#how reconstructing an untold story transforms us?

[resonancewitness]

Falling down the rabbit hole (or was it the lion’s den?), becoming a turtle 

I have to admit that I owe getting to know about yizhan to a completely unrelated fictional character. Blame it all on Yoshikazu Miyano and his obsession with BL manga :)

The story of Sasaki and Miyano (manga/ anime by Shou Harusono) reminded me of some of my own personal untold stories and led me to writing fanfiction — creative retelling of the canon story in the form of first-person narrative. It was easier to do Sasaki’s POV first, but to write a companion piece from Miyano’s POV, I had to do writer’s research on BL, which was mainly out of my orbit before (except for some great Harry/Draco stories I read, gosh, more than 15 years ago).

Reading and watching BL led to Netflix recommending me tgcf donhua. The sense of “wow, this is something special” led to purchasing the books and watching “The Untamed”, digging up fandom(dot) com while waiting for the books to be delivered. I have been learning Chinese recently, so I also started to try to read the manhuas. 

Watching “The Untamed” was a very special experience. Something was there, in the playing of it, that rang truer than mere acting. I could not name it, what it was, but I could tell that I can recognise something genuine, authentic and exceptionally beautiful. I could not leave it be, it was like this feeling of “really real and special” was calling out to me, leaving me with questions I felt the need to find answers to. 

The Facebook algorithm, which is too clever for its own good, but to which I owe some really good recommendations, started showing me reels made of cql bts footage. What a beautiful mess these reels are. Exceptionally befuddling. Sometimes obviously altered — cut, edited and mistranslated. I understood that there are more where those came from, and spent some time on Youtube. It is to a significant extent a clickbait-ey and money-hungry garbage dump, but I was lucky to see some long unedited fancam footage from the first big fanmeet and from the t-cent award night at the end of 2019. 

The thing that turned me into a bona fide turtle, I think, was

watching the way one’s face transformed when the other arrived at the t-cent award night, and the way their movements synchronized, and the body language at the fanmeet. I have not been a counsellor for longer than the younger of them is alive (scary to say that, I feel old :)) for nothing. I do read body language very well and I can tell genuine expressions from schooled ones. And I can tell a good relationship from a bad or non-existent one.

I saw that what I was witnessing was something precious, exceptional; each of them looked at the other as if the other was a miracle — undeserved, stunning, adored, beautiful, worthy of all love possible.

And then it was time for the “Tomorrow Will Be Better” recording, which I witnessed as the footage appeared. I saw that the resonance between them was still there, even if they weren't physically side by side. I could see that what they have has been transforming them, making them into better people, expanding inwardly, as beautiful in their inner worlds as their outward appearance is beautiful. And at the same time, I knew by then they could be silly and playful and dirty-minded, which I also appreciate a lot in people. Very human, very genuine, very pure in unexplainable ways. Capable of overcoming difficulties without becoming jaded or conceited.

And yes, I can tell where and when what I am reading into what I am seeing is my own collection of projections and inferences, — and where and when it isn't.

I felt that my world has become brighter when I got to know about these brilliant young men. Their steadfastness and earnest commitment to choose what is worth doing, and to do it to the best of their ability, gives me hope. 

I wanted to know more about them, to sort the edited versions from the real story as it had happened.

And so I found that there is a whole international community of people who treasure an untold story and carefully put it together to confirm what they felt in their hearts as true. And some part of the most thoughtful and careful core of the international part of this community is here on Tumblr. 

This is an exceptional phenomenon — a community of readers of an untold story, for whom this story is so important that they hold on to it for years, reconstructing it from tiny crumbs, without much hope of ever entering into true, deep, expanded dialogue with the heroes/authors of the real thing. The readers that are themselves, obviously, transformed in some important ways, quite possibly — very precious ways. Sharing the resonant values with the heroes/ authors. Creating beautiful friendships with each other across distance and differences. Paying it forward. 

I am happy I have found the turtles. I am happy I got to know about yizhan. 

The resonance I felt seeing their eyes and smiles, was something so unusual that I felt an urge to make sense of what I was feeling. I created this space to write my reflections. Maybe something that I write will make sense not only to me. 

If there are errors in what I write, please kindly forgive me. English is not my first language. 

#yizhan #bxg #bjyxszd #witnessing something precious #sacred reading of visual texts #finding ourselves in their story #resonance #bjyx #how reconstructing an untold story transforms us? #we are made to love #becoming a turtle #mxtx #tgcf #the untamed #bts

[thelifedocumentor]

Justice Mukheli On Telling Authentic African Stories Through Art

Justice Mukheli is a film director, photographer, and artist. Through his visual storytelling, he takes viewers through a journey of African stories that embody truth, power, and beauty. He documents everyday South African experiences through his lens which makes his art feel like home. It is evident that Justice Mukheli is rooted in his heritage as he draws inspiration from his upbringing in Soweto to enrich his work. Whether he is capturing on film or digital – his photography is full of soul, which can be seen through the eyes of his subjects. Art becomes a conduit for Mukheli to heal, breathing life into untold stories and contribute towards moving the African culture forward.

From working as an Art Director at Draft FCB to being a Commercial Director for Romance Films TV, how Justice Mukheli has constantly elevated himself through a plethora of creative mediums is truly inspiring. During our catchup in Rosebank over coffee, I learned more about his journey from advertising to art, how he achieved his tremendous success as well as his new path of being appointed the Commercial Director at one of the best production companies in the world, Romance Films TV.

1. How did growing up in Soweto inspire your vision of storytelling? 

Growing up in Soweto inspired me in a lot of ways that are beyond the storyteller I thought I would become. The way we grew up and being a child at the time, Soweto was amazing. There was a freedom that kids don’t have – now that my life is this side of the world. Maybe on a weekend, I would just wake up and leave the house at 7 o’clock and go explore with my friends, come back before the sunsets. And it would be either from going to catch locust in the bush or creating our soccer field somewhere in the bush corner or playing under tunnels. We used to get under tunnels and walk. For example, we would get into a tunnel here, go through the tunnel, and get out in Bryanston. They were like a maze. There were so many activities as a kid. My childhood was amazing with memories and my parents were amazing. I was very close to my dad for the time he spent with us, close to my mum. She used to bake, we used to help her bake and knit. There was so much available to entertain me as a kid growing up in Soweto. There were these older gentlemen, friends of my uncles who dressed up incredibly beautiful and you grow up seeing that and aspiring to that. The car culture, sneaker culture, fashion culture – there was just so much.

2. What are some of the unforgettable childhood experiences you believe shaped who you are today?

When I get work or need to do or tell a story, I have a huge bank of resources and stories to borrow from, to look back into. I become excited about how I can bring those lived experiences into life, into the story I was trying to get. As a commercials director, when I get a brief most of the time, I look back there in my bank of memories. Have I experienced something like this? My latest commercial is about a funeral plan – this old man leaving his last message to his wife. So when I got briefed, it became immediately clear to me that I have experienced this. The point of view might have been different because I was a child but I can remember all those moments when my grandmother lost my grandfather and what happened and the nuance in how she was and how she dealt with the nuance of my culture and how we deal with loss. That was a huge and most incredible resource to go look into as a source of inspiration and borrow from. To breathe that experience into that piece so that it feels authentic. As a filmmaker and artist, we recreate moments and it’s in how close to reality we get. That’s my tool. It’s what I use all the time.

3. You recently joined Romance Films TV as a commercials director. How do you feel about this new path?

I am beyond excited about it. I wrote on my Instagram post that I have been inspired by Romance Films TV before I even thought that I would be a filmmaker. From 2009, when I got into advertising, I remember they would say to us when you write your advert you must write it for Grey Gray to take your script, to even consider shooting your ads for you. Grey Gray is a founding partner for Romance Films TV. He is incredible. He is an incredible storyteller. We used to write these ads and send them to their company. We would cross fingers that he considers our script. Unfortunately, when I was still in advertising I never got to work with him. Maybe our scripts were not good enough. It is exciting that the loop closed. I am excited to learn from them. There is Terence Neale who is incredible, he works mostly internationally. His ads are breathtaking, such as the ad he did for Beats by Dre. I have known them and had a friendship with them for a long time. It feels right to have joined them now because I have gained my own experience. I have scrabbled, built myself and built my confidence. I have proved that I can be a filmmaker. Now it’s amazing that I am part of a team that I have reached to be a part of for the longest time.

4. From working as an Art Director to being a Commercial Director, how did you navigate the transition from advertising to art and how did you own that space?

