#been but what i went through just ruined me and ill never be okay i just feel fragile and mournful of myself i know nothing could have

[holedyke]

of course the night i need to get to bed at a reasonable hour bc i have a early rise is ruined by my own brain working me up into a complete meltdown 😵‍💫 i am a prisoner to myselfffff

#i feel so so bad. tbh #tw for child abuse but i need to vent #i was watching a rlly good doc series on behavioral schools for teens which are pretty horrific and even though i never went through #anything like that. but just hearing the subjects from the doc talk about how they feel ruined after being destroyed like that as kids just #has me really emotional and i cant stop thinking about it bc i feel the same way i feel like ill never be who i could have or should have #been but what i went through just ruined me and ill never be okay i just feel fragile and mournful of myself i know nothing could have #saved me like its some big cosmic joke on me. and i never did anything to deserve that #no kid does amd yet it fucking happens and it happened to me witj zero repercussions which is almost what hurts the most #i just feel like a goddamn blubbering mess with a knawing black pit in my heart and i am never going to get to sleep at this point. #fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk i just for once would like to feel okay about my past and my future like is this the me that ill always be? #broken and blubbering? fuck it feels awful. anyway. prob delete later but i just needed it off my chest #h

[dwntwn-strnlo]

can i get friends to lovers w chris 😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏 maybe inspired by the song fearless if possible (i love your work btw 💗💗💗)

thank you so much! aint even gonna lie i forgot you requested a song until i was like halfway through the fic but ill 100% write a fic inspired by fearless! love you! 🩷🫶

HERE chris sturniolo

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 𝓈𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓁𝓎, dwntwn-strnlo.

↳ 𝐀/𝐍. not me crying 😝 but this is sooo me and crush #1 fr

↳ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. christopher sturniolo x reader

↳ 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘. request!

↳ 𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃? yes!

WE BACK BABYYYY

everyone had started catching on to it. the way you and chris always were together, always finding excuses to 'accidentally' touch each other, always in your own conversations, it would be hard not to notice.

you've just never acted on it out of pure fear that chris doesn't see you like that. and those few words of affection could ruin your relationship as quick as you said them.

so ultimately hiding your out of control feelings, you slowly grew quiet the longer the school year went on. you believed that your love would eventually disintegrate. but it unknowingly just hurt you more and more each passing day.

it just never crossed your mind that other people would notice how hurt you seemed, especially chris.

"hey- y/n?"

chris' voice scared you. you had been scrolling mindlessly on tiktok, completely spacing that you were in the triplets living room.

"hm?" you hum, turning to look at the boy.

the look of panic in his eyes was unsettling, "are you alright?" he asks, setting his phone face down on the table beside him. clearly adverting all of his attention to you, and only you.

you furrow your eyebrows, also turning your phone to the rough fabric of the couch. "what do you mean?"

he shrugs, diverting his eyes for a second. thinking of what words he wants out in the air. "i said your name three or four times before actually getting to you." you cant help but notice the linger of a frown against his eyes. he hid the emotion well on his lips, but probably didn't think about the rest of his manner; and how much it radiated unto you.

"you just seem really out of it and that worries me." chris looks back to you, his eyes desperately searching yours.

"oh," you mumble. not meaning to let your voice drop as much as it does. sitting just above a whisper. "sorry, i'm just a little lost these days." you laugh lightly, but frown when chris' contagious laugh doesn't intertwine with yours.

he looks down at his shoes, before sighing, actually letting his frown peak through this time. you watch hesitantly as he scoots over to sit next to you.

its hard to hold back your slight change in breathing when your hands are lifted up and twisted in to his. you have no idea what he's going to say or even do because neither of you are really good at communicating hard feelings to each other, let alone yourselves.

"yeah? talk to me." a comforting smile creeps up against his lips, trying to give you all the assurance he possibly could. cocking his head ever so slightly to the side, he mutters a sweet; "let me help you figure this out," as he rubs the back of your hand with his thumb.

you want to laugh right in his face. how could you talk to chris about chris?

"i'm fine," you say, smiling at the boy. but its obvious in the fact that he doesn't believe you. his thumb stops in its place, and his previous ghost of a smile disappears.

he furrows his brows, "i don't understand why you're lying to me."

that hurt. you don't want to lie to chris, but its your only alible option right now. saying your okay and pushing him away seems like a way easier path than letting yourself fall loose and telling your best friend how you were unconditionally, and irrevocably in love with him.

"i'm not-"

"stop." he sighs, quickly cutting you off. "just talk to me, kid. i don't get why you don't trust me."

a sad laugh escapes your lungs as you turn your head, looking away from chris. "i do trust you. its not that." it hurt lying to chris like this, if confessing was so simple, you would've done it already and you wouldn't be in this situation. but its not. its really really hard.

chris audibly sucks in a breath, squeezing your hands. "then what is it?" his voice is honestly heartbreaking. anxiety rippling through his gentle tone as he tries to figure out how to help you. "you know you can tell me anything."

"i'm always here for you." he mumbles.

little did you know those were the five words you needed the most. your reaction was slow but you couldn't help but notice the prickle in your eyes. dangerous waves of tears ready to fall and stain your cheeks.

dropping your head onto christopher's shoulder, you were ready to just sob. you wanted nothing more than to cry in his arms, let it all out. but you weren't ready to let your guard down.

his arms snake around your torso, pulling you close to his chest as his hands gently rub your back. "its alright. let it out." he whispered against your neck.

"chris. . . ?" your breath is shaky, but you know what you want to do. building up as much confidence as possible, you replay the same words in your head over and over until they spill out.

he hums, silently signaling for you to continue.

"would it be crazy to say i love you?"

chris stops running his hands up and down your spine. this action immediately puts warning signs in your head. you immediately resorted to the idea that he doesn't feel the same way. you put in all this effort and he doesn't think of you the way you thought of him for so many years.

surprised to feel his grip on you tighten, he shakes his head. "well call me crazy, because i love you too."

suddenly you let out a choked back sob. burrying your face into his shoulder. you shouldve stopped crying, your just confusing yourself as much as your probably confusing chris.

his lips press lightly against the side of your head. "i love you so much."

"i love you chris." you mumble, trying to hold back your tears.

"your okay. . . ." he whispers, "i'm right here."

a/n TWO; did anyone catch that twilight reference

TAGLIST

@slvt444smvt @thetriplets3 @p1harmonydelulu @stxrniqlo @ifilwtmfc @iha8you @oneirophobic @20nugs

#christopher sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo #anonymous! #ask #request

[iknowyuu]

who’s home?

non-idol!choi beomgyu x reader

// reader's guardians unexpectedly come home in the middle of a cuddle session.

tags: cuddling, beomgyu sneaking out through a window

note: hope you like!!! will proofread in the morning <3 *never does it*

♡

you giggled at the joke your boyfriend made, wrapping yourself in his arms. you shivered at the feeling of his breath next to your ear, chest warming at the way he laughed at your shiver.

the two of you were under the comforter in your bed, cuddling to escape the cold weather. you were in between his legs, laying back on his chest while his back rested on your bed frame. your guardian(s) had promised to be out all day due to an event, and for you, that meant you’d have the house to yourself. so, what better way to spend it than with your boyfriend?

“mwah! mwah! mwah!” you giggled once more at the way he placed over exaggerated kisses onto your neck, his bangs tickling your cheekbones. “stoooopppp,” you whined. he knew you didn’t really want him to.

the two of you were having so much fun, so why did three loud knocks have to ruin it? knock knock knock.

you froze. beomgyu froze. suddenly, you heard keys jingling and the sounds of the front door unlocking.

“oh my god,” you jumped up and out of his lap, quickly running to slam your bedroom door. “[name]? is that you?” someone called from the front of the house.

“you have to hide! now!” you whispered harshly. you run back towards him and aggressively pull him off the bed, pushing him towards your closet. “i thought they went to an event for the night!” he whispered equally as aggressively, his eyebrows scrunched as he opens your closet door. “i know, i thought that too!! im sorry! ill make it up to you beomie, just please hide.” he pouts at you and closes the closet door behind him just as your guardian opens the your door.

“[name]? what’re you doing?”

“nothing..? what do you mean?”

they raised an eyebrow, “you’re just.. standing there?”

you shrugged, “yeah,” you placed a hand on your hip, “cant a person just stand anymore?”

they chuckled at you, putting their hands up as if they’d just been caught. “just asking!” they jokingly stated. “back early, didn’t last longer than expected. lets watch a movie, yeah?”

