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#does this post warrant a drug tw??
tiredofgoingapeshit · 2 years
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xoxoladyaz · 11 months
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It Hits Different This Time, Part 2
Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Rock Star Eddie x Steve Harrington
TW: Mentions of alcohol, drug abuse
QUICK AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm so sorry that the last entry was so angst heavy, I promise this one provides some comfort! Eddie needed to take a big step here and he really, really does. Also, much love to everyone who commented, I've tagged you at the bottom of the post - let me know if anyone else would like to be notified of the next entry!
Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four / Part Five
It was another five days before Steve heard from Eddie. Another five torturous days of radio silence, only this time, there wasn’t anything online. No new articles were popping up saying he’d been spotted somewhere, no new TikToks of him meeting fans on the street. The rest of the band was MIA too; Steve had thought about sending Jeff a text to check-in but ultimately decided to wait another couple days. Robin had been texting with Chrissy, after all, and if something bad had gone down, she would know.
When Eddie did finally call, it wasn’t from a number that Steve recognized.
“I’m getting a call from Malibu.”
“Holy shit!” Robin sat up on the other end of the couch and shot him a look. “Okay, just breathe dingus, okay? It’s going to be okay, I’ll be here the whole time.” She squeezed his ankle comfortingly. “You can do this.”
Steve accepted the call with shaky hands and brought his phone to his ear. “Hello?”
“Hey Steve.”
He shut his eyes and swallowed, trying to stop his voice from cracking. “Eddie.”
He heard Eddie let out a watery laugh across the line. “Do you, uh, have a minute?”
“Mmmm hmmm,” Steve hummed. He physically couldn’t get an actual word out. 
This was it. Eddie was leaving, he’d cheated, it was over – 
“I’m in rehab.”
Steve’s eyes shot open. “You’re what?”
Robin started rocking back and forth. “Turn it up!” She hissed, and Steve obliged, turning up his volume so she could just barely hear what was being said. (Was this a private conversation? Yes. Did Eddie know he’d probably immediately tell Robin everything? Also yes. 
Was this news big enough to warrant having Robin eavesdrop?
Absolutely yes.)
“Yeah, I’m, uh, at the Promises Treatment Center in Malibu,” Eddie continued. “We got back about five days ago and when I saw your note, I – 
“Look, Steve,” Eddie continued, and his voice was choked up, like he himself couldn’t speak, “I fucked up. I’ve fucked everything up. You are – you said in that note that you didn’t want me to give up on my dreams, and you’re right, making it big and getting famous for my music was my dream for literal years. Because I kept thinking “once I get a record out there,” “once I go on tour,” “once I win a Grammy,” “once I get a million dollars,” then I’d finally be happy. 
“But it turns out the only thing being famous has done is make me pretty fucking miserable,” Eddie let out a harsh laugh. “But I was so goddamn convinced that this was it, you know, that I’d accomplished my dreams so I must be happy that I started taking whatever I could get my fucking hands on to make me feel that way. The thing is drugs and the alcohol and the parties never made it fucking last. It just made every other second that I was in the public eye that much worse.
“But I’d still made it, you know? I felt like I didn’t deserve to feel this fucking miserable. And everyone back home was so fucking proud and I didn’t want to let them down - ” Eddie paused for a few moments to clear his throat before continuing. “I didn’t want to let you down. Because Eddie “The Freak” Munson didn’t deserve you, but maybe Eddie “The Rock Star” could.”
Steve can feel his own throat closing up and he can barely see Robin’s face, his eyes are watering that bad. “Baby,” he sobbed. “I wish you’d told me.”
“Me too,” Eddie sniffled across the line. “I didn’t though, I just kept self-medicating and ignoring it, because that’s always worked,” he huffed sarcastically. “But then - ” Eddie cut off again, and Steve can hear that he’s trying so hard to hold back his own sobs, “then I came home last week and realized that I’d missed our goddamn anniversary because I was too fucking high and that you were gone and I just – I called Jeff and I told him to get me on a plane out here because you – you, Steve Harrington, you are the best thing in my goddamn life. And the only dream I want to chase now is the one where we get married and adopt some kids and grow old together.”
“Eddie,” Steve sobbed out again, and he heard Eddie start to cry too, and then suddenly they were crying together, even from hundreds of miles away.
“So I’m gonna be here for the next six weeks,” Eddie finally continued, his voice still full of tears. “I’m, uh, meeting with a therapist for a few hours every day and working through my shit. I wanna be a guy who deserves good things, baby. I wanna be a guy who deserves you.”
“What – what about the band?” Steve sniffled, rubbing at his eyes. A handful of Kleenex appeared in front of him. Robin must have gotten up to grab them at some point. He shot her a thankful nod and patted at his eyes; Robin nodded back and did the same, her face flushed that bright shade of red that accompanied her own tears.
“Murray wrote a provision into our contract where if one of us checks into rehab, then the band is instantly put on a two-year, non-negotiable hiatus.”
“But – what about your momentum, the label kept talking about it?”
“The label can go fuck themselves” Eddie practically growled over the phone. “Who do you think hosted the party where I first got my hands on the hardcore stuff anyways?”
“Babe - ”
“Murray said he was going to look into some sort of contract termination so we can sign somewhere else. And even if we didn’t have that thing written into our contract, we probably would have gone on hiatus anyways, or worse. That – the last leg was rough. Gareth was just as fucked up as I was and Jeff was fucking pissed. He kept having to pull Gareth out of orgies and shit while babysitting Phil and I too.”
“Did,” Steve swallowed harshly, “did - ”
“No, baby, never,” Eddie declared quickly. “Even when I couldn’t fucking see straight, you were the only one I wanted to be with. I honestly don’t even know who we were partying with at the end there, the label sent them for some PR shit, I don’t know. It’s just another reason why we want out.”
“Oh,” Steve murmured, “okay. Good. Or, well, not good. You know.”
“Yeah, baby, I do,” Eddie replied softly. 
They sat in silence for a few moments, just listening to each other breathe. “I, uh,” Eddie started up again quietly, “I’m wearing the ring.”
“Yeah?” Steve found himself smiling despite the fresh tears welling up in his eyes.
“Yeah,” Eddie’s voice was just as choked up as before. “It’s perfect. You’re perfect.”
