#but most of all i just fucking hate driving i hate it so much i would be happy never to drive ever again

[starrynights-sunnyskies]

as the flowers bloom, my heart does too ⋆*·ﾟmisa x putellas!reader, social media au, (7/-)

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when your relationship ends and all you want to do is hide and cry, flowers suddenly start to appear on your doorstep.

or; misa hating to see a pretty girl cry and suffer and going out of her way to cheer her up while staying anonymous

fic: coming

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yourusername: hello madrid 🌼 Liked by sofie.svava, frejaolofssonn, ona.battle and 1,289 others

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ingridengen Sweetest girl!!

username1 😮

marialeonn16 Floraaaa mi favoritaaa 😎

sofie.svava Yay, the princess has arrived! 👼🎀

albaps9 oh dear is the car still ok ↳ yourusername i'm a better driver than you ↳ albaps9 iM a bETtER dRiVeR THAn yOu ↳ yourusername you can't even drive manual 😙

janafernandez3 Aw, what beautiful flowers!! 😍 ↳ claudiaapina from her 'secret' admirer, I bet! ↳ jennihermoso Cough, secret admirer turned girlfriend, cough! ↳ ona.battle They're so goals together 😭 ↳ patri8guijarro Uhhh, you know who SHE is?!!! ↳ ona.battle 🤷‍♀️ ↳ __cata13 HOW ↳ janafernandez3 Just a little common sense, girls 😅 ↳ keirawalsh hasn't it been obvious right from the start or do i just spend too much time on social media to have seen it all happen? 😳 ↳ aitanabonmati The last one, you clown 😁

marisabel_rguez Have fun in Madrid, YN! Hope you have a good time 😎 ↳ yourusername ass 🤣

username2 hello, more MisaxYn content? 🤞

username3 Driving six hours to Madrid for funsies?.... hmmm I wonder why 😳 ↳ username4 she could've just taken the train but ok ↳ username5 Maybe the u-haul was already filled to the brim so she decided to bring the rest herself 🤭 ↳ username6 👀 ↳ username7 uhhh they wouldn't, would they? ↳ username5 Oh, but they might! 😌 ↳ username7 🕵️‍♀️🧐

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Text Messages

ale 🐻 You post a picture before telling me you've arrived? I love you pero can you please stop worrying me like that. I called you like so many times. ale 🐻 I just had the most nerve wracking seven hours of my life, you know?? you ○○○ you ALE you im okay im okay! you fuck i'm so sorry, my phone died and then i arrived and misa and sofie took me in and they immediately took me out to eat and i just kind of forgot im so so so so so so so sorry and i love you the most in the whole entire world. you're the best sister ever and i'm the luckiest shithead there is. t'estimo, t'estimo, t'estimo!!!! ale 🐻 Bé, I was just really worried about you, I didn't like not hearing anything from you. You're my whole world, too. Next time make sure it's fully charged when you know you'll go out for a long time. What would you have done if you had needed help? Not saying this to scare you, but you know that. So, how was the drive? Did you at least take a few breaks? you boring, lots of rain and traffic. aaaand no breaksies because i didn't want to arrive in the middle of the night bc the traffic had set me back some hours. misa has a game tomorrow and i didn't want her to lose any sleep 😅 ale 🐻Next time you take regular breaks, yes? I'm sure Misa would understand and want the same. Can you please Facetime mami? you i will. petons to you all and olga 😘 you and nala! Delivered

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↳ 6h ago: marisabel_rguez added to their story

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Direct Messages albaps9 corrupting the missus to support real madrid, i see? misa, are you even trying to get along with alexia? 😂 marisabel_rguez Jeje 😆 Had to show her a little bit of our Madrid culture, of course! It's tradition to attend a game! albaps9 in the putellas household, it's also tradition to support barca, so have fun holding onto your head! albaps9 no, but all jokes aside. i might not have said this to you in person yet, but i want you to know how happy i am that you're with my sister. i don't think anyone else could've pulled her out of the deep end and love and treat her the way she deserves. you made her see her own worth again, believe that she was deserving of all the good things, and gave us our girl back. i'll never be able to properly thank you, but i want you to know how grateful we all are nonetheless. marisabel_rguez Thank you for telling me. But you don't need to thank me for doing all that. I love her, it's only normal that I treat her accordingly. She's my entire world, Alba. albaps9 i still don't think you realise how much your love and care for her means to her and the rest of us, and how it has impacted us as a family. but remember that we're proud to call you family too. okay? albaps9 unless you hurt her and end up destroying all the progress she's made, maria isabel. then i'll fucking come for you and alexia won't be your only problem. marisabel_rguez I would expect you to do so then! She's really lucky with you two. She loves you very much, so I'm also happy to be part of your circle. albaps9 🥹🥹 okay but you don't even seem the slightest bit intimidated? 🤣 marisabel_rguez Oh no, I know you're bark and bite! I just know I don't have to be afraid because that worst case scenario will never happen! albaps9 thank you misa ❤️

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tagged: marisabel_rguez, frejaolofssonn, carolinemoller_, haleyraso, yourusername sofie.svava: Supporting the boys with my favourite madridistas Liked by claudia.zornoza, carolineweir95, haleyraso and 12,493 others

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frejaolofssonn Gooooooaaaaal golgolgolgolgol 🤩

carolineweir95 Supporting the men but wearing Misa jerseys, I'm so here for it haha ↳ sofie.svava Someone insisted 🙊 liked by marisabel_rguez ↳ marisabel_rguez And we couldn't resist her! liked by yourusername

username1 Did sofie just... ↳ username2 Yes 😭😬😬😬 ↳ username3 she's removed yn from the tags now 🤭 ↳ username1 Too late man lmao

claudia.zornoza Vamos 💪🏼

haleyraso 💅🏽

username4 it sure is real love if someone raised on barca sets even one foot inside santiago bernabeu and it's not in the away-section liked by 12 others

username5 The Misa appreciation is spreading 😛 ↳ username6 and rightly so!! ↳ username7 I wonder who's behind that 🧐👀

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marisabel_rguez: Happy life. Liked by albaps9, bff2, jennihermoso and 18,329 others

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username1 we know who this is why dont u just tag her lmao srsly ↳ username2 Honestly, do they truly still think they're being slick 🤦‍♀️ ↳ username3 I don't even get the point in keeping it private, like what's the big deal? ↳ username4 maybe they just don't care but don't want to indulge people like you all

marialeonn16 😊

albaps9 ❤️ ↳ albaps9 but that tush will always be mine 😭

sofie.svava 💖

haleyraso Awww

username7 I love how they're slowly growing more comfortable letting the world in ):

sofiajakobsson 😘

bff1 ummm hey? hands to yourself. she's still my snookums until she officially has your last name 🤣 liked by alexiaputellas ↳ yourusername omg stop embarrassing me ↳ marisabel_rguez ✋🏽😳🤚🏽

ingridengen The sweetest together!