“yeah, yeup, okay!” you nodded furiously. they gave you a weird look before leaving, closing the door behind them.

turning around swiftly, you opened the door to find your boyfriend. “cmon, you have to go.”

he whined, “do i really have to? your (parents/guardians) love me!” you frowned, “yeah, they won’t love you so much when they see you were here with me, in an empty home!”

he shrugs and jokingly rolls his eyes, “i guess,” he goes towards the window next to your bed and you help him open it, expecting him to climb out immediately, but he turns towards you. “bye cutie,” he says, knowing that it flusters you. you can’t help but gently hold his face and pull him in for a long kiss, his hands roaming down your body to hold your hips. when you break apart, he looks at you with a starry eyed expression. “..what?” you ask, shy by the way he stares at you. “i don’t think ill ever get tired of your kisses.” you can barely hide your smile before you playfully shove him, “go away!” you watch as he laughs at your reaction, climbing out your window and onto the grass, “love you, text me when you get home!”

he waves at you as he’s looking around, then jogs off towards the sidewalk.

you jump when you hear a knock at your door, turning as you find your guardian staring at you. “movie’s set up,” you slowly nod, relieved they didn’t see the boy who just jumped out your window. “and who were you talking to?”

you blink, “um. nobody.”

they squint their eyes at you and your eyes shift around before asking, “so what movie are we watching?” they perk up, “oh, home alone!”

#choi beomgyu x reader #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu scenarios #beomgyu imagines #txt imagines #txt scenarios #txt fics #txt x y/n #txt x you #txt fanfiction #txt x reader #kikisficz

[lokislittlemidgardian]

Covid

Content - age regression, Covid 19, light swearing, cuddles, ice lollies, angst turned fluff, Roald Dahl, dummy use, don’t like don’t read.

Summary - when you come down with Covid Loki takes care of you.

Authors note - my Covid test just came back positive and I needed something to comfort me, reblogs are greatly appreciated, I hope you enjoy<3

You stayed there for one day.

You stayed with your mum and brother for one day before heading home to Loki.

A day after they informed you that they tested positive.

When you woke up all that was really wrong with you was a bad cough but that was enough for Loki to make you take a test.

“Why do I have to I feel fine” you argued “mum said they were much worse than this so it’s probably nothing, it is winter ill bet money I’m just getting a cold.”

“I’d still feel better if you took a test my love, please for me?” He responded stroking hair out of your eyes.

How could you say no to him.

───── ⋆⋅◇⋅⋆ ─────

Two lines, there were two lines on your Covid test.

You thought you were just seeing things then the fluid got darker down the bottom, it usually took a minute for the colour to decrease.

But it never did, you were staring at a positive Covid test, it just had to be this week didn’t it?, it couldn’t have been a month ago when absolutely nothing was happening.

You had so much too do, you needed to drop off your overdue library books before the end of the week, you had to give your friends their Christmas gifts and you wanted to say goodbye to your best friend because she was going away on holiday for a month.

And now everything was ruined.

“It’s okay my love” loki soothed you as he held you against his chest his heartbeat calming you slightly.

“It’s not everything’s ruined” you deadpanned “it’s not, I’ll return your books and pass on your presents and you can face time with her, she’ll only be a phone call away” he reasoned placing a kiss to your temple.

“What if I miss Christmas?”you whispered looking up at him with swollen eyes from crying.

That was what it all boiled down to, you really didn’t want to miss Christmas.

Taking a deep breath in Loki softly smiled at you.

“If you have to miss Christmas, then we have our own Christmas just the two of us, that sounds nice doesn’t it, hot chocolate, presents, cuddles and a bit of telly?”

You smiled and yawned nuzzling into his neck.

“Sounds nice dada” you whispered allowing your comforting mindset to take over.

“Aww, is my little midgardian peeking through?” “Mmm” you mumbled “it looks like she’s very tiny tonight” he said chuckling when you nodded your head.

“Can I have an ice lollie please?” “Oh course you can my love but I might crush it up for you is that alright it might just go down easier” “okay”

Once he brought you the crushed raspberry flavoured ice he gently lifted spoonfuls of it into your mouth.

Once the bowl was empty he sat it aside and let himself rest beside you.

“I love you little one, we’re going to get you through this I promise” he whispered letting your head rest in the crook of his neck.

“I love you too daddy, could we watch something please?”

“Of course angel, what would you like to watch?” “Eastenders?” You asked hopefully looking up at him making him chuckle “not while your this little sweetheart, how about a Roald Dahl film?” He reasoned placing a kiss to your left cheek.

“Okay dada” you softly smiling to ill to argue over the telly “which one?” “Gangsta granny” you giggled looking towards the screen “alright darling”

Watching as the colours danced across the screen you felt Loki place your emerald green dummy in your mouth and stroke the hair away from your eyes.

You knew that you would be alright even if your plans went a little bit differently because you had him.

You had your daddy.

───── ⋆⋅◇⋅⋆ ─────

Taglist - @bootlegmothman420 @littlephia @whippedforhongjoong @youngstarfishdinosaur @patchesofwork @buggyateabug @folklorefairie @friendlyneighborhoodkillerbunny @sparklybuck @2-gay-possums-in-a-trench-coat @hopelesswritergall @stuckysgirl27 @sleepyprinc3ss @chaotic-little-witch @looksthatkilledd @teddybearsgrr @fluffyblanketgecko

#daddy!loki #cg!loki #little!reader #daddy!loki laufeyson x little!reader #loki x female reader #loki laufesyon x reader #loki laufeyson x female reader #loki laufeyson #loki friggason #loki x little!reader #sfw age regression #caregiver #age regression reader #sfw littlespace #little reader #agere sfw #marvel agere

[yourmomni]

Crush-1

Word count: 2k

Summary: y/n is just trying to get through life and university without making any humanly contact with other people minus her bestfriends and her protective sister but what happened when the soccer captain falls head over heels for her and develops a crush on her

Jake soccer x femreader

A/n: chapter 2 🥰

The library was extra quiet today making it easier to study and grab any books I wanted. Some may call me an overachiever but I just like to get things done and correct the first time so if that means studying until the late am's and not having a social life then so be it.

"Y/N I've been looking for you everywhere, come on the place closes at 8." I pushed my glasses up " Okay okay one more page." My sister snatched the book from me then closed it. " no more pages now let's go." She grabbed my arm dragging me out of my seat. My sister Amilla was the spitting image of our mother with her soft brown skin, a mole under her eye and her almond shaped eyes. The only difference was the under strands of her hair being dyed a now faded pink.

It was your sophomore year in college and your sister's senior year in university. She dragged you out of the library with your protest falling on deaf ears. She finally let you go as you both continued walking with your tote bag hanging over your shoulder. "You could've at least let me put my books away." I grumbled she shrugged me off and we cut across the grass. "Sorry it's just I want a good seat and I wanna try their new drink in the menu."

You smiled to yourself knowing her real reason for wanting to go to the Cafe. " yeah sure it's totally not because of the new barista that works there." She faltered a little but went back to her same pace. " I have no idea who you're talking about." I caught up to her. " yes you do what his name again Jay." She pushed me away but not before smiling. "Stopppp." I giggled. In my eyes Amilla was the most beautifulest person in the world to me. She could blink once and all the men in the world would fall to their knees and worship her.But she never gave them the day until Jay

On our breaks before class started we usually would get pick me up from the Cafe across campus that was a hot spot for all the other students as well. Me and Amilla were walking to our usual table when we notice it needed to be clean off

" oh let me go find someone to clean that off for you ladies." The older lady who owned the Cafe said we thanked her. " hey I'm gonna go order our drinks." I said leaving her alone. She nodded and went on her phone. " Sorry for the mess." " oh it's fine." She looked up from her phone and was met with a handsome boy whipping down her table. Not the normal guy who usually did. He had black hair and it was parted through the middle and two hoop earrings in his ear. Handsome was a understatement. He finished cleaning and turned towards her his breath hitched but he caught himself before she noticed.

"Hi, you must be new." He nodded "yeah new." She smiled at him. " I mean yes I'm new today is my first day." Amilla reached her hand out " well nice to meet you I'm Amilla ." He went for her hand but immediately retracted it back, wiping it on his apron. " I'm sorry, before this I was baking in the back with my hands all dirty. I wouldn't wanna get you all messy." He rambled on. " I'm Jay by the way." I nodded. God he was cute. I mentally slapped myself

Amilla remembered what mom said " men are the devil in disguise waiting to ruin your life and take everything you've worked for." maybe she was being a little dramatic after your parents divorce but she always raised us to be independent and never depend on anyone else

"Jay I need you back here." " Coming." He yelled back. " I um gotta go ill see you around." He walked away disappearing in the back." Yeah totally later." The smile wouldn't disappear from her face. " who was that." I asked, raising my eyebrows. She took her drink. " Just the new guy, his name is jay."

Amilla shoved my shoulder when I reminded her of the time she and Jay met. " Okay I admit he is kinda cute-" I squealed" but that doesn't mean anything. It's normal to find people attractive." I scoffed. "Yeah but not for you." As I was talking to her I had a weird feeling someone was staring at me. But I shrugged it off. I was never the type of girl to get compliments from guys or have them drool over me. I always kept to myself socializing only when needed. Despite all that I still had friends but they always were the complete opposite of me. Outgoing party people while I just enjoyed reading and staying In all day. No one was interested in me or so I thought

" Wow." Jake said stopping in his tracks watching the prettiest girl walk past he admired her side profile and gasped when she turned her head to face him without looking at him. " Hey bro, who is that?" He tapped Heeseung's chest. Heesueng looked up from his phone. " Who Amilla?" Jake shook his head. " no the girl beside her." " That's Y/n her little sister." Jake smirked. " Y/n." He started walking towards her " hey woah woah." Heeseung grabbed his arm. " Where are you going? We have class."

