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causticsunshine · 5 months

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wanted to share the sentiment here too but didn't feel like rewriting the whole thing lmao so here are some Thoughts i had last night on twt regarding my weird relationship with my art whilst being in fandom:

i know i've definitely talked about this kind of thing in the past but it's been a very recent development that i actually understand what's been going on with me and why i've picked up this habit of letting a fandom i'm in / a piece of media i'm really into fully dictate my creative drive. like, just because i'm very interested or invested in something, it doesn't mean i necessarily feel inspired by it or inspired by it for the duration that it holds my interest, and forcing myself to create relative art or fic or what have you for the vested interest(s) has both dampened my desire to be creative as well as my imagination. i know a lot of people can be super into something or a few random things at once and that can keep them going for ages without them running out of ideas, but in my case, things that hold my interest aren't always synonymous with my creativity and i'm just now learning that despite how obvious it seems!

i also imagine i'm not the only person who functions like this but i personally haven't seen it spoken about very often (if it even needs to idk), so i wanted to bring it up / talk about it a little bit :)

#art things #alex talks #if you've been following me for awhile or at least saw this coming before i did: does it not at all seem obvious lmao #i think the guilt i was feeling for so long over it being my 'obligation' as an artist in any fandom to only cater to fandom was also #exacerbated by some kind of impostor syndrome like... wait why is this so easy for other people also into x but not me?#makes sense now why i seem to lose steam so fast when i'm making work for one thing at a time only #i need to spice it up!! even if i come back to something eventually i can't force it!#thank u adhd my behated for another extension of my executive dysfunction but i guess #i will learn to work with it :) shedding the guilt has been the hardest part and ik i'll still struggle at times to be inspired or feel #like i need to be doing something specific to cater to other people rather than go with what drives me at the moment but #that's ok! that's life!#here's to me making a lot more art / general creative stuff 🫡 i hope the utter randomness of what i have in store #appeases at least one other person 🫶#sidenote 1d fics will still be eventually finished but 1d art.... we'll have to see bc of the ipad wipe :')#also haven't been in the mood for awhile tbh! been into another stuff and less generally hyperfixated (thank god)#anyway onto better days and more creation!!

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onewingedangels · 3 months

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I finished ff7 rebirth

#personal #no spoi.lers here dont worry #CRYING AND THROWING UP :')#I HAVE SO MANY THOGUHTS RIGH NOW #i'm gonna say i liked this game and its def better than the remake #i don't even want to touch remake anymore after this lmaooo #the game as a whole was really good #i do have some thoughts on story and character changes that i liked and didn't like #it mostly goes from ''oh i think this is fine'' to ''i wish they didn't change this at all'' yknow the usual..............#i do feel kind of disappointed about the ending and the changes to this and that which i wont say bc too spoiler-ish #the whole last chapter felt so weird to me and idk if i liked it or not and it felt like it was rushed a lot?#i'm also disappointed with zack's scenes in the game??#whoever said on twt ''i watched all zack's scene and zack fans will be satisfied'' ummmm i'm not satisfied?? i'm more confused #the whole hype about his part in the game and it just felt nothing to me? ily zack im sorry :'D #i hope its not just a silly fanservice but after u finish the game it gives u a setting #when u can turn off all zack's cutscenes in the game?? which had me like 👁️👄👁️#ANYWAYS overall i liked the game and i WILL be replaying it later #and maybe talk more about spo.ilers or not idk #and i hope the 3rd game will be even better since they still didnt show us much? which also has me confused but again wont say more for now

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compacflt · 1 year

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wip wednesday: hoping to have all the fic revisions up by saturday (long shot tbh) or wednesday!

