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praphit · 1 year

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Guardians Vol 3: A fatty, salty gift.

(No Spoilers)

May I be honest be with you? I’ve been thinking about letting my PMB card (Proud Marvel Bitch) expire. I know. I KNOW. Perish the thought, right??

I've been defending Marvel throughout all of the recent tough times.

While errbody out there was talkin smack, I defended you, Marvel!

When people said "Thor 4" was too goofy & had tone problems,

I said "LOOK, this dude just got his body back, his lady back, and his hammer back. Let him have some fun! Quit being a grump!"

When people said that "The Multiverse of Madness" suffered from too much CGI.

I said "LOOK, it's called THE MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS! It's about a fight between a Magical Doctor of Strangeness and a Super Witch! Give me ALL of the effects & colors! There can't be enough CGI! How were y'all expecting anything other than an overload of all of that?! You just want them to duke it out in one room, throwing Skittles and glitter at each other??!"

When people said that She-Hulk didn't have no business twerkin with Megan Thee Stallion.

I supported that badly CG'd booty! "If ya got it, shake it!" is what I said.

And then, "Ant-Man 3 happened....

THEN, J.Majors had his... alleged... issue...

THEN, I saw that "The Marvels" trailer... a movie that no one is asking for...

I wouldn't say that my faith in Marvel is broken, but doubt has certainly crept in.

Can these Guardians of Vol 3 restore my faith? - maybe, but it ain't gonna be easy.

They're kind of a mess right now. Rocket is playing what I call "The Secret Sadness Game".

Have you ever played that game? - I bet you have. It's when something is wrong with you; you're very sad, but you're not letting anyone know about it. It's a horrible game. Nobody wins in that game, but it's apparently popular these days, with social media making us all pretend to be happy, dignified, and pretty all of the time. So, popular that Mantis is playing that game a lil bit as well.

Drax is too simple-minded to play that game

(side note: Dave Bautista [Drax] said that Marvel dropped the ball concerning Drax's story. And I couldn't agree more. There's a lot to explore with his back story, but... I'm hoping that they'll either reboot the Guardians cartoon series or give Drax a "What If... " story. That show really likes depressing people; here's a golden opportunity.)

Groot is...

well, Groot.

And Nebula (whom I LOVE!)

is grumpier than a lot of us Marvel fans have become. To be fair she has to keep all of these bozos together while Peter aka Starlord is getting drunk and dropping F-Bombs.

He still hasn't gotten over Gamora.

I was going to be a jerk and say that he should have gotten over her by now, BUT I forgot that she’s kinda dead, but kinda not... (#ComicbookUniverseProblems)

It's hard to move on when your lover IS dead, but... still around, kinda, you know?? (If you actually don’t know, then... wow, you’ve got a lot of catching up to do)

I know (in the Christmas Special) they brought Peter the gift of Kevin Bacon to cheer him up, but maybe they should have brought him a woman. A good 80's star like he likes... maybe Heather Locklear

or Kathy Ireland. Remember her?

Not the best message though, I guess - "If you're depressed, then simply drown yourself in booze and pretty women (whom only exist to make you happy :)." But, he's kinda there anyway.

Like I said, they're a mess.

But, if one thing can bring family together it's tragedy.

Something bad happens to one of The Guardians, they sober-up the Starlord, wash his mouth out with soap, and they're off on an adventure!

Mostly a typical Guardians jam. I know some have complained about too many laughs while serious things are going on, but they kinda started all of that in the MCU. And to be fair, if you have survived as much as they have, perhaps you'd be laughing more in the face of danger as well. I loved the comedy duo of Mantis & Drax. And the... unromantic comedy duo/toxic partnership of Peter & Gamora.

And with Nebula (WHOM I LOVE!) in the middle of it all... PERFECTION.

The colorful new worlds and creatures we meet are cool. And the CGI is excellent. I don't know where those artists were when She-Hulk and MODOK were being created,

but whatever:) The action is excellent! A lot of murdering going on here for a PG-13 rating, when you stop and think about it, but I loved every non-drop of mostly non-existent blood.

The stuff that's different is the darker tones in here. There's some serious drama happening in this film. Of course we have more of Peter’s brokenhearted ass, but there are a lot of family dynamic stuff here as well. There's plenty of funny bickering between them, but it's also covering up some pain that the movie gets into.

Plus, we learn about Rocket's origin. That's when things get really dark and cruel. His past sucked. You WILL get emotional. Especially when in his story we meet our villain

THE HIGH EVOLUTIONARY.

He brings new meaning to the word "Narcissist", and you will hate him. There's a lot to hate. He's pretty much getting his Dr. Frankenstein on, using parts from animals, humanoid creatures, and robotics. His victims suffer much and he don't give a SHIT!

Bradley Cooper (Rocket) is good! I always forget that he's part of the Marvel Universe. I was kinda hoping that Rocket's origin included being Bradley Cooper, but had his brain removed and put in a raccoon. And maybe something similar with Groot

Some dark stuff, but also a lot of LOL moments. I think they maneuvered the tones well.

I do wish that we got more of my main woman Debicki!

And like many, I had hoped for more Adam Warlock, but I know time was tight in that regard.

That's prob my main complaint about the film - TIME. It's 2hrs and 30 mins ----- TOO LONG, and yet the endings for these characters seemed rushed. Like... where they end up, individually, makes sense, but it feels like we skipped some emotional steps.

This is Rocket's story, and it's full of laughs, feels, and bad ass action! I really enjoyed this movie! PMB card renewed!

Grade: B+

What made this movie extra enjoyable for me was the news that someone dies in this movie (NOT a spoiler. I already told you about all of the murder. Murder always begats more murder, kids.

Any explosion near The Guardians --- NOOOO! One of them gets shot --- NOOOOO! Any time one of them was alone --- NOOOO! Eating a delicious, fatty, salt encrusted meal---- Heart Disease, NOOOOOO! On the toilet ---- isn't that how Elvis died? or is that a myth? People die that way though.

. What an interesting way for a Marvel character to die. “We'll all remember when Mantis crapped herself to death.” :)

NOOOOOOO!

Although, anxiety-inducing, it was certainly a more exciting way to watch. It was a kind of a gift. A gift which I now leave with you.

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praphit · 1 year

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JW4: Symphony of Carnage

If you haven't been paying attention, John Wick IS BACK!

The GOAT of Assassins! The Boogeyman! And the Best Husband Ever! What spouse out there wouldn't want their significant other going on a killing spree after they die, all in the name of...

...

why has he been doing all of this killing again? - doesn't matter. Many have said to their loved ones that they'd kill for them, but how many of them can prove that as John Wick has?? Btw, do we know anything about John Wick's wife (Helen)?

What kind of person marries an assassin? I'm just sayin... she might not have been as saintly as we're led to believe. But, that doesn't matter - we know the story:

John Wick's possibly shady wife dies, but beforehand, gave John a puppy... and bad guys killed that puppy (”bad guys” worse than the GOAT of Assassins) - now JW has to kill four movies worth of people. He could have been a good Christian and forgave, but BLEEP that! He's more Old Testament - "eye for an eye" - or eye for your life, your whole family, associates, and the lives of most of the people who live on your block.

THE GOAT!

(TIME OUT: There are a lot of angry, sad, frustrated, confused people out there. Some of you might be overwhelmed by all of that and say to yourselves

“John Wick and I are a lot alike; we’re both mad and want to selfishly take out our pain on others.” Allow me to remind you that you are NOTHING like John Wick. JW is a calm, collected, honorable, trained assassin going after murderous psychopaths in the criminal underworld. Keanu Reeves is a sweet, humble man who is very VERY rich. You are nothing alike.

If need be (when life gets overwhelming) please get some professional help. There are way too many people in the real world trying to take out their personal demons with physical/verbal violence on others. If professional help is too costly, then your friendly neighborhood Praphit is here for you. For the low cost of maybe a beer or two, these unprofessional yet praphitic ears are here for you, so you don’t do something horrible. Ok. TIME IN :)

That “time out” being said, a movie where John Wick forgives, seeks therapy, trusts in the law for justice, and moves on with a healthy life would make an awfully boring movie plot.

GET’EM, JOHN WICK!

GET’EM!

KILL!

Of course, it's not just about his personal kills - John has interrupted the lives of his friends with his killing spree as well.

(lost everything)

(risked everything)

Not to mention all of the stray bullets flying through heavily populated buildings in which John Wick is doing his thang.

How much is too much?

In this 4th installment, The Board of Crime Lords have asked themselves that very question, and have decided that John Wick is too unruly to stay alive. Old white conservatives understand this - WE NEED LAW AND ORDER! so they elect Bill Skarsgard to get the job done.

well, not himself... he's not going to get his hands too dirty; he's more like management. Can you picture Bill doing martial arts training for this movie? No, right?? Yeah, he couldn't picture that either. He was like "BLEEP that! I'll just wear killer suits and talk on the phone a lot in a French accent." And he does that well. Work smart, not hard. Ain’t that right, Bill??

There's so much killing in this movie! So... so very much... and it is AWESOME. But, it's not just about the killing, it's also about how John Wick survives. You've heard people say stuff along the lines of "God isn't done with you yet." When it comes to John Wick, it's been more like God is rooting for John Wick; like He’s got money riding on John Wick. Like Death keeps trying to run out to John, but God keeps stopping Death, and saying "Wait, I want to see how this plays out."

We've seen him fall off a couple buildings (not just fall and splat, but fall, bang his head a few times on his way down, and then splat), he's been hit by several cars (sometimes while in a car himself, but most of the time, not), he's been shot, stabbed, sliced, he fell down thousands of steps (literally) in this movie - doesn't matter. John Wick will die when he's good and damned ready to die. This movie is the climax of a symphony of carnage. It's been a crescendo of killing! Think about the ride we've been on with John:

he's killed with pencils, swords, Lord knows how many bullets to the head he's dished out, he's killed with vehicles, he's killed people with horses, a library book.... yeah, a BLEEPING LIBRARY BOOK, he's engaged in knife-throwing fights, ax-throwing fights, and now in this one he doesn't even need his own weapon, he'll just steal yours and kill you with it - rockin nunchucks, setting people on fire, killing people with cupcakes... he didn't do that last one, but it wouldn't have surprised me if he had.

