#glad you got it worked out lol

[wyvernity]

sss day my favorite national holiday WOOOOHHHH

bonus

#pokemon #trainer lyra #rival silver #soulsilvershipping #timeskip tag #bao beis #i had so much more planned. but alas. college. #ANYWAY. sss my everything. ohh. always thinking abt them. #this is very obviously lyra's room! all the pink! massive bed to fit all her pokemon! the champion paycheck gets you that much at least #and plants!!! no. 1 horticulturist in johto #she's living somewhere around the base of mt silver... decently close to the league and her hometown #so i like to imagine her with a huge greenhouse so she can take care of plants even in the harsher climate #meanwhile silver has one of those decrepit malelivingspace flats in viridian. he's making it work. #i can only see sss properly moving in together liiiike in their late 20s #after they get to enjoy young adult independence for a while #but before they permanently settle down they should go on silly adventures again... just once. or twice. or #as much as i like to entertain the thought of them being homebodies i think they'd rather spend their lives travelling haha #since silver never got to fully experience it as a kid on the run #being a wanted man and all #and lyra is itching for the getaway #they deserve to be in nature and responsibility-free and *frothing at the mouth* #BTW i put my whole wyvussy into that wall decor #lisia signed poster... rosa's resemblance as mei(!!!) in the totoro one... bell tower + whirl island pics // #pokemon constellations... and those gen 4 mail templates that no one actually used. probably from dawn. champion penpals :] #i debated doing a lance poster because celebrity idol funny but nah she'd bin that immediately after moving out #oh yeah the drawover was um. inspired by the nonebinary neochamp fit. so happy for my son. #i'm glad i managed to finish the big piece in time otherwise i would've just posted that LOL can you imagine #okey bye happy sss day

[sualne]

Listen as someone who has been obsessed with vampires like my entire life (but not in a ooh there sexy way its like the symbolism man of what vampires can mean) i am a huge fan of your op vanpire au.

I know you just made a post with lore (amazing art btw) but is there anything else about the au you want to talk about. Id love to hear everything

there's a lot of things i want to talk about the au!! im going to use the frantic energy from the year to get myself some bravery and say some of it is inspired by my own experiences with hallucinations and delusion (dont ask about it pls), with the au i want to explore what it would be like having the person who changed you being very literally stuck with you.

i love stories where characters end up sharing a mind and/or body, i also really dont like when its just good person vs bad person, nuance is a lot more fun lol. the relationship luffy and mingo will be forced into stuck as they are is something important to me. mingo is an awful monster but since he can feel everything luffy does he ends up trying to teach him how to live as a vampire, how to take care of himself. im also very found of the concept of parasite (they're literally the worst thing ever and so fucking scary, so naturally they keep coming up in my stories).

it's also about luffy's body and mind failing him, because of the mindlink he has a hard time knowing where he is, sometimes who he is, what is relationships were supposed to be with others, it gets complicated for him! how hard it is to go through one's daily life when your sense are all messed up! (mingo also struggles with that a bit, but this isn't about him, even thought it's new for him too he get used to it much more easily for plot convenience).

other's ppl reaction to the situation also, i feel, completely unconsciously was also incidentally inspired by my own fear of being seen as a monster or dangerous, something to be put down or locked away!

there's also a few jokes in that lore post that reflects this here:

bugs are a pretty common brand of hallucination, be they crawling in the corner of your sight or inside you, making you feel like a walking hives, this was a funny reference to that!

"surprisingly he doesn't start biting people or become violent." this is my not very subtle "mentally ill and neurodivergent folks aren't inherently dangerous pls stop killing us". the occasional euphoria from bloodthist is vaguely inspired by some manic episode, the happy kind.

there's more, about the way this is about trauma and feeling alienated, i guess this is also a "character realize they've got a disorder/develop one and now has to live with it" kind of story.