#idk how i feel about it bc i sure hope ppl weren’t attached to the original fic too much #i think this version is much better but this is what i get for basically posting my rough draft #& only realizing halfway thru writing the next fic that i actually like DO care about how well written it is #anyway #I told myself if the rewrite of ch 8 exceeded 12k i would split it into 2 chapters #it’s at 15k now so you guys are getting an extra wwgattai chapter #turns out a lot happens in 14 years huh #1. 50 y.o. birthday boy asks his bf to be honest after his big birthday bash #(not included in ch 8 rw this one was just for fun)#2. i didn’t want to send Mav to iraq & still don’t but i did want to foreshadow tgm mission in some way so this happened #3. really actually getting into what it means for ice to be at the top finally #there are better excerpts from that section but they don’t make sense ooc so u might have to wait another few days #spending the next few days with friends so hopefully i will get to work on this afterwards #too many tags bitch #top gun #top gun maverick #icemav #tom iceman kazansky #pete maverick mitchell #when we get around to talking about it #top gun fanfiction

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illogicalghost · 1 month

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anyone else learn about the nuclear arms race and mutually assured destruction at an impressionable young age, had an existential crisis about how we almost ended all life on the planet in thermonuclear hellfire and made it uninhabitable for thousands of years multiple times because of political differences, and we still have enough warheads on earth to destroy it a hundred times over sitting in the hands of insane megalomaniac politicians who could just end it all with a press of a button and never fully recovered since?

#hahhahaahhahahaa #im fine :-)#in high school i had a bad case of 'no hope for this world' disease which was real hard to parse out from the major depressive disorder #it got real bleak! not gonna lie!#its hard to care about your math homework when youre convinced the world is going to fucking end bc we live under the rule of insane people #looking back now its easy to think i overreacted a bit. but holy shit being a teenager fucking sucks #you cant do anything about how bad the world sucks. all u can do is sit there and look at the news and get fucking depressed #cant vote. cant protest. cant articulate how i feel bc my brain is still growing and i have a math test tmrw.#its like. i just wanted a fucking break.#i didn't want to kill myself. i didnt necessarily want to die. i just wanted a break. bc everything fucking SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!#god im so glad im not a fucking teenager anymore. wow this derailed a bit. hi. im okay now pls dont worry about me #personal #but yeah i still have nightmares now and then about nuclear war. shits scary as hell #and then u look at all the fucked up shit happening around the world and its hard not to lose hope for humanity :|#i want to like humans but unfortunately a lot of us seem to fucking suck. hopefully its not the majority #im doing waayyyyy better as an adult but damn its hard sometimes :/

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byanyan · 3 months

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byan "i thought being a vampire would be sick as fuck but instead it's turned my life upside down, caused me to lose the few safety nets i actually had, and somehow given me less freedom where i thought it'd give me more" byun

#yes I'm still stuck on fledgling verse ok don't look at me #I JUST...... i have a lot of feelings about them discovering that becoming a supernatural creature is not as neat as they thought #I mean it's not like they made the choice themself or anything... but u know...#they had their hopes after the shock of their embrace wore off #but then it turns out they have trauma over the event??? and now they have to leave everything they knew behind???#gotta figure out everything for themself and have no stable place to live so they're at risk of dying EVERY DAY bc of the gd sun #somehow they've become even more of an outsider & now they've got a hard time trusting other vamps bc most consider them better off dead #they're isolated and traumatized and overall just Not Having a Good Time #they're so ANGRY but at the same time so CRIPPLINGLY DEPRESSED that on any given night they're either breaking shit & getting into fights #or they're having the most impossible time finding the will to crawl from their hiding place to feed themself #and don't even get me STARTED on instances where they've lost control & hurt someone they care about UGH #yeah....... i love this verse it's so deliciously angst lmao #all this to say I'm gonna try to poke more of the prompts for it in my ask today #once I complete the last two full name prompts ofc uvu #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ verse: fledgling.#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.