BEST ACTION MOVIE EVER! If John Wick Chapter 4 were a steak dinner, every bite of this beautifully choreographed film would be delicious. I'm licking my plate!

Don't ask any questions though:

Don't wonder why this secret underworld of assassins does so much killing in public. When you get to the part when Bill Skarsgard chooses some blind dude (played by Donnie Yen) to lead his team against John Wick, don't think on it. As badass and handicapable as IP Man is, it's a questionable decision.

Bill needs to not only hire someone who can find JW (who takes out armies with a knife and a pistol), but someone who can sneak up on JW and beat him in combat... sure, go hire the retired , old blind dude.

Don't ask where all of the law enforcement are... there were some in the 1st movie, but... Don't ponder on how/why 80% of the people in this universe appear to be assassins.

And certainly don't ask why no media outlets are covering this story. I know we love our celeb news, Trump news (indictment, baby!), and the royal family, but perhaps all of that should be pushed aside.

Imagine you're at the club

when all of a sudden bodies start dropping, with bullet holes through their knees, chests, and heads.

Most news outlets would care about that as it happens for like the eighth time this week, but.... it's just another day, apparently.

DON’T ASK! Just enjoy the movie.

My only complaint is that it's a lil long. You kinda feel it in the last 40 mins or so (it's almost 3 hrs long). I was never bored, but... you know?? - I got stuff to do. But, as soon as I'm about to look at the time, something pops on the screen to recapture my attention. Whether it's John kung-fuing his way thru traffic, or a cool video game-like angle of JW blowing people away, or THIS lady (Rina Sawayama)

stabbing a dude 20 some times while he's trying to get away. He had stopped fighting her a while ago, but it was too late. He's in a John Wick movie and his name ain't John Wick. I loved Rina btw (she plays Akira and a real-life musician:). I hope we get more of her.

Some complained about Keanu's acting. Some say it got worse somehow. I would never say such a thing, cuz he's my guy. But, are those people right? I'll say this - I was concerned about his running in the 3rd movie. He was running like he had to pee; it was confusing. But, in THIS movie, he's running like a pro. I think he traded in his acting coach for a running coach. But, he has far more moments of running than he has lines, so he chose wisely. Way to go, Keanu. He doesn't need to sell lines when he's selling ass whupins.

THE GOAT!

Grade: A+

After four movies, with this one probably being the last one... I wonder what the lesson was in all of this carnage. I think I've stumbled across it:

WALK AWAY!

Akira says at some point "Everything John Wick touches, dies." The people listening to her had a chance to leave, but nobody listened to her, and... yep. It was not pretty.

WALK AWAY!

In four movies none of these assassins who are going after JW ever stop and say "Nope. I'm outta here." I mean if it were me, and I was an assassin going after him (1st of all I never would, but... )... seeing him kill like 30 trained assassins... looking at their bodies all mangled as he pulls out a picture of his wife and kisses it, before he walks towards me with a knife and library book, i'd be like "NAH! I'm done!" And I'd WALK AWAY.

It's ok to walk away, people. Don't be stupid. And If you must be an assassin (a horrible career choice, mind you), don't go after other assassins who don't seem to die. Stick to fat, slow, dumb people.. who kinda wanna die.

BUT, most won't do that. Most won't walk away. Most will say to themselves and anyone else around, who's still alive "I got this."

Now, this is happening.

Big dummies.

#JohnWick #JohnWickChapter4 #johnpraphit #praphitproductions.com #violence #shooting #therapy #mentalhealth #Praphit #KeanuReeves #lifelessons #assassins #Rinasawayama #actionmovies #moviereviews #kungfu #symphony #revenge

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praphit · 1 year

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Scream 6: Happy Women’s History Month!

Let me start off by saying that I am not a fan of this franchise. I like the first one, the second one is ok, but the rest?? - meh. I just can't go with it, you know?? I tried. There are always too many times when I say "Wait, what?" And yet, the "Fast & Furious" franchise; I'm 100% bought.

I know that makes no sense.

Maybe it's because I'm a child of Jason Voorhees.

I hold all slashers to his standards of art, comedy, and excellence:)

Meanwhile,

Ghostface is clumsy, kinda stupid, chatty, sloppy, reckless, and always has a partner. Teamwork is for heroes, villains are supposed to be able to do it all by themselves.

So, why did I watch this? - Women's History Month. Yep. A friend of mine (a woman) asked me to go with her to see it. Normally, I would have told this friend to kick rocks, but I figured since we're honoring women this month... that it's the least I can do :) Just trying to do my part.

If you're not caught up with this franchise, it doesn't matter. We all know the basics, and the basics still apply. It's a rated R Scooby Doo (Who dun done it?! Let’s take off their mask and see). Kinda like the show "Velma",

but with better writing.

Idk how many ghostface's we're up too now (that's another thing about him - he/she always dies, but somehow the masks are still getting manufactured and some new psychopath picks up where the last one left off), but he's back, and this time he's in NY. And this time, he's not chasing Sidney.

Sorry, Sid, but apparently he got bored with you, and is now chasing after someone younger. Happy Women's History Month!

The youth I speak of are the same yoots from the last movie:

THE CORE FOUR (they call themselves):

We've got the trauma sisters (what I’m calling them).

They've been through a lot. People keep getting murdered around them. They're trying to move on, but it's hard when Ghostface keeps tracking them down. Some of you kids out there might think you've got it bad, but at least there's no murderer hunting you down. Imagine your life like this: You try to go to college and get your education on, but here comes Ghostface to your classroom. You try to have a party and get into some sexy-time action with some drunken, shady, stranger, and here comes Ghostface. (side note: Jenna Ortega’s character does this - idk how old she is... 20ish maybe, but she looks like a teenager, so when some guy who looks like he’s in his 30′s tries to take her upstairs, it comes across to me like we have an R.Kelly situation on our hands)

You try to make a TikTok video alone in your room, and here comes Ghostface. You try to get a Big Mac with cheese from Mickey D’s, and you guessed it - Ghostface is there, ready to take your order.

Damn, dude! Either kill them or let them live! You gotta admire these young ladies. Despite the crud that this world keeps throwing their way, they find the strength to keep on keeping on. Happy Women's History Month :)

We also have... I forgot his name... we’ll call him Macho Man. He's the protector of the group, so he thinks. He's a level 10 bro. And no guy is good enough to be around the ladies in his life except for him. Isn't that sweet?? What would we do without our "protectors"?

And then there's the movie nerd.

She's the one who explains all of the movie meta stuff that's going on. One thing I can appreciate about her is that she leans into her nerdiness. But, that appreciation did not stop me from wanting to choke her out every time she talked. It's not completely her fault, cuz this franchise's schtick got old for me in the 3rd installment, but I'm placing all of the blame on her. Seriously, she could not have been more annoying. It was painful for me. I couldn't stop squirming through her monologues. I was gnashing my teeth. I thought I was turning into Ghostface. This movie almost became the crux of my villain origin story.

Look, the kills in this movie were multiplied, as they should be, but honesly, I think Ghostface could have killed MORE... OR this movie needed to be shorter, and cut out all of the emotional gush-gush from The Core Four. I have never rooted so hard for the "heroes" of a story to be killed. I wanted them all to go, including Ghostface. Perhaps I’m remembering it wrong, but weren’t the OG characters of “Scream” likeable? Not all of them, but enough, right?? (or maybe it was just Dewey - idk)

Everybody here is so ughckq... not one likeable character in this movie. I was rooting for something biblical to happen:

God interrupts Movie Nerd's monologue and says "ENOUGH! THIS IS HORRIBLE!" Then, he sends an angel to blow up the town. Everybody is dead. God says "Amen" and they roll the credits, but that's not what happens.

Everyone is so whiny! Not just the kids, but the adults too. Is that just what we are now? Maybe it's true to reality. Are we all whiny? Have my eyes just been opened?

Trauma sisters, I respect your strength, but don't TRY to move on with your lives, DO IT. There are ways! Adele uses grammy award winning music. Batman uses revenge, Chris Rock uses Netflix specials. Do something! Who's that lady? um... The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. She's been through worst shit than y'all, and look at her! She ain't bitchin about it! She’s bout it bout it! She got tough! and carved out a new life for herself. Look at her -

she’s living the dream!

Macho Man! AM I supposed to like you? All men know his game! He points out to the lady that he wants (he’s trying to score with Ortega), that the men she's been seeking are toxic (and well over 30). What she really needs is a guy like him. We all know that game! I think... do women know that game? I think they do... idk Happy Women's History Month! While Macho Man is not quite the picture of "toxic masculinity" he's close enough. He's like diet TM.

And don't get me started on Movie Nerd. She sparked this rant in me!

Ghostface! Kill! Kill them all! But, you won't will you?? You'll kill (awesomely) through NY. Bursting on the scene whenever The Core Four try to get some down time, but like every other part of this franchise, you'll never kill the main person/people whom you actually set out to kill.

These four are lucky that I didn't become Ghostface, cuz this movie would have only been about 30mins long, if that! I'd break in to their home, and call them to play a game alerting them to what I'm up to? NO! I'd kill them! I'm not going to let the trauma sisters take up valuable screen time to whine about their problems. I'm not going to allow Macho Man to... well, maybe a lil sexy-time action with the ladies before I kill him... bros before hoes, am I right?? (Happy Women's History Month). And I would definitely end Movie Nerd's reign of Annoyance.

