#i had nothing to do so i drew dream lmaoo | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lauwrite1225 · 3 years

Text

Somebody to die for.

Finan x OC; The Old Guard inspired Alternative Universe

Summary : Victoria’s life is rather simple until she has a car accident from which she ends up miraculously unscathed. A series of weird events animates her daily life, everything seemingly bringing her to a strange man. Until this very man knocks at her door.

Spotify Playlist • Masterlist

A/N : It’s Finan Friday again my dudes! I hope you all are fine! This chapter signs the REAL beginning of the story, hope you will like it ;)

Warnings : none! For once! Won’t last I fear lmaoo

Chapter 4 : I’m not calling you a liar, just don’t lie to me

Victoria wakes up suddenly, a frightened scream escaping her. She is sweaty and panting, her hands resting on her chest as she stares at the darkness surrounding her. Soon enough, the obscurity is broken when the door of her bedroom opens, letting in the light from the corridor. Finan is standing in the doorway but she can't read his expression as she sits up on her bed.

“Are ya alright?” He asks, walking carefully towards her.

She nods quickly, catching her breath in slow inhales and exhales again, but she's still shaking. He sits on the edge of her bed, his worried eyes studying her face and his hand rubbing her back.

“I'm alright.” She whispers. “It was just a dream.”

Finan suddenly stops his movement, making her look at him, his eyebrows furrowed. “D'ya still have dreams?”

“After I met you it stopped.” She explains, rubbing her face and then letting her hands slide in her hair. “But I was back in the forest, where you died. You were still here, but I was staring at that young monk.” Finan's fingers tense against the fabric of her shirt, but she doesn't pay attention to it. “It was just like for you. I felt him die.”

Victoria sighs, confused and still shocked. Finan's palm leaves her back and she turns her head to him. “Is it the first time ya've been dreamin' of him?”

She shakes her head. “No… No it isn't.” She stands up, walking to her desk to search for a paper. She feels Finan's gaze on her before she hears him walking behind her. “When I started to dream about you, I drew you.” She explains, pointing at a portrait of Finan. He takes it delicately while she keeps looking for the others. “Here!”

She grabs her drawing of the young monk and hands it to Finan. His face falls and he mutters something inaudible.

“I think I've seen him through your memories.” She continues, ignoring the way he retreats, his eyes still fixed on the paper, until his calves hit her bed and he sits on it. “Do you know him?” She asks, crouching in front of him to try to meet his eyes.

Finan's jaw clenches and she squeezes his knee, calling him softly, but he is desperately captivated by the young man from her dreams. His reaction however is enough for her to understand that he isn't a stranger to him.

“Finan, if I've been dreaming of him, maybe that means he isn't dead. Maybe he is like us.” She says, a hopeful and reassuring smile growing on her lips.

She thought the news would have pleased him, especially after being lonely for a millennium. And it seems that this monk is someone he used to know, one more reason for Victoria to think that he should be happy. But there's not even the shadow of a smile on his face. Instead, he exhales slowly, putting the drawing beside him onto the blanket.

“I know.”

Vicky blinks, confused. “What do you mean, you know?”

“I know him and I know he is alive.” He says emotionless, avoiding her gaze.

She stands on her feet, her eyes wide open. She can't believe he has been lying to her and it's a strange feeling that boils in her chest, made of confusion, anger and betrayal. Finan looks up to her and is about to speak but she slaps him across the face. She's as surprised as he is about her action but she can't find the will to apologize while he rubs his cheek.

“You lied to me!” She shouts at him, her voice breaking in disbelief. “You said we were the only ones! You said you've been alone for all this time.”

“It's more complicated than ya think.” He grumbles.

Victoria scoffs. “It's no reason to lie to me! I trusted you!” Finan's jaw twitches but he says nothing, which upsets her even more. But she tries to calm down, wanting to know the truth. “How many are we?”

He hesitates, his fingers drumming on his thigh. “With ya, five.”

“Fucking five!” She rolls her eyes and walks to her desk to take her two last drawings, handing them to the Irishman. His face darkens even more and she notices how hardly he swallows as he takes in the two men. “Is it them?”

He nods, and even though she can see the emotions in his eyes, the way tears are threatening to roll on his cheeks, she can only feel anger. She pinches the bridge of her nose, walking in circles around her bedroom. “I can explain ya.” Finan eventually whispers, making her halt.

“I don’t want to hear your explanations.” She says sharply and he stares at her with as much surprise as when she slapped him. She sighs, rubbing her eyes now. “Just… Just leave.” However, Finan doesn’t leave, still fixated on her. “Fucking leave!” She shouts and he finally stands up.

It’s only when she hears the door of her flat closing that she allows herself to fall on her bed. She feels so betrayed, even though she knows him for a short time, she has accepted that he would be the only forever she would ever know. The only constant when all the people she knows will disappear one by one. But everything was a lie. Well at least one part, but Victoria is blinded by anger. However, she does regret kicking him out of her flat as a hundred questions are rising in her mind and only he could answer them.

She feels that way for the rest of the week, having a thousand questions about the three other immortals, but too proud to accept Finan's excuses and ask him about them. Finan, on the other hand, does try to talk to her, sending her texts and calling her. And she just ignores him.

“Why don't you answer?” Rebecca asks her when they are taking their lunch break together in a small park, Vicky having declined the Irishman's call with a long sigh.

“It’s nothing important.” She replies before taking a mouthful of her salad. “Is it still okay for dinner on saturday?”

Becca nods. “Yes, I’ll drive you if you want.”

“Oh, that would be great.” She smiles, grabbing her bottle of water.

“When are you planning on getting a new car, by the way?” Rebecca asks her.

Vicky chokes with her water and coughs a little. “Hum yeah… Soon? I guess? I've got to see.”

Her friend narrows her eyes while Victoria averts hers. “You're really weird these days, Vicky.” She says with a more serious tone.

“What do you mean?”

“I don't know, you're always busy, and when you dare spend time with me, it seems like you'd rather be somewhere else.” She explains, resting her chin on her palm. And suddenly, a mischievous smile spreads on her lips. “Or someone else.”