#op vamp au #vampasks #described in alt text #lol took so long to write all that the new year started. happy new year everyone!!! #i hope the read more works this time........ #ive written a lot and im all out of words for now. hoepfully its coherent!! im glad you like my work thank you sm all of you for #your kindness!!! #edit: the read more went two paragraphs down whats wrong with this website edit2: got lower again

[icewindandboringhorror]

Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!

#cats #holiday #OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few #days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below) #My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart #rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart #so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag #and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day #last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few #hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent #ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect #because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make #me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these #'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a #few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is #getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better #and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo #I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm.. #pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c #Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after #like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread... #I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was #doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally #ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully #whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos #ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever. #And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely #though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart #stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive #things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***

[nordic-language-love]

Casually remembering the time a guy tried to impress me by saying he spoke French so I said "oh bonsoir" because it was like 8pm and he said "actually it's bonjour unless you're speaking Italian" 💀💀

#he then just sent me a load of messages where he'd super obviously used GT #i actually spoke french at alike a2/b1 level at the time so i knew his grammar was clunky and he had no business calling me 'vous' #and i repeatedly said to him 'i can tell you're using GT pls just stop it's so cringe' #and then he KEPT DOING IT #we 'dated' for like 3 weeks and when i said it wasn't working out he said he was glad bc he found someone who he liked more anyway #and then the next day he begged me to take him back and threatened to kill himself if i didn't #(i didn't btw i basically told him 'that sounds like a you problem' lol) #i wonder what he's doing now #i hope he grew into himself and got over his issues and is now living his best life

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

I always smh at people who dub Jason as “whiny” “and therefore ooc” in tt 29. If you died and all everyone did was taint your legacy, and not a single person remembered you fondly or deemed you worthy of commemoration after your death, wouldn’t you be a bit upset too?

#the only thing that was ooc about Jason there was all the shit talking the other characters were doing about him. #and some of the things Jason said about himself because he left whatever small amounts of self esteem he actually had back in his grave #he was very cooperative shy and clever with the titans in the 80s #it’s not enough that his own father told him to his face that he is a product of his own problems #everyone he knew and had good working relationships with just completely shut him out and turned their backs #even if you don’t mean it/it’s more complicated than that #if someone you knew died but now you got a chance to tell them what you couldn’t wouldn’t you at least muster up an ‘I’m glad you’re back’ #apparently not lol #kelseethe #it’s the fact that people label him *being upset* as ‘illogical’ or stupid that irks me #I was talking with a mutual about this too but #if a female character did exactly his actions #I don’t think people would be so quick to stomp all over her and call her weak/overbearing/hysterical #or to give her the dismissive patronizing eye roll treatment #even though they deemed her actions to be exaggerated/misdirected/an outburst by any standard #they’d probably say she’s written like an actual human and that she resonates with a lot of people haha #he evaded all their security systems and effectively took down anyone who was present in the tower. #I’d say his skills are pretty in-character. #the idea that men can get emotional is just not palatable to you people just admit it #if it isn’t silent brooding stoic manpain you people will projectile vomit all over it and call it ‘bad characterization’

[sysig]

Btw, this is what editing on this paper has been like (Patreon)

#In other words: Hell #Lol #Normally I wouldn't show my process but I Must drag this paper it is So bad #Plus you can see some of the other little tricks I do! I leave things mo~stly alone but I will sometimes cheat where I can! #I'll also reconstruct if something can't be saved or if I just forgot to draw something on paper lol - or if I ran out of room #Ughhhh these edits took foreverrrrrr #I did some quick math on it somewhat recently actually #An average single edit takes ~4 minutes of continuous work #Averaged between the low of a couple minutes and high of getting into double digits #There was a whole thing about each page having approx. 30 doodles and each doodle being 4mins of editing and each set being 6 doodles etc. e #Basically I put a lot of time into my art and the majority of that isn't even drawing lol #I have Got to find a way to flip that metric... #But with these - these Easily averaged into the double digits each #It's mostly cleaning - stray lines don't take much time at all! Even reconstruction isn't bad #But for whatever reason this paper just Textures Horribly #Leave my blank spaces blank! I don't want toning there! #You can even see! I didn't leave behind all that many guidelines! It was just the paper being awful! #Some of it's still there if you tip your screen at certain angles #I can't because - broken hinge lol - so I mostly had to guess where to hit #Ugh. I'm just glad I'm finally done with this paper #I miss Norcom so bad :( I haven't been able to track down a distributor for years now