*WHEW* sorry... that's been building up for a while. It kept me up. Seriously... I'm up early, typing right now, cuz I had this rant in me, and it was keeping me from rest. Now, I can move on. See, trauma sisters, that's how you do it! You move on! You don't take a break while running from the killer to have an emotional pow wow. Now, is NOT the time! You're being hunted! DAG GON YOU! Ghostface, kill them! *WHEW* *clearing throat* sorry again. That's... the last drop, I think.

It wasn't all bad. Like I said, the kills are awesome. More blood in this one than the others, I think. You’ve gotta hand it to Ghostface, the man loves his work. I like his gusto. If he does catch you in this movie, he’s going to stab you like 35 times - that’s solid work ethic. The camera work for these kills is on point. Ghostface ain't playing around with all of the stabbing. You'll feel that shit, and that's why most people are there. I also LOVED the first scene. LOVED! I didn't see that coming at all. But, then... same ol bullshit. And that's the thing, I'm not about this brand of bullshit, but if you are, then it'll be just as enjoyable for you as the others. But, for a casual ( I use that word lightly) fan ------ Grade: D

I wondered to my friend (who's lucky that I love her) if the message over these types of movies are positive for women. I don't have the answer to that question. I mean, these "final girls (women)" are strong, but they've been through a whole lot, and don't seem all that healthy. They're bitter, angry, depressed, tired, lonely in some cases... that's a lot of pain/death they've been around.

Can we do better? Again, I don't know.

What if the woman is the lead antagonist? She hunts down the men for a change... although unless the writers let her win (which would be letting the murderer win) she'll end up being beaten up by a bunch of men... that doesn't look good.

But, what if...

Ok, what if there's some sort of alien entity that takes over the woman, and she becomes empowered. During the day she becomes powerful, independent, successful, glorious, and at night this entity leads her to kill... a lot. No, like A LOT - she's a beast. (look, we've gotta make money off this thing:). She'll only kill men... white men... Republican white men (kidding:)... but definitely white men who love Tucker Carlson. This way when she inevitably is defeated, they won't be killing the woman per se, but the empowered, successful monster that she has beco.... hmmm... Shoot... Maybe this is the best that we can do.

Happy Women's History Month!

#Scream6 #johnpraphit #praphitproductions.com #Scream #HorrorMovies #MovieReviews #Praphit #JennaOrtega #SidneyPrescott #ScaryMovies #GhostFace #Slashers #womenshistorymonth

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praphit · 1 year

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Ant-Man 3: “B**ch Be**er have my M**ey!”

It sucks, you know?? When you have a high expectation for something and it turns out to be a dud: whether it's a movie or an album, a restaurant...

a Super Bowl Halftime Show... With a Marvel movie, you're excited, others see it first, and the reactions are -

You're like "NO!"

BUT, you find the polar opposite reactions as well... although THOSE reactions are coming from kids, or people who were drunk/high while watching, or people who show up to the theater like this guy -

So, what are you supposed to believe? (Kids, Lesson Time: "Don't have expectations.")

I'm sure you've heard certain complaints about Ant-Man 3 already. I will say that most of those complaints are 100. Does that mean the movie is bad?

It starts off with the loveable Scott Lang, skipping and whistling down the street; not a care in the world, and feeling himself, cuz he has taken sole responsibility for saving the world ("End Game"). And why not?? - he's been a joke for a while, so take that victory lap, big boy.

Then, there's of course The QUANTUM REALM, which everyone keeps saying is so dangerous, and yet, in every Ant-Man movie, somebody goes there. This movie is no different and

OH NOOOOOOOOOOO!

it happened again.

The problem is that this time they really shouldn't have gone back, cuz Janet (Michelle MuthaBleepin Pfeiffer)

was stingy with the details of her 30 year trip to and back from The Quantum Realm. She failed to mention her Summer fling with the newest super villain KANG (J.Majors -

known to the acting community as "The Shit").

Was it a Summer fling? They don't paint that picture, but... they were alone for a very long time, they saved each others lives, they were fixing things in a very sweaty manner; banging and grunting, and they were sharing intimate parts of their lives with each other, so... she also may have been banging some military alien, maybe this thirsty piece

, and definitely this guy.

But, I digress :) (You go, gurl.)

She finds out that Kang is a monster

(A time/dimension traveler, who has been around for ever and has the most advanced tech as a result.... oh, and he has an Alexander the Great mindset) , and abandons him there to go back to her family.

She didn't mention any of that to her family! Way to go, Janet!

So, the mission is everyone get home and don't let Kang follow you.

Problem is they got split up.

OK, so this part I loved!

We got to explore this new world, which is visually very cool. In fact, the CGI throughout most of this movie is satisfying (especially with 3D action). There are a few things that this movie does that are really interesting:

The whole evolution thing (it's a new world with all kinds of life in it, doing lively things).

They do something really cool with the language that different species speak.

There is some sort of "probability realm", which we see a lil bit of in the trailer - an interesting concept, that is unfortunately not explored enough.

The tech is dope! And everytime we see Kang! Whew! Jonathan Majors nails it! He's calm, collected, focused, and scary. The Ant-Man family may be playing around, but he aint, and I love it. Oh, and the ants! I frickin loved the ants!

Have I said enough good things about this? :) Are we clear? I'm a PMB (Proud Marvel Bitch), so it's not always easy for me to criticize them. It feels similar to Rihanna's Super Bowl Halftime Show. I had to say a bunch of nice (and true) things first, before... you know... There's no way to criticize a pregnant woman without sounding like a jerk, especially if that pregnant woman is Rihanna. But...

I love Rihanna, btw.

OK.

Visually, stunning... but everything concerning the story is a hot mess. To save time on this rant I will simply boil the prob down to its root:

Too much going on:

It was a simple plot! Get yo asses home, and tell Kang to bleep off! MARVEL! why couldn't you have just kept it simple?!

There's all of the secrets with Janet; her secret lives (and ex's:), there's all of the family drama ( and the family lessons this movie attempts to teach us), there's all of the natives and their bullshit, there's M.O.D.O.K.... I really hated him; like everything about him. He's supposed to look weird, but...

MARVEL, YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS.

They made him some moron from the first movie, and there's a whole thing with him being a dick. For a family movie, they use the word "dick" so much. There's no way that children walk away from this movie, and "dick" doesn't become their new favorite word.

There is way too much going on with Kang. They explain it, but.... not very well. His story is explained way better in Loki season 1. One of the criticisms of the movie is that this whole film is just a set-up for Kang - which it is. I have no problem with that, but then do it properly. Give us more Kang (in story). We'll be getting all kinds of Kangs soon (time traveling is a dick). I feel like the uncovering of Kang's (and multiple Kangs) story is like helping a hoarder clean out their living room - you've been tossing junk out for hours and it still looks like a mess.

There are also some plot holes, which I won't say anything about, except this - Kang has all of this HI-Tech stuff, so why is he struggling so much with Ant-Man and The Wasp... AND the Cassie.

May I talk about The Wasp and The Cassie??!

In the trailer, all I saw was Kang kicking Ant-Man's ass up and down The Quantum Realm; practicing for "Creed III" He's also in a room where Kang is stomping the hell out of his skull, like Ant-Man owed him some money.

Don't act like you forgot, Scott!

The whole time, I'm like - "WHERE IS THE WASP?! DOES SHE NOT SEE HER MAN GETTING BEAT UP?!" - her name is still in the title isn't it?! Pull your weight, lady!

Now, she's there, and saves him quite a bit, but my point is they didn't really promote her, because they know that she doesn't really matter. I'm sorry if that sounds mean, but it's true. After that second Ant-Man movie, her character just... idk... becomes forgettable.

She's just a tag-on to the franchise. Was she in The End Game battle? I think so... but I don't remember. Was she at the funeral in that movie? I don't remember. Any other Marvel important moments? Was she in any of the "What If" stuff? I think so, but I don't remember. Is she mentioned at all in any other Marvel movies or shows? I don't remember. Not only do I not remember, but it doesn't matter. We never got to know her that well. She doesn't need to be here. Someone that we care more about could have let Ant-Man get beat up, and then at the last second, save him.

The Cassie? - same thing. And enough with these younger characters who are super geniuses. We only need one, and we have Spider-Man. We all know that most kids are dumb (No offense. Not you kids who might read this... other kids. Your Uncle Rambling Praphit is rooting for you... stay in school). Cassie, whom we don't really know, shows up all ready to fight and hogging up some scene time from Ant-Man.

She was all like "Care about me, audience! I'm young! I'm smart! I'm a girl! And I'm just as good as my dad, Ant-Man, even though I've had no training. YAY! Follow me!"

I was like "Who is this clown? I don't know you. Your daddy cares about you, so I guess I will, but,,, speaking of your daddy, can we get back to him?? " These tag-ons just don't have any personality for themselves. There's no reason to be excited about them.

Tag-on after tag-on: Wasp, Cassie, Michael Douglas, Chidi from the Good Place...

this chick (who seems cool).

It's too much! I loved the world, and it's beautiful... the kids out there and or the people who saw this movie while high will love it, but can we stick to a character developement??!

Give me the ever delightful Paul Rudd, skipping and whistling through new world, cracking jokes. Give me Michellle Pfeiffer, action hero, blowing things up in this new world, and having Summer flings with aliens. Give me Kang, torturing and zapping his way through the miracle of life in this new world, while explaining just what the hell his problem is! But, pick one! Dammit, Marvel!

Grade?! I don't even know! I’m exhausted by my own rant.

Much like The Wasp, it just doesn't matter. We'll say a generous C- Same reaction I had after watching that Super Bowl Halftime Show, I guess... I said afterwards... "Well, she's pregant. How bout that??"

("But, what did you think of her performance?")

"Um... pregnant. I love her though. Her catalog... whew! I kinda wish she did CHEERS tho... I guess she can't promote alcohol at a family event. The aggression of Bitch better have my money and the brutality of football is fine, but not alcohol... everybody knows that."

