#fuck anyways. ok. i gotta sleep

[motheyes]

things effect me alot

#i’m feeling a lot :( hurts to lay on the leg i did my shot #i feel very fragile and upset #i’m nervous to go see my dad. i love him a lot and it’s his birthday #and i haven’t been up in so long #but i’m scared he’s gunna act like he does sometimes #it’s like heartbreaking to me. it hurts so bad sometimes #it’s hard to explain. he’s just invalidating of my feelings #but in little ways. ways that make me feel crazy and sensitive #but like i am sensitive. and ge knows that #it just sucks. i wish people took time to really understand me and listen to me #especially like my own dad lol #and he would say he does because he does care about me and love me #and care about how i’m doing #there’s just some things that i feel strongly about and certain things that just upset me a lot #and he just doesn’t know how to not be a dick about it #and i feel insecure because no one rlly sees it like i do #god anyways i’m like getting tired #ik it’ll be fine. omg there are gunna be ppl there too it’s like a party #i hate that. i hate being around everyone #fuck anyways. ok. i gotta sleep

[lesbianfakir]

Not to get personal but I think the reason princess tutu stuck with me for so long after watching it is like. As someone with low self esteem and abandonment issues seeing our hero hate who she is at her core only to make a friend who not only tolerated her “ugly” side but is so so deeply charmed by who she is under the mask that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her no strings attached? That’s the fucking DREAM

It’s the fantasy of having someone who loves you even when you’ve stopped being useful, when you can’t be funny or interesting or any of the traits you try to cultivate to make yourself more palatable to others. It’s the fantasy of having someone see to the core of you and not flinching, instead, coming away more endeared than before.

Princess Tutu is about hope. When Duck, our hero who brings hope to everyone, falls into despair, her best friend is there to bring hope back to her. And I think it says something that hope is the emotion the show leaves me with too. Hope for a better future. Hope that one day, like Duck, I’ll grow out of the ugly duckling phase and be able to embrace my true self.

#it is 2 in the morning and I can’t sleep #this one is ok to reblog if it resonates #but who knows I don’t know if anyone feels the same way #anyways yippeeeee one of my friends just stopped texting me back #I know she’s busy and she has new friends and she’s moving on with her life #still hurts though #I thought she was a real friend but I’m so bad at judging these things #anyways these are sleepy girl rambles #need a crazy bitch like fakir in my life ASAP #I feel like one true friend who’s there no matter what could fix me #but I feel like as the therapist friend everyone expects me to help them with their problems #and when I stop being helpful and have problems of my own that’s when they leave #and you gotta say fuck em and move on but it’s hard #lea talks

[crescentfool]

i love ryomina

no but seriously. even when i’m thinking about other things that captivate my interest, i find myself coming back to them and feeling like i fell down three whole flights of staircases every time i do. they are one of my favorite pairs in media and are very special to me.

it’s the way that ryoji and minato’s lives are inevitably intertwined with each other due to the circumstances 10 years ago on the moonlight bridge. without no minato, there is no ryoji. minato as he is today is because of ryoji. they have irreparably affected each other’s lives that you cannot discuss one without bringing up the other one.

ryoji mochizuki, who is death, pharos, thanatos, nyx avatar, the man of many names and identities, is the perfect summation of p3′s messages and themes.

minato arisato, the wildcard and protagonist, who has boundless kindness in his actions despite the unfortunate cards handed to him.

the two of them complement each other and tell a beautiful story from start to finish.

minato’s personas capture this perfectly. he awakens to orpheus, who’s flames burns bright, is snuffed out by thanatos during the encounter against the arcana magician. a visual precursor of the idea that ryoji stole from the life that minato could have had.

it’s the way that over the course of the game as minato interacts with pharos, talking throughout the dark hour, forging a bond that cannot be broken, that allows ryoji to exist. minato humanizes death.

november. the bells toll, calling the appriser. and yet, it’s peaceful... quiet, and full of life. ryoji, who breaks free from death’s chains, refusing his role, is given the chance to live for a month. to make the most of the humanity that minato has given him over those ten years. and what a life he lived. ryoji’s life is a reflection of what minato’s life could have been like in another universe.