"I'm going to go talk to her." He said removing his hand. "Jake be careful not many people talk to her and I heard her sister is really protective ." Jake looked towards the gìrl again. if he was in a cartoon hearts would have been flying above his head " what is she going to do kill me." Heeseung sighed and jake jogged off before heesung could interject again

Your sister was telling you how much she needed coffee when a boy stood in front of you blocking your way. " Hi." He said look at us. " um hi can we help you." The tone in my sister's voice turned dark causing me to get a little nervous.``yes you can actually." He looked at me and I jumped a little. " Hi My name is Jake." He extended his hand out to me and I just stared at it

My sister was watching me in confusion. I took his hand and shook it." Nice to meet you I'm Y/n." He smiled " yeah I know." My eyes widened " you know who I am." Now I was the one confused and my sister was watching us in amusement. " Yes I've been watching you for some time you read in the bleachers while I have practice." I heard my sister scoff and she got in front of me.

"Yeah she's not interested." I looked at her in shock. " I'm not?" He raised his eyebrows `` I don't understand." "Well I do." She started walking towards him now I was completely behind her " You don't know my sister nor have you seen her around. She spends most of her time in the library or in her dorm, she doesn't have any friends-" I interrupted " I have Jeno." " He doesn't count. Anyways" she is closer to him " I know boys like you. Boys who think it's funny to mess with the quiet girl , you mess with their heads making them targets for your little '' fan girls'' to push around and abuse making them feel bad about themselves. It's pathetic and under my watch you will not do it to my sister come on y/n." She grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the boy I looked back at him to see him waving with a sad smile and I waves back

" Aw he was cute." I pouted and she dragged me all the way to the Cafe in silence ordering our drinks and sitting down " why wouldn't you let me talk to jake." I stirred my tea " because he's a fuckboy who wants nothing but to ruin you." I frowned. "He seemed nice. And I do read on the bleachers during soccer. Maybe he has really seen me." My sister groaned " Y/n open your eyes Jake's-" " What about sim jake." Jeno slide in beside me pushing me to the side." Hello Jeno, how nice of you to show up." I said, rolling my eyes at him. Jeno smiled widely, making me push his face away. `` he was trying to talk to y/n."" he what, when." He asked frantically, shaking my arm. Just then Amillas' order came and Jay sat it down in front of her. " Here Milla, I hope you enjoy it. I made it just the way you like it, extra sweet." He winked and walked away. I squealed, " I made it extra sweet just like you." Jeno copied his voice and I giggled

" did he call you Milla." She was smiling hard trying to look away from me " You do like him." She shushed me tossing a napkin at me " Okay fine maybe just a little though." Jeno shrugged. " He's on the soccer team with me, he's pretty cool, he hangs out with the captain mostly . Speaking of the captain, why were you talking about jake." Amilla rolled her eyes " He tried picking up your bestfriend that's what happened and I shut him down immediately." Jeno gasped ." Why the hell would you do that he's nice." I looked at her." Because she thinks I can't take care of myself." You can't." She bluntly replied I looked at her and gasped " what yes I can right Jeno." He looked away from me like he was reading the back of my cup. I slapped his shoulder." Y/n you can barely cook, I have to remind you to go to sleep most night because you stay up studying till the late nights and you get lost everywhere you go." I crossed my arms. " I get confused sometimes." She sighed " I'm just looking out for you, you've never had a boyfriend before-" " yes I have" "Jeno doesn't count." I pouted " it was like for 4 days and you both couldn't stand each other." I silently agreed with her but jeno stayed silent.

"Just give him a chance please." Amilla didn't even look at her sister's pleading face; she immediately declined it ." Not gonna happen."

After lunch at the Cafe I said bye to my sister and walked to my last class of the day while she went home to finish her paper. I took my glasses off and put them in the case dropping them in my tote.

"HEY WATCH OUT." I turned around one second and the next I was on the ground with something heavy on top of me." Ow." I groaned. " shit shit shit y/n I'm so sorry." Jake was looking down at me frantic. He quickly got up and grabbed my hand. " Are you ok?" I dusted my skirt off and noticed my knee was bleeding." Yeah I'm fine just a scratch." He started putting everything back into my bag while rambling on about how sorry he was.

With him on the ground I finally got a better look at him and his features. He was handsome, really handsome. " Your Australian right." I mentally slapped myself, talking to people is not my strong suit. He smiled up at me. " Yeah I'm an international student here but I'm korean so that's why they put me in the korean dorms." I nodded silently proud of my self for starting a conversation. " soooo um I heard that your on the soccer team well you kind of told me and other people told me also." I rambled on he nodded. " So you've been talking about to other people about me, it's good to know I left a good impression on you. I thought I messed up." He stood up handing me my bag. I thanked him. " Yeah sorry about my sister she's really-" "protective." He finished. I nodded. "Yeah but I thought you were sweet." He smiled " oh really." I looked away at him so he wouldn't see me smile.

" Yeah not many people talk to me especially to flirt." I looked back at him and he was looking at me with so much endearment. "I-i-." I couldn’t figure out the words to say with him staring at me like that. No one has ever looked at me the way he was.." your the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." He blurted out I didn't know how to react but jake seemed shocked at his words." I mean…..wait what am I saying… I didn't mean that well I did mean that you are beautiful." My brain was overflowing with signals to run and get away from this hazard as fast as I could. I've never experienced a feeling like this. My stomach started bubbling and I felt light. Was this what having a crush feels like.

Jake continued to ramble on and didn't stop until I told him too "I get it it's okay." He shoved his hands in his hoodie pocket and started fiddling with his fingers. If his friends could see him now. THE Jake Sim stuttering in front of a girl. That was rare. He was known for his handsome features and charming personality which meant that every girl at the university had a crush on him. "I think you're pretty handsome yourself." He smiled. The noon clock ringed bringing me back to reality "oh nooo I'm late for lecture." I pulled my phone out to check if the clock was maybe going too fast. " you have psych right I'll walk you I'm going the same way I have bio in the building over I'm late for class aswell." I nodded and we walked together. We started talking about the soccer team and their next game. "I didn't know you liked soccer have you gone to any games." I nodded, smiling." Yeah my best friend jeno is on the team.

He bit the inside of his cheek. " Wait your friends with jeno." He looked concerned." Yeah since we were kids." We made it to my class and I bowed. " thank you for walking me to class." He bowed to me." Thank you for letting me and I'm sorry about your leg." I looked down at the dry blood on my knee. " it's okay I have a first aide in my tote." I rambled in my tote and noticed my glasses broke. "Dang it." I pulled them out watching the arm fall off and looking at the shattered lens. " I'll buy you new ones." He winced expecting them with me." No it's fine I can just call my dad to tell him-" he took them out of my hand and shoved them in his pocket. "no it's okay plus gives me an excuse to see you again." He bit his lip smiling at me. " oh you want to see me again? Well okay then." I felt like my legs were going to give out

"Okay well bye." He waved and I waved back " bye." I turned around and entered my class later than I've ever had. Jake watched her walk into the classroom smiling to himself. He was skipping in his head like a little boy and walked back to the boys who were still kicking around the soccer ball on the grass. " hyung where did you go?" Sunoo asked adding jake back into the game by sending him the ball. " Sunoo didn't you see he was talking to a girl." Sunghoon said wiggling his eyebrows at jake. " well he sorta ran into her he was just being polite." Jake went behind sunghoon and kicked the ball between his legs causing him to falter a little. " Or he was getting himself a date for the party coming up." Jay kicked the ball causing it to intercept. Jake walked to heeseung putting his arm around him. " I already told you guys I'm not going to that party and plus y/n not like those other girls I talked to in the past she's sweet and caring." The boys ohhhed " oh so her names is y/n huh." Jay poked . " I have class with her she sits in the front, she's really smart." Sunoo picked up the ball running to where the boys were circled

" Yeah she is… I was thinking about asking her on a date." They gasped. " Jake Sim going on a date Woah." Jake felt his ears turn read as he continued to tell his plan to his brothers. " Go for it dude." Heeseung said, patting him on the shoulder. " All non classes end at 3 so you can wait for her then drop the question." Jake beamed today would be jake sim history. The first time jake will ask a girl out and actually care if she says no.

