#felt fully insane

[sweetmapple]

Didn't mean to moan like that my bad

( 01100010 01110101 01111001 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100000 01100100 01101001 01101110 01101110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100110 01101001 01110010 01110011 01110100 ) (<-V1's binary but im gonna have to have you translate it, cant make my shitty jokes too easy)

#ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #v1 ultrakill #rail cannon #pump charge shotgun my beloved #marksman #6-2 Aesthetics of Hate #gabe fight 2 #the more layers i added to this the more insane i felt #fully rendering metal for 8 panels and for what #having Gabriel moan??? lmao i love art #gabv1el

[smeltbracket]

old tervo sketches i never posted sorry i was like feverishly pacing around all day

#solar opposites #tervo #meant to do another full drawing today but im too crazy to do anything #they make all my organs fail simultaneously #mr darcyyy #i dont think i will ever be the same after s4 #tervo this season was so…like i said dont get me started or we’ll be here all night #theyve been my otp since 2020 and if you told me back then their relationship would come THIS far i’d burst into flame #they're fucking Canon canon like. fully solidified couple.. #War Is Over #watching them this season made me so happy and insane i felt like i was being torn apart by wolves but in a good and full of love way #This Tervo Shit Gets Serious. Be Ready To Die Behind It

[whatawonderart]

did anyone else like. watch the gnome run finale and go "hey that was great" and then forget about it for a few months and then suddenly you remembered it and realized that this was one of the most impressive creative projects you've ever witnessed or was it just me

#wayneradiotv #wrtv #hlage #hlvrai #im joking mostly i loved that finale but it wasnt until recently that i realized that the ending had a LOT more going for it than i thought #it was easy to dismiss it as a joke because. lol funny cartoon pig says spooky thing can be taken as ironic but like. it fully isnt. #actually listening to the dialogue and putting two and two together made me feel a little insane. i felt like i was solving a puzzle #maybe it was just the timing of it all or maybe it was the previous humor of rtvs making me take it as a joke mostly #anyways i drew this a few weeks ago and the hype from the announcement made me want to clean it up a little so here u go

[saturnvs]

the cowgirls are in love

#killing eve #villaneve #villanelle #eve polastri #horses #killing eve fanart #horse art #cowboy #cowgirl #western au #my art #:D #felt so insane while drawing these #the last one isn't like... fully rendered #but i like it

[plantaagomaajor]

Only Friends hierarchy of needs

(and then they need to end up together in the most mutually unhinged and codependent relationship possible a la HIStory 1: Obsessed)

#I think I like Nick so much that his delusions have started rubbing off on me fr #like I fully believe that Boston really was on the verge of falling in love with Nick in a truly possessive and unhinged way #and I too hope that BostonNick is endgame #and probably the worst of Nick's delusions that I've picked up is that Boston isn't awful and maybe his hotness really does cancel out #the fact that he's done some really problematic shit #most people have seen the HIStory series right? I feel like I was like the last one to watch them #remember history 1 obsession?? that was some good and also really insane stuff #that's the vibes that I want for BostonNick #like damn those two are so lucky that the other one is into that particular brand of crazy because if not holy shit #like Jiang Jing Teng pretending that he has memory loss to get close to Shao Yi Chen and then saying #that if he couldn't be with SYC then he would have killed him #and SYC was so into it because he felt the same way like wow these two are perfect for e/o and really shouldn't be with anyone else #b/c they're crazy fr #anyway #only friends the series #ofts

[thekintsugikids]

i noticed the similarities between fnowae and pavlove about a year and a half ago?? something like that. and quite frankly, while i could panegyrize fob’s entire discography till the end of time, specifically hearing those songs back to back, hearing, “i’m the invisible man who can’t stop staring at the mirror,” followed by, “i’m just the man on the balcony, singing ‘nobody will ever remember me’” made me absolutely spiral. like…both songs feel like they’re about this heart wrenching, soul crushing loneliness and just wanting someone to understand, to feel the way you do, to just fucking get it already, but the difference is in the way they see that. the different perspectives.

to fully explain this i think it’s important to fully understand the amadeus of it all for which i cannot recommend enough zero’s post about fnowae.

