#dont you get it they're not even friends theyre WORSE THEYRE A FAMILY

[andi-o-geyser]

Percy de Rolo and Keyleth of the Air Ashari my beloveds, my dearest companions, my comfort pair, nobody does it like them. They are the basis of what all friendships should be, they are the fucking blueprint, they show how meaningful profound affection in different forms other than romantic is, they are best friends, they are siblings, they are the platonic ideal of platonic ideals, they are soulmates, they have matching earrings, they are both massive nerds, they gift handmade jewellery to each other, they are the exact opposites, they are so similar, they are sunshine and shadow, they are nature and science, they are all the elements of the universe working together, they are creators, they are leaders afraid of their destinies, they care incredibly deeply about everybody around them, they are fuckups, they try to learn and grow, they argue, they fight, they hug and make up and never hold it against one another, they joke and drink and are always there for each other, they have died and been revived and brought each other back from the brink, they have met the gods themselves and still know that the connection between each other is worth more than divinity itself will ever be, they have fought monsters and titans and their greatest fears together and have come out the other side broken and battered but stronger for it, they are brother and sister, they are siblings-in-law, they are the epitome of chosen family on all possible levels, they will live through their lifetimes and legacies, they are love itself.

#can you tell that they're my favourites #i am. in my feels for them #chosen family who didn't grow up together like pike and grog or vex and vax but siblings nonetheless with contrasting aesthetics? #sign me the fuck up #vox machina is just a group of siblings and they all have such amazing relationships but they're all so different and special i just aaaaaaa #dont you get it they're not even friends theyre WORSE THEYRE A FAMILY #SAYS PERCY TO KEYLETH #AAAAAAAJJSJDKFHJSLDJHKSSKJHLSH #back on my bullshit with percy and kiki brainrot but i do not care because i love them #they mean so so SO much to me #very sad we haven't seen them being besties in tlovm #but here's hoping they'll maybe build that up in s3? who knows #critical role #cr1 #vox machina #percy and kiki #percy de rolo #keyleth #percival fredrickstein von musel klossowski de rolo iii #keyleth of the air ashari #andis thought geyser

[puhpandas]

I like that a lot of the tragedy about new fnaf is about how everyone lived, in contrast to the tragedy of old fnaf where everyone died

like gregory vanessa cassie the animatronics everyone had their lives ripped away from them because of the same source, but they didnt end after that.

the animatronics 'lived', but it was in an abandoned falling apart building while they're broken themselves and slowly losing their sanity. gregory survived the mimic and ggy and the streets but he'll never get back those years of childhood he lost or his parents or friends or old life and he has to live with that and the trauma from everything forever

vanessa lost her life and her free will right as she would have been free from her dad for good and was still put down and hated even as her alter ego. she was forced to leave her little support systems and drag other people into the same boat as her and kill people and after she gets freed abruptly she just has to. get back on her feet. and get a job and take care of Gregory and Freddy and somehow keep living a life as normal as anyone else but things are so different and she doesnt get a chance to sit and process everything

cassie doesnt die in the elevator crash and instead goes on to be trapped underground with something getting in her head. she gets taken over all alone by herself thinking that vanny was a friend and getting 'betrayed' again. once again someone's life is ripped away from them as they're forced to serve this virus, and its made a hundred times worse because no matter what it happened to cassie because Gregory wasnt fast enough. and theres so much tragedy in Gregory failing to stop what happened to him from happening to someone else let alone his best friend

and the tragedy that none of them will ever be free despite how they live on unless they kill the mimic and vanny for good, but theyve always just been too scared to do it. "the family missed the greatest opportunity of their lives" "the woman would kill the witch in the morning" they didnt kill them both when they could have and now other people are getting hurt along with themselves having to deal with it again after thinking they were okay.

and theres also tragedy in the glamrocks and how they lived in the pizzaplex. no matter how you view their sentience theyll always be seen as characters and machines and not real people despite how theyre literally alive and living. and alongside that in canon they push the idea of the animatronics not wanting to fit themselves into the character box (freddy) or not feeling like they deserve to be who they're supposed to (roxy) or not even trying to fit the bill because they're so overtaken with anger at it all (monty) or their programming making them crazy and obsessed with their characters gimmick so they're always trapped no matter what (chica). and how fronnie loved eachother but not only would the brand not have allowed it but bonnie gets decommissioned and Fazbear entertainment doesn't see it as worth it to keep him in the character roster so they just. dont. and Freddy has to deal with how unfair that is.

