#focus is non-existent

[tismeandmylife]

that deep, choking feeling of sadness and loneliness

#lonely #that choking feeling in my chest from a lack of real happy close social interactions #my friends moved away #and we're all stupidly busy in school #and my other friend just stopped talking to me out of the blue #so #yeah #loneliness is mostly what im feeling #barely have the motivation to get out of bed #and doing schoolwork is stupidly hard #focus is non-existent #more so than normal lol #not fun

[tomwambsmilk]

fr tho @staff why are you trying to make tumblr more like other sites why are you destroying your niche in the market please there have got to be ways to make tumblr more accessible to new users without sacrificing the very things that your existing userbase loves

#its a genuine problem... I have had friends sign up for tumblr and then not use it because they dont know how to navigate non-algorithmic sm #but come on. there have got to be ways to build up the onboarding process so that people learn how to search for blogs + content #and/or ways to create separate contained algorithmic feeds OR to create the option to turn the algorithmic feed off like it is rn #and honestly I do think tumblr's focus should be more on 'how do we convince people non-algorithmic is good' #rather than 'how do we become algorithmic' #there's gotta be a whole angle in there right??? something like emphasizing that on tumblr you find the content YOU want #not the content we want you to want #also the whole thing about drawing in new creators. have they talked to existing creators??????? bc I dont know that they want algorithms #i dont know I just think tumblr will never be able to do the algorithm better than sites like FB or tik tok or even twitter #so if they try to become algorithmic they will fail to meet the standards of new users AND they will drive away the existing userbase #its a bad look. this is your niche. play to it. thats marketing 101

[raccoon-smiles]

There are 4 distinct types of Princesses Tutu fans:

1) Duck and Fakir enjoyers

2) Rue and Mytho enjoyers

3) Mytho and Fakir, and Rue and Duck enjoyers

4) Fuck around and find out

#the first is very common #they love duck and fakir #when talking about the main cast #they focus on them #the second is slightly more rare #these usually are waiting for the divorce #then there's the third #they love the other ways the main cast interacts #friendship of non canon ship enjoyers #fourth type is the crazies #like me #we are really into the background characters #we will remind you that anteatarina exists #the background characters my beloved #it feels very unhinged to like the side cast #princess tutu #ptutu #text post #i woke up in the middle of the night #I'm sick #don't judge me

[aphantimes]

am i really shit at looking or are knuckles centric fics p uncommon

#looking through the knuckles character tag on ao3 #and hes sooo rarely a major character i swear #let alone the focus 😭 #tho i do exclude a bunch of stuff that doesnt interest me #shipping and movieverse stuff #i can find plenty of oneshots about him (which tbf is the only thing i write for him as well) #but a full length multi chapter fic?? #am i blind or are they next to non-existent?? #the ones i know of i have reread many many times i love them so much #i treasure them <3 #eeghhh i should get off my ass and start writing again #if just to satiate my own hunger for knuckles content lmaoo

[coldbam]

100ish word unedited snippets of various fic things i'm working on under the cut

And that plan was working out great for him right up until he was rounding the corner of the dairy aisle and spotted Ana Flores contemplating yogurt. Eddie is debating whether he can retreat when she looks up and catches his eye. Neither of them move for a moment, until Eddie bites the bullet and offers a small, and probably awkward wave, and walks closer. 

“Ana. Hi.” He hopes his smile doesn't look as forced as it feels. He doesn’t have experience with this. His only other ex is, well…

“Edmundo. What a small world. It’s been a while.” 

“Yeah. Wow, it has been. How are you?”

“Can’t complain. And yourself?” 

“I’m, uh,” Great, is what he means to say, perfect small talk. What comes out of his mouth instead is: “Gay.” 

-------

“I don’t want a cold compress i want your fucking dick in me.” It comes out as a whine. This is so fucking embarrassing, but Eddie’s frustrated in every way. 

And then he hears–

“Are you laughing at me?” 

“I’m so–I’m so sorry, baby. That was mean. Won’t happen again.”

______

“Hey, when were you born?”

Eddie raises his eyebrow. “Weren't you the one who organized that huge surprise birthday party last year?” 

“Obviously I know your birthday,” he says with an eye roll. “I don’t mean the day. Like, what time were you born?”

Eddie frowns. “Why would I know that? Why do you want to know that?” 

Buck gives him a big dramatic sigh, as if Eddie’s being the difficult one here, and stands to leave. “Forget it, I’ll ask your sister.” 

“My sist-- What?” Eddie calls, but Buck is already heading down the stairs. 

------

God he was just… he was just starting to get his shit together, there’s so much he wanted to do still. He hasn’t even said it out loud yet. He can feel his heart rate picking up, as he takes a deep steadying breath and says, to the crumbling ceiling, to the universe, “Fuck it. Okay. I’m gay!” 

