#honestly what has kept me going

[buwheal]

BEACH OUTFIT 💥💥💥💥

He used to surf the web back in 98'.

#the clothes were so difficult for no reason i kept having to edit them #i actually really like this one lol #cunty uncle type thing going on #Also i love the HC that he as a plush tummy thats so cute and im stealing it #i was about to give him flipflops until i realized he cant do that #He had a dolphin print shirt but it looked ugly with the shorts and i really wanted the striped shorts lol #deltarune spamton #spamton #spamton g spamton #spamton fanart #deltarune #deltarune chapter 2 #i think it looks fine but still i hope it comes across he's resting his right arm on an invisible prop for the pose lol #there was a small little fella in the back of my mind who wanted to put him in a two piece but i couldnt sorry lmfao #edit: I forgot to write this out but I wanted to put it on any post bc i dont want to post a txt post just for this #but honestly he's gotta be some flavor of queer. #It doesnt matter to me which type all that much but I HC that even though he probably is #he has never been in a relationship and i dont think he ever will #he is so full of himself and he's kind of an ass tbh. That and i doubt he trusts anyone with what he's gone through #even if he got time to heal i dont think he'd ever trust someone enough to make a real relationship that way #Thats it thanks for coming to my ted talk #if you opened the tags here's your secret paragraph & im not sorry #BuwheArt

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

not to out myself on main but Katsuki Bakugo continues to make me fucking insane

#there is a REASON he's in my list of top five fav characters #that boy makes me RABID- #literally hes the only reason ive kept up with the manga. that and ive stuck with it for so long i wanna see how it ends #anyway just finished pacing and ranting and Decimating an apple bc. be cause. #i saw someone go 'wait bakugo is save to win?' #YES! YES! HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN SAVE TO WIN HIS ENTIRE CHARACTER IS SAVE TO WIN #HIS ACTUAL BATTLES HAVE ALWAYS BEEN FOCUSED ON SAVING #I HAVE BEEN SCREECHING THIS AT MY CEILING FOR YEARS HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN SAVE TO WIN!!!! #marking him as Win To Save is a fundamental misunderstanding of his character IM SORRY IT IS. IT IS #he has ALWAYS focused more on saving while izuku goes straight for the enemies' jugular #god. hes just. FINALLY BAKUGO GETS TO SHINE and Everyone gets to see who he really is im feral #the moment i saw him i was fascinated and over the years his character has aged like a FINE fuckin wine #its so rare to find a character with such stellar development. like damn. fuck. hes catnip to me #he started my love of analyzing the fuck out of characters and striving to understand them the best i can #punching a wall and wailing YOU DONT KNOW HIM LIKE I DO #honestly if i ever did a video essay it would be on him. and why he's such a good fucking character #say what you will about bnha but god damn he's phenomenal. horikoshi really went tf off with him #BAKUGO BBY IM SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK ITS BEEN SO LONG <3 #absolutely unprompted #i literally. i literally got a bkdk charm keychain #both bc yeah theyre iconic but also i could not resist the bakugo on it. hes too cute #i finally feel excited for the manga and the story again bc MY BOY IS BACK IN THE GAME LETS GOOOOOO #cant wait to see him absolutely slay serve Steal The Spotlight #stg hes gonna save all might AND take down afo while broccoli boy handles McCrusty #lets go bakugoooo LETS FUCKING GOOOOO #WE ARE SO FUCKIGN BACK BABEYYYYYYY #bakugo? no. bakuback!!! #BC HES NO LONGER DEAD ON THE GROUND YEEHAW HAWYEE

[toastsnaffler]

in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....

#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns- #that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭 #to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space #like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use- #to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol) #to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum- #or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else #other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh #to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn #i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding #and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt #unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world... #its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow #and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while.. #anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation #abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol #and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever #and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress #i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters..... #altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes #like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up #a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl #ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs #im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌 #another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo #.diaries #zzzzz