Vicky rolls her eyes, Rebecca definitely won't let go of that. She should have known better that after a week of not mentioning it she would return to the attack. “There’s no one, Becca.”

“Sure.” She smirks, pretending to look at something further in the park. “Well, when there will be someone, I would love to hear about that someone.”

“You’ll be the first to know.” Vicky grins exaggeratedly.

Saturday comes earlier than she expected, and for the last two days, Finan stopped texting her. She can’t tell if she’s happy about it or not, she may still be angry at him, he is the only one able to answer her questions, and especially those about the three other men. So as she drives Rebecca’s car towards her parents’ house she makes a note to herself that she’ll have to text him tomorrow. But in fact she won’t have to do it because her phone rings, and she barely has the time to recognize Finan’s number until Rebecca grabs it.

“Oh my god, no Becca, don’t answer!” She says but her friend just wiggles her eyebrows and presses on the green button.

“Hello?” She smirks innocently while Victoria is mouthing her insults. She can barely hear Finan’s voice through the phone. “Oh, no Vicky is driving right now, she can’t answer. But she’ll be very glad to see you later, I’m sure.” She grins at her, Vicky giving her a threatening glare. “She’ll be at home at 10.”

She then hangs up, visibly satisfied by her move but Victoria definitely doesn’t have the same opinion. “Why the hell did you do that? It could have been anyone else!” She shouts, raising a hand toward her phone in an annoyed fashion.

Rebecca simply chuckles, looking at the road again. “I recognized the number, you’ve been ignoring all his calls.”

“Indeed, and maybe there’s a reason for that!” She grumbles, trying to remain focused on her driving.

“What’s that reason?” She asks curiously, something she maybe should have asked before.

Vicky rolls her eyes. “It’s complicated.”

“So, it’s the guy you’ve been seeing for the past weeks?” She tilts her head.

“Christ, you’re really obsessed Becca.” She sighs, glancing at her quickly only to see her mischievous smile.

When they finally arrive at her parents’ house Vicky is happy to notice her brother’s car while Rebecca’s face falls. The blond grins widely, she’ll have her revenge tonight after all. Since childhood, Rebecca has always had a thing for her older brother, Charles, and since she knew it, Victoria loves to tease her with that. As they walk to the front door, her best friend harasses her with questions about whether or not she knew Charles was here, and she just shrugs. And of course, it has to be him that opens the door and Rebecca can’t look more uncomfortable than when he leans to kiss her cheek after hugging Vicky.

Charles is two years older than Victoria, and like she likes to call him, the intelligent one, while she is the weird one. For two years he’s been studying in Edinburgh and coming back home only occasionally, and usually without a warning. Obviously, with both Rebecca and Charles at home for dinner Vicky is far from being the center of the discussion, which doesn’t displease her as it gives her the opportunity to slip away to the kitchen when she receives a text from Finan. She can’t help but smile at his message saying that he suspects her not being consensual about their meeting later and that if she wants, they can cancel. Vicky hesitates a moment before answering. Maybe she can still be upset at him and see him to have answers. She’s yearning to know what made him lie to her, and who those men are and if maybe she could meet them too. So she texts back that they still should meet tonight anyway.

“Holy shit, the parents won’t stop with their questions.” Charles complains as he enters the kitchen with a pile of plates.

Victoria slides her phone in her pocket and grins at him while opening the dishwasher. “That’s the problem when you’re the intelligent one.”

He laughs, his golden locks shaking. He puts the plates in the machine and leans against the counter once it’s closed. “Rebecca hasn’t changed a bit.” He says softly, with a shy smile.

Victoria raises an eyebrow at her brother, wondering what he truly meant by this comment but her mother shouts at them to bring the dessert before she can ask. During the whole rest of the dinner she keeps staring between her brother and best friend, trying to catch something that would betray him, but Charles is clearly better than Becca at hiding feelings. This new distraction makes her forget all about the past strange days she has been through, and she feels like a teenage girl desperate to learn every gossip around. But when dinner ends it makes her awkwardly sad, Finan’s warning about the fact that one day she’ll have to leave everything behind coming back to her mind. So, as if she’s just learned the date of her death, which ironically could never happen in fact, she decides to enjoy every moment with her family and close friends to have no regrets.

That’s how she ends up talking of their future summer holidays with Rebecca in the car while she drives back to London. She checks destinations on her phone, both of them debating on which is better between Greece and Sicilia. Time goes quicker and soon enough Rebecca stops in front of her building with a teasing grin.

“Have a good night.” She winks.

“Fuck off.” She replies after pulling her tongue out and leaving the car.

She looks around until she finds Finan leaning against a wall, as usual, his hood covering his face. She steps toward him and he straightens, an apologetic smile shadowing on his lips. Before he could say a word, Vicky speaks.

“I’m still mad at you.” She declares crossing her arms over her chest.

“It has the merit of bein’ clear.” He tilts his head, his mouth forming a straight line.

She ignores his remark and continues. “But I still have many questions. The first being why you lied to me?”

Even in the darkness of the night, just a few lampposts lighting the area, she can see how his eyes suddenly seem lost in what she supposes are memories of long gone days. “It’s a complicated story.”

“As if there’s anything simple with you?” She wryly asks and he chuckles while nodding.

“Right.” He sinks his hands in his pockets and briefly looks up, his gaze hovering over the window of her flat. “Maybe I could explain ya inside?”

“Yeah, I’m freezing.” She admits before walking to her building’s door, Finan following her.

They climb the stairs quickly, glad to feel the warmth of the inside. She searches her keys in her pocket when they reach her floor but when she stretches her arm out to open the door and push the key into the lock something is wrong.

Noticing her hesitance, Finan steps behind her, leaning slightly above her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“The door is open.” She says and then shakes her head. “I must have forgotten to lock it correctly.”

She ignores Finan’s furrowed eyebrows as he looks at her and pushes the door open. She steps in her flat, and she has an unpleasant feeling of a stanger’s presence growing in her chest. She first thinks she’s being paranoid, but when she reaches her kitchen and finds herself face to face with a man pointing a gun at her she realizes she wasn’t.

