructive ways:

the main impetus for hirugami has now become not wanting to lose, which therefore requires a degree of heightened practise and self discipline in order to achieve. notably, having fun has been reduced to an afterthought, a state that might be achieved if he wins.

the correlation of “winning” and “being good” is a slipperly slope to go down, though, something that becomes especially apparent after hirugami’s team lose a game. the frustration of being unable to reach his goal of winning manifests itself as not being “good enough”-- acting on this, hirugami seeks to punish himself for “messing up”:

the close up panel of hirugami’s “confession” after hoshiumi confronts him hits particularly hard because it taps into a feeling that i’m sure almost all of us have felt at one point or another-- the realisation that something you once both loved AND liked is now only bringing you misery:

ironically, it’s actually this acknowledgement of “not really liking volleyball that much” that acts as a catalyst for hirugami’s recovery from burnout. hoshiumi’s acknowledgement of, and reply to, hirugami’s state is seemingly simple but deeply freeing:

and honestly, why not just quit? there’s nothing tethering hirugami to volleyball, certainly nothing as serious as life or death. personally my favourite part of this panel is hoshiumi’s description of volleyball as food from which hoshiumi has “eaten his fill”-- a lovely metaphor that re-contextualizes what could be seen as “time wasted” into something productive and indeed nourishing.

when we check up on hirugami post time-skip, we find out that he has indeed quit playing volleyball in favour of going to veterinary school, but he’s seen watching the game between the jackals and adlers on his phone with an eager, fond smile on his face, implying that it was the act of moving away from the table (so to speak) after eating his fill that let him still hold on to a love and passion for the game, even though he is now interacting with it as a spectator instead of a player. and indeed that might just be why i love hirugami’s arc so much-- with it, haikyuu tells us that sometimes passion’s don’t need to be re-ignited in the same way. while oikawa and kageyama rediscover their love for, and liking of, the game through a return to childhood and the arrival of a new partner respectively, hirugami’s journey away from burnout comes from recognizing that he can step away from the volleyball court, and that the love and like will still remain.

#ari.txt #meta #hq!! meta #haikyuu meta #hq!!#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#oikawa tooru #kageyama tobio #hirugami sachirou #me pointing @ myself: it's her officer! she's the one using her english lit degree to write 3k word long metas on sports anime!!#anyways jflafjsdlk this was an absolute blast to write!! and i'd LOVE to know what you guys think about it: do you agree? disagree?#please do let me know!! :>#long post

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bluebuckstallion · 6 years

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hey not 2 be moody or anyth but im gnna vent a lil bit

so uh. the last few days i was @ my dads i was rlly delusional n erratic nd i saw way more shit than i usually do (along w auditory bs) and i literally didnt sleep at all most nights,, 3 hrs or less which is weird for me during summer,, esp @ my dads. but anyways, on the way to meet my mom he got rlly pissed ovr smth trivial and i jus,, couldnt stop flinching bc god its not like he was gnna hurt me but literally any man raisng his voice makes me cry almost instantly when its tht close to my fuckn ears especially when it was literally unexpected n long story short he said i was rlly goddamn lazy or whatever n we didnt talk for an hour n a half lol it was a shitty carride

and on top of tht. i found out tht half my house burnt down while i was gone! the ac caught on fire. so we were (are) living in a fuckn hotel again, jus like in december-march, lol. my mom couldnt take the rats anywhre so we assumed they died from smoke inhalation (my cats n one of my dogs already got fuckd up over tht) but. yea. we had to keep all 4 of the cats outside during the scorching heat n we managed to take the dogs w us but damn. n on top of tht my uncle is back on heroin n he was presumed dead for 6 days, after stealing my grandmas only mode of transportation n fleeing for the va border. th only contact we had from him was him cussing my mom out (good on him tbh) and on top of THT my grandmas fucked bc she put out a report on her truck being missing n then revoked it so shes in trouble for harboring/helping a fugitive lmao,,, n at this point we can only assume tht my uncle might be dead so yeet

also th person im engaged to is prolly gonna break up w me but im too scared to even talk to them bc ive been tryng so hard to ignore the fact they traumatized me physically but wtver! its cool i guess. they keep talking abt killing themselves

