#feeling behind at a new job

[vizthedatum]

Human-centered communication

Just had a meeting with one of my bosses - right after a court hearing over the phone (more on that later).

And... I'm not a failure and behind? It's weirdly dissonating that even though there are like 4 people I still need to get back to (and a bunch of projects I'm still working on with no finished deliverable), I'm doing as expected in this job where I'm basically an on-call biostatistician for docs at a hospital. Month 2 and my email is full but I have ideas, I'm doing the work, I'm tracking my stuff, and I'm having some major trauma-freezes and trauma-flashbacks (ugh), but yeah! Dissonating because... my brain catastrophizes ("I'm horrible and dumb and not doing anything") but actually... it's going fine: I'm doing what I can do with what I have (and that's fucking fine, Rose, omfg *swats self*), and I'm communicating with people the best I can. The nature of medical research is like this, and I'm doing fine. I'm doing fine.

Plus, my boss told me that at her first ever meeting with the head boss of our institute, she broke down crying involuntarily about her divorce.

So.

Yeah.

(Did not cry but did look kinda distressed although somehow... put together. But only because my gf and my really close friend were there earlier this morning holding my hand throughout the whole thing - I AM SO THANKFUL. Regulation with my community is so essential to my self-care and journey... and I would and am doing the same for them. I love my friends so fucking much.)

People understand people, even if you think you're too much (and not enough at the same time, hah - my fucking brain).

#human centered approach #people first #work life #healing #trauma #heartbreak #divorce #feeling behind at a new job #working while ptsd - what a concept #ptsd #living with ptsd #needing money #capitalism #fucking capitalism #people understand people

[princesscallyie]

Me when I'm listening to the most stupidest story about my mom giving my brother $1500 for a down payment for a 2nd car while his in the shop for a deer hitting him and him losing the nonrefundable $1500 cause he drove 2 hours away to a scummy dealership and he didn't get approve for enough credit from the bank

#like... idk maybe cause I don't have a son but does anyone else have experience with a mom acting delulu for their son??? #like... 1st she paid $17k for the brand new 2022 which he traded in behind her back so he can get a 'fast car' #he got in an accident in the fast car mom put the parts to repair on her credit cards #since now the fast car wasnt pretty any more with mixmatch parts he traded in that car for a lexus for payments #which is dumb cause the whole excuse on why he traded in the 2022 cause he didn't want payments #he hit a deer with the lexus and i guess he thought they was gonna total the car cause he was already looking for a new one #but they gonna fix the lexus but he still went to try to get that car... #and that lady just agreed to it... #he owes her thousands of dollars... #she keeps on saying 'oh well he got a new job making $17 an hour and plus he's working a part time he's gonna pay me back #he's been saying that since he traded the 2022 and he barely paid you anything... #like why are you enabling his impulse purchasing??? #he thinks these cars are like toys or something and you just letting him use your cash and credit like that... #then she's like... 'well I would do the same for us' referring to us other daughters #but like... we're not idiots that would purposely put you in these situations... #why on earth does he need a 2nd car??? he only making $17 an hour plus a part time job??? you live at home??? why did you agree to this??? #just tell him no for once???? #idk I feel like I'm going crazy or am I just super stingy with my money and credit score? #callyie chat

[wonderfulxhappiness]

also love the fact that the only way to submit feedback is via discord like. no thanks

#im not going to join a wholeass discord server to tell some people that their event feels awful to play and seems designed TO #annoy the player and feel awful to play. there is no satisfaction in meeting the goals set in front of you. it's AWFUL game design #like yes some people LIKE infuriated games (see: getting over it with bennet foddy & its ilk) others do NOT #designing something EXPLICITLY INFURIATING and then LOCKING REWARDS BEHIND IT is AWFUL GAME DESIGN! #esp when the normal modus operandi for this game is being an ENDLESS RUNNER. introducing an entirely NEW MODE #that is DELIBERATELY INFURIATING AND AWFUL TO PLAY //AND// LOCKING REWARD BEHIND IT? #awful game design all around! good job guys!

