#girlhood in a nutshell
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Girl dad Astarion who is mourning the times when his biggest problem was coming up with more or less child-friendly excuses to not read yet another bedtime story. Or to fix the dress of a shabby old doll that gave him the creeps. Or to kiss some scratches better, even though the minuscule wounds usually troubled him more than they did the damn child.
Nobody ever told him that children grow up this fucking fast, okay?
But now he has to watch his darling little girl grow into a beautiful young woman, and he is—quite frankly—terrified for her.
Because wherever he looks, he can see that strangers are watching her, too.
It doesn’t even bother him that they notice his daughter’s beauty, no, you would have to be blind not to see it. She’s stunning—obviously. She's his child after all…and Tav’s, of course, but that’s not the point.
It’s the way they're looking at the girl that disgusts Astarion to his very core. Leering eyes following her every move. Ulterior motives buried under layers of false niceties. Seemingly innocent little touches stolen as if those filthy hands were entitled to her body in any way.
And for all their obnoxious gawking, they don’t even see her. They seldom care for his daughter’s talents, her sense of humour, or her intelligence. Her heart.
Those heads are only turning for a pretty face, and for all the small privileges that might afford her, they always come with a price—a price Astarion has paid once upon a time; a price he doesn’t ever want his daughter to even consider accepting.
But the world is not kind. It’s already leaving scratches on his child that neither he nor Tav can kiss better any longer.
And Astarion hates it because the last time he felt this helpless was when his own pretty face was all that kept him, well, as alive as he could be. A thing to be used for other people's gain. Selling himself out for crumbs.
And then, one day, he notices a new bracelet on his daughter’s wrist.
She happily hands it over to him so he can take a look. Then she tells him some stranger gifted it to her. Just like that!
All they wanted for it was a little smile—isn’t that so great, father?
It’s not. Far from it. Astarion is fuming inside.
How dare some random nitwit think that ugly trinket worthy of his daughter’s wonderful smile? The audacity. The nerve. Unbelievable!
“Darling, it’s not a gift if they’re expecting something in return,” a forced smile tugs at his lips, trying to soften his scolding tone.
It doesn’t work.
“But it’s so pretty, I had to have it!”
The girl sulks, her little nose scrunched up as if he just sent her to bed without her fairy tales. Astarion supposes, in a way, he has.
“And what do we do when we see something we want, dear?”
She rolls her eyes at him in a way that always has Tav cackling up. Maybe it's because, in moments like this, she looks a little too much like her father.
“We just pocket it.”
“Exactly, my darling child, we just pocket it,” Astarion nods approvingly. “And if they ask for a smile next time?”
“We stab them,” she sighs.
“Absolutely, we do. Now, off with you, lest your daggers get all rusty, you lazy duck.”
Ending the discussion with a gentle smile, Astarion watches the girl go before he produces the offending bracelet from his sleeve.
It’s always out of sight, out of mind with pretty things, isn't it?
He takes another look at the bracelet, scrunching up his nose as if it gave off a particularly vile smell. In a way, it does.
In fact, it’s giving Astarion the creeps. And it's not even made from real gold, by the way.
Astarion scoffs at the cheap trinket. This child still has so much to learn.
#astarion#baldurs gate 3#bg3#baldur's gate 3#dadstarion#astarion x tav#astarion headcanons#baldur's gate astarion#astarion ancunin#to the best worst dad#astarion father of the year every year#being perceived is pain#girlhood in a nutshell
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if yall ever feel clueless just know i thought it was perfectly normal my bestie and i use to kiss all the time like we were just super close and loved each other and all bestfriends did that
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Is madness in the air? Or did God decide to make me understand the urge to howl at the moon and dance with the witches for fun?
I need potions. I need magic. I need madness around me. I NEED it to engulf me whole.
