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makeste · 4 years

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BnHA Chapter 251: Help I Love a Manga Too Much

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi answered the age-old question of “can the Todorokis ever be together for more than five minutes without lapsing into a daytime soap opera?” with a resounding “HAHAHAHA.” Fuyumi and Shouto sat down with Kacchan and Deku and told them all about their super-dead brother Touya, whose death -- and you’ll be shocked to hear this -- apparently had something to do with Endeavor. What exactly happened, though, we don’t actually know, because they didn’t tell us, because of course they didn’t. Anyway, so then Fuyu bid everyone farewell and they piled into the Endeavormobile and started to drive away. Except they didn’t get very far, because all of a sudden some guy was like “HEY ENDEAVOR I’VE KIDNAPPED YOUR SON, NATSUO” and Endeavor was like “!!!” and the guy was like “AND I’M GONNA KILL HIM, WHEEEE” and then the chapter ended. Anyway so we all agree this family is cursed, yes?

Today on BnHA: Ending, who really doesn’t have much depth to him beyond continuously screaming “SO ARE YOU GONNA KILL ME ENDEAVOR?? HUH?! COME ON AND DO IT! I FUCKING DARE YOU TO DO IT! COME ONNNNNNN”, keeps on doing that. After about three seconds, the Terror Trio gets bored of sitting around not kicking ass, so they explode out of the car to join in the action. Since they all have impeccable senses of narrative timing, they simultaneously choose this moment to figure out all that shit Endeavor was trying to teach them a few chapters ago, with the end result being that (1) Shouto uses Flashfire, (2) DEKU USES BLACKWHIP YESSSSS, and (3) Katsuki rockets himself at fucking lightspeed to save Natsuo in the nick of time. Then Endeavor wraps Natsu (and Katsuki lmao) in a big ol’ panicked dad hug, which fully destroys me, and the chapter ends! So that was pretty quick, actually, but it sure was intense!

lmao -- what?? -- are you --

ME, TALKING TO A FOREST WITCH: so you’re saying that once I peer into this cauldron, the spell will reveal the thing I love most?

WITCH: yeah basically

ME: [peers, sees this]

WITCH: ...

ME: ... I can explain

[wiping away tears] yep so anyways. that’s my son. that’s my boy. so handsome. and talented

anyways so I guess that answers the question of whether or not the kids are gonna get involved lol. the title presumably refers to the one week of winter break that they had, which was also their time limit to try and beat a villain before Endeavor. GEE I WONDER IF THEY WILL DO IT

so Ending, our friend from last week (who apparently isn’t the “Takami” guy he was monologuing about, so so much for that), says that even under the most extreme circumstances, heroes will never choose to kill someone. and god I am so tempted to say something snarky about real life law enforcement here. but you know what, I’m not even gonna go there because this is supposed to be my happy weekly manga reading time, and lord knows Horikoshi is good enough at fucking that up himself without me adding on to it

anyway, so Ending says that despite that principle, Endeavor chose to kill that Noumu at Fukuoka. so I guess he assumes this means Endeavor just doesn’t give any fucks nowadays and will just kill ANYONE, ANYTIME, WHENEVER! sound, logical deduction there! airtight fucking reasoning

anyway this guy actually sounds seriously depressed though, and yeah this is getting dark real fast you guys

a few people pointed out to me last week that this guy is manipulating the lines painted on the road, and that’s what his quirk is (and it was also pointed out to me that he shot himself up with something akin to Trigger before he got started, so presumably he’s hopped up on those quirk roids at the moment), and now that I know I can see it actually should have been really obvious lol. anyways so yeah, looks like he’s been busy. I’m sure the three buckos strapped into the back seat of this vehicle know when they’re beat, and will use this opportunity to just take a nap or something

honestly, I could have predicted this coming even without that thumbnail lmao

also is anyone else dying at Katsuki being all BOOM!! while Deku and Todo are just “BANG” further back by the car. just a slight difference in intensity, here. it’s subtle but you can spot it if you look real close

anyway if I were Ending, this right here would be the point where I said “OH SHIT” real loudly, and screamed and dropped Natsuo and turned and hightailed it out of there with my road stripes whipping out behind me in the wind like tin cans dangling from the back of a newlywed car

