#i didnt mean for it to be this long but i could not help it lol

[makotonaegiunderstander]

something I’ve been thinking abt is how many people think Makoto is immune to despair. I don’t think he is. I think becoming the ultimate Hope was BECAUSE he felt despair. He wouldn’t have fully reached that point without Junko. Makoto becoming such a beacon was his last attempt to avoid completely falling and it wasn’t because he didn’t feel despair, it was because he was too damn stubborn to allow everything to go to waste and he refused to sacrifice his beliefs for someone else’s. His inner monologue tells me he DID experience the same new low the other suvivors did in the final trial, but at the point where he had the choice to give up and die, he looked at the others and he looked at Junko and he couldn’t allow it to happen, not out of self preservation, but because the idea that Junko would have control over their lives made him FURIOUS. and that utter refusal to die kicked in, wether luck or otherwise, and he made the concious effort for one last push while something in him was breaking. He had to be broken in order for the Ultimate Hope to come through so aggressively, bc it could only exist in the face of the Ultimate Despair. He snapped the same way she did, but in the other direction. In what could have been his final moments he chose to embody everything Junko wasn’t, and every single optimistic and luck fueled ideal in him suddenly charged forward and pushed him. It was a combination of the final straw and a choice. Makoto isn’t immune to feeling despair, he’s just too stubborn to fall into it of his own volition. I think that’s why I like that scene in DR3 so much. People were SO SHOCKED Makoto actually fell for the tape, that he actually became despair for a moment. I saw people getting mad or disappointed, saying it was pathetic and Makoto seemed to fall from some sort of pedestal for them. Honestly part of me wonders if that sort of mentality, which clearly people had in universe, affected Makoto a bit. Like he started to see himself as less of a person, subconsciously. Prompting him to take more risks, less self preservation, act way more bold. It seems he has to be reminded a lot not to put himself in danger by his friends, to not do something too reckless. All over the place I would see in regards to that scene either this frivolous ‘oh this was just angst drama with no meaning behind it’ or ‘he can do better than that. he’s so weak’ or ‘come on, there’s no way he’d fall into despair, he’s the Ultimate Hope!’ This kind of mentality, which was kind of ironic considering Ryota was there the entire time saying the same thing and treating Makoto the same way. Like Makoto was superhuman. Like Makoto didn’t feel despair the same way ‘normal people’ did. In a way that was also how Munakata saw Makoto. Makoto stopped being a PERSON to the world when he became Ultimate Hope, he became a concept, a belief system, much the same way Junko ascended beyond herself. But the difference is that treating Makoto that way is the opposite of the reason Makoto became such a representative for hope. He wasn’t doing something no one else could. He was doing something everyone had the chance to, he just… was a little more optimistic, a little more stubborn, a little more ‘gung-ho’ about things. He just took the lead where no one else did, where no one else knew they even COULD in the face of Junko’s unstoppable force. She had overcome the biggest threats and obstacles in the world, what could one person do? And the answer Makoto found was, anything. Everything. It doesn’t all rest on Makoto, he’s just the one that was inspired to try to do what seemed like the impossible. But as evidenced by the change in his friends after that trial, it’s clearly not something only Makoto is capable of. The others pulled out of despair thanks to Makoto, but it was their choice to do so.

“But… this world is so huge, and we’re so small. What can we do…? No, we can probably do anything. Yeah! We can do anything!”