salmaparalluelo 😍

jennihermoso 👀

username4 You forgot the other half of the caption ↳ username5 Happy wife, happy life? ↳ username4 Ding-ding-ding! ↳ username6 don't think they'll get married so long as alexia is still lurking in the background 🤣

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yourusername: madrid, you were good to me!! (plus a little surprise i discovered at the petrol station on my way home. te amo mas que a la vida en sa) Liked by bff3, fridolinarolfo, haleyraso and 2,499 others

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albaps9 hmmm i wonder whyyyy liked by yourusername

salmaparalluelo Pls yn confirm that you-know-who and the anonymous admirer are the same person!! ↳ jennihermoso 👀 ↳ yourusername hehe ↳ janafernandez3 !!!!!!!!!!!!! ↳ ona.battle We want to know 😱 ↳ marialeonn16 Oh, but we know 😌 ↳ ingridengen yup!! ☺️ ↳ jennihermoso 👀 ↳ ona.battle ???

username1 the note in the car is the cutest 😔

username2 I want a Misa too, care to loan her out?

alexiaputellas Proud of you and how strong you are. You kept fighting and look at you now. You deserve all this happiness, ma germana petita. T'adoro. ��� yourusername t'estimo tant tant tant

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yourusername: feliç diada de sant jordi, la meva gent🌹 Liked by ingridengen, alexiaputellas, albaps9 and 940 others

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marisabel_rguez Horrible choice of clothing, I should give you some of my shirts to wear ↳ yourusername you're acting as if half of them aren't already at my place ↳ marisabel_rguez Right where they should be 😉

bff1 feliç sant jordiiii

begovargas 🌹

alexiaputellas 🌹📖🐉🌹

marisabel_rguez And I love when you speak Catalan!!!! liked by yourusername

janafernandez3 feliç sant jordi, el meu amic 🌹

aitanabonmati Feliç Sant Jordi, YN!

claudiaapina feliç sant jordi! 😊

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↳ 5h ago: marisabel_rguez added to their story ↳ 4h ago: marisabel_rguez added to their story ↳ 1h ago: marisabel_rguez added to their story

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marisabel_rguez: este camiseta 💪🏼 Liked by yourusername, sofie.svava, realmadridfem and 14,398 others

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alexiaputellas Visca Barca!!!!! ↳ yourusername be nice... 🤨

yourusername oh wow black is your colour too 🤭 ↳ yourusername (keeping the rest of my thoughts to myself bc alexia's lurking here) ↳ alexiaputellas Yes, behave... 🤨

sofie.svava looking gewd amiga!!! 😇

realmadridfem Nuestro orgullo 💪🏼🤩

haleyraso ✨👏

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username1: o-oka…okay.. ma’am 😳 Liked by username2, yourusername, username3 and 548 others

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username2 lucky person who gets to keep her ↳ username3 @/yourusername 👋 ↳ username12 how shallow of you ↳ username2 she's gorgeous??? and look at that smile 😪 ↳ username4 don't act like you didn't see the other two pics 🤥

username3 LOL HI YN

username4 yn we see you liking 🤣 ↳ username3 I can just imagine her kicking her feet and giggling

username1 okay i understand yn now ↳ username2 And you didn't before?!!?!? liked by 25 others ↳ username3 SHAME

yourusername 🤩🥹😳 liked by 120 others ↳ username5 and i oop- ↳ username10 🤣😭 ↳ username11 pls fangirl again it gave us life last time ↳ username6 girl don't hold back, we know what you're thinking ↳ username2 Alexia isn't here now, come on, let it go 🤭

yourusername6 Misaaa

username7 😣

username8 🤯

username9 Hahaha Misa in that suit summoned yn again ↳ username10 can you blame her? 😱 ↳ username11 everything about that picture is making me swoon!

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yourusername: girl's trip to celebrate one of my besties getting married!!!! Liked by albaps9, bff2, bff3 and 5,439 others

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bff1 what happens in croatia stays in croatia

bff2 💃👩‍👩‍👧‍👧

username1 😍

judebellingham 😁😎 liked by 230 others

alexiaputellas Sunscreen! 😅 ↳ bff3 Don't worry, I'm on it! 😊 ↳ alexiaputellas 😊

username1 i want a friend group like that </3 ↳ username2 fr

albaps9 jealous!!

marisabel_rguez 😣

bff3 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

jennihermoso Guapa!

begovargas Sunflower in human form! 🌻

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Text Messages

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17:48 m 💌 I hope you're having a great time together. Don't forget to drink enough if you're out in the sun a lot! (And I don't mean alcohol, jajaja) ✓ m 💌 Ah, no... pls don't tell me you fell asleep in the sun again ☹️ m 💌 I have to go now so I'll call you later tonight. Te amo mas que nadie and take care!! ✓ 22:36 m 💌 Just saw your post. Are you trying to make me miss you even more? I miss seeing your gorgeous face, it always makes me so happy seeing you. m 💌 You know it’s been torture not having you around, right? m 💌 I miss you so much, YN ✓✓ you i miss you too, my love. the most. i'll be back before you know it! more rested than ever 😚💅🏽 and don't worry, i didn't fall asleep. we were on a boat! i'll tell you more in a bit on the phone. you soon we’ll see each other again, vale? we can go on a trip of our own. for now, just try not to miss me too much 😘 you sent you a photo ▼

m 💌 ○○○ m 💌 Oh, you fucking did not! you oh but i fucking did tho 🥺🥺🥺🙃 m 💌 YN. you si, chula? you ○○○ you misa? you i'm sorry you ☹️ Delivered

Incoming call m 💌

accept

"Are you alone right now?"

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a/n: wishing you the sweetest start of your week! i hope someone does something nice for you and if not, then here's a flower from me to you already 🌻

#misa rodriguez x reader #woso x reader #woso social media au

[gutterfuuck]

i’m a literal whoreeee for your somno bff! mark shit. i would love some more of that if you ever get the chance!

-🎀

this is my chance, and i have gotten it!! side note: i have not thought for long on this, but i think that bff!mark would probably have braces… i don’t know, i was sitting and thinking. i do not include this headcanon here!! maybe i will incorporate that idea in future works! let me know!

cw: mdni, somno, this is just smut wow shocker, bff!mark (see other posts), this is a dark content blog! block if you are feeling uncomfortable!! i love lowk creepy highkey obsessed bff!mark…

snow white.

that’s all he could think as the moonlight illuminated your body, sleeping figure laying so peacefully on top of the covers like you were laying in a glass sarcophagus. he listened to the steady sound of your breathing, occasionally interrupted by little murmrs and gasps, shifting your thigh over your other leg in your sleep. he did this often, stayed awake longer than you when you came over to stay at his house. most times he’d just watch you as you slept, sometimes he’d slowly pull your pajama pants down to your knees and ever so carefully lift your shirt over your chest so he could fully take you in. you looked so beautiful like this, there was just something about how serene and peaceful you were when you slept.

he wanted to violate you.

