#hes so good at project diva too like holy shit

[letsrilakkusu-blog]

My favorite Going Seventeen episodes

In honor of the return of GoSe, my favorite past episodes!

2019 ep 5 Caratland Behind - Solely for DK and Jeonghan's recording of BRING IT. Jeonghan's lil "tu~rn left" was so cute but I was totally blown away by DK's angry rap. So much 'tude, possibly fiercer than the original. :0

2019 ep 17-18 Karaoke Escape Room - The moment Hoshi is dramatically drawing out the last lyrics to some random old song that they don't know and the 100 points shows up on screen and everyone absolutely loses their shit. Also, the members being relatable AF because they can't do math.

2020 ep 5-6 Past Life Destiny - Where do I even start? DK full on grinding the floor and getting up close and personal with the camera during his intro dance. JiHan's chaotic reenactment of a scene from "I'm Sorry I Love You" where Shua throws himself out of the car (not scripted). All the SeokSoon drama. As a bonus, Seungkwan sang DBSK's Hug while DK was choosing his partner and I squealed!

2020 ep 9 Insomnia Zero - Birth of Wonwoo's iconic ~tasty~ and when I learned that Woozi has no chill.

2020 ep 21-22 Kartrider - "Booster! Booster! Booster! YAH! BOOSTER!" - Hoshi failing to get a booster, 2020

2020 ep 23-24 Seventeen's Got Talent - Seventeen is so good at adlib humor, they just take the concept and go hard. Too many amazing characters! My favorites were diva judge Boo, sloth rapper Hoshi, musical actor Jun, angry ballad singer DK, robot Shua, and of course "Jun" aka mischievous Minghao.

2020 ep 25-26 The8 and the Shadows - Minghao wanted to be the leader for a day and the GoSe team gave him what he wanted... kinda lol. Favorite moments include the impromptu "We Will Rock You", DK's sogo dance, Jeonghan casually throwing water at Shua, and Shua getting everyone to imitate the voodoo doll he threw on the floor multiple times.

2020 ep 33 Mousebusters - Not so much for the actual Mousebusters part but the orange and grape games they did after. Seventeen takes games EXTREMELY SERIOUSLY.

2020 ep 40-41 Don't Lie II - Hoshi absolutely slayed this season of Don't Lie and he knows it. There's something so satisfying about seeing his chaotic thought process pan out to actually be correct.

2020 ep 44-45 TTT - I enjoy all of the TTTs but the focus on "hyperrealism" made this one even better because it seemed like the members were simultaneously more and less aware of the cameras and making content for the show. It had all of our favorite SVT pastimes - eating and drinking, badly played sports, games they've played a thousand times, and overly-enthusiastic karaoke.

2020 ep 46 Going Magazine - Minghao styled Hoshi sooooo well for the shoot, holy crap. Praise the denim crop top. And Mingyu was carrying this whole project so hard, this is when I first started to appreciate how hardworking and talented he is in other artistic ventures outside of just performing.

2021 ep 11 Ad Genius - Honestly too many meme-worthy moments to count, but my top are: Shua putting Shin Ramen in his hair, Jeonghan putting gochujang on his eyebrows, and Coups proposing to Dino with all kinds of products while Hoshi sings 2AM's "This Song" in the background.

2021 ep 24 Tribal Games - The Whispering in Silence game is probably my most rewatched Seventeen clip ever. Hoshi "epik"-ly screwing everything up makes me laugh every time.

2022 ep 37 How to Eat Rice - We must pay our respects to two members who threw away their idol image for this episode: 1) DK, the hungry rice monster, and 2) Shua, who poured a bucket of ice water over himself to prove that ramen tastes the best when you're cold. Double respects to Shua because he didn't even win after all of that lol.

2022 ep 50 GOING Radio Show - Dino going "look at my fit!" while Vernon is fighting for his life keeping his laughter in is one of the first clips I ever saw of Seventeen and it's still hilarious. The whole corner with Jeonghan and Dino learning English from Shua and Vernon was peak comedy.

Anyway, the two episodes that have been released so far have been really enjoyable! Lots of pun humor, member banter, and a surprise twist! I'm looking forward to Wednesdays now~

#seventeen #svt #going seventeen #going svt #gose

[ladyyatexel]

I Finished A Manga

And watched a movie. Once again tucked under a read more for your comfort and convenience and existing likely only for the entertainment of myself and @anthropwashere

what the fuck

My impression of the final arc of the manga is that the author had to find a way to best wrap every dumb thing he'd ever come up with in several layers of plastic wrap in order to appear as though it was one whole. Since it's plastic wrap, eventually you can't tell what it's holding together anymore, how many pieces there are, etc, but if you start unravelling, you are left with Holy Fuck What On Earth Was That. This is weirdly also not a criticism, I guess. If I had to retcon everything I'd done for ten years with the knowledge that the old stuff was already public and printed in thousands of books, I'd have to make a saran wrapped pretzel with an ankh on it too.

I dislike Kaiba even more now! This arc did not help my feelings about him in the slightest, especially since he was basically a cop.

also gonna go with a hard No on the Blue Eyes White Dragon Plot Device Woman, no no no yikes, what the Fuck

I think if even One Person had said, 'wow the monsters in our souls look like nothing from our world' then how mismatched they were from the trappings of Allegedly Egypt would not have been so jarring for me

Egyptian names filtered through Japanese filtered through English, hooboy

Appreciated actually being able to read the Pharaoh's name before he yelled it out.

"The mummy is playing the game with us." I'm sorry, w hat

Playing card game as the NPCs in table top RPG of a dead king's memories on top of a diorama made by Satan's landlord body because he likes making models and his dad owns a museum while an ancient pendant hangs like a disco ball designed to project realistic versions of ancient mythology soul fighting Satan in a trenchcoat and changing but also not changing the fabric of reality maybe????

Everyone's father has the same goatee, and I think 80% of the fathers we know about get murdered (by their own children!), so now I'm left with wonderings about the author's father as well as his shoe collection.

I don't. I don't think we needed Zorc, or really any of the extra souls in the Ring? I feel like the rage of the sole survivor of a concentrated slaughter/genocide could have been enough and more interesting.

Got the eerie feeling I was supposed to be sympathizing with or relating to the Pharaoh and his Priests, but I was firmly on the side of 'revenge on society for melting the bodies of everyone I've ever known down into magical jewelry' man. I mean, he's part of the Bakura Cinematic Universe, so of course I'm biased, I guess, but I was sitting there like, "Why are you booing him? He's right!" the whole time. I guess dragging the king's father's corpse across the floor was a dick move and is probably why we needed to extra manhunt for this dude, but I feel like I could have been spared like a dozen pages of indecipherable monster explosions if someone had just been like 'fuck, hold the ancient egyptian phone, we maybe owe this dude some airing of grievances, the mass murder was bad form'

speaking of the phone, Ancient Egyptian Bound Book was what made me put it down for several minutes. After everything else I endured, that it was not a fucking scroll of papyrus just shattered what will power I had to continue pretending it was Egypt. Not the dragons, or the stupid hair, or 'why are we all trying to murder the war orphan who is justifiably pissed as fuck', the Book.

Walk Walk Fashion Baby. Everyone wearing cute fucking slippers and excessive amounts of rad ankle bracelets and pinkie rings. Yeah, I'll take that, you all look cute as hell at least from the knees down.

Pharaoh trying to get out of a bad situation by appealing to Yami Bakura's commitment to staying in character while RPing, thank you, what a good. Movie stuff , that is, the Dark Side of What The Fuck Is Happening Movie:

I'm glad Yugi grew up, look at him go! He got taller to fit all his new confidence in himself. Also, Fashion. We love a choker and black shirt.

Many people got to Fashion! Love alternate wardrobe options.

Kaiba continues to Get Worse??????? I understand that he's a fan favorite, I just think whatever makes him appealing to everyone else makes me want to see him get punched in the throat. So every time I felt like the narrative and the visuals wanted me to think he'd gotten more badass, I was yelling "WHY" at the screen. He just seems like a tyrant dictator with too much money. That is everyone else's speed just like mine is homicidal revenge and dead things, I guess.

I suffered from not understanding who or why the fuck until like the last ten minutes, despite the thoroughness of my immersion in this weirdly specific hell for two weeks. Also, despite saying it was a manga continuation, it clearly was banking on you knowing more shit about the anime/real life card game than I ever knew, so I spent a long time either confused about what the fucking stakes were with Aigami/Diva (...why did he even need two names???? what purpose did that serve???) or bored as hell (Kaibaaaaaa).

Yay, Bakura for like five minutes, though. Even though the narrative and everyone in it only cares about him as plot vessel. He comes back from another dimension in the middle of a fucking stadium and no one is like 'shit, dude, what happened over there?' We are focused on the card game. The last thing he was doing was breaking the fuck down over things he'd blacked out, but Yugi is playing a cardgame while Kaiba insults him at the presentation of the new iPhone, so fuck off I guess. His voice actress getting some time to do Evil Laugh is always appreciated, though.