anyways thts jus the small stuff. on top of tht, ive been blacking out way more thn usual when i drink nd apparently ive been fighting my mom every time i drink aswell so??? yah thts had a shit ton of bad consequences

n my favorite thing in the entire world, my cat peach, literally got her torso n below mauled, and its so bad tht shes on morphine n we cant afford her bills even w the red cross helping us. she dislocated her hip or smth and its rlly fucking bad bc jesus tht cat is my baby shes the only thing i care abt ive genuinely never loved smth so much and ik its dumb but idk what im gonna do if we have to put her down bc thats still smth tht might happen and honestly i jus dont fucking know what im gonna do if we put her down. shes my baby

before she got attacked tho, the same dog almost ripped off my other cats ear n rlly fucked up his head but hes healed a bit so its cool. th same dog attacked my other cat too but hes recovered already. n we dont know who owns the dog bc we havent seen it (our neighbor has been keeping us up to date n shes been trying to feed n water th animals)

my Other cat got stolen for a couple of days n the police might get involved over it lol,, they took him for awhile n hes back now but he was missing for ages. ppl have tried to take one of my other cats too bc hes an f4 bengal,, they sell for a lot,, but hes managed to evade it. th other one probably got taken bc hes a kitten n rlly naive. but hey the good news is my animals havnt died yet

also! i start school on monday! lol! everythngs going rlly great

idk more shit happened but im still trying to process a lot of stuff bc eugh

long story short: was rlly delusional n erratic+audio/visual hallucinations n getting no sleep, so i was practically on suicide watch again, stunted my already horrible relationship w my dad, found out half my house burnt down, assumed most of my animals tht got left behind were dead, living in a hotel again w my 6yo brother+mom+3 animals n relapsing a lot, i black out most nights but when i wake up i usually find out ive fought someone n self harmed a lot n face the consequences, person im engaged to might break up w me but i cant msg them to find out bc i get anxious bc i relive trauma they caused tht rlly fucked me up sexually, uhhhh my uncle is a fugitive and might be dead, hes using heroin again, my grandma is in trouble for harboring+helping a fugitive bc she put out a report on the truck he stole from her n then revoked it, found out my favorite living thing in the world (my cat peach) might have to be put down n im rlly unstable over it, she got attacked by a dog rlly brutally along w two of my other cats n the fourth one got stolen, im gnna have to deal w one of my friends havng feelings for me but i rlly dont want to confront it and i start my frst year of high school in 3 days! hooray

edit: ALSO i might have to confront th fact a girl i havent talkd to in abt 3 mnths tht i had a thing going on w is rlly unstable and i dont know if shes alive lol!

#we jus got our ac temporarily fixed so im in th house w 9 of my animals #its rlly good to have some time to myself #anyways w the knowledge half my animals were near death @ one point #n my uncles prolly dead too #its been wildt!#ash.mp3 #long post

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remade-1122345433 · 7 years

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was tagged byyy @weirdautumnn thaaank youuu~

put under a cut

APPEARANCE:

I am 5′7″ or taller

I wear glasses

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined

I have or have had braces

There is something I would change about the way I look

PERSONALITY:

My Hogwarts house is: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slytherin

I am an introvert

I love meeting new people

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have a good memory

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

Fandoms are my #1 passion

I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIP:

I’m in a relationship (a qpr!)

I have a celebrity crush

I have a crush on someone I know

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have never been in a relationship

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close to my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the United States

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CDs

I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life

I speak at least 2 languages fluently

I have made a new friend in the past year

im nt gnna tag anyone but anyone can do this....go wild...have funnn

#about me #i'm sleepy #thanks again leee fr tagging meeee

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lookwhatilost · 7 years

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i saw this valentines day ask meme earlier and i wanted to reblog it but i also dnt want people prying on gp and i know nobody will send me anything here bc i have like no followers, so im going to answer it under the cut and if you wanna b #nosy, then you’re at your liberty to do so

also im drunk answering these so theres that

1: Do you have a crush at the moment?

lmfao

2: Have you ever been deeply in love?

yes, sadly 😪

3: Longest relationship you've ever been in?

unofficially we were on and off over the course of almost 4 years but officially the longest we were together was only a handful of months... but i generally tell people the unofficial version bc i feel like they’d downplay the significance of it otherwise

4: Have you ever changed for someone?

yeah but in the sense that i let good things inside me wither and die when i shouldnt have

5: How is your relationship with your ex?

he’s living with someone else but makes a point of letting me know that he’s still th*rsting over me... it’s rly embarrassing

6: Have you ever been cheated on?

idk for certain but most likely

7: Have you ever cheated?