you were tempting him, your soft breaths turned into low mewls as you shifted again before giving a heavy sigh, falling back into motionlessness. mark held himself above you, slowly placing his hands next to either side of your head, his knees separated as if to cage you in. he was. mark could hear his heart pulsing in his ears, could feel how his face went hot, how his dick started to throb in his boxers. he wondered what you’d do if you woke up, if you’d be scared, if you’d try to push him away… he hated how his cock twitched at the thought, he’d never want to hurt you. ever. mark’s fingers fiddled with the hem of your pants, tugging them down, down… just so he could see your bare cunt glistening, wet with your arousal. he had to bite back a moan. you’d been dreaming about something inappropriate. your wetness stuck to your pajamas, almost driving your best friend off the edge.

he’d done this before, more times than he could count on one hand but this was different. it was like you were expecting him to do this, like you wanted him to. you’d gotten wet for him before when he had slid his hand into your panties after you’d shared a night out together, holding you in his arms as he played with your clit, watching your body twitch when he circled it for too long. mark came in his pants that night, sucking your slick off of his fingers… this night was different, he hadn’t even touched you yet and you were already like this. just for him, he thought. all for him.

“you’ve been waiting, huh?” he asked softly, voice barely a whisper. he pressed his thumb between your folds, mind hazy as he searched for that little nub, flicking it with his digit when he felt it. “dreaming about me..?” he felt so selfish, so shameful. he pushed his thoughts away, they’d only make him feel worse. the constant echoing of his conscious telling him no, that this was wrong made him want to defile you even more. he straddled your legs, sitting up on his knees so he could move his hands more freely without having to lean on his other hand for balance above you. “i hope you’re dreaming of me..” he palmed himself through his clothes, he wanted to fuck you. he lifted up your shirt, pushing it up to your chin so he could grope your breasts, nipples poking at his palms. you made a sound and mark flinched, ready to roll over and pretend that he was asleep. he calmed himself when you took in a deep breath, still sleeping. still his.

mark’s cock bounced free, hard and leaking all for you. a part of him felt upset that you weren’t awake to see him, to see how much he needed you and wanted you, how badly he wanted to be yours. “m’sorry, you got me all worked up..” he sighed, leaning down to kiss you on your nose, your collar bone, your stomach… all the way down until he was face to face with your pussy, being careful not to tickle your inner thighs with his hair. he couldn’t have you waking up now. not yet, he hadn’t even started yet. he spread you open with his thumbs, eyes catching the way your clit twitched at him. his dick rested on the cool bedsheet, his hips grinding softly as to not make the bed creak, lips attacking your slick slit messily, hungrily. “don’t know how much i need this…” he hummed, tongue sliding up from your opening back to your clit, retreating into his mouth to savour you. this was fucked up, he knew it. you’d never think of doing this to him, never in a million years.

“mm, taste so good… smell so good..” he spoke as he licked you up, your thighs tensing. he sucked on your clit greedily before moving his mouth again, making out with your cunt while you slept soundly, safely. his hand wrapped around his cock, working it up and down, “n-nhg.. y/n..-“ your name felt like a prayer, golden. it rolled off his tongue perfectly, like your name belonged in his mouth. he couldn’t get enough, sucking and lapping at your juices as soon as they dribbled out, hand fondling one of your boobs. he could cum just like this, he was pretty sure he’d be able to cum from your scent alone. mark had to stop himself, unenthusiastically parting from your pretty pussy lips, licking the sides of his mouth like he had finished a meal.

mark pressed his lips against yours, tongue slivering into your mouth to meet yours. he liked kissing you, it was like you tried kissing back. your tongue would move timidly, his desperate and with purpose, hips stuttering when his tip rubbed against your tummy. you hadn’t woken up yet, hadn’t rolled in a certain way to let him know that it was time to stop before you woke up and caught him. “we’re gonna… we’re gonna do this together one day…” he huffed, trying to keep his voice low and hushed. he moved forward, crawling up the bed until your face was flush with his shaft. he rubbed the tip against your cheek, leaving a shiny line of pre on your skin. “so pretty, so, so pretty…” he trailed off, mumbling nonsense to himself about how he couldn’t help it, you were just so… tempting. in your sleep, your mouth opened with a deep sigh. you temptress. that was it, his breaking point.

all resolve flew out of the window, his thumb pulling your bottom lip down until he could see your teeth. mark had to pause, had to stop. he needed to stop, he couldn’t just lose it. but you were begging him to feel your mouth, why else would you open your mouth like that just as he was rubbing his cockhead on your cheek? obviously, you had no control over what you did in your sleep but mark thought otherwise, believed otherwise. “you’re so good to me..” he praised, leaky head resting right on your open lips. “j-just half, know you can take half…” his cock started to push past, hissing when he felt the tip of your tongue on his frenulum, involuntarily bucking his hips. he had to be careful, couldn’t risk waking you up out of your slumber. he was too far gone now, couldn’t explain this away if you did open your eyes.

“wan’ so bad… y/n, please…” and just like that, your mouth opened more, like you had heard him. you hadn’t, those were your reflexes. mark’s head tilted back, dick holding your sleepy jaw open as he started moving, slow and steady. “throat.. mh, i wanna fuck it…” he babbled, pulling his hips back and watching as his cock slid out of your wet mouth, slapping it against your forehead a few times. he really should stop, you were starting to move around. with the moment still raw in his mind, mark placed a hand on your rib, settling to jerk off onto your stomach. he cursed himself for not acting earlier, he could’ve been able to paint your face if he had. he pumped his cock urgently, small “ah-ah-ah”’s increasing in volume as he approached his orgasm, red hot pleasure coursing up his spine and making him almost choke on his moan, biting his lip hard so he didn’t make a sound, white ropes shooting out onto your stomach, pooling at your belly button. the sight of you, the way you just scrunched up your nose and relaxed again, it was enough to keep him hard and straining, even if he had just squirted pearly white all over your body.

post nut clarity hit him hard, disgust crawled into him, pinching his nose bridge in between his fingers with a shaky sigh, giving himself a second to regroup his thoughts. mark grabbed one of his shirts from the neat pile on his desk, using it to clean up the mess he had made on you. he’d cum so much that a droplet had found its way to your chin, quickly swiping it away with the cotton of his shirt. he pulled your pants up tidily before working to wipe away his cum from your skin, not noticing how your head craned to look over at him.

“…mark..?” he stopped dead in his tracks, turning his head to look at you slowly in the dark. suddenly he felt like a scumbag, dirty, like he needed to take a shower to clean himself from himself. your shirt was still pulled up, you were still exposed. “wh-what’re you doing…?” you questioned, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes as you waited for a response. your eyes hadn’t adjusted to the dark yet, you couldn’t see mark’s guilty expression. he had to think, fast.

