summerainss - Tumblr blog

summerainss · 1 year

Text

Ignorant & Stupid Boy

Summary: the master of mixed signals is not used to confrontation

Warnings: alcohol use, smoking, swearing

Word Count: 1,6k

A/N:I tried to write something a bit angsty. I don’t know if you guys would like Sirius Black, but here it is. Sorry about the break, I was trying to rediscover my will to live (joke). Hope you enjoy!

How could he be so stupid and ignorant? I had been trying my hardest to be near him for a month now. Any excuse was enough. My friend was talking to him and suddenly I needed to ask my friend something. I never looked at his eyes but it sure was obvious. I never talked to him if he didn’t talk to me first, but whenever he did, I couldn’t stop smiling. I laughed at his worst jokes. I believed it was so obvious that I even got angry with myself for showing my affections towards him that much. Despite all of these things that made me anxious, that made me question all my self-worth. I was hopeful. He took every opportunity to make fun of my habits, if I didn’t know him any better, I would be annoyed. He was a man-child, so this was his way of making his move I thought, because he was careful about his jokes. He made sure he never offended me, but the thing that made me think he was serious about me was the looks that I caught after he made those jokes. Side-eyeing my reactions and making sure I was laughing, looking at him. There was a softness in his eyes that I was not used to seeing. But I guess it could have been my rose-colored glasses making me see him that way. Now I was at this party I didn’t know he was coming to as well. As if seeing him wasn’t enough he was standing there with his new girl. Right before my eyes. The looks that I thought was special for me were now directed towards her. I wanted to scream, shout, and kick him in the balls while hitting him in the head repeatedly but I guess that would make me appear crazy, crazy about him. As per usual I dealt with it the only way I knew, with alcohol. I took the bottle of vodka that was there for everybody’s use and went to the roof for a smoke. I drank the alcohol to keep the thoughts of him in my brain quiet, however the effect of it was quite the opposite. With every sip that I swallowed down my power over my thoughts were weakening. I couldn’t control my brain anymore. Every thought came back to his stupid fucking face and his stupid fucking perfect smile. I wanted everything to be quiet as I stood up. My vision was blurry just the same as all my other senses. I was thankful that I was alone at that moment. I could never stand anyone seeing me as vulnerable as this. I stumbled on my way to the bathroom and washed my face. The makeup on my face was now a mess, black eyeliner was a wrong choice for tonight, and so was red lipstick. It was smudged all over my mouth. I took off the lipstick but chose to let the messy eyeliner on as I touched it up a bit. On my way over to my spot of drinking away my sorrows, I saw the black-haired beauty that was the reason for my abusive drinking tonight. I rolled my eyes and turned away with intentions to find another place to be alone. I couldn’t hold my anger any longer if he opened his mouth, even though I was nearly going to faint from the amount of alcohol in my blood. I had enough rationality to not be near him. He, on the other hand, had other plans; as he called out my name after hearing my footsteps. I swore under my breath and tried to act like I didn’t hear him. He was uncharacteristically persisting in wanting my presence near him as he caught my arm, leaving me no choice but to stay. I thought at least I would get to relish all the anger I had been restraining since the day we hooked up for the first and the very last time. I breathed in and let out a very sharp “What?” I could sense he was surprised when he loosened his grip on my arm but didn’t let go. That prick! I shook my arm to let his hand go. He looked at where his hand had been seconds ago. He seemed as if he was in a daze, surprised was my guess. Because until now I had been a non-self-respecting idiot that let him talk to me whenever he wanted to. Always smiling, never letting him know it hurt whenever he commented on other girls’ attractiveness; or never making it obvious his comment about me mattered. Unbothered by the world, and especially by the alluring existence that was named Sirius Black. I couldn’t act anymore, and my sober self-control was non-existent. When he looked up, I was already looking at him. His gaze was searching for a reason for my rage in my gaze. He couldn’t find anything besides my enragement even if he looked at me for hours. And for the first time in my life I decided to just say fuck it. I decided to consider my feelings first to get rid of this excruciating pain that was locked inside my body. He deserved to at least understand what his actions caused. I opened my mouth: “Do you have a cigarette?” like an entirely different person I was requesting something I had already had. Confused, he offered me his pack. I took out one and lit it. He was looking at me, examining my every move, looking for any clue of what might come next. I sat on the roof, when he didn’t come immediately after me, I turned around and gestured to the empty space next to me so he could get the clue. He was quick to understand and hastily sat next to me. This was a new side of Sirius for me as well. How cute, I thought, we were discovering new sides of each other when I was on the edge of a breakdown. I guess I had to be this direct to him in order to be understood. He decided to speak up: “Did I do something?” I couldn’t decide if I should laugh, cry, or laugh at that question, so I did nothing. “Y/n, is something wrong?” That did it for me. I put down my cigarette and turned towards him. “Are fucking kidding me?” I said in a really serious tone. When he continued looking at me with that dumbfounded face that was not going away tonight. I spoke up again. “Can you think of a reason maybe in that big brain of yours, or are you that narciss-sc-s… you kno’ the word” He tried to think of something, but that clueless expression of his made me even more angry. “I fucking can not believe you. You, the biggest most famous player of… the Gryffindor tower or better yet… of Hogwarts can’t see when someone is in love with you, that’s just bullshit. Please stop pretending you don’t know it. You had been gloating about your victories and conquests against the most beautiful women and I had been suffering in silence. Those didn’t bother me as much. When those girls were just an addition to your lists, but now… You are here with this girl you can’t stop talking about, you claim to be in love with. That. That bothers me. And I can not look past it. I can not look past the fact that the girl is not me or the fact that you can be in love. You can treat the girl right, that you are capable of being the best boyfriend in the world. That doesn’t matter now, because that girl is not me. And I am angry at you and myself. For dreaming and longing for your love for how fucking long I don’t know and you not even considering me as a choice. After we hooked up I thought you wanted something with me, even though we had already hooked up you were interested in what I read and my thoughts. You teased me because you wanted my attention I thought, you wanted me as well. I thought that you wanted to make amends because you wanted something with me. Of course, it was because you wanted everyone to love you. You couldn’t take the fact that someone might not like you and selfishly you made me think that you were in love with me as well. But now, I understand how foolish I was to think that, because I wanted to believe you were a good person in the end, Sirius.” The last part came out as a whisper. I started this whole monologue in a strong voice but now. The alcohol in my blood was losing its effect against the adrenaline I was feeling. My slurring was switched to a perfect outburst at the end of my little speech. I couldn’t even look at his direction. Afraid of his reaction, I stood up to walk away. He held my hand this time. Audacity of this boy was making me want to scream. I had just confessed my love for him. He was acting like we were buddies holding my hand. I knew he was self-centered but not this much. “Are you fucking serious! Let go!” In the light of my anger I forgot to be careful about my choice of words and now I was nearly as angry at myself as I was at Sirius when I caught his lip twitching to the side. My rage must have been too obvious since not even a second later any trace of a smirk was gone from his expression. “I don’t want to lose you… I can’t lose-” he muttered those words but I couldn’t stand it. I was telling him how he was breaking my heart and all he said was incomplete sentences. I couldn’t believe I was in love with this man. I dug up the last pieces of dignity left in me before I abandoned his dumbfounded figure on the roof. “You really are a selfish bastard, Sirius Black.”

