#class therapy sessions be like

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

*tries to organize my thoughts*

*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*

*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*

(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next

#i marie kondoed my thoughts and *i* feel great. but now my stream-of-consciousness has escaped containment #so many innocent bystanders at stake #every time i try to organize my thoughts i run out of plastic bins and have to make a trip to the container store where i get even more dis #racted so. you can't just hand me THIS brain and NO catalogue OR library classification system #and expect me to single-handedly sort through all this nonsense? bad form but fucking form not in my job description #aNYways. formal education sure did a FUCKING NUMBER on us huh #(a number i measure not in gpa or dollars of student debt. #but in the number of therapy sessions & medical debt it will take to recover.) #seriously folks. our education systems are...innately traumatizing for a huge number of students. and we NEED to address this. #the fact that it is culturally common for adults to have anxiety nightmares about school/exams...even decades later? #that is not cute. it is Alarming. #no one--much less entire generations--should be spending their developmental years in an environment of chronic stress & pressure & strain #and yet that is the reality for millions and millions of pre-teen and teenage and young adult students #this isn't healthy and it serves and empowers NO ONE #...except of course the many exploitative educational & financial & debt-collecting institutions thriving from the current balance of power #and of course it's a nefarious and powerful way to sabotage/erase the middle class #which billionaires and the wealth-inequality creators they finance couldn't possibly have any noteworthy interest in whatsoever #it's not like there's an elite group of people with huge financial incentives to drain/steal resources from the masses... #anyways sorry for going all Conspiracy Theory on you. #obviously the billionaires who control the vast majority of our resources and news and political campaign funding #are not tied to every single itty bitty social issue and i'm a silly billy to imply it #please tell elon musk to ignore this tweet i am so subservient and acquiescent #mr musky u r so good at inheriting slavery-built mining fortunes & buying other people's companies #& building rocket ships & fancy cars that do NOT explode/catch fire & also NOT running billion dollar companies into the ground #mr musky u r so talented genius billionaire playboy with 10 kids and ex-wives who find you creepy af babe u r basically iron man

[communistkenobi]

now that I haven’t lived with my parents for almost two years I’m starting to come to terms with myself as a full human being. and like idk I can’t really complain about my parents too much in terms of their overall parenting of me, I feel like I’m lucky in a lot of respects just based on the horrific shit some of my friends/family have gone through, but I feel like one consequence of how much my parents fucking hated each other for my entire life is that I feel like I have no reference point for showing affection or being emotionally considerate/vulnerable, those things tend to make me deeply uncomfortable and disempower me to do nice things for the people I love. I feel like I have to really concentrate and spend time on emotional reciprocity and spontaneous gifts/gestures of love. genuinely just kind of sucks how much my parents despise one another and how their constant fighting and days-long silent treatments over the course of 25 years has made me feel inadequate to the task of showing the people I care about how much I love them

#also protestantism will do this to you which is definitely some of it #my therapy insurance renewed for this year maybe I should do a couple sessions about this lol #I feel like I’m making progress on it but it genuinely feels really difficult. It’s like I don’t know what to do with myself #also the middle class thing of just buying shit to express affection #it’s so hollow and meaningless & it’s given me a really cynical and utilitarian perspective on giving gifts #which sucks! I don’t like having that view of gifts. possibly one of the oldest human social practices in all of history #aside from maybe art

[glorious-spoon]

.

#still kinda ambivalent on the whole concept of therapy #like the dude is very nice and reasonably insightful and i do clearly have some form of Brain Don't Work Right disease #but it's also like ok you aren't telling me anything i don't already know about myself #i know what's BROKEN what i don't fucking know is how to FIX it #also weirdly on about social class like 'oh your dad sounds like a rough kind of blue collar guy' like no #my dad is a very smart and well-educated retired white-collar professional with the emotional regulation skills of a small child #my spouse is a blue collar guy who is preternaturally laid back #these two items are not all that related actually! #anyway i'll do a few more sessions and see if i feel like continuing ig

[linabirb]

honestly online classes are perfect for someone like me. we don't have to turn the camera on. we don't have to turn the mic on. we just have to listen to the prof and that's it. i can just do my own thing. it's like listening to a podcast.