A/N: Don’t kill me for this end :(((

Tag : @for-bebbanburg @naps4bats @osferth @maggiescarborough @finansarms @dumbledoreisnotmyhubby

#The Last Kingdom #finan the agile #finan #tlk fanfiction #Finan x OC #finan the last kingdom #the old guard #somebody to die for

23 notes · View notes

iloveutoodeath · 3 years

Text

sorry this became so long lmaoo that’s why i deleted all the tags in that post i last reblogged that i was gonna write. can u do read more on mobile?? anyways hmm ok so about the thing i last reblogged.. that’s actually something that’s been on my mind lately because i mean i’ve always hated working retail, but working retail during a pandemic has rly made me put my foot down, like no i really have got to get it together now and figure something out about what i’m doing with my life!!! ever since i dropped out of art school like 6 yrs ago i’ve always just kinda gotten by working this job or that job, thinking as long as i can pay my bills and student loans monthly i’m good.. but like still holding on to the hope of reapplying to at least an art program in a local community college (bc reapplying to another art university is too expensive and based on my previous experience not even worth it) to give it another shot bc well it’s still something i want and it saddens me that i had to quit that and completely derail my life dreams yrs ago because of terrible mental health. but like idk the art school experience i had was just so bad, it really did suck all the soul and enjoyment i had for drawing and making art out of me. i don’t think i drew at all for like 2 years after dropping out :-// and ever since i finally picked it up again i always thought to myself that i need to keep practicing and i would force myself to draw but i hated everything i drew because of the pressure i put on myself, kept procrastinating looking into art programs because there was always the fear in the back of my mind that i would fail again if i reapplied to any program, and also realistically feared that a job in cartoon animation would be just as soul crushing as whatever work i had to do as an art student. and yea.... idk every year i draw less and less because of the expectations i put on myself has made me really not enjoy drawing the way i used to. i really really admire everyone who is able to pursue a career in whatever art field they love, because yea i’ve come to accept that i’m not wired that way. not to be dramatic but this idea of turning your favorite beloved hobby into your career has honestly been one of my biggest sources of despair in my life for almost a decade now!!!! lmao!! and well honestly i should have probably given up on the “dream” a lot sooner because my life has been so pathetically stagnant by holding onto it as long as i did. i don’t want anyone to take this as like something sad or whatevs, because honestly me coming to terms with the reality of art being only a hobby and nothing more and that being a much more healthy relationship for me and art, is such a good thing for me personally (i think??)!! now i just kinda feel ridiculously lost bc well if not animation, then what will i do??? lmaoo. idk!!!! but i’ll probably look into becoming a vet or a zookeeper or something like that :”~)

#anyways to the friends who have been following this blog for years and were there to witness my art student days as like my actual every -#day life instead of just the tragic back story that weighs too heavily on my shoulders that it is now.... lmaoo #to all my old yrs long mutuals thank you for sticking around for so long.. i hope u all know that me writing this post feels like finally #burying a dead body that i’ve been dragging around for too long lmaoo #well maybe writing the post itself doesn’t feel like that but finally coming to that conclusion felt like that :-P

2 notes · View notes

an-otome-cally-correct · 5 years

Text

What Makes Petals Red

I gave the Hanahaki AU a whirl way back when, and I didn’t realize I never posted it lmaoo. If you wanna read more of my stuff, then check here.

It wasn’t all that strange for her to be sweeping up petals in the aftermath of a wedding. They came in all shapes and sizes, their colors ranging from the purest of whites to the richest of reds, only to be scattered to the most peculiar of places and crushed under the heels of the guests as they left.

Some would have landed along the aisle, blessing the bride as she stepped into a future where she would never stand alone, while some would have settled on the seats, thrown by an overly enthusiastic flower girl that likely dreamed of being a bride herself. Some would have fallen from the arrangements that adorned the venue, having lasted as long as they could without their roots to sustain them, while some would have been victims of a curious guest, cast aside once their curiosity had been sated.

Some of the petals would be found in a haphazard pile - always near the back seats, in one corner of the hall, away from view. Petals she’d clean up from that area of the venue were always coated with a strange glaze, staining them with a thick, deep red and filling the air with a sharp, ferric scent.

Whenever she spotted petals like those, she would pause, silently wishing for even the slightest bit of peace for the heart left forever broken by the ceremony, and then she would continue with her job, sweeping up those odd petals and throwing them away with the rest of the garbage.

It wasn’t all that strange.

It wasn’t all that strange to find traces of the Flower Disease at a wedding.

The seasons she spent assisting her aunt with the family’s wedding organizing services had numbed her to the symptoms of the Flower Disease. The sight of red splattered across crushed petals, the scent of iron lingering in the air, the sound of laboured breaths in the distance - they might have once alarmed her, but nowadays, they were simply part of the business. There were no questions left to be asked.

Except sometimes, she couldn’t help but wonder.

When faced with a woman on her knees, crying her heart out while petals and blood escaped her lips with every sob. When faced with a man staining both the walls and the floor red with every punch of frustration and plea of desperation. When faced with an elder nearing the end of their days and yet still seeing the reminder of their hopeless affection each time their weakened lungs threatened to give out.

Sometimes, she couldn’t help but wonder why a broken heart would attend such an event, why anyone would watch a ceremony that only proved their unrequited feelings, why a person would subject themselves to that much suffering, why red would stain those petals-- But those moments of wonder were fleeting, and she never came to understand.

Frankly, she never hoped to understand.

It was easier that way.

A moment’s pity was all she could afford, and then she was onto the next assignment her aunt gave her. Only, the next wedding for them to plan was a special one.

The King of Hearts was to be married to Alice the Second, and the Queen of Hearts himself was going to oversee all aspects of the ceremony. From the flowers, to the food, to the music, to the seating - Jonah Clemence had a say in it, and although her aunt had been in the business long enough to know how to deal with such… personalities, she didn’t nearly have enough patience nor self-control. The couple themselves were pleasant people, but any decision that needed to be made would no doubt sprout a debate between the Queen and herself.