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gifti3 · 3 months

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Im cursing [REDACTED] right NOW

#god i better never have contact with this guy again or i might flip out on him #im about to ramble about my past “dating" adventures (we were casual but sheesh cant even be friends with this guy tbh)#im realizing months later how much this guy i used to talk to sucked #like DUDE be a better or stay single FOREVER (ΘдΘ)#and by that i mean learn how to better handle approaching others feelings!#god the way he would just shutdown others ppls feelings and it was just an endless loop of “that doesnt make sense” or “thats dumb”#sure emotions can be irrational but if someone is desperately TRYING to explain why they feel a way (even if theyre struggling to be clear)#maybe dont be so dismissive #like literally one time i was annoyed cause talking to him was grating on my nerves #and i was like ik it doesnt make sense so let me step away cause im annoyed #and hes like trying to logic me out of my annoyance???#like worstie im literally walking away so i can cool off #leave it be!#god looking back on all this....#i hope to god whoever hes talking to (if hes talking to anyone) isnt dealing with similar things #ppl can change so ill just hope for that #or maybe he'll meet his match #someone who reflects the same energy he has!#tho im not sure if hed like that haha #the guy seemed to have a lot of relationship problems in general (romantic and platonic) and i wanted to have the benefit of the doubt #but now im thinking maybe his personality was also just clashing with everyone elses #which isnt necessarily a bad thing on its own #gotta get context for everything u know #but in this case....naur #like im a pretty anxious person so how ppl i care about will react to what im doing or saying is constantly at the back of my mind!#so ppl who just come off as flippant about my fee fees annoy me fr #im like “ahh what if i upset so and so” constantly #trying to make sure not to make things harder for them #and they cant even spare me a single thought before doing something and dismiss me when i get upset #but also they wanna come to me when theyre feeling sad about something???

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cathalbravecog · 1 year

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Man... I can't stop thinking about the things that were talked about on the stream, especially the answer on my question - so... get ready for a ramble! its a long one. oops. i dont even know where im going with this, im just dumping my thoughts somewhere. half is about ttcc lore in general and the streams, the other half is about cathal and me projecting onto him deeper.

before i even hop deeper into this, it wasn't until early today that i learned that there was a whole drama about cranky's answers (regarding the graham and flint question and the whole "keep it sane" thing. i thought it was...off, but i understood it as 'do what you want people, just don't start any harassment because of ships and your favorite pairs'.

definitely could have been phrased better, though. at least we got a good response and an apology later from maven on twitter. but i legit did not know this was a drama until those twitter posts were made LOL. i dont interact with the fandom so i do not know how that answer was percieved by most. or if anyone except for me and my friends have had any thoughts about the question i asked that got answered.)

and what im tryna get to is that i get cranky isnt the one to be answering lore things, and probably didnt know what to answer... but it's still something to think about

because being told "cogs and toons just dont become how they are out of the blue" (paraphrasing here) as an answer to what cathal initially thought of seeing his dad be bet up and thrown off a tower is... confusing? he did say first and foremost that it has to be built upon before saying that. i understand that this is... a lot of characters! and cathal did have some focus on him thanks to the comic and they wanted to focus on other managers... but some have deeper, more intricate lore that's easy to grasp (especially the more, well, angstier managers like chip and misty.)

and we have gotten some extra lore for other managers like belle, mary, tawny.... thanks to thomas' rambles.

and it's definitely difficult for a team of volounteers working hard on a fan game together to make lore for all the characters, that are still very young in their *life span*, having been around for less than a year. despite ttcc being more character driven and focused on the cogs, it's still a game they have to run so they cannot focus on lore only and some game management has to be done first. there's a bunch of things they have to consider, like consistency and how fans may react, or possible themes or what they want the story to be...

and. yeah. its hard since. come on lets admit it. clash has an issue with how these are all given to us. hell, there's lore bits i still dont know about and im still learning because it's..so all over the place. a new player will not know about it. maven acknowledged this in the tweet and i really appreciate that, as it's honestly been my number one issue with clash, especially as someone who is there for the lore. (i mean, and the gameplay, i know some people who don't play the game itself much. well i sure do a little TOO MUCH because i have PROBLEMS. but im interested in the lore, too, yknow?)