it is the way the two of them are reflections of each other. ryoji with his hair down is just like minato. they are both stubbornly committed to choosing to be kind, to love life, yet are chained down by the cards the narrative dealt them with. they finish each other’s sentences, knowing each other intimately in a way no one else does.

how is that, a boy who lived for only one month, profoundly changes the course of the narrative? he is simultaneously relevant and irrelevant. blink, and you miss it, the beautiful life that he led.

ryoji is horrified at the revelations of being the appriser. he who so desperately wished to forget that his existence was meant to bring the end to all life, was unable to escape the inevitability of death. in a non-human way, of course. he becomes remorseful. a shadow of his brief time as a human who was enamored by the small beautiful things that life had to offer.

he is swallowed by grief. grief knowing that his very existence will take away not only minato’s life, but everyone else’s. the very thing that ryoji loved- life, fundamentally went against the role he was born for- to be the harbinger of death. and unable to grapple with this sadness he believes that the best thing for minato to do is to kill him, so that SEES can live in bliss not knowing about their inevitable end.

SEES is left rattled, calling into question what the meaning of life is and what they do when faced against the inevitability of death.

and!!! minato chooses!! for ryoji to live!! even in spite of what ryoji is MEANT to embody, minato still stubbornly chooses to defy death itself! and if that’s not cool i don’t know what is!! minato wants everyone to have the chance to live!!

so he climbs. he ascends tartarus, to meet ryoji, again, who is now the nyx avatar. and i just think there’s something so so beautiful about being able to use messiah, minato’s ultimate persona, against nyx avatar.

messiah, being the fusion of orpheus and thanatos is peak ryomina to me. because ryoji and minato have established an unbreakable bond from having been entwined for 10 years, minato still has a piece of death with him, and by proxy!! ryoji is able to defy and rebel against nyx trying to bring the fall! and i think that’s fucking cool shit if you ask me!

even when all of the arcanas have been gone through, it’s still not enough to stop the fall. and yet. minato knows. in the way that ryoji was sealed in minato 10 years ago by aigis... minato becomes the great seal so that everyone can live. it comes full circle.

march rolls around. he fulfills his promise to SEES on graduation day. minato dies from exhaustion. but goddamn does his sacrifice make me weep- he’s had such, such a tiring journey. he’s been through so many things because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. but at the end of it all, he’s reunited with ryoji in death.

and i think this is why ryomina continues to evoke so much emotions for me, to this day. the relationship that they have embodies so much of persona 3′s messages and themes that it makes me feel like a microwave with nothing running in it.

p3′s message is very hopeful, for me. my favorite takeaway from it is that even if death is inevitable, appreciating the life that we were given and choosing to live as best as we can with kindness (even if we can’t feasibly do everything), is just? really nice? and you see this manifest in both ryoji and minato’s personalities and what they do for the other characters.

ryomina just feels so distinct to me, the flavor that their relationship ties back to my favorite takeaways from this game and im just!!  god!! i love you minato arisato! i love you ryoji mochizuki! im so glad that i could meet them! i’m happy that they changed my life! they made me want to appreciate the connections in life even if they were fleeting! they made me!! want to pay attention to the good moments in life and cherish them!

i love ryomina so much!!! i’m so glad that these two could bring so much joy into my life! and i hope that others can have this joy too! 💛💙

