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legionofpotatoes · 3 years

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alright here’s ma thoughts on that flick I mentioned

we hatewatched a*my of the dead because we were CONVINCED “zombies in las vegas” would be an impossible concept to screw up, but in so assuming we obviously invoked a holy wager with the universe and got reminded, once again, that hoping for improvement from someone who’s dependably put out bad art is never a wise choice 😐

but we were honestly kinda roped in by the marketing??? and expected a goofy fast-paced flick with the odd traditional undead metaphor thrown in, framing some sort of relationship drama maybe or hell even nothing at all! we’d have taken pure indulgent storytelling, idk italian job with zombies in las vegas, I don’t know fucking anything but??? whatever this was???? spoilers below for it is time for One Of My Rants

I mean the main reason I really want to write all this and complain. this film here probably has the most unappealing cinematography I have ever experienced in my life and that is saying something. who the fuck signed off on that CONSTANT shallow-ass depth of field that imprisons your eyeline and turns every shot into bokeh paste???? and I mean every shot almost!!!! I promise if you think I am overreacting just throw a dart at the seek bar and watch twenty seconds from wherever it lands. it is horrifying to look at. at least it gave my girlfriend a good visual shorthand for what it’s like when I lose my glasses

why was sean spicer in this movie. did they pay him to be here. was sean spicer paid hollywood money for his scene in this film because fuck everyone who was involved in that decision

the legitimately baffling hints at the extraterrestrial origins of the infection that went absolutely nowhere and had no dramatic or plot-level bearing. we love to see the franchise sprouts fellas

yet another big budget waste of everything hiroyuki sanada has to offer. and bautista too I guess? I like him but man was this an odd career move

what was the crux of his conflict/resolution with his daughter btw. I understand it was rooted in miscommunication over their forms of grief irt mom but uhh… it was all rather clunky and didn’t land for me. I tried I really tried to buy in but something was wrong fundamentally with the groundwork there, it did not click and their catharsis felt unearned. I know there’s massive amounts of tragic baggage being projected there from the author so I’m not slapping any judgment down really;

but again it would be an easy thing to wave off if they just had a vibrant cast of lovable simpletons with good chemistry and the kinetic sense of plotting the trailers promised (and this premise never discounts good drama, either). but instead it was just two and a half (!) hours of meandering into situations the filmmaking instincts had no idea how to flow in and out of

to wit. I know talking about “bad pacing” is associated with armchair bullshit but consider the example of the scene were dieter does an out of nowhere little dance after childishly screaming but then still-killing a zombie, with the film framing this as a micro character triumph, and not a second later the bg soundtrack instantly fades into an orchestral score dramatizing a nearby mcguffin reveal, completely 180 degreeing the tone without a semblance of deft insert shot stitching or even I dont know a fucking jump cut maybe. now imagine this whiplash for 2.5 hrs uninterrupted

I will keep complaining about the length yeah because this was not a story requiring this much real estate to be told. Uhh in my humble and personal opinion, of course

[man sees zombie tiger] “this is crossing the line!” you can in fact write dialogue that is not utter nonsense that falls apart once you drill down its single fickle layer of referential meta winking. what line are you talking about. you have rules in this insane situation you’re in? total nitpick moment I know but it got burned in my brain for some reason. like a microcosm of the mismanaged dramatic instincts paired with weird writing that dots this movie. I am sure the director calls this either satire or genre deconstruction. I am SO sure

tumblr domino meme that goes from “dude getting sucked off while driving” to “entire las vegas literally nuked”

tig notaro is always great to see but once you know she’s been filmed as a separate greenscreen plate months after photography wrapped - cause she had to apparently replace some abusive asshole but that’s a whole other pig not worth fucking - it becomes impossible to unsee her odd detachment from everyone else in the movie lmao. it doesn’t really “ruin” anything on its lonesome but it is hard to unsee