#makoto naegi #Danganronpa character analysis #Danganronpa #danganronpa thh #danganronpa future arc #I fucking love Makoto Naegi man. #I think there’s a fine line of nuance to Makoto that’s easy to miss bc he doesn’t really make it known #he’s not a pushover and he’s not overpowered. he’s a people pleaser but he will say what needs to be said #he’s an immovable object and the exact opposite of Junko but he’s also just a normal guy who’s optimistic and (un)lucky #he isn’t invincible but he has immense power to his words the same way Junko did #if anything his superpower is being kind above all else. he’s compassionate to some of the worst people in the world. #he was even conpassionatr to an extent to Junko. he didnt want her to kill herself despite everything she’s done #and he still acknowledges that for years she was a classmate and friend. #I do think the more he learned abt what she did the more he’s come to actually hate her though #post the first game he always refers to her without a suffix to her name which is one of the most subtle rude things you can do #it means you have zero respect for the person you’re referring to #and he speaks about her with some venom he doesn’t use for anyone else in the future arc #he’s not incapable of feeling negative emotions #I really liked the future arc scene bc it showed that Makoto DID experience enough despair to have overcome him if he didn’t refuse #and that it still affects him deeply. people treat him like he’s either this perfect ideal Chad or this baby chick who’s so delicate #and no one really focuses on how makoto shoulders so much and yet is still vulnerable. #honestly that guy was DUE for a mental breakdown even without the tape. it would have happened eventually #I actually wrote one based on him finally hitting a breaking point after giving so much of himself away and keeping nothing for himself #that his issues that he shoves down constantly finally can’t be held down anymore. Hajime helps him bc he knows how that feels #it was a LONG time ago that I wrote that but honestly if I can remember where i was going w it I might finish it #it was initially an rp but I could make it a fic #anyway. the point is Makoto is SO much more complex than people give him credit for #the most fundamental thing about him is that he’s normal and that’s ok! that’s what helps him rise!

[quinn-pop]

genuinely i could not sleep until i drew this. sewing jokes ft a very confused kirby

at first i thought this idea was silly but i mean. it probably would be a big deal for the prince of patchland to be made of synthetic fibers, so uh

bonus doodle of me when i actually am sewing lol (sorry for the anatomically incorrect iron)

#yeah it’s anatomically incorrect (like everything i draw) because i really didnt feel like getting a reference #okay here’s your explanations #singer and brother are both sewing machine brands lol #inter facing makes stuff stiff #smth not cut on the bias won’t stretch as well (basically he’s saying they’re not flexible. i didn’t mean literally but ig you could #interpret it that way. idk whatever) #tulle is a light and airy fabric yea but it’s also a bit stiff and scratchy so…don’t tell kirby that i guess #anyway these made me giggle and i lost sleep because!!! #I kept thinking about them for so long #and now ive had awful insomnia all week and have hardly slept lol so hoping posting this will help (I wish) #but i have more ideas so i might do more later #kirbyposting #kirby #prince fluff #king dedede #also fluff just looks angry a lot i promise he isn’t #can interpret as kirfluff #btw i suck at sewing so feel free to correct me

[arsenicflame]

i really liked my tags on this post so i wanted to touch them up and post them as a stand alone! i ended up adding quite a bit to this ''':)

What artistic skill does Izzy possess?

I think he has a lot of 'practical' artsy skills. he’s decent at sewing (mending your own clothes isn't just useful, it's almost a requirement at sea with limited possessions and resources) he's probably decent at braiding hair from having to splice rope- simply anything with roots in being useful I think he has done enough to be decent at by this point in his life.

Singing comes into this as well, holding a rhythm is important for certain sailing tasks, and while I think he can sing in ways that don't translate to shanties, I don't think he has utilised this in a long long time (so excited that we are apparently getting an Izzy singing scene in s2!!!! I need him to know he can have fun)

Another thing is I think he was a really good tattoo artist! I don't actually see him as having the creativity to come up with interesting and unique designs but I do think he is excellent at the act itself, and at copying requested designs. you need a swallow? an anchor? a ship? any common sailors tattoo? he can absolutely do it and it will probably be the best tattoo you have. it was always a mark of honour if you could convince him to do yours on the Queen Anne- he was very busy and didn't often do them, and definitely wouldn't do them if he didn't respect you. He's done a lot of Ed's 'quality' tattoos (though I think Ed also does a lot on himself), he's done tattoos for Fang, and Ivan, and he will do them for the rest of the kraken crew in the future. (he will even do one for Lucius one day, one of his own pieces of art as long as its not an Ed face or a dick. They understand each other now)

anything else? I don't know, I see him very much as, he won't let himself do things if they aren't practical. his canon whittling is as close as he gets and that's more of a 'thing to do with your hands while watching the deck' kind of thing. have knife will whittle

I think ultimately, Izzy doesn't let himself do things for himself. if you love something, if you have a soft spot, it can be targeted, taken away.

