#i always feel the need to preface that i have a rebuilt relationship with my dad specifically...

[uncanny-tranny]

Something I realized (which was obvious to me subconsciously) is that... The family that vehemently didn't accept me when I first came out but now do accept me are still the same family that I am most unwilling to be open about things I feel protective over.

I remember that my dad reacted so poorly, not to my coming out, but to my transition specifically that my therapist was the one to ask if I wanted to put it on my file that I wanted nothing to ever be shared with him about my health after I broke down multiple times due to my anxiety that I would never transition. While there are and were protections for me, I was incredibly fearful at the time because I was a minor, and I was so worried that he would have prevented my transition that I couldn't have said for certain what (if any) lengths he would have gone to to prevent that.

He's grown a lot as a person, and made some commendable strides. But he didn't find out from me when I medically transitioned the second I turned eighteen, and I think that's among the things that truly made him realize the scope of the issue.

I'm not here to guilt trip parents, guardians, or other members responsible for the care of the children or teens or young adults in their care.... but this is a cautionary tale. You aren't saving the people in your care when you do this, you simply reinforce an idea that you will never care for them, never want them as they are, would rather them be shoved away.

When you give people reasons to be secretive, they will behave secretively. When you give people reasons to doubt their safety around you, they will become sneaky, defensive, and withdrawn. When you give people reasons to doubt that you value their life, they will believe that you don't care if they live or not.

#queer #lgbt #lgbtq #ally advice #transphobia #transphobia tw #i always feel the need to preface that i have a rebuilt relationship with my dad specifically... #...but that my experiences with them have served to me in many ways to illustrate... well... what NOT to do if you are in his situation #i do still grieve that my relationship with him looks very scarred and that it took a long time to get to where he is now #but i recognize that in many ways this is a product of the world and culture we live in and that he lived in #in a world he grew up gay was used as a slur. would i expect that trans people would be treated better? #and he was responsible for how he reacted but also... it's nuanced as to why he reacted so poorly #and i want people to AVOID being like he did if they EVER want a decent relationship with the other person #i want this to be a cautionary tale and that my ending is unique. not all of us are even ABLE to repair a relationship that was THAT broken #some of us die trying. some of us never get closure. some of us are in active danger because of those reactions #and that's the more common reality i have found. most other queer people have no-contact with families who pulled the shit my dad had... #...and that's - frankly - a good idea in 99.9% of cases. i will never judge someone for the way they go about dealing with that #i'm just emphasizing that i am unique in the sense that i was able to somewhat repair that

[femmespoiled]

hi, i hope my ask doesn’t bother you! i’ve followed you a while, and you seem to know a lot about butch & femme identities. i’m butch and my fiance is femme. they sometimes feel insecure about their identity and feel like they ”don’t have the right” to call themselves femme despite feeling like that’s what describes them perfectly. what could i do to help them with their struggle? what can i say to help them feel more femme? what’s something your partners do or say that makes you feel even more femme? i’m autistic so i’m bad at verbal communication at situations like this, but i want to learn since my femme heavily relies on verbal encouragement. thank you 🖤

Unfortunately I think a lot of, if not most, femmes have felt like that before and I'm sorry they're feeling like that. I think it's important for all of us to question why we feel like we "don't have the right", first of all. I talk a bit about this in other posts, like this one , but femme as an identity can be represented in so many different ways. Down to your questions though, I will preface this by saying that this is a very personal and subjective answer that comes from my own experiences as a femme, therefore that can vary from femme to femme, which is why I highly recommend that you sit down with your femme and be upfront, ask them if there's something you can do to help, if so, how can you help, how can you make them feel better about this issue? "Are there things I do that you'd like me to do more that make you feel validated in your femme Identity?"

So I feel my most femme around my butch, the way they make me feel, the way we interact with each other, the way we see and understand each other and can talk openly and clearly about our identities makes me feel femme, being theirs, performing gender together, existing in this "different sides of the same coin" with them brings me a balance that I more than appreciate. And it's important to mention, regardless of being with a butch or not, I am always femme, but in their companion, it feels like I'm possible and valid and seen for everything I am. It's not that without my butch I am not femme, it's that their existence fosters my femmeness and brings it to its full potential. Butches in general bring us something to contrast against while going both in the same direction, if that makes sense?

