#i cant even. why did i write this

[risarchives]

imperium!david brainrot

#redacted david #redacted asmr #redacted audio #i don't know if i worded this right but #yeah. haunting **is** hereditary #i hope it doesn't end the same in the canonverse though #poor angel should that ever happen #BUT YEAH BACK TO THE MAIN POINT #imagine imp*asher talking about david the same way david talked about his dad #especially the “i wish you could've met him” line he spoke to angel #im gonna cry #then imp*ash describing imp*david’s laughter to imp*baabe #then “i just wanted my friend (originally ‘dad') back” #oh god #the angst hello the heartache #being alpha was the final step to becoming **just like** his father #death though was the final step to **becoming** gabe shaw #i cant even. why did i write this #a little apprehensive for echotober / tried to cope / came up with this / failed to cope. bon appetit #edit: OH MY GOD after knowing they're mates this hurts so much more #“i just wanted my mate back.” #what do i even. *throws phone across the room*

[yellowocaballero]

Been a fan of your fics for YEARS. I was just telling my friend how despite how much I read fics I never actually love them, with some of your fics (especially TMA) as the exception. Felt the need to reread some of them and saw you reblogged some ISAT fanart. So. Any thoughts on ISAT you'd like to share?

Hope you have a wonderful day!! So happy I found your fics again!!

I avoided answering this for a while because I was trying to think of a way to cohesively and coherently vocalize my thoughts on In Stars and Time. I have given up because I don't want to hold everybody here all day and I have accepted that my thoughts are just pterodactyl screeching.

I love it so much. I have so much to say on it. It drove me bonkers for like a week straight. I have AUs. It's absolute Megbait. They're just a little Snufkin and they're having the worst experience of anybody's life. Ludonarratives my fucking beloved.

I am going to talk about the prologue.

The prologue is such a fascinating experience. You crack open the game and immediately begin checking off all of the little genre boxes: mage, warrior, researcher, you're the rogue...some little kid who's there for some reason...alright, you know the score. You're in yet another indie Earthbound RPG, these are your generic characters, let's get the ball rolling.

Except then you realize that these characters are people. You feel instantly how you've entered the game at its last dungeon, at the end of the adventure. They have their own in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They get along well and they're obviously close, but not in a twee or unrealistic way. They have so much chemistry and spirit and life. I fell in love with them so quickly.

But Sif doesn't. Sif kind of hates them, because they will not stop saying the same damn thing. They walk the same paths, do the same things, make the same jokes, expect Sif to say the same lines. They keep referencing a Sif we do not see, with jokes we never see him make and heroic personality he never shows - they reference a Sif who is dead - and Sif can't handle that, so he kills them too.

They become only an exercise in tedious frustration. Sif button mashes through their dialogue, Sif mindlessly clicks the same dialogue options, Sif skips through the tutorial, Sif blows through the puzzles. Sif turns their world into a video game. Sif is playing a generic RPG. Sif forgets their names. They are no longer people with in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They're the mage, the warrior, the researcher, and...some random kid.

I did not understand the Kid's presence at first. I had no idea what they contributed to the game. They didn't do anything. As a party member in a video game, they're a bit useless. Why is the Kid there?

Because Sif's life isn't a video game. Because the kid isn't 'the kid'. They're Bonnie. Bonnie, who the party loves. Why is Bonnie there? Because they love them. There is no room for Bonnie in the boring RPG that Sif is playing. And then you realize that Sif is wrong, and that they've lost something extremely important, and that they'll never escape without it.

Watching the prologue before watching ISAT gave ISAT the most unique air of dread and horror, because you crack open ISAT and you see the person Sif used to be. You realize that Sif used to be a person. Sif used to be the person who made jokes, who gave real smiles, who interacted with the world as if they are a part of it. And you know you are sitting down to watch Sif lose everything that made them a person, to lose everything that made them a member of this world, and turn them into a character in a video game who doesn't understand the point of Bonnie at all.

At the climax of the game, when the others realize that something is deeply wrong and that Sif physically cannot tell them, they realize that there is nothing they can do. So Bonnie declares snacktime. And for the first time they have snacktime.