I do think he maybe dances though. He always plays it off as something Ed forces him to do when they're drunk/on shore but... he loves it- the motion; the reliance on another partner and the intimate understanding of exactly what they're gonna do next? I think he would love that actually.

I think dancing might be the one thing he always does for fun. He never lets himself have it, but if Ed demands a partner? Yes, of course, anything for his Captain.

(Ed always demands a partner. he likes dancing well enough but he likes seeing Izzy do it more- he knows Izzy will never do it on his own, he understands why, but Ed is Blackbeard. Nobody fucks with Blackbeard- and if he wants to dance? if he wants his first mate to dance? they're fucking dancing.)

but that's not the truth of the situation, really.

It always takes him a second to let his guard down, but he relaxes into it. He lets himself loose in a way Ed only sees when he's deep into the rhythm of a swordfight. And perhaps it's the same, to him- finding the flow of the battle, of the music. Feeling his partner, understanding them and being understood in return? It's all the same- but dancing is safe. Dancing is fun. In a swordfight there are stakes- and he loves the stakes, he loves that this thing that means everything to him matters, but sometimes, just sometimes, it really is nice to move like that in a way that doesn't matter.

And when they really get going- all twirls and jumps and frankly being a little ridiculous, Izzy laughs. A deep belly laugh, a kind of joy you didn't think was possible from him. But here he is, letting go at last. He laughs and he smiles and he feels such joy, the rest of the world melts away, and it is just him and his partner, dancing.

(later- much, much later, a man will play a battle song over their raids, a jaunty little tune that throws off everyone they fight against, and Izzy gets to dance, and fight, and feel free, unburdened by the weight that he's carried with him his whole life. They'll dance after too, and he will have finally found a place where he completely belongs)

(if you liked this, can I recommend Talking Bodies by ItsClydeBitches, i feel like that fic fits the themes of dancing incredibly well)

#I didnt want to clog up ops post but Izzy dancing is everything to me actually #I hadnt reread that fic in months but I did just now to make sure it was the one I was thinking of #and yeah I can definitely see its influence in this post #once again the autistic Izzy headcanons thread themselves through this post I cant help it its canon to me #I specifically think that the whittling could be a stim thing for him. hes had too many comments made about his hand movements #when he was younger and has learnt that 'doing something' is seen as far more acceptable. its repetitive and soothing and safe #also heres a fun little gift for my bellhands friends. I think Sam taught him how to dance. like proper dances. #and it was at the same time as he was learning to swordfight which is partly why theyre so similar for him #Ed and Jack came across them dancing in port; not long after they started talking to Izzy properly (hed known Sam a while by this point) #and like. Jack thinks its kinda funny but Ed? oh hes jealous. for the first time he Wants #Izzy and Sam are so close; and they have been for a while but this is Different. its one thing knowing that its Izzy&Sam and Ed&Jack #and its another thing to see them like this. its intimate and personal and for the first time Ed regrets not seeing izzy first #(this is heavily influenced by my personal pirate school headcanons jfgjfhnv) #makes a post to deal with out of hand tags; tags on that post get out of hand #nyxtalks #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd s2 spoilers #izzy hands #israel hands #edizzy #blackhands #frenchie ofmd #references to him; anyway. i felt it fit to keep him vaguely defined but it is obviously him. my favourite lil guy #this should probably have been broken up into a couple of posts but NO take this behemoth #if youre curious the post is like 844 words long and with the tags its 1220 ish. i am so sorry #references to vague time periods pre canon and post canon idk put them whenever you want. when edizzy was happy. when they will be again #I cut the bit about weaving because it was just a silly little thing and didnt slot into this but know Izzy with a loom is everything to me #im also sorry the tone is all over the place this is half 'i thinks' and half like. semi narrative things? idk idk i have no sense of order #this is as good as it gets for me

[macroglossus]

being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED

#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right????? #this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh. #when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like #two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that #time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore #is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and #when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up #and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not #that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on #listening. if that makes sense #IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive #like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!! #idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that #im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy. #epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍

[haunted-xander]

Fontaine, as a whole, is a nation I feel was so nearly perfect, but also just... somewhat unsatisfying.