And once again I'm giving you a subjective femme4butch perspective. But I suppose the notion of that dynamic being important in its existence and application, regardless of romantic inclinations, the contrast, the mutual support and protection and uplifting, still should exist, considering it still possible and necessary while in a butch for butch or femme for femme, butch or femme4both relationship, etc.

Femme is safety and community to butches and vice versa. Femme is taking femininity and making it your own, for you and for women, for nonbinary folks, it's doing it explicitly for them. Femme is being fierce and strong and brave when we need to. Being femme is being proud. Femme is taking care of your community, it's making a home together where we all belong, you feel me?

As a femme, sometimes I want to scream, I want to say "I was made for them" and I rebuilt myself over time as I found myself even more so for them, but I fear it becomes too entangled with my subjectivity.

How I feel about butch/femme, specially old school butch/femme .

While still talking about my relationship to my butch I love being shown and being told I'm their femme, I like the little interactions of mutual protection and mutual chivalry each in our own ways. Here and here are some examples. Let them know you're proud to have them, that you're proud of the femme they are, these little affirmations can be very important. Let them know for example, if it happens, ways that they make you feel butch and secure in your own butchness, because that's always something nice to hear.

Another thing that might help them is getting into the history of butch/femme (bar) culture, learning about our history and our dynamics and the perspective of other femmes and butches in general about us, has made me feel seen and belonging. You get to see representation of yourself throughout history and that's just an amazing experience for me.

Here are some books I have read and recommend:

The Persistent Desire: a Femme-Butch reader;

Persistence: all ways butch and femme;

Butch is a noun;

Tomboy Survival Guide

And Stone Butch Blues - I haven't personally read it yet, but I see it recommended all the time, just be careful because some of the content can be heavy (in most of these books really).

Another thing that has helped me a lot over the years is getting in touch with my community, being closer to other femmes and butches, even if it's just online, that can be something that allows you to share your experiences and notice more clearly all the similarities you have with fellow femmes.

And my last point is, I encourage femmes to talk about their experiences, be expressive, let it out, post about it, if you feel comfortable, that helped me fine tune who I am and what I am passionate about, what I love about my femme Identity.

Also I love this video by Ivan Coyote, recommend watching it, makes me cry everytime, you could send it to them and it might make them happy ♥️

Hope things go well for you, also if my fellow femmes want to add to this, please feel free ♥️

#bellas butch/femme tag #ask

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 8--For Blood

As always, placed behind a cut for those of you that would rather escape my babbling, lol.  You’re welcome.  

Sadly, I don’t think this is anticipation I feel.  I’m pretty sure it’s dread but okay.  Here we go.  

This episode has to go up from the rock bottom boredom of last week, right?  

Let me preface what I’m about to say with the truth that I in no way hate Maggie.  She’s been with us since Season 2 and I have an emotional attachment to her, mostly due to my love of Glenn and the way he loved her.  She’s not my favorite by any means, but the fact of the matter is, I do like and appreciate her and don’t mind that she is back because it’s nice to have old familiar faces with us to take us into the final season.  That said?  Forcing Maggie front and center after her long absence ultimately, IMHO, has not worked in these first 8 episodes.  I can’t help but feel if ASZ had been the A story with Maggie/Negan and Daryl/Leah/the Reapers the B1 and B2 story?  These episodes would have been better received overall and not feel so much like they’re trying so hard.  Maybe lead me toward the water instead of shoving my head in it next time, Angela?  Hmm?  

Oh goodie.  They’re opening at Meridian.  Should I get my bathroom break out of the way now or give myself an out for later?  Call it Shae’s choice, lol.  

That flicker of a smirk Leah gave to Carver after their mini walk down memory lane had more spark to it than the entirety of her and Daryl’s toxic relationship.  In the future, maybe Angela will lean all in on them instead of Leah and Daryl.  Something tells me Leah knows this “brother” biblically.  