8: Would you date someone who's well known for cheating?

if i was aware, no, but i feel like i’d be totally possible for me to start going out w someone like that without being aware of that reputation beforehand

9: What's the most important part of a relationship?

your heads need to b in the same place i think... what with priorities, values, etc. i know some people can happily ignore conflicts like that & jst know to never bring them up but i can’t ever picture myself doing that.

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

i’ve never had a “fling” in my life and i dnt intend to

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"?

if you need space from someone, then it is what it is, but i dnt think i would ever use the term “break” bc it’s too grey. i’ve seen friends. i know what’s up.

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?

harry’s the only person ive been with in any capacity

13: What's one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?

a lot but i think i would say, like, letting it go on for as long as it did bc i thought i didn’t have anything else going for me. granted, i didn’t, but sometimes it’s better to be invested in an ex that you aren’t speaking to, than be invested in a relationship that’s dragging you down

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?

never tbh sex is dumb as shit

15: Do you believe in the phrase "age is just a number"?

fuck no

16: Do you believe in "love at first sight"?

i believe you can instantly recognize that you connect to another person but that’s not, like, love lmfao

17: Do you believe it's possible to fall in love on the internet?

yeah but i’ve no interest in that

18: What do you consider a deal breaker?

in a relationship i dnt think i would interpret anything as an objective deal breaker aside from the Big Shit like cheating etc. but if i was considering dating someone i think the biggest deal breaker would be political differences.

19: How do you know it's time to end a relationship?

i’ll let you know when i figure it out

20: Are you currently in a relationship?

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?

under the right circumstances, sure

22: Do you think people should date their friends?

i would encourage them to. i personally wouldn’t want to get into a romantic relationship that didn’t already have the foundation of a strong platonic one

23: How many relationships have you had?

one

24: Do you think love can last forever?

no but i dnt think there’s anything wrong with that either

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?

absolutely not

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of?

my parents are so out of touch w who i am that their approval or objection carries no weight beyond that so... no

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?

all advice is useless. conclusions have no meaning unless you draw them yourself. if i could go back in time, i would kill hitler.

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?

yes but personally ive no interest in one

29: What do you notice first about another person?

this is gnna sound dumb but whether they have a threatening vibe to them or not. for context: i work in service

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?

i’m bisexual but i dnt see my attraction to men as anything more than begrudging & a nuisance

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?

not in principle, but i have a lot of mental illnesses myself, and if i was in a position where my mental disorders and my partner’s were jst endlessly feeding off of one another... yeah that would definitely upset me

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

harry was definitely emotionally abusive to me at times but he was jst stupid tbh and retrospectively i dnt consider it to be abusive. jst, like, it was a very bad dynamic and it coaxed shitty things out of both of us

33: Do you want to get married one day?

not rly

34: What do you think about getting your partner's name tattooed?

i wouldnt

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?

easily

36: Are you still a virgin?

i wish

37: What's more important: Looks or personality?

personality obvi but physical attraction still needs to be there lmfao

38: Do you enjoy love films?

no they’re bad

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?

ive gotten roses twice

40: Have you ever had a valentine?

what even is that

41: What's your imagination of a "perfect date"?

i dnt have a specific vision but it would involve day drinking lmfao

42: Have you ever read "Romeo & Juliet"?

yeah. 3/10 tbh.

43: What's more important: Your partner or your friends?

it’s a balancing act! ive been guilty of putting my friendships on the back burner in favor of romantic relationships and i dnt want to do that again!

44: Would you consider yourself "romantic"?

not anymore

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?

this is a loaded question bc all my friends follow this... if i say yes, it’s awkward. if i say no they’ll be like “well why the fuck not?”