some lore you cant learn from the wiki, and unless you interact with the community, you may never learn *where* all of this even is. if you werent live for certain lore there, it's hardly accessible to you. lore locked behind one time events, an arg website, wikis, discord chats... all that. it's hard to keep track of! i'm sure it's like that for both the fans and the writers. these characters are great, fun, and i love them, but the way we are given this information is... not the best. it's very easy to miss certain details.

it's especially bad if you're like me - only ever interacting with a close group of people you trust, (because people are scary especially a lot of... lore driven fans. yeahnoimeanshippers.sorry.and just big crowds of people in general) having only gotten back into the game recently AFTER most of the major lore events (first played once in 2019, then never again until january 2023) and also you dislike youtube and video content, so you dont watch it. something in your brain would rather if you step on a nail than watch a playthrough video (especially with commentary).

like in general it shouldnt be necessary to go through all these hoops just to know the lore! especially for things that may have little lore...

anyways, uh, back to cathal. i cannot stop thinking about this.

it definitely wasnt an answer to what i specifically asked - but possibly more so about... why cathal is the way he is? and despite what my brain and low self esteem during hard times may tell me - i do not believe that anybody is truly "lazy". i just dont think that exists. there's always some reason behind a person being unmotivated or lazy. even the little things!

but like... that's just kinda obvious. all toons and cogs have motivations. thats like... one of the basics of writing characters. have motivations for characters and reasons for why they are how they are. doesnt have to be anything tragic, just.... how they are as people.

it's totally unrelated to the question of what cathal thought about seeing his dad like that... but oh well! i asked that because i made up my own story around that already, and i just wanted to see what someone working on the game thinks about the same idea.

not to be Tumblr User CathalBravecog, but, of course I have projected heavily onto cathal. i have already stated how important cathal is to me as a character, especially with appreciating myself when im.. not exactly the most motivated. when im not doing much. taught me to appreciate breaks. hell! i keep preaching this myself. its okay to take breaks! and yet i often end up not doing it and i overwork myself on games and art and other things.

there's... a lot of things "wrong" with me that i don't have names for yet, especially due to not having a diagnosis for them, but they're very real feelings and they cause me to be unable to do things a lot of the time. various mental blocks and a new member of the gang... physical pai! hooray.

this... endless productivity we are forced and expected to do. it can take a toll on you. breaks are just as necessary and to say it's a thing that has to be re-learned is... sickening. hooray for living in a Corporate (clash) society, fellas.

one thing i can say is that i absolutely headcanon that cathal has adhd - though, maybe not the same type i do. i do not think he gets randomly hyper and wants to (and does) jump around everywhere and blurt things out randomly and impulsively. cathal here has the low energy, yknow.

i like that a lot of the content around him doesnt even describe him with the words "lazy" and "sleepy" instead.

every day is the same... even if his job is relatively simple, just watching over the camera feed - it's definitely boring... and having to do it every day is not rewarding. and being mostly alone and without consequence, he gives into wanting to do something else. he's got these huge screens and a room to himself, and he loves watching shows and cartoons... so he's gonna do that. it's more fun. it's stimulating. and especially with his dad being the one to give him his position, he knows that he's got nothing to really worry about there.

i also think it's a bit hard to be motivated knowing that... this war between the cogs and toons is just. endless. hell, again, he has to see his dad *everyday* be attacked by them. his body damaged after the fall - only to be fixed again. rinse and repeat. i would too, find it pointless. especially if you're like cathal, since i pointed out before that he is very kind and caring towards the other cogs. he's also thoughtful, noting that yknow... a lot of stairs to get to his room.

why do all that when you can chill... and feel good. do something that feels nice...

i don't have any names for this, but with how sleepy he usually is, that's definitely a thing to consider too. and just, from experience... being tired and/or sleepy it... dismotivates you even more. its so hard to start tasks even if you *want* to do them. and considering cathal mooost likely doesn't want to do his work on his own - then these tasks can be just. impossible to start.