#black reader #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen imagines #black reader x kpop #enhypen jake #enhypen jay #jakesim x black reader #jake sim #jay park #fluff #enhypen x reader

[unadulterated-syd]

lily evans x reader

kiss me sober

warnings — unedited.

request -> okay, hi! first of all, congrats on 300, you deserve it! secondly, could i get a song fic for lily (romantic) based on the song 'disaster' by conan gray? take all the time you need and thanks! <3

req by -> @nutellani

you sighed, watching her from across the room. lily was always dashing, you often wondered how she'd even excepted you as a friend— she was humorous, kind, and as pretty as they could come.

yet, things had become complicated. at the beginning of yet another marauders party— marlene had referred to lily as your 'girlfriend'. it almost unlocked a million thoughts within you, did people really see it too?

you'd been well aware of your innocent crush on her— but you'd never gone too far. always worried she could freak out, you didn't want to lose her, you weren't ready. she was your closest friend, and you'd rather that than no relationship at all.

"y/n, you look like you've seen a ghost, what's up?"

you nearly jumped out of your own skin— lily having appeared at your side, offering you an opened beer she'd picked up along the way. one which you took quickly, taking a nervous sip of the bitter drink.

"good, evans, distracted is all."

"distracted? d'you want to leave? i don't mind, hun." she asked, putting the back of her hand to your forehead— checking for any signs of illness. you brushed her off,

"no, no, have fun, lils. i'll be here."

she gave you one last look— making sure you felt comfortable, before nodding and taking your approval. as the night went on, you watched her dancing around. lily watched her drinking, refusing to get drunk so she could mother hen you from across the room.

your mind wondered aimlessly— tell her, don't tell her. maybe if you drank you'd be brave enough to speak up, enough to give your fears less to cling to.

but alas, you stayed in your spot all night— till she finally gave in and came back to find you.

"c'mon, really, what's up?" she hummed, offering you a hand, encouraging you to stand up. you took it loosely, as she led you through the party— looking for an exit.

you didn't answer, just following her aimlessly. this was it, you had to tell her.

she led you to the porch, leaning over the railing and gesturing for you to do the same— you complied. her eyes bore into the side of your face, but you simply stared out over the driveway.

"i— um.. what are we, lily?"

she looked at you, raising a brow. she was semi aware of where this was going, refusing to believe it at first.

"what?"

"i love you lils, but like, like.. its not." you groaned, at you own awkwardness, "i want to be more than this, i think. but i, i really dont want it to ruin our friendship. it's a disaster."

she looked at you, saying nothing for a couple moments. then she flashed you a smile, her smile was gorgeous— grabbing the sides of your face and pressing her lips to your forehead.

"you're ridiculous, i already thought we were more." she paused, "why do you think marls called me your girlfriend?"

"seriously?"

"duh, we've kissed a billion times.."

"drunkenly!"

"shut up and kiss me sober."

lily tags -> @ariianelle , @carlgrimesslover , @angry-little-frog , @nutellani , @innerloverpainter

marauders tags -> @withastrangerheart

to be added to a taglist -> sign up here!

#lily evans x reader #lily evans #marauders #marauders x reader

[ufonaut]

get into it tell me why/how robinson ruined ted knight i live for this comic characterization comparison please

james robinson's ted knight is an inventor and a genius, an innovator fondly remembered in the future as having changed the course of history (according to ferris knight in starman #1,000,000 anyways), he's had his struggle with guilt and anxiety after his involvement in the manhattan project but that was a phase he'd gone through and he'd emerged all better. he's an absent father but a good man, a heroic man.

and that's all well and good for the elseworlds the golden age 1993 had been but as actual canon characterisation? oh, man, i can tell robinson's primary exposure to starman had been the jla/jsa team ups in justice league of america 1960 (which gave no individual character any chance to shine on a personal level) and that's about it. i mean, my god, the character ted knight had been in the 1940s is so sincerely unique and so unbelievably compelling.

ted knight of adventure comics 1938 was a hypochondriac (an "imaginary invalid") with a thoroughly astounding number of stays in sanitariums to his name, he was a coward who fainted at the first sign of an evening about to go wrong and his exasperated fiance often went as far as to call him a 'sissy' and complain about how she was more nurse than lover. more than that, he was not an inventor of any kind and his health allowed him very few interests -- in fact, astronomy is something he takes up in the last five or six issues of his original run and he's very explicitly an 'amateur astronomer' at that.

and okay, you may be thinking, 'hey, this is just the regular secret identity shtick, clark kent wrote the book on it' but the thing is... ted knight was the real deal. the persona he inhabited as starman gave him confidence, and it gave him a real reason to get up in the morning, but it never overtook the reality of who ted knight was and whatever his illness might've been.

(ac #61)

(ac #62)

(ac #65)

(ac #69)

(ac #70)

(ac #83)

i don't know what to tell you, part time sick society boy part time hero is just immensely fascinating to me! starman as a way to inspire himself, to outgrow his self imposed limitations, to model himself after what he perceives to be a real man (so to speak)... well, that's something too! i simply feel that more of his original characterisation could've been kept and it wouldn't have made him any better of a father to jack & david but his illness could've contributed to his complicated relationship with the boys and it would've made him a far more interesting character than the typical renaissance man type hero. imo!

#ted knight #starman #asks #anon

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Well, I feel fucking terrible. My voice is completely gone, I don’t have a thermometer but I half of me is very hot and half of me is very cold and I’m sure I have a fever, and I’ve gotten out of breath from walking about eight metres to the bathroom, and I cough every time I sit up. This is not a good day. Here are some things I think about that:

1) Katherine Ryan can fuck off, actually, with telling the audience of a show I was in last month that COVID is no big deal, she knows because she had it twice and it was fine for her so of course that means no one should worry about it (yes she was joking when she said it, but she paired that joke with a whole routine that genuinely defended anti-vaxxers, also I realize that most people have it much worse than Katherine or I and they’re the ones who actually matter but I feel like absolute shit right now and even if it got no worse than my situation, that would still be bad enough for it to be worth caring about COVID). And for saying only weird extreme people would still wear thick masks these days and would get another booster shot. I had a fourth shot booked, and then I canceled it because I unexpectedly went out of town during the week of the appointment, and I didn’t get around to rebooking it. I so wish I hadn’t made that mistake.

I’m not trying to cancel Katherine Ryan or whatever, I’m just mad right now and that’s as good a place as any to direct it.

2) I’m actually freaking out a little right now. Logically I know it’s okay. But I’ve always had health anxiety, obviously the pandemic has made it much worse, and now, for the first time in a couple of years (aside from when I got sick May, but I never really thought that was COVID and it wasn’t nearly as bad as this), I have an actual reason to be anxious about my own health. COVID passes fairly soon for most people, but for some people it lasts months or longer and some people end up in the hospital or worse and I’m pretty terrified that I went out on one night and ruined my entire fucking life by doing that.

So having said that… anyone got any distractions or good comfort things to watch/read/listen to in this situation? No More Jockeys has been amazing all day, though I’ve had to take breaks from looking at the screen when I get too much of a headache. Those three guys have been getting me through this so far, and they’ve done it very well and it’s pretty much the perfect thing for me to watch when I need something easy enough so I can focus on it and nice enough to be a comfort and engaging enough to be a distraction. But in case this lasts a while, anyone have any other ideas for similar things? Or, and I’m just going to come right out and ask for what I want here, anyone want to tell me something that might cheer me up? Because I’ve been doing this all day but now it’s nighttime and I can’t sleep.

3) Oh come on, Mark Watson was not cheating with his pen, he maybe cheated once with his phone but I’m starting to think he probably didn’t even actually do that. People in the YouTube comments, stop giving him shit for that, because it is genuinely bothering me to see him try to suppress his fidgetiness. Speaking as someone who’s supposed to start an in-person job-like thing next week, and I’m pretty fucking sure it won’t start on Monday anymore but it’ll start whenever I’m better (you know, assuming I haven’t ruined my whole life), and I’m anxiously thinking about how while I’m there I’m going to have to constantly remind myself to keep my hands still and keep my gaze in one place and try for eye contact and make sure I’m not doing any weird gestures because I’d like to seem normal enough for this to lead to an actual job… speaking as someone who’s going to have to do that in a proper professional environment, stop making me watch someone do it when he’s just getting drunk with friends in a YouTube show. Give the man back his clicky pens.

…That last point was not actually related to my current illness, but I wanted to express it anyway. Though Watson is helping me out in a couple of ways today. Whenever I get anxious on a flight, I think about all the people I know who fly all the time and it’s no big deal. My friend who’s a pilot. My dad, who used to travel frequently for work. My friends in my sport who are more successful than I am, and fly to international tournaments all the time. Professional sportspeople or entertainment people who are always flying around. I think if it’s okay for all of them to do this all the time and they’re almost always safe, then it’s not likely to go wrong when I do it only rarely.

This makes no sense, but the safest I’ve ever felt on a flight was when I once traveled to a tournament with a coach who was also a three-time Olympic medalist, and has all kinds of other accolades and is one of the most famous people in our sport worldwide. I kept thinking… obviously [this quite important person] isn’t going to die on a two-hour flight between two pretty unimportant cities, to a tournament that’s a big deal to me but basically nothing to her. That would be ridiculous. It doesn’t happen that we turn on social media and learn that a major figure in our community is gone because of something like that. Obviously this plane isn’t going to crash.