I just love SW era fnaf and how they do tragedy it's very interesting and cool

#pandas.txt #pandas talks #superfav #thoughts #sb #glamrocks #3 star fam #gregory #vanessa #freddy #roxy #monty #chica #cassie #vanny

[ratsbypaulzindel]

HI. BIG OVERVIEW OC POST THING. IT'S RAINFOREST FLOODS.

have you ever thought to yourself "hey wouldnt it be cool if there was an oc story made by two guys and it was about a haunted waterpark slash arcade in a fake town in a real state". you probably haven't. but if you have youre in luck! more under the cut ok.

rainforest floods is a terrible no good ocverse made by me and my good friend crawford @dykeseesgod. everyone in it sucks and is horrible except maybe one or two side characters. it's set in the podunk middle of nowhere town of timberline, new mexico, and more specifically a waterpark/arcade called rainforest floods (title drop).

also the waterpark SUUUCKS like its budget is nothing they are in debt. the managers havent paid taxes in 15 years. anyway these are the employees. theyre bad

and these are the co-managers. theyre even worse (and also toxic old man yaoi. these refs were drawn by the aforementioned crawford)

anyway yeah. they get up to wacky hijinks in what will ideally be a tv show coming out in one million years. they're also horrible and tragic. most of it is bruce's fault. some of its not though!

ok also here's some other side characters.

^ running gag that nobody knows her name except kelsey who has a huge crush on her.

^ unnamed girl's younger brother who is constantly faced with horrors and torment at the hands of the rainforest floods employees. dont get me wrong hes annoying as fuck but he didnt deserve to run on that hamster wheel. (ref also drawn by ford)

^ jeff's girlfriend. also the coolest person in timberline new mexico. worlds most unimportant minor character but she is wonderful and loved by the producers (me and cosmo)

FUNNY OUT OF CONTEXT THINGS THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU MORE INVESTED IN THIS OCVERSE

rainforest floods stupidity logic is a thing me and robbie came up with to explain why all the characters are idiots who dont find things out that are important to the plot too soon.

there's a chain gimmick restaurant that andy's whole family runs except him. its like italian food but its like also magicians. their tagline is "so good its practically magic". andy hates it.

kyle has a curse on him so that nobody remembers or recognizes him outside of like. his family. so the rff employees arent even targeting him for their shenanigans on purpose theyre all just weird freaks.

kelsey gives unnamed girl the company landline as her phone number because shes stupid and a ghost and doesnt have a phone.

the employees all get together on wednesdays in the breakroom and compare evidence on whether or not andy and bruce are together romantically. its the one thing that truly bonds them all together.

vincent: is a watchmojo fan, had his first kiss as beethoven in his 12th grade production of dog sees god confessions of a teenage blockhead (2004), gets really christian in some episode subplot, is not a swiftie but he is a gaylor, wishes he was jonathan sims sooooo bad, types like a toddler who was just given a keyboard.

vincent also ruined rainforest floods' lobby playlist

also there's a brand account that we run and post on whenever we feel like it. its more of a sounding board for ideas we may explore more in the future. its fun but it may be a bit difficult to get the full idea with the execution so :-( sorry you wont fully understand our wonderful and hilarious visions

annnd i think that's it. yay worlds silliest yet most tragic oc story. ok bye ^_^

#vel.txt #oc stuff #rainforest floods

[starlight-shark]

MY FRIEND AND I'S HEADCANONS ON THE FAIRIES IN ONE OF THE TINKERBELL MOVIES

tinkerbell: unpopular opinion, but she's literally the most homophobic person in the entire fairy village. tink is the kinda person to out you on purpose to everyone you know, but she makes it seem like it was an "accident". this is literally the reason why zarina left y'all

zarina: she is sooo trans girl coded. everything with her and the dust in their little rule filled society is just so transgender. zarina is THE t4t trans girl in the fairy society, no one does it better than her. tinkerbell literally outed her to the whole place so thats why she ran away fr. unfortunately the pirates were much worse and she did have to go back. she's singlehandely making fairy society way less bigoted though.

clank and bobble: these two are literally so gay for each other that im surprised they didnt actually kiss on screen. i honestly dont even have to explain this. they're both trans guys, they're t4t, they've been dating for ever. need i say more

terence: yeah so hes gay. "oh isnt he dating tinkerbell-" no. stfu. tinkerbell is just his beard that allows him to be a gay little twink in peace.

rosetta: she was homophobic but then had a big realization that she liked girls. she was the girl that USED to be homophobic. she used to be a terrible person but SHE GOT BETTER. now she's super happy and living her best bisexual life that she could ever live. her and her gf go shopping every saturday and eat icecream together

iridessa: pan, she/they. getting pansexual vibes from her. also a demigirl. theyre one of the sweetest people anyone knows, and she always makes the light bend into rainbows during june.

vidia: asexual lesbian. also a she/they girlthing. i cant explain it. you get it though

silvermist: she's bi. she's literally so kind. she's dated half the village. idk what else to say. we love her she slays so hard

fawn: fawn is also very trans fem coded to me. she and zarina are literally dating (her eyebrows in this photo is so her looking at tinkerbell)

captain hook: homophobic homosexual asf. he's like that one guy that manages to be both super gay and the most homophobic person in the room at the same time. i cant explain it he just is.

periwinkle: yeah she's a lesbian. she doesnt have the most screentime because she chooses to stay away from the toxicity that is the main fairy society, she just stays in her nice ice land full of cool people and only visits her sister for family events like thanksgiving (thank god)

spike and gliss: spike has aroace vibes to me while gliss is more pansexual. they both love each other so much, and they go figure skating together on sundays.