“Eddie - ”
“Look, I know, I know I hurt you so, so badly and I’m never going to fucking forgive myself for what I did, but I – you’re everything I want, baby. If I had to give up Corroded Coffin tomorrow for you, I would do it in a heartbeat. And I – I know I can’t expect for you to just, like, forgive me after the shit I pulled, but – will you be there, when I get out? Can I – I want to come home to you,” Eddie finished, and Steve could hear that he was crying again.
Steve looked over at Robin, who was wiping more tears out of her own eyes. They looked at each other for a few moments.
It might be crazy, but I think I want to say yes.
I don't blame you. I mean, this is one hell of an apology, especially from Mr. “I’ll Never Need to Go to Rehab Ever.”
Yeah. And I love him.
And you love him.
“I’ll be there,” Steve murmured reassuringly, and Eddie burst into a new wave of muffled sobs on the other end of the phone. “Just do what you need to do and come home when you’re ready, okay? I’ll be waiting for home.”
“At home?” Eddie’s voice broke on a whimper.
“At home. I’ll even clean the bathrooms and everything,” Steve joked, and Eddie let out a loud laugh despite the quiet sobs Steve could still hear. 
“Really? You’ll be there?”
“Yeah, Eddie. I’ll be there. We can get through this.”
“Together.”
“Together. Because I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.”
“Fuck, Stevie,” Eddie let out an incredulous laugh again, “I love you so fucking much, baby. I’m going to marry the fuck out of you someday.”
“Save the sweet talk for when you get home, okay?” Steve could feel his heart settling in his chest, and whatever tears he’d had left to cry were all gone now. There was just the twinge of missing Eddie, but that would go away soon enough. “I’m so fucking proud of you, Eds.”
“Thanks, baby.” Eddie’s answer was soft now. “So I, uh, get a couple hours to call people every day from one of the site’s phones. Can I keep calling you?”
“Please,” Steve heard Eddie exhale in relief. “Every day sounds perfect.”
“Good, good. I’ll have to, uh, use some of my time to talk to Wayne, but the rest of it is yours, baby. And Gareth, Jeff threw him into a different center too. His check-in was much less voluntary though.”
“Shit,” Steve winced. “Is there anything Robin or I can do to help?”
“Take Jeff and Chrissy out to a nice dinner and use the Amex,” Eddie snorted, causing Steve to laugh.
“Consider it done.”
“Good." Steve heard the sound of another voice behind Eddie. Eddie replied something Steve couldn't understand, but it was in the affirmative. "Doc says my time is up for today. My, uh, talk with Wayne took up a lot of time,” Eddie returned, and his voice trembled as he spoke. “But I’ll call you tomorrow and I’ll see you in six weeks.”
“Yes you will.” Steve shut his eyes and imagined Eddie was standing right in front of him. Eddie with his riotous curls and holey graphic tees and tight jeans. Eddie with his rings on his fingers, with Steve’s ring on his finger. Eddie, standing across from him and smiling at him with that twinkle in his eye that had first caught Steve’s attention all those years ago. 
“I love you, Eds.”
“I love you too, sweetheart. I’ll see you on the other side.”
Tags List: @gregre369 @starman-jpg @skoomy-doompy @thequeenrainacorn @sleepyboosstuff @strawberrykore @paintsplatteredandimperfect @amoris-no-smut-allowed @steve-the-hairrington @iknewyouweremuggle @swimmingbirdrunningrock @sunfloweringstories @loverkasp @hyperfixationgoddess @steddie-as-they-go @zerokrox-blog @messrs-weasley @thelittleclare @lovelyscot
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dorkylittleweirdo · 2 years
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Part two of this post bc I have more things to say but I cannot bc it’s about Peter. Spoilers up to s9
TW for talk of suicide ideation and self bc,, well, it’s Peter
So I mentioned in my last post how Simon didn’t deserve to face such harsh consequences for what he’s done. Well, Peter definitely shouldn’t. He faced enough consequences for what he did when he was Simon. He’s a whole different person, he’s changed. So why does he still have to pay the price for what he did, for something he’s already more than made up for?
He sacrifices himself repeatedly for team Abel, and nobody ever bats an eye. Yes, he’s immortal, but he still feels pain. He’s constantly putting himself in harm’s way, doing dangerous things. Because he “sacrificed” his friends for immortality, now he feels he has to use said immortality to keep them safe. Not exactly bad in and of itself, but his self worth is so low, it’s almost as if he feels he deserves to suffer because of what he did so long ago. He still doesn’t feel like he’s forgiven
So he lets himself get hurt all the time, and nobody else seems to mind. Important to note, his mental health is terrible. It’s not something he tries to hide, he’s very blatant and clear about it, but team Abel chooses not to address it despite how clear it is. Probably because he’s immortal, so they don’t care one way or another since he’s not going anywhere. Which is absolute bullshit because it doesn’t matter if he’s immortal if he’s hurting. We see constantly how he says concerning things that make his declining mental health super obvious
In s7m10, he talks about taking drugs at a rave to make you feel like you belong and like that’s where you’re meant to be, calls Sam lucky when he says he doesn’t need drugs to feel that way. Implying that Peter doesn’t feel like he belongs. Like he needs drugs to feel something. His state of being gets overlooked constantly. Not a single person made a comment about it
s7m21, we find out he can infect zombies with immortality (I have issues with this also but again, another rant for another day). Peter offers to jump into the lava. He’s definitely serious about it, but nobody really takes it seriously, it’s just another thing that’s brushed off and swept under the rug
s7m23, he literally tries to kill himself. This is the one and only time his mental health is ever “addressed”, and what made it worse is that someone who can arguably be seen as a villain was the one who talked him out of it. Team Abel couldn’t do it, it was Sage who was able to do it. Peter was talking about how he’s a liability, how the only thing he was good for was being an immortal runner. He doesn’t think he’s worth anything if he’s not helping. He can’t just be, he has to be doing something, sacrificing himself in some way, and if he can’t do that, then he’s useless to Abel. He thinks he deserves this. And again, nobody from team Abel is able to talk him out of it. None of his friends could say anything to make him stop. It was Sage, who barely knew him. It never gets addressed again after this
s7m39, Peter literally tries to do it again, asking why nobody can just let him die a hero. And again, it’s Sage who realizes what he’s doing and saves him. Nobody else cares that he was trying to sacrifice himself again. It’s never brushed on again after that, just swept under the rug again
In s8, the radio modes. Maxine casually mentions how Peter regularly disembowls himself and to not worry about finding stray organs and intestines around the township. The fact that Peter is even doing anything like that and it’s treated as nothing is beyond disgusting. Immortal or not, that level of self harm would warrant immediate attention, and he clearly isn’t getting treated the way he needs. He’s suicidal and purposely inflicts pain onto himself, and none of his “friends” even give a shit. Plus he offered himself up to get stabbed multiple times and nobody was very concerned about that
