#i feel like its a 2 person job

[sparklehoard]

Out of all the chores today. The most physically exhausting one was giving my cat her eyedrops

#she has big tear stains lately and they werent getting better just wiping her eyes with a towel rag #i feel like its a 2 person job #one person to hold her wrapped up in a towel #and another to actually hold her head still instead of waiting for her to open her eyes and sneaking drops in #i felt like more of the drops just splashed into her face

[lemongogo]

can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3

#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me. #as in.an idea or concept that already exists #chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists. #and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it #i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim #like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations #but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know #like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness #and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty #and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh...... #i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete #and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better #but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard #and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel #one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it. #i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing #but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping #so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands #but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing #fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht #but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time #SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach #sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)

[baby-xemnas]

dead strawhat! booo dead strawhat!! 😂

he is so damn MEAN. she already wasnt hiding that she cares about luffy A LOT you didnt have to test her 😭😭

#video #luhan #went to find it again for personal use cuz hes funny.... #what an asshole...shes a stressed out woman in love #zero sympathy only ego #its a good scene cuz it does answer the question why wouldnt they just be like thanks for first aid now fuck off #idk how people feel about hancock you can stay dumb and be a hater but writing is good actuallyyyyy #better than current even tho thats a low ass bar lol #one piece #i was rereading my fav 👒🐍 doujin and i forgot that law shows up to be like i heard you fucking he is bleeding everywhere right #hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilaaaariiiioooouuuusss #i love law scoring 2 for one with hancock #yes please i would very much like for another person with huge influence to be indebted to me yoink #good job strawhat you get respect points for fucking the empress of all people #well done gj

[lilaccatholic]

how do i do it though. how do i let go of the bitterness and the hardness when they kept me "okay" for so long? does it come when i finally leave? can it ever?

#babes i actually relate to the frigid angry woman more than im comfortable with but this time there's no prince coming to save her and idk #i was never beautiful but i was and am angry and capable and that's served me well but being angry is exhausting #it's a birthright i can't give to a younger sibling. it doesn't transfer. #i dont inspire devotion. there's no version of this that ends with me waltzing with a true love. #im not the type you launch a thousand ships for. #so what's left? #who am i when i have no one? when ive spent my life making *me* less to make others more? when im nothing but a useful piece of furniture. #i know God loves me! i love Him! but it's not the same. i want *people* to love me. i want to be someone that theyd fight for. #im feeling that 'women have minds and hearts but im so lonely' scene from little women 2019 so much right now. #except im not jo. my family loves me but theyd never do for me what jo's would do for her. theyre also all focused on surviving. #i feel like a military ration. there to be consumed but cast aside the moment something more palatable comes around. #how do i become consumed with joy? how do i let go of the cynicism? its all thats kept me safe! but its choking me too. #its like tony stark in iron man 2. the thing thats kept me alive this far is killing me. i need to find an alternative but its looking like #ill have to synthesize a new element to make it happen and that freaks me out. #ive always been derivative. never an individual. how do i become a trailblazer when my job was always to hold the hand of the one blazing #the trail? how do i become myself happy and free? #because i WANT to be more #i WANT to be more than anger and coldness and a useful idiot. i WANT to be me and be so so happy #but i dont know how to get there #and if someone suggests therapy im shooting you. i dont want to listen to one more person pretend to care about me and tell me #all the things i need to change and spend even longer not learning how to think for myself #i want to be more than this. but i also cant stand the thought of taking up any more space than i do #anyway. #anyone who's read all this thank you and i promise im fine im just in my feelings today lol #im going to work out and get some happy brain chemicals flowing and then ill take a shower and itll all be good. #please dont worry about me! im just having A Moment TM #lilac rambles

[minnow-doodle-doo]

This week has been so long and hard. I knew what I signed up for at my new job, I just don't remember being so tired all the time from it.