why. was. sean. spicer. in. this. movie

a very simple key ingredient missing from fully turning lip service sympathy for main uruk hai dude into actual empathy that would generate meaningful conflict with hero family would be to spend a bit more time articulating what he internally wanted the most. because he was obviously trying to do something here with pointed agenda. a family, to have kids, build a caste system, save his wife’s head, return to his planet??? all of these could represent the bigger context in his psychology that spurred his vengeance but none of them are dramatically emphasized long enough for you to cheer him on. I’m not asking too much I promise. Articulating interiority of a mute character is pretty doable with deft cinema language, just gotta linger and hold a shot here and there for a few seconds, frame as his POV, donezo. I know this is also one of those like. “who cares” moments but the movie does, very evidently so, in making this guy an actual character. you can kinda piece it together and create a framework of sympathy for him, sure, but then again he ultimately becomes a foil to be killed and not defeated, so. Ehh whatever

quarantine zone stuff was not a wildly childish covid allegory quarantine zone stuff was not a wildly childish covid allegory quarantine zone stuff was n

the rooftop helicopter fakout at the end was such an ass-backwards, manufactured moment of what could be a simple setup/payoff it just pissed me off??? you gain nothing by giving sad dad five seconds of pointless crisis that flips right back to previous status quo ANYWAY, except for a weaksauce waste of runtime, which could be used instead to get inside notaro’s head and actually SHOW the remorse form as she took off, literally maybe even a frown playing on her face as she’s headed for safety right before we cut back to drax and the kid. just a simple-ass, minimal, momentary setup for what is the most basic filmmaking trick of creating macro catharsis moments. Just???? g o d if you can’t even land that shit why are you even doing any of this

that lil run final pam did was very very charming and super choreographed in a way that was the tiiiniest bit overdone

the whole intro with the simul-backstories and posing with family photos was just… oddly motivated. what was the goal? “here’s what we’re fighting for” vignettes? why? it’s not a functional setup in that vein. what was all that

also I am sorry if this is insensitive but the reasons most characters end up articulating to justify going back into the hell that destroyed their lives makes them sound seriously insane

I dont like complaining about CGI (honestly) but so much of it in modern movies can achieve higher fidelity if the animation is simply subdued. Do not overengineer and over-apply 2D cell methodologies and kinematics to each tiny twitch and movement in a hyper 3D model and I promise you. it will look a thousand times more natural. look at thanos in those last two movies. your rendering and detail are absolutely perfect with the tiger you just have to let stuff sit instead of constantly simulating swaying hair strands and firing off all facial muscles at once. great moment at one point where makeup zombie horse and CG zombie tiger are both in one shot together and just by unnecessary amounts of movement alone you can tell who doesn’t belong. again; detail, rendering, compositing, lighting, all picture-perfect; but y’all just gotta let the animation breathe sometimes, and chill it out

plot holes don’t really matter to me but it was kinda funny how lilly decided not to mention the enormous wrinkle in intel pertaining to an actual territorial tribe of intelligent zombies that require human offerings to let you pass, just so that reveal could play out in real time through the joyous punishment of the cartoonishly misogynistic dude

total chad move for mister uruk hai and final pam to rule from a rusted swimming pool complex

the ending with vanderohe oh my god. with the. cash stacks at the airport register. and specifically them working in his favor. that is literally something you do to get arrested under suspicion of theft. it was almost played for laughs and I respect that. coulda been goofier. make these movies goofy ya dorks

anyway, weird, weird movie. bad marketing. message unclear (something something sins of the father???), baffling editing instincts, literal worst-looking cinematography I ever laid eyes upon. Confidently dying on that last hill

#text #long post #aotd spoilers #aotd critical

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dragonhrte · 4 years

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Destiny? Chapter Nine: Where To

Author's Note:

Thank you so much for giving this work a read! Quick disclaimer, for all intents and purposes MHA/BNHA are not mine they do not belong to me. The manga and anime have inspired me to write this fiction and dialogue as well as events are given credit to the beautiful people who have blessed us with this series. Aside from standard story line events this work is mine. Don't forget to comment and heart! This story references events from previous chapters, if something does not make sense, feel free to reread from the beginning. I want this work to be as canon as possible! I want to give my readers a heads up that the next semester is coming up and I will probably have to pull back on the frequency that I post new chapters. There's also another story that I have in the works so be on the look out for that!