Like, the exploration is nice, the puzzles and mechanics are fun, but... it's so easy. I have the entire map 100%. I didn't use a guide for most of it (only for Special Stuff like the treasure maps and foggy branches), nor did I have the treasure compass. All I had to help me was the hydroculus resonance gadget. The only regions in the game I got to 100% without any guides before was Galesong Hill (which, tbh, most ppl probably have at 100% or close %), and Hypostyle Desert (simply bc the underground ruins were so much fun to explore). Everywhere else I used a guide for at some point. During 4.0 I literally felt like I had to hold back on exploring just to not finish it too quickly. Yeah.

The world quests have a lot of interesting stuff going for them, especially the Narzissenkreuz questline and the ones in/around Merusea Village. But... they feel like they're missing something. I don't feel like I'm properly done with any of them, even though there isn't really anything more to add. The Narzissenkreuz quests had a very strong start, I cared about the characters involved and the lore they're a part of, and having it be 3 questlines that combine into one comprehensive story was really fun, but the ending feels... unceremonious almost. I can't pinpoint what's wrong with it, it answered what it needed to and it made it clear what everyone was doing going forward, but... it feels off. Anticlimatic, almost, despite it having the climax it needed. The world quest I was most satisfied with was the Questioning Melusine And Answering Machine quests, and it's a largely self-contained one. Everything else feels... unfinished, almost. But also not.

And the Archon Quests are so so good, but also... weird at parts. First of all, Childe's out-of-nowhere traumadump early on is jarring, especially since... they didn't really follow up with it properly? Like yes, the Narwhal and Skirk ended up relevant but... not to him, for the most part. The important questions this conversation prompted wasn't elaborated or followed up on, which is what could've justified including it at all. We still have no more clues as to why the Narwhal connected with him, we don't know what caused his restlessness or why his vision messed up, and Skirk was kinda just... there. She loredumped and that was that.

There's other oddities too, like Traveler getting upset at the twins for hiding their Fatui affiliation. Traveler has every right to be upset with them in that moment but... not for that. They should be upset because they lied about the magic show, not about being Fatui. Like, you literally called Childe you're friend just the other day! And he's literally tried to kill you (well, okay, not "kill", but he was still an enemy)! And later on you're suddenly fine with Arlecchino, a person we have seen time and time again is an absolutely terrible person? Because, what, she cared about this one specific problem that affected innocent lives? Really?

Furina and Childe not getting checked up on by basically anyone at the end of 4.2s AQ feels not only out of character (you're gonna tell me Traveler isn't gonna check on them after all that happened? Really?) but also just... very shitty. The only one who seemed to even care was Neuvillette, everyone else just kinda... forgot about those two. Despite the fact that 1) Furina was a well liked public figure who, even after the truth was revealed, people very much still cared about, and 2) Childe literally saved the entire nation but stalling the Narwhal for over a month. Even Neuvillette couldn't so much as deter that thing until he got his full powers back, and you're telling me nobody, not even the people who where directly saved by him, even wondered what became of him? Really?

The characters are fantastic here, don't get me wrong, everyone is lovely and I adore them all, but the way the story handled certain things is just... not great. It's unsatisfying. It feels like there were things they wanted to do but either chickened out of or simply didn't get to include. It's so jarring.

#i didnt mean for it to get so long but oh well #fontaine is so so good but just. somewhat off. and unsatisfying #also when i was going through the narzissenkreuz line #during 4.0 i felt like the cut-off for the next stage(s) of the quest for 4.1 was this... awkward cliffhanger #like yes ofc i understood they had to cut it off so they could continue in another patch #but the way they did it felt so weird and odd #and the cut-off for 4.1 to 4.2 was even worse #because not much even happened there other than caterpillar getting introduced and included #the story didnt really... progress #and then when it did conclude in 4.2 it didnt feel good #it was odd and unsatisfying #even though i dont know whats missing #i realize i used unsatisfying to describe it a lot but #that is what it is #unsatisfying #maybe the interlude chapter will help improve it #or maybe it wont #sigh. i miss sumeru. it had its own issues but the writing and exploration was peak #and the lore! the lore was amazing! #i miss sand. i want to explore the desert all over again it was so much fun #4.2 spoilers #childe #tartaglia #ajax #genshin impact #xander rambles

[hopkei]

Sota's interview attack! Ready, charge!