s9m4, we learn he’s had a burn cube put inside of him. It’s been probably around four months since the end of s7 by then, which means at some point between s8 and s9 starting, Peter, who is suicidal, was given the means to kill himself. He didn’t want to be a liability, and everyone basically said that he was such a big liability that they were gonna put a burn cube in him so he could kill himself if a zombie bites him
Not only that, but in s9m19 we find out that it was literally Janine who approved it. Janine, who’s supposed to be his friend and partner. Who’s supposed to love him. That isn’t fucking love. And the fact that nobody else who’s supposedly his friend is just fine with that like Peter isn’t a danger to himself. If team Abel really cared about him, they never would’ve even considered putting a burn cube inside of him. There’s a lot they would’ve done different if they actually cared about him
And then he gets abandoned. The whole “it’s necessary” thing is bullshit, Peter is biased and hates himself and thinks he deserves it. Peter won’t argue with sacrificing himself or hurting himself, and team Abel, ESPECIALLY Janine, shouldn’t be so agreeable when it comes to that. He has issues he needs to work on, yes, but it’s hard and damn near impossible to do that level of mental recovery and healing without a good support system and considering how his supposed friends treat him, he doesn’t have one of those. He’s on his own, mental health still terrible, still sacrificing himself because he thinks he deserves it. The only thing he’s got going for him is being useful to the people he considers his friends and because it’s all they seem to want him for. They treat him as a tool that can be used and discarded when he’s an actual person with real feelings and emotions
He puts himself through so much to protect the people he loves and the feeling is absolutely not mutual. He’s treated like shit by everyone and just takes it because he thinks it’s what he deserves. He’s in a toxic relationship, and everyone else around him who he considers friends brush off his feelings. He’s always there trying to help other people, dealing with their feelings, defending Five when everyone forgets they’re not immortal like he is, but nobody is ever there for him like that. His feelings are cast aside, never addressed. His declining mental health and self mutilation is literally treated as a joke and it’s not funny, it’s sad and horrifying and what makes it worse is that nobody who claims to care about him actually gives a shit, the narrative makes that abundantly clear
Anyway, tldr; Peter is treated like shit by everyone and deserves so so much better and deserves to just move on and heal and find people who actually give a shit about him and his terrible mental health. He doesn’t need to make up for anything else, he doesn’t need to sacrifice himself to feel needed or wanted. He never did. Literally it’s only him who’s ever really had to face the consequences of his actions when other characters have done so much worse. Please for the love of god just let my boy vibe
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furiousgoldfish · 3 years
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Personal post about trauma under the cut, extremely upsetting content, do not read if you had narcissistic parents and don't wanna get triggered, I am very sad and mad and it's hard to talk about this. TW child labor, child torture, brainwashing, death threats, narcissistic abuse.
*
I was a hardworking child, I was happy and excited to work, I wanted to be a part of everything that's being done. I noticed work warranted for people to get respect, food, praise, acceptance, and I wanted to work hard so I too would be a part of that. My family lived in a rural area, they kept animals, grew fields of crops, were always in some sort of construction work, so me always being eager to work was pretty much ideal for them, or you'd think that it was. You'd think that.
I was working eagerly and I realized, that unlike for adults, I don't get respect, praise, acceptance, or sometimes even food. It was for some reason denied to me only. And I was still happy to work because I chased that feeling of personal accomplishment, even if there was no rewards. And again, you'd think this is perfectly convenient and ideal to parents who wanted free labour and to give no recognition or praise in return. You'd think that.
But it wasn't enough for them. Father got this idea to take me out to work with him alone, away from home. I remember the place we went to, only as a place I need burned down to the ground before I could breathe again. It was a demolition-construction of a house, and I don't remember how many time I've been there. All I know is, after first few times, I no longer wanted to go. I begged not to go.
I am guessing my father could not bear the looks of me working happily, or even working silently. Me doing everything I was told was not fun enough for him– so he would give me false instructions. As an easy setup for punishment. I did exactly what I was told, and would get screamed at and beaten up. Then forced to keep working in tears, shaking, terrified, injured, while being further berated. And that was only the start.
Even as a child, I was diligent and responsible about doing work, and I know I was getting things done just fine, because, I was doing the sibling's share of chores too. If siblings were called to work, they would simply mess up on purpose so I would be told to repeat it after them, correctly. Sometimes siblings would have me do it and take the credit, which I didn't mind because working made me feel better about myself. It made me feel useful. My mind was already dissociated from my body to the point where I no longer felt exhaustion, pain, strain, or any physical effect work was having on me. I would get berated and shamed if I showed signs of being tired or strained. So my body disregarded it all.
And yeah, that wasn't enough either. I was still sometimes feeling okay. If I was allowed to work alone, and let my mind wonder, if nobody commented on it I knew it was okay.
So this is where they decided to take a step further and disallow me to feel okay at any point. I was humiliated while working to the point of tears. I'd be ridiculed in front of guests. I could no longer enjoy my own thoughts, but constant criticism, insults, accusations and humiliation was raining down on me at every step. And when I was done, with tremendous effort it took to endure this, I would be told 'It would have been better if you had done nothing.' So my insane effort to endure abuse to get things done, was rendered worthless in a second.
Father kept taking me away to work alone with him, and forced me to listen to his monologues, which I hated, because he was boring, wrong and self-obsessed, but I wasn't allowed to say that, or argue. My silent compliance was never enough. He had to hit me. He had to find something to berate me over. He kept inventing reasons. I would clean his entire garage and he'd move a steel closet I couldn't possibly move and berate me for not cleaning under it.