like, i have struggled with this my entire life myself, just because of my adhd screwing with everything, but after getting covid and most definitely getting a form of chronic exhaustion from it.. things have been even harder. i pull myself through day and i barely have the energy to even start anything. sometimes i dont even do anything all day and... woops! still no mood or energy to do anything. i just work on random bursts of motivation and things that captivate me...

not sure how it relates to cathal, but, hey, if im personal here ill ramble about it too because WOW it has been biting me in the ass and i need to speak to Professionals About It

like... i dont think hes being "lazy" willingly, yknow? theres a reason behind it. it definitely is just... being sleepy, the comfort... the fun and stimulation doing something fun he's interested in (his shows) are just... stronger desires and way easier for him to get to. why struggle through something when it takes up all your energy, and then you feel no reward for it? yeah. exactly. even just "not feeling like it" is a reson. "not having energy" is a reason. hey, are these things to get better about if needed? certainly. i wish i could get help with this, it would help me in my life so so much. but should it be seen as ENTIRELY negative and as being a "hinder to society". hell nah. and i think thats swag. cathal is swag he can do this, good for him lmaooo. my brain is deteriorating i apologize.

there was... another thing i wanted to say, but i forgot. so i'll move on.

but just... yeah. i dont think cathal is just lazy. i dont believe in "laziness". he's got reasons for why he prefers naps and just... watching tv instead of doing his work. perhaps he does want to do these things, but gave up on trying. its not worth the effort, it does not feel good. its not stimulating enough to keep him going.

#long #ramble #cathalposting #i...may delete this later i dont know. i both wanna talk to ppl i know about this #but also Do Not Percieve me. I am Afraid Of What People Think #Stay Back Foul Beasts !#alsoy eah i had other stuff to talk about...more on the negative side i guess but??? its. a bit difficult to #give and .. angstier things? negative thoughts? to a character who you see a lot of comfort in. they make you happy #they help you feel better about yourself. you want to see them happy. if theyre happy #youre happy. if theyre sad...well. you are sad. sadness is natural. its a real thing. it happens sometimes. its a part of life #and i have attached some of these things to cathal already. but a few things are hard for me to consider because of The Brain Worms.#i dont want to see him hurt either yknow.#anyways i hope you enjoyer my mental illness ramble. im not normal and you shouldve known that when you followed me #thank you for existing cathal ray toby braveswag #hey fun fact remember how i said i get tired of stuff myself easily well this whole thing made me tired. i was gonna #answer an ask but now im like. man. (melts into a puddle)#(doesnt take a break bc i need instant stimulation and makes things worse for myself)#do yall see why i like cathal so much now gamers?#ya. sorry this got personal. if any of you can handle reading this u deserve a reward.#and maybe i need to start talking about personal things this much. but whatever #this is my blog i can talk about anything and thats the COOL THING!#MWAHAHAHHAHAHA!#dies #ivegot a lot going on in my brain rn cant u tell

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mirrortouchedsea · 4 months

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getting motivated to work on that kaokana fic finally and i have added like 1k this week.... so much progress for me i'm so happy

#not writing #shay speaks #not guaranteeing the next chapter will be soon i'm still unsure #of when i want to end this one and start the next #but this one is only like.... 2k words right now?#okay google docs says its 1.4k words rn so yeah #we are making progress i'm hoping to get 4k or so at least before i decide to start ch4 #and then i have to edit it and all that jazz obviously.... but augh i'm just happy to be working on this again #and i edited my bb fic a lot today since my beta has given feedback on like 7 pages of that #AND i quit my job at joanns so i should go back to working only 5 days a week instead of 6 #and maybe i can get more motivation to write. i think part of why i'm writing more is the fact that i qui t aamfpdiosd #i am already feeling better knowing there is an end in sight to these 6 day weeks #my boss was chill about it she understands and i'm not going to like #slack off just bc i put in my 2 weeks #but yeah. thats my life update ig mapsdfiomsdpifodjs #big bang fic is looking very nice so far after edits and i'm excited to get that out #again its probably going to be split in two idk if i want to try and finish it before whenever i end up getting to post #mostly cuz like. idk i'm probably still like 4k out from finishing it and noooooo thank u. maybe another day #it's at the word count minimum though thats what matters

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kalofi · 2 years

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taking all my willpower not to give in to ur stupidly cute and funny art and god forbid, watch one piece. it's just too long.