Bakura didn't even get to express a generic post gradation goal like everyone else, why do you guys even hang out with him or take him anywhere then

I feel like vinegar about this.

Mokuba being voiced by a 77 year old lady is just fantastic news to me. Also, his haircut and suit, yes, good for him. Cute.

why was it a movie about another new rando though, just make a movie developing the cast you already have, why do we keep adding more tragic orphans

just to kill them, usually

Yu-Gi-Oh: where orphans and fathers with goatees go to die.

#yugioh #i'm not tagging any further #whatever #shut up lady

[thedreadvampy]

please keep talking abt wrestling. i've kinda fallen into this hole recently and, since you're cool af, I would love to know whatever you have to say about it

Well I mostly watch AEW although I was very into Progress before the pandemic (which is a London-based indie promotion that's also basically the feed source for NXT UK) but idk whether or in what state Progress will come back not just bc of the pandemic but bc this year's wrestling abuse scandals involved a lot of their management and core roster so they've had to really reshuffle.

anyway that's an unnecessarily grim diversion let's talk AEW (I'm a few episodes behind bc I watch on Zoom with my pals and it's easy to fall behind while trying to line up our schedules, we're gonna watch Winter Is Coming tonight)

This blog's opinions are:

Women's wrestling is severely underrated and that's the fault of the promotion not the fans, AEW has a phenomenally talented women's roster with a big fan following but consistently gives them no air time, very little space to develop plots, one match per episode that the commentators half-ignore, and only ever one plot at a time. I love Hikaru Shida, Nyla Rose and Britt Baker as characters but there's a huge women's roster of compelling characters who only ever show up on Dark or for a single bout not tied into any particular plot on Dynamite and it's very wearing. When they launched AEW they made a big deal about equal pay for the men and women's rosters and paying the same regardless of gender and fan status, purely based on card position, but that means absolutely nothing if there's only ever one women's match and it's always at the same mid-card position. Sorry to open on a negative but it makes me so mad that WWE, the company which is notoriously misogynistic and whose director had to be shown Asian schoolgirl porn to accept that the audience would find Japanese wrestlers "sexy enough" to put in the ring, is somehow a better venue for women's wrestling than AEW. like fuckkkkkkkkk just treat the women's roster like you would the men's!!!!

on which note, AEW Heels, the Paid Fanclub For Women Who Like Wrestling, is the most half-assed attempt to court the female wrestling audience I've ever seen (and I watched WWE's Revolution pay-per-view where the line was 'isn't it nice that the men have allowed women to have their own PPV thanks to all the men who made this possible'). like ok I COULD give you money to Be A Female Fan OR, wild concept, you could do more than one women's match per episode on your flagship show and not relegate the women's tag title to YouTube

Relatedly, There's Too Much Wrestling. As you can probably tell from the fact I'm 4 episodes behind on Dynamite, I struggle enough to fit 2 hours of wrestling into my week, but AEW also expected me to keep up with Dark, BTE, and sometimes other side projects? and now also Impact and NWA and sometimes NJPW. and then if I want to recognise big names they're bringing in I would also have had to watch WWE which like. there's even more WWE than AEW. idk I'm a completionist and it's simply not possible to watch All The Relevant Wrestling bc that would be like. 20 hours a week and I have a job and a life and stuff. like I watch AEW Dynamite and BTE and that does me.

this is all very negative but I love wrestling! I got into it a couple of years ago and it's absolutely incredible to me I love the artistry I love the athleticism I love the creativity and the fun people have with their characters. and the reason I gave up on WWE as soon as AEW started up is that it feels so much like the wrestlers are given space to play and to find the stories they want to tell.

MJF is a DELIGHT he's like one of my favourite heels he's so loathsome and so much fun! and there's like a really good consistent emotional core to his overall storyline of desperate insecurity I'm so into it and I'm so hype about when inevitably Wardlow's gonna turn on him. I love the resonance of his relationship with Cody vs his relationship with Wardlow and also the extremely strong gay unrequited love vibes that keep popping up here.

Hikaru Shida is AMAZING I love her. did u know she makes her own ring gear and learnt to speak English pretty much from scratch when she joined AEW a year ago and is now cutting full promos in English? also her facial acting? 😘👌👌👌👌

Sonny Kiss is phenomenal I hope they're on Dynamite more bc not only is she a phenomenal character in their own right but when she started tagging with Joey Janela their in-ring chemistry actually made me LIKE Janela for the first time. also it warms my heart that JR, despite being kind of an old fogey, is regularly correcting other commentators on their pronoun use and vocally acknowledging that Sonny is nonbinary.

honestly JR does just warm my heart in general like he visibly struggled early on with getting out of the 2000s mindset on Female Wrestlers Are Sexy Divas and he accidentally misgendered Nyla Rose one time but he's been really open to criticism and often gone to bat for the trans and queer members of the roster. he seems like a nice guy and I'm glad he's here, which I didn't think I'd be saying a year ago yk?

I know I already said this but Chris Jericho is a phenomenon. he just makes everything FUCKING FUN every story he tells is wild and hilarious. The Inner Circle gives me life (on this blog we stan Ortiz) and his beef with Orange Cassidy was pure gold.

Also Matt Hardy is here!!!! I love Matt Hardy, I think his Ultimate Deletion match with Bray Wyatt was what made me realise how fun wrestling can be and he always brings the creativity. He's been through a lot of shit in his life, I'm really happy that he's able to work with a promotion that gives him room to be as hogwild as he wants because Matt Hardy's great strength is being absolutely off-the-chain weird. I love him.

Speaking of Matt Hardy and the Inner Circle have you seen the Stadium Stampede from this summer? honestly worth buying the whole PPV just for that it's wild choice after wild choice for 45 minutes it might be the best wrestling match ever. idk if I like it better when Matt Jackson Northern Lights suplexes Sammy Guevara the entire length of a football field, when Matt Hardy chases Sammy with a golf cart, the whole bit where Adam Page just goes off and gets drunk in a bar and has a brawl with Jake Hager, the bit where Proud & Powerful try to drown Matt Hardy but every time he goes underwater he comes up in a different costume and persona - holy shit it's just amazing it's everything I love about wrestling

Moving away from AEW, the best wrestling storyline I've ever seen is Progress' story with Cara Noir and Ilya Dragonov. They're both phenomenal wrestlers but also the raw power and emotional weight of the story? it's simple but it's heartachingly beautiful I was lucky enough to be in the audience for the second of 3 matches in the story and I was nearly in tears it's so theatrical and balletic???? Check it out if you can it's in Progress' video archives (those are all pay-to-watch though. I think they're also on Amazon Prime for American viewers?)

Cara Noir is probably my favourite wrestler, although Nyla Rose, Charlotte Flair, Chris Jericho, Luchasaurus and Adam Page are all up there. He's just the most phenomenal physical performer and he really gets how much theatre is in wrestling, his facial acting is impeccable and he's not afraid to take hard bumps and really sell. also he just seems like a very sound person out of character (touch wood), he's very principled and takes his work and the wellbeing of his colleagues really seriously which is what you want in a wrestler

[praphit]

Ad Astra: Dammit, Brad!

Just Ad some Astra, people! - and everything will be alright. There's a joke there somewhere; it's not in what I just said, and wherever it is, it's probably a bad one, but it's there! Sometimes, I like jokes that are bad. We all have a family member or two who tell the same bad joke over and over again, but love them for it.  Or sometimes it'll be the same joke that people tell at work, you know??  - about the weather, or the weekend or something:

I'm always hearing jokes like "I'm off to HR. So-and-so grabbed my butt again. They'd better fire his ass this time!" - AND THEN WE’D ALL LAUGH. ... ... in retrospect, that's not really a joke. ... Ok, better example - sometimes people will be like "Oh no! My wife is leaving me. She found me in bed with another woman... she's taking the kids." - AND THEN WE’D ALL... ... Hmm... I 'm starting to realize what assholes we've been. But, y’all know what I mean, right? There are jokes that are bad, and then there are bad jokes! *sigh* That leads me to this movie.

Brad Pitt, baby! Look at those eyes! Damn he's pretty! I hope I look that good when I'm his age. I'm here for them sending Brad Pitt anywhere. Send him to the jungle - I'm there! Send him under water - I'm there! So, of course, if you're sending him to space - I'm there! The prob is, it's a bad joke. They sent him to space and he didn't do nothing! - I mean NOTHING! All he did was float around and narrate. Idc how pretty he is, nobody wants to watch that!

Brad Pitt, with this movie, joins that special list of actors:

with Tom Hanks, and Meryl Streep, and George Clooney, and Denzel.

We love them. They're extremely talented. Critics love them. AND their movies are boring as hell - this one is no different. Don't believe me?? - go to RT and you'll see a critical rating of around 80% and an audience rating of around 46% (tho it might be less by now). Normally, I say the truth is in the middle, which is still in the 60's, so... yeah, "Ad Astra", everybody *slow clap*

There's a lot of beauty to behold in this flick (especially in the beginning), so it might win awards in that arena, but damn the plot and characters! Dag gon you, Brad Pitt! It's not his fault that the movie is boring. It IS his fault for being in this boring movie.

