#i just really needed to vent and get it off my chest

[eminsunnytoons123]

(disclaimer: this is some vents I really need to get off my chest.. And this is only for all my besties, Sisters, Brothers, pen pals And girlfriend like in my tumblr family....)

Last night, I had a horrible dream where I was chocked by what I did to my blue haired aunt on march this year... Let me explain, so clearly I was just in a Dark room in that dream, where suddenly some hands started chocking me to death And kept saying: "this is your fault", "you started this, Emi. Not danni", "YOU'RE OBSSESIVE!", "you're overly clingy", "we dont love you anymore..." And then I tried to scream in that dream but then I suddenly woke up and started crying quietly..... Like, And im trying to recover from this whole fucking situation...

And I ALMOST came to the point where I nearly hated my blue haired aunt now.. And im fucking tired of my five past besties trying to tell me what to do And telling me some "rules" like im a baby...

Im sorry, y'all... (⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)

And the second vent is that im tired of some men constantly trying to hit on trans women, And im fucking tired of People making fun of transgender People And misgendering them for fun.... And Im fucking tired of my IRL family still calling me by female prounouns... Okay yeah I did say that I dont really mind female prounouns, but I more prefer male prounouns And the name Emin....

Im again fucking sorry, y'all....

And I wanna cry so bad right now, im not doing this for comfort or guilt tripping, im now fucking serious. And I want my tumblr family to know that Im tired of this situation...

And again, I wanna let all my family members from my tumblr family to know this like:

@splashy900 @kxllboii @cheezekennith @aquamarine-dream-queen @dayzsaclark @oscarandgrinchfan @moshywoosh @ilovescaredysquirrel2 @nuggetaubrey @sharkyy599 @nightkit92 @familyoffood @mysafespaceblog13 @thelazzyblogzz @sugar-miss1 @shrimpathizer @shypeachrunaway @iggyguyy @sophia-does-skits @typical-sophie @peaceforpeople @ben5569 @xxkurosakutisaxxaltofshitaccount @ducktoonz903707 @artismeyou-12 @blackstar044 @acen402 @walt-diego-rodriguez @nia1sworld @rumplestiltsbear @s4gefr0g @beeware-of-lulu @leafith @bluebird-in-a-cagedrawing

And again... IM NOT DOING THIS FOR COMFORT OR GUILT TRIP!! IM FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!!! I WANT THEM TO KNOW THAT IM TIRED OF THIS SITUATION BETWEEN ME AND MY BLUE HAIRED AUNT....

#emin rambles #vent

[blackbirdffxiv]

.

You ever just kinda try and integrate yourself into a space, esp a roleplay centric discord, try and make friends and be nice, and "be yourself". The place preaches good vibes

But every slight thing you say feels like it's put under a microscope??

Your entire character is scrutinized because they had some poor experiences in the past, despite them not even knowing how you write your character or roleplay, let alone having ANY connection with the offenders in question?

Your entire personality feels like it's gonna be put on a chopping block because you don't agree with everything they say

You feel every little thing you say or do is going to be met with judgement, ridicule or disgusting comments in the background because you're not "part of the inner circle"?

This is why I don't really interact with the roleplay community. Because it feels like in many spaces I do go? I'll get treated like I don't belong despite me trying to interact with folks.

If I don't get judged for the character I play, I feel judged because I don't typically agree with a lot of the things a majority of my "community" says. Because a lot of the shit I hear on the daily comes from judgmental people who have absolutely NO reason to throw stones while living in glass houses.

Maybe I'm overreacting, or maybe my anxiety, or god help me, my other mental issues, is making me feel this way. I could be overreacting for all I know because of my past issues.

All I know is in one or two spaces I occupy I try and be social in, I just feel nothing but the worst parts of the community trying to ice me out of it.

#OOC #mun ramblings #ooc: negative ramblings #Don't mind me apparently I've been sipping the depresso espresso today #I just needed to get some things off my chest because it's been bothering me for a while #And now I'm gonna go take a depression nap #I'm sorry to bring my issues to tumblr but I have no where else to really vent because everyone I can vent to are a part of these said spac

[holedyke]

of course the night i need to get to bed at a reasonable hour bc i have a early rise is ruined by my own brain working me up into a complete meltdown 😵‍💫 i am a prisoner to myselfffff