“you- you were moving around.. looked like you were having a nightmare.” good. now he just needed to explain away your shirt and the fact that he was wiping you clean of something. “i went.. i got you a glass of water— uh, milk, thought it’d help if you woke up… i’m sorry, i spilled it, i-i know what this looks like..- i swear i-“ you cut him off, shaking your head at him. “you’ve always been so clumsy, marks.” you yawned, sitting up in his bed, letting your shirt fall over your naked chest as if nothing had happened. we was your best friend after all, there was nothing to hide from him. close call. very, very close call. “i believe you, i don’t know why you get so worked up.” you placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it comfortingly for a second. he gave a nervous laugh, he was terrible. you were so nice, so sweet… how could you accuse your best friend of something like that anyway?

he felt awful. he wanted to apologise, wanted to get on his knees and beg you to forgive him for defiling your body like that, tainting you without your knowledge or suspicion. he didn’t know why he felt so horrible, this happened all the time. rinse and repeat, he’d be back to it eventually. “sorry.” he offered, scratching the back of his neck idly to which you smiled, playfully landing a punch on his bicep, “it’s fine, dude. it’s not like you’re a creep or anything.” oh, that burned him in his chest. it swelled up, eating away at him… until he bubbled with pride. he could really get away with anything when he was with you.

“i wanted it, though.”

you spoke, making mark’s blood run cold. had you been awake? he was going to defend himself, going to apologise for lying and not telling you the truth- “my drink, you said you bought me up a drink. my throat’s dry.” saved again. he was so lucky. mark stood up from his bed, legs shaky and hands trembling. he had gotten away with it again. close call, again. you watched as he left the room, turning on the desk light before he walked downstairs, giving you a little bit of light.

as mark stepped around in the kitchen with your drink, he thought to himself, “how many close calls until she realises?” it echoed in his brain, he knew the day would come.

you placed your hand on your stomach, sly smile plastered on your face as you felt something drip down from your sternum. next time, he should really turn on the light before leaving you alone to observe his remaining mess. you swiped it up with your thumb, licking it off of the pad of your digit.

mark grayson tasted really good.

#💬🎀 bowtiful anon is typing… #💬 sparkie is typing… #mark grayson x reader #dark blog #mark grayson smut #invincible x reader #invincible smut #fem reader #bff!mark grayson #soft somno #invincible #mark grayson

[gunnerfc]

Teagan Micah NSFW Alphabet (18+, minors DNI!)

A: Aftercare

She’ll get you anything you need and will help you clean up after sex + she’ll run a bath or a shower for you and will join you

B: Body Part (their favorite body part of themselves and their partner)

Teagan’s favorite body part is her hands, she loves having her hands on your body and making you feel good

Her favorite body part of yours is your chest, she loves marking up your chest even though she knows no one but her will know they are there

C: Cum (anything to do with cum)

Will have you suck her fingers after she made you cum

D: Dirty Secret 

She looks through a folder on her phone of pictures and videos she took during sex when the two of you are apart

E: Experience (Are they experienced? Do they know what they are doing?) 

Teagan is experienced and it showed the first time you had sex

F: Favorite Position 

Doesn’t care about the position, she just loves making you feel good so it doesn’t matter what the position is

G: Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous?)

Teagan will make plenty of jokes but she’s still pretty serious during sex

I: Intimacy (How intimate are they during the moment?)

Most of the intimacy is after sex rather than during

J: Jack off (Masturbation HC) 

Teagan likes watching you get yourself off and telling you what to do

K: Kink (One or more of their kinks) 

Daddy kink, every time you call her ‘daddy’ she fucks you harder

L: Location (Favorite place to have sex)

She doesn’t care about location, if you both are particularly needy then she’ll find somewhere more private

M: Motivation (What turns them on?) 

Making out with you is a quick and easy way to turn her on

N: No (Something they wouldn't do)

She’s not opposed to much, she’s willing to try anything once

O: Oral (Preference on giving or receiving)

Teagan loves going down on you, she would spend all her time between your legs if you’d let her

P: Pace (Fast & Rough? Slow & Sensual?) 

Fast and rough but there are times when it’s slower and more sensual

Q: Quickie (Thoughts on quickies) 

Loves them, they happen as often as they can when you don’t have time to actually have sex

R: Risk (Are they open to experimenting) 

She’s willing to try anything you want to try

S: Stamina (How many rounds) 

You two can go for a lot of rounds that are on the shorter side

T: Toys 

She changes which strap she uses every time

U: Unfair (Do they like the tease)

Teagan loves to tease you, she loves how you beg her to touch you

V: Volume (How loud are they? What sounds do they make) 

Teagan isn’t loud, you’re the loud one between the two of you

W: Wild Card (Random HC)

The first time you called her ‘daddy’ it just slipped out while she was fucking you and she stopped in surprise by how much she enjoyed you saying that and told you to say it again while fucking you harder

Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

It’s on the higher side, she hates the two of you can’t have sex most of the time

Z: ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

She only falls asleep after you do so however long it takes for you to fall asleep is how long it takes her

#woso x reader #auswnt x reader #matildas x reader #teagan micah x reader #teagan micah

[jinxed-sinner]

Tbh I don't think Alastor hates Lucifer, I think he was so on sight with Lucifer at first because of a combination of jealousy and being generally annoyed with Lucifer's presence, and part of it was because he wanted to stay close to Charlie (his reasoning for that is up to interpretation, but personally I think there were multiple reasons he wanted to stay close to Charlie). The first part of Dad Beat Dad is just Alastor messing with Lucifer, because that's what Alastor does. He does it to Vaggie, he does it to Husk, he does it to Sir Pentious. He just likes to fuck with people.

I'm actually wondering if "fucking with people slightly sadistically" is a love language of his, because Rosie's way of showing affection towards him is similar. Telling him "You could learn a thing or two!" when she comments on how polite Charlie is (essentially calling him impolite to his face), pretty much telling him (again, to his face) that his manners are shit, she just generally teases the shit out of him and while her jabs at Alastor are more lighthearted than Alastor's jabs at literally everyone, she's still making jabs at his character. Alastor reserves his extreme sadism for rivals and enemies (Vox, for example) but if he just wants to fuck with someone? He does not hesitate to be a little sadistic.

I think with Lucifer, Alastor started off more like "this'll be fun, I can make jabs at his height" and then Lucifer started making jabs back at him (making fun of the Hazbin Hotel's name, most notably, which probably made things more personal to Alastor) so Alastor got more aggressive, which eventually culminated in Alastor taking the piss out of Lucifer wanting a relationship with Charlie. If you look at the background during More Than Anything, he doesn't look like he's mad about Lucifer's existence.

This doesn't look like a guy who's irritated by someone else's existence.

My personal theory for this is that Alastor was initially trying to drive Lucifer away to stay close to Charlie, but at this point he realized he didn't have to worry about it, which, by extension, means he doesn't have to worry about Lucifer. Dude has other priorities and is probably just as concerned about Lucifer as almost every other Sinner (that is, not concerned at all), he has no reason to hold a grudge against him except pettiness (which is something Lucifer does, if his response to Alastor showing up at the end of Finale is anything to go by). Alastor doesn't see Lucifer as a threat in any capacity at this point, so their rivalry is one-sided on Lucifer's end.