[artekai]

Guess what movie I watched

#i feel bad for saying this because it's so easy. it's too easy. what would i even add. the movie is there. it says everything. you can watch #but i'll say it anyways since we're here. #new headcanon that m//3gan was fross's comfort movie after his parents died and he watched it 80000 times back to back and learned nothing #nd that's why he's like this now #i don't care that this movie came out like 30 years before fross was born. idc idc. it's so easy. it's too easy #i just know he watched this movie so much it started blurring the lines between fantasy and reality and then he went up to lis and he went #well where's my killer robot? 🤨 #and she was like. well we don't do that here. we only make green robots #and he was like #oh.... that's fine... no it's ok. i guess i will go become a roboticist. and get a job at FAS. so i can make a killer robot myself #since you clearly don't want me to be happy 💔🥺😩 *ant_with_bindle.png* #anyways yea i made this post just so i could share the TRUE and REAL SECRET story behind fross's decision to side with FAS 👌 #also. remember how i mentioned fross would watch a//tla but skip z//uko's redemption arc bc self-recognition through the other (derogatory) #well. same applies here. he skips that one scene where g/emma says that m//3gan is just a distraction and those feelings won't go away etc #he's like GTFO WITH THAT MORALISTIC CRAP!!!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥 SHOW ME THE YANDERE ROBOTS 🔥🔥🔥🔥 #anyways i think you can tell i liked the movie. it had a bunch of the things i like 👍 #oc: fross #oc tag #ramble

[howabhwmwn]

Thinking about my future has me going like

#should i study social work or should i continue trying to be a professional artist? #would i feel better doing art for fun? #i really love the idea of working in social work #but will i regret leaving behind my dream? #i can come back to it i know #but theres just so much to think about... #my new job is so much fun tho #i just love working with kids so much

[myfriendtheghost]

.

#I sent an honest message to my leaders about work about how I’ve been painfully stressed for the last few months and immediately clocked out #*at work #anyways I wish josh was here to calm me down because panic started in literally as a I was writing it lololol #but I’m honestly at my breaking point so I finally was just like look :) I have been overwhelmed and stressed for months now :) #and I’m doing my best :) #so… it’s either gonna go really poorly or make things better lol #but they asked why I keep getting behind on projects so I finally snapped #I’m just glad I have therapy tomorrow lol #between this and my failed Dr appointment last Wednesday and my roommate going behind my back and applying for a new job yesterday l #it has been a bad week <3 #and I want to cuddle with Josh while he tells me words of encouragement <3 #anywho I feel sick now and have to go out for my brother’s birthday so slaaaayy #at least I get crab rangoon

[rimouskis]

when I first started my job, I'd often overplay my emotional detachment to it because I had moved from a high-emotional/personal-involvement industry into a soulless corporate one.

and to, like, justify that decision and explain it to my high-emotional/personal-involvement peers from that old industry, I'd be like "lol I don't really care, you know? the job suits my skill set and I can do it, so it's all good:)"... but I've come to the realization that I actually really enjoy doing the labor of my job and it's weirdly hard to admit that!!

#I think it's because I enjoy the LABOR of my job and don't necessarily believe in the bigger corporate mumbo-jumbo #and also because [mumble mumble about transitioning from working in a pretty ethical industry to a..... not.... ethical one] #which is FUNNY because my calling was deeply NOT my previous industry in any way shape or form #but I could get behind the mission and did fundamentally believe we were doing ''good'' (if flawed) + deeply necessary work #whereas there is a LOT more ethical ambiguity in my new world #(+ some straight up ''oh dear that conflicts with my personal principles ohhhh'' moments lmao though they're high-level and way beyond me) #so it's in some way harder to feel GOOD about the work because it lacks the specific nature of my previous one #and it's like objectively less fulfilling even though it's improve my QoL a lot #which is its OWN issue because then it's like ''oh well I got mine! who cares if it involves EVIL LOBBYISTS!'' #(which is like. babe you are so deeply not actually connected to that and just because a guzzling corp cuts your checks doesn't mean you're #responsible for literally anything they do. in fact KEEP taking their money!) #ANYWAYS I worked on a project all afternoon and had fun with it and felt pleased with my efforts so 👍 #now I'm gonna go get ready to visit some coworkers from my previous job; we're gonna have a bad movie night and I'm bringing snacks :)

[verberation]

i just want a house. that fucking lets me have my dog in it. renting it out to myself and like. two other people. that won't fucking. kick me after a years lease. like. wtf. WTF. can't have shit in this goddamn rental market jesus fucking christ.