What is snacktime? Classic JRPGs don't have snacktime. There's literally no point to a snacktime - not in a video game, and not in Sif's terrible life. It's not fixing this, because nothing can fix this. But Bonnie gives Sif a cookie and Sif eats it.

It's meaningless. It's a cutscene. It didn't save Sif and it didn't change a thing. It will make no difference in the end.

But it did make the difference. It made all of the difference in the world. Bonnie is a character who you really don't understand the point of before you realize that Bonnie was the entire point.

ISAT is about comfort media. Why do we play the same video games over and over again? Why do we avoid watching the finale of our favorite shows? What is truly comforting: a story with no conflict, or a story where you always know what is about to happen? Do you want to live in a scary, uncontrollable world, or do you want to play Stardew Valley? Do you want a person or a character?

When I beat Earthbound for the first time (and if you don't know, the prologue/ISAT battle system is just Mother) and watched the ending cutscene where the characters part ways and say goodbye...I felt a little bit sad. I wanted them to be together forever. But that's something only characters could ever be.

#these aren't deep or unique thoughts they're just the specific aspect of ISAT that made it one of the most interesting gaming experiences #i actually like the prologue much more than ISAT for just this reason #its honestly a video game art piece that's created to give the player a very specific experience #that makes them an aspect of the narrative that is told #it's. incredible. #in stars and time #start again start again start again #start again: a prologue #isat #god and there is so so so so much more to say here #what a rich and complex and fascinating game that made me cry like a baby #i dont even kin sif. we arent similar at all. #i cant imagine how devastating this game would have been if i did #but I do have a deep relationship with escapsim #and i write about it a lot #and video games about being video games are wonderful #as are stories about being stories #and why we consume stories. how we use them. how they save us and hurt us. #never played a video game that used its medium so well #i bet undertales also pretty good at that but this is more so i think #stories about stories have to be about why we love stories #and im not an artsy person and i roll my eyes a bit when people talk about the spiritual neccesity of art #i think people need stories because the world is sad and hard and boring and we want to think about something else for a while. #some people need to be anywhere but here #and sometimes if you're Lil Depressed-Ass Snufkin that looks like being here forever #baby cringe-ass snufkin big hat idiot

[mamawasatesttube]

just remembered how megfitz made tim think about how bernard is so much better than all the other relationships he'd "settled for" and was once again briefly consumed by rage. meghan you apologize to zoanne wilkins right the fuck now

#rimi talks #like also apologize to ari and steph and all but. i specifically am a zoanne wilkins stan blog until i die. so #i can't lie. this line alone made me dislike tim/ber significantly more than i did before reading it #and the rest of tdr did Not help with that. #protip: if you have to put down women in order to prop up your m/m ship i WILL hate that m/m ship out of spite immediately #especially when you do nothing to sell me on the ship other than going HEY THEYRE PERFECT BTW. THEYRE SO PERFECT TOGETHER. like... ok #can you tell me why they even like each other tho. (she cannot bc she doesnt know how to write a mediocre romance forget a compelling one) #god i really just. that comic was a trash fire. lord. the mentions of kon in it made the kill bill sirens go off in my head #anyways. its fine tdr isnt real it cant hurt me. but meghan does still owe my girls an apology lmao

[good-beanswrites]

I mentioned this in the AO3 comments, but:

What does Fuuta think about how Es treated Amane at the end of her interrogation? (Still not completely sure what happened)

And in trial 2, what does he think now that Kotoko has joined the ranks of "people who have been hit by Es" while he has not? (And Amane, if she didn't already count)

Yessss thank you :3 I always enjoy LCSyS questions (even if I take forever to reply to comments and things LMAO) Though, some details apply outside of the au too

Well. I don’t know if it really needs to be said for Fuuta, but yeah, he is pissed 😅 Even if she wasn’t directly hit, he would be just as riled up that she was treated so roughly. (Ah, I’m once again tempted to write up my mv machine post, but) basically I picture the machine itself locking the prisoner in place with sudden restraints. There were reactions of shock and fear, as if it were affecting them immediately,  and prisoners like Fuuta and Muu would definitely run from it if they could. So I believe that moment in Amane’s first interrogation is just Es standing over her and rubbing it in. There’s no direct harm, but the fact that they are so smug about her helplessness is just as psychologically painful. 

