#i dont know if theres a word for what this is anymore. i dont know if im using the right words.

[worldsquietestjojosfan]

What kink is it? I'm curious lol

emeto

#just for my own notice the phrase isnt pussying about its pussyfooting about #im pussyfooting around this not pussying around this #i thought i was missing a word in that #so now i know two pussy words. pussyfoot and pussywhipped #this has literally nothing to do with what you said sorry anon #nah but like. why is this kink so dominated by people i dont like to the point industry professionals are like that too #im not embarrassed anymore i have to draw it #bc theres nothing more embarassing than posting a 'kys' image in response to sebac*il fanart from the same account you promote your product #bb in 2024 bringing out the worst in society #just this morning i saw discourse that poc with light skin are no longer poc #queen yana what have you done society isnt ready for you #dawg i really thought i got away from this stupid fiction discourse #it has seeped into the inner workings of our society #we're doomed.

[transmeds]

it's so crazy to me how much the inclusive/ progressive/ tucutey crowd hates detransitioners it will never not be insane to me. it's so telling to me, i don't give a damn about detransitioners i actually like them and most transmeds i know are the same way. but anti transmeds? it's so telling. i think if you were completely secure in yourself, your gender and Identity you would not feel threatened by those who have a different experience than you. it's crazy to me. it will always be interesting to me the way i see detrans people being dismissed.

nb4 "transmeds are threatened by nondysphorics-" we are not threatened by you existing as "trans" people we are "threatened" by the geniune damage caused by you. detransitioners do not cause damage to warrant this fear you have of them.

#transmed #truscum #transmedicalism #if anyone cared about this discourse anymore i could guaran fucking tee thered be someone in my notes going #'detrans do cause damage! they're terfs!' #as if its okay to let terfs represent detrans people or if its okay to imply all detrans people are terfs #to be fair half of those people dont even know what terfs are so i cant blame them #i mean i can blame them for misusing words and getting involved in something they don't understand #but that's neither here nor now

[toaster-selfships]

I normally don't make vent posts on this blog(even though no one really sees this blog anyways) but I'm going to completely spill in the tags ✌️JCJDJSJ

#i swear i used to be able to gush so much #and then a bunch of stuff happened and now i feel a weird feeling in my stomach every time i do it #it just feels like its a waste of time or no one really cares about what im saying #i talk with a selfshipping friend on discord and they gush all the time and i feel like i can never get a word in #i still gush a bunch but i just feel like im taking up space and time whenever i vocalize it #i feel like no one cares #like normally if youre friend is into something you care about that something as well a little or have some compassion for iy #cause its important to your friend so it has some value to you as well #i feel like there is zero value or care or compassion for what i say #but like...especially with gushing #i so wish i could describe the feeling or have words for it cause its such a unique feeling that i havent entirely felt before #i feel like theres never any room for me to talk. like theres only enough time for others to talk and nothing left over for me #or like im constantly interrupting every conversation even if its dead silent and we havent talked in an hour #or like i always bring it up at a bad time #i used to be able to gush so much and so freely but now i feel like i feel bad after every time i do it #even sometimes i feel bad gushing HERE. on MY blog that is for SELFSHIPPING and gushing and talking about my F/Os #sometimes i have trouvle even tryint to gush cause it feels like i dont even know what to say anymore cause i hardly ever get to do it #like everything is always about someone else and never about me

[timeisacephalopod]

I've kinda seen some pushback to the idea of representation in media and I don't necessarily think it's bad to point out actual rights are more important than Disney's thousandth first gay character that's fine, but I've had a LOT of people comment on my works about asexual characters and tell me what I wrote changed their life-and it's always that phrase- because they now have the language to describe what they feel. I've had people who ARENT ace or aro comment that what I wrote finally made a concept they didn't understand make sense, or that the way I explained things was interesting and enlightening and I'm kind of a mediocre writer who hasn't written anything in ages.