Actually, the flight to that tournament might be the second least anxious I’ve ever felt on a plane. The least anxious is after that tournament, during which I’d had a terrible weekend and drank until 5:30 AM and was nowhere near sober when I flew home a few hours later. Even though I did not happen to share the plane home with anyone who was more important than my most important teammate (and that person was kind of a big deal, but not such a big deal that they’d keep a plane in the air with their sheer stardom), but I was drunk so it was fine. Actually every time I’ve been on a plane drunk I’ve felt fine. Does anyone want to hear a Drive-By Truckers song about that? I was playing this on repeat during a whole flight home that I took a couple of weeks ago (at least, I played it during all moments when I was too nervous to focus on the Stewart Lee DVD show that I was trying to watch while not panicking) because its lyrics were appropriate and just fucking great lyrics.

“Well your wishes and your feelings/Your bad dreams and intuitions/Are about as much use to me right now as a brand new set of golf clubs/We've been this close to death before, we were just too drunk to know it/Guess the price of being sober is being scared out of your mind/ When it comes your time to go, ain’t no good way to go about it/Ain't no use in thinking ‘bout it/You'll just drive yourself insane/There comes a time for everything/And the time has come for you, so shut your mouth and get your ass on the plane”

I guess you kind of have to know who the Drive-By Truckers are to know how funny it is to say that someone’s fear of flying is about as useful as a brand new set of golf clubs are to the people in that band. Just trust me, they’re not the sort of people who play golf.

To be honest, I’m feeling a bit drunk right now, despite having resolutely scrapped my plans to consume any alcohol today, due to the invasion of the plague. I’m feeling slightly dizzy and out of it, and it’s possible that the plague is having a similar effect on me that whiskey would. That could be the explanation for why I just went on a mostly irrelevant tangent, or it could just be that that’s my nature. The way that tangent ties into the rest of this post is to say my recent forays into Twitter haven’t been a completely bad thing, because it’s how I know that Mark Watson had to sit out the end of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival due to COVID just a couple of weeks ago. He seemed fine. His chief complaint was that he didn’t want to cancel his shows or miss the festivities, and now he’s out there doing free shows after they cancel his venue. So… if I can convince my brain to accept the fallacious logic that other people being fine on other planes means this particular plane won’t crash, then I can just barely use that same logic to convince myself that if Mark Watson found COVID no problem then I’ll be okay too. The thing about irrational anxiety is sometimes you can beat it with irrational logic.

Anyway, at this point writing this is just vaguely therapeutic for me. It’s another distraction. Let me know if anyone’s got any advice. And thanks for this website and everything, you’re all great.

#Youtube

[tatsumi-harem-chronicles]

this is a departure from our regular content but mod asta has been working through main story 4 for a while and during this time mod pensive wrote a hanahaki au about aira that kinda broke them. mod pensive then went on to torture mod asta with aira angst snippets while reading, which have been compiled here for free enjoyment! [no knowledge of the hanahaki fic needed to read, cw: self depreciation]

episode 117 cloudiness AIRA PRACTICING BY HIMSELF AT SKY GARDEN CUTE :shuichi_clutch_chest: OUR HARD WORKING BOY!! i wanna cry [Screenshots: Aira: (I’m no longer alone. I’m no longer just a fan who’s wholeheartedly devoted to idols on the other side of the screen—) Aira: (I know that, but old habits die hard.) Aira: (I was so used to being alone by myself.)] pensive :insanity:

yessum? 👀

hana aira haunting me

then perish, perhaps <;/3

WAAA SUBARU JUMPSCARE [Screenshots: Aira: 1, 2, 3… Subaru: 1, 2, 3~♪] he is so sweet i think ill never be ok again /joke [Screenshot: Subaru: Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you. But you seem so lonely—so I wanted to cheer things up a bit for you♪] AIRA BACKSTORY CRUMBS?! EGWJVSDNBDD HE JUST TELLS HIS WHOLE LIFE STORY TO SUBARU

hes jsut in desperate need of a friend and confidant like that <3 [1]you know, from the bullying and isolation he underwent as a child &lt;3<3

[2]I WANT TO CRY DONT MENTION HIS DAD IN FRONT OF HIM [Screenshots: Subaru: I see. So you’ve had a hard time, too. Aira: What? No, no no, it’s nothing compared to being the son of “that Akehoshi”!] [1]NOOOO

and one of his beloved idols is <3 right there <3 and being<3 so nice <3<3

[3]JUMP OFF THE ROOF YOU BASTARD [Screenshot: Rinne: Kyahaha! Having quite a good time chatting, aren’t you? Count me in♪] GET AWAY FROM MY BOYS

[2]oh no, but now hes ruined this too. poor aira, he has a hard time creating relationships due to the lakc of meaningful ones throughout his life </3

STOP!!! PENSIVE ENOUGHH

[3]stinky disgrace ok ok ill stop i promise /srs

BDJDBFJ YOURE OK im not actually upset!! /gen i know aira was on twitter starting threads defending subarus dad [Screenshot: Aira: (I was a big fan of “that Akehoshi” so I already don’t really know how to respond to his son, and here comes this guy!? Is today my unlucky day?)]

oh nice so anyways he must feel so bad because one of his beloved idols must hate him and he has to deal with the annyoing bastard whose making a mockery of everything he loves </3

CRYING enstars!! is aira suffering

and also torturing his (tentative) friend (bestie) hiiro whose a little oblivious but still trying his best, which is still leagues away from his skill level no matter how much he tries because the talented are just made to succeed and hell never be one <3

im keeping aira away from you /joke [4]like the material you come up with is so heartwretching

but even so the loveable dumbass has his moments and since the fool has already decided to stick with him he could at least offer the same and stay as well :hiiroconfusion: ❤️:airalove: [4]horay that means im getting good!

[5]NO [Screenshot: Rinne: Let me give you a piece of advice, “little girlfriend of his”: don’t get too close to him. Rinne: Because sooner or later, he’ll betray you oh so cruelly…] DONT SAY THAT. RINNE SHUT UP

i have read! truly painful things!

UEVWHABANFJ

i want to inflict! such pain upon others! :arashilove:

Rinne: You can dote on him like a cute animal, but don’t even think about “marrying” him, okay? oh this isnt rinne trying to warn aira about hiiro, this is rinne threatening aira to not date his brother or else rinne’ll throw him out a window

[5][6]dumb stinky asshole he already knows this but he cant bring himself to walk away its like abandoning a poor, feral puppy on the street. sure hes matted and malnurished, underloved and probably has rabies, but he hasnt bitten him yet and thats a lot more than most other things hes loved in his life!

HIIRO WAS QUITE LITERALLY SLEEPING OUTSIDE BEFORE ALKALOID WAS FORMED. BOY WOULD DIE WITHOUT AIRA hiiro: yeah i dont know why rinne would say that. you guys are my friends i would never betray you aira: yeah thats what i thought thats a relief hiiro: i still want to destroy all idols though aira: AAH.. STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT episode 118, heroes

[6](and also the way he leans into affection, at every compliment, always so eager and happy and bright at anything aira does. as if he was something to want, something as precious and amazing as the idols---stars of which he'll never be. and how he offers it all back in turn, multifold. miles and piles and heaps of compliemtns upon hugs upon glomps upon tears and questions and smiles and smiles, everything giving more and more to the little kindle of hope for joy in a future that will never be his that has founded itself within his pathetic, average heart that longs and longs and longs)

:icaca:

[Skip]

[7]😦 [Screenshots: Aira: (But why did he choose to lead a unit as crazy as Crazy:B and start such a mess?) Aira: (That’s not it. Just now, he felt similar to the time when he made his debut as an idol…) Aira: (He was marketed as “the last old–school super idol” or something like that.) Aira: (But he was eclipsed by the huge success of Eden, who was heavily promoted by COS PRO. After several scandals, the industry no longer paid attention to him.) Aira: (Is that when he took on this twisted personality and chose to behave as if he’s flawed in character?)]

[7][8]aira, as one who has stuck with the things he loves no matter how much its beaten him down, cannot comprehend the actions of the man who has only tasted failure once

[9]this is very sad but i have considered the exact opposite and extremely comedic scenario in which aira decides Fuck It, We Ball and creates a batshit persona in alignment with rinne’s [10][Screenshot: Hiiro: Yes, I’m sorry about that. It was wrong of me to ignore security guards and try to break into the building.] i sent that too early but do i even need to say anything

[8]but at the same time he understands the impatiance, on a primal level. the burning desire that gets snuffed like a candle against an ice rink. its maddening all the work and work and sweat and tears and blood and sleepless nights, breakdowns and sobfests and silence as you try to hide it;try to be the idol you adore try to beat the system that keeps killing and killing and killing that remainging drive inside of you that Will Not. Can. not. go. Out. [9]my brain might b in shipping mode rn bc my first thought was "i think hiiro would b into that tbh"

FUCL. YOU MAY BE RIGHT

im always right :subaruagree:

WHAT DID RINNE TELL YOU TO DO HIIRO.. [Screenshot: Hiiro: (Hmm. Great, I didn’t know what to do… I didn’t think finishing my brother’s order would be this easy.)] exposed lol [Screenshot: Hiiro: Does it? Talking about strangeness, you’re also being strange these days. You disappeared from our dorm several times, didn’t you? Where were you off to? Tatsumi and we are worried.]