#lizzy speaks #persona 3 #ryomina #ryoji mochizuki #minato arisato #meta #long post #(literally) #HI SO UM YESTERDAY I COULDN'T FUCKING SLEEP so to cope i was like 'i will talk out loud about anything and everything' #and somehow that turned into me talking about ryomina out loud and something about verbalizing my thoughts made me feel crazy about these- #two again. i mean for the record i continue to love them always very dearly but like my p3 braincells sometimes go into hibernation bc- #ive been on a really huge splatoon kick. but anyway my voice was like cracking at 3am because i was tearing up #i was like 'THE!! IM! SO NORMAL ABT WHAT ORPHEUS AND THANATOS AND MESSIAH SYMBOLIZE' etc etc etc #so i kinda just went to sleep like 'ok well you GOTTA type it out. everyone needs to know about this.' #and um i didnt mean to make 1069 words! sorry! not really! but i love them!!! even if im very quiet these days! #ohhh how lucky i am to have had the chance to experience ryomina they are such a gem. they make me so goddamn emotional #they really mean a lot to me because of well. (gestures at the entire post) but also they came at a really good point of my life and FUCK!! #im so so grateful to them!!! i love them!!!! the themes that their relationship and characters convey just !! IM SO NORMAL ABOUT IT!!! #they've affected me so profoundly and deeply and i wish i could make better art to get this across. but its ok. one day i can. one day #they make me so fucking talkative like actually but um. i had a lot of fun writing this! i dont think ive had like. a proper appreciation- #post for them that articulates why i like them so much (unless you count the essays i write in my art tags) so it was nice to make this. #admittedly theres a lot abt p3 that im rusty on since its been a goodwhile since ive interacted with the source material #and in a way you could say that like. i need to renew my p3 license LMAOOO but god some parts of p3 still have such a huge death grip on me #and what i mean by that is that the big Fucking Events have such!! clarity!! in my mind!! i recall them and i wilt on the spot!! #oh god i cant fucking shut up. the tags are probably 500 words long. enjoy my ramble. i wish every ryomina enjoyer a Good Life <3 #actually no. i hope that EVERYONE on the dash today has something that sparks joy for them the way ryomina does for me. #everyone deserves 2 have something that makes their brain do a little excited dance that makes them blow up and explode. its good for u! #BYE FOR REAL this is why i have to post my thoughts very spread out otherwise yall would have so many WORDS on ur dash pls help i have so #many emotions and i am so tiny i cannot possibly fit all the feelings i have about ryomina and other things inside my tiny little body

[alwaysneedyforsir]

back to bad habits (staying absurdly late at practice)

#like ok yes it was productive! #but it’s also almost ten pm and i’m only leaving now #ya girl’s still got to get home and finish her homework and try to get to bed at a reasonable hour #who knows tho i may stay up n bake cookies #honestly who needs sleep bffr #i am *killing* it rn on no sleep #promise!! #tired n hungry n fuckin beat up #the bruises i have on my body rn are ridiculous #plus somehow fuckin scratches?? #anyway my body’s fallin tf apart rn hehe oops #who wants to kiss my bruises better?? #taking applications rn #apply within w your qualifications n an essay of why you should be considered as an applicant #perks of the job include hugs n kisses whenever you want n probably when you don’t want #you also get a free use fuck toy who needs your attention on her all the fuckin time or she withers away n dies #n lots of flowers n books n chocolate too!! #honestly what’s a girl gotta do to get some flowers #good god idk how to shut tf up #whatever it’s not like i know how to shut up in real life anyway so #honestly if anyone’s read this far lmk bc that deserves a fuckin prize #(we can negotiate details of said prize if you don’t like my initial offer hehe) #me #my thoughts

[biblicallyaccurateangeloncrack]

PLEASE IM SHITTING TABLES YOURE TELLING ME THIS GUYS NAME IS ACTUALLY RATIO I AM CRYING

#bc of this i had to explain to my brother whar ratio means #im still not so sure myself #but anyways isnt he a doctor why is he so beefy #what is he lifting the fucking hospital #is he benchpressing the patients #i had 4 hours of sleep ok #but he kinda reminds me of alhaitham for some reason #i dont like his shoes #also why is he doing the L with his finger #what in the cosplayer pose #anyways #OMG FUCK HES GONNA BE THE HUNT #AND IMAGINARY #kinda wanna pull knowing that but gotta stay strong for argenti #hsr #hsr drip marketing #hsr leaks #1.5 #max yaps #silly hours #honkai star rail #dr ratio

[eeunwoo]

.