LMAO CHAUFFEUR ARMSTRONG IS ALL “YOU FORGOT THESE!” AND YEETING THEIR COSTUMES OUT AFTER THEM, AND FUCKING LOOK AT THIS SERIES OF PANELS OMG

Endeavor’s face is fucking SENDING ME, man, oh my god. the man has gone FULL SURPRISED PIKACHU, someone help me I can’t breathe dfklsk

AND WHAT ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO DO, CATCH THE BRIEFCASES AND THEN THEY’LL JUST MAGICALLY UNFOLD THEMSELVES OUT OVER THEM LIKE IN IRON MAN 2? actually, scratch that, that’s exactly what should happen. please do this. I promise I won’t even poke fun, I’ll just accept it unconditionally

LOL IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER HOLY SHIT

“911, what’s your emergency?” YES HELLO PLEASE HELP, I LOVE A MANGA TOO MUCH. “ma’am, that’s not a real emerg –” NO, LISTEN, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND

Kacchan doesn’t even look back, he just reaches his hand out and knows exactly what Deku is doing without looking, and trusts his aim to be perfect. I’m so fucking weak for this teamwork I fucking sighed in real life you guys, it’s unbelievable

I can’t tell if this is Deku using “Shouto” the hero name, or if it’s now “Shouto” as in his actual name lol. because he’ll keep on using “Kacchan” no matter what, in any and all circumstances, so we can’t even use that to try and gauge lol. but anyway I’m choosing to believe it’s “Shouto” the name because they’ve now graduated to the next level of friendship after that dinner, and after Fuyu clasped his hand in both of her own and was all “I want you to know that I approve of the two of you together with all of my heart” or whatever it was she said, but it was basically that. so anyways yeah after that they’re now on a first name basis. YOU HEAR THAT, SHOUTO?

and then, with these bottom three panels, I know this is supposed to be all “click/bzzz/whrrr/other high tech costume-changing sounds” and it’s supposed to be a near-instantaneous costume change, presumably while still in motion because THEY’RE JUST BADASS BITCHES LIKE THAT, but like. in reality I pictured them all instantly grinding to a halt, and unclicking the locks on the briefcases, and Kacchan just giving his a shake to spill all the contents out haphazardly on the ground, while meanwhile Shouto is much more fastidious and respectful, and kneels on the ground and opens his case with both hands, and Deku is hopping around on one foot trying to drag his gloves on with his teeth while putting on his metal shoe-thingies, and the entire time Ending and Endeavor are just staring at the three of them like, “.....”

so anyway that’s what I choose to believe is actually happening. lastly, you also need to understand that pretty much this entire time, I’ve had the Powerpuff Girls theme playing in my head AT FULL INTENSITY on repeat, including during the part where they stop for five minutes to suit up. so there’s that, too

moving on!

TODOROKI SHOUTO, AFTER STOPPING TO CLICK OPEN HIS BRIEFCASE, RUMMAGING AROUND FOR HIS SHOULDER GUARD THINGS, LOOPING THEM OVER HIS ARMS, PAUSING TO WIPE THE SWEAT OFF HIS FOREHEAD, AND THEN FINALLY STANDING BACK UP: Natsuo!

lmao so anyway, now Endeavor is fully engaged in the fight once again, and thinking that Ending is “A FOOL” for letting himself get temporarily distracted by the interns’ shenanigans. but like. is he, though? seeing as he’s flat-out admitted to you that he wants to lose this fight? because he wants to die? did you hear that part? like, ??

so now there are some very intense closeups of Endeavor’s eye, and Natsuo’s face, and Endeavor’s feet

intense

(ETA: actually in hindsight of the hug, I fucking love this, because this is the moment where, right after he psychs himself up and is all, “now’s my chance!”, he sees Natsuo’s face and he sees the fear in his eyes, and all of a sudden he’s frozen in place, terrified of making a wrong move when his son’s life is at stake.)