[10]aira doesnt know what to do with this stupid, stupid boy. (its not his fault he is gifted, not his fault aira cannot catch up) but, reluctantly, he heart still yet beats. and sighs, and loves

[Skip]

ah yes, fluff you know, my main writing style is fluff crack i have like. a series of fics which just make fun of the hanahaki genre by turning it all into crack. i wasnt. always like this

I DONT LIKE THESE EPISODE TITLES.. [Screenshot: Main Story 4 Chapter List: Episodes 122-126]

that was, until…. * war flashbacks *

UNTIL ?

moral of the story: blame me for being able to find suburb fanfics, and toku for giving me the main one that created an unedning longing to see my favorite characting in pain bc b4 that i always jsut wanted to see them happy lmao

[Skip]

episode 120 pitfalls oh dear god its a rinne episode the lack of mayoi is hurting me [11]THE THOUGHT OF TATSUMI DOING WOTAGEI IS KILLING ME [Screenshot: Aira: Yep. While we’re at it, I can teach you some wotagei, the slogans, and gestures we use to cheer for idols.] [pensive is typing for several minutes…] god im in anticipation and fear hiiro dont talk about how awesome your brother is, hes about to do something awful

[11]he would always go along with it because hes a good sport, and for some reason goes along with airas whims. it must be embarassing for the man, surely, as he himself is (still is) a top idol. why must he sink so low as to cheer among the peasents? its all for airas sake isnt it. and he doesnt know whether the heavy feeling in his heart whenever tatsumi accepts an offer to join him (always phrased jsut vaguely enough to hide what the doing entails, as if in some desperate, halfhearted attempted to increase the chances of getting him to say yes. munipluations hidden under smiles and "oh no, you didnt have to"s from a dirty, filthy liar) comes from a place of happiness; of finally being accepted, of having his hobbies, his passions, his life appreciated for the beauty it has seen-- or from a place of crushing, suffocating, unshakable guilt for forcing the role of "savior" upon the man who was crippled for the same reasons once upon a time (like a fairytale….) how dare he try and play with one of his beloved idols. how could he not remember the lessons beaten into him about boundaries. "this is how far your skill takes you, this shall be where you lay" truly, as tatsun would say (in a joking manner, brushed off like a stray piece of lint over his shoulder despite the heavy truth his words hold), he has sinned (it is not a joke) i think i went into mayoi teritory there ngl lol

ok wait sorry for being cringe and dropping off the face of the earth i fell asleep :insanity: I JUST WANT AIRA TO LOVE HIMSELF THIS IS AGONY every time i read ur writing pensive im like “so this is hurt/comfort right?” “:amamismile: he gets comforted later….. right………..”

why hurt/comfort when u can hurt/agony?

NAUR!!!!!!!!

i don't make the rules ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#enstars #ensemble stars #mods talk #main story 4 reaction #writing snippets #alkakurei (discussed) #light hiiai (mentioned) #asta torture #aira angst posts #misc

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi, I simply need to rant. I have an abusive mom and some kind of (unclear which) dissociative disorder as a result. So it is not "made up" "not as bad" etc. I have psychologists proof that my mom fucked me up. But I can't tell it anyone. There's this family friend, who's in her 40s, and we used to be pretty close, not as much anymore, and she grew up with an abusive mom too. From what I heard, her mom wasn't as different from mine. But this friend, married very young an abusive man, got 2 children, worked and cared for them until she had a horrible burnout from which it took years to recover. She knows I have "some kind of mental illness maybe" but she, truly in her heart, believes that the only way to get a mental illness is by overworking and getting a burnout. In her eyes I was always kinda pretending, at least acting it worse. Because I never worked I couldn't have a mental illness. And because she likes my mom. She kinda acts as if she has the copyright for having an abusive mom. And it is so damn frustration because.... She knows how it is, she could see the signs, if she would accept the possiblity.

On the other hand I don't want to, you know, shock her by giving her my diagnosis and telling her all the shit my mom does because... I don't want her to feel bad. That she likes someone, that's as bad as her mom was. I think that would really fuck her up. And also I don't want to destroy one of my moms few friendships because... She's no inherently abusive person. She just acts like that towards me so, there's no reason to deprive her of friends. It's not like that would help me anyhow or prevent anyone from getting hurt. I was the only possible victim and I am already destroyed.

And there's my family. My cousin is only 10 years younger than my mom (big family, her mom the oldest, mine the youngest) and they kinda grew up together, went to parties etc. Which is probably why I am too so close to her. But she too doesn't want to hear one bad word about my mom. I was occasionally giving hints and I could see that she got pissed at me and thought I was lying. Plus, her mom was very sick all her life and, at least, neglected her so maybe if I told her, it would seem normal to her.

It is so frustrating, I want people to believe me, to treat me the way I deserve (like, not talking shit about me because I can't work) etc but they will probably never believe me.

That's it. Fin.

Hi Fin,

I'm sorry about what you've been going through.

It's ridiculous to assume that the only way to get a mental illness or trauma-related disorder is by burnout from overworking and I'm sorry that she imposed that idea on you. It's possible that she may not react appropriately if you told her what you have or suspect you might. It sounds unlikely to me that someone who would express those kinds of sentiments to be understanding and supportive of other possibilities.

Regardless, if you do decide to tell her, her reaction is not your responsibility. You cannot protect people from their own emotions, you know? If she doesn't want to continue being friends with her mom that's her choice. If she acts based on the information you tell her, that's also not your responsibility.

You may say that she isn't inherently abusive if she's presumably only been mistreating you, but anyone who treats you like that is abusive period. That's never okay. If someone doesn't want to be her friend over what she's done to you, that's not your fault, that's hers. It's not your fault for simply speaking the truth, it's your mom's fault for mistreating you in the first place. If her reputation or friend circle is ruined over that, perhaps she should've thought twice about abusing you.

I believe you. We believe you. But please know that you do not need other people to validate what is already true. What happened to you was real and nobody can take that from you. There are people out there who may not believe you, gaslight you, or perhaps they've normalized abusive behavior themselves, but those people are not reliable to verify what is real. You know your truth.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #trauma details #abuse #emotional abuse #child abuse #fin

[scarrunner05]

God this is all just reminding me how bad i am with death. Its only just started hitting me i guess, so im not the most emotional about it, I’ll probably cry at some point, reminisce after that, and in like 4 months ill be able to look at things connected to him without immediately ruining my mood. Ive always felt like shit when people around me die, i cry and get sad but it feels so disingenuous, its been like this for as long as i can even remember. When i was younger i knew someone who died of cancer, i cried when i found out, and then i was okay, but i went through the motions i thought people wanted from me. I hate myself for not connecting death to this intense emotional thing, ive always been fascinated with it, with what it would feel like to eventually just stop existing, feared the pain of a brutal death or being killed, lulled myself to sleep in spite of that fear by telling myself that if i was asleep i might just die before i even woke up and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I always hoped that if i died i just did, stopped suddenly, it always made me feel less bad for the victims in my murder mysteries when i heard they died instantly, id think that “when i went id like to die instantly.” I dont know if i ever felt bad for someone being dead, logically if they don’t deserve it i know, but i only ever felt bad for the people around them. Death always felt like someone just not being around anymore. My grandma is dying slowly. I talked about it with my mom, but i dont care if i ever see her again, i dont have any unfinished business with her, she doesn’t even remember her son much less her grandkid. I have nothing id want to say to her, she isnt in my life at all at this point, i love her i guess, i loved her when i was little i know. But her dying would make me sad, a little ache in my chest when I remember things ill never do again, the same way it would if she suddenly moved cross country and i never saw her again. My mom looked at me and laughed and said she must have fucked me up worse than she thought, she asked if thats how id feel about her. I dont know, ive never experienced her dying but ive watched people learn to fake cry by thinking about people they love dying, and i know with certainty that i could never do that. Its always “how would there death effect me and my surroundings?” And just like my parents divorce the only fucking thing that ever makes me cry is remembering that i wont get to have some stupid fucking experience again. Stopped talking to a bunch of close friends once, got sad that id lost the relationships but ultimately took less than 3 weeks to move on from these 4 year long friendships. I think i only do things because i think its what im supposed to, i try and reconnect with people because i miss what they gave me, whether thats joy or something else. I think thats why i cannot grasp the concept of selflessness, no one is selfless, you do good because it makes you feel good, you do good cause you get something out of it, you dont just “do good” and not get anything out of it. I was talking about death but this is what i mean, it feels like im missing some critical piece. Some fundamental thing that will make me understand any of it, i overanalyze and maybe i just thought too logically as a child and never fucking learned how to just feel things right. I used to be super empathetic apparently, I literally cannot even imagine being in someone else’s position now, i feel sympathetic and i think i used analysis to emulate empathy, or maybe that is what empathy is and i just dont understand it right. God i feel fucking pathetic for this. Sorry to whoever stumbled across this and got to this point i hope your having a good day.