#hii.. im still not really here a lot re kpop its just not really like the most important thing in my life rn lol #but uh i guess my dog's passing is something i gotta deal on my own entirely. my mom seems pretty much over it without really taking me int #account at all. today shes even sorta like. making odd comments/jokes about it like 'i talk to toto sometimes' because we say this #weird lady on tv talking ab how she talks to deer heads. and i just stared at my mom like deadpan and just looked away #bc what the fuck. and ofc she wouldnt consider its not an ok thing to say . otherwise shes really like trying to make out that im being a #really good kid and taking care of her and her feelings bc shes inventing things in her head about me being extra nice and careful with her #shes like awww youre taking care of me <3 and im like no im actually treating you like you're a total stranger in my house because you #basically are. and anyway. im basically on my own like i always am. i just have to deal with it all alone. as always. which is like fine #its just im extra lonely and alone so <3 ive also been suicidal and really really on the edge. that's your alex update if anyone cares #to be completely honest it's been taking everything in me not to just od right now its all i can think about and i havent felt like it in #years. ive just been sleeping for 12 hours at a time lmao........ anyway yeah thats it? #mrow.org

[scootatwoni]

Oh I CANNOT breathe outta my nose

#this fever or whatever the fuck ive got has been.....a ride #deliriously watching the fin fin portion of the RTVS stream earlier #and i ended up falling asleep and having a dream where i was stuck in a kids point and click game #and let me tell you that kid was CRUEL #kept clicking on the same shit over and over.... dream me was stuck in a time loop fr #anyways im taking tomorrow off in hopes i can shake this off #the good news is that my sore throat isnt an issue #im just dealing with nasal congestion and headaches at this point #crossing my fingers that i manage to get some sleep tonight #but ive noticed that regular nyquil doesnt do SHIT...you gotta get the kind w/ the alcohol but i unfortunately do not have that on hand #country boys make do (listening to a no commentary oot playthrough) #actually ill probably tune into RTVS because the sounds of people talking also helps #ok gn everyone I hope u who is reading this had a wonderful weekend and that the start of ur week goes well! #sparkle on nnnnn!!!! #scout.txt

[transmechanicus]

Hnnng volleyball painful

#my stuff #bonding activities are costing me my arms rn help #also idk if i even succeeded #like yes i was playing for 3 hours and pulling my weight but ngl as soon as we stopped? #felt so fucking rejected from everybody’s conversations #like ok that’s some kinda rude shit #by rejected i mean like i stepped away to get my shoes back on and nobody’s body language shifted when i came back #no opening in the circle no eye contact when talking #i gotta be overthinking this but god damn i tried to speak and the convo flat lined #like they were talking abt music for kareoke later and mentioned a band i knew #or rather one of their songs #and it’s a band i don’t think a ton of ppl know (Rise Against) it’s not on pop radio or whatevs #so i went like Yo i love that band hell yeah #and straight up no reaction not even a ‘yeah they’re good’ it was like i hadn’t spoken #i ain’t been dissed in the convo this bad since middle school tf #i took that as my cue to start my 30 min walk home cause damn #anyway i’m home and i’m gonna eat and shower and sleep ig :/ #a disappointing end to a valiant attempt to get to know ppl better

[sofarsogoodsowhat]

new one on my mom + she finally helped me finish my sfsgsw one + started a flower on her

#had to stop on the flower cuz i need to sleep at some point soon i gotta work tomorrow + takin my dog to the vet #she pretty much fucking went blind overnight :( apparently that can happen with dogs and its sorta common in dachshunds so its not the most #concerning thing in the world and she doesnt seem to be uncomfortable or anything its just a big adjustment for all of us :( #she’s fine as long as one of us is there to help guide her around + she was following one of the other dogs earlier today #it’s just really fucking with me cuz like. why does this shit have to happen so close to when im moving #like shes MY dog so its hitting me really really fucking hard i just want her to be ok yknow #anyway i need to make the outline on the flower thicker and obv finish color. might try and lighten up the leaves on it #it pretty much looks the same as mine just w green instead of black leaves #oh also she said she likes the vines enough that once theres more shit in that area she wants me to extend it as like a filler