It then came to a point that working with him made progress impossible, and both she and her aunt agreed that, for the sake of the wedding’s success, she needed to take a step back. She gladly did so, relieved to be rid of the migraine-inducing Queen, but her newfound peace was short-lived. Not a day after she resigned from the assignment, Jonah Clemence marched into her aunt’s office, demanding that she be reinstated.

She vehemently refused, but then the Queen launched into the clumsiest, most roundabout speech about how much he trusted her judgement, and appreciated her input, and admired her verve, and all other sorts of sweet - yet utterly embarrassing - things, and she had never been so flustered in her entire life. By the end of it, they were both red with embarrassment, and she was certain both their hearts were hammering in their chests, a small voice in the back of her mind wishing it was for the same reasons.

After a declaration like that, she couldn’t possibly refuse, not that she wanted to anymore, and she came to see him in a new light. Jonah Clemence was still annoying, but tolerable. He still challenged her every decision, but it wasn’t out of malice or distrust like she had initially assumed. It was only out of the pure, simple want for two dear people in his life to have the wedding they deserve, and she was determined to make it happen, not just for the couple, but also for the person so fervently supporting them.

Days, weeks and months of planning, and the Queen of Hearts was always present for everything. He had turned into such a common presence that it almost felt… lonely walking the streets of Cradle without hearing him comment on a flower shop’s arrangements, or a restaurant’s menu, or a clothing brand’s aesthetic. She’d find herself counting the minutes before she could see him again, enjoying every second she was with him, dreading the hours when he was away, and as the date of the wedding drew nearer, she realized she didn’t want to spend her days without him beside her.

She realized she had fallen in love, and she swore that once the King of Hearts’ wedding was over, she’d tell him how she felt, but when the ceremony ended and all the guests had moved out into the Garden for the reception, she spotted a trail those odd petals again - crushed and bloodied, purposefully kicked to the side in a poor attempt to hide them.

Immediately, she picked up a broom to dispose of them. She had promised the Queen of Hearts that nothing would ruin this day for the King and his wife, and leaving such a tragic sight like those stained petals in plain view would simply not do. So, she swept them away as she usually would, only, she didn’t find a haphazard pile at the end of the trail.

It was Jonah Clemence, crouched down with tears streaming down his face, blood trickling from his lips and hands holding onto crushed petals.

“Jonah?” she quietly called out, his name escaping her before she could think of what to say. The Queen froze at the sound of her voice, but whatever fear or shame he might have felt was forgotten as another coughing fit racked his body. Quickly, she pulled out a handkerchief from her skirts and dropped to her knees so she could wipe away the tears and the blood from his face, all the while whispering gentle words to soothe him.

“You did your best, Jonah,” she quietly told him as she began using the sleeves of her own dress, her handkerchief not nearly enough to contain his grief. “I’m certain you did your best.”

“All I wanted… was, was for them to be happy. The both of them,” he stammered in between stifled sobs and bursts of petals. “If they found happiness, I was… I-I was certain I would be happy as well, but… but why aren’t I?”

Watching him crumble like all those that came before him, she could feel her eyes prickle with her own tears for she knew full well that his affections were a lost cause, and with how helpless his situation was, the only thing she could offer was a shoulder to cry on. She had never hoped to understand the reasons as to why broken hearts still attended weddings, but with him in her arms, she realized it could only be love.

Love-- Not the kind of love that had one wanting their beloved for themselves, but the kind of love that had one wanting their beloved to be happy.

Pure.

Selfless.

Tragic.

“I’m sorry, Jonah,” she whispered, pulling the stubborn man into an embrace, not caring for the tears and blood that would stain her dress, ignoring the ice that crept up her own heart. “You deserve happiness. You deserve so much love and joy and I’m so, so sorry it had to be this way.”

She didn’t know how long they stayed like that, on the floor in each other’s arms, with her running a hand up and down his back in an effort to soothe him while she herself fought to keep all her raging emotions in check. They only parted when someone came looking for the Queen of Hearts, and she did the best she could to make him presentable once more. He was still coughing up petals, but he was in a much better state than he was several minutes ago.

“Thank you,” he told her, quiet and sincere, as he held both her hands in his. “I apologize for letting you see me in such a disgraceful state, and ruining your dress, but… thank you for staying with me.” Gently, he squeezed her hands, and a warm expression graced his features. His eyes were red and swollen from the tears, but the smile he wore was nothing short of radiant. “I wish for your own happiness, as well…”

She managed a chuckle. “Didn’t you once say my ‘uncouth behaviour’ would scare every man I meet?”

“Only those that don’t deserve you,” he cheekily added, giving her hands one last reassuring squeeze before letting go. “Although if you do come across a man who doesn’t fear you, I would have to meet him myself. I can’t trust your judgement when it’s clouded by your emotions.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “In other words, you need to check if he’s good enough for me.” If she had heard those words before the wedding, it would have sent her heart somersaulting, but now, there was only a dull throb and a bitter taste in her mouth.

Rather than a usual roundabout reply, he just simply smiled. “I truly wish you all the best.”

She offered him a smile of her own, praying that it didn’t betray her. “And I, you.” She allowed herself a moment to savour the warm moment before gently pushing her hands against his chest. “Now go on, go. How dare you keep the King of Hearts waiting.”

“What about you?”

“I just need to finish up here, and I’ll be out shortly.”

“I suppose saving you a seat wouldn’t be too much trouble.”

With a shake of her head, she snorted. “I’d appreciate it if you’d do me that favor.” Satisfied with her response, the Queen of Hearts stalked out of the hall and joined the rest of the crowd.

Once alone, she picked up the broom again and attempted to finish disposing of the stained petals that littered the ground, only for something to catch in her throat and forcing her to cough into her palm. When she pulled her hand away, she found petals coated with her own blood. She stared at them for a long while before tossing them with the rest of the petals that needed to be disposed.

For her to be sweeping up petals like those in the aftermath of a wedding...

It wasn’t all that strange.