225 notes · View notes

summerainss · 2 years

Text

5SOS

Calum Hood

you are in love

confessions of a drunk girl

2 notes · View notes

summerainss · 2 years

Text

confessions of a drunk girl

A/N: I am backkk!! I finally had some inspiration. This is just fluff once again. I don't think I can do anything else haha :)

Summary: finally opens up to Calum but she needs some alcohol in her system first.

Warnings: alcohol use

We were just having a wrap party. I was of course nervous. I thought about making a move however I wasn’t sure about it just yet. I don’t really like taking risks, but I thought this one I could take. We finished the project; we could bump into each other, but we wouldn’t be able to interact. I could do this, I wasn’t certain about it, sure but it wasn’t that big of a deal. Only thing I had to do was to just to take a few shots. I would have an excuse. If things went down bad, I could just tell him I was drunk. My shameless drunk flirting could also be good of a use well.

So here I was giving myself a really small pep talk to go up to him. I had the courage to go up to him, I just cared about him and didn’t want to mess this up. I wasn’t afraid of rejection. I just didn’t want to mess this up. I could take him rejecting me. I just really, really fancied him.

Shit, I fancied him, and I had to be drunk to be able to admit it to myself. How the fuck was I going to explain it to him? I hated myself right at that moment. The thing is my solution to hating myself while being drunk is to just drink some more. It turned out strange, my solution I mean. I wouldn’t call the outcome exactly terrible although there was some regrets and embarrassing moments, I am overall glad I got drunk that night.

I took those extra shots, and everything started to slow down a bit, the music wasn’t as clear anymore. Instead it was just loud. I couldn’t make out the lyrics. I saw him, he was talking to a mutual friend of ours, Luke. I may have mentioned the possibility of me finding Calum attractive, he tried to play the matchmaker ever since that moment. He was terrible at it. He couldn’t be discreet; it was just painful to watch him find excuses to leave Calum and I alone. His excuse when I came up to them was just ridiculous: he had to “flower his plant”. We were at least in his house, but it was just absurd and wasn’t believable at all. At least he was an adorable dumbass so I could forgive his nonsense behavior. I have to be honest though, if he hadn’t left us alone that night we wouldn’t be here today so I guess I am grateful to him at some point.

“He is ridiculous sometimes,” is the first thing Calum said to me shaking his head as he tried to hide his smile.

“We accepted him that way. I don’t think he is capable of changing anymore.” I stated as I was staring at the lanky dork’s back until he disappeared into the crowd in the kitchen and couldn’t be seen anymore.

“ I guess so… But I have to say I never approved thi- Hey, you alright?” he asked as his expression suddenly changed into a worried one.

“Yeah… yea… Just a bit dizzy. Are you dizzy or am I dizzy alone? I wanna sit down.” I whined. My last sentence accidentally came off like a child begging to have ice cream before dinner. Suddenly I felt his hand on my back as a support. If I wasn’t dizzy before I would definitely start to be dizzy, then. I became soft from his touch alone. I wanted to give my body up and just let him hold me. I wanted to feel his embrace so badly…

“Come on,” he said as he brushed a single strand of hair behind my ear, “let’s have some fresh air.” He lead me to the backyard.

There were people here having a cigarette, chatting, or getting some fresh air just like us. I secretly wished we were alone but when we sat down on the couch beside the pool we were basically alone. He let go of my back and cold suddenly hit to where his hand used to be on my back. There was some space between us but since I wanted to hit on him, lay down, and stop the spinning in my head; I laid down on his lap. He seemed surprised. I wanted to celebrate that moment. Finally, I was able to catch him off guard, finally I was able to get him frustrated. Now, this must be what having power over someone felt like. I felt like doing a little bit more of this. I started to move my head around and in the end my face faced his crouch. I was in an extremely risky situation, plus I could feel Calum tensing with every move that I made. I had enough of that though. I just wanted to tell him. Tell him my every little secret, starting with my crush huge on him.

“Cal… Can I tell you something?” I mumbled. I opened my eyes that I have closed just a moment ago to get my thinking straight. When I opened my eyes I caught Calum staring at me. Now, I was the one who felt uneasy under his gaze. I could see that he was thinking something, he had that examining look on his face that made me feel like he could see my thoughts. I felt like an open book to him which I didn’t like, because it wasn’t who I was. I liked keeping it to myself, I liked the fact that my thoughts were mine and mine only. I had all the control over how people see me, they knew only parts I wanted them to know but Cal was different. The reason I think he could see through me was because she knew what it was like to be like me. He himself was private, a riddle to the others. The thing about these people is that the people who are riddles themselves know how to solve the other ones. There he was now, so close to solving mine. His fingers were combing through my hair:

“Of course, do you need anything? Is your stomach good?” it kind of stung he thought I was that intoxicated to show him this much attention.