[coridallasmultipass]

tfw u refrance ur own face and now ur jealous bc he gets to look hot about it

#this angle is so weird to draw and somehow i ended up taking a break from drawing it on one character to drawing a shitpost of another #...character in the same angle #hfffff #oh hold on tht chin line is bugging me see this is why its a wip #i gotta go to sleep tho i have to be up super early for an appointment and im #lowkey shitty bricks abt it #anyway here check out my preview #dirk #wip #drawing #homestuck #striders #the other panel i drew he doesnt look so good maybe bc i didnt use a refrance hmmm now i feel weird abt puttin this on #ok u kno what thats a problem 4 future cori present cori needs to get his ass the fuck to sleep #Create.exe #Cori.exe #Image.exe #goddd im so scared for the doctor tomorrow #hfff fuck i am gonna start panicking again lmao endometriosis is the worst shit in the world my ptsd is so bad about it #can i take anxiety pills and sleeping pills at the same time? bc im abt 2 have a panic attack lmao #ill just take the sleeping ones cant necessessaccececsccerily panic if im asleep #fuck that word #necessarily #see i can type it im just panicking #hhhhhhhhhhh fuck guys i s2g if im not gonna need another surgery im gonna get so fucking blazed tmr and pretend its january 1st again #bc i have spent the last... i dont even know what day it is... since jan 2nd in the worst pain of my life #i dont remember anything from the past like 2 weeks except pain lol #and im scared bc i dont think theres gonna be an easy solution for me bc ive already tried so many things to treat it #might stick my head in a microwave if the doc cant help me lol #also terrified if im gonna have to come out as trans to the doc bc i dont want to yknow die like that

[radiotorn]

trying not to breathe too hard so i dont scare my darling baby cat luna

#she scared herself in my room 2 days ago :( #she was making such good progress i think she finally thought my room to be a safe room #now we gotta slowly work our way back there but i will be patient and kind for my sweetums #idk what scared her it was so sudden she was just sleeping on my bed and suddenly sprung up and started running around #i was like??!! is there a bug?????? #there was no bug #maybe she had a super bad nightmare :( my poor baby who everyone in this house loves torturing they r so mean to her #....ok maybe there is a bug oin here myother cat is chasing somethig i think????? #wtf is going on in here w my cats L O L #my room is always super quiet and the door is always closed (opposite of the rest of the house) #so naturally all the cats rlly want in #and i reserve my room for mostly luna but mochi is also allowed in because she is silly #leo isnt allowed in bc he bullies luna so bad and hisses at everyone #its ok tho bc my brothers room is where leo usually goes anyways bc he loves my brother so it usually works out anyways :3 #ow.txt #btw she left the room as i was typing this and i swear to god i just heard the fucking blue lobster music #what. what????????? what?? im the only one awake rn and im nto playing that hello???? #ok.....

[toastsnaffler]

nvm im too tired and overstimulated for this shit

#.vent #i only slept a couple hours last night man. i cant do short notice evening socials on an empty tank let alone resist unexpected rsd #if they had let me know earlier then i wouldve taken a nap and worked out beforehand to get my energy back up #idk just. if u rly want my company then maybe u should actually invite me next time. its not like they didnt plan it #even if they just forgot its not particularly pleasant to be the one person insignificant enough to forget abt. theres only 5 of us #they rly remembered to ask the one guy who isnt even here before me yknow. ugh u see the stupid thoughts i have to battle!! #like on a rational level ik it was probably genuinely accidental. but the way i instinctively react is not always rational #so regardless someone has to deal with the emotional fallout and thats me. regulating this shit is hard work even when im NOT tired asf #i really really dont want to be an asshole and spoil anyones fun bc its no-ones fault + as real as it feels to me rn ik im overreacting #but i cant voluntarily expose myself to personal triggers when im already exhausted + more vulnerable than usual #so just gotta shut myself in my room and deal with it in my own super healthy ways as per usual. may they never fucking find out #trying my best not to be an asshole i hope to fucking god they dont think im being an asshole i just told them i was tired + i meant it #this wouldnt be so much of a problem if it hadnt happened to me before. and also ik its bc one rsd trigger makes me more sensitive- #to picking up unrelated cues but there ARE other things they do that i find ostracising which rly dont fucking help. but- #theyre not things i can actually confront them abt so usually i just gotta deal w it which is fine but it lowers my general tolerance #its ok. its ok i like them all a lot theyre lovely ppl and it doesnt matter if there is a some grain of truth in the things im thinking #bc the risk of me believing + acting on a bad faith irrational thought leads to outcomes that are far worse than those from #misidentifying someones malicious behaviour towards me as neutral by accident/in good faith. okay im done now i think #just ignore me spewing out the old brain gunk on main again eurgh anyway im gonna go calm myself and read and SLEEP #ill be normal by tomorrow morning farewell comrades #honestly i dont mind dealing w shit this way bc its the best option for everyone but man. sometimes its so fucking lonely #like there are sides of me ppl will never engage with and for good reason but without them being acknowledged i find it rly hard to feel- #any real emotional intimacy or closeness with another person. but what other option is there #i sure as hell dont miss the fights i used to constantly get into when i wasnt able to regulate myself i lost so many friends that way #it is what it is. on we go for now