Please note that

*abc* is a sound effect

'abc' is internal thoughts of whomever

"abc" is dialogue

(abc) is a side note from yours truly ;)

~Love, DragonHearte

I'm sitting down at my desk waiting for homeroom to start after our impromptu three day weekend, hearing the various conversations going on around me from my fellow classmates, but not really listening to anything that they're saying specifically. Suddenly, Ida runs from his seat to the front of the room and exclaims, "Everyone, homeroom is about to start! Stop talking and get to your seats!" I look around the room and chuckle, 'The only one out of their seat right now is you Ida.'

As if he heard my thoughts Sero says, "Dude, you're literally the only one standing up..."

Ida zooms to his desk just as the door to the classroom slides open to reveal, Mr. Aizawa, face covered in bandages with small holes for his eyes and both of his arms in slings walking into the room.

"Mr.Aizawa?!" Myself and my classmates exclaimed.

"You're back way too early, pro-heroes are seriously hardcore." Kaminari says with a fearful look on his face.

Ida stands up while raising his hand and says, "On behalf of my classmates and I, I would like to say, we are glad to see you are doing well."

"Is it really safe to say that he's 'doing well'?" I mutter under my breath. 'I can't believe he showed up to class after all those injuries.'

"My injuries aren't the primary focus here. There's a more pressing matter at hand, because your fight is far from over." Mr. Aizawa says, his voice slightly muffled by the bandages covering his mouth.

"Our fight?" Bakugo questions in a raised tone of voice.

"Don't tell me..." Midoriya starts.

"More Villains?!" Mineta exclaims trembling in his chair.

"No nothing like that, it's the matter of the U.A's Sports Festival coming up soon!" Mr. Aizawa declared.

"That's such a normal school activity!" My classmates and myself shout in relief, at hearing such a mundane event.

“Wait a second, is it a good idea right after a villain attack?” Jirou, a girl with a punk rock type bob asks.

“Well, the idea is to showcase U.A’s capability of crisis management, that the school is safe despite the recent attack. The higher ups are trying to deter any doubt of their competence.That’s exactly why we should. We have to show U.A. can deal with a crisis properly. Also there will be five times the normal security measures in place. Our sports festival is the best chance you’ll get, and it won’t get cancelled over a few villains.”

“Are you sure about that?” Mineta says with worry apparent on his face.

“Mineta have you seriously never seen U.A.’s sports festival before?” Deku turns his head to look in disbelief.

“Of course I have. I didn’t mean that I’ve never seen it before!” Mineta exclaims frantically trying to explain himself.

‘I’ve heard of the U.A. sports festival, but I haven’t actually watched it before…’ I frown at the realization, and then hear Mr. Aizawa continue talking, “The U.A. sports festival is equivalent to what the Olympics used to be in their former glory, as far as Japan is concerned.”

“The top heroes of the nation will be watching right?” Mineta frets over this particular bit of information.

“Yes, they’re acting as scouts.” Yaoyorozu replies.

“They’ll scout us as potential future sidekicks for after we graduate.” Kaminari adds.

“Yeah, but a lot of those sidekicks never go solo. They’re stuck as sidekicks forever, you’ll probably be one of them you dunce.” Jirou retorts.

“Getting picked by a big-name hero means an important boost in popularity, you’ll also acquire valuable experience. Your time is limited so making an impression now will help pave the way towards your futures as heroes. This is an annual event, so overall you’ve got three shots, make them count.”

Modern Lit is over and everyone’s abuzz about the upcoming sports festival, they’re lingering in the classroom discussing how the results will affect their careers as pros. It’s a completely different energy than the residual worry over the recent villain attack. The excitement is contagious and I feel myself getting a bit giddy as well, ‘I’m actually a bit excited, I wonder how similar the sports festival is to the Olympics…’ I glance at the rest of my classmates that are still conversing with one another and walk over to Ashido, before I can say anything to her, Ashido says, “Uraraka, what’s up you look a bit different?”