The transition was relatively easy. And I say this because advertising is an incredible teacher. Marketing teaches you how business works, positioning, and what you need to do to get a product to a certain target audience. I saw myself as a product when I started my journey as a photographer. Like okay cool, I’m a photographer. How do I get myself seen by those I want to book me? I had to build a portfolio using knowledge from advertising. I was in advertising for 7 years before I transitioned. My understanding of the industry helped my transition work seamlessly because I knew what to do. I knew the power of a portfolio, I knew how to get myself in front of the target audience that I need to book me. Owning the space was putting in the work and understanding what is needed to get myself to a position where I am considered or seen as someone interesting in my field or someone who has a different point of view or a different way of doing things. That is part of owning the space and creating work that is unapologetically my voice. And in the same vain, answering the client’s brief and aligning the brand with its target audience. And aligning the brand where marketers intend to get to. I make sure that my work is an extension of what my clients need. As a film director, I am a part of the chain.

Your voice is your own lived experience. For example, when I got briefed on Hollard, there were 2 other directors. There were 3 of us. It’s always important that I borrow from my lived experiences because it will be a unique point of view, a unique point of departure. After all, all the other directors will also come from their point of view, understanding, or lived experiences. That’s how they work and when I present my treatment it will unapologetically be me. It will have my voice, tone, and feels. With Hollard, the way I saw and experienced my grandmother grieve for my grandfather is unique to me. So I reconstructed and rebuilt that world from how I saw it.

5. In terms of your photography, what qualities must a subject have for it to be captivating enough for you to capture it?

For me, it’s not about aesthetic qualities, it’s about the feeling I get from the eyes. It’s not an aesthetic thing. It’s mostly eyes and the feeling that I am trying to capture. My creative process is led by feeling rather than an idea. The idea is secondary to me. For me, the important thing is how does it make me feel. I have always felt that advertising teaches us that “idea is king” and I agree. But for me, the feeling is more important than an idea because you can get an idea but it doesn’t move you. The feeling is more important to me. Sometimes I use to gravitate towards kids a lot because it was a process for me to unpack my other lived experiences - emotions I never got to deal with acknowledge or immerse myself in. Sometimes when we go through what we go through, we are not present enough to go through the emotions of it and deal with it. Photography and film have become a tool I use as therapy for myself. I can tap back into a moment that is important to me and I deal with it, and I can capture that feeling.

6. In your tremendous career, which would you say are your favorite works that you have produced and why?

I love the Ingrams advert and the Hollard advert. There is an advert I have created for South African Tourism, it has a slightly different tone than the ads I am creating now. It was about portraying black people experiencing their land on these spaces that are mostly enjoyed by white people but enjoying them their way. I quite like the advert.

7. The advertising industry in South Africa has transformed in terms of how black culture is represented, however so much work still needs to be done to move the culture forward. What do you think agencies can do better in this space?

Agencies still fall into the mistake of not being mindful of black stories by black people, or at least having black collaborators in the chain of those stories being told. I think the industry very quickly falls into thinking that “ALL LIVES MATTER” type of mentality, that creative is creative. “What makes you think that just because I am a white person I won’t be able to tell a story in a sensitive way?”. I don’t think that’s the conversation. I think the conversation is telling the story most authentically and mindfully. I think advertising needs to create space for black narratives to be inclusive of black people from the process of creating it.

8. If you ever feel a creative block during a project, how do you reconnect and channel your energy?

I have a lot of creative resources and creative outlets. If my photography is struggling, I am going to paint. Now, I have decided that I want to paint again because I am not so inspired photographically. I am going to start to paint more. If directing or my other outlets are struggling, I can make music or I can sculpt, or I can write. I have a lot of outlets.

9. Which creative materials inspired you on your overall journey? It could be a film, book, exhibition, documentary, or anything?

It was a book by Malcolm Gladwell called Outliers. It speaks of the 10 000 hours rule and it touches on the people who are amazing that we love and follow. The people who inspire us decided to put in the work, it didn’t happen by chance. That book taught me that whatever I want to be, I can be. I can make that happen, no one else. And it can never happen by mistake.

10. Which brands and artists would you like to collaborate with in the future?

I would love to work with Netflix. And in terms of artists, there is an artist I like called Sibusile Xaba. He’s really amazing. That’s who I would love to collaborate with.

11. And lastly, which words of advice would you give to young artists who aspire to manifest their dreams in this multifaceted creative industry?

My last words would be what I just said about what I got from the book, Outliers – what you want to be, only you can make happen. Great people are not just great by mistake. It just doesn’t happen to them. It was a choice. If you want to be amazing at something, you need to decide to be. It’s a process, it won’t happen overnight.

Image sources: https://www.justicemukheli.com/work Justice Mukheli Films: https://www.romancefilms.tv/directors/justice-mukheli

#SOUTHAFRICANART #thelifedocumentor #Zesintu Mgobhozi #lifestylebloger #African photographers #african art #justice mukheli

[armeniaitn]

Artwork by Julia Couzens, Richard Hoblock, Farzad Kohan on Display at Tufenkian Fine Arts

New Post has been published on https://armenia.in-the.news/culture/artwork-by-julia-couzens-richard-hoblock-farzad-kohan-on-display-at-tufenkian-fine-arts-73672-18-05-2021/

Artwork by Julia Couzens, Richard Hoblock, Farzad Kohan on Display at Tufenkian Fine Arts

“A New Day” Exhibition at Tufenkian Fine Arts

LOS ANGELES—Tufenkian Fine Arts is honored to present “A New Day,” an exhibition featuring bright uplifting works by Julia Couzens, Richard Hoblock, and Farzad Kohan. The exhibition opening reception will take place on May 15, from 2 to 6 p.m. and will be on view through June 26.

It’s A New Day, with Thanks to Nina Simone BY CAROLE ANN KLONARIDES

Reconsideration, repurposing, recalibration, call it what you like, for artists Julia Couzens, Richard Hoblock, and Farzad Kohan, it is an ongoing process. Layering, marking, moving the paint (the eye never rests), weaving, wrapping, scraping (the hand keeps active), a cyclical loop of rediscovery. An inspiration, perhaps, is to reconstruct a new consciousness from the salvage of our yesterdays. Sometimes the old is reinvented yet the roots remain, and new growth appears, and as cliched as it sounds, a new day begins.

Birds flying high, you know how I feel Sun in the sky, you know how I feel Breeze driftin’ on by, you know how I feel

For Richard Hoblock, it began with writing screenplays commissioned as portraits; each portrait was an imagined cinematic scene, the patron as the protagonist with underpinnings of personal details they provided. As a skilled writer, he could have several subplots at variance with each other all happening at once. After a series of screenplay portraits, he began to make abstract drawings while looking at Baroque paintings, focusing on a gesture or detail. Referring obtusely to the act of writing, his leftover pencil stubs would be ground down using a Cuisinart into a fine carbon powder which was used as a ground and drawn into. When finished, they were photographed using an 8 x 10 camera, a digital file is created, and the original drawing was then destroyed (unintentionally so was the Cuisinart!) Each photographic print was unique as part of his “Baroque Series.” This practice of layering materials and procedures, several times removed from the original, began a cycle of deconstruction and improvement, a reauthoring with each transitional stage. Yet, it was not quite an appropriation as the original source of inspiration is not apparent. It is more a process of cite and re-citing.

Farzad Kohan’s “Blue Blossom,” Mixed media, 60×48

According to the artist, he started painting seriously after seeing the Willem deKooning painting “Excavation” at the Art Institute of Chicago. An obsession with the work inspired many revisits to view it. The painting has an intensive build-up of surface that has been scraped to reveal underlying layers of paint and gesture, hence the title of the work. Starting with a color or off-white ground of paint, Hoblock also would build up layers and then scrape the surface with a palette knife or kitchen utensils, leaving the residue of previous layers along the edges as a visage of the process. Not quite a revival of gestural abstract painting, Hoblock puts it, “I went from concrete as a language to abstract as a gesture.” With such a calligraphic gesture, perhaps a screenplay is hidden within. However, it is up to the viewer to project their own, as his is not revealed with the exception of an occasional hint hidden within the title.

