#help I’m spiralling again

[lavampira]

I was talking about this elsewhere too but the amount of healthcare sites that brush off treatments for pmdd’s mental illness-related symptoms as manageable with just yoga and meditation is unreal lmao

#idk i’m not saying it can’t help alleviate things or regulate coping mechanisms #but it’s kinda patronizing and doesn’t take the severity of some of these symptoms into account #have you tried to meditate away the fact you feel out of your mind and out of control every month <3 #you don’t need silly medicines to help your silly horomones or brain chemistry <3 #sorry not to rant again or overshare but i’ve been on a research spiral for Reasons and it just sucks a lot #esp when i can feel myself sliding back into that really scary brain place again this week. idk lmao #the life and times

[strixhaven]

and just when i think hey my intrusive thoughts haven’t been so bad lately. maybe i don’t even have ocd maybe i was just overreacting or misunderstanding what was going on with me. they decide to come back with a Vengeance

#whyyyyy the ocd spirals whyyyy the tic flare ups. i know why it because i’m stressed with medical stuff again #bc. i cannot see the guy i’ve been seeing but also finding a new provider is completely a crap shoot and i’m Floundering #and ocd spirals making me so paranoid and anxious. aaaauaugh ENOUGH!!! this is NOT helping shut uuuuup

[wellthebardsdead]

Cole: *tiredly stumbling to the kitchen to grab a midnight snack only to stop hearing shaky breaths like someone’s crying* huh?… *peers in to see Hanzo leaning on the counter crying into his arms* Archer?

Hanzo: *jumps a little and spins around immediately losing his balance, very obviously drunk* d-don’t tell Genji!

Cole: … *looks past him to see the empty beer cans, knowing Hanzo had been trying so hard to get it under control* Aw, Aw darlin it’s okay. Let’s get this cleaned up and I’ll take you back to your room.

Hanzo: *nods and continues crying* I tried- I couldn’t fight it I needed it-

Cole: *gently gives him a hug* I’ve been there sugarpea, it’s okay.

#overwatch #overwatch shitposts #hanzo shimada #cole cassidy #I’ve been feeling really guilty about going back to drinking on weekdays #I’m managing to limit it to one or two a night #but I’m scared I might spiral again #but right now whenever the sun goes down and the anxiety and dread sets back in I find myself needing something to help #addiction runs in my family so I’m doing my best to keep it under control

[thefiresofpompeii]

i don’t want to kill myself but looking at the future sometimes i feel like i have no other option. i fucked it up too far without anticipating consequences and it’s too late to make a change or strive towards any kind of hopeful meaningful existence. there is no way out for someone like me who has nothing going for them, squandered any opportunity, any talent, everything that was handed to them on a silver platter. no interesting personality traits, no aptitudes, nothing to make up for the gaping void where motivation and will to live and thrive and put in effort towards a goal should be. even the most basic steps are a pipe dream. i don’t want to die because i fear the possibility of hell but i no longer see any tolerable way of living.

#i reread parts of mark fisher’s capitalist realism last night and i know it’s unhealthy for theory to cement your own depressive spiral but #i’m thinking of him. even an accomplished thinker and it’s all the fucking same #i’m goinh to listen to swans and cry. i skipped class again and for fucking what #notice how it’s all i i i i i. i have no community no support network no close friends no partner nothing #only my parents who are affluent enough to support me financially but that support is conditional because if #they knew about what i was really like and even parts of my identity that support would be cut off and because i #have no marketable skills i would be left penniless to beg on the street #how long can i keep pretending to be cis and depending on them for vital necessities? until i’m 22? 25? #dropping out isn’t even an option because a bachelors’ degree is prerequisite to getting ANY job that pays above minimum wage but i #feel no passion for the subject i’m studying despite it being literally one of the only things i used to be GREAT at (media analysis; so — #lit major; on foundations for liberal arts; which should be all about PASSION FOR THE SUBJECT) #i’m teetering on the precipice of a steep cliff that drops down into the abyss of abject poverty with no way out #i don’t know what i enjoy doing; what to dedicate my resources and energy to; if i have none left. i don’t even smoke or drink or do drugs #it’s just sober suffering in silence. of course the meds don’t fucking help; meds can’t alter the world around us or our circumstances #this fucking close to going out and buying a rope. i have free will :)) hell can’t be real; it can’t be. worst that could #happen is reincarnation and honestly i could go for a second chance #jamie.txt #tw suicidal ideation

[lesbianlepidoptera]

The closer it gets to December and January the faster I start spiraling if left alone with my thoughts

Maxie might be fronting more than usual soon

#trying so hard not to go down a suicidal spiral again but man! MAN! I am fighting so hard #fighting for my life to not let the self loathing and hatred consume me #it’s even worse this year. I’m actually fearing for my safety and health #the mania could very well kill or severely injure me #Maxie can only help so much and he’s doing his best to push me to socialize and not isolate like I usually do #it feels like I’m choking.