96 notes · View notes

startwithbrooklyn · 3 years

Text

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / OCTOBER 5, 2019 // return of josh

oooookay folks! that's a wrap! below are my comments about tonight's ep + additional expansions on previously stated opinions. i'm not combining s2 ep 1 with this bc s2 is dead to me! so is s3! i only did this to gather up all these loose thoughts i had when this show with its one lonely season became such a comfort to me that i developed a second consciousness about it. but with these posts i am done! the evil is defeated! i will carry on through the 3rd and hopefully final season of nancy drew with less emotion and better spirits. thank god.

-"talk to owen" nancy firstly thinks of talking to owen only to see what happens w the agleaca; saying goodbye comes as sorta an afterthought mirroring tiffany's possession of george. yet nancy was unable to say goodbe to owen just like w kate. knowing this reveal about kate, i wonder if this was foreshadowing that something big will be revealed about him later? unlikely but still

-nancy + the reality of broken things: 'totems' like broken sand glass sculpture (good place) to show you it's not a dream; "owen broke that" ghost trap to ground him to reality, like how she reached for her locket in the good place, lucy's charm, ace's bear ('totems' idea borrowed from inception)

-george has never been an affectionate person, even with other women- so why does pda with nick suddenly become so important?

-lots of comments about ryan + women but what about carson/kate and karen? again with the hypocritical (interestingly, there is an aspect of violence to women connected with ryan (even though that violence is not his fault); but its not like kate or karen fared well either)

-ryan feels useless- relationships with women as stated by nancy- he seeks to redeem himself by showing up where nancy goes to prove he is good to have around/necessary/needed - but now that he is attempting to act as a parent he has to break through nancy's defenses all over again- firstly she didnt really consider him any kind of threat bc he comes off as incompetent- ie bad business deals- i think i mentioned last ep, their hauntings equalize them as they both attempt to gain peace by searching for answers but now ryan has changed the terms of engagement so he's back to square one, with carson. (which is how we find them s2 cowering in ryans car stalking nancy together)

-ryan's relationship to nancy exposes an interesting layer here. so far she doesnt know about nick/george but they still hold the cards (ie george gets one over on nick's ex/"the new girl") with the revelation of ryan being nancys father, nancy gains an interesting trump card in navigating the social fallout of being nick's ex. like george would take the new spot but then nancy comes out with george's ex in a much higher category. this plays out later on in the ep when george confronts ryan. george wants to talk about "them" but ryan shows up completely focused on nancy, thus illustrating the trump

-"i thought it was whitney with another insipid question" to me this sounds like whitney took bess's advice earlier about "asking aunt diana what she wants" (only to learn it actually annoyed the hell out of diana lmaoo)

-"then you need to fight for it" this hearkens nancy earlier by asking "arent you in by virtue of dna?" the test was positive; she is a marvin just like nancy is a hudson. thats not a fact that they can change. however, diana really acts like it can be changed- and in s2 we see it does change. its interesting for bess to be told to fight to be in a family she's already in and also foiled by nancy trying to fight her way out of her own family. would like to see bess stand up to diana and say something. i mean, she exists. as much as she may want to erase bess from the family, diana cannot erase her existence

-hannah's rolled up sleeves 💙

-"previous keepers records" -from s2- were those not her parents??

-mistaken murderers- everyone incorrectly assumes lucy was murdered just as they assume the agleaca killed owen

-even if owen weren't the price, how can they pay the toll without one of the people who called? i mean if it was anything other than owen and he still died they still wouldve been fucked

-"you don't need to check, i'm not even driving!" okay and giving up the goss. cassidy is me. lmfaoooo

-wonder if this locked marvin industries box will ever come back

-UNPOPULAR OPINION: george's confrontation with ryan comes waytoo late to do anything. i think i brought this up in an earlier post. its literally just her screaming at him now. like he is clocked out moved on. you know a good time for this scene? in the claw when he comes by to "check on her". hes vulnerable, fresh from rehab. and she has a chit over him for punching bookcases/the fuckin country club deal. therewould have been a perfect time to confront ryan on what happened- "what you did to me" okay sis. you admitted ep 1 you werent in hs anymore. youre of age now. admit you fucked up. take the L to force him to swallow the bigger L. and imagine how much more powerful the scene would have been- in george's domain, literally her own office, something ryan doesnt even have because HE DOESNT DO SHIT. ryan is SO EASY to trap but nobody notices. instead they have george try to get some kind of apology out of him when hes already done with that, and only for the sake of her establishing a new relaionship to boot. imagine how much more empowered she would feel if she just got that closure for herself- because she needed it, not so she could trot straight back to nick being all proud of calling a grown man to some random estate only to scream at him in a parking lot and have accomplished nothing. 🤦🏼‍♀️

-i get patrice thinking nancy is lucy but yeahhhhh this isnt how dementia works 😬

-i almost cant with nance and josh. how do you save your would-be murderer? (+ lucy's best friend and brother are in jail, her mom is lost to her mentally; all she has left is nancy and ryan)

-tbh i had no idea how to spell agleaca until bess said "theres no i in agleaca!" i thought it was igleaka like 😂

-damn how george just stares at nicks hand and then gets out herself is just so sad (like she immediately rectifies it but still...)