Brad's character has daddy issues, and decides to work them out in space. Critics will say how deep this movie is... this ain't deep. Brad, your dad is a jerk - THE END. 

Either make peace with that fact or say "bleep it" and move on with your life - don't drag us along for this boring ride.

Dammit, Brad! 

You could have been a diva! You could have been like "I know we're in space, but imma take off this suit, and my shirt... trust me, the ladies will love that. I'm Brad Pitt. And I know in this scene there are dangerous highly flammable substances around, but Brad Pitt needs a smoke; make it work in the story! I know this is an Oscar craving drama, but I feel like fightin a mutha bleeper or two. Hey you! Yeah! Jamie Kennedy! Donald Sutherland! I've always wanted to punch y'all. Let's fight! Come here! I'm Brad Pitt! Where ya going?!

Hey, Liv Tyler! 

Where the hell have you been? I know this scene doesn't call for it, but let's you and me make sweet, sweet love. What?! Why not?! I'm Brad Pitt!"

But, instead he kept his mouth shut (except for when the director made him narrate in monotone), and just floated around in space. Every now and then, Ruth Negga would appear or Tommy Lee Jones... and every now and then something beautiful would appear, but then back to Brad's thoughts about daddy in space.

DAMMIT, BRAD!

I mean...

I....

*deep sigh*

Grade: D

Plus, we've already made this movie! - several times! It doesn't have to be complex. They did... what was it? - Armageddon, with um... Bruce Willis, and... Ben Affleck... 

... and wasn't Liv Tyler in that too?  - Was that her last movie? And I think Chris Tucker showed up and started singing... with a crazy hairdo... that doesn't sound right at all, but that's what I remember.

They did Apollo 13! 

The Hanky Pank Man went into space and probably won an Oscar or something.

Didn't Ryan Gosling go into space recently?

I don't remember much of that movie. He was probably crying, cuz that's his strength. He builds up to a cry for the whole movie, then at the end he makes us cry with him. Sorry, cuz that's pretty much a spoiler for all of his movies.

Matthew McConaughey went into space... something about time travel or something, I think. 

Was Liv in that too?! Maybe she has actually been stuck in space. All of these movies are connected - they're just trying to get Liv Tyler out of space and back into Hollywood.

... nah, it was some other pretty pale white woman.

Sandra Bullock went into space. 

She floated around for a while... but she didn't do that for hours whining about daddy issues like a lil bitch, BRAD PITT! (sorry, again, not your fault). SANDRA eventually did stuff... though I can't remember what. I remember ghost George Clooney ( at least I think he was a ghost) showing up in her space pod ... and then he made them both space martini's,

 and.... and then she took off her pants. There was a butt shot, and roll credits. 

Again, that doesn't sound right, but that's what I remember. Why did she take off her pants? Or is that what ladies do when in the presence of Clooney?

And I think Mark Hamill might have went into space and did some stuff as well.

I seem to have forgotten a lot about these movies, but that's kinda my point! Just go up into space, do some shit, and come back! We're going to forget most of it anyway; just entertain us in the moment! You don't just go into space and float around, BRAD PITT!

DAMMIT, Brad! Those are hours of my life wasted listening to you drone on and on about NOTHING!

Again, I'm projecting my anger onto Brad, but it's not really his fault.

A better movie would have been this -

Brad decides to go to space, and take with him a handful of other actors who got stuck playing boring roles. They'll all revisit one of their more memorable exciting characters:

Brad - Tyler Durden

Hanks - Woody

(yep, yep... that’s weird)

Streep - the witch from "Into the Woods"

Denzel - the guy from Training Day

(Wow, did they think Denzel was going to grow into that jacket during filming?)

Clooney - Batman

(his nipple game was immaculate)

Let's put Damon in there, cuz... yeah... - he'll play... what part was it when his movies started to... you know... ??? Was it "The Informant!"? He'll play that guy.

We still need more color, I think. And another woman... a lil older... um... Rosie Perez!

I hear that she's coming back to acting. Maybe I shouldn't call it a come back, but... has she done anything since "White Men Can't Jump"?  or had she been in space with Liv Tyler? She's supposed to be in that "Birds of Prey" movie next year... why they grabbed her for that movie when she hasn't done anything in like 40 years, idk. BUT, she's going to be in MY movie dag gonit! - she'll play... Idk, we'll just throw a "White Men Can't Jump" T-shirt on her, and give her a basketball.

BOOM! The team!

They'll go into space in hopes to do something interesting or fun or.. something that generally doesn't suck ass.

And why does it always have to be about exploring the moon or mars? And why do we only meet stereotypical aliens? There always either cute and marketable or they want to kill us.

We wouldn't even have to go the alien angle. What about other entities? Ooo! Or what about God? Scientists often joke that they haven't yet found some white bearded old man surfing through space yet. But, what if they did?

How about this?!

Brad and his team find Jesus and the Holy Ghost surfing through the cosmos, looking for the Father.

(Jesus played by Lil Wayne and HG played by... Lady Gaga - sure)

BUT the Father (spoiler alert) is actually on earth. He came down in the form of... idk... Neil Degrasse Tyson.

Btw - did y'all know that Neil was Metoo'd? Somehow I had missed that. So, the Father takes that form, somehow forgets that he's God... maybe gets metoo'd, and now Jesus and the HG have to look for him. Brad and his gang have an interesting encounter with them, and end up joining their quest, and in the process come across... idk... a malfunctioning Optimus Prime (crossover, baby!) with a thirst for blood and vengeance!

All of that stuff gets handled in about 2 hours or so, and Brad Pitt and friends come back to earth and do a musical number with BTS.

 THAT, Bradley is how you do it!

DAMMIT, Brad!

To be fair, "Once upon a time in Hollywood" is good! So, maybe we'll look back and give Brad a pass for this.

Sooooo, hit me up, and let's make THAT movie, Brad!

Annnnd don't make no more bullshit. Thanks.

#ad astra #brad pitt #john praphit #praphitproductions.com #movies #Movie Reviews #space #liv tyler #bts #denzel #Sandra Bullock #george clooney #praphit #ryan gosling #mark hamill #armageddon #rosie perez #tom hanks #meryl streep #God #hollywood

[california-doom-merchants]

The Apprentice: S1E2

I wrote the first one of these mid-January in between the election and the inauguration and:

I enjoyed writing it to hell

It's my favourite thing I've written in ages

I'm ill so I've got a big ball of spite that needs directing at SOMETHING

Fuck everything this man stands for

So that in mind let's begin. The US Apprentice, Season 1 Episode 2, aka “Sex, Lies and Altitude”, aka “Fucking Kill Me Dead”

First episode didn't have this theme song which opens with the refrain “Money money money, got to have it”

It's nice to be back, as in “the last time I watched this the star of this show didn't have a big red apocalypse button those sure were the days”

It opens on the two guys who didn't get fired walking back into the group

“David is...departed” motherfucker he lost in a reality show he didn't DIE

Alright so for all the opulence around them these guys are sharing rooms which are smaller than dorm rooms, like why the fuck are those even in Trump Tower

Maybe it's to make the co-eds feel more at homeroigoeinrgre

“The reality is that every board meeting will mean someone goes home” that's the basic premise of the show yeah

The women's group are gonna vote on who they want to be project leader

There's a whole bunch of drama between two of the women and like it's a competition aimed at businesspeople, of course they all want to lead this is Not Exactly Surprising

Trump is meeting the tiny apprentice idiots at an advertising agency

“This is Round 2 in a 13 round fight” too many rounds. too many.

Men's group are like “alright it's an advertising task, you worked in advertising, boom you're the leader”

seeing as yesterday you went to THE MOTHERFUCKING NY STOCK EXCHANGE *AIRHORNS* to get told “fuck you, sell lemonade” maybe not the best plan

but what do I know I don't have a BA in Money

One of the women is wearing a multicoloured bandanna at this business meeting and damn if that ain't Early 2000s Aesthetic right there

They meet up with the president of the advertising agency who's like early 50s and ripped and also in a tshirt and jeans for some reason??

He and Trump are very touchy-feely

He shows off his shitty open-plan office like it's the Taj Mahal and a security guard scoots right by them on a fucking scooter

“Advertising is an amazing thing, it's a powerful powerful tool, weapon”

Just drops “weapon” in there as if that's not actually quite disturbing

“this time you're gonna be working on CORPORATE. JETS” and they grin like 9 year olds

they gotta design an advertising campaign which sounds super tedious but again my name ain't Jonny Business what do I know

“the winning team is gonna be flown from New York to Boston by PRIVATE JET. For dinner”

oh boy I hope the jet is covered in gold

also I really hope they have to make their own travel arrangements home. fuck you peasants, third task is hitchhiking you motherfuckers

the advertising guy is like “cool you gotta make a 30 second advert and also a magazine ad”

he also gives them some friendly advice like “swing for the fences. and failure is not an option”.