Mineta looks over at Uraraka who has a manic expression on her face, brows drawn together, mouth spread into a too-wide smile and eyes touched with a tad too much determination. “Is she on her-” Mineta doesn’t get the rest of his sentence out before Tsuyu slaps him across the face with her abnormally long tongue.

“Just to let everyone know, I’m gonna frickin’ crush this!” Uraraka exclaims with an enthusiastic fist pump into the air.

“I’m sure you will, I’m just a bit worried about your rapid change in demeanor...” Kirishima says muttering the second-half of his statement to himself with a less enthusiastic fist pump.

I chuckle and widen my eyes at the slight rumble from my stomach. ‘Okay, okay…’ I think as I walk out the door of the classroom.

I have already been eating for a few minutes by myself before Kirishima places his tray of food down next to me. I look up and smile when I see the other members of our group approaching the table as well. Kaminari and Sero are already engrossed in a conversation when they arrive at the table, sitting across from Kirishima and me. Ashido skips over to the table, a smile on her face and plops down next to me.

“I’m glad we got the chance to hang out on Friday.” Ashido says.

“Yeah, I am too.” I reply.

Kirishima pipes up and says, “I saw the pictures you posted on social media, Ashido, they were nice.”

I turn my head and give Ashido a questioning look. She smiles at me while pulling out her phone and showing me the post. I laugh when she swipes to view the silly picture we took, the whipped cream, white and fluffy, above my lips. “Can you tag me?” I ask and then she nods, and edits the photo for me to insert my social media handle into. The conversation continues and has a light-hearted feel to it, everyone else has shared what they did on friday for their break when Kirishima asks Bakugo, “Hey man, what did you do for your day off?”

Bakugo huffs, and says, “I trained, and did homework, obviously I’m not gonna slack off just because we don’t have school.” as he says this, his eyes flit to mine in a side-glare and I feel my eye twitch at the slight jab and the slight pulse of warmth at my hip, but before I can say anything Ashido wraps an arm around me squeezing me gently and says, “Well, some of us need a bit R&R after something like that.” I mirror her actions and add, “Some of us need a break from the same mundane routine everyday.” I feel a moment of triumph when his expression sours, ‘Do you feel it too?’ I think to myself, of the fading warmth at my hip.

I’ve just sat down at the table after throwing my garbage away and putting my tray on the designated cleaning station when the bell rings, signaling the end of the lunch period. The remainder of the day passes by without much excitement, ‘Honestly I think even after that day off I’m still feeling a bit out of sorts. Hopefully this uneasy feeling will fade with a few more days of routine training.’ I think to myself as I pack up my backpack to head home after the last period of the day. On my way towards the entrance of the school I spot Ashido and Kirishima, I jog up to them and ask, “Hey, mind if I walk with you guys?”

Kirishima turns to me his sharp pearly whites on display with his ever-present smile and says, “Nope.”

“Good” I reply and we walk together Kirishima talking about how pumped he is for the sports festival and Ashido joining in with her expressive gestures. After walking together for a couple of minutes Kirishima starts to slow his pace and says, “This is where I head off, I’ll see you tomorrow.” he gives a short wave as he turns and walks away. Ashido and I continue walking and talking the rest of the way until we both start to slow down, “You already know that I have to go home this way.” I motion down the street in the direction of my apartment with a slight chuckle and start walking away when Ashido shouts, “Hey, is it okay if I add you to the group chat?”

I stop, turn around and answer back, “Sure I don’t see why not. Bye Ashido!”

“Bye Evangeline!” She exclaims waving her arms in parting, I turn back around and jog the rest of the way to the apartment, wanting to get my homework done quickly.

I open the door to the apartment taking my shoes off and pad into my room, and drop my backpack on the floor next to my desk. I take off my uniform, changing into something more casual and putting the uniform into the hamper. I unlock my phone and see that I’ve gotten quite a number of notifications. I check my messages and see that Max texted me, I look at that one first.

Max: “So… I’m going out with some of my coworkers tonight, they’re complaining that I don’t hang out with them enough. There’s some cash, in the usual spot behind the knife rack, that you can use to order out…”

I quickly type out my response,

Me: “Okay, thank you and enjoy!”