-"curiosity" part II; nancy who comes back to the sea after her mother died in it- agleaca drawn to lucy's trauma/to agleaca, lucy died fir "love"- would nancy be willing to risk the same? // this is also one of nancy's "mirroring mom" moments: winning sea queen, going to the velvet masque, getting caught by celia, having a "chat" with everett, and "falling" off the bluffs

-the collector 🎵👌🏻

-i wonder if there's any significance to the locations/means of their deaths; nancy's is pretty straight forward in terms of where and how, but why george and nick drowning, in the truck specifically? drowning in love? idk. ace's at the claw i get, but he gets himself caught? in what precisely? what does the fish hook mean? and bess's makes the least sense- burning alive? in the marvin estate? maybe the agleaca picked the most painful death for the marvin blood relation? idk. up for debate lmk ya thoughts

and lastly:

-i remember seeing this ending for the first time and i had just been traumatized by avengers endgame and since black widow is also a redhead seeing that shit at the bottom of the cliff it was like 😰😰😰 TOO SOON

-random thoughts-

these are just things i noticed, feel free to grapple with them or take note of them for extrapolation in s3 (lord knows i wont be) they probably belonged in recaps for previous eps but i either didnt find them in my notebook or couldnt fit them in

•nancy and truth/the perception of truth: using facts to suit theories instead of creating theories to suit facts- nancy often plays with the perception of truth and the details that fall between the steps; but she is also a victim to them by people who also know how to play the game (ie Carson) ex lying about the dress (tea cups and knives, trash got picked up, bail paid 1 hr ago) her inferences can be off from what others tell her ("people always lie") but she can also come to the wrong conclusions organically (carsons trial) more willing to believe the best in others/wanting them to be innocent (think nick ep 1) but later finding out the truths hurts more so she chooses to isolate herself and avoid involving others to be spared pain

•maybe i'm dumb, but who is "mr marvin" exactly? owen? the bald guy from the funeral? this comes from the guy who takes sailboats out like ep 4ish and says "ive worked for the marvins 20 years" she compliments the ship, he says "mr marvin and i just took her out this morning" so?? who is that? plus last ep just saying cassidy and isaac are her "late husbands children" dows thet mean sebastian? like did diana marry in? i feel like it would be odd for her to so embrace the "marvin way" if she wasnt a true born marvin

•ik college becomes a more s2 topic but none of the crew have ever been to college 🤔

•nick + the relationships with people whose reputations are tarnished: tiffany with investigating the hudsons/marvins, josh with murder/attempted murder, kate and 'stealing'/lying about nancy (esp compared to her almost preternatural kindness i mentioned before), george and her mom/family's reputations --> this kind of segues into nick + the concept of believing people you love could be capable of horrific things- accidental or on purpose (see- having to tell his family what happened)

•at the beginning, nancy kind of seems to be the "i'm sorry you're upset" kind of apologist and knows it. she also doesnt usually apologize earnestly bc shes never really sorry (she always has to get what she needs first ie coins mess) and she doesnt want to lie; to me it seems she doesnt like to bother with other people bc they require certain cues/niceties that are often lies- they ask "how are you" without meaning it, they dont really want an honest response except "fine", they dont like it when you call them out on fakeness, etc/ they require apologies for their bruised feelings even if youre right (and nancy can be pretty rude/nasty if provoked- a harshness unsoftened by sympathy)

•cont'd from the good place ep- since kate apparently means nothing to nancy anymore according to last ep ("stop calling her my mother") is her policy of "always seek the truth" now null and void? this mantra is now tainted bc the person who gave it to her broke it so much. can nancy disengage w it now? does she fall from grace to be complicit in "mysteries" of her own like everyone else? does she lose some of her "god-like" holier than thou act bc she is now literally born and raised in the "darkness" of sins/ugly truths like everyone else's? (ie truth is ugly but not to nancy, until now)

•did lucy disappear because her "murder" was finally solved? or simply because her trauma was addressed- she never meant to tell anyone about her suicide plans, the twisted trauma of which was too great to contain/unable to move on due to "sin" - or unable to move on because secret of nancy's parentage still remained? "lucy never wanted me to figure out how she died" she only wanted nancy to figure out her parentage without solving the mystery, yet did lucy see/witness nancy's revelation at the claw, or with carson, or even ryan? waiting for karen/josh to know? or just vanished?

•concept of imperfect mom figures- lucy, kate, celia, victoria, even karen- who all struggle with failings

•since karen dispelled one of lucy's attempts at nancy's haunting at the garden party, is that proof she isn't haunting karen?

•the crew + needing adult help: george's possession and victoria, club busted and owen, car accident and mcginnis, thom and cipher, larkspur lane and sal, bones and john, agleaca and hannah

•everett is always sitting- at his home office, at dinner, at yacht club (wonder if that was his actor + had to do with his recasting?)

-dad talk-

•both her dads think negatively on her "girl detective" thing but ryan sees use in it as a means to get answers, carson would never 'use' her in that way

•nancy + carson : suffering

"what about what i wanted?" + carson being imprisoned for weeks but she immediately rejects him (the DAY he gets his freedom no less) with no regard to his suffering (caused by herdiary!!) in regards to her own from this new knowledge (she does suffer a lot- "almost dying is my new normal" but still)/ the "thankless job" of parenting

•nancy + adults - connected to cop thing a few posts earlier : nancy is v precocious and smart for her age- she is "old enough" but also has trouble with the "adults" in her life- fathers, moms, karen, and cops letting her down but depends heavily on "adults" she cantrust- hannah gruen, john sander, lisbeth- highlighting her youth and occasional naiveté; nancy is unafraid to hold adults accountable for their actions (ie karen) but also loses them as allies along the way. both hannah and john are very nonthreatening and also experts in their fields, while her fathers and karen are revealed to be "just another brick in the wall" average, capable of mistakes, and not the people she expects them to be, while characters like john and hannah can only benefit nancy because either they do not mean as much to her or have no reason/nothing to gain by lying; they are purposefully shown to be small, demure, gentle, and nonthreatening as foils/opposed to karen, ryan, and josh whom she previously trusted; carson (+kate) is nonviolent as well but has the biggest betrayal which is perceived as an act of violence to her very personhood/shattering who she thought she was so she cannot be that anymore (admits truths to john "everytime i dig i hurt everyone" and hannah-agleaca) : unclear if redemption is possible for anyone :

•nancy bonds with carson over loss and then ryan over haunting. but actually, nancy rejects carson over loss bc she wanted to say goodbye and wasnt allowed to- so carson was with kate but nancy was not. nancy and ryan are more equals about haunting bc they both start around the same time and conclude together as well [nancy and ryan bond over thinking their parents conspired to kill lucy- think sitting on the floor at velvet masque] nancy is appreciated by ryan for her ability to get answers- he has no qualms about going through her/outside of police bc he wants results/instant gratification and thinks nancy is more so the expert in her field/respects her even through her age- once again acknowledging she is braver than he is (think lucy + claw parking lot) and her portent in the car freaks him out bc shes usually always in control, esp with him