#shark speaks #irls if you see this. no you didnt. #enjoy the 1am ramblings LMAOOO #tf am i supposed to even tag this as #tinkerbell #the pirate fairy #colored text #coloured text

[yveltalreal]

for both: how do you feel about family

Yveltal: It's all I know, isn't it? Ever since the beginning, it was Xerneas, Me, and Zygarde. Of course, there was a beginning before that. There were other legends before that, but I Palkia, Dialga, and Giratina... they aren't siblings. They existed long before us. Same with Arceus. Especially true for Arceus. I need to have family because if I don't have one, if someone cannot look at me and go "That's Yveltal, they're like family to me" then what am I? What am I except the hurt? I need to be the love as well, don't I? I love them both. I love them a lot, and I love the others too. Maybe it was a mistake to love them like friends and children, rather than axes and hammers. To treat them as family rather than tools. Who knows. I am nothing without them. I miss them. I miss Zygarde, even if they hurt us. Maple: i think its complicated. i love my parents. they arent the best. they sucked. they were busy. but i love them. they learned. theyre trying better. they love me. its whatever. my mom especially though. i remember talking to her. she didnt want to be him. she didnt want to be her either, so she ran. she thought that if she wasnt there maybe her love wouldnt be so strong that it hurt. thats what she told me. word for word. i get it. i love a lot too. it took her a lot longer. it took her so much longer to not be afraid. she was always afraid that if she looked at me too hard that id snap. that her hands werent made for holding a child. she didnt want me. she didnt treat me like she wanted me. i mean she wasnt cruel but she just wasnt there. it took almost losing her to realize everything. for her to be there. i love her. i love her a lot. i love them all. but i dont know. sometimes at night, i wonder if they really do care, or if its the bare minimum. i wonder how long that would have gone on, a child alone in a house filled with pokemon until the end of time if grandma didnt find us.

and my brother. i love my new brother. im glad hes never going to experiance what i did. but hes so small and scared. just like my mother. but unlike her i am built for hurting. a whole body staying alive because of the stolen life of others. hes so small. hes so fragile. when i look at him i know what my mom felt and i know she felt it worse. its fine. im not his parent. im his sibling and by arc am i going to be a good one.

and outside of them. outside of blood. where does it begin and end. aspen and jaime? im married to them. we're legally family. and i love them like that. and tori shes my sister and law now but she was kinda like family too. and estelle. family friends is just family to my family, sometimes, and shes a family friend. my grandma wants her to call her grandma as well. shes like a cousin. even if i cant remember when we knew eachother when we were little well i remember knowing her now. at least a little. tami is like my mom, even if shes an absol. same with most of my moms pokemon actually. one of the few things i can remember as a kid is them all gathering around as solar taught them how a first aid kit worked. it was so interesting watching a beeheeyem try to explain things to the others even if i couldnt understand that the bad scrape i had stopped hurting. and pickle. shes been here forever. well not forever. but shes been with me for like over 10 years. what is she? a sister? idk. shes my partner. shes my starter. and heph is also kinda like family even if ive had her for less than a year and theres dash and theres bibi and glacier and little and. storm. im rambling. i love them. theyre family too. i love them a lot.

anyways family is a choice, but sometimes youre obligated to make a certain choice, i think.

#pkmn irl #pokeblr #from m #ask game

[acaciapines]

I will ask you about your toh daemon au: Staying in line with your current thoughts with Luz and Hunter being siblings, how do you imagine that their daemons get along and expand on the sibling dynamic here?

okay one thank you so much for asking in. i want to answer this so BAD but literally all the fun answer are spoilers </3 which is why they're so fun to write! the entire driving idea behind this fic is to examine what it means to settle, and to like...explore the idea we are given of daemons in the hdm books (ex: daemons only ever talking to other daemons and even then thats rare). and luz and hunter literally are built SPECIFICALLY to answer these questions most out of the entire cast, 'cause eda and king deal with different questions, and the other kids touch on them some, but not to the extent that luz and hunter do.

BUT what i can tell you is this:

mari (luz's daemon) doesnt actually like hunter at first dfngfg shes a LOT more unforgiving of him when he betrays them in hunting palismen and holds a grudge and is sort of pissed at luz for feeling sorry for this guy. like luz, he literally [redacted, this au's version of stealing palismen for belos to chomp, in which he succeeds]. he made our life worse. why are you still thinking about him?

fidelity (hunter's palisman, w/ palisman being to witches what daemons are to humans) is the exact opposite of mari! the two of them (luzmari and hunter-fidelity) are sort of like...theyre split across the same halves, if that makes sense? luz and fidelity both want to believe the best in each other, want to reach out and be friends and have this mean something, because they're more similar than they arent, but mari and hunter are like nope, nope, we have problems (hunter dealing w/ belos; mari trying to rebuild the portal to the human world) and 100% are not about to befriend the person on the opposite side. nope. nope. not at all.

unfortunately for the two of them luz and fidelity are very good at being persuasive.