Another way of putting that is “Take risks, and also make sure nothing goes wrong” which is ??????? you can't have risks without the chance of failure you chiseled fuck

oh wow so I didn't mention last time that each episode has like a business monologue?? from the big white supremacist himself

this one's titled “Don't Negotiate With Underlings”

alright so the “monologue” is like three sentences and two of them are “Deal with the boss”

like leaving aside a) DUH, b) could have titled that like “Talk To The One In Charge” or “Go Straight To The Top”

“Don't Negotiate With Underlings” makes you sound simultaneously like a total shithead but also a total shithead who's dealing with a hostage crisis

An advert popped up for Geena Davis on Will and Grace and props to whoever recorded this for not just switching channels

I don't even watch W&G but give me anyone who was in Thelma & Louise over this garbo

So the women immediately call up the company they're advertising for

“Hi we're working on your ad campaign” yeah in the same way that Maggie Simpson is driving Marge's car

“okay so we have an appointment today with the CEO and senior vice president of marketing” wow lucky they both happened to be free!!!

They are playing up the “this woman is ambitious and mean” angle to the fucking hilt

the leader literally picks one other woman to go to this meeting and fucks off without giving any other instructions

the next shot is them running out of the building and into a road like zoo escapees

the guy leader is like “we don't need to meet with the people who we're designing an ad campaign for, what do they have to offer??”

the women literally have to run to get to the meeting with the CEO

“one of the reasons you've been put on the Marquis Jet case is to wow us” well it was because you'd get to star on primetime CBS

meanwhile all the other women are looking at the jet they're (tangentially) gonna advertise

“my design idea is something that's very...risky” alright lay it on me

“I want to show a phallic symbol” HOLY SHITTTTTTTTT

but no seriously please don't, this show already has all the dicks I can handle

“I want to show a phallic symbol because it's a plane”

“I want to show a phallic symbol because it's a plane and if you buy the card you're gonna go UP. You're gonna go WAY UP”

Then there's a long lingering shot of the front of the plane

Smooth jazz starts playing

Ron Jeremy is there

“it's gonna be so bad they're gonna LOVE IT”

like credit's where it due, it takes a certain sort of courage to get a task like this and go “what if I make it DELIBERATELY shit?”

they're showing the woman they've established as Angry and Uncooperative talking about what a bad idea this is but I'm 100% on her side

and not just out of fuck-the-editors spite, this is so clearly dumb

Speaking of the editors, they've edited this one scene with the guys so badly it looks like one guy phoned another just to tell him who Warren Buffett is

“our project leader isn't motivating us, he needs to be our cheerleader” ummm

“Mr. Trump's been our cheerleader, Donnie's been our cheerleader” this is rapidly approaching Stockholm Syndrome, the only interaction he's had with you is to tell you that you're bad but not quite as bad as someone else

maybe he just knew some really nasty cheerleaders

There's a montage of these guys directing a TV ad being filmed and it could not be more obvious that they're clueless

It just cut to one guy who said “Victory. Victory for the men” and then it cut to someone else

Or maybe I hallucinated it

Nope it's still there

Fuck

Okay holy shit the women's ad just got referred to very casually as “Tammy's Testicle Ad”

There's two photos where they've shot the plane to look like a dick and like balls

That's like something eight year olds would do if given a budget

One of the guys working back at the office has literally laid down on the conference room floor to sleep

Honestly I don't even have the heart to make fun, I'm here for the obnoxious business people and the fascist in charge, not the guy who's clearly not in the right place emotionally to be on a TV show

The women are getting into full flight attendant outfits to make their pitch because “it's the full experience that sells it”, in which case where are your dongs

they're also doing a direct mail side of the campaign and the guy they're selling to is like “but people just toss direct mail”

She assured him it's “damn good”

I'm just enjoying the moment before he realizes their definition of “damn good” is largely genitalia-themed

These posters are the worst thing I've ever seen

also who the fuck direct mails a fucking private jet renting service? know your audience like what the ass

“alright guys you've set the women's movement back about 70 years”

damn dude imagine being told “hey design an advert for a plane!” and then two days later being told “you are traitors to your gender”

The guys are getting ready to present

“I am the Zen Master of presentation” yes but how capable are you of talking about DONGS

oh my god the men have made a Powerpoint and it actually has the “pie charts woosh onto screen” effects

they don't mention it but the pie chart absolutely mentions direct mail so both teams must have been told to do this very stupid thing

then they hand the committee first class cigars at the end

the committee is torn between the men's “a bit generic but overall good” approach and the women's “DICKS AND BALLS DICKS AND BALLS” approach

Everyone gets called back in so the ad company guy can call “The Big Guy”

The women won

I hate this

The women all get into a limo to go to their private jet and they shout “Donald's Divas!” and I can't anymore

Meanwhile the men are bickering

“Here's my guarantee to you – someone's getting fired tomorrow”

like is this stuff handed to them on a cue card or do people on reality shows just spend all their time re-iterating the concept and premise to other people on the show

“The jet was a taste of the Trump lifestyle” honestly props on making a TV series that is essentially an advert for yourself and getting it to last 10 plus seasons

Then there's this contrast montage of the women eating in this fancy restaurant and the guys eating at their shitty apartment complex

but you know what? the men look like they're happy and the women are all alone in a restaurant and look pretty miserable

why do the rewards always make me envy the losers more

is it because the winners have extra Trump proximity

(yes)

I don't want to get into the “drama” because it's like 95% manufactured but yeah the women are arguing

Race comes into it and frankly I can't imagine a worse forum to discuss misogynoir

but apparently this whole “flight to Boston, dinner, flight back” means they're on the move at 4am and that seems more like a penalty to the next round than anything else

like did nobody think of this?? or is this more of this “successful people don't need sleep” shit

one of the guys (the dude who slept) is very obviously freaking out and one of the guy says “sit down, relax, close your eyes”, puts a cowboy hat on him and gives this monologue like “imagine yourself fishing, the mountains at your back”

the other man thanks him and stays there for a bit

honestly I feel like I'm meant to laugh at this but it's oddly touching

smash cut to someone else - “yeah we need to fire that guy”

the losing team has to pack up all their stuff every time they go to the boardroom and I imagine that being just a hassle rather than genuinely unsettling

Trump walks into the boardroom out of the shadows just like he does in my nightmares

it's surreal watching these guys defend a “losing” idea which was actually professional

“you should have met with the guy who hired you” well YES

the team leader has to pick two other people who were responsible for losing

but the whole reason they lost was due to a decision he made so he picks the “fell asleep” guy and then someone else seemingly at random

this is Not A Very Well Thought Out Aspect Of Your Show

“I had to pick someone!” and then Trump's like “bit disloyal”

No it's literally one of the rules of your shitty TV franchise

The team leader is lying about stuff which is on tape which is a bold move

but dick-themed direct mail was also a bold move so what do I know

“Sam, you're a disaster, don't take offence, everyone hates you”

This is said to the same guy who was like “Donnie's our cheerleader!”

The team leader got fired

Honestly I think it's more because they think the other guy is good TV and they don't want to get rid of him too soon

and for someone who just didn't get fired he looks really quite upset

guy who got fired is like “I'll call you direct in five years when I have my first building”

I googled it, he does not own a building

So in summary – this wasn't fun. This wasn't interesting. This wasn't good television, or even good reality television. At best it got me to laugh at an absolutely terrible ad campaign and at worst it just made me feel bad for the guy who got fired, the guy who didn't get fired, the cast, the crew, the security guard on the ridiculous looking scooter and pretty much everyone involved in this trainwreck besides the walking talking constitutional crisis at the centre of it.

See you for Part 3!

#the apprentice

[3000wordsandnolife]

Countdown To Midnight- Chapter One

A project I’m 8 chapters deep into. I’ll probably release them weekly... or something. Takes heavy inspirations from Danganronpa, with my own flair of shoehorning homosexual relationships in because I think they’re cuter than straight ones.

The room smelled of smoke as I walked in, and it immediately clued me in to who exactly had been the one to break the lock on my door, and who the silhouette I saw sitting in my chair was through the window. He never had the courtesy of opening the window. He didn't look up from the newspaper he was reading as I closed the office door behind me, and in fact would have most likely continued to ignore me had I not cleared my throat.

The short, hairy man looked up at me, his face almost as disgusting as the smell I would now have to leave my window open to get out of the room. 

"Late night?" He said in a tone of voice that expected a response of profanity, so of course, I obliged.