to use some of their words/phrasing, the quote itself as the title…fascinates me. it is salieri (in this instance, pete) repudiating god, declaring him to be his mortal enemy from here on for having the nerve to bestow upon amadeus (patrick) such brilliance (and i will be referring to him as amadeus because that feels like it might be a little cleaner than calling him mozart throughout this whole Thing etc etc etc). to mock salieri’s mediocrity. he is so envious of amadeus that he feels amadeus’s gifts are a divine punishment from god himself. “from now on we are enemies, you and i.”

what does all of that have to do with pavlove, though? amadeus is the gifted one, whom salieri finds to be insufferably annoying, but staggeringly brilliant. indescribably so (the fact that they do eventually befriend one another, and when amadeus dies, it essentially drives salieri insane and many years later he even claims he murdered amadeus, despite the fact that amadeus was sick, having worked himself to exhaustion and death……all of that is another can of worms i don’t…i don’t have it in me to crack open right now). “nobody will ever remember me, rejoice and fall to your knees.” “i want to make you as lonely as me, so you can get addicted to this.” bone crushing loneliness clawing at the door like a dog just begging for companionship. i need someone, please be that someone. i don’t know what to do if i don’t have someone. but maybe it’s for the best. but i can’t leave well enough alone (historically, “i don’t do too well on my own”) so i need you to feel what i feel. empty. isolated. lonely. then maybe you’ll need me the same way i need you.

“their faces are dancing till they can’t stand it.” being the outsider, the wallflower, the lone observer, because what else can you do? what else is there to do? it’s three drinks too late to talk to anyone but myself. who even wants to be there with the lunatic on a downward spiral entirely of his own design, who has faded so seamlessly into the background that he doesn’t even know who he is or if he even exists anymore. getting worse till there’s nothing left.

from now on we are enemies is pete vs patrick. two brilliant artists duking it out because one is so enamored with, but absolutely cannot stand, the brilliance of the other. pavlove is…different. more distanced. it’s the realization. and if pavlove is the realization, from now on we are enemies is the final showdown.

pavlove is misery with the life he’s cultivated, with the parties and the tabloids running rampant in the 2000s. the drugs he’d been doing that his best friend didn’t even fully realize the severity of because, in his mind, drug abuse was this abstract thing that he couldn’t quite comprehend. fnowae is the culmination of isolating oneself from those which he loves and cares about, because he’s so lost in his misery.

“what good comes of something when i’m just the ghost of nothing?” because progression in any capacity is a threat to your self preservation. creative integrity, personal growth, whatever it is, it has begun to feel like it’s unattainable because the risk is too high. so what’s the point? it’s a three-and-two pitch to walk to anywhere else. so stay where you are. don’t bother. patrick is brilliant, patrick is gifted and he doesn’t even know it and i’m just a painter looking at the walls trying to finger paint and he’s the only one who has been able to finish these half-baked paintings i throw at him. if this thing is breaking down, what am i good for?

trick question. stalemate. stay right here. if anything, move back.

but there’s a wife to try to make a life with and a child on the way and if i do move forward, who’s to say i don’t just find new ways to make it all worse? my anchor has started to completely detach—get engaged, make a solo record, make himself a life, eventually…soon, even—and i’m let out to sea all on my own and i don’t want to be here, i wanted to go back to land. i wasn’t prepared to still be here. but somehow, i am, and i don’t know what to do. i’m the just the man on the balcony, singing, “nobody will ever remember me,” because amadeus over here is doing the things that are worthwhile. he’s the one people will revere, and i will fade in the distance as the blurry shadow whose features have smudged and disappeared with time, because my contributions pale in comparison to his genius, because i wasn’t blessed with the ability to sing or write music or do so many of the ten billion things he is capable of. because who knows how i’ll be remembered now that the ship i’ve spent the last 8 years manning is possibly about to sink and maybe that means that will be my legacy, if i even have a legacy. if anyone remembers that i was ever here. but that doesn’t mean i don’t want to be remembered. that doesn’t mean i like what i’ve become, how my meaning has become dependent on the twin skeleton beside me. i’m the invisible man who can’t stop staring at the mirror. begging to be remembered…because that’s the point of it all, right?

