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glowstone23b · 9 months

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UAGSHDHFK ITS SO FUNNY U SHOULD MENTION TOOTHLESS FROM HTTYD BECAUSE WHEN I WAS DESIGNING A CONCEPT FOR SAGE’S WINGS (which im still in the process of making) HE WAS MY FIRST REFERENCE :’’’) I LOVE NIGHT FURIES

but also to answer some of those previous elytra questions because they have been on my mind . i’ll sort of just be quoting them audvdhfj ive been thinking about them all day

“What if the elytra (after having been fully fused, I guess, but early users apply too) runs out of durability?”

— okay so pre-fusing the elytra is sort of. brittle. not fully but like regular durability you get in normal minecraft; it wears down after a while and this is because of a couple factors

1.) still adjusting to the host, hasn’t gotten the proper intake of blood and nutrients in its wings to fully sustain itself for the while yet so it’s trying to run off what it currently has (which tends to be very little resulting in them damaging over time if not fixed)

2.) it doesn’t wear down post fusion because the mutations and genes mixing in with the host lets it sort of stabilize by itself and become a part of the host entirely; once the “magical” properties of it are slowly simmering and is replaced with blood, skin, bacteria, etc (on that note the tendrils inside the host’s shoulder blades etc also sort of melt and become new veins/paths for blood circulation to take) (dont ask me how that works uhhh magic and minecraft stuff idk)

“Are the wings something you yourself can feel once they’ve fused with you, or is it more like… a neurological thing, where the elytra just know what you’re thinking?”

— OKAY when the tendrils slip in you’ll feel some generous amount of discomfort but pulling them out hurts more than letting them sink in

— new elytra users need a small bit of time to adjust to the wings and get a grasp on how they feel. its sort of different for everyone but at first it feels like a very strange version of pins and needles- you can move the wings around but it feels weird.

— although yeah the parasitic-ish parts of the elytra kind of do. connect with your brain (DIY lobotomy /j) in order to both A.) get the brain to move the wings around and B.) to do all the increased reaction time and instincts shabang (these stay permanently after fusion)

“Could you feel them as an extension to your body? If they get hurt, would you be able to feel it as if it were your arm or something, or would it be numb?”

- new elytra users get a numb sort of sensation when the elytra gets damaged via an arrow or something

- older (fused) elytra users get the similar sensation to the webbing of your fingers being sliced or punctured (owie)

- also at first they do feel like weird body extensions before eventually adjusting and them becoming literal body parts aisnfwidhfjfk

“If you run out of durability on fused elytras, is that something you could ever fix?”

— yes actually!! healing potions + usually phantom membrane is an efficient way of patching up deep wounds— depending on the type of wing it might just require a lot of healing potions and bandages, but eh its different for every user

— although if a massive chunk of those wings is like torn off then oooh. ouchie thats like having ur arm torn off. yeah that probably wont heal

^ — however . you can get fixes where they attach like a leather-like wing and hollow light silver(?) rods onto where the bones end to make a makeshift wing repair (leather is typically dyeable and able to be decorated)

bonita drawing ik . but you get the idea !!!!

“Would you be able to get a new pair if you hadn’t been fused yet?”

— YEAH

— if you get the new pair from another person who used it previously the process of the wings shifting to suit you better will take a while longer and vice versa

“Would you have to try to cut off your old elytra to replace it if you *were* fused?”

— yes

— not a pleasant experience but if you hate ur wings so bad then yes you could probably slice them off (i wonder what you would do with them afterwards?? Whats to do with sliced human-sized wings? … wall decoration?? Could you cook and eat them maybe?)

“could you potentially *pick* how your elytra form to look on you?”