"Fuck off, Alan." Alan looked at me, feigning hurt. At least, that's how I saw it. While it was possible he could have actually been hurt, I somehow doubted he had the ability to comprehend emotions. He stubbed out the cigarette in a little portable ashtray, which I would have considered a pointless trinket had it not been one of the few things keeping the dirty office from getting dirtier. I moved from the office into the kitchenette (which was just a fancy way of saying 'A small room with a refrigerator') and took out a bottle of... well, something. I wasn't exactly a heavy drinker, so I had just bought some weirdly named liquid for an exorbitant price that usually did the trick. Not bothering to get one of the few glasses I had, I dragged a chair to the other side of the desk and crashed into it, my tired legs finally giving up the ghost. I uncapped the bottle and took a swig as Alan smirked, presumably having come up with some stupid thing to say that would only make me more infuriated.

"What, not going to offer me any?" Alan could clearly see the anger in my face as I glared at him, as he quickly backed down from annoying me, both of us knowing what would most likely happen if he didn't. "Hey, joking. Guessing the last one didn't go so well then?" He said, his voice changing to what, when talking about a normal person, would be considered concern. However, Alan Marcus Everett was not a person. He was a reptile, a cold-blooded predator preying on those whose lives are too shitty for the regular people to take on. Which of course, leaves people like me as his staff. Someone who goes around either beating the living hell out of either drug addicts or drug dealers, and being paid what I could only assume to be blood money from whatever shady enterprises Alan partook in. He was, for want of a better term, the boss. I couldn't possibly know who else was under his thumb, which other poor fools had fallen for the lies that he had once also told me. A better way of life. Bullshit. The 'last one' that he had referred to had been the last job I was sent on, a job to rough up some local newcomers. Apparently, they were cutting in on something Alan was doing. I had no particular interest in knowing what. I just do the job, and take the money. Usually he gives me important information, the keyword there being 'usually'. This time around, however, he had made mistake after mistake.

"So I'm guessing you had a good reason for not telling me that they were strapped." There had once been a time when I had objected to using such cliché terminology. That time had long since passed, and my general apathy that overtook a lot of my life took that as well, leaving me a bitter, uncaring shell. Alan's eyes widened with the information, which told me the exact reason why he had neglected to share such details. Somehow, somewhere, one of his- our- staff had failed, leaving me with nothing to defend myself but my wits, which were ropey at the best of times.

"Are you okay, did they get you?" Alan asked, looking me over. I took another swig from the bottle, grimacing as the strong, disgusting liquid coursed through my body, and unzipped my jacket. The once-white tank top I had been wearing had a slow red stain blossoming over it, the direct centre being a bullet wound that had been the first warning I was given that I was not, in fact, given the upper hand that I had assumed I possessed. "Holy shit." He breathed as I grabbed a small bag from my desk and unzipped it, taking out the tweezers from inside.

"D'you really think I'd be drinking this much if I hadn't been hit?" I asked him as I took more supplies from the bag that I would need for this homemade surgery. "The bullet's still in there, so I need to take it out before I fix the hole it left." I explained to him, as I slowly reached into the hole with the tweezers. I wasn't sure if I was explaining what I was doing for his benefit or my own. I had taken hits before, but I had only ever been shot once. My hands would have been shaking a lot more had I not been drinking beforehand. As it was, my nerves were extremely prevalent as I swore under my breath, catching the side of the wound. I took the tweezers back out, got the alcohol and poured a very slight amount onto the wound. The burning was immediate, and it took a lot of tongue biting and internal swearing so as to not double over and make my situation worse. I wasn't sure what exactly had made me do that, except for having seen it previously on TV shows. I didn't even know if it helped the wound, but it definitely helped me distinguish the open wound from the blood that had been previously leaking from it as if it was its job. Which, come to think of it, I suppose it was. Just like how it was my job to not get shot, and I royally cocked that up. I moved to enter the wound again as Alan responded. 

"Honestly, I can't tell with you, Harvey." He said with his usual brand of insufferable wit. Ignoring his remarks, I reached in, and, very gingerly, removed the remnant of bullet that was embedded in my body. Taking a needle and thread, I begun the next painful process in fixing myself. "I've got something for you, by the way. Something huge." I scoffed, finally realising why he had been concerned. When it came to a job, it wasn't a choice. If he wanted me to do it, I would have to do it unless I was physically incapable. The actual thing he was worried about was that I wouldn't be able to help him out for the next thing. However, he had never said anything had been huge before (aside from his drunken bragging, but I never believed him there anyway), so while I showed my disdain, I was secretly interested to see where exactly he was going. Finishing up sewing my wound shut, I sellotaped a cotton pad over the hole, put my top back down and zipped my jacket back up, and began drinking again, which Alan took as his cue to continue. "There's a hotel. The Ruxford. Pretty swanky place. Named after Irene and Michael Ruxford, two entrepreneurs who apparently decided that a hotel was the next best course of action to spend their money on. Personally I'd spend the money on-" Alan trailed off mid-sentence as he caught me looking at him, annoyed. "Anyway, there's going to be a parcel drop off there. One of my... couriers, shall we say, is going to drop off something important of mine. Obviously, you can't just walk in there and pick it up, however. You need to leave with no suspicion whatsoever. Luckily, I have a plan."

"I await this Scooby-Doo caper with baited breath." I said, before Alan slid an envelope over the table. He looked down at it, then up at me expectantly, so I begrudgingly picked it up and opened it. Turning it upside down, the contents fell onto the desk, and I gasped slightly as crisp, fresh notes fell out. "What... the fuck." I said plainly, less as a question and more as a statement of my sheer amazement.

"Five grand. Three for the reservation, two for the advance pay. Ten when you bring me the package." Alan said, smirking at my clear shock. The pay was absurd! It’s never been that high before! Wait... it has never been that high before. I looked at him sceptically.

"What's the catch?" I said, awaiting some sort of response that would discourage me. Instead, the one I got surprised me.

"There is no catch. Or at least, there shouldn't be. At most, assuming you're in and out, all you have to worry about is keeping a low profile. The security system has blast shielding." I must have had an obvious double-take at that information. "Yeah, I'm not sure why either. It must be a pretty big target though. If you get caught doing anything suspicious, the building will lock down."

"I don't understand, how exactly am I getting the parcel?" I asked, suspicious of how simple this was seeming to shape up. There had to be a catch, right? There was no way in hell that something as easy as this could happen. For god's sake, it was literally a paid vacation. Alan smirked again, another reminder of how his face really didn't present much pleasure to look at. 

"Room 413. That's your room. It's also the room that the parcel will be left in by the previous person living in the room. A few pockets lined here and there, a few eyes looking the other way, and no one will enter the room after him but you. Honestly, there's no way this could go wrong." This was usually the line that was given before things went wrong, so I didn't exactly get my hopes up for a smooth trip. However, for all intents and purposes, it was watertight. I go into the room, put the parcel in my suitcase, and walk out with it, no one suspecting anything. So why did I still have a pit in my stomach? It wasn't as if I couldn't blend in. I wasn't the type of person to get looks on the street when I ventured outside, and the shitty place I lived in was only by choice. I could easily pose as one of the ritzy divas that would reside there. "Any questions, Harvey?" Alan asked. I thought about anything I might have needed to know. But only one question came to mind. One I had been asking for a while.

"Why the hell do you keep calling me by my last name?" I said, smirking as his surprise at my question became evident on his face. It wasn't exactly uncommon for him to address people by last name only. The few times I'd heard him speaking to someone else, he had always addressed them by their last name. 

"I don't know, Rose." Alan said, emphasising my first name when he said it, so as not to seem as if he didn't know it. "Maybe it's just because I'm more professional, and last names are just who we are anyway. After all, our last name is our heritage. Our first name's just a way of telling them apart." He spouted his usual brand of bullshit, and I took another swig, feeling my head grow lighter. In and out. It shouldn't be difficult at all. That's just what I'd have to keep telling myself. I knew something was going to go wrong. This line of work usually did. But, unlike what I had said previously, a few questions were running through my mind, ones I dared not ask, either for fear of knowing too much or knowing that I would most likely be lied to either way. What was this package that couldn't just be directly delivered to Alan? What was the significance of this particular hotel? Why couldn't it be another one? I mean after all, it'd be a lot more expensive to bribe these particular staff, wouldn't it? And the biggest question of all, the one that motivated me to find out more about the entire situation: why was the pay so damn high? Alan’s wallet was tighter than a duck’s asshole, so for him to shell out this much… I couldn’t focus. Maybe the blood loss combined with alcohol had taken its toll. I felt myself grow weary, and before I could really register what I was doing, I had fallen asleep, the last thing I remembered being Alan leaving.

When I woke up the next morning, I could barely remember the events of the previous night. My head ached from where it had been resting on my desk, and I could feel the red mark of where I'd been sleeping on a pencil that I had been writing with. I looked at the notepad in front of me, and saw the questions I had been asking previously. The night's memories returned to me as the questions flooded back, and I checked my desk to make sure what I had experienced wasn’t a dream. Sure enough, an envelope was there, reminding me of two things. One, I was incredibly hungry. Two, I had a job to do. And I could sort both of them out at the same time. But first, I’d need to think. I considered eating something, but I decided against it. I work better under pressure. Or, under hunger. There were three questions on the paper in front of me.