#vent post #tw death #tw vent #why am i like this #fucking hell

[hunterwritesstuff]

Orion update?

Sure! :D Sorry for the lack of heads recently btw lol been struggling with getting energy to draw them XD

Val - “Lust-filled bitch.”(Hated)

Vox - “Why do you use others the way you do?”(Tension)

Velvet - "I'll leave my clothing repairs to Rosie, thanks."(Tension)

Hex - “Don’t mistreat her.”(Tension)

Husk - “You don’t tire of me talking about my family, do you?”(Friendly)

Shirley - “Thank you for being there for me in my hardest times and moments…”(Family)

Ebony -  “I will tell you what you would like to hear about them. Thank you…”(Friendly)

Ranni - "Can...can I pet you...?"(Tension)

Alastor - “A fake smile is worse than no smile at all.”(Neutral)

Rosie - "Thanks for doing repairs on my clothes."(Friendly)

Orion - "Fallen from grace, ruined my face. Abandoned family, what a loser."(Hated)

Charlie - "Thank you for giving me a second chance.”(Neutral)

Angel Dust - “You are proof that Charlie’s plan works.”(Friendly)

Vaggie - “Thank you for being so patient with me and not being judgemental.”(Tension)

Lute - “You are just as bad as Adam.”(Tension)

Adam - “You deserve to rot. I hope you know I’m never letting you near Shirley, wretch.”(Hated)

Jax - “You will never be redeemed. You will never improve. You are hate itself.“(Hated)

Lucifer - “You didn’t deserve what you went through when you fell.” (Friendly)

Peter - "Thank you for being her grunkle..."(Family)

Astrid - "Can I...get a hug...?"(Friendly)

Lilith - "Stay the fuck away from Lucifer."(Tension)

Eve - "Why are you so fucking obsessed?!?"(Hated)

Dante - "I...take care, yeah...?"(Friendly)

Bob - "...you...you didn't know...? Did...did they not ask you for guidance...?"(Tension)

Cain - "...how dare you?"(Hated)

Abel - "It's okay, it's okay, you're safe..."(Friendly)

Vesper - "Thank you...you make such sweet music...I could listen all day..."(Friendly)

Celeste - "She's too sweet for his ass."(Friendly)

Emily - "I wish we could talk more..."(Friendly)

Sera - "...no words are wished to be exchanged."(Hated)

Azrael - "...you don't fucking deserve her."(Tension)

Uriel - "So much for wisdom."(Tension)

Gabriel - "I hold no ill will nor blame towards you."(Friendly)

Michael - "Some 'justice'. What 'justice' tears a family apart?! I didn't fucking DO ANYTHING!!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING SELFISH?! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO THROW ME OUT?!? WHY, YOU FUCKING BASTARD, WHY?!?"(Hated)

Hope ya enjoy! :D

#hazbin hotel orion #orion #hazbin hotel oc

[evilichu]

(i'm gonna edit this later)

my first concert ever

what an experience. i'm so glad my sister came with me —more like, i went with her— because i don't know if it would have been the same without her.

my sister knows i struggled with social anxiety in the past, and even if it's mild now i still deal with some symptoms. throughout the concert she asked me a few times if i was ok— somehow she managed to ask enough times that it was comforting but not too many for it to be overbearing. i also felt comfortable telling her when i didn't feel okay.

and it did happen, that i had to tell my sister "this is too much for me".

for context, concerts in my country are almost a safety hazzard. it's very common to do pogo (which is basically big crowds of people jumping up and down repeatedly and pushing eachother). i think that it happens everywhere but i feel like in my country it can get intense (there has been cases of people dying or getting seriously injured). and i was looking forward to it.

it was my very first concert so i wanted to experience the pogo. i thought it wouldn't be a big deal, i thought i would be fine. i keep telling myself that my anxiety attacks days are behind me, and i tend to forget that i can't just fight everything with a good attitude. specially anxiety, your body just reacts instinctively and you have to help it, going against it just worsens it.

we were in the pit for like a whole hour, right in the middle. close to the stage. and i was doing so fine i was like "this is so easy". but then the concert started and after the intro started a song that's very heavy— very pogo like (buitres). it was too much for me. i was so focused on not-falling that the whole song went by and i didn't even sing along to one line. i just kept being pushed back and forth and my whole body felt tense.

so the song ends and i'm begging that the next one is a slow one. but of course not, that would ruin the mood. luz delito plays, which is another very heavy song. and i don't get past ten seconds of it. i honestly felt out of my own body, like i wasn't present at all and it was just my body reacting by itself. my mind registered colors and lights and saw legs and arms, but i wasn't there listening or enjoying the concert. i realized i was kind of blacking out and felt like i couldn't breathe.

so i turned to my sister in the middle of both of us being pushed around and told her "i can't be here".

my sister didn't hesitate. she was like ok we're getting out of here. and it was really hard to do, but she did. she got us through and we went to the side of the pit where less people were.

and that's when i finally started to enjoy the concert.

of course, at first i started feeling like shit. i felt awful that my sister had to leave a good spot close to the stage because of me. she was really sweet about it and as soon as we were out she complained that it was impossible to be there, like leaving had been her idea.

i really wanted to punish myself for failing, for ruining the concert. i wanted to mop around and maybe cry a little, i wanted to apologize to my sister for being such a burden. but instead i did one thing i had never done before, i thought "the concert isn't over, and the only thing i can do now is enjoying it here in a place i feel safe". so i FUCKING DID. round of applause, please.

the next songs were incredible. i sang along to every song and my throat still hurts from it.

wos, the singer, said twice "okay this is the last song" but after each song the crowd would beg for one more and he delivered. it was amazing.

i'm very aware that i experience things through the lense of my mental illness. but even through that lense, this was a good experience. i loved it.

#life experiences: first concert ever ♬ #issue: social anxiety 👁

[sankta-starkova]

LETTERMAN

030; me and you

previous chapter | next chapter | masterlist

summary: the one where ej and andy get to spend time together in the camp until the production gets in the way, threatening to ruin their summer and relationship

wordcount: 1.2k

Andy stood outside of her house as EJ put her suitcase in the trunk, talking to Tommy.

He was going to Orlando with his new girlfriend for the summer, Vivian was backpacking through Europe before college and Charlie were staying with mum and Uncle James.

She hadn't mentioned it to EJ yet but her mum was ill and they didn't know what was wrong with her. She didn't want to leave but her mum urged her to spend the summer with EJ and forget about her worries.

"I'm gonna miss you guys," Andy said, holding tight onto her mum as she hugged her, her sisters joining the group hug.

"We're going to miss you too," Charlie said with a smile.

"You call me if anything happens mum, you tell the camp," she said and she nodded.

"And you should let EJ know, I'm okay with it and I don't want you suffering on your own," she said, rubbing her hand over her shoulders.

"I'm okay mum, I just want you to be okay," she said, a sad smile on her face.

"You ready Ands?" EJ asked as he walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist, nuzzling his head into her neck.

Her mum smiled at the couple. She was glad that EJ and Andy were having the high school sweethearts relationship that she'd had with her father. She was wanted her to have a normal summer.

"You two disgust me," Charlie said jokingly, a smile on his face. In reality, she was happy her sister had fallen in love with someone.

The family had been through a lot and for them to have one another at this point and for her to have EJ meant a lot.

"Stop it Charlie," Sophie said before erupting into a coughing fit.

Her hand was on her chest and Andys eyes went wide as she looked at her mother. Her heart started beating fast and she was worried that something would happen.

That worry was starting to bury into her chest, the weight of it making her constantly anxious.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," her mother reassured, standing up and taking a deep breath.

"Mum, are you good?" Andy asked, placing her hand on her shoulder.

"Yes sweetie, I promise, now you go, have the summer you'll never forget," she said.

That's all Sophie wanted, for her daughter to have the final summer with her boyfriend where she didn't uave any worry.

EJ held her hand as they walked over to the car, him getting in the drivers seat and her in the passenger's seat.

"Everything alright baby?" He asked, reaching over and placing a hand on her cheek.

He had noticed that she was anxious sometimes when her family were around and he worried about her.

She nodded, taking a deep breath. She didnt want to ruin their summer with her problems.

"Yeah, it's all good," she said, leaning in to kiss him.

Just as they kissed, they heard a banging on the window and it was Tommy with a grin on his face.

"Make out when you're not on our driveway," he said with a smirk.