i said it at the beginning, fall out boy had to be fall out boy and leave the world on a cliffhanger for three years. but it’s been 14 years since believers never die vol 1. we know what happens next. we’ve read the next chapter, watched the sequel, seen how it all pans out. they get to be happy middle aged men playing these songs, reclaiming the trauma and horrors and pain within them, making them into newer, happier memories, because they’re not about that pain anymore. and they haven’t been for a long time. they haven’t been theirs in ages. and so they can finally let it go, with their spouses and kids in the audience cheering them on (well, maybe not the kids. they’re dads, after all, they can’t think they’re cool). with stronger bonds between them and a stronger sense of self in each of them. because they’re not defined by each other anymore, no, this is their fun little art project. patrick composes for a living now (a composer but never composed, who always saw himself as a composer first, now literally a composer by trade), joe and pete each have multiple different ventures they explore in their free time (the symphonies of the overdosed, now being sung by yourself because you don’t need someone else to do it for you anymore), andy is in a million different bands at any given time. they don’t need each other—they don’t need to be defined by each other—they want to be with each other now.

no amadeus, no salieri, no jealousy, no enemies in sight, just four dudes who love making music together. who can make music on their own, who do make music on their own and/or separate from fall out boy, but can’t make their music without all of them together. at the end of the day, “no matter how obsessed you’ve been with your own vanishing, there will always be someone who still wants you whole.”

#i have gone fully insane im sorry #this has been festering for SO LONG and ive had so much to say but always felt super worried that my analysis was like #somehow Not Good Enough (despite the fact that any interpretation of art is valid i somehow believed mine would be the one wrong one) #and now with the collective insanity over fnowae after they played it #felt like as good a time as any to go crazy #besides who’s gonna read the whole thing atp skxosoxkskdi #whatever. going insane etc etc what the fuck everrrr #but yeah. pavlove and from now on we are enemies are a matching set do not separate!!!! #analysis.txt #fall out boy #patrick stump #pete wentz #joe trohman #andy hurley #fob #from now on we are enemies #pavlove #believers never die #folie a deux

[b4kuch1n]

tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"

#bakuspeech #number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u #he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up #(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out) #we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment #and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here #but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something #but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku #but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this #this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and #that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing #but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it #its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with #and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually #I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay #but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol #not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real #and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself #and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god #that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao #but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them #have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway

[thekidsarentalright]

please nobody talk to me touch me look at me abt the lyric in the title track “I think I've been going through it / And I've been putting your name to it” and it being almost directly followed by “In another life you were my babe / In another life you were the sunshine of my lifetime / What would trade the pain for? I'm not sure” and the implications of what that means for pete and patrick i literally cannot handle the emotions that makes me feel oh my god

#THIS IS ABOUT PETE AND PATRICK BTW THIS IS ABOUT PETERICK. FULLY AND HONESTLY. PETEKEYS FUCK OFF! lol #when i heard it it felt like a ton of bricks was dropped on my head like. oh OH??? OH MY GOD?? PETE?? PATRICK?? UHM #like. thats the most intense soulmate shit ever. i literally cannot think of a single these lyrics could mean BUT what im thinking abt #and it is so insane. so insane. esp w the context that patrick had to convince pete to do this album. like. dont touch me dont talk to me #txt #cch #p: 100

[thypickles]

I need a pumpkin to gnaw on I need some enrichment in my enclosure to deal with this show holy fuck I love this show so much I want to gnaw on a log

#ofmd season 2 #ofmd #ofmd spoilers #our flag means death #heehaw #idk what the heehaw was about it just felt right #actively going insane #actively watching my brain fully tirn to rot #over some lottle gay pirates too #god the burrows end episode immediately before watching these new epsodoes didnt help either

[napping-sapphic]

What in the absolute world made me think stalling taking my medicine would be a good plan i feel like im about to die