 1.      Why is the pay $12,000 for one job?

2.      What sort of package needs to have numerous couriers?

3.      Why did it have to be the Ruxford?

I had no idea what the answers were. In fact, I don’t even know why I had chosen to write them down, considering that the only way I’d really find out the answers would be to do the job in the first place. Well, except for one. I slid open a drawer on my desk and took out the small laptop that was inside. When it had loaded up, I decided to look into the background of the Ruxford hotel. It wasn’t much I didn’t already know. Irene and Michael Ruxford, two of the richest people around, who decided that they wanted to create a hotel for people like themselves. Something that did catch my eye, however, was that they hadn’t made any public appearances in about 8 months. Which, conveniently, was when they announced their son had come home from some overseas tour of some sort. Jordan Ruxford, the son in question, had taken over for everything they had been working on. Another notable thing was that there were no pictures of him at all. With most people, there’s usually one or two of them, but this guy had kept himself out of the public eye with an enviable amount of skill. It was kinda… strange. As soon as he had taken over, there were suddenly a lot more new security guards working at the hotel. In fact, if it wasn’t for the fact that this didn’t pertain to what I was doing at all, I’d have investigated the matter more thoroughly. Well, if it paid well. Personally I couldn’t care less about whatever crooked scheme was going on there. It didn’t involve me, and it was highly unlikely it ever would. Either way, it wasn’t going to stop me. Not much would for 12 thousand. And that’s how I found myself throwing together a suitcase of supplies. It was mostly just clothes and the alcohol I liked, which was barely passable as alcohol, more as sweetened water with about a shot’s worth of alcohol put into it, then removed because even that was too much. But hey, it tasted good. Not that it mattered, I wasn’t exactly going through customs. The Ruxford was about an hour away from my small apartment, though I was going to take a little extra time to make sure I looked like I was coming from the airport. The last thing I would want would be to be seen coming from somewhere else, considering that was what my lie was based around. Or, what it was going to be based around. As I packed the suitcase, I began coming up with my background in my head. My name was Rose Harvey (this bit didn’t take too much time to plan out), a 26 year old whose parents have paid for her to take a trip to the illustrious Ruxford Hotel, though she wouldn’t appreciate it since she’s been to a plethora of places around the globe. I paused, thinking. Would there be a situation I would get into where I’d have to show pictures of myself in those places? I’d have to watch out and make sure I didn’t say anything that I wouldn’t be able to get out of. The last thing I’d want would be to dig myself into a hole. Then again, I could just pretend that I was lying because that’s who I was. Which honestly wasn’t too far from the truth. I reassured myself to stay calm, that I was overthinking things, and that I wouldn’t need to worry at all. So that was the chain of events that led me to a taxi at 5AM to an airport, then a second taxi to the biggest hotel around, the Ruxford. And it wasn’t just the biggest in terms of popularity. There was only six floors, but about 30 rooms on each floor, every one of them being the same high quality template, equipped with a flat-screen TV and a mini-bar (okay, maybe I had researched a little bit more than just the history of the hotel, but in my defence, it was the biggest hotel around. I got a little excited) stocked with various expensive liquors, which I planned to partake in with a little bit of the money from having taken the job in the first place. On the drive over, I also had the chance to check my phone for more details, where I discovered that it also had a pool inside, complete with sun lamps and beach chairs in an attempt to accurately simulate the outside. As well as this, there was also a bar there too. I was seriously beginning to consider drinking more frequently, if only to accept all these opportunities that were arising to drink. Calm down, we’re here for a week. You’ll have plenty of time to drink without having to become like Uncle Brandon, My brain said, reminding me of the family members I had tried so hard to distance myself from. Looking up, I noticed I had arrived. The hotel’s white walls were straight ahead of me. I paid the driver, which included quite a generous tip (partially because I was nice and partially because I wasn’t going to wait for the change from a 50) and stepped out, having my bag taken out by the driver, who I waved off as he drove away. Now all I had to do was pose as a normal person, walk into possibly one of the richest and most protected hotels, and retrieve a package of god-knows-what from my hotel room, all while attempting to enjoy myself as much as I possibly could. What could go wrong?

#CountdownToMidnight #Story #Chapter 1

[kazosa]

Second Chances - Jeff x Reader: Chapter 13

Summary: Reader and Jeff work a project and become fast friends. The project ends and they go their separate ways, neither forgetting the other. With Hollywood being a small community, you two bump into one another either at events or projects, but there is always something keeping you apart. Will the obstacles ever end? Chapter 13 Summary: Motorcycles, 1st day on Gilmore Girls, old friend, and an unexpected visitor Warnings: language (probably), confrontation A/N: Please leave comments or let me know if you want to be tagged, etc. Please remember it’s fiction and I get to take certain liberties. Word count: 1900(ish) Catch up here: Masterlist Tags: @jml509 @jasoncrouse @yellatthetopofyourlungs  @bookchic20       @prettyepiic    @rizflo-blog     @curious-sub7      @backseat-negan

     You pulled up to a modest, but nice house. Jeff parked his truck inside the garage. When the garage door had rolled open, you could see one side was the space for his toys like his motorcycle and the other side was for his truck. He told you not to worry about your bags that he’d get them for you later, and to hop out now because he wanted to show you around.      You pulled the lever on the truck door and slid out. You were about to close the door, but Bisou was following you.      “Hey darlin’, you comin’ with me?” you said and watched as the big dog jumped down after you. She walked with you as Jeff led you inside his house to show you around.      When you stepped inside, you were completely unsurprised by the decorations. It was Jeff. The furniture was large and overstuffed, dark colors, plush, comfortable and perfectly suited to him. Everywhere you looked, you saw places you wanted to curl up and read a book or do nothing at all. The rest of his place had a sort of urban cabin feel to it. It was hard to explain, but whatever this style was, it was Jeff. You stopped in a spot that was somewhat in the center of the house, a space that looked into the living room, dining room and kitchen all at once, did a slow spin taking it all in. You felt like you were surrounded by him and you immediately felt like you were home.      “Whadya think, sweetheart? Think you can tolerate it?” he asked.      “I think you’re gonna have to kick me out to go back to Philly,” you said still in awe. “I love it.”

     You’d barely gotten to his place and he was already wanting to take you places and do fun things with you before you had to go to work in a few days. He made sure he took you to his favorite motorcycle shop first to get a helmet. Jeff knows everyone and has to talk to them so, while the floor people were getting you set up with a helmet and some boots and a jacket you liked, Jeff was schmoozing the store owner to let him borrow a bike to take you out for a little spin. The owner pulled out a 2003 Harley Fatboy for you and Jeff to take a ride. You put on your new helmet and Jeff took you for a short ride.

     Since Jeff is a brave kind of guy, he decided that you needed to learn how to ride a bike.      “Babe, I already know how to ride a bike,” you told him.      He snickered, “Not a pedal bike. Motorcycle.”      “Are you fucking nuts? I can’t do that!” you told him.      “You can drive a manual transmission in a car, you can do a motorcycle. It’s easy,” he said, not taking no for an answer.      It didn’t take much convincing for you to let him teach you, especially when, the next day, a truck from the bike shop you’d been to showed up at his house with the Fatboy you’d ridden.      “I take it back, you’re insane,” you told him grinning.      He grinned back at you with that gorgeous smile of his, “Tell me you don’t like it.”      “Nope, can’t do that,” you answered quickly, unsure if he meant the insane part or the motorcycle part. It didn’t matter, him buying something that made him that happy and you got to reap the sexy biker vibe benefits, couldn’t be all bad. And the man looked hot as hell on a motorcycle.      Bisou sat by your feet leaning on your leg. You sat down on the grass with your arm over her watching your sexy boyfriend help the guys from the shop unload his new bike.      When it was unloaded and the truck was pulling away, he came up to you and said, “You ready to go?”      “Now?!”      “Fuck yeah, now. Let’s roll!” he said excited. He held out his hands to you to help you up off the grass. You brushed off your backside and went to go inside.      Smack! Suddenly your ass cheek stung. You threw a look back over your shoulder.      “Missed a spot,” he winked then grinned at you again. “Bisou, inside.”      Bisou came bounding after you and followed you into the house. You quickly grabbed your helmet out of the front closet and locked Bisou inside. Jeff was chomping at the bit to go. He’d started the bike and was already getting his helmet on and tight. You were doing the same standing beside him. He revved the engine sending vibrations rumbling through your body.      “C’mon, sweetheart, swing that sexy leg over,” he said over the engine.      You barely had your feet on the pegs and Jeff had you clinging to his back as you hurtled down the street. You were pretty sure you felt him chuckling. You understood why he loved it so much and why he wanted to include you. It was so peaceful being out there like that, just you and your thoughts. It was so freeing and thrilling, too. He wanted you to like it as much as him and since he knew how you liked to be out in the open and away from people, being on a bike was the perfect solution.      Only a little while later, Jeff pulled back into the driveway and explained that new engines needed to be broken in by doing short mileage, low speed runs. You got off the bike and took off your helmet, tucking it under your arm. He was still sitting on the bike, taking off his helmet, his hair all messy and his sunglasses…      “Okay, you can teach me,” you told him.      “Fuckin’ A,” he said, clearly happy.      Jeff had an old Norton in his garage that he said you could learn on and use while you were in California. The first week of work, the studio was going to be sending a car for you and Jeff would teach you when you got home and had days off.