they are like....somewhat unhealthily codependent on each other, in the beginning. in this au theres about a 90% chance hunter's staying at the owl house after hollow mind, unless i veer WILDLY off my outline, and because of that they are very much sticking together as much as they can. hunter struggles a lot with touch because his entire life belos has sort of manhandled him without hunter's consent and luz is the only person he willingly seeks out affection from, because she's luz, and she doesnt really expect anything of him. he tries to kidnap her! shes seen his worst moments! and him trying to do better is enough for her, even if he thinks hes doing a shitty job at it.

fidelity Refuses to leave luz's side after hollow mind. flat out will not go far from her which works because hunter doesnt talk to her for a WHILE after the events of that episode. shes like...really overprotective and get into arguments with the owl beast over this.

mari acts fed up with this all but there is this part of her that appreciates it, because for so long she's had to be the one doing the protecting: she had to feel everything hard, because otherwise luz would feel it, and if luz isn't happy mari can't be that for them. so having fidelity around to be the protector means mari can actually for once in her life Deal With Her Emotions.

post kings tide in the human realm hunter is the only person luz will really tell her problems to, because he understands in a way the other kids just dont. because theyve been through so much together and he wont judge her for wanting to run away, for wanting to be selfish, when all her other friends are missing their families back on the boiling isles and what right does luz have to want to run away? when she has her mom right here?

i thought this is what i wanted, mari says, and its the first time shes ever let herself think this, this is how it was supposed to end. us going home. but now...

well, says hunter, as luz buries her face in fidelity's fur, i'll be here. so you'll always have that.

#toh #i write #ask #i love how im like 'so many spoilers i cant say much :(' #and then proceed to give details up until kings tide #look there is so much i am not saying ok. like w fidelity and hunter and luz and mari and THERE IS EVEN MORE HERE OK #but that is for me to know and put into the fic #and you to read about in like a year maybe and go 'woah i get it now' #and a grove of palistrom to you

[oflgtfol]

just spent all dinner having my family talk about how i don’t speak unless spoken to adn it’s like. Okay

#like. There's A Reason I Don't Talk To You People #and it's just getting worse with quarantine like i for real have fucking nothing to talk about #and then my mom was like 'see heres examples of how to start a conversation!' and like #trust me! i do wanna talk to u during the day mom #but literally every fucking thing i say gets spun to her complaining abt how tyrannical quarantine is and its just like #i fucking! give! up! #so like i speak even LESS than i did before all this and im spending as little time as possible around my family and like #theyre pointing it out so much more lately and its like. -_- #i'd like to speak to my brother bc he's the only fucking sane person in this household #but other than dinner he spends all his time at home in his room playing videogames with his friends so like #I'm Not Going To Intrude........... #and the things i wanna talk to him about i cant talk around my parents #like at dinner he pokes fun at me for not speaking and my moms like 'i dont see her during the day!' #and if i was alone with him i'd be like. ITS BECAUSE ALL SHE TALKS ABOUT ARE HER HAIR AND NAILS!!! #how do i speak to her like a human being when her entire fucking existence revolves around her hair and nails!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #like i dont think anyone could understand unless they're here with me. like she is the only person i see on a regular basis #im stuck at home for fucking months and i see my brother at dinner and for like 2 minutes at night when he comes downstairs for a snack #and i see my dad at dinner and then hes asleep on the couch #like my mom is the only person im around regularly she is my only regular human contact #but ALL SHE TALKS ABOUT IS THE MOST VAPID SHIT EVER #so like fucking sue me if i'd rather sit alone in my room than have to hear for the fucking 54983058654302i049685th time that her nails #look ugly without getting them professionally done or how her hair (which looks fuckign normal!!!!) is like a rat's nest bc she hasnt #had it cut even thogh it looks the exact fucking same as it always does #and how cuomo is ruling the state with an iron fucking fist for making us close for quarantine even though new york state is the worst #impacted area in the fucking country AND he has a plan for reopening in place anyway!??!!?!?!?! and we'll likely start #phase 1 of reopening in a week!??!!?!?!?!? #like all i fuckign hear about with her are her hair and nails or that the liberals are demons for wanting to keep people safe!!! #like how am i supposed to speak to her like a human being . like how am i supposed to deal with this #for MONTHS ON END!! SINCE FUCKING MARCH!!! i cant STAND it anymore i CANT #anyway i have to help her do her nails tomorrow and like i dont rlly care bc now that the semester's over i dont know