“Yeah, no I’m fine. I just… Do you ever feel like you crave love? I mean of course you are loved; you have your family friends and all that, in your case fans who would die for you but like, I mean do you crave to love and to be loved? To even belong maybe? Sometimes I feel like I could explode from all the love I have to give, but sometimes I feel so weak I feel like I can’t even to look people in the eye,” I tried to explain but Cal just had a light smile on his face. “I’m sorry. I’m just talking nonsense,” I said as I shook my head. His smile remained nearly the same but now his teeth were showing. He looked so cute with his cheeks slightly pink from the alcohol he had consumed, his dimples were showing, and his eyes were shining with the dim lights of the party lights creeping on to the patio.

“No, you are not,” he assured me with a soft voice. “Believe me or not I understood exactly what you were trying to explain.” His hand was still tangled up in my hair, slowly playing with it. I felt like sitting up straight. This was it, it was the perfect moment, now or never I thought.

Now we were sitting next to each other, too close maybe. I turned to face him. I made the most intimate eye contact of my life at that moment. He was just looking at me with a dazed gaze almost high I would say if I didn’t know any better. I caught his sneaky glances to my lips and thought now was the time.

“You wanna know something else?” he only replied with a nod. Now he wasn’t even trying to hide his glances. He looked from my eyes to my lips.

“I really wanna kiss you, and be in love with you. I think I almost love you and I also want to be loved by you,” I rushed. All of my thoughts were mixing up. I had just confessed my stupid crush on him to him, but it didn’t even make any sense. I have fucked it up. I shut my eyes embarrassed and hid my face to the crook of his neck. I was blushing so heavily I couldn’t show my face. I felt his hand on my cheek, it traveled down to my chin. He whispered slowly:

“ Do you want to know something cool?” I nodded still hiding in his neck. “ I think I almost love you too.” He used his fingers that have been resting on my chin to lift up my face. As he stabled my face he started to lean in, looking up from my lips to my eyes one last time before kissing me. This was it, I thought. This was what I had been craving all along.

#calum hood blurbs #calum hood fluff #calum hood x reader #calum hood imagine #calum hood fanfic #5sos imagine #5 second of summer imagines #5 seconds of summer #calum hood #luke hemmings #5sos fic #5sos fanfic #5sos fluff #5sos blurb #5 seconds of summer fluff #5seconds of summerfanfic #5 seconds of summer blurb

198 notes · View notes

summerainss · 2 years

Text

the 1 - A.G.

A/N: Hii! So this is kind of inspired by the famous eye contact between Andrew and Emma Stone when she won an Oscar. An edit of it with Taylor’s song was amazing inspired me and lately I’m obsessed with Andrew Garfield just as the next person so enjoy...

Summary: Reminiscence of the reader and Andrew’s relationship

I’m doing good, I’m on some new shit

Been saying yes instead of no

I thought I saw you at the bus stop I didn’t though

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. The perfectly made red lipstick was still making me unsure about my look. Would it be too much? The bold color of it was the only thing I could think of. I had to shake my head in order to make me stop overthinking about it. This was what I was trying to do. Trying new things, making bold choices. I had already said yes to going to the party so might as well just be brilliant there. When I glanced at the clock I saw that I had to get going if I wanted to make it on time. I took the grey scarf which I had stolen from my mother and put on my black coat. The heels I planned to wear were nowhere to be found, so I had to settle on wearing my boots. The bus left seconds before I could get on. The strangest thing happened when I was running to catch up. I thought I saw him, Andrew, getting on the bus. Maybe it was really him I don’t know. I thought that phase of my life was over. Seeing him wherever I go stopped about a month ago. Nowadays my visions were more about my loneliness, not about our separation. The forgotten feeling returned for a moment though. Just the thought of his face before me had me some type of way that I was hoping to forget about. I shook my head for the second time that night and tried to distract myself from my thoughts once again. I was trying some new things after all, trying to make a difference.

I hit the ground running each night

I hit the Sunday matinée

You know the greatest films of all time were never made

I couldn’t catch my breath. His hand was in mine, whenever my legs wouldn’t go further his hand and enthusiastic voice saying: “Come on! Just hold on a little bit more!” was somehow motivating me, making me forget about the burning on the back of my leg. I looked at him, as his smile got bigger with every step we took. When we crossed over the gates we took a left and rested on a tree. I struggled to breath and my legs were giving up on me. Andrew squeezed my hand as he put his other arm around me, supporting me so I could stand up straight. His eyes were already on me. It was kind of annoying how all this running had no effect on him. He had that look in his eyes once again, I witnessed that look quite frequently, that starry eyed look. I could honestly see his eyes shining as he stared into my soul. As beautiful and flattering as it was, it also made me insecure about my looks sometimes. That intense look was something I was not quite used to yet. The bloodrush on my cheeks had multiple reasons behind but the most obvious one was this. “You’re blushing,” he whispered. He leaned down to kiss me. Not a long passionate one, but a simple affectionate one. The moment after the kiss is what I actually remember as perfect. His forehead on mine, his breath mixed with mine, and his lips on mine once again.

This moment was hidden behind somewhere in the drawer of Andrew’s in my memory. Hoping for it to disappear without making any effort was what I wanted to happen. However, that was not possible. Whenever I passed that gate all I could see was his eyes, all I could hear was his whispered words. It was no surprise that I remembered our moment when I was at a romance movie matinee. The intimacy was the most similar thing I noticed. The thing that surprised me was that I didn’t crave it anymore. I longed for what could have happened, my curiosity was what kept me hanging onto the memories. That realization was a big relief for me. Longing for a broken dream and prying on a lost memory were two very different things and the first one was a lot easier to get over. After all I could never know the best thing that I didn’t get because the greatest movies of all time were never made.

The doors of the bus opened for me to get in, I patiently walked through the corridor and sat on the back and put my earbuds in. As you can guess the road that it took was the one next to the infamous gates.