[todayisafridaynight]

brother was talking to me about how if you almost die from an extreme-temperature-related incident then your body is just forever fucked towards that temperature and that's why i think kiryu and saejima are weak to ice. i dont know why aoki isn't like that too but ignore that statistic everything else tracks.

#snap chats #i already made this post highkey but im making it again cause i didnt know this was an actual real thing ☠️ #my brother learned this when he started to work for target. because apparently that's a thing they tell you frame one #'snap how did this topic even come up' i am LITERALLY so glad you asked :) the cold has almost claimed me twice #am i exaggerating Maybe but its my fucked up body temperature now listen #when i was younger i got locked out of my house for like. three hours since i was a latchkey kid #and my dad wasn't supposed to come home with my siblings (from their after school events) for Three Hours #and it had snowed outside and Was Cold Yeah and i couldn't get in cause i forgot my key like a weiner #and yeah. was really cold :) my dad was real cross with me when he found me shivering in the shed LOL #he made me hot cocoa tho so its ok. second incident's just funny No I Talk About It Evvery Other Week #and im p sure i talked bout the first incident too but yeah that time after the con when i was at my sister's #like i cannot stress how cold it was because It Was Late November and the cold still existed #and my sister's heater just. Didnt Work but yeah. i wont go into detail cause i share this story every five seconds #POINT IS i've always had a hard time with the cold- like i'm cold nearly all the time even if the room is 90 degrees #i wont be COLD cold but i'll be colder than i like #anyways can't believe i'm weak to ice this is so sad. i love winter.. #aoki isn't weak to ice cause uhhhh /aoki/ didnt almost die in the cold 🥴 masato did 🥴 #imagine changing your identity so well that you just remove your past elemental weakness. fucked up. #alright bye

[tomatoluvr69]

What’s up tumblr hope you had a super fun leap day. sparkle on. big news my first seed start sprouted while I was at work ✨

#might have to change the url bc I’m in my collard era lol #my day was alright #I ate some shrimp curry that I’d accidentally left out all night and was fine bc I’m a scavenger of a person #then bc I started to feel PMDD fatigue I laid in bed with great elan til my shift started #then I spilled coffee all over my work clothes bc I stuck it in a very sketchy travel mug someone left in our house at the last party #and I listened to Screamin Jay Hawkins on the ride to work which was fun #work was a bit chaotic but uneventful and got to spend a huge chunk of it outside #it seems I have way better ball control than I did when I was a kid. whyyy now. i was such a loser I could have used some athleticism #but I’m so glad it’s the weekend so I can go palliative care mode which is what I call my lizard brumation pmdd phase #and stopped by a friend’s house after work which was nice #really rejuvenating #then made a sort of weird frittata w/ beets peppers and potatoes bc I was too tired to actually cook #watched sense and sensibility 1995 and really liked it although I found myself wishing for a bit more anguish. sorry #and I think I might set out one of the frozen almond croissants to proof overnight so I can bake it for bfast tomorrow #will go for a very short swim but probably only about 30 min bc of aforementioned fatigue. then pick up yogurt and a silly little treat #and will have ****** and **** for dinner either tomorrow or Saturday which will be nice #but really hoping Saturday because **** **** ** **** lol #and then Sunday I’m trepidatious about because **** was like what are you doing Sunday and I’m like well I guess having a fraught and #difficult conversation about our dynamic! lol #I’m very lucky to have proactive friends who are good communicators. truly I do not deserve his kindness. but like. god. let me retreat and #lick my wounds! #i shan’t get into it. but just know I know how S&G felt #and then another work week but I’m starting to really get a feel for the routine and what works and what doesn’t #and I’m excited for my next few meal preps we got millet and kale gratin #and a Lebanese chickpea dish the name of which unfortunately escapes me atm #but my mouth is watering thinking about it. saw a vid and was instantly influenced and went to the pantry to see if I had the stuff and I #dooooooooooo #and I do feel like I’m beginning to get past the worst of [event] and its sadness