The most recent incarnations are vertically oriented abstract paintings that have dramatic virtuoso paint strokes of discordant colors. These seemingly would not go together but with his deft precision are found to abide on the same canvas. Fleshy pinks, cranberry reds with lipstick orange, and dull browns. Acid Green! White cutout shapes are held in front of the canvas to help the artist’s eye create the blank space needed to find the relationships within and around the gestures and forms—there can be no signature image as there is always contingency in the shifting relationships. The trajectory of this thought process finds a way for intuition to play; the outcome is not set. The work “Champion” was painted listening to the Miles Davis’ recording “Bitches Brew,” which similarly gives dead air and timing to punctuate each note creating a jarring, yet magnificent composition of discordant sounds. Replace sound with color and form and the same can be said about these gnomic paintings–what shouldn’t work comes together in a harmonious celebration of defiance.

Blossom on the tree, you know how I feel It’s a new dawn It’s a new day It’s a new life for me

Farzad Kohan prides himself as a self-taught artist always in-flux. His signature process of building up bits of ripped paper collaged on board or canvas, then distressed by sanding the surface, exposes layers of the passage of time and history of application like the age rings of a fallen tree. Ghostly bits immerge; gestures of automatic drawing, cursive lines of Farsi or Persian, the edges of torn magazine pages come forward and recede, much like distant memories. Having left his family and country of Iran at the age of eighteen, escaping first to Pakistan, then migrating to Sweden and later, settling in California, he weaves all of his past into the layers that make up his paintings and drawings with gradual transformations that sometimes hide the stories or hint at untold truths. As an émigré, a desire to be part of something bigger than himself drew him to art making; his work is imbued with a desired sense of belonging and new beginnings. The use of repellent materials, such as oil and water, perhaps metaphorically reflect the difficulties of assimilation, and his labor intensive procedures, the process of migration.

An art instillation from the “A New Day” exhibition

Inspired by a homeless man who creatively repurposed found objects, Farzad found his own economy of artistic material by using everything in his studio and surroundings. He taught art to children and learned from them, made his own paper, repurposed regional maps, created drawings and then ripped them to shreds along with discarded magazines (most commonly the local Iranian magazine Javanan), and then adhered them with water and glue in layers. For an additional pièce de résistance, in which an occasional fragment of fabric would be woven.

Lately, a series of works has turned more recognizably figurative. In each, he has firmly rooted a blossoming tree in a pot, with branches appearing to reach out of the confines of the perimeter of the rectangle. The arrangement of the carefully orientated strips of paper and the use of color is driven by form and texture. Slowly, he stopped sanding the surface, letting the paper bits layer like the bark of a tree. Underneath is evidence of the artist’s personal history, tangled lines that appear like the roots of many years of drawing automatically from the subconscious. As we walked out of his studio, he pointed to a cypress tree so tall it looked like it touched the sky. “See that, it was here the whole time and I never noticed it until recently.” I immediately thought of Van Gogh’s painting of cypress trees reaching to the sun and moon, with signature swirls and whorls in the heavy impasto. Van Gogh painted many trees, and in retrospect, the trees influenced by Japanese woodcuts are the ones that Farzad’s trees most resemble, with their minimal canopy and heavy outlines, a mastery mix of many historical and cultural influences. Not rooted in the ground but in a vessel, they are ready for transport to a new home.

Dragonfly out in the sun, you know what I mean, don’t you know? Butterflies all havin’ fun, you know what I mean Sleep in peace when day is done, that’s what I mean And this old world is a new world And a bold world, for me

As she approached the Little Flower Café in Pasadena, Julia Couzens eyed and then scooped up a doggie toggle pull toy left behind, a tight bundle of many colored strings that actually resembled some of her own sculptures. “Oh, this is so perfect for what I am working on!”, she exclaimed to me as she quickly stuffed it into her bag, a catchall for similar urban detritus she finds as she walks about. Her sculptures, which she calls “bundles,” are obsessively wrapped asymmetrical masses of rope, wire, string, yarn, bungee cord, fabric, and plastic, that have a textural physicality that gives the expression “tightly wound” a whole new meaning. Gathering, twisting, weaving, sewing, tying, all make up the form. The resulting structure, in its solidity with an occasional sharp angle, seems architectural, but is actually derived from a long history of drawing from the model or nature. Each sculpture begins like a drawing, starting with a line and continues until the intuited end with an aim to visually and physically build up layer after layer of contained energy. Like the Japanese tsutsumi (“wrapping”), used as protection for precious temple objects, one wonders if something worth protecting is contained within the sculpture’s inner core, but the contents (if there are any) are safely secured and hidden.

In making the bundles, process and materiality is something Couzens privileges over the conceptual. Whether conscious or not, her work counters the historical patriarchy of monumental sculpture. Sculptors Eva Hesse and Jackie Winsor, process and materials artists a generation before, offered a more organic approach in comparison to the minimal and conceptual work of Donald Judd and Robert Morris, whereas Couzens’ work is closer aligned to the work of Michelle Segre and Shinique Smith. Replacing the chisel with a needle, and casting with weaving,  each work has a sculptural monumentality that comes out of craft traditions. They are light of weight, and if I were to wax poetic, I could see them strapped on the body as one’s total belongings carried on a nomadic sojourn. The use of color is as a force, one different from contemporary sculpture primarily made of wood, stone, and metal, with a simultaneity of color combinations that express the ineffable.

Given a rotation of 360 degrees, each side of the sculpture provides a new vantage point with a new face. There is no totality or instant read, they operate in the space like alien forms whose origins one can’t quite define and are so self-contained that they seem natural on the floor, hung from the ceiling, or protruding from a wall. It is the bringing together of these repurposed and disparate materials tightly bound in all their brilliant splendor that sends off a charge like a bundle of electrical circuitry ready to combust.

To paraphrase Couzens from a recent online response to our times, “Art’s nature is exploratory, peripheral to linear progress and predetermined order. I think its meaning sprouts from the cracks in life.”  A bundle titled, “Sweet,” has a long shoot of bright green yarn that escaped and at its end is hanging a smaller bundle as if to say from the entanglements we make, there is always the possibility of something new thriving from the mess.

It’s a new dawn It’s a new day It’s a new life for me And I’m feeling good

Read original article here.

#Culture

[paganchristian]

Here are some more parasitic flowers, which grow on some of the oak trees in Florida apparently.  I think they’re really beautiful.  A balance between life and decay.  A balance between giving and taking.  And yes, you can say, well one is taking and one is giving, so it’s not a healthy balance. Maybe that is true and yet, how do you know in the bigger picture that what appears to be just a taker might not play some important invisible role in things?  Nature usually seems to have a reason for everything if you can see it, deeply enough in detail.  But we haven’t figured all nature’s reasons out and we’re discovering new ones all the time.  Even nature though, of course, has extinctions and perhaps as a natural species ourselves, we might upset a balance, and who can say nature is foolproof in every sense of the word, but then we look beyond this earth too and who can say?  It makes me think of the Hopi creation stories and the worlds that have been created then were destroyed and people created imbalance that led them to their failure, I think, if I recall it clearly what I read or watched, a video with Hopi elders speaking about the environment and things like that. 

Destruction, and givers and takers in the natural greater cycle,..  that also makes me think about Shiva the destroyer.  Shiva destroys only so he can destroy what is false to start with.  If you think it terms of most religions, in some sense they perceive the whole world to be false in some ultimate sense.  But Shiva doesn’t necessary destroy all material things, of course, as he is supposed to be a benevolent god, who helps his devotees.  He and Kali are supposed to destroy whatever gets in the way of what you really need, your higher self, so that you can transcend your ego and find bliss and union with the higher reality, but only in the right time and way for you so you can’t just necessarily rush the whole process and there are all kinds of hardships and austerities you can impose your physical self to go through, to help you attain detachment, and understanding of higher realities, experiences of higher realities, dwelling in higher realities, eventually.  So that eventually one is hopeful they will attain moksha, freedom from the cycle of rebirth, union with god and extinguishment of this life in the lower self and all the false, artificial forms of this world, all the others and everything, to just merge into the energy of oneness with the highest.  Of course, eventually all beings are supposed to reach that higher bliss and unity so it’s not like you’re just abandoning them with malice or recklessness, but they have to attain oneness in their own time and way too, so maybe there is only so much you could do for them.  

There is so much we don’t know.  You have to let go of a lot, in spite of how much you can see, because however much you can see and do and control there will always be immense untold vast amounts of things you can’t know, see, do or control.  It could at any given moment derail and permanently destroy your best of plans.  Yet out of that very destruction might arise the secret ingredients for anew an d better reconstruction, for either yourself or for others on their paths, or both. Everything has to be done in the right time and way.  We don’t know enough of all the realms and aspects of everyone’s existence to know what is best and right an necessary, especially if you consider other realms, not just the earth realm, and other beings, and other lifetimes, if you believe in them.  What looks awful might serve some very mysterious and complicated, even many-lifetime purpose.  At present, I don’t necessarily know if I really believe in multiple lifetimes, beyond just the afterlife, and yet, it’s interesting to remember all the things I’ve believed and to think about all the things that o into others’ moral systems and explanations.  Even if I didn’t believe in all they believed it could have correlations to what I might believe.  It could open possibilities of what I can’t know and can’t judge as such as being wrong, even if they are highly taboo beliefs according to the religious path I’m exploring most at this time. 