I had a log thrown into my head, causing a head injury, and I had to keep working. I fell and fractured my shoulder so badly I could barely walk; I was brought to a forest to drag logs around, too heavy for me to lift. I was sometimes orchestrated to get injured; father would start a trailer I was standing on the edge of, and forced me to fall by quickly moving forward just enough. I was still expected to work after that. He hit me with a blunt edge of an axe and berated me for standing there. I was told to 'not expect a lift to the hospital'. I was brought to work while starved, grieving, suicidal. I was lied to about where I was going and what would I be doing, and for how long. I was never allowed to stop working.
And the game of giving me wrong instructions and punishing me for doing it 'wrong' never stopped. I caught on and begged for correct instructions. I would ask to explain, how to do it, to show me, anything. 'HOW OLD are you not to know this? I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TELL YOU! YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS BY NOW!' And by his rage, I could tell that if I don't do it any way I knew how, I'd be punished instantly. I had no choice but to try – and of course fail, and feel horribly ashamed for 'deserving to get beat up'. Eventually my brain started shortcircuiting at the simplest tasks, I would mess up because I was in terror. I couldn't think.
At this point, I no longer wished to work for people who would inflict violence on me. And that is when I was quckly informed that if I didn't work, I would be killed. Not in those words. It was 'You have to work if you want to live!' followed by 'We can kick you out and you will starve on the street. Nobody will take you in. There is no place for you. Nobody wants someone like you. You don't deserve to eat if you don't work.' My choices were taken away. If I still refused, the result would be to beat me and force me to work injured, shaking and crying.
All this, for what? I would have been HAPPY to work. I would have been chasing my little daydreams and singing the pokemon tune, and if I was ever praised, I'd be the happiest kid on the block. I was a kid who liked to work. I wanted minimal fairness, minimal acknowledgment. To be a part of the family. Only that.
It just wouldn't do for the narcssistic father. Watching a child be broken, terrified and shaking, crying, ashamed, guilty, working past exhaustion, in injuries, was just too tempting for him to pass up. Even free labor wasn't worth to him as much as the pleasure of child torture. He needed that like it was a drug. What kind of a sick high did he experience, breaking a defenseless kid? What kind of pleasure did it entail, getting someone rid of their natural happiness to work? Was it fun, tearing me into pieces, over and over again? Does he remember it as a delicious, satisfying pleasure? Does he daydream about it? He knew it was wrong; he forced me to stop crying and hide the tears before we went home. 'Don't say anything to your mother.' I was told before being stuffed back in his car.
And now... I can't work. I can't even move sometimes. It was torn away from me. My ability to work was ripped away from my child body when I had no way to defend it or to grab it back and protect what is mine. I can't work anymore. It's terrifying. It terrifies me to not work. Because I was made aware working is the only thing keeping me alive, and capitalism confirms this, so I remain to forever fight with myself about how even if everyone says otherwise, I still deserve to live. Heartbroken, abandoned, with my basic human abilities stripped from me. It doesn't make me deserving to die.
I am so angry and sad. If I had my natural ability to work back, I'd be fine. I would be able to live safely. I wouldn't spiral into feeling like an unworthy member of society. I learned to survive very insecurely like this, but I hate every second of it. To know that instead of this insane uncertainty, anxiety, guilt for being bedridden, guilt for existing and not moving, I could have just found a job, have normal income? I can't bear it. I can't bear knowing this was wrenched away from me, because it was pleasurable to do so, because tearing me into pieces was a fun hobby for people who didn't care if what they were doing to me killed me. And I couldn't have done anything to stop it. And I'm like this now. Unable to take any more torture, unable to endure any more of being triggered, wondering if I would die from lack of resources, or would my body fail permanently in attempts to process all the exhaustion and pain I was dissociated from for my entire childhood.
How was this worth it. How it could have been worth it to anyone, destroying someone's ability to work, only because it's pleasurable. I felt the plan was to work me until I no longer could do it, then kill me. It's what they did to animals. And I was told I was more worthless than an animal. I was called lazy and a monstrous name I can't even translate, that implied I was burdening everyone with my existence.
It was even a bigger punch to my face to realize, after I escaped, that he was profiting from everything I did. That it would have taken money – way more than was ever spent on my survival, to get all that labor done. He was profitting while telling me I was worthless and don't deserve to eat or sleep in his house. He is now renting the place I was broken to help build. I was torn apart and he is still benefiting from it. And I have nothing. Not even a functional body to work with anymore.
I know I'm not the only person who was constantly left alone with narcissists as a child and had this, or worse, done to them. They don't care which pieces of children are left over by the time they're done getting their high. We're only a thing to consume, not living beings, not people, not someone whose life matters. Our pain is food to them. My father readily became a predator who snached his own kid away for torture sessions, and felt proud and fulfilled to turn his own child into a creature who cannot work anymore to survive.
Don't leave children alone with narcissists. I am trying so hard to get better, but facing reality, is this a thing a person gets better from? It's not a bodily harm of once or twice, this was happening for the most majority of my lifetime. It makes sense I cannot move. It makes sense I'm terrified to be triggered into this. It makes sense I can barely bear the reality of it. A person tortured hundreds of times wont just get up and walk away. I can't either. I have to lie here and hope that one day it will get better.
If you read thru all this, and you relate to the parts of this story, know that I am so sorry for what you were put thru. It's devastating and horrenous. If this is how you grew up, it would have been better not to have a family. We all should have been protected from this.
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mcveriicks · 5 years
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have you seen [ MAVERICK ST. JAMES ] since the storm? some say they look like [ HERMAN TOMMERAAS ] but they’re [ TWENTY-TWO ]  & go by [ THE PARADOX ].  [ HE ] lived in halloway for [ THREE YEARS ] & they are originally from [ WASHINGTON, D.C. ]. before the town vanished they were studying [ PHILOSOPHY ] and lived at [ UNI BLVD ]. most people knew the [ CISMALE ] as [ +CLEVER ] but i’ve heard they can also be [ -APATHETIC ]. for some reason, they feel [ UNEASY ] about the town’s disappearance. ( riley, 20, she/her, est )
hello !!! my name is riley and i’m ????? so so extremely very much excited to get the ball rollin, down n dirty, into this rp !! i’m a sucker for angst and sadness, so … expect MUCH of that w me !! mav is a new muse of mine but i’m SUPER excited to get to dev him with all of you guys !! below the cut is a … long-ass intro post bc i have no chill !! if, per chance, you’d like to plot w me and my know-it-all, assholey but suprisingly soft child, please feel free to GIVE THIS POST A LIKE or to DM ME ( either tumblr or discord i check both, i promise i don’t bite ) !!!
tw: drugs.