[mortellanarts]

2023 go bye bye

#999 spoilers #art summary #art summery 2023 #my art #shoutout to all my monster high drawings that are still in the oven #I haven't posted them anywhere but! my friends made them pins and I've sold them on cons throughout the year :3 #I only started drawing them as a request from a boothmate actually and they're such fun designs to draw!!! #I went to a lot of local conventions to participate in the artist's alley and made so many friends that way it was wonderful #I think the next thing I'll reblog will be the game I worked on! #found out the nda doesn't cover me simply saying 'hey I worked on this thing coming out in a few months!' #so I made artist and cosplayer friends selling my art on the beach and I got my first proper job #....then I proceeded to give me a shoulder inflammation because my setup was terrible and it had to catch up to me eventually #but! already managed to get a new tablet and desk for myself!! it's even a screen tablet so there'll be a learning curve but I'm excited #I'm hoping this display will make things easier I always had trouble sketching on digital #and I am more carefully taking breaks now also because turns out relying on hiperfocus is bad for you? never knew #I was going through some stuff in the middle of the year there though I had so many vent drawings of akane from may to october qwq #not featured here are the tons of utena and umineko wips I have accumulated those were my favorite new media I got to experience for sure #in fact I'm watching the adolescence movie rn!! what in tarnation is this last act lol whatever! go Anthy go!!! floor it queen #also not featured the tons of oc stuff I made :D I'm glad I feel like I can start properly working on them soon ^^ #but yeah that's that I felt like writing a whole diary entry in these tags and you read it and that's what tumblrs all about ♡♥︎

[bulkhummus]

me listening to the opening music for animal crossing loop on repeat

#hung out with some pals tn<33 #girl put her head on my shoulder? while laughing…. #every time someome tells ME specifically thst theyre bi or gay im like im glad im a safe space for you lol #got some work done today #tmrw is gonna be a really busy one i have two papers to write in the morning(short) and to work on my sculpture after work #still feeling really off and low but im glad i made myself go out #it was a good time <3 #night friends #personal

[transjeffdr]

I made a "creepypasta oc" last week (they're more like an OC that happens to exist within the creepypasta universe than an actual creepypasta so forgive me for the lack of spooky), they recently got put on the JtK case with Jane so they're pretty hyped about it! I forgot to mention that she's very socially awkward outside of work which means she doesn't have a lot of friends besides Jane (yes Nessa does consider Jane a friend they just don't know how to approach it)

#creepypasta #creepypasta oc #creepypasta fandom #oc #original character do not steal /ref #oc doodles #jane the killer #still working out how to draw my au's mary but we ball #they were originally supposed to be a nina redesign but I got too attached so here we are #I'm glad she's not nina bc I think nina has been bashed enough lol #nina doesn't exist in my creepypasta au ATM bc it'd complicate things too much #might add her someday #these are very messy sorry I was demotivated #hope you understand #I say she isn't a major character but I might draw her more if people like them

[raeathnos]

.