I'm excited to see where Alastor and Lucifer's dynamic goes from here. Lucifer has the pettiness of a fucking middle schooler and Alastor could not give less of a shit (which actually seems to be the case with all of his rivalries; you could argue he cared about what Vox was saying about him in Stayed Gone but counterpoint, he'd just found an excuse to spill possibly decades worth of tea and increase his listener base on his radio show, and fuck with Vox), and I think it'll make their dynamic really funny.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor the radio demon #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel analysis #idk how much sense this makes. i haven't slept lmao

[catbountry]

Does anybody else remember Pandora? Not the box, or the fictional planet where James Cameron's blue alien cat people live where there's a literal mineral called "unobtanium" that can only be harvested from that particular planet. My man literally called that shit "unobtanium," fucking portmanteau of "unobtainable" and the "-ium" suffix for newer elements. No. That has absolutely nothing to do with anything else I'm writing beyond this point. This is a post about music.

This is a post about the customizable internet radio station Pandora. And also it's going to briefly cover ClickRadio, it's going to talk about my experiences with YouTube Music, Spotify, my own iPod and how I find and listen to music, and how it's a core part of my creative process and I put a bunch of music references in pretty much all of my creative work. None of it being musical, by the way. I can barely carry a tune and I can't play any instruments more complicated than a kazoo.

It also got really long and rambly, look, I'm high, I'm sorry. You've been warned.

It's 2001. I'm in high school. My life looks like this drawing I made a few weeks ago.

Music is a big part of my life. The internet was a lot slower. It would take several minutes to download an .mp3 file of a song that was only about three and a half minutes long, so I would listen to the radio a lot. But the thing about listening tuning into radio is that it's not the internet. You can't pick which song to listen to whenever you want. If you want that, your best bet is to own the songs you want on their physical CD releases, or risk exposing your mom's computer to a million viruses. But in order to skip a song, you have to press a physical button to skip a song. And of course, if you're listening to the radio where you can discover new songs, you can't skip the latest Limp Bizkit or Disturbed track with the vain hope that maybe they'll play "One-Armed Scissor" by At The Drive-In or "Go With the Flow" by Queens of the Stone Age, or any single off of Kid A. Everything you hated the most, hated more than Britney Spears or the Backstreet Boys, was all lumped together under the formless "alternative rock" label, which weirdly included hip-hop artists like Eminem, House of Pain, Beastie Boys, Cypress Hill, Gorillaz and Outkast; all stuff that I guess radio stations looked at and thought "yeah, this can appeal to white people."

You know I heard Dynamite Hack's version of "Boyz N The Hood" before I ever heard Eazy-E's? That should be a crime. That should be considered a human right's violation. Fuck you, Dynamite Hack for introducing the entire world to the concept of ironic hipster covers hip-hop songs which led to the fucking white people with ukeleles versions of Tupac songs. I am so glad that we, as a society, have all come together against these dynamite hacks and decided this was cringe and something that belongs in the past.

But this isn't an essay on awful YouTube music trends of the early 2010's, this is listening to music in the internet age in the early 2000's.

In 2001, ClickRadio launched. It was a desktop application that allowed you to listen to radio stations via the internet, but it had something real radio stations did not; if a song like, say, Dynamite Hack's cover of "Boys N The Hood" came on, you could click a thumbs down button and it would let out this cartoonishly loud "thud" and then that station would never play that song for you again. And if they played a song you really liked? You could click a thumb's up button and it would play that song more often.

I cannot understate how fucking mindblowing an idea this was in the early 2000's. Yes, ClickRadio would slow down your computer as the Neopets Flash games you would play gringing for Neopoints to get a Halloween brush for your Lupe that you named after a member of your favorite band. Anybody else do that?

No? Just me? Okay then.

ClickRadio would quickly get enshittificated, within only about a year or two being filled with more and more unskippable ads. I went back to just loading up MP3s in Winamp and playing music that way by the time I was in college, but it was a pain having to listen to whatever song I had physically on my hard drive, or a few years later, going to YouTube to see if somebody uploaded a crusty version of a NoMeansNo song with a Spanish-speaking DJ speaking in the opening bits of the video. Not ideal.

But then Pandora showed up.

I don't remember where I first heard about Pandora, but after Napster, there were a bunch of music start-ups hoping to be legitimate in the eyes of artists and record labels. Clickradio was just a radio station. But Pandora... was an experiment of The Algorithm.

You see, Pandora started what is known as the Music Genome Project, a way of organizing music into hundreds of different subgenres across five large umbrella genres; Pop/Rock, Hip Hop/Electronica, Jazz, World Music and Classical. What Pandora did was use this as a way to allow users to craft their own custom radio stations. And not only would it play the stuff you liked, but it would be tailored to a seed artist or song; you put in Nirvana, you get a lot of 90's alt rock radio faire, but then maybe it plays Mudhoney. Maybe it plays Sonic Youth. Maybe it plays Melvins, and you like it. And when you give a thumbs up, you hear more and more artists in similar subgenres. And let's say you've been looking into obscure or underground music for years before you start using Pandora, and suddenly you're introduced to artists you never would have come across more organically. And buddy, you'd bet my Pandora station was a fucking hodgepodge of hundreds of seeds, which allowed me to discover highly influential /mu/ core bands like Swans, Animal Collective and Neutral Milk Hotel, but also bands that are so obscure that their Spotify listens are in the lower four digits at maximum and maybe a couple tens of thousands of views on YouTube. So many songs I found through Pandora are from bands that I very rarely hear a lot of people talk about, but they've made songs that have just lived in my brain for decades.

And for a couple years, I'd be listening to Pandora radio while writing up new TF2 fanfiction to terrorize TF2chan with. Certain songs would come up so often because I specifically bookmarked them. I didn't really know a lot about shoegaze before Pandora, but now I own a physical copy of all three of Slowdive's albums, and you fucking bet "When the Sun Hits" was in heavy rotation while I was writing Respawn of the Dead.

Yes, this was playing while I was writing out Respawn of the Dead, chapter by chapter. And so was "Beautiful Plateau" by Sonic Youth, "The Sound" by Swans, "Dead Flag Blues" by Godspeed You! Black Emperor and "End of the Line" by Murder By Death. And also this song by a band called The Clock Work Army, which split up and reformed into another band called Calico Horses, and I know this because I found this out while trying to track down a song that would play constantly on my Pandora station and it has, as of writing this sentence, 2,588 listens. And it might have more by the time you read this because I might just put it on loop because oh my god, I love this song so much, it hits so perfect for me, why don't more people know about this song?

It's not on YouTube, where I usually tend to listen to music, since I'll go through a rotation of songs that I call "work songs." I put on music while I write, and some songs are just so perfect that I can listen to them on loop with a very select number of songs that just never, ever get old for me. My neurons in my brain light up as though I was hearing it again for the first time.