Daryl recognizes Whisperer moves when he sees ‘em.  Somehow, he realizes Maggie and Negan have banded together however reluctantly.  

Pope doing it “Dixon’s” way but not allowing Dixon to do the actual thing shows the level of distrust and paranoia the man still haves for outsiders. 

Look at Daryl chewing his lips with worry for his people.  If he and Leah know each other even a little bit, she has to recognize that as one of his tells.  

Ooohhhh.  Who took the first stab at Wells?  Maggie?  Negan?  Father G?  I swear.  I took my eyes off the “ball” one second and the whole damn play is halfway down the field.  Sorry.  If you cannot tell, I watched football with the fam yesterday, lol.  

The Walking Dead logo didn’t crumble this time.  Interesting.  Parts of it looked like it had been rebuilt.  With brick.  Wood.  Other parts of it looked reclaimed by nature.  Call me crazy, but that almost looks like an eye/part of a face on the first D.  

Okay then.  Babbling nonsense about the logo over, lol.  Tell me.  Please.  Anybody.  How do the events at ASZ line up with the events at Meridian?  Because it’s night and full-blown storming in ASZ and still daylight at Meridian.  But hey.  Thank fuck we’re in ASZ.  

All the babies huddled together giving me feels.  Sorry.  I know some feel they have no place on the show, but I personally enjoy their inclusion from time to time.  It usually plucks hard at my heartstrings.  

Connie tenderly comforting an injured Virgil is sweet, not gonna lie.  

Aww.  Is that Hershel petting a scared RJ’s hair?  Unless it’s a case of me not being able to pick out and place all the little hands, which it most certainly could be, I’m thinking Judith’s got her hand on her knee and that’s Hershel’s hand in RJ’s hair.  Regardless of whose hand is where, it was a sweet little scene.  What can I say?  I’m easy because Baby Glenn and Baby Rick, ya’ll.  

Oh snap.  The windmill’s on fire and pieces of the wall are blowing down main street ASZ like steel tumbleweeds, lol.  

Anybody else having flashbacks to the barn from Season 5?  Good times.  We still had most of Team Family with us then.  They were in a bad place, hurting and lost and just trying to survive--when are they not just trying to survive?--but they were together.  I miss them.  

Carol and Lydia holding each other.  These two, lovelies, have my whole heart.  

Wells is Walker Jerky, Shaw.  Stop wasting your breath.  

“She did.  My enemy.”  I mean, are we supposed to get the impression Maggie’s been a formidable adversary to Pope?  Because she feels more like a roach that simply knows the best rocks to hide under.  Granted, roaches are hard to kill but still.  I’m gonna need them to give us something better than Maggie being Pope’s enemy simply because she didn’t want to give up her home without a fight because this is frankly unbelievable and bordering on stupid.  

Alright.  So they’ve obviously been sowing the seeds of distrust and defiance between Leah and Pope because she doesn’t like losing family but Daryl?  Man?  You and Leah have differing opinions about how family operates.  Trust me on this.  

So.  Three teams, huh?  Aaron fighting the windmill fire, Carol repairing the breach in the wall, Rosita protecting the babies that represent their future.  Choose your fighters, lol.  Seriously, though.  Why do I have the sinking feeling only one group is going to be shown actually doing their thing?  

Listen.  Am I pissed we haven’t gotten the scene we deserve yet between Carol and Connie after all that’s happened and we’re getting crumbs mainly because Angela wrongly feels the Reapers/Maggie & Negan/Daryl & Leah need more focus?  Absolutely.  You bet your sweet asses.  But Melissa fucking McBride just took the crumbs allotted her and made a magnificent, work of art cake out of it trying all on her lonesome to feed us starving Carol fans.  

Bless Connie wanting wanting to go with Carol.  What a show of trust and sister-like solidarity that must have some hate-rotted guts about to turn themselves out.  

I love Kelly and Connie’s sister bond.  No ill will intended, but It takes the good parts of Maggie and Beth and elevates it beyond anything those two ever showed us.  I really feel like that’s a testament to Angel and Lauren’s real life ease with each other.  