— kkkkkkind of? the elytra by default looks like a weird mix of dragon and beetle wings all in one. good flight but also not infinitely durable like mentioned

— the shape of the wings, however, changes to fit the user from what the elytra can gather from their brain

(for example, Sage’s wings are based off night furies and peregrine falcons — fast speedy creatures due to Sage’s own history of enjoying fast speeds/being thrown or spun around and also from the lack of any fear of heights/falling)

(in fact actually enjoying those things) (yk how some kids ask to be thrown into lakes because they enjoy the sensation. yeah thats her)

“Like, if you tried to repair your elytra using a combination of some standard repair materials (phantom membranes, occasionally scales) as well as some other thing (like parrot feathers, for instance), could you possibly get the elytra to take on a form you’d prefer?”

— this is sort of tricky to answer because like. the elytra chooses what form of wings suits you best.

— mutations, though? Like having the elytra change from the dragon-beetle-ish look to having feathers and bright colours? That’s still achievable!! Theres even the possibility to mix and match different biological materials from the desired creatures however if you add in too many the elytra might like. kill you by accident or something (im talking more than like 5 or 7) (usually people opt to have only one or two main repair materials) (3 is teetering on the edge slightly i imagine because of like. neurological effects with all the mutations both physically behaviourally and mentally etc etc)

this also kind of raises the question of “how do you get bug wings” and i’ll be honest w u i have no idea. I imagine there’d be *some* strange way to achieve it? go ham many methods for elytra repairing

( mini rant of sage vv)

(Her way of flying is very similar to toothless in the first two movies. shes sleek and elegant in that cat-like fashion but she also does dive bombs and spins and rolls and is overall extremely confident, nigh cocky with how she flies. a lot of control too!! ,,,, most of the time has definitely crash landed several times) (not to mention speed,,,,, in certain situations when she picks up enough velocity you can hear a whistle coming from the air being sliced by her wings . no idea how to explain but you get the idea)

ALSO THE PHANON TAG IS ALR !! she/her pronouns for me but idrc if you use they/them ajdbfjk

Apologies for the late response, I wanted to make some quick doodles for this at the least!!! It's so fascinating to me! A sidenote before I forget-- what do you think about rocket-propelled elytra flight? Would that be possible at all, or do we pretend canon isn't there for it? It's very silly to think of, but I don't think it'd be very safe, lol.

Here's a rough gif of how I think it might work! (emphasis on might). The 'elytra' (used to refer to the parasite in this sense) feels like a bug to me... like a palm-sized ladybug, sort of. Just the right size to fit on the small of your back pretty easily. Once you set it there, it'll like... pinch/hurt a bit as it sets in its initial veins & whatnot to connect to you, but it just chills there otherwise. I feel like for pre-fused elytras, trying to take one off would feel kinda like a tick? Gross, but hey

I also use "elytra" in the literal sense-- the hard, chitinous sheaths that cover bug wings-- here, so I could draw it in my head. I think that wouldn't be very comfortable to sit back on, to be honest, if you were in a high-backed chair or something. Anyways, like bug wings they'd unfold and the blood that goes through them would fill them up to full size like you said! It'd likely happen in a matter of seconds for long-time users, but take up to a couple minutes for first-timers.

I've also got a couple post-fusion drawings here, under the cut bc it's kinda veiny and a little gross, so if you're averted to that thing, look away!

Again, bonita drawing, but just to get it out of my head. The main "body" of the elytra would start to stretch down your back to get further up along your spine, where all the good veins are! Eventually, the body of it would be more vestigial than anything, because it no longer needs it to look for a host (do you think elytras in end cities would be able to wander freely before fusing to someone? Kinda funny to think of someone just getting like. hit in the face by a stray elytra buzzing around).

I do have this as bug in my head, because my brain loves making sense of things, so it's struggling to figure out how other wing types would work. I know it's magical, so whatever goes, but hmm... maybe the customization just comes after fusing, when the elytra doesn't need to expend the extra energy on needing to find a new host, and can instead divert it to making different, sturdier wings...?