And that must have gotten Athena’s attention because she’s stopped her search around the room and is looking straight at him with a determined and stern face. “No.”

“What do you mean ‘no’? That wasn’t a question, I’m bearing my soul here—“

“No,” she repeats and steps closer to him. “I am not having another man thrust his sexuality crisis upon me. And we are not giving up like this. No offense, but you are the last person on my husband's team that I should be dying with, so you better get back in that closet. I am not hearing this.” 

Eddie holds up his hands in defeat. “Jesus. Alright. I’m straight. Until we get out of here.” 

-------

Everyone else at the station has kept their distance as soon as Buck came back from the supply closet with a confident look on his face and clipboard in hand, brandishing it like a prized possession. Buck Eddie kept close, following him around, doing his bidding, like the lovesick puppy he is. 

It’s… God, it’s cute. And kind of hot. If he keeps stealing glances that’s not his fault. Eddie’s certain he’s being subtle, but after the seventh time he catches himself admiring his boyfriend he hears—

“Wait, seriously?” Buck’s walking closer, grin spreading on his face. 

“What?” 

“I know that face!” 

“No. You don’t.” Eddie quickly busies himself with the task at hand, heat slowly creeping up his face. “Yes! I do! That’s your horny face. Oh my God!”

------

When he picks up his phone the next morning he’s greeted with roughly hundreds of unread messages and a few missed calls. Not all of them are from Buck. He has the A-shift group chat, a few messages from one of the guys he plays pickup basketball with, his cousin asking how long he’s in town for. (And Anthony sent a selfie from last night, but Eddie bypasses that one for now.) A good chunk of them are Buck though and the guilt gnawing at his stomach grows and grows as he scrolls through the messages. 

The texts range from apologetic, to curt and angry, to completely off topic, probably Buck trying to lure him out by showing he could pretend it never happened. He sent a screenshot of an article about backyard beekeeping with a string of emojis at 1:33pm. That one was followed by another round of apologies sent an hour later, and a fuck you another hour after that. 

finally he reaches the end, three messages that came in at 2:04am. 

i won’t say anything 

it was my fault 

just please don’t cut me out eddie

#this is of intrest to one (1) person and i've alreayd shared every single one of these with her in our chats but idk! #one day i will..... actually focus on one of these... but that day might not be until the season is finished. #yes that last one is proof im working ona follow up to my most non existent fic!!! this is why i posted what i had as is bc now i gotta #plot and its painful

[donationwayne]

currently writing a fic where Bobby is a firefighter in Penn and adopts teenager Buck on sight

#he’s just a silly depressed little guy whose entire family died and had to be relocated from the place that was once his home #what’s this a stray teenage to adopt #my non existent will to live has returned #Bobby as bucks dad #I keep having to catch myself bc buck isn’t buck yet #they’re still gonna be with the 118 in the end #also buddie is still gonna happen just a lil differently 👀👀👀 #the main focus of this one tho is Bobby as bucks dad #911 #911 fic #buddie

[void-botanist]

Since you've been hooked on em lately how about Sid & Avis and Sid & Sorian? :3

Help me with my boy lol

LET'S GOOOO

Sid & Avis

I've talked about how Sid is the one person in the galaxy that Avis actually likes. This turned out to be slightly a lie because I invented another friend for her, but still. For the rest of the main cast, she can't muster much more than tolerance for their presence. Sid isn't always sure how much he likes Avis, because lately it seems like she's more unpleasant than he thought, but he does trust her. If she says she'll do it, she gets it done, and while she isn't a very open kind of person, she does not lie to him. This is especially important as he realizes the extent to which Donovan and Emma have been lying to him. He thinks she's fun to talk to if she's not talking about Sorian, more so when she's drunk and the 39.5-foot arm's length she holds everyone at becomes more like 27.5. But he's also extremely envious of her, being able to come back to Rade and feel like it's home instead of just another place that holds the potential of being home. He doesn't fully see the ways she's grappling with her home (Kiun) not being home anymore, because she tries not to give him extra problems, and because he doesn't always read her complaints as an expression of anything other than pure pissitude.

Sid & Sorian

Back in ToTS Sid was real suspicious of Sorian and probably thought he was more of a wet noodle than Avis did, which was probably true then. Now I think his starting opinion is tempered by Horatio liking Sorian and probably honestly talking about him way more than Avis did. Sid knows Sorian mostly by proxy though, since he didn't interact with Sorian or Avis in any meaningful way until Sorian got kicked off the planet. He does have vague memories of them actually liking each other though. Sorian also knows him by proxy, and knows that he has a functional relationship with Avis, because Horatio is not capable of shutting up about Sid. He wants to be chill with Sid mostly because he's one of Horatio's best friends, but very deep down I think he hopes without hoping that this might give him brownie points with Avis, or that Sid will be able to tell him something about how she's actually doing, because someone has to know, right? I definitely want to keep the part from ToTS where Sorian steps in to help Sid get Emma to get lost because he's the only other person in the situation who understands the Ensaum language they're speaking. One way or another Sid will accept that Sorian is fine. But unlike Horatio he is very very hesitant to say that Sorian and Avis should get back together because he sees the way they interact with each other and it reminds him way too much of his parents.