#rant #personal #my sleep schedule is off too since I'm used to a 720 start time but now I start at 930 and I still wake up at like 630 every day #I just need to adjust my sleep by like 2 hours so I'm not nodding off so early #but I also blame how exhausting this new position is and that I'm going to school 2 times a week till 9ish right after work #even at my old job I would stay up late since I like to so I thought it would be a better time for me but so far it hasn't but hopefully #it will be in the future #Its not like I havent encountered the behaviors and stuff before its just very intense with a child I'm with so much and how many times #I've had to remove them from situations since they started to get violent (multiple times a day) #good thing the kid likes me and he's talking to me Ive had so many convos with social workers phycologists the partents teachers but still #anyway if I feel like this still by December I might have to find a different job while I go to school #its not like the school I work for isn't helping me its more that its a hard job and I'm tired

[terrorbirb]

:((((((((( boss didn't buy me lunch like they normally do on people's last day. Commence absolute minimal effort to finish out this job.

#totes bro #he like. forgot. its not exactly targeted #just emblematic of how they take me for granted #IDK! i just think i shouldn't have to office manage my going away lunch #if he doesn't take me to dinner i will block his number upon exit so he cannot ask me any question ever #its an office joke how much i enjoy free food #absolute minimal effort from this second on #this doesnt count as one of those things that therapy would be like 'dont assume people can read your mind and say how you feel' #1. because i don't have a different relationship to him than literally every other coworker #2. he's my boss and not like someone i care about on a personal level #:(((((((((((((( #not to keep bringing this up but im the only person they didnt get a wedding gift either #i. don't. care. if its usually my job to arrange this partially and remind my bosses #am i supposed to arrange my wedding gift and going away lunch because i do office managing? #i dont even have my bowl to eat my sad frozen bag of peas because i left it accidentally #i on some level knew this would be the case

[pherre]

genuinely I think Ted should've quit his job to stay in America and parent his damn kids. No one should date his lame ass. Like you can tell too many men in power in media is a shit dad trying to make themsleves more likeable.

possibly however i'd like him to stay in england and coach richmond even more on the basis of i like it when he's being a nice coach to his team. fuck that child idgaf about him #deadbeatdadsforever

#i am only half joking #bc 2 me it seems very clear that ted will in fact quit his job and go back to america at the end of this season #unless he wont fuck if i know what this shows doing half the time #idk kinda feels like they shot themselves in the foot by giving ted a child in america. i know theres themes and shit going on on the topic #of fatherhood but personally. idc about that child #its me talking #ted lasso lb

[devilfruitdyke]

i wish my family members would stop having a complex about my size and physical strength because i have the same one in the opposite direction and i legitimately do not know what my body looks like

#yes i am marginally the shortest one in the immediate family. yes you have a funny nickname based on that #is it worth the fact that i genuinely dont know how im perceived by others and now feel a vague need to compensate for everything about me #'oh so small 🥺 you dont play hockey 🥺 you dont have a job rn 🥺' #FACT CHECK FUCKERS. I AM LITERALLY THE AVERAGE HEIGHT FOR AMERICANS REGARDLESS OF SEX. #I WOKE UP AT 530 TO GO SWIM AND THE ONE YR COMPARING ME TO WAS LATE FOR SCHOOL. #I MADE OVER 700 DOLLARS IN A 2 WEEK PAYCHECK THIS SUMMER WHICH COMES OUT TO 35 HOURS PER WEEK. GET FUCKED. #also im in 10 clubs and pulling As in 6 honors classes. sorry that wasnt big and strong enough for you #and then they take that and theyre like 'oh teehee the responsible one compared to the dummy incompetent men' #ok but we do know how he needs to take the trash out rigjt #like it also sucks that my brother is pigeonholed as 'quiet meathead' because they clap and cheer for him when he does anything #its a weird degree of surveillance that he shouldnt be subjected to as hes figuring out how to be his own person #but for everything they see about him i do 5 things unnoticed #him as Quiet meathead leaves room for me to be either the tiny delicate responsible one or the frivolous hysterical one #HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE THIS IS JUST GENDER STEREOTYPES #ok this time im really gonna do it /not serious

[thepetitemuse]

Maybe people don't have the lexicon and philosophical prowess to communicate their intentions and needs perfectly and maybe they stumble or use outdated/"problematic" vocabulary or whatever and maybe that still does not exclude them from aligning with whatever identity sits right for them. Maybe the expectation of ideological purity is like... really unhealthy.