I like the makeshift wing repair with lightweight metals or leather and whatnot, it'd be neat to explore that! Just like toothless :). Color & style customization, too! Do you think anybody gets wing jewelry or piercings just to show off? Like irl vultures with wing tags?

"(i wonder what you would do with them afterwards?? Whats to do with sliced human-sized wings? … wall decoration?? Could you cook and eat them maybe?)" -- I mean, if we're in a world with human-sized wings, there's most likely a market for them! I wouldn't be surprised if long-term elytra users were hunted for sport if they had a particularly unique wing type... Wall decoration, for sure, I think hunters would enjoy them! Also good for food in dire situations, as human meat is probably a lot more gamey than any other available source. Feathers or membranes would also be valued for use in repairing of other elytras, in clothing, ceremonial stuff, etc. Kinda neat!

Tell Sage I love her and her flying skills are unmatched. She's crashed before? Didn't see it. She rules

If any of this is coherent, congrats! If not, poke me so I can explain it! Most of my posts will be one long rant and not really read over again for mistakes or anything so godspeed, buddy! Overall I like your thoughts on the matter you rule!!!! Gives my brain more things to rotate :)

#glowstone23b asks #glowstone23b gif #glowstone23b art #phanon #brandnewinvention #minecraft elytra #minecraft worldbuilding #so so cool bud #i love it thank you for the asks

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xgryffinwhore · 3 years

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mama i’m in love with a hitman

summary: two years with barry what could go wrong? oh yeah hes a murderer-

warnings: some angst, marriage proprosal oop-

you had originally begun acting because it was the only affordable option to get you some time away from your family. ya, you still lived with your family.

anyways, acting became kind of like a release for you. you had been going for about 4 months now, you loved everyone you worked with, they were such great people.

then one day, barry berkman showed up,

and basically changed your life.

the first day you saw him, your heart basically feel out of your ass. holy shit was this guy hot; tall, mysterious, and awkward as hell. perfect.

you took him under your wing, immediately engaging with him and bugging him about his person endeavors and whatnot. you two became inseparable, youre bascially the only reason he even uses his messaging app.

you showed him the ropes of LA, giving him tours of sketchy venues, shitty Chinese restaurants. you always felt so awful for him, dragging him around to every place.

"I'm sorry, barry, im just trying to give you the full LA experience"

"its ok, being seen with the prettiest girl in LA isnt so bad"

yeah, one thing led to another, and you had moved into barry's apartment a year after. your relationship was strong; you cuddle, argue, fuck, all of that modern day romance contraband.

everything was exceptional, other than the fact that he was dragging his feet on marrying you...

yeah, you had dropped some major hints. wedding magazines everywhere, leaving honeymoon deals up on the desktop, evening face timing your friend and talking obnoxiously loud about the idea of getting hitched.

tomorrow was your two year anniversary, and you two had been buzzing about it all week, all the lovey dovey language and such.

"babe, tomorrows the day" he squeezed your shoulders from behind you. you were sitting at the coffee table, and he had just served you toast. "i know old man, didnt think we'd last did ya?" "first of all, im only like four years older than you, second" he kissed you on your temple "i knew you were the one."

in the midst of sipping your coffee and passing back and forth news papers, barry’s phone begins to vibrate; the name “Fuches” catches your eye. who was fuches and why did barry have to step out of the room to answer it?

when he came back he looked ghostly, his complexion pale and his lips quivering slightly. “all ok?” you ask, trying to sound lowkey; “uh um- yep. just have to head out for a bit, they need me at work.”

he left abruptly after, grabbing a hat and his black coat. weird. it was the middle june.

you hadn’t heard from him all day, except for a text at lunch that said

barry: Won’t be home tonight, dont forget to lock up.

your heart sunk, the day before your two year. i mean really what was his damage? you didn’t realize how hard it was to fall asleep without him, you tossed and turned until you eventually caved in and called.

ring...... ring.....

ring..........ring......