Soravis taglist: @vacantgodling @athenswrites @kk7-rbs

#actually I think I need to have more focus on the non-Avis parts of Sorian's life. he actually does things believe it or not #I genuinely have not figured out how Avis and Leon become friends but it will happen #Sid's a little bit primed to see pissitude everywhere but he's not the only one who thinks that #Avis's other friend is named Antony and he was high key going to be a throwaway name but now he exists and he is *chef's kiss* #wip: aom #c: Sid #c: Avis #c: Sorian #dynamics tag game

[shu-bullshit]

I hate the word "taste" when it's used as judgement. There's no good or bad "taste". It's all preferences and we all have our reasons for it, no preferences are more superior than the others.

#had too much of this bullshit in my Chinese art education #I just don't use words like that. makes you focus on a non-existent direction really #it's all about understanding why we like certain things but not making judgements #my bullshits

[bookishtheaterlover7]

If you pay attention to the trash that is US weekly, even tho their articles are mostly fluff and recycled bs, even they know to word things strategically so they can avoid getting sued.

For every other guy on that list:

“Milo made sure to let US weekly know first” with exclusives of his wedding

“Jack gave us plenty of time to adjust to the news when Margaret flashed her engagement ring”

“Dylan has been open about his love for Barbara and the two announced their engagement earlier in the year.”

Chris: “we heard he tied the knot” - meaning they never got confirmation so they can’t really say yeah we confirm it. It’s all through a page six grapevine anonymous leak.

See the difference? I know trash articles are trash articles but wording is key.

Lastly: Milo and Jarah also never confirmed their relationship but they gave US weekly their exclusive wedding photos and news. Jarah doesn’t have any posts of her and Milo up on her socials either. They don’t really have any other public sightings but they straight up took photos by the beach together and confirmed it that way. That’s true privacy, IMO.

Then TMZ: https://www.tmz.com/2023/10/30/this-is-us-milo-ventimiglia-wearing-wedding-ring-married-model-jarah-mariano/

TMZ made sure to include a line where Milo’s rep confirmed with TMZ, therefore TMZ can confirm the marriage on their post.

Simple as that.

There is a reason why all the tabloids trashy or not have to meander around how they report on this whole CE wedding thing. They know something the public doesn’t and even if they keep writing fluff articles it’s intentional why they’re being excluded from a larger list.

No other additional thoughts... It's basically like the wedding articles all over again...

And I'm actually laughing. Because this reminded me that none of the articles can agree on the location of the "wedding" 🤭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

"Cape Cod" or "his Massachusetts home" 🤔🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Even then, the narrative was pathetic and weak...👀☕

#An🫶n asks #booky reacts #booky answers #chris evans #chris evans fandom #invisible bride! #alba baptista #wow AB LOOKS SO GOOD IN HER NON-EXISTENT WEDDING DRESS #she looks like it never happened! 😱 #so private!!! with all the thousands of articles #and seriously people are still buying into this shit?! #what type of crack are they smoking? that they still support a racist Nazi... #best part is that they only made one recap article 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 #again HTF ARE THERE PEOPLE SUPPORTING THIS AND HER WHEN NO PICS HAVE BEEN RELEASED #pics or it didnt happen #that's what I'm saying #even though everything points to it didn't happen #I've wasted enough of my energy on this. #Cocker Spaniel will continue to drag this on for however long #and honestly Imma focus on what made me love and enjoy the Fandom in the first place... fan-made stuff like fics and art #so over this bullshit pr marriage narrative 🖕🙄 #how low can this guy go?! #also catharsis is real on this one 😁

[thosefuzzywordfeelings]

y’all i’m struggling fr

#this weekend has been hard #my friend is really truly gone #and i can’t get him back #i can’t focus #my assignment is just non existent #and i’m not even joking #me

[drewsaturday]

you'd think as someone who's knowingly been a lesbian for over 10 years i would've watched more than like, 4 lesbian movies by now, since there were more than a handful to choose from by that point and waaaaaaaaaaay more now.

and part of me thinks i should make it a new years resolution to watch more sapphic movies to experience the culture tm and feel those feelings.

but i also want to just go rewatch loving annabelle and call it a day.