MONDAY MORNING 0430      You groaned and kicked your feet out of bed, suddenly questioning your career choices. The last few days with Jeff had been incredible, but he was wearing you out! You got up and got ready as quickly as you could. You never thought you were spoiled working on “Hack” but your apartment in Philly was only a five-minute drive from the studio. Jeff’s house to the studio in Burbank could take a half hour in the morning, you weren’t sure how long the night drive would take.      When you were about ready to go, you went back into the bedroom to kiss Jeff goodbye.      “I love you, see you later,” you kissed him on the forehead. “I’ll call you when I’m on the way home.”      “Okay,” you heard him say. “Kick ass, babe.”      The driver knocked on the door at 0515 to pick you up.

     Since you were the new person on set, you got the grunt duty. You were put in charge of making sure the talent was where they were supposed to be, when they were supposed to be there. Which was fine, you were used to that sort of work. Most people were really good about it. Some went diva on you, but they knew you were just doing your job, too. On this set, you were charged with wrangling an enormous man-child puppy.      “Jared, seriously, stop, you need to be on set 5 minutes ago,” you begged.      “(Y|N), seriously, they can wait, I need to do this,” he said finishing a level on the game he was playing.      “Holy shit. You’re gonna get me fired, and I’ve never been fired before,” you said stepping into his trailer. “Gimme that,” you said taking the controller from him.      “Hey,” he was about to protest, but he saw you were completing the level. “Woah, how’d you…”      Level Complete showed on the screen.      “Can we go now?” you asked.      “But… how’d you…” you were pulling him to the door, but he still couldn’t figure out how you beat the level.      “Jared, you’re a smart guy, you woulda got it…eventually,” you teased. “Please, help me not get fired.”      “Sure, as long as you show me how you did that,” he said walking with you.      “Okay, buddy, will do,” you said taking him to set.

     When you got your break for lunch, you went to the catering tent and asked for your favorite sandwich with your particular extras that made it stand out. Whenever you placed that order, people always gave you the weirdest looks.      They did numbers at this production, so when they called your number and picked up your container, you noticed there was writing on the top. It said, “Small town, (Y|N).”      “What the?” you knew that handwriting, “Jules?! Is that you!?”      The old man emerged from the back wearing a beautiful powder blue pantsuit and white vinyl shoes. Some things never change and that includes Julius’ fashion. Julius was the caterer on the very first job in “Hollywood” that you had. When the job wrapped, you remembered thinking that you would never see him again, but he’d told you it was a small town. Seeing him again brought back fond memories of him and the last time you saw him.      “That boy is sweet on you…” he’d said.      “Julius!” you said, genuinely pleased to see him.      “I knew it had to be you. No one else would order that sandwich,” he said. “Stuck it out, huh, kid?”      “Yes sir, doing work here as a side job,” you told him.      “You and that boy doin’ good?” he asked. “Don’t look at me like that. You two weren’t good at hiding your feelings. He divorced yet?”      You were completely taken aback by him, as usual. “Um, not yet. The wife is being difficult.”      “Hmm,” he murmured. “You take care now. Don’t blame me when that sandwich kills you.”      You took your sandwich and found a spot near the trash bins, but not too close, to eat your sandwich. Your new shadow, Jared, spied you and swooped in to eat with you.      “You saving that for later?” you asked indicating his three food containers.      “What? No, one is a salad, one is appetizers, one has chicken and fish in it,” he said.      “Does that mean you’re going to eat it all now?” you asked him.      “Yeah, I’m hungry and they have really good food,” he explained.      “I hope you don’t have any kissing scenes today,” you mused looking at the heaps of food he swore he would eat in one sitting.      He chuckled, “HAAA, no, I don’t think so.” He paused, “So tell me how you beat that level.”

     It was after 7PM and you were dead tired. Your driver was guiding you to his car. You were functioning on muscle memory at this point. He opened the door for you and held it so you could slip into the back seat. You thought that a nap on the way home sounded like a damn fine idea.      You swung your feet in and didn’t realize anything was off until the door closed and you heard the power locks activate.      “You like fucking my husband?”

#Second Chances #Jeff x Reader #fan fic #fan fiction #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #JDM #reader insert #Chapter 13 #kazosa

[placetobenation]

Back in June 2013 the Place to Be Nation invaded the information super-highway with the launch of the website you are visiting just now. Since then a back catalogue has grown to include thousands of podcasts and written pieces, some of which you might have missed and it is my arduous task pleasure to go through the archives and bring you some of the highlights of PTBN through the years.

First up this week as always is the audio offering, and on this week in 2015 was the Place to Be Podcast Annual Halloween Spooktacular, now is its 5th year. In this episode, the P.I.Cs welcome in a group of costumed party goers for discussions on all things Halloween including masked wrestlers, Halloween Havoc, costumes and more! And what would a PTBP Halloween special be without some special guests?!

So fire up this action-packed episode by clicking here, grab a pumpkin full of candy, put on your costume and let the guys get you in that Halloween spirit.

And whilst your listening to the show, and putting your costume on, have read about a legendary WWE stipulation around ladies taking clothes off! On the back on PTBN’s hugely successful Greatest WWE Wrestler Ever project, Stacey O’Loughlin continued to argue for the underrated ladies of the Attitude Era and beyond. Here Stacey takes a Diva Deep Dive into the (and I cannot believe I’m finally getting to write this) psychology of the Bra and Panties Match! Stacey’s arguments are always well researched and though out (she was once able to make a compelling argument that Michelle McCool was the modern day Stan Hansen!) so give this a read and she may just change your opinion on these matches.

Yes, of all the subjects I could have chosen for this week, leading up to the first ever all-women’s WWE PPV, we’re going to talk about Bra and Panties matches. Think of it as a “how far we’ve come” moment. For whatever issues they’ve had building to Evolution, it is still going to be light years removed from… well, this.

And yet, I am here to tell you that the Bra and Panties match is not without its charms. No, not those charms. Wrestling charms! Yes, really. Bear with me.

As I went through and watched them all, the interesting thing about the Bra and Panties matches is that they actually were… interesting.

Of course, the problem – well, the wrestling problem at least, obviously there are MYRIAD real problems with this sexist bullshit that I already yelled extensively about in the beginning. But the issue in a purely wrestling sense is that they stemmed from a major logic hole: a match where the loser’s clothes are removed, involving popular babyface women whom the crowd wanted to see with their clothes removed, neccesarily makes the crowd want the babyface to lose the match, and thus her clothes. This leads to absurd situations like the face being booed for “kicking out” of an undressing, or fighting desperately to keep her kit on during the match only to happily strip for the crowd moments later after she’s won.

But if you get beyond that plot hole, the matches themselves were worked in a fascinating way. Honestly, they often seemed to employ more internal logic (and wrestling moves) than a lot of regular matches.

Yes, wrestling moves.

Almost every time I watched a Bra and Panties match I noted to myself with surprise just how much wrestling there was. Sometimes it would be someone hitting suplexes or power moves that they wouldn’t otherwise attempt. Sometimes it was some nifty hold or counter they’d use out of nowhere. But most of the time, it was because of the rollups.

I think it was at InVasion in a tag team B&P match that It happened for the first time. It being, Trish Stratus rolling Torrie Wilson up into a pinning combination and taking her pants off while she was upside down. Nifty, right?

Once this B&P match hack was discovered the whole game changed. Next time someone went for the same rollup but they got reversed and beaten. Other women tried doing different types of rollups to get their opponent upside down. Then they’d get countered on the ground into even more pinning holds. Suddenly we get to Stacy Keibler vs. Torrie Wilson on July 4th 2002 and they go into a full blown, balls out, Eddie vs. Dean rollup counter sequence in the middle of a Bra and Panties match.

Now on the surface, doing a big Eddie vs. Dean gambit in a match without pinfalls sounds pretty silly and I’m sure you all laughed. But it’s not silly! They’re not going for pins, they’re trying to get the pants!

It’s genius!

Torrie Wilson and Dawn Marie had a B&P match when their feud of the century had cooled off to a gentle simmer after Royal Rumble 2003. They tried all the tricks, including the rollups, and ended up coming up with a new position entirely: draping someone over the top rope to un-pants them. It was fun stuff, and again, very clever. But Tazz sniggered halfway through about how, “Well, this is no Benoit vs. Angle…” and this infuriated me like you wouldn’t believe because honestly, he was right. This definitely wasn’t Benoit vs. Angle.

Torrie vs. Dawn was worked WAY smarter than that bullshit.