THATS COMPLETELY FAIR I WAS THE SAME WAY and then one day (May 11. i remember the exact date) i finally said “fuck it we ball” and sat down to watch the first couple episodes and. well look at me now. i live and breath one piece its quite unfortunate

#watching it with someone else i feel just makes it that much better #i started by myself then got my brother to join for a bit and now i watch w my roommates #the sheer amount of content is so massive and intimidating that its a turn off for a lot of potential watchers #WHICH I GET. I UNDERSTAND. god its so much #but once u start it traps you like i couldnt get out if i tried. theres just so much to love #also a lot to hate but u gotta take the good with the bad #i havent been this obsessed w a piece of media since my bnha days. and i think this one is even stronger #anyway whether u watch or dont its up to u! but if u decide u want to i hope u have fun❤️#i know i am☺️#kalofi’s asks

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nulltune · 2 years

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ngl i do not trust the fate canon or fandom with hakuno. i'll try to keep this brief (1/47586)

SVCKSBCJ I'M KIDDING but yeah to me canon to me seems stuck in between treating hakuno as a character of her own but also a self insert even though the entire Point of her character was becoming a person of her own. this is especiaally prominent in later instalments methinks (the way they don't even refer to her by her name "hakuno kishinami" in her character description and just call her "master" or "heroine"....... some crimes cannot be forgiven actually-) so, well, i'll still try to keep up to date on canon hakuno content but i lost hope in it ever feeding me the hakuno content i crave 💔

sO YEAH BASICALLY I DECIDE 2 BE THE CHANGE I WANT 2 SEE IN THE WORLD canon is the blueprint but i'm gonna write hakuno with my own personal interpretation + hcs n_n 💖 i still love the canon content we get, don't get me wrong, but i will most definitely be cherrypicking to my liking! this isn't really a big notice but i just felt like saying it 😳 also if you ever want to interact or just know more about MY interpretation of hakuno, then my blog's got all ya need tbh!! me gently taking your hands away from actual fate canon like haha yes ^_^ so what do u wanna know about this moon girl? also honestly if u wanna know more abt her just message me ❤️ I WOULD BE MOAR THAN HAPPY 2 TALK SLASH RAMBLE

#&&. out of #I KNOWWWW i make it veeery obvious that i'm hc-based but like T_T idk i just feel the need to... give a disclaimer #and my h.akuno's all sorts of separate from canon Maybe she could be considered an oc (WHICH I WOULD BE SO PROUD OF OFC) but like #naur i'm just here hoping to do her justice 😔👏 i love her character sm she is so important 2 meee #i've been looking thru my ref/notes of canon stuff so that's why i've been screeching abt this I LOVE HER SM FRFR 😭😭😭#definitely making my h.akuno first game based methinks ... maybe post-e.xtra and set a bit after she survives the war #but def not sth like e.xtella Bye 💀#most of my mutuals aren't very familiar with h.akuno's canon anyway WHICH IS MORE THAN OKAY- i gotchu bbygirls (gender neutral)#i'm working on writing a post of the stuff h.akuno's been thru (but more general and less..... f.ate sgjfhsjf) 2 let u kno <33 #sorry i'm repetitive but i genuinely love her character sm 🥺🥺 the way the events have a clear effect on her personality and u see the way #she learns to understand herself through understanding others and is genuinely such a selfless and kind person despite all she's been thru #but also obviously has a Lot of baggage and a lot of room for development.. she's not perfect but is still trying her best ;__;#I LOVE HER SM U DESERVE SM BETTER BBYGIRLLLL 😭😭😭😭😭#anyway i'll shut up now sgsckshkfjd #STAN H.AKUNO !!!!!

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