[ukulelegodparent]

grrrr why did people ever stop wearing mid-renaissance clothes

#yes I am mad bc I wanna go to fetes galantes with a friend in a few years #which will mean having to make a baroque gown and I just think Baroque dresses are so ugly 😭 #give me back my beautiful renaissance shapes please!!! I am crying I am shaking etc #and by renaissance I do not mean whatever rigid monstrocities the british had going on during the tudor and elisabethan era #I mean my beautiful German/Dutch renaissance soft shapes #with just absolute madness in the sleeves and in the details #like at least rococo is a little fun bc panniers but baroque? I want to throw myself off a cliff. #'Early 16th century is when Central European fashion peaked and honestly we should've just kept that' remains the hill I will die on #like it's so fun and so stupid. you want a big silly hat? have a big silly hat! you want the poofiest sleeves to ever poof? go for it! #You want an ornamented fake bulge that is very dick shaped that has a little pocket in it for treats to give to the ladies #(top 10 flirting tips they don't tell you about! Works every time!!!)? Boy do I have the accessory for you! #but no we must have weird flowy shapes and then not even commit to that also lets all wear the worst hairstyle anyone has #ever conceived of. that's a good idea! #just completely lost literally what were people on about back then? A fucking disgrace I'm telling you!

[simgerale]

this is me now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#nonsims #RAMBLE AHEAD. you are warned my friend ⚠ #i officially have a wedding dress #and a veil #oh my gosh it's a long train and honestly it looks similar to what cindy has going on #but... detachable sleeves #let that sink in #so it's kind of off the shoulder. strapless. but. BUT. the poofy sleeves are just off to the side #i went in wanting lace #and detail #and off-the-shoulder sleeves #i came out with a romantic gown that makes me look like i'm in a greek goddess club #and AND iT'S SO COMFY #every other dress was itchy or had some fabric that wasn't agreeable #but this..... it's like.. chiffon. it's super soft. it's flexible. it's lightwegith. #lightweight* #and i'm ALL about comfort so it was instantly a MWAH chef kiss #i kept going back to it. we'd try on other dresses and she'd ask 'so better or worse than that one' #and i'd be like..... i still like the other one #lol so at the end i tried it on again and she asked me important questions that made me realize that #it was the one. i kept going back to it for a reason. it may not have met my ideas but i loved it #and it was so WEIRDDDD when she said. can i ask you the question (^: #and i was like ....YES #and she was like .... are you saying yes the dress? (^: #....YES!! #never felt so girly in my life #but in a good way #anyway all this is to say................... i've got a gown. it's a little more real. i'm getting married. i'm adult. i'm woman. #i'm proud of myself too. didn't feel insecure. #anywho. have a good sunday everyone!!!! thanks for listening to me mwah

[sanjarka]

emma and killian's love story deserved better writers, i mean you're gonna tell me that hook died like a HUNDRED TIMES in season five and then season six comes along and you never mention it? that's something that literally needs to get addressed again are you serious rn.

#that show could've been so good but they kept making incredibly stupid opinions #and then emma gets that vision of her dying and doesn't tell him which is honestly understandable #considering that he was dead like five days ago #but they never mention that it's just oh no she doesn't trust him enough #come oooon #what the fuck #and then when killian hides those stupid scissors and emma is all like i understand i would've done the same thing #WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY WOULD'VE #you already did the same thing #no consistency in writing whatsoever #and then that stupid drama about killian wanting to leave her instead of finally communicating about his past #and then emma just believes that he actually left and is not worried that something might have happened #maybe it wasn't the smartest decision to make killian be the one who killed her grandfather in the past #but it could've worked better and made sense if instead making it to a cheap drama because the views are low or whatever #you adressed the guilt he has about his past as villain that he cannot let go off especially after RISING FROM THE DEAD like oh my god #also you're gonna tell me that that skiny silly dude is supposed to be ZEUS #hilarious #anyways #fuck this season #their love story deserved better #ouat #captain swan

[umbracirrus]

Hi Meg! I've been thinking about you a lot today and thought I'd send along some questions from the ask game to try and cheer you up <3 1, 3, 4, 7, 16, and 21 please! <3

Thank you, that means a lot 💛

It's been a nice distraction thinking about my writing and fics!! And boy is this long-

1. What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again?

I tried to write according to a theme - it isn't something I've really done before, I've written and thought of themes which applied retrospectively but not actually written with a theme in mind from the start. It was quite hard, but I think it worked out well for both things which I wrote.

The end results were Purity, based on the quest of the same name with one of my dragonborn, Thea, and Vilkas with a focus on the struggle he was going through at Hircine's whim, as well as a little piece based on Miraak's experience of looking up at the night sky of Tamriel after being freed from Apocrypha.