Between decay, use, abuse, dysfunction, loss, death, and growth, healing, rest, learning, transformation, letting go, starting anew, and joy, love, self-love, affirmation, trust, hope, adoration, fun, happiness, laughter, silliness, and seriousness, fear, lack, restraint, self-denial... or for self-questioning, healing in ways I didn’t know were healing, healing my soul in ways I didn’t know would work or were possible and healing my personality and character and heart,...  advising or suggesting or being an example of how to change, grow, heal, correct yourself, improve yourself, or just accepting and supporting the state of lack he illness that can’t yet be healed, the wound too painful to even think about, much less try to heal or criticize, the immaturity too fragile to suggest it needs to change, but all it needs is love and validation, even if one day later on, when one is more mature they’ll look back (as I do now on my earlier self) and think, how awful, how wrong, how harmful and so on, I was.  But I don’t think I could have even stood to see myself as wrong, not only that but I needed to be validated in my wrongness, loved in my wrongness, even adored in my wrongness.  The way that a very young child’s tantrums need to be met with love when they’re too young to understand any different ...  And I really think it seems to me that sometimes adults in their states of pain and helplessness can be just as unable to see or change for times of their lives but desperately need love and validation.  Of course I don’t mean encouraging or accepting abuse but just love for the feelings, the biases, the chaos and confusion.  Even validation of wrongful feelings and perceptions if it’s needed to give them a sense of purpose, harmony and peace, but only as long as it doesn’t promote actual harmful behavior, and in time it can be corrected and awareness facilitated if possible (in some cases it might not be even possible, like mental illness or certain mental conditions or something, but as long as abuse is not triggered by wrong ideas, sometimes love and validation even in one’s wrongness might be needed.  We’re not always ready to see we’re wrong, but sometimes might become devastated by the awareness and lose our ability to function.  It’s a fragile, subtle and complicated thing to see, when is it ok to let wrongness be ignored or even loved and validated?  But having been the one who was validated in my wrongness by spirit itself, only later to change paths and gradually be led to see how I was wrong and want to change but be unable to change, and then led to another path still where I was able to change, not by my own power but by grace,... I see the place and time, slow oh so slowly, for each of these things.  I could not have skipped any of the slow phases of learning and development and healing, because even the dark and ignorant seeming or helpless and wrong seeming states seemed as if they were necessary healing phases that could not be rushed, any more than a person who is in a slow, long physical healing from, say cancer or some other slow process can rush it   

And so I wonder, and I ask God, between all these balances, in all this mixture, not clear lines defining a rigid boundary, in all these fluxing states, where do I find what to do, how to give, how to relate to God, and how to relate to life and death, and how to relate to my family, my child, my marriage, my God, my own life,.. 

[amamblog]

Postures of Engagement

As the Allen this week begins to de-install the two Fred Wilson shows that have occupied and transformed the museum over the past year, Curatorial Assistant Mir Finkelman pauses to document and reflect on her experience of teaching Oberlin students with Wilson’s work. 

Visitors to the Allen during the 2016-17 academic year encountered a space which appeared to deliberately obfuscate its own legibility. Oberlin College students often had the benefit of a staff member to walk them through the avenues of meaning-making presented by artist/curator Fred Wilson in his site-specific “museum intervention,” christened Wildfire Test Pit. Discussions with college classes centered on students’ observations of the show. Noting aspects of the installation that appeared familiar, and then unfamiliar, they interrogated what a visitor might expect in the space of the museum, and how Wilson’s intervention challenges and subverts those expectations. Every discussion with students illuminated new ways in which the familiar is made strange through Wilson’s inversion of standard curatorial practice, which engenders an entirely different approach to seeing objects and navigating an exhibition.

The casual museum visitor encountered Wildfire Test Pit without this structured, guided experience, and had to pick up on cues from the physical arrangement of the space in order to know how to delve in. After entering through the front doors of the Allen directly into the King Sculpture Court, a visitor was confronted with a marble portrait bust of a man named James Peck Thomas, encircled with a ring of salt. Flanking the bust were two telescopes, fixed upon objects high above the viewer’s sightline from the Sculpture Court floor. Both the telescopes and the salt, seemingly out of place in an art museum, provided keys to understanding how Wilson might have envisioned visitor engagement with the space. Wildfire Test Pit relied on perspective, viewership, and active bodily engagement to build meaning and promote discussion, and most importantly to preserve a multitude of possible approaches to the objects and the installation as a whole.

Wilson gained international acclaim following his 1992 commission Mining the Museum, staged at the Baltimore Historical Society. Objects from the bowels of the Society’s permanent collection, including cigar store Indians, fine silverware, and iron shackles, were evocatively juxtaposed, raising haunting questions about the nature of collecting and recorded history, particularly vis-a-vis the experience of non-whites in America. Wilson has since staged a number of similar interventions at museums across the country, unearthing untold stories through his selection and placement of objects, and through his rigorously researched wall texts, which function as subversive footnotes to the established narratives of the institution. His installation at the Allen was equally rich and changed the way I viewed our collection, which I had gotten to know over four years as a student at Oberlin. While there were many threads of the installation that made for great conversation and discovery, three themes, outlined below, consistently arose in my discussions with current students and casual visitors, and helped us together to begin unpacking the installation’s nuanced layers.

Sightlines

There were two telescopes in the installation: the north telescope focused on a golden Baule female figure, looking down onto the sculpture court, while the south telescope was trained on a facsimile of a drawing of Urania, the muse of astronomy. The reference to Urania seemed to many the key to understanding the purpose of the telescopes: their connection to astronomy. This was, however, only one part of their function. While the telescopes seemed to facilitate the viewing of these objects, positioned high above the ground, they also obscured them, as one had to shift their eye around the eyepiece to view each work clearly. The telescopes revealed themselves not as instruments of clear sight but rather as mechanisms of translation, as the objects did not neatly fit the mechanical strictures of the telescopes, and thus remained elusive.

The viewer was integral to this act of apprehension. The installation prioritized the viewpoint of the visitor, implicating them in Oberlin’s history and in the role museums, including the Allen, have played as inheritors and translators of cultural legacy. The viewer was made vulnerable by bending over or bowing before the telescopes and the objects upon which they gaze, exposing the backs of their necks, and losing sight of their immediate surroundings. Here, the secondary and tertiary functions of the telescopes came into focus. They acted as foils to heighten the visitor’s perceptions, also making them fully aware of how their bodies moved in the space. Within the context of the installation, which was thematically focused on the life and legacy of the first documented female African-American sculptor Edmonia Lewis, the telescopes also functioned as a metaphor for our relationship with history: we rely on extant or available documentation to understand the past, and sometimes there simply isn’t enough reliable information to reconstruct what we ourselves did not experience. Lewis’s story, in particular, was forgotten for almost a century and has been told and retold by more recent historians, leaving us with only a partial knowledge of her history. The telescopes point not only to the limitations of recorded history, but in the partial views they construct of objects in the exhibition, they also point to a more museum-specific problem, namely that museums must choose what to include or exclude from their versions of history-telling. The telescopes, combined with the historical references within the installation, thereby prompt visitors to reflect on the limitations of understanding history through any museum’s collection or presentation of objects.    

Salt

With the telescopes signaling from the start the need for close-looking within the installation, visitors were presented countless opportunities for small moments in which the familiar was made strange. For the attentive viewer, these moments marked continuities throughout the exhibition and offered clues to a path one could take through the installation. Though the bust of James Peck Thomas looked outward from the installation, confronting visitors as they entered the museum, the ring of salt Wilson placed around its columnar base and just below its shoulders invited visitors to circumambulate the entirety of the work, putting the visitor’s body in full motion right from the start of the show. The salt was also echoed nearby, where it spilled out, brilliantly white, from an overturned trashcan. Visitors had to bend or crouch down to read the label beside the metal bin, a posture of lowering similarly demanded by the Three Graces, a plaster cast with an open cavity in the back that harbored four African figures surrounded by a mound of salt. Whereas the trashcan positioned the salt as a familiar commodity, its presence at the feet of these African figures or placed like an emblem around the bust of Thomas brought out other functional and symbolic allusions: purification, preservation, corrosion, protection, which together nodded to various histories that involve salt, including trade, mining, colonization, snow, and the ocean.