46: Have you ever been "friendzoned"?

have people i liked romantically not returned my feelings? yes. have i gotten all indignant and entitled abt it? i’d like to think not.

47: Which "famous couple" is your favorite?

literally i can’t even think of any

48: What's your favorite love song?

momentarily? knock you down by keri hilson. it’s cute & a throwback

49: Have you ever broken someone's heart?

doubt it

50: If you're single, why do you think you are?

lack of proximity to available people that i’m compatible with, the fact that i have standards

51: Would you rather date someone who's rich but a douchebag or someone who's poor but a nice guy?

poor & nice... no shit sherlock

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?

all dating advice is a shout into the void. i dnt bother

53: Are you jealous of couples when you're single?

i think exposure to that kind of stuff hits on a very real insecurity that stems from a rly long pattern of being mistreated in my romantic endeavors, but it’s not jealousy lmfao it’s something much more insidious than that... like i feel like im being taunted for having extremely severe emotional trauma related to that and it’s rly not a can of worms i want to open

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on Facebook)?

it’s not like important-important, but suffice to say, i would be suspicious of someone who was vehemently against it

55: Would you consider yourself "clingy", "overly attached" or "jealous"?

i’m trying to learn there’s nothing shameful abt being attached to the people you care abt, so yes & no

56: Have you ever "destroyed" a relationship?

yeah but i dnt feel particularly bad abt it either

57: Do you think it's silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?

when you’re suicidal you dnt care much for what is or isnt silly, let’s be real

58: Are you the "dominant" or the "submissive" part in a relationship?

ideally my relationships dnt have a dynamic like that

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner's birthday or your anniversary?

i have a weird fixation on dates and remember significant ones from, like, 10 years ago. february 9th 2009 was a big one, actually. so no i generally dnt forget dates unless i didnt commit them to memory in the first place

60: What's your opinion on open relationships?

stupid

61: Who's more important: Your partner or your family?

my family isnt important to me

62: How do you define "cheating"?

doing anything #physical with someone other than yr partner, or like, carrying out any sort of emotional relationship w someone you aren’t dating (like you’re telling someone else that you love them & wanna get w them or whatever)... some of it is rly cut n dry but other times its very, well, grey

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?

i mean it’s not but like... holy shit dude you’re not 15 anymore.

64: Do you think Valentine's Day is overrated?

who dznt?

65: Would you consider yourself a "cuddler"?

probably. who knows. i cant believe answering this ate up almost a whole hour

#ask memes

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clairdelune700 · 6 years

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A-5 please :)

A: Who do you like and why? i like and love mel so so much bc she makes me feel happy and loved. she’s the most beautiful, funny n smart person i know. i never knew what it felt like to always be excited abt tomorrow until i met her. love that lil bitch so much

B: Have you ever been in love? If yes, how many times, and how do you know it was love? with a person? many times, and that person is mel lol. i fall in love with her more n more every day and over n over again whenever i see her in person or when she says something dumb but rlly fuckin funny or smart but rlly mind-blowing and when she laughs and when we cuddle up and when she kisses me. i knew it was love when one time in the beginning of our relationship, i was waiting for the day to go by so that i could go over to her house. i spent the night with her and that was the first time in a long time where i was genuinely happy. i realized that i could wait forever if it meant being happy with her in the end and . . i’m pretty sure that’s love

C: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in, and why did it end? to me, it’s been somewhat a year. it ended a few times but it’s never been an official ending because we always found a way back to each other.

D: Have you ever changed for someone, if yes, how? i have and it was for the right reasons. i stopped habits that were making things worse and i did this for not only mel but myself as well. she honestly makes me a better person so i am willing to change for her

E: Pretend i’m your ex, what do you want to say to me? uhhh nothing lmao

F: Have you ever been cheated on? never, she’s loyal

G: Have you ever cheated? never, i’m loyal

H: Would you date someone who’s known for cheating, if yes, why? i don’t know bout that

I: What’s the most important part of a relationship? communication; it’s something that is needed for one to function correctly. i feel like it’s the key to every issue that forms within a relationship. it lets one express their emotions, clears up any misunderstanding, and even allows us to tell our significant other how important they are to us. without communication, i don’t think anything would make sense