* / BACKGROUND.
maverick hobbes st. james was born into a life filled to the absolute brim of expectation. his mother and father met at halloway’s law school, and both went on to become highly respectable lawyers who dealt with constitutional law in washington d.c.; they work highly demanding jobs, which often left maverick, who is an only child, alone at their impressively decorated family townhouse, staring at family photos and wondering how his definition of family had become so different to his friends’ growing up.
growing up in middle and high school, maverick assumed that getting good grades and excelling at school would make his parents proud, would get them to turn their attention to his successes –– but surprise, surprise, they didn’t. they’d pat him on the back as they headed out the door to tend to their daily schedules –– that is, if he was lucky enough to see them in the morning.
he studied. hard. trying to understand the ins and outs of what his parents did, trying to see if following in their footsteps by studying law would warrant a smile or beam of pride. it didn’t. but it still got him an acceptance to his parents’ alma mater, halloway university. he made friends quickly –– he always did. always the charismatic friend, he’s learned to rely more on his friends than his family in his life.
when maverick was a senior in high school, he finally reached an age to realize some of the shady deals his parents would make on the regular, the random bonuses his parents whispered about finally making sense to him. one case in particular had apparently caused one of his classmates’ parents to be publicly humiliated for a scandal and an incident that was apparently unrelated to their careers –– but ruined them in the process.
he felt guilt, himself, knowing that his parents could be making deals like that every day. it made him shake his head, made him cry into his pillow, made him absolutely disgusted to call people like his mother and father his own parents. he wrote so many fucking speeches that he’d recite to them once he got the chance, berating them for their practices and lack of morals in their workplace. but they never came home –– and hypocritical as he was, he still enjoyed the fruits of his parents’ work. they gave him unlimited checks with his name on them, as if it was some sort of sick version of love.
while maverick was fulfilling some of his general requirements, he fell in love with philosophy, with questioning life and ethical choices that mankind has made in the past, and would make in the future. he ended up pivoting his studies, moving from pre-law to philosophy at the end of his freshman year of his undergraduate studies.
and of course –– with this twist in the system, maverick is about to make this world his playground, living in his very own simulation of how a fresh new world reacts to infinite freedoms. he’s partially excited to see what will unfold, partially scared that things will fall to absolute shit ( ever the pessimist, maverick st. james ! ) because he has little faith that his company will collectively make the right decisions.
* / PERSONALITY.
maverick st. james is quite the paradox ( hence, the label ! ). he’s charismatic, funny, and has a witty sense of humor –– and is generally appreciated by his peers because he’s able to move conversation and discussion without making topics seem dry. and generally, he’s only like this in classes that he’s passionate about –– otherwise, you’d see him in the very back corner, doodling amongst his haphazardly written notes. what’s funny is he used to always be like this –– happy, smiley, obviously intelligent and driven. but it all sort of changed when he had this big epiphany that some people aren’t what they seem like on the outside ( re: his parents ).
he’s certainly a bit arrogant, given that he’s intelligent, innovative, and clever, and knows it –– however, even if he might not show it on the outside, he appreciates a good challenger. he thinks it keeps his wit sharp, and of course, his ego would never show it, but he does appreciate learning from people. after all, his passion in philosophy makes him certainly interested in how minds work.
at social events, you can probably see him flirting his ass off, but always having a good time, too. he’s definitely the type to sleep around, but he likes to pick at people’s brains, too. probably the most deep-ass pillow-talker halloway has ever seen. it probably borders on the line of being too romantic with flings –– the way he asks questions, but also borders on being annoying.
those who happen to get to know maverick outside of the surface-level stuff, outside the initial cockiness and flirtatious front he puts on will know that he’s actually quite thoughtful. his lonely childhood has made him extremely loyal to those who have shown him similar trust and friendship –– he would never turn his back on them. he asks probing questions, is a good listener –– perhaps because he’s interested in human decision making, but is also because he doesn’t quite know what it’s like to be loved unconditionally –– though he wants to. he’ll hold back hair and rub a friend’s back while they yak, walk his friends home, maybe throw a few punches or two –– but spicy comebacks are really more his speed.
deep down, what almost no one knows is that he’s really quite soft. he passes his curiosity off as wanting to understand people, when really it’s a mechanism for hoping someone asks him questions in return, to give him the time of day he wished his parents had given him. 
* / AESTHETICS.
coffee-stained mugs, walking with headphones in, untied shoelaces, black hoodies, a cheeky smirk, small books in his back pocket, writing in the margins, quoting old authors on a daily basis, incessant eye-rolling, pen ink stains, unmade bed, mismatched socks, floral ties, empty bottles of liquor, rose thorn pricks, old worn poetry books, polished dress shoes, calloused fingers, unlit cigarettes between teeth.
* / HEADCANONS.
funnily enough, maverick’s name means ‘independent, a noncomformist’, which is exactly the path that he has taken to stray away from his family’s expectations of practicing law, specifically constitutional law as a career. he’s like. nah. fuck that.
maverick has some form of synesthesia, which allows him to remember a lot more than the average person. he associates colors, smells, sounds, to words –– and allows him to efficiently study any subjects he doesn’t have immediate passion for.
in the privacy of his own bedroom, he sometimes writes poetry and sketches his thoughts and muses –– when he knows he’s in complete privacy. faces and features that appear in his sketchbooks are often those he’s thinking of often, those who intrigue him. he’s actually quite good a sketching, maybe not quite as good at writing poetry.
tw drugs. he more than dabbles in drug use, smoking marijuana maybe every other day, while partaking in harder drugs like cocaine and adderall and others probably once a week. he feels like he’s in control of his use, but it may start to get the best of him. end tw.
maverick is left-handed. he hates that he gets pen ink stains when he draws, writes poetry, takes notes. his left palm is probably perennially covered with ink.
though he’s often wearing headphones ( airpods, of course, the nerve of this rich kid ), half the time, nothing’s playing. sometimes he forgets to press play on his phone, sometimes he purposely likes listening to decision-making and conversations of strangers. it lets him think about the nature of mankind.
maverick’s favorite philosopher is albert camus, known for his work that heavily developed the idea of absurdism ( much to do with the meaning of life, and human inability to discern an answer ). 