I don’t know if Amane would really go into detail about her interrogation (the others who were hit seem the type to come right out and say it), but she mentions it during the trial hiatus debriefing. Fuuta is furious: “why didn’t you say something sooner?? I would have kicked their ass right then and there!” His outburst is the very reason she doesn’t tell him that she was hit in T2. She knows he’ll get himself into more trouble, and she feels pressured to bear it on her own. She ends up pulling him aside and telling him during the second hiatus. He has to tone down his explosion a bit to focus on comforting her more than cursing Es. Though I don’t know exactly what will happen, the knowledge that she was hit drives him to stand by her side in T3 and defend her every chance he gets, affecting whatever changes we already are getting hints of.

He feels equally upset when Kotoko mentions getting hit, and Kotoko's nonchalance allows him to do a full rant. She doesn’t seem that phased, and admits it makes sense they would have an extreme reaction to her violence. She says that she deserved it, and Fuuta of all people stumbles over his words to tell her that she didn’t – violence does not deserve more violence. (He’s learning, folks!) In the privacy of his own thoughts, the poor guy is mortified. He would be grateful if he didn't keep comparing himself with the others who didn't get hit. “Do I look as fragile and girly as Yuno, Muu, and Mahiru?” “Do they not see me as a threat?” “Do they pity me or something?” He makes up his mind to be a big, manly threat in T3 and be taken seriously enough to get hit. (He can only learn so much at a time, folks.)

#milgram #lights camera sing your sins #thanks for the question! im glad you asked on here too because i probably wouldve held back on ao3 #also right after im done posting these i am sitting down and writing my mv machine post!!! no one else will care but i keep wanting to!!! #outside of the au fuuta would think kotoko getting hit Was deserved but i think hed think twice about it #hes starting to pick up on the whole cycles of violence thing: es hurting kotoko for hurting fuuta for hurting killcheroy who was doing har #but he cant fathom why amane gets caught up in all of this and hes LIVID #it draws him closer to her even without the religious aspect #they both just want to protect the other in the way they think is best :') #and yeah even in canon i think kotoko isnt too phased by the hit -- her language is force after all #she may not think she deserves it per se but she respects es for showing their power like she did #and hey who knows! maybe fuuta comparing himself against the girls is what finally kicks off her transition <3 #fuuta kajiyama #amane momose #kotoko yuzuriha

[cringelordofchaos]

This comic sucks but

-Amy- "SONIC!" Now, listen to me for once!"

-sonic [expecting very rude words]- "°~~~~~~~~~~°"

-amy- "You made a mistake. But you wanted to protect us. That alone proves you're a good person. we're all feeling stressed, but I don't want all of us to just take it all on you, because i know you must be stressed too with all that's goin-....[insert more words of comfort here]........"

-sonic- "🥺"

#THIS IS RELATED TO -----> #sonic prime #specifically sonic messing up in sonic prime #the guy cant catch a break #normal amy somehow revives herself just to tell sonic to not be too insecure #jk i have a bigger story in mind but its irrelevant #my art #could this count as a ship comic? #everything can have ship potential soo #sonamy #although i dont even ship it that much loll #also sonic usually doesnt express this much emotion but he really couldn't hold it in this time. #sonic #sth #Sonic the hedgehog #amy rose the hedgehog #edit: what did i mean by “i have a big story idea in mind” i completely forgot what it was :(( #this is why you write down your ideas guys #soncic #amy #sonic & amy #prime

[taeiris]

the insane lack of creativity i have regarding my ocs is astronomical but do i give a fuck ? not too much I JUST WANNA LIVE

#this is why i cant write shit #like just tell me the plot and ill make shit up from there… now… CREATING THE PLOT? #absolutely not #also theyre like superheroes lowkey so its even worse #cause its hard to not come up with some generic shit #but did i? #yes #yes i did #and im trying to tell myself its okay cause nobody cares #i just want to give these guys a story even if youve heard it ten million times #do i look like the warner bros ceo? #no #so dont talk shit #sorry #im overthinking #ANYWYS #EZRA AND IRIS ART COMING SOON