#im going insane#screaming#sobbing#witches#wolves#werewolves#madness#women in madness their men and bad habits#moon#shitpost#word vomit#girlhood#in a nutshell
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I am currently living in paris, texas
#girlblogger#girlblogging#tumblr girls#angel girl#dream girl#girlhood#enchanted#paris texas#there’s a tunnel under ocean boulevard#my life in a nutshell#pretty girl in her pretty world#i just wanna see u shine#‘cause i know u r a stargirl
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60 year old men are trying to give me advice after they have just experienced awareness that i had when i was 11 years old lying on the floor in my room and staring at the ceiling of my room
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Girlhood in a nutshell.
#girlhood#disturbing#jirai girl#jirai kei#jirai onna#tw depressing stuff#stolen memes#kawaii#needy#actually mentally ill#mentally fucked#meme#anime and manga#anime#manga panel#pink aesthetic#pink blog#landmine type#landmine girl#landmine kei#relatable#girls#anime girl
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The parallels between Meta and Banica
Meta and Banica are actually more similar than meets the eye...they don't have just a very similar appearence...they are not just a pair of Meiko-coded characters.
Here is a list of other similarities the both of them share (you can tell me if you find more to this):
They have both lived their girlhood alone
Meta was the third "ghoul child" of Seth. At one point, Meta escapes from him because she has feared to be put into a refrigerator in "lunaca labora", as Seth has done so to the previous "ghoul child" before her, as a "failed experiment". For more context, read this scene of the "crime" novel.
In her escape, the girl falls off a cliff and loses her memories.
I had run from Seth, fearing being put in cold storage like my “older brother”.
While on the run I had fallen from a cliff…and lost my memories. ("crime", chapter 5, scene 12).
After that, Meta didn't remember much about her life, until her twentieth birthday.
Both the "crime" novel and the song "escape of the witch Salmhofer" state that Meta has lived in loneliness for the first twenty years of her life.
She could only remember fragments of her memories from when she was young, but whatever the case she had rooted in her heart the knowledge that she was an orphan and had lived her life alone, and the awareness that she hated everything in this world. ("crime", chapter 5, scene 2).
Not knowing my father, and not knowing my mother,
I had grown up all alone ("escape of witch Salmhofer").
About Banica, her childhood circumnstances are very different: she has spent the first ten years of her life with her family with the "gula disease" and everything I have talked about in the last post. The song "drug of gold" states how Banica also has "spent her girlhood alone".
It seemed she, too, spent her girlhood all alone
Her mother dead, her father with a sick heart, and her home fallen to ruin ("drug of gold").
This fact is also pointed out in the Conchita novel as well. You can read it here.
In a nutshell, Carlos Marlon (the third prince of Marlon) is not very on board with the arranged marriage with Banica. If you read the first scene of the "soup" chapter of the novel, you can kind of get the gist on why the man doesn't want the marriage.
Anyway, Ron Grapple (the chief retainer of the Conchita household) understands Carlos' lack of motivation to pursue the marriage and he makes a big speech about how the marriage between him and Banica could have been a way for the latter to achieve a little bit of serenity after the many years of unhappiness, due to the "gula disease".
Ron also mentions about Banica living her girlhood alone and how Arte and Pollo have been her only friends.
“Thank you most graciously–Due to the illness of her youth, lady Banica has been alone, unable to make any friends for herself. Those twins, Arte and Pollo…when I hired on those two so close to lady Banica in age as retainers, it was because I thought they could serve to substitute as friends for her. Thanks to that, our shy lady Banica has become a little bit more cheerful lately.“ ("evil food eater Conchita", soup, scene 3).
In his speech, the retainer lies about the abuse perpetrated by Megour and the fact that Banica has never been ill with the "gula disease".
Despite that, it is still true that Banica has never been able to have friends (barring the aforementioned twins) and spent her girlhood in loneliness, due to the heart-crushing disease afflicting the family and her mother's abuse.
There's no much elaboration on that, but at the very least...at one point, because of Megour, all Banica has been doing was to eat in fear of her mother.
Both Banica and Meta have impacted the world (negatively for Meta and positively for Banica) after or around their twentieth birthdays.