* / WANTED PLOTS. 
CHECK OUT MY WANTED PLOTS PAGE HERE !
childhood friends: again, someone who would have known him from pre-cynical, arrogant asshole days. they could be friends now still, 
ex-friends: perhaps maverick went a bit too far with the questions, about trying to probe into someone’s mind. maybe for this reason, or for others, these two fell out of touch / argued and might be forced into new places due to the disappearance of the other townspeople.
unlikely friends: maverick’s reputation isn’t exactly favorable to some crowds. maybe they became friends in one of their shared classes or through mutual friends, and actually get along well, despite coming from different backgrounds / having different values. they probably see a bit of a deeper side to mav than most people !!
good influence (?!): maverick gets into his shit, has probably a less-than-favorable reputation, but he still cares about people, deep deep down. maybe your muse is a bit lost, and maverick is worried about them and wants to help them get back on track –– especially with all the changes happening in the society !! we can plot lil details about this, esp bc it’s a v unique side of mav i’d love to explore !! ( insp: x, x, x )
bad influences: those who partake in the sins that maverick just loves to lap up. they feed off of each others’ energy, often encouraging more drinking, more drugs, more sex. it’s a bit of a never-ending circle, but one that maverick keeps coming back to, for some reason. ( insp: x )
frenemies: this could be some sort of intellectual challenger kind of deal ? someone mav actually appreciates having in his life, though they butt heads a lot maybe for some reason !! ( insp: x )
disliked: they probably find maverick’s personality appalling or annoying, they probably find him pretentious af and super hypocritical for preaching so much about morals, when he drinks and uses drugs and just fucks around half the time. they could call him out for his flaws, or we could go down a completely different route of them having some weird history of mutual plots ??? so so much room for possibility here !!
+ have a couple more in my wanted plots tag here ! but literally, as a self-proclaimed angst and plot ho, please hmu with any and all ideas you might have !! i can’t wait to get started w all of u !!!
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YOON JAEHWA – THE HIEROPHANT. AGENT 05.
                                                 [   FILE TYPE: CLASSIFIED   ]
//: LOADING PROFILE: YOON JAEHWA ...
international age: 22 birthplace: daegu, south korea arcana: the hierophant team number: four
//: LOADING MUTATION: FIRE MANIPULATION  ...
application one: pyrokinesis — pyrokinesis, or how other call it, fire manipulation itself. this power is a rather simple one; it’s just the ability to create fire. it’s the chemical reaction that takes place when fire is pulled from the energy within or around the user to be used in whatever form he can manage it in. for jaehwa now, they usually come in bursts through his fists, because that’s the way he uses it most, though he is also able to breathe fire, as it was one of the first applications of his fire he had learned.
application two: combustion generation — during intense levels of emotional levels it can come off as a sudden burst of flame from his entire body, effecting whoever within a twenty foot radius. of course this application is a much more explosive and reckless one than that of the first, but also a much more incontrollable one for now.
application three: pyrokinetic constructs — the ability to create weapons from his fire power is another one of his powers he had learned before they contacted him. the easiest for him is to create sharp spikes that protrude from his body, though he is able to make other weapons as well. as of now he is still limited to constructs that are still attached to his body, and can not make ones that break loose from his fingertips but still move on.
overall strengths and weaknesses: — because his power is a more explosive one, and a dangerous one to people in his surroundings, his biggest weakness is his emotional instability. anger, especially, reacts with his power immensely, and so if he isn’t in his right state of mind and all he can see is red, he burns out ( pun intended ) rather quickly because of all the power he exerts into it. on the other hand, when he is calm and focusing on his powers, the outcome is much different in that it becomes more precise, more controlled, and even deadlier as he has the right focus and intentions. the difference between his powers when he’s having an episode is that it’s uncontrolled, explosive, and messy, while when he’s focus it’s much more precise. another weakness he may have is his lack of remorse against his victims. assassination could be a strong suit if it weren’t for the dramatic show of powers beforehand. when it comes to fire, he is of course able to manipulate fire that is not his. however, he is not immune to burns or damage that comes along with fire from other sources. while his own fire does not harm him, other forms of fire that are foreign to his body have the same effect on him as it does to others, though on a lesser scale. fire is also something he can’t produce all the time as it comes from energy that is within him and from his surroundings, though most comes from within, and if all the energy within him is used up then he doesn’t have enough power to create as much fire as he desires.
//: LOADING HISTORY ..
PRE-MUTATION
(tw: drug abuse, abuse, and death)
jaehwa she named him, because didn’t want him to end up like his parents. the baby named after rich and prosperity came out screaming. premature and addicted even before he had a chance at substance abuse, he was the result of an addict mother.
growing up though, thankfully, the exposure to cocaine was not something that effected him biologically. babies born from addicted mothers do have other causes of abnormal behavior after all, one being exposure to violence, which was something the heavens provided for the child. his father was not one that was known to him, though the various men that his mother would bring home in the middle of the night were. most didn’t talk to him. some were polite enough to ask him about his day, though the majority left hand prints on his mother, and a child shaking in the corner.
it wasn’t one day coming home early in the morning, because the child had skipped school and hopped on a train to the next city over with his friends, that he found his mother lifeless on the couch with the needle right besides her. the whole night was a blur, though it’s a memory he’s tried to block out for years. there were flashing lights, of course, an ambulance parked out front, older men and women asking him various questions he didn’t know the answer to, and then pitch black.
the next part he can recall is him being shipped off to gwangju with the little belongings that he had, the warm welcome of his foster parents not easing the fact that they were total strangers. they didn’t know him. they didn’t know he laid wide awake some nights because the weight crushing down on him wouldn’t settle. they didn’t know some nights he would go on with an empty stomach because a pay check was spent all on drugs again. they certainly didn’t know that he had to eat at his friends’ house most nights, or that he had become an excellent thief because of his lifestyle before. all they knew was that he was fourteen years old, a single child, and that he had brown eyes. perhaps a bit more from his file, but not much. he wasn’t a child of much anyway.