As the years went on, more and more Bra and Panties techniques were developed. The tops were always easy enough to remove, so they key to victory was still in getting your opponent into a vulnerable position to get those pesky pants off.

For example, Candice Michelle had started using a Tarantula variation when she started wrestling, and when she used it on Maria in a Bra and Panties Gauntlet match, Maria escaped and used Candice’s convenient upside-down position to steal her pants. Candice learned the lesson and the next time she was in a B&P, SHE used the Tarantula position to take Melina’s pants off from underneath. Learned psychology!

Another one of my favourite B&P finishes was again in the aforementioned Gauntlet, when Torrie started arguing with the ref about something or other, even going so far as to try to hit him. As the referee blocked Torrie’s shots by grabbing her hands, Maria came from behind and pantsed her! (Fair dinkum that whole Gauntlet was fun as all get out until the disappointing, Mae Young-related finish.)

When Trish Stratus returned to TV in 2005 after injury she had a novel approach to being in a Bra and Panties match: wear ridiculously large boots over ridiculously tight pants. Good luck ladies – those bad boys ain’t coming off in a million years! Living Legend Trish wasn’t fucking around.

Even better was the fatal four way at Great American Bash 2006. Michelle McCool was doing her heel schoolteacher thing, and during the match someone ripped off her skirt only for her to be wearing another, smaller skirt underneath! More genius!

My favourite Bra and Panties match (imagine having such a thing!) is one of the very last ones, Melina vs. Candice Michelle in early 2007. Ashley was getting the Playboy push that year, so Women’s Champ Melina vowed to go through all of the Playboy covergirls on the roster. As Melina railed against these women for taking their clothes off, Candice came out to defend the Playboy sisterhood, dared Melina to try to take HER clothes off and challenged her to a Bra and Panties match!

Logical build, storytelling, stakes… this thing had everything!

The match itself was good too. Candice did the Tarantula spot I mentioned before. They also did some fun wrestling on the ground, where they were working holds but someone reaching for an item of clothing left them open to be countered into another hold, then the other guy would reach and get countered, and so on.

I can’t stress enough how fascinating it was to watch the women incorporate the task of trying to grab your opponents’ clothes into wrestling matches, and come up with solutions. I adore the idea of “problem solving” in wrestling matches.

It reminds me of something I noticed in the Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James matches. The first time they faced each other during the storyline, Mickie had a hammerlock on and Trish found herself stuck. She couldn’t do the ‘bend down’ counter that Triple H taught her, because that would push her ass into Mickie and she didn’t want to give her the satisfaction. Then when Trish did counter and put a headlock on, Mickie just groped her breast to escape it. Trish was struggling, because she was trying to wrestle without leaving her body vulnerable to these unwanted advances. Mickie was basically using sexual harrassment as a defensive tactic, and Trish in turn had to solve the problem of trying to win the match AND defend herself from wandering hands at the same time.

It’s easy to focus on Bra and Panties matches as a kind of Divas Era shibboleth but there are examples of this kind of creative problem solving in all of the “sexy”, exploitative Divas matches. I already talked about the legitimately fantastic, BAZILLION STAR LINGERIE PILLOW FIGHT. There was that Trish vs. Stacy Mud Match where Trish was thrown off the stage into the pool, so they could at least elicit “Holy Shit!” chants and get a highlight reel bump in before having to splash around like morons.

Speaking of splashing, even the damn water fights were fun! There was one on SmackDown that Victoria made her own, wearing floaties and a snorkel to the ring, slipping and sliding around, and taking a bloody Styles Clash from a 100lbs. woman in the middle of a puddle. There was also a water-related battle royal in 2007 that was basically a perfectly fine battle royal disguised as a water fight.

When the Divas Title was created in 2008, the first contenders for the championship were both decided in ‘Golden Dreams’ matches – basically, pole matches. Now, pole matches are pretty universally terrible but honest to God, the second Golden Dreams match may be the best pole match I’ve ever seen. Once again, the women were the masters of getting the best out of two minutes and a shitty stipulation.

Speaking of poles, in 2006 Torrie and Candice had a Paddle on a Pole Match that has to be seen to be believed.

The first move of this match is Torrie fingering Candice’s arsehole. I swear to God this is fair dinkum. Candice rips her shirt off for no reason. Then Torrie takes over and starts DROPPING BOMBS, hitting a Stinger Splash, a spear and a God damn BUCKLE BOMB out of absolute nowhere. She naturally follows this heavy artillery up with… the Stinkface, but when she shoves her ass in Candice’s face Candice GIVES HER A FINGER UP THE ASS RECEIPT AND WINS! What a payoff! Psychology 101!

The prize for retrieving the paddle was getting to spank the loser, but Candice graciously offers her own ass up first and they just end up spanking each other and giggling and what the fuck am I doing with my life that I’ve ended up here writing about this stuff in earnest.

My point is, even with all of the stupid sexy bullshit, and even with the girls having to throw kayfabe to hell to dance or strip or playfully spank each other afterwards, during the matches themselves these women are still trying to make it work. Still trying to approach these absurd ass stipulations from a wrestling angle and figuring out cool ways to incorporate wrestling moves or psychology into them.

My mantra throughout this entire series has been that you can find good wrestling absolutely anywhere. Even in the middle of a Bra and Panties match, if you look hard enough. I used to think rollups in these matches were silly, but then I looked again and realised what they were trying to accomplish and the logic involved. Which is more than can be said for a damn lot of regular wrestling matches.

Given these preposterous situations, I thought the Divas often did a great job to hunker down and work the matches as well as they possibly could. Which is all we could ask of them, really.

The matches listed below are what I would describe as the best, most fun B&P-style matches. If you don’t believe me, have a look for yourself.

Next week I’m going to tackle someone who has featured heavily in this piece, and who will also feature this Sunday at the Evolution PPV. If I’m still alive after watching the Evolution PPV that is.

Check it out: Trish & Lita vs. Stacy & Torrie – Bra and Panties Match (InVasion 2001) Stacy Keibler vs. Torrie Wilson – Lingerie Match (No Mercy 2001) Stacy Keibler vs. Torrie Wilson – Bra and Panties (Smackdown, July 4th 2002) Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie – Bra and Panties Match (Smackdown, February 13th 2003) Trish & Ashley vs. Victoria, Candice & Torrie – Bra and Panties Match (October 3rd 2005) Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle – Paddle on a Pole Match (August 28th 2006) Melina vs. Candice Michelle – Bra and Panties Match (Raw, March 19th 2007) Memorial Day Divas Beach Blast Battle Royal (Raw, May 28th 2007) Michelle & Cherry vs. Victoria & Maryse – Water Fight (Smackdown, March 28th 2008) Golden Dreams Match (Smackdown, July 4th 2008)

#IFTTT #Place to Be Nation

[fairytalenobodiesxvi]

So, I’m kinda bored since I’m A. allmost done with this semester B. aren’t doing anything because mildly exhausted... But uh, I’ll ramble here a bit. 

So, every year for Xmas since, I was like 15? instead of the usual adults get us kids secret presents, my Grandpa takes us and we just go to a few stores (mall (Hot Topic, FYE) Game stop, Barnes & Nobles, etc) and open up that on Xmas. I will clarify we don’t pick out too much expensive stuff since we’re rather reasonable children who are aware of financial situations but my nana and grandpa are semi-middle class (Grandpa was in the Union, good retirement, etc) unlike my mother who’s still right around poverty line (but doing better!)

Well, I don’t want much?? Like, I bought DRV3 myself, and the other games I want are just Persona Q (Maybe 5?) and Sims 4 for PS4... Maybe a new mouse because I dislike the one I have now (wheel don’t work) some socks & underwear because holy fuck that shit’s expensive and I’m not buying goodwill underwear, probably some manga & light novels (read it on the plane)... and uh. ...that’s it. Maybe a few Hot Topic shirts, and yeah... some giftcards would be nice but eh?? Money in general too...but I don’t wanna be needy even tho I barely ask for a dime nowadays...

I suppose I am 20 now, so probs that, plus the whole job thing so I can afford shit now. Kinda. ...I get a proper payroll on my internship next year so that’s cool. Or maybe because nothing I want really has come out?? Like KH3 is next year, no new Project Diva announcement yet (I bought that new dlc for future tone yesterday), and while I would like a PS4 for when I move out, ain’t no way I’m getting one... (Maybe my sister will let me have the PS3 tho wink-wink) 

I guess it’s good I don’t want much tho? Since I have to drag it back in a suitcase for a semester before moving out again at the end of it. Hmmm Hmmm, I might be over analyzing this.  While rambling tho, I got a pretty expensive watch. They were doing awards stuff at my college, and I got one for being on the student council and apparently someone just gave our provost expensive watches as a donation so?? He was like ‘go ahead’ there was other stuff too, but now I have a watch that A. costs more than my life probs B. doesn’t fit because small wrists. I don’t even wear a watch. ...Like, I’ve only had one watch and it was a Happy Meal toy I used in highschool because I liked it.  alright I’ll stop rambling.

#update #i ramble here