[transcicle]

who up getting autistic over a podcast theyve never seen

more under cut idk if theyll format or not... beware

some of these i just did some of these are old

some of these are the drawing style thing i did sooo.... in order... : FIRST THROUGH FOURTH IMAGE peter drew those :-) FIFTH rumi drew that one :-) SIXTH exandroth drew those :-) SEVENTH peter drew that one :-) self portait EIGHTH rumi [bad at art edition] both NINE and TEN i dont remember if they were ment to be peter or just me goofin... so picjk ur poison LOL ELEVEN thats peter LAST THREEEE meeeeee :3 9-10 and 12-14 are the older ones everything else i did last night / this mornin'

#jrwi #jrwi apotheosis #angelstone #sqlumi #................i prefer sqlumi.... why did name it angel stone thats like exandroth + peter not rumi + peter its confusing to me #im sorry i watched the angelstone cut like half a year ago #IM SOOO AUTISTIC ABOUT THEM YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA MAN YOU HAVE NO CLUE SOSHAKSHLSXHLDHDJDJKRKFKF #i cant contain it anymorw im going to post my cringe #quite a few of these ones are from my little handwriting drawing things where i make up their handwriting and art style tee hee #i think rumi either SUCKS ASS at drawing or can decently draw in an anime esque style #i imagine peter has a lil bit of artistic abilities... he did paint a ton of mug paintings if i remember right???? #he aint the best but he can do it #thanatos has 0 skill because he has never drawn anything ever until this hypothetical situation where theyre drawing and writing this all #exandroth adapts peters skill to an extent #peter tries to follow the rules taught to him about writing as a child to a T soooo he has generally neat handwriting if hes thinking abt i #but if hes tired or just out of it idk #you cant get one word man that shit is just complete chicken scratch even he cant figure it out sometimes LOOLLLL #rumi also has very neat handwriting HOWEVER i love the idea that she hams it up to be really swirly like that one girl in elementary #thanatos is very stiff and neat might as well just be font... #exandroth is either writing in full caps or alternating between whatever ver of a letter he wants to write at any time #VERY heavy handed and goes over every line like 3 times #when writing his name EVERYTIME he writes exandroth archangel of retribution everytime #if you guys wanna see what i have so far.... you can ask.... hehe #theyre my ocs at this point man i havent seen the damn campaign #i would just make them my ocs but my brain immediately loses interest whenever i do that uuuuggghhhhg #i mean i have a beast moomin furry thing peter and an object oc peter bur #*but like idk #btw i have like waaayyy more to say but i reached tag limit <////333 tumblr hates autistic people real #ill just retype it all in the next post ^.^* #archive

[skitskatdacat63]

2009 Chinese Grand Prix - Parc Fermé - Sebastian Vettel & Mark Webber

#MY FAVORITE RACE IVE WATCHED!!! IT IS SO VERY IMPORTANT TO ME OKAY???? #the way theyre in sync serveral times! the way mark helps seb down by tugging him a bit! #(i did in fact write a post abt why this race is crucial to me but i dont think itll ever see the light of day LOL) #okay sry in advance theres gonna be so many tags: #i didnt rly wanna gif any other ssn before finishing 2005 but this is the first older race i watched and its still stuck in my brain #so im obligated to myself from several months ago to at least do a bit #and heres the thing w seb races: id love to contain them to one post like i do w fernandos but I CANT AAHHHHH #theres so much content!(tbf this is less bcs personal seb bias and more bcs theyve def made improvements in production quality since 2005) #i was drafting a post for this race a bit ago and realized 'oops yeah i dont think i can keep this in one post' so ye ill prob post more! #like bro i could make a full post of before they even get to the podium #but this sebmark section in parc ferme has been haunting me since the beginning of this yr #(i was looking thru my insta cf story archive and saw the vids i took of this moment while freaking out and im like okay fine ill do it) #sebastian vettel #mark webber #sv5 #sebmark #martian #we do a little bit of f1 #f1 #formula 1 #2009 chinese gp #(2009: 1/17 races watched) #(out of order but who cares lol i think 2009 is what ill watch after 2005 anyways!)