-- oh snap, look who’s getting beaten to the punch!

do you guys remember that season 3 anime filler where Deku somehow beats Iida in a race and everyone just accepts it like that could ever actually possibly happen, like...?? if he can’t even keep up with Kacchan and Shouto, I hardly think he could pose a challenge to the guy who’s basically the Usain Bolt of heroes. but it’s not like that still keeps me up at night or anything. anyway!

so Ending here is giving the Todorokis a run for their money in the drama department, which is really saying something

okay, but what exactly is he supposed to do, then? you’re saying he should focus on killing you to save his son? so what, just like try to fry you and hope he doesn’t also hit Natsu? it seems to me like he has the same chance of success here whether he aims for lethal or nonlethal. so idk but go off I guess dude

oh damn, but in the meantime it looks like Todo is having some sort of badass awakening moment

YESSSSS SHOUTO UNLEASH THE INFERNO

(ETA: so Shouto just burned off his entire uniform, yes? boy you’d better keep that fire going now for modesty’s sake until you figure something out sob.)

lol so anyway I just had a flashback to Shouto’s fight against Tetsu back in chapter 205, and I realized that if Ending really wants to fight someone who absolutely doesn’t give a fuck, and will straight up kill a bitch with his quirk if they test him, then HERE’S YOUR GUY LMAO

now Ending’s saying “because you took your time...” and I have no idea where this is going, but I’ll take this as confirmation that they really did take a time-out for five minutes to gear up

oh damn

friendly reminder that gravity in BnHA tends to follow normal rules, unlike in most shounen manga. but even so, I’m finding myself hard-pressed to be concerned considering Kacchan and Deku are on the job. you’re gonna have to do better than that Ending my dude

wow is he shoving Natsu right into oncoming traffic?!

where the fuck did all these fucking cars come from out of nowhere like this?? the highway was like empty two minutes ago, geez

anyways now we’re seeing another “condense it!” panel, and is this one Bakugou??

I mean it looks like his gauntlet there, and I’m pretty sure Shouto was wearing sneakers in the panel earlier, and those obviously aren’t Deku’s shoes, so...!

YEPPPPPPPP

listen you judgey forest witch, I don’t need to justify myself to you, okay?? just!! I LOVE HIM END OF STORY

(ETA: and hey can we also just stop for a second and talk about how insanely fucking fast that was, though?? and Kacchan was fast to begin with -- remember how quickly he saved Jirou during the joint training arc. anyway so he’s basically moving at teleportation speeds now, and I’m here for it, and also terrified that he’s going to blow his fucking arms off at some point because holy fuck though.

also, once again I would like to express my gratitude for Horikoshi for once again giving Katsuki the big rescue moment, rather than having him go immediately for the bad guy. this is such an important thing to show. he’s really giving his all towards this “saving people” thing and trying his hardest and I’m so proud.)

and now it’s Deku’s turn to get to work!

that guy gripping his steering wheel for dear life has the most perfect expression I’ve ever seen, like that’s exactly the face I would be making in that situation. this chapter has had so many great facial expressions overall. I feel spoiled

[LUNGES TOWARD THE SCREEN IN ANTICIPATION!!] MOTHERFUCKER, ARE WE ABOUT TO SEE SOME BLOOP ALL UP IN THESE PAGES!?! PLEASE!!!!?

I FUCKING CAN’T WITH THIS BUILDUP?? THIS IS PAGE ELEVEN OF THE CHAPTER, AND I JUST KNOW WE’RE ABOUT TO END IT WITH A TWO-PAGE SPREAD ON THE NEXT PAGE. THIS HYPE IS TOO MUCH, I’M GONNA LOSE IT

OH SNAP NO IT WAS JUST A SINGLE PAGE!!

THE TRIUMPHANT RETURN OF BLACKWHIP YESSSSSS

lmao Ending looks so fucking shocked at being completely taken apart by these three kids with basically no effort. and I see that ice creeping up around him. oh, son. you tried

and then the last page is -- oh

I mean, Deku and Shouto being complete badasses (ETA: and I so wasn’t kidding when I said that Shouto will straight up murder a bitch omg), but then

aaaaand there goes my heart. hey would it kill you to give me a heads up before you just go and STUFF IT FULL OF FEELS like that?? like

just. Endeavor just ran up and gathered him up in his arms, and he’s holding him with this desperation that we’ve never seen from him before, and just... wow. it’s completely disarming and I’m almost at a loss for a coherent response. meanwhile poor Katsuki nearly got wrapped up in it as well due to proximity, but it’s not like it’ll hurt him to see this moment up close. I still have another essay I’m working on for you, you little honey badger