#fantastics from exile tribe #fantastics #kimura keito #nakajima sota #jpop #けとそた #hopkei trans #i dont wanna talk about how long this took to edit #someone pls help me there has to be a better way than stupid cAPCUT god i thought my laptop was melting😭 #anyways these two are so cute as always and im not good with japanese dialects but im pretty sure sota kept slipping into kansai dialect🥹🥹 #all i know is kansai has all the やんs at the end lol #also the one word i was unsure about was 突撃 / 돌격 which in korean means to like. charge into battle #but charge interview didnt sound as good in english so assault it is #i guess it could have been interview attacks as well but too late #translating is hard theres a reason i didnt pursue it lmao #but subbing is harder💀💀

[jrueships]

pg really had THE wag jarebear on his show and proceeded to dish out all his personal onions on his teammates i 😭😭

#it's like watching someone try to therapize harley quinn off her love of the joker #pg does like. zero research 😭 im so #he just relies on his experience to help connect the interviews all interestin-like #but other than that u think hes gonna look into the PAST??? when it's not INTERESTING?? or CONNECTIONS??? no!! #that takes away from playstation 5 p!!! #if the podcast had a normal interviewer... i dont think 1 a lot of players would wanna come cus no duh no selling point #but 2. those that did would be bored #i mean normal interviewer as in like if pg didnt have the status and was just some dude who liked basketball sorry too late to edit #like he really banks on the fact that Hes Pg with alot of these questions/talking points 😭 #that jalen green interview... #NOW I COULD BE ACTIN A LIL RUDE. my attention span isnt great so long videos arent my forte #i have SEEN seen em n certainly not ALL of the podcasts #i dont like listening to podcasts in general they scare me but #i watch a few while working out but thats sometimes bcs mainly i like music #BUT FROM WHAT IVE SEEN.. #theres been some frequent disconnects that couldve been avoided with just a Little more depth #a Little more diving #good thing paul always has another podcast friend to help 😭 but pg LOOVES asking questions so #sometimes he just be chitchattin 😭 #jarens eyes getting all wide when pg brought up d*llon LMAO #im ngl it's kinda entertaining LMAO only bcs it's for the better jarebear!! if pg thinks hes in the right (which he always does) #he WILL speak his perceived truth! they either hit hard or miss harder (..coughdameconflictcough) HE WILL NOT BUDGE!! #and he is actually correct with this one! someone had to say it jaren!! just sorry it had to be pg 😭 #but if he pulled that with anyone else and their friend i would be a lot more uncomfortable lol idk #i love the concept of being messy but i could never commit like. i got other shit to do 😭 yall have fun

[wind-becomes-lightning]

dont want to hot take on @ahhhhhwhat's great post, but I think fandom would have less fights in general if it could understand that friendships are equally / if not more important than romantic feelings.

like, idk if yall just never had close friends, but I would absolutely go the extra mile for them and I just know if I were a fictional character people would tell me I'm doing it because I love them so much (romantically). Like "Oh, she organised that a cake was sent to A*** house for his birthday and says its because she felt bad that he couldnt celebrat during the pandemic but clearly it is because she wants to bang him" or whatever. like no. i just really really value my friends.

#nisi rambles #i could go on and on about this #how shippers get literally SO UPSET when i say i prefer those and those people as friends #as if that somehow WORSE #as if friends dont stay with you your whole life when romantic love fades away #as if they dont stick with you through your hardest times and help you come out on the other end healthy #i didnt have any friends for a long time in my life or not many at least #and the ones that are sticking with me are so valuable #so if A has birthday and we cant visit him because its dangerous #yes i will organise him a cake thats sent to his house #because its a nice thing to do that makes him happy #still doesnt mean i want to bone him

[baeshijima]

sophie sophie are u pulling for jing yuan or are u saving? 👀

u know, the more i get asked this and the more i keep thinking about it, my self-restraint is waning.... but luocha funds... then blade funds.... then dan heng il funds..… then jingliu funds......

but then jing yuan......

my pookie pops........