("But, her performance?")

There's a show called "Fringe" Once upon a time, it was one of my favs. It was kinda like X-Files meets X-Men... kinda. But, then in later seasons they got into different dimensions and time travel and the show became hard to follow. You knew of one character, but then met a "variant" version, and then had to learn about them all over again.

Marvel is in danger of this. You've gotta be on your game to write stories on this type of level.

On your game like Steph Curry at practice when he shoots like 48 for 50 from half court. I feel like Marvel has been more like 5 for 50. Now, it's game time, and they're like "We're ready! Let's do this!" And I'm like, "We're so f**king doomed." smh

I hope I'm wrong.

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praphit · 1 year

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Infinity Pool: I once was lost, but now I’m filthy.

You're a writer. You wrote a book, but it's been about six years since then, and you've been bone dry for inspiration. You're beginning to question whether you ever had any talent at all. You decide that the best way to kick writer's block is to go to a resort in a foreign country, engage with murderers and other degenerates, get shot at, soak yourself in a world of clones and death, and maybe have an orgy or two with some strangers. Sound like a good idea?

It's a great idea if you're Alexander Skarsgard (playing James, our writer).

He even dragged his lovely wife (played by Cleopatra Coleman) along. He married rich; she's funding this crazy plot. Nothing quite like murder to clear the sinuses and creative struggles.

James meets a couple (Gabi and Alban) who after helping him out of a serious situation (sort of), then lead him into the craziness I described above.

Look, the casual moviegoer has probably not even heard of this movie. And honestly, there are plenty of reasons for you not to watch this smut. So, let me save you the time. I watched this smut so that you don't have to :) But, as far as the horror movie fans... well, yeah, still good reasons not to watch this smut.

Maybe you've heard that this movie is STRANGE, GORY, and SEXY. Two out of three ain't bad. Idk about sexy. I mean, if you call an orgy between mostly middle-aged people, who are simultaneously splattered with all kinds of bodily fluids (it's a juicy movie:) including blood, and also wearing creepy masks, sexy... then maybe some of these scenes will do it for you.

Some might say "What about Mia Goth? Sexy, right?!"

I think those people are confusing "sexy" with crazy and manipulative.

I've been there, especially when you get a few drinks in you; you'll start seeing "sexy" all over the place, but... nope, it's just crazy.

This movie IS gory though, but not as much blood as I thought it would have. Movies like "Saw" and "TC Massacre" are way worse/better in that dept.

And, STRANGE? Oh, yeah... I feel comfortable saying that it's one of the strangest movies you'll see all year.

These masks

This pool

Whatever the hell this is

My buried lede of clones

At times, naseating directing style

punching and stabbing people to literal pulp

Freaky, unneccessary images

And I loved all of it!

All of the above! I could have done without the orgy stuff, but maybe that's gonna be Brandon Cronenberg's (the director) signature. Random, Nasty, Horror Movie Porno. So, maybe we should just get used to it. Perhaps it'll be the new trend. I can see it now - Leatherface pauses (mid-kill), puts down the chainsaw, and takes off all of his clothes, slowly, to Sam Smith’s “Unholy”.

The violence is gross, but artistic (somehow).

People rave about Mia Goth's performance (and it's excellent), but I was also impressed by Skarsgard. Well, as much as one can be impressed by the acting in a horror film:) He was good though!

There's a group of rich people who Gabi (Goth) introduces James to, and they are horrible. I loved hating them! They're the type of people in horror movies that you can't wait for the monster to get to, but then you realize, they ARE the monsters. It is a purposely uncomfortable movie.

I loved the character of James. He doesn't quite belong anywhere in this movie. He never really has any clarity of what's happening to him. And neither does the audience. The only thing that's clear is that he's getting pulled closer and closer towards a dark place.

The ending will have you staring at the screen trying to figure out what the hell you just watched. Let me help you:

There's no mystery. No hidden meaning. No layers. You'll have to accept that what you watched is all that there is. It's dissatisfying on purpose. Sure, I guess you could derive some social commentary if you wanted to, but... meh. You want a lesson? - I'll give you one.

When you get lost in life, and lose your sense of self, don't stay there long or you will be taken advangetage of... and sure as hell don't go to some foreign land with weird laws.

Instead:

Frequent a bar. Go to church. Go to Disneyland. Buy a sports car. Have sex with people 20 years younger than you (legally:). Join that cult you’ve been thinking about.

Do something different with your hair.

Normal stuff, you know??

No Mia Goths and no clone orgies.

Did I have any problems with the movie? Not really. I've heard the complaints from others, and they're mostly valid, but I'd counter by saying that that's why I loved it!

I'm proudly in the minority, but... Grade: A+* from me.

(asterisk* - AGAIN, it’s weirdf AF, but that’s right up my alley)

Have you ever gone on a trip outdoors and gotten dirty? You're bothered at first, but then you get more dirty? And after that. you just don't care anymore. You're all in.

Afterwards, you could say to yourself "Wow, I'm a filthy and disgusting human being. What's wrong with me?" OR say to yourself "Wow, that was fun and thrilling." and take a shower. It's up to you.

#InfinityPoolMovie #johnpraphit #Moviereviews #smut #praphitproductions.com #AlexanderSkarsgard #MiaGoth #HorrorMovies #BrandonCronenberg #Praphit #Monsters #richpeople #artsy #violence

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praphit · 1 year

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Top 10 BAMFs of 2022

MF's it's BAMF time! - of the top 10 variety. Do I even need to say more? I probably do.

It's that time to honor all the people we've seen out in these mostly fictional streets, doing all of the things that we wish we could do (without getting arrested).

Last year's champ - BLACK WIDOW

But, she dead, so... I doubt there will be a repeat. But, let's see.

RULES:

#1 - Must have badass power #2 - Must have badass attitude #3 - Must be relevant to the majority in 2022

BOOM! Let's do this:

Honorable Mentions:

Team Peacemaker

Liam Neeson (my white daddy, always in the mix) Voldymr Zelensky (all politics aside - a real-life BAMF; didn't seem fair to put him in there with the fictionals)

Ashtray from “Euphoria” (you name a kid "Ashtray, and he's either gonna get his ass beat or be a BAMF... both kinda happened here)

Them “RRR” boys!

(I can’t tell you how much I love them and their movie. It hurts not to put them on, cuz this is now one of my favorite action movies, and they're awesome, but... no one knows what I'm talking about when I say "RRR"

Dude who fought a giant crab in “Love Death + Robots” ( if you don’t know, don’t worry about it)

Ben Affleck (you swoop in and take back your ex from a legendary MLB player... you get a mention) The Woman King The IronHeart The Wendy Byrde (badassery or mental illness? you be the judge, but either way - RESPECT) Sting, the wrestler (really just for being old) Wednesday Addams

Emily (the Criminal)

Ok, now that THAT'S out of the way:

#10 - Them Stranger Thangs Kidz:

I know they don't look very intimidating - outside of the super-powered girl (Eleven), one might not have a lot of confidence in them, but I do! Even though most of them look confused... and some look like they just shit themselves. BUT, think about what they did -

They went after THIS GUY,

who's made a habit of making his victims levitate before crushing their eyes and bones.

They went after him on his turf, knowing there would be monsters screeching between them and him. And not being sure if they could even defeat him.

That takes some giant BAMF BALLS

#9 - Predator Chick

I don't remember the character's name, but the actor's name is Amber Midthunder. One more person who conquered their fears after seeing a beast be beastly, and then putting the smack down. Extra BAMF points for being seemingly (in a misogynistic universe, so... all universes, I guess:) the weakest, and using that non-truth to her advantage.

#8 - The Batman -

(that’s his “what-the-bleep-you-gonna-do-about-it?” face)

Batman always belongs on this list. He's pretty much the standard. If I don't put him on the list, people start coming to my home in the middle of the night, and threatening to take my credentials away. I don't even really need to say anything. I could talk about how in this movie, he simply stares people down (in silence), while collecting data on them. His enemies don't know what to think. He just let's them talk shit, while he computes how he's going to beat them down.

Then, there's the trailer:

He interrupts gang activity, beats the hell out of half of them, then makes a spectacle/example out of one poor soul who dared to ask "who are you?" THEN, my man responds to that question with "VENGEANCE". He could have said anything at that point and it would have been an exclamation point - "Batman" "The Night", "Steve" - doesn't matter.

You do all of that, and then shout out that you are vengeance incarnate.... yeah, BAMF.

#7 - Tom Cruise -

People (like myself) said the "theaters are dead". You've got OG's bitching about how the only movies people care about anymore are comic book movies. Then, Tom rides in on his motorcycle, and tosses "Maverick" at the feet of Hollywood. Hollywood looks at it... they've heard about this sequel to (let's be honest) a bad movie, but they didn't believe it would ever happen. The film was glowing and they thought maybe they heard angels voices coming from the film. Masterpiece! I felt emotions I didn't know I could feel. And everyone must have been with me, cuz (at least for a moment) the theaters were booming again. Then, my dude puts out two awesome trailers for Mission Impossible, and promotes it all while standing on a plane (real life!) that's IN THE AIR.

Clap your hands all ye people, for Tom BAMF Cruise.

#6 - Thor -

Again, I don't need to say anything, but I will.

I could mention that the villain coming after Thor has a blade designed to kill him. Imagine if someone had a weapon called "The I'm going to torture and kill [insert your name] Blade". He tries to get help from frickin ZEUS, and Zeus and the gang are all scared of this villain, cuz their names are inserted on the blade as well. It's not just Thor's bravery, badassery, and muscles that has landed him on this list, but also his love. That's right, I said "love"! He fights for his love (Natalie Portman), who's sick. This is Thor we're talking about.... nobody would have blamed him if he said "Look, baby, you're sexy and all, but you're sick... this is too real for yours truly, the-gettin-booty-god - a playa gotta play, you dig??" (I mean we should blame him, but... he's so damned charming). But, he instead stands by her, encourages her, and fights with, and for her. Badassery of love.