Swans, Sigur Ros and The Dillinger Escape Plan are all artists who I found through Pandora that I've had the privilege to see live. By the time I was just discovering bands because I had a bunch of friends and mutuals with similar taste in music to mine, Pandora was slowly getting more and more ads. It was getting to the point where the free service would, if you were lucky, play only three or four songs before playing an ad. And when the length of those songs can span anywhere from less than three minutes for much of my beloved 80's and early 90's punk, to up to a half an hour for post-rock, noise, or ambient music. And the number of ads that played between songs had increased. What was just one every half an hour or so was now two to three for what could potentially be only after seven minutes of music. Pandora really doesn't like it if the music you like includes a lot of songs that are longer than an episode of The Simpsons.

I never hear anybody talk about Pandora anymore. Spotify is THE name in internet music streaming, and it favors listens of entire albums and other people's playlists. I don't like Spotify; sometimes I just want a specific song from a specific album. I could make a playlist of these "work songs," but I like when YouTube notices that I'm listening to music, and in the recommendeds, there's another song that I've listened to on repeat. Why yes, I would like you to play "Classical Homicide" by Dälek for me again. What's that? An hour loop of Deadmau5's "Professional Griefers" featuring Gerard Way? Yes please. I apologize for nothing. That dude's way better than Skrillex.

God, do you guys remember the Deadmau5/Skrillex shipping that was all over Tumblr in the early 2010's. I remember it. I remember it so hard. Everybody shipping them and the members of Daft Punk, posting Steam Powered Giraffe (blech) and Die Antwoord (lol) on my dashboard. In Die Antwoord's defense, they had some pretty funny music videos.

I got AdBlocker for YouTube, so the ads aren't a problem there. I mean, I could make a playlist for Spotify of my go-to songs, but I'd have to deal with ads. And there's something nice about YouTube's robots that sell my precious data to faceless corporations at least having the courtesy to be like "You look like you could use another stream of 'Anything (Viva!)' by Foetus. Or Scraping Foetus off the Wheel. Or... whatever, fuck it, it's J.G. Thirwell's band, okay? It's the guy that does the music for Venture Brothers."

Foetus was introduced to me through a friend but it was Pandora serving me up more of their music that made their albums "nail" and "Flow" ones that got the honor of Being Downloaded onto my iPod so I can Listen to This in my Car. I still use my iPod and even if there's albums that I haven't gone back to in years on there, I like having them there. I haven't listened to the soundtrack for Panty and Stocking in ages but having access to it so that I can FLY AWAY NOW, FLY AWAY NOW, FLY AWAAAYYYY on a long drive? I like having that option.

I still buy CDs so I can burn albums onto my iPod. My iPod doesn't have ads and switching between artists doesn't mean I have to flip through a CD binder. I also try to buy albums off of Bandcamp. Especially for smaller artists, or artists whose work I love enough to want to give them my money. I don't want to listen to ads. It throws off my workflow, shakes me out of the trance-like state that is pure, focused creativity. Whether it's working on comics or thinking about things I want to do in those comics, I'm usually listening to music. Sometimes the same album, hundreds of times over. I admit I haven't listened to that much King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, but I've listened to Nonagon Infinity front to back more times than I can count.

Nowadays it feels like I don't have a lot of friends who share my taste in music. I've so fully entrenched myself in fandom circles that I've been exposed to the average person's taste in music and I'm like "oh yeah, most people aren't as big of a fucking nerd about this as you are." You know how hard it is to get people who aren't music nerds to get into The Residents? Everybody I know that likes them already knew about them before we met, and people who had never heard of them before they met me usually find them deeply weird and never get fucking obsessed with them like I have. I own a physical copy of, not their original version of their album The King and Eye, which is an entire album of them covering Elvis that sounds like this, but the fucking remix of that album that does shit like this to their covers of Elvis songs. And you know what? I love both versions, but that remix of their cover of "Surrender" is a work song.

Listening to music is the only way I can guarantee that I'm actually working on something and not playing with my phone. I guess what I'm saying is... it sure would be nice if Pandora existed like it did back then right now.

Especially because I stopped cleaning up a page of my horrible Deltarune fan comic (MASSIVE Dead Dove warning, not even kidding, the entire story hinges on some very upsetting topics) just to write all this down and make sure there were links to every song in this essay. And like... I've even used the comic as a not-so-clandestine way into tricking them into listening to my music before. Whether it be directly namedropping bands and songs, writing about a specific character's taste in music and using that in the story somehow, or literally just making the title of one of my comic installments... this.

It is really good. 686 listens on YouTube. Absolutely criminal. And the example above? That's me not putting in hundreds of references into the comic and wondering if anybody else has noticed them.

I guess what I'm saying is that I am a huge music nerd, even though I always feel like I'm getting into artists super late (unless they're like Death Grips, but that was only after The Money Store had come out), but I fucking hate Spotify. I want more physical releases that can be preserved digitally, and I don't have the money to get into collecting vinyls as a hobby. All the vinyl I own is toys, and uh... I own a lot of those.

Thank you for reading through pure, uncut music autism mixed in with nostalgia and griping about capitalism because that's apparently where my head is at all the time when I'm not daydreaming my little stories or making up video essays in my head that will never be made. That's why I do stream of consciousness Tumblr essays full of minute details that absolutely are not necessary, but this is how my goddamn ADHD brain works. Now you know what it's like to be in my Discord server.

That post is, of course, pinned in the music channel.

As it should be.

... Fuck Pandora, I don't even fuck with it no more, I miss Grooveshark, weh, my playlist on that site was eight hours long before they shut it down in 2014. Devastated. I was in the middle of using it when it went offline.

Okay now I'm done for real, sorry.

#non fanfiction #tl;dr #Youtube #Spotify

[figofswords]

the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something

#WHAT AM I DOING!!!! #i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch #too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun #no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point #trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this #WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!! #there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time #my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me #my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job #i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time #i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again #and WHAT DO I WANT! #THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY! #I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!! #anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed #delete later #i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious) #versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected) #i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want #ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you #i miss that i want that back #whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things #out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever #all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever #or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc. #especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple #and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already #done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and #all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you. #who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3 #my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster #talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo #I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache #or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop #e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all #sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef #t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of #way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I #think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i #gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!' #like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant #mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain #or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right #now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like #most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once #that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY #Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth

[talentforlying]

one of these days i'm going to write up all that i've changed from azzarello's bullshit era and the one (1) piece i've kept from milligan (and also changed) and the only thing currently stopping me is that it is going to be so, so inside-baseball incomprehensible. and i almost never want to go reading/screencapping azzarello and milligan to add references but i Want to add references.

canon is goop, just know that we continue to ride the bus down "hellblazer ended at #250 and looks like swiss cheese before that" street.

