#cocktus

[simonsaysmacy]

Uh, HI! Cümming soon~ 👀🌵🍆

#cocktus #nanercock #suckulent #banana #cactus #miniature garden #polymer clay #sculpture #handmade art #miniature #my art #handmade #SimonSaysMacy

[moonchild-in-blue]

Helo beloved, I'm home, so here I come showing you my beloved trans cactus. Don't let him fool you. He's feeling pretty well regardless of his looks. (That thing on the side just grew out of nowhere. 😭)

Hi Ash!!! 💜 I love the trans cactus, he's doing so well 😌🌵 My guy is ERECT hahaha.

(but seriously, if you want you can cut that appendage and put it water to grow roots, and repot it as a second one! please *do* a little research before hand, but i'm 90% sure it works 😚)

Here's a portrait of your son feat. Lev's axolotl because I can't really crop it out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#cocktus #(ha ha ha) 🌵 #darya answers #darya does art

[whoeverthoughtthiswasagoodidea]

#yarn #cocktus #yarnporn #handiwork

[showmeyourxylophone]

Keep hearing about the Musk X Zuckerberg cage fight and I gotta say that the only real gazillionaire competitive sport that I want to see involves slathering a good layer of lipstick on both of them and measuring just how far they can deepthroat a saguaro cactus.

Just saying.

#let them eat the rich #I would learn to pronounce Worcester sauce if it paired well with 1% #cocktus #cage fight #I'd just like them to stop

[kinokoshoujoart]

cora, age 10: *stomping feet crying ripping out hair* AAAAAAAA STOP DRAWING ROCK LIKE THAT YOU’RE RUINING OUR CHILDHOOD!!!! HOW WOULD HE FEEL ABOUT THIS HUUUH?! (ghost) (will not fucking die) (constantly throwing a tantrum inside my head) (oblivious to his innuendoes)

cora now: kid……..., *takes drag of jaded horny artist cigarette * he would want to be drawn 10 billion times worse

#hi guys cora here today i'll be drawing rock! #*casting brain hacking spells on my tablet* oooo you all want to fuck the annoying twink so bad it makes you look stupid. erocktus cocktus! #keeheeheeheehee!! kyahahahaha!! and so forth etc #cora.txt #cora clownposting content #nightblogging hours #heh heh heh. enough time has passed i can now secretly tagblog in peace and no one will ever read it #rock would commission me to paint his junk in the spirit of that ‘do you love the color of the sky?’ tumblr post #when i ask him how his jobless ass plans to pay for a whole art commission he says ‘exposure’ and drops trou #he is then forcibly escorted out of cora’s art studio. bye bozo!!!! ✌️

[lifeintheworldtocome]

baysil.

😃😃 hi chicken 😃😃😃😃 how are you chicken 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃

#asks #wetchickenbreast #they fucked in the cactus ring chicken #cocktus ring....

[microwavedautism]

I am going to learn how to crochet just so I can make myself a cactus dick

#diy packer? NO! Cocktus!

[quiveringdeer]

Reiner's gonna be giving names to all his houseplants. One of them is a cactus named Pock. 🌵

H'okay, SO! Here's the thing Nonnie, I've been sittin on answering this ask cause only one thing has populated my mind since reading it and I was like, Nat pull yourself together girl and stop being a weirdo all the time. But the thing is, Nonnie. That would be burying a very important piece of myself and at the age of 30 I said I wasn't doin that shiz anymore. (also this is a dramatic buildup for no real good reason lol)

What I haven't been able to dislodge from my mind is the image of a cactus my friend has that is a very, particular shape. And It's had me thinking that Reiner just names his plants after friends in general (cause he tries to be friends with Pock now that they're grown but Pock is Pock sooo... yeah) And he's actually not even the one who named it after Porco, Annie of all people suggested it.

Annie: "It pricks, he's a prick. It fits." Uncaring shrug.