#5 - Strange! -

Do you remember that time that you possessed a dead alternate version of yourself, so you could dreamwalk to a hellish realm, so you could fight a witch and save the day? Ya damned right you don't! You know who can remember when they did that? - Doctor BLEEPING Strange! He's super nerdy, and normally we can't allow nerds into Club BAMF, BUT exceptions are a part of life.

Plus, he fought a lil bit in that movie... with his hands and feet! I thought he was all about hocus pocus. I had forgotten about his training. Rockin some tiger style, baby!

#4 - Gorr

I roll the r's on his name - seems more intimidating. "Gorr" (with no r's rolled) seems like a name for a simpleton, which he def is not! He went from a groveling worshipper to THE MAN you call when you want a GOD slayed. You don't even have to call him... he's probably out there doing it already; that's strong work ethic, kids.

Do you understand how ballsy that is?!

You know gods to be immeasurably powerful and seemingly unkillable. You find out that most of them are a bunch of assholes. So, you say to yourself "They ALL have to go. And imma make that cause my life's work." That's constructive rage, kids.

So, badass that all of the gods (these powerful beings) are hiding out.

#3 - Namor

Everything about him is badass..

Look at him - you don't know if you want to fear him, worship him, be him, or bang him. I imagine it's similar to how Prince made people feel.

Namor! Marvel's Prince!

He defended and saved his people. Led the building and reigning of a secret underworld kingdom. Comes and goes, freely, to and from Wakanda... without their consent. Nobody does that! That's like being able to break-in and raid Joe Biden's fridge whenever you want, and simply leave unharmed/unhindered. (BAMF)

He'll beat your ass in the water, he'll beat your ass on land, he'll beat your ass in the air. Doesn't matter. The only unBAMF-like thing about him are those chicken wings on his feet. You gotta cover them up, bro! Not out of shame, but just in case someone gets hungry.

Now, we’re at the end.

These last two were hard to decide between. -

Black Adam and Scarlet Witch

Both crazy powerful. Both with BAMF attitude.

Black Adam, pretty much can't be stopped. You can slow him down, you can manipulate him, you can trick him, but beat him?? Maybe if Superman were still around. But, honestly, I think he’d hold his own against Supes.

His brooding anger will not be contained or deterred.

And then there’s the Witch! - who took out armies and super-powered groups (who's goal is to stop people like her) with little trouble. She got a lil banged up here and there, but everybody can’t get that I-never-bleed clause into their contract, like The Rock :)

They're both kinda murderous though, right?? Not something that your rambling praphit wants to promote with #1 honors.

The big difference is their motivations:

BA didn't ask to be around in the present; he was set free by some dumbass Tomb Raider-wannabes, with a lust for power. Black Adam is more like an emotionally wounded grizzly. You see it, it comes up to you and tells you to get out of the way. If you don't, it'll murder you... and that's kinda your fault.

The Witch is a straight up bully. She's trying to reclaim her "family" (that she magically created while torturing a whole community btw), and she doesn't care who has to die in the process; especially not some lil Puerto Rican girl (America Chavez). No bullies allowed at the top... unless they're complex, and their fury can be rationalized... and they're played by The Rock.

#2 - Wanda

#1 - BLACK ASS ADAM

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praphit · 2 years

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Black Adam: the psychopath we need right now

Of course The Rock belongs in a comic book cinematic universe. What the hell took so long?!

There are a bunch of characters I think he could have played well:

Deathstroke.

The Winter Soldier (imagine The Rock growing out his hair:)

Apocalypse (no way that movie sucks with The Rock in it)

(I can’t stop laughing at this GIF, and J.Law’s “Oh, Shit!” face.

The Rock could have played a jacked Professor X (tired of only being the brains)

Or he could have simply played himself. I’d buy that when Batman is in trouble he runs to The Rock.

But, he's perfect for Black Adam!

A long ass time ago, there was a lil boy, born into slavery, in a Middle Eastern country called Kahndaq. Him and his people were slaving away trying to locate a mystical crown made of Vibranium... sorry, I meant Eternium... or was it Krytponite?? Doesn't matter.

This crown has the power to... unleash hell on earth or something. Which... why would anyone want to do that? If you're a bad guy, I get ruling the earth or even destroying the earth. But, to bring a literal, demonic, Hell on earth, doesn't seem productive for anyone... except for Hell. But, anyway, this lil boy, one day, says to himself "Slavery sucks! I want to be free!"

If only it were that simple to be free, kid (though according to Ye, it is).

Some ancient wizards show up and grant this boy powers. They have a habit of doing this.

Why?! Is it just me, or does giving children the powers of gods seem stupid? But, who can tell wizards anything??

This now super-powered, young boy finds his father (The Rock) in peril, one thing leads to another, and SHAZAM!

Black Ass Adam is born!

Buuuuuut, he has a bit of a temper, so he has to be locked away, until the movie comes out.

It's now the present day, and Black Adam is here to protect his people... eventually. He's kind of a psychopath. I mean that in the nicest way possible. He's a charming psychopath tho... well, not really. I mean, The Rock is charming AF, but.... I guess we'll crown B.A. with the same charm as the actor playing him; why not??

But, he needs help from some "friends" (I use that word loosely):

Cyclone

Ant Squasher or Musher... or something

Dr. Strange Fate

And The Winged Black Man

( I think I may have mixed up a name or two in there, but it doesn't really matter)

These weirdly familiar characters are able to annoy B.A. enough to convince him to limit his anti-hero murdering spree long enough to save the day. Although, I kinda think he enjoyed the killing more than saving the day.

This movie has everything you'd want:

super-powered freaks, a video game level of action and explosions, evil labs, zombie vibes, some tomb raider action, demons/end of days bs, international politics, the funny fat guy, the strong and smart single mom character (in the credits, she's (a Middle Eastern woman) named ISIS... I know these comic books were written a while ago, but... still kinda bleeped up), it's got tear-jerking self-sacrifice, and some Lord of the Rings vibes.

What more could you want??!

All held together by the cornerstone, being The Rock!

Whew! That's some good sex right there!

However :) There are some issues.

For one, if you suffer from comic book/action movie fatigue, then don't go anywhere near this movie. It's not trying to be anything else but that.

This movie is a Thanksgiving gravy dump of CGI. Is that a good or bad thing? - depends on your tastes, I suppose. This is some of the easiest money The Rock had ever made. CGI did all of the work. In fact, CGI had to work harder than ever to make The Rock look weaker (pre-powers). Dwayne Johnson doesn't even have all that much dialogue. He doesn't need to be the straight man in a comedy duo. Doesn't need to be in shape.... of course he’s in ridiculous shape, being The Rock, but he didn't NEED to be. Shoot, the powers of CGI even squeezed Pierce Brosnan (loved btw) into spandex.

The CGI does get bad though, towards the end. Like, not She-Hulk bad, but in the same ballpark.

There's a lot of slomo. NO, I MEAN A LOT! It's like someone discovering a new IG filter for the first time, and they always feel compelled to use it. Enough with the beautifying filters already! You know damn well you don't look like that. You're not fooling anyone:)

The Rock, though his people all seem to have Kahndaqian accents, he does not. C'mon, Dwayne! Be an actor! On second thought, I'm now picturing The Rock using this accent throughout the whole film, and in my mind, it turns into a comedy. So, I'll take that criticism back.

It's also a lil long. I wish they would have used the extra length to make this movie less dreary. I mean, I had fun with it, but... DC still hasn't learned how to balance out their tones yet (though James Gunn should be able to help that moving forward). Idk what's in Marvel's secret sauce, but if they had produced Black Adam, part of me wouldn't have felt like it needed a strong drink after watching.

There were two messages driven home by ISIS (still feels wrong to call her that):

1) "Hey, outsiders! Stay the bleep out of OUR business!" - that message, I agree with.

2) Black Adam is not a hero, but he's the ANTI-Hero that they need.

Idk, people. I get that sometimes you've gotta murder people (not the best message for the kids, but whatever). But, don't we have enough anti-heroes?? If everyone is an anti-hero... what's an anti-hero? You know?? I mean Black Adam murders more people in this movie than "the bad guy". He murders more people in this movie than Michael Myers murders in "Halloween Ends".

At what point in the sport of killing, does one become a villain??

That being said, I get it, and I like it!

Considering the slavery of their people. Considering people coming at you with guns. And considering demonic forces rising up against you (not like you can take demons to court) - yeah, sometimes, you've gotta kill people.

If you're looking for a dumb comic book action flick (for the kids? - sure), fueled by revenge - The Rock delivers.

Grade: B-

They also fixed the problem (at least I personally have had) with characters that are way too powerful. He wasn't dull. I mean his character kinda is, but... throw in The Rock as a heavily (and I mean HEAVILY) flawed character, and you've got some entertainment. I hope Marvel is paying attention concerning Captain Marvel 2.

Let's give Capt a functional coke and drinking problem, and make The Rock her bartender, and we'll have a less dull winner.

#BlackAdam #dccomics #johnpraphit #praphitproductions.com #Marvel #DrFate #TheRock #dwaynejohnson #Praphit #MovieReviews

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praphit · 2 years

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Beavis and Butt-Head: A proud Fifth Choice

Your eyes do not deceive you. The movie joint I'm rockin, today, is "Beavis and Butt-Head Do the Universe". You might say "They have a movie?" "Why?" "Why would you even watch that mess?" "And why would you review it?" "Are you feeling ok?" "Have you lost your mojo?" "Are you on a bender?" - All valid questions.

I asked myself those questions for a bit. At some point, I'm going to either lose my way (however you'd like to interpret that) or lose my passion to ramble about movies. Perhaps this lapse in judgment is the beginning of the end.