As for whether I do it again... it would probably depend on themes, if anything stirs up some sort of inspiration.

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

That having a network of people to talk to about my fics, to bounce ideas off and do the same in kind is so incredibly invigorating for me. In particular, things that WIP Wednesdays have been a huge part of this and ohhhh my god, I wish I had something like this in the past when I used to post fanfic pre-2020.

4. What piece of media inspired you the most?

I think it would be cheating if I were to say Skyrim/Elder Scrolls, so ignoring those specifically... I would honestly have to say the fanfictions which I read for the fandom. Before I started writing The Perfect Storm, even before I made my account on here, I spent many nights reading Skyrim fanfictions. Admittedly, a vast majority were smutty, but the ones which made me go 'you know, I want to do some writing based on Skyrim' were the ones which I read that weren't just pure filth but had such wonderfully crafted and nuanced plots where sex wasn't just there for the sake of it but instead enhanced the fic as a whole.

I honestly wish I could find a novel which could enrapture me in the way in which those fanfictions did, where I would be in the perpetual state of 'oh, just one more chapter then I'll sleep' until I finished the fic in the early hours of the morning.

7. What character(s) captured your heart?

Balgruuf. Need I say more?

Ahh, there's actually quite a few - though honestly even my own dear dragonborn Elyse holds a piece of my heart. She's bears a fragment of me within her, as my first character for Skyrim who I began to think more in-depth about as opposed to just being a character that I'm playing as. And it's been a downward spiral from there. So many OCs. But Elyse was the first.

21. Share your favorite piece of dialogue

Ohhhh, this is hard - I have quite a few! So I'll list my top five I think :)

I feel that quite a few of them need context too, so it's a bit more than dialogue too. And it'll be under a read more just to save people's dashboards!

1 -

“You know, I was so proud of you when you said that you wanted to free yourself from the beastblood, Vilkas,” she began, sounding just as proud as she forced on a smile, its hesitance and shakiness as clear as day. “You’ve let yourself suffer for so long, and the least that you deserve is a chance to live without fear of what you can become. And do you want to know why? It’s because you are Vilkas, you are a brave, honourable Companion - one of the strongest people that I know - and you are going to free yourself from this curse and return to Jorrvaskr with me or so help me, I will- I… I will…”

- Thea addressing Vilkas in the aforementioned fic, Purity

2 -

"I see that you received my gift. Danica mentioned when she updated me on your condition that you would need to keep yourself warm after leaving her care, and Lydia said that your warmer clothes were not in the city, so…" he stated, nodding towards the woollen garment. Her eyes widened in surprise at that revelation, she had half been expecting the scarf to have been something that Danica had given to her to be charitable, not for it to have been a gift from the Jarl himself. She brought her hand up to it, and nodded. "I have… thank you. I didn’t know that it was from you."

- Balgruuf talking about a scarf which he got for Elyse ahhhhhh these two-!!!! in chapter 4 of The Perfect Storm

3 -

"You mean that you aren’t the people that the Jarl was sending? But aren’t you the Jarl’s..." He looked as though he didn’t want to finish his sentence as he finally let go of Elyse. A frown settled on Elyse’s face. "Thane?" "Th-Thane...? Yes, yes, uh... Thane...” He trailed off, a hint of uncertainty still in his voice, followed by a shake of his head and a quick but quiet mumble of “That was the word I was looking for..." under his breath.

- Sabjorn not-so-subtly implying that he thinks Elyse is in a relationship with Balgruuf or has at the very least heard rumours of such in chapter 15 of The Perfect Storm

4 -

"Hope you don't mind Brynjolf here joining us, Wynne. If we're talking business or pleasure tonight, he's definitely someone you want around." She pulled a dagger out of her sleeve as her associate took a seat before she scowled as she pulled her cowl down. That was followed by her pointing it in his direction. "My name is Maewynne, Delvin. Not Mae, not Wynne, Maewynne. All one word," she muttered, before looking at the stranger. She was about to ask this Brynjolf whether he was part of the Thieves Guild too, but when she saw the way that he was looking at her blade, as though he was appraising it, she felt that the question was unnecessary. His keen eyes earlier, and his ability to identify something of value seemed to be enough of a giveaway. Instead, she decided to ask something else. "What do you think of my dagger?" "That is certainly an interesting way to introduce yourself, lass."