Like idk, if reading something from a writer who is fucking around and only somewhat talented can genuinely impact someone because they've not seen anything like them reflected back at them in life or media I don't think pushing for representation in media is as "needless" as some people seem to think and caring about that doesn't mean you don't care about more "important" (although if you think seeing people like you in media ISNT important it's because you already have that representation or are privileged enough to not care if you do, in which case maybe pipe down) stuff. Hell, I even got a Facebook message ages ago from someone who found a comment I left in an ace group about QPR's and what they meant to me and how I perceived them and the person no joke said what I wrote two years before they even found it changed their life forever because they finally knew what kind of relationship they actually wanted.

So like sure, of course there's always bigger fish to fry them diversity in media (you know, like diversity in real life lol) but I don't think it's as frivolous as some people are beginning to act like it is. At least not if you're an aspec person it's not, I STILL don't see ace characters almost ever and I'll bet my whole everything if I asked a writer of a show why they'd tell me that EVERYONE has to be in a sexual relationship and characters that aren't won't sell and are boring- I say this because in film school I had a teacher TELL ME every character needed to basically be sex obsessed and when I pointed out a GREAT MANY CHARACTERS are not revolved around sex (Supernatural stars two brothers, I pointed out) and when she asked if I had love interests I was like ??? That doesn't matter- using my aforementioned supernatural example almost all their love interests die or get mind wiped because at the end of the day that's not what the story was about. So actually I think writers who act like that teacher need like 50 reality checks, and representation in stories isn't unimportant and also support indie writers you'll probably find more funky shit there then Disney anyway lmao.

And also even the asexual characters I DO see in media don't remind me at all of myself even if I appreciate the effort, but they never feel real or genuine and their sexuality doesn't get a lot of exploration so 🤷🏻‍♀️ I actually could use more media focused on characters that I can genuinely see my sexuality reflected in in a meaningful and narratively impactful way because I've got nothing.

#winters ramblings #todd from bojack horseman im sure is SOMEONES version of asexuality but i dont see ANYTHING of myself in him #great character dont get me wrong but not relatable to me on any level including our shared sexuality #sex ed got a bit closer with their brief ace character although maybe she got more exploration in season three or four?? #the latest one i havent watched lmao. but being closer and having a moment wjere shes told shes not broken #while DEEPLY vindicating isnt necessarily all im looking for either #like i wamt a REAL character thats ace or aro or both thats written by people who UNDERSTAND what theyre writting #not just well meaning people who dont know what theyre doing its kind of tiring #also idk why theres no dating shows with gay men because reality dating shows are ALL ABOUT who fucks who and who gets together #gay men would be hooking up ALL OVER THE PLACE and the DRAMA youd think reality tv freaks would be SALIVATING #but no none of that lmao. just ru pauls drag race and thats great it is like its not my bag but people love it #back on yrack though the weord blowback representation is getting is strange and its VERY clear to me #the people writing those posts havent gotten dozens on dozens of messages from people like them who found their writing #and haf their life altered forever for the better because someone who KNOWS what theyre talking about wrote a character like them #and it opened doors they never knew existed. doesnt even need to happen with fiction either i had a friend i had in toronto #tell me the info i sent to her on being aromantic changed her life- THAT'S the phrase i keep getting thats TELLING- because it describefld #described** how shes felt her whole life but didnt have words for. how frivolous IS representation if im getting these messages? #not very i dont think if some rsndom indie fic writer who hadnt written anything substantial in years can change someones life #REPEATEDLY might i add. ive been getting a LOT of messages like this lately and seeing this new bramd of discourse latetly too #like maybe YALL have enough that you dont care anymore but speak for your fucking selves

[todayisafridaynight]

YEAH........... YEAH..... LIKEWISE, NO NOTES AT ALL, THAT'S EXACTLY IT... Main antagonist deaths are often treated as "comeuppance," but that would be the ultimate comeuppance for Aoki. As it stands, the only people who actually suffer for it are Ichiban and Jo, and Ichi didn't even do anything wrong. Also please I'm positive there's more to wring out of Aoki and Jo for an essay 😭😭at the very least, I always love to hear your perspective!