for three years, it was one family after another. the foster care system isn’t a perfect one, and not many could handle the child that was jaehwa. he was impulsive, selfish, irrational, and because he was prone to anger bursts, not much could get through to him. after a few weeks, or even months if they were patient enough, the foster parents got tired, and he was collected, only to be dropped off in another home. it was tiring for him, of course, but in some sense, there was a part of him that acted recklessly to get out of those homes. unfortunately for him, one foster parent was strong headed enough to keep him at home.
for a year he stayed in that household that provided him with shelter and food, which was more than he ever got from his mother, but it was unsatisfying. the confines of the house were more unbearable than the little he had had in his home, where he really belonged, and so he disappeared in the middle of the night, escaping from the prison that kept him within the system, and he fled. there was no word given to his foster parents, and there were no emotional ties left behind either. 
the following years after that were the most difficult, though it wasn’t much different from his life before the government. he struggled to get by on food, he moved from place to place, living off of what he had and what others gave him. some nights he would find open arms that were willing to give him a couch to sleep on, but he never let himself stay past a day. summers were hot, winters were worse, and his highest form of income was through pickpocketing. at least he was blessed in some sense through that.
POST-MUTATION
it wasn’t a big event. at least, that’s what he had thought. the sky lit up for a few seconds, and suddenly, it was gone. it reminded him of a metaphor he had once heard of in school, but he pushed useless thoughts aside. he had other worries on his mind, after all. 
the days following were odd, though he blamed his vivid dreams on the food he had been eating, and one day, he came to in the middle of a forest. in the middle of winter, past afternoon in the forest, he was lost. he wandered around for hours, looking for any signs back to the city, but his luck had run out. slowly, the cold wrapped its bony fingers around him, dragging him further and further into death. just one thought kept repeating in his mind, something about warmth or fire, which was when it happened. 
a slow exhale brought his sparks from his lips. it was sudden enough to warrant a yelp and a jump back, but it happened. 
a next month or so was spent honing his powers. they were useful for the back of the alley muggings he had going on, and the spark of fire he could produce was more than enough of a weapon. no more carrying around blunt knives for money.
it was true that no one ever spoke back or resisted these meetings, but one got too out of hand. the other was bold, and jaehwa wasn’t one to hold back. there was a small brawl, with jaehwa’s victim lunging at him, a man bigger in size and probably strength, though the moment a burst of anger hit jaehwa and three large flaming spikes flew through his arm and right through the man on top, the fight was over. his power had saved his life twice. yes, the most recent had resulted in murder, but as he walked away, clothes soaked in blood and a body behind him, there was no trembling of the hands or remorse. 
he had been wary, of course, when they contacted him. maybe they were from the government, maybe they were just the local police, because either way he would end up somewhere behind bars. but they told him that they didn’t care about the blood that stained his fingertips and left the taste of iron in his mouth. all they wanted was him, and with what they were offering, he conceded. what did he have to lose, after all?
when he had decided to join, of course he knew there would be some sort of hierarchy involved. he was no longer his own boss, nor was he allowed to act as a free agent, but being someone who had dictated all his own choices throughout his life made the transitioning very difficult. orders were given that sometimes were not followed, and punishments came quickly after. the missions he’s handed are never ones to complain about, though initially, being in a team wasn’t ideal as he never looked out for the other. acting in a team and having to build a balance between the two where they could give and take in the relationship was something difficult for him to build upon as well as learning to adjust to a set schedule and guidelines.
another negative was the constant focus on getting the source of his powers from anywhere other than his anger. even when in a more focused and controlled state, the same state of mind is called upon for his powers, and relying on an emotional state was not ideal for his power as it’s already a volatile and unstable one. as of now it’s still not an issue they have been able to solve. apart from his powers, building deep connections with any other member has been difficult due to his lack of trust and anger issues, even if he has made friends with some on a more superficial level.
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Democrat Slams Neil Gorsuch: “He Believes the Intentional Taking of Human Life is Always Wrong”
New Post has been published on http://www.therightnewsnetwork.com/democrat-slams-neil-gorsuch-he-believes-the-intentional-taking-of-human-life-is-always-wrong/
Democrat Slams Neil Gorsuch: “He Believes the Intentional Taking of Human Life is Always Wrong”
During the hearing today in the Senate Judiciary Committee over Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch, pro-abortion Democrat Dianne Feinstein slammed the potential High Court pick.
Feinstein drew on the issue of abortion for her criticism — saying that she probably will oppose Gorsuch because he believes “the intentional taking of a human life by private persons is always wrong.”
“President Trump repeatedly promised that his judicial nominees would be pro-life, and automatically overturn Roe v. Wade,” she said. “Judge Gorsuch has not had occasion to rule directly on a case involving Roe. However, his writings do raise questions. Specifically, he wrote that he believes there are no exceptions to the principle that ‘the intentional taking of a human life by private persons is always wrong.’ This language has been interpreted by both pro-life and pro-choice organizations to mean he would overturn Roe.”
“President Trump repeatedly promised to appoint someone in the mold of Justice Scalia and said that the nomination of Judge Gorsuch illustrates he’s a man of his word,” said Feinstein. “The Supreme Court has the final say on whether a woman will continue to have control over her own body or whether decisions about her healthcare will be determined by politicians and the government.”
Feinstein then described a 21-week abortion as the kind of abortion at stake if Gorsuch’s nomination is confirmed.
Brian Burch of CatholicVote responded to the attacks.
“Already, Democratic Senators are on the attack. They understand the historic nature of this nomination. Left-wing groups have used the courts and reckless judicial decisions to impose their agenda on the people. But that could all end soon,” he said. “Judge Gorsuch has pledged to obey the Constitution and to respect the limited role of judges. Judges are not policy makers. Judges are not politicians. And when the Supreme Court restrains itself, the Left typically loses.”
“Today, Senators presented their opening statements. Tomorrow, the real fireworks begin with 30-minute Q & A exchanges between Judge Gorsuch and individual Senators on the Judiciary Committee — for 10 hours not counting breaks,” he added.