#txt #like obviously representation was very important to me! and it still is! #but i think bc my baby gay journey began right when we started getting this explosion of rep... #rep almost got tainted for me bc i was on tumblr and it was this whole thing about You Need To Watch This Or You're Homophobic #or nitpicking everything slightly wrong with problematic representation etc and it became more of a chore #i appreciate representation i don't expect most i think. like k0rrasami happening? #instead of getting dragged into the show with the promise of rep it just... unfolded in something i was already interested in #i think representation has sorta unfolded in weird ways as well over the years since it's now profitable to queerbait and that #impacts how enjoyable/well written a thing is - see: why i love 90's subtext most bc of the authenticity of it #and i like to think maybe movies aren't as impacted by that when the focus is actually queer shit vs. shows needing to pull #people in for the long-term but idk. it's genuinely not something i've seen enough queer films to have a good idea of j;lksdkfj #i just want like. fun plots that happen to be gay and i think that desire kinda extinguishes the need to consume every piece #of queer media in existence even though i did very much have that pull at the start naturally #but of course. tumblr kinda ruined that for me at the time so now i'm 10 years in the future chilling surrounded by queer people #not having that sense of feeling alone and needing More #and i think it could be healing to check out those films (as Choice as they may be) but it's not a Need if that makes sense #ohhh and while i do get a hit of meaning from seeing any kind of lesbian rep bc the normalization etc #i just don't rly feel Seen in non age gap stuff? so that limits the amt of films that check all the boxes for me as opposed to #just being a 'normal' lesbian and most films automatically being a full course meal for u #so it almost feels like too much effort aj;lksldkjf #anyway. im grateful we're here now and we have so much i just have a complicated relationship with it all #and i wanna be able to just turn that off and try checking out lesbian films now that we do have so much #bc although i don't Need it necessarily it would be nice to actually explore now that i've ditched some of the toxic tumblr mindsets #(which also i now remember included being called problematic for watching the understandably problematic rep that came years before #which probs also explains why i stayed away so long from the old AND i was too poor/ill to go to theatres for the new) #so uhhh recs welcome? regardless of if there's age gaps or not lmao aj;klsdf #specifically for films not tv shows. ive fought that fight too long.

[citrustan]

in my sad girl era after namjoon's letter... i can only dream of being as eloquent and romantic as him

sob sob sob (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠)

#i might be in too deep #so deep that the thought of not having namjoon actually scares me #i'm ruining my non existent love life #or any future possibilities of one #maybe i will just focus on surviving now #i dont have a job still rip

[grammarpedant]

*sigh* someone has submitted an intriguing prompt to the Aspec Murderbot event that i'd love to try filling. it's basically "loveless aro Murderbot," the prompt makes it sound cool and fascinating to explore, but every time I try to search "loveless aro" to get, y'know, some perspective on an identity and way of life that I'm new to, what I find has me like "what the fuck are y'all talking about (derogatory)" and "what the fuck are y'all talking about (genuine)" what the FUCK are y'all talking about can someone please point me to Any kind of resource that explains What people mean by it when they use this term for themselves and why they use it that isn't, like, the aro wiki page that basically just explains that it's for people who don't identify with the concept of love. like i got that part thanks, can you say more that's a little more internally coherent. this is a sincere if frustrated request for help, btw.

#I'm hangry today I had to wake up earlier than usual to send my ma to a medical appointment only to find the snow cancelled driving as a co #concept. #I'll cheerfully admit I've only just scraped the surface of googling this shit but i figure my shitty search skills would be less valuable #than Just Asking someone who knows anyway #verso talks #gonna be real here chief some of what I'm finding has me like You Are White And Terminally Online #a lot of focus on the narrative of platonic attraction (not convinced this is meaningfully exists in amatonormative society) and like. #How I Personally Feel In My Heart About These Things #can you stop navelgazing for one fucking second and say something politically coherent? since you're not doing the dishes either way. #anyway not to trash the concept of loveless either. i kind of vibe with it but from a specifically non-white non-xtian political pov #which is perhaps the problem.

[inversionimpulse]

Saw Oppenheimer

holy fuck

#I'm still grappling with my thoughts but oh my god #big one that I'm struggling with is the thematic relevance of Einstein versus the Copenhagen Interpretation #IE whether there are secret rules that predetermine quantum events or if they truly are e random and only understandable after the fact #also strange as it is to say I'm glad that Japan is almost a non-entity in the movie #anywhere you could fit it in it would be as though it existed just to be victimized #completely ignoring the agency the Japanese had in the lead-up and the aftermath #not to say that they weren't victims or that they had any meaningful way of averting that fate but #it would sort of end up being like the guy who strikes kyoto from the list of targets because he had his honeymoon there #it would be treating Japan like it only exists in a way that matters insofar as it intersects with the US #insofar as the US -happens- to it #so strictly limiting the focus to what Oppenheimer experiences works much better #also I wish I understood music theory better. The sound is clearly incredibly important to the movie but I cannot parse it effectively #like that's one of the first things that happens in the movie. Bohr says that the math doesn't matter only 'listening to the music'