I can't be too hard on myself though; B&B weren't my first choice (sorry, boys). I recently discovered that we have Paramount + (The Arby’s of streaming services). In clicking on it, I then discovered that those mischievous, dumbass boys from the the 90' and 2000's are back (for this new movie, AND the series is back).

I then said to myself "Nope". I never really got them, so... "meh".

I then saw the trailer for "Incantation" (first choice)

YES! Watch this trailer! Do it!

Look how scared she is... she's seen some shit! I'd like to witness the same said shit.

Well, then I watched a lil bit of the actual movie, and within minutes... "meh". It's about...

... wait, it doesn't matter what it's about, it sucks!

You can tell if a movie is gonna suck within the first few minutes. It's kinda like conversations. Now, that I've gotten older (and care way less about certain social things) I just walk away from conversations that have the smell of suck. You know you can do that?? Just say "This convo sucks." and leave :) Some call that rude, but I call it time management.

I then saw the title (only) for "Lou" (second choice). I'll spend some time watching a movie about some dude (or lady) with the cool name of "Lou" The crazy thing is that they had me at the title and lost me with the trailer.

They also look scared, but they look like they're scared of a better movie coming along.

"Barbarian" (third choice) is out there,

but I was too lazy to go see it.

And "Dahmer"(fourth choice).

I thought it might be a two or three parter, but it's like 10 epi's. Even if I wanted to, one can't simply sit down and watch a whole day's worth of blood and cannibalism. That can't be healthy.

So, here we are (fifth choice).

Lemme give the young people a chance.

I normally question young people's tastes in music

Their choices for Tv

(this TikTok was simply someone peeling an egg... that’s it:)

their convo

Wait, that’s Adam Levine talking. He’s my around my age, I think. But, the kids are def talking like that.

And their general decision making

, but why not.

Beavis and Butt-Head set out to do the universe, and it all started with Butt-Head kicking Beavis in the balls. Many, many, many times did he do this. They were at a science fair, and it was thought that a marathon of crotch-kicking to see how long it would take for Beavis to pass out... was their experiment - the trials of human endurance. Nope. They were just doing it to do it.

Beavis's balls lead them into outer space where they found themselves trying to get into the pants of this woman right here. Serena. Up until now, I thought I had made a mistake with this movie, but it was at this point I started to get it.

Beavis and Butt-Head are always trying to "score" Life IS about points isn't it??!: Games as kids. tests as we get older, points with the parents, points with your boss, points when you fly, points when you buy, trying to appear better than someone else as to take points away from them, etc etc... and of course the type of points they're into.

The pursuit of scoring led them into the future (2022) where they continue to look for Serena, simply to score with her. (poor boys, they aren't aware yet of the METOO movement).

She doesn't know that they're trying to score with her - she thinks they're there to ruin her career/life. Meanwhile the government believes these boys to be some sort of threat like aliens or terrorists or something.

It took some time, but I finally saw the light!

These boys have taught me a lot in this movie. I get it now! They're like idiot geniuses. And there's a lot of idiocy: they learn of the iphone and fall in love with Siri, they travel the country covered in feces and nacho cheese, they are told about their white privilege by a room full of feminists (after the boys invite them all to a "slut party") and so use their new found "power" to commit crimes, and we see a reappearance of The Great Cornholio

(real G's know).

But, then it's their simplicity that has enchanted me today. Points and Nachos. Nothing else matters. Everything either is “cool” or it “sucks”. Very simple. Add in some fresh animation, there dedication to slap stick (genius comedy duo btw:), and their witty word play -

"Woodson. You've got wood, son. Boiiiiiinnng"

Fantastic!

All this and more has gained them not only a high grade from me, but it has awakened a call to simplicity for myself, and new hope in our.... well, I was going to say "our youth", but let's not go too far... um... a new hope to learn and laugh at the idiocy of others. Thank you, B&B. I've never been more sure about my movie judgment and mojo.

I've thought long and hard about this - I only wish they went a lil more over the top. Grade: B+

Fine cinema.

huh huh I said "long and hard" huh huh Yes, fine cinema indeed.

#BeavisandButthead #johnpraphit #BeavisandButtheaddotheUniverse #praphitproductions.com #comedy #nachos #Praphit #lifelessons #youth #AdamLevine #animation #ParamountPlus #incantation #dahmer

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praphit · 2 years

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Praphit’s Pinocchio!

I've said before, that I'm not into these live-action Disney films; I consider them a scam. They're selling me a story that they've already told me. It always feels a bit stale, doesn't it?? Now, I WILL bleep with certain remakes, but normally, the best remakes are the ones where enough time has gone by, and people don't even remember/know there is an original.

"Pinocchio" is a story that's older than Bernie Sanders., but it's been remade SO MANY times.

BUT, this time, we've got a Hankypank alert.

My main man, Tom Hanks can sell me on pretty much anything, so I'm in. Who doesn't love Tom?? A great actor and from what I can tell, a lovable human being. Whatever part of the soul that one loses when they become famous, somehow Tom Hanks has kept. If I'm going to be scammed, it might as well be by him.

Tom Hanks plays Geppetto (of course, Pinoc's papa). Probably no need to recap, but I'll do one anyway:

G is a wood carver, who makes clocks that he won't sell. I don't know how he stays in business that way, but whatever. He is grieving the loss of his family (wife and son). We're not told what happened to them.

Maybe they died.

Maybe they left. Perhaps Geppetto was selling drugs on the side to pay the bills, and his family found out. They didn't want to become like that "Ozark" family, so they split town.

Maybe his family never existed, cuz G is a lil... crazy.

I don't like to throw the C word around, but it may apply here for Geppetto.

Let's say you have a grandpa that you go to visit. You find out that he's living at work and he has surrounded himself with cuckoo clocks. You take him out, and he insists on bringing his cat and goldfish.

And when you bring gramps back home (again, his work) you discover that he has built himself a son out of wood. What would YOU call that? :) Idk. We'll just say that his family was whisked off by... Michael Myers, and we'll keep it moving.

G proceeds to conjure some sort of rogue, mischievous spirit into his home (played by Cynthia Ervio - she was excellent, and hits a Mariah Careyish high note).

This spirit casts an animation spell on the wooden boy (Pinoc), and appoints a hobo cricket (voiced by Joseph Gordon Levitt), who could be defeated by a hungry bird, a foot, a gust of wind, or even a jar - to watch over Pinocchio.

This spirit says for now you're just a living lump of wood, but if you live right and your heart is pure, then perhaps I'll change you into a REAL BOY!

We all know of the fun of this town in which Pinoc's explores:

There's the fox (Keegan Michael Key),

whom (animation and voice wise) I love everything about... although he's kind of a human trafficker.

There's a slaveowner (aka Stromboli).

(perfect picture of health and sanity)

FYI - there's a sexy "employee" (Kyanne Lamaya) of the slaveowner, who's a bit of a weirdo.

I don't like to throw around the W word either, but... she's a puppeteer, so I feel like that label is valid for anyone of that trade. Will she be fun and playful or become a Batman villain?

- that's part of her mystique.

They meet a devil (No prob throwing the D word around), who's the gatekeeper to some sort or temptation island (Luke Evans, also excellent as this dude "The Coachman").

On this island, kids end up indulging in all kinds of naughty behavior. As a result, they turn into donkeys.

(I couldn’t resist :) Can you imagine if the kids, instead of donkey traits, started growing strange blond hair and their skin turned orange?? Best Pinocchio movie ever.

This whole premise is never really explained. Like... how? and why?

The kids are turned into donkeys and then sold. But, who wants donkeys??!

I get the whole "Hey, if you act like a jackass, you'll turn into one." thing, but... every asshole kid that I've ever met didn't become that way on their own; let's give their parents some credit.

AND there's a sea monster that the whole town knows about, but doesn't seem interested in getting rid of it. It's just out there creeping, destroying, and consuming. I'm not sure if there's some kind of metaphoric thing happening here or not... we'll just call it climate change for now :)

In the end (spoiler alert... though can I spoil a story that's older than Mick Jagger?),

Pinocchio's purity is tested, but proves worthy of him becoming a real boy. Or at least... that's how this story is supposed to end.

This story does not end that way. Something about Pinocchio being fine just the way he is.... and if you're truthful blah blah blah, and him being like a real boy inside or... something. If it were me, and I had gone through all of these stupid tests to become a "real boy" and that bitchass spirit DIDN'T make good on that promise... whew, I'd be pissed!

"The hell with all of that love ya as you are BS! Look here, pops, you conjure that fairy back here right now, and get me my flesh and blood body, or there WILL BE TROUBLE! You hear me, old man??!"

Grade?

The problem here is that there are not enough changes to this version to make it worth the watch. There are a plethora of Pinocchio titles to choose from, but why should I choose this one?

There's a bunch of creepy Pinoc's

(seriously... that’s haunting)

One from the future (I think... I may have dreamed that one, but I’m pretty sure I remember a futuristic, robotic Pinocchio)

One with 0% on RT

How bad does it have to be not to get at least 1%??

A Korean one :)

and even one of Revenge.

Although I don't know whom he'd be getting revenge on. All of the bad stuff that happens is kinda his fault. Perhaps he's getting revenge for how this story originally ends. I hear it didn't go to well for Pinoc back then.

Nothing is different here! In fact, some of the goodies of the childhood story are taken out. You've got a great actor in The Hankypank Man, whom if you've noticed, I didn't mention much. He's barely in this story!

Now, you might say, "But, Praphit, this is a story about Peeneezy." Yeah, but his story is old and stale.

How about deal with all of the mental illness and monsters that seem to be running freely through this town. That's what I would do, if I were doing a remake.