‘hey! it’s barry berk-uh um block! leave a message if you want to i guess um ok bye howthefuck do i turnthisthing off-OHH!’

oh how you missed that dorky man, true, it had only been a few hours but his touch was your saving grace. the line beeped and you decided to leave him something

“aha hey bar, y/n here. beds cold without you. miss you. be safe.”

the night way cold and long, you were drifting to sleep. but you heard the front door jangle. you sleepily run down the hall way and run straight into barry. you hugged him, his bosy was stiff and he was trying to inch away from you. "bar!" you whined looking up at him, his nose was bloody and he had a black eye.

“bar?” you wiped his cupid’s bow, the sleepy haze quickly wearing off. he pushes past you “just fell, please just wait for me in bed.” by the time you caught up with him at the bathroom, the door was already shut.

you heard the shower turn on, and you could hear him faintly hiss in pain. he was in there for a while, by the time he got back you could hear the birds chirp, which means it must have been close to 5 am. the sun was still down, and you watch his dark figure slip into bed next you to.

“i love you.” he whispered

“i love you too.” you turned to face him, you knew something was up, you knew he had been hiding something.

“you always leave in the night, when i’m sleeping you always leave barry. is it another women?” barry’s face contorts into a confused scribble. “y/n what? you’re the only one.”

“then why don’t you tell me what you’re really up to. go’s we’ve been dating for two years and you can’t even tell me why you sneak away in the night?!”

barry grabs your hands and puts them close to his face “god y/n i’m sorry happy two years” he gushed and kisses your fingers. a tear trailed down his stubbly cheek. “there are just things i can’t tell you because i don’t want to lose you.”

this hurt you, barry knew all of your deepest secrets, the things you never told anyone other then him. all of this had you worked up, how could he speak to you this way the day of your two year mark? despite his protests, you packed a tooth brush and drove to your friends to stay the night. this was just too much for 3am, you needed space. to clear your head.

you didnt sleep at all that night, you nodded off from 8am to 10, your friend waking you up. "girl i know you dont want to hear this... but barry is outside, hes been parked here since 9" she threw your jeans at you "now go outside and work this shit out, im not prepared to deal with your heart boken ass."

so you put on jeans, and headed for disaster.

you came outside, 'sleepy always looks so good on her' barry thought to himself. you loved him so much, it was so hard to fight with him.

"listen bar, im sorry im just sensitive you know th-"

"y/n"

barry never interrupted you. for as long as you remember there has never once been a time where barry talked over you, or interrupted what you were saying. its something you loved about him, he always seemed so interested in what you had to say, he thought your words where so important.

"yes?"

he pulled a rolled up magazine out of his pack pocket, it was yours, it had faded circles on what cakes and dresses you wanted. he unrolled it and scurried to the 5th page. he pointed at the big raise ranch that you put exclamation points next to.

"this house, i want this house."

he went to the 8th page.

"and this car, we could have that if i stop going to wendys so much"

he giggled to himself and mumbled something about how he knows a guy that can re pair a cooling system.

'uh-um ok barry, what does this have to do with anything? house, car, is this what you drove over here to tell me? you want a better car? you need a bigger house."

he shook his head and trialed to the second page with that beautiful sheath wedding dress, you remembered that.

"youll wear this yeah? some time in the early fall. wouldnt that be nice, still warm, and the leaves-oh the leaves- orange and yellow bring out your eyes so i just figured."

he pulled out the rock, and shit, it didn’t disappoint. you’re not materialistic but what the FUCK?! how did he even afford that-

he slipped it on your finger and you both embraced. messy kisses all over whatever skin you two could find. it was bliss, it was happiness.

you hugged for a while. just sat there reflecting on how far you two had come, and how happy he was going to make you feel for the res rod your life. it’s crazy, you thought marriage wasn’t in the cards for you. but with barry, you can see 5 kids, a dog, and a stupid picket fence.

you were so captured in this moment, you didn’t notice barry’s demeanor change. you looked up and him, he was pale white, staring behind his shoulder at the street. you leaned over his forearm and saw a beat up mom car.

in it was a shaggy dude, didn’t look too much older then barry. he was plump in the face, and his face was aged.