After the parenthesis of the abusive relationship with the farmer, Meta joins Pale Noel in the "apoalypse" terroristic organization after her twentieth birthday (read this scene)
Of course that has many consequences for the society of their country as she has engaged in destruction of villages (including the village of Nemu, which was a big plot-point ìn Eve Moonlit's life) and terrorism (until she had been finally caught).
When I was 20, the one I loved was
A culprit of murder
If you’re attracted to evil
You’ll find yourself tainted too
And the people
Called me “witch”
I ran through an evil path where flowers bloom
A criminal who was splattered with red, fresh blood
And fled to a corrupted love ("escape of the witch Salmhofer").
About Banica...when she has been nineteen, she has started to travel around the world and in those trips she has managed to make a revolution out of her country's cuisine.
When she turned nineteen, Banica left on a journey to tour various countries with her twin retainers Arte and Pollo, to search for yet more types of food. ("evil food eater Conchita", poisson, scene 1).
The culinary revolution is also recorded in history books in-series.
They both have lived in abusive environments before they have had an impact on their world (which is the previous point).
Before joining Pale, Meta has been abused by a farmer repeatedly. This is stated in the "crime" novel in a scene I have already linked (the first one after the second element of the listing).
Of course those events have an impact on Meta's future because she later attaches to the men who has saved her (Pale) and loyally follows him in everything...and that also has consequences with how she has affected the world around her.
With this I'm not saying that the only reason Meta loves Pale is because he had rescued her from the farmer. I think there is actually more than one reason, but I won't talk about that now. Nevertheless, I do believe that Pale rescuing Meta from the farmer (maybe because she has felt like she has had a debt with him; this is my speculation of which I have zero proof, though) is a factor that explains Meta's great loyalty to Pale.
I was unable to grasp her whereabouts for a while—but eventually I received word from Pale that he’d found her and was taking care of her.
It seemed that she showed quite the obedient side towards him. ("crime" novel, chapter 4, scene 4).
As for Banica, I have already talked about her relationship with Megour, her mother and how it has affected her in my last post (link).
They are both mothers to Hansel and Gretel (in different ways).
Meta is the biological mother of Hansel and Gretel.
Hansel and Gretel probably see Meta in Banica (it can be for the similar appearence, most likely).
That is an in-series speculation by "Ma" in the "evils kingdom" album booklet, though. We don't really know if that is true or not but I believe it can be plausible, at least (especially since during the Conchita novel, the twins hold their memories of their past lives. Still, Meta has died not so much after their birth...therefore I'm not really sure about their memories about her).
In my personal opinion, perhaps they saw in Banica a “trace of their mother”.
As for how Banica regards the twins...as long as the series goes, she sees them as either "friends" (as shown before) or "servants".
For that reason I think the mother-children relationship between the twins and Banica is more likely a one-sided one.
Banica and Meta have rescued their children (in different ways).
Meta has been the product of a sperimentation and has lived her life in sadness. In the series, Hansel and Gretel are the same.
Fearing that her children would live the same life of unhappiness as her, she takes them away from the country with her.
With this I want to come back to the comment of @rileyrose31 that I have started to comment the last time.
The first kind act she does (for the record I haven't read the novel yet, so correct me if I'm wrong) is done when she sees herself in her children. Wanting to give them a better life than she had, she breaks them out of the lab.
Meta in the "crime" novel is a completely sadistic and unsociable individual; she does a lot of nice things for Pale's plans and wants to please him, but that's basically it.
We can say that the twins are the first people Meta gets nice with (outside of Pale): she has compassion, love and (motherly) care for them, unlike with anyone else, except Pale.
Banica is also motherly to her child and rescues her from herself and her selfish hunger.
We don't know if Banica's attitude towards the child is due to a "projection" on the woman's part (whether or not she sees herself in the child as Meta has seen herself in her children) or awareness she had been re-enacting an abusive cycle. This is up to speculation.
Whatever the case may be, both have wanted for their children to have a happy life, with or without them in tow.