#YUCK #FEEL BAD #PRO TIP FROM ME: TAKE YOUR MEDS!!! #to be clear i did have a legitimate reason for the stall and fully intended to take it eventually #however since the reason wasn’t THAT important i gave up like an hour after i felt it wear off #and now i will be awake until it kicks in because oof #next 20-40 minutes pls go by quickly🙏🙏🙏 #CANNOT believe i just LIVED LIKE THIS #for YEARS #pls bring little stuff up to your doctors sometimes it turns out it is a Fixable Issue™️ #it’s been 4 years since i started this medication and im STILL constantly amazed how much better i feel #ALL THE TIME #it’s insane actually

[southernvampire]

uterus has been yeeterused

#so i had a hysterectomy about two weeks ago and it's insane how much better i feel not only physically but mentally #i havent felt this in tune with my body since i was a kid #i finally feel like im on the path to how i want my body to be like and i never understood just how much i was affected by #both gender dysphoria and physical disease (endometriosis) until i got almost everything removed in there #im solidly sure im nonbinary now instead of having conflicting feelings about it #i feel much better about expressing my strange femininity and being perceived as feminine #i feel more spiritual too?? idk how to describe it #im just confused a little about why this had such a big impact on me since yeah it did give me dysphoria to a degree but i didnt think it #was THAT bad #i feel more in tune with my child self; like i feel like a grown up version of my 9 year old self and more confident #my mind is much calmer and i just feel so present and one with my body. i finally feel like i could meditate comfortably withouf wanting to #escape my mind or body?? idk idk it's so so weird #anyway im also in much less pain despite not being able to do much of anything and still healing from surgery #and i know that having this done isnt a cure but god i hope i get lucky and that the endo doesnt come back anyway #it's amazing to be able to love my body instead of being mad at it because it causes me pain and does things that i dont want it to #idk if that's a fully healthy mindset or not but that #that's what's been going on in my life so far

[amoneki-ramblings]

you’ve been gone for two weeks, did something happen? :(

not meaning to intrude btw

DW YOU'RE ALL GOOD !!

I was actually thinking of making a post about this because I also realized it's been a while; basically school has been kicking my ass Hard lately, so I haven't really had time to indulge in my tg hyperfixation (I even had to put another pause on reading the manga, even now I'm only typing this after finishing an essay draft orz)

Not to mention I've been getting slightly sidetracked with another hyperfixation, though with all the work I've been swamped with I haven't really had much time for content making either way, and I apologize greatly for that !! There are Ideas I've been wanting to get to all this time, I just need to take some time to really crackdown on my schoolwork, but once I get through it I'll be back on my bullshit /threat don't worry LOL

#asks #again really sorry about that !! #i felt kinda bad since my last post was literally someone marvelling about an amoneki fan in 2024 and then i just dipped :skull: #don't worry my tg hyperfixation isn't gone or anything like that btw I am still Insane i am just fighting Two Different Insanities now </3 #i've just been having my hands so full lately :') #(this week especially god i have like 2 projects and 2 tests this week it Sucks) #but don't worry !! i'm doing alright at least #hopefully that wasn't a super wordy explanationfshdjfbhfdlsbh #also sidenote but it's very touching that someone decided to check-in so thank you for that!! #it's really funny actually where i left off on the manga last it seemed like some Big Amoneki Shit was about to go down #so when i come back fully i promise i'll be back Screaming (and i'll probably have a 3 paragraph minimum post to make about it) #i'm just on a break for now !!

[thorinlandscaping]

go buck sue the city get that job o yours

#i am NOT objective abt this #also sorry i'm not a bobby fan like he's okay but he's very boring to me post him and athena's wedding #like the way i felt insane amounts of rage when bucks now got taped over with bosko's #and let me be clear i am not mad at bosko she's like... so cool to me... #everyone else on the other hand has handled bucks nonreturn to work very badly #eddie and hen are somewhat exempt #athena is fully exempt she's slaying i'm ngl #911 liveblog #ratspeaks

[petrichorium]

Happy anniversary of the time I wrote 20k words in a week and got ghosted by the artist who was supposed to make art for the fic lol