[transurgender]

dear god

#benjitalk #im not actually going to sleep btw. i messed up my sleep schedule. bad so now i gotta stay awake til like 6 pm to fix it #anyways. nearly ar60 hahahaha. #i need a new hobby man #i still need to do like 50 more leylines bc i wanna get the uhh #heroes achievement or whatever its called at the same time i get ar60 #i have. so much stuff to do though i cannot spend any resin on leylines sob #still need to get mika artifacts.... guh #well he actually does have a build rn i just need to get him a better feather and physical gob #oh yeah im building mika as a dps btw. because fuck it why not #i got pjws like. a week ago so. might as well use it on someone #and his support build was going SO BAD #ok thats enough sorry i ramble somuch abt thius stupidass game

[motheyes]

crazy how things are

#ah i have a doctors appointment next week #wiat is it next week #yes fuck yeah #and the day after is a’s bday i’m pumped #anyways i gotta do a few things at that appointment #i finally have my new insurance card so i gotta make sure to give that to them and switch it all over #and i gotta ask about my addy. i just saw something that apparently there’s a huge shortage of it in the us rn #like damn. not what i need! #and now i can fucking go to physical therapy omg. i just gotta hit up a place #that’s so great i’m so excited i rlly hope i can make it happen #also kinda wanna get new glasses mine are so scratched #i think insurance pays for some of it? idk have to check #and i’d like to work out the autism thing #that’s like a long term goal tho like i gottta compile sm shit #and also like sit down with my parents and ask about my childhood #cuz they would be the ones to know #ok. well anyways it’s 5:40 am #i’m like awake and it sucks. my hip hurts too #i had a snack bar cuz my tummy hurt so bad and it helped #but . i cant imagine sleeping #i just yawned maybe if i try rlly hard i’ll beable to zonk #blegh

[nyelaexe]

*long, deep sighing*

#i was supposed to be finally moving the rest of my stuff out my moms place and getting my sofa from my brother #my brother told us both yesterday that we would move the stuff today and i told my mom #now today she texts me and says not to come over early to get the stuff. but i was asleep and she thought i was ignoring her #so she called and woke me up and asked if i saw her texts. im like no im sleeping and she said love you and hung up #i texted her id let her know before we came to get my stuff and she said she texted and told me to do it tomorrow #and she didnt. she sent like 5 or 6 texts. the first one asked when we were coming over #the second told us not to come early. the third she said im doing me today. the fourth was her asking if im getting her texts #then the fifth was her saying ive been texting you for hours you cant still be asleep #idk why she always does that like...of you dont answer right away she thinks shes being ignored. i went to bed after 6 am #i was asleep when she texted. but anyway 2 minutes after the last text is when she called me #but now she like i told yall to come tomorrow #im like no you didnt none of your texts say to come tomorrow. so she sends me timestamps and im like...ok #none of that says to come tomorrow. then she resends all the texts and im like...OK NONE OF THAT SAYS COME TOMORROW #the word tomorrow isnt even used in any of her texts. i guess when she said 'im doing me' thats what that meant #but how the fuck am i supposed to know that? she said she wasnt going to any stores or talking to any doctors #she never said the words dont come today come tomorrow #she said she doesnt want us over bc shes been drinking all night and she doesnt want us seeing her like that #and im like...you knew we were coming over yesterday why would you drink like that #and even so you can stay in your room all we gotta do is get a few bags my bed rails and a few dishes from the kitchen #itll take like 10-15 minutes. #i dont even know if my brother is off tomorrow. if he isn't im gonna have to wait until next week

[its-time-to-write]

OOOO what about reader falling asleep on jamie’s shoulder after a late away game (maybe they come along to games on the bus) and realizing how much he loves them

Thanks for requesting! This one is a lot shorter, but I hope it’s what you’re looking for <3

silent sleepers

Rebecca lets you come to games on the team bus. Well, you say she lets you, it’s really the team’s choice. She’s just the one who signs off on it. You go for Jamie, who gives you the window seat and holds your hand the whole way there and back, joking with the lads. You don’t talk a whole lot, but you don’t really mind. Sometimes Colin or Isaac will turn around from the seat in front of you and you’ll spend an hour chatting and laughing about whatever, but for the most part you just look out the window and think.