Even if a visitor did not initially realize how prolifically salt was used throughout the space, the overturned bin made its presence very apparent and helped draw attention to other, less obvious places in which salt appeared. The recurrence of a non-traditional material in the space invited visitors to double-back and move around, taking a path through the Sculpture Court that was neither circumscribed nor linear. This looping path, combined with the postures that the placement of salt, like the telescopes, required of visitors, showed them how to engage with the show: fully, even bodily, and with a questioning or curious attitude.

Surveying

The final clear indication Wilson gave the viewer on how to navigate the installation came from its invocation of abnormal height. Most visitors to a museum expect the majority of the artwork to be centered at eye-level. As the telescopes at the front of Wildfire Test Pit signaled from the start, the visitor was encouraged not just to look straight ahead (or down, as the salt demanded), but to look up. Vinyl texts of varying sizes and lusters were installed high up on the walls of the Sculpture Court, sampling quotations, providing timelines, and presenting lists, all mingling together in a nonlinear fashion. Visitors were left to interpret how these snippets of text were connected to each other and to the objects below, and to do so, visitors had to actively move about the space in order to see the texts above at all, as their matte or glossy finishes of caught the light differently depending on where one was standing. Understanding the role of the text thereby required both physical and mental acrobatics--visitors really had to work to produce meaning from all of the stimuli filling the space.

For visitors to the Allen over the past year, Wilson’s installation was almost inescapable, no matter where one went in the museum. As one moved through the ambulatory galleries that surround the Sculpture Court, each of which displays art and artifacts from around the globe, Wildfire Test Pit presented itself anew through the arches, and lent different texture to other works on view. When visiting the upstairs Ripin Gallery, which also hosted objects from across cultures, it was almost impossible not to look down upon the Sculpture Court, and out across at the text that was now mostly eye-level. When seen from above, the ruddy earth-toned paint of the Sculpture Court walls (a color Wilson specifically chose, which museum staff dubbed “Fred Red”), along with the fragmentary components of the installation, evoked the archaeological “test pit” of the title, bringing the allegory of excavation to bear upon the museum’s material history. When observed from this height, other visitors became a part of the installation as well, enforcing the notion that histories and objects inhabit a liminal, and ever-evolving space in which we actively participate, often unknowingly. The varying vantage points available to the viewer acted in conjunction with the telescopes, salt, and selection of objects to make the visitor aware of the integral necessity of their perspective and presence in meaning-making, both inside the museum and out.

Though both the space of Wildfire Test Pit and its narratives were complex (and undoubtedly sometimes frustrating for visitors), Wilson’s skillful arrangement of the objects demonstrated the availability of a multitude of modes with which to engage the space—there was no single correct way understand the show or the stories it aimed to tell. In my experience working with the show over the past year, Wildfire Test Pit opened an arena for Oberlin’s community at large to pose questions about whose history is chronicled institutionally, by whom, for whom, and how—and indicated at every turn that such questions do not have answers that can be resolved by one exhibition.

—Mir Finkelman, Curatorial Assistant for Academic Programs, 2016-17

If you’re hungry for more information about Wildfire Test Pit, the Allen has also published a catalogue documenting the show, now available at our Front Desk. If you’re interested in purchasing a copy from afar, please contact the museum at 440-775- 8665 or email administrative assistant Sally Moffitt at [email protected]

[vamonumentlandscape]

Richmond Day 3

Josh’s Perspective for the American Civil War Museum at Tredegar:

The Civil War Museum at Tredegar is a fantastic museum that shows the most violent conflict ever to take place on American soil. I had been to other Civil War sites before, such as Gettysburg and Appomattox, but this may have been my favorite. After we purchased tickets, I was amazed to see a collage wallpaper of my favorite Civil War heroes, such as Harriet Tubman and Frederick Douglass. There are also blown-up newspaper clippings from the 1860s on the wall. The first artifacts that we saw were from John Brown’s raid at Harpers Ferry. As a white abolitionist, John Brown believed he had a moral and religious obligation to bring slavery down. He was joined by slaves in this revolt. Though he got executed in 1859, his last speech was wise because he knew of the violence to come. “I John Brown am now quite certain that the crimes of this guilty land will never be purged away, but with Blood…”

The permanent exhibition that followed did not shy away from presenting the cause of the Civil War - slavery. As evidenced by the rhetoric of men like Jefferson Davis and Alexander Stephens (see the Cornerstone Speech), the Confederates were fighting to save their institutional form of slavery. The museum did not claim that the North was free from racism, but glorifying the Southern cause is something that the institution did not do. I enjoyed the chronological nature of the museum. It allowed me to understand events better than I ever had and gave insight into things that I had never heard of before. There was a short film about the bread riots that took place in Southern cities like Richmond, as well as the destruction that came in New York after a new draft policy was unveiled. During the New York City Draft Riots, protestors killed African-Americans and even set the “Colored Orphan Asylum” ablaze. In the last few display cases, we saw artifacts that belonged to Stonewall Jackson, who was notably shot by one of his men. The museum presented an honest narrative of how Jefferson Davis ran away from Richmond when the Union was closing in on the city. General William T. Sherman’s actions in taking the major city of Atlanta were also featured. Overall, I thought this museum was fantastic. It asked thought-provoking questions throughout and let visitors know that though progress was made when the Union was victorious, institutional hate and violence would be on the rise after the untimely death of President Abraham Lincoln.

The museum is relatively new since it opened in its current form in 2019. We talked to two of the staff members at the ticketing and gift shop desk, and they informed us that there have not been many protests from either side of the political spectrum. There is the occasional phone call from a Confederate sympathizer questioning the museum's content, but those are few and far between. The interesting placement of the museum, as well as the outbreak of COVID-19, has significantly limited the number of protests. I cannot voice enough praise for this museum. It is a trip that is worth taking for all Americans.

Tomi’s Perspective for the American Civil War Museum at Tredegar:

Right off the James River and canal walk, “in its own secluded place” as one of the associates said, is the American Civil War Museum at Tredegar. You can see that the museum is a combination of new and old structure as soon as you drive up. Tredegar was one of the Confederacy’s largest iron works until the end of the Civil War. The museum not only has incredible history inside, but on the outside as well since it was a major historic preservation project that used as much of the original brick from the 19th century iron works. The museum greets you with steel and wood beams, with decorative rocks all around the floor. Before you head into the main gallery of the museum there is a small piece to the exhibition for you to see. We think that it was to give an introduction to the new museum and the true stories the American Civil War Museum was going to tell, not the Lost Cause entrenched Museum of the Confederacy of the past. “PRESERVE THE UNION/PRESERVE SLAVERY”, “AMERICA TORN ASUNDER”, “A thorny debate over slavery threatened America’s democratic experiment.” Those are just a few quotes from the 1860 introduction. These quotes show that any visitor that may be hoping to find an exhibition about the Lost Cause may be in the wrong place. It also serves as a wonderful introduction to the timeline format the museum uses in their permanent exhibit.

Once you walk into the gallery, it is dim, but you can see and hear the exhibits you will see later. It is surely made to be a place for contemplation, but not pride for the Union or Confederacy. Going from 1861 to 1865 the museum is filled with artifacts from soldiers from both the Union and Confederacy, the enslaved people, women, children, and prisoners of war. It sung untold stories of African American nurses like Ann Bradford Stokes, who were pivotal in the health of Union soldiers. The museum had something for everyone to enjoy. Not all exhibits were the usual plaque and artifact, but they invited you to have interactions. Touchscreens for a timeline to dive deeper into the geographic locations for battles and people were at the beginning of each “year” you went through. They were easy to use for all ages. One of my favorite interactive exhibits was the magnifying glass component where you could literally get a closer look at Prisoner of War trinkets they created while they were imprisoned. Those trinkets were made out of bone, wood, and other odd materials they could find while jailed. The museum offers something that everyone can enjoy.

After going through the main exhibit, there were plaques and artifacts about the 13th, 14th, and 15th amendments, along with Reconstruction policies. As Josh explained, each controversial or heavy exhibit had a question at the end for you to ponder. My favorite question that was posed and really made me think, was after the 13th Amendment piece. With a figure dressed in a KKK robe ensemble and images of sharecropping surrounding it, the question “Did slavery really end?” was presented before us. The response from us both was emotional and allowed us to really dive deep into a painful time in American history.

