#how am i still alive

[celestial-artisan]

Alastor: What are the disadvantages of eating a clock? Vox: ...Everything. Alastor: It's time-consuming! Vox: Satan I thought you had some depression era and ate a whole pocket watch. Alastor: Alastor: Who said I didn't?

#based on true events #based on the hunicast video of alastor making dad jokes #hazbin hotel #incorrect quotes #hazbin hotel incorrect quotes #radiostatic #alastor #alastor the radio demon #vox #hazbin hotel vox #i was alastor in this scenario #except I ate a phone lcd screen #very long story #the clock joke was real but the purpose of it was to seek advice of my lcd consumption #how am i still alive

[gayautisticfr0gs]

are your daddy issues ever that bad that you get a gnawing, aching need for Dean Winchester as a father/big brother figure or is it just me?

#supernatural #dean winchester #daddy issues #why am i like this #what am i even doing here #how am i still alive #how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions

[kittykatcreature]

21 years ago i escaped the womb that's wild

#fluffs says shit #is me birthday #cant belive im now 21 #how am i still alive

[newtsflar3]

I know he’s a doll but… get me help

#lou uglydolls #im mentally unwell #how am i still alive #Yes I also ship nolou shut up

[crazytea5]

Platonic Yandere Erasermic incorrect quotes

Y/n: did you know that a ladder is more dangerous then a gun?

Aizawa: yes that’s why I have 10 guns in case someone attacks me with 2 ladders.

present mic:……

—————————————————————————————————— Aizawa: did you get your ADHD meds?

Present mic:….They ran out and won’t have any for 2 weeks…

Aizawa:….

Aizawa: Im going to get Y/n Shinzo and Eri then I’m going to midoryia’s house.

Present mic: In sickness and in health!

—————————————————————————————————— Y/n *Tries to leave the cuddle pile while tangled is on*

Aizawa *wears his scarf like hair and tangles Y/n in it and brings them back*

—————————————————————————————————— Y/n ‘do I overthink?’

Also Y/n *starts overthinking about overthinking*

—————————————————————————————————— me *reading tumblr*

me: I wanna be productive today.

Also me: I haven’t slept In 2 months….

#how am i still alive #Platonic yandere erasermic #i hope i did this right

[arabiidhound]

Hanging in there

#i'm so tired #I want to sleep #how am I still alive

[hybridkilljoys]

I was so focused on werewolf oncelers i forgot i had a pan heating up on my stove and it nearly caught fire LMAO

#how am i still alive

[burnt-scone]

The infamous after-school naps, the ones where you don't even really notice you fell asleep, but you wake up at like 6-7pm covered in sweat, more tired than you woke up, a headache, and confused with brain fog.

I had that happen recently (not even in school anymore, just fell asleep). My BP was 80/43... I'm wondering if, all this time, those naps were a mix of dehydration, school/life stress, and utter exhaustion, causing our BP to drop?

Idk about you, but my teachers treated students who stopped for water like criminals, and my friends and I had the most horrendous sleep schedules, and I truly wonder how any of us are alive.

Falling asleep at 1-3am awake at 5-6am 7 days a week. I didn't feel tired most days, which is the weird thing. Now I wake up before 5:30 and my body thinks I'm dying and I'm tired by 7 most days. I'm only 22

#after school nap #how am I still alive

[jazzyvlogs]

NEVER AGAIN

I have an adorable rottweiler that's turning 1 on the 27th and he's so chunky and huggable and I decided. You know what? I see people cuddle with their dogs all the time and I know i wont crush him if i doze off.

HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK DO YOU FART 10 TIMES IN 1 MINUTE????

I'm sorry but I will NOT be subjected to TORTURE in my own household. Look at me with those big eyes all you want because there is nothing worse in life then that.

#rottweiler #rotties #rottie #puppy #dog #actual torture #how am i still alive #my 13th reason #jazz talks

[ace-ace-in-yo-face]

I just fucking spilled white nail polish over everything, like it got on me, my tablet my PC monitor, phone, desk- Jesus Christ help

#i got it off the screens fine i think #used acetone first then brushed it quickly with a wet wipe - seemed to do it well but good god im a disaster #how am i still alive #it got on my hair too #and glasses #hhhhh

[spikyegg]

is.. is it not normal to eat the white part of the apple seed as a weird little snack..? 🥹

#how am i still alive #ooc #delete later

[nocturne-daemon]

Welp gonna have to add "sprayed hot wax all over myself by blowing out a candle" to my list of really dumb clumsy things that have happened to me.

#nearly burned down an apartment building boiling water #cut myself on a towel #and now this #how am i still alive

[certified-rat-bastard]

pls I can't even remember the last time I drank some water

#how am i still alive #i even forgot how it tastes

[crazytea5]

Platonic yandere Freddy Fazbear band with baby female reader “My baby”

⚠️ warning ⚠️ it’s made by me.

It was a normal night at the pizzeria when he heard crying coming from underneath the dining room table. He didn’t know that there was a new night guard. Instead of finding a night guard he found an infant wearing a pink hello kitty dress.

It shocked him on how a parent could leave their barely even one year old child in a pizzeria where murders commonly happen and even worse it’s manly kids who get killed! Freddy didn’t know why he was feeling like this but it felt so Angry on how careless this infants parents were! He decided that he would take the child in when he seen a note on the child’s back. It was a note stating that they weren’t ever going to be in the child’s life and then it said “please take care of reader. From.” The bit that said who it was from had been ripped off. Freddy decided that he would provide and care for the child with his band who were surprisingly good with the news.

Five years later.

You were cleaning the storage closet when you started to think about what outside Freddy Fazbears pizza was like. Tomorrow was your 5th birthday and you were excited for it. “Reader!” Chica called out “Yes?” You answered while walking to her. “Dinner I made pizza~” she said while showing you the pizza she made. You were used to pizza because you had it almost every night. After you Freddy, Foxy, Bonnie and chica had dinner you went to your room… or you were supposed to go there. The security room had a door that led to the basement. You decided to check it out when you seen blood everywhere and the body’s of the kids who had bullied you the day before and took your Foxy teddy and bonnie away from you. You heard footsteps and decided to run over to the spare pizza ovens. To see all four of your furry robotic friends walking down you thought that they would help those kids but instead they tortured them until their last breaths. You didn’t mean to make a noise but one of your legs lost balance and you fell making a loud noise. Foxy rushed over to see what it was when he found you lying there with your eyes wide in fear and small tears falling down your cheeks but once he seen you. You had quickly gotten out of your trance and tried to run out of the pizzeria but before you could you were knocked out by Bonnie and chica. Foxy and Freddy got you all tied up to your bed. The next day you celebrated your birthday sad and unhappy. Your bedroom door (The attic door) was constantly locked except for when you were allowed out. You always heard what the night guards were saying so once you heard that the place was closing and that the robots that you had called family for 5 years of your life were going to move locations you were excited because maybe you could leave… but you thought wrong and now you have more killer robots that are platonic Yanderes over you.

#how am i still alive #yandere fnaf #platonic Yandere Fnaf 1 x reader

[yourleastfavoriteguyinthechairr]

going heavy on periods is so weird like. how have i not died from internal bleeding and massive blood loss yet

#blood #period pain #menstruation #periods #cramps #shark week #heavy flow #lots of fucking blood #how am i still alive

[simplyashrub]

Currently operating off of microwaved chai tea lattes, mcr's bullets album, and minecraft

#how am i still alive #chai tea latte #mcr #minecraft