#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS. #i'm doing page maintenance before i fuck off to work rip it's got me thinking #anyway i think i said WAY back on this blog that a side goal of mine is to make hellblazer lore accessible to non-comic readers where i can #bc it's such a Heavy comic & i love it so much & i always felt Terrible recommending it to people only for them to be disgusted #and like. @ past me that particular goal is NOT as easy as you thought it would be lmao #esp because i have a habit of getting VERY detail-oriented when it comes to talking about hellblazer i think #but by GOD it's still a goal. i can put in some motherfucking references here and there when i talk about The Lore #like. azzarello's writing style never translates well for me in synopsis bc he Loves to put the audience in the outside perspective #where we are bystanders/with the rest of the bystanders to constantine's actions and not to his motivations/inner monologue #and i HATE that. hellblazer has ALWAYS been about what this guy has going on underneath the masked exterior #all the things you can't say out loud when you're queer and working class trying to survive in 70s-80s-90s england #but that you FEEL with your WHOLE fucking chest. how that feeling drives you to enjoy little rebellions wherever you can get them #(also azzarello just fucking Sucks LMAO but i'm talking style rn) #so i end up relying on frusin's art to tell the story a little more bc i think he understands the Theatre of constantine's public persona #and when that theatre is Absent then it's really REALLY noticeable. so frusin keeps me in it most of the time #and if i'm digging into frusin art then i'm Going to want to compare it to older panels bc i like body language consistency #milligan on the other hand has NOTHING to save his sorry ass bc his writing is drop-jaw fucking terrible AND the artist seems to like it #but the loss of john's thumb being tied to his mental health (ignoring the bullshit with shade) has always felt. important to me somehow id #anyway MUCH thinking about my favorite loser on this about-to-be-annoying day shdjksd he has been done so dirty #hellblazer brain go brrrr

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#christ. i feel like this is gonna b where i end up for school #it just seems like a really good place and i think it could help me be less intense lmao #more close access to the wilderness and all that. the ice driving is gonna stress me the fuck out but maybe not more than city driving woul #and i mean who wouldn't wanna live in a place with with moose and bears and mountains and snow #assuming they give me an offer. but the guy said it would prob b an easy conversation so im hopeful #sigh. ive done so much interacting this weekend. i fucking hate house parties. im so awkward #i mean most ppl r a bit but i tend to b the person sitting alone in the corner not quite knowing what to do. like we were xc skiining and #after the group was all huddled up talking and i was climbing around in the snow by myself trying to decide if it would b super weird for #me to roll around in it. i didnt bc i was abt to get in thr car but i shoudl have. whatever. i hopefully didnt leave too terrible an #impression. also everyone i meet with adhd @ me: ur problems sound like adhd. me: ok i hear u but also i refuse to listen until i have a #diagnosis lol. i think im just gonna white knuckle it until i start my program so i can use uni counseling bc im abt to get off my parents #insurance 😭 so just a few more miserable months. or like idk the timeline. hhhh let me leave the southwest. lol there were 3 fucking ohio #ppl on this recruitment weekend. were everywhere. everywhere but ohio rip #unrelated

[cockworkangels]

the problem with talking to a person you haven't talked to in years is it will make you remember excatly why you haven't talked to them in years

#not even a case of they have done something bad but if we spend extended times interacting with each other our vibes do not match and he'll #start driving me up the fucking wall #i hate it when people start going like ' oh i guess i'm sorry for screwing things up for you sorry for suggesting this in the first place ' #as if i have somehow treated them oh so unfairly for saying sorry i won't have much time because because i'll be working full time #lol. and who in the first place suggests that they will fly to you from across the world after exchanging the most surface level life #updates over the course of like 2 weeks. after not having talked almost at all in 6 years. sorry i'm ranting i'm just dealing with a ????? #situation rn #personal

[boomerang109]

okay i have my fan going fast enough it sounds like it’s going to fly off the ceiling and kill me maybe i still have a chance at life

#basically my friend and i were literally talking the other day about how I’m not a particularly high maintenance traveller #but one thing I will not budge on (if I’m booking it myself) is that there has to be A/C #and I was saying yeah it’s not even that I necessarily need it like super cold or anything #it’s just that when I overheat it’s like one sensory thing too much with all my other symptoms #and fuck if that hasn’t been true since moving into my dorm #because of course i agreed to move back into the non air conditioned dorms because like genuinely it’s usually so nice all you need is a fan #but ig cause it’s August or cause my health or whatever it’s just been fucking hot as balls #and today especially since I’ve been mostly in bed with my period kicking my ass #it’s just been driving me insane #like i can mostly handle the pain but I just can’t handle the heat like I finally moved my boxes to be out of the way #cause I finally admitted to myself I’m not unpacking them in my current state #and I shed tears over how hot it was just moving boxes like four feet #and like please let it be clear I don’t live somewhere actually hot like im not doxxing myself #but like it’s nice outside but for some reason inside is just gross and on top of my fucking pain it’s too much #i also just I fucking hate move in so much #and I hate that i’m gonna have to text or call my mom and be like yeah im not coming to visit you this coming weekend cause im already dying #and the school year hasn’t started? #like I just tried so hard when I got here to be like ‘yes this is my year for real everything’s gonna be great’ and I just #i’m like one day into being in pain and i’ve lost my mind I can’t even think straight #i KNOW it’s my period I know it’ll last at most a week but it’s so scary everytime that it’s going to last forever cause it used to #im so scared about being an adult I don’t even feel like I can get through this school year but at least this is like. a specific task. what #the fuck am I supposed to do after that when it’s nonspecific #why does everything hurt #why do my arms hurt like that’s not a thing #my fucking throat?! #my legs are obviously killing me cause that’s a near constant these days #my headache isn’t terrible but it’s not great #and my fucking stomach #i think move in should be illegal and chronic pain should be outlawed and I think my parents should call me because what the fuck #boom’s bad days

[duskerot]

i swear im gonna take the written drivers test i swear i swear im going to

#txt #im so NERVOUS i hate the idea of driving i dont want to do it but i need to at least learn and get a license #but im also worried about the test bc theres like no way to fully study for my states written test without paying hhh #AND i already have to pay to twke the exam and if i fail i have to pay again i dont have much money :( #but I cant get fucking jobs bc i cant drive to get there #and im worried about the exam bc the questions paywalled on the review site are the ones i struggle with #bc they cover rules for lower age group drivers and for alcohol/substance use which doesnt apply to me whatsoever so #i didnt retain much of it #rhh rhhhh #AND THEN I HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO ACTUALLY DRIVE #and the one person i would most feel comfortable learning from is my mom but for reasons i wont get into she cant teach me #so i am going to have to ask other family members to go with me practicing for who knows how long #its just all so scary i hate cars i hate the road i hate other drivers i hate driving i dont want to do it #:(

[iguessitsjustme]

Now I’m upset at em because when he had the time to fix the situation with name he just made it seem like name shouldn’t feel the way he is feeling also I hated how he got frustrated when mama didn’t answer him as fast as he normally would (now you see how name feels every time you said you would call but didn’t) that part made me so freaking mad! I was heated but to go to his mama like what plan does he have with his mother? Neither of them realize they are making him pull himself even more away from both of them

Hello my dear anon!