Upstairs were two other galleries that had rotating exhibits and another exhibit that was in the works for visitors to comment on with Post-It’s. “Greenback America” is an interactive experience that shows the transformation of American currency during the Civil War that shaped our economy as we know it today. Next, there was “Southern Ambitions” that told the story of the “what if the Confederacy had won?” through the lenses of the big ideas they wanted to accomplish. From a new railroad to compete with the Union’s Transcontinental Railroad to making alliances with some of the world’s most powerful countries, the Confederacy had some big plans. This exhibit was also in Spanish, so it was accessible to even more visitors to enjoy.

Outside of the museum was my absolute favorite statue we had seen in Richmond. This past year, I took an immersive course about Abraham Lincoln that increased my interest in him and the Civil War. He and Tad, his son, are sitting on a bench in front of a wall that states “TO BIND UP THE NATION'S WOUNDS.” It is a powerful piece knowing the tragic and early ends both of the men had. Though Abraham Lincoln has some problematic pieces to his history, like his first ideas of colonization, he changed and became an advocate for all people of the United States. Just like any person in history, he was not perfect. To study him and see the challenges and changes he went through as a person to come to his beliefs for equality for all is one that all of us can find inspiration in.

Day 3 Continued:

After having a delicious lunch at Capitol Waffle Shop, we took a break from Civil War history to the Black History Museum of Richmond. Housed in the first armory for an African American militia, the reimagined space takes on history of the community that surrounds them and across the nation. Walking in, you are greeted by a statue of a Tuskegee Airman from the Petersburg area. The lovely staff gave us a great introduction to the museum and the four exhibitions they had on display. The first is very small and is within the lobby area. It is a recreated lunch counter of Woolworth’s where many sit-ins across the South took place. It is just a reminder of the grassroots efforts that created change alongside the larger protests and actions. The first floor is the permanent exhibit that takes you through the history of African Americans through the lenses of four pivotal events in American history: Emancipation, Reconstruction, Jim Crow, and the Civil Rights Movement. It was an expansive exhibit with touchscreens and photos. As museum goers, the amount of technology the museum used was not our favorite, but the information they had was essential. The next exhibit was about African American Jazz Musicians in Virginia. This was more our speed with photos and plaques lining the walls for us to read. There was even an interactive trivia piece to keep you engaged the entire time. Finally, there were paintings upstairs paying tribute to street art in Richmond. The new museum is a wonderful addition to the museum landscape in the heart of Richmond, Virginia.

Surrounded by loud noises of construction and the Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) Medical Center sits a comparably modest building known as the White House of the Confederacy. Owned by the same organization that operates the Tredegar museum, this building was the executive residence of Jefferson and Varina Davis between 1861-1865. It became known as the White House of the Confederacy after the Lost Cause narrative became infectious to many things in the South. Interestingly enough, the building was used as a school in the City of Richmond system before being remodeled into a museum. During our tour through the mansion, we saw many artifacts that were period pieces and others that were original to the Davis home. Our tour guide did not seem to be afraid of being honest about Jefferson Davis. He was the leader of a breakaway state, so visitors need to know that. We can recommend this historic home to anyone that would like to see an authentic, interpretive house museum. Even though the Confederacy is gone, it is important to see a place in which the Lost Cause was ingrained for such a long time.

#virginia #richmond #history #civil war #civilrights #important #monument

[resonancewitness]

witnessing resonance, part 3: holding on to what's important

what do I mean when I call myself a witness of resonance? continuing from here and here

and the third layer of meaning of witnessing, the last one for me (so far?) 

here I am going to dare to go out on a limb and give words to some experiences that in the modern world often seem to be much more taboo for discussion than the experiences of kinky sexuality (but I don’t have data, so maybe I am wrong :)) 

I am going to talk about witnessing something precious as a

personal non-religious spiritual practice in a secular world

I need to make a disclaimer that I do not assume that participating in any fandom or in this particular fandom may have such meaning for other participants, I am talking only about myself, using writing to make sense of my own experience

because not talking about it is subjecting myself to silencing as a form of self-oppression, and for the sake of what? I would need a valid reason to self-silence

anyway, back to definitions

I would call “spiritual” any practice of maintaining connection with the important values and principles that are not obvious and not very common in the everyday world

say, I want to believe in love that goes beyond distance, or in going strong against the current when it would be so much easier, in a certain practical sense, to give up and just drift along, or in justice and nobility, in human decency, mercy and empathy, — and, say, I don’t see many examples of these in my everyday surroundings, especially when I read the news

I would need special practices to keep re-connecting with these values that are so important to me

I consider the situation when people lose hope, perspective, sense of direction, persistence, and strength to go on, to be a spiritual crisis. “the dark night of the soul”

this can be also accompanied by a feeling of profound isolation

the practices of re-connecting with hope, perspective, sense of direction, persistence and strength to go on I will be calling spiritual practices. they are also recreating a sense of connection and belonging

as Casper ter Kuile says in “The Power of Ritual”, anything can be a spiritual practice if it is done with intention, attention and repetition 

everybody is capable of feeling awe, the emotion that accompanies meeting with something vast and mysterious, unconceivable in ordinary circumstances (“…how are you even real, sir?..”) 

when I come to the turtledom for my daily dose of beauty, inspiration and awe, I experience some sort of a boost that helps me reconnect to the values that are important to me, and I become more capable of continuing to do what I consider important in circumstances that, from a rational perspective, do not look too promising

…if they can, I can, right?.. albeit, of course, I possess less resources, but neither do I aim that high nor are the demands on me that intense. 

so, now to the Quakers. when George Fox formulated their mission in the 1600s,  it sounded like this: “Walking through the world cheerfully, responding to that of God in every person in such a way that the person will feel blessed and you will feel the blessings”. 

One of the central values (they call them testimonies) of the Quakers is honesty/ integrity: you have the right / and sometimes the duty to speak about what is true in your experience. If you met God personally in your experience, you speak of it, if you didn’t, you don’t. Easy :) Thus one can be a Quaker, but not a Christian (albeit here can be different opinions, but we’ll set them aside). 

but “that of God in every person” is something that we respond to with awe; amazing talent, giftedness, moral beauty in all its forms: courage, kindness, mercy, steadfastness etc. 

when I say that as a turtle I am witnessing something precious, it means that I also speak of what I see that is for me “that of God”, without implying any religious connotations 

what touches and inspires me today? how can I witness/ testify about it in such a way that it might also touch and inspire others and give them hope and strength to persevere? and in such a way that I would feel (the energy of) the blessings? 

bringing together all three layers of meaning, what touches me most in what I experience when I follow yizhan’s expressions of their preferred identities, is what I interpret as something intangible and related to maintaining hope and persistence when the road ahead is long, and the outcome uncertain; the feeling of purity and “dirt doesn’t stick to the pure ones”; something that makes me think of magic, mysticism and out-of-the-ordinary-world quality of the connection. 

I am aware that it is my personal need for this that focuses my attention in this manner

but I am very grateful that at this moment in my life I found something that feeds and supports me in such a way 

#yizhan #witnessing something precious #bjyxszd #sacred reading of visual texts #how reconstructing an untold story transforms us? #resonance #finding ourselves in their story #awe #awe inspiring #moral beauty #values #spirituality #quaker

[resonancewitness]

17/04: remembering 6 years ago

"LZ is your mother", my god, I almost broke a rib holding down laughter

and this, some realisation happened here, the facial micro movements in the video are much better for this

and the height difference, an achievement in and of itself

source

#cql bts #that magical summer #how reconstructing an untold story transforms us?

[resonancewitness]

a couple of words about relational identity

"A human being is a node of connections", said Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. Each of our precious connections, friendships, colleague-ships, and loves, allows us to be the person we would like to be. In other words, in each important connection an aspect of our identity is performed, that cannot be performed anywhere else in the same shape or form. When a connection is lost, a possibility of a certain important part of self is lost, too.

For me being a turtle means believing that for yizhan their connection allows each of them to be his own preferred self in many ways, and without this connection it wouldn't have been possible (in the same way, with anybody else). This is what makes the connection so precious as to be maintained, and cherished, and protected, and developed, despite all the obstacles. I can imagine many people in somewhat similar circumstances who would have given up on the connection, given the difficulties; when we reconstruct the untold story in ways that make us believe that they didn't give up, enhances the meaningfulness and the preciousness of the connection.

For me being a turtle means assuming that the connection may be one of the central "bearing pillars" in their lives, one of the main answers to the question "who am I (becoming)", "what makes me who I am". Maybe even "what helps me survive and overcome difficulties", "what is one of the important sources of meaning in my life".