“fuches!?” barry exclaimed.

“come on. we have a hit, i habe your sniper in the back. now.”

another WHAT?

#bill hader #bill hader imagine #bill hader fluff #barry #barry berkman #barry block #barry bergman imagine #barry berkman fluff #fluff #angst #barry x reader #barry x you #barry fluff #marriage

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ddetraque-blog · 7 years

Text

Trigger (Part One of ?)

Pairing: None, really. It’s just Fem!Reader and the Avengers (even though this is set Post-Civil War)

A/N: Hey! I know I haven’t been on for a while, so here’s an apology gift. This will be a series (hopefully). Don’t worry, I’m working on Little Red Cabin Part 3. I haven’t abandoned it yet, and I don’t think I ever will. In the meantime, enjoy this!

Inspiration: I love psychology, and knowing what Hydra did to Bucky breaks my heart. But I wanted to know how they did it, and who did it. So I wrote this.

Summary: The reader was a scientist for that was forced to work for Hydra. She was the one who programmed the trigger words into the Winter Soldier’s brain. And now, she shows up in Wakanda, claiming that she knows how to deprogram the triggers.

Warnings: Angst, some violence, arguing, no swearing this time (I hope. If there is I’ll fix this.)

Word count: 1,342 words

Masterlist

Trigger Part One

“You can do what now?” Sam Wilson questioned, folding his arms. You sat up, your hands folded on the table.

“I can deactivate the triggers in the mind of Barnes,” you answered simply. Captain Rogers narrowed his eyes.

“How do you know how to do that?” he asked, hovering over you.

“Because I was the one that put them there.”

Almost instantly, Captain Rogers clasps a hand onto your throat, pulls you out of the chair, and slams you against the wall. You retaliate swiftly, slamming one arm into his side and swinging out of his grasp. Then you pin him against the wall.

“I was a psychologist before Hydra came to me. I didn't cooperate, and they made me into a monster. Forced me to program Barnes and five others, wiping their slates clean and turning their minds into mush,” you explained before letting go of the Captain and stepping backwards.

“How?” the Captain seethed, sending you a hateful stare.

“Hydra never thought to brainwash me. And because I didn’t want to make a genocidal maniac in the first place, I set up a way to deprogram the Winter Soldier,” you stated. “Let me see him.”

Of course, he disagreed.

“Maybe that’s not such a terrible idea, Cap,” Wilson says, his arms still folded across his chest. He still sends you a warning look when you start to smile at him. The Captain walked over to his comrade and they discussed whatever matters in hushed voices. You couldn't help the urge to roll your eyes.

“Alright. You'll see him. But after you tell me what you did to him,” Captain Rogers orders, motioning you to sit back down. You do so, as does he.

You explain the Soldier’s mind in possibly the stupidest terms you knew. What you said wasn't everything, of course, because if you told them everything they could easily get another doctor to disable it. And potentially kill the Soldier without meaning to.

Soon, the two men escort you to where Barnes was held. They didn't blindfold you, which might have been a stupid decision. You mentally marked each turn and each door you passed repeatedly. It was somewhat smart, what they were doing. They were trying to make you feel lost.

Eventually, you entered the laboratory where they kept Barnes in cryostasis. He was unconscious, but his brain was still being monitored.

You had ignored the warnings and approached the vessel, your eyes scanning the man who was your first success. Your hand touched the glass just barely, and the cold seeped into your nerves. This is what contains the monster you created.

Bits and pieces of reality ebbed away and you were thrown into a memory.

Screams filled your ears. Masculine screams, breaking and crackling. You held back a flinch every time a new yell started, continuing to dig around in the subject’s head. You aimed little electrical pen-like tools, shocking certain areas of the brain in order to recalibrate.