- An excerpt for a currently unpublished but in the works fic based around one of my Dark Brotherhood characters, Maewynne, as she infiltrates the Thieves Guild on behalf of a former guild member....

5 -

"You heard the news? I've got to say, I feel sorry for those poor bastards up north," he hummed as he dried the inside of a tankard with a cloth, the head of the man he was addressing finally lifting up. "On top of war breaking out, apparently the Empire have requested that borders in and out of Skyrim be closed. Don’t know how long for, either. Imagine being stuck in that icy shithole for the foreseeable future...” The customer laughed loudly at the comments, clearly drunk, with his hand slamming down on the polished wood. “As opposed to this icy shithole? Bruma ain’t much better, what, with all those elves passing through, skulkin’ round that abandoned temple..." He then paused, and let out a puzzled noise. "Wait a minute… ain't most of your business from when those Skyrim folk pass through?” "As I said – I feel sorry for 'em."

- The innkeeper of the Jerall View Inn and one of his customers in the first chapter of Seeking the Sun, prompting a very tired Elyse to cross the border and get caught up in that Imperial ambush, same as-

#thank you!!! #this has honestly kept me distracted for like an hour trying to think of what to answer and going through my writing so seriously thank you #meg is rambling #meg has done some writing

[milimeters-morales]

Someone calling Miles “Miley” as a joke once but he realizes he likes the ambiguity over whether or not it’s a cutesy/teasing nickname for the more masculine sounding “Miles” or straight up just a new feminine name that he wouldn’t mind being called for the rest of his life

#i’ve got a headache from how long this thought has kept me up #because like. Ooooug (turns into a fist sized onion and never turns back) #he doesn’t look like a miley and i can’t even think of a new name for him because i just know he wouldn’t go to that point he likes his+ #name and would feel wrong with anything different that’s why gender is so interesting it’s what you make it im going to DIE FOREVER #I JUST WANT TO PROTECT HER AND KNOW HER STORY AND MAKE HER STORY AND SHOW THE WORLD #BUT IM SOOOOO SCARED. LIKE I KNOW PEOPLE OUT THERE HAVE THE SAME THOUGHTS #AND TOURE NEBER GONNA FIND THE RIGHT PEOPLE IF YOURE SCARED TO SPEAK HONESTLY BUT IM JSUTS O #actually ignore all that bullshit its tumblr 😭😭 almost forgot where i was lmaoooo #cures silly fear in 3 seconds #miles morales #spiderman #spider man #transfem miles

[madigoround]

You know when you make a mistake and you’re like oh that one’s going to come back to bite me later for sure but it’s already done oopsie daisies

#there’s a new security guard at work like an older man probably 60 and when I was leaving he called me pretty and I was like oh that’s nice #of you and then he was like are you married and I was laughing cause like what am I a child bride and said no #and be said are you single and at this point I was like oh maybe he has a kid he wants to set me up with or something #but then he was like I’m single never married no kids when you gonna go out with me and I was joking like I don’t know hit me up #and then he was like how give me your number give me your number and bout to follow me out the building and I was laughing like cause I was #uncomfy but I didn’t know what else to do cause I was already in too deep and he was like I’m gonna call you tonight and I was like okay #and like honestly it would have been pretty funny to me had he not kept asking for my number like if it had just been banter but now I’m #like oh I’m definitely not interested in this old man but if I don’t answer his calls he could bring it up the next time I see him at work/ #in the building so oopsie maybe I shouldn’t have laughed or something hate that for me #if someone vaguely my age could hit on me that would be lovely tho

[bahrmp3]

.