#i feel so so bad. tbh #tw for child abuse but i need to vent #i was watching a rlly good doc series on behavioral schools for teens which are pretty horrific and even though i never went through #anything like that. but just hearing the subjects from the doc talk about how they feel ruined after being destroyed like that as kids just #has me really emotional and i cant stop thinking about it bc i feel the same way i feel like ill never be who i could have or should have #been but what i went through just ruined me and ill never be okay i just feel fragile and mournful of myself i know nothing could have #saved me like its some big cosmic joke on me. and i never did anything to deserve that #no kid does amd yet it fucking happens and it happened to me witj zero repercussions which is almost what hurts the most #i just feel like a goddamn blubbering mess with a knawing black pit in my heart and i am never going to get to sleep at this point. #fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk i just for once would like to feel okay about my past and my future like is this the me that ill always be? #broken and blubbering? fuck it feels awful. anyway. prob delete later but i just needed it off my chest #h

[aliens-took-my-iwa-chan]

I cant believe this teacher who is new at our school took over my whole club *that I made*, started doing everything her way, and is now making people run for president.

like hello??? I did all of this last year. I ran every single club meeting, came up with activities, did all the paperwork, advertised at club rush and during summer break, and literally started this club from the ground up. and now she thinks she can walk in here, take charge, and change everything without asking me once???

well. lets hope people vote for me to be president this year. because if they dont she successfully took my own club away from me.

#sorry I never make this vent posts #I try really hard for my blog to always be a positive space #but im so tired #i just. need a second to get this off my chest #if the negativity bugs anyone pls lmk and ill delete this and not do it again

[mustangs-flames]

.

#struggling to sleep augh #i think today (now yesterday) really messed with me #like. i'm so used to hearing mark now that my deadname is just disjointed #i don't hate my old name. not at all. but that person isn't me. not anymore #and having to be them again was... tiring #and so uncomfortable #sorry for rambling/venting #just needed to get it off my chest i guess

[dreamerlynx]

.

#sigh. puts up the barricades please I do not want to see d.nf on my dash #and again I do have it super filtered #I’m just soooo tired every little thing being HARD LAUNCH HARD LAUNCH until the next thing bc of course that didn’t happen #and life went on as usual #look I get it I’m the minority I’m aroace and easily exhausted by shipping esp real ppl shipping #but it’s times like this I miss the lore fandom bc man the complete focus on platonic dynamics and relationships was so nice #look if they ever actually say they’re dating I guess I’ll eat my words but so far I am not getting the sense that that will ever happen #and so it is extremely annoying to want to follow drm fans and get 90% of One Single Ship #and no sap except as third wheel for said ship #sorry I’m the only one who seems to not care abt George 😭😭 not in a bad way just. he’s fine and funny sometimes I guess but #I Just Don’t Care. and also another thing I need to get off my chest #why do ppl act like George is really shady and passive aggressive and ‘oh he should interact w X person who wronged drm he’d ROAST THEM!’ #like huh #George is one of the most Don’t talk about anything be vague be private ppl ever #I’m not saying he hasn’t had his moments of public support for drm but I just don’t get it #(it’s probably because he’s so vague and noncommittal that fans can just project their own feelings onto him) #sigh anyway I’m done that makes me feel better a bit #no tags just venting #<- it’s funny that became my venting tag now that I only vent in tags #bc some things such as this I am afraid to even put under read more lol

[hes-a-real-n0where-man]

So, yesterday my teacher allowed us to play music through the interactive white board, and guess what?

I played Depeche Mode! :D

People Are People and Everything Counts!!!

but..... in the middle of Everything Counts, I heard someone behind my back say "what the hell is this song..."

Like... leave your fucking opinion to yourself. I don't complain when you play some kind of a pointless rap with millions of curse words in it

And the worst part...... none of them knew Depeche Mode...

What the actual hell????

Not even- NOT EVEN DEPECHE MODE??!?!!

LIKE I THINK THAT THEY WERE AND STILL ARE POPULAR ENOUGH RIGHT???!!!?!

I swear all they knew is drake and kanye west or whatever the fuck you spell it

Like I always say like "nah I won't judge your music taste- but I will.

I fucking will.

Not an 80's song? You're done

Or a song that's not from the 80's bands/singers that continued to make music till this day? BANED

You might as well just hate me now, I really don't care

It just really pisses me off 'cause everyday there's today's music shoved in front of my face and I'm so fricking done with it

#vent post #I really fucking needed to get this off my chest #I'm gonna be SO HAPPY when I finally leave this god forsaken school #THE ONLY PEOPLE IM GONNA MISS ARE THE TEACHERS #NO ONE ELSE #depeche mode #okay I might have been a little bit too mean #I just had a bad day okay

[monokumis]