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girlhood in a nutshell
#it is perfection#PERFECTION.#lana del rey#born to die#born to die the paradise edition#lana del slay#girlhood
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my review for barbie 🌸
girlhood in a nutshell is a bond
a shared experience
girlhood is universal
a transcendence of language, culture, and religion
girlhood was the giggles in the back of my mum’s subaru
and late nights that turned into early mornings during sleepovers
shared first crushes
borrowed tampons when my friend’s first period came as a surprise
it was the collective dissection of boys’ text messages that came through my LG Xpression phone in cherry red
it was buying my prom dress only after my girlfriends gave their stamp of approval
girlhood was constant comparison and always feeling different but never knowing why
girlhood is the line in the women’s restroom at a club when a stranger is screaming in your face telling you how beautiful you are
i wonder if that stopped happening because i stopped clubbing? or because i stopped wearing dresses
girlhood was the night i met my best friend
and the way i held her as she collapsed to the bar floor in tears
it is being connected because of the things we have had taken from us and the abuse we have suffered because of that girlhood
but somehow despite this, neither of us ended up as girls
girlhood was the perfect, even division of the world into two parts
us versus them
but now i feel like it may be them versus me
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Artist Presentation: Petra Collins
Biography
- Canadian artist. Photographer, model, curator, editor, director.
- got big during the 2010′s
- Instagram taking down post, she made a article for huff post about it.
- first solo show “Discharge” series spanning ages 15-21. 2008-2014. more authentic view on girlhood and womanhood.
- Worked with Gucci, Adidas, Calvin Klien etc.
- Directed music videos for Selena Gomez, Cardi B, Carlie Rae Jepsen, Lil Yachty
Inspiration for her work
- Feminine
- Female gaze approach
- Being able to create images for young women from her own perspective as a young woman herself.
- There is a comment she made once about how when she was younger seeing images of young women made by old men so she can’t see her stories be told by anyone but herself which is really empowering and relatable.
- Her series “24 Hour Psycho” is a series of images with women in moments of emotional distress. Influence of this series comes from her own personal struggles with mental health and seeing her mother struggle with it as well. Bipolar and body dysmorphia.
- She also makes it a point in interviews or in anything to remind people how even though she gets to do cool and fun work she still hates herself and struggles and wants to make that point clear.
Interesting facts about herself
- She was good friends with Selena Gomez for a while. Selena was a big fan of her work and eventually reached out to her to work on some of her music videos.
- She was in 4 episodes of a amazon show called “Transparent” as a supporting role.
Why I chose artist
- I was initially interested in her because I like her use of color gels in some of her photographs.
- In her “24 Hour Psycho” series some of the photos were particularly moving and relatable to me.
- I think that was the biggest selling point for me too is in a nutshell she is super relatable.
- She talks a lot about her own mental health and struggles with being in front of a camera.
- Learning more about her I found a comment she made about her mother being bi-polar and it never being diagnosed and just pushed it off as “just being a woman” or “just being weak” and how she experienced similar experiences and felt her great pain was just a “dramatization”.
That story for me really resonated with me and my own mental health issues growing up with depression in a world where it was always expected of me to “toughen up” and “be a man” and just sort of bottling up all of my own emotions and issues and sort of blame myself for being a baby all the time.
The more I learned about Petra Collins as a person and an artist it made me like her own work more even if her work wasn’t was made for someone like me in mind. It speaks for how vast of audience her art could reach.
“24 Hour Psycho”
- A series of photos addressing the idea of women being “emotional” and due to that being more “inferior” and something to be managed. And comes with the approach of appropriating that idea by celebrating the emotion of women with powerful imagery of women in a moment of distress.
Sources:
- http://sfaq.us/exhibition/petra-collins-april-2nd-may-7th/
- https://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/celebs/a19442969/petra-collins-who-is-facts-selena-gomez/
- https://i-d.vice.com/en_us/article/evq854/the-petra-collins-starter-pack
- http://www.petracollins.com/
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