Magna choosing to go with Aaron makes me wonder if it’s possible she feels some kind of residual guilt over Connie.  Not guilt for anything she’s actually done, but simply guilt over making it out.  

Virgil volunteering to help.  Okay.  Damn.  I’m honestly starting to like the guy.  

Judith offering to go with her aunt Carol had me all up in my feels.  I mean, granted.  It was a blink and you miss it scene.  We really deserved a longer heart to heart between that little girl and the woman that’s sacrificed so much to keep her safe and loved her for so long, but you know I’ll gobble any and all Judith/Aunt Carol content up.  Seems to me, Little Ass Kicker is just as afraid of letting Aunt Carol out of her sight as Uncle Daryl.  My heart.  

Gracie and Aaron are sweet.  And honestly?  I find them more realistic and true to what normal parents and children would be like in a ZA than Judith and Michonne no matter how much I love that bond.  I mean no disrespect, but I really do.  

“Why am I keeping you around?”  Pope asking the question we’re all wondering.  

Not Apocalypse Popeye comparing Daryl to a stray dog.  Joe from the Claimers already declared Daryl an outside cat that thought he was an indoor cat.  I did have to internally cheer when Daryl was like “I’m ain’t gonna lick it” talking about the helping hand Pope had extended him.  

“Somehow she has turned the dead against the living.  Oh, that’s impressive.”  The thing about Pope respecting Maggie so much as an enemy is I just find it hard to buy, lol.  Like if this had been Carol, yeah.  But Maggie?  Nope.  They’ve mostly shown her (with Gage being the bewildering exception) to be all bark and no bite.  

Has the house in ASZ really become that dilapidated that they can see through its walls?  Because its original owners dodged a bullet if so.  

Look at Grace hero-worshipping Judith.  It’s sweet.  

Virgil telling Judith Michonne would be proud of her is nice but doesn’t feel as earned as if someone like Daryl or Carol that actually knew Michonne well said it.  But maybe that’s the whole point--Judith needs to hear it from someone she knows isn’t going to just say what she wants to hear.  

Call me jaded, it was a touching scene, but also?  It felt designed to allow Judith to move beyond her very normal and realistic feelings of being abandoned by Michonne, even though she gave her the “okay” herself.  Like she’s still a kid.  Wants don’t always line up with feelings.  Anyway.  Cailey continues to be a bright, shining little star and I love how she’s managed to make Judith a true amalgamation of all the people she’s loved who have loved her in return.  Not just Michonne.  I know people like to overlook and cheapen the fact, but it’s taken a village and entire family to raise her from infancy.  

Gracie really should have known better than play in front of the windows during a storm period, but oh well.  Plot point, lol.  

Seriously, though.  I feel like they’ve teased poor Gracie’s demise in a multitude of ways since the beginning of the season.  I hope nothing ultimately comes of it but I fear it will.  All I can say if the worst comes to happen is poor Aaron.  

Where are Negan and Elijah though?  Ouch.  There they are, taking on shrapnel for the cause.  

Ready the what now?  

There’s ASZ’s Baby Sitter Extraordinaire!  Barbara, is it?  That lady’s been putting in the work since Season 5 at least.  

I’ve honestly grown to love Rosita.  More of her and less of Maggie, please and thank you.  

“Let’s stay away from the windows.”  I’m sorry but I had to LMAO at that.  Still a badass moment though.  

Gabe hobbling toward his assigned sentinel.  At least they haven’t forgotten he’s injured like they seemed to forget Daryl was near death last season before the attack on Hilltop, lol.  

“It’s hard to watch something you care about change.”  Listen, Leah.  Chick.  You and Daryl obviously never really knew each other.  It’s always been obvious but I have a feeling “DIxon” is finally going to show you, spoilers or no spoilers.  

WTF are they calling that thing?  Sorry.  I have just as hard a time understanding Pope’s accent as I do Maggie’s sometimes.  

That’s not love that has Daryl telling Leah she can come with him.  That’s care for somebody he used to know.  There is a distinct difference that’s obviously lost on so many.  How can you really and truly love someone you cannot trust?  Especially in Daryl Dixon’s case?