Communication is so important in relationships. I know I’ve struggled with it before in the past because I was made to feel like I was making things up or getting ignored. But if you tell me you value communication, I expect you to actually listen to me when I communicate with you. Do not play the victim, do not say I am unfairly judging you, if there is an issue I will come to you and say it. I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t think you could improve and become a better person. I poured my all into you and loved you so much, what a shame that you never cared half as much as I did and hated me for even trying. I’m doing the responsible thing of realizing enough is enough and that I need to let you go, even if it hurts. I refuse to stay in an abusive relationship with someone who can’t communicate why they hate me. As much as I hate what you did to me, I also realized my own self worth. I shouldn’t let others walk all over me just so they won’t leave, so they’ll like me. My life has so much more value than that. I went into this relationship hating myself, but I’m leaving it now full of love for both myself and the people in my life who want and appreciate my love. I’m so grateful to them, and I’m grateful to you for showing me how much other people love me. I’d wish you the best in life, but you already had it.

#Vent #I usually don’t vent online because I don’t want it to seem like I’m talking bad about another person because I hate doing that #But I really did need to get this off my chest. I was hurt horribly by a group of people who I thought I could trust and love #But they never wanted my love #they never communicated that with me #so I stayed #But I now know I was never appreciated #I’m going to move on and find something better for myself #I already have so many people who love me and want the best for me #and I am eternally grateful to them #I refuse to be someone who never changes because I am afraid of change #if I am the problem #I will work on improving myself #I just hope you can do the same for yourself

[ashtraysystem]

disclaimer: i obviously do not condone being bitchy about someone potentially faking a disorder unless it is genuinely harmful. to me fakeclaiming is just. stupid.

I find it very interesting that when I watch videos of people with tic disorders, I usually tic as well when the tics are real.

like, you know the types of people who will fake it for attention? all of the ones who ended up being confirmed fakers are people who, when i've seen their videos about their tics i do not tic when watching (usually when i see them i dont know and then do more research on the person bc of seeing comments and such). however seeing others videos as well as in real life of tics where the tics are real i end up ticcing more or in response to other's tics.

i just find it very interesting that i dont typically get the feedback loop from those who are faking tics.

#i just needed to get this off my chest #hopefully it doesnt come across poorly? #bc like #i dont really care if people fake it or not #like i care but i dont #if it doesnt affect me or the people around me then meh whatever #its just interesting how my body reacts to others #there could always be those anomalies where they are ticcing for a different reason and for some reason my body doesnt echo it #vent #ramble #tourette syndrome #tourettes #tic disorder

[saturnetal]

i get the people who are like “hey the fact that a lot of autistic-coded characters are robots/aliens/otherwise non-human is dangerous and teaches people that autistic people are Other and therefore unworthy of basic human dignity and respect” but like. when i spend the vast majority of my life feeling inhuman and lost and alone and misplaced and like I’M an alien or a robot just trying my best (and constantly failing miserably) to cosplay as a functional human being, it can be comforting to see a character that’s Just Like Me Fr who is quite literally non-human. idk maybe that’s weird but like… it’s nice to think “I’m not Wrong or Broken. I’m just Something Else.”

and like. i understand i am actually a human being. i just feel like i’m spectacularly bad at being one and wish i wasn’t.

#my d&d character is a heavily autistic-coded Warforged #and my DM keeps giving me opportunities to port him to an organic body #but i don’t want to. i like being a robot and not a person. it’s comforting #and i feel like nobody at my table gets that even though several of them are also neurospicy in some capacity #i just feel so alone and broken even among other neurodiverse people #and it’s really wearing on me lately #this post brought to you by Alien by AViVA and Machine Learning by J. Maya #actually autistic #adhd #neurodiverse #i would apologize for my first real text post being a vent but i just needed to get this off my chest #and i have literally nowhere else to put it #text post #vent

[chloeseyeliner]

it's my birthday in two weeks.

not a very me way to start a post, i swear i am not doing it for wishes or anything like that, if anyone ever sees this in the first place; i was just writing some very personal things down in my journal (if i can call it such, it's a mess of thoughts and random rants in there really, no structure whatsoever) tonight, and as i was reminiscing my teenage years, seeing that they are conventionally and socially coming to an end soon, i wanted to do something kind of meaningful, instead of just hating my birthday and the weeks before it and being sad all the time like i have done since like. ever. i think?? i remember almost nothing i did or felt before i was eleven. which happens. so. i know my blog is tiny, but for me, it's kind of a great importance to do this right now.

disclaimer: i am not here to give advice to anyone who ever comes across this post. this is not what my role is. that would be sort of unfair, dare i say, since all people experience life differently, even when facing the same situations. <3

so, without further ado, here's ten things i "learnt"/want to tell myself (and maybe another person who might need to hear some of it) before i turn twenty:

(cw: kind of vague and not so vague mentions to mental health in general + some religion things)

1. you don't have to wear this paricular t-shirt in this particular size if it doesn't fit you- there are many different colours and various sizes out there for you to try on, and if you feel uncomfortable sometimes, here, take this jacket. the t-shirt is not going anywhere. it's just being protected, guarded from the outside world, but not your heart. never from your heart.

a. this was both metaphorical and literal.