(ETA: on closer inspection it seems like poor honey badger actually has been fully included in the hug lmao. and at first I was thinking it was just the proximity as I said above, but you know what? if some punk kid flew in out of nowhere and saved my child’s life, you can bet I’d be wrapping them up in a bear hug too. so maybe it’s just the dad emotions getting the better of him. either way Katsuki you just gotta put up with it!)

anyways don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here thinking about how Endeavor has already lost a child (and yes I know, but like I said last week, I genuinely believe it was a tragic accident. to me that makes infinitely more sense than all of the darker/more sinister explanations. but anyways we’ll see eventually), and his family has been in shambles for so long and he’s been estranged from all of them (for good reason), and I think he finally even is coming to terms with that, and the fact that it may always be this way for him because of what he’s done. but to then almost have a second child taken from him, right before his eyes, and knowing that once again it would have been his fault, was apparently more than he could handle

and then, just the fact that he reacted in this of all ways. by openly showing tenderness and emotion, without even thinking about it, because he was so shaken up by the whole thing. this from Todoroki Enji, the most stoic, impassive, closed-off motherfucker to ever walk the earth! like, even after he clearly established that he was on the redemption path, he still never showed this kind of vulnerability. we’ve had a window or two into his thoughts and reflections, so we know he’s been experiencing remorse, and we could see it also during some of the quieter moments like him thanking Fuyumi or kneeling at the shrine for Touya. but I will tell you that I never for a moment could have imagined a scene like this. and I know it’s probably going to make some people angry because they feel like he hasn’t “earned” it or whatever. but I’ll be fully honest, at this point I’m kind of over feeling like I have to put a disclaimer every week explaining that yes, I like the Endeavor redemption arc lol. just, yeah. I like it. and anyway, so this was feels all over the damn place. fuck

(ETA: and I feel it’s worth adding here that even though Endeavor didn’t do anything to save Natsuo himself directly, it’s his guidance that enabled those three padawans to reach the next level so quickly. so in a way he did save his son: by finally moving past his self-centered mentality and taking these three kids under his wing and helping them grow. this wasn’t a victory he could have pulled off alone. but because he finally learned to see past himself, they were able to win the day and save Natsu.)

anyway, so now that all this has happened, I’m curious as to whether this is the end of this little arc! if so it’s much shorter than I expected. though obviously their internship is going to continue even after they head back to school, so it’s not like the action is just gonna come screeching to a halt. but maybe we’ll take a little break after this to catch up with the rest of 1-A, and maybe follow up with All Might to see who the great-great-grandfather of One for All is, oh snap

AND MAYBE A CERTAIN SOMEONE CAN HIT US UP WITH HIS THOUGHTS AND REFLECTIONS ON WHAT HE LEARNED DURING THIS WINTER BREAK, AND WHETHER OR NOT HE TOOK AWAY ANYTHING FROM THIS THAT MIGHT STEER HIM A BIT MORE TOWARDS HIS NEW HERO NAME. THAT WOULD BE SPLENDID. JUST PUTTING THAT OUT THERE

and having said that, I don’t really have a clean way of ending this recap this week lol so just. uh. I liked it a lot, thank you, good night

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miraizu · 4 years

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Wadanohara the Gangster Witch

Word count: 1,132 Warnings: Gore, mention of Sal’s bad end (r*pe), crackfic Synopsis: Mess With Witches, You're Gonna Get Stitches. Basically what SHOULD have happened for the first "Normal End", AKA "Trust Sal".

Samekichi was injured. Lying on the ground in a puddle of blood, and, once again, Wadanohara was here to save him. First that orca dude, now Sal. Seriously man? As a familiar, he should really get better at fighting.

Now, Wadanohara and Sal were at a moot point. Sal wanted Wadanohara to join the Red Sea - and him. Wadanohara wanted the Red Sea to fuck off and for Samekichi to be alright. Their interests clashed, and Sal just continued to smile that nauseating grin at Wadanohara as he held out a hand asking for her to trust him.