"he'd made a social circle for himself where people predominantly liked him for the power and influence" <- incredibly Mine-core of Aoki btw (I also feel the rest applies a little in terms of Mine probably being very quick to write off people who Do care about him as not caring about him, as with Katase, but it's nowhere near the extent of the Arakawas)

Wait actually it's kind of funny... for both Mine and Aoki, I was so sure their endings would go a certain way. Mine and Kiryu'd fight Richardson off together and Ichi'd, I don't know, shield Aoki or hug him so Kume couldn't get to him in the first place, or after that INSANE direct parallel to Arakawa running to the hospital with Masato, he'd miraculously pull through like he did on New Year's. Tormented with visions of the better timeline... With Aoki in particular, it makes me want to tear my hair out because the moment of him choosing to put the gun in the locker was REVOLUTIONARY for the series, looking at the characters he was most heavily based on.

Anyway. Bottom line. These bitches need to hug it out. It was so evil Arakawa didn't hug Ichi at Omi HQ or on the waterfront like bro stop being """manly""" for five seconds you're ruining my life you're ruining your own lives

There'd genuinely be nothing more painful yet more satisfying for an antagonist than being confronted with the consequences of their actions and having to navigate life after having making those decisions, ESPECIALLY when it comes to mending the bonds that- for anyone else- would have shattered long ago. With Aoki being motivated by the want to be loved and appreciated for himself, it would've been nice to see him finally acknowledge that he did have that love and start to better himself as a result (however much he'd be able to while in prison anyway lmao).

The Mine and Aoki comparisons are so real though, I remember joking to myself about it days after beating the game but it just fuels my mental illness every time I think about it ☠️ I LEGALLY AM NOT ALLOWED TO GO OFF ABOUT THE Y7 ENDING I'VE DONE IT TOO MUCH it makes me so mad every time I think about it 😭 ESPECIALLY THE PARALLELS WITH ARAKAWA AND THE LOCKERS UGGGHHH IT COULD HAVE BEEN SUCH AN EPIC CONCLUSION WITH THAT... Arakawa running from the lockers at the start of Aoki's life compared to Ichiban running from the lockers and getting Aoki to the hospital so Aoki can restart life I'm Going To Kill Someone (myself) (in Minecraft)

#snap chats #theres a note here about aoki's self hatred and ergo his inability to believe people could love him without 'worth' #and some kind of. I Dont Know occurs that comes with aoki accepting that love and ergo At Least Tolerating himself #and again becoming better as a person as a result. not WHOLLY you cant undo Everything Wrong With Him with one therapy session #but itd at least be a start and thats far more than anything else rgg has given since like. ryuji in dead souls #but w/e i- as per usual- have the vocabulary of a walrus so we're just gonna have to imagine i said something profound #AND THE LACK OF HUGGING IN THIS FRANCHISE IM GOING TO STAB ALL OF YOU. IN MINECRAFT. #with the power of delusions and this like seven-year-old wacom tablet i can fix that...... #it'll never be enough it'll never fill the void in my soul but it'll be something i guess #BUT UGH NO SORRY IM JUST MAD NOW #nothing in my life has ever genuinely triggered anger in me than the y7 ending its just soooooooOOOOO #IT WAS SOOO CLOSE TO BEING PERFECT I CANT #im going to give myself a blood clot thinking about it anymore i feel my heart stopping Do Not Call An Ambulance I Cannot Afford It #so to stop myself from going in any more debt than i already am..... the possibility of any essays from me are very small #my ability to use words is near non existent. i feel like a right ninny sometimes #in any case im not sure what else i could expand on that isn't restating what you've said #cant ever be upset with bein on the same wavelength tho it gives my inarticulate ass a helluva easier time trying to explain LMAO #plus im petrified of trying to interpret anything from the english dub or english subs #and looking into language use is Very Much important when dissecting abusive relationships #i guess there's always just talking about general actions committed and not inspecting the exact words used #idk.. at the very least ill rotate the concept in my head and then fend off the urge to eat my teeth #i'm gonna throw up.... im still thinking of it........ gonna make an unrelated-but-arguably-related post in like three seconds #dont look at it its cringe