I guess you never know, never know

And if you wanted me, you really should've showed

And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow

And it's alright now

We had been yelling at each other for half an hour. It was all a mess, my teary eyes were making me frustrated. I wanted to yell at him some more, for making me feel this miserable but I couldn’t. It was me who was making me feel like this. So I decided to leave. The tension between us was building up for weeks and this fight was the last straw. It was what pushed me over the edge. I told him I was going to my friend’s house for a while. I know I was the one who was leaving but I still hoped he would stop me, maybe try to talk me out of my decision, show me how much he cared about me about our relationship. Despite my wishes I knew he wouldn’t do that, he respected me too much for that. He respected my decisions and thoughts. Most of the time that quality of his was one of the things I loved the most about him. At that moment, that was what I hated the most about him. I just really wanted him to show me he cared about me. That never happened.

After that night our relationship was never the same. I had a hard time believing he cared about me, he had a hard time believing I wanted to stay in the relationship. I knew that fight was inevitable. If we didn’t fight that night a week after that night would be the time that leaked. I think we both learned something that night. We would never make the same mistake again but it still harmed our relationship. But it’s alright. We grew as we went along, just with other people.

I checked my phone for the time, I was not too late but the party had started. I had two more stops than I would get off. My playlist was coming to an end so I had to change and select a new one. Once I turned off my phone I put my head on the window and watched the light of the streetlights make the slow raindrops shine through the air. Each drop looked almost like little stars moving through the air.

But we were something, don't you think so?

Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool

And if my wishes came true

It would've been you

The rush of my heart was unmatchable. I think it would be true if I called Andrew my first real love. He was the first mature man I ever felt like I would do anything for. He also made me feel loved and cared about. The little things were what was important to me. He would come home with my favorite candy bar because my voice sounded off when he asked me if I wanted anything from the supermarket. He would let me ramble on about the story of the song I was obsessed with, he even would make a playlist for the songs he noticed I would sing along to. Those were some of the reasons I hoped and wished we would never go our separate ways. Now I am too embarrassed to admit this but that was what I wished for my 24th birthday actually. Andrew took me out on a walk. We were walking hand in hand and eating ice cream as we strolled around the beautiful streets of the city we were visiting. He was really upset that he couldn't find a candle to put on my ice cream so I could make a wish for my birthday. I tried to convince him that it was not important, as cheesy as it sounds I even said that all my wishes were true at that moment. He rolled his eyes at me first but kissed me right afterwards. That was truly one of the moments I felt most loved. While we were continuing our walk he noticed a wishing pool. As soon as he saw it he pulled me over to go near it. He gave me a penny and told me it was a sign that I had to make a wish on my birthday. I had to think for a moment. I couldn’t think of a thing I already didn’t have so I did the most logical thing: wished for this heavenlike life I seemed to have right now to never end. I still sometimes think about that wish. If it had come true what life I would be having right now.

My bus had finally arrived. The rain had stopped for my luck and now cold air was making me snuggle into my scarf more and more. I didn’t take off my earbuds just yet. I was still soaking up the time I had with my music and I would for as much as possible.

In my defense, I have none

For never leaving well enough alone

But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one

I was not an easy partner, I knew that. I just hoped he could overlook all of that. Most of the time he did, I have to give him that. It was not always possible to do that I guess. He had a hard week at work. He had been having a disagreement with the director and he just wanted to rest when he came back home. I understood where he came from, honestly I was worried ill about his well being but I was starting to think it was something else. I tried to talk to him first, he just mumbled an answer and went straight to our shared bedroom. I just wanted to make sure he was okay, maybe I pushed a button. Nothing like that had ever happened between us before. He would talk to me, he was not the kind who was bad at communicating. Naturally, I was surprised at his reaction when he told me off. I overthought the situation and was convinced something was wrong between us. I guess I didn't leave well enough alone. I was just worried so I tried to talk to him once again but this time my tone was an accusing one. It was probabşy selfish of me to make his exhaustion about me, I can see that now. However, I didn’t understand that then, so that fight just added more to the cup.

As I stepped inside the door of the apartment I understood that the party was not a chill hang out one. I was going to need a lot of alcohol tonight. When the host of the party came to greet me I knew something was off. She was being overly nice and almost forcing me into the kitchen. I was too weary to object.

I have this dream you're doing cool shit

Having adventures on your own

You meet some woman on the internet and take her home

I woke up from a dream I remember as clear as day now. It was a week or so after we decided to take a break. That feeling I can never forget, the feeling of betrayal I felt after my imagination forced me to think about him hand in hand, laughing, having fun, and falling in love with another girl. I could still see their locked lips before my eyes. I couldn’t do this. This much separation was too much for me. I needed to call him. I did and we talked a lot during that phone call, but there were still some things that needed to be said so we decided to meet up for a drink that night. We ended up back together eventually but the spark of our first romance was never there. It was almost like a habit and an addiction. Love was always there, we were never not in love while we were together, just not the healthy kind. We were in too deep, we cared too much and whenever we were apart something warm and fuzzy was missing as well, something that strongly comfortable is really hard to give up actually.

I was filling up my wine glass for the third time. The alcohol helped me relax and feel welcome. I was successfully socializing making other tipsy people laugh with my corny jokes. I was thanking my friend internally for inviting me to the party. I didn’t notice it before but it was good to be back having fun with random people I just met by accident.

We never painted by the numbers, baby

But we were making it count

You know the greatest loves of all time are over now

I guess you never know, never know

And it's another day waking up alone

I was crying over the animation we just finished watching. It was a kid’s movie, why did they have to make the final so realistic? Andrew was trying to console me while trying to hold in his laughter. I playfully hit him for making fun of me. He was now apologizing for laughing and wiping off my tears. “Come on now, it’s just a movie. I’m sure they are alright in their universe, their ending just helped them through their journey. It was not the end of their journey,” he consoled me. I was starting to calm down. My head was resting on his chest making his shirt wet. Hearing his heartbeat calmed me down a bit. His hands were running through my hair. I was now on the verge of falling asleep. Whispering: “I guess so…” was the last thing I remembered before drifting off to sleep.