#welp they lowered us to 5-8 last night but uh… #I woke up to 6 inches already on the ground with it coming down hard #and they upped us to 6-12 when I first checked #but we’ve been upped again to 8–13 #the roads were never treated here and it’s not plowed and my ride said nah fam so I called out of work #which like mild anxiety about that but also I’m glad #my sister in law texted me to be like pls tell me you don’t have to go out and that roads are horrible and she slid everywhere #this is wild like two days ago they were lol we’re not gonna get anything #love that the weatherman is always fucking wrong anymore #reminds me of the storm a few years back where they were like ‘maybe 1-3?’ #but we kept getting more and they eventually just gave up and slapped us with a blizzard warning #we got 33 inches that time which was the highest recorded ever for our area lol #this ain’t got the potential to do that it’s not a big enough storm #but get a little anxiety when it seems like they don’t know how much and keep upping it #but also sNOWWWWWW! :D #I will be so upset when I have to shovel later but ssssnnnnnoooowwwwww o:

[the-trans-dragon]

Hehehe >:3 got a kissie and some headpats from a pretty girl >:3 muahahahahahaha >:3

#sorenhoots #sometimes i remember that i am living the life that i ached for during lonely years #like i just get to wake up and live my gay little life??? kinda fucking awesome even if many other parts of life are very stressful #im so glad i met my wife who loves me for who i am 🥰🥰🥰🥰 and 😈😈😈 heheh then i met my other partner???? like. i thought my wife made me #the happiest i would ever be and then WOOSH i met ANOTHER person who makes me incredibly happy? i did not know the happiness could DOUBLE. #i figured it was like 0%-100% and my wife made me like 100% of my capacity for happiness and then its like 200% now and im realizing that my #capacity to experience joy and peace isnt static and frankly probably increases steadily over a lifetime as i grow and change and learn to #appreciate things more. anyways im in a content happy lil gay mood this morning :3 #my partner got to visit us recently to help us get emotionally ready for some stressful stuff but now the most stressful parts are done and #now that the stress is fading i am finding so much happiness has been in my chest waiting to burst! it was sooo good to see my partner hehe #and the situation is even cuter because my wifes partner also came to visit and my wifes partner is my partners wife also so like. adorable #symmetry. my partner and my wifes partner have another partner and if you draw out a little diagram of us you will see it is shaped like a #house :3 a square with a triangle on top :3 hehe metamours everywhere :3 super super super wonderful metamours. its literally almost like a #fairy tale to have a polycule??? like?? im so excited to live somewhere that isnt like 9 hours from them. oh my god they also have a cat and #shes the cutest. me and my wife have a cute cat also and we are like 👀👀👀 tenatively anticipating that they will get along 👀👀👀 ive #specifically worked with my cat to help her know how to behave around other cats. my neighbor is retired and does TNR on the local strays #and they get attached to her and hang out in her backyard or her house lol like one snuck in and this was before they had any cats and they #didnt know he snuck in until he hopped onto her bf's chest at night to snuggle up. and hes a big cat and if you felt him drop onto your #chest in the pitch black of night you might absolutely mistake him for a racooon or possom or some other beast. anyways he sneaks into all #the houses down the street apparently and is just kinda like “the retired people down the street”'s cat lol. and daisy would hiss and yowl #out the window at him but i always tried to show her that he is friendly (and give her treats to attempt to tell her 'he isnt a threat. have #a snack. see? if he was a threat then we would not be having snacks.' and eventually he ran into us while i was letting her outside on her #harness and!!! i was absolutely ready to defend either of them from the t #other but they just cautiously sniffed each other and then laid down. it was fascinating to observe. daisy also responds really well yo #to meeting new people :3 though she proved me wrong by hiding from some maitenence ppl recently. but then she met my metamour and was pretty #much instantly like 'oh ok ur family? sounds gok #sounds good.' so thats cute and i hope if we end up in the same house with the other cat in the polci #polycule. well i hope they get along!!! #idk what we would do if they didnt. there are lots of other housing arrangements (like renting a duplex or next-door apartments or #something) but i want them to get along anyways :3 no matter what sort of living arragement works out best. i think theyd be good for each

[magnoliamyrrh]

hearing my professor say "sex workers" in class after and while literally and explicitely talking about nonwestern victims of sex trafficking using those terms like. im gonna eat my own tongue. im gonna scream so loudly and so silently it will burst my lungs. im going to become a black hole.