[caffeinatedopossum]

it happened again 😭

Skgjfh this took me so long to understand because I thought this was tumblr, I've literally never seen reddit on light mode before

Also skfkfj uh oh I bet the comments are full of people saying this isn't synesthesia and that i need to stop diagnosing people like on here 🤦‍♂️

#synesthesia is a self diagnosable brain difference. not a treatable condition or something #i cant even fathom a way in which someone falsely claiming to have synesthesia could be harmful #unless they spread misinformation but like. probably not since theres already very little info #if you did that youd just look like a dummy and embarrass yourself #idk i just remember when i discovered i had it and it was fun and it made me really happy to have a word for it #i just want people who didnt know before to have a word for it #especially important if you ever tell other people about it since some people may bully you if they dont understand it #so knowing what it is can either 1) give you a way to explain to others what it is or #2) it can (sadly) tell you what exactly it is about you thats abnormal so you dont talk about it anymore #for example i would just randomly say stuff like 'this song sounds pink' because i thought everyone had that association #but nope. they called me a freak. which to be fair isnt wromg but also ouch

[piplupod]

sketches under the cut bc I am embarrassed of big emotion in my drawings, plus theyre unfinished so this isnt an Official art sharing post, but I am fascinated by the range of emotions btwn the couple pages so I wanted to share

i did the crying piece like... three weeks ago? (she's got shorts on, that's the dark under her dress lmao) and then just did the one beside it tonight. not a whole lot different but the neeeext one uhh here

first one i did tonight (unfinished, probably wont be finished bc I think whatever mix of system parts are/were around to draw this likely won't be around together again to finish it so RIP) and second one was done like a month ago.

just cool to see like ... different emotions with the same characters interacting, I haven't really drawn much for characters interacting until recently so it's cool to see this now :] it's rly interesting to see the difference dynamics and ways that everyone can interact w each other depending on the situation and emotions at hand

(also cool to see my anatomy skills fluctuate depending on who's around front and if we've warmed up LMFAO)

#need to figure the brain shit out tbh bc it's just been... a tossed spaghetti mix lately #like idk who is around anymore and i feel like we need to do a rolecall or smth idk not rly possible though bc theres so much hiding #anyways. not talking abt system shit on this blog fjdkdl this is a sketch/drawing post bleeuugghh #okay well. i guess i dont know what i was going to say anymore. good golly i will just go to sleep i guess fhfkdl #hopefully this post makes some kind of sense if anyone sees it and is actually interested in reading the words BSHDKDL good loard #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[pinkseas]

girl help i started thinking Too Much about the fic avert your eyes

#im doomspiraling #or w/e the fuck youd call it #it feels Boring and mediocre and like none of the plot is actually captivating #its not mysterious or weird it just feels predictable #half of the scenes are repeating themselves its just the same stupid shit #its Flat theres no real emotion no stakes nothing youre waiting for its just. something you skim over and click away from #ugh. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #i dont do this too often anymore but the further i get into the fic the worse its gonna get #because ill be rereading my own shit over and over and itll feel less impactful and more predictable #and then its So Hard To Tell whats GENUINELY bad and what im just bitching about #im going to explode #watch me spend months talking about this and writing it and then i FINALLY have it done and its just. neutral face emoji through and through #<- too braindead to find the right words to describe how im Feeling and the emotion or lack of such the fic will invoke #god help me fr #ughgghhgghghhghgghghghhhgghghghghgh #itd also be So Much Easier if i didnt have that whole Thing with lying and constantly assuming ppl r lying to spare my feelings :sob: #like i could trust someone to the moon and back but if they read it over and liked it my brain would just. #'theyre lying its awful its so bad theyre embarrassed for you and they dont even know where to start which is why theyre lying abt it' #'its so fucking indescribably awful and no one will ever tell you and youll live in ignorance of the fact' #like girl. GIRL. #GET A GRIP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #ive gotten soooooo much better with so much of my shit but that one has persisted through so much #gonna try talking to my therapist about it in a couple days bc its Been a problem #like fr my writing will get complimented and i jump instantly to 'theyre lying and it sucks' GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!! #i am Not Special Enough that people would go THAT far out of their way to lie to my face and make me feel better #<- exact same thought i had last time when a bunch of ppl spent months lying to my face to spare my feelings abt Really Important Things #praying that no one reads this far down the tags and if u have ermmmmm dorry im having a hashtag girl moment u know how it is #ill delete this in the morning when i am Sane again