Why does Angela hate us so much?  Giving us all these Reaper scenes and leaving us to simply imagine Carol and Connie and Kelly working side by side to save the wall?  

I think I honestly could have enjoyed this whole Reaper storyline more, at least a little bit anyway, had they not retrofitted a half-assed romance between Daryl and the story’s weakest link and if only they’d made it the B storyline and given earned deference to the goings-on in ASZ instead.  

I wonder if Glenn taught Maggie how to hot write a car?  I miss my baby Glenn.

Apocalypse Popeye is several fries short of a Happy Meal.  What else is new on this show, lol?  

I care for Maggie.  Mostly for nostalgia’s sake and Glenn and Baby Hershel but damn, man.  She’s not actually proven herself got be worth killing your entire “family” for.  But are too far gone, so.  We’ll make allowances.  

I will say at least this episode is not as abysmally biring as last week’s episode.  

Leah finally giving Pope the throat punch he’s been asking for but I’m not fooled she’s on Daryl’s side here.  She’s always been on her own side.  

Look at Father G returning the favor for Maggie saving him in the tower.  Taking Deaver down!  Poor Deaver barely saw the light of day.  

Here comes that woman scorned part.  I can feel it.  

“Pope is dead.  Dixon murdered him.  He’s with the enemy.”  

Please, Angela.  I’m begging you.  Bring Carol into this story and ramp it the fuck up.  You been idling too damn long and the car is fast running outta gas.  

Bitch really has to die to framing Carol’s Pookie.  

Rosita and Lydia and Carol and Connie and Kelly and Magna have literally been holding up this damn show while Angela farts around with the Reapers bullshit.  Honorable mention goes to Aaron but these lovely, badass ladies been putting in the real work and not getting any of the glory.  You just know they’re tired AF.  

Not my babies Lydia and Judith being the cliffhanger!  Oh and Gracie.  Angela?!  A word.  

Listen.  Carol’s already done that fireworks trick.  That Reaper dude owes her royalties.  Granted, it was on a smaller scale but much more impressive for it because she was left to be the sharpshooter.  

Angela has a point.  It is kind of cool how Team Family have learned from their enemies and assimilated their useful points into their own cache of knowledge.  

I truly feel like the Leah/Reaper storyline would have benefitted from a much stronger actress.  Just saying.  

I know Judith annoys some with her precociousness but Cailey just keeps teeing off on what they give her and personally?  I feel she’s so very talented and light years beyond her little acting counterparts so it still works.  

“They’re never gonna choose each other over the people that they’ve loved and fought for because they simply cannot really trust each other.  There’s sort of, like a toxicity at the base of that relationship.”  Straight from Angela’s mouth.  

“At the end of the day, Daryl chose his family.”  Yeah, he did.  That “I belong with you” shit only happened when he felt they were all gone, including the one he loved above all others--Carol.  Fight me.  

Overall impression of the episode?  

On its own, disregarding how much I can’t help resenting how much time I feel has been “wasted” setting this story up, it was much more entertaining than Episode 7 which was only epic in that it was an epic bore.  There was still too much focus on the Reapers when I just just kept wanting to see what was happening at ASZ.  I mean, they cheated us out of Carol and Connie and Kelly working together. Of Aaron and Magna.  Call it personal preference coloring my opinions if you want, but the characters I care about feel like they’ve been shown the backseat for this self-indulgent exploration of Angela’s OC and her version of self-insert FF with Daryl Dixon.  If we can return to Team Family?  The whole Team Family and not just Maggie and Co. against the world?  You’ve got me.  If not?  Well.  You’ll keep losing me by degrees and you don’t want to do that on the final season.  

Anyway.  The ASZ parts were my favorites per usual.  The episode could have used a lot more of those.  

#The Walking Dead #Season 11 #TWD spoilers #things that make me smile and cry #for reasons

[hxhhasmysoul]

Why don't you believe Killua and Gon will reunite? Wouldn't that be a bit sloppy on Togashi's part? I guess I don't see why he would separate them and just never show them interacting again given how much the series revolved around their bond so far.