All this socializing and booze were starting to exhaust me. I needed to go off to the balcony and maybe if I could find a smoker ask for a cigarette. I wore my coat and stepped outside to the balcony. I was not ready to see who I was then. He didn’t look different at all, he looked all too similar. His hair had grown out a little longer, just as I had seen in the pictures. His face hadn’t changed a bit. It was the same old face I was too similar to. His expression when he saw me however was not a familiar one, I couldn’t figure out what he was feeling or thinking. I tensed at the unknown part of a human I knew very well. I eased down a bit at the sympathetic smile he put on as his shock wore off.

I persist and resist the temptation to ask you

If one thing had been different

Would everything be different today?

“Do you think we would find each other if we hadn’t met already?” I blurted out. I found myself asking these peculiar questions almost every day. They were just floating around my head. These questions weren’t something I would normally ask, they mostly stayed inside my head, but I had discovered on a drunken rumble that Andrew and I could have these kinds of absurd conversations and they would be really enjoyable as well. “I would like to think so, even if it isn’t true. If I have to be brutally honest, I think we would find each other in any life, as worms, as penguins… We just-would.”

I was afraid to step forward for a moment. Rush I felt in my heart was exaggerated by the alcohol in my system. I was glad he was not as uncapable of moving as me. “Hi,” he said almost in a whispered tone. “Umm, hey… hi,” was my muttered response. “Out for a smoke brake?” he reminded me how much he still knew about me. “Yeah, but unfortunately I don’t have my packet with me, I was hoping to steal of one from a stranger but I guess an old friend will do.” I took one from the packet he was offering me. He offered me his lighter then lit it up himself. The tension was there bigger than ever, he was waiting for me to inhale the smoke so he could put his lighter back in his pocket. Now we were avoiding each other’s eyes, I was avoiding the eyes I still longed to be mesmerized by. “I’m glad I got to see you, you know, I-I missed you,” he muttered the last words. “It’s good we can be civilized because I missed you as well,” I said as I found the courage to look into his eyes once more. We didn’t say much afterwards just filled in each other about what we missed. Something had changed I realized but the caring feelings were still there, mutually. I was really glad about that.

We were something, don't you think so?

Rosé flowing with your chosen family

And it would've been sweet

If it could've been me

We were having dinner with his childhood friends. That weekend I met his family and people he called family. I had the sense this was not a pastime relationship but a strong one, a kind that would bruise really bad afterwards but the feeling I had there was making it really had to care for the future and the possibilities. Dinner was going real well and I could make his friends laugh. He looked at me reassuringly after every joke I made, he smiled encouragingly after every opinion I put forward. He had a beautiful friend group, educated and fun, I understood the importance of them to him. I acted like it. He held my hand under the table and filled my cup with rose wine whenever I wished more. When I was helping out with the dishes, his friend told me he was glad that we were happy and we could make each other feel real love. I didn’t understand why he would say it at that moment especially when we couldn’t even admit to ourselves just yet but I’m greatful that he did. Because, afterall that night when we were making our bed in the guest room of his friend’s house we finally admitted.

I don’t know whether I am disappointed or not that we didn’t talk much after we went into the party but I felt like I got the closure I neede to. We were civil and friends just knew a bit more about each other than the other’s at the party. It would’ve been sweet if we could have been together but it was far gone in the past.

#andrew garfield #andrew garfield imagine #andrew garfield x reader #andrew garfield fluff #andrew garfield angst #the amazing spider man #the amazing spiderman #the amazing Spider man imagine #remus lupin #Taylor swift song imagine

309 notes · View notes

summerainss · 2 years

Text

masterlist

5SOS

Andrew Garfield

Marauders

#masterlist

5 notes · View notes

summerainss · 2 years

Text

you are in love- C.H.

A/N: Hi!! Although I have been a reader for a long time this is actually my first piece of writing. I am in love with Taylor Swift and every time I listen to this song I have these visiuals and scenes that come to my mind. Also English is not my first language so beware of some grammer mistakes. Although there might be cliches, sometimes that’s all I need. Hope you like it. I had a great time writing it:))

P.S. Gif is not mine all credits go to the owner.

Warnings: I think none, it’s just fluff.

One look, dark room

Meant just for you

I always thought those were just in the movies and novels. The moment your eyes met with your partner and you two are the only ones standing in the room. Where everything just seems to fade away. I used to dream of that kind of feelings, always wondering if that would actually happen to me. I really, really hoped it would; but deep down I had a gut feeling it was all just fiction. The idea felt amazing and impossible at the same time. Lately, I have been feeling as if maybe it’s not so impossible. For example, last night when we were at that Halloween party with Cal. The world didn’t stop when he looked at me from across the room, but I felt comfort. He didn’t have to say or mouth anything to me I just felt like he understood what I was feeling and I felt like I can hear him telling me to just hang on a for a few hours and we can just go home and be alone. Those moments were the ones that made me believe maybe it wasn’t all fiction.

Time moved too fast, you play it back Buttons on a coat, lighthearted joke No proof, not much, but you saw enough

The moments I realized I was falling in love were big moments or a specific moment to be honest. I started to slowly realize small details about him that I loved. I denied when my friends told me I was falling in love at first, because I didn’t realize I was falling for him. I knew that he was special. His stupid punchlines, how time seemed to past too fast when we were together, and how just remembering those moments would make me smile like an idiot. He didn’t do anything that was stupidly romantic or anything, but he was there for me when I need him, and I was there for him when he needed me. Somehow that was enough for me to realize that my friends could be right.