#omg a convo !? #nonnies !! #u know. reruns take too long. i mean i could always just wish until the 5*. and then. if i get him then i will cry. and if i dont. #then guaranteed luocha. #aha...ha....a..... #head in hands i hate hyv sm #IF THEY DIDNT RELEASE THAT STUPID ANIMATED SHORT I WOULDNT BE SO CONFLICTED AND STILL BE SET ON LUOCHA BUT THEY JUST HAD TO MAKE ME CRY WIT #THE JING YUAN JINGLIU CONFIRMED LORE IM SO UUEHGEHGHEJKGKHFDGFJSDHLD #it doesnt help that i literally loop it all day everyday when on my pc bc it makes me feel smth and the ost slaps and the cvs slap and andj #may the stars guide you <3

[lunar-fey]

:( i was so close to finally getting my sleep schedule fixed but for some reason my alarm didnt fucking go off so i slept a full 8 hours instead of taking a 3 hour nap. i was supposed to to to bed in like. 5 hours. not gonna happen now 😔

#this is genuinely upsetting ive been trying for a MONTH now to readjust things so im not sleeping #during the entirety of the day #bc i like have Important Shit To Do #but i simply cannot stay awake when the sun is out and i simply cannot sleep when it is dark. just end me #like genuinely about to cry. ive been needing to call the fucking office about my work program #bc they forgot to . im acruwllt too upset to words right now. but theh forgot to “something” and ive #been trying to call them for WEEKS #but no matter how many alarms i set my ass is UNCONSCIOUSS for all of their business hours. #im so fucking sick of it i was sleeping just fine at night just two months ago. #but i physically cannot stay awake for a full 16 hours #so i keep taking a nap when i mean to sleep - just sleeping like an hour and then being physically unable to sleep more #and then when i try to take a nap i just sleep for 6-8 hours no matter how many alarms i have set. #i THINK the problem is im able to turn off my alarm without waking up. #i have to solve a little puzzle to turn it off but that doesnt help :( #like it aint aeven entirelt about me bc i could sene thenoffice an email whenever. #but id prefer to do it during business hours cause i already sent one in the night and they never responded #but More Importantly #the animals keep not getting fed at all bc im asleep :(( #oh and Also my stomach is fucked #bc i wasnt expecting to sleep so long so i didnt eat beforehad..... now im so hingry i feel like im gonna hu #hurl*

[lorisystem]

The nicest person in the world is the lady who helped me tie my shoes at 5ish years old so i could go play during recess. (I elaborated in the tags but theyre fairly long,,) -???

#ive already told this story to some people but i love to tell it. #ok so when i was young i only wore velcro shoes bc i couldnt tie laces. #even now i havent learned the proper knot that literally everybody has learned. idk why i just cant commit it to memory but to be fair #i havent tried to learn it in years bc now i learned a different way to tie my shoes which takes longer so everybody is always like why do #you take so long tying your shoes. #but anyway this story is when i was around 5 maybe younger or maybe older but max 7 yrs old. #my mom only bought me velcro shoes since i couldnt learn how to tie my shoes normally and at some point trying to learn made me so #frustrated i just refused to try and cried etc. #so anyway in my old school there was this weird rule ive never seen anywhere else that we had to use other shoes in the class #i guess to avoid dirtying the floors or something. #and one time my mom bought me new shoes with laces and threw my old shoes probably thinking id have to learn it. i didnt lol. #so she tied my shoes in the morning and then i went to school changed shoes and like i had to like. put back my lace shoes on to go outside #for recess. now get that the teacher hated me. not sure why you would hate a child this age. but she was usually mean to me. #so when she saw this issue she was rlly annoyed and told me so and like the first few days she tied my shoes so i could go outside. #and idk after 2 or 3 times she got rlly tired of doing it and said i had to do it by myself. and she just like fucking left and went outside #leaving me alone on the staircase. #and now this building had a 2nd story which was like a house or flat where people lived. and they were totally unrelated to the school afaik #but the lady was always rlly nice. so she happened to be going down to go outside and about her day and she saw me crying by myself on the #staircase and said whats wrong and i told her i cant tie my shoes and she just helped me and consoled me and then i could go. #anyway she was an angel to me. #its hitting me now as i tell this that when i was a child many of the adults around me were really mean #so i really imprinted on nice adults like i thought they were really amazing and the best people ever. #anyway thank you for reading my story!! #lorisys