In "Praphit's Pinocchio" , we'd start by giving Tom some more shine. We'll clean him up. Get him a suit.... or maybe JUST dress pants... cuz we're giving The Hankypank man a Marvel bod. TIGHT dress pants for the Hankypank Man’s new tight ass... sex sells. Slick his hair back. Maybe rock a monocle. He'll sweet talk the ladies of the community and sell some clocks... maybe do some house visits to the ladies, and make them whatever they desire out of his wood.

THEN, he'll summon the spirit, she'll make Pinocchio real from the jump this time. Then, G will cast her into Hell where she belongs (that's my Christian background speaking :) Don't worry, she'll do a song and dance on her way to Hell -we'll make it family-friendly and fun.

Then, Pinocchio will grow up big and strong, and become a cop (cuz there doesn't appear to be any in this town full of criminals). Tom Hanks, gettin money and booty. And his son, cleaning up crime.

Those of changes, baby!

Hey, Disney, that's what a remake looks like!

Disney might reply "Yeah, but this is what money looks like."

Can't argue with that. Might as well make that plus sign in “Disney +” a money symbol.

Not a bad watch, but... it just doesn’t stand out.

Grade: C

#pinocchio #johnpraphit #praphitproductions.com #DisneyPlus #Marvel #TomHanks #Disney #Geppetto #Praphit #Fairies #Hell #monsters #keeganmichaelkey #josephgordonlevitt #remakes #money #horror

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praphit · 2 years

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Thor: Love, Death, and Beach Volleyball

Gather round, everyone! I'm going to share with y'all a tale of adventure, love, faith, and vengeance.

Our story begins with a god named Rapu. I'm not sure what kind of powers Rapu possesses. He seemed to have created small plant-like creatures to adore him, tell him how awesome everything he does is, laugh at his jokes, cook and clean for him... and he was probably banging them - so... they're like groupies, which makes him like a diva.

While I don't know how to rank his power levels (he's mentioned as not being that powerful) I do know that he was powerful enough to kill an intruder who wielded a murderous item called "The Necrosword" (a sword that can kill gods). Someone apparently did not like something that Rapu had done or said, so for his own ego's sake, he did away with this nuisance - kinda a diva would.

Rapu and his plant-based groupies were celebrating the Diva god's triumph, when in walks Gorr (played by Christian Bale).

Gorr had been a faithful worshipper of Rapu. He had posters of him all around the walls of his home. He had all of his records, and memorized all of his lyrics. He went to every show to get his worship on, but him and the rest of the worshipers (including his daughter) fell on hard times. He believed in Rapu to save them (that's kinda on him though, right?? Know your god. I mean, if i were to faithfully serve Loki, god of mischief and trickery,

and it turns out that Loki is actually a lying piece of shit.... that's kinda on me).

Not only had Rapu not had any intentions of saving them, but Gorr, his daughter, and his people were a joke to him.

Turns out Gorr's daughter, whom Rapu could have saved, died. And Rapu laughs in Gorr's face.

Rapu was like "Hey, thems the breaks."

Apparently, the weapons of space (and the realms of the gods) are kind of alive, and this Necrosword was no different. It sensed Gorr's hurt, and called out to him, and just like that - Marvel's new batch of merch was produced.

Gorr the God Butcher!

In one scene, Gorr goes from pure-hearted worshiper of the diva god to a racist intergalactic serial killer. His goal is to destroy (and butcher, i suppose) ALL gods. They all must be bad!

This is a problem.

BUT, with problems, come heroes:

We've got Thor (Chris Hemsworth)

, the muscle and the looks.

Just look at him - the god of turning you on

Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson),

the heart of the team and all sober... ish, apparently... well, she def drinks a lot less here than she used to.... and I don't like it. She was mainly defined by her alcoholism in Thor 3. If an alcoholic isn't drinking, who are they? It's like if Kanye West all of a sudden quit rapping about getting money and booty, and started making gospel music, and having "Sunday Services". What the hell, right?? Who are you??

That being said, go A. A. :)

Jane Foster (the great Natalie Portman),

the brains and somehow holds the power of Thor now.

And Korg, the comic relief.

They must band together to stop Gorr the Racist

(some of y'all might be saying "Praphit, quit calling him racist. They're gods after all, and a lot of these gods that I've seen are shitty. They look suspicious. I don’t like their music, and honestly, I wouldn't want my children anywhere near them."

Hmmm, y'all who are thinking that.... I've got my eye on you).

As I was saying, Gorr the racist god butcher was out there playing his own version of Pokemon ' "Gotta Kill'em all!"

There were many CG battles:

Aliens, shadow creatures, Russell Crowe.

He was playing Zeus, so not just Russell Crowe; although that would have been pretty cool - Team Thor, battling Russell Crowe as he plays himself.

They tried to stab Gorr, reason with Gorr, shame Gorr, they even tried to cancel Gorr. But, someone comfortable with being called Gorr the racist god butcher, doesn't care about cancellation.

Cuz you see, it's not just about revenge, but it's about love.

There's a lot of love in the air:

Thor and Jane Foster, Thor and Stormbreaker (his axe), Thor and Mjolnir (his hammer), Thor and Starlord (his bromance)

- Thor has a lot of love to give. It’s hard being this hot.

(... "turning you on": )

But, also Gorr and his daughter. This is no simple villain, who just needs a spanking.

This is no crazed villain, who just wants to watch the world burn.

This is a father who deeply loved his daughter, and that was taken away. And the god he believed in let him down.

When you've played as many psychopaths as Christian Bale has, and your love is snatched away, and some demonic swords calls out to you like a mistress in the night, while your wife is away, and definitely has Hepatitis B... then how can you NOT go on a murderous, racist rampage??

A lot of battles! A lot of love! A lot of fun!

Then a lot of death and sadness!

Back to love! and Space Traveling quirkiness!

Then, back to darkness, sickness, and death!

More love! and power! and Thorness!

Annnnnd back to... you get the point, and then this exciting ride crash lands into an ending of "what?"

The root flaw in the movie is that there's not enough time to do what they're trying to do. There's a lot of story to tell (especially about Gorr). It doesn't feel rushed , but more like some pertinent details are taken out. Some of the comedic edits are awkward, cuz you've gotta hurry up and get back to the genocide. And some of the thrills are deluded by down right silliness.

It's the opposite of the new Avatar that’s coming - about to tell us a long story (sequel) that we did not ask for.

"Thor: Love and Thunder" is a story that Marvel fans really want to hear, but all of the cuts and edits make it lesser than it could have been.

Grade: B-

Don't get the wrong idea, I really enjoyed this movie! I've heard some of the critics, and I believe that those critics are being kinda spoiled here. It's fun! Would I watch it again?? - absolutely!

Did it need to be made? - meh.

Great actors in this though:

Bale, Portman (two of my favs)... even Thompson and Hemsworth in their own lanes are really good. And frickin Russell Crowe! Think about all of that talent on one project!

Let's say someone created a time machine for you to go back and meet the greatest minds and talents the world has known:

You get Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King Jr, Socrates, Sojourner Truth, Prince, George Carlin, Joplin, Marley, Betty White, Ronald McDonald etc etc

- and all you do with them is play beach volleyball, and send them back to their times.

You had a fun experience playing beach volleyball with them! You'll remember it for years to come, but... in retrospect, you think to yourself "Should I have done more?"

#Thorloveandthunder #johnpraphit #praphitproductions.com #Marvel #Thor #ChrisHemsworth #TessaThompson #NataliePortman #ChristianBale #Villains #racism #Praphit #gods #divas #moviereviews #Comicbooks #comedy

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praphit · 2 years

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Strange 2: “Are you happy?”

(No Spoilers)

"Are you happy?"

There are plenty of things that could make one happy. Money can make one happy. There are people who say the contrary, but they're full of it.

Now, it might not KEEP one happy, but that’s a different convo.

You’re certainly prettier when you’ve got money. We'd all look as beautiful as the Kardashians, if we had the money - which brings up looks. Looks could make one happy.

There's this guy at a Dunkin Donuts near me, who is one of the dreamiest people you'll ever see. This ain't money, buying the looks, this is God. Kings of Kings! Lord of Lords! Creator of Stud Muffins!

Health, kids, your sports team winning, the list goes on... toys! :) For some it's not the money, exactly, but the toys that money can buy.

Are you happy with YOUR reality? Dr. Strange was asked this question. He replied "Yes." He was lying.

My man is powerful!

No, y'all don't understand... like, there's NOTHING he can't do. You hear rappers talk about being "gods", that's nonsense. Strange is practically a god among humans. He's the coolest mofo wizard around! He's really the only cool wizard around isn't he?

Harry Potter? David Blaine? - You may be fans, but are they sitting at the cool kids table? - probably not. Criss Angel (once upon a time)?

- trying too hard.

Plus, he needs a fly ass cape like Strange to truly be cool.

Strange has got the resume as well.

And... he's a white man. How bout that??

But, none of that makes him happy. The only thing he wants in this reality is Rachel McAdams.

I'm sure there are a lot of creepy, obsessed men who would say the same thing, but this is STRANGE! Makes you feel kinda sorry for him, right?

Especially since she just got married. Bummer. He doesn't have much time to think about this deep "happy or not?" stuff, or plot the demise of their marriage, cuz it's around this time when THE MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS begins!

That's how it works though, right?? - Whether you're happy or not, shit keeps happening, so it's hard to slow down and think. And there's no time at all, cuz not only is there madness surrounding them, wherever they go, but there is an evil force chasing them through every reality. This evil force is pissed, insanely powerful, and has no patience for Dr. Strange's smart ass comments.

Strange's reality is falling a part, the super villain is on the scene, and maybe... JUST MAYBE, if he saves the day in front of Rachel McAdams, she'll look at her freshly acquired husband, and say "Bleep you, I'm in love with the wizard!"

Strange looked at the madness, and was like "Shit. I might die. I don't want to die alone though." So, he tries to form a team:

Wanda, who's an emotional wreck, and if I may say (sorry, not sorry), has been kind of a bitch, lately.