J: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? well i’ve never had a fling and i’ve only been in one serious relationship, and so far being in love with someone and the affection that comes along with it and doing headass things with them is much better than the thought of fucking some girl just for the pleasure. i’ve noticed that once i’m in a relationship, i want to spend the rest of my life with that person. i mean i can’t imagine myself sitting with another girl at the movie theatre or laying in my bed with another girl or kissing another girl. it’s all mel just in my head

K: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”? mel and i took a lot of breaks. i personally hated it bc all i wanted to do was see her n hold her but if they did her good n she found a lot of time and space for herself then i guess it’s necessary. so i only believe in going on breaks if they benefit one or both of the people in the relationship. it has to be for a good reason

L: How many people have you ever hooked up with? none

M: What’s one thing you regret saying or not saying, doing or not doing in a previous relationship? the first thing that comes to mind is probably when i said “how many times do you have to break my heart” because i realized that when someone breaks someone’s heart then they may have bad blood but that’s not in our case and i just feel bad. my heart is all love when it comes to her :( i’m just emotionally sensitive sometimes so i should have never said that

N: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? 14; my brother was 14 (15 now) when he got his first gf and they’re still together now. it’s clear that they both love each other a lot and he’s mature for his age so if they’re both ready for it, then why not? tbh it’s depends on a lot

O: Do you believe in the phrase “Age is just a number”? Why or why not? obviously a 9 year old shouldn’t be with a 20 year old but yeah under certain circumstances, i believe in it. my parents are 10 years apart which rlly does affect my opinion

P: What about “Love at first sight”? Why or why not? uhhh well i don’t think one can fall in love with someone just by taking notice of their physical appearance nor by accepting a first impression (maybe with some exceptions). again, it truly just depends on what situation they’re in. i know that i don’t immediately start loving someone based on how they look or how they treat me / talk to me. they can be complete douchebags? you never know which is why most people prefer getting to know someone

Q: Turn ons? always when she texts me “i want to fuck you” when she’s next to me and we’re in public / around people, when she runs her fingers up my pussy and i have pants or shorts on, dominance (especially in bed)

R: Turn offs? when she tells me to bend down near her butt when a fart is abt to come out

S: What do you consider a deal breaker? hmm

T: How do you know when it’s time to end a relationship? i’ve never wanted to end a relationship

U: Are you currently in a relationship? If yes, how long? If no, how long have you been single? yeah i am in a relationship, i consider it abt year

V: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? yes and no; no if one, the other or both are still in love with each other. it’s just weird and awkward and sad. also yes since i’m a hopeless romantic and believe that there’s a possibility for us even if it’s small

W: Do you think people should date their friends? i am, why not? there’s nothing wrong with it lol

X: How many relationship have you had? 1

Y: Do you think love can last forever? i’d like to believe so. i feel like my love for mel is going to last forever. i always wanted hers for me to last forever. i want everything to be eternal bc again, i can’t imagine myself with anyone else and what’s the point of life if there’s no love???

Z: Do you believe love can conquer all things? yes!!!!! love is everything

1: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of? NO ! if i love them no one, not even my mom, can break us apart lmao

2: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? i would go back to december and tell myself “mel is leaving next year, don’t turn a small situation into something big. it’s not gnna be worth it bc every second with her counts” :-(

3: Do you think long distance relationships can work? Why or why not? yes and no; no because not being able to see your significant other everyday can suck and they’ll eventually meet new people and possibly move on. not being able to physically feel or touch the one you love for over 3 months can rlly fuck you up so maybe it’s better to take a break?? people say that if it’s meant to be, they’ll find their way back to each other somehow and clearly this is an easier route. but yes, i think it can also work because it’s a choice to stay together and wait for each other and reject anyone else that tries to enter their love life. it’s basically a normal relationship with a touch of more commitment which sometimes isn’t for everyone :’(

4: What do you notice first about another person? their hair

5: Do gay, lesbians, bisexuals or transgender people bother you? what kind of question is this omg . . no they don’t, if anything they make me feel safe