#personal #now that the new year's has passed I feel like I can talk about it I did not have a good time lmao it started fine I guess? I was going to #play music for the new year but then mum made a comment about me still on laptop so I shut it bc ok fine let's not #then it was down hill from there? like I ignored it and was like let's not make a thing out of it so we are saying what we liked this year #/ what we want to do and mum goes and for my son I want x y z and didn't mention me so joe asks her and for if she has anything to say for #me? any wishes? but she doesn't lmao later on she goes (if only you would say what you want we do not know anything about you) #she didn't even mean it she said just to hurt like I was taking a video of this and lit off frame my face is dropping #later on she goes (and you didn't even say what you wish for us either) as she leaves and later when I'm talking to my brother #and I protest this he goes (welp what can I even say? like I told you before are pretty selfish) and idk what to say I was surprised I #don't think I'm selfish tho? I legit was the one to cook for us and got cake? I try so much but keep being labeled selfish this is the #second time he tells me that in the last two weeks I think and both are unfounded ngl anyway all of this pales in the last thing #so we call dad to say happy new year! Well joe does and I mean ok I was still pretty upset about what happened an hour ago so ofc I wasn't #cheerful when calling dad lmao but like I was saying all the right things anyway? but Joe kept gesturing at me to smile its a phone call #and after the phone call he has like (why are you always so depressed? if I were you and I finally got a laptop I would be flying from joy #why are you always so down? why can't you just be happy?) and I honestly don't know what to say lmao ok so I wasn't flying from joy with #my laptop but idk how to say it here but then like what's worst? being hurt and not a person recognising that you are hurt? and in fact #asking you why aren't you smiling? or idk being too depressed for others?? what's funnier is mum later on was like (don't let anyone words #change you you shouldn't yield to others) in reference to Joe's speech but like hello mama?? not 2 hrs ago??? #anyway so I asked her if I shouldn't be listening to her words then? and she was saying yes with confidence like does she not #see either how she hurts me? how she keeps hurting me voer and over and over??? #God I should have made that pizza and truly be selfish maybe I wouldnt have been hurt like that #tbd

[ultraqueer]

someone please bonk me over the head so I forget everything abt taz balance I would like to go back to my first listen but without the traumatic high school experience please

#taz #taz balance #been seeing a lot of taz b on the dash the past few days and man. man. I miss Themb #‘it’s so hard to pick the one piece of media you want to experience for the first time again-’ no its not. taz fuckign balance #truly I cannot think of a single piece of media that has affected me more #five year ago I might’ve said hp but honestly? no. even without jkr being jkr #anyways. shoutout to the podcast that kept me from killing myself when my best friends completely cut me off with no warning or reason given #would still like to know what happened there but I’m a better person and I know much better people now so ✌🏻 #hope y’all have gotten better too. genuinely. #tangent aside man does taz balance hold a special place is my heart and man am I going to lose my fucking MIND next gn

[tbcanary]

yet again i say everyone who argues about what is and is not in character for jason needs to stop fighting each other and unite against our common enemy, scott fucking lobdell

#i'm looking back through outlaws for an edit #and like i have such. feelings. i have so many feelings. #this is the first comic i read! and there are parts of it i still genuinely enjoy and which tug at my emotions in certain ways! #but going back to it now after having read other things is so. like. #what the fuCK #WHAT THE FUCK !!! #it's funny to me. it's honestly hysterical. like i'm not mad about it to be clear i've been cackling over it for an hour #i think it's so. like. why did they do this. why did they give jason evil-sensing blades and a background with a magical monk society #why did they do roy so dirty. why did they do KORI so dirty. #i love the three of them as a relationship and a dynamic but so much of this comic is absolute nonsense kjvnxkbjngk #anyway. ANYWAY. #i will die on the hill of like. the reason why everyone has such warped views of jason is because his rewrites have completely changed him #like every single aspect of him #multiple times #and so it's really hard actually to get a grip on who he is! because like. do you want the bloodthirsty one who kept trying to kill tim. #or do you want the somewhat relatable (weakly written) young lost man looking for love and family wherever he can get it #or do you do what i do and treat them as two separate characters in two separate boxes in your mind closet #so that you don't have to consider the fact that everything about him is absolute jumbled fucking nonsense #this also goes for j/a/y/r/o/y. a ship i absolutely adore and love. #it's very like. ok which version of jason tho. which version of roy. it had better not be outlaws roy i will gut you-- #i have so many feelings about this little trio. this post is brought to you by jason saying kori would never have to know life without him. #THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE PLATONIC. ALLEGEDLY. NORMAL BESTIE MOMENTS. #ugh. ugh ugh guhhhhgiuuhbngjkn ugh. #don't cancel me for enjoying some parts of outlaws ok. i have a complicated relationship it's not uncritical it's just that i love them. #text.tb

[jacksintention]

.