[onereallygoodlambonastick]

butcher's knife is nanami's chosen weapon because it takes more strength to wield. this should tell you everything you need to know about him, frankly

#cant see it? oh well. get a grip i guess. go fuck somebody. i dont care. #and he STILL blunted it. mans was fucking crazy. man. he HONED it even further. he knew precision thru his technique. his technique #wanted him carnally. #that is why he did not stand alone in his final stand. he had his blade. why his tool later became cursed. because now it has been widowed. #its about love. its always been about love. curious #soy talks shit #my writing #nanami #nanago

[sneez]

various fairfaxes and a drawing from my english civil wars hiking au which i never posted :-) [id under cut]

[image description:

the first image is a digital drawing of a group of men on a light brown background. they are all wearing hiking-appropriate clothing. from left to right: a young man swinging from a tree; arrows pointing at him read ‘weirdly passionate about hiking’ and ‘like 15′. a man leaning against a tree; arrows read ‘grumpy’ and ‘only here for family bonding with father-in-law’. a man with a cane and one arm in a sling, leaning over to read a map; arrows read ‘has injured himself on every hike so far’ and ‘designated driver’. a man reading a map with a serious expression; arrows read ‘annoyed about everything except hiking and sometimes also hiking’ and ‘only one who can read a map’. a man with his hands on his hips looking at the viewer; arrows read ‘arranges hikes and then doesn’t go on them’ and ‘good at arguing’.

the second image is a collection of four digital drawings of thomas fairfax, a man with long dark hair, a moustache, and a beard. he is wearing seventeenth-century clothing. one is a full-body coloured drawing of him sitting in a chair facing away from the viewer with his legs folded and his hat on his knee. the other three are uncoloured: two are headshots of him as a young man and an older man, and the third shows him sitting at a table reading a piece of paper with an expression of concentration.

the third image is a coloured digital portrait of thomas fairfax as an older man. he is clean-shaven and has long dark hair and a scar across his cheek. he is wearing a dark doublet and a large white falling band, and is looking to the left of the image with a serious expression.

end image description.]

#artwork #fairfax #and others! theres a bunch of blokes in the hiking one #basically the concept is it's the english civil wars but instead of having a civil war they are rival hiking groups. and they compete with #each other over hiking trails and such. i never drew the royalist group but i was imagining them to be the Official hiking club and the #parliamentarian one started because there was drama in the royalist club so they started their own #and now theres drama between both of them. hiking drama. #ANYWAY thats from last year i cant remember why i never posted it but here it is now :-) #the other ones are much newer (for the most part) i did the coloured sitting fax yesterday #the last one is based on a portrait i came across recently which may or may not depict fairfax in 1664 (the identification is questionable) #and i still havent made my mind up whether or not i think it could be him or not but i was So excited about finding such a late portrait #i knew i had to draw at least something inspired by it. i cant even tell you how i excited i was i almost exploded #for context the latest portrait we have otherwise is from 1650 so if it is actually him it is a Very Big Deal #but i dont think we will ever know because the identification has been rejected by the metropolitan museum of art :-/ alas #of course it could be raised again in the future but i dont know if anyone would care enough to do that. i would obviously. but otherwise #oh for the first one from left to right it's lambert ireton fairfax cromwell pym #i dont know if the writing will be legible given how much tumblr crunches images but We Will See #i hope you are all doing well my dear friends :-) it has been so nice to get around to answering messages today i have missed you terribly #edited to add image descriptions! sorry i didnt do that earlier my apologies

[spacedlexi]