Trust him?

Wadanohara took a deep breath. ". . . Okay, Sal."

Taking a step forward, Wadanohara decided to give it a shot. After all, a peaceful resolution was the best resolution, right? If she could save Samekichi, she would. Samekichi apparently did not appreciate the sentiment, though, as he began writhing around on the ground, trying to get up and completely failing. It sort of looked like he was getting up in a push-up position, and then body-slamming the ground. Get your shit together, Samekichi.

"What are you . . . ?! Wadanohara . . . !"

Wadanohara had to repress the annoyed sigh that left her lips. ". . . Samekichi. I do everything anyways so shut up. Please."

Only Wadanohara would nicely ask somebody to shut up. Samekichi, on the other hand, either went deaf or didn't understand the meaning of "shut up", as he still struggled to speak.

"St . . . op . . . Don't . . . go . . . "

Wadanohara turned around, exasperated at the fact that her familiar just didn't know how to listen. Was he seriously going to argue with her now? "Samekichi, I swear to--"

Getting tired of their married couple arguments and wanting Wadanohara all to himself like the gross trash man he is, Sal hit Wadanohara in the head, causing her to stumble forward and cry out in pain as she whirled around. Did he really just try to stab her in the back?! He can't be all like "trust me owo" and then not even a minute later try to kill her.

Magic wasn't getting anywhere. Separated from her staff, Wadanohara had a feeling that that even if she tried to do magic, it would only get her nowhere. It was time to go the old fashioned route. Old School Style.

Sal took a step forward, grabbing Wadanohara's arm, and with her free hand, she pulled a pocket knife out of her dress, brandishing it around.

"Bruh, let go of me."

"N o"

So much for a peaceful resolution.

Swinging the knife forward, Wadanohara cut Sal deeply on the arm, forcing him to let go of her as she waved it around again. "Hey, Sal, literally fuck you."

Everybody gasped at the witch's vulgar language. Who taught her to say "fuck"?! Was it possible the Red Sea had already gotten a hold of Wadanohara, and that was why she wasn't so gentle anymore?

Nah. Sis just fucking snapped, not to mention she was hanging out with Cherryblod just a bit too much.

Sal grinned, clutching his bleeding arm. God, he's so gross. I'm literally throwing up in my mouth right now, I hate him so much.

"Come here, Wadanohara~~~"

He took a step forward, towards the sea witch. Big Mistake. Immediately, Wadanohara sprung forward, lodging the knife straight into Sal's left eye and effectively wiping the smirk off his face as he finally let out a scream, clearly not expecting for this tiny little girl to savagely make him half-blind. As if she was rubbing salt in the wound, her foot violently came up, kicking him right in the dick.

Critical hit! It was super effective!

Falling to the ground, Sal started to cry, clutching both his eye and his heavily-injured groin as she kicked him there again. While kicking a man while he's down is generally frowned upon, Sal is a rapist so it's perfectly fine to do that. In fact, it's actually encouraged to do that.

After Wadanohara was done literally beating the shit out of him, Mikotsu stepped out of the Red Sea portal, taking a look at the mess that was before her. She came just in time to see Wadanohara wipe her bloodied knife on Sal's expensive-looking white suit. After all, bloodstains were a bitch to get out of clothes, and she didn't want to ruin her dress.

With wide red eyes, Mikotsu reeled back, her little hair fish speaking up. Wadanohara didn't think it could originally speak, but maybe he was a man of few words. Er, fish.

With a voice deeper than Morgan Freeman’s, the fish said, "Oh hell no. We're getting outta here, princess. Grab that fucker and skedaddle!"

Taking a look at Wadanohara, the two girls had a stare down for a moment before the sea witch held out her arms straight from her body. Gotta T-Pose for dominance. It worked, too, and Mikotsu shook her head, deciding to leave Sal to fend for himself. No way she was going near that rabid witch.

"The Red Sea will leave, now, you crazy bitch!" Mikotsu's strangely-deep voiced fish said, and Mikotsu quickly yeeted herself into the Red Sea portal. Immediately, it closed, and everything went back to normal in an instant as Sal continued to cry on the floor, curled up in a little ball.