•bc nancy was told "you can't be afraid of the truth" until she was / ironic bc shes braver than him except when the truth is they are related then she's scared to tell him while he actually starts to take some initiative

•nancy picked "the wrong person" to help her through her grief in her dad's eyes like her mom's best friend was somehow a better choice? carson truly "parents" nancy even during grief and haunting (which she rejects) whereas nancy and ryan are really equals in all their situations which is actually better for her and easier for her to maintain- nancy's expectations are low so anything that ryan gives is a bonus. nancy's expectations of carson were shattered by his lies so now she has nothing to connect with him about- they could barely even connect when sharing the same grief- carson actually very hypocritical hence nancy's upset at karen revelation yet carson doesn't agree bc hes the "adult" and shes the "child" not realizing she hadnt been one for a long time (hidden staircase perhaps?) whereas ryan better treats her with lack of controlling parental nature bc he is impressed with her competence before he receives that knowledge; "lucy was smarter than me too" acknowledging her intellect negates his ability to "parent" ie control her to leave him solely with caring about her wellbeing in her situations + aftermath - i honestly dont think carson would ever admit that shes smarter than him* bc he thinks shes not "all grown up" yet ("youve kept me on the bench for years"); ryan is more willing to meet her where she's at which is so important for all her good relationships - ace, owen, etc

*carson asks for nancy to figure out "who to trust" in ep 12, finally admitting that she is useful/ie acknowledging that her skills/abilities do help, are necessary, and can in fact save lives --> this is then s2 follow up by working for him (but it takes him that long)

•ryan/nancy/carson venn diagram - using sex to escape trauma

•if not carson vs ryan then what about celia and everett vs patrice (and josh)? at this point in the narrative, do you think ryan's parents would take his side should the knowledge become public (without their involvement), or deny nancy?

•"we were a family" + the disruption of family dinner- kate was really the one holding that family together and her death makes it unsustainable

okay!! that's all folks! i have exhausted my plethora of nancy drew thoughts + knowledge. you will never have to hear from me again!! TYSSM 😘

#brooklyn's ND primer #nancy drew cw #the Great Rewatch of 2021 #you best start believing in ghost stories miss drew - you're in one

1 note · View note

keii · 7 years

Photo

Drew this guy from my dream. He was kind of a douche, pretty weird, but for some reason I was in love with him. I decided to write it down and it ended up being pretty long ahh.

I had a dream that my sister invited a lot of her friends over to our house one day. I usually don’t mind, but this time there was just way too many people for my comfort. It was hard to maneuver my way in the house because there was just SO many people. I only wanted to get some water in the kitchen, but even just doing that was a difficult task. I knew I had a pissed off face and I didn’t care who sees. As soon as I finished drinking my water, I tried to make my back to my room, but then I spotted a dog sitting quietly across the room and besides the dog was a person (who I assumed who was the owner) resting on the couch. His hair was down to his chin, with a side part where part of it was tucked neatly behind his ear. He wore sunglasses so I couldn’t tell what if he was awake or not or what his expression was, it was hard to tell. I slowly approached the dog because I wanted to pet him, but seeing that the dog had no reaction to my approach, I frowned, thinking that I probably shouldn’t pet him.

Instead I turned away to head back to my room, but all of a sudden I felt a sharp pain at the back of my left knee and saw that the dog was biting me! It wasn’t a really big dog, he looked like a Scottish Terrier from what I remembered, but I still felt a pain. Luckily most of his teeth was gripped onto my sweatpants instead of my actual skin, but it still hurt. I looked down and saw blood dripping from my leg and I started to panic. I heard the guy curse beneath his breath and he walked over to me, allowing me to lean against him, so I wouldn’t fall over, while calms his dog down. I remember gripping onto his shirt with tears forming at the corner of my eyes saying that it hurts. He had one hand on my back and said, “Shh… I know I’m sorry. My dog tends to bite those he likes. Just breathe.” Finally his dog calmed down and released his grip on my leg and I released a sigh of relief. But I started to panic again once I saw all the blood I lost.

The guy bent down and inspected my leg with a bored expression on his face. I looked at him wondering how it looks and he just said that I was going to be okay and it’s something I can take care of myself. For some reason when he said that, I just got really annoyed-- like “is that all you have to say?? After all that??” I was really scared and frustrated, it was already hard to walk in the house with all the people and now I have to limp my way upstairs with a bleeding leg just to clean myself off. The guy just looked so annoyed after my outburst and turned to his dog and told him to stay before he just grabbed my hand and led me upstairs and I limped behind him. It was a struggle to keep up since he was significantly taller than me, but he made sure that he wasn’t being too rough that I would topple over. After entering one of the bedrooms he sighed and told me to sit, taking off his jacket and finally pulling off his shades. He glared at me with his lightly faded blue eyes with such disdain and said,

“Take off your sweats.”

I was caught off guard and I stared at him incredulously. My face instantly turned red and I knew my mouth was hanging open like a damn fool. I only stuttered a weak “Why?” And he let out an irritated sigh and ran a hand through his hair. He told me it was because it would be easier for him to clean my wound… unless he would prefer for me to have him rip my sweats and I shook my head no. While I took off my pants, he went to the bathroom and came back with a bowl of water and some rags and some sort of bag. He saw me trying to cover myself up by pulling my shirt down past my underwear and he just sighed again, rolling his eyes. He sat down next to me and told me to relax, saying that he’s seen dozens of naked women so it’s not like I was anyone special. I only blushed harder after he said that, but he looked at me and his eyes grew wide clarifying that it’s because he’s studying to become a doctor-- but he did claim to have his share of women over the past few years. He told me to lay on my stomach so he can see my injured leg fully. He made sure to clean it off with alcohol, warning me that it was going to sting a little and rubbed my back to comfort me as he cleaned it off.