Life is busy, so you don’t often get time to sit without having to talk. It’s nice to be here on this smelly bus, holding Jamie’s hand because you’re both relaxed. 

A voice breaks through your reverie. “Good morning, Mrs. Tartt.”

You look away from the window to see a grinning Dani turned around in his seat in front of you.

You smile. “I’m not his wife, Dani.”

“Not yet anyway, eh?” Still grinning, he pokes Jamie who gives him a cut it out motion where you can’t see. 

You don’t notice and laugh, blushing a little. You’ve only kind of talked about the future with Jamie, and you don’t really think he’s the type to settle down like that. It’s ok, you’ll take him however you can get him. You settle into your seat, ready for an hour of comparing hair products with Dani.

—

The game went well, and you’re all piled into the bus. Everyone is excited, but so, so tired. The chatter has turned to a dull murmur as you hug Jamie’s arm, watching the lights go by out the window. He’s warm and you can feel him breathe, and pretty soon you’re passed out, asleep on his shoulder.

Jamie, on the other hand, is sitting very, very still. He doesn’t want to wake you, especially because you don’t usually sleep very well. He presses a light kiss on the top of your head and you twitch, so he pulls away. He looks at you, with your eyes closed and mouth parted, muscles relaxed after being constantly tensed. Hair slightly tousled. He could sit here like this forever. 

He thinks about Dani’s teasing words earlier. Mrs. Tartt. He turns the words over in his head. Mr. and Mrs. Tartt. The Tartts. He likes how that sounds. 

God, he sounds like a fucking middle school boy, writing your name over and over in the notebook in his mind, hearts in the margins.

In all honesty, you were one of the best things that happened to him. He’s not sure how he pulled you in the same way you’re not sure how you pulled him, but he supposes it’s good that you think you’re mutually out of each other’s league. It’s a little bit sweet. 

You had some initial awkwardness about him being a famous footballer, but you worked through it. Hell, you two worked through everything. You refused to back down from a disagreement, with the mantra it’s not you against me, it’s you and me against the problem. 

You were also funny. He swore you two were the funniest people on earth once you got going. He felt like you two could do everything together. He wanted to do everything together. A thought flashes through his brain. Our kids will be fuckin’ adorable. He doesn’t dwell on the fact that his brain said will instead of could.

You let out a little sigh, bringing him back to reality.

Dani peeps over and winks at Jamie. 

“Ey, muchacho, good game today, no?”

“Yeah, yeah, good, yeah,” Jamie whispers. “Hey, Dani.”

Dani cocks his head to say what?

“Mate. You gotta play it cool, man.”

“Whatever do you mean?” Dani asks innocently. “I always play my coolest. I think it was pretty evident in the goal I scored today.”

Jamie rolls his eyes. “You know that’s not what I mean. I’m talking about on way over here when you made that fucking Mrs. Tartt joke.”

Dani places a hand over his heart. “You mean to tell me you do not want her to be Mrs. Tartt and I have made things uncomfortable for you? Oh no, I feel awful.”

Jamie would sock him in the arm if you didn’t have a death grip on him in your sleep. He levels Dani with a stare. “You know exactly what I’m talking about muchacho. You know how hard she is to surprise and if you ruin it, I’m sending Isaac after your hair.”

Dani gasps. “You wouldn’t.”

“Fuckin’ try me,” Jamie grins. 

Dani grins back and turns back around in his seat. Jamie looks down at you one last time and uses his other hand to reach into his left pocket. The little black box he carries everywhere is safe inside. He breathes out a sigh and rests his head on top of yours. 

Mrs. Tartt. Yeah, it’s going to happen.

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