#dazai angst

[osachiyo]

˖ 𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐀𝐅𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 ! — dazai, chuuya, fyodor, nikolai & jouno

𔘓 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 — n/sfw content (mdni), hurt + comfort, degradation, tit slapping, use of safe word, ooc in fyodor’s but idc let a girl dream, spanking, rough sex, face fucking, sadism, dacryphilia, toys, role-playing in jouno’s, overstimulation, reader doesn't actually use a safe word in chuuya's (its not possible with a mouthful of cock i promise), cunilingus, one of my only fics where fyodor isn't a toxic little shit so 🤷🏽‍♀️ ps. don't steal my headers !!

𔘓 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑’𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 — here it is, the bsd version ! sorry for taking so long to finish this, there were some.. distractions 😓 i honestly did not expect this many people to request it *sob* anyways, happy reading and i hope ya'll enjoy ! NOT PROOFREAD !!

like this post? then view my masterlist for more !

“ ‘samu—!” You squealed, tugging on your boyfriend's hair as he moaned into your cunt, doing nothing but giving you more of that toe-curling pleasure.

"Mmh - don't interrupt my meal, darl'," he leaned back for some air only before spitting on your puffy cunt and driving back in. Large, bandaged hands were pushing your hips down on the bed to keep you in place— to let him have his favourite meal in peace, as he told you.

You couldn't recall how many times you came on his tongue— absolutely drenching his beautiful face with your juices, and he loved it. But you, on the other hand, were starting to get exhausted - no, you were exhausted, chest heaving as you tried to keep up with the hot coil in your lower tummy, threatening to snap any moment.

Dazai would know your limits if it were any other day - he'd know just when to stop, but today was exhausting for him too— and the entire day he was thinking of burying his face between his pretty little girlfriend's thighs - it never failed to melt all of his stress away and fuck did it work like a charm - all thoughts but the taste of your pretty cunt left his mind once he finally tasted you. Including the fact that you had your own limits and needed a break - no matter how pleasurable the feeling of his tongue felt against your swollen cunt— you needed a break.

You hesitantly moaned out the safe word, sinking into the mattress in exhaustion as you watch Dazai blink in confusion, before immediately pulling away from you. The bandaged hand that was previously pinning you down with fervor was now caressing your thigh gently.

"Are you alright, sweetheart? Did I hurt you?" He was calm, eyeing you for any sign of hurt or discomfort. You only shied away from his gaze, fingers fingers fiddling with the satin sheets as you shook your head - "no.. just tired, 'samu." He nodded, a pout gracing his lips - the pink muscle glossy from your combined slick and saliva, "aww, was that too much for my pretty baby?" You only rolled your eyes, playfully hitting his chest as he laughed, planting a kiss on your temple with a soft "I love you so much."

"I love you too," You giggled as Dazai buried his face in the crook of your neck, kissing the bruises he gave you earlier that night as an apology.

Chuuya had a rough day, his underlings being "fucking dumb and not getting shit right as usual," in his words. So like the good little girlfriend you were, you were generous enough to offer your hard working boyfriend some "stress relief".

That's how you ended up on your knees in front of the ginger haired man— who was still fully dressed, seated on the fancy black leather couch as you choked on his cock.

Loud growls and words of praise left his chapped lips in hurried curses, a gloved hand pushing your head down to take his cock in fully, basically making you deepthroat him. "God, pretty f-fuckin' girl, my good girl - such a good fuucking- argh—! fuckfuckfuck! Just like that baby, take this fuckin' cock.." He threw his head back against the headrest of the couch, hips now thrusting erratically up to your mouth, fat balls slapping against your chin as you gagged around him. Tears streaked freely down your stuffed cheeks, making him hiss out curses— fuck, you were such a pretty crier.

If he were only more focused and not drunk off of the pleasure of your warm and inviting mouth swallowing him whole, he'd notice your panicked whines, the way you dug your nails into the muscle of his thighs - scratching and trying to pull away from his cock, even slapping them in panic.

You couldn't breathe— you felt lightheaded and if Chuuya kept going, you'd surely faint from the lack of air.

As if right on cue, Chuuya finally remembered that you needed to breathe— hurriedly letting go of your hair and pulling you off his cock, his heart broke once he saw you coughing and sputtering on the floor, your face scrunched up in pain as air finally entered your lungs.

"Shit— doll, are you okay? Fuck, I'm so sorry, baby," he sounded genuinely guilty, and he was! He'd never want to actually hurt you unless you asked for it, and he felt so fucking bad. You nodded in response, leaning your head against his thigh as you finally breathed normally— tears, snot, drool and his precum dripping down your chin.

" 'm sorry for ruining this, Chuu. I know today was stressfu—" Chuuya cut you off with a click of his tongue, his eyebrows furrowed and a frown gracing his pretty lips, "What're you talking 'bout, baby? You didn't ruin anything," he sighed, "c'mere."

He put his hands under your arms before tugging you up in his lap, gently wiping your face with his gloved hands before pressing sweet kisses on your whole face while whispering sweet nothings about how much he loves you— how good you are for him. The ticklish feeling of his kisses made you giggle— sounding like sweet music to his ears.

After all, no matter how much he likes to see you crying and sniffling for him, he'd always prefer your adorable little giggles.

"Slap!"

You choked out a moan at the harsh impact of your husband's hand cracking down on your ass— his hand gently rubbed the heated skin as an apology, but you knew it was only a facade. "How many was that, dear?" He mused, tone nothing but unkind and condescending. It make you feel small, and ashamed— but you also couldn't deny the way your pussy gushed out more and more slick with each hit— and he made sure to belittle you for it.

"T-twenty six?" You stuttered, thighs twitching in anticipation as Fyodor ran a slim finger up and down your soaked folds, collecting the slick on his finger before shoving it inside.

"Mmh—! Fedya p-please.." You begged, which inly made him grin devilishly— god, he was so handsome. "Please what? You have to be more specific than that," he muttered as he shoved a second finger in your drooling cunt— his free hand kneading the battered skin of your ass but you could care less about the sting.

"P-please! Make me cum—!" You gasped when another brutal smack was landed on your poor ass, the soft fat rippling as his hand met your skin. "And who do you think you are to tell me what to do?" His voice grew stern. You flinched when he flipped you on your back, basically throwing you on the pristine white mattress of your shared bed.

You landed on the bed with a soft "oof!", it wasn't long before Fyodor joined you in bed, basically ripping your cute little babydoll dress off of you as greedy hands cupped your tits, his gaze ferocious— you've never seen him like this. "You're such a naughty girl, aren't you?" He growled— kicking your legs apart to nudge a knee between them - against your bare, sopping cunt. "Fedya—" You got cut off by your own pained yelp as Fyodor tangled his fingers into your hair, yanking your head back to reveal your throat— the soft and sensitive skin just begging him to bite it - mark you up as his.

"Hush now, slut." He scoffed, harshly biting down on the column of your throat— as you let out a pained gasp. It hurt like hell.

You don't know what happened but you didn't like this anymore, you didn’t want to be treated roughly anymore, didn’t wanna be called mean names— you weren’t even processing the harsh words coming out of his mouth, you just wanted it to stop.

“Red, S-stop— red!” You whimpered, sniffling as Fyodor’s movements came to a halt. He let go of his tight grip on your hair— instead gently scooping you up in his arms and cradling you, hushing your little whines.

He silently scanned you before saying anything, dry lips pulled into a frown. You certainly didn’t look hurt… was it something he said? “What happened, darling?” He questioned, voice calm and soothing— a contrast to your own broken one. “Too rough,” you pouted up at him, burying your face further in his chest.

Oh.

“I’m sorry, love. I should’ve been gentler, huh?” He brushed a stray hair from your face, before gently massaging your scalp— easing the burn from him pulling it earlier. “ ‘s okay, fedya,” you sighed, he was so good with his fingers (in more ways than one).

“I love you, dear,” kissing the crown of your head, a soft smile tugged at his lips. “I love you too!” You smiled back. A moment of silence passed as you stayed in his embrace, before speaking up again,

“You’re doing the dishes tonight, by the way.”

“…Fair enough.”

"You're so cute when you get like this," Nikolai cooed, voice drowned out by the sound of his hips smacking against your ass. He had you in a full nelson, your back flush against his chest, strong arms hooked under your knees to hold you up in the air as he thrusted into the warmth of your spasming cunt. "Ngh— 's too much - kolya—" you slurred, head falling back against his shoulder. God, his stamina was no fucking joke— you thought, jaw unhinged as you let out wanton moans. His thighs were absolutely drenched with a nasty mixture of your slick and his cum from the previous rounds— making a "pap! pap! pap!" noise everytime they met your ass. The whole thing was dirty, messy and so fucking lewd— his favorite combination.

"Oh hush now— you say it's too much but—" he gave a mean slap to your bouncing tits, making you squeal and kick your legs at the pained pleasure. "You're just gushing all over me— how am I supposed to believe it's too much for you, hm, dove?" His breath was hot against your ear, making you shudder— "ca— can't! please!" You sobbed, but your tears did nothing more but get him more fired up - shit, you looked the prettiest when you cried.

But the thing is— you actually weren't lying, it was really getting too much for you. But apparently Nikolai was too pussy drunk to recognize the exhaustion on your face. He was going too fast - too hard, you could barely process anything he was saying or even think straight. It was practically a miracle that you even remembered your safe word— "c-clown— clown!!"

It took Kolya some time to process the words falling out of your mouth— brutal thrusts coming to a halt as soon as he realized you just said your safe word out loud. As much as he wanted to ask you what was wrong, he knew he had to place you somewhere comfortable first - make sure you're doing okay. He gently pulled out of you with a wet 'pop!', hissing as your tight walls kept clinging onto him.

Being as soft and gentle as possible, he unhooked his arm from under your knees, flipping you to carry you bridal style - before placing you down on the bed and kneeling in front of you.

"Are you okay, pretty?" His voice was soft— a surprising contrast to how he was manhandling you just seconds before. You nodded, fat tears rolling down your puffy cheeks, which he gently wiped for you. "Talk to me, sweetheart," he pouted - brushing some stray hair out of your face and planting a sweet kiss on your swollen lips. " 'm okay," you rasped, cringing at the way your voice cracked. Nikolai nodded, getting up and quickly getting a glass of water for you.

You gratefully took the glass from him, the cool water immediately calming your burning throat. "Are you hurt anywhere, baby?" He questioned, taking the empty glass from you, before placing it on the nightstand. You shook your head, "no, jus' tired, is all."

"So does that mean we can continue late—"

"Kolya!"

“Well, aren’t you just pathetic?” Jouno grinned, holding the wand vibrator against your clit while pumping the bright pink dildo in and out of you, making you squeal and kick your legs— hips bucking up to meet the toys.

“Please, officer— wanna cum s’ bad!” You sobbed, wrists straining against the leather restraints he had put on you. Jouno hummed, his hand speeding up, thrusting the toy even harder and faster in and out— as he rubbed the wand in circles on your throbbing clit.

“Oh, I bet you do— but, I don’t know if you deserve it yet..” he had a faux pout of his face, pressing the vibrator even firmer against your nub - making you see stars.

He had been at this for hours— getting you so close to reaching your peak before cruelly ripping it away from your grasp, only giving you fragment of the mind-numbing pleasure that you so desperately wanted to feel— and let’s not forget about the mean, degrading words falling from his lips - calling you a worthless slut, who’s only purpose is for his pleasure and his pleasure only. You felt like slapping the cocky grin off his face.

It didn’t feel good for you anymore— instead made you feel terrible, really. The continuous edging with the cruel words took a greater toll on you than both of you had imagined, which led you to eventually sob out the safe word.

Jouno stopped immediately after you blurted out the safe word, quickly but calmly pulling the dildo out of you before removing the wand, placing both of the toys on a nearby table.

He went over to unclasp your restraints, heart tugging at the way you sniffled and hiccuped— fuck, he took it too far.

A frown graced his lips once he felt the marks on your wrists from pulling at the restraints for so long— but before anything else, he had to make sure you’re okay. After all, your safety is the most important to him.

“Are you alright, darling?” He leaned closer, pulling off his slick-coated glasses and chucking them somewhere— wiping your tear soaked cheeks with his now clean hands. You let out a pitiful whimper before nodding, “ you’re too mean and— i still.. w-wanna cum..”

Jouno’s lips quirked up to reveal a cocky smirk— but he couldn’t be more relieved that you were okay - not that he’d ever show it. “Of course, pretty girl— my little crybaby wants to be treated nicely, hm?” He grinned, hand reaching down to flick at your nipple.

“Don’t tease!” You whined, but you still couldn’t help but lean into his touch. “Okay, okay— I’ll treat you like the princess you are,” He snickered, kissing the top of your head before picking you up— taking you to the bed to take you like he had been aching to all this time.

©sachiyoh — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated ♡

tags ・ @hopefulpain @inkmooon @constant-existential-terror @nda-approval @mellieellie @seiiushi @lynxxyyy @kentopedia

@sorasushik1 @himebwrries @nopethenope @neviex @fyodorisbbg @stygianoir @saharei @x-lunawrites-x @munnaitorei @emyyy007 @dearhoney-31 @the-foreigner @angoisfine @osaemu @honeycombflowers-blog @yuiiasathesilly @kaithegremlin @poisonedslop @sukiischaotic @squigglewigglewoo @boba-is-good @cupidszvlvr @ashthemadwriter @4xxxv @bloobewy @mrs-bakugou @hauntedsol @ask-me-or-not @hanakotateyama @qqingque @lunaeheroine18 @kissesmellow21 @dazaichuuya69 @xxsilverjackalxx @gettinshiggywithit @leftrunawaybanana @deaths-presence @sugaredpersimmon @rjssierjrie @iheartpieck @angelof-darkness @otakudul @dazaisimpletmereadfanficspls @hellokitty-4-lele @scinclaitnoir @aly-insanity @kemis-world @bisexuawolfsalt @thateldribitch

#౨ৎ — archive・ #bungo stray dogs #bsd #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd smut #bungo stray dogs smut #bsd x reader smut #Dazai x reader #Dazai smut #Dazai fluff #Dazai angst #Chuuya x reader #Chuuya smut #Chuuya fluff #Chuuya angst #bsd fluff #bsd angst #Fyodor x reader #Fyodor smut #Fyodor angst #Fyodor fluff #Nikolai x reader #Nikolai smut #Nikolai fluff #Nikolai angst #jouno x reader #jouno smut #jouno angst #jouno fluff

[kentopedia]

˚☽˚｡⋆ shining like gunmetal

dazai x f!reader, 3.0k words

summary — dazai comes home late, covered in someone's blood

contents — pm reader & pm boss dazai, references to violence / torture lol, sfw !!, the plot is basically cleaning blood off dazai

notes — i thought this would help me get pm dazai out of my system, but i fear i may have to write another nsfw piece for that

Each turn of the clock became longer and longer as you watched the seconds tick down, signaling that another minute had passed. The sun had long since set; your dining room was illuminated only by candles, creating a romantic ambiance throughout the penthouse.

Across from you, an empty seat sat, its usual inhabitant absent. An array of food scattered across the table, far too much for just one person to eat. Perhaps, even, there would be leftovers for days after.

Your housekeeper, Izumi, set the last plate of hot food on the table, her eyes nervous as she flitted back to you, then to the spot where Dazai usually sat. While her usual duties did not include cooking, you’d recruited her that evening, hopeful that she could help you prepare all of Dazai’s favorite dishes. 

You'd just wanted to do something special for your beloved, and he wasn’t even there to enjoy it. 

Steam lingered on each of the platters, but it was quickly wafting away, evaporating into the cool air of the Yokohama evening. All of your hard work over the past few hours would seem insignificant if the Port Mafia's boss didn’t return before the meal cooled completely. 

You drummed your fingers against the table, trying hard not to give in to your annoyance. 

“He’s late.” You spoke the words to no one in particular, an observation that anyone could discern with their own two eyes. 

Still, you kept your gaze harsh on the empty seat, as if willing Dazai to materialize from thin air. 

The comment still seemed to shake Izumi from a trance, even if it had been nothing more than the obvious. She twisted her fingers together, flattening her top farther over her waist band. Although she was one of the only people in the mafia that saw the softer side of Dazai, the one he reserved just for you, she was still overwhelmingly intimidated by him. 

“I’m sorry, miss,” she said, even though you always reminded her that it was fine to address you by your name. “I can take it back into the kitchen and—”

You stopped her with a sigh, shaking your head before letting it drop into your hands. “No need. I’m sure he’ll be here soon,” you assured her, but it was already ten minutes past seven—the hour that Dazai had said he’d be back for dinner. 

Usually, you wouldn’t have minded. You knew that Dazai was busy, that the tasks piled onto him were unending and overwhelming. Even though you hated seeing him overwork himself, it was always alright. He never took his stress out on you and always showered you with affection upon his return from a long day. 

Tonight, though, he’d promised that he’d be there, right on time, for dinner. You agreed upon that hour beforehand, and he still hadn’t showed. 

Izumi looked at your disappointed expression, knowing how much the small moments with Dazai meant to you. You never doubted that you were the most important person in his life, and you never would. 

Despite that steadfast belief, you still ached when his work began to cut in on his time with you. 

“Give him a couple more minutes,” Izumi said, smiling as she squeezed your arm gently. She was just a few years older than you, but there was a motherly glint to her eyes when she regarded you, her affection just barely veiled. 

Over the past few years, you’d persuaded her to see you as more than just her employer, at the very least. There would always been a thin shield of professionalism between you, but now, you considered her something of a friend. 

You dispelled all your irritation on a steady exhale and did as she suggested, waiting five more minutes. The heat began to dissipate from the cooling food, the plates and bowls no longer hot to the touch. 

The time reached 7:15. Izumi returned from the kitchen again with a frown, wiping her hands on a cloth. “Is there anything you’d like me to do?” She asked, sympathetic to your spoiled night, her usually bright eyes dimming. 

You stood, the chair screeching as you pushed it away. Though it seemed like such a small issue compared to all the other dilemmas you’d faced with Dazai, the burning desire of tears began to make its way up your throat.

You shook your head, standing taller, trying to remind yourself that someone proud enough to stand next to Dazai wouldn’t cry about something so inconsequential.  

“I’ll take it to my room, if you don’t mind,” you said, and Izumi nodded, smiling at you, softly, but without the pity that she knew you hated. 

She made her way to your seat, to gather up a plate to bring to you in a moment. Though, she didn’t get far in her task, and you didn’t make it out of the room. Seconds later, Dazai was pushing open the door, his footsteps sharp in the otherwise quiet hall. 

You looked up at him, frowning, a complaint already parting your lips as you assessed his appearance. 

Dazai’s shirt was undone, his hair a mess, stands stuck to his forehead, creasing at unusual ends. He was covered in blood from head to toe, the deep color staining his crisp white top. It had splattered against his cheek, his suit, even on his shoes, creating an intimidating vision of gore. The bandages around his wrists had loosened, soaked a muddy brown from the oxidation. Dazai’s tie had also been discarded, the dark silk peeking out of his pocket. 

Despite the violence of his appearance, his eyes were soft as he headed to you, unbothered by anything else in the room. “I’m so sorry I’m late, my love,” he apologized profusely, his voice low and gentle, eyes crestfallen in a way that had you forgiving him on the spot.

Still, you pinned him with your gaze, letting him feel every second of those fifteen minutes you'd believed that he’d forgotten his promise. The distance between you felt cold, even when there was hardly any of it between you.

“You told me you’d be here,” you said with a frown. The food had continued to cool. All you’d wanted was to give him an ounce of kindness in his world of endless hurt.

“I know.” Bloodied, delicate fingers were on your elbow, barely grazing your skin as he attempted to ease you into him. “I really am sorry. I got caught up with something.”

You were no stranger to his definition of something.

Dazai began to lean in, hopeful that he could erase your worries with a kiss, but you held an arm out, keeping him away.

“Don’t kiss me with blood on your face,” you said, the bite only reaching the end of your sentence, even if it didn’t fully reflect your emotions. A desperate desire to be near him battled every move you made. 

“It was an apology kiss.” Dazai's bottom lip curled into a pout. 

You refused to be swayed by the vulnerability in his wide brown eyes. “I don’t want it.”

He glowered for a moment longer, trying to topple your pride. When he got nowhere, he gestured towards your seat, hoping you'd take your place once more.

“Fine,” he said dramatically. "I’ll pretend that didn’t hurt my feelings.” 

You wrinkled your brow, displeased by the insinuation that you would carry on as normal. 

Wearily, Dazai leaned against the chair, and waited. When you did nothing, he pushed it back in, eyeing you skeptically. “Do you not want to eat anymore?” He asked, frowning. It seemed he was not upset, but unsure of where you stood on the matter.

You made a face. “I can’t sit across the table from you and have a cheerful dinner conversation while you’ve got someone else’s blood coating your entire body.” 

Dazai looked down, as if only realizing for the first time that he was stained ruby red. “The food will get cold, darling.” 

“You should’ve been on time, then.” It came out more clipped than you meant it to, and Dazai just stared back, his expression terse as you communicated silently. 

Izumi, finally, made her presence known as she cleared her throat, directing both of your attentions back to her. “I can warm it,” she said, darting her eyes away when Dazai’s piercing gaze reached her. “If you’d like.” 

Dazai began to object, but you spoke over him, knowing his abrasive words would only upset her. Instead, you laced your fingers with his to drag him out of the dining room. “Thank you, Izumi. We’ll only be a minute.” 