Small talk, he drives Coffee at midnight

One thing I loved doing was driving at night. Before Calum came into my life I would always do this alone. This was my time to just relax and clear my head. Everyone else was asleep and I had some alone time with the city and my music. I didn’t let any previous partners of mine to get in that space I had for myself. It all happened accidentally with Cal. I accidentally brought up the fact on drunken night. We were supposed to be getting to know each other, at least communicate with each other besides bickering. As cliché as it sounds, we decided to play twenty-one questions. I think we were at the fifteenth question or so when he asked about my favorite time of the day. I answered with night of course. I proceeded to explain the reason: “I just like being alone, I guess. It feels like everyone is asleep. I don’t need to socialize or do anything else with that matter. I can do anything I please. Everything I do is myself. It is the only time I am selfish.” That was the first time I have ever opened up to Calum. It was the first time I was real. “yeah?” was all he said. I nodded to say yes. I think I was regretting my decision to answer truthfully so I did what I thought was the easiest thing to do gulp down my drink so I couldn’t think anymore. The thing right now was that I could think but I had no filter. I needed to empty my head to enjoy this moment with him. I was ready to let go. He understood the silence as a cue for him to start talking, “what do you say we get a cup of coffee and do whatever you most like to do at night? You must have something you enjoy, as big night lover as yourself.” He offered me his hand. “I don’t want to sober up!! I don’t want to drink coffee!” I said as stubborn as a child not wanting to leave their favorite toy behind. I was sure I was whining and mumbling my words. I would be surprised if he understood any word I just said. “Come on darling, let’s just do whatever you want to do then. First, we’ll do your thing and then we can do mine. You don’t need to drink coffee I would really like you to come with me, so I don’t have to be alone. Huh, what do you say?” he nudged me. “Hmm hmm, okay but we have to for a drive. I want to listen to some good music.” He helped me get up and came to my right side. His arm is the help I needed to walk properly. My head was lightly on his chest. Soft breeze hit my face, though not too much the cold caused a shock effect. I was sobering up involuntarily. The drive was silent. Soft background music coming from the speakers of the car. Even though Calum placed me in the car and I was half passed out, all I could remember was the sensation of his hand in mine. I was drunk and brave. I didn’t have time to overthink plus I was clingy. The good thing was he let me hold his hand, he didn’t say a single word about it. Even though I could feel him smiling at me. I was too tired to actually give a reaction. That was when I actually drifted off. All I remember after that was him slowly calling out my name for me to wake up. I was more sober than. When we entered the shop, I wanted a coffee as well. He went to get our coffees as I went to find ourselves a table to sit. Fluorescent lights were too bright right now, and the leather of the booth had a weird feeling to it. I guess this was not the perfect place, but it was all we had right now. I rested my head on the kind of dirty looking table. After I realized the condition of the table I quickly took of my jacket and placed it on the table, then proceeded to rest my head on the table. Before I could drift off Calum sat next to me in the booth. I was kind of quizzical as to why he had chosen to sit next to me but as the time passed, I was thankful he did. Because when both our coffees were done, I rested my head on his chest. His arm already on the back of my part of the booth. I guess he was not surprised because all he did after that was to adjust himself to the most comfortable position. Which happened to have his arm around my shoulder and his cheek resting on the top of my head. He was smooth, every move he made was smooth except he didn’t consider one thing. I could hear his heartbeat perfectly. He couldn’t make me believe his act, but I was too kind to say something about it until the later stages of our relationship. I still joke about it when the day we met comes up. It was a perfect night though. It was the best first date I had in my whole life. It was perfect because it proved that I felt comfortable with him since the first night I met him.

The light reflects the chain on your neck He says, "Look up" And your shoulders brush No proof, one touch, but you felt enough

The first gift he gave me was one of his infamous chain necklaces. I think we were dating for about 2 months then. When we cuddled or somehow ended up close enough for me to reach his necklaces, I ended up playing with it. It became a habit quite quickly. As time passed Calum became aware of this weird habit of mine. At one of our stargazing dates he decided to gift me one of his necklaces. It was the last date we had before he was about to go away for a while. We planned on spending the night at the beach. We got ourselves some wine and food. All packed in a backpack. We also brought a lot of blankets so we wouldn’t be too cold. We watched the sunset first it was a beautiful view. Calum kept looking at me to see my reaction to the mesmerizing view. I could only pretend I didn’t notice for so long. I turned my head toward him. He was there smiling like an idiot, not even trying to hide the fact he was staring. The awkward person I am, I stuck my tongue out. It seemed as if it were the most reasonable thing to ease the tense air of adoration we felt towards each other. He just shook his head, wrapping his arms around my shoulder, pulling my head towards his stomach so he could mess up my head as if we were just two friends messing with each other. I struggled to get my head up once again. When I did, his shit eating hasn’t changed a bit. If it was possible, I would say it had gotten bigger. This time I was sure my expression matched his. I couldn’t help myself his face was just too adorable. I had a sudden urge to kiss him. It was not long nor sweet. It was a quick peck to express my feelings toward him. When I pulled away, he pulled me in for a longer kiss. Once again, it was not really sexual more affectionate I would say. Calum pulled seemed to remember something once we pulled away. His hands went to his pocket. He pulled out something I couldn’t see much. It was hidden away in his hand. “I wanted to give you something. I noticed a small habit you had of playing with my necklaces. I thought since I was going away you wouldn’t be able to play with it. Then this wonderful idea came to my mind. What if I gave you one of my favorite necklaces? You know, just so you can remember me.” He mumbled the last part. He was kind of shy about that part because we never shared this type of thing. We always joked about things we definitely were not the type of couple to be forward about our feelings. Sure, we shared them but mostly through different type of things, not direct words. I was about to cry about this thoughtful gift. He noticed my habit and decided to gift me one his most precious possessions. I felt honoured, actually I felt more than that I just wasn’t aware what that feeling was just yet. “I- umm. I don’t know what to say but thank you Cal,” I replied. My hands were still slightly covering my mouth. I grabbed the necklace from his hand to inspect it. It was my favorite one to play with too. I pulled it up to put it on. I struggled to put it on. “May I?” Calum asked. “Yes please,” I answered politely as I gave him the necklace. The sun was just setting and as I passed Cal the necklace, it flickered beautifully. I smiled at the small thing that happened and turned around so he could put it on without any trouble. The chain felt cold but in a nice kind of way. I was ready to adjust the small item’s temperature with the heat of my neck. After stars were clearly visible across the sky, we had talked about everything. Right now, we were lying down at our blanket stargazing. We made up a game as time passed by, we would make up stories about the star. A star would be a person in afterlife. Every star had a life, that meant a story to be told. That was what we did, we made up their stories. Our shoulders were brushing against each other. I could feel his chest vibrate every time he laughed. I was telling him the most unbelievable story in the game yet. It was the most absurd one, even though he tried not to question it he couldn’t help but question my last detail. His eyebrows knotted he gave me a questioning look. I could see his expression from the corner of my eye. I was not going to give in on how ridiculous it was so I kept looking up at the sky, but of course I had a limit. “You have a problem with this star’s story?” I said my eyebrows raised. “Actually, ye- OH LOOK A FALLING STAR!” he exclaimed like a little child. “What? Where? Noo, I couldn’t miss that.” I whined. Calum let out a quiet laugh, putting his arm around my shoulder and pulling me closer to him so I was closer. “Don’t worry, love. I’m sure there’ll be another one for you to miss,” he joked. “i’M SurE tHErE’lL bE ANothEr oNE fOr YoU To mIsS. Fuck off Calum.” I said partly fake annoyed. At least the mocking part helped my anger a little bit. He laughed at my reaction once again and kissed the top of my head while giving me a small squeeze. I didn’t say anything else but snuggle closer to him if that possible. [Chorus] You can hear it in the silence (silence), silence (silence), you You can feel it on the way home (way home), way home (way home), you You can see it with the lights out (lights out), lights out (lights out) You are in love, true love You are in love