[sn0tcl0wn]

remember all that stuff i said about forgiving abusers and even making amends? it all still stands but remember to keep your distance when doing so because that only works out when they actually want to get better. if i had gone down to visit him months ago and we'd gotten more involved in each other's lives again like we talked about i would be wrapped up in his bullshit again cause it turns out he was playing the long game and was playing more games with other people all at the same time in ways that wouldn't have been evident if i hadn't stayed back and remained a distant friend and observed his behavior for a good six to eight months. toxic people and abusers don't always immediately move on to the next victim and sometimes they don't even fully want a next one and want their old one back so they take their sweet time and act like a real person for a while until they feel the coast is clear and they can strike again. sometimes they can even move on to new tactics that seem like improvements until they're finally in a position to cause harm and inevitably do. like yes feel free to engage in healthy forgiveness and try to support the growth of people who are actually getting better but also don't get involved anymore than friendly messages online and the occasional phone call or hanging out in heavily supervised places with people you know for sure you can trust and will keep you from falling into any old habits with that person or help you leave if you get triggered. being abusive isn't something people can just shake, they gotta work to reeducate and reform themselves because they let themselves rot on the inside for so long and got addicted to the power and control abuse grants them. always keep that in mind when trying to help someone go back to the person you knew before they grew into a monster. i understand it's hard to see old friends and loved ones be that way and that it's natural to want to be there for them but make sure you look out for yourself and the people around them first when doing that. they're considered predators by societal standards what do you think everyone else is? be careful and watch your back even when they seem better. you can love someone from a distance if you have to and breaking off friendships or familial relationships is necessary sometimes no matter how much you care for or feel you somehow owe that person. your safety comes before anything to do with your past abuser.

#rant #and remember this goes for platonic abusers too !!!!!!!! #it isnt just exes and family and the thing abt abusive friends is sometimes they have an even easier way of worming back in ur life !!!! #no one talks enough about that and i want ppl to know this post not only counts that but is literally partially about that #he's an abusive friend first and foremost #we were friends before anything else and his shitty behavior towards his friends was actually the first red flag #and it quickly carried onto him freeloading and berating me like he did them before he realized he could do more to me and get away with it #it all happened so fast and everyone just shrugged it off as him being in a funk until that funk lasted for years and started ruining lives #he was fine and then he became verbally agressive and willingly financially dependant and then he started using my past abuse to r*pe me #and it was all over the course of a year and only got worse and escelated to hitting and strangling as time went on #if your friend was abusive to you they're almost def abusing the fuck out of their s/o and/or family members #keep an eye on how they treat other people too #even if theyre ''good'' to u right now dont just focus on how nice that is. be realistic and see if it's *just* u or theyre bein legit #cause they might not actually be good to you after all #case in point; the sudden love bombing from my ex while he shit all over his friendships and said he just wanted me around #it was the red flag that made me keep my distance and i was right and i hate that but at least im safe now

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

#eiypo

[crystu-cii]

XDD

I f e e l that pain in my soul-- my older sister uses cologne sometimes and it is sO STRONG AND WILL NOT STAY CONFINED TO HER ROOM-- AMD SOMETIMES SHED DO IT IN THE DOORWAY LIKE HELLO-- XDD

YEAH WH GET SOME SLEEP LEAVE THE STAYING UP TO US-- XDD

YES BABY JAIL, INTO THE UPSIDE DOWN LAUNDRY BASKET YOU KNIFE-WIELDING HEATHEN-- XDD oms XDD well I don't know them but I love them- YESSS THEYRE SO FLUFFY-- I'm actually curious what images pop up first imma check-- FLUFFY PUPPIES-- we've actually never owned ones that fluffy(those actually look more similar to shetland sheepdogs than the shelties we've had so far?? Very similar/similar enough where if someone doesn't know a sheltie we mention shetland sheepdogs), our current one is a purebred that we got for free(she was being given away bc her family never came back for her and the lady taking care of her couldn't afford the time to take care of a second dog long-term think) and she's got pretty short fur in comparison- still fluffy enough, but not quite so long of fur-- she's a blue merle(absolutely gorgeous fur, she's like 8 now with a lot of health problems but she's super loving still 💕💞) anyways about the fur, so long as you brush regularly you should mitigate most of that, and it mostly collects in corners- but like.. be prepared to eat and wear dog fur for the rest of your life-- (actually there's a thing called a fur zapper we bought recent that you put in with your clothes when you wash/dry them(I think it's dry but idk??) that's supposed to get a lot of hair off your clothes in that process? Also lint rollers are your best friend--) AND roombas are really helpful(we bought a knockoff one and rarely have to sweep ever so 👀) XDD WHEEZE I can't even imagine what you did-- but like you could ask for a budgie/parakeet /hj I mean, they aren't very expensive (actually they're pretty cheap) but they're very loud, need a lot of attention(especially if you want them to bond to you!) and you need to research into them a lot to make sure you're doing things right-- loads of vids online!! Loads of websites too!!! I'd know I have one- JUST A WARNING, FEATHERS AND SEED HULLS GET ALL OVER YOUR FLOOR XD p l u s like you have a friend who knows stuff about birbs :3 anyways ENOUGH RAMBLING FROM ME WOW THAT GOT LONG--

💕💕 I feel that XD OMS-- I WISH-- WHAT A D R E A M - s n a k - Awww but what a mood XD

XDDD oms YES-- EXACTLY-- XDDDD another good thing you should try eventually is SWEET POTATO CASSEROLE WHICH IS APPARENTLY DELICIOUS??? I TRIED IT FOR THE FIRST TIME(AT LEAST IN A WHILE) TODAY AND IT WAS SO FUCKIN TASTY????