SIGN THE PETITION! Vote to Confirm Supreme Court Nominee Neil Gorsuch
President Donald Trump nominated the federal appeals Court Judge with strong support from pro-life organizations that point to his track record as supporting religious freedom for pro-life organizations refusing to be forced to pay for abortions. They also noted his opposition to assisted suicide and his support for a state fighting to defund Planned Parenthood abortion business.
The Planned Parenthood abortion business was also quick toblast Judge Gorsuch as well.
The abortion giant slammed Gorsuch for supporting Hobby Lobby and the Little Sisters of the Poor in their bids to not be forced to pay for abortion-causing drugs in their employee health care plans.
“Gorsuch has also worked to undermine access to essential health care — ruling that bosses should be able to deny women birth control coverage. His record shows a disturbing willingness to let ideology overrule his constitutional duty to uphold and respect clearly established precedent protecting our fundamental liberties, including Roe v. Wade and Whole Woman’s Health,” Planned Parenthood said.
The 49-year-old Judge Gorsuch, if confirmed, would replace pro-life Justice Antonin Scalia – who supporting overturning Roe v. Wade and allowing states to once again provide legal protection for unborn children.
Justice Gorsuch is currently a judge of the United States Court of Appeals for the Tenth Circuit, which includes the districts of Colorado, Kansas, New Mexico, Utah and Wyoming, as well as the Eastern, Northern and Western districts of Oklahoma. He has served as a federal judge since August 2006 and was appointed by President George W. Bush and confirmed unanimously by the Senate.
The pro-life legal scholars who know him best say he is a strong originalist, believing that the Constitution should only be interpreted as the Founding Fathers intended. That would him squarely in the legal camp of Justice Scalia.
One of the biggest problems pro-life advocates have with the Supreme Court is that it invented a so-called right to abortion in Roe v. Wade. But Gorsuch’s writings indicate he opposes that kind of thinking. In a 2005 National Review article, Gorsuch wrote that  liberals rely on the courts too much to made social policy.
This overweening addiction to the courtroom as the place to debate social policy is bad for the country and bad for the judiciary. In the legislative arena, especially when the country is closely divided, compromises tend to be the rule the day. But when judges rule this or that policy unconstitutional, there’s little room for compromise: One side must win, the other must lose. In constitutional litigation, too, experiments and pilot programs–real-world laboratories in which ideas can be assessed on the results they produce–are not possible. Ideas are tested only in the abstract world of legal briefs and lawyers arguments. As a society, we lose the benefit of the give-and-take of the political process and the flexibility of social experimentation that only the elected branches can provide.
He said liberal activists rely on the judicial system “as the primary means of effecting their social agenda on everything from gay marriage to assisted suicide to the use of vouchers for private-school education.”
On direct pro-life matters, Gorsuch sided with the state of Utah in its attempt to defund the Planned Parenthood abortion business.
Gorsuch sided with pro-life Utah Governor Gary Herbert’s effort to defund Planned Parenthood. After his decision, the 10th Circuit Court decided against re-hearing Planned Parenthood v. Gary Herbert, after the court previously ordered Utah to fund Planned Parenthood. Gorsch dissented in the case and wrote:
Respectfully, this case warrants rehearing. As it stands, the panel opinion leaves litigants in preliminary injunction disputes reason to worry that this court will sometimes deny deference to district court factual findings; relax the burden of proof by favoring attenuated causal claims our precedent disfavors; and invoke arguments for reversal untested by the parties, unsupported by the record, and inconsistent with principles of comity. Preliminary injunction disputes like this one recur regularly and ensuring certainty in the rules governing them, and demonstrating that we will apply those rules consistently to all matters that come before us, is of exceptional importance to the law, litigants, lower courts, and future panels alike. I respectfully dissent.
As National Review pro-life legal scholar Ed Whelan notes:
I’d like to take note of his remarkable failure to acknowledge, much less credit Gorsuch for, Gorsuch’s powerful dissent (see pp. 16-27 here) one month ago from the Tenth Circuit’s denial of rehearing en banc in Planned Parenthood Association of Utah v. Herbert. As the faithful reader will recall from these posts of mine, in the aftermath of the Center for Medical Progress’s release of videos depicting various Planned Parenthood affiliates’ ugly involvement in harvesting body parts, Utah governor Gary Herbert directed state agencies “to cease acting as an intermediary for pass-through federal funds” to Planned Parenthood’s Utah affiliate. But after the district court denied Planned Parenthood’s request for a preliminary injunction against Herbert’s directive, a divided panel, on very weak reasoning, ruled that Planned Parenthood was entitled to a preliminary injunction. Gorsuch’s dissent dismantles the panel majority’s reasoning.
Would a Supreme Court Justice Gorsuch be inclined to overturn the decades-old decision fostering abortion on demand? His record suggests he is open to doing so.
As one pro-life legal scholar notes:
In the panel ruling in Games-Perez, Gorsuch did indeed regard himself as bound to abide by controlling circuit precedent, just as nearly every circuit judge not named Stephen Reinhardt also does. But Gorsuch didn’t stop there. In a 20-page opinion, he urged the en banc Tenth Circuit to reconsider and overrule the wrong precedent.
Gorsuch also has made pro-life comments about abortion and strongly opposes assisted suicide. He has written a book, The Future of Assisted Suicide and Euthanasia, which (as Princeton University Press puts it) “builds a nuanced, novel, and powerful moral and legal argument against legalization [of assisted suicide and euthanasia], one based on a principle that, surprisingly, has largely been overlooked in the debate—the idea that human life is intrinsically valuable and that intentional killing is always wrong.”
Meanwhile, as National Review reports, “Gorsuch wrote a powerful dissent from the denial of rehearing en banc in a case involving funding of Planned Parenthood.” NR indicates Gorsuch has written “human life is fundamentally and inherently valuable, and that the intentional taking of human life by private persons is always wrong.”
Democrats have already promised to filibuster any Supreme Court nominee.
Sen. Jeff Merkle, a pro-abortion Oregon Democrat, said in an interview on Monday morning that he will filibuster any pick other than pro-abortion Judge Merrick garland — who pro-abortion president Barack Obama named to replace pro-life Justice Antonin Scalia.
“This is a stolen seat. This is the first time a Senate majority has stolen a seat,” Merkley said in an interview. “We will use every lever in our power to stop this.”
Gorsuch is 49 years old. He and his wife, Louise, have two daughters and live in Boulder, Colorado.
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