#it’s been a year I can be bitter now right #for a SINGLE DAD BAKUGO FIC r u kidding I should have had artists lining up to make the art and instead I get shafted #I don’t fully blame the Big Bang staff. I think it could’ve been handled better but it’s mostly on the artist #but wow that rlly happened huh LMFAOOOOOO #shoutout to Shay for being the most supportive friend through all that truly #I got to live vicariously through her assigned artist who was amazing && also she drew me some stuff that was adorable 🥺 #if anyone wants to know why sleeping is taking so long to write it’s bc I was fueled by spite and a deadline for the first chapter and now #I am just. kinda bitter and sad abt the rest #which sucks bc I love the fic I rlly do #hopefully I can get over it bc it’s silly to let something like that ruin the fic entirely #SO insane tho. the way I was the only one who made the cut and didn’t get art too #not even bc I didn’t get picked but bc my artist was a sham. nice. love that truly #the staff was okay. I’m not gonna pretend I felt supported but I get that it’s a complicated and stressful event #and it was a difficult situation bc my artist insisted they were working on stuff. never got an official ‘sorry I’m dropping out’ message #so I get it. but I’m also still pissed :) abt the whole situation not. at any singular member or staff or anything #mostly at the artist #but again could have been handled better fr

[pepprs]

hm. i think i am going to stop going to counseling. he does not understand me. he pathologizes things that are not pathological.

#purrs #the premises of counseling / therapy are that you need to have boundaries and be self sufficient and fully healed. FUCK THAT! relationships #are not transactions. we are allowed to need each other. we are allowed to blur lines. we are human and messy. our thoughts and feelings are #PRECIOUS. im not letting go of my thoughts they mean EVERYTHING to me they are the key to the WORLD. im not letting go of redacted why on #EARTH would i stop redacteding to redacted that is HELPFUL for me. i don’t CARE about the roots. who the fuck is it hurting????? NO ONE!!!!! #the way he flat out told me he agrees with my mom. bitch im done forever. im done literaly forever. i don’t know how to tell him but im done #forever. maybe it’s just my id which is what he said to me LMFAO and like maybe i just don’t like being uncomfortable or facing hard truths. #but i don’t fucking think it’s TRUE!!!!!!!!!! yeah i need to grow yeah i have unhealthy behaviors. but i don’t need to let go of the whole #THING bc of some arbitrary transactional concept of what relationships are supposed to be / mean. ive NEVER had a counselor try to uproot th #the whole damn thing like omg what is WRONG with you. i #im paying this man $25 a week to UNDERSTAND me and not ONCE have i felt understood by him. counselors can disagree with me but i literally #never feel like he is on my side. he’s adhering to conventional ideas about what parents are supposed to be and friends are supposed to be a #and work is supposed to be etc etc. and so patronizingly said just enjoy being 23 you don’t wanna waste your 20s! FUCK YOU. i will not #regret anything even if it’s unusual. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! #and also i know he probably watches back thru the recordings and has like his supervisor and professors watch them too which means that #there is a whole team of scientists + my family studying me in a lab and thinking im insane and finding ways to tell me. but fucking bold of #him to assume he can give me any meaningful valuable insight when he is actively checking his laptop / phone during our sessions and rarely #if eve gives me a chance to drive MY OWN CONVERSATION THAT IM PAYING FOR and is so phony abt being on the recording. like Omg. maybe im just #grown out of it. it fucking SUCKS bc i actually have things i am not normal about and really need help with and i can’t actually get help fr #from ppl whose job it is to fucking help me bc they think im not normal about things i PROMISEEEE i am normal about. and the way i effective #effectively told him that and he responded that he can’t take that credibly bc there’s no action behind it BY WHICH HE MEANS I HAVENT #STOPPED REDACTEDING TO ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT REDACTED IN MY WHOLE LIFE? THAT I HAVENT DECIDED IM DONE LEARNING SND GROWING AND CUT IT #OFF?????? DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF. INSANE. the ANTITHESIS of human. we are MEANT TO BE CONNECTED. FUCK!!!!!!!!! #delete later #my old counselors challenged me and disagreed with me b it i never felt like they flat out were unwilling to meet me where i am and #compromise with me. is that not what counselors are supposed to do???? or have i just had bad counselors until now??? because im NORMAL. i #swear to fucking god. im normal. im literally normal and it is not doing ANYONE harm. what is wrong with you. GOD