#IT'S SO NICE BECAUSE I DONT HAVE TO TALK.. #during one therapy session i found out that me kind of. not being able to talk sometimes even if i want to #can mean that i'm most likely going nonverbal bc of anxiety #AND IT SUCKS BECAUSE AGAIN I'M A LINGUISTICS MAJOR. I HAVE TO TALK #maybe if everything goes fine i really will start taking the online classes instead #but first. i need to survive this semester #[ 💚 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐬 ]

[scattered-winter]

woe another tag vent session be upon ye

#one of the girls in my class looks just like her. oh my god. #like im not being dramatic i literally thought it was her in my peripheral vision. #literally almost burst into tears in the middle of the room lmaooooooo #and then for the rest of the day every time i saw someone with her hair color i just saw her. #this shit sucks fr y'all i have never almost cried in public this much #and then i had to drive to pick up some groceries and fuck. #ive never been an anxious driver. i quite enjoy driving actually. #but i literally almost had a panic attack when i first pulled onto the road. i was so fucking anxious the entire time i was behind the whee #someone came up behind me pretty fast and i legit had to pull over to calm down it was so bad #so uh. not gonna be driving for a while lol. gonna kill myself or someone else doing that. #idk. idk i think this has me pretty messed up and i probably will be for a while. idk #my roommates and i finally decorated our living room and it was . fun. we laughed and made jokes and it was fun #but well. predictably i am feeling guilty over having fun now. which sucks ass from every angle #should i probably maybe make an appointment for therapy ???? probably ??????????? #idk. might be good to talk all this out out loud yk. but also i Know i will cry and i dont want to do that. #sigh. anyway. #also predictably i cannot sleep. couldnt last night either. #i might go paint in the living room. i dont know. #anyway if u read this whole rant ily ur earning the veteran's pass to Winter's Breakdown Sessions #winter speaks #personal #grief tag #<- once again if u need to blacklist. will not hold it against anybody i prommy #tw death #tw panic attack

[multimousenette]

Ladybug and Chat Noir Go To State Mandated Therapy

#specifically ladybug and chat noir #they turn up in costume #after a few weeks marinette tells her parents she’s struggling in school and also finds a therapist #the first therapist she gets is her ladybug therapist and she keeps forgetting which therapy session she’s in and has to swap therapists #to keep everything separate. I’m aware multiple therapists at once isn’t a good idea #but in fairness most people aren’t superheroes #let alone autistic/adhd/anxious superheroes who struggle enough w normal life anyway #idk the alternative is ladybug rolling up to therapy (late with Starbucks probably) and sliding into her chair like “so there’s this boy…” #“there’s this BITCH Chloe bourgeois” #“ah shit forget I said her name I know she’s a public figure that’s definitely how I know her she’s definitely not in my class—”

[merevide]

how it feels to post a sad music link and get over 2 likes

#+​2 likes and we’re basically a group therapy session like cmon now #anyways. sorry i’ve been gone the whole fucking day basically #i nearly came so close to live-blogging my entire random emotional break and i was like. wow. i kinda gotta get it together #idk why i’m saying sorry like people rely on my blog content to live but yknow #i still have not fully gotten it together obviously i can’t do that in one afternoon but watching youtube. was fun. #ANYWAY. who cares. I HAVE SPOTIFY LINKS that’s what matters #srsly though i might take a longer break soonish with my parents pushing college stuff at me all at once + having to start classes soon + #making sure i don’t actually have a huge visible breakdown so yeah ig we’ll see. but i also like having fun here. i’m talking to the void hi #again idk why i’m. announcing that like people rely on my dumb posts to live their lives. idfk #did this accidentally turn into a vent post shit now i actually gotta post good music links #my text #🩻 <- i like this emoji

[solarisgod]

Mmmm, actually considering having another new main Starwaker who's like... the therapist of the system

#[ ✨ : and they would exist since the first year of high school ] #[ when Micah would learn more about psychology and become interested in mental health / illnesses ] #[ we have our own two therapy starmates who would help us and especially me when they can ] #[ one of them - Darius - had actually helped me get over my mild fear of dogs ] #[ I'm just reading our old text session and it's truly beyond fascinating how the human brain works ] #[ holding myself back from infodumping on DID / OSDD because we still need to finish our group presentation part but ] #[ yeah alters truly do exist providing what's most needed at the time as carrying out needed responsibilities ] #[ and that's just so nice ] #[ ahhh we'll think more about this Starwaker therapist alter but we do be thinking ] #[ since Micah didn't have a therapist until they got into post-secondary school because it's so ] #[ time and energy consuming to do therapy sessions while at high school having classes all day five days a week so ] #[ it would be neat for the system to have a therapist alter ] #[ who uses Micah's psychology knowledge from class and researches done out of personal interest to help Micah and others who need it ] #[ maybe they'd be a side Starwaker but have some prominent activity like how Aden does rather than being a main but ] #[ yeah yeah yeah nodsnodsnods ]

[pleckthaniel]