So I'm going to preface this by saying that I am also angry at Em. I don't think he's handling the situation very well and I am glad the rest of the friend group is keeping him in check. I also love Name so much. I would sell my soul for Name's happiness.

That being said, I don't think Em deserves all of the hate he is getting here on tumblr.com. I think it's important that despite his flaws, we recognize that he is still trying. He is now making a concentrated effort to let Name know when he is unavailable. He is trying.

I'm not sure who was on the other end of that phone call. I really hope it wasn't Name's mom because I would be livid. But I am going to hold off on my judgement and my anger until I am 100% sure. But even if it is Name's mother, Em has no way to know what she's been putting Name through. He's not there. He hasn't heard her guilt Name for not speaking. As far as he knows, Name is pulling away and isolating himself because he's left behind and lonely and it has nothing to do with his muteness.

And I love Name. Absolutely adore him and I will tear the world down if it meant he would start smiling again. But I think it's also important that we don't put Name on this pedestal of being some sort of perfect person incapable of mistakes. Not that he's made any mistakes. BUT as much as I love him and as much as it is not his fault, he is actively pushing the people closest to him away. He is choosing words that will hurt everyone, including himself. Again, it's in no way his fault, but I think it's important to note that the person on the receiving end of those messages is Em. Em is allowed to be hurt by them too. And when he noticed Name is being self destructive, his first instinct was to call...someone. Presumably someone he thought was in a position to help Name.

I don't think Em realizes the full extent of what Name is going through because he has no way to know. He's far away and he will only know what Name tells him. So from Em's perspective, he is super busy and exhausted all the time, and Name is lashing out about that. Because, again, Em has no way to know what Name's mother is doing to him. To Em, it's just a silly fight because he doesn't know any better. To Em, it's just Name angry that he's not available all of the time and it has nothing to do with his muteness. And Em is still trying to keep in contact. He's still trying to let Name know. He really listened to Gun's advice and he is trying. But he is not responsible for how Name responds. He can't control how upset Name is. And he can't help Name if he doesn't know what actually is wrong.

And as much as I love Name and as much as I want to rake his mother over the coals for her treatment of him, at some point, Name has to tell Em what's really bothering him. And trust me, I get it. I know how hard that is. I am also a person that tends to isolate myself and go silent when I'm going through it, but it's not the world's responsibility to fix my problems. My friends can't help if they don't know.

So while Em has most definitely fucked up, and owes Name the hugest of apologies, I think it's important to remember that he is still young and he is still human. He might be the catalyst for Name's breakdown but he's not the cause. Name's mother guilting him and pressuring him to "fix" himself when there's nothing wrong is the cause and she's the one placing all of the burden to help her son in the hands of Em, who seems like he's also struggling to keep it together.

#remember me #remember me the series #remember me bl #ooohhh sorry i kind of went off on my defense of em i didn't mean to #you are absolutely right to be angry at em #i've just seen so much em hate on my dash and it's driving me crazy #i know we all love name to bits and pieces but em doesn't deserve all of the vitriol i've seen just because he fucked up once #idk i'm also angry at him but the more em hate i see the less angry i get #he's still just a kid too and out of all of the boys he is the one expected to keep it together the most #is he not allowed to be tired and need a break just because name needs him? #it's a lot more nuanced than i think a lot of people realize and that's what's driving me insane #but like i said you are absolutely right to be angry with em #but i'm hoping i was able to provide maybe an alternate perspective for why em is doing the things he's doing

[nerdangels]

Remember when i was like haha i want an office job so i can just listen to music and pocasts all day 🤪 well now I'm bored out of my mind!!!!!!!!

#part of it is i don't know how to DO anything bc i was never properly trained #so any tasks i could theoretically do i still have to find someone to explain to me #im gonna drive a screwdriver into my skull #ALSO ALSO there's all kinds of wack and illegal bullshit like most of the people i work with just working thru their breaks #and dangerous working conditions like the gas leak yesterday #and being expected to go home without pay for shit that's out of our control #grrrrrr #and im actively job hunting but these fucking recruiters cant get their shit together #i hate phone interviews so so so so so so so much #jaime posts

[born-to-lose]

In my depressed era again <3

#for literally no reason ugh i hate it i hate it i hate it #probably a bad mix of overthinking and lovesickness again but what's new #i figured out why i like to do stuff until late at night until i fall asleep lol it's because i don't wanna be left alone with my thoughts #i guess that's why i could go such a long time without you know what... i always had lots of schoolwork to do and didn't have much time to- #-think about this kind of shit and once i don't have anything to do anymore i found myself in bed with a bleeding arm lmao #also let's call this my 'everyone i know hates me and my best friends despise me the most' era #still gonna stay up two more hours because i'm like a damn puppy who waits excitedly for their favorite person to come home from work #at this point i should maybe write all this shit in a diary but like. you know how my rambling posts start so y'all can just ignore #tldr i'm feeling like shit and i can't promise that i won't do something stupid again #i'm just too hung up on things that happened weeks ago but like what if it isn't actually ok now #also i know i'm too clingy and possessive with people i'm really close to but it's just my abandonment issues :( #and i know i fucked things up with other people (friendships and relationships) way too many times so i'm putting all i have into this one #still i feel like it's too much and too little at the same time idk i just Know when i really like someone and then i don't wanna lose them #but at the same time i often drive them away with my excessive love and attention because certain people are like some addiction to me #ok no that's too much already for now sorry #anyways i'm sobbing and shaking and feeling terrible and guilty #oh and unrelated but i nearly got run over by a car today 👍🏻 fucking hate drunk small town students in a mcd's parking lot #mel talks #tw self harm

[harryswinks]

#i am going to scream #my grandads got a hospital appointment at 3 tomorrow #so after work today i've got to go and get him and bring him back here #then finish work early tomorrow and take him then take him back home #so thats 3 hours of driving tomorrow #and now hes just phoned saying hes got an appointment on friday at a different hospital #and im off work on friday and now i know im gonna have to take him to this as well #and i obvs its more important than anything i'd be doing #but i thought we'd agreed with him that for the appointments in cambridge he'd get ataxi there and someone would meet him there #because the driving is just too much #and its costing so much as well #but apparently not seen as i've got to do all the driving #all he's doing tomorrow is going on a treadmill for 6 minutes and having an echo its not like hes having an op or anything #and after my week off for my birthday getting fucked up by it all im like i just want time to do what i want to do you know #but most of all i just fucking hate driving i hate it so much i would be happy never to drive ever again #and now i'm being made to fucking drive when i dont want to #but i know im just being selfish and need to get over it #also completely unrelated by im pretty sure the old lady who opposite us has died #she used to be a dinner lady at my primary school #because her house has been cleared out and they keep leaving stuff on the front lawn #for people to take for free #but we've not heard that she's died #but i dont think they'd be clearing the house like that if she's just moved #but someone just full on parked on the pavement to look at the stuff......... you cant park there mate jadhgajygdhwdw #stacey speaks