All of a sudden I heard him mutter a soft “Oh no” causing me to be alarmed, wondering what he meant by that. He started to rummage through his bag and pulled out some sort of medical kit and explained that I might need some stitches, so he found his needle and medical thread. And I watched him swiftly insert the thread through the hole and he looked at me and smiled.

“Don’t worry, just stay calm and breath so that the pain would be more bearable.”

I was in full panic mode and already crying saying that I didn’t want it and pleading with him. He just patted my head and instructed me to lay back down and relax. I closed my eyes while I was crying and waited for him to start stitching me up, but instead I felt something else being put on and heard him say, “All done!”

I looked back and saw that he placed a bandage on my wound and started laughing and threw me a pair of loose shorts. I was so angry because of the emotional and mental torment he put me through!!!

Then my dream shifted scenes where I was enjoying a coffee at a cafe and right across there was this family owned noodle shop where I would look so every often. I heard a message on my phone ring, seeing it’s from a messaging app where strangers were able to interact with each other with those who were in close distances. It was strange, but for some reason I was hooked onto it and I couldn’t stop talking to the person with the username “Ramen Rider” lmaoo. Idk why, but my username was “TiffNE” (pronounced Tiffany) even though it has nothing to do with my interests or my actual name at all. Because this was a messaging app that allows you to talk with people who are within the same area as you, I figured that the person either was a regular in the noodle shop or worked there. Everyday since then I would go to the cafe and bring my homework or draw there while talking to the mysterious Ramen Rider because I was too shy to enter the noodle shop. We often sent cheesy ass love poems to each other, some sounding really good and romantic, but most times, it’s so cringey that we ended up spamming the chat with “lols” “lmao” and random keyboard smashes.

One day while I was sitting at a table outside of the cafe I saw the student doctor (from the first part of my dream) walk out of the noodle restaurant and stood near the side and lead against the wall. He had his hair tied up and wore an apron with the noodle shop’s name on it. I looked at him confused because I didn’t know he worked there part-time, but then again I never really went inside because 1) I was too shy 2) it was extremely busy. I watched the student doctor from behind my computer and he looked stressed and pulled out his phone and typed something. A few moments later I received a notification from Ramen Rider and all it said was,

“:(“

I had to do a double take and I looked up from my phone and watched him pull out a cigarette and a lighter. I quickly responded saying, “Tough day? What’s wrong? Is there injustice going on in the world of noodles, that even the powerful Ramen Rider can’t handle?” After sending that message, I looked back at the student doctor taking a whiff from the cigarette and his phone dinged. He read the message and started smiling and was writing back. I reached for my phone and saw that “Ramen Rider” was in the middle of writing a message and I was freaking out because who would’ve thought it would be the douchey student doctor-- A few seconds later my phone notification went off and saw that he responded with, “Of course not! There’s nothing that the hero, Ramen Rider, can’t do!”

Before I could respond back, he continued to type and I waited.

“But…”

“There’s one thing that I can’t do…”

He stopped typing, so I took that as an indication to type back asking what it was.

“I… want to see you.”

I coughed really loud, quickly hiding behind my laptop and taking a quick sip from my coffee. He wanted to see me. Me??? I figured out that he was the student doctor who was put off by me, not only that but I was in sweats (lmao figures) and a hoodie with my hair partially up in a messy bun, so I doubt this is the person he wants to see. I calmed myself down and he started to type again.

“I know it’s weird… but I don’t know… I just think… that maybe we could grab a coffee one day? There’s a really nice cafe place right across the noodle shop I work at.”

I had to hold back my laughter because I’ve been going to that coffee shop everyday since then just to talk to him.

My hands were shaking and I contemplated on whether or not I should tell him, I was still too nervous especially since I couldn’t face the disappointment he’ll feel after finding out that this “TiffNE” that he’s been messaging the entire time was the crying girl at my sister’s party that one time. Instead I wrote back, “Haha, funny that you mention the cafe because… um… hi.”

I hit send and a few moments later his eyes widened and he looked at the cafe. He walked towards the cafe and I felt my heartbeat race faster and faster. He’s coming this way, I thought to myself, knowing that the safety of the anonymity of the app is gone. But because I was sitting at one of the outside tables, he didn’t even glance my way and went into the cafe instead. I heard from inside the store he yelled, “TiffNE???” And everyone looked at him. So, this guy was quite the looker and a lot of the girls in the cafe were wondering who he was looking for. I was about to go in and reveal myself, but all of a sudden he came out with a girl who’s name was actually “Tiffany” and she had her arms locked around one of his and she dragged her away and I stared in disbelief as I watched them walk away.

How dare he leave with someone else??? Then again, I didn’t clarify it sooner so, it was also my fault, but I was still so hurt, I couldn’t believe it! After some time of grieving and being super salty about it, I sighed and took the opportunity to walk into the noodle shop since he wasn’t in there… so I figured that I might as well try the noodles out for dinner anyway while I’m there. I walked in, seeing that it was less busy and took a seat near the corner of the store and ordered a bowl of their most popular one. I waited for my food and checked my phone and saw no new notifications from Ramen Rider and I frowned again. That was probably the last time I’ll use that app since he found someone else.

“I have an order of our _____ bowl along with a date with the super powerful hero, Ramen Rider~”

I looked up and saw that it was the student doctor holding two bowls smiling down at me. He set one bowl down in front of me and the other one across from me and took a seat. I was so surprised I didn’t know he came back in, I asked him how he found out and he laughed and said, “There’s nothing that Ramen Rider can’t do.”

I rolled my eyes and picked up some noodles with my chopsticks and blew on it gently, saying, “Pfft yeah right, you can’t even figure out that the person you’ve been talking to was right across you the whole time.”

He only laughed and slurped some of his noodles, “Yeah yeah, I never said I would get it right the first time, as long as I succeed in the end, right?”

He took in my appearance and rather than looking at me all disgusted he only smiled (again) saying, “Figures you’d be wearing sweats.”

#//long post #killadreams #killamonart #killaocs #Idk if i'll draw him again haha #since he's just from my dream but idk

293 notes · View notes