The scene shifted, and your own screeches echoed. Your own handlers had beat you to near death whenever you didn't comply. In this memory, they had handcuffed you to a metal rod in a room and swatted at you repeatedly with clubs. Cold, steel rods about the length of a forearm that were used as quite convincing weapons.

A shudder ran up your spine as the memories faded and reality came into focus. Your handlers would have surely killed you if they knew you put a destruct mechanism in all of your subject’s minds.

“Well?”

You didn't take your eyes off the unconscious man as you spoke. “I wish to meet him.”

“What?” Wilson questioned, stepping forward.

“I want to know how my program has affected him. I never got the chance to see the man in the soul of the monster,” you explained, studying the face of the frozen man. Stubble graced his sharp jaw and his long hair fell backwards to the rear side of his neck. You could only imagine how those blue eyes glowed.

“If we take him out, he probably needs a day or so to fully wake up.”

“Nonsense. Pull him out and it takes around two to three hours for him to wake up.”

Rogers and Wilson looked at each other, as you could see them through the reflection of the glass. Then they looked toward a nearby nurse. A silent order was given just before the nurse scurried to find more to help pull Barnes out. You stepped back a couple of feet to give them enough room, but you stayed close to the cryostasis cavity.

The nurses increased the temperature in the chamber slowly, so the body doesn't go into shock. Once it was the same temperature as the lab, they opened the glass and tilted the chamber until it was laying horizontally on its stand.

Not too far from you, you heard whispers.

“While we wait, maybe we should talk to her. Get her to tell us how this all happened,” Wilson suggested. You folded your arms over your chest, leaning back against the huge floor-to-ceiling windows in the lab.

“I'm not talking until I meet Mr. Barnes. He'll want to know how as well,” you spoke up, staring straight at the man you single-handedly destroyed.

Silence fell, before the Captain spoke up.

“How can we trust you? We know nothing about you, or why you decided to show up here. You work for Hydra, yet here you are.”

“Worked. Past-tense, Captain. I worked for Hydra, yes, but I still have a soul.”

“Really? And how much of a soul is that?”

You elected to ignore him, and held back any word you had for him. About twenty minutes in the two hours of waiting for Mr. Barnes, a nurse had brought you a chair and an unopened bottle of water. While you gratefully took a seat, you didn't dare drink the water, even though it was unopened.

The two hours had run out, and now both the Captain and Wilson were impatient. They constantly hounded you about him needing a day to wake up, but you dismissed them with the same words you have for the past half an hour.

“Just wait,” you say for what feels like the millionth time.

Wilson groans outwardly before quieting down. Footsteps echoed in the otherwise silent lab, clear and powerful and graceful all at once. You tore your gaze from your subject to see who it was.

A dark-skinned man stood tall, wearing a classy suit that fit him perfectly. A dark blue dress shirt with matching pants and a suit jacket, seemingly tailored just for his body. An intricate collection of rings adorned his fingers. You had to admit, he was handsome.

“Y/N Y/L/N, my servants tell me you arrived uninvited,” he spoke, his voice deep and rich, soaked in a thick Wakandan accent.

“I did,” you nod, staying seated.

“Allow me to introduce myself. I am King T’Challa,” he approached me, holding out a hand. Your heart dropped into your gut. You shook his hand anyway.

“My apologies, Your Highness, I did not know-”

“Please,” he waved you off, interrupting your excuse.” “I hear you know how to break Mr. Barnes’s triggers, is that correct?”

“Yes,” you said, nodding again.

“How is that?”

Before you could answer, a groggy moan filled the lab. You shot out of the chair, making to rush to your subject’s side. Instead, a hand fell on your shoulder and pulled you back as Captain Rogers walked up to his friend. You shot a glare at Wilson and shrugged off his hand, slowly approaching your first successful subject.