[grinchwrapsupreme]

Hi its me your boss. Just came to say i know i didnt train or support or guide you at any step in the process but why did you fuck it up so bad lol are you stupid or something? Ok good luck fixing it bye

#gonna tear my boss's head off #just 2 more weeks i just have to get through 2 more weeks #i literally just asked if there could be time to test something i the theatre we're actually going to be in #and instead of giving me a time we could probably do it #he said it should have been done here where its free instead of in a building where it costs 300 bucks #and i pointed out we did try it here we just dont have the space or equipment to do it properly which means we couldnt do nearly enough in #the time provided he told me yeah he was surprised at how long it took and i should have been more organized in what i gavethe tech #like hello??? we did the best we could inthetime and space allowed #i gavehim everything he needed and ittook forever to do because the space and equipment #is NOT designed to do what we need to do #and you scheduled it so we only had an hour to try it out #and you havethe fucking audacity to complein that we didnt try itthe way you wanted to try it like #babe #you were inthe room why didnt you suggest it or ask or literally do anything but stand there thinking about how you cld have done it better #like my position is literally designed for me to learn from you so can you fucking teach me something? please? #instead of treating me like an autonomous arm that does the stuff you dont want to do? #im literally sitting here asking for your help and you use it as an excuse to tell me how badly i did fuck you #'can we try it on site?' 'you should have gotten it done here :^/' okay??? and???? we're here now #we've reached thispoint #so can we PLEASE just push forward unless you actually want to act like the mentor youre supposed to be #anyways sorry im really looking forward to being done at this job

[gorefetishizer]

Okay so the pain IS never ending

#i cant get up im trying to convince myself that i dont wanna see anyone ever again but im thinking of skipping classes and it makes me. i do #dont know #i feel like i need to warn everyone about myself um trying to make it obvious. that i am not normal but i dont mean #its not inoffensive why does nobody see that i am actually. i dont know. im i dont know what i dont i dont get it #im going to throw up i cant see your face i cant let you see my face i have sort of said it but i have to wanr you and i #failed at that too i was supposed to do it i was going to warn you i am not normal about this i am not normal about anything #im nervous and obsessive i know you dont want that but if i think of you being close too much ill throw up #i am filled filled filled to the brim with fantasies from washing your hair to things i cant say to you and im sorry that. i cant help it #i am weird i have said it i tried i try always to wanr but it doesnt come out of my mouth properly and everyone just thinks i mean i cant #make eye contact and wear animal ears and ar most like horror movies but no thats not what im saying #i feel like ill dream about killing you soon this always happens and it would be fine or better if i could get it out of my head and didnt #get stuck on it so long that it turns into butterflyes and me having to go to my room #i should stop beliving i could do this but i like ppl i like ppl a lot i like having friends and weird non platonic non romantic feelings #just just just i wish i wasnt like this i cant get it out of my head every single secomd that we spent together im just just just just i #i cant say it #vent

[mrfoox]

Uh you ever.... Feel okay or pretty decent and then you remember your lifes circumstances and then you're at the verge of tears?