I open up the other message and see Ashido’s number listed among other unknown ones. ‘Must be the group chat.’ there’s a barrage of messages popping up on the screen I put my phone down and take out my homework for the day. It’s taking me a bit longer than usual because my phone notifications keep alerting me of another text message, the first time it’s from Max in response to my previous message. However, the rest are all from the group chat. ‘I don’t want to turn the ringer off, because Max might need to get a hold of me, but I can’t figure out a way to stop the incessant noises coming from my phone.’ After a few minutes of this continued internal struggle I decide, ‘You know what?! I’ll just put it on vibrate! It’ll be less distracting, and I can still be available in case Max wants to contact me.’ my homework attempts are going much better now. Yes, there is the constant vibration of my phone, but a quick glance at the screen showing the group chat and not Max lets me resume my studies in some semblance of peace. I finally finish my homework and walk into the kitchen moving the knife rack, removing the cash, and put my jacket on, and grab my house key. ‘I saw a ramen shop on my way to school the other day. Maybe someone in the group chat knows of a good one.’ I open up the chat and type out my question.

Me: “Hey, I was wondering if anyone can recommend a good ramen shop near the school?”

Ashido: “I’m not sure exactly which one to recommend , maybe someone else knows. Oh, can everyone introduce themselves before texting real quick, so that Evangeline can know who you are.”

0XX-XXX-XXXX: “This is Kirishima I like the one we passed by while we were walking this afternoon, before I turned off.”

0X-XXXX-XXXX: “Sero here, um I think I know which one you’re talking about it should be called The Ramen Shop…”

(I made the shop name up if there is an actual ramen shop that’s named this, it’s merely a coincidence.)

0X-XXXX-XXXX: “Sup, this is Kaminari, there’s a place I know called Cup o’ Noods, it’s really good too.”

I quickly add the unknown numbers to my contact list. There was one more unknown number that was not claimed, ‘That must be Bakugo’s number…’ I go back to the group chat and view the new messages.

Sero: “Kaminari, seriously dude?”

Kirishima: “Kaminari that’s not very manly...😤”

Kaminari: “It’s a legit ramen shop I swear!”

Ashido: “Mhmm. Yeah, right. Anyways, I hope we were of some help Evangeline.”

Me: “Yep, thanks see you guys tomorrow.”

I close the chat and put my shoes on before walking out the door, locking it behind me. The air has a bit of a chill to it as I leave the stairwell of the apartment complex. Walking at a brisk pace taking the familiar path towards school. I slow down as I come to the intersection where Kirishima had branched off. ‘The Ramen Shop should be somewhere near here.’ I sniff the air, a delicious aroma meeting my nose and I search for the source. I read the shop name listed above the door, “The Ramen Shop” and hurry to the door. Smiling to myself at having found my destination I open the door and walk in, the cozy atmosphere enveloping me immediately. I breathe in all the different aromas and feel my mouth water. ‘It smells so good, I can’t wait to see if it tastes as good as it smells.’ Looking around I notice the shop is basically full except for a sparse peppering of empty chairs at the counter. I look up at the menu, the vast variety of options listed above me, and then walk up to the counter give them my order, and pay. I sit down in one of the unoccupied chairs and scroll through my social media while waiting for my order to be ready.

The man from behind the counter calls my name and I stand up, getting my ramen and sitting down at my chosen booth. I take a quick picture and send it to the group chat.

Me: “I found the place. Thank you!”

Kirishima: “Damn, that looks so good. I’m a bit jealous.”

Sero: “Same man.”

Kaminari: “🤤”

I put my phone down and dig in, the food does not disappoint. The hot moist noodles contrast with the slightly crisp vegetable slices all in a savory broth that takes me away and before I know it I have a clean bowl. By the time I finish I have a clean bowl and a stomach that feels as though it’s about to burst but it’s all worth it. I scooch out of the booth and make my way back home. The warmth from my meal keeps me toasty the whole way to the apartment. I unlock the door and slip my shoes off. I walk to the shelf that has the rainy day jar and put the change from tonight inside.

After a quick shower and changing into pajamas I nestle into the covers tired from the excitement of today.

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