2. you are not a freak for secretly wishing everything will eventually magically work out like they do in the books you love to be consumed of, kid. you were just a kid with many hopes and dreams. it was fine. it is fine.

3. you didn't have to pretend to like this guy and actually confess your "feelings" to him in middle school just because everyone else was entering relationships that lasted a week and kissed in the school bathroom. but you did. and it's fine. because it was an experience worth having. you needed to dive into the freezing water to actually wake up and start your journey with much, much more than you had in your suitcase even ten seconds ago.

4. on that note, yes, most of the times, when you are queer in a small, rural, christian, balkan town, you don't get many chances of living your truth loudly. but you grew up with all these realisations, which may have seemed terrifying at first, but you did have them, you did question, you did fell in love with someone you weren't supposed to, even from afar, being on your own. i am proud of you, kid.

5. you are not "crazy" for "being too political". you are not a coward for being quiet because you were scared of all this glaring and all these daggers sometimes either. you were younger. now you know a little better.

6. it's okay if you don't look up at the person (or, in your case, god) who used to consume your every thought of awe and admiration anymore, the person (or god) who was the picture next to the definition of "perfection" in your dictionary. people and times change. not everything has to be black and white. swim a little in the gray. do a freestyle once in a while- the butterfly is impressive, but nothing feels like floating around and testing the waters. nothing can compare to the freedom of all this simplicity.

7. your life isn't lost yet just because your mind was either too fast or too slow to keep up with the present. yes, the present shall be cherished- it's a natural gift, it's in the word itself after all. but it's not all over just due to the fact you move across the brain town every other day. you need to push and pull doors. open and close windows. find hands that offer themselves to you- there is at least one person out there who won't take them away when you try to reach them. but you'll find your way. i promise you.

8. you didn't have to raise yourself at some point- or many points, it doesn't matter, though. you didn't have to raise others either. always the listener, never the heard. always the talker, still never the heard. but, for whatever reason (or various reasons), it happened. give yourself a chance. a pat on the back. start taking this weight off your shoulders piece by piece. does it feel any better when you do so? yeah?

9. you don't have to be embarrassed of your interests. of singing an interesting variety of genres every sunday afternoon, during the designated listening to music time. of being excited over your favourite show. of gasping in shock when something unexpected happens in the pages of your current read. of being overwhelmed in the best way possible when entering the cinema or a theatre or a library or a museum, or when walking down the park. of wanting to learn more about this particular historical figure because you couldn't at school, being the perfectionist you are. of trying to write and almost always failing. of tearing up upon seeing a beautiful art piece. of tearing up or crying in general. no one is judging you. and if they are, that's their own issue to address. breathe in. breathe out. you are more than your bad thoughts.

10. slow down, you crazy child/ you're so ambitious for a juvenile/ but then, if you're so smart, tell me/ why are you still so afraid?/ where's the fire, what's the hurry about?/ you better cool it off before you burn it out/ you got so much to do and only/ so many hours in a day...

<3

sorry.

i might delete it later. i might not. i hate being so open, especially on the internet, but all this anonymity gave me an opportunity. and i seized it. plus, i spared all the details. so.

**sigh**

#vent #vent? ish? #i don't know #birthday #birthday blues #so i blow out the candles etc etc #yes i just made a list #so agcd coded of me i know #(as the years go by i realise i am literally him) #(without the extraversion bit i could never) #also i am not being self-centered here #i really needed to get this off my chest #so that maybe another person can see it and realise they are not alone #and i know people have it way worse than me #but yeah #also i am not a swimmer i don't even know why water is such a thing here lol #*swimmer AND i don't #sorry for the simple speech it's like almost three am here #(which means it's almost four am because it's the day when it changes but oh well)

[holyguardian]

I have posted about it before and I promise I’m not beating a dead topic. Turns out my cyberstalker did in fact get hold of one of my blog roll posts and followed blogs they previously hadn’t latched onto, they accidentally (or purposely) liked a post of mine from their current hub and I identified @ofthebones as being their OC and the avatar picture that previously outed them once before. DO NOT approach or interact with them, DO NOT make yourself a target because they will do the exact same stuff to you. Obviously I have them blocked and if I get any weirdness I’ll follow my normal pathway of locking down IMs, not allowing anonymous asks and escalating as far as I need to for my blogs to remain a safe space.