And also for me being a turtle means asking myself the question "who am I becoming because of them existing in my inner world, and me experiencing some sort of one-directional connection to them?" Is there something that I can become, some aspect of my preferred self, that otherwise would not be possible, only in witnessing (or imaginary dialogue with) each of them, or both of them?

#yizhan #witnessing something precious #bjyxszd #bxg #we are made to love #resonance #relational identity #how reconstructing an untold story transforms us? #performance of identity

[resonancewitness]

14.03

what is so important for me to remember on this day

I choose to remember the momentary mildly-poleaxed look in dd’s eyes, and gg’s surprised, controlled, subtle and indescribable expressions

the video recording does not pass through to us the experience of smell, and the sense of the physical presence of another nearby — the coherence of brain waves and heart rate variability that happens sometimes when we match, not just as potential lovers, but as beings on the same wavelength

in the way I am reconstructing the untold story, I assume

this was the first meeting in person at a close distance; what I do believe had happened at that moment, was recognition, on many levels, primarily physiological — and also spiritual, at the same time, as it sometimes happens when the whole concept of the world a person holds, shudders and expands to accommodate the living reality of the other person (…speaking from my own similar long-past personal experience here)

(the first-person narration below is my reading-into what I see when I watch that DDU episode; this is pure fanfiction) 

this person smells absolutely right, I want to stand closer to check again… can I bottle this scent, please? 

when I am in the vicinity of this person, even not standing close, I feel different, like, there is harmony and ease, like a harmonious chord

it is like a sound of a bell resonating through my whole being, I get goosebumps 

I can hear the rhythm in my internal soundtrack, I can’t pinpoint it yet, but I have a weird feeling that he hears it too… how can I check if he does? 

the unvoiced sound of my own being-in-the-world comes through better, with less dissonance or dampening… I feel like am more myself

but at the same time I feel like I am something more than just myself, I am transcending myself, and it is in some ways similar to what I feel when the group moves in the dance like a supersystem, like one suprahuman being, but with him now we are not even interacting, not dancing together, there is no music playing to align us so… so why do I feel like that? …this is fascinating

I will be hungry for this feeling when it ends

I feel that this feeling is calling out for me, calling me to do something, to go somewhere, to discover new possibilities and open myself to them… but what are they?

what is this calling?

I will not forget it or dismiss it as a fluke 

I will definitely want a chance to see if it is a one-time experience …or a stable feature of a particular connection

(fanfiction excerpt ends) 

even if it was not the first meeting,

today I choose to celebrate the ability to pay attention to such subtle and not so subtle signs, and the ability to trust one’s irrational perceptions, for which, maybe, at the time one had no words (or neither had words) 

I am learning to become more capable of looking for the subtle signs of an yet-undiscovered future in my own life and in the lives of others 

#yizhan #witnessing something precious #bjyxszd #sacred reading of visual texts #how reconstructing an untold story transforms us? #resonance #bxg #positivity resonance #one soul in how many bodies? #celebrating in loving-kindness #fanfiction

[resonancewitness]

about bursting into song

…one of the things that can be a cool thing to do (puts it on the to-do list :)) is to create a songline (a song-based equivalent of storyline) for the magical summer according to the bts that can be tied to certain dates during filming. possibly somebody has already done it during all those years, i am a very recently-hatched turtle and there are so many things i don't know yet; then the task is to find, or to recreate. 

what songs were sang first, and what came next, all the way from “pick me, pick me, the person to steal your heart, it’s me, it’s me” (it would be interesting to find out who was the first to suggest singing that one together…) to “i won't let go of your hand anyway, i’ll carry you until the end”

why it is interesting to me is because bursting into song is a very familiar feeling to me, sometimes the feelings are overflowing and i need a way to move forward, to express something inside, otherwise i’ll choke. singing helps to continue to breathe. the feeling of “too much, too complex, too complicated” is expressed by using somebody else’s words that are at least in some aspect a great fit for my experience, and the energy can move, i can make the next step. 

when i was in my early 20’s, sometimes when was afraid of opening up and saying some things directly, afraid of owning up to my feelings, being vulnerable and facing potential rejection — or having to commit to something and face the consequences, — i would express myself via quotations from poems and songs, in an oblique way. the message i tried to convey to the listener was “i have a crystal heart and i invite you to come and find it, if you really care”, this sort of thing

#bjyxszd #yizhan #witnessing something precious #songline #bts #magical summer #how reconstructing an untold story transforms us? #cql bts #poetic dialogue

[resonancewitness]

witnessing resonance, part 2: being transported by others' performance of their preferred identity

when I call myself a witness of resonance, what do I actually mean?

continuing from here

so what is it about the second layer of meaning in witnessing? what does it mean to be transported by someone else’s performance of their preferred identity?

(here I come with my big “anthropology of experience” guns)

when we say and/or do something to express and show who we are, who we are becoming, and who we want to be, —  all these utterances, visual representations, stories, visual narratives and actions can be called “performance of preferred identity” or “performance of preferred identity claims”, to be precise

when we are directly involved in a dialogue, both performing our identity claims, we are interlocutors

when we observe somebody else performing their preferred identity claims, but we are not involved in a dialogue, but nevertheless we are experiencing the impact of this performance of preferred identity on our lives, we are witnesses (spectators, listeners, readers etc.) 

the relationship between those performing their preferred identity claims, and the witnesses, can be a two-way street, and can be a one-way street

what happens usually is that expressing something important to themselves, the performers of their own preferred identity claims create something that hooks our attention. usually it happens when whatever they say or do gives expression to some of our own unexpressed experience, for example, it may be some past experience, or an association that had been lurking in the background of our mind, a fear, a hope, or a longing 

when the experience finds its expression, it is like a dam (maybe just a small one, but still) has been broken, and our flow of experience resumes; movement replaces stagnation; we feel energy and direction; we get more in touch with some previously-unexpressed values

this experience “they found exactly the right something to express my experience” feels like “ring of truth”, a stirring inside. Gaston Bachelard calls it “reverberation”.

Reverberation creates resonance — like a wave of sound goes through our inner experience, eliciting harmonious response from some perceptions and memories. We feel a connection, a linking of memories, perceptions and hopes into a storyline. “This is what it reminds me of”, “it made me think about…”

the energy, the direction and the emerging storyline all unite to transport a person in their inner experience from some point A to some point B. we are transported, transformed, we become able to see the world from a different point of view

the energy, the direction and the new meanings derived from the new storyline may lead to new kinds of intentional action; we become capable of something that we weren't capable of before

somebody expresses their preferred identity claims, we are touched, we engage and respond, and we are transported. this is the one-way street of witnessing

but we can also make an effort to make the result of our transformation visible to those who caused it by sharing their performance of preferred identity claims with us: “look, I saw your dance, watched your vlog, read your interview, listened to your songs, etc., and this is what happened to me as a result, this is what became capable of doing to perform my own preferred identity claims better” 

this “confirmation of being transported” makes the witnessing experience a two-way street

it confirms to the performers: “you achieved your goal, you touched my heart, i got engaged with something important to me thanks to you; your actions have meaning; your struggle and overcoming have not gone unnoticed”

when this is seen and acknowledged, it creates a tremendous supportive and even healing effect

…as a self-identified turtle, I am a witness of something precious, of an untold story, of various subversive, clever and inspiring performative acts of two people who I assume consider their identity of loving-and-being-loved by each other to be an essential part of who they are

and I feel reverberation and resonance, and I am transported, and I wish I could make the ways I am transported and transformed, visible

but in a safe way, because the story remains untold by its authors-and-protagonists because it is better this way, at least for now

but I can witness also the resonance it creates in other turtles, and it can also create reverberation, resonance and transformation in me, and I can make it visible, so the other turtles receive the acknowledgement of their preferred identity claims 

tbc

#yizhan #witnessing something precious #bjyxszd #how reconstructing an untold story transforms us? #resonance #finding ourselves in their story #preferred identity #witnessing #anthropology of experience #reverberation #being transported and transformed #Barbara myerhoff #gaston bachelard #bxg

[resonancewitness]

in regard to “Bystander” and “Everything is Lovely” (post 1, my backstory) 

i need to put a disclaimer here: first of all, unfortunately, i am in no way near as profound, subtle and educated a commentator as @potteresque-ire, so my thoughts on the topic of some examples of modern chinese lyrical poetry will be shallow, blunt and naïve

but writing is what i use to make sense from experience, so here i go, bravely and imperfectly

the backstory of encountering “Bystander” and “Everything is Lovely” for me is that some weeks before that I had finished watching The Untamed for the first time, read the books, and then watched some episodes again to appreciate the work of the scriptwriters and lin hai laoshi more. 

what stood out for me was, first, how the theme of “confessions unfulfilled” in the movie is represented by the use of Wuji theme in every place where the characters felt love — and would have had a chance to say something to each other, but didn’t

second, the creative way of making some music magical (here we learn something good and useful from jin guangyao, worthy of his title): you put your cultivation energy in whatever passages you want to have impact, and don’t put it in the other ones that serve as camouflage 

in my sociopolitical environment at the same time very strong restrictions were put on open support for queer people, and I have been thinking about silencing, stealing the voice, and other forms of oppression, and about the ways people always “fly” from being “trapped”, if we reference Gilles Deleuze here. I was thinking about the songs as such "lines of flight"

i did not know about the story of gg and dd at the time, so I had a “thematic conflict story development bunny” (…bite me in the ass…:)): what if irl their direct digital communication would be very much monitored, even privately, not to mention their public conversations? would they pull the “musical theme” card here? amongst other things?

i was somewhat off the mark there, i guess, but not off the mark where “public conversations” are concerned. 