We're saying things out loud for the first time in therapy today 👍

#scout talks #sigh #despite appearances i dont like oversharing on here so the rest of my post session thoughts will be going in my notebook lol #but. god im glad i dropped most of my classes lol im in basically the most therapy you can do rn without inpatient treatment and it's #it's very much a full time commitment. i still have energy from getting triggered into flight mode but im gonna be so exhausted tonight lol

[yrieso]

im either about to kill my dance teacher or kill myself

#told my friend if our teacher says any fucking thing about how MY existing with adhd is distracting to HER then im just #going to walk out of class because i can't handle this anymore #i hate my teacher now and she's made me hate dance class and just hate dancing in general #and it feels really shitty when your biggest passion dies out because of one person #and it's ironic because i got really burnt out of dance and it was worsening my mental health in middle school #because i was being bullied by another student to the point where i got panic attacks just thinking of going to class #now im burnt out of dance and it's worsening my mental health to the point of panic attacks just thinking about going to class #because of my teacher #not to mention how she's (in the last months especially) made me extremely insecure and self conscious about my weight and #my appearance and whatnot to the point where i dont even dance around at home anymore #and im just. fucking sick of living like this!!!! #my recital is next month but even then im going to be working at my studio next year so im not gonna be free of this! #the amount of therapy sessions that have been spent just talking about issues i have from and at dance is insane #anyway. i have to go back for class tomorrow LOL #yriesodottumblrdotcom

[fiendslothful]

Summary of my week (it's Tuesday)

#personal #okay technically its wednesday but i dont think it counts just yet #anyways #how have yous been? #uni has been kicking my ass and i have been so fuckin tired as of late #just today i had a class from 4 to 6pm and dinner in the dorms starts at 5:15pm #we got back like just before they closed up #but i was so tired that i just. fell asleep and woke up at like 9 #tmrw i have to wake up at 8 for a meeting for my group project in drama #and i do not want to #honestly #the funniest thing abt this meme is that like. all of this weird drama has just unfolded tonight #i just happened to be in earshot and now im somehow??? involved??? and also the catalyst??? of this shit??? #im not saying anything #but just know #at one point there was a group therapy session #i wouldnt say im a gossip #but if ur interested in knowing...my dms r open 👀 #but until then #goodnight yall #if u see me reblogging stuff after this no u dont ❤️

[cinewhore]

think i might make today a mental health day

#like i just need a day to be off #i don’t have work #might skip class cause it’s just lectures #and just fucking sleep in and relax #all things considered today was very good #i had brunch with friends when to work #and then cooked dinner for a friend of mine and we did some work #she also helped me look for an outfit for LA #idk i just still feel lonely #mom still isn’t speaking to me #like nothing is happening? but it feels like everything is happening #and this week is fucking packed to the brim so i think taking the day would be good #more fellowship deadlines and I can’t really stomach the rejection #had to delete Instagram cause it was making me anxious #i have to prep intensely for these therapy sessions #she’s a tired little girly #I’m doing so much and it’s hard to fathom and everyday I’m reminded of just how insanely busy i am #but it doesn’t fucking feel like it #and i don’t know how i get anything done #probably by not processing any of it #which just leads to more problems #this post will self destruct

[roaringroa]

oficially diagnosed with adhd babeyyyyyyy

#this is so funny to me cause if you asked me a year ago if i thought i had adhd i would confidently have said no #but then in the middle of a therapy session i could almost see the imaginary lamp over my therapist's head turn on #and she said you know what? i think you should investigate if you have adhd #and i was a little skeptical about it but i mentioned it to my parents and they were like hold on... she's right #and then on the same week i was hanging out with a newly made friend and outta nowhere she stopped me and asked if i had adhd #so i was like welp... maybe i do #and then i made a psychiatrist appointment who sent me to a neuropsychologist to take multiple tests involving logical thinking memory #attention span etc etc #i did very high on logical thinking but the attention part was low and the memory part was average #which means i can't pay attention well but the moments that i do i retain and can understand well #it explains a lot cause i had literally no trouble with school like i was top5 students in my school up until 9th grade cause we didn't have #to do any long term studying or projects or whatever #but then in high school when things got more complicated and i HAD to pay attention to understand concepts things got much harder #i couldn't just logic my way out of exams anymore and also i had way more classes #like when i had afternoon classes (two times a week) i literally just gave up cause i knew i couldn't pay attention #but i mean i still passed every class with no final exams or anything but i went from a 90% student to a 65% one #(except in humanities i love you humanities) #and then i got into college and the pandemic hit and online classes were absolutely awful like it was truly bad for me #i was a portuguese major for a year and a half and i honest to god don't remember 5% of what i was supposed to know #again i did well on my tests and stuff i had a 88% average but like #that was solely from panicking pre due dates and crying and doing the little reading i absolutely had to do 10 hours before the exam was due #and then immediately forgetting everything the second i hit send #i think there were maybe 5 ocasions during the whole year and a half where i was able to actually pay attention during an online class #most of the time i tried for like 3 minutes and gave up #and it really made me sad cause i thought i was just a lazy ass throwing my college experience away #which made me extra upset cause i was studying in like basically the best college in the country #and it's a public one so the people were paying for my studies only for me to throw it all away?? #anyway it was a tough time for me mentally and this diagnosis makes me feel so relieved #like when i can't pay attention it's because of the way my brian opperates and not my character #my post