We were walking back to Cal’s place after a party Ashton had. Since their houses were so close and both of us were too drunk to drive at the moment, we decided to walk would be the best option. The loud music was now gone, the small voice of his boots and my heels replacing it now replacing it. It was not awkward or anything. It was just that we were both too tired and intoxicated to speak. Still hand in hand. I had to stop for a moment which caused Calum to stop to look at me as well. “What’s wrong, love?” he questioned. He was looking some kind of sobered up now. His expression still tired but not as drunk as he was when we were about to leave the party. “It’s nothing. My heels are hurting my feet. Don’t worry, I just need to take them off,” I replied. Not even looking up, taking of my shoes. “Why don’t you hop on my back? It’s a short way anyways.” I looked at him unsure. A piggyback ride sounded amazing right now but seeing how tired he was I didn’t want to add on to that. “Are you sure? I mean you are tired as well. I don’t want to suck all your energy.” Calum just laughed. “It won’t be a problem. What are you talking about? I wouldn’t have asked you if I was too tired to carry you,” he said dismissively. A relieved smile covered my face at his reply. “Thank you, Cal.” I hopped on his back. He continued walking just as he was walking before. My hands around his neck and my head resting on top of his head. I placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. His smile once again appeared as a reaction to my previous actions. “I love you Cal” I thought. I was drunk I could’ve said it but I didn’t. I just fell asleep at his back thinking how in love I was with this wonderful man. Morning, his place Burnt toast, Sunday You keep his shirt, he keeps his word

I opened my eyes. The first I noticed was that I was in Calum’s room. I smiled at the thought of last night. He was back from his tour for two weeks. That meant we could spend two whole weeks together, alone. Our first night alone back together was splendid. My thoughts drifted off to my fantasyland, all the possible ways we could spend it… I was about to get lost in my fantasies when Duke’s cute bark brought me back to reality. I quickly picked him up and placed him on my lap. “Are you happy your dad is finally home?” I asked the dog excitedly. He barked once again. “Me too, Duke. Me too.” I placed him on the floor once again and got out of bed. I wore one of Cal’s shirt before walking towards the kitchen. Duke following my steps closely. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I heard him curse and saw a moment later what he was cursing about. He had burnt the toast. I mean that took a special skill. How could a person even burn a toast? I laughed and his head snapped up at the noise coming from me. The kitchen was lightened up with the morning sun. He looked beautiful with sun rays lighting up his incredible smile. “This is what happens if you leave me all alone in bed,” I joked as I made my way over him to give him a sweet kiss. Both of us still had those stupid smiles on our faces. “That’s probably why, it has nothing to do with my cooking skills.” I laughed at his comment. “That must be why. I mean how could a person even burn a toast. It’s just bread.” He rolled his eyes and went over to where the coffee machine to pour both of us a cup of coffee. As soon as he was done, he offered me one of the cups. I thanked him quietly before taking a sip of my coffee. He really was here long distance was finally over for a while. He did keep his word. We were once again together, happily.

And for once, you let go Of your fears and your ghosts One step, not much, but it said enough

I realized I was in love at the beach, I admitted I was in love to myself after Ashton’s party, when was I going to tell him that? I mean he made me feel loved, I was pretty sure I made him loved as well. So, what were we waiting for, what were we afraid of? That we would make it all real? I mean, I think it passed the point of being real. We did everything except say those three words. It was simply, right? Just saying those three words was enough. It was three o’clock in the morning. I had this unreasonable courage. Once again we were cuddling while watching the newest hit show. It wasn’t even that good. It was just short and good enough to binge watch. I was playing with the necklace he was wearing. My heart was beating heavily at my thoughts. This was it, I was going to tell him. The show’s last episode was playing on the tv screen. I couldn’t keep it in anymore. “Hey Calum,” I called out his name softly, nearly in a whisper. My eyes were still on the screen. “Hmm?” he replied his focus still on the show. “You know I love you right?” I asked. This was it. It was finally out. He was either going to confess his love back, or he was going to freak out and break up with me. He stopped for a moment. He didn’t say anything. I could hear his heart starting to beat faster than moments before. His eyes were more open than before. How surprised he was clearly visible on his face. He than turned to look at me, but I was too scared to look at him, so I was still looking at the screen. “Yeah?” he asked. “Hmm hmm,” I replied as I nodded my head. I looked at him with the corner of my eye, trying to make out his reaction. He was smiling, grinning even. “Well that’s a relief, because I love you too… very much if I have to say so.” My head quickly turned his way as soon as I heard his response. Now I was smiling as well. Biggest smile I had ever had. “Good.” I mumbled before leaning in for a kiss. Well, that kiss led to other things, things that I’m sure you can guess. I only want to say one thing about it: It was the best that I had ever had.