Satisfied, Wadanohara aimed one more good kick out at him before going to Samekichi. Feeling both refreshed and empowered by the dumpster fire beat down, Wadanohara healed Samekichi, and he groaned, rolling over just to see Sal's broken-down state.

Thank God. The trash has been taken out.

Getting on his knees, Samekichi grabbed Wadanohara's hands, starstruck. "You're a strong, independent woman who may not need a man, but please marry me."

Wadanohara hugged Samekichi. "YES!"

At this point, the rest of Wadanohara's familiars came in, Memoca laughing at Sal like that one annoying kid from The Simpsons.

". . . What did he do?" Fukami asked, glaring at Samekichi as if everything was his fault.

"He tried to touch my no-no square," Wadanohara told them, and everybody got together to start kicking and beating the shit out of Sal while Wadanohara sat back, watching in satisfaction as she hid her knife back in her dress. Once everybody was done, Wadanohara strode over to Sal, who was now an unrecognizable, bloody pulp. Squatting down because every day is leg day, Wadanohara said loud enough for everybody to hear, "Mess with witches and you're gonna get stitches."

Everybody else cheered, and they let Idate eat Sal for dinner while they partied and got drunk in the great hall of the palace, while Tatsumiya and everybody else decided to ban Wadanohara from watching noir films with Cherryblod ever again. Everybody - except Sal - lived happily ever after.

Normal End: The Gangster Witch

#okegom #funamusea #watgbs #wadanohara #samekichi #syakesan #sal #memoca #fukami #crackfic #my only contribution to this dead fandom is this #the ending we all wished for and deserved #cherryblod #tatsumiya #idate #princess mikotsu

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arethereanyoriginalusernames · 4 years

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ZP Fanfiction Review

Hellooo internet! Welcome to GAAAAAAYYY THEORY-

I am so sorry.

Anyway, welcome to what I can only call a test run for a series I've decided to start. For more info, I'd recommend reading my previous post. To give a brief explanation, I criticize written works done by others in order to help myself and others improve, and recently I've turned my attention to ZP fanfiction (as you do). This series is in no way meant to shame anyone or anything like that. I am simply stating my opinion, and anyone reading this can take whatever they want from it.

Now, while I do take requests, for the first few of these posts, I put the titles of random fics that I have read, and pulled one out at random. Since I admittedly haven't asked these writers for permission, if one of them contact me and wish for me to take a review down, I will. Do not send any negative bullshit to anyone whose fics I review.

With that said, I hope you enjoy, because today we're going to look at a fanfiction posted on Wattpad by a Tumblr user known as @thiccdemonlover69-blog. Now, something I want to make clear is that this was written back in 2017. This isn't representative of this user (who I will refer to as TDL) 's current writing abilities. The fic in question is this one here,

So, originally, I was going to do a full synopsis of the story, but I ultimately decided against it. Not only did it make the post longer than it needed to be, but knowing myself, I would undoubtedly leave something out by mistake. Therefore, I encourage you to read the story before continuing this review. I will be going through it chapter by chapter, and I will give my thoughts on each one.

*****************

Chapter 1 "A Normal Day... or so Damian thought "

Not too much to say here since this is an introductory chapter and not much really happens in it. Because of this, however, I thought that I would take the opportunity to address what I already predict will be an elephant in the room.

Like most of us fans, TDL has their Headcanons and theories about the ZP characters. You'll notice in the story that Satan and Damian have a slightly different relationship than in the comic, as Satan is more present in his son's life here. This is just an example of what I'm talking about. Now, I actually don't have a problem with this by itself. I'm all for writers including their own unique ideas in fanfiction, however, I have a problem with some of the changes made by TDL to the characters and setting. There's nothing egregious here, but as we go on, I think you'll be able to understand what I mean.

One positive for this chapter is that it serves its' purpose as an intro very well. We get an idea of the upcoming conflict without it being spelt out.