You shuttled him into the bathroom, and Dazai remained uncharacteristically quiet, gauging your mood as you shut the door behind the two of you.

“Sit,” you said, perching him at the edge of the sink. Dazai blinked, but said nothing. His long legs stretched against the cabinets, feet reaching the floor, even as he rested his weight on the countertop.

You maneuvered around the bathroom, opening cabinets and shutting drawers, feeling Dazai's watchful eyes on you.

“You look beautiful,” he said, smiling, allowing his infatuation to consume him completely, now that you were alone. “As always. That dress looks particularly stunning on you, though. You should wear it more often.” He tried to lure you in by the waist, but you dodged him once more, letting him huff in annoyance. 

"Thank you," you said, barely above a whisper, and left him sitting in the bathroom alone.

Hastily, you returned to your bedroom, rummaging through his closet for a clean top. Though he had so many of the same styles, you settled on a silk, black button-up, one that would pair nicely with your own evening gown.

When you returned, Dazai was leaning against the mirror, eyes closed, the dirtied and discarded bandages ripped from his face.

Over the past few weeks, his hair had grown longer, curling around his jaw and over his eyebrows, thick and tangled from whatever damage he’d inflicted before coming home to you.

Yet, you softened at the sight of him so open, wishing you could take even an ounce of that stress off his shoulders. 

As he breathed, evenly and slowly, you ran a washcloth under the water, warming it. You could feel Dazai’s eyes on you as you hummed, busying yourself with the task at hand.

“I can’t tell if you’re actually mad at me or not,” he said, and though he forced out a laugh, the concern in his eyes was more real than he wanted you to believe. “I really am sorry.”

It was almost amusing that this was the man everyone in the city feared. When people looked at Dazai, it was never with affection, never with the deepest humanity within your own heart. Even when he’d always had so much love to give, just nowhere to put it until he'd met you.

Perhaps, in another universe, life had been kinder to him. 

You exhaled and relaxed, offering him the smallest of smiles. The wash cloth foamed with soap as you poured it, a fresh aroma of honey and vanilla fusing into the space between you. 

“I’m not mad, Osamu,” you said, and he visibly relaxed, hooking his ankles around yours while you stood between his thighs. “I was more disappointed than anything. I hate missing out on time with you.” You frowned and brushed the hair off his forehead, tucking longer strands behind his ears. “Will you take a break every once in a while?” 

Dazai melted under your soft touch, preening with a cheeky grin. “Of course I will.” He brushed his thumb over your cheeks, dark eyelashes fanning the sharp bones of his face as he stared, astonished by your care. “I’ve been busy this week, and I apologize. Just say the word, and I’m yours for a day, a week, a month.” He exhaled, unsteadily. “All you have to do is ask.” 

You smiled, and though you wouldn't ask for so much time with him, not when things were so hectic with the mafia, it was nice to know that you could.

Slowly, you ran the cloth over the splattered blood, wiping it off inch by inch. His skin tone returned to normal, the deep red stain erasing. 

“What happened this time?”

Dazai sighed, dropping his chin to his chest, releasing every ounce of cruelty from his being. It was so hard to reconcile the two sides of him. He was sweet to you, caring and gentle. But you’d seen him when he was out of your embrace, faced with an enemy, a subordinate that hadn’t followed rules. He so swiftly morphed into someone that was cruel, merciless, offering them a smile only in mockery. 

“Some idiot was leaking information to another group,” Dazai said, tracing patterns on your hips. “If he would’ve been smart, he would’ve realized he never had access to anything of substance. I don’t know why risking his position with us was worth some extra pocket money.”

You frowned. “It took you this long to figure out his plans?” It seemed impossible that anyone could have something to hold over Dazai.

He laughed darkly, no humor within in. “I had a few eyes on him, but I was waiting for some definitive proof. He’s been here for quite a while, and he questioned why he never promoted.”

Dazai rolled his eyes, never understanding how people could be so foolish, could let emotions rule their decisions over logic. 

You nodded, understanding as you wiped his lips clean, erasing all traces of blood from his pores. Once his skin was fresh, he leaned forward, capturing you in a kiss that nearly had you dropping the cloth back into the sink. 

Dazai pulled away, smoothly, even when you had been left breathless. “Don’t worry about it, my love.”

“The mafia is important to me too." You scrunched your features. “If something’s going on, I want to know.”

Dazai smiled lazily, leaning back onto the counter, the picture of nonchalance. “If I really thought it was worth getting worked up about, I’d tell you.” He curled a piece of your hair around his finger, playing with it idly. “Why? You think I don’t trust my favorite girl?” 

You stiffened, defensive, before releasing your shoulders once more, dropping your gaze to his chest. Slowly, you began to undo the buttons of his top, the threads so stained that it was beyond repair. “I don’t know, Osamu. You keep so many secrets. Sometimes I’m not sure.” 

Dazai was quiet, eyebrows raised as he assessed you. When you reached the fourth button of his top, he grabbed your wrist, forcing your attention back to him.

“I don’t keep secrets from you, sweetheart.” He tugged you closer, curling the other arm around your back, skirting between your shoulder blades. Dazai dipped his head, tenderly kissing your fragile collarbone, the touch so airy that it sent your heart racing. “You’re the only person I really trust. If I thought you actually wanted to know every gory detail about the torment I inflicted, then I’d tell you.” 

You breathed in, closing your eyes to steady yourself. It didn’t take much for Dazai to remind you of every reason you’d ever loved him.

“I don’t care about that,” you said as Dazai rested his forehead against your own, keeping his eyes on yours’ even when your gaze was pinned to his chest. He released his soft grip to let you continue your task, and you were swallowing, onto the fifth button. “It was just a passing comment.” 

“Maybe so, but I don’t ever want you to think that I’m hiding things from you,” he said, fiercely.

You shrugged. “I would understand if there were things you couldn’t tell me. It doesn’t upset me.” When the shirt finally became undone completely, you slid it off Dazai’s shoulders, wadding it up into a ball to discard. 

He straightened, replacing the dirtied white top with the darker, softer one. “I can tell you whatever I want.” He scoffed, sliding the black buttons through the holes. “I’m the boss.”

“I just assumed the boss would have highly classified information that had to be contained to a select group of individuals.” 

Dazai made a face at you, like your statement was completely ridiculous. He stood to his full height, tilting your chin up towards him with one long, slender finger.

“Well then, someone should’ve told you that the boss’s wife is never excluded from that group." Dazai smiled at the flush on your cheeks when you allowed yourself to indulge in his touch. “You are my equal. There is nothing in this world that’s more important to me than you. Nothing of mine that doesn’t belong to you as well.” 

Sometimes, you felt undeserving of his affection. It was hard to believe that the man who owned half the city would hand that power over to you willingly, if only you asked.

Though, that grain of doubt lingered in your mind was poison, and you would fight it for as long as Dazai loved you truly. Instead, you smiled, cupping his cheek before standing on your tiptoes to kiss his forehead. “Forgive me if I forget from time to time.” 

Dazai laughed and shook off your grip so he could sling an arm around your shoulder. He was still wearing the dirtied pants, but the blood had dried, and your stomach longed for the meal that you knew was waiting for you. You could let it slide, if only this one time.

“I’ll try to remind you more often,” he said, lips grazing your temple. “I really am sorry I was late for dinner, angel. It won't happen again.” 

You laced your hand with his own free one. The touch was backwards and awkward, your palm cupping the back of his knuckles. You just needed to be closer to him, to feel the touch of his warm skin and know that, for now, his time was only your own.

With a honeyed look, you whispered the words close to his ear, slow and seductive. “I’m sure you can find a way to make it up to me.”

#bsd x reader #osamu dazai x reader #dazai x reader #bsd x you #dazai osamu x reader #osamu dazai x you #dazai x you #dazai x y/n #dazai osamu x y/n #bsd x y/n #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x you #dazai imagines #osamu dazai imagines #dazai osamu x you #dazai x fem reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #pm!dazai #dazai fluff #dazai angst #bsd imagines #bsd fanfic #rylie writes ₊˚🎧 #my love osamu ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

[deonsx]

If You Cry While Making Love With Them

Feat: Dazai, Chuuya, Fyodor

Content: Smut, Nsfw

Dazai Osamu

You had returned from a very tiring day at work and your lover was in a dark mood throughout the day. Every time you looked at him, he seemed focused on his work with his eyebrows furrowed. 'Don't we ever have a quiet day?' You thought, but you didn't ask anything so as not to upset him. You hoped that he would calm down when you got home, but the same mood got even harsher at home, he wasn't talking at all and the seriousness on his face never left

You never disturbed her, but when it was midnight, she was still sitting on the couch and not coming to bed. You waited for her for a while, but then you couldn't help but went to her. She was still the same as you left her. The brunette's eyes were staring at closed tv, "Osamu??" you called out to her and slowly her eyes turned to you but she waited for a while before answering "Are you asleep yet bella?" The eyes looked blank, but he did not forget to ask you in a voice that would warm his heart. You slowly approached him and held his hands, "You are very tired today, let's sleep together, my love."

"I'm sorry, but I'll stay on my own for a while, my love." Your memories after he said this sentence are blurry, but you whispered love sentences to him and gave him a nice night because you wanted to make him happy, but the night was not as full of love as you thought.. Dazai was very rough during sex, more than ever before. he was rude "Ngh!!..osamu!! slow down...!" No matter how many times you told him, he didn't care, but now you were in pain rather than pleasure and you couldn't hold back the tears in your eyes

When you saw your lover stopping quickly, you wanted to pull yourself together, but you didn't even have the strength to move. An anxious tone of voice filled your ears. "Was it too much love...sshhh my love.." he slowly wiped the tears from your eyes and kissed all over your face and pulled you into his lap, making you lose the coldness. "I'm so sorry.. That wasn't my intention... Today was a bad day.. I lost myself." You slowly buried your head in Dazai's neck and inhaled his scent. The pain of your life slowly disappeared with his loving words "What happened today, Osamu...?" you asked as you slowly exhaled into the cold air that filled the room but he only gave tiny kisses to your hair "Don't worry my love...the only thing that matters right now is you”

Chuuya Nakahara

That day was a day when even the weather was really bad. While your boyfriend was at work, you were preparing dinner for the two of you at home. You sent a lot of messages to your boyfriend, but he didn't answer any of them, but it wasn't that unusual, after all, he was an assassin, and sometimes, no matter how worried you were about him, you were better off praying for him. You can't do anything else, finally the man of the night came and Chuuya, who normally rings the bell, must have preferred to open the door with the key, you didn't even hear him coming. When you heard him say "I'm home", you wanted to look at him, but he quickly went to your bedroom and closed the door

But you still didn't care and quickly knocked on your boyfriend's door. "My love! I prepared the dinner, I'm waiting for you." There was no sound from inside.. "Chuuya?" When there was no sound from inside, you opened the door and found your boyfriend exhausted and lost in thought in the corner of the bed. His orange hair covered his eyes. You slowly approached him and sat next to him, brushing that beautiful hair from his eyes. "Are you okay?" You reached out to her hand with one hand and caressed it. he turned towards you with a deep breath. "Leave me alone s/o..”

You didn't want to leave him alone, on the contrary, you wanted to make him happy and make him forget all his bad night, so you slowly unbuttoned his shirt and sat on his lap "My love.. relax.. you are tired enough" While you were giving him gentle kisses, he took off your clothes with his hands and quickly put your bra in a corner. "You so insatiable today..Chuuya-san," your voice trembled as you gripped his orange hair.

After undressing you completely, he slowly laid you down on the bed and got on top of you and left a lot of marks on your skin, his face was very serious, his mind looked blurry and without waiting for you to relax, he pushed his dick inside you, which made you scream because it hurt so much "Chuuya..! it hurts, wait...!" He was ignoring you as if he was under the influence of some kind of trance, his thrusts continued rapidly and non-stop and this suddenly hurt you so much your eyes quickly filled with tears

Chuuya quickly turned his eyes to you, quickly tried to grasp the seriousness of the situation with his eyes, and then stopped quickly "S/o.." he quickly stood up and then picked you up and took you to the bathroom "I...I don't know what I'm doing I was so confused" he slowly filled the tub with hot water and he placed kisses on your hair "I'm sorry my love..." you rested your head on his neck and let the hot water flow down your body "Please forgive me..I wasn't in the right mind, beautiful"

Fyodor Dostoyevski

You felt like you were in heaven as his lips slid across your skin. My eyes rolled to the back of your head. You couldn't stop the moans escaping from your mouth as he quickly ate you away. Your heart was beating so fast that it stopped "F-fyodor!...Fuck!" your hands gripped the sheets and you closed your eyes tightly, trying to bury your head in the pillow, feeling the knot in your stomach quickly close to breaking. "I-I.." you stammered, "Go on, dear.. I can't get enough of the taste yet"

While swallowing your pleasure juices quickly, he squinted his eyes and grabbed you by the waist and put you in doggy position. "Tonight is going to be a long night, my love... it would be better for you if you prepare yourself" Your first tour, your second tour, your third tour, you were still continuing to fuck, it was starting to hurt.. you felt a hard time. You felt in this situation. Normally you would tell this to your boyfriend and he would stop, but it was the first time you spent such a pleasure-filled evening with him and the compliments he told you were like melody in your ears

It felt unbearable now and it made you scream and cry from the pain. "Honey?? Are you okay? Don't be hard on yourself, my love” He kissed your eyes and wiped your tears and pulled you into his lap. You closed your eyes on his cold white skin and fainted right there. 'Was I too weak?' You thought, and when you came to your senses after 1-2 hours, you were lying on your bed in your nightgown. My eyes widened when I saw your boyfriend Fyodor on top of you "My love?? I..." his icy fingers tangled in your hair "Are you okay? Why didn't you tell me...? "

You felt empty and closed your silence, but you felt as if his purple eyes were looking into your soul "I can't let anyone, including me, hurt you or upset you. You should know this best" As you buried your head deeper into the pillow, his voice was more muffled in your ears. You held his hands and pulled him to the bed. "In your lap I want to sleep" He smiled and laid down next to you and hugged you "You are the only person in this world that I care about, my dear"

This was actually a request!!! but since I accidentally sent it after drafting it, I deleted the post and then the request disappeared. I hope the person who wrote this request sees this!!!

We are 700 people!! I will return to my activity as soon as possible, I love you!! I will do your wishes!

Enjoy!

#bsd #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs #dazai #dazai osamu #dazai smut #dazai x reader #dazai x y/n #dazai x you #dazaibsd #chuuya x y/n #chuuyabsd #chuuya smut #chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara #fyodor x y/n #fyodor headcanons #fyodor x you #fyodor smut #fyodor x reader #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #bsd fyodor #fyodor dostoevsky #fypツ #fypシ゚viral #bsd smut #bsd x reader #bsd manga #dazai angst #dazai headcanons

[getonite]

PLAYING : HOTLINE ! — DAZAI TUNES IN!

𝗧hinking about Dazai, your childhood friend and the one who shows his vulnerability only to you. Years after you've gone and left the Port Mafia and your terrible past behind, he knocks on your door. He looks downright terrible. His bloodied hands are trembling as he grips onto the fabric of Odasaku's coat, he's trembling, and on the verge of tears.

"Dazai, how'd you—" he practically leaps, his bandaged arms wrap around your neck, squeezing harshly, though you wonder how he found you... Ango.

There's not a word spoken between you two, but you know exactly what he needs. You pull him inside, carefully closing the door. "How about we clean you up first, okay?" You whisper. He stinks. His eyelids are puffy and there's red underlining his eyelashes. His hair is due for a wash with split ends, and he's pale. You guess he hasn't taken too much care of himself since you left. He silently nods, leaning his full bodyweight into you.

You bring him to your bathroom, carefully peeling the layers of clothing from him. The first to come off is the black coat he's regularly worn since he joined the Port Mafia.

His knees are to his chest as he speaks for the first time. "Mori-san's coat, burn it. I don't need it," he whispers in a raspy voice as if he's been screaming. You hum in acknowledgement as you set the dirty thing on the bathroom tile. Your hands carefully help him undress before starting to undo his bandages. "Years later and you still can't change your bandages like I told you to," he hears you whisper with a small smile. The bloodied and worn bandages fall to the floor as he hears the sound of streaming water come from the bathtub inches from him.

Once he's in the bath, you carefully rinse his body with warm water, lathering his new and old scars with soap carefully. There's a hint of guilt in your heart as you hear him wince, though this is probably for the best.

The pads of your fingers massage his scalp as you wash his hair, just like you did when the two of you were kids. You carefully trim his wet hair and brush it before getting him out of the tub, helping him dry off. You were likely the only person he could truly trust to see him so...bare and vulnerable. You couldn't exactly tell if the silence was tense or comforting, regardless you continued with is predictable mute moment. He always got like that when there was something wrong, you sigh.

"How about, I get you something to eat? I made some bento boxes, you can eat one and then brush your teeth, is that okay?" You speak softly and re-bandage his tender skin.

You smile softly at him when be finally nods. "Okay," you whisper and attempt to finish quickly before his mind changes.

As his hair dries it becomes its usual fluffy self, you'd assume hair matches personality; however, Dazai's eyes were close to dead. He only seemed to relax, feel different, when you touched him so gently. You quickly clean up and head to make him food. "You don't have to eat all of it y'know...just some, okay?" You whisper, setting the box in front of him.

He can tell your eyes are studying him as he eats, wondering what your Dazai from years ago has turned into. You look at him proudly when he finishes half of it before pushing it away. "Thank you," you whisper.

Handing him a toothbrush, you let him brush his teeth and fix the mess that is your bedroom, knowing he'll ask to sleep. And surely, 5 minutes later he stumbles to your doorway. "Can I...Can I stay?" You look him up and down, smiling softly. Compared to the terrible look he had when he first appeared at your door, he looks better. No longer like a man seconds from being a corpse.

"'Course," You smile, pulling back the covers, "C'mere."

He walks to the bed, crawling onto the soft sheets carefully. His brown eyes look at you expectingly, watching you get under the covers with him. He moves his body next to yours, putting his face into your neck without a word. "Ready to talk?" You whisper. His hoarse voice whispers a 'No.'

The calming effect your fingers have as they glide along him and his hair makes him feel like he's home. "Okay, just sleep. I'll be right here, I'm not leaving."

Dazai again, speaks no words, but his legs entertangle with yours. He remembers just why he came here. He missed you. Even if Odasaku is gone, he has you to make sure he doesn't go over the deep end. He'll save people, he'll grant Odasaku's last wish. But first, he wants to rest. Right next to his home.

"I promise, sleep." The man listens, squeezing onto you as if to test that this is real before drifting off.

For the first time in days...he's at peace.

A/N: dazai srsly needs a hug, 'n ill b the one 2 give it 2 him if no one else will! we need more fluffy fics of taking care of dazai, rather than dazai taking care of us. nyway, if u haven't signed up 4 the new tag list u totally should! there's new options n better format.

SUBSCRIBERS : @avatsu @sofliesy @tamreadfanfiction

#(💿) -> SNIPPETS! #(🎵) -> O. DAZAI #dazai osamu x reader #x male reader #x gender neutral reader #x female reader #dazai x reader #dazai x gn!reader #bsd x reader #bsd x gn reader #gn reader #bsd fluff #bsd angst #dazai fluff #dazai angst #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs

[cheriiyaya]

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ In all the time you've know dazai, he's just never let himself near you...

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ Contents: dazai x fem!reader, NOT PROOFREAD, touch starved and emotionally constipated dazai my beloved, hurt/comfort, descriptions of blood and injuries, dazai can't take care of himself for shit, established relationship, use of pet names, lil angst, dazai gets injured, reader and dazai aren't to far in their relationship, slight religious imagery near the end, just yeah

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ W/C: ~2k

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ A/N: yeah this DEF probably lost the poll but i had such a good idea for it so im doin' it >~&lt; @chuuyrr and @ruanais my lovelies here u go <3

When you heard dazai had gotten injured, you were sent into a worried frenzy. Yosano tried her best to reassure you, consoling you with the fact that his condition was stable as you clung onto her. Thankfully his wounds weren't that bad as to warrant a hospital visit, so he was sent home right on time.

It didn't matter to you that you technically didn't live with him yet- you'd only been with him for a month or so-you stuck next to him and went to his dorm that day with him, even as he told you it was no worry.

"It's really nothing, I'm fine." The way he chuckled out the words sounded strained, like it was a plea of sorts. You shook your head, holding out your hands for the keys. He glanced at your outstretched palm and chuckled. "Why, it seems you doesn't even trust me to open my own door." He pouted but placed the key to his dorm door in your hand.

"I do, I just wanna take care of you." You slid the key into the lock, twisted it, and opened the door and stepped inside. Dazai followed in quietly.

"...You really don-" You shot him a look and he quickly stopped himself from saying more, a sheepish smile on his face. As he entered his dorm you went behind him and pulled off his tan coat and flung it on a chair. As you did so, you noticed...

"Is that blood? oh my god osamu-" he cut you off with a short kiss to the lips, chuckling a bit as he pulls back.

"Love, it's old blood I'll be fine. Just lemme clean up, 'kay?" Those reassurances did nothing to soothe your worries. There was ruby-red stains of blood on his shirt right by his left shoulder blade and the visible bandages on his neck and wrists had a smattering of blood on them. Noticing your worried look dazai curled a finger under your chin, pressing his lips softly to your forehead as he smoothed down fly-aways in your hair. "don't worry." And with the lingering words of that whisper against your ear he went into the washroom, closing the door with a soft click behind him.