in general i find that term to be so fucking offensive bc it can only maybe apply to a very very small minority of well off economically privileged women who "choose" to do "sex work" (and even many of them talk abt feeling exploited - almost like prostitution is inherently expolitative wow) but. you know sometimes those "sex workers" are the only ones ppl rly picture, they dont picture street prostitution, hitckhiker hookers, sex trafficking, child sex trafficking, that the averege age of entering prostitution is 14, drug addiction, pimps, constant violence, etc

but. dear lord help me. in the context of literally taking explicitely about victims of "sex" trafficking in relation to poverty. to still have this postmodern god forsaken fucking nightmare so dug into your hear you say SeX WoRkErs;;; I ;;; I. Honestly im so offended. Its so fucking offensive. Like i almost wanna fucking cry. And she aint even white lmao shes indian like maam as a fellow immigrant please stop parroting the western bullshit i beg you. its so god damn fucking offensive and this bullshit is passed off as progressive and right and parroted by professors and taught as a given and preached and taught uncritically and then parroted by students and then. someone posts it online and some idiot reads it tells it to another idiot who tells it to another idiot. And then this insanity affects the whole westenrn "FeMinIsM" movement. And then, not only do I personally have to deal with a bunch of fucking idiots who have the gull to tell ME how the fuck I cant or can speak and how I should fucking feel when they dont got a single damn clue, BUT ALSO. this sort of cultural fucking idiocracy leads to real life impacts. Ala, western european states legalizing prostitution, thus the horrid rise of sex trafficking, child sex trafficking, child pornography, etc, of mainly balkan, roma, refugee, immigrant, poor, etc etc women. Ala, there was this article written by a Romanian prostitute in spain. She was complaining about how because of this sex work narrative now even more men come to prostitutes bc theyve bought this bullshit narrative of the "happy sex worker" so. now, they have to put all this extra fucking emotional effort into pretending like theyre enjoying what these men are doing to them and like they want it and all this shit. Which, let me tell you, its a whole lot easier to just dissociate when you get used to being regularly raped than it is to have to pretend like you fucking want it and enjoy it too. Something along the lines, these men want your soul not just your body, and this much worse...... And how, because of this, they also have to invest more in makeup and shit to look "well" which fuether just sinks them into the whole cycle which is quite hard to get out of. So. So.

As far as Im concerned. All the god forsaken postmodern nonsense that is propagated in western social sciences academica - has real life fucking effects. It has. The things written, the things discussed, the things professors say. Ive said before, that maybe postmodernism has some academic value (though we didnt need french people to be like, yo dude did you know multiple perspectives on life exist? inssne!). But. It doesnt fucking stay in academica. None of this bullshit stays in academica. And apart from this sort of bullshit not even being "feminism" and being inherently detrimental to the unity needed for social movements, inherently complacent, inherently antirevolutionary, inherently fucking REEKING of western individualism and selfishness up the fucking ass,,,,,,,,,it has real life fucking affects.

Westerners whove never fucking been through any of this shit sit in universities coming up with all these fucking theories but who pays the price. Who pays the god damn fucking price? Who? For their thought experiments? For these societal experiemnts? For these bullshit western ideas of freedom and progress and feminism? We do. My people do. We do. God fucking damn it