You kiss on sidewalks You fight and you talk,

As every relationship, of course we fought. Maybe not as much as a toxic couple would but still… We had our fair share of it. The most frightening of all was the first one to be honest. It was the first fight we had so I had no idea about what was going to happen to us. That feeling uncertainty was enough for it to be the reason it was the worst of it all. It all started stupidly. The biggest peeve of mine was when somebody got in the way of my cooking. I had to have all the control in the kitchen. Even him sitting there could be distraction for me. I could work with him when it was just pancakes or something simple like that but if I was preparing a whole meal, I needed the whole kitchen to myself. That day he was kind of down. To help him as much as I can I let him sit on one of the chairs. However, he was not just sitting. He would eat from the bowl of freshly washed vegetables. I had just watched them, and it was getting really annoying. “Could you just stop?” I snapped. That was the problem probably. I wouldn’t say anything until it got really annoying and then I would snap, so he thought I was overreacting, but in reality I was acting like I was not annoyed at first. I had to work on that, showing my emotions when the emotions really started. He probably would have left the kitchen to watch some tv or YouTube long time ago. Now he was thinking I was overreacting, or I was really annoyed at him. If he wasn’t having a bad day already, he would have asked me if I was okay and we could just talk it out, but unfortunately today was not the day for that. He looked taken aback. I can’t remember much after he started yelling as well. I probably blocked that fight from my memory because I really didn’t want to remember it. After the screaming match he went to his room, and I went back to cooking. It was a good thing I was a stress baker. It really helped me cool of. Calum wasn’t there so I could just do what I need to do without any distractions. When the meal was done, and the cookies were at the oven I let out a breath and thought back to the fight. What the fuck did just happen? I was wrong and what if he didn’t want to deal with my moodiness. Fuck… I needed to talk to him. Before I knew what was happening, I was already at his bedroom door. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. When I didn’t get any answer, I just went in. He was there lying on his bed. Headphones on and his phone in his hands. “I’m sorry, I just… I don’t like when people are in way when I’m cooking. I probably should have told you that before,” I spoke as I sat on the bed next to him. His headphones were all resting on his shoulder now. “Yeah, I wouldn’t have been there if I knew. I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have yelled, it’s just today is not my day,” he said with a sigh. “I baked some cookies; we could eat them and just go and get ice cream. An ice cream sounds really good right now,” I offered with my eyebrows raised fighting off a smile. He didn’t even fight it, he smiled widely, “Yeah?” he asked, and I nodded like a child. He pulled me in for a hug. My head was buried in his chest. “Come on then. We’ll eat the cookies after our ice cream. I know the best ice cream shop here.” We than got out of the house and started walking to the shop. Walking was something we did more as time passed. It just was better. We were hand in hand. Back to our simple and happy selves. I looked at him and when he noticed my staring he looked back. I kissed him as we were walking on the sidewalk. When I pulled away his smile was still on his face. Once again, we were happy.

One night, he wakes Strange look on his face Pauses, then says "You're my best friend" And you knew what it was, he is in love

Late nights were not something uncommon in our relationship. Actually a few milestones in our relationship was during late nights. As usual we were lying in bed. A show was playing on the background. He had a rough day, so I didn’t want to wake him up. I was just scrolling through my feed when he started murmuring some words I couldn’t comprehend what it was. Only thing I could understand was that it was not a happy one. His eyebrows scrunched almost yelling some words. I was starting to get really worried, so I did what I thought was the right thing and shook him wake. He was startled at first, trying to understand his surroundings. When I saw him that upset my first instinct was to hug him. “Hey, hey it was a bad dream, it was all just a dream. You can relax now. I’m here.” I comforted as I stroked his hair. Holding his head in my chest like a fragile porcelain baby. Afraid he might break any moment. His breaths were evening out. I saw him close his and let out a big breath. “You really are my best friend, please know that I can’t lose you,” he confessed. Somehow that brought the warmest feeling in my chest and those words were more moving than the obvious three words.

And so it goes You two are dancing in a snow globe, 'round and 'round And he keeps the picture of you in his office downtown And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars And why I've spent my whole life tryin' to put it into words

It was yet again after a party. Luke’s party to be specific. The guests were leaving slowly. As Sierra and Luke bid their goodbyes to us and disappeared into their shared bedroom, we were all alone at the living room. Remaining of the party were cups and alcohol bottles scattered everywhere. Confetti pieces covering the floor making it hard to see the hardwood floor. The one thing that made this scene perfect was the slow music coming out of the speakers. Luke had drunkenly forgot to turn it off since the music was hard to notice with blending into the background perfectly. We were in each other’s arms once again. We were both too lazy to get up but when -- song -- came up Cal was the first to get up. Holding out his hand the moment he got up. Offering me to slow dance all alone in the living room. I looked at his perfectly pink cheeks for a moment before getting up. We were both too tired to talk, plus this was so much better than talking. Pure blissful feeling I felt when I was with Calum almost never went away. It was always there; I didn’t even know how to get rid of it even if I wanted to. I was scared that one day I would have to, but that was just thinking too much. If I had to do that, it would be future me’s concern. I was too at peace to think about that. Just as my thoughts were getting too much, I saw it. The first snow of the year. It was like a sign. Everything in our relationship was like a sign. I took them as it and was grateful every day for this wonderful man that I had the chance of calling my boyfriend. “Look Cal, it’s snowing,” I said sleepily. Having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Swaying and resting my head on Calum’s shoulder was not helping as well. “Yeah, it is… Feels like we are in snow globe.” That thought amused me. Being in a snow globe all alone dancing with Calum forever. I would like that. As the song came to an end Calum pulled apart slightly. Leading us to shut down the music set and turn off the lights. And off we went to the guest room. When we were tucked in and snuggled in alright, I said one last thing before drifting off: “I love you.” The last thing I heard was an “I love you” back.

#calum hood blurbs #calum hood fluff #calum hood x reader #calum hood imagine #5sos imagine #5 seconds of summer #calum hood #5sos fluff #5sos blurbs

272 notes · View notes