“Hey, Buck,” Captain Rogers smiled down at his friend, patting his shoulder gently.

“Cure?” his voice was hoarse as he asked, most likely from the fog in his mind and the misuse of his larynx. Steve put on a hopeful grin, nodding. Barnes released a heavy sigh before scanning the room slowly.

His crystal blue eyes landed on you, and widened.

Tags: @bucky-with-the-metal-arm @aboxinthestars @killer-stiles @howdoesoneadult @bovaria @buckysberrie @i-dont-know-how-to-write @winchester-with-wings (Please let me know here if you want to be added or taken off my tag list.)

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #sam wilson #t'challa #avengers fic #steve rogers fic #bucky barnes fic #sam wilson fic #t'challa fic #dd writes #mcu fic #trigger series by dd

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crimsonfoxx-443 · 4 years

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Part 2!

Well, my sister brought me to the hospital emergency room. I couldn't walk, so she went in and got a wheel chair for me then brought me in so i could start on paperwork. She went back out to park her car. They'd already brought me back to a room to wait and she came in and joined me.

Well, 2 hours later, someone came in. Im not actually sure what his job was, but im telling him everything and i just see something click with him, but he isnt saying what it is. Suddenly, he's asking me questions. I didn't even know some of this stuff could be symptoms, but he seems like he knows whats going. Well, he won't say it yet. My sister and i are both getting worried. He said he wanted to schedule and MRI ASAP. He left and some nurses came in a few minutes later. They brought a gown in for me and and a cup for me to pee in along with some vials to draw blood.

I ask the nurses how long i should have to wait for an MRI. They said between it was usually 6 to 10 HOURS. I hadnt eaten since 9 am. It was now 4pm and i was starving.

Well, the guy comes back in 2 hours later and they move me to a different, more private, room. They had me change into my gown since i hadn't yet and 2 real strong guys helped me into a hospital bed that they could roll around. They pushed me to the top of the list for the MRI because this guy was so worried. He fought tp push me to the front and this was happening now.

Off we go to this huge wing of the hospital. The techs there have me change into a different gown because theirs have absolutely no metal.(the one i had on had a metal button)

They tried to get me in the MRI machine and have me lie still for the scan. Well, heres the kicker. I haven't slept on my back for months(when its usually my preferred position) because of the absolute agony that lying down straight on my back caused me. I couldn't lie still for 15 seconds, let alone 15 minutes. The tech just keeps telling me to keep still when i can't. I tell her the pain im in and she pulls me out. I was crying from the pain. She gets some people to help her put me in a wheel chair to bring me back to my bed and then puts in an order for someone to bring me some dilaudid. Let me tell you, after constant pain for months, this was like a god send. I was back in the MRI and i passed out, i was feeling so good. It felt like it was over in 15 seconds.

Then they pushed me back to my room with my sister, gave me some hospital sock and had me sir there and wait for the doctor. Im high af in this moment. It's like 8pm and i dont know where the last 2 hours went my parents texted my sister to say they were leaving work early to come sit with us.(mom doesnt usually leave til 10pm. Dad stays til 11:30 pm)

Were both starving.and ask them to bring food. They arrive around9:30. Well, before my mom can even give us our food, the doctor comes in. He has my dad leave the room and asks me to roll over on my side so he can check my control over my butt muscles(he used different words tho)Well, next thing i know, his finger is up my butt and he's asking me to squeeze.

Then he says i can sit back up. I do and he has my dad come back in. He starts by telling me i have something called Cauda Equina syndrome. Now, i watch a lot of TV and i know what it is. Im asking all these questions"am i going to end up paralyzed? What caused it? I haven't had any recent trauma. What can i do about it?" He tells me "no, you won't be paralyzed, but a couple more week and you would have been. There's a schwanomma around the bundle of nerves at the base of your spine. We can have a surgery in the morning for you." He looks right at the chic fil a bag. "No food until now and then" i just start crying. Its 10 pm. I haven't eaten in over 12 hours and im starving. He thinks im crying over reasonable stuff(i.e. surgery in the morning) my parents think the same. My sister knows me a bit better and knows why im crying. I sign all of my papers and they transfer me to an actual room.