[bandomgay]

.

#i wish i was the opposite of things i love i have to abandon lol #not in a runner way its in a complete and utter split after awhile like i engorge myself of something and this its just a switch it my brai #to leave it everything feels wrong and force myself not to think abt it its a weird weird weird behavior i always had i just dont know why #im pretty sure theres something in my diagnosis i a chalk it up to but like im tired of being the abandoner i think #anwyas lmaooo #sorry im not a sleeze bag bf i think its more of what was love has now turned into a fear of something i have no word for #all my love eventually turns into avoidence and fear #and it doesnt even have to be particularly serious its how my brain is literally after a set amount of time #like sorry i cant look at u anymore my brain wont allow me! #trying to change tho lol #james talks

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

i open the word document, i make thoschei more insane, i make yaz more of a freak, i close the word document, i do it again tomorrow

#cant even tell if its in character anymore im just having fun #i dont read enough fic to know this but have we been making yaz a freak #nobody who mirrors both the doctor And the master can be normal right #i think ive got chapter 1 finished #7000 words #i dont want to know how much i have left to do #if this is 7000 theres no WAY the entire thing is gonna be 30k #this is #i only just set them up #thats all i did i set up my whole playmobil set #i didnt even DO anything with it yet #why am i surprised this is exactly what happened every time i played with playmobil #it took like 2 hours to set up and by then youre done you dont even want to do anything with it anymore #at least i already have all the fun parts that come after this #i definitely want to play now #cant play tomorrow i have other plans :( #but friday #friday i get to figure out what the hell chapter 2 is gonna be :)

[milkyspine]

#mine #writers of tumblr #poetry #poem #spilled ink #writing #spilled words #okay to rb #tw: trauma #i feel more one than ever #it feels like theres too much space between me and everyone #too much to reach out #i wouldnt even know what to say #i just feel like i dont know what i'm doing anymore #feels like everything is going wrong and everyone's leaving and everything is slipping through my fingers #and it's probably my fault #so comfortable in solitude but sometimes it cuts like a knife #i'm just trying to hold on until it gets better but it feels like i've done that my whole life #i dont know if i can do this anymore #anyway #i'm sorry i never know what to say to you #i'm thinking of you often

[alirienn]

do elaborate on ness & kurona…..

the '''red''' sidekick (ik ness is purple, but it like, inches towards red, it's a reddish purple)

both play supporting roles and don't try to score for themselves

no eyebrows lol this one's a joke

very devoted to their respective partner (kaiser / isagi) at the expense of making their own goals (and a lot of charas' ego revolves around that n stuff)

starting to be a bit delusional here but i do think its possible their egos awaken at the same time, maybe not Bc of each other but it certainly could mirror (or they do see a reflection of themself in the other since their current role is to be support, they realise u need individualism to be an egoist or something like that

and then u get an interesting contrast where even tho they have similar roles, for a lack of better words, ness is unhinged and kurona is just trying to help

i think ness would hate seeing kurona is like him, even tho he's the same (bc they're the same)

i can also see ness taking his anger out on the person most important to isagi in this arc, the other half of his planet hotline, bc i believe in him getting worse (positive) (not the word im looking for but kaiser is... fair?? to an extent, like he'll acknowledge that his opponent is skilled, but ness? he won't agree no matter how hard u squeeze his headー tl;dr i can see him doing underhanded... things)