You don't know how long he took in the washroom, but either way you found yourself standing in front of the door, listening carefully at the shuffle of shoes scuffling on the floor and light sighs that dazai would emit. It sounded like he was fine, but you couldn't escape that lingering feeling in the back of your mind.

So you knocked, very gently against the wooden door.

"...osamu? You alright? You've been in there awhile." Silence, the a voice from the other side responded.

"Yes, I'm fine, don't worry about it." there was an edge in his voice, one that caused you to tense in worry.

"are you sure?" more silence followed you slightly panicked voice.

"yes, love I'm fine so plea-" a muffled hiss of pain was heard, then a sharp intake of breath. "...please don't worry." his voice was quiet, as if he knew you wouldn't listen.

"Do you want me to come it?" You couldn't hide the shake in your voice. after a minute or two of no response, you debated in your head whether or not you should just go in and check on him.

the door creaked open and you carefully stepped inside, gently calling out his name. dazai turned and looked at you, leaning against the counter shirtless and the bandages that usually serve as almost a protective skin loosely wrapped around him. Your heart dropped when you saw the open gash on his left shoulder blade, dripping sticky mahogany down his back. He smiled crookedly, a smile that made your heart throb in fear and worry.

"...I swear, it's not as bad as it looks. It just opened a little..." He trailed off, taking in a shaky breath as he saw your expression. "Don't look at me like that." You took careful steps before him, prying your eyes off the wound on his back.

"that needs to be stitched up. Let me do it."

"do you even know how to?" He chuckled a bit.

"Yosano taught me how to stitch up a wound once." You opened the cabinet under the sink. "Do you have a suturing kit?" dazai shook his head. you sighed, reaching in and moving around some rolls of bandages and such until you found a small container with needles and a roll of dental floss. you bent the needle into an arch-like shape, carefully emptying out the container of needles-far enough out on the counter that you knew none of the needles would fall onto the floor- and filled it with steaming water before dropping the arched needle into the water.

"Dental floss? You're gonna stitch me up with dental floss?" dazai chuckled.

"Mhm. It has less of a chance of breaking than regular thread." You washed your hands and fished out the needle, threaded the floss through it's eye before looking back up at dazai. "Can I...?" You motioned to the loose bandages on his torso and he slowly nodded.

You went behind him, pulling away and unravelling the sullied bandages and letting them drop onto the floor. Now that his entire torso was bare, you saw not only the gash, but multiple scars that ranged from tiny cuts to gunshot wound scars to long gashes. Swallowing, you wetted a towel and cleaned the blood off the wound and his back.

"Okay, I'm gonna stitch it up now..." Dazai hummed and offered a small smile.

"Oh yeah? be gentle if you're gonna kill me-you know I hate pain." You pierced the needle through his skin, feeling dazai's back tense and hearing him release a pained hiss. "Ow! Bella' that hurts!" He whined and you clicked your tongue, pulling out the needle and pushing it back it.

"stop whining." You couldn't help but smile even as you scolded him. You stitched up his wound and somewhere along the way his whines died into short grunts and hisses of pain whenever the needle pieced flesh and tissue and whenever it left.

"Stay here, alright?" You didn't wait for a response before leaving the bathroom and returning with a clean white button up. When you came back, dazai was trying to bandage himself up but you could tell that with an injury like that, it wasn't easy to. You set the button up down on the counter and gently pried the roll of cotton from him, looking up at him. "Let me. Please osamu." He hesitated before sighing, reaching out to cup your cheek in his hand.

"Alright..." He let his thumb brush against your cheekbone before letting it drop to his side. "After all, how could I deny my lovely girl when she asks so nicely for something?" He joked and you felt your lips curl into a smile.

"...there's that pretty smile." He said softly as you began to unfurl the roll. You wrapped it around his arms, probing him by asking if it was too tight-to which he always responded that it was "perfect". As you wrapped him up in spools of cotton you noticed how he unwillingly shivered each time your fingers grazed his skin, how he'd tense as your knuckles pressed against raised, scarred skin.

"Do you not like it when I touch you?" You murmured, pausing as you awaited a response.

"Why would you think that?' He smiles at you, cocking his head to the side.

"Just...nevermind." You began to wrap him again, but his voice stopped you.

"C'mon, what's wrong?" He turns around to face you, smiling a bit. "I wanna know what's going on in my darling's pretty little head." He poked you in between your eyebrow and you whined in response.

"It's just...You always flinch or just find some way to stop me whenever I touch you." It's true-dazai would always find some way to escape even the most innocent of your touches yet he was always fine with showering you with his sweet affection.

He chuckled, cupping your face up and he kissed the area he poked.

"I dunno what you're talking about, love." You rolled your eyes, poking his shoulder, and huffing out a soft "turn around", which he complied to and you continued wrapping his up as you spoke.

"Don't lie to me, you know damn well you do." You stopped bandaging him when you reached a particular scar on his shoulder. "Why do you do it?" You lightly traced the tip of your finger down the scar, causing him to tense up and try to move away. You squeezed his bicep as he tried to escape your touch. "Stay, please." He chuckled, turning his head to face you to say something before you cut him off with pressing your lips softly against the scar.

"Darling please-"

"I've been saying the same thing over and over again, and you haven't listen to me. Now you will listen to me." You pressed another kiss to the nape of his neck, rubbing comforting circles into his shoulder with your thumb.

"Please tell me why you keep hiding yourself from me." You whispered against his neck, the warm air of your breath raising goosebumps along his skin.

"I just...bella'." He sighed, looking at you through the mirror. Once he saw your expression, that pained expression on his darling girl's face he just had to say it, the words couldn't stay in.

"...I don't deserve you." That was it. The answer was simple and curt, yet it left a gaping hole in your heart and thousands of questions.

You were silent as you finished wrapping him up.

You wanted to make him happy, you really did.

So why did he feel undeserving of you?

You thought of it as you watched dazai lay on his futon, staring blankly at the ceiling after refusing to eat. You crouched beside him and sat on the floor, brushing his messy, dark bangs out of his eyes.

"Osamu? Can...can I stay the night with you?" You swallowed, your voice quieter than you would've liked. He nodded and you hesitated before laying beside him. "Move a bit."

You curled up beside him, feeling him tense up again before tentatively putting a hand a hand on your back. Dazai's eyes widen as he watched you sit up, hovering over him with a pained expression.

"...'donna?"

"Why don't you think you deserve me?" You trailed your fingers down his face, tracing every single one of his beautiful features as they contort into a sad smile.

"You want to know? It's because you're a delicate, pure thing and such things do not suit a blackened heart like mine."

"why not?"

"Because, my dear. You're an angel."

"And you're not?" You brushed your fingers through his hair. "Even if you weren't, the devil himself was once god's most favored angel."

He chuckled softly, leaning his head further into the pillow. "Ah, love, you have such a way with words; I don't suppose you could find a way to poison me with them?" You sighed and cupped his face, tilting it up before brushing your lips and fingers over every place and every curve of his features.

"Don't. Relax. Let me give you what you deserve." You whispered against his skin that had taken a pink-hue under your care. You kissed every part of his face and neck you could reach, peppering his skin with traces of love. Once there was no more room to fill with love, you moved to kiss every crease and scar of his calloused, blood-drenched hands as if to cleanse them of sin. His lips caught yours in a tender kiss, lithe fingers sliding into your hair and pulling you down to him. You left multitudes of promises with him, burying deep into his heart with every breath that the two of you took.

Dazai Osamu was yours, he'd always been. You were dazai osamu's, you'd always been.

Just like adam, you'd pluck the forbidden fruit if he asked you to simply because of the foolish thing called love. Even if you'd get cast away into hell you knew that he was the sought-after paradise-

Even if he didn't believe so.

©Cheriiyaya 2024

#☾⋆⁺₊⋆ 𝕽𝖊𝖉'𝖘 𝕽𝖚𝖒𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖘 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾ #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd x reader #bsd dazai #dazai x reader #osamu dazai x reader #dazai x y/n #dazai x you #dazai x fem reader #osamu dazai x you #dazai osamu x you #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu #dazai angst #dazai fluff #dazai imagines #bsd x you #bsd x y/n

[theprettywriter]

The devil's darling : Osamu Dazai

Synposis : with your first visit to the port mafia's headquarters, you see the other side of your lover. The one that he never showed you before. It was as if you suddenly remembered that he wasn't just your sweet boyfriend . He was also the most feared man in Yokohama. He was also the youngest boss of the criminal organisation, the port mafia.

Genre/ warnings: port mafia boss dazai, fluff, angst, mentions of blood, knife, mentions of getting stabbed, slightly suggestive

A/n: this story doesn't follow the original beast au storyline. In fact I won't even call it beast au because everything else is same other than dazai being the boss.

Author's pov

You hummed a soft tune as you walked around the huge office, lightly touching the art piece that hung on the wall in fear of damaging it somehow. Now you know you just shouldn't touch the delicate art work but you couldn't help yourself. If you find something fascinating then you just need to feel it once. And you also know that your boyfriend wouldn't blink an eye even if the art piece got damaged. He's more than capable of buying a few hundreds of the same piece if he wants but you'd rather live without the guilt of ruining it.

Deciding that you should probably stop touching it, you took a step back, opting to admire it from a distance. "sweetheart" you perked up at the sound of his voice and turned around, your lips curling up in a soft smile as your eyes met. "hmm?" you hummed silently asking him to continue.

Dazai placed the papers he was going through down on his desk, looking at you with soft eyes "are you feeling bored, my love?" he mumbled and you quickly shook your head. Well you admit that you were starting to feel a tiny bit bored with him silently working on some papers but you didn't want to disturb him so you opted to look around his office to pass some time. You know he's a busy man so you cherished every moment with him that you can spend in comfortable silence.

He looked at you silently for a moment before pushing his chair back slightly and extending a hand towards you "come here angel" your smile widened and you skipped towards him, placing your hand on his. A small smile tugged on his lips as he pulled you on his lap, kissing your wrist when you cupped his face with soft hands.

He hummed raspily when you leaned forward to press a quick kiss on his lips, his one arm wrapping around your waist while the other tucked your hair behind your ear "hey samu" you whispered against his lips before pulling back, giggling when his lips chased yours "hey angel" he mumbled pulling you in another kiss "you know I can tell when you're getting bored, sweetheart. You keep looking at the clock every now and then."

You scrunched your nose smiling sheepishly. Of course he'd catch on "okay I am feeling a little bored but it's fine. Your office is so big I'm sure I'll find something interesting in here" you said tucking a side of his hair behind his hair. You love it when he tucks his hair behind his ear. He hums as his hand slips inside your shirt, lightly caressing your bare waist "do you want to go back home? I can call a car for you -" before he could finish his sentence, you cut him off quickly shaking your head "no no I'm fine. I want to stay here with you. I can wait until you finish your work and we can go home together " you paused before adding "b-but I can go back if I'm disturbing you"

He tched pulling you closer "nonsense. You're never disturbing me, angel. I'm happy that you're here. I was asking in case you wanted to go back" you smiled at that, kissing his nose "then we'll go back together" he smiled softly with his hand going to the back of your neck. Pulling you towards him, his lips brushed against your forehead before he pressed his lips on yours in a deep kiss. Your eyes fluttered shut as you wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing him back softly.

At the same time, someone knocked on the door and you pulled back startled, going to get up but dazai didn't let you. You looked at him surprised when his grip around your waist tightened and he held you firmly on his lap while someone entered the room "boss" Nakahara Chuuya's voice sounded in the room and you turned your head to see chuuya standing there with his head bowed and his one hand holding his hat against his chest "they've been taken care of as you asked" who was taken care of? You'll never know and you don't even want to know.

You were just here to spend some time with your lover "good. Now chuuya, you've come right in time" chuuya looked up, silently asking dazai to give him his next orders "see, this is the first time my sweet girl has visited the headquarters and she's started to feel bored so would you mind giving her a tour around the building while I finish my work?" you looked at dazai surprised while chuuya nodded "of course not. I'd be happy to" "samu" you whispered tugging his coat slightly to make him look at you "I'm fine staying here" dazai smiled, running his thumb across your bottom lip "I know your curious little brain is dying to look around the building, sweetheart. So go with chuuya and I promise I'll be done by the time you come back. Then we'll go home"

You hummed thinking for a moment before nodding and looking at him with a smile. He raised an eyebrow when he recognized the mischievous glint in your doe eyes . You bite his thumb lightly, giggling softly when you saw his eyes darken a shade before getting off of his lap and pressing a kiss on his forehead "then I'll see you later Samu" he hummed, squeezing your hip and watched as you turned around and started walking towards the door.

You said a small thank you to chuuya as he held the door open for you and turned around one last time to wave at dazai, smiling as he waved back. You fiddled with your fingers awkwardly as you both passed by the multiple guards whose jobs were to guard the boss's office. Each one bowed towards you and you almost told them to stop bowing so much. You weren't used to it, unlike dazai who wouldn't even glance at them.

The long walk towards the elevator was silent with chuuya walking besides you in a respectful distance. You'd seen him many times before. You're aware that he's dazai's right hand man so you've seen him besides dazai multiple times but you've never talked to him properly so you were a little scared that the whole time will be spent in awkward silence.

So when you both reached the elevator and he pressed the button, you finally decided to break the silence "I hope I'm not disturbing you while you're busy, nakahara san" Chuuya's gaze snapped at you and his smile made you feel a little at ease "of course not, y/n San. I could actually use a little walk right now too. And please just call me chuuya" you nodded smiling softly as you both stepped in the elevator, now feeling more relaxed.

"is there anything you'd like to see first?" chuuya asked before pressing any button. You shook your head and he nodded "then we'll start floor by floor" the moment You both stepped out of the elevator, you were suddenly aware of the many eyes on you and it made you feel very, very uncomfortable. It was like every person in the floor was staring at you and judging you.

Your gaze fell on the floor and you whispered to chuuya "is it just me or is everyone staring?" chuuya kept his eyes ahead, chuckling softly. He didn't need to look around the room to see what everyone was looking at. "don't worry. This is the first time the mafia is seeing their boss's partner. That's why they're all staring. They don't mean any harm" even though he said that, he still looked around the room once with his eyes cold and stern. And once was enough to make all the men look away.

You didn't notice when people stopped staring at you because you were already busy looking around the huge place. There were so many long hallways and even more doors that you were sure you'd get lost in here if you wander around alone. Every person around you stepped back as you walked past them. But thankfully you were distracted enough to pay them no mind.

"this is the security room" chuuya said stopping in front of a black door before opening it. You hummed leaning forward on your tiptoes to look at the dark room. The only light in there being the many monitors that showed each and every part of this building. "you can go inside" chuuya smiled as your eyes widened "I can?" he nodded "of course you can" he held the door open for you but before you could take a single step in, the men sitting inside were already standing up and bowing a full 90°. Ah they must have probably seen you with dazai through the cameras when you had entered the building. Your eyes widened even more and you hastily said "p-please continue your work!" before looking at chuuya who nodded chuckling softly and closed the door.

"let's not go inside any room from now" you look at him sheepishly and he nodded "as you wish" you had a feeling he was trying to be polite by now laughing at you.

The next half hour went by a blur. Walking around the building, with him showing you the various rooms. You actually managed to see the inside of their training room because it had glass doors instead of the black wooden ones. From the outside you could see various types of guns hanging on a wall and many men training. And After only seeing men on every floor, you were surprised and very happy to see a girl outside the training room. She was wearing a mask so you couldn't see her face but before you could stop yourself, you waved at her with an excited smile. Your smile softened when you saw her eyes widen for a moment before she shyly waved at you and bowed before entering the room.

"that was Gin" chuuya said as you both walked towards the elevator "gin?" you looked at him and he nodded "Gin akutagawa. She is Ryunosuke's sister" your eyes widen in recognition "I didn't know he has a sister. They seem completely opposite of each other " you smiled at the image of the two siblings "they are" chuuya replied shortly.

After walking around the building for another 10 minutes, you were starting to feel tired. You've been walking around since 40 minutes but there are still places left to see. It seems like chuuya noticed your pace getting slower and stopped before turning around and looking at you "are you feeling tired, y/n San?" you smiled slightly and nodded "a little" ''would you like some water?" chuuya asked pressing the button on his ear piece and you nodded again "yes some water would be great. Thank you" he gestured for you to follow him "this is the resting area. You can rest here for a while and then I can take you back to the boss's office" he told you before saying something in his ear piece.

You wanted to tell him that you were fine and that you can continue the tour but before you could say anything, you both heard a commotion from nearby. Chuuya's gaze snapped towards the voices and he looked at you for a second "please wait here for me y/n San. I'll be back in a second" you know that you're safe here. This building literally belongs to your boyfriend and all these men work for him. But still the idea of being left alone in between all these new faces made you a little uncomfortable so you shook your head and stood up "I'll come with you" he nodded and got in front of you. All this time he was walking besides you so you were confused as to why he suddenly got in front of you "I'd like You to stay behind me" all the warmth in his voice had disappeared and you recognized the coldness in his voice. You've heard it before when he's doing his job as dazai's bodyguard and second in command.

You followed him as he walked towards the direction where the voices were growing louder and louder, until you both reached what looked like a room made for holding different types of weapons. You peeked around chuuya to see a small group of men standing at the center of the room but your eyes widened when you saw him "dazai?" you whispered, a smile blooming on your face but it soon dropped when chuuya growled "what the fuck are you doing?" you realised that the words weren't directed to dazai but the man standing in front of him.

"y/n San don't come any closer" chuuya said without looking at you and rushed by dazai's side. Your nervousnsess seemed to grow when you sensed the tense atmosphere in the room. Dazai looked calm at once glance but if you looked closely you could see the coldness in his eyes as he raised a single hand "chuuya. Stand back" Chuuya's jaw clenched but he didn't argue and stood a step behind dazai.

"now" a shiver ran down your spin when his lips tugged up in a smile. Not the smile that he gives you. But a cold and humorless one. "why don't you continue?" his voice was calm when he spoke to the man in front of him and only then did you look at the unknown man. While dazai looked as calm as ever, the man in front of him seemed to be shaking with fear. You looked at dazai nervously when he took a step ahead, causing the man to step back "you were saying something weren't you? Cat caught your tongue?" his lips pulled up in a smirk and there was almost a pleasant glint in his eyes when the man opened his mouth to say something "you're crazy" he sneered causing an empty laugh to slip past dazai's lips "oh really? I wouldn't have known until you told me"

Suddenly your eyes caught the movement of the man's hand and your eyes widened when you noticed the shine of a knife in his belt. For some reason the only thing going in your mind was that you had to take dazai out of here. So your legs started moving before you could even comprehend it and you were already running towards him. The man stumbled back when you got in between him and dazai and you breathed shakily reaching up to cup his face "samu" you whispered, your thumb rubbing his cheek softly. You didn't know what you were feeling when his gaze fell on you. That cold and empty gaze looked at you for a moment before a smile pulled up on his lips. But that wasn't the same smile he gave you almost an hour ago. That smile was full of love and warmth but this one lacked both of those emotions.

Chuuya had pulled his gun out the moment you stepped in but you were too busy trying to find your dazai to notice that. Your eyes searched his and you felt his hand gracing your waist in a light, feathery touch. And then as you continued looking in his eyes, trying to find the same warmth, you realised with a sinking feeling that you weren't looking at your lover right now. You were looking at the most feared man in the city.

"sweetheart" he mumbled, his fingers digging in your skin slightly with his voice void of an emotion. He always calls you that so why did it feel so different right now? "go back to my office. I'll be there soon" he wasn't asking you. He was telling you to go back. But that didn't stop you from shaking your head. You needed to get him out of here. "come with me" you whispered with pleading eyes, gripping his coat and hoping that your dazai would come back.

Before he could say anything, you heard chuuya yell "oi!" and all of a sudden, your were in dazai's arms. His arm was wrapped around your waist tightly and you were pulled in his chest. Your heart was pounding when you looked up, noticing that every man standing in this room were pointing their gun at the man who was arguing with dazai. "d-dazai?" you called him turning your head back and a fearful gasp left your lips when you saw dazai gripping the sharp end of the knife with his bare hand. The knife that was inches away from touching you. You looked up at him, tears filling your eyes when you saw the blood dripping from his hand while the man holding the knife stumbled back with wide eyes "samu y-your hand-" he shushed you softly. Placing a hand on the back of your head, he pulled you in so that your face was hidden in his chest. Once he was sure that your vision was blocked, he kissed your head and mumbled the words that only you could hear "those pretty eyes were only made to look at beautiful things, angel. Not at these worthless and pathetic beings"

Because your vision was blocked, you couldn't see him flipping the knife around in his injured hand. But you heard the blood curdling scream that left that man's mouth when dazai raised his hand and stabbed straight above the man's heart. Your eyes widened and your hands trembled as you gripped his coat tightly at the same time another scream echoed the walls.

A cruel smile lifted dazai's lips as he twisted the knife in the man's flesh. His smile widening at the screams and cries of help. "you know" he mused digging the knife deeper "I would have loved to hear you talk, had you not made the mistake of thinking you could get away after trying to hurt my love" with that he pulled the knife out only to stab him again. A small whimper left your lips when you heard another scream. The one that caught your lover's attention even with all the screams and cries. It was as if your voice snapped him back from his deranged haze. He dropped the knife and looked at chuuya who nodded, ordering a few men to take away the body.