Now generally Annie keeps things to herself. But you see, Nonnie. Earlier in the day, she'd had a late start to the morning and gotten to her favorite bakery way past prime pastry buying time. Hang with me, It's coming together, promise. So. She's there, waiting in the exorbitantly long line, this is why she likes to get there super early. And Pieck spots her from up closer to the register. Pieck comes to engage her in convo, which with Annie being in more of a mood than usual, is really just Pieck trying to catch up and Annie giving small grunts here and there in response.

Porco was with Pieck, cause of course he was. He stayed in line and is at the register now. He doesn't even have to call Pieck back up cause he already knows the orders that she prefers. So he orders and also just happens to choose a particular pastry from the display case that is the last of its kind. He's never tried this one before and he's feeling adventurous today.

As the barista opens the case to draw out the delicious confection, Annie's eyes widen. It was the one she'd come for. The thing that could lift her spirits out of the dank, festering, turgid mass of shittiness she'd already endured so early in the day.

The line moved forward. She remained. Eyes trained on Porco as he sauntered over to Pieck's location next to her, still waiting on their drink orders to come up. It took everything in Annie not to snatch the flakey ambrosia from his grimey fingers before he took a huge bite. Buttery crumbs falling against the worn brown leather of his bomber jacket.

And yet, what solidified her ire. The slight that stitched spite so steadfast throughout her spirit to spark such an unanticipaited conversational contribution hours later that day...

After Pieck asked him how the delicacy tasted, Porco had the audacity to mutter that it was alright.

Just, alright?!

Expertly, Annie forced down her boiling indignation. Outwardly, her icy blue eyes narrowed to slits as she turned her attention to finally moving up in line. She'd have to settle for her second favorite danish alongside her vanilla caramel frappé, but this event would long be remembered.

--------------------

Annie's suggestion actually wrings a hearty chuckle from Reiner and he can't deny the truth of her sentiments. So. Porco the cactus--Poctus if you will--is born.

The fact that as it grows it begins to take on a very peculiar shape only adds to it's list of nicknames. And Reiner isn't sure if he's fucked up taking care of it somehow or if the universe decided to bless him with something that sparks instant joy and amusement everytime he sees or thinks about the prickly succulent.

Alright for those that stuck with this unexpected rambling imagine, here is your reward. Hopefully it makes you laugh like it does my friends and I everytime we think of it.

I present to you....

Cocktus!

#apparently this is an old pic #my friend says it's grown since lmao #and she asked absolutely no questions when i requested a picture #love my pals #nonnie #answered asks #nat talks aot #aot meta #aot #annie leonhardt #reiner braun #porco galliard #pieck finger #nat writes #truly these things come outta nowhere #my brain just spins these ideas while i literally just wanted to post the pic and reveal its name lmao

[lesbi-nyan]

cocktus juice. it's the quenshiest. it'll quench ya ~nya

[simonsaysmacy]

When life hands you lemons, hand it back a garden of suckulent little cocktus 🌵🍆💦

#cocktus #cactus #suckulent #succulents #little pricks #lemons #miniature garden #handmade #handmade art #polymer clay #sculpture #custom #my art #SimonSaysMacy

[sharkgirldick]

...girldick shaped cocktus grown by a transfem nymph... idk its a stretch but horny brain made thoughts upon seeing the strange ask

Hey it's okay. Cocktus is hilarious.

#text post #ask #anon

[aspenwitch]

My cactus became a cocktus overnight

#found this guy in the trash a few months ago hahaha #plantblr #cactus #original content

[ofstarsandvibranium]

My brother bought a mug bowl thing designed like a pair of jeans and I’m trying to convince him to let me use it as a planter and put a cocktus in it because that would be the most hilarious thing ever

[28dayslater]

Someone on here called RLC booben cocktus-cheeks and that’s all I can’t think about when I see him 😔

“someone”… allie has a name 🙄 it’s samantha

#asks #anonymous

[flimflix]

Cocktus and Ballbs

[nexus-nebulae]

me: *harvesting some cactus in minecraft*

ro, out of the blue: heheh....... heh.. cocktus

#echos #systemsillies #sir. why