H E A THEN-- XDD how cool of them to try tho :3 whEEZE Y 'A LL-- XDD

WHEEZE I SUCK WITH INSTRUMENTS SOOOO-- DAMN THA'S SOME BAD LUCK MY DUDE-- MAYBE YOU'RE CURSED DAMN-- oms wOWW--

Yesss-- ooh I've never played 👀 seen some stuff but never played-- (see: my computer sucks XD) I h a v e played Portal 1 and it is SO GOOD and SO SHORT and I WISH I HAD GOTTEN PORTAL 2 INSTEAD BUT THATS OKAY CRIES-- YESSSS THE SONGS SLAP--- ALSO THERE ARE ACTUALLY TWO WHOLE MORE CANON(PROBABLY KINDA MAYBE NOT?? IDK) SONGS, ONE FROM A LEG DIMENSIONS GAME("You Wouldn't Know") AND ONE THAT WAS CUT FROM PORT TWO("Don't Say Goodbye"(Harry101UK made an edit to make it Glados' voice!!)) THERE ARE ALSO A BUNCH OF GOOD FAN SONGS SO YEAH-- ALSO NOT TO BE A SIMP BUT GLADOS' VOICE? PERFECTION. I LOVE HER. ALSO I COULD LITERALLY DETAIL THE PORTAL LORE I AM INCREDIBLY EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN THIS GAME-- ALSO THERES A CLIP THAT SOMEONE MADE USING A (VERY GOOD) GLADOS TTS TO HAVE GLADOS SAY TRANS RIGHTS AND ENBY RIGHTS AND IF I FIND IT AGAIN ILL SEND IT TO YOU-- YOU COULD PROBABLY FIND IT IF YOU LOOM UP GLADOS SAYS TRANS RIGHTS? IT HAS A VIDEO WITH TRANS FLAG COMPANION CUBES ACCOMPANYING IT-- ALSO YES THE PORT MODS(/ADD-ONS? MAYBE? THEY'RE COMMUNITY MADE I THINK BUT IDK ALL I KNOW IS THAT THEYRE COOL AF--) (also I apologize for all the screaming? XD it's like, four am and I was talking about portal so.. whoops?)

Right like wth???? I???? Okay but like December to February babies just fuckin DONT EXIST IN THIS GEN OR SOMETHIN-- CAUSE I FIND N O N E -- Maybe there are more December babies but there are definitely like NO January to February babies it is So Weird--

NEJFQOBGKW WOWW d an g like-p l e a se s t op over sp r aying-- xD and LEGITTTT LIKE- THAT WAS M Y ROLE TO STAY UP LATE- XDD

WHEHEHEZE- LAUNDRY BASKET TIME- G E T I N XDD anD YESS- any doggo is just such a cute doggo 😭💞💞 but for me- fLUFFY ONES ARE WHERE ITS A T- and ohhhh i see- FOR FREE?? W H A T A S T E A L XDD but awwww the poor doggg at least she's with you now ! ;0;; 💞💞😭 aaw such a lovable puppup 😭😭💞 and oHHH i see :00 but oh no- xD i also have a friend that has two dogs and whenever he would give me gifts- there would be dog hair on them no matter what- XDD and ooOhhh those sound really helpful! omg- i swear i dont have to have a pet for the need of a roomba- i already shed so much hair myself its so crazy-- xDD and oH MAN loud animals are really gon get my mom fired up- and OO birds just look so cuteee i always fantasize of having one- but then again- with the noise and all xD the more i think about it i dont think we are prepared to have a pet at all xD but i still dream of at least having one pet in my lifetime!

and OO that sounds awesome!! i have no clue if i even tried casserole before- man- sometimes i just eat food without even knowing wth it is XDDD but THAT SOUNDS so gooodddd :O

and LEGITT LIKE- TF IS HAPPENING WITH MY SCHOOL LIFE- XDD and oh my god- IT GETS WORSE- that year there was a FREAKINGG FIREEEEEEE- it wasnt that dangerous thank god- but it had to get a whole ass room renovated because of it- and guess what room it was- THE ORCHESTRA ROOM- AND GUESS WHAT M A D E I T W OR SE- that year- it was the first time the school replaced those 10+ year old instruments with new ones- NOW THEYRE B U R N T- and mind you that the school's budget isnt so- gr e a t- like oh my god i am still so bewildered over HOW MUCH chaos HAPPENED that year- and i thought that year was gon be the year- yknow? like UGH

and OHH MANN playing portal sounds awesome! but i just dont think the game would be worth my money cause i know the plot- and even with the mods and all my brain would be broken as i would possibly have no clue what to do- xDDD

and HOOOO MANNN game fan songs are just so AWESOMEEE- and those sound pretty cool! :OO and HOLY SHIT FUCK YEAH- GLADOS SAYS TRANS AND ENBY RIGHTS Y A LL- now im gonna look that up and let my ears be blessed by such words- XDDD and DONT WORRY BOUT SCREAMING ALOT- i scream a whole dam lot too XDD

and LEGITTT- finding someone's b-day in january and feb is so rare all of a sudden like wh a t - XDD