[humandisastersquad]

feeling not good, not bad, but a secret third thing (nothing)

#everything just feels [gestures aumlessly] meh #honestly since [redacted] happened a few years ago and I (mostly) got over the deep dive into depression it caused me #I feel like everything’s been dulled #I guess it’s probably my terrible way of coping with the utter destruction of trust and complete betrayal i experienced #which has retroactively tainted so many of my memories #and made me unable to fully trust anyone ever again #and this pandemic has not helped in the slightest #anyway it’s late and I’m probably spiralling #but also not bc I just feel Numb and Meh

[lauryn-order]

I am not okay.

#I’m so beyond depressed right now #I can’t sleep #I’ve been all alone #unable to move because of my ankle #I can’t shower #again because of my ankle and being too scared to shower when I’m alone because what if I get stuck #I’m losing everything in two weeks #I’m terrified #spiraling #have done nothing but count down the time until I might get a glimpse of human interaction #while scrolling TikTok to pass the time #I can’t do this #I don’t know how to do this #I’ve had self harm thoughts and urges for the first time in ages #and it doesn’t help I don’t have my full dosage of antidepressants rn because my doc screwed up #I just want to be held #and feel safe

[pizzatheif]

i have not stopped thinking abt edgin darvis since i walked out of the theater last night.

#000 ( ⚠︎ ) ─── ( ooc ). #send help. i’m Spiralling abt bards again. #my only gripe with the movie was that ed didn’t use any bardic magic. WHERE was my dissonant whispers ?? my vicious mockery ???? #i need to see this movie again immediately.

[whimsyprinx]

I love watching people play games so much ugh

#whimsy whispers #but every gaming youtuber is rancid I don’t trust a single one that is popular save for snapcube #so the only person I watch play games is kane when he plays genshin or final fantasy #it’s actually very fun im glad he’s fine with me watching him and making dumb comments and helping when I can #helping involves: looking for items with him and going ‘oh!! it’s right there!!!’ and gesturing excitedly when i see it #god kane really has become like My Omly Friend andjfjktk #or rather kane is like my sibling because both my roommates and myself see each other as siblings #woag that means I’m a middle(ish) child #anyways kane goes to his dads house until Wednesday or Thursday tomorrow which means the horrors (depression and loneliness and such else) #will be worse because again kane is like the only person I talk to a lot because we live together and share a room #they leave on sunday or mondays usually ;-; #god #god I need to get better ag keeping friends huh? the lonliness is licherally killing me #the tags here spiraled a bit from the main topic of this post I’m sorry I’m sad and also have adhd

[rosicheeks]

🥲

#I’m ok I’m ok I’m ok #I’m gr8 #🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 #(screams) #I just can’t fucking win right now #I swear it’s just been a downward spiral ever since last year #MONTHS of shit going wrong #and not just like ‘ stub my toe’ wrong #anyway #as always something HAD to go wrong today #nothing super major #but my mom had a bad day and since I live here I had to experience it and it wasn’t fun #and I truly just blame myself #it’s my fault for moving in #it’s my fault they can’t have their house to themselves and they have to take care of their adult child again #I know they say it’s fine #but idk man #doesn’t help that I feel like idk not their daughterV #??????? #that doesn’t make sense #I feel like I’ve changed SO much since I moved out of their house that they don’t even recognize me #and now that they’re seeing the real me….. they are disappointed #that’s the hardest part #I know I’m the disappointment #oooooooooooooofda #guess it’s sad girl hours #I’m just sad #and reflecting on my life and all my regrets #lol it’s fun #shut up rosie

[queertemporality]

every day I inch closer to becoming the joker, and learning that I might be on the hook for a few hundred dollars over two absolutely useless appointments might just push me over the edge today*

(*for legal reasons this is a joke. the part about becoming the joker I mean. not the part about the money. unfortunately that shit is real)