Would love to hear u talk more about Clem and Minnie mirroring one another if u haven’t already 🦅

i have Not >:) cracks knuckles

talking about minnie can be hard since she Really only exists in eps 3 and 4. eps 1 and 2 keep the twins pretty mysterious we only learn a few things about them. i think the most important thing we know about them tho is that they (or at least minnie) provided a sense of relief for the ericson kids. tenn saying how minnie would sing them "dont be afraid" when they were feeling scared. i think its safe to assume she wrote the song Specifically to have a way to make the other kids feel better when things were rough

when the twins die the kids lose this emotional support and we can tell its been hard on all of them (some more than others). but then in comes clementine. our girl whos been carrying the "light in the darkness" motif since season 1. and although she got that shit a little dirty in seasons 2 and 3 (ava going off in s3 about how clem and aj are light and hope and shit so we're still supposed to see it (and recognize that clem has become so Dark in s3 without aj)), she got her light back when she got aj back and she'll die protecting him

clem (and aj) fall very quickly into the hole the twins left. now its clem who makes them feel safe. first with finding them food then protecting them against the raiders ("youre our savior clem" "we were more scared than we let on when you met us. you made that go away"). its not an accident theyre put up in the twins room. and with the way violet grabs the frame and looks at it sadly we can even assume clem sleeps in minnies old bed (also the old torn down paintings seem to only be on ajs side of the room and hes got his whole "i wanna be an artist too" thing going on). clem has unintentionally taken on minnies old role of making the kids feel safe and reassured

then we finally meet minnie. and based on how the others described her there is definitely a piece of herself that shes lost (that shes killed). her light is gone now. and although her motivations have been warped, they remain the same. i do genuinely believe she is still trying to protect the ericson kids and do whats best for them, but just in the only way she thinks she can to stop more people from dying. she might even think the pros of living with the delta are worth the cons. clementine is the one teaching them to fight back but minnie knows from experience that fighting back just gets you killed, so she feels like if she can just stop clementine then everything will be fine ("youre the FUCKING problem here" "i wont let you get them all killed" and she does seem genuinely concerned if clem and vi are fighting in the cell. and obviously we know she doesnt want anything to happen to tenn). both minnie and clem want to protect the ericson kids they just have conflicting opinions about which is the right way to do it. but minnie Does show her ass when she ends her "if you just do what they say you can live" speech with "you can be rewarded just like i am" 👀 oh girl... she didnt just give up she gave in. killing sophie was her breaking point and i really wish we knew more about how that scene went down outside of lillys dramatic retelling i would like to see it objectively please. but based on the way lilly tells it, minnie (im sure begrudgingly) accepted her place at the delta before it even came to that, and was probably just pulled along by sophie when she tried to escape. which is probably why (im assuming) lilly gave her the choice to kill sophie to stay with the delta (her New family), and she did... she kills a piece of herself when she does this (only compounded by the twin imagery), and i think her seeing clem fight back reminds her of sophie and brings all those feelings to the surface. and if she can just kill clem everything will be ok, cuz it worked last time....

minnie singing "dont be afraid" when attacking them on the bridge. a song that once brought them peace now being used to herald death. but since she approaches already singing it she was probably singing it to soothe herself as she succumbs to her bite, walking away from the wreckage she blames on clem, her delta family dead (she Did care about them in a fucked up way), using a herd of walkers against them the same way clem used a herd of walkers to attack the boat. all minnie cares about at this point is finding tenn, and she does, and shes gonna take him with her. just like clem looking for aj, finding him, and taking him. but where clem would die to protect aj, minnie wants to kill tenn to take him "home" with her. add to this ajs feelings about ending up alone without clem and wanting to be walkers together if it came to it. this is why tenn dying on the bridge feels narratively fulfilling to me even tho i hate it 😭 tenn wants to be with minnie (and sophie and their parents) and death doesnt scare him. it kinda comforts him. him and minnie dying together here is like the dark fate clem and aj barely avoid

and then vi fitting into this as she became tenns caretaker after the twins left. she also wants whats best for him so her and minerva fighting at the end for tenn is interesting. especially since violet (and louis but he wasnt tenns caretaker the way vi was) can die throwing him over the gap. i like the layers violet adds to being in the bridge scene, and it makes it even more sad when she cant protect him because thats all shes been trying to do since before clem and aj even showed up. plus aj shooting tenn puts violet in a similar position to louis in regards to marlons death