Chapter 2 "At Hell No. 2 (School)"

Ok, so overall this chapter in itself isn't terrible considering how it introduces the relationships between various characters here and further sets up the upcoming conflict. However, I have to ask some questions about the characters. First, I've noticed that throughout the story, certain characters that you'd expect to make an appearance I guess just don't exist here. Sahara and Narissa (Dame's mum), for instance, have apparently been snapped by Thanos. Meanwhile, some characters have noticeably different personalities. Jack, for instance, is much less shy and passive and has more or less taken on Zill's personality. Also, I guess he and Dame are buds now. Kayla... is a whole topic that I will touch on later. Eli wasn't introduced in the comic, and the best we have is his character sheet, so I guess he's ok here? Addi is in character, Autumn barely exists, Zill... just kind of exists? Finally, Dame has had a few weird changes to him that I'll touch on in a bit.

Ch. 3 "A Not-So-Normal School day"

Ok, so let's talk about Kayla real quick, shall we?

A common sin committed by inexperienced writers is the tendency to villanize characters in order to push the narrative forward. In this story, Kayla is practically cartoonish in how awful she is. She's physically harmful, a bitch, a homophobe, and is overpossesive of Zill. I get the idea that TDL doesn't like Kayla, because to me it seems like she was turned into a bitchy Leeson. Now, Kayla in cannon can get frustrated and angry at times, but for the most part, she's a nice person. She's the type to defend others against bullying, and would never bully someone else. Not only that, but I don't buy this version of Kayla because canonically she's scared of Dame. His appearance alone is enough to make her yeet herself across the room. If she did something such as knocking something of his off his desk, she'd probably panic.

I can only imagine two reasons why she was changed in such a way. One, to have Damian not crush on her. Now, if this is the case, I don't think villainizing Kayla is necessary. You can just say that Damian outgrew his crush on her and be done with it. Two, is to create drama. If this is the case, is Kayla really the best candidate for the drama causer here? I wouldn't think so, and you could probably replace Kayla with someone who'd be more likely to bully someone, like Rusty or Baltimore or something.

Aside from Kayla, another problem I want to mention is that art class scene. Addi's mum getting a minor to pose nude in front of his class is actually kind of creepy, and I don't believe that it would be aloud.

Chapter 4. "The Second, more worst bully"

First of all, that title could use a rewrite.

This chapter mainly exists so the story can show how much of a bitch Kayla is now, and I've already spoken about that. I will mention some positives, however. Something I like in this story is whenever TDL adds in little details like characters having secret handshakes or characters eating dinosaur nuggets. I know this seems small, but this random little specifics give the story a cute, quirky charm that I am here for.

Chapter 5. "The Moment Damian has Been Waiting for "

Not too much goes on in this chapter. We get some funny bit of dialogue ("Ooh, is that drama I see" made me crack up) and a wierd scene where Dame is suddenly One Punch Man, and he cracks Jack's skull open by simply bonking him on the back of the head.

Since there's not much to say, I want to take the opportunity to talk about Damian in this story. First, again, I don't have an issue with writers adding in their ideas to their fics. The whole thing with him being a cross dresser? Cool. That's it. That is my entire thought on that.

There are some other changes that confuse me, however. For instance, the ADHD is integrated really weirdly. It gets brought up at really random times, nothing is really done with it, and overall it just seems to serve as a reason for Dame acting hyper. The story could have just had one line that said "Damian has ADHD " and nothing would have changed.

Another thing, and this isn't something exclusive to TDL, but apparently Damian is homosexual. Not bi, just gay. This is a change I actually see a lot of the time with Dame, and I don't know why. Like... is it so difficult to imagine him liking more than one gender? Do you think that he needs to be gay in order to be in a homosexual relationship? Because he doesn't. Bisexuals can do the same thing as gays. It's just such a random change that it just bugs me.

There's also the fact that Damian is apparently amazing at everything. He's an A plus student, a great actor, a great artist, etc. I'm not sure what TDL is going for with this angle. It's something else that just seems random, because the only thing that this does is make teachers confused about why Dame is sad and it makes other characters freak out about how brilliant Damian is.

Chapter 6. "The Date"

Ok, let's all just admit it. Damian going "RIBS RIBS RIBS RIBS..." is in one way or another a fucking mood for everyone. Don't you fucking lie to me.