Andy rolled her eyes, "Piss off," she said before turning to EJ, "Lets go," As he drove off, she stuck her head out of the window, smiling at her family.

After picking up Kourtney and Carlos, they made it to Ashlyn and Ginas house, the two girls stumbling out of the door with their bags.

"Lets go, last one in is a rotten egg, and that's no yolk," EJ said as he picked up Ashlyn and Gina, the two girls fitting into the back.

He had borrowed his dad's seven seater car for the summer to drive the group around and so it wasnt too crowded.

Him and his dad had not been on good terms though recently. He was unhappy about the whole gap year thing and it was ruing their relationship slowly.

EJ wasn't going to let it ruin his summer though and he was going to work it out with his dad. Maybe. Hopefully.

"Does everyone have enough water and snacks for the road?" Andy asked as she looked into the back at their friends.

"You're in with your dad jokes EJ and she's with all of her helicopter mum work, you two are going to drive us crazy on this road trip," Ashlyn said.

"Whatever, just for a headcount, who's not here?" Andy questioned, wanting to make sure they weren't leaving anyone behind.

"Biggys got work, Sebs gotta milk, Nini is with her mums and Ricky is with-" Ashlyn explained but was cut off by the sound of the car horn.

"Don't say her name, he betrayed us," Andy said, narrowing her eyes at them in the back seats.

She couldn't believe that Ricky was going to be spending his summer with Lily rather than them and it bothered her.

He was meant to be her best friend but he chose some other girl over them. It had bothered her and they hadn't talked since.

"Lets go," Gina said excitedly as they began to drive off, Andy putting on her camp rock playlist.

About four hours in, EJ sighed, "God, my legs hurt," he said, yawning to himself.

"Pull over you big baby, I'll drive for a bit," Andy suggested and he pulled over and they rushed across seats, getting ready to start their journey again

They were all jamming to the music as they entered hour eight of their 12 hour road trip, the sun setting behind them as they realised they were going to have to stop soon.

They paused at a motel, the six getting out and getting two room with three beds each, even though they all knew that Carlos would have buddied up with someone by the end of the night and that Andy and EJ would end up together.

And that's exactly what happened. The group sat and talked in one of the rooms, EJ laying on one of the beds with Andy lying between his legs.

"Is she asleep?" Kourtney asked as she looked over.

Andy had her back against his chest and was snoring lightly, clearly the driving today had worn her out.

"Yeah, just leave her, she's a heavy sleeper," he said, wrapping his arms tighter around her.

With one hand he slowly brushed her blonde hair out of her face. He looked down at her, a smile on his face.

It was obvious how much he was in love with her. He couldn't keep his hands off of her and he talked about her non stop.

Even the look he was giving her as she slept in his arms was enough to show he loved her more than anything else in the world.

"Okay, well we're gonna order some pizza, do you think she'd want any?" Carlos asked.

"I'll wake her up when it gets here," EJ said, not wanting to tell everyone that be just wanted a few more moments holding her in his arms.

The other smiled at each other, knowing that the couple were going to be like that for the next two weeks at camp.

Taglist:

@maggiecc @hesfasttandshesweird

#letterman; ej caswell #ej caswell #ej caswell fanfiction #ej caswell x oc #high school musical the musical the series #hsmtmts fanfic #hsmtmts fanfiction #ej caswell fanfic #ej caswell x reader #hsmtmts #high school musical the musical the series fanfiction

[throne-anguis]

There is something hilarious about the idea of Temenos and Crick being the go-to guys to just drop off Moonshade Order Members at.

Like at first it was just Kazan and then Ori and oh okay I guess every single Moonshade Order who didn’t die is now in the apartment. It’s so awkward and this is a two person apartment and the original residents are dating and low-key the mood keeps on getting ruined by surprisingly Ori.

It 100% doesn’t help with Temenos looking sketchy as hell to his bosses but it is hilarious and leads to funny scenarios.

(Oboro: Hey Temenos so bad news, your non-official bosses tried to come in so I went and pulled the fire alarm in the building and microwaved the instant noodles without water so that something is actually on fire. Don’t worry, I framed your landlord on the arson, he’s an asshole and low-key I think he may be slightly homophobic so run his name through the Metaverse later.

Temenos: I’m sorry what?

Ori: Hey Temenos I turned on the sprinklers so there is no longer any fire.

Temenos: WHAT!?

Ori: I also threw out your wooden duck. Ducks shouldn’t cost $300. Me, Oboro, Tanzy, and Trousseau all think so and then I went and asked Ritsu who isn’t even apart of the Order but it was a good idea to kidnap him too but he thinks right.

Temenos: NO! NO DO NOT THROW OUT THAT DUCK! ARE ALL OF YOU OUT AND NOT IN THE BURNING BUILDING!?

Ritsu: Hi Temenos, it’s Ritsu. I managed to get them out through the fire escape but Trousseau may have went and punched your landlord in the face. We stopped the fire don’t worry and before you asked yes I went and put all your papers into Ziplock Bags. Trousseau won’t spill Purple Soda on them. I saved your duck and Ka- Oboro just went and got all of us out of handcuffs. Also Ori is right your duck fucking sucks.

Temenos: What!? When can he do that? And stop talking about Quackers!

Ritsu: Ugh Temenos, Quackers? Really? And Oboro knew how to do that since me and Hikari were 14! He got bored and handcuffed himself to Rai Mei during that time to see what happened and he had to get himself out after all of us found out that her exam date was today and not tomorrow and that the key was swallowed by Mikka’s Chicken.

Temenos: Oh my god he could have gotten out at any time-

Ritsu: Yeah whatever I’m taking Crick’s car by the way and I’m driving.

Oboro: Wait you’re driving RITSU NO I BANNED YOU FROM DRIVING AFTER I-)

This is absolutely chaotic and it shouldn't be any other way. The Moonshade Order members are slowly becoming an awful annoying family to poor Temenos and Crick who just want to be gay in peace. Crick is too mean to say no and Temenos (although tired) welcomes the chaos despite his actions.

When they're left alone Oboro becomes the parent here lmao. He's already taken care of Ori alone he has enough bad experience.

Ritsu has got to tell them all dumb stories about Hikari to make him look bad (while in fact they are all stupid reasons because Hikari has pretty much never done anything wrong in his life). That dumbass has been childhood friends with Hikari though so he's seen young Mugen too.

(Ritsu: Did I tell you guys about the time Hikari beat his brother in Smash he threw a chair at him and raged for like 3 hours. He didn't win once.

Ori: Skill issue.)

I can't remember Ori's canon age and I think she's supposed to be 17 or 18(?) but I always interpret her as a mentally ill 14 year old. She has to be besties with Trousseau and definitely made him drink the grimace shake.

Crick has to build a fortress around Quackers after the incident to save Temenos.

#persona octopath au #octopath persona au

[lunar-fey]

wait the more i try to remember about the dream i just had the more ??? it gets

so i only really remember the last bit; but i know me and some guy were going through some half sunken ruins of like. a submarine research facility? that we got to i think through some underground tunnels from the ruins of a city on a shoreline. we were there because we were investigating people that had been possessed, i dont really remember it but i know we had already unpossessed several people, and this basically required ripping out their hearts and eating them, though they werent their literal heart, they were like. idk a purplish pink and had yellow vines or something wrapped around, they also didnt bleed. also, the guy i was with was didnt trust me, idk why, but i felt like it was reasonable or at least that i needed him around enough to like. play it safe and not piss him off

so from where i actually remember. i was swimming through some debris and noticed a tunnel that was almost completely sealed off and i got the feeling there was something important there, so i had the guy shove it to the side. i was like okay its probably dangerous so since you dont trust me ill go first so you wont get killed or trapped or whatever. and he was like okay, just dont touch anything come back if you find something. the tunnel ended up being pretty short (and also not underwater somehow) and led to a huge computer, so i went and got him... he agreed that the computer seemed important. i had to type something in (it showed what to type on the screen) and then like. we were suddenly outside.

and i got the feeling okay this is going to be the last possessed person. and then we can figure out whats going on. uh, it was kariya from twewy? he was alone, possessed, and very fucking strong. also flying, which was fine for me since i could also fly, but the guy i was with could not, though he had like. a gun or something i never actually saw it. to make matters worse though, a giant fucking. sea serpent? it was solid white, and i was maybe as big as its eye. came out of the ocean.

so while i was trying to distract this beast (my dream sense told me it was a dragon, it couldnt fly or anything though only swim and jump) the guy managed to shoot kariya from behind, knocking out the fake heart. i flew toward him as quickly as i could, but he just smiled and grabbed the heart and ate it :( but while he was doing that i got up to him and immediately grappled him and made a split second decision that. my best course of action. would be to tear out part of his throat with my teeth (was like 98% sure it wouldnt kill him, but be painful enough to distract him) and then rip the heart back out of him with my bare hand. which i mean it did work. but then i woke up.....

woke up with the sensation of ripping flesh still in my mouth and the image was quite vivid as well. excellent start to the day /genuine