#I was contemplating whether to message or not someone who told me to do so in May to see each other again #and like... On the one hand I want to. I so desperately want to #On the other hand... what do I do afterwards? #I've crafted so much of my life around the fact of seeing him again #I was content with that instant in December. More than content. I didn't expect him to be so happy to see me at all #And he told me he was leaving but he'd come back in May‚ to write him then to see each other at lenght #But after so much absence and honestly so little intimacy since the very beginning‚ #and mainly having the chance of seeing him be what's kept me alive for a long while... it's like. What for? xD #We have nothing to say to each other and what do I do afterwards with my life? #So anyway I was contemplating this decision and #I really should learn better ways of coping with life. This is so stupid it's kinda humiliating #But he's meant so much to me. He means so much to me. I don't think he knows how much he's meant to me #But like. In a totally detached way xD He's one of my favourite people I've ever met. I enjoyed spending time with him #But it's not that. It's situational xD #I don't know. I just wanted to ramble a bit and this blog has fewer followers haha #I used to write these things down on notebooks but I'm afraid of someone reading them when I'm dead haha #Other than the instant in December I hadn't seen this man since 2015. It's been so long. I've missed him desperately but also I haven't #I can't believe his 'go into academia‚ that way we'll see each other again one day' worked #If someone is reading this‚ don't go into academia. It's depressing‚ it makes you resent what you love and it doesn't pay haha #It's stupid how many things I've ruined in my life for my detached attachment for this particular person #with whom I never really had a close relationship. Yet here I am. And in part‚ indeed‚ here I am #I was considering the most effective way to kill myself when he told me to go into academia to meet again at some random conference in 2015 #And I was going to kill myself this December until I saw him and he told me to meet him in May #And he was the only person to say the right words when I first tried to kill myself #I don't know what he does #But he always makes me want to live #The sky looks beautiful and violet when I watch it from beneath the jacaranda flowers and suddenly Tuesdays come back #I miss how his hands smelled of coffee in the mornings and how he blushed when you teased him. He had beautiful hands #I think I won't write to him. It seems unbearable. It seems unbearable to see him again and see everything that was and wasn't #and how much kinder my life could have been had I known how to manauver it. And it's unbearable losing the possibility of seeing him again

[gothcarmelasoprano]

maw why are these troll accounts linked through my ex best friends STILL following me

#im highly convinced at this stage she was the one that made the fake accounts #the gas thing is is that she was mainly an online friend and had she kept in touch with me at the time she wouldve known i was in the #studio in college preparing for my assignment for the semester so i dont fail like there were specific requirements we had to get done for #that week... and you think i would have that time to make fake accounts if anything itd be you and your online friends #emphasis on online because you could hardly make friends or even get a job here so you got one back home #the saddest thing is that the memes can be funny but its just what they represent in this whole situation that sours it completely #dont get me started on her friend she is honestly so polarising even from an outsider's perspective #ugh it doesnt annoy me anymore as it did because at the end of the day it has nothing to do with me but the fact that theyre STILL going on #about it makes me think that her and her online buddies have nothing else to do apart from being with themselves constantly #i had that life but no way did i want to live that way in my 20s 💀 #i fucked up before that incident but isnt it convenient when we hardly spoke for a month just for the ~fake account~ to appear to stop #being friends like as awful as it sounds but itd actually be a lot easier just to say you dont want to be friends #instead of dragging outsiders into it like you do best #the saddest thing is that she was actually quite fake even before she went down a permanent online rabbit hole #and i was aware of it but because i was emotionally vulnerable at the time i never cut her off since i really wanted friends to talk to #play that cool girl alty idgaf attitude all you like but it doesn't change the fact that you're superficial no matter how much you mask it #ugh im hormonal and i cant sleep but at the same time its nice to be able to freely bc not as many people use tumblr anymore #i block those accounts not because im offended or im precious about my image but they do spam and its annoying af so i dont want that tbh #having pictures with a school friend whilst under the same breath making jokes of their dead brother is not a good look 😬 #i did fucked up things as a result of coping with trauma and alienation as a teenager but this is actually low? #im sorry but it does it screams fake and im pretty sure that the fake treatment was given to me when we first became friends #fake people rarely ever change #i have to get ready for work in an hour this was unexpected #might vent later because i feel like i can do anything on this godforsaken website #the shocking thing to them is that they nothing on me if anything the 'proof' she showed me almost exposed her and her crowd #i have deleted my fb account but i still have the screenshots somewhere

[orcelito]

i changed the it

it... doesnt look terrible, maybe???