#Im people #I mean I draw the line at exploitation and stuff #Racists should lose their jobs kind of thing #You can't not harm if you're preying on a group you hate #But like I saw someone get yelled at on reddit for using amab/afab and maybe they just don't know?! I didn't once upon a time? #Then someone nudged me and said hey have you read this? And I was like No friend ty for welcoming me in and that was that #Like how else do you learn and in your own community idgi? #But it always makes me self-reflect like damn I've also been the callout person & it's not a nice feeling either. The fight for fight sake #Idk I'm anxious rambling n here's my 2 cents @ myself call me a snowflake its OK #Back to the scheduled existential brightmare

[shatterstar]

we had to do this personality assessment thing at work that was basically mbti with extra steps and then we were supposed to spend like 30 minutes with this consultant going through our results and she spent. 1 hour and 30 minutes with me. and I’m feeling very studied under a microscope about it

#there’s like a lot of interpersonal conflict at my job everybody’s always beefing its very annoying #so HR is like. We’re all gonna take personality assessments and then learn to communicate with people that are different from ourselves<3 #and I’m like that’s cool but also I think the issue is that some people at this company just fundamentally do not have a desire to trust #or respect their colleagues which is um. bad. for science #and me being autistic and 1-2 std devs outside the national average on this rubric thing is unrelated to that. but go off #like one of the categories was ‘tradition’ and I scored really high but that’s because all the questions about it were like #‘Do you feel more comfortable sticking to a set of rules or do you thrive in unpredictable environments’ and well brother

[pezpenser205]

3am monday morning mood

#insert garfield i hate mondays joke here #op #........................................................................................................................................... #........................................................................................................................ #...................................................................................................................... #....................................................................................................................... #........................................................... #............................................................ #sui mention tw if you read further for some odd reason #was highkey wanting to change my mind before the date came but now im not so sure thats gonna happen #i dont have a lot of time #2 days is not enough to get a job or change my mind so i dont even know what im gonna do #i feel like im dreaming all the time #'i dont know what im gonna do' is for sure a lie though i damn well know come on now #its simple a + b = c math #(im a waste of resources) + (i dont even like being here and am not a person anymore) = (i shouldnt be here) #i think my family will get over it like none of them even talk to me anymore (not that i make it easy but still) #i have nothing that somebody else cant have or do better than me its not that big of a deal. #like literally i cant fucking comprehend what anyone would like about me anymore #everything bad about me so clearly outweighs the 1/10 times i can be funny or dependable or considerate. #im just taking advantage of others' compassion at this point #when i say 'i am not a person' i mean that with 100% sincerity #i get surprised and scared when people talk to me and have no concept of self and no real hobbies. im just empty im not even angry anymore #im beyond unhinged tbh i have zero self awareness and feel like im the only person like me that exists and im rambling- #-and oversharing all the time and talking over others because i fail to even really understand or consider what theyre saying anymore #-and simultaneously i feel too unremarkable to be worthy of life #i feel like im playing my entire life in VR like nobody and nothing here is real. none of you are even real. #this feels the same as typing in a word document i just always feel alone no matter who im talking to or what im doing #i feel like the only real person in the world and the only one that shouldnt be here #i cant even bring myself to feel scared of death. im just. nothing. even when im crying i dont feel anything at all

[darthvaderofmiddle-earth]

Really feeling the height dysphoria tonight y'all... :))))))

#seriously there is only one grown adult man in the world alive who i know is shorter than me #most children are taller than me an adult dude of 24 fuckin years old #i can only buy children's shoes and often online because they dont really sell those in stores #i am swimming if i get an adult medium shirt and pants are always far too long for me because 30in is way too much #working anywhere is so hard because all equipment abd surfaces are far too high up for me #and then the job refuses to buy a stool or ladder tall enough to accommodate me #my father renovated the kitchen around 2 years ago and raised everything in height #the counters are now up to my neck and the cabinets are entirely unreachable but for all other folks theyre fine #even with a stool i cant reach beyond the front of the second shelf for anything #i cant even sit down in chairs unless they are table chairs and not restaurant or bar stool height #if they are i just straight up fall over trying to sit in them or the chair falls down or both #if im going to a seated event i have to research the venue first to be sure they have tiered seating and its tiered enough #otherwise i wont see anything because the person in front of me regardless of age is always far taller #the entire world already is run by folks who are against trans people like me and who dont accommodate me #doctors dont accommodate my chrochic conditions and pain at all and never have so i just suffer #and the entirety of every place house and establishment is specifically built for people above my height by tons #so i basically live in a world that wasnt made for someone like me and i just already feel like i dont belong here #and this lack of accommodation just makes it worse