i consider any ship with my fav

i like their height difference, even tho we dunno what their heights are we can use my Isagi Yoichi Height Ruler™️ aka kurona's shorter than isagi, so ofc he's gonna be shorter than ness

i like the idea of ness bullying him, bc i like seeing my fav get bullied and also ness is like that, but at the same time i dont think kurona would take that sitting down so i also want to see him bite back, i want them to figuratively bite each other and fist fight

tl;dr i think they (can) mirror each other, if only they'd talk to each other 😔

this got so long i dont even know what i wrote , there might be other stuff i forgor about , it is what it is but i just think they could have an interesting dynamic mostly and i like any ship out of these four like i mentioned in my tags

also warning there's SO many tags on this one oh my god

#i dont know how to words as usual #theres just....theres just stuff you can do here and i can see it #id be the clown of this story if im way off and kurona never actually gets anything hahahahaha(negative #jk about being way off. who knows whats going to happen #im srs about kurona never getting any spotlight im like. legitimately worried about that but thats another thing #his role.... from a meta perspective.......... anyways #also #i would say kurona is selfless vs ness is selfish (as in his devotion to kaiser is to make Himself feel better #self inflicted dependency? i still dunno how to word this) but u could argue that kurona is only following isagi to be able to play HOWEVER #for the sake of playing i'll follow you) during the match it became real and it wasnt just about being able to play anymore #oops tangent that's a differnet pair( #ness/kurona mirror as a result of kaiser/isagi is entirely possible #i want to make it clear i dont ship them bc theyre 'leftovers' from kaiser/isagi. thinking about it like that makes me sad. #or mildly annoyed but not to a serious extent #its one of those things where if they were shipped bc they happened to be alone bc kaiser/isagi already exists then. i dont want that #anyway #i actually started writing a short fic about them where ness is just terrible #idk if i can get very far bc i usually have the most motivation writing for my otp #mailbox

[semercury]

Screaming along to songs in my car can unfortunately only do so much

#stuff sarah says #the world is so scary and im so scared like i dont think you get it #i am frozen with so much fear at the thought of everything and how unbearably complicated life has become #and everything is micro and idk how else to put it? just. microlables microtransactions micromanaging #i hate it all so much #and theres so many boxes? and they keep getting smaller and i just? maybe i dont want people to put me in a box #maybe i dont want to check a box maybe i dont want to round up my transaction maybe i dont want #microplastics. thats another one. theres fucking microplastics. in my teabags. #but maybe i want people to stop looking at me and assuming they know me bc i barely know me #i would like to just exist. i hate taxes. i hate wanting to throw up when thinking about talking to people about things #i hate hate hate worrying about every word that comes out of my mouth #i want people to stop using therapy lingo in daily conversations and also everyone needs to stop fucking yelling #i havent been taking my thyroid medicine and im so cold and i wonder if thats affecting my mood too #anyway what do you think happens when we die? like i know what a lot of people think happens but what actually happens? you know? #is any of it...? like? you know? #im going to start crying ha ha ha #i watched some sad episodes of a show. also i maybe started my period #i never fully know anymore when it starts. my body is fucked lmao #why am i typing all of this? i dont think anyone should actually care about any of this #idk i just want things to be simple again

[ghost-of-you]

can you think of lashton like you did the mashton post pls

You really asking me to hurt your feelings? That's a first kspsksoskapkala my thing with lashton is always the layer of protection around them that goes back to Ashton defending Luke's glasses when they met. It's why i hang on to the "I'd follow him to the edge of the earth so maybe I'd be right there with him" because it's just so unbelievably obvious that Luke trusts Ashton with his eyes closes, no questions asked, even to the point of moving in with him when he was in a bad place. Ashton is extra gentle with Luke and it's funny cuz even when Ashton is his extra sassy self with Luke, he takes a step back to check if Luke is okay with it and it's just !!!!!!!! cuz Luke kinda gravitates towards Ashton, there's a bit of a sense of devotion in way, the trust there is insane, and Ashton is always really Ashton making sure he's okay and he's doing the right thing and i love that. Like a lot.