He rubbed the back of your head with his uninjured hand, mumbling "don't look back angel. I want you to only look at me. Do you understand?" your reply was a small nod as you slowly pulled back and looked up with teary eyes . His jaw clenched at the sight but he didn't said anything and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, walking towards the elevator. The whole way towards his office, you didn't say anything but your bottom lip trembled when your eyes caught the sight of his bloodied hand hanging by his side. Chuuya took a different elevator and followed you both at a distance as dazai guided you back to his office.

As you entered the room, you turned around and looked at chuuya, your voice coming out shaky "c-can I get a wet towel and a first aid kit please? " "right away" chuuya replied and you saw him speaking something in his ear piece just as the door fully closed. You didn't say anything as you took his good hand and guided him towards his desk but you felt his eyes on you the whole time. When a knock sounded, you rushed towards the door and opened it to find chuuya standing there with the things you asked for. Taking the kit and the small basket of wet towels from his hands, you whispered a small thank you and turned around not waiting for his reply.

Still chuuya nodded as the door fully closed, and he turned around, standing there on guard with his hands clasped behind him "no one is allowed to enter this floor until I say so" every guard in the hallway nodded before passing the order in their ear pieces.

You found dazai leaned against his desk, watching you silently as you stood in between his legs, holding his injured hand gingerly and started cleaning the blood off of it. He didn't as much as blink an eye but you felt your own getting teary when you saw the blood staining the whole towel. You exhaled shakily, treating the wound as gently as you could all the while avoiding his eyes.

He observed you silently. His sharp eyes not missing a single detail from your shaky hands to you avoiding looking at him. His looked away for a moment, his voice coming out eerily calm "are you scared of me?" your movements halted and you finally looked at him. Again, his face seemed calm but you didn't miss the subtle tense in his jaw and the many emotions swirling in his eyes. Holding his uninjured hand for a moment, you said "I'm not scared of you, Osamu" his gaze fell on you and he gently squeezed your hand "then why are you avoiding me?" he asked quietly and you looked down again, resuming yout work "i-i'm not'' you both know that was a lie.

Placing his pointer finger under your chin, he tilted your face up, mumbling "look at me angel" you were trying to avoid his eyes to stop yourself from crying. You didn't want to appear so weak in front of him but you couldn't help it. A single tear ran down your cheek and dazai pulled you to him swiftly, wrapping an arm around your shaking form "i-im sorry" you whimpered burying your face in his chest while dazai's brows furrowed "why are you apologizing? You've done nothing wrong sweetheart" he whispered, his hold around you tightening as he pressed multiple kisses on your head "y/n please don't cry" he buried his face in your hair, exhaling the sweet fragrance of your shampoo "y-you got hurt because of me" you pulled back slightly to look at him and wiped your tears, a smile almost pulling on your lips when you saw the visible confusion on his face "what do you mean I got hurt because of you?" his honey eyes stared in your own as he patiently waited for you to finish your sentence.

"well" you looked down "i-i feel like if I hadn't come in between, then you wouldn't have gotten hurt. It was silly of me. Chuuya and everyone else wouldn't have let you get hurt even if that man had tried to attack you. But because I came in between.." you trailed off fiddling with the buttons of his coat. He tched shaking his head with a small sigh and made you look at him "angel I didn't get hurt because of you. That shit head was thinking about swinging his little knife at me before you were there too" your eyes widened at his words "y-you knew he was thinking about hurting you?" a raspy chuckle left his lips as he nodded, taking your hand and pressing soft kisses on your fingers "of course I did" he mumbled "then why didn't you move away? O-or-" he cut you off with a small smile "because thinking and doing are two different things, doll. He was thinking about it. He wanted to do it but he couldn't. He didn't have the guts to stab the boss so he decided to be a fucking coward and tried to hurt you thinking he'd have a chance to escape" his eyes darkened at the last sentence and his arms wrapped around your form, pulling you in his deep embrace again.

You hugged him back, noticing all the tension leaving his body as he relaxed against you. His voice much more soft now "you didn't hurt me angel. You'll never hurt me. So stop worrying that pretty little head, you hear me?" you nodded pressing a soft kiss on his jaw "Samu?" he hummed nuzzling his face in your neck causing you to giggle softly as you placed one hand on his shoulder while the other stayed wrapped around him "what did that man do? Y-you looked angry when I got there" you asked hesitantly not knowing if he'll even answer it or not. He has told you many times before that the less you know, the safer you will be. But there are only rare times when dazai truly gets angry. So you couldn't help yourself but ask.

He sighed tiredly and pulled back a little to cup your face with one hand "we found out that there were a few spies in the mafia" your eyes widened at that "chuuya had managed to find every one of them expect one person" "you knew that man was the spy?" he nodded looking proud at how quick you catch on "I had my doubts but I didn't want to risk him running away so I stayed quiet until my doubts were cleared. When he saw me he got flustered and you know a flustered human will always make mistakes. He didn't have any chance of escaping so he started babbling nonsense" he didn't want to tell you that the nonsense he was speaking, included you. He was already planning on how to make him see hell on earth but you gave him a quick death by coming in between. He wasn't mad at you about it. If anything, it made him realise the difference between you and him once again. While he's out here killing people, you're saving them without even knowing. And a quick death wasn't known as a punishment in his books.

He noticed you've gone quiet again as you absentmindedly played with the locks of his hair "sweetheart" you looked at him questioningly, his hands a little desperate as he pulled you in "tell me I didn't scare you" you smiled softly cupping his face and leaned forward until your lips brushed against his "I'm not scared of you, Samu. You didn't scare me. I was just a little... I can't find the right word for it but I'm not scared of you" he looked at you quietly for a moment before exhaling and pulling you back in his arms "I love you" he mumbled kissing the side of your head and you smiled "I love you too samu"

After a few moments of him holding you, you turned around in his arms so that your back was pressed against his chest and his one arm was wrapped around your waist . He watched you silently as you gently cradled his bandaged hand close to your chest "does it hurt?" you whispered and he could only manage a small shake of his head as he felt his heart skipping a beat when you raised his hand to your lips and pressed a soft kiss on his knuckles.

He knows what you were feeling. The emotion you couldn't name and neither could he to be honest. He was damaged since the early age of 14 so blood and gore didn't have any effect on him. Catching and punishing spies wasn't any surprise either. But this was the first time you, his precious angel witnessed something like this. And he was mad at himself for every letting you see something like this. When he was walking you to his office, he was convinced that he had scared you. That you will start hating him after seeing the side of him that he desperately wanted to hide. That this morning was the last time he was able to see your sweet smile. So imagine how he must have felt when you still welcomed him with open arms. When you still kissed him and heard him and held him with that smile and gentle warmth.

As he saw you softly caressing his injured hand, he wondered how you can treat him with the same love and affection after witnessing his true side. Holding you again was another thing. He was terrified that he won't ever be able to see you and your warm smile again. It scared him more than he expected. And this was the first time his expectations had gone wrong but he was so glad they did went wrong. Because he fell for you all over again. He loved you a little more than yesterday and he held you just a little tighter as you kissed his cheek, asking if you both can go home now.

Home. He never thought he would have a place that he could call home but here he was, letting you decorate his lifeless penthouse with your yellow cushions and curtains and flower pots and what not.

Smiling softly, he nodded, holding you just for a second more before pressing a deep kiss on your lips.

"let's go home, sweetheart"

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[chuuyrr]

✮⋆˙ WRONG PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME — DAZAI OSAMUִ ࣪𖤐

✮⋆˙ CW(s): f! reader, mutual pining, academic rivals, college love, fluff sprinkled with angst

✮⋆˙ SYNOPSIS: in which you get caught in a twist of fate and unwittingly become drawn to the new transfer student

✮⋆˙ NOW PLAYING: "slut!" and "say don't go" by taylor swift !

as you walk into college, the familiar routine of classes played out in your mind. wake up early, get dressed in uniform, and head to class. however, little did you know, today would be anything but ordinary.

you greet a couple of close friends and other peers in the classroom before you settle into your seat and put down your school bag, ready to start the same old day when the professor announced a new transfer student.

"before we start today's lecture, i was asked to inform the class that you will be having a new classmate. class, this is mister dazai osamu."

his entrance was as enigmatic as his name, capturing the attention of everyone in the room.

dazai osamu was an enigmatic figure with a captivating presence. his dark brown hair fell effortlessly, framing a face that seemed to hold a myriad of untold stories. his sharp, observant eyes carried a hint of mystery, leaving others curious about the thoughts hidden behind them.

"it's nice to meet you all," he greets everyone, a wave of intrigue swept through the class. you couldn't help but wonder what stories hid behind those piercing brown sugar eyes of his.

as the professor scanned the room for an empty seat for dazai osamu, your eyes unexpectedly met. time seemed to pause for a moment, and then, with a faint smile, your professor declares, "mr. osamu, you can take the seat next to [name]."

a ripple of surprise swept through the room, including yourself. you couldn't help but feel a mixture of curiosity and anticipation as dazai gracefully made his way to the vacant seat besides you.

the proximity seemed almost serendipitous, and you couldn't shake the feeling that this encounter would be more than just a chance seating arrangement.

as he settles into the chair, dazai turns to you with that mysterious smile, and for a moment, your eyes locked in a silent acknowledgment of the unexpected connection that fate had orchestrated.

as the professor began the lecture, fazai leaned in subtly and spoke with a soft, yet distinct, voice, "quite the interesting twist of fate, don't you think?" his words carried a hint of amusement, as if he had anticipated the peculiar course of events. how strange.

surprised but intrigued, you say, "yeah, it seems that way. is fate a favorite topic of yours?"

dazai chuckles softly, "oh, i have a variety of favorites, but fate has a way of weaving the most captivating narratives, don't you agree?"

the lecture continued on, and dazai seamlessly blended insightful comments with a touch of humor, creating a dynamic dialogue that made the class more engaging than ever.

throughout the lecture, dazai's unconventional insights and witty remarks kept everyone on the edge of their seats. the class that started as mundane transformed into a captivating experience.

it's like dazai's presence added an unexpected twist to the ordinary routine, turning a typical morning into an adventure and anticipation.

after the lecture, dazai continued to follow the unpredictable rhythm he had set. as you head towards the cafeteria for a break, you felt a presence beside you. he was walking casually, matching his pace with yours

"so, [name], any particular reason you're heading this way? or is it purely just the magnetic pull of cafeteria food?" he teases, his eyes dancing with playful curiosity.

"shouldn't i be asking you that, mister osamu?" you say back in the same joking manner, mimicking the way your professor addressed him earlier.

dazai's eyes widen for a moment, it was as if he had never been addressed by his first name before but he liked it, the sound of his very name, osamu, rolling off your tongue.

"osamu's fine! you make it sound like i'm one of the professors here," he complains with a childish whine and pout, making you giggle.

his company was unexpectedly pleasant, and you soon found yourselves sharing stories and laughter during breaks. dazai's anecdotes were laced with a peculiar blend of humor and melancholy, leaving you both amused and contemplative.

as days passed, dazai's presence became a constant in you college routine. he would join you during breaks, effortlessly turning mundane moments into memorable experiences.

your conversations ranged from the profound to the absurd, each interaction leaving you with a sense of wonder about the person who had entered your life so unexpectedly.

and your connection with him deepened as you and dazai spent more time together. the bond you shared extended beyond casual conversations, transcending into a camaraderie that enriched both your lives. however, the friendly banter and shared laughter took an unexpected turn as your academic interests collided.

it started innocently enough—a friendly debate over a class assignment, a challenge to outperform each other on a quiz.

your academic rivalry took with each other on new dimensions as assignments and exams continued to challenge you two. each classroom discussion transformed into a subtle contest of wits, with you and dazai vying for the professor's attention and striving to outshine each other.

as the semester progressed, your academic rivalry intensified, fueled by a mutual desire for excellence. despite the competition, there was an unspoken understanding that your friendship remained unscathed.

in the library, your tables were side by side, each silently pushing the other to achieve more. the rivalry, however, was tempered by moments of shared study sessions. you became each other's sounding boards, helping one another navigate the complexities of assignments and exams.

in the quiet hush of the library, you and dazai couldn't resist the urge to compare our recent test scores, and silently, you exchanged papers, your eyes scanning the numbers with mock seriousness.

a small triumphant grin crept across dazai's face, and you couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at his impressive result.

"i scored 15 out of 15 on our quiz today," dazai chuckles with a smug look dancing on his face as he folds his arms across his chest.

"whatever, 'samu," you scoff at him, rolling your eyes with a huff of breath from your lips, "at least i scored higher in the exam last shifting."

"excuse me, we're in the present shifting!" dazai let out a dramatic gasp, pretending to take offense as he places a hand to his chest.

"yeah? well exams are the bigger deal, not those damn quizzes."

"oh, i see how it is miss [surname]. quizzes only matter when you score higher than me. tsk."

your whispers grew unintentionally louder as the excitement of your competition escalated, and suddenly, a stern "shhh!" cut through the air, courtesy of the librarian, who shot you and dazai an exasperated look.

you and dazai briefly exchanged guilty glances, suppressing your laughter.

unable to contain yourselves, you stifled giggles behind your hands, shoulders shaking with silent mirth. the library's stern atmosphere clashed with your subdued laughter, creating a moment of shared amusement that only deepened the camaraderie between you two.

as you and dazai returned to your studies, there lingered a shared understanding that even in the realm of academics, laughter and friendship could find your place amidst the quiet seriousness of the library.

"i'll beat you next time, that's for sure," you narrow your eyes at him, purposely nudging his shoulder to interrupt him.

"i'd like to see you try, belladonna," dazai bites back, nudging your shoulder back.

the librarian takes notice of this and scolds you both once again in a stern yet hushed tone, "hush, you two! this is a library!"

"ma'am, he started it," you exclaim, throwing dazai under the bus as you motion over him with your thumb.

"no, she started it!" dazai whines and tries to argue about it, but the two of us only received another hushed scolding from the librarian.

she states, folding her arms, "i don't care which one of you started it. either you two to be quiet, or both of you will have to study somewhere else."

you and dazai gulp in unison, "sorry, ma'am."

as your friendship evolved, you couldn't help but be intrigued by the mystery that surrounded dazai osamu. his intelligence was undeniable, yet there were moments when you sensed a deliberate evasion whenever his past as a transfer student was brought up.

one day, unable to contain your curiosity while you two were eating lunch together, you venture, "osamu, there's something about your background you're not sharing, isn't there?"

dazai blinks at you, pausing from chewing on the crab stick he was having, "hmm? whatever do you mean by that, belladonna?"

you blink back and tilt your head to the side, "well, you're more than just a brilliant mind; there's a mystery to you."

dazai, ever the master of diversion, flashed a fleeting smile and smoothly changed the subject, "ah, my dearest, mysteries are the spice of life, don't you think? let's just focus on the present moment instead. what do you think of the upcoming project our professor gave us?"

it was a skillful evasion that left you both frustrated and fascinated. the more you probed, the more elusive dazai became about his past. it added another layer of complexity to your friendship, leaving you torn between the desire to unravel his enigma and the respect for his privacy.

as the two of you delved into the upcoming project, you couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to dazai osamu than met the eye, and the journey to uncover the truth had only just begun.

and it did.

curiosity got the better of you like a cat as you made your way home, and spot him in a secluded area of the school, engaged in a conversation with men clad in black suits and dark shades. the scene was surreal, and you imagination raced with possibilities.

hiding behind a corner, you strained to catch snippets of their conversation. the atmosphere was tense, and dazai's usually carefree demeanor had transformed into one of calculated seriousness. the men in black seemed to be discussing something of significance, their words exchanged in low tones that heightened the air of secrecy.

caught between the intrigue and a sense of trepidation, you couldn't help but question the true nature of dazai's connections. the transfer student, who had brought laughter and mystery into your life, now appeared to have a hidden side, one entangled with individuals whose motives were shrouded in secrecy.

as you observed from a distance, a multitude of questions swirled in your mind, especially when some business of sort was brought up that would take place in midnight and that dazai was supposed take part in it.

"what the hell?" you murmur softly to yourself as you continue to eavesdrop on them.

you shake your head and decide to not overthink about it anymore, and leave for the best as soon as dazai and those men left.

however, on your way back home, the men in black suits approached you with a calculated precision, their dark shades concealing their expressions.

you heart quickened as they surrounded you, creating an atmosphere of quiet tension as one of them spoke with a measured tone, "who are you?"

caught off guard, you stammer, "i—i was just passing by. i didn't mean to..." you trail off.

the other interrupted, "we're aware you've been curious, but it's in your best interest to refrain from prying into matters that don't concern you, young lady."

"i'm terribly sorry. i won't tell anyone. i promise!" you sputter out, unable to look at them straight in the eye.

their stern warning left you uneasy, and you couldn't shake the feeling that you had stumbled upon a world beyond your comprehension.

fear gripped you as you overheard the men in black suits discussing you presence. their hushed voices debated whether to dispose of you for stumbling upon a secret you were never meant to uncover. you felt like an intruder in a world that was far more dangerous and complex than you had ever imagined.

suddenly, the men exchanged worried glances with one another as they talked in hushed tones, but you couldn't help but hear some parts of their conversation.

"you don’t understand, he won't take kindly to any interference with [name]." the first one says.

another responds in a gulp, "yeah, we've got orders to keep on an eye tsushima shuji, but he made it clear himself that no harm should come to her at all costs."

you blink in confusion, heart setting into a panic. who's tsushima shuji? what did he have to do with dazai, and more importantly, you?

it doesn't take long for them to realize that you heard some of their conversation, and immediately, you were left with another stern warning.

"you're better off not digging too deep into this. he is not someone you want to cross paths with. stay out of trouble, young lady."

they hurry away, leaving you with a whirlwind of confusion, and you couldn't shake the feeling that the enigma surrounding dazai osamu had just deepened, and the revelation of shuji tsushima's involvement only added more layers to the mystery.

as the days unfolded, dazai couldn't ignore the growing distance between you two. in class and during breaks, your usual lively presence had been replaced by a quiet reserve, leaving him puzzled.

during a moment of shared silence, he finally broached the subject, "you've been distant lately. is something on your mind?"

you hesitate, grappling with the decision to reveal what you had discovered beforehand. however, fear of the unknown and the potential consequences held you back.

"it's just.. some personal stuff. nothing to worry about," you say, offering a weak smile to conceal the turmoil within.

dazai's eyes reflected a mix of understanding and concern, but he didn't press further. the unspoken tension lingered, casting a shadow over your friendship with him.

"you're not telling me the whole truth. i can tell," he says quite sternly.

despite his insistence, you clung to you decision to keep the truth hidden, "osamu, really, it's not something i can talk about right now. just personal stuff," you insist, avoiding eye contact.

dazai didn't relent, his concern deepening. "i thought we were past hiding things from each other. whatever it is, i can handle it, and we'll face it together."

his unwavering support tugged at my resolve, but the fear of the unknown continues to hold you back, "i appreciate your concern, dazai, but this is something i need to figure out on my own."

dazai, though disappointed, nods understandingly, "alright, whatever it is though, i'm here. i'll still be here, or at least, i'll try to."

those words seemed to carry a subtle weight, as if alluding to an impending departure.

confusion and concern flood your thoughts. "what do you mean? are you going away?"

his brown sugar eyes held a mixture of emotions—resignation, sadness, and a touch of mystery, "life is unpredictable. sometimes, we find ourselves on paths we didn't foresee. but don't worry, i'll always try to be here for you, [name]."

as dazai spoke, a sense of foreboding settled within you. the unspoken undertones left you grappling with a growing uncertainty about your shared future.

days turned into a disconcerting stretch of absence. dazai, once a constant presence in classrooms and breaks, was now notably absent. at first, you brushed it off, thinking he might be caught up in something, as he often was.

however, as the days passed, the nagging feeling that something was amiss grew stronger.

during lectures, his usual seat remained empty, and the laughter that used to accompany your breaks was replaced by an unsettling silence. the realization slowly crept in—dazai's words about trying to be there for you, coupled with the subtle sadness, were more significant than you had initially understood.

in a moment of clarity, you remembered his cryptic statement, "i will still be here, or at least i'll try to," the subtle forewarning now echoed loudly, and the pieces fell into place—you had overlooked the shadows of departure that shrouded your last conversation with him, and left you with a mixture of regret and nostalgia for the moments you and dazai had shared.

finally, unable to ignore the void left by his absence, you reached out, attempting to call him, only to be met with a voicemail that echoed with uncertainty.