#Im gonna eat glass #Im not going to stay in academia but if i was. I think theyd kick me out of the anthropology department #before i got my phd #fuck this shit #Someone needs to fucking do something about it. Someone needs to fucking critique it form the inside #which i can actually say i did lmao because i <3 showed up at office hours <3 and uhh #said my peace. #which im sure she wasnt expecting but. im also genuinely glad she listened. i guess #its a big harder to just cancle someone or tell them to shut up #when they tell you frankly tat they were sex trafficked as a child and come from one of the sex trafficking #capitals of the world #like. <3 sorry lol i have more a right to speak then you! lovely! great! #i didnt direct it at her in particular lmao i went a roundabout way of critiquing what i called privileged western bullshit #but im sure she also got that I was biting back against the sex work thing while speaking abt fucking victims of sex trafficking #AND lmaoo i did go on a very short but well put together quip abt postmodernism being inherently individualistic #and detrimental to movements and literally funded by the CIA in class lmao SOmEONE NEEDS TO SAY SOMETHING #just enough to get people looking and curious and wanting answers and QUESTIONING THIS SHIT #i came back to this country after being back home having none of this shit dkdkd #............. how you can even be from india and admit you've seen the horrors of street prostitution and still propagate the sex work shit #in the same breath is beyond me #it really is #and how you can propagate these western narratives of individualistic ChOiCe #while also teaching abt nonwestern concepts which view equality and freedom in nonindivualistic terms #...... maaam...... how is the cognitive dissonance not hitting #...... this was some weeks ago but like. idk thinking back on it its like #again lmao. its so fucking offensive. its........ how fucking deep do you have to be to explicitely speak about sex trafficking victims #stricke by poverty and call them sex workers #..................... #... #like maam. maybe youve been in this country too long. maybe youve been in westenrn academica too long. its time to wake up a bit

[sysig]

Fond of you and your artworks :)

Aw, thank you! 💕

#Doodles #DDoodles #Compliments are always appreciated :D #Fond is such a soft word to my mind haha ♪ Gentle! I like it #I'm glad! #I actually double-glad - since I like to answer these with DDoodles it was good motivation haha #I must confess it's been almost exactly two months since I've even plugged in my tablet :0 #I just haven't been drawing digitally! Like at all! So I was admittedly a bit nervous to start Requestober this year #I was worried I'd be too out of practice or something would go wrong 3X #And in a way it kinda did - both my laptop and tablet are nearing the end of their lives #They still work! But they're struggling #And they only really work in a specific configuration which - in the two months I've been away - I had forgotten #I remember it now luckily so if anything it's good that I got it out of the way now haha #Hopefully it'll be enough to get them both through Requestober this year the poor things haha #Other than that though - no ♥ Drawing feels just as it always does #I feel very fortunate in that way hehe #Feeling just a bit hopeful and optimistic hehe >:3c #Also you like my ''JOE'' shirt in full colour? Surprise! It's been a rainbow this whole time! Lol

[oscill4te]

I know journaling is helpful esp if you have memory problems, i always avoid looking back at my journals honestly. but damn.. Reading my 2022 shits been so painful.

2023 genuinely was a much better year even if did spend much of it cooped inside my room, looking at a screen. Hoping for an even better 2024. I know its only October but hey. Im always jumping ahead a few months mentally. It may as well be winter already as far as Im concerned. I want to get this winter over with. I feel very hopeful for 2024 for some reason

#2023 is good its just a very hazy blur. i was thinking not using weed would help but nah. ive always been like this #weed didnt make my memory worse its always been shit it seems #reading these entries like “when did that even happen..?” #there are a lot of things in my life I want to change #im just glad i stopped using weed. looking at my 2022 experiences is kind of... making me feel compassion :( #weed dependency + risky sx was my escapism go-to in 2022 and now in 2023 it is cartoons and loud music #i think its safe to say i am gettint better. im learning to appreciate life again without being high. i got out of an abusive relationship #im focusing on me. maybe to a very unhealthy degree. but im doing things that make me happy when i can. im cooking amazing food #im drawing a lot. increasing communication w alters. working on how to handle my cptsd. im getting better even if it #doesnt look like it #self indulgent but i think i will be happy looking back on this one day. to future E; you got this #and hopefully u won't be doomscrolling in 2024 but even if you are. its so very understandable. lol #only today am i realizing after rereading old diary entries... im genuinely more stable even if it does not look like it #the amount of dissociation it takes for me to stay stable is sad though. id it even genuine stability at that point? im not sure #but im keeping afloat financially. homewise. at work. even if i feel like life is ripping me at the seams sometimes #but who doesn't feel like that #i think its safe to say i am reaching some type of stability. even if it easily crumbles apart. at least it is there.. #txt