#the rambles of crystu #even tho we are legit friends on discord- ima still answer these XDDD

[punkscowardschampions]

Drew & Carly

Drew: Carly Drew: I need to come over now Drew: On train Carly: k Carly: how long? Drew: idk does it fucking matter Drew: 40 mins ish Carly: i gotta clear out so yea Drew: alright Drew: do it then Carly: i am Carly: whats wrong with you? Drew: got some bad news Drew: need to get fucked up you may as well be there Carly: k Carly: ill make you feel better Drew: ha Carly: trust me boy Drew: no Drew: trust no bitch Carly: everyones out Carly: see im good to trust Carly: keeping my word Drew: tah Drew: don't invite anyone else round Drew: i don't want to fuck Carly: i wont Carly: this about her? Drew: You're jealous of Ro? Lmao, you have NO idea Carly: im not Carly: im asking for you Carly: you dont wanna fuck what else we gonna do cept talk Drew: i said Drew: get wrecked Drew: don't act like that's not what you want too Carly: k Carly: forget i said it Drew: least of my worries Drew: forget about it too Drew: doesn't mean anything Carly: yea Carly: getting that from you Drew: don't be weird Drew: don't need it today Carly: youre gonna get what you need soon Drew: i might need to hide for a bit Drew: cool? Carly: yea Carly: whenever you know Drew: good Drew: can't go back to my flat for a bit Drew: might need to move on Drew: not sure yet Carly: k Carly: for good? Drew: Yeah Drew: bridges burned, nothing here for me now Carly: they gonna come here? Carly: what you want me to say if theyre looking? Drew: Nah, nah Drew: not that Drew: Christ, I'd already be dead, that's where I've been past few days Drew: you're fine, you don't have anything to worry about Carly: Good Carly: can I come there? Carly: ill miss you Drew: I'll come back Drew: My sister will still be here Drew: we can hook up Drew: better get a new dealer for day to day tho Carly: yea Carly: fuck Drew: soz Drew: might not come to that Drew: idk what's going on Carly: what can i do? Drew: Idk, you know a good contract killer? Carly: all my contacts talk and talk Carly: whos fucking with you? Drew: no one Drew: but that's about to change Drew: you want a list? Carly: no Carly: i want you to feel better Drew: why do you care Carly: you make me feel good Carly: who does that for you? Drew: no one Carly: let me Drew: leave off Drew: i'm not in the mood Carly: anything you want Carly: when you are Drew: you're all the same, even the ones of you that front otherwise, makes me laugh Drew: tell you to have some self-respect but doesn't make a difference in the end Carly: im not hurting over this Carly: laugh it up Drew: oh, i am Drew: you're all jokes Carly: if youre trying to fight with me ill go there Carly: idc Drew: go on then 😂 Drew: what could you possibly say to make my day any worse Drew: I'd LOVE to know Carly: why do you want me to? Carly: none of your beef is with me Carly: hit up whoever else Drew: 'cos the last thing i want is that lovey dovey bullshit from you rn Drew: you said I could come to hide Drew: if you've changed your mind say Drew: don't waste my time Carly: its not Carly: you're good to me im trying to do the same Carly: if thats a waste of time its of mine Drew: no, i'm not, Carly Drew: that isn't what this is, or has ever been Drew: we use each other for personal gain, that's it Carly: yea you give me what i need Carly: let me do it for you Carly: stay here Drew: alright Drew: but that's all I need Drew: just the caravan Carly: k Drew: i only need a few days, alright, get my head fucked, then straight again Drew: i'll be out your hair asap Drew: and i'll stay on the sofa, just ignore me best you can Drew: you can keep people away for that long, yeah? Carly: yea Carly: ill put the word out now Carly: itll be sorted when you get here Drew: cheers Drew: i'm sorry okay Drew: know its not ideal Drew: got nowhere else Carly: youre welcome here whenever Drew: i don't get you Drew: none of you Carly: you know whats up Carly: personal gain Carly: i need some bad Carly: the good shit Drew: why not pay for it Drew: you have enough money Drew: what you saving for? new shoes? Carly: i got the sack Carly: whats it matter Drew: 'course Drew: nothing, nothing Drew: i wouldn't want to be anyone's bitch, that's all Carly: k Drew: 'bout 10 mins away Drew: im gonna take some in toilet Drew: can't wait Carly: dont be too greedy Drew: you'll get yours Drew: i'll do what i like Drew: my fucking drugs Carly: dont cry Drew: don't take the fucking piss Drew: you ain't paying Carly: i know Drew: had enough dealing with fucking junkies Carly: dont call me that Drew: what, grown a backbone? Drew: its what you are, darling Carly: if you wanna stay then don't Drew: might take my chances tbh Drew: doing my head in Drew: women Drew: know your bff had her baby? Carly: no Carly: she isnt my bff Drew: now, now, you're not exactly surrounded by offers Drew: though you will be taking back the flowers when you find out Carly: why would I care? Carly: nothing to do with me Drew: is with me Drew: still apathetic? Carly: fuck who you like Carly: youve wanted her for years Drew: well i got her now Drew: 25 to life Carly: thats why youre hiding Carly: she doesnt wanna play happy families