Surgery comes in the morning, I'm high as a kite right before and pass out before we even get to the operating room. It takes 4 hours from prep to finish and im back in another new room where some nurses are sticking a catheter up in me. Apparently, im not supposed to get out of bed after surgery or something crazy. Well, my brother, dad, and my brother's 2 best friends who are practically family are there while a catheter is getting shoved up inside me. Not cool.

No surprise here. My brother didn't even notice i couldnt walk for months. Who is that unobservant? Now all of a sudden, im in the hospital. He didn't even know my sister brought me to the ER the day before. I don't really know where he thought everyone was.

Now im in the ICU for a couple days. Honestly, great room. Big TV, couch and chair for the family, and a personal bathroom(not that i could use it. Catheter and bed pan for me)

Couple days later they move me to a regular room(definite downgrade, but my medical bills thank them lol. Besides, better to keep that room for someone else who really needs it) next thing i know, here comes my surgeon having me x rayed and saying that my schwanomma bent my spine out of place. If it didn't correct itself, id need another surgery to implant a titanium rod to keep my spine in place. Well damn. I just had a surgery. I still had my drainage reservoir(which i affectionately called my drainage donut since it was round. It kept blood and fluids from building up in the space where the schwanomma was) attached to me. The first incision was only a couple inches. If they did this, id have a scar all down my back.

Well, i ended up with that longer scar on sept 30th. I had to keep this long bandage all down my back.

Finally, all done with surgery. Next came the hard part. Dealing with my family. They would not leave me alone. My sister came after work in the morning and stayed for a few hours. My dad came after work at night to stay with me a few hours. My mom came after work in the evening for a few hours. They all thought of this as they're personal nap time and passed out in the reclining chair next to my bed. My biggest pet peeve is snoring. I absolutely hate the sound. It grates on my ears and just pisses me off. I know they were just worried, but i literally could not have been safer. I was surrounded by nurses and doctors 24/7. I finally snapped and told them to just head straight home after work and just go to bed. I couldn't deal with the snoring. I felt bad about it, but finally being able to sleep in peace eased the guilt a lot.

Next was physical therapy. Learning to walk again. I had to wear a very restricting back brace to help the titanium rod mold to the right place of the bone and keep my spine straight. They transferred me via ambulance to an inpatient care facility. i was told that they wanted to keep me for 4 weeks. I just went along with it. They knew better than i did as doctors.

They put me om the spinal injury and stroke floor. I went through what I'd be doing there with my doctor. They were basically going to teach me to function again.

I started PT the next day. It was hard, but rewarding and i was doing great. It went similar the next few days. Then Oct 6th came. My sister, brother, and I had all wanted to go to a bar for my 21st birthday and now i was spending it in the hospital. It was still fun. My family and my sister's boyfriend came and we all ate cookie cake(my favorite) and played board games. It was a fun day until visiting hours were over. My family had to leave and i had to go back to my room. I sat there and couldn't stop crying. A nurse came in and saw me. She asked what was wrong and after i told her, she sat with me until i calmed down and stopped crying.

You may wonder why my brother, sister, and i couldn't just make plans to go to a bar after i got released. Well, we would have, but my brother was leaving the country on the 13th to go live with his wife in Demmark.

I finally got to go home oct 16th. I just had to go to out patient physical therapy, wound care appts to help with my surgery wound, and appts with my surgeon-not to mention walk with a walker and wear my brace for the next 2-4 months.

Finally, im all healed up. I figured a year after i first started noticing problems might be a good time to share this message:

Dont wait. If your body says something is wrong, it probably is a d you should try and listen to it.

#stupid #dont do what i do #listen #hospital #emergency

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