[eileennatural]

honestly i am pretty concerned about how easily irritated i get like no one else i've ever met has such severe mood swings.... literally sometimes just hearing people being a little bit noisy can set me off and it's not like I do anything about it (besides my severe rbf) but like. I WANT to be nice friendly person and i feel like I used to be? Like in elementary school

#i was so pissed in class today bc my prof played some xmas music after a discussion abt it and i felt like she was spending too much time #not focusing on the class materials... and like i look around the room and realize IM the only person feeling this way..... #but my mood swings have always been pretty bad my siblings used to get so mad at me bc 1 insensitive or annoying comment #from them could totally shut me down or i would randomly start crying #and like i dont really have many friends bc so many people just bother me for basically bo valid reason #i get that from my mom though she loces that im such a bitch thats how we bond #even with people im dating ive never been in like a real actual relationship bc im SO picky and one minor thing could totally turn me off #most of the time i dont even really like being around people. my best friend in the world lives 4 hours away and we text maybe a few times #a week. if that #using the tags as therapy. for awhile i was pretty convinced i had like a personality disorder or like bpd bc i was sitting in intro to #psych like. hmm why do i have all of these symptoms. but i hated therapy so much even tho i only went to one session. and im not into self #diagnosing so

[ii-zi]

sister tested positive last Friday & my father+me are symptomatic lol had a kitten fall ill for several days and literally just yesterday got better made 2 notebooks out of scraps + started painting mini painting in those tongue pushing wooden stick thingies as PT bc my hands are getting worse ever day but I've been lucky overall bc of a slight decrease of other like. Symptoms. Oh also my mother is Literally gaslighting me like she's outright stated multiple times already that I'm making up having been sick for months bc it's impossible and I'm crazy like. ????????????

#quick update lol it's not like i /have/ to be active here but it feels weird being offline and not even saying a word.. #for some reason???? I've been doing so much gift wrapping?? i have no money to get gifts lol but like. other ppls gifts #ik not everyone has hand issues like i do but i like making the gifts easy to unwrap for ppl w motor skills issues jfjdjf my favorite is #the string to rip it open without struggling. something i struggle picking up the string tho but i don't have #ribbons :/ so gotta make do w what i do have jdkejg #been thinking abt putting like a little piece of wood or something easier to grab 🤔 like those accesible zippers i really like the design #been Obsessed w mini personal projects lately??? like for a week straight working on random mini projects til 5-6am lol #and out of the blue yesterday (or two days ago??? idk i just found out that it's already friday n almost had a panic attack LMAO) i #started like. looking back at personal long term projects that are still v much in the brainstorming phase and #actually got to do a bit of work for one???? i love typing lol i hadn't in quite a while bc using computers hurts my hands a lot but #i really missed it JSJSJS #my house is a pigsty im sleeping like so many hours a day and only have enough time for a single meal so only have #energy to sit and do nothing 😭 but the cats are alright 🙏 #I'll have to do a fuckton of cleaning in the next two weeks tho bc im going back to classes fml #and my sister never arranged my therapy session that her therapist asked her to bc she's procrastinating on it 🥳 I'll die ill and insane #OH I've had coffee three times this last week and didn't destroy my stomach!!!!!!!!

[kingofmyborrowedheart]

I fucking hate the society we live in.

#like my degree I’m going to get in a year is going to be completely fucking worthless #I can’t even get an internship and trying to find things to apply to is hard so what makes you think I can find a job in my field? #I didn’t want to do an internship with my school but that’s what I’m going to be stuck with and I’m just going to be even more miserable #my college is constantly screwing me over and not offering me courses that would help me and gutting my major program #I’m never happy ever and I constantly want to pitch myself off of a cliff #when classes are in session I barely have any free time to relax or take a break so I don’t even have time for therapy #and I can’t fucking transfer schools because I’m a senior and I’m not going to get the same financial aid that I currently am getting #and barely any other schools offer creative writing and fit my criteria #I just regret going to this school so much and how the world treats people studying the humanities #there’s literally nothing in my future and I’m just going to be stuck scrambling for something or doing something I hate