Drew: yeah Drew: doubt caleb does either Drew: or her brothers and dad Drew: like i said, list is long Carly: she'll change her mind when she can't do it alone Carly: open arms for you Drew: no she won't Drew: she's not like you Carly: im not like her Carly: never having kids Drew: you shouldn't Drew: state of Drew: the way you go though you won't have choice in the matter Carly: piss off Drew: i'm serious Drew: never make me use protection Drew: doubt you do any other punter Drew: you need to take better care of yourself Carly: its none of your business Carly: im not gonna drop another kid on you Drew: yeah that's what I reckoned with Ali too Drew: like I said, don't trust any of you Drew: especially you Drew: my business when its mine Carly: its not happening Carly: you can go back to not caring Drew: No, I can't Drew: don't you get it? This has changed my entire life Drew: I've gotta leave my home and everyone I've known because Drew: even if I don't step up, she's still my kid Drew: she's not going away Drew: I've not got my head stuck in the sand or up my arse like you Drew: you'll get this rude awakening one day too, mark my words Carly: stay and be a dad Carly: theres no-one in your way Carly: and she's going to uni it'll be a part time thing Drew: Oh yeah, what a dad I'll be Drew: drug dealer with nowt else to offer but gear and a bit of dirty cash Drew: whatever she says, she won't want a kid 'round that, i fucking wouldn't Drew: and Caleb will always be in the way Drew: fuck that Carly: she cant stop you Carly: neither can he Carly: and she will want the kid to have a dad Carly: nobodys is decent Carly: be around Drew: Can if I'm a criminal Drew: they'll just dob me in when they're sick of having me hanging about Drew: it'll have a dad, she knows she's got him Drew: don't need or want me Drew: can't hack it Carly: go straight Drew: now why would you tell me to do a thing like that Drew: no more drugs for you if I'm stuck stacking shelves for a kid that calls him dad and not me Carly: youre not the only dealer, goldie Drew: i repeat, what's in it for you Drew: why you care if i'm around if i'm not funding you Carly: i wanna help you Drew: what about yourself Drew: who helps you Carly: whoever deals in your place Drew: you'll get hurt Drew: shouldn't mess around with people like that Drew: like me Carly: i can handle it Carly: nothing to matter to you Drew: s'not true Drew: you might be stoned enough to pretend you don't give a fuck about anything Drew: but i'm not a monster you know Drew: christ Carly: im not saying you are Carly: but don't pretend you care Drew: shut up Drew: of course i do Drew: i don't want you to get killed or beaten up every day 'and numbed out by the hardest stuff Drew: i only starting dealing to you so you wouldn't go to someone else Carly: its not gonna be that Drew: what's it gonna be? you'll knuckle down, get a job, get some friends, only do a bit for fun on weekends? Drew: that's not what you're doing, not where you're headed Carly: i can stop whenever i want Drew: you can't Drew: if you think you can then you're more gone than i know you are Drew: can't bullshit me on this, i have your tab, remember? Carly: fuck off Carly: im not a junkie Drew: yes you are Drew: and on the off-chance you aren't Drew: you certainly act like one Drew: do you think all girls fuck me for drugs? maybe once for a club drug but this is years now, as often as I'll let it happen Drew: and I shouldn't have but Drew: yeah Carly: don't drew Carly: dont come here either Drew: Carly Drew: I'm sorry Drew: I won't Carly: keep your sorry Carly: i wanted you ok Drew: i know Drew: i've known for a while, longer than i'd ever admit Drew: what else can i say? Carly: nothing Carly: dont talk to me Carly: stay away Drew: but Drew: i want you too Drew: i do Carly: no you dont Drew: i fucking do Drew: i just want to stop Drew: stop helping you kill yourself Carly: im not going anywhere Drew: you will Drew: everyone leaves me Carly: ive got nowhere to go Carly: this caravan is it Carly: and i cant leave you im not with you Drew: but you are Drew: you're constant Drew: you'll either get better and realise you're better than me like Ro and Ali and my own sister Drew: or you'll fuck off to be fucked up somewhere else like my mum Drew: or worse Carly: im not them Carly: im not trying to be better than you i know im not Carly: youre so good, drew Carly: i dont wanna be anywhere you arent with anyone else Drew: i'm not Drew: i'm bad but i can't stop Drew: i don't know how Carly: not to me, you've always been good Carly: looked after me Carly: you said yourself you wanted to protect me Drew: but Drew: i still gave you drugs and i call you horrible things and Drew: only see you when i wanted to, when Ro wasn't around or whatever else dirt I was pulling Carly: i ask ill stop Carly: im not scared Carly: i want you more Drew: its not your fault Drew: do you mean it Drew: will you try Carly: yea Carly: ill be better Carly: treat you better Carly: let me and youll see Drew: how do you want me Drew: i'll do whatever you want Carly: I just want you Carly: I love you Drew: I love you too Carly: be here now Drew: 🏃

#what a mess #when it aug and come april she be dead #sads