i really love the ways violets route adds to all the minnie and tenn stuff. and the way we can see clems influence change her. how a saved violet is ready to fight with clem but a kidnapped violet believes in minnies goals and thinks giving up is the safest plan for everyone. because regardless if you save her or not violet ALSO wants to keep the ericson kids safe and just doesnt know the best way to do it. clem encourages violet to step up and minnie encourages violet to give up (warping her character growth which is why i cant Not save her 😭 and the betrayal of it all). using violet as a common denominator is another way to differentiate between clem and minnie. then throw the romance on top of that.... you can see why i get a little...Sillay.. this is ALSO why i dont like vinerva in any romantic capacity post the events of ep3 and why i love seeing vi with clem. its what they each encourage in her. minnies weakness, clems strength.... why seeing vi and minnie fight clem makes me want to cry but seeing clem and vi fight minnie makes me jump off the walls LETS GOOO

and i havent even talked about lilly yet.... how if lee took lilly up on her offer in S1 about stealing the RV together clem couldve ended up in her custody.... i definitely believe clem looks at minnie and sees some broken scared part of herself in there. she is Fiercely Loyal and would do anything for her family so if she was raised (or broken) in that environment (and it seems very "ends justify the means" with the delta as it sounds like its actually pretty good over there if you can look past the intimidation and torture and kidnapping) i could definitely see her being the one standing behind lilly in some other universe. its what lilly still tries to do with her but its too late (and so lilly tries it with aj instead which is still a way to get to clem). but clems grown now and shes been making her own choices for a long time. shes already been through this with the new frontier (and hell even with carver at howes). she'd die before she gave in. and minnie made the choice to kill her sister to save herself

even with the little info we actually have on minnie she still works pretty well as a foil to clem. this is why i find it easier to talk about minnie when comparing her to clem like i feel like its her main purpose. i feel like theres still more i could say its just eluding me. its not a coincidence that minnie almost takes clem down with her in the end. why shes the reason clems able to get bit. minnie blames clem for her own demise and she's gonna get in one last fuck you. and minnies fate is one clem is desperately trying to avoid. kinda 👀 to be taken down by your narrative foil

#even visually they put clem and minnie as opposites with clem inheriting marlons bow and minnie using a crossbow (tlou pt2 also did this) #they even give minnie clems haircut given to her by javi in s3 lol which just makes it a clean version of clems currently growing cut #and i cant talk about minnie without also mentioning violet like i Have to they are pretty intertwined she really adds depth to it all #sorry to do this to your dashes but also im not 👁👁 #twdg #anon i hope you didnt think i ignored your message i hope you thought 'oh shes writing an ESSAY essay' #pasting this into word just in case tumblr fucks it up...this is 1430 words 😭 bro why cant i be like this for like important things #replies with lexi #incognito #god i STILL feel like im forgetting shit which is WILD there should NOT be this much to say...yet here i am...

[love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward]

everytime i take a tiny triangle out of the cake i made my brother comes in and cuts off a trapezium, making the cut a single clean line. it would be vaguely funny but like i made the thing and like could he not eat it all without leaving some for me

#rant #i guess #it really fucking annoys me how i have to cut off my share in everything that comes in this house ever #like always stay on alert for your food and stash away your share or its gonna be gone by morning #i dont even know why its making me frustrated enough to cry #its just. nice good food has always been a treat and motivator for me and my brother has a habit of always grabbing my share too #it sounds so silly out of context but like. ive had a lifetime of going through a bad tiring day with nothing to look forward to but #a nap and something i like to eat. and always opening the fridge to an empty container #or worse the box is there but then i get in bed with a book and open the damn thing to find half a spoonful inside. #it would be annoying once or twice but its just. all the fucking time. #i hate this survivalistic shit #its not long before i move out thank god but still #he always did it when i was young and my mom hardly ever said anything #like now if i want i can get myself some treats but when i was younger i didnt have much choice. #i havent had the time to bake in two years and prep plus baking the layer cake took two days. i put so much work in it. #and he ate half of it by the time i came back from fucking peeing. i cant even say anything because he gets fucking angry and aggressive #at the drop of a hat so im. crying in my room about it. look my feelings are not as drownable and consuming now. i generally dont #let things like that affect me too much. but i feel so young again and like the entire world is so unfair. i don't know #writing my feelings out on a tumblr blog is so much better than journalling they should recommend this shit in therapy

[theforgottendaydreamer]

please do not tell me you like how i write, because i will inevitably think i'm decent at it and think i'm worth appreciating