#speculation nation #discacc shit #i combed thru the summary but i think it's still pretty solid #so im not changing the summary itself. just how it's formatted #honestly it kinda does make a world of difference for appearance lmao #LOOK 2 years and almost 500k words later and i finally figured out i could use html for formatting my summary!!! #this is really rather minor but i get so nervous changing anything to do with the overall fic #like me adding tags lmao. it's so scary #like this is what's visible for Any time ppl see the fic. that's a big deal!!!!! #honestly thank god for andi giving me support in this trying time #having the 2nd opinion that it looks good. has kept my brain from going total squirrel neuroticism

[fxrtunas]

WEALTH

Financial : wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty / verse dependent

Medical : fit / moderate / sickly / disabled  / disadvantaged / non applicable

Class or Caste : upper / middle / working / lower / destitute / unsure / verse dependent

Education : qualified / unqualified / studying / other

Criminal Record : yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but has not been caught yet

FAMILY

Children : has a child or children / has no children / wants children / verse dependent

Relationship with Family : close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased / it’s complicated

Affiliation : orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent / not applicable

TRAITS / TENDENCIES

extroverted / introverted / in between

disorganized / organized / in between

close-minded / open-minded / in between

calm / anxious / in between

disagreeable / agreeable / in between

cautious / reckless / in between

patient / impatient / in between

outspoken / reserved / in between

leader / follower / in between

empathetic / unempathetic / in between

optimistic / pessimistic / in between

traditional / modern / in between

hard-working / lazy / in between

cultured / uncultured / in between

loyal / disloyal / in between

faithful / unfaithful / in between

BELEIFS

Faith : monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic / it’s complicated

Belief in Ghosts or Spirits : yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in an Afterlife : yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in Reincarnation : yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Religious : orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious

Philosophical : yes / no

SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION

Sexuality : heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual / demisexual

Sex : sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless

Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naive and clueless

Potential Sexual Partners : male / female / agender / other / none / all

Potential Romantic Partners : male / female / agender / other / none / all

ABILITIES

Combat Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none  

Literacy Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Artistic Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Technical Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

HABITS

Drinking Alcohol : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Smoking : trying to quit / never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Other Narcotics : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Medicinal Drugs : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Indulgent Food : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Splurge Spending : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Gambling : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

TAGGED BY: @veinblooded​​ THANK U <333

TAGGING: time to bother more ppl LKJAFKLAJSF totally ignore this if u guys want ALKSJFLKSAJF @reapcrbunny, @theblackestnlght, @confiteorims, @fourteenth-seat, @adenial, @azemana, @ritterblood, @seatedsacrifice, @blaackbiird​, and anyone that wants to do dis just tag me!! owowowowo

#i say not been caught yet but he did get caught; its just. v secret LKJASFLKASJKLF #kept a secret LKAJSFKLSJ #me bolding stuff in family like i've even thought about it yet lKJASFILJASLKFSALKJf #but u kno. viera culture. wheezes lKJASLKFJSAJf #honestly a lot of these are very verse dependent i feel #cuz allan is very much someone who was made to be swayed by a greater personality #FLKAJSFLKASJF is it time for me to go on another spiel of how allan's backstory and character is basically a blue sidequest WHEZEZES #VERY MISSABLE; WORLD DOESn'T COLLAPSE IF THINGS AREN'T SOLVED SO <333 #but also yeah he can be influenced T__T and honestly idk if i talk about it enough wheezes lJLKASJF #i got a little sidetracked. MY BRAIN IS GOPING EVERYWHERE BUT. YEAH V VERSE DEPENDENT. #if he has a friend or lover or what have u in an rp that is morally good/morally bad; he will absolutely get swayed towards that alignment #DEPENDING on their actions and what happens to them. alln very much can be a product of their interactions wheezes #HE'S AN IMPRESSIONABLE HO LKJALKSJF #but otherwise if the friend or lover is neutral then he just carries on as normal tbh LKJASLKJF #he does his thing; gets sick; gets better eventually; life goes on LKAJSFLKASJF #.... wow i really havent talked about it much i think i still have a post in my drafts from months ago i haven't published yet wheezes #about allan/wol OR allan & wol things bc god can a wol play such a huge factor in allan's life.......... T___T #ok i shut up now LKJSAFIOJQWLKFJ #why am i only inspired to write in the tags #;ooc #;about