#a single goddamn room goes for 300 in this fucking town & they won't let you have dogs either. #like. moved house bc my father needed my room. #ok. fine. #had to leave my dog behind bc new place couldn't let me have him. #yeah. sure. ok. #just feeling salty and sad bc some shit when down with the dog bc of my father and I wasn't there to mitigate it #and now my sister and her husband wont come to my mum's house with their baby bc they don't trust the dog to be kept away #and i feel guilty bc it's my dog and i wasn't there but also pissy because dad fucking fucked up again and it's not my fault #but now my mum's hurt and and i'm like. wtf can I do about this? ya know? #I don't have the job to be able to pay 1000 a week in rent. and the rental situtation is insane. no houses for rent. none. there are 11. 11 #in this whole goddamn town! and like! what the fuck am i supposed to do about it? #dog can't be around other dogs. dog is big. fuck fuck fuck #and i can't RANT to anyone about it ahghhhj #I don't know what the FUCK to DO about it #i love my dog and i don't want to give him up. but i'm geniunely afraid that it might get to that point fuck. #i speak!

[stopthefeeling]

Uhhh did I miss something, did we know we were getting ryan and daisy baby 2????

#this feels like an announcement. its an announcement right #i know I'm falling behind on ryan related news but. daisy's post just now was news to us right? #also congratulations on the gorgeous couple for 10 years #get a job now to support your two children mr hawley

[deadtower]

bleghhh if anyone is able to help out before i get hit with overdraft fees i’d appreciate it

v: deadtower ca: $deadtower pp: paypal.me/deadtower itchio where i have a book for $3 about getting hired for a working class job: http://februaryfirst.itch.io

#reblog pls and thank u #just need to get out of the red #have a new job but catching up on expenses from last month ya know #so anything helps #for those that missed it i had Big Relapse last month so i'm running behind u_u; #i know i shouldn't feel bad making these posts but i always do anyway :/

[smallvillecrows]

I would call and quit right now but I gotta wait until I have my first day scheduled

#NEW JOB 😭👏👏👏👏 #i feel bad ONLY because I'm leaving behind regulars I really love but... hey man thems the breaks

[mikoriin]

sometimes its hard to think my art will really reach enough people to fulfill my dream

#im so behind #and such a...mediocre artist lmao #im best at digital and even then apparently that isnt good enough #i dont know how to actually use any other art mediums i dont step out of my style comfort zone #i dont draw every day at the speed of light with a new piece all the time #which i dont think is a bad thing necessarily i blame capitalism and what consumerism has become on that one #idk even tho i do like my art and think its underrated it doesnt rly matter cause #i dont rly have an audience #its so discouraging when years ago my older shitty art got so much attention #and now that im at a place where my art is good to me i dont get seen AT ALL #im just down #and whining #cause i dont have the time or energy or means to be a full time artist #and its because no matter what ive always done in the past i can never seem to get further #i cant be a full time artist i need to work a dumb normal job just to barely make ends meet #i could go on about this forever and how bad it makes me feel but its 7 am and im not on it

[clone-bar-79s]

Okay, so does anyone else thinks it's time we talk about how the concept of enough is enough no longer exists. Particularly when it comes to money? There's no facet of our lives that we aren't commercializing for financial gain and I think social media is one of the reasons why it has gotten so easy, but this constant desire to earn money and work only towards that one goal... will we ever stop talking about it as if it's our only goal in life? Yes, money seems to be the answer to everything in life and trust me, I feel like that constantly, but guys, don't you think it's time we stop telling ourselves we need more? (and I'm only talking about wants here, not needs) Mainly because we already know that whatever material happiness we will eventually purchase will only offer us those feelings for a short while? And I know it's hard to accept this way of life because you are constantly seeing everything that you don't have being flaunted online but maybe if you took a break and distanced yourselves for some time from these purchases you think you definitely need, you'd see there's really no need for you to get involved in this hustle culture?