#i wish i could actually accept compliments #like on ao3 i just say “thank you so much!!” but i'd like to grab the commenters' shoulders and shake them -> #-> and yell “stop i'm literally tricking you into thinking i'm any good but i'm not and this is an elaborate prank on both parts!!” #man. man. fucking shit. i want to cry #i'm so fucking upset because why did my high school italian (my native language) teacher always tell me i wasn't any good at this? #and. and i had her for 5 fucking years. i internalised that shit. #i graduated high school five fucking years ago and her words are still in my head #and every time i write i always think nobody is going to fucking understand a word i'm trying to say #and even in uni. i graduated uni too ok? and. nobody ever told me my essays sucked. #so one would think i would've unlearnt the hatred by now. well. i did not. #i want to fucking cry #why am i so stuck in the past #why cant i just. move on

[freshmeatz]

#my art #leech art #literally needed to get this out of my fucking brain its been plauging me for a year and a half #literally the first time i saw bandu when i got into dnb i was like ohh hes so cute why does he look familiar #and then the 9yr old autism in my head fucking snapped last moment like oh i know #do you think theyd be friends i feel like theyd be the bestest of friends #i needed to sate my brain on drawing this cos i did wanna turn the little shape people into frogs so my brain would leave me alone but idk #i cant even think right now i see the frog eyed smile expression amd my brain explodes back to keroro i love keroro i wish i could draw more #of sgt frog stuff despite me needing peer approval 12983092903409 years #wow i mnever write this much in tags but im embarrassed idk #whoever sees this im so sorry im so normal about alien frogs and shape people

[jrueships]

tbh tho i think my art is fugly af LMFAO

#not in a '>w< eeeek! i wish i could drawww 🥺 i can only cobble such measle crap with my lowly peasant paws.. *unveils mona lisa*' #sense but like a my style makes me want to hurl whenever i look at it bcs it's a constant reminder that it can only be what i can make it be #and bcs it looks bad to me then that means i cant make things look good if u get my sense like #idk man 😭!! im just sick of being scribbly!! and not clean! i wanna ink my art! have crisp lines! dark lines!! #not have to put stupid darkening filters on everything bcs i cant color or shade so my art is just stuck with the blinding white background #well the frustration is more how i CAN color and shade.. i CAN ink my lines with a darker one #lets not excuse my laziness now cmon ted omg dumbass bitch #it's just that doing so makes me . crazy #my attention span like. crumbles when i try to add color or ink over lines bcs thats Such a commitment to me #i HATE leaving things unfinished when it seems so monumental #like unfinished sketches or prompts? fine. those are sketches. little prompts. even if u post it it's shit #but starting big things is a COMMITMENT.. with CONSEQUENCES ! ! i just want to avoid them ig #it's like im stuck between art being a fun lil past time and being a perfectionist actually so no. no it is not #but also i NEED to draw i NEED to write SOMETHING! SOMETHING!! then i realize the weight of things and purposefully hinder myself #then later hate myself for hindering even tho it felt so good and right in the beginning ORGHH or WHATEVER #idk one of my friends told me my style reminded them of the new tmnt movie (which has been praised yeah #for like beautiful ugliness tho) and like. i KNOW it's a compliment... but. why did it make me Feel 😭 like i wanted to rip my art 2 shreds #once i lined my art and my friend (an artist i admire) said smthin like 'omg finally! ted lined art! gorgeous!' #& i KNOW. I KNOW IT'S A COMPLIMENT. BUT WHY AM I THINKING LIKE. SO VIOLENT. NOT ABT THEM. BUT MY SHIT NOW #like UGHHH i just HATE feeling trapped and helpless when actually theres help available but im just DUM!! JUST LINE UR ART TED #art is like playing sport is like making good grades is like working well is like being a good friend is like being a good person #literally. just be GOOD. #it's all a performance to me ARGHARGH! I HATE THE JOKER! I HATE BEING CRINGE@! RAGGHH I HATE THIS SHIT #<- mfs when no basketball #mfw i cannot avoid enlightenment via the meaningless distractions i codepently craveRAGGHG!!!!!!1!