#ask

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bunnihearted · 3 months

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📓🖊️

#maybe maybe one day i'll be ok??#maybe i'll manage to get my high school diploma #maybe i'll get a student housing apartment in another city. maybe i can study to become a pre school teacher...#(not my dream job but the only job that seems possible for me)#maybe i'll be able to work on my anxiety and avpd and become more calm #maybe i'll be able to exercise the way i want nd become physically strong #maybe i'll be brave enough to try apps to make girl friends i can hang out with???#maybe i'll get back into writing nd posting it. maybe i'llhave more fun w insta and taking photos again??#maybe i'll fix my relationship w my sisters nd talk to them again??#maybe if im lucky i'll meet someone who i fall in love w who falls for me too? maybe someone will one day choose to be with me??#maybe i can get a real apartment nd have a job? maybe i can even live w a partner one day? and maybe i'll have friends?#maybe i wont be all alone forever?? maybe i wont feel this alienated nd isolated for my entire life??#maybe maybe maybe my life can be alright....? can it really be?#i dont have much hope. but maybe??? plz plz plz let it be so let it be so #and maybe for now.. as im lower than i've ever been before..#maybe i just need to be able to eat more normally again. then i can have my coffe chocolate moments w youtube #and i can watch kdramas nd have dinner. which are two moments that make me feel ok nd calm #<<< i feel ashamed abt it but comforting eating is a thing for me. im gnna be alone 4ever anyway so might aswell just accept thats how i am #so yeah maybe maybe i'll start feel a bit better when i can disconnect from everything nd just get immersed in a kdrama nd have dinner lmao #idk. i just dont feel like i'll ever have a real life. i'll never have what i dream abt (which isnt even much. just love.. just love lmao)#so then i can daydream nd live by reading books nd watching kdramas nd tv shows nd also write a lot #but ofc in my freetime bc i need a job w a stable income nd my own apartment. even if i dont love my job i need one that i can be ok with

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theiamzilch · 7 years

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Weekend Getaway, Words frm the heart

There were lots of signs/sangkak before the trip, during the trip, and otw home too. He had not enough to spend for the trip, plus, he had to return some money to customer. The gearbox gave way at yong peng and we had to slowly make our way up KL no matter wad. We reached KL at 5am. Yup, 5am. And fret not, we left early at abt 9pm...due to this, we were delayed. The trip itself was fulfilling as we got to spend wisely on our hantaran gifts. Gg back, he was hit by a migraine and i drove back all the way till JB. All in all, mission accomplished and i also managed to get my work done during the trip. As the days draws near i want nothibg but to fill myself with positivity. This is my motto and i hope to make a change and stay this way. Small changes are vital. Im not gnna dwell and swell so mch on an issue. Im gnna look at it in a logical and rational manner. And as a muslim, im gnna take every argument, issue like a small test for me. I shld not worry a thing because i know Allah will always give me the best. Although now it isnt the best time for me...but i know Allah works wonders and only He knows whats in my heart. I aim to work towards a common goal and objective. To prepare myself for the wedding proper. Im gg to partake a heavy role soon. All the more i shld take away all my negative vibes in me and change my thinking into positive ones. I know im not perfect but im working on it. I cannot please anyone. Even he will have some things against me. But i lve gotta take each and everything at a stride and always reach out to Allah because He never disappoints. Im still on my green tea diet daily, aiming for a better physical preparation to get my body ready for the big day (ive sourced for helpful skincare products, aiming to engage a regular spa/message/facial sessions), relationship wise im taking baby steps to address it...thank God he allows me to still stay in my crib after marriage...because it will b a great impact if the change is too sudden. This wedding is gnna be a simple but proper one. At the end of the day its the life after marriage that stays eternal. Looking at mama now...i hope she will be able to make it till my day. It is their worst that i witness and it is only me who knows how much they are suffering. And it is me, who only understands how parents go through them. Allah i seek YOUR mercy and grace to allow me the room to still b ard my parents after the marriage. To care and to love and to always be there when they need one. Ive yet to come to terms being separated from them. May Allah give me strength. May i have a supportive husband who will understand and allow me to still b ard my parents, may he too be a part of their other whom they will call their son and all i want is a little understanding in this journey. House is gnna b ready soon. Awaiting letter and further discussions on the loan refinancing. This, too is another challenge. Bismillah.

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