#i know some may feel another way #and i know that many of you DONT have another choice but #I am praying from the bottom of my heart that you do get to leave behind all these extra jobs if you have the opportunity to do so #but i left my part time job that I was literally only doing because i was supporting a family of five but I have cut it out #and im now only working a full time job and i stg i have never been more calmer #i cannot afford iced coffees or my imported chips and so many other things i was spending all that money on... #because i was sure those ppurchases were making me happy #but after only a month away from that side job i have time to learn a new language #write #create #play #and do so much more #and i honestly cannot explain just how little happiness money has to offer apart from survival

[yousaytomato]

I've really enjoyed Dracula Daily, like legitimately some of the best times I've ever had on Tumblr, or the internet

but damn -

the immense guilt and shame I've felt the last couple of months for falling behind, has really marred the entire experience - made only worse by knowing it's entirely my own fault, and also that it's such a stupid thing to be upset about, and yet, I still am 🤷‍♂️

#if you do relate genuinely we can all cry together about it #i think it's reminded me of uni a little bit #i know that keeping to deadlines and my inability to do so #is something that really frustrates me 😭 #i loved it so much when i was up to date #and i feel so so awful to be behind #especially because i did catch up!! and then fell behind again #and tomorrow is the end :/ #idk. im feeling sad in general the last couple days #i feel like im teetering on the edge of a big cry / breakdown #so a lot of things that would normally bounce off are upsetting me a little lately #im also feeling immensely guilty about some other things so thats kind of contributing to everything else #and stress of the new job i guess #which genuinely is not currently that stressful but i feel like it will be soon #and tbh just interacting with some of the people and being in a new environment is kind of stressful #and the long days and travelling and early morning's and damn. this got off track #huh. #woes of emily #Dracula Daily #main tagging because i feel like others may relate #there's always next year lol

[peachiyyy]

cannot blame nepo babies because if i could, i would use my privilege to my advantage, too

#personal #cried for 30 minutes before i went to class this morning bc i keep applying to jobs [for post grad] and no good news yet #and ik comparision isnt good but im behind all of my friends and we all started at the same time #it sucks to be the only one who hasnt started life #ive lost track of how many jobs ive applied to this past week alone #and my fear of becoming a failure keeps growing #this is actually making me feel so suicidal LOL i cant stop crying #all i want from this world is success #and if i cant have it i genuinely do not need to live lmfao

[willowfey]

.

#i am not doing well girlies #disclaimers that i am fine i'm always fine i will always be fine but hooo boy i do not feel fine lol #everything is always overwhelming i am always sad everything feels itchy #every single morning for weeks ive woken up with an anxiety bellyache and no matter how tired i am still i just have to get up #everyone i look up that i used to know is like. married and having babies or working their dream jobs and i just. im happy for them. i am #but where do i belong in all of this? #i know everything feels worse lately bc we're moving house and the routine changes and empty rooms feel Bad #plus my mom has not been doing well mentally which i feed off so it's just. you know #but will i ever Not feel like im so far behind? will i ever Not be deeply unsettled by even the mildest changes? #everything is so slow and so fast at the same time and it makes my head spin and we have a new friend who has a son my age and i was hoping #idk. that he'd be somewhat similar to me? falling behind a little bit too? maybe i could make a friend irl that understood a little? #but then i casually ask about him and oh no ofc he has a partner and family of his own etc etc #right. that's what i'm supposed to be doing at this age.ha #so many ppl i went to school with are married now. im turning the age this year that my mother was when she HAD me #meanwhile ive never even kissed anyone never even held a boy's hand never had any attention like that ever and #i wonder so often what it's like to be wanted by someone but ive never felt more undesirable #i cant imagine anyone looking at me and Wanting me. and at this point as romance obsessed as i am idk if i could even handle it #and the other night i was having anxiety dreams over the fact that i rly want kids but even waiting until im 30 thats only 5 years?? #and 30 is already fucking five years away from being considered a GERIATRIC pregnancy?? but im not even done being a kid myself!!!! #and also who the fuck is gonna have a kid with me?? and who knows if i can even get pregnant when i rarely have a period ?? #and i cant imagine not liiving with my mom and sister but does that mean i'll live with them forever?? #will i be 30 35 40 45 still feeling like a kid? or worse.. will i not feel like myself at all? #will i be married to someone i dont love madly simply bc im so terrified to be alone? #or will i hold so tightly to my stories and fantasies that i will be alone bc nothing could ever live up to them? #will it even matter what i want? will anyone ever want me to even give me the option? or will this all stay hypothetical forever #im just. stressed. and i thought i'd be more by now.