#miranda talking shit #Maybe this is too specific but hah yeah ... #I can feel okay and be like ah things are pretty good ! And then i remember how my life 'is' and im close to a breakdown #Trying nit to compare myself to others and so on but like.... Its so hard not to lmao #25 soon and no job havent finished high-school i got no partner (plus i guess a virgin lol) #And all the things i havent done or experienced which is pretty universal? Yeah mmm... Ive lost so much of my time and life to mental #Illness and i cant help but morn that. Like if i didnt have my child trauma id probably have a lot milder anxiety and depression which is #Keeping from doing most things... Id still have my autistic and add struggles but i want to imagine I'd manage to accomplish more if #My dep and anx wasn't this bad bc of my past... I hate how my mentality was wrecked before i even knew how to count to 100 #And sooo many years of my childhood just feeling bad and even suicidal (first time i mentioned wanting to die in my diary i was 10-11...) #Just struggling so many years mentally and since i was so young i couldn't make the connection why i was feeling like it? Like the first #Time i started considering why etc i was already like 16.... I didnt think it was weird to cry every single day as long as i can remember #Now at 25 i am still a crybaby but i do it weekly instead. Its just so ... Weird and sad. You dont understand how serious something was #That happened to you and how it affected you until youre almost an adult... And you start to understand that its not just all on you #Its not just your fault youre struggling so much. Youre not just being lazy and difficult ... God Just wish someone protected me when #It mattered . I know my past could have been worse i could have been treated a lot worse and abused more and still to this day it makes me #Feel iffy or bad to claim i was abused? I mean... I was? But cant help to feel my trauma and experiences is not as serious as others #Like i wasnt sexually abused for example or abused by my parents... And i know many have so i feel its not my ... Right to say anything ? #Like my brothers mentally abused me for years and physically from time to time but it could be so much worse #Idk where im going with this i need to go to my vourses instead im crying in the bathroom like stop #Negative

[killsaki]

honestly there’s nothing more encouraging to me than when people enjoy my original creations. YES ! i love that i am able to enjoy anime fandom + sexy fics with you guys. i love writing them (obviously. i’ve been doing it three years now) but i just. am so happy people like fuzen. and kiyoshi. and (begrudgingly) katsumi.

#my heart is so full when people care to look below the surface of what i’ve created #to search for the easter eggs. dissect the deeper meanings behind things #be curious about what they can’t figure out on their own. connect dots i hadn’t even realized i made #to care for them. to theorize. be inspired by them #i’m so full of love i feel like i could fall over and die happily #stevie. who has loved fuzen for so long. #coco!! who adores him so dearly #FISH. who LOVES them ALL. who has made me feel so accomplished and appreciated #star speaks. #i’m just unsober and emotional. #MOON !!!! who has helped me develop them all so much just by caring to ask questions #ryn who is always there to help me bounce ideas. who lets me play barbie’s with our ocs <3 #so thankful for my lil group of friends who care about my creations ;-; #AND ANYONE ELSE ! WHO I DIDNT NAME ! ALL OF YOUR ENCOURAGEMENTS ARE HELD SO CLOSE TO ME

[ff2-soda-pop]

i was reading a fanfic and im not done yet but i got really really invested in it and i got to this big plot twist and i had started thinking that was what was happening and then it was and the writing is just so good!! like the plot twist had this huge emotional scene because the twist was this huge, world-shattering shock to the main character and it basically confirmed his biggest fear so ofc hes totally freaked out and the way it was written was just so so so so good like i cant even get into words how much i am enjoying just the writing

but whatever not the point not the point

anyways my laptop was dying so i took it from where i was reading to the living room where my charger is and so i put it on the charger and i went to the kitchen for a minute and.

i started?? happy stimming??? like really hard??? because i was just so caught up in the everything from the fic??? and like i guess i just needed to get it out of my system now that i'd started taking a break???? and it was completely involuntary like i didnt even realize i was doing it for a good minute and even when i did i didnt stop?

and. i dont think ive ever... stimmed that much, on my own, without stopping.... ever

if i have than i sure as hell dont remember it

and i just-

oh

#like. no ones home or awake rn to judge me so i guess i just. let myself do it without restraint? #i never even realized i'd been holding myself back before #....to think some silly fanfic would be what makes me stim like this and realize this lol #anyways that was neat. i think #actuallyautistic #also unrelated but since no ones awake i started reading quietly outloud to myself and. i think i process things i read better if i read #them outloud? like story things i mean. ...i didnt realize that either but usually with long fics like this if im reading in my head i have #to re-read sections a few times for it to fully process in my head but when i was reading this outloud the worst thing that happened was me #mixing a few words up a few times??? so. thats also a thing i discovered #....damn if only i could read outloud more often then that'd help so much