Their first blog name was @yzrch and they religiously followed Genesis and Sephiroth blogs to seek roleplays without being upfront about what they wanted until PLATONIC bonds had been established. All along they wanted a version of hardcore not safe for work that I am uninterested in, I personally do not write porn for the sake of porn there needs to be a deep connection for me coupled with writing with a trusted partner. I note this because it seems they have resurfaced again, this is a small post of my own that reflects what I went through at the time and this is another post from a completely unrelated blog which shows what kind of person this cyberstalker is. After the fact they created a new blog under a new name, were just this extremely sweet person to chat with and eventually I gave them my discord because they pretended to be someone else. I had no reason to question this new person until they revealed themselves with a red flag and a new discord avatar that outed who they were. That was a fucking insane lived experience let me tell you.

It’s unfair behaviour to follow someone maliciously, let alone for six years. This person had an irrational reaction to me roleplaying with other people. They were incredibly rude regarding other female OCs my Genesis blog had interacted with and when I said I was no longer interested in writing with them because of their behaviour they went nuclear and created new blog after new blog to keep bypassing blocks so that they could say increasingly nasty shit and it thoroughly ruined my experience with roleplaying Genesis (their obsession) and I took some years off Tumblr to instead write with my best friend on Discord. Slandering other writing partners was the climax, there was weeks to months of them alluding to roleplays I wasn’t comfortable with, I expressed my discomfort, but they kept ignoring that and talking in circles trying to force something. That was six years ago and they still keep tabs on me and evidently want to somehow be back in my circle for reasons unknown.

I felt like I couldn’t connect my blogs and when I finally do that, they resurface and pull their shit again. And for a long time (even now) I felt anxious about forming connections with other writers. Me holding people at arms length isn’t a you-thing it’s a me-thing. Hell, BLOCKING people which is the most rational step in a bad situation is also a crime but also seen as a challenge to some people.

So when blogs post things like please don’t bypass a hard block, it isn’t because all of us are “🥺👉👈 shy” or “we don’t know how to communicate”, it’s because we know what a shitshow looks like and we don’t want a repeat.

#out of flowers #cyberstalking #drama #trust me when I say I am anti-drama #I have had irrational bullshit with yzrch and a FFVIII Seifer writer and that's my cold tea #one because I roleplayed with other people #the other because I blocked them for using ''their salt'' to attack people in side chat vent channels and voice chats #and both of them continue to bypass blocks like it's olympic hurdles #now I'm closing this chapter because I just really needed to get it off my chest

[dragongirltongue]

kinda hating these polls a6out specific 6ranches of transgender that are just full of mainstream characters who are only popularly headcanon'd that way while there are plenty of indie projects with plenty of actually trans characters who could more than fill out the ranks of a popularity contest.

#6aaah #I just need to get this off my chest #dou6le making sure this is not re6logga6le #please don't explain why it's the case or whatever I just need to vent a6out this as someone working on an indie project full of gender #like it's kinda disheartening you feel #I'm a huge fan of trans 6oy danny phantom for example 6ut like #not gonna include him 6efore Victor Hargreeves on a list of trans superheroes #considering one is actually trans in official media and the other is just a popular headcanon #seen some lists even explain why they exclude canon choices for headcanon choices and it's just kinda #don't like this #not saying any of the specific polls this is a6out #I really just needed to say something so it stope marinating in my 6rain

[friendrat]

I just found out that my sister and a bunch of cousins and aunts got together over the weekend, and no one said anything to me.

Like... I get that I live a bit out of the way, and it's harder for me to get to things like that. I get that I'm like 10 years younger than my sister and said cousins. But still... what the heck?! Why wouldn't someone at least say something instead of me finding out about this "lovely family get together" on Facebook after the fact? This isn't the first time that this sort of thing has happened, and it hurts. It hurts that I'm always excluded.

I always end up getting excluded or feeling like I was added as an afterthought. And why? I just don't get it! Am I just that forgettable that no one even remembers me unless I'm right in front of their face? I miss Acacia... I wouldn't have been an afterthought to her. But now I just have to wonder how much of this is just me reading too much into something because of insecurities from losing her, or if I'm really justified in feeling excluded from my own family... and I just... I don't know. It just hurts.

#personal #venting #hurting #ugly crying #sunrise twin thoughts #i needed to get this off my chest #i just really don't even know what to say to my sister because im sure she has no idea i feel like this #i don't even know where to start