[slaythespire]

GUARDS!!!! hes posting abt it again

#anyway actually one of the worst parts of being broken up with in such a cruel way is that it feels like i wasted my one chance at having #someone in my life like that #and it wasnt even my fault! wow #who am i kidding its not even worth dating anyone again i dont think #nobody besides that one person has ever been interested in me anyway #sorry if i dont post abt my feelings i die #i just wish i was overrrrr itttt uuuuhg #actually its so fucked up that if his linkedin isnt lying he had a job for 2 years while we were dating that he just never told me abt once #i should have known i just wasnt an important part of his life no matter how many times he tried to say i was and that he loved me with all #the things he just didnt share with me #like getting his license and shit just nothing had to find out other ways #whateverrrrr whateverrrrrr #its always the ppl who cry abt how 'they arent treating you right' 'it hurts me that im hurting you and im sorry' who actually just want #ur feelings to be all about them

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #lmao trying not to lose my mind NDJXJDJDNDNDNNDMDMD #thinking about the job fair and not the fact that im gonna see Him. yup. just the job fair !!!!!!!! #im like JDJDJFJDKDKD IDK. i dont think about him as much (thank GOD) and idk ive been like. ok ok hes my FRIEND #and maybe thats all we'll ever be. maybe we wont even be friends idk who KNOWS. GOD #i feel like a whole different person idk idk IDK #like i still like him JDJDDJJJZJZ #idk im just worried that the spark will be gone NDNJDJDJDJJDDJDD #FOOLISH. WHEN IT WAS STILL THERE AFTER NOT TALKING FOR 4 MONTHS BUT DJRJKRKKDKDMSS #AT LEAST WE TALK. IDK. IDKKKKKKKJKKJJJ #i think the issue is that i talked about it too much. like i had to explain the whole thing twice in 1 week to 2 of my friends out of the #loop and it was just... idk IDK #i also showed them what he looked like and NDJRJRJDKDKJDM IDK IDK #hhhhhhhhhh god.. .........whatever its fine. everything is fine. idk how to explain what im feeling NDJDJJDDDJDJDJDMD #APATHY?????????? #god idk. IDK. #our friendship is so weird. like sometimes stuff that happened will enter my head n im like...... kicking my feet twirling my HAIR about it #GOD..... #n e way idk idk..... #maybe i should have just kept it all to myself ???????? #idk idk... bc then i probs wouldnt have had the guts to pursue him as much as i did NFJFFFDD #anyway......

[quarterprioritymidnight]

one of my colleagues just referred to bastille as 'the band' yesterday and yeah they're right tbh. the only band ever

#personal #just making small talk about life and they were like going to see any bands soon? the band?? #and i was like no the bands in america rn :( #ive been there two (2) months and this is the reputation for my self why did bbx have to be immediately as i started a new job #i feel like a let down as well cause ive been on self imposed house arrest for august for getting a bit too silly in july #so i have no gigs until mid/late september depending on whether i book another one ive been eyeing up #who is she #in hindsight maybe she just could remember the name but its still funny lol

[red-dyed-sarumane]

love to submit my fave songs to vocaloid tournaments & watch them get decimated

#[about a song with 6k views] heres how we can win this popularity bracket- #i only submitted my 2 fave series songs so far. if im feeling it ill go back & submit the rest. if they post the 'why u love it' #as propaganda u'll know its me bc i wrote essays. shorter than usual but i think its obviously me #i feel like i have to submit maximizer myself too bc if someone else submits is and is only like 'its such a party jam' #im going to launch into the most annoying and long winded essay uve seen yet #the song does fuck verily but i wont let u look past the fact its about watching people pass the point of no salvation #like it does sound fun but if u know anything about the series It Is Not #aru sekais whole 'person' vs 'thing' thing fucks me up if i think about it too hard. terrible concept. dont like it #fascinating thing to help drive a narrative tho #'yeah sorry u gave up ur own goals & ended up just working for the job itself. ur dying now byebye.' #awful criteria. u devote ur life to this cause & then are told it means nothing. absolutely crushing #anyway i also put in nulls teto songs. no one gets them like i do (joking) #i might submit kaiko no kanmuri & major later too. maybe. remains to be seen