"yahoo! this is dazai osamu speaking. i'm busy right now, so just leave a message."

panic set in as the truth you had been avoiding crystallized, dazai, true to his mysterious nature, had embarked on a journey that had taken him away.

tears welled up in your eyes as you find yourself reminiscing the moments shared with dazai while nearing your apartment.

each memory, once vibrant, now echoed with a profound sense of absence. the laughter, the camaraderie, and the enigmatic conversations became fragments of a past that seemed both distant and painfully close.

regret weighed heavily on your very heart as you replayed the events leading to dazai's departure.

the choice to keep the truth hidden, the distance that had crept into your interactions with one another, and the unspoken farewell in his words—all coalesced into a chorus of what-ifs and should-haves.

if only you had said, "don't go," or if you had swallowed your pride and shared the burden of the mysteries that unfolded, then maybe..

things could have been different.

you find yourself crumpling the finished lecture quiz you took this morning from one of your subjects and you couldn't help let out a frustrated cry, hurling it to the ground only to stomp it with the sole of your shoes.

your tearful eyes stare right down against the smudged score you had gotten. as wet hot tears streamed down your face, the realization hit you with a painful clarity—you had loved dazai.

not just for his company or the shared laughter, but for the person he was. the enigmatic charm, the wit that danced in his eyes, and the profound connection you two had formed were now etched in your heart with an indelible ache.

amidst your tearful attempts to call for dazai through your phone, a voice that you had grown to know so well echoed in the air. startled, you looked up to see him standing right in front of you.

however, the relief that momentarily washed over you transformed into shock and concern.

dazai, not in his usual uniform, was adorned in a black suit and tie. the familiar bandages that usually adorned his arms now covered not only them but also one of his eyes. what caught you off guard even more was the sight of blood that stained his clothes, giving an ominous edge to his appearance.

"what happened to you?" was all you manage to stammer, your tearful eyes wide with a mix of worry and confusion.

his usually playful smile was replaced by a weariness that seemed to extend beyond physical exhaustion, "i got caught up in something messy," he replies cryptically, his voice carrying a weight that hinted at a story he wasn't ready to share.

dazai's chuckle echoes, sending a strange mix of relief and frustration through you as you stare at him with teary eyes and a mix of emotions, his surprise was evident.

"well, well, i didn't expect you to be this worried, pretty girl," he remarks, his one visible eye sparkling with a mix of amusement and genuine astonishment, a way of trying to lighten up the mood.

frustration and relief battled within you, and you couldn't help but retort, "you disappeared without a word! what the hell did you expect?!"

dazai's chuckle merely persisted, but this time there was a warmth to it, as if you concern had managed to pierce through his enigmatic facade, "i suppose i underestimated the mess i'd leave behind. i'm sorry."

you frustration poured out in a torrent of words as you rant at dazai, "sorry? osamu, you were gone for days! and those men in black suits you were with even warned me about this tsushima shuji, and to keep myself out of trouble! what the hell is going on?!"

dazai's eyes, once filled with amusement, now darkened. there was a softening in his gaze as the weight of your words reached him, and in that moment, the enigma that was dazai osamu unraveled, revealing a truth you had never anticipated.

"of course, you saw. i knew, and i'm really sorry for not telling you sooner, my dear," he admitted, a heaviness in his voice. "but now you know. dazai osamu is just a persona, a mask i wear. i am tsushima shuji of the port mafia."

speechless, you stare at dazai—no, tsushima shuji—the pieces of the puzzle falling into place. the enigma that had shrouded his identity, the men in black suits, and the warnings.

it all made sense now, and the revelation left you stunned, the weight of the truth settling in.

the person you thought you knew as dazai osamu, the transfer student who had brought both laughter and mystery into your life, was also tsushima shuji, an executive of the port mafia.

as your shock subsided, a strange mix of emotions flooded through you; betrayal, understanding, and a lingering sense of danger.

dazai witnessed the myriad of emotions swirling within you—the shock, betrayal, and confusion etched across your face. the weight of the truth cast a shadow on your relationship, and as he looked at you, guilt and a hint of shame flickered in his eyes.

"why didn't you say anything? did you just lead me on then?" the questions spilled out, a torrent of hurt and confusion that mirrored the storm within your soul.

dazai met your gaze, his eyes reflecting the ache of your questions, "no, no, it was never a game to me. i never wanted to put you in danger," he explained, his voice tinged with a raw honesty that cut through the layers of his carefully constructed persona of a port mafia executive.

"so, what now? you're going to leave now, aren't you?" you ask on edge yet tearfully, your voice breaking with the weight of betrayal heavy in your words, "so you only came to my school, to my fucking life, all just to hide your true identity."

his eyes reflect the pain of your shared truth, "i never intended for it to be this way. it was never just a facade, [name]. i genuinely enjoyed our time together but the danger i bring is real."

"then... then i don't care!" you suddenly cry out, surprising both yourself and dazai, "who gives a fuck if you're shuji, some executive of an underground organization, because for all i know, you're dazai osamu. you're my osamu, my idiot of a seatmate, my rival."

the defiance in your words seemed to catch him off guard, and you continued, your voice shaking but resolute, "you can't just waltz into my life, become a part of it, and then vanish without a trace. i won't let you go that easily."

dazai's eyes, once clouded with the weight of impending departure, softened with a mix of surprise and something akin to gratitude.

amidst the chaos, the mess, and the intricate web of his life, he saw something genuine and profound. you loved him, not for the manipulative and intelligent mind, and the black blood that runs in his veins that everyone sought, especially the port mafia, but for the person beyond the masks and dual identities.

in that moment, the weight of your shared connection took on a new meaning. you truly loved him for who he was—dazai osamu, the seatmate, the rival, the enigma, and despite the dangerous world he inhabited.

and in return, he loved you back, not for any ulterior motive or scheme, but for the authenticity of our connection.

dazai looked into your eyes, a depth of sincerity replacing the enigmatic gleam that often defined him, "i never expected to find this."

he confessed, his voice carrying a vulnerability you hadn't heard before, "but everything we've had, everything we've shared—it's real to me, [name]."

dazai continued, his gaze unwavering, "i did transfer to your school just to hide, but i wanted something real and in you, i found that. i didn't think you'd care nor did i plan to fall for you, but i did. it's a mess, but it's a mess that feels right."

dazai's heartfelt admission stirred another mix of emotions within you. tearfully, you ask, "you think so? all of this, it's not just some elaborate act?"

he nods, his eyes conveying a depth of sincerity at the moment, "i'm not good at expressing emotions, but what we have is real. despite the chaos, the mess, and my own shortcomings, i've found something genuine with you."

in a surge of emotions, you find yourself running up to dazai, flinging your arms around him despite his disheveled and bloodied state. the authenticity of the moment transcended the chaos that surrounded you.

dazai, surprised by the sudden embrace, couldn't help but find himself smiling. your arms tightened around him and he whispers into your ear with such sincerity, "i love you."

the weight of those three words, uttered amidst the mess of your intertwined lives, and amidst the chaos and the mess, dazai gently cups your face, his bloodied hands a stark contrast to the tenderness in his touch.

he leaned in, pressing a lingering kiss your lips, a promise sealed with the authenticity of your love.

breaking the kiss, he looked into your eyes, the sincerity and genuineness in his gaze unwavering, forehead against yours endearingly, and him tugging the bandages covering his right eye in one swift movement.

"i'm not going anywhere now. if anything, i'm your osamu, and that's who i want to be."

wrong place at the right time.

౨ৎ tagging the sweetest people — @aureatchi @ruanais @cheriiyaya @anqelically @salmonieea ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡

#bsd x reader #dazai x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #dazai osamu x reader #bsd x you #bsd x y/n #dazai x fem reader #dazai x you #dazai x y/n #bsd oneshot #pm dazai #bsd dazai #dazai fluff #dazai angst #dazai osamu x you #dazai osamu x y/n

[osaemu]

OSAMU DAZAI: ❛❛ MIDNIGHT RAIN ❜❜

.ೃ࿐ his melancholia is addicting. NSFW

contents: fem!reader. smut –> angst. cunniligus, implied p –> v, alcohol consumption. mentions of alcohol and smoking. established relationship.

author's note: somewhat inspired by cornelia street, easily the best song off of lover imo. fight me.

dazai's a stressed man—that's what years upon years of living in environments as active and tense as the mafia and the agency would do to anyone. so on the somewhat rare occasions that dazai softens around you, it's not a problem for you to oblige him.

ever since the two of you started dating, you haven't had a free night to yourself. nights that were once spent on the couch are now spent following dazai through the scarcely lit parts of yokohama, the only illumination of his figure being the soft rays of twilight bleeding from the sky.

on your little nights out, he never lets go of your hand. whether it's to tug you along cobblestone pathways or comfort you in the alleys you used to avoid, his fingers are always threaded through your own.

the more comfortable he gets with you, the more touchy he gets. dazai's arms seem like they were made to wrap around your waist, and you can't help but feel like a part of you's missing when his fingers aren't tangled with your own.

dazai's good with his words, and even better with his hands. only someone as adroit as dazai could make you see stars on your bedroom ceiling with just his fingers.

on nights when the agency works him like a dog, it's all you can do to keep your heart from melting when you see the way he falls asleep in your arms. for him, your touch is dangerously drug-like—something like a sedative, as he tells you the morning after.

dazai wouldn't have it any other way—he'd rather be addicted to you than to cigarettes or alcohol. and, lucky for him, he finds out after your first night in his sheets that you even taste better too.

one crisp evening after one too many glasses of whiskey, dazai's lips find their way to your collarbone, brushing across your skin in an almost ghost-like manner. the way he's holding himself back is almost painful to watch—the longing in his eyes plus the way he flexes his fingers pulls out a plea for him to just touch you from your lips.

one thing leads to another, and within a couple minutes your clothes are discarded to who-knows-where and all you can think about is how good dazai is to you.

and yet, even an hour later, he's holding himself back. despite being under the influence, dazai retains enough of his mind to resist the growing urge to fuck you to his heart's content. only after your pleas turn into full-on begging does he give in, deftly pushing your legs apart and sliding in effortlessly, mumbling praises on just how well you're taking him.

dazai eats you out like a man starved—when you convince him to fuck you with his tongue, he's ravenous. to him, you taste like heaven, and to someone who's certainly going to hell, he can't help but savor the taste of the paradise he'll never set foot in.

someone with such a tainted past like him doesn't deserve such a good girl like you. you shouldn't have to bear any part of the burden that rests on dazai's shoulders—it's not your fault he's so attracted to you.

that's a lie. the blame can only be put on you for being so accommodating, so comforting, so fucking perfect—at least, that's what dazai tells you from his spot in between your legs.

the pornographic sounds that the two of you make over the course of the night fluctuate every time one of you goes over the edge, mind swamped with nothing but thoughts of the other.

the night goes by too fast, marked by love-drunk kisses and nearly-spilt glasses of whiskey. neither of you has any idea how it started or how it'll end—the rumpled sheets tangled in between your legs is enough.

promises of i'm yours fall from both of your lips as the high starts to fade and your breaths start to slow, sleep tugging at the backs of your minds.

as the view around you fades to black, a last whisper slips through your lips. just before your eyes flutter closed, you relish the look of surprise on your boyfriend's face—it's exceedingly rare to catch dazai off guard, and for you, the person he thinks he understands the most to do so? impossible.

and yet the six words you murmur as your head hits the pillow leave dazai open-mouthed for a moment. he's speechless. the words themselves aren't much, but the meaning behind them is everything.

all good things come to an end—as a member of two of the most perilous organizations in yokohama, dazai knows this all too well. being surrounded by death and danger for half your life tends to destroy one's faith in destiny, and yet, as dazai watches you fall asleep on his chest, he dares to let himself hope against all odds.

all good things come to an end, but hopefully, this won't. he's invested far too much into this for it to crumble—if the worst happened, he'd never love again. it wouldn't be worth the risk, not if someone as perfect as you managed to slip through his fingers. he couldn't lose you, too.

so when he hears his thoughts mirrored on your lips, something in dazai's heart breaks. all his life, he'd been taught that permanence was a false promise. everything ended, good and bad, eventually. dazai had been taught to cut people off before they could hurt him, but for you?

if loving you was pain, then by all means, consider him a masochist.

"i hope i never lose you."

#osaemu #bsd x reader #bsd smut #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu smut #osamu dazai x reader #osamu dazai smut #dazai x you #bsd x you #dazai x reader #dazai smut #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x you #bungo stray dogs x y/n #bungo stray dogs smut #dazai angst #bsd angst #dazai drabbles #bsd drabbles

[awoogayanderes]

it takes the comfort of one person

➪ pairing : post pm ! osamu dazai x reader

➪ sypnosis : the sins of the past don’t always determine someone’s soul

➪ other notes : i have so many ideas but i genuinely don’t know how to write them out, but here you guys go :3

“do you think i’m a bad person ?” dazai asks you, his eyes staring into yours.

“what’s this about ?” you respond, lighting a cigarette, hands trembling in the dark.

“just thinking,” he says, “well don’t,” you sigh at the young man in front of you.

you can tell this affected him by the awkward silence he returns, looking away from you.

you sigh, "the trauma you experienced is very real, and and what that man had you do isn’t okay...but that doesn’t make you an angel either,” you say, an attempt to comfort him.

dazai doesn’t say anything, his fingers grabbing your cigarette, holding it up to his lips.

“and that’s okay, if you can recognize your own actions, you are the furthest from a bad person you can get,” you continue with a soft tone.

when you turned to look at dazai, for the first time in all the years you’ve known him, you saw a light shine in his eyes.

#written by terra #sincerely terra #bsd #bsd manga #bsd x reader #bsd manga spoilers #bungou stray dogs #dazai x reader #osamu dazai x reader #engraved with hope #dazai #dazai bungou stray dogs #dazai bsd #dazai osamu x reader #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai angst #dazai fluff #dazai x y/n #dazai x you #osamu dazai angst #pm! dazai x reader #port mafia dazai x reader #dazai osamu #this was kinda a fic for myself

[hopelessdazai]

✿ 》 Will you talk to me again?

╰⧼ 🪻 note.. ⧽ ; I don't expect this to do well because its not smut but it'd be nice !! reblogs appreciated, support your creators :)

╰⧼ ☀️ features.. ⧽ ; @saelique angst collab!! dazai x gn!reader, WC ; 784

╰⧼ 🌙 contents.. ⧽ ; angst, reader isn't alive, letter from dazai. he's trying very hard to keep himself stable but it's not working™.

To my dearest ______ .

It's been a while, hasn't it? I hope you don't mind me writing to you like this, it's simply been too long. I'm sure you're still angry at me, so seeing you physically isn't my best interest right now! haha, I'm sorry. you know I'm just joking around, don't you? I'd love to see you in person. I'm sure you would've punched my arm if you heard me out loud right now, wouldn't you? I'm glad I'm spared of the bruises.

what does someone put in a letter? that's what I was asking myself before I even began writing. I decided that the best way to do something like this was to just write whatever I feel true as pen touches paper. I hope it makes sense to you, at the least. if I'm pouring my heart out on some paper only for it to be misunderstood, it feels like a waste, no?

though, i'd be lying if i said it wouldn't be rather cute to see you try to fathom what I mean. did you know you scrunch your nose like a bunny sometimes when you're reading? I'm sure you're doing that now too. you'll get wrinkles very at this rate ..

but anyway, I managed to prank kunikida the other day! you remember that hair dye trick I'd told you about? I managed to break into his apartment and swap out his shampoo, at last! he came into work the next day with black hair, it was hilarious, you should've been here! he was so angry with me. beat me black and blue!

oh, _____. I got a new heated blanket for our bed, you know? it took a while to save up for it, and I had to cut out some other necessities, sure. but it makes everything so much better! I hate cold beds, I'm sure you know that better then anyone. haha, back before we moved in together when I'd break into your apartment and crawl into bed with you. I'm sorry for the amount of locks I broke, but your place was so cozy!

... you know, it's been really hard without you here. I miss you so painfully, and I don't mean to call into the void without even an echo, but its killing me to pretend I'm fine about any of this. I'm not fine with this, how am I supposed to be? I wish it was just a bad dream.

I don't want to have to write letters to you anymore, ______. I don't want to have to buy heated blankets to try and stop my arms from aching for your warmth. I don't want you to be angry with me, I'm sorry I didn't apologise to you before you were gone. I shouldn't have been so stupid.

i had so many words on my mind that I was too afraid to say. maybe if I faced myself and told you 'I love you' it would've stopped you leaving.

have you met odasaku yet? has he told you any stories of his time? I wish I could hear your voice again. I wish you could answer my questions. even to hear you scoff at my stupidity again would heal me. I'm sorry I was annoying, I just wanted your attention. it stings knowing I'll never get it again.

I can't keep repeating to myself that you're not gone. I can't keep buying your perfume and pretending that you're in the next room over. your pillow doesn't smell like you anymore.

I wish I could apologise properly. I wish I could've stopped you from leaving the house that night. I wish I could kill myself to join you and yet I know we won't cross paths again in the afterlife. you were always too good for me, ______. i was nothing compared to you.

i picked up a homeless dog yesterday. you'd always wanted a puppy, I'm sorry I never let you bring one home. I named it after you. im trying to get used to them, I promise. if I couldn't save you, I'll save your name.

I'm sorry. if I continue writing, my throat will hurt more. its strange, isn't it? crying makes your throat sore. I forgot what it was like for a while, I remember laying in your arms wondering if I'd ever have a reason to cry again. now I can't seem to help myself.

keep your wings clean for me, white looks good on you. its a shame you couldn't wear the wedding attire i wished to see you in one day. you would've looked amazing.

I'll write again, missing you is the greatest honor.

sincerely, your osamu.

#bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs imagines #bungo stray dogs x you #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs dazai #bsd dazai #bsd fic #bsd #bsd angst #bungo stray dogs angst #dazai x y/n #dazai osamu x reader #dazai x reader #dazai angst #dazai osamu fic #dazai oneshot #dazai osamu angst #angst

[osachiyo]

"i'm so sick and tired of you always downplaying everything!"

"i fucking hate you right now, dazai"

the sentences ran through dazai's mind repeatedly, a painfully numb feeling he hasn't felt in a while blossomed in his chest. he almost didn't notice the deafening sound of glass shattering ringing through his apartment, shards of glass breaking through the bandaged skin of his hand.

he couldn't bring himself to care about the blood dripping on the carpet from between his digits — he felt so empty, so damn guilty ever since you slammed the front door shut without saying a word to him. were you really going to leave him?

the thought alone made dazai clench his hands into fists, nails digging into his palms, resulting in more blood spilling out of the gashes in his right hand, knuckles turning white from the pressure.

a pang of.. something he couldn't distinguish hit his chest once he remembered your tear stricken face — eyes red from frustration and hurt.

you were for sure leaving him.

youwereleavinghimyouwereleavinghimyouwereleavinghimyouwereleavinghimyouwereleavinghimyouwereleavinghimyouwereleavinghimyouwereleavinghimyouwereleavinghim —

his eyes widened when he heard the front door click open — "hey.. i'm ba —!"

you gasped once you saw dazai standing in middle of your living room, blood and broken glass staining the once pristine carpet. "osamu what the fu—" you were enveloped in a warm embrace before you could even finish your sentence — "please, fuck — don't leave."

your boyfriend's voice was uncharacteristically shaky, as he buried his face into the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent as if it was his oxygen.

"babe i.. i just went to get some ice-cream to cool us both off," you lifted the bag of ice-cream in your hands, showing it to dazai. he blinked once, twice, before his shoulders slumped in relief — "oh thank god."

"thought you were leaving for real," he breathed, kissing your cheek gently.

"listen, dazai. i would never leave you like that — i love you, for god's sake!" you reassured him, wrapping your arms around his neck after setting the bag aside. "..even though you were being an ass.."

"i'm so sorry, baby — shit, i promise i'll do better," dazai pleaded, smoothing out the slight furrow between your brows, "say what — i'll take the day off tomorrow so we can go on a date, 'kay? wherever you want."

"hmmm.. i'll think about forgiving you. but first, let's get you patched up. how'd you even get yourself hurt like this?!"

that's how it always was with dazai — one moment he'd have you fuming and crying tears of frustration, but then he'd have you peppering his face in kisses as you two exchanged sweet words. you knew your relationship wasn't the healthiest — but you wouldn't change it for the world.

note. i'm so bad at writing angst, sorry if this sucked 😭

#𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ 𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐒... ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs fluff #bungou stray dogs x reader fluff #dazai x reader fluff #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #bsd angst #bsd x reader angst #bungou stray dogs angst #bungou stray dogs x reader angst #bungo stray dogs x reader angst #bungo stray dogs angst #dazai x reader #dazai angst #dazai x reader angst #dazai osamu x reader #dazai.osamu #dazai osamu angst #dazai fluff

[opieluvs]

ᡣ𐭩‧₊˚𓂃 One More Chance ft. osamu dazai

summary. after six years of dating, you decided to break up with dazai. dazai, of course, was devastated because he still loves you and he knows you still love him. would you give him another chance? tw. fem!reader, ex-lovers to lovers trope, dazai's pov (?), angst, hurt/comfort, drinking, drunk driving (pls pls pls don't do this), depression, mentions of suicide, mentions of sex, ooc dazai, grammar mistakes (?) wc. 1.3k

"osamu, we need to talk."

dazai looks up from his his book to look at you. "what is it, babe? have you finally decided to commit double suicide with me?" dazai says with a silly smile on his face, but his smiles quickly fades when he sees how serious you look. "is everything alright, bella'?" dazai could tell that something was bothering, he quickly notice a few tear threatening to spill out of your eyes. "osamu... i think it's best for us to break up" you hesitantly say.

dazai couldn't believe his ears and his eyes go wide, "w-what...?" is all he could say. what do you mean you want to break up? dazai never felt his heart break faster than this before. "did...did i do something wrong?" dazai asked as he got up from the couch to walk over to you. he places his hands on your shoulders and looks at you. up close he can see your tears more clearly. oh, how seeing you cry breaks his heart. "no... no it's just...," you stop yourself to think. what should you say? that its not you, its me? before you could stop yourself, your start to sob and buried your face in your hands.

as you cry, dazai's heart shatters into a million pieces. he wraps his arms around you, holding you close, trying to provide whatever comfort he can. "shh, it's okay, honey," he murmurs softly, pressing kisses to the top of your forehead.

but inside, dazai is falling apart. the mere thought of losing you, the love of his life, is unbearable. he never imagined a future without you by his side. "please, (name)," he whispers desperately, his voice trembling with emotion. "don't do this. we can work through whaterver it is. just please, don't leave me."

you look up at him, tears still streaming down your face, and he can see the pain reflected in your eyes. "osamu, i... i just don't know if i can do this anymore," you confess, your voice barely above a whisper. "i love you, i really do. but it's not enough. i need... i need to figure some things out on my own."

dazai's heart clenches at your words. he knows he should respect your decision, but the thought of losing you is tearing him apart. "please, (name)," he pleads, his voice cracking with pain. "just give me another chance. i promise, i'll do whatever it takes to make things right. i can't imagine my life with out you."

but you shake your head, tears still flowing down your cheeks. "i'm sorry, osamu," you say, your voice barely audible. "i just... i need some time to myself..."