Wong, who loves being dragged into danger by the white man.

And some random teenager, named America Chavez.

She has the power to travel between realities. She can also use these powers to kick some ass, MMA style.

We see all kinds of new worlds:

There's a cartoon world ( I really hope they do some tie-ins with the Spiderverse).

There's a world where everybody is paint. Hard to imagine, right? We're all trapped in a Monet painting.

There's a world where you can revisit any memory you'd like (certainly helpful for people like us, who rarely stop to remember and reflect).

In most of these worlds, you'll meet another you... that's pretty cool... unless your other you is a prick.

There's a world where Prof. X is still alive,

and didn't die in that horrible X3 movie, and is now the head of a cult (Illuminati)... well, a different cult.

He's so old now. He looks confused, and scared, but he's still joining the battle. Have y'all ever had old family members, still trying to mow their lawn, IN THE HEAT. And you say to them "What are you doing?! You're old! STOP!" But, I guess this could be an advantage in battle; even another super ability - Pity. Who's going to attack an elderly man in a wheelchair? You'd have to be a real piece of shit. Unfortunately, for the professor, the evil in this flick is just that.

And this is the movie, people. I can't say much without spoiling anything. I'll have to do a spoiler post soon, cuz honestly, I've got a lot of smack to talk :) not against the movie, but against a character.

Strange is being chased through worlds / looking through worlds for something to help fight the evil that's chasing them, and to help put things right again. This movie is a wild orgy of CG. And there's no room in this orgy for story and development. Well, there are those two things, but they've already happened in other movies and shows. This is going to be a problem for some.

There are no recaps concerning Dr Strange and his powers, his motives, or his love interest (who married another man... Ass). Honestly, it's been so long, I thought that Rachel McAdams' character was dead. I had remembered Strange 1 incorrectly. There's an episode of "What If" (which y'all should watch, if you haven't) where Rachel McAdams dies a lot, I guess I thought one of those times actually kept her dead. She shows up on screen, and I said "But, you dead! *gasp* ZOMBIE! Zombie McAdams!" But, no :)

Wanda's story is so complex. You'll have no chance of figuring out what's going on with her, unless you've been keeping up. There are some big reveals (unless people's illegal vids online haven't spoiled them for you... Asses) that won't be so big unless you're involved with other material. To someone coming in cold - it's just going to be wizards (who look the same) flying around, shooting special effects all over the place, to the music of Danny Elfman.

No, it's not a grounded movie, but Dr. Strange, himself, isn't even grounded. Can you blame him? He had to deal with Thanos; they're still feeling the impact of that. He had all of that Spider-Man bullshit. He just found out that the love of his life is marrying some other man (which AGAIN... Ass!). Seriously, he's Doctor mofo Strange! Who's that other dude she married? How's she not going to wait for him?! - he's been busy! SAVING YOUR LIFE, btw (and everyone else's!)... If I had something brewing with some awesome, heroic, super-powered being I'm waiting! I'd be like "Look, ladies, we can have our fun, but... there's only one for me." You couldn't do that, Rachel??! You couldn't do that for The Doctor?!

... Ass!!!

Where was I?? ...

Right, so he hasn't had much time to be grounded. You're going to have to accept that, going into this movie. It's not going to be as much drama as in recent comic book movies; like I said, it's an orgy. We ain't got time for deep convo. We all know why we're here - for some magic madness and some time flying through new worlds; and that's what you'll get.

It has some horror elements, some scary moments (small children, beware.), some blood, and tons of maddening magic, so... any conservative Christians out there who aren't too cool with all that wizardry shit, this ain't for you. You'll have to wait for the Christian version of Dr. Strange. I'm not sure what that would look like... but there's gotta be a reality where Strange is a born-again believer, and doesn't use magic... he's merely armed with a bible and a spray bottle of holy water. Spray the evil away:)

This ain't A grade material (maybe it would have been if this were a cartoon or a comic), but... and I hate to say this, but it's true in this case - it is what it is - take it or leave it.

Grade: B

So, are you happy?

Happiness is simply an emotion, right? And if there's anything that I've learned from watching movies is that our emotions can be manipulated.

I like to keep my pleasures simple. For example, ice cream makes me happy. Therefore, I've decided that I will eat ice cream, nonstop for the rest of my life. Happiness achieved. I hope it's that easy for y'all.

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praphit · 2 years

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Bullet Train: K.I.S.S. and crank the Beyonce

Have y'all ever taken a ride on a bullet train? I've ridden The Superman ride before... (remember that?? Is that still around??) I don't know how fast that is, but when I rode it, I thought I was going to die. It was puke city for some as well. Think about vomit flying at your face at an excessive speed. Then, I went and rode it again :)

Bullet trains can get up to about 250 mph. I'm not sure The Flash can run that fast.

Imagine yourself on any train, and all of a sudden, Brad Pitt boards, and then some of the peeps from the show "Atlanta", then Bad Bunny, then Joey King (which btw how is she only 23 years old? I feel like she's been around forever. She should be at least 35. Vamp? Yeah, I'm onto you, Joey.) and Hiroyuki Sanada (can't make a movie involving Japan and swords without him).

Pretty cool, right?? THEN, you learn that they're all assassins, hellbent on killing each other. Would you even get off of the train, if you could? I wouldn't. That list of characters, being stylish, about to unleash chaos... I'd want to see where this is all going. Now, THAT would make a good ride - If you added actors, playing killers, wreaking havoc, all while you're on some super-fast contraption, and avoiding airborne puke... and other bodily fluids.

YES!

Brad Pitt (who plays "Ladybug") was once a ruthless assassin, but lately has been on some spiritual enlightenment kick. Like he went to a party with Aaron Rodgers and Joe Rogan, took some pills, opened his third eye, and saw Jesus playing video games with Buddha. Now, Ladybug is... well, still an assassin, but all about personal growth, and therapy, and peace, and grace, and gluten-free, and sparkling water, and such. Right off the bat, Brad Pitt is making me chuckle. I loved him in this role.

You might say, "How can you be chuckling when assassins are around, probably doing assassiny things?" There is a lot of murder, and torture, and children being put in danger, and psychopathic devices, yet... yeah, chuckles. There's a scene in which 17 kills are described in detail, and it was a delightful experience. David Leitch (who directed this movie - along with Deadpool 2, John Wick, Hobbs & Shaw, Atomic Blonde... yeah :) has sprinkled his magic all over this film.

I had fun with this movie, but from the looks of Rotten Tomatoes, some others did not:

54% critics 78% audience (last I checked)

What do they have to say, you ask?

"filled with chaotic, confusing, almost nonstop violence that becomes tediously boring." (I'm with ya, until the "tediously boring" part. That's like having sexy time with a partner who dresses up like a clown and makes sounds like a duck when they get excited, and you say that you were bored with them in bed. You may call that whatever you'd like, except "boring".)

"Bullet Train keeps getting slowed down by flashbacks to exceptional violence and cutesy phone banter... " (How's that bad? and "slowed down"?!)

"... this comedic thriller spins its wheels without any meaningful dramatic substance beneath the surface spectacle"? (that's what you were looking for? did you even watch the trailer?)

"Bullet Train is shooting nothing but blanks." (Proud of that one are you?)

Look, I'm not the guy who needs everyone think/feel how they think/feel about things (no one likes that guy), but I am genuinely curious how I'm seeing this so differently than these folks. I was expecting a fun, slick movie about assassins on a train, and that's what this is.

You wanted more of a plot? - I mean... while they're killing each other, they all want a certain briefcase - plot enough for me.

I say that simple works best:

"Lord of the Rings" - I liked it, but... it's just 9 hours of a group of hippies trying to destroy a ring.

Simple.

Beyonce's "Renaissance"

Simple. Not knocking it, and I like it, but it's just a forty year old going clubbing and having sex (and lots of it... everywhere:) Again, I like it, but some act like it's Mozart or something.

I recently watched "Nope". People were irritated that I didn't show enough respect to Jordan Peele's "masterpiece"; mad that I didn't get it. No, I got it... is there more? No offense, but the "lesson" there was one that you'd hear on some stoner's podcast. Too much going on for a dull payoff (in my humble opinion). Gotta keep it simple.

Sometimes, you just go down the street for milk and a pack of smokes - that's not an interesting story to be told, BUT if you add assassins to that story, and something about Brad Pitt - please tell me more! I don't care about your core plot, just give me the good stuff. What am I missing?!

Plus, I'D say (humbly) that this film DOES have some depth. not a wow-factor "omg you just blew my mind" type of depth (that I was looking for in "Nope":), but this flick has a lot to do with fate and how our paths connect. When you leave the theatre and start peeling away some of that... it gets fun. But, maybe I was high or something when I went to see this movie, cuz no one else seems to think this :) But, I'M with you, Brad! You and me, buddy! If you make a sequel, I'm down - call me. I really hope this becomes the next "Fast & Furious". I want to see at least 8 more Bullet Trains! Bradchise here we come!

The only issue I had with this movie was its length. It could have been trimmed 30-40mins, but I still enjoyed it.

Grade: a surprising A-

I will take one thing back - you CAN have a lot of action and still be bored. The recent movie "The Gray Man" proved this.

However, that movie took itself way too seriously. "Bullet Train" knows what it is. It's a party where it's loud; really loud (Beyonce is cranked!), and everyone is popping pills and getting sweaty and sexy on the dance floor (the under-sized living room). But, you've gotta be up for that. I get it.

Sometimes, you want a quiet evening at a hipsters crib, with fancy drinks and convo. A party with a couple of Karens around to call the police when they think the party next door needs to turn down the Bey, and be more mature like them. To each their own :)

#BulletTrain #johnpraphit #praphitproductions.com #BradPitt #MovieReviews #Atlanta #Japan #Praphit #Beyonce #clubbing #action #assassins #davidleitch #rottentomatoes

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