#post #i am going to appeal the claims and try to work out a solution #therapy will never be an option for me but I thought I was engaging with it in the only way I could see it being helpful #and not only was it so incredibly disappointing but it also might be FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS #i went in to discuss career & financial anxieties as someone with a fluctuating disability #the fucking irony!!!!! #i am yet again materially worse off than when I entered #and it’s hard not to blame myself when I KNOW there is nothing useful for me within a therapeutic setting #at best there’s nothing useful. at worst it’s actively harmful to me. #it’s so hard to keep from spiraling when I have a migraine but there is simply no help #i knew this and I have known this and I’m frustrated with myself for doing what I swore I’d never do again #when fall out boy said I always make such expensive mistakes #they were talking about me #anyway for future reference if you ever see me say I’m thinking about seeing any sort of counselor or adjacent professional #i am being kidnapped and held for ransom and that is my code phrase #just an FYI

[poorunforsakensoul]

honestly,, considering it character development when my church leader counselor ex-gay conversion therapy mentor lady can call me and I don’t have a massive breakdown despite it being the most ostracized and hurt I’ve ever felt after a conversation with her

#perhaps I’m numb now #she legitimately prayed the gay away on call #and then told me she’s been praying a man comes and is WORTHY OF MY ATTRACTION #then tried to tell me to tell my parents #i said no #she said i can’t run from true christianity because it’s making sin okay #she wants me to read this ex gay book and i said no #and then she tried to form this big plan to get it to me discreetly #i said i didn’t want to read it then she accused me of not wanting to feel convicted #how about I just don’t want to spiral into the lowest point I’ve been again ?!? like last time I blindly followed you??? #honestly considering pretending to be straight now just because I’ve given up #she won’t believe it but maybe I’ll pretend to hate myself again #last time I did that I ended up gaslighting myself lmao #help girl I’m spiraling into religious trauma #religious trauma #conversion therapy #ex gay ministry #religious queer #lgbt christian #queer christian #queer faith #lgbtq christian #progressive christianity #sapphic #wlw

[angelicdevil]

Fucking love having a customer treat me like shit because he didn’t want to answer a yes or no question and then my mom talk down to me when I wanted to complain about him being a dick. Great super love that apparently trying to communicate means I’m in the wrong

#But what did I except from the woman who refuses to help me take care of a leg that hurts so bad I want to cut it off #I can’t fucking do anything right thanks for the reminder #I didn’t even want this job you just kept verbally abused me even while I was actively applying to places #So I had to take the first one that came across #And you’re part of the reason why I’m scared to go back to school because when I ended up being not prepared and failing because of it you #slapped me #And then when I said ‘Maybe I shouldn’t go back next semester’ you wouldn’t take that as an answer #And made me start crying every time you talked about it because I was so scared of failing again #And then acted like I didn’t have to go despite the fact that you literally didn’t let me say no #vent #negative #abuse mention #I….really need to get new meds I can’t keep spiraling like this #I’m gonna end up burning myself

[rainswept]

Crow, please tell me a story about your time in Fontaine? Any story will do.

this one time i was hanging out w my friend, we stumbled across a hydroculus that i had not been able to get for the life of me (with only 5? hydroculi left), and he unlocked it for me in like 2 seconds. i was elated and very upset

#honorable mention: i got my black cat the day before fontaine came out #he’s so silly i love him so much. he likes to sit on my lap and paw at my screen when i’m playing genshin #he has helped me beat spiral abyss 😊 #once again unsure whether or not to tag so. playing it safe #the most mundane story ever because every single funny one left my brain as soon as i read this ask #uh oh me when i start rambling more in tags than the actual post again #oops #⟢ ✉️ ⊹

[hourlyquinn]

what if i Screem

#what if i reach the point of shame n self destruction n depressing that i start exclusively talking in tumblr tags again 🤭 #i’m js it worked for me 10 years ago #(it did not) #so maybe i should bring it back #bc i’m unfortunately spiraling a bit but it’s the type of bpd spiral where nothing can actually help 🤭 #embarrassing and miserable yet here we r

[onedivision]

sooo anxious about dating all the time !!! the other day marked 3 months since our first online interaction and i’m just so nervous that as time goes on, things get less fun & exciting and not seeing each other very often is gonna make it easy for him to move on and find someone with a schedule more compatible

#idk. probably just spiralling #i think i would feel a lot better if we were on the same page about us :’) #so. fingers crossed for next weekend #may i find the courage to have a serious parking lot conversation #also it will help to see him again. i find my brain gets worse as the week goes on #when i do see him after a week and a bit or whatever it is i’m like “oh yea you do like me this is fine” #so. hopefully soon. today is day 8 since our last date #🤙🤪