#i am using ashton as an adjective #i use ashton as an adjective kaoakspakoaka #i don't know if this is exactly what you wanted from me #cuz that was prompted by me being tired and a very specific quote that made me realize i was assimilating the wrong word kalsksoka #but yeah #lashton is one of the dynamics i like the most #the whole mom friend/baby of the group thing is really interesting to witness #and the way Luke would clearly close his eyes and let Ash guide him without ever wondering if Ash is doing the wrong thing #thats something i aspire to #honestly i love them #theres also something about how they nursed each other out of a very dark place #i think Ash said it #and it just shows that its completely two sided #Ash would also blindly trust Luke #and its amazing #i dont where I'm going anymore #imma stop talking #i was asked

[arinmoss]

women and femmes is like. what the fuck r u talking about lol.

like ppl will be talking about shit that effects me but postulate it as something that effects only women and femmes, two things i am not lolol

#its like even the video essay girlies i like say this kind of stuff #women and femmes or women and nonbinary #or women and femme presenting #like that doesnt mean anything what the fuck r u talking about lolol #maybeee women and people percieved as women #or sometimes people with marginalized gender identities maybe depending on the topic but like idk #its just something i still being used even by well meaning people #and it sucks when the converstions their having are important and good but like #idk idk man #women and nonbinary people is like the fucking funniest to me #but also i remmeber someone was talking about how woman and femmes would techincally include men cause men can be femme presenting #and like u know the girlies who say shit like women and femmes arent talking about men lol #idk i just think people should like think a little bit more before saying things and using words they dont understand lmao #like u wouldnt men and masc presenting people cause thats fucking stupid #masc presenting would include women whether u like it or not and masc women arent exactly treated the same as cis men #same with femme men and cis women lol #masc women and femme men are treated like shit for their mascunalnity and femininity but cis ppl do not fucking care about that #whatever anyways theres a lot you can say about htis shit but im kind of stupid and bad with words and idk waht the fuckim talking about #anymore just wanted to rant a lil #anyways its just like afun reminder people dont respect nonbinary people or people who arent what they think a man or woman should be

[readymades2002]

i wish i had a way to talk through things with another person but the only people i see in real life i live with and every time i have actually opened up about how i’m feeling it has gone incredibly badly, in part because i’ve isolated myself so far from human beings that i don’t think i’m able to feel or express things in a human way. so i’ve stopped trying to do it.

#i've discussed my art with my mom more recently but in the vaguest terms because i'm always ashamed of how shit it is #and that it is of course usually some embarrassing media thing and she tries to show interest but i can't be honest about it #when i get passionate about things...when i've done it before i look up at the other person while im talking #and i can see them slipping out of my reach and its like being untethered in space so i dont anymore #that or i actually communicate my needs or what is hurting me honestly and then have it used against me or someone else #i talk to people but it is all this like. meaningless chatter that makes me grit my teeth how much its just a courtesy #i cannot relate to human beings with jobs and lives and experiences and friends and skills and so i'm alone here #and i end up crying on here every few hours because disconnecting would be a death sentence but keeping it all inside of me #would fucking kill me and it just. im not reliable enough or warm enough or brave enough to even message people one on one #in a way that means im a meaningful part of anyone's life so its just. yelling in the post editor i go and pretend it helps #i dont want to word it but it is really really deeply terrifying to me how bad its gotten. i really can't imagine a way out of this #i don't think anyone i live with does it maliciously but it feels like i'm being handled like an irritating animal all the time #not like a person. not like an adult. #i dont know. i feel like i have interesting insights into the world and the things i like. i feel like theres so much beauty #i want to show other people to try and express my love because i can't do it in words or gestures #and i feel like it could be so beautiful if i was just understood. if i could just be #i have to stop talking about this now im sorry