There are so many things that go into why i think this XD

But I need to star with saying that i’m an incorrigible pessimist and i tend to have very low expectations of everything to mitigate disappointment.

As to more substantive reasons.

In general Gon and Killua achieved the goals they had stated under the stars on Whale Island. Gon found his father, Killua found a reason to live, which is protecting Alluka. Their arcs finished by them achieving their goals. They parted on good terms with no solid promise of reunion. Alluka says she’ll give Killua back to Gon, but that’s very up in the air.

True they seemed sad to part, but sadness is a typical feeling that accompanies change. Some part of life ending, even if it ends well like in the case of Gon and Killua, always brings upon some melancholy.

Killua had stated that he needs to leave Gon, he had toyed with this idea several times. I think there were several reasons for this. And it was a complex feeling in him. On of the reasons is that while Gon is undoubtedly a good influence on Killua in many ways, he also brings out some bad tendencies in Killua the more self destructive ones coming from codependency.

After leaving his family Killua rebuilt himself totally around Gon, and only after a long time e branched out to start a friendship on his own.

The other thing is that Killua must be slowly coming to terms with the romantic aspect of his feelings for Gon. And that’s a hard thing in of itself. Killua has probably very skewed understanding of romantic love, because what was presented to him as such in his childhood was his parents’ relationship. And that relationship is a toxic dumpster fire, extremely hierarchical where Silva openly disrespects Kikyo all the time. Nothing to look forward to, tbh. Killua slowly understanding that he is in love with Gon might be very hard to process. Especially that for all we know this love is one-sided. I don’t want to be misunderstood here. From how I see canon, Gon cares deeply for Killua, but I don’t think there is anything there indicating it’s a romantic kind of feeling. Of course we don’t know Gon’s mind the same way we know Killua’s. So I don’t begrudge people seeing romantic love there. I want this love to be there, so when I write my aus I shamelessly put it there. But I think canon does not give any solid evidence for it.

After Greed Island Gon wanted to introduce Killua to Ging, because at that moment in time Killua was the most important person in his life. Once they get to the World Tree, Gon doesn’t float this idea again. Yes, he has met Ging and Ging invited only him, and Gon must have realised by then that Ging is a special kind of jackass. But before that Gon had always done what he felt is right, what he desired the outcome to be. Imho he just does not desire this outcome anymore.

There is finality in their parting, the way I see it. And it also feels in line with how shonen often is. People achieve their goals and part. Either settle down or are hinted to start new adventures, separately. Gon settles down, Killua starts new adventures.

Gon’s arc feels particularly final, because it plays into the great power great sacrifice trope, which sometimes happens in shonen. The super powerful character losing their power in some final heroic act. And Gon’s story undercuts this. His tremendous power and the loss of it are hardly a choice… i mean he does seem to choose, but he’s so deeply traumatised at that point… calling it a choice feels a bit disrespectful to the tragedy that goes on in his head. And there is little heroism in it too, just sadness and desperation.

The murder boat arc is prefaced with Kurapika’s back story, and Kurapika becomes the main protagonist. In theory Kurapika is connected to Leorio… I might be wrong because I read the “post anime” chapters only once, but I don’t think Kurapika and Leorio even meet once in this arc. By traditional logic of shonen and storytelling they should be in this storyline together, but they aren’t.

So even though there are the ideas of Gon’s ancestors being connected to the dark continent and Nanika being connected to it as well, the way Togashi spins his stories, there is no solid reason to believe that even if both Gon and Killua end up on the dark continent that they will meet.

And Togashi seems to actually be setting up Ging as his next protagonist. Kurapika may or may not survive the murder boat, but Ging most probably will. And my prediction is that his pissing contest with Pariston will take the centre stage. 

But this is just how I see it, and many people see it differently. And well Togashi does whatever he wants with his story… so if he ever finishes who knows. I just prefer to keep my expectations very very low.

Sorry of this long answer, probably more than you bargained for XD

#answering asks #my ramblings #sorry #i really am like this XD