The interactions between Eli and Dame are mostly cute, and we get some funny dialogue here too. The one issue I have is something not exclusive to this chapter, and it's how Damian is kind of treated like a child. Characters talk about him like his a little kid, and even the way Eli talks to him to calm him down in this chapter is (to me) reminiscent of a babysitter dealing with a hyperactive kid. I bring this up now because I want you all to remember this. It will get creepy later on...

Chapter 7. "The crazy household of Damian "

Easily my favorite chapter.

We still get bits where Dame is kind of treated like a child, but it's barely noticeable here. TDL is actually pretty good at writing wholesome scenes and scenes where a couple characters are just hanging out. This chapter actually reminded me of events that happened in my own life, so believe it or not, I actually got a nostalgia hit reading this. This chapter just put a smile on my face. Shame that it came right before the worst chapter. Buckle in kids.

Chapter "It's Time... and Absolutely Everything goes to shit"

What a fitting title!

First, let's talk about how not a lot in this chapter makes sense. Ok, so everyone knows that Kayla doesn't like Dame and shit could go down if they ever cross paths. And yet, they bring Damian to a party at Kayla's house, and act surprised when shit hits the fan. This happens again when Damian tries to talk to Kayla, and she spits in his drink. I don't know what any of these characters were expecting. There's a weird focus on food in this chapter. Kayla ironically becomes a badass because she decks someone and immediately follows that up by heading off to pop lock and drop it on the dance floor. Zill exists, and he's drunk. He makes out with Damian because.... Kayla's a homophobe? I think that's the reason? Jack literally gets into a fucking wrestling match with Kayla. Rusty is just here. Eli disappears for a while, and I guess Addi just teleported out of the party because the only contribution that he makes is that he messes up the time.

Ok, my favorite scene here is when Dame is like "oh I don't wanna dance bc I sad" and Rusty just shows up for some reason and remarks very loudly that Damian is good at ballet. This info is so shocking, the DJ, who somehow heard this over the music, turns off the tunes, there's awkward silence, and then everyone laughs at Damian. No. I don't get it either. Like... how did anyone hear Rusty, how fucking loud was Rusty talking, how did people know who Rusty was referring to, why is the concept that a dude does ballet so shocking, especially when you'd think that the fact that he's the antichrist is more shocking? Like... am I just having a fucking stroke right now?

Oh, and remember how I mentioned how Damian is treated like a child in this story? Remember how Damian is a teenager, and in other words, a minor? So, apparently, not only do we learn that Damian once got a boner but his father spanking him, but apparently Styx, an adult, has had sex with Damian on multiple occasions. And yes, this info is revealed in throwaway lines. If you listen closely, you can faintly make out the sound of someone screaming "FBI, OPEN UP!"

Granted, TDL was a teen at the time of writing this, so no big whoop on their part. Still doesn't make this any less creepy.

Oh yeah, and Damian fucking dies at the end except he doesn't because plot twist, bitch! We were reading a Steven Universe fanfiction the entire time! Ok, no, this is actually another Headcanon by TDL, but st this rate, between the Headcanons which anyone who doesn't know TDL would be confused by and the characters acting weirdly, I am honestly having trouble saying for sure if this fic takes place in the comic's setting, or in some type of AU.

For brevity's sake, I'll just go over the last two chapters. Tldr, Damian is fine, Lucifer gets Kayla expelled, Kayla get tortured, Lucifer is super happy with himself, and everyone lives happily ever after.

*************************

If I had to sum up my feelings on this story, the first half for me is a mixed bag. It has its' glaring problems, but the humor and writing style make the fic endearing and enjoyable. If the story ended at "the Date ", I would have thoroughly enjoyed it. But then everything just kind of falls off the rails. Stuff happens because... well I guess just because. We get an unintentionally creepy ending to an otherwise wholesome trip, and the Headcanons included here are put in so randomly with no explanation that I can only imagine what someone who didn't have any context to them would say.

The thing is, I think that this fic actually gives a good example of a lot of problems beginners have. I'm certain that TDL nowadays could write a better story, and they certainly have potential. Hell, if one were to fix a few things in here, this fic would be a lot better.

Still, I hope that this review gives you at least a couple ideas of what to look for in some of your own stories. Also, feel free to tell me what you think.

I apologize for wasting your time.

- ATOUN

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