I did not know about the turtles then and the assumed communication between them two and the community, via the language of candies

so my first premise was “publicly, they may use the songs that they have a say in choosing, to communicate with each other, leaving gifts-that-keep-on-giving”. 

“what permanent message do I want to leave in your playlist at this time?” 

my second premise was “when they put heart, in a very special way, in what they sing, the singing sounds different than when they don’t do it to the same extent”.

I started with “Like the Sunshine”, which spoke to me in a very soothing way, as I know the experience of being in a long-distance relationship for years

then I found “Walking through the Coffee Shop/ The Only One I Love Is You” and “Made to Love”

then the “Bystander” and “Everything is Lovely” were released, and I could see the recurrent metaphors and images

I asked myself: “if it was poetic dialogue, what would be the questions these songs serve as answers to?” and went back into retracing the songline back in time, all the way to “Satisfied” (I am sure I have missed a lot of songs, though, so this project of re-creating a songline of these years is ongoing)

...the benefits of entering the fandom so late with the beginner's mind: there are already so many dots waiting to be connected :)

this is totally a fanfiction, clownery and brain rot :) as you know such things always are

(to be continued) 

#yizhan #witnessing something precious #bjyxszd #how reconstructing an untold story transforms us? #we are made to love #poetic dialogue #bystander #like the sunshine #everything is lovely #the untamed #wuji #bxg #art connects the private and the generally shared #songline #singing this song together to the world

[resonancewitness]

expansion of context, transformation of genre

Suddenly I remembered what was so appealing for me in "Harry Potter". We have a story told by an unreliable narrator, and so through his eyes we see the first four novels as partly a parody/satire (...I am thinking of "Daily Prophet" and "Transfiguration Today"), partly a magical action/adventure, partly a sitcom that develops into a middle-school romcom. But everything changes when the narrator (and so, along with him, we the readers) becomes aware of the wider world beyond the school, of the fact that previous almost-fourteen years were a hiatus in a big civil war taking place in the British magical society. The turning point in changing the perspective for me is "Are you ready, Severus? Are you prepared?" — and suddenly we are thrown into a dystopian spy drama. And the whole sequence becomes the coming-of-age story of a "reluctant messiah" who realises that he had been a pawn in other people's game and strives to regain his agency.

And all this made me think of my perception of context expansion and genre transformation in the reconstruction of the untold story.

What started as a workplace romcom, made especially funny because of the contrast in behaviour of certain actors vs. their characters, and then develops strong notes of coming-of-age/ identity transformation drama, is transformed into a "people's private life vs. wider society and powers-that-be" drama (with the "divorce night" as the turning point), and then continues to develop into a poignant survival/ comeback story in 2020 (with the apocalyptic backdrop of a "contagion" setting), and then becomes a "living people and their ideals/faith vs. stable dystopia". And it is hard to see how this story can avoid turning into a tragedy, but this is what we "readers" ardently hope for: no tragedy.

And here we step into a very particular genre: "involved readers being potentially able to influence the narrative and the outcome of the story", with the main example being "The NeverEnding Story" by Michael Ende. Throwing our faith and hope on the side of the scale with the faith and ideals of the main characters, we hope, like Bastian, to help them to stop the advancement of The Nothing and to rescue the magical land from destruction.

#yizhan #witnessing something precious #bjyxszd #bxg #how reconstructing an untold story transforms us? #sacred reading of visual texts #finding ourselves in their story #bjyx #narrative #genre

[resonancewitness]

Bringing them into the internal circle of important others

When we reconstruct a story, — an untold story, in this case, — we re-create its characters in our minds. No one else knows yi and zhan as each of them knows himself and as they know each other. But each of us turtles (and also the so/os, of course) has been reconstituting them somehow from what we have seen and heard, as characters in our own inner world, as important people who represent certain attitudes and values. We may openly dialogue with them in our minds, or play with them as we would play with fictional characters, or worship them, or whatever (…suibian :)); they can be some sort of reference points for us. 

I do say to my kids when they have to face difficult situations, including facing their fears and potential pain: “What would wyb do if he was in this situation, what do you think? What would he say if he was here to mentor you?” — and that makes a whole lot of difference. I do say to my kids: “Oh yes, music and art, this is a very good way to process your feelings, but do you know that xz also exercises every day, besides engaging in music and art? I bet this helps him a lot to maintain his sanity in the kind of life he leads”. And that makes a whole lot of difference, too. They are at the age when the example of celebrities sometimes carries more weight than the example of parents, so I am glad that I can now offer references that I am totally comfortable with. 

Every person carries with them a group of internalised others: these are images of people, living or dead, and creatures, and imaginary characters, and important objects and places that we imbue with personality. They are our reflecting surfaces: we know ourselves because they reflect us back to us, help us see ourselves through their eyes in a certain way. 

I can have a relationship with a misty autumn evening on a sidewalk near a house where I grew up in, red maple leaves stuck to wet asphalt, a place that I might never be able to return to. It reflects back to me a particular mood, a particular sense of concordance of inner and outer movement. A longing, a hiraeth. 

I can have a relationship with a delicate coffee cup that I bought on a whim when I was a college student during a very hard time in my life, having spent my lunch allowances for the whole week on it, when I was poor and felt trapped… and this coffee cup represented my right to want something that was outside of my “cage” and my hope to put this trapped feeling behind me, leave it in the past… some day. 

When a new internalised other enters the array of our important inner interlocutors, reference points or reflecting surfaces, the whole configuration of this array changes. I am deliberately using the word “array” here as in “magical array”, a configuration that summons and channels power. Drawing an array, we, whoever we are — cultivators of sorts, maybe, in our everyday lives? — become capable of doing something different(ly). We become capable of something new, we can do something that we couldn’t do before. 

I don’t have a definite answer even for myself, and I wouldn’t dare to assume the answers of/for others, but I love the questions: 

What am I becoming more capable of, when yizhan, separately and together, enter my internal array of important others, when they become people I cherish, care for, intentionally listen to, give my time and heart-attention to? 

How their presence allows me to summon and channel more power to do what I feel is important to do in my life, for my life, and for the lives of others? 

What do they reflect back to me about what is important to me in my life?

#yizhan #witnessing something precious #bjyxszd #bxg #bjyx #finding ourselves in their story #how reconstructing an untold story transforms us? #how do you cultivate? #how do they cope with this sort of life day in and day out #internalized others #life club #reflecting surfaces #performance of identity

[resonancewitness]

"...[being busy] makes it difficult to even be aware of our inner life, or how we’re really feeling.

(...)

[unplugging and spending time in solitude] inverts some of the most destructive stories we tell ourselves: that we are what we do, that we are worth only what we create. (…) it is all about remembering who we truly are.

(...)

Whatever your practice is, make it an intentional ritual. Light a candle. Recite a poem. Breathe ten times. Whatever you do, try to notice how taking this time heals and softens you. Our inner life is the foundation for our outer lives, so committing to this practice will yield countless gifts." Casper ter Kuile, “The Power of Ritual”, 64, 72, 73-74

#yizhan #bjyx #how reconstructing an untold story transforms us? #witnessing something precious #how do they cope with this sort of life day in and day out #what holds them up and helps them to go on #I am most curious about and I'll never know #resilience #how do you cultivate? #casper ter kuile