And with that, you gently extricate yourself from dazai's embrace and walk away, leaving him standing there, heartbroken and devastated. as he watches to exit his apartment, a sense of emptiness washes over him, knowing that he's lost the one person who made him want to live another day.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

its been a few weeks since you and dazai's had broken up. the apartment felt eerily quiet without your presence. dazai found himself going through the motions of his daily life, but everthing seemed dull and colorless without you by his side. he missed the sound of your laughter, the warmth of you touch, the way you would curl up next to him in bed after a good love-making session.

each passing day only served to deepen the ache in his heart. he began to drink again, but more worse than before. almost everyday after work, he would return home and drink until he passed out or he would go to a bar and get drunk.

one day he found himself wandering aimlessly through the streets of yokohama, lost in his thoughts as he tried to make sense of the emptiness gnawing at his soul. everything he looked, he was reminded of you – the coffee shop where you would spend lazy sunday afternoons, the park where you take take long walks hand in hand, the bookstore where you would browse for house end.

but no matter how hard he tried, dazai couldn't escape the memories that haunted him at every turn. he realized now, more than ever, just how much you meant to him, and how empty his life felt without you in it.

as he stood alone on the rooftop of a building overlooking the city, dazai couldn't help but a feel a sense of resignation wash over him. maybe this was his punishment for all the mistakes he had made in the past, for all the pain he had caused others. maybe he didn't deserve to be happy, to have someone as wonderful as you in his life.

the next thing dazai remembers was him getting into a car, and driving off. he was speeding. the car swerved recklessly through the streets, fuled by dazai's numbness and despair. he didn't care about the consequences; all he watned was to drown out the agony that consumed him from within. but in his intoxicated haze, he failed to notice the red light glaring ahead, a warning sign that he was hurtling towards disaster.

suddenly, the screech of tires filled the air as dazai slammed on the brakes, but it was too late. the car skidded out of control, spinning widly before crashing into a nearby car with a deafening crunch.

that's all dazai remembers before blacking out.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

dazai wakes up in a hospital bed. the hospital room felt cold and sterile as dazai slowly regained consciousness. his head throbbed with pain, and the smell of antiseptic assaulted his senses. blinking groggily, he struggled to make sense of his surroundings until his gaze landed on you, he saw you bawl your eyes out as one of many doctors tried to comfort you.

"osamu!" you cried out, relief flooding your voice as you rushed to his side. your hands shook as you reached out to grasp his, your touch sending a jolt of warmth through his battered body.

dazai tried to speak, but his throat felt dry and scratchy. he managed to croak out your name, his voice barely above a whisper. you leaned in closer, your expression filled with concern as you brushed a gentle hand against his cheek.

"i thought I'd lost you," you whispered, your voice trembling with emotion. "when i got the call, i... i was so scared."

dazai's heart clenched at the sight of your tears, knowing that he was the cause of your pain. despite everything, you were still here, still by his side, and the realization filled him with a sense of gratitude he could hardly put into words.

"i'm sorry," he managed to say, his voice thick with emotion. "i never meant to hurt you like this."

You shook your head, tears still streaming down your cheeks as you cupped his face in your hands. "no, it's my fault. if i decided not to be selfish and break up with you, we would be laying together in bed.

in that moment, dazai felt a surge of overwhelming love for you, a love so powerful that it washed away the darkness that had consumed him for so long. he knew then, with absolute certainty, that he couldn't bear to live another day without you by his side.

"i love you," he whispered, his voice filled with sincerity. "please... please give me another chance."

you hesitated for a moment, your gaze searching his face for any sign of insincerity. but all you found was raw vulnerability, a vulnerability that mirrored your own. with a trembling sigh, you nodded slowly, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

"okay," you whispered, your voice barely above a whisper. "one more chance."

and in that moment, as you leaned in to press a gentle kiss to his lips, dazai knew that he would spend the rest of his life making it up to you, cherishing every precious moment they shared together. for he had been given a second chance at love, and he wasn't about to let it slip away.

a/n. first fic ever !!! i hope i didn't butcher dazai's personality too bad. but anyways i hoped you enjoyed it <33 reblogs are appreciated !!

#˗ˏˋ ꒰ bsd ꒱ ˎˊ˗ #ᰔ.opie's library .ᐟ.ᐟ #osamu dazai #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #dazai x reader #osamu dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader #dazai angst #dazai fluff #dazai x you #dazai x y/n

[poeticlilies]

Dazai with a reader who’s really motherly with him? I feel like he secretly craves to be coddled but he plays it off with jokes for a while until a certain point where he just breaks :(

also I’m sorry if my request got sent more than once, tumblr is being silly ‼️

♡ My baby, my baby...

Dazai Osamu x Reader

Desc: Comforting Dazai. (fem reader)

TW/CW: mental breakdowns, joking about mental health, dark thoughts, suicide, self-harm, mentions of religion (usage of word "God"), usage of "Y/N", angst -> hurt/comfort

It hurt.

It hurt so, so much Dazai Osamu thought that God had finally pitied him and was letting him die.

He couldn't breathe; his lungs felt like they were collapsing in on themselves, and he sobbed, trying to let oxygen back into his lungs as they burned.

"Just get home," his mind repeated. "Just get home and you can see Y/N again."

A foreign corner of his heart quieted it's pounding; slowing down to consider the thought of keeping quiet long enough to see you. It agreed, happy at the thought of you; and after five minutes Dazai got up and walked out of the closet he had locked himself inside.

Kunikida stared at him, stopping mid-rant as concern flashed over his coworker's face; but before the blond could say anything, Dazai was out the door and on his way to see you again. The annoying ringing of his cellphone wasn't present; which means that Kunikida probably laid off of him and let him go home early.

He doesn't even remember going home, doesn't remember the sidewalk, the train ride, or the winding little path leading to the quaint little neighborhood; doesn't remember unlocking the front door and taking his shoes off, heart beginning to race again as it protests for the mind to uphold it's part of the deal.

"Y/N?.." he calls weakly; stumbling around your shared home. "Y/N!"

His mind begins to race, panicking; what if you had gotten kidnapped? or hurt? what if the Port Mafia took you? what if-- but his thoughts were cut off when the angel that is you, in your everlasting glory, appeared; dressed in shorts and a sweater, surprised (and a little concerned) to why he was home so early and stumbling around your shared house like a drunkard.

He barely hears the worried gasp of his name; barely processes anything before he's lunging for you, arms flying around your torso and coiling around it, tears coming to his eyes as he sobs in relief, crying and blubbering as he's finally back in your loving arms.

He feels the hand you have on his head caressing his hair gently as if he were a glass ornament that would break apart at the slightest touch, and he cries harder; burying his face into your stomach as he sinks down closer to the floor. He feels you crouching down with him; cradling his head against your chest as you murmur warm words that slither inside through his ears to his heart, comforting it as you hold him in your embrace.

You had never seen him like this; had always known the strong, brave Dazai Osamu; had always seen the confident, cocky, brave persona he put on. Whenever you tried to coddle him, he had brushed it off; but you never missed the slight twitch of his eyes, the lingering look in them as he turned away, the way his hand rested on top of yours for a second too long before he pulled away.

That's why you kept going; kept pushing at his walls, begging and pleading for him to let them down; that you weren't going to hurt him like everybody else, weren't going to be let in only to stab at everything in a frenzy like everyone else. No, you wanted to love him; to cherish him and to make him feel loved as you protected him from the world and it's miseries the way he did to countless other individuals.

And it worked; hence the events of today, as Dazai clings to your sweater and sobs.

"Shhh... Shhh.. baby, what's wrong?.." you murmur, finally; petting his hair as he begins to quiet down, obediently following your words.

"M-Missed you." he states, quietly, simply. "Missed y-you so much; c-couldn't think. Could-dn't do a-anything. Missed you so bad..." he whispers, tearing up again.

"Shh.." you whisper again; lifting his face up and kissing his cheeks. "Cmon, baby; you can tell me what's wrong. It's alright, darling."

And Dazai Osamu only falls deeper in love with you.

--

YAHOO!! sorry if u wanted smt else this was the way i interpreted it :(

#dazai x reader #bsd dazai #dazai x you #dazai osamu #dazai oneshot #atsushi bsd #bsd #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd x you #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu x y/n #dazai angst #bsd comfort

[fyorina]

ᡣ𐭩 DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS

FEATURING: dazai osamu

SUMMARY: seven months after his defection, you run into dazai osamu by sheer chance. you know in your heart what you should do—traitors are to be disposed of, regardless of any previous relationship you might've had with them... but can you bring yourself to do what must be done? or will you be more driven by the questions you desperately need answered?

(wordcount: 7.1k; fem!reader, pm!reader, angsty (i promiseeeee i have some happier ones coming up with pm!reader and pmzai), alcoholism, dazai is in a particularly bad mental state)

AUTHOR'S NOTES: this one was suchhhh a doozy. the third installment of my pm!reader & pm!dazai universe, this is why i had to retcon he's my collar because originally pm!reader didn't see him at all during the 4 years but i got the idea for this fic like 2 ?? weeks ago and it was too good to not use - tomorrow i think i'll put up the masterlist for it so you guys can see the chronology and planned installments

Against all odds, you run into Dazai Osamu seven months after his defection.

You should put a bullet in his skull. You watch absently from the mouth of the alley as the ex-Port Mafia executive groans, trying to push himself to his feet only to crash back onto the pavement, blood smeared across his face from a crooked nose and split lip, bile pooled on the ground where he’d landed.

Gross, you think, lip curling up in disgust as his lithe fingers smear through the vomit, blunt nails scraping against the pavement as he attempts to push himself up again but fails. His shoulders are heaving, breath slow and labored as he lets out another wretched sound, crumpling back to the ground. 

You click the safety off of your gun, pulling it out of your pocket as you quietly make your way deeper into the alley, over to where he’s still struggling to get off the ground. He doesn’t even acknowledge your presence until he hits the ground hard again after nearly making it to his feet. This time, he falls onto his shoulder and gasps in pain as he rolls onto his back, blinking up blearily through glazed-over eyes that can hardly focus on you or the gun pointed at his head.

You should just get it over with, pull the trigger, and leave the body for cleanup to handle. It’d be a better fate than he deserves, cleaner and quicker than he’d ever give himself, and not even half as painful as it’ll be when the Port Mafia inevitably get their hands back on him. 

You’d be sparing him, really; it would be a mercy.

And it’s what is expected of you. Letting a traitor as high profile as Dazai Osamu go free when you have a clear chance to execute him would be more than enough to have you stripped of your rank and thrown into the torture chambers, body dumped in the river when the Port Mafia is done punishing you. 

But still, for some reason, your finger hesitates as you move to pull the trigger. 

“You…” His voice is so slurred that you can hardly make out coherent words, but you use his words as an excuse to bide even more time, curious to see what he’s going to say. You can smell the whiskey on him from where you’re standing, his skin is paler than it usually is, and you notice, idly, that the bandages on his right eye are gone and you wonder when he chose to shed them. “You’re not real.”

Your eye twitches in irritation. 

You pull the trigger. 

If he was sober, he would have expected the reaction from you and dodged the bullet, but he’s not sober, so his eyes fly open in shock as the bullet grazes his ear and embeds itself in the pavement next to his head. He doesn’t look any more sobered up by the pain, which you suppose is a testament to how drunk he really is, but he does look significantly more confused. 

“You shot me,” he says, pale lips parted as he stares up at you—too pale, you notice absently, brows furrowing a bit as you try to consider what to do.

“Yeah,” you say, voice rough with irritation. “Real enough for you?”

Dazai blinks, you don’t even think your words are registering and you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing. 

Get it over with, you tell yourself again, this time positioning your gun over his forehead. A clean kill. You won’t move it to the side at the last minute again. You remind yourself that this is what he deserves—he’s a traitor to the Port Mafia, to you. Killing him now would be a mercy compared to what the Port Mafia would do to him, compared to what he’d do to himself. 

He stares up at you, brown eyes wide and glassy. He parts his lips to speak but you can’t give yourself the same excuse; you don’t wait for his words this time. 

You pull the trigger again.

But Dazai is moving. He rolls over onto his side trying to push himself back to his feet and the bullet lodges right into the ground where his head had once been lying. You stare down at it in disbelief, gun falling to your side as your fingers start to feel a bit numb and clunky, breath catching as you realize what you’d almost just done—what you tried to do. 

Dazai makes it to his knees and he tries to reach out for you but you step back out of reach. His brows furrow before he keels over again, dry heaving now—there’s enough bile around him for you to realize he’s probably thrown up everything in his stomach and then some. He leans against the wall, the glassiness of his eyes spilling over his cheeks as he continues to dry heave but your gaze is still trained down on the ground where the bullet is embedded in the ground where his head had just been laying. 

You just tried to-

You think you’re the one who feels sick now. The dinner you’d had out with Chuuya and Kouyou rises to the back of your throat as you take another step away from Dazai. Your vision blurs as your gaze turns to him again, but instead of the tattered and vomit-stained clothes he’s wearing now, he’s back in the dark suit you’re accustomed to, crumpled on the ground still, but not because he’s drunk because he’s been wounded on a mission that he took on so you wouldn’t have to. 

You just tried to kill Dazai.

Dazai, who’s been your closest friend since the two of you were sixteen and at the center of the most violent conflict to rock Yokohama’s foundations. Entirely inseparable, forever entwined since the moment the two of you met; the type of instant click that most people could only ever dream of experiencing in their lives. 

You almost killed Dazai.

Dazai, who promised to put a bullet in Ace’s head if the man ever came near you again after he found out the newly promoted executive had insinuated putting one of his collars on you during a confrontation between the two of you. He knew that even he would face consequences for threatening another executive, that he would face even more if he dared to follow through with his threat, but he didn’t care and he had every intention of following through if it meant keeping you safe.

You would have killed Dazai if not for sheer luck. 

Dazai, who used to kiss you with trembling fingers and quivering lips, because for as much as his reputation as the Demon Prodigy had spread throughout the country, he was still just a teenage boy who’d never had his first kiss until the two of you got drunk on champagne after a successful mission when he made the mistake of admitting to you that he’s never kissed anyone before. The two of you’d spent the entire night giggling between chaste kisses, getting through just about two bottles of champagne before you started throwing up.

He held back your hair and laughed at you as you leaned over the toilet, miserable. But he was gentle with you in a way that Dazai Osamu is never gentle with anyone, fingers carding through your hair, rubbing absent circles on your back to soothe you as you choked over sobs and gags. 

Then there’s you. You, who not only a moment ago, looked down at him with your lip curling up in disgust, unable to hold your grimace at the way he laid in his own vomit. You lifted the barrel of your gun in his direction not once, but twice, and you pulled the trigger not once, but twice.

When you showed vulnerability to him, he showed you a type of tenderness that everyone thought was long lost to the notorious Demon Prodigy. 

When he finally shows vulnerability to you, you only show him cruelty in response.

You try to convince yourself that it’s different, that the circumstances are different now but the words ring hollow in your head, taking no root, because you think the circumstances shouldn't matter. This is Dazai. Dazai. There are no circumstances that justify executing him.

Your head spins and you take another step away, you don’t know where you dropped your gun and you don’t want to know. You don’t want to look at it. You don’t want to touch it. You’ll send someone else after it later. You blink, and for a moment, you can visualize what almost happened: you can see Dazai motionless on the ground, blood pooling around his head and a bullet wound piercing through his forehead. You gag, pressing your hand to your mouth as you force back the bile that nearly comes up. 

“Wait,” Dazai garbles out, pushing off the wall toward you but he propels himself right into the ground again, face first, scraping his cheek on the concrete. “Don’t leave again.”

Again? The word nearly pulls you out of your daze, the bitterness that’s poisoned you for seven months returning with a vengeance as your eyes focus on him. 

Dazai, who left you without a word or a warning. Not even the slightest goodbye. He abandoned you like you meant nothing to him. 

“I need to-” he gags again as he pushes himself to his knees. He tries to reach forward again but his whole body sways, eyes half-rolling back as he tries to steady himself, on the verge of passing out. “I need to tell you this time. I need to-”

He doesn’t finish the sentence, slumping back over onto the ground unconscious—in a puddle of his own blood and vomit, naturally. The logical part of you knows you should just leave him there. You’re already playing with fire by not executing him on the spot, but you also know if you leave him here, it’ll be as good as a death sentence. If he doesn’t die on his own from alcohol poisoning, then he’ll certainly be found by the Port Mafia patrols. You think Dazai is a fool for drinking so much so deep in Port Mafia territory, for not being careful enough to make sure he didn’t wander out in the open. 

He should know better. 

He does know better.

A part of you wonders if it was intentional, if he thought that he’d stumble into Port Mafia territory and he’d run into someone eager to lay claim to the fame of being Dazai Osamu’s executioner.

If that’s the case, he nearly got his wish—that thought alone almost sends you spiraling over the edge again, having to shove away more nausea. You force all thoughts of the Port Mafia and betrayal to the back of your mind as you fall to your knees next to him, gathering him up into your arms and pushing yourself back to your feet. He curls into you instinctively, even while unconscious, smaller than you remember, smearing blood and bile all over your suit. Your grip on him tightens, a shaky breath escaping your lips when you realize that this is the first time you’ve touched him since the night he left. 

You shake your head to clear your mind, desperately trying to focus. You can’t stay out in the open with him for long otherwise you’ll risk someone seeing you with him, and that’ll open a can of worms you’re not prepared to deal with.

You’ll drop him off somewhere safe, and then you’ll get back to base.

That’s all.

That is not all.

The safehouse in Sakae that the two of you would run to whenever you wanted to avoid Mori is just how you left it the last time you spent the night with him there over half a year ago. One of his jackets is still draped over the couch, one of your ties thrown haphazardly on the ground—you remember the night vividly, the way he smiled against your lips as he lead you into the back bedroom, stumbling over each other and fumbling with buttons as you tried to undress the other while walking to the room, high off the success of a mission that everyone had said would fail because the odds were so stacked against the two of you. Even Chuuya had laughed in your face when you said you’d take the mission, but you knew so long as Dazai had your back on it, it would work out in your favor. 

He’s woken up several times, you don’t even know what he’s saying in his incoherent babbles. Every time he wakes back up, he’s calling for you, stumbling out of the bed you laid him in after getting him cleaned up and crashing to the ground before he reaches the hall. It’s irritating, you have to go back to help him back into the bed every time and he starts babbling again, passing out before you can figure out what he’s saying. You finally had to move yourself into the back bedroom with him so he didn’t try to get up again.

You don’t know why you’re still here. 

You lean your forehead against your hand as you sit on the bed next to where he’s lying, one leg tucked beneath you while the other hangs over the side. You tell yourself it’s because you don’t want him to get up drunk trying to look for you and then crack his head open, but it’s a weak excuse because Dazai Osamu is not your issue anymore. It’s not your job to watch over him when he gets shit-faced drunk, it’s not your job to patch him up when he gets hurt, it’s not your job to look out for him. 

He left you, not vice versa, You don’t owe him anything. He lost that privilege when he betrayed you. Fuck the Port Mafia, he betrayed you when he left without a word. You deserved better than that. You deserved a goodbye. You don’t owe him shit. You should leave him here to rot in his own vomit and blood but-

But you won’t.

Your gaze drifts back over to him. He’s still out cold—cleaner now, because it had never just been ‘get him somewhere safe and then go back to the base,’ as soon as you got him into the safehouse you wrangled him into the bathroom to clean him up. He was uncharacteristically pliant as you manhandled him into the shower. You suppose it was because he was unconscious for half of it but even for the moments where he was awake and blearily blinking the water out of his eyes, looking up at you through wet bangs with those stupid big eyes of his, as if he was still unsure if you were actually there.

Instinctively, you reach out to brush the back of your knuckles against his swollen, split lip, wondering if it was just from him being clumsy while drunk or if he’d managed to piss someone off at a bar. Both are equally likely—Dazai is a rather cantankerous drunk when he’s alone and drunk on whiskey, and even after cleaning him up and dousing him in soap to get out the reeking scent of his vomit out from where it’d sunken into his skin, shoving a toothbrush into his mouth to brush his teeth and scrubbing so they don’t rot from the bile, you can still smell the whiskey on his breath.

You wonder how much he drank. His skin is still pale, his breath shuddered, and he’s shivering even though you wrapped him in three thick blankets. Some degree of alcohol poisoning, that’s for sure. You tell yourself that’s why you’re not leaving—you don’t want to leave before you’re sure he’s pulled through the worst of it. You’re not going to admit to yourself that you don’t want to leave because you’re worried it’ll be the last time you see him for real this time. 

You hesitate right before your knuckles brush his skin, swallowing thickly before you withdraw your hand back into your lap, eyes sliding shut as you sigh.

What the hell are you doing?

If anyone from the Port Mafia knew what you were doing right now, you’d be hunted down right alongside him, branded as a traitor and sentenced to death. Chuuya would kill you if he knew what you were doing right now—and not because you betrayed the Port Mafia by helping Dazai, instead because you’re a fucking idiot. You’ve done a lot of stupid things in your life, but this might take the cake for the stupidest, sticking your neck out for someone who didn’t even care enough to tell you goodbye. 

You rub your forehead, tired. You try to summon the anger you felt when you first found out he betrayed the Port Mafia from Mori and Chuuya—from the hot fury you felt in the direct aftermath, screaming and breaking everything you could get your hands on as you cursed his name and burned everything he left in your apartment to the cold rage you felt when you finally calmed down, bitter and lonely and betrayed by the one person you never thought would betray you—but you can’t. And you think it’s pathetic because what use is all of that anger if you can’t utilize it when the reason for it is lying right before you?

If Chuuya were here right now, he’d drag you out by the hair and leave Dazai to suffer on his own. You left your phone in the kitchen after turning off your location, because he was already buzzing incessantly wondering where you are. You’d told him that you wanted to stop by one of the fishing ports in Kanazawa to check on a small weapons shipment that should’ve arrived earlier in the night before heading back to your shared apartment—you’d moved in with him after Dazai’s betrayal. He made the executive decision himself, not giving you a choice in the matter because he realized that you living on your own in the apartment that Dazai had practically moved into with you was not conducive to you healing from his betrayal.

Plus, you think he was lonely too without Dazai around anymore, but he’d never admit that.

You should’ve been back an hour ago. You’re sure that he’s getting suspicious and it’s only a matter of time before he tries to track you down. You don’t think he knows about this safe house in particular, Dazai had threatened you with piling up mission reports onto you if you told him about this one, but you wouldn’t be surprised if Chuuya learned about it through other means—somehow, he always seems to know everything. 

You sigh again, heavier this time as you try to figure out what to do. You know what you should do, but you also know you’re not going to do that. Your gaze drags back over to him and your breath catches when you realize he’s awake again, bleary brown eyes trained on you, brows furrowed. 

His lips part to speak again and you tense, waiting for whatever he has to say, unsure if you’ll even understand it.

“You… came with me. You never come with me. Are you… really here?” 

Even though his eyes are still glazed over and muddled, his voice is less garbled than it was before. You think that’s a good sign, but even so, you let out an even heavier sigh, this one more irritated, and a bit confused because you don’t even know what that means: you never come with me. 

“Yes, Dazai,” you say sharply, but then you let out a puff of air. The same memories that hit you before coming right back to you, remembering all of the nights Dazai would stay up having to take care of you, patient in a way that he never was with anybody. You soften your voice a bit as you say, “Yes. I’m here.”

Dazai looks at you like he doesn’t believe you. He blinks once slowly, then his brows furrow deeper and his lips turn downward.

“You don’t call me Dazai.” He speaks the accusation slowly, as if to make himself sound more coherent, but you can still hear the clear slur in his voice. “You never-”

You turn away because if you don’t, you think you might lose your temper. He’s drunk, you remind yourself, but he’s still ripping open wounds that never properly healed, because how dare he expect you to still call him by his given name after everything. It had taken months for you to get used to calling him Dazai again and-

You feel your chest start to cave in again and your throat spasms. Your eyes flutter shut and god, you want to hate him. You thought you did hate him, you convinced yourself of it in all of the bitter rage and acidic betrayal you’ve felt the past seven months but now that you’re confronted with him again, you know that it was never hate. You could never hate Dazai Osamu. You'd just missed him so terribly that the pain was easy to mistake as hate; love and hate has always been a treacherously thin line, and Dazai more than anyone else wavers on either side of it.

Your heart feels like it’s about to leap from your chest and crawl right back to him, you have to physically place your hand over your chest as if to hold it in place, to make sure the traitorous thing can’t go back to the very man that tore it shreds. You force yourself to breathe, in and out, steady, trying to settle down. 

This was a mistake, you realize, this was a mistake. 

Just as you’re about to push yourself up, you feel lithe fingers curl around your arm. You freeze, not even daring to glance back at Dazai. You can hear him pushing the covers off of him as he crawls closer to you, the mattress dipping beneath his weight. His movements are unsteady, and you can’t bring yourself to push him off of you when you feel him slump against your back.

His weight is familiar, comforting in a way that it shouldn’t be. If you close your eyes, you can imagine that you’re back at the Port Mafia base seven months ago and Dazai is draping himself across your back, complaining about being overworked by Mori and trying to convince you to take over his paperwork. You’d have to drag him halfway across the base trying to get to your office with his dead weight hanging onto you, you remember all of the wary stares from your subordinates as they try not to let their gaze linger on the two of you but let their curiosity get the best of them regardless.

You hate that you don’t push him off right away, that you’re letting yourself indulge in his touch again. You’ve moved on from this—from him. It’s been seven months. You’re over all of this.

“You… understand, don’t you?” 

You barely hear the words muffled against your back, but you do and you can’t help but stiffen at them. He shifts against you, fingers biting into your skin as he pulls himself up a bit more to bury his face in the crook of your neck, arms looped around your waist as he leans all of his weight onto your back. You can feel his breath warm and shuddered against your neck, making your hair stand on end, and his hands are limp in your lap now, fingers brushing against the material of the clean slacks you’d pulled on after getting Dazai showered.

It’s all so familiar that it could make you sick.

“How could I?” you ask bitterly, even though you know you shouldn’t take out your resentment on him while he’s so drunk; he probably won’t remember any of this in the morning anyway. There’s no point, you’ll just be wasting your energy.

His arms tighten around you, breath hitching against your skin. “I had to, Odasaku-”

The noise you let out is such a sharp scoff that you can feel Dazai flinch behind you. You almost shove him off of you but you refrain, taking in a deep breath to calm yourself down. You never really had any feelings about Odasaku—he was always just there, you heard about him from Dazai occasionally and he seemed pleasant enough the few times you encountered him—but after all of this, you can’t help but hold a grudge against him, irrationally blaming him for Dazai leaving you.

“Odasaku wasn’t your only friend,” you say tightly. “You had me. Chuuya. You-”

“It’s not the same,” Dazai protests, clinging to you as if he hadn’t just driven a knife right through your back into your heart. 

This time you do shove him off, barely sparing him a glance as he lets out a surprised yelp, sprawling back onto the bed. You push away the mistiness that threatens your eyes, breathing in and out slowly to try to keep yourself calm. It’s not the same, you repeat his words, bitterness poisoning your blood and clouding your head. What the fuck does that even mean? You know logically you should take his words with a grain of salt, that he’s so drunk he probably doesn’t even know what he’s saying, but you just feel so angry that it’s hard for you to keep that in mind. 

You hear him scrambling behind you: a thump as he hits the floor hard and then a rush of movement as he pushes himself to his knees. His fingers curl around your ankle before you can get further away and you have a half a mind to kick him off of you and leave.

You don’t.

“Don’t leave,” he pleads. He drags himself to his knees, pulling at your pants and it takes all of your self-control to not look back down at him. “I didn’t-it came out wrong. I didn't mean it like that.”

“How did you mean it then?” you ask him, even though you by all means should not even bother to hear his shitty explanation.

“I just-I didn’t mean it like that.” You’ve never heard Dazai’s voice crack before, but it does now. “Don’t leave. I miss you.”

“You miss me?” you spit out, and you finally turn to look down at him—a mistake, of course, because he’s on his knees in front of you, looking up at you with those stupid, big brown eyes and you almost let your anger fizzle away at the sight of it. He’s drunk, you remind yourself again, but it doesn’t stop you from snapping at him. “You left me, Dazai. You have no right to miss me.”

“But I do.” His fingers fumble for your hand, grabbing one of yours with both of his. “I miss you so much, I think about you all the time.”

His lashes flutter, fingers brushing along your forearm as he presses his lips to your knuckles and then to your pulse point before leaning forward to rest his forehead on your thigh. You can’t even look at him, keeping your eyes trained on the wall, because your lashes feel wet and heavy and you know that you’ll give into him if you look at him now and he doesn’t deserve that.

“I couldn’t go to you before I left,” Dazai whispers and he sounds oddly coherent now even though you know he’s not. “I would’ve asked you to come with me.”

For some reason, that hurts worse than if he’d just admitted he didn’t care enough to say goodbye. Because what does that even mean, I would’ve asked you to come with me, would that have been so bad? He didn’t want you with him? Why wouldn’t he have wanted you with him? If you had left, he would’ve been the first person you ran to, begging him to come with you.

“How terrible that would’ve been,” you say, and you’re proud that your voice remains cold and steady, not betraying the hurt ripping through your chest.

“I wouldn’t have been able to handle it,” he says, voice breaking over a hiccup. “Odasaku had just died and-”

He cuts himself, and you dare to look down at him when you feel him lift his face from your thigh. You regret it immediately. Glassy, glazed-over eyes beg for you to understand, and you scare yourself because you want to understand when he shouldn’t even matter to you anymore. You’ve moved on. You have. It’s been seven months. He left you without a word. So why do you care so much for what he has to say right now?

“You wouldn’t have come with me,” he says, shaking his head. “You would’ve said no. You never would have chosen me over the Mafia.”

Your lips part to deny the allegations, to say that of course, you would have come with him, but the words fizzle out before they even form on your tongue because-

“You can’t even bring yourself to deny it, can you?” Dazai asks, and although he sounds more cogent now, you can’t help but notice that he’s starting to look sick again, the back of his throat making that faint clicking sound it always makes when he’s about to throw up. “You never would have chosen me.”

You would choose Dazai Osamu over a lot of things. You would choose to save his life before yours if put in the position, and you would choose to trust him over anyone else in the whole world. You’d follow him to the depths of hell and deep into the shadows, until your blood is black and corrupted and you’re entirely irredeemable, but you can’t follow him into the light. 

You can’t choose him if it means betraying the Port Mafia. With his defection, the two have become mutually exclusive: Dazai or the Port Mafia, there’s no way of having both anymore. The boy you’ve come to love or the only home you’ve ever known. The only family you’ve ever had. A shitty family maybe, but a family nonetheless. If you don’t belong with the Port Mafia, you don’t belong anywhere on this earth, and as someone who’s always had a desperate fear of alienation, the thought makes you sick.

You stare at him, throat tight, and then you say, colder than you intend for it to come across, “... If that’s really why you didn’t say goodbye, then I’m glad you didn’t put me in that position.”

The expression that crosses Dazai’s face is something caught between ruin and shock—and you can’t help but wonder if he held out hope, thinking maybe he was wrong in his assumptions. That there had been a chance that you might’ve chosen him if he’d given you the option. That he’s been living his life in the what-ifs for the past seven months and now that he’s finally gotten the chance to bare his heart to you, you’ve crushed it.

Your chest tightens, your throat spasms and it takes all your self-control to not immediately take back the words, regret flooding you so intensely that it nearly makes you physically stumble. Because it’s true, you never would have picked Dazai over the Mafia, but he didn’t have to know that—especially not now, when he’s drunk and vulnerable in a way that he’s never allowed himself to be before.

You hope, for his sake and your conscience, that he doesn’t remember any of this in the morning.

His lips part to respond again but his hand is flying to his mouth instantly, doubling over, and you’re cursing, reaching for the trash bin you’d brought into the bedroom and falling to your knees next to him, helping him kneel upright and holding the trash bin in front of him as he starts gagging again.

“I would’ve-” He’s still trying to talk through the bouts of nausea, gasping over air, body trembling as he leans into you for balance.

You don’t want to hear what he has to say.

“Dazai-”

“I would’ve chosen you,” he finally forced out, voice breaking over the words and you’re not sure if it’s a sob or another heave that escapes his lips as he continues. “If the positions were reversed, I would’ve chosen you.”

Oh.

The words echo in your head so loudly that it makes you want to cover your ears even though you know it won’t do anything. You want to accuse him of lying, tell him that he’s full of shit and just trying to make you feel guilty, but you don’t think he’s capable of lying right now and you don’t think this is anything Dazai would have ever admitted to you if he was sober. He guards his heart more carefully than anyone you’ve ever met—in the two and a half years you’d known him, he never admitted he cared about you. You knew it just from how he treated you, but you think he might’ve ripped his own tongue out before actually admitting it.

You wrap an arm around him as his whole body shudders through another gag and he tries to push you off—angry, upset, you don’t know what he might be feeling because you’ve never seen him like this before—but your arm only tightens around him and Dazai crumbles.

He heaves again, clutching the small garbage can to his face as he throws up all of the water you’d managed to get in him before he passed out earlier. Tears spill over his cheeks, his face is pale and his lashes are fluttering again, on the verge of passing back out. You swallow thickly as he leans into you, letting him collapse into your chest after he’s finished vomiting.

“Will-” he tries to say, but his voice is slurred and weak. He’s desperately trying to stay conscious, you can tell, but he’s fighting a losing battle. “Will you be here in the morning?”

No.

You don’t want to say it, you think you’ve done enough damage for the night, but there’s no need. As soon as the words leave his mouth, Dazai is slumping over unconscious, head laying limp on your arm, lashes brushing his cheek. You sigh as your grip around him tightens before you adjust him in his arms to carry him back into the bed, laying him comfortably beneath the covers.

You don’t linger for long after that. After another hour or two passes and Dazai doesn’t wake up again, you make your way back into the bedroom, raising your hand to his face to brush away the dark locks in his eyes before cupping his cheek. Even in his sleep, he leans into your touch, and it makes your chest feel so agonizingly tight that you think you might be having a heart attack.

You lean down to press your lips to his forehead, to his nose, and then to his lips, indulging yourself one last time. Your forehead rests against his as you consider your words—there are a million things you’d like to say to him before you leave, but you don’t have nearly enough time to get them all off of your chest.

Instead, you tell him softly, “I hope you don’t remember any of this in the morning.” You don’t move your hand from where it’s caressing his cheek as you stand straight again, thumb drawing absent circles on his skin. Your voice is thick with emotion, eyes welling with tears that don’t spill over. “We’ll meet again one day.”

Dazai wakes up the next morning with a hangover so bad that he thinks he might die.

He sits up in bed and is instantly groaning, hand flying to his forehead as his brain throbs inside of his skull. He needs to figure out where he is—the last thing he remembers is…

The bar?

His eyes slide shut as he tries to think, but it only makes his head hurt more. He flops back onto the bed, arms splayed out. He still feels nauseous, he can feel it rising to his throat and he desperately does not want to throw up again—it’s one thing vomiting when he’s too drunk to remember, it’s an entirely different thing to vomit while he’s sober and conscious. 

Dazai thinks he might rather die. 

He lets out a heavy sigh as he begs the nausea to go away, breathing in and out deeply. He lifts his hand to brush a lock of hair away from where it’s tickling his ear and-

Ouch.

Dazai’s eyes fly open again, confused now, as he rips his hand away from where he’d touched his ear to stare up at the ceiling. He’s used to waking up with odd injuries after a night of blacking out at whatever bar will still have him, but his ear is a particularly strange place to be wounded, isn’t it?

Driven by curiosity now, he forces himself into a sitting position, and it’s only when he pushes himself out of bed, does he finally start to recognize the room he’s in. His lips part in a distinct mixture of shock and confusion as he looks around the room slowly, making his way over to the mirror.

The safehouse in Sakae?

His chest feels heavier instantly, and a tight feeling rises to his throat as he catches sight of an old jacket of yours draped on the desk chair, the one that had ripped during the last mission you went on together—just the way you left it the last time the two of you were here. A pair of his old dress shoes are lying haphazardly outside the closet door, he’s sure that if he peeks into the closet, all of your suits will be hanging there because you refused to share the closet with him so all of his spares are stuffed in the dresser. Dazai suddenly feels sick again and he doubts it’s from the hangover this time.

How did he get here?

He needs another drink desperately.

But first… Dazai leans over the dresser to look into the mirror—a bit dusty after so many months with no one stopping in—he lifts his hand to brush his hair behind and then-

What?

His jaw drops and his brows furrow, his fingers graze over where the top of his ear used to be, only to find the whole upper quarter of it missing. 

What the fuck? He mouths as he stares at the missing cartilage, and then he looks back around the room, and just as his eyes catch a trash bin that should be in the bathroom, his vision blurs, and his head is aching. He’s suddenly stumbling down an alley, he’s lying in a puddle of his own vomit, unable to stand up straight. He can hear someone approaching and he knows he should get up, find some dumpster or crevice to wait out the night until he’s sober enough to get the fuck out of the heart of the Mafia’s territory in Yokohama, but he can hardly move.

He can lift his head from the pavement just enough to-

Just enough to see you.

Dazai can hardly cope with the emotions that rattle his chest. Longing, because he’s missed you so terribly the past seven months. Disbelief, because you shot his fucking ear off. And… and Dazai isn’t quite sure what the other emotions are. They’re heavy and light at the same time, his chest feels bubbly but his ankles feel chained—it’s a weird mixture of hope and dread, he thinks, because the safehouse is eerily quiet, seemingly void of any life other than Dazai himself, but the chance that you might still be here…

“Will you be here in the morning?”

The faint memory of the last words he spoke before he passed out the last time rings through his head, and his feet drag against the ground as he forces himself to move from the bedroom into the main room of the safe house. His fingers hesitate against the wood of the door—scared that he’s going to open it and you won't be there, scared that he’s going to open it and you will be there. He doesn’t remember the things he said to you last night, but he knows that he’d been staring at old pictures the two of you took before he blacked out. He can hardly imagine the things he might’ve said to you when given the chance.

It takes all of his strength and all of his willpower to push open the door. 

It takes even more to actually step out of the bedroom.

The safe house is empty.

You’re nowhere to be found.

Dazai’s feet are moving before he’s fully even registered what’s happening.

He makes his way into the kitchen to rummage around for another bottle for him to drown away his sorrows, but he doesn’t pull out the untouched bottle of his favorite whiskey he knows is sitting in the cabinet—he goes straight for the wine fridge. He nearly shatters three bottles of whites before he finally gets his hands on your favorite red, the one you’d asked him to stock up in there for you three days before he left, knowing that the two of you had a mission coming up and you’d be celebrating here, as always. Not knowing that he’d have betrayed you by then. 

He struggles to uncork it, the frustration causing his headache to return with a vengeance. It takes an embarrassingly long amount of time for him to finally get the bottle open, but when he does, he brings it to his lips immediately, eyes sliding shut as he downs a few generous gulps.

The taste is familiar. Pleasant. It makes his heart ache with such an intense longing for you that it nearly makes him throw up.

He can almost imagine that he’s tasting it off of your lips instead.

He leans over the counter, elbows digging into the marble as he tries to push away the ugly feelings ripping apart his chest. He can’t. He never can. He hasn’t been able to since the day he left you behind seven months ago. He can only numb it.

With a hand closed around the neck of the bottle, Dazai slides down the cabinet to sit on the ground. His cheeks feel wet, but he doesn’t dare lift his hand to acknowledge the tears sliding down them.

Instead, he lifts the bottle to his lips again and drowns himself in the memories of you for another night. 

#dazai x reader #dazai x you #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu x you #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x you #dazai angst #bsd angst #bungo stray dogs angst

[theprettywriter]

Your beauty and my lust: Dazai Osamu

Synopsis : when he couldn't stop himself and his mind wandered to your delicate skin and soft curves.

Genre/Warnings: ada dazai, masturbation, fluff, mature themes

Author's pov

Sex was a common thing for dazai. When once in a while he wanted someone else's touch and needed a quick relief, he'd just flirt his way inside a woman's heart and her body. But it was just sex and nothing more. Some women were okay with it and some weren't. Not that he cared as it only ended up with him getting kicked out. And when there was a mutual choice, he'd leave after satisfying both himself and his partner for the night. No cuddles or soft love making. Just rough and quick and dirty sex which in most cases, left his partners in wanting more. But he didn't care about them.

That wasn't the case when it came to you. The new and shy member of the armed detective agency. Now dazai admits that he likes all women but the day he saw you for the first time, he felt his heart flutter for the very first time. And that was a new feeling for him. So at first he tried to keep his distance from you. Yes, he's talk to you normally and reply kindly whenever you asked him something or just greeted him after coming to work but he didn't try to make any moves on you.

He didn't flirt with you like he flirts with every other woman and he didn't act like a crackhead like he does around kunikida. Of course you weren't aware of his usual nature because you were new at the agency but sometimes he found himself acting like his real self rather than that annoying coworker who'd jump in a lake the moment he sees one.

So no matter how many times he tried to keep his distance from you, it never worked because the moment you look up at him with that sweet smile and those beautiful soft eyes, he felt his heart melt. More than once, he caught himself staring at you as you worked or talked to any other member. When you'd walk towards yosano's clinic to tell her something, his eyes would be caught staring at the gentle sway of your hips, your soft curves as you'd bend down to pick something off the floor, or when his eyes would soften as he'd watch you laugh and smile at something kenji said. He noticed that you were fond of the younger members despite not knowing them since too long.

No one noticed when he stopped flirting with every woman he sees. No one noticed when he stopped asking women to commit double suicide with him. Of course Ranpo was the first person to notice that the former executive has feelings for his new coworker. But he didn't say anything and just watched as dazai handled you so gently, the hand that once held a gun and killed countless people was the same hand that was now gently pressed against the small of your back as you slipped on a stray piece of paper lying on the floor.

Ranpo watched as your feelings for the former executive grew by the day as well. He noticed your shy smile and your timid steps as you gave dazai a cute little paper bag which had a small box of cookies in it. He noticed how shyly you told dazai that you had made the cookies yourself and that you wanted him to try some. It was so obvious, Ranpo thought as he munched on his snacks and watched his coworkers acting like fools in love.

It was snowing one night and you and dazai were walking home together. You didn't notice when he gently guided you to the inner side of the side walk and walked besides you on the outer side because you were too busy telling him about the new case that you handled Alone for the first time. You were dressed snuggly in your pale blue winter coat But you were a little worried that dazai's trench coat was too thin for the snowy weather so you took out your warm scarf from your bag and looked up at him shyly as you both walked side by side.

"dazai san?" you said softly, a soft blush rose on your cheeks when he looked down at you with eyes swirling with emotions "yes angel?" he grinned when he saw your blush deepen and your eyes widened at the nickname despite him calling you that multiple times. "u-umm" you stutured slightly out of shyness but he waited patiently for you to finish your sentence, only looking at you with soft eyes "y-you look a little cold so would you like my scarf?" you say shyly as you extend your scarf towards him.

His eyes widened for a moment before he grinned softly and nodded, despite not feeling cold. But instead of taking the scarf, he stopped walking and leaned down, looking at you expectantly "care to help me doll?" your eyes widened once again as you blushed profusely and nodded silently while raising your hands by his neck and gently tie the scarf around his neck. You smiled softly as he leaned back to his full height and pulled the scarf over his nose. You didn't notice his eyes darkening when your scent wrapped around his senses because you were already walking ahead.

You waved at him before entering your dorm and he sighed, groaning softly as he walked in his dorm and closed the door behind him,forgetting to lock it because his mind was hazing with lust. He let out a small grunt as he took off his coat and sat on his futon before taking off your scarf. He was going to place it on the table before his moments halted and he slowly raised the scarf towards his nose and inhaled deeply, his eyes falling shut as he smelled the jasmine perfume that you always wear.

A low groan left his lips when he felt his cock throbbing in his pants and his breathing got heavier by the second. He had stopped sleeping around after realising his feelings for you. You were precious. Too precious for someone who is tainted like him. But he couldn't help it as his mind wandered to thoughts that he wouldn't dare say out loud. He breathed heavily as he fell back on his futon and unbuttoned his shirt, feeling a little too hot. He fumbled with his zipper and pulled down his boxers just enough to tug his hardened cock out. A deep grunt left his lips as he pressed your scarf firmly against his nose and inhaled deeply as his hand palmed his cock.

"fuck" he groaned, squeezing his cock tightly before he spat on his hand and rubbed his saliva over his cock to make his movements smoother and faster. Heavy pants left his lips as he sniffed your scarf again and his pace increased, his toes curling up and feet pressing against the futon as he jerked himself off. His movements quick and desperate as images of your soft curves and gentle voice clouded his mind.

You smiled softly at the thought of seeing him again as you knocked on his door, his key in your hand. You had found it earlier today lying by his desk and picked it up thinking you will give it to him later. But then it completely slipped your mind and you just found it in your dress's pocket. Thinking he must be trying to find it, you decided to give it to him now as you knocked again. Your brows furrowed when you didn't hear any reply and a small seed of concern settled inside you because he'd always answer after one knock. You knew he wouldn't be asleep because you both just got home a few minutes ago after all.

"dazai san?" you knocked again, the worry growing inside you when no reply came. Hesitating for a moment, you tried to open his door, a little surprised that it wasn't locked. "dazai san, I'm coming in!" you called out as you entered his dorm but again, no reply. After taking off your shoes you walked in to see his living room empty other than a few half empty bottles of sake on the table. He wasn't in the kitchen either so you walked towards his bedroom and raised your hand to knock but you froze when you heard a low moan "nghh.... fuck y/n It feels so good" your eyes widened and your cheeks flushed when you heard the deep moan of your name. You should leave, you know that. Maybe you heard wrong, yes that must be the case.

You know you should leave but with the door slightly ajar, you couldn't help but peek a little and heat curled in the pit of your stomach when you saw him. He was laying on his back, his legs sprawled out as his large hand worked up and down his cock which was covered in pre cum. His shirt was completely unbuttoned , revealing his bandaged chest and his hair were sticking to his forehead as he panted heavily. Your eyes widened when you a familiar scarf lying by his face and You felt yourself getting wetter by the second as you saw him pressing his nose in your scraf and breathing in deeply as he squeezed his cock tightly. your cheeks flushed even more as you felt your arousal sticking to your panties,causing you to unconsciously press your thighs together.

Oh it was so wrong. You should leave, you should leave but it was as if your feet were stuck to the floor as your eyes watched his movements, your body heating up as you gripped your dress. A soft whimper left your lips when another sultry moan of your name left his lips and you felt yourself gushing as his movements quickened and his abdomen clenched "hah- god y/n I'm so close" his eyes rolled back and his face pressed against the pillow and mouth hung open in a deep groan of your name as his cock spurtled out ropes and ropes of hot cum.

Your panties were ruined, you could feel the wetness of your arousal and it was a little uncomfortable. But you couldn't move from your spot as he breathed heavily, covering his eyes with an arm as he laid there, trying to catch his breath. Just as you were about to force yourself to move, a raspy chuckle left his lips "how long are you gonna hide there, doll?" you gasped softly and clamped your mouth shut as you felt embarrassment and shame filling inside you.

He groaned softly as he sat up, not bothering to dress himself as he tilted his head and looked at the ajar door with a lazy smirk "come here y/n" the way he said your name, it was enough to make you follow his command and you walked in shyly, trying to avoid eye contact with him. He chuckled and pulled you down on his lap, his smile widening when he watched you squirm and blush profusely "i-im so sorry-" you were cut off and a soft whimper left your lips when he suddenly pressed his lips on yours in a deep kiss.

"need you angel" he murmured, smiling softly as you kissed him back as he laid you gently on his futon. His hands trembling as he made sure to be gentle while sliding off your dress as you looked up at him with soft eyes filled with trust and adoration and lust.

Dazai Osamu is not a gentle man. But when it comes to you, he doesn't want to be anything but gentle.

And for the context, he noticed you the moment you entered his dorm.

#bungo stray dogs fanfiction #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs fanfic #bungou stray dogs smut #dazai angst #dazai fan fiction #dazai fanfic #dazai fluff #dazai smut #dazai x reader #bsd dazai #dazai x reader one shot #dazai x reader smut #dazai x fem reader #dazai scenarios #bsd angst #bsd smut

[kentopedia]

hi~! can i rq a scenario with dazai where his s/o finds out he abused akutagawa in the port mafia and gets super pisssd at him because they themselves were abused? thank u!

color me blue

FEATURING. osamu dazai x gn!reader — wc: 3.1k

SUMMARY: mori reveals dazai's true nature as a mentor to akutagawa.

CONTENTS: references to past abuse, arguments, pm!reader, ada!dazai, angst, typical dazai warnings lol, comfort at the end

notes: thank you for the request !! i hope this is okay <3

It’d begun like any other morning. Already exhausted, you woke with an overwhelming list of things to do, tasks that needed to be completed by the evening.

It was a typical routine for you, these days. As a high-ranking member of the Mafia, you never got a break. Not from your job, nor the menial chores you needed to suffer through in your personal life. The laundry, it seemed, wouldn’t do itself, no matter how much your boss paid you for all the illegal actions you’d committed.

And though it was wearisome, everything had been fine. The sun began to set, and you realized that for the rest of the day, you would be free.

That was, until your routine check-in with Mori somehow led to a disclosure of what had been years’ worth of private information.

He’d greeted you as normal, sat you down before his desk with his oily smile, and had you review everything you’d accomplished that week. Though you believed you would be free to go within half an hour, when you stood to leave, Mori released an oh, by the way, and reiterated the unanticipated torment that Dazai had put Akutagawa through.

For the entirety of his story, you sat without so much as a twitch of the muscle, but you couldn’t comprehend why Mori was telling you now. It had been nearly four years since Dazai left the Mafia, and though the Boss had been aware of your relationship as teenagers, he’d never given you any sign that he knew it’d continued after Dazai defected.

You’d both been careful, secretive. You never did anything to draw any suspicion or be labeled as a traitor, and the two of you were successful.

At least, you thought you’d been successful.

Mori had never once mentioned it, had never so much as batted an eye when you spoke about Dazai from time to time. Though, now, his grin was much too conniving, the words made of steel as he drew them out, directing them in a sharp point towards your chest.

He had no intentions of going after Dazai, that much was clear. Nor did he seem intent on killing you for your misdeeds. Already, he’d spun a vile web, knowing exactly how to use you as his best asset. With you still under his command, he had some sort of advantage over Dazai and the Agency.

Perhaps, his comments were just a test of your loyalty. If Mori laid that one tiny seed of doubt in your mind, would it be enough to fracture the bond between you and Dazai that had been unsevered for years?

You wanted to convince yourself, fervently, that the answer was no. You’d been by Dazai’s side for this long and nothing he’d done had turned you away. Yet, you were unprepared for the anger that had risen in you, burning so hot and ravenous that you were unable to think of anything else.

It was all that was on your mind as you returned to the apartment, a barren space that had been used for nothing besides meetups with Dazai since the two of you purchased it. Each wall was entrenched with years of as much sin as there was love. Items that belonged to both of you were scattered across the surfaces, but there was never anything too important.

At the end of the day, neither of you could stay there long.

You paced the apartment, thinking through everything that Mori had said, over and over again. An ache of sorrow fought against your warranted rage, and you stood by the door waiting for Dazai to enter.

As angry as you were with him, as horrified as you wanted to be, there were still years and years of comfort and gentleness that placed a cooling balm over your burning wounds.

Still, a part of you had always been envious that Dazai had managed to escape into something good, and you’d become the enemy to his organization. Now, it seemed, you were the only thing holding him back.

In some other universe, surely, there was a life better for the both of you than this.

Despite your affection, you inhaled, fortifying yourself for a regrettable conversation. You channeled your resentment into logic, rephrasing sentences in your mind until they were perfect, forming an argument that couldn’t be so easily shut down by Dazai’s soothing words.

The door clicked, unlocked by the only other person that held a key to the salacious space. He was humming to himself, an upbeat song that had been stuck on the radio charts for weeks.

Something about that simple action startled you, set you off kilter, and you crossed your arms, protecting yourself. You came here with a purpose, and you refused to diminish the weight of the conversation. A puff of steam left you on a heavy exhale.

Dazai threw the key on the counter and smiled, his eyes softening the moment they caught a glimpse of you. “You got here faster than I thought.” His tone was cheerful, and he seemed relaxed, without the foreboding cloud of misery pushing down on him. It was so unusual that you, almost, regretted bringing up what you’d learned from Mori at all.

Though, it wasn’t something you could just ignore. You straightened, making sure not to deflate under his undeniable warmth.

For a moment, Dazai didn’t realize that anything was wrong. He hung his coat up, stretched his limbs, and talked without facing you. “It’s been too long since we’ve seen one another. I thought about you all day,” he said, drawing out the syllables with a short laugh. “You’re always such a distraction. How will I ever get my work done?”

Dazai seemed so happy, and in all your years together, you’d never thought that would be a word used to describe him. It pained you to ruin that, even as your nails dug into your palm, trying to reconcile the two versions of Dazai that you knew.

You looked away. If you wanted to say what you needed to, you couldn’t bear to see the way his soft expression turned into one of animosity.

For a few more moments, he rambled on to himself, before realizing that you hadn’t said a word at all. You felt frozen in the middle of the room, your mouth dry as you tried to think of the best way to segue into the conversation.

“Hey.” Dazai had grown quiet, and he stopped mulling around the apartment, finally focusing all his attention on you. “What’s wrong, pretty?” There was a pout on his lips, his expression already falling from the bright, joyful one he’d worn when he’d entered. “I still haven’t gotten a kiss.”

You were weak for a moment, questioning if your anger was even worth it. A minute passed of your own silence before you resolved yourself, ending your hesitance. What you’d heard had upset you tremendously; you couldn’t just brush past it like it was nothing.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Dazai’s face screwed up, eyebrows pinched, as he tried to remember what he could’ve possibly done to upset you that week. Though you often bickered about ridiculous things, it was rare that either of you lashed out in anger at the other.

Your expression was enough to let him know that this was one of those times. He hesitated. “I’m… not sure what you mean, love. Did I do something wrong?”

At that, you laughed, amused that he could play so innocent. He’d changed while in the Detective Agency, that much was certain, but you knew every bit of his soul and he certainly hadn’t been purified of his sins. “Mori told me about Akutagawa today. I doubted how much of it was true until I thought about it, really thought about it, and it makes sense.”

Dazai stared blankly back at you, his eyes searching your face for any more context. They flicked back and forth, round brown irises full of an uncertainty you weren’t sure was genuine. He was a master of manipulation, and you refused to ever be a pawn in his schemes, no matter how small. “I haven’t seen Akutagawa in weeks. Whatever’s happened to him—”

You stood straighter, keeping your hands tight at your sides. “I’m not talking about now, Osamu. I’m talking about years ago; back when you were training him.”

A moment passed; he didn’t blink. Nothing in his eyes betrayed him. “Would you care to provide me with some context?”

“You know what I’m talking about.” You scowled, clenching your teeth so hard that it hurt. “How could you do that to him? All those years, you and Oda kept it a secret from me. You hurt him. You were so cruel.” Your nails dug deep into your palm. “I told you everything that happened to me before I came to the Mafia. Every way that I was hurt, and you told me you understood. You promised me, and you turned around and did the same thing to him.”

Dazai held his body loosely, surprised by your sudden outburst of emotion. It seemed he was unsure what to do with the confession you’d just handed over. Dazai licked his lips, wetting the dry skin, and searched deep into your soul for the best way to soothe you.

But the betrayal, the hurt, was buried deep within you, and the anger wouldn’t fade so easily.

“I never kept secrets from you,” he said, instead of answering any questions. His tone was cool, unaffected, like you hadn’t just raised your voice as your countenance changed into one of distress. “You just never bothered to ask.”

Silence. You swallowed, hard, each notch of your spine stiffening. “That’s not fair. How was I supposed to know his training was any different from mine? Should my first suspicion have been that you were mistreating him?”

Dazai grew grim, the first twinge of emotion you’d seen since you’d spoken. He rubbed his temple. “You’ve got a right to be angry, but I never hid anything from you on purpose.” He reached out for you, his touch soft as he rubbed your bicep. “I just don’t know what you want me to do about it now, sweetheart. Why are you bringing this up?”

You didn’t want to tell him about Mori, not yet. That was a conversation for another time, and he wouldn’t hesitate to claim that bit of information was the more pressing matter.  

Instead, you inched out of his hold, gazing back at him with contempt. “You can’t be serious, Osamu.” His audacity shouldn’t have been surprising, but it shocked you, nonetheless. “That’s all you have to say?”

“What do you want me to say?” Dazai held his hands out like you would hand him over a script, a typed apology just for him to repeat back at you. “Never once did you show any concern for Akutagawa’s wellbeing when he joined the Mafia. Suddenly, you care, and I’m not sure why.”

“That’s not true!” you said, your cheeks hot with frustration. “We we’re friends—”

Dazai laughed, though it was mocking, without any true humor. “You expressed an interest in him that wasn’t ever reciprocated.”

You scrubbed your face, drained from his rebuttals, and put enough space between the two of you so that Dazai couldn’t touch you.

“Fine. Maybe we weren’t friends, but I wantedto be because I knew he understood. I thought we could get to know each other well. Then one day, he wouldn’t even speak to me anymore. He looked at me like I knew so much more than he did.” A finger was in Dazai’s face, scolding. “You fucked it all up. We’re just a year apart, Osamu. I didn’t want him to treat me like that just because I was dating his mentor.”

There was a break of silence. Dazai sniffed, recovering some sense of power in the conversation. “I’m sorry.” he said, but it was merely to appease you, no sincerity in the words. “Perhaps my methods of training were inappropriate and unethical, but it’s the Mafia, my love. What did you expect?”

Frustrated tears welled up in your eyes. “And if it had been me? If I had been under your command, would you have done the very same?”

At that, Dazai softened, his lips curling down. The light in his eyes flickered and faded, any happiness in his face muted. “It would never have been you. You know I could never bring myself to hurt you.”

You buried your face in your hands, his sweet comment doing little to soothe you. “He was just a kid—”

“I was too.” Dazai held your wrists gently, prying them away. He was frowning, dark eyebrows pinched together as he looked at you with both concern and betrayal. “You’re going to blame this all on me, when I was a child too, doing what I thought was right?”

“No. But you’re an adult now, and you still treat him the same way.” You shoved him away, putting space between you, never before having felt so cold in Dazai’s embrace. “He’s nothing more than a chess piece to you. That’s something I can’t accept.”

“Is that the case?” Dazai turned hard; suddenly he’d lost the upper hand. “You’ve got a lot of opinions on what’s right. Yet, remind me who’s the one still in the Mafia?” 

It was meant to hurt you, a low blow that stung and went straight to your chest. You hadn’t wanted to stay in the Mafia, but he’d never given you the choice. Dazai had left you with nothing more than a note and a promise, and you were too stupidly fond of him to ever let him go completely.

“It’s so hard to love you sometimes, Osamu,” you said, quietly, trying to keep your emotions at bay. “Your new friends at the agency get to be ignorant about the man you used to be, but I know just how cruel he was. I see him every time I look at you.”

Dazai stared back at you stunned and hurt. He flexed his fingers, but for once, he didn’t reach out for you.

You couldn’t bear to look at him anymore.

The bathroom door slammed behind you, and you stood in front of the mirror, watching splotchy patches form on your skin from unreleased emotions. The sink ran, a steady stream with no end, to tune out your deep, calming breaths until you no longer felt that immense amount of anger.

You knew what you were getting yourself into by falling in love with a man like Dazai. You’d known it from the beginning. He was no different than all the people that had hurt you, the reason why you’d come to the Mafia in the first place.

Yet, he was so much more loving with you, gentle and patient, and you knew that under every layer of bad intent and regretful crimes, Dazai was a good person.

With a sigh, you turned off the sink and crept back into the room, feeling remorseful and miserable. The knowledge of what he’d done to Akutagawa was something you couldn’t forgive him for. It was horrible and traumatizing, but so were so many other things that he’d done.

You couldn’t place double standards on him for his previous actions. If you had loved him despite all of those things, you weren’t going to be able to stop now.

“Osamu?” you said in a quieter voice, creeping out of the bathroom silently, slinking within the shadows.

He was spread over the length of the couch, his head resting on the arm of it as he stared up at the ceiling. When you approached, he shifted into a seated position, waiting for you to speak.

“I didn’t mean what I said,” you began, walking slowly towards him, drawn to him easily. “You’re not a difficult man to love. I’ve never felt that way.”

Dazai smiled, though it was half-hearted, and extended a hand to you. You took it quickly and he drew you into his lap, squeezing you tight. “Well, I certainly don’t make it easy on you.”

You were silent. He kissed your forehead, running a delicate touch across your back.

“I can’t take back what I did to him.” Dazai sighed, dropping his forehead to your shoulder. “The damage is done.”

“I know that.” You breathed, his calming scent wrapping around you, reminding you that no matter what, he would always be your home. “It’s not fair for me to judge you when I’m still in the Mafia. My crimes are no better than yours. Even if what you did…” you trailed off shaking your head. “No. You’re right, Osamu. It’s not fair.”

He guided your fingers to his lips, kissing each of them lightly with the beginnings of a smile. “I’ll never be a perfect man, but I’m trying to be a better one.” Though he refrained from showing vulnerabilities to most people, he was more open with you, more willing to reveal the parts of himself he despised the most. “I… hope you know that. It may not seem like I’m trying, but—"

“I know you are.” You ran a hand through his hair and swallowed, resting your cheek on top of his head. “Osamu, you’re already so different than you were when you left. You’ve changed much more than I have. It was horrible of me to diminish that.” You squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry I said that.”

A minute passed before he spoke again, his breath so steady, a reminder that he was still there, with you, despite all attempts he’d made to leave you behind. We’ve seen every ugly side to one another. It makes it far too easy to be unkind. Doesn’t mean I’d ever love you any less.”

You smiled, though it was sad, but through your hurt you were still devastatingly devoted to him. It was just easier to ignore the damage he’d caused when you weren’t staring it right in the face, a walking, breathing reminder of the person he held inside him. The very type of man that had once hurt you.

You squeezed him tighter, blocking out the cruel memories of your past. Dazai had never laid a punishing hand on you, had never spat demeaning words at you that could never be forgiven. Through it all, he had adored you, treated you with a gentleness you’d desired, and loved you without conditions.

Brushing dark hair away from his forehead, your eyes softened, the darkness in him cracking as the light began to shine through. “I know, Osamu,” you said, your